Chapter 1

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY: AN INTRODUCTION

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

After reading this chapter, students should be able to:

1. Identify the various issues to keep in mind when making interpersonal choices (e.g., not to decide is to decide; some choices require correction; choices involve trade-offs; choices include selecting a positive or negative view; choices involve different decision making styles; choices produce ambivalence; some choices are revocable while others are not); choices vary with the family life cycle; making wise choices is facilitated by learning decision-making skills.

2. Give examples of global, structural, cultural and media influences on choices.

3. Discuss how one’s family of origin, unconscious motivations, habit patterns, personalities, and previous relationship experiences influence choices in relationships.

4. Identify five elements that define marriage and four types of marriage.

5. Make the case for marriage in terms of the benefits of marriage and the liabilities of singlehood.

6. Define “family” according to the U.S. Census Bureau definition. Specify who is excluded by this definition, and why the definition of “who is family?” is important. To what degree are pets and friends commonly regarded as “family” members?

7. Describe various types of families including the family of origin, family of procreation, nuclear family, binuclear family, extended family and the traditional/modern/postmodern family.

8. Identify the differences between marriage and the family in the United States.

9. Explain how the Industrial Revolution affected family life.

10. Describe how marriages and families have changed since 1950.

11. Discuss various theoretical frameworks for viewing marriage and the family, including social exchange, family life course development, structural-functional, conflict, symbolic interaction, family systems and feminist frameworks.

12. Identify the various stages in conducting a research project.

13. Identify seven caveats to keep in mind when reading/evaluating research in marriage and the family. KEY TERMS beliefs (p. 23) blended family (p. 8) common-law marriage (p. binuclear family (p. 8) civil union (p. 7) 4) Marriage and Family: An Introduction conflict framework (p. 14) IRB approval (p. 25) simultaneous ambivalence control group (p. 27) institutions (p. 20) (p. 18) domestic partnership (p. 7) marriage (p. 3) social exchange framework experimental group (p. 27) marriage resilience (p. 12) extended family (p. 8) perspective (p. 10) sociological imagination familism (p. 23) mating gradient (p. 22) (p. 23) family (p. 6) modern family (p. 8) status (p. 22) family life course nuclear family (p. 8) structure-function development (p. 12) pantagamy (p. 6) framework (p. 13) family life cycle (p. 12) polyamory (p. 6) symbolic interaction family of orientation (p. 7) polyandry (p. 6) framework (p. 15) family of origin (p. 7) polygamy (p. 5) theoretical framework (p. family of procreation (p. 8) polygyny (p. 5) 12) family systems framework postmodern family (p. 8) traditional family (p. 8) (p. 16) primary groups (p. 22) utilitarianism (p. 12) feminist framework (p. 16) roles (p. 22) values (p. 23) functionalists (p. 13) random sample (p. 26) Generation Y (p. 19) secondary groups (p. 22) Hypothesis (p. 25) sequential ambivalence (p. individualism (p. 23) 18)

DETAILED CHAPTER OUTLINE

I. Marriage A. Elements of Marriage Legal contract Emotional relationship Sexual monogamy Legal responsibility for children Announcement/ceremony B. Types of Marriage Polygamy: generic term that means several spouses. Polygyny: one husband has two or more wives. Polyandry: one wife has two or more husbands. Polyamory: multiple relationships where partners committed to each other. Pantagamy: group marriage where everyone in the group married to everyone else.

II. Family A. Definitions of Family U.S. Bureau of the Census definition: a group of two or more persons related by blood, marriage, or adoption. This definition has been challenged since it does not include foster families or long-term couples (heterosexual or homosexual) that live together. Sociologically, a family is defined as a kinship system of all relatives living together or recognized as a social unit, including adopted persons. Trend toward broadening definition to include two adult partners whose interdependent relationship is long-term and characterized by an emotional and

2 M&F 2e

financial commitment. Increasingly, families are being defined by function rather than by structure. Some states are recognizing civil unions/domestic partnerships. These are not forms of marriage but legal definitions of relationships that carry some of the same benefits as spousal relationships. B. Types of Families Family of origin/family of orientation: the family into which you were born. Family of procreation: the family individuals begin when they marry and have children. Nuclear family: family consisting of parents and children (may refer to either family of origin or family of procreation). Traditional family: two-parent nuclear family Modern family: dual earner family where both spouses work outside the home Postmodern family: lesbian and gay families, single mothers by choice Binuclear family: family in which the members live in two separate households. Blended or stepfamily: family unit created when divorced parents remarry and take children into new marriage (new spouse may also have children from previous marriage). Extended family: a family that includes relatives such as grandparents, uncles, aunts, and/or cousins.

III. Changes in Marriage and the Family A. The Industrial Revolution and Family Change The Industrial Revolution (early and mid 1800s) refers to the social and economic changes that occurred when machines and factories, rather than human labor, became the dominant mode for the production of goods. Changes included families no longer an economic unit producing all goods and services for its own consumption (now get these outside the family), parents and children no longer worked together but outside the home in factories, children no longer economic assets but liabilities. The development of transportation systems resulted in family members traveling and moving away from home. Result was decreased supervision of children more likely to roam the streets, increasing the potential for crime and delinquency. The demise of familism and the rise of individualism, thought to have contributed to high divorce rates, absent fathers, and parents’ spending less time with their children. B. Changes in the Last 60 Years Changes involve divorce replacing death as the endpoint for the majority of marriages, marriage and intimate relations as legitimate objects of scientific study, the rise of feminism/changes in gender roles in marriage, and the decline in remarriage

Other changes include a delay in age at marriage; increased acceptance of singlehood, cohabitation, and childfree marriages; more openness in the media about relationships; greater visibility of homosexuality and approval of civil unions.

IV. Theoretical Frameworks for Viewing Marriage and the Family

3 Marriage and Family: An Introduction

Theoretical framework provides a set of interrelated principles designed to explain a particular phenomenon and provide a point of view. A. Social Exchange Framework Interaction viewed as each individual seeking the most benefits at the least cost so as to have the highest profit and avoid a loss. In mate selection each partner seeks another with the most positives and the least negatives. B. Family Life Course Development Framework Emphasizes stages of the traditional family life cycle and the developmental tasks associated with each stage. One of the developmental tasks of early marriage is to emotionally and financially separate from one’s family of origin. If such separation does not take place, independence as individuals and as a couple is impaired. C. Structure-Function Framework Emphasizes the functions that marriage and family serve for society 1. Replacement/socialization: replenish society with socialized members. 2. Emotional stability: takes care of emotional needs of children and adults. 3. Economic support: provides for the economic needs of family members. 4. Physical care: provides for the primary care of children and aging parents. 5. Regulates sexual behavior: spouses expected to be monogamous. 6. Status placement: provides social placement of children in society. 7. Social control: reduces criminal behavior of spouses and children. D. Conflict Framework Emphasizes that family members conflict over scarce resources (time, affection, space) and power (how they spend their resources of time and money). E. Symbolic Interaction Framework Marriages and families are symbolic worlds where members give meaning to the interaction. Concepts include: 1. definition of the situation (family is a caring context), 2. the looking-glass self (people are what members say they are), and 3. the self-fulfilling prophecy (behave to make expectations come true). F. Family Systems Framework Each family member is part of a system. Framework focuses on rules (call if will be late), subsystems (spouse-spouse, parent-child, mother-parents), boundaries (how close will family members be to each other and how open to outside influences—e.g., Amish closed to outside world). G. Feminist Framework Marriage and family are viewed as contexts of inequality and oppression. Focus of feminist ideology is correcting such inequality and increasing the power of women in their relationships.

V. Choices in Relationships A. Facts About Choices in Relationships 1. Not to decide is to decide-not making a decision is a decision by default. 2. Some choices require correction—reverse rather than defend the choice. 3. Choices involve trade-offs—any choice involves gains and losses. 4. Choices include selecting a positive or negative view.

4 M&F 2e

5. Choices involve different decision making styles (e.g. experimenting, struggling) 6. Choices produce ambivalence—expect some uncertainty. 7. Most choices are revocable, some are not (e.g. becoming a parent). 8. Choices by Generation Yers are unique (e.g. focus on fun, enjoyment) 9. Choices are influenced by stage of the family life cycle—parents make different decisions than lovers. 10. Making wise choices is facilitated by learning decision-making skills.

B. Global, Structural/Cultural, and Media Influences on Choices 1. Globalization: economic, political, and religious happenings throughout the world affect relationship choices (e.g. price of gas affects money spent on family vacation). 2. Social structure: institutions (e.g., economy, education, and religion), social groups, statuses, and roles. 3. Culture: beliefs and values. U.S. society fosters individualism (choices that serve the individual), rather than familism (choices that serve the larger family unit). Asian cultures are more familistic than individualistic. 4. Media: creates norms and structures expectations (e.g. cohabitation, divorce)

C. Other Influences on Relationship Choices 1. Family of origin: Closeness may translate into the desire for parental approval for one’s choice of partner. 2. Unconscious motivations: how one was reared may influence later decisions. 3. Habits: e.g., People who are accustomed to and enjoy spending a great deal of time alone may be reluctant to make a commitment to live with people who make demands on their time. 4. Personality: e.g., people who are assertive are more likely than those who are passive to initiate conversations with someone they are attracted to at a party. 5. Relationships and life experiences: current and past relationship experiences also influence one’s perceptions and choices

VI. Evaluating Research in Marriage and the Family A. Steps in the Research Process 1. Identify a topic. 2. Review the literature. 3. Develop hypotheses. 4. Decide on a method of data collection. 5. Get IRB approval. 6. Collect and analyze data. 7. Write up and publish results.

B. Specific Issues in Evaluating Research Quality 1. Sample: Should be random sample—every person in the population has an equal chance of being included. 2. Control groups: Should have a control group—the group not exposed to the independent variable.

5 Marriage and Family: An Introduction

3. Age and cohort effects: Be alert to the passage of time as it influences the research subjects. 4. Terminology: Terms such a marital satisfaction should be operationally defined. 5. Research bias: Does researcher have an agenda or a conflict of interest? 6. Time lag: A two-year lag exists between the time a study is completed and published. 7. Distortion and deception: How might data be distorted via analysis? Is deliberate deception occurring? 8. Other research problems: Nonresponse on questionnaires, discrepancy between attitudes and behaviors, and use of volunteers are other issues to consider in evaluating research.

STUDENT PROJECTS AND CLASSROOM ACTIVITIES

1. “Best” and “Worst” Student Choices in Relationships

Ask your students to turn in a folded sheet of paper at the next class meeting that identifies (anonymously) their “best” and “worst” relationship choices. Inform students that you will read these descriptions to the class (if the class is very large, you will read a sample of the papers). Tell students that if they do not want their paper read, they should write DO NOT READ at the top of their paper. Reading those you have permission to read allows you to reemphasize how “not to decide is to decide,” “choices involve trade-offs,” etc. are reflected in your students’ relationship choices.

2. Most Difficult Relationship Choices

Once they have identified their best and worst choices, encourage your students to focus on their most difficult relationship choice. The purpose of this activity is to reveal the range of difficult relationship choices experienced by class members. This activity facilitates the sharing of personal experiences that enriches a Marriage and Family course.

3. Correcting an Unwise Choice

As either an in-class or take-home assignment, ask students to write a one- or two- paragraph description of how they corrected a bad decision. Tell students that this assignment will be done anonymously, so they are not to write their name on their paper. Inform students that you will read these descriptions to the class (if the class is very large, you will read a sample of the papers). Tell students that if they do not want their paper read, they should write DO NOT READ at the top of their paper. After collecting this assignment, read the papers (or a sample of them) to the class. Hearing that others have reversed unwise decisions may prompt others to do likewise. You may comment on the papers or invite discussion where you feel appropriate.

4. Family Rituals

6 M&F 2e

Divide students into small discussion groups of four to six members. Instruct students to take turns sharing examples of family rituals that took place in either their family of origin or their family of procreation. Ask students to discuss how the ritual originated and evaluate its effect on family functioning. After each student in the group has shared his or her example of a family ritual, ask each group to brainstorm ideas for unique family rituals that serve the function of family bonding. After about five or ten minutes of brainstorming, a spokesperson from each group may share his or her ideas with the class.

5. Poetry Reflective of Relationship Issues

Instruct students to find and copy a poem that deals with some issue related to marriage, family, or relationships (e.g., domestic violence/abuse, love, parenting, abortion, divorce or relationship break-up, death of a loved one, etc.). Students should include the author of the poem and a reference for the source. The instructor may read some of these poems in class during the lecture that pertains to the poem topic. Or the instructor may ask the students to read their poems to the class.

In addition to selecting a poem that has been written by someone else, students may also write their own poem or submit a poem that they have previously written that deals with some issue or topic related to marriage, family, or relationships.

6. Social Values and Social Policy

Instruct students to choose an example of a social policy (or social policy proposal) that has been discussed recently in the media (e.g., Should gay couples be permitted legal marriage?). As a take-home assignment, ask students to answer the following questions: a) What societal values are reflected in your social policy example? b) Does your social policy example conflict with other societal values? If so, explain. c) How does your social policy example affect individuals, marriages, and families?

7. Media Influence

a) Main question: How does the media influence the image a student holds of personal relationships? b) Ask students to think about the portrayal of relationships in popular media. Break them into groups to develop a media image of personal relationships. Each group should focus on a different type or part of personal relationships and how it is influenced by the media (e.g., marriage, dating, sexual activity). c) Have students address how the media image can impact their own (or friend’s, parent’s, etc.) personal relationships.

8. Genogram/Family Tree Assignment

Using a free online program such as Genopro.com (http://www.genopro.com), construct a genogram graphically depicting three generations of your family. By

7 Marriage and Family: An Introduction

examining levels of education, career choices, relationship choices (i.e., marriage), number of children, types of religions, and important values across three generations, you will be able to assess the legacy your family has passed on to you. More important, while gathering information for this exercise, you will be actively connected with three generations of your family. Once you have entered all the basic information in the computer program about each family member (i.e., grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings), print it out and do two more things: 1. Using a colored pen or marker, indicate the type of relationships that exist between people in your family. For example, who is close to whom? Who is distant? Who has a conflicted relationship? Draw a straight line to indicate closeness between two people; make a dotted line between people who are distant, and a squiggly line between those who are in conflict with each other. 2. Attach a typed numbered list describing at least five trends you notice in your family. For example, did everyone marry at a young age? Did everyone come from a large family? Is their religion the same? What is valued? Is everyone close on one side of the family?

9. Guest speaker

Invite a family historian to speak to the class on family life during the Colonial Period.

10. The “good old days”

Ask the students to do a 5-minute write about their assumptions of marriage and family in “the good old days.” Collect and read examples anonymously. Then read an excerpt from one of the books written by noted family historian, Dr. Stephanie Coontz: The way we never were or The way we really are. Discuss.

11. Defining the family

Ask students to write down everyone they consider to be a part of their family. Then put the students in groups (e.g., by height, hair color, eye color, month of birth date) and ask them to share their list with other members of their group. Have them discuss how their definition compares to the US Census Bureau’s definition and to one another.

12. Debate

Yes or No? Should polygamy be legal? Divide the class in two, with each side (Yes versus No) sitting on opposite sides of the room. If the class is large, assign a small group of students come up to the front of the class and debate the issue, while the rest of the class watches. Open up the class for discussion after 10 minutes of points/counterpoints. Debates work well if the students are given time to research their assigned perspective for presentation (i.e., homework).

13. Interviewing grandparents

8 M&F 2e

Assign students to interview (if possible) grandparents, or great-grandparents who can provide a perspective on “the good old days” as it pertains to such issues as family structure, size, gender roles, work, and family time/togetherness.

14. Letter to yourself

Have students write a letter to themselves about their expectations related to their own marriage, children, and family. Have them place their letter in a sealed envelope and address it to themselves at an address they expect to be able to receive it in 5 years. As the instructor – collect, date, and put them in a safe place where you will remember to mail them in 5 years time!

USING FILM IN THE CLASSROOM

Popular Entertainment Films:

Sex and the City: The Movie (2008) Content: The friendship of four women and their relationships with men provide the theme of the movie. The story focuses on the impending wedding on Carrie who becomes overly focused on the materialistic aspects of wedding while Mr. Big become fearful of getting married. A subplot is the infidelity of Steve who is married to Miranda and how they deal with this crisis. Assignment: Identify the perceptions of Mr. Big and Carrie as they move toward the wedding. Identify the stages Miranda goes through in dealing with the infidelity of Steve.

Australia (2008) Content: Nicole Kidman in the role of an English aristocrat joins forces with a rough- hewn Aussie to drive 2000 head of cattle across hundreds of miles of Australia. The focus of the movie is the contrast of their backgrounds and styles as they get to know each other. Assignment: Identify the various choices each character makes as the relationship between the principal characters moves forward.

Vicky Christina Barcelona (2008) Content: Vicky (Rebecca Hall) and Christina (Scarlet Johansson) visit Barcelona for their summer vacation. They meet Juan Antonia (Javier Bardem), an artist, and both become involved with him. Assignment: As Juan invites Vicky and Christina to his bed, they initially make different choices. Contrast the various personalities of Vicky and Christina and their choices styles that result. Also, discuss how Vicky’s choice to become involved with Juan changes as the context changes over time.

Big Love (2006-2011), HBO series

9 Marriage and Family: An Introduction

Content: Big Love is a fictional portrayal of a Utah polygamist and his three wives. The creators of the show did extensive research to provide an accurate portrayal of a polygamous relationship. Assignment: Watch the pilot and discuss the portrayal of the family. Is it a favorable view of polygamy? Compare the show to nonfiction articles of polygamy.

Educational/Documentary Films:

Women and Men Unglued: Marriage and Relationships in the 21st Century (2003, Meridian Education, 87 minutes) Content: Men and women of marriageable age are staying single in record numbers. The traditional family is fast becoming an anachronism. This film looks at changing contemporary gender relations and expectations, exploring how men and women feel about issues such as dating, marriage, money, parenting, romantic love, feminism, and commitment. Assignment: Could the 21st century be the era when the marriage becomes a thing of the past?

That’s A Family (2000, Groundspark, 35 minutes) Content: With courage and humor, the children in That’s a Family! take viewers on a tour through their lives as they speak candidly about what it’s like to grow up in a family with parents of different races or religions, divorced parents, a single parent, gay or lesbian parents, adoptive parents or grandparents as guardians Assignment: Think about the diversity of families presented in the film. How are these families the same and different from each other? Who else, besides elementary school teachers, would benefit from using this film?

INTERNET EXERCISES

Colonial Period – Family Life http://www.kidinfo.com/American_History/Colonization_Colonial_Life.html Review the various links to information about family life in the Colonial Period. What were some of the major differences between then and now? What about similarities?

Families and Living Arrangements http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam.html Review recent data of interest to you as it relates to marriage and the family.

Family Relations Journal http://www.ncfr.org/fr/submit-fr Review the submission information to learn what is required before an article is accepted for consideration by Family Relations.

General Social Survey (GSS) – National Opinion Research Center (NORC)

10 M&F 2e

http://www.norc.org/projects/general+social+survey.htm Familiarize yourself with the GSS and NORC.

National Center for Health Statistics http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/ Select from the most recent studies on the site of greatest interest to you.

National Council on Family Relations http://ncfr.com/ Summarize the professional benefits of belonging to the NCFR.

National Marriage Project http://nationalmarriageproject.org/reports Read the latest article on “The State of Our Unions” and summarize the content for class discussion.

Same Sex Marriage http://www.hrc.org/issues/marriage/ Under “Related Resources” click on “Answers to Questions About Marriage Equality”. Read the information and answer the question “Why aren’t civil unions enough?”

US Public Health Service Syphilis Study at Tuskegee; and the Office of Human Research Protections http://www.cdc.gov/tuskegee/ http://www.hhs.gov/ohrp/ Read about the Tuskegee study that led to the development of the Office of Human Research Protections. According to this office, what safeguards have been put in place to ensure that such a study is not conducted again?

11 Marriage and Family: An Introduction

CourseReader Activities

Coontz, Stephanie. "How History and Sociology Can Help Today's Families." CourseReader. Detroit: Gale, 2010. Web. 19 June 2012. Web. 5 July 2012.  How can a historical perspective help us understand personal relationships today?  Teen problems are not new, but what are today’s teens lacking that causes strain? What accentuates this strain?  What is “situated social power” and how does it affect relationships?

"Family Life Among the Mormons." Family in Society: Essential Primary Sources. Ed. K. Lee Lerner, Brenda Wilmoth Lerner, and Adrienne Wilmoth Lerner. Detroit: Gale, 2006. 166-170. Web. 19 June 2012.  Historically and today, what is the popular image of polygamous relationships and the children from these relationships?  How does a child of Brigham Young counter this image?  Is polygamy practiced in the U.S. today? What legal questions does polygamy raise, both in support of the practice and opposition to it?

"The Objects of Marriage." Gender Issues and Sexuality: Essential Primary Sources. Ed. K. Lee Lerner, Brenda Wilmoth Lerner, and Adrienne Wilmoth Lerner. Detroit: Gale, 2006. 26-29. Web. 19 June 2012.  What are the functional (primary) and spiritual objects of marriage?  This excerpt is from the 1930s; do these ideas apply today? What are the implications for personal relationships from this perspective?

12