I Had a Case Once That Started As a Frantic 911 Call from the Victim, an Intelligent, Educated

Det. David Williams

Secrets I had a case once that started as a frantic 911 call from the victim, an intelligent, educated woman with two lovely children living with her husband of twenty years in a home fit for kings. During the call she frantically whispered, “Dear, God. Please help me. He’s going to kill me…he’s got a gun. Please hurry…” All the while an angry male voice could be heard in the background demanding she show herself. The dispatcher heard a rifle shot followed by dead silence until finally the woman whispered, “Please hurry” once more. Minutes later two officers arrived and quickly took the ranting husband into custody. The woman was bruised around both eyes and her tongue was bleeding. Dark imprints in the shape of fingers and a thumb encircled her slender neck. The children were traumatized, having thought they were about to witness their father murder their mother. They were almost right. The officers recovered a large-caliber rifle on the billiard table in the “family room.” One round had been fired, and there were nine other bullets loaded and ready to go. Within the week she told officials at the children’s school that the police had lied about what really happened, and that her bruises were caused by a car accident. She called the mayor and threatened to sue the entire department if we didn’t “drop the charges” against her husband. Their neighbors wrote letters of support for the husband, telling the prosecutor what a fine man and upstanding community leader he was. Secrecy prevails in many of these instances, which is why crimes such as domestic violence, sexual assaults against children, and stalking thrive in a contract of secrecy between the abuser and the victim. She doesn’t involve social services, friends/family, or the police and prosecutor because of shame, financial dependence, fear of retribution, or loss of her children. He, in turn, promises to stop using violence to get his way, offering a false sense of security, stability, and hope for a better tomorrow. The problem is that this contract is non-binding, unenforceable, and hopelessly unfair. You can’t form a true partnership with terrorists, and you don’t accept a ride across the river on the back of a creature that lives to hurt you. There can be no lasting joy or hope in an environment where you live with the knowledge that physical violence and emotional degradation is a possibility twenty-four hours a day.

1 Det. David Williams

If you want to fight domestic violence and stalking, you have to attack it at the root. You strip away the secrecy just like you would pull away old carpet to expose mold to sunlight, and then you have a chance at making a difference. The lesson here is that when you encounter someone trapped in a relationship like this, you do what you must to help her see that nothing can change until they confront the secret. This pattern of keeping secrets and of continuing to live in an unhealthy environment is often referred to as Battered Women’s Syndrome. Simply put, Battered Women’s Syndrome occurs when a woman is so entrenched in living this self-destructive lie that she can’t imagine living life any other way. I’ve never met a crack cocaine, methamphetamine, or heroin addict who wasn’t entirely aware of the fact that the drug was killing them and that they needed to stop, but addiction, by its very nature is a difficult thing to conquer. I submit that addiction to another human being, especially one who is destroying you, is often as hard to break as the obsession of meth or cocaine. Eventually there may come a time when the flimsy walls constructed to maintain the secrets fracture and fall, perhaps because of an arrest or one bruise too many. That is the moment for a friend or loved one, a social worker, hairdresser, health care provider or police officer, to quietly, firmly, and with caring resolve let her know once more that they are there for them and will do anything they can to help. This is the essence of unconditional love and good samaritanism, and if you are watching a loved one die a long, wretched death from domestic abuse, it is exactly what she’ll need if she is to leave and live safely.