Living out Loud Service July 1, 2012

“Living Out Loud” service July 1, 2012 Marla Nitti

Hello my Peoples. Yes, you are part of my tribe, today! Love, love, love as in all you need. Where ever, I go I wish to be part of the tribe or at least accepted as one of that tribe in that moment...I appreciate the experience of being a part of the world experience. Of course, there are some tribes I am more a part of and feel more devoted too. Just the other a day a friend said to me, “I can not be gay today, I cannot go to the gay pride parade. “ I responded, “you can be gay every day!” She asked if I was going...I said, “ Of course I am, it is my religious holiday!”

When I sat down to write about my experience of what it means to live out loud...... I could not begin with >>>I am 100% gay or lesbian..cause i am not...it is more about 95 % but, that is a different story. In reality, no matter who you are or how you define yourself so many factors come into play in regards to individual development. My development started way before I was born. Can any of you tell me you are any different? Can anybody say that who they have become is not an interplay of biological and ecological factors.?

I suppose not all of you had 2 brothers when you were born that lived in a house in Skokie with their 2 birds, 3 cats, their macho on the outside, sensitive on the inside Italian Catholic father and an extremely intelligent beautiful mother of Eastern European -Jewish descent who had begun her journey into schizophrenic madness.

Did I just tell you that for the shock value> maybe, maybe not....maybe, wanted to see if you are listening. Actually, it is part of the story, part of who I am! I find it to my detriment and to that of others to keep things a secret and hidden. A wise friend said. “Silence can speak louder than words and can create as much emotional damage as hostile words. “ In light of of the above and other factors...because of the ecology of my development...my 3 brothers and I (another was born 5 years after i was..oh, and another was born about 24 years later but, with a different mother.).. Where was I..oh, my 3 brothers and I kept most things to ourselves...so I didn't live out loud about hardly anything growing up. As a young adult, I did not purposely hide anything. I just didn't say. Living out loud then was just being who I was..I would bring my girlfriend to family gatherings..but< i never formerly came out to my family..I think I was in my late 30's before my Dad said anything about my ...in his his words..lifestyle.

Being who I am, injustice is what often got me talking. My career choice as a social worker and child development specialist in early intervention had something to do with looking out for the underdog(educating and guiding.) It is injustice that often got me a little hot under the collar. Injustice, still gets me talking and moving towards change. Hmmmm, I believe, you know what, I am talking about, eh? I may be talking about many of you in this Unitarian community. We are who we are. Let me give you an example, just the other day I was sitting outside at the Whole foods on the river when a small little body with a tale caught my eye. Then I saw another and another. “Cool!”, I said to my friend. “Look at all those rats! “ She said, they are disgusting little creatures. I responded, they cannot change who they are >>>>they were born that way. I see them now all wearing little purple tshirts that say..born this way!

Anyway, For much of my life I did keep quiet about many things, I did not want to create conflict, step on other peoples toes, or draw attention to myself. ..but, again that had very little to do with being gay. Many of those charecteristics remain.

Living out Louder for me is a result of not being able to keep things in any more....I could not keep myself in an longer.... I am who I am because of where I have been, because of my experiences with the world, with love, friendship and family. I am who I am because of the relationships (including my relationship with myself) that tried to keep who I am in check because of fear, shame, hate and discrimination... I will try my hardest to respect someone elses belief system, not make it my agenda to change them...but, I will not let someone hurt me, hurt others, disrespect me, or disrespect others. I will not allow the beliefs of other people make me hide my beliefs or the facts of a situation beacause I fear conflict. Of course..my perception is my reality. Of course my perception of loud may be quieter or louder than yours. Thank you all for being here, listening, acknowledging, respecting and even loving me today....I am also who I am because you are here.