Table of Contents s260

Table of Contents

Description:

Barry, Dave. "Miami's Getting to Be Real Jungle." Miami Herald. N.p., 31 Aug. 2010. Web. 27

Apr. 2016...... 2

Exemplification:

"Beware The Loss Of Literature." The Federalist. N.p., 17 Mar. 2015. Web. 27 Apr. 2016...... 4

Process:

Pausch, Randy. "The Last Lecture." Komplementäre Und Integrative Medizin 49.7 (2008): 208-

14. Zive University. Web. 27 Apr. 2016...... 7

Cause and Effect:

Lincoln, Abraham. "The Gettysburg Address." N.p., n.d. Web. 27 Apr. 2016...... 11

Compare and Contrast:

"Bible Gateway Passage: Ecclesiastes 12 - New International Version." Bible Gateway. N.p., n.d.

Web. 27 Apr. 2016.

"Bible Gateway Passage: Isaiah 59 - New International Version." Bible Gateway. N.p., n.d. Web.

27 Apr. 2016...... 12

Classification and Division:

Axelrod, Julie. "The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief." Psych Central. N.p., n.d.

Web. 27 Apr. 2016...... 18

Definition:

Whitman, Walt. "O Captain! My Captain!" Poemhunter.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 27 Apr. 2016...... 21 AUGUST 31, 2010 12:00 AM Miami's getting to be real jungle BY DAVE BARRY

As you are no doubt aware, a Bengal tiger got loose on Jungle Island over the weekend. Tragically, the tiger did not eat a single member of the cast of Jersey Shore. It did, however, cause panic among the tourists, who were no doubt hoping to experience a more traditional type of animal attraction, the type where you, the visitor, are on one side of the fence, and the 500-pound carnivore with teeth like steak knives is on the other side of the fence.

That is the usual arrangement at Jungle Island, which to its credit has a strict policy of not letting tigers mingle with guests. But this particular tiger, whose name is Mahesh (pronounced "Mahesh") managed to get over a 14-foot fence. For the record, this is illegal: The Miami Herald quoted a Florida wildlife official as saying that "escaped captive wildlife . . . is a violation of the law." But apparently nobody had explained this to Mahesh, who started prowling around the tourist sector of Jungle Island.

The good news is, Mahesh did not harm any humans. The Herald quoted a Jungle Island official as saying: "It didn't charge a single person. There was no interest in the people, maybe a passing interest."

Now, one could argue that having a 500-pound tiger display even a "passing interest" in one could cause one to soil one's undergarments. But one would be quibbling. The point is that Mahesh apparently was not interested in the people; what he was interested in, according to the Jungle Island official, was an ape named Watson, a white-handed gibbon who had escaped earlier from his cage. Yes! Yet another Jungle Island animal flagrantly disregarding Florida law! They need to enroll those animals in some kind of refresher course.

Anyway, Watson the gibbon went into the tiger enclosure, where, according to a visitor quoted by The Herald, Mahesh bit him "on the butt." Watson then exited the tiger enclosure, followed by Mahesh, followed by an exciting and unforgettable experience for the tourists, followed by refunds. Both Mahesh and Watson were eventually taken back into custody; there is no word at this time on whether they will retain legal counsel and sue each other, but this is Miami, so you do the math.

This is the city's second major Alarming Wildlife Encounter (AWE) in a little over a year. You may recall that last July, two men decided to use the downtown Metromover -- I am not making this up -- to transport a six-foot nurse shark that was still alive. Fortunately the shark didn't attack anybody, but God only knows what might have happened if there had been escaped gibbons in the area.

2 But these are isolated incidents. There is no reason for Miami residents or visitors to take any special precautions, other than to remain in a state of extreme nervousness at all times. I also want to stress that you have no reason to worry about visiting Jungle Island -- Mahesh is in Time Out -- so it's once again a safe and fun place to visit. While you're out that way, you should also check out the Miami Seaquarium, another fine attraction. Although you might want to wait until later in the week, because we just got word that Lolita the killer whale is loose in the parking lot.

DAVE BARRY

3 Beware The Loss Of Literature

Young adults aren’t reading much classic literature—but they really should.

By Nicole Russell

MARCH 17, 2015

The Ides of March occurred Sunday. Most people are familiar with the date because it’s when Julius Caesar was murdered, and Shakespeare made the infamous event more so when, in his tragedy, the soothsayer warns Caesar to “beware the Ides of March.”

Has anyone under the age of 30 heard that phrase or read Shakespeare? Between the boom of bestselling Young Adult (YA) fiction like “Hunger Games” and Common Core English Language Arts (ELA) curriculum mandates, it appears while classic literature hasn’t been tossed out the window altogether yet, it’s slowly disappearing from high-school and college classrooms. That’s a mistake.

It’s not that kids aren’t reading. According to the Association of American Book Publishers, “Sales for children’s and YA books rose by 20.8% to $1.9 billion for 2014, while children’s and YA e-book sales soared by 33.7% to $227.3 million, making up 12.0% of sales, up from 10.9% in 2013.” This is great news. Even if these numbers fail to reflect a sales in classic literature—and think about what’s prominent on displays at Barnes and Noble or online, not much Mark Twain—being a purist when it comes to reading, however delightful that sounds in its “Dead Poets Society” nerdiness, proves unnecessary here. Taste in literature, just like music, movies and people, can change and improve over time. “Hunger Games” can be a gateway to more complex and classic books like “1984” or “Animal Farm.” But if children rarely pick up a book, whether it’s “Star Wars” or “The Fault in Our Stars,” that development doesn’t even have the chance to happen.

Youth Literature Isn’t Very Good

However, with that said, the quality of literature on sale, and that teens are reading, is disappointing, to say the least. It’s not like it’s the only alternative. Books like “Twilight”are among the usual litany of YA books critics hate. With its weak protagonist, scrawling and silly romanticism, and ridiculous plot, it’s a wonder the thing became as popular as it did. “Divergent” is another popular YA book and it, too, is just as trashy. “The Fault In Our Stars” is a huge success as a book and film—in 2014, 10.7 million copies of the book had been sold. While the plot is more developed, the characters more dimensional, and the writing improving upon many in its field, it demonstrates a classic flaw in YA fiction that, as another writer who used to have a column called “YA for Grownups,” described thusly : “At its heart, YA aims to be pleasurable.”

Our kids should be held to the highest possible standards, and their education should reflect the knowledge and values we want our next generation to inhabit.

4 An element of that seems to have translated into school syllabi as well, no doubt driven by Common Core’s ELA standards. Many conservatives are vehemently opposed to Common Core standards but not sure why. I’m not expert in the entire smorgasbord—the guidelines are thick—but at least in the area of English literature, the current standards are disappointing as they are confusing. Please hear this: That’s neither an ideological judgment nor a politically-driven statement. If our tax dollars are funding a national educational standard (whether they should is another piece), then our kids should be held to the highest possible standards, and their education should reflect the knowledge and values we want our next generation to inhabit. After all, they will inherit this country.

The guidelines state these standards will make all students college-ready, and their prescription for this is to suggest a heavy load of nonfiction reading, rather than, as this Heritage Foundation article describes, “a concentrated study of complex literature in the secondary English class will.” Sure, in college one reads more nonfiction than fiction, but that doesn’t mean reading it will make you better equipped to understand it. “In fact, the history of the secondary English curriculum in 20th-century America suggests that the decline in readiness for college reading stems in large part from an increasingly incoherent, less challenging literature curriculum from the 1960s onward. This decline has been propelled by the…assignment of easier, shorter, and contemporary texts—often in the name of multiculturalism.”

Methinks Shakespeare would say, of the Common Core ELA, “A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.” A personal anecdote: With my sights set on law school, every single attorney I worked with at a reputable firm told me to major in English, not pre-law, because that was the only major that accurately reflected the amount of reading and writing I’d do in law school. (Thanks guys. I became a writer instead of a lawyer, whew.)

Reading Quality and Assignments Decline

In 2013, a company called Renaissance Learning discovered, through a study of what kids were reading through their Accelerated Reader program, that most books kids chose to read were well below their grade level. Their educational research director, Eric Stickney, said, “The complexity of texts students are being assigned to read has declined by about three grade levels over the past 100 years. A century ago, students were being assigned books with the complexity of around the ninth- or 10th-grade level. But in 2012, the average was around the sixth-grade level.” Even in the 1980s, high-school students were reading Sophocles, Shakespeare, Dickens, George Bernard Shaw, Emily Bronte, and Edith Wharton.

‘The complexity of texts students are being assigned to read has declined by about three grade levels over the past 100 years.’

Not all high-school teachers or college professors are eschewing the classics. I found a few Advanced Placement high school English syllabi online and observed several wonderfully packed schedules of complex, dense, mind-broadening literature, including Shakespeare. I saw just as many, though, that admitted while the coursework would include a “Catcher in the Rye” or “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,” the rest of the work would be non-

5 fiction. There’s nothing wrong with studying the Gettysburg Address or the Declaration of Independence. Those are immensely valuable pieces of historical and cultural significance to our country. But studying only that type of non-fiction while disregarding broader, more complex works of fiction fails to develop certain analytical thought processes as one only can while dissecting a work of fiction.

Where else can one study the syntax of sentences, the rhythm of poetry, the vocabulary of words, universal themes of humanity (greed, jealousy, betrayal, love, loyalty, honor, courage), the power of imagination, and political implications? People can find many elements of these in non-fiction, but not to the same degree. Heritage, again: “[A]s ACT (a college entrance exam) found, complexity is laden with literary features: It involves characters, literary devices, tone, ambiguity, elaboration, structure, intricate language, and unclear intentions. By reducing literary study, Common Core decreases students’ opportunity to develop the analytical thinking once developed in just an elite group by the vocabulary, structure, style, ambiguity, point of view, figurative language, and irony in classic literary texts.”

The ELA guidelines are fallible, misleading, and will have a poor effect on the thinking skills of young Americans. Bring back the classics to high school and college literature. Everyone will benefit. As Shakespeare said, “Ignorance is the curse of God; knowledge is the wing wherewith we fly to heaven.”

Dreams for My Children

T HERE ARE so many things I want to tell my children, and right now, they’re too young to understand. Dylan just turned six. Logan is three. Chloe is eighteen months old. I want the kids to know who I am, what I’ve always believed in, and all the ways in which I’ve come to love them. Given their ages, so much of this would be over their heads.

I wish the kids could understand how desperately I don’t want to leave them.

Jai and I haven’t even told them yet that I’m dying. We’ve been advised that we should wait until I’m more symptomatic. Right now, though I’ve been given just months to live, I still look pretty healthy. And so my kids remain unaware that in my every encounter with them I’m saying goodbye.

It pains me to think that when they’re older, they won’t have a father. When I cry in the shower, I’m not usually thinking, “I won’t get to see them do this” or “I won’t get to see them do that.” I’m thinking about the kids not having a father. I’m focused more on what they’re going to lose than on what I’m going to lose. Yes, a percentage of my sadness is, “I won’t, I won’t, I won’t…” But a bigger part of me grieves for them. I keep thinking, “They won’t…they won’t… they won’t.” That’s what chews me up inside, when I let it.

I know their memories of me may be fuzzy. That’s why I’m trying The Last Lecture [209] to do things with them that they’ll find unforgettable. I want their recollections to be as sharp as possible. Dylan and I went on a mini-vacation to swim with dolphins. A kid swims with dolphins, he doesn’t easily forget it. We took lots of photos.

I’m going to bring Logan to Disney World, a place that I know he’ll love as much as I do. He’d like to meet Mickey Mouse. I’ve met him, so I can make the introduction. Jai and I will bring Dylan along as well, since every experience Logan has these days doesn’t seem complete unless he’s engaged in the action with his big brother.

Every night at bedtime, when I ask Logan to tell me the best part of his day, he always answers: “Playing with Dylan.” When I ask him for the worst part of his day, he also answers: “Playing with Dylan.” Suffice it to say, they’re bonded as brothers.

I’m aware that Chloe may have no memory of me at all. She’s too young. But I want her to grow up knowing that I was the first man ever to fall in love with her. I’d always thought the father/daughter thing was overstated. But I can tell you, it’s real. Sometimes, she looks at me and I just become a puddle.

There are so many things Jai will be able to tell them about me when they’re older. She might talk about my optimism, the way I embraced having fun, the high standards I tried to set in my life. She may diplomatically tell them some of the things that made me exasperating; my

7 overly analytical approach to life, my insistence (too often) that I know best. But she’s modest, much more modest than me, and she might not tell the kids this: that in our marriage, she had a guy who really deeply truly loved her. And she won’t tell them all the sacrifices she made. Any mother of three small children is consumed with taking care of them. Throw in a cancer-stricken husband and the result is a woman who is always dealing with someone else’s needs, not her own. I want my kids to know how selfless she was in caring for all of us.

Lately, I’ve been making a point of speaking to people who lost parents when they were very young. I want to know what got them through the hard times, and what keepsakes have been most meaningful to them.

They told me they found it consoling to learn about how much their mothers and fathers loved them. The more they knew, the more they could still feel that love.

They also wanted reasons to be proud; they wanted to believe that their parents were incredible people. Some of them sought specifics on their parents’ accomplishments. Some chose to build myths. But all had yearnings to know what made their parents special.

These people told me something else, too. Since they have so few of their own memories of their parents, they found it reassuring to know that their parents died with great memories of them.

To that end, I want my kids to know that my memories of them fill my head. Let’s start with Dylan. I admire how loving and empathetic he is. If another child is hurt, Dylan will bring over a toy or blanket.

Another trait I see in Dylan: He’s analytical, like his old man. He has already figured out that the questions are more important than the answers. A lot of kids ask, “Why? Why? Why?” One rule in our house is that you may not ask one-word questions. Dylan embraces that idea. He loves to formulate full-sentence questions, and his inquisitiveness goes beyond his years. I remember his preschool teachers raving about him, telling us: “When you’re with Dylan you find yourself thinking: I want to see what kind of adult this kid turns into.”

Dylan is also the king of curiosity. Wherever he is, he’s looking somewhere else and thinking, “Hey, there’s something over there! Let’s go look at it or touch it or take it apart.” If there’s a white picket fence, some kids will take a stick to it and walk along listening to the “thwack, thwack, thwack!” Dylan would go one better. He’d use the stick to pry one of the pickets loose, and then he’d use the picket to do the thwacking thing because it’s thicker and sounds better.

For his part, Logan makes everything an adventure. When he was born, he got stuck in the birth canal. It took two doctors, pulling with forceps, to bring him into the world. I remember one of the doctors, his foot on the table, pulling with all his might. At one point the doctor turned to me and said: “I’ve got chains and Clydesdales in the back if this doesn’t work.”

8 It was a tough passage for Logan. Given how cramped he was for so long in the birth canal, his arms weren’t moving just after he was born. We were worried, but not for long. Once he started moving, he never really stopped. He’s just this phenomenal ball of positive energy; completely physical and gregarious. When he smiles, he smiles with his whole face; he’s the ultimate Tigger. He’s also a kid who’s up for everything and befriends everyone. He’s only three years old, but I’m predicting he’ll be the social chair of his college fraternity.

Chloe, meanwhile, is all girl. I say that with a bit of awe because until she came along, I couldn’t fathom what that meant. She was scheduled to be a C-section baby, but Jai’s water broke, and not long after we got to the hospital, Chloe just slipped out. (That’s my description. Jai might say “slipped out” is a phrase only a man could come up with!) Anyway, for me, holding Chloe for the first time, looking into this tiny girl’s face, well, it was one of the most intense and spiritual moments of my life. There was this connection I felt, and it was different from the one I had with the boys. I am now a member of the Wrapped Around My Daughter’s Finger Club.

I love watching Chloe. Unlike Dylan and Logan, who are always so physically daring, Chloe is careful, maybe even dainty. We have a safety gate at the top of our staircase, but she doesn’t really need it because all of her efforts go into not getting hurt. Having grown accustomed to two boys who rumble their way down any staircase, fearing no danger, this is a new experience for Jai and me.

I love all three of my kids completely and differently. And I want them to know that I will love them for as long as they live. I will.

Given my limited time, though, I’ve had to think about how I might reinforce my bonds with them. So I’m building separate lists of my memories of each of the kids. I’m making videos so they can see me talking about what they’ve meant to me. I’m writing letters to them. I also see the video of my last lecture—and this book, too—as pieces of myself that I can leave for them. I even have a large plastic bin filled with mail I received in the weeks after the lecture. Someday, the kids might want to look through that bin, and my hope is that they’ll be pleased to find both friends and strangers who had found the talk meaningful.

Because I’ve been so vocal about the power of childhood dreams, some people have been asking lately about the dreams I have for my children.

I have a direct answer for that.

It can be a very disruptive thing for parents to have specific dreams for their kids. As a professor, I’ve seen many unhappy college freshman picking majors that are all wrong for them. Their parents have put them on a train, and too often, judging by the crying during my office hours, the result is a train wreck. As I see it, a parent’s job is to encourage kids to develop a joy for life and a great urge to follow their own dreams. The best we can do is to help them develop a personal set of tools for the task.

9 So my dreams for my kids are very exact: I want them to find their own path to fulfillment. And given that I won’t be there, I want to make this clear: Kids, don’t try to figure out what I wanted you to become. I want you to become what you want to become.

Having seen so many students go through my classrooms, I’ve come to know that a lot of parents don’t realize the power of their words. Depending on a child’s age and sense of self, an offhand comment from Mom or Dad can feel like a shove from a bulldozer. I’m not even sure I should have made the reference to Logan growing up to be social chair of a fraternity. I don’t want him to end up in college thinking that I expected him to join a fraternity, or to be a leader there—or anything. His life will be his life. I would just urge my kids to find their way with enthusiasm and passion. And I want them to feel as if I am there with them, whatever path they choose.

10 The Gettysburg Address Gettysburg, Pennsylvania November 19, 1863 On June 1, 1865, Senator Charles Sumner referred to the most famous speech ever given by President Abraham Lincoln. In his eulogy on the slain president, he called the Gettysburg Address a "monumental act." He said Lincoln was mistaken that "the world will little note, nor long remember what we say here." Rather, the Bostonian remarked, "The world noted at once what he said, and will never cease to remember it. The battle itself was less important than the speech." There are five known copies of the speech in Lincoln's handwriting, each with a slightly different text, and named for the people who first received them: Nicolay, Hay, Everett, Bancroft and Bliss. Two copies apparently were written before delivering the speech, one of which probably was the reading copy. The remaining ones were produced months later for soldier benefit events. Despite widely-circulated stories to the contrary, the president did not dash off a copy aboard a train to Gettysburg. Lincoln carefully prepared his major speeches in advance; his steady, even script in every manuscript is consistent with a firm writing surface, not the notoriously bumpy Civil War-era trains. Additional versions of the speech appeared in newspapers of the era, feeding modern-day confusion about the authoritative text.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Abraham Lincoln November 19, 1863

11 Ecclesiastes 12 New International Version (NIV)

12 Remember your Creator

in the days of your youth,

before the days of trouble come

and the years approach when you will say,

“I find no pleasure in them”—

2 before the sun and the light

and the moon and the stars grow dark,

and the clouds return after the rain;

3 when the keepers of the house tremble,

and the strong men stoop,

when the grinders cease because they are few,

and those looking through the windows grow dim;

4 when the doors to the street are closed

and the sound of grinding fades;

when people rise up at the sound of birds,

but all their songs grow faint;

5 when people are afraid of heights

and of dangers in the streets;

when the almond tree blossoms

and the grasshopper drags itself along

and desire no longer is stirred.

Then people go to their eternal home

and mourners go about the streets.

6 Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,

and the golden bowl is broken;

12 before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,

and the wheel broken at the well,

7 and the dust returns to the ground it came from,

and the spirit returns to God who gave it.

8 “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher.[a]

“Everything is meaningless!”

The Conclusion of the Matter 9 Not only was the Teacher wise, but he also imparted knowledge to the people. He pondered and searched out and set in order many proverbs.10 The Teacher searched to find just the right words, and what he wrote was upright and true. 11 The words of the wise are like goads, their collected sayings like firmly embedded nails— given by one shepherd.[b] 12 Be warned, my son, of anything in addition to them. Of making many books there is no end, and much study wearies the body.

13 Now all has been heard;

here is the conclusion of the matter:

Fear God and keep his commandments,

for this is the duty of all mankind.

14 For God will bring every deed into judgment,

including every hidden thing,

whether it is good or evil.

13 Isaiah 59 New International Version (NIV)

Sin, Confession and Redemption

59 Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save,

nor his ear too dull to hear.

2 But your iniquities have separated

you from your God;

your sins have hidden his face from you,

so that he will not hear.

3 For your hands are stained with blood,

your fingers with guilt.

Your lips have spoken falsely,

and your tongue mutters wicked things.

4 No one calls for justice;

no one pleads a case with integrity.

They rely on empty arguments, they utter lies;

they conceive trouble and give birth to evil.

5 They hatch the eggs of vipers

and spin a spider’s web.

Whoever eats their eggs will die,

and when one is broken, an adder is hatched.

6 Their cobwebs are useless for clothing;

they cannot cover themselves with what they make.

Their deeds are evil deeds,

and acts of violence are in their hands.

7 Their feet rush into sin;

they are swift to shed innocent blood.

14 They pursue evil schemes;

acts of violence mark their ways.

8 The way of peace they do not know;

there is no justice in their paths.

They have turned them into crooked roads;

no one who walks along them will know peace.

9 So justice is far from us,

and righteousness does not reach us.

We look for light, but all is darkness;

for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows.

10 Like the blind we grope along the wall,

feeling our way like people without eyes.

At midday we stumble as if it were twilight;

among the strong, we are like the dead.

11 We all growl like bears;

we moan mournfully like doves.

We look for justice, but find none;

for deliverance, but it is far away.

12 For our offenses are many in your sight,

and our sins testify against us.

Our offenses are ever with us,

and we acknowledge our iniquities:

13 rebellion and treachery against the LORD,

turning our backs on our God,

inciting revolt and oppression,

uttering lies our hearts have conceived.

15 14 So justice is driven back,

and righteousness stands at a distance;

truth has stumbled in the streets,

honesty cannot enter.

15 Truth is nowhere to be found,

and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey.

The LORD looked and was displeased

that there was no justice.

16 He saw that there was no one,

he was appalled that there was no one to intervene;

so his own arm achieved salvation for him,

and his own righteousness sustained him.

17 He put on righteousness as his breastplate,

and the helmet of salvation on his head;

he put on the garments of vengeance

and wrapped himself in zeal as in a cloak.

18 According to what they have done,

so will he repay

wrath to his enemies

and retribution to his foes;

he will repay the islands their due.

19 From the west, people will fear the name of the LORD,

and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory.

For he will come like a pent-up flood

that the breath of the LORD drives along.[a]

20 “The Redeemer will come to Zion,

16 to those in Jacob who repent of their sins,”

declares the LORD.

21 “As for me, this is my covenant with them,” says the LORD. “My Spirit,who is on you, will not depart from you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will always be on your lips, on the lips of your children and on the lips of their descendants—from this time on and forever,” says the LORD.

17 The 5 Stages of Loss & Grief By Julie Axelrod

The stages of mourning and grief are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual’s own terminal illness, the loss of a close relationship, or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. There are five stages of normal grief that were first proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying.”

In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage with different levels of intensity. The five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Many of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to achieve this final stage of grief.

The death of your loved one might inspire you to evaluate your own feelings of mortality. Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges: As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life.

Many people do not experience the stages in the order listed below, which is okay. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are.

All, keep in mind — all people grieve differently. Some people will wear their emotions on their sleeve and be outwardly emotional. Others will experience their grief more internally, and may not cry. You should try and not judge how a person experiences their grief, as each person will experience it differently.

18 1. Denial and Isolation

The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

2. Anger

As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it. The doctor who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease might become a convenient target. Health professionals deal with death and dying every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their patients or to those who grieve for them.

Do not hesitate to ask your doctor to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your loved one’s illness. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Understand the options available to you. Take your time.

3. Bargaining

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

 If only we had sought medical attention sooner…  If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…  If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…

Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.

19 4. Depression

Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words.

The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.

5. Acceptance

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.

Loved ones that are terminally ill or aging appear to go through a final period of withdrawal. This is by no means a suggestion that they are aware of their own impending death or such, only that physical decline may be sufficient to produce a similar response. Their behavior implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited. The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be their last gift to us.

Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.

20 O Captain! My Captain! - Poem by Walt Whitman

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done; The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won; The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting, While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring: But O heart! heart! heart! O the bleeding drops of red, Where on the deck my Captain lies, Fallen cold and dead.

O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells; Rise up--for you the flag is flung--for you the bugle trills; 10 For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths--for you the shores a-crowding; For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning; Here Captain! dear father! This arm beneath your head; It is some dream that on the deck, You've fallen cold and dead.

My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still; My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will; The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done; From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won; 20 Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells! But I, with mournful tread,

21 Walk the deck my Captain lies, Fallen cold and dead.