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Thundercats: TAS Chapter 2 by Knight Writer

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Thundercats: TAS Chapter 2 by Knight Writer ThunderCats: TAS Chapter 2 By Knight Writer [Scene is the wreckage of the flagship. Lion-O is walking about.] Lion-O: Think I'll take a look around. Tygra: Is that a good idea? I mean, this IS an alien environment. Lion-O: So? Tygra: Filled with God only knows what kind of wildlife. Lion-O: So? Tygra: And you're still willing to go off into the jungle? Lion-O: Yep. Tygra: Then take the Sword of Macguffins with you. Lion-O: Good idea. Tygra: And Snarf. Snarf: Wait, WHAT?! Lion-O: Outta here. [Camera shifts to Panthro atop the gangplank.] Panthro: Sure that was a good idea? Cheetara: Red fur, red shirt. Is there really a difference? Panthro: Remember, this IS a kid's show. Cheetara: So, Snarf might survive? Panthro: Count on it. Cheetara: God damnit.... [Camera cuts to Tygra.] Tygra: Wait. Lion-O grew in body, but not in mind. Panthro: Your point? Tygra: So, he's gonna lead us. Panthro: Yep. Tygra: I weep for our future. ========================================================= [Scene is the Mutants on the bridge of their ship.] Jackalman: Okay, so where the hell are we gonna find a Starbucks here? [Scene goes to footage of ruined civilizations, then back to the Mutants.] Slyhe: Jusssst keep looking for a place to build Castle Plun-Darr! Monkian: Okay, what the hell? We can just turn around, carpet bomb the ThunderCats into their component molecules, take the sword, then get the hell off this rock. Slythe: SSSSShut up! We need a kick-ass castle, and some sssslavessss to build it! Monkian: So. Why? Slythe: Becaussssse we're the big badsssss of thissss sssshow! Jackalman: What the f*ck is that? [Scene is Mumm-Ra's pyramid surrounded by black clouds.] Slythe: Probably nothing important. [Scene is the Mutant ship being shot down. Monkian, Jackalman, and Slythe emerge.] Monkan: Well, look who's wrong! Mumm-Ra [voice]: Enter... [The wall reveals a doorway with a sphere of light hovering inside it.] Jackalman: What do we do? [Scene is the ship sinking.] Jackalman: Other than die here? Slythe: Fifty yearssss from now, don't you want to say you had the gutssss to go in the pyramid? Jackalman: This is ThunderCats, not f*cking Transfomers! [The Mutants follow the light into Mumm-Ra's tomb chamber. The Mutants look at the statues.] Monkian: That one on the left looks like Slythe's mother! Sythe: What about it? Monkian: I boned her before we left Plun-Darr. Thought you oughtta know. Mumm-Ra [Off screen]: Mutants... [Mumm-Ra enters.] Slythe: Wonderful. We get shot down by a goddamn corpse! Mumm-Ra: I'll keep this brief. Lion-O has the Sword of Macguffins. Monkian: Which you once owned. Mumm-Ra: What? Jackalman: It's a common fan tale. YOU once owned the Sword of MacGuffins, now it's back on your planet, and you want it back. Mumm-Ra: WHAT?! Who told you that?! Jackalman: Saw it on Wikipedia. If it's on the Internet, it has to be true. Mumm-Ra: I don't know what that is. Jackalman; Well... Mumm-Ra: I don't care, either. Teleport time! [The Mutants vanish.] Mumm-Ra: Thank God that's over. =============================================================== [Scene is Lion-O walking through a forest.] Lion-O: Yay, meat! [Lion-O runs downhill to the herd of wildebeests when the Sword jumps out of his hands. Lion-O stops to try and pull it free.] Lion-O: C'mon... You... [Jaga appears.] Jaga: The Sword of MacGuffins will not obey a command with evil intent. Lion-O: What evil? I'm hungry, and one of those will feed us for at least a month. Jaga: Still evil. Lion-O: So, you're saying that Nature is evil? Jaga: No... Lion-O: So, murder is wrong. Okay. Hunting to survive is also wrong? Jaga: Goddamnit, Lion-O, this is a KID'S SHOW! [Jaga fades and the eye growls. Lion-O puts it to his face.] Lion-O: Nothing, still nothing, HOLY CRAP! [The Mutants appear.] Lion-O: So, about that game of Monopoly? [The Mutants circle Lion-O.] Lion-O: Wait, why do I hear banjos? ["Dueling Banjos" begins to play and a lightbulb goes off over Lion-O's head.] Lion-O: Oh, my God... [The Mutants jump Lion-O.] Lion-O: BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH! [Lion-O shakes them off and throws the signal. Panthro, Wilykit, and Wilykat show up.] Slythe: Ssssshit! Retreat! [The Mutants disappear.] Lion-O: Where the hell are Tygra and Cheetara? Panthro: Not off getting their freak on, that's for sure. [Scene is the cliffs which Tygra and Cheetara are investigating.] Tygra: Oh, come on, you came out here with me. Cheetara: You're gay, what do I have to worry about? Tygra: I did that ONE time in COLLEGE! Cheetara: Let's not forget about that masseur. Tygra: Um... What about him? Cheetara: It moved. Tygra: Who're YOU to talk? What about that time with the All-Thundera women's soccer team at the abandoned wharf? Cheetara: THAT was an experiment. Tygra: And? Cheetara: Fanboys would KILL to get a glimpse of that. Your experience was just gay. [We here at ThunderCats Abridged would like to point out that we are not against homosexuality or homosexual relationships in any way, shape, or form. Having said that, we must concede that Tygra is totally gay.] =============================================================== [Scene is Lion-O nearing a tar pit.] Tygra [Offscreen]: I'm not gay! Lion-O: What the heck was that? Where's Snarf? I'm hungry. OH! Bubbly black stuff! [Lion-O sticks his finger in the tar.] Lion-O: OW! HOTHOTHOT! [Mumm-Ra appears over head.] Mumm-Ra: Undead No Jutsu! Lion-O: What? Mumm-Ra: Gimme your sword! Lion-O: Ew, no! Mumm-Ra: Gah... Uh... I didn't mean it like that! Lion-O: Let's fight! Mumm-Ra: Oh, f*ck it, why not. [Mumm-Ra sees his reflection in the Claw Shield.] Mumm-Ra: GODDAMNIT! Ten thousand years and no Oil of Olay! [Mumm-Ra flies off.] Lion-O: A random encounter? Yay, good thing I played a lot of Final Fantasy! ========================================================= [Scene is Mumm-Ra's Tomb Chamber as he lands and changes back.] Slythe: SSSSO, where issss it. Monkian: I know a great speech thereapist. Jackalman: Looks like someone FAILED! [Mumm-Ra pauses before his sarcophagus.] Slythe: SSSSome great mage YOU are? What'ssss wrong, forget to ssssummon a god card? Mumm-Ra: Don't f*ck with me... Slythe: Let'ssss go. Thissss issss a wassste... Jackalman: You sound like escaping steam. Mumm-Ra: Don't ignore me! Slythe: Or what? [Camera is on Mumm-Ra's face as he gets the eyes and mouth of a Shoop-Da-Whoop.] Mumm-Ra: BLAAAAAH! [Mumm-Ra retreats into his sarcophagus.] Mumm-Ra: Internet memes. Their power will one day rule all. [End TCats Abridged, Ep. 2] .
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