the way I see it

Erin McAfee The anxious, the furious, and the annoyed Hidden shame in the academic library

n March 2018, my manuscript on library through the eyes of others, we are feeling the Ishame was published in College & Research shame affect. When we feel powerless, awk- Libraries.1 The paper’s focus is library anxi- ward, ridiculed, embarrassed, weird, strange, ety, but more accurately it is about the shared or humiliated, we are feeling manifestations experience of normal shame for both the of normal shame. librarian and the user. When shame is mis- identified as maladaptive behavior by both Shame’s role in the learning process the librarian and user, it results in alienation When Carol Kuhlthau developed a model of or conflict. When shame is identified by the the library research process, she discovered librarian as normal, it strengthens the rela- that students felt threatened within seconds tionship with the user. of a research project being assigned.3 Ab- According to scholars who study the sorbing new ideas and information requires shame affect, shame by itself is not a bad an awareness that one’s own knowledge thing. The problem is that most of our shame is either incorrect or lacking, therefore we is hidden.2 We hide shame behind vague must devalue our own knowledge if we language. When we do use the s-word, it are to accept new information. For many is narrowly defined. For example, library people, this threat or devaluation (normal anxiety is nothing more than library shame, shame) is embraced as a challenge. For oth- or shame about shame, but because our ver- ers, the feeling is misidentified as incom- nacular usage of shame is synonymous with petence or stupidity, which produces more failure or disgrace, the term library shame shame. This is how shame becomes com- sounds demoralizing. pounded and destructive. We interpret the Regarding shame, there are no offenders, emotion as a character defect within our- victims, or institutions to blame. No one is at selves (shame-guilt) or we blame something fault. The smartest, most emotionally intelli- outside ourselves (shame-anger).4 gent librarians in the world cannot stop shame Avoidance, anxiety, and resentment are from occurring in an institution of higher edu- common manifestations of hidden shame.5 cation or in themselves. Shame is an innate In the academic library, these shame states affect, one of nine according to affect theory, and it is an essential component in the learn- ing process; therefore, libraries are a natural Erin McAfee, retired Rice University user services and healthy place for shame to occur. associate, is a career and technical education instructor Shame regulates our social bonds. When at Memorial Early College High School, St. Philips College, email: [email protected] we imagine or perceive a negative evalua- tion of ourselves through our own eyes or © 2019 Erin McAfee

C&RL News April 2019 230 can be overwhelming. The library embodies Two ways that librarians and library staff knowledge and learning, so for many, it is can experience vicarious shame are: ground zero for their shame. Three com- 1. through identification, e.g., feeling mon manifestations of hidden shame in the shame (embarrassed/awkward) when a library are: user repeatedly apologizes for needing 1. The anxious user who is afraid to help, and ask for help because the librarian is per- 2. through an event that reflects nega- ceived as too intimidating or too busy to tively on one’s social identity, e.g., feeling approach. annoyed when a user’s behavior indicates 2. The high-conflict user who erupts into disrespect for the library or library roles. humiliated fury while disputing the fairness of library policies or procedures. Feeling embarrassed, awkward, annoyed, 3. The annoyed information professional or irritated are manifestations of shame that who has become synonymous with the librar- can be felt through the actions of other ian stereotype. people. For example, say a library instructor The anxious feels annoyed when a student creates an Library anxiety, a term devised by Con- inordinate amount of interruptions dur- stance Mellon in 1986, is a situation spe- ing a class. The annoyance is immediate. cific, social anxiety that keeps a person in The instructor has no conscious thought an endless loop of compounded shame. It process about why he is irritated. He just begins when a person perceives that the li- knows the student’s behavior is irritating. brary staff will negatively evaluate him for He will disagree with the notion that he his poor knowledge. The shame worsens is feeling normal shame, because in our when the person realizes that asking ques- modern society, we interpret shame as a tions will expose ignorance. The most ubiq- weakness. We disavow the emotion almost uitous example of library anxiety appears in entirely, but to feel powerless is to feel the form of an apology. When a user apolo- normal shame. gizes to the librarian for asking a question The instructor is a competent educator in a serious tone, he is feeling unacknowl- and the student’s behavior does not change edged shame. this fact, but the disruption, within a mil- lisecond, causes a negative self-reflection The furious for the instructor. She must reassess his Often referred to as the “difficult custom- ability to maintain control of the lesson, er,” the furious library user is experienc- hence the shame to her social identity as ing shame that is completely repressed. In a teacher. 1971, the Yale professor and psychoanalyst Helen B. Lewis published ground-breaking How to manage shame research on unidentified shame.6 “Bypassed When hidden shame is externalized as shame,” she said, “is completely denied and annoyance it is evident by one’s tone, felt as a ‘wince,’ ‘blow,’ or ‘jolt.’”7 When a body language, eye contact, and attitude. user feels stupid or treated unfairly, he may Shame is designed by nature to 1) para- bypass these feelings of shame altogether lyze our positive emotions, 2) make us and only experience rage. reflect negatively on ourselves, and 3) isolate us. Shame alienates. To counteract The annoyed shame, employ its opposite feeling. The According to psychologists from Tilberg opposite of shame is not pride, it is con- University in the Netherlands, shame can be nectedness. When annoyed, instead of felt while observing the behavior of others.8 measuring a person’s perspective as right,

April 2019 231 C&RL News wrong, good, or bad, view his experience disempower it with self-compassion, and use it as normal and sane. Attunement is the an- to build better and stronger relationships. tidote for shame.9 Most important, if feeling irritated or an- Notes noyed, attunement for one’s own shame 1. Erin L. McAfee, “Shame: The Emotional response is critical. According to the psycholo- Basis of Library Anxiety,” College & Research gist Paul Gilbert, compassion is a sensitivity Libraries 79, no. 2 (2018): 237–56. to suffering of the self and others with a deep 2. Thomas J. Scheff, “The Ubiquity of Hid- commitment to try and relieve it.10 We typically den Shame in Modernity,” Cultural Sociology don’t attune to our own suffering when shame 8, no. 2 (2014): 134. stirs a negative reflection of ourselves because 3. Carol C. Kuhlthau, “Inside the Search we don’t identify this feeling as a naturally oc- Process: Information Seeking from the User’s curring, negative emotion. Perspective,” Journal of the American Society for If vicarious shame is detected in an interac- Information Science 42, no. 5 (1991): 361–71. tion with a user, self-compassion and attun- 4. Thomas J. Scheff and Suzanne M. ement would sound something like this: Retzinger, Emotions and Violence: Shame and Rage in Destructive Conflicts (Lexington, This feeling is disturbing, but it will Mass.: Lexington Books, 1991), 13. pass if I allow myself to be human 5. Constance A. Mellon, “Library Anxiety: and not blame myself or the user. He A Grounded Theory and Its Development,” seems frustrated and confused. These College & Research Libraries 47, no. 2 (1986): are both signs of shame. His feelings 160–65. make sense given that many people 6. Helen B. Lewis, Shame and Guilt in feel shame in libraries. He has no idea Neurosis (New York: International, 1971). that these negative feelings are normal. 7. Ibid., 196–97. I can let him know in a respectful way 8. Stephanie CM Welten, Marcel Zeelen- that he is making progress. berg, and Seger M. Breugelmans, “Vicari- ous shame,” Cognition & emotion 26, no. 5 Discovering hidden shame has been life- (2012): 836–46. changing for me. In both my work and per- 9. Scheff and Retzinger, Emotions and sonal relationships, blame and conflict diminish Violence, 60. quickly. Compassion is suddenly accessible. 10. Paul Gilbert, Mindful compassion: Us- Weakened bonds are strengthened. The goal ing the power of mindfulness and compassion is not to get rid of it. The goal is to identify it, to transform our lives (Hachette UK, 2013). MOVE YOUR LIBRARY FORWARD ACRL’s RoadShow workshops bring local, in-person training directly to your campus, chapter, or consortium worldwide. Led by expert presenters, these one-day workshops are designed to engage participants and help academic and research libraries tackle the greatest issues facing the profession today. For more information, visit www.ala.org/acrl/roadshows

C&RL News April 2019 232