Lessons from Amnon and Tamar

LESSONS FROM AMNON AND TAMAR - 2 Samuel 13 I. THE STORY 1. There are three primary characters: a. Amnon, the first born son of David; 2 Sam. 3:2. b. Absalom, David’s third born son; 2 Sam. 3: 2. c. Tamar, Absalom’s full sister and Amnon’s half sister. 2. Amnon looks at Tamar, not as a half sister, but with eyes filled with lust and physical desire. 3. His frustration over not being able to have her causes him to become ill; vs. 2. 4. Amnon’s cousin, Jonadab, a very shrewd man, wants to know why Amnon is so depressed; Amnon confesses his desire for Tamar; vs. 4. 5. Jonadab comes up with a plan; vs. 5. 6. Amnon does as Jonadab says; vs. 6. 7. David sends Tamar to Amnon’s house to take care of him; vs. 7. 8. Tamar goes into Amnon’s house, she prepares the food, and when she serves Amnon he refuses to eat; vs. 9. 9. Amnon gives the order for “everyone to go out”; vs. 9. 10. He then tells Tamar to bring the food into his bedroom so he might eat from her hand. 11. When she does he raises up on his sick bed, takes hold of her, and tells her, “Come lie with me.” 12. She says, “Do not violate me, for such thing is not done in Israel; do not do this disgraceful thing!” 13. In vs. 13 she makes another statement to stop this disgrace: “Speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” 14. Amnon refuses to listen, he over powers her, and he violates her; vs. 14. 15. Afterward Amnon hates her and he tells her to “get out!” 16. Tamar pleads: “Don’t do this because this wrong in sending me away is greater than the other that you have done to me!”; vs. 16. 17. Amnon will not listen and he has her thrown out…and he locks the door. 18. Tamar grieves: She tears the special garment that signified her as being a virgin, she puts ashes on her head, and she puts her hand over head and goes away crying. 19. Absalom, her full brother, sees her and he wants to know if “Amnon has been with her ?”; vs. 20. 20. He tells her to keep silent; Tamar remains in Absalom’s house; vs. 21. 21. Absalom now hates Amnon for what he did; vs. 22. 22. Two years later it is sheep shearing time and Absalom persuades David to allow Amnon to go with him to the shearing festival; vs. 24-26. 23. Absalom commands his servants, “When Amnon’s heart is merry with wine, and when I say “strike Amnon”, put him to death.”; vs. 28. 24. Absalom’s servants obey his commands and they kill Amnon; vs. 29. 25. The rest of David’s sons flee but word gets back to David that all of his sons have been killed. David grieves. 26. Jonadab comes then and tells David that only Amnon alone has been killed; vs. 32. 27. Jonadab also tells David that Absalom had been determined to kill Amnon since the day Amnon vilolated Tamar. 28. Absalom runs away and is gone for three years. 29. In chapters 15-17 Absalom leads a rebellion against David and forces David to flee from Jerusalem. 30. In chapter 18 Absalom is killed by King David’s forces; David grieves very deeply. II. THE QUESTION: HOW DID THINGS GET THIS WAY? 1. How does a family get in this kind of mess? 2. What can we do to keep this kind of thing from happening to us and to our children and grandchildren? 3. The answer is found in chapter 11 because the things that David does in chapter 11 plays a big part in what happened in chapter 13. (See 12: 10-11. III. THE ANSWERS. A. David’s Actions in chapter 11. 1. Amnon had a problem with lust. a. David did too; his lust is so strong it causes him to commit adultery. b. He also lies to cover it up, eventually murdering Bathsheba’s husband. 2. How does a dad teach his son to control his lusts and actions if dad can’t or won’t control his own? 3. If the parents value system is distorted, is it any wonder that his son’s value system is distorted too? 4. It is obvious that David knew that what he was committing sin with Bathsheba; if dad doesn’t care about committing sin why would his son care? 5. This holds true with any sin: Adultery, lying, murder, drinking, drugs, pornography, stealing, abusiveness, bad language, etc. 6. If you do these things as a parent it is extremely difficult for you to tell your children that they can’t do them. 7. Same with inconsistent Bible class and worship attendance. 8. The Point: Your actions, your conduct, what your children, young or old, see you do has an affect on them one way or another. And your conduct will have a lot to do with the course of direction your children’s lives take. And your wrong conduct and example can and often does come back to hurt you just like it did for David in this story. 9. David’s sons broke his heart but the reality is, it all started with David’s foolish, sinful actions. 10. Sin always has consequences and any time you violate God’s word you are going to have problems. 11. Before you commit that sin, stop, and think about the short and long term affects, and save you and your children a lot of heartaches. B. David’s Lack of Discipline: 2 Sam 13:21 Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. 1. This is all David did; there was no punishment, no discipline, nothing. 2. Leviticus 18 and 20: 17 says that Amnon should have been put to death for what he did. 3. But, how could David do this after what he did in chapter 11. 4. Is it any wonder that Absalom too matters into his own hands? 5. We must discipline our children when they do something that is wrong; failure to do so is asking for trouble. a. You spoil them and give them the impression that “Dad doesn’t care.” b. They don’t learn from their wrong actions. c. They don’t respect parents, anyone else, or God. d. Failure to discipline one son teaches the other that they can get away with thing too. e. When they see that there is no justice and a lack of discipline, they see you as weak, they harbor resentment, and often take matters into their own hands. Prov 13:24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.

Prov 23:13-14 Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you beat him with the rod, he will not die. 14 You shall beat him with the rod, And deliver his soul from Sheol.

Prov 29:15 5 The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. C. Final lesson: Regardless of what someone else might or might not do, the ultimate responsibility to do what is right is yours! 2 Cor 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad. 1. We have given Amnon and Absalom excuses for what they did…it was their Dad’s fault. 2. Ultimately, however, they answered for it and not David. 3. They could have done the right things but instead they chose to do wrong; they paid with their lives and probably with their souls. 4. This is true for everyone of us; no matter what kind of parents you may have had, it will be you who answers for your own actions; they will not be an excuse for you. 5. It will be up to you ultimately to do what is right in the sight of the Lord and thus save your soul.