Jain Mentoring Program
Mentor Training Handbook
1 I. Mentor Training
“ With increasing pressure on everyone, the use of mentoring has become more widespread and mentors are now regarded as one of the most important sources of support and advice.
Whether you are new to mentoring or you are an experienced mentor hoping to refresh your skills and learn some new tips, this manual will help develop your ability and confidence in effectively mentoring others. Importantly, we will help you to recognize that when you are unable to assist your mentee you should encourage them to seek other sources of support. The manual is required reading for every mentor in the Jain Mentoring Program.”1
Content training for Mentors will focus on professional & career subjects. If a Mentee wishes to focus the conversation on personal topics, the Mentor will have to rely on his/her own personal experiences to provide a perspective to the Mentee. Mentor should not start the personal topic.
Qualities of Successful Mentors2
• Personal commitment to volunteer and be involved with another person for an extended time—generally, one year at minimum. Mentors have a genuine desire to be part of other people’s lives, to help them with tough decisions and to see them become the best they can be. They have to be invested in the mentoring relationship over the long haul to be there long enough to make a difference.
• Respect for individuals and for their abilities and their right to make their own choices in life. Mentors should not approach the mentee with the attitude that their own ways are better or that participants need to be rescued. Mentors who convey a sense of respect and equal dignity in the relationship win the trust of their mentees and the privilege of being advisors to them.
• Ability to listen and to accept different points of view and act as a sounding board. Most people can find someone who will give advice or express opinions. It’s much harder to find someone who will suspend his or her own judgment and really listen. Mentors often help simply by listening, asking thoughtful questions and giving
1 IET Mentoring 2 Courtesy of MENTOR/National Mentoring Partnership. 2 mentees an opportunity to explore their own thoughts with a minimum of interference. When people feel accepted, they are more likely to ask for and respond to good ideas.
• Ability to empathize with another person’s struggles and earn their trust & confidence Effective mentors can feel with people without feeling pity for them. Even without having had the same life experiences, they can empathize with their mentee’s feelings and personal problems.
• Ability to see solutions and opportunities as well as barriers. Challenges assumptions. Effective mentors balance a realistic respect for the real and serious problems faced by their mentees with optimism about finding equally realistic solutions. They are able to make sense of a seeming jumble of issues and point out sensible alternatives.
• Flexibility and openness. Effective mentors recognize that relationships take time to develop and that communication is a two-way street. They are willing to take time to get to know their mentees, to learn new things that are important to their mentees (music, styles, philosophies, etc.), and even to be changed by their relationship.
What Makes A Good Mentor?3
Many people feel that being a mentor requires special skills, but mentors are simply people who have the qualities of good role models.
Mentors listen. They maintain eye contact and give mentees their full attention. Mentors guide. Mentors are there to help their mentees find life direction, never to push them. Mentors are practical. They give insights about keeping on task and setting goals and priorities. Mentors educate. Mentors educate about life and their own careers. Mentors provide insight. Mentors use their personal experience to help their mentees avoid mistakes and learn from good decisions. Mentors are accessible. Mentors are available as a resource and a sounding board. Mentors criticize When necessary, mentors point out areas that need constructively. improvement, always focusing on the mentee’s behavior, never his/her character. Mentors are supportive. No matter how painful the mentee’s experience, mentors continue to encourage them to learn and improve. Mentors are specific. Mentors give specific advice on what was done well or
3 Courtesy of The Connecticut Mentoring Partnership and the Business and Legal Reports, Inc.—Best Practices in HR, Issue 653, September 30, 1999. 3 could be corrected, what was achieved and the benefits of various actions. Mentors care. Mentors care about their mentees’ progress in school and career planning, as well as their personal development. Mentors succeed. Mentors not only are successful themselves, but they also foster success in others. Mentors are admirable. Mentors are usually well respected in their organizations and in the community.
The Five “MYs”4
One-on-one mentoring focuses on helping mentees manage the five aspects or “MYs” of their professional and personal lives: “My Style”, “My Career”, “My Craft”, “My Life”, “My World”
“My Style” “My Career”
. Assessing personal . Planning career growth presentation . Navigating goals and . Communicating effectively strategies . Influencing key partners . Honing organizational savvy
“MY“My World” World” . Developing awareness . Getting. Getting involved involved . Applying. Sustaining learnings commitment . Sustaining commitment
“My Craft” “My Life”
. Developing functional / . Maintaining work/life technical skill balance . Innovating and achieving . Managing life changes excellence . Dealing with competing demands
Mentor Roles
4 Source: Qualcomm Mentoring Program 4 Each mentor/mentee relationship is unique and requires the mentor to be flexible in her mentoring approach. Remember, the mentor’s focus is to help the mentee improve in her targeted “MY” areas. This will require you to play four different roles.
Process Capability Partner Developer Visit the mentorship eRoom for a brief self-assessment to help you discover your level of proficiency with each of the four roles Thought Partner Supporter
Process Partner
About the Role Tips for Being Effective Manages the mechanics of one-on- Ask these questions to capture one meetings feedback and emphasize the Ensures mentorship agreement is importance of applying learnings: created and agreed upon o “What have you learned from If necessary, modifies agreement to today’s discussion?” reflect changes in the relationship o “What did I do as your mentor to Collaborates with mentee and help you learn?” agrees on action steps between Schedule one-on-one meetings at meetings least two weeks in advance Holds the mentee accountable for On a monthly basis, do a brief achieving agreed upon action steps “check-in” with your mentee (phone Participates in mentorship call, coffee, etc.) measurement and feedback efforts Check-in with your mentee to Participates in mentoring circles and encourage her attendance at learning events mentor circles and learning events
Capability Developer
5 Assists mentee with Provide feed-forward that is converting feedback into empowering, actionable and action prepares your mentee for “the next Looks for “developmental time”: moments” and provides feed- o Focus the conversation on how to forward be/do “right” in the future versus Enables mentee to discover proving how they were “wrong” in “remedies” to improve the past performance and continue o Share your positive suggestions development and reframe issues as Seeks growth opportunities opportunities for mentee and self Ask your mentee why she agrees with your thinking to ensure that she is engaged and not going through the motions
Capability Developer continued
Additional Tips for Being Effective During a discussion with your mentee ask “check-in” questions: o “How are you progressing on your development?” o “What leads you to believe you are making progress?” o “What obstacles hinder your progress?” o “Are these obstacles due to others, yourself or both?” o “Is there anything new that you are doing that requires additional practice?”
Thought Partner
About the Role Tips for Being Effective Serves as the mentee’s sounding Ask questions to assist your board mentee with self-awareness: Challenges mentee to avoid old and o “Share with me feedback unproductive mindsets themes that you have received Fosters increased self-awareness over the last year” and uncovers “blind spots” o “Do you agree with this Asks questions to discover options feedback?” and potential solutions o “What obstacles hinder your Shifts conversation from presenting development?”
6 issues to real/below the surface o “Are these obstacles due to issues others, yourself or both?” Shares new insights, experiences o “When have you experienced and ideas with mentee “rapid learning”?” Find balance between: o Advocacy or sharing -- “here’s my opinion…” o Inquiry or exploring -- “what are your thoughts?”
Supporter
About the Role Tips for Being Effective Creates a “safe and trusting” Avoid the temptation to assist your relationship mentee by assuming an Assists mentee with feeling intermediary role comfortable in branching out and Assist your mentee with developing meeting others to expand her problem solving and relationships professional network skills Listens to mentee and provides Celebrate successes and reinforce encouragement the use of new approaches, skills, etc. From time to time ask your mentee questions that demonstrate your support: o “How can I help?” o “What suggestions do you have for me?” o “What should we be doing more of or differently?”
Supporter continued
Additional Tips for Being Effective Encourage your mentee to establish a personal board of directors to share ideas, review career plans, etc. The board of directors typically includes external individuals with whom the mentee has already established a relationship: o Local business and/or community leader
7 o Trusted friend o Former colleague/classmate
First Meeting Tips for Mentors5
Conversation Topics The first meeting with your mentee is your chance to build her excitement around the possibilities of the relationship and your willingness to explore them. Consider using some of the questions below to help guide your conversation.
Learn about your mentee and her mindset 1. I was very pleased to hear that we would be working together. Would you please tell me a bit more about yourself? – in turn, you should share a bit about yourself 2. What is your short-term aspiration? Long-term aspiration? 3. What are two to three things you want to accomplish this year? 4. What do you hope to get out of our mentorship relationship?
Gauge her self-awareness and development needs 5. Are you comfortable sharing feedback themes you have received over the last year? 6. Do you agree with this feedback? 7. Do you view the mentorship initiative as a potential way to close some of these gaps? 8. What’s working and what’s not working with respect to your…(My Style, My Career, My Life, My Craft, and My World)?
Offer yourself as an ally in her development 9. As a mentor, how can I make the greatest possible impact for you? 10.How will we know that mentoring is providing value?
Pay attention to the quality of the communication and use your judgment to pace the conversation. Your goal in the first meeting is to connect and start building trust and rapport, not to “power through” all of the questions
5 Qualcomm Mentoring Program 8 Delivering Feedback6
Being Heard Feedback is less about what is said and more about what is heard. Mentoring is not a one-way street. Delivering feedback goes both ways. Your feedback will only be heard if you have built adequate trust with your mentor/mentee over time and if you find the right developmental moment. See ‘Building a Productive Relationship’ for more tips on building trust. Information around developmental moments is discussed below.
Testing for developmental moments Ask your mentor/mentee what she thinks or thought about a situation, conversation, etc. Ask directly: “Do you mind if I share with you some feedback?”
Signs that it is probably not a developmental moment: Defensive body language (e.g., arms folded, no eye contact) Expressions of anger, disgust or exasperation Preoccupation with some other activity Indications of impatience or a need to move on to some activity (i.e., getting on the elevator, preparing to leave for the day)
The Feedback Framework©7
Delivering effective feedback messages is a learned skill that takes time and practice to perfect. Use the four-step feedback framework to structure your feedback messages with your mentor, regardless of whether you are delivering a positive or constructive message.
6 Qualcomm Mentoring Program
7 Qualcomm Mentoring Program 9 EXPECTATIONS OBSERVATIONS Expected results and Neutral facts or required behaviors occurrences
CONSEQUENCES ASSESSMENTS Known or Personal possible effects interpretations of continued or evaluations of a performance set of observations
The Five Conversations© - Sibson Consulting
Explain what performance should “look like” Identify the expected results and required behaviors of an EXPECTATIONS individual’s performance Expected results and Can be explicit or implicit: required behaviors Explicit expectations are stated goals, competencies, performance standards, etc. Implicit expectations are the “assumed” expectations (e.g., you will show up to work)
Based on what you have seen someone do or have heard other OBSERVATIONS people describe that they have done Neutral facts or Should be similar for everyone viewing the situation - the plain occurrences facts, unfiltered by personal experience or assessment Should be specific and fact-based, not generalities
10 Personal judgments about an individual’s observed performance ASSESSMENTS Not the “truth” (observable facts), but are always shaped by Personal personal background and expectations - personal perspective interpretations Focus on the individual’s performance (the “what” and the “how”) - or evaluations of a not on who she is or her worth as an individual set of observations
Known or possible effects of continuing to perform with no change CONSEQUENCES in behavior or outcomes Known or Can be positive or negative and should focus on the impact on possible effects others of continued performance
Common Mentorship Pitfalls8
It is natural and expected for mentoring relationships to experience set-backs from time to time. Do your best to avoid or minimize these setbacks by being aware of the common mentorship pitfalls.
1. Having unrealistic expectations for the relationship and focusing on too much, too soon. Be realistic about what the relationship can accomplish in six months to one year. Make sure that you clarify goals and expectations at the onset of the relationship and capture your thinking in the mentorship agreement. 2. Getting sidetracked by personal stuff. The primary focus of your mentorship relationship is for you to develop your professional self. With that said, discussing personal information is not completely off limits. Asking your mentor/mentee about her weekend or a recent vacation or sharing similar information about yourself can be an effective step towards building rapport. Use your judgment – if you think that your conversations are veering down the wrong track, quickly refocus the conversation back to development areas. 3. Expecting a mentor to provide with all of the answers. Good mentors ask the right questions to help their mentee’s uncover solutions and approaches that work for them.
8 Mentoring.org 11 4. Being too nice or patient to the point that you are not saying what needs to be said. One of the four pillars to productive mentoring relationships is the ability to act with courage when necessary. Failing to act with courage and deliver needed feedback to your mentor/mentee has the potential to damage your relationship. Remember, mentoring is a two-way street; each mentor has agreed to participate in this Program because she is looking for development, too. Review the Feedback Framework© to help you organize your thoughts and summon your courage to deliver necessary feedback messages. 5. Wanting to move too quickly through trust building. Trust is one of the four “pillars” to building an effective and productive mentoring relationship. Don’t let the pressure to move quickly into tackling development areas cause you to bypass this critical step. See ‘Building a Productive Relationship’ for steps you can take to build a trusting relationship with one another. 6. Allowing yourself to get overly frustrated over the lack of progress made. Mentoring is an on-going development process for both the mentee and mentor. There will be periods of significant progress and periods where development stalls. Avoid the feelings of frustration by scheduling regular “check-ins”: Let one another know how the relationship is going. Seek feedback about how the relationship is going. Refer back to the mentorship agreement and make changes, as needed. 7. Being friends with your mentor/mentee at the expense of true development. The strongest mentoring relationships occur when two people have a rapport and respect for one another. From this rapport and respect, friendships develop and mentoring relationships grow stronger. Be careful not to let the friendship get in the way of your ability to appreciate one another’s objective and direct developmental feedback and advice.
12 II. Developing the Mentor-Mentee Relationship
Agree On Next Steps9
Recapture the highlights/themes of your meeting Discuss what key action items the mentee wants to focus on for the next meeting Provide resources/support when appropriate Discuss who will connect with whom to set up the next meeting
S.M.A.R.T. Goals10
S.M.A.R.T. stands for: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound
Using the S.M.A.R.T. Goal format will help you create clear and measurable goals providing a better chance to reach a goal with excellence.
1. Specific
2. Measureable
3. Achievable
4. Relevant
5. Time-bound
9 Stanley Black and Decker Mentoring Program
10 Stanley Black and Decker Mentoring Program 13 Ideas for Topics11
1. Scholarly pursuits – discuss ways to develop and/or further your education.
2. “Defining Who You Want To Be”.
3. Inventory of experiences – assess the variety of roles you have had. Your life experiences and work experiences are the building blocks of your career.
4. Define priorities – focus on work and personal priorities.
5. Think strategically.
6. Act with integrity – evaluate your current level of integrity.
7. Importance of a network - how networked are you and where can you network?
8. Follow-up on previous training and development classes.
9. Review a book.
10.Review self assessment results.
Reading
Below are recommended books for mentors and mentees. A suggested activity for mentor-mentee sessions can be to review a specific chapter in any of these publications as a task to be completed by mentees. The pair can then have a discussion on the reading in the following session.
What Color is my Parachute?, Richard Nelson Bolles The Leadership Challenge, 3rd Edition, James M. Kouzes, Barry Z. Posner Now, Discover your Strengths, Marcus Buckingham, Donald O. Clifton How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie
11 Stanley Black and Decker Mentoring Program 14 The One Minute Manager, Kenneth H. Blanchard, Spencer Johnson Who Moved my Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in your Work and in your Life, Kenneth H. Blanchard, and Spencer Johnson Leading Change, John P Kotter Monday Morning Leadership, David Cottrell Monday Morning Leadership for Women, Valerie Sokolosky The Ant and the Elephant, Vince Poscente The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, Stephen R. Covey Common Sense Mentoring, Larry Ambrose (General Mentoring) The Mentee’s Navigator, Larry Ambrose (General Mentoring) Active Listening: Improve Your Ability to Listen and Lead, Michael Hoppe (Communication) Questions That Work, Andrew Finlayson (Communication) Taking the Stress Out of Stressful Conversations*, Holly Weeks, Harvard Business Review, July 2001 (Communication) Now, Discover Your Strengths*, Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D. (Five “MYs”) The One Minute Manager Balances Work and Life, Ken Blanchard (Five “MYs”) Giving Feedback: Pocket Mentor Series, Harvard Business School (Feedback) The Decision to Trust*, Robert F. Hurley, Harvard Business Review, September 2006 (Trust) Defining Moments: When Managers Must Choose, Joseph L. Badaracco (Courage)
Stages of a Mentoring Relationship12
STAGE 1: DEVELOPING RAPPORT AND BUILDING TRUST The “getting to know you” phase is the most critical stage of the relationship. Things to expect and work on during Stage 1 include:
• Predictability and consistency During the first stage of the relationship, it is critical to be both predictable and consistent. If you schedule an appointment to meet your mentee at a certain time, it’s important to keep it. It is understandable that at times things come up and appointments cannot be kept. However, in order to speed up the trust-building process, consistency is necessary, even if the young person is not as consistent as you are.
• Testing Young people generally do not trust adults. As a result, they use testing as a coping or defense mechanism to determine whether they can trust you. They will test to see if you
12 Mentoring.org 15 really care about them. A mentee might test the mentor by not showing up for a scheduled meeting to see how the mentor will react.
• Establish confidentiality During the first stage of the relationship, it’s important to establish confidentiality with your young person. This helps develop trust. The mentor should let the mentee know that whatever he or she wants to share with the mentor will remain confidential, as long as (and it’s important to stress this point) what the young person tells the mentor is not going to harm the young person or someone else. It’s helpful to stress this up front, within the first few meetings with the mentee. That way, later down the road, if a mentor needs to break the confidence because the information the mentee shared was going to harm him or her or someone else, the young person will not feel betrayed.
• Goal setting (transitions into Stage 2) It’s helpful during Stage 1 to take the time to set at least one achievable goal together for the relationship. What do the two of you want to get out of this relationship? It’s also good to help your mentee set personal goals. Young people often do not learn how to set goals, and this will provide them with the opportunity to set goals and work toward achieving them.
STAGE 2: THE MIDDLE—REACHING GOALS Once trust has been established, the relationship moves into Stage 2. During this stage, the mentor and mentee can begin to start working toward the goals they set during the first stage of the relationship. Things to expect during Stage 2 include:
• Closeness Generally, during the second stage the mentor and mentee can sense a genuine closeness in the relationship.
• Affirming the uniqueness of the relationship Once the relationship has reached this stage, it’s helpful to do something special or different from what the mentor and mentee did during the first stage, which helps affirm the uniqueness of the relationship. For example, go to a museum, sporting event, special restaurant, etc.
• The relationship may be rocky or smooth All relationships have their ups and downs. Once the relationship has reached the second stage, there will still be some rough periods. Mentors should be prepared and not assume that something is wrong with the relationship if this happens.
• Rely on staff support
STAGE 3: CLOSURE
16 If the rough period continues or if a mentor feels that the pair has not reached the second stage, he or she shouldn’t hesitate to seek support from the mentoring program coordinator. Sometimes two people, no matter how they look on paper, just don’t “click.” Some mentor/mentee pairs don’t need to worry about this stage until farther down the road. However, at some point all relationships will come to an end—whether it’s because the program is over, the mentor is moving or for some other reason. When this happens, it’s critical that the closure stage not be overlooked. Many young people today have already had adults come and go in their lives and are very rarely provided the opportunity to say a proper goodbye.
• Identify natural emotions, such as grief, denial and resentment In order to help mentees express emotions about the relationship ending, mentors should model appropriate behavior. The mentor should first express his or her feelings and emotions about the end of the relationship and then let the mentee do the same.
• Provide opportunities for saying goodbye in a healthy, respectful and affirming way Mentors shouldn’t wait for the very last meeting with their mentees to say goodbye. The mentor should slowly bring it up as soon as he or she becomes aware that the relationship will be coming to a close.
• Address appropriate situations for staying in touch If mentors and mentees are mutually interested in continuing to meet after the program has concluded, they may do so, but the involvement of the Jain Mentoring Program is limited to only the official duration of the program.
Building a Productive Relationship13
The Four Pillars Every interaction with your mentor/mentee presents an opportunity to either build or erode the mentoring relationship. A productive mentoring relationship is supported by four pillars: trust, confidentiality, communication and courage.
13 Source: Qualcomm Mentoring Program 17 others others whendoes something not Practice accountability; donot blame interactions Demonstraterespectin all Be openhonest and plain-speaking,Use straighttalk about about confidentialityprinciples and mentorship relationship, becandid Before agreeingto abe in cross them onboundariesAgree doand not observation, whenever possible onBase feedback first-hand trust build hope; delivering onhope builds commitments,Keep as commitments Be flexible accessibleand you see is whatyouget” Be transparent and consistent; “what happen as discussed How To BuildTo How How To BuildTo How
T R U S T Productive Mentoring Relationship Mentoring Productive Confidentiality C O N F I D E N T I A L I T Y Trust Seek Seek your approvalmentor’s to conclusionof mentorship sessions and at"is the the is off record" what is confidentialbyclarifying what Demonstrateyourunderstanding of Specific Actions Can TakeYou Specific Actions Can TakeYou Specific o o personal thoughts: self-disclosure;Use share your mentorship agreement Collaborativelydevelopthe o o o relationship: your mentorwith at the the onset of toBe opendiscussing the following “ “ of successof expectations/measuresConfirm initiative Thoughts aboutthe mentorship background Personal professionaland What I Whatdon’t I …” like I personally feel…” C O M M U N I C A T I O N
C O U R A G E 18 boundaries share information with others Be open to sharing and discussion Immediately share if confidentiality that isn't directly tied to your goals has be inadvertently broken Demonstrate your belief in Clarify when a topic seems to be confidentiality by acting with integrity headed in a direction where with all information that is confidentiality may not be able to be confidential, regardless of the protected relationship
Communication
How To Build Specific Actions You Can Take Be present and attentive to your Prepare for one-on-one meetings: mentor/mentee o Identify 2 to 3 key discussion Be timely with your questions, topics thoughts, and opinions o Review agreements from prior Look for the unspoken message meetings Use non-verbal signals to invite Apply active listening skills: dialogue and demonstrate that you o Repeat back (paraphrase) what are listening and understand (e.g., you heard sitting forward, eye contact, nodding o Ask follow-up questions head) o Share your point of view Provide thoughtful responses to your o Ask for clarification/confirmation mentor’s questions; avoid “yes/no” Empathize with your responses that close the door mentor/mentee: o Listen to understand versus protecting your position/opinion o Express appreciation for meeting with you
Courage
How To Build Specific Actions You Can Take Mentees ask clarifying questions to When faced with tough issues or understand your mentor’s advice, challenges, ask yourself the suggestions, etc. following questions to ensure you Seek permission to provide face the situations with courage: feedback, remember that feedback is o “What could be a great a gift and your mentor seeks outcome?” development from this relationship, o “What results do I hope to too achieve?” Provide specific, actionable feedback o “What is likely to happen if I do 19 to your mentor/mentee around the not address this issue?” relationship, your needs, etc. o “What makes this a difficult issue for me to address?” o “Is the value of change greater than the pain to remain the same?” o “What would the most courageous Qualcomm leader do to resolve this issue?”
Courage continued
Additional Specific Actions You Can Take Learn the STOP-START-CONTINUE framework as a way to share observations and facts with your mentor/mentee or others in a non-threatening manner.
STOP-START-CONTINUE Identify the area in which you want to provide feedback and then clearly state your thoughts: o “I would like you to do less ______because it ______.” o “I would like you to do more ______because it ______.” o “I would like you to keep doing ______because it ______.”
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