Parshat Tzav Sedra Scene

Written by: Elyssa Ronik, Arvot Rel/Ed Correspondent

G-d/Narrator

Priest 1

Priest 2

Priest 3

G-d: Shalom Torah Region USY, and welcome to your Spring Regional Convention:

Comm(and) play with Parshat Tzav!

Priest 1, 2, and 3: YAAAAAAY!!!!

Aaron: (whispers) Wait this is a lame theme… I don’t get it

Moses: (whispers) AARON for crying out loud, 1) it’s a play on words – come and… command… Tzav means command… duh. And 2) we made it up!

G-d: (interrupts Moses and Aaron): I’m your Bibilcal Youth Director, Hashem, and here are your co-chairs for the weekend and your journey to Israel: Moses and

Aaron! What a brotastical bro board, if I do say so myself.

Priest 1, 2, and 3: GO BROS!

Moses: Hey guys! We’re really excited to spend the best Shabbat EVER with the best

USY Region EVER. You guys are gonna make such stellar kings! This IS a leadership training weekend after all – we’re gonna build the future Priests of the people of

Israel! But first, we need to go over some rules. Ready? Priest 1, 2, and 3: Yeah!

Priest 1: This BETTER be funny…

Aaron: No girls on boys floors, and no boys on girls floors. Also, no kohanim on the levite’s floor, and vice-versa.

Moses: If you brought any drugs or alcohol, throw it away NOW. Not cool yo. But what you should NOT put out is the fire burning upon the alter! It can never ever ever ever ever go out.

Priest 2: Got it!

Aaron: Make sure you turn off all of your cell phones, iPods, and other electronics this weekend. Eliezer… I’m talking to you!!!!

Priest 3: WHY SINGLE ME OUT!? Just because I needed to check the score of the

Laker game that one time… I get it now, okay!?

Aaron: Also, on the day that you’re initiated into the service of the sanctuary, you must bring a meal offering.

Priest 1: I call kosher chicken! Soooo yummy

Moses and Aaron: YEAAAH GET PUMPED FOR THE BEST WEEKEND OF YOUR

LIVES!

Moses: Now we’ll be moving onto Sichot, where we’ll discuss the different types of offerings. rearrange into a circle as if in a sicha

(act as if in mid-conversation already)

Priest 3: Ya know, I think that the sin offerings are a little underrated. I mean come on, as much as we’d all like to admit it, a lot of people have done wrong in this world. Priest 2: Like the time you cheated on your bible test!?

Priest 3: THAT WAS ONE TIME!

Priest 1: Don’t forget about the guilt offering!

Priest 3: Are you just trying to make me feel worse!? I needed to get my grade up!

#DaySchoolProblems

Moses: Okay everyone, let’s go to mixers! rearrange in the circle

Aaron: I like people, but I ESPECIALLY like people who are gonna be rockin’ priests! everyone moves around, Priest 2 doesn’t move fast enough so is stuck in the middle

Priest 2: I like people, but I ESPECIALLY like people who think that HaNegev is the best USY region in the whole world! everyone freaks out and moves around, Priest 1 is stuck in the middle

Priest 1: I like people, but I ESPECIALLY like people who think Twilight is better than Harry Potter… everyone scoffs and doesn’t move …well this is awkward.

Aaron: Okay, time for Shabbat services! WEEEE everyone move into a straight line

Priest 3: Baruch Atah Adonai….

Priest 2: (whispers to Priest 1) dude, can we take a bathroom break? I’m BORED.

Priest 1: Oh come on, it’s almost over.

Narrator: 4 hours later…

Priest 3: Thanks guys! Have a good night!

Narrator: Next night, at the dance… everyone going cray at the dance

Moses: Skrillex makes the coolest music since Debbie Friedman! Ugh, love her.

Aaron: I KNOW, I’M GOIN HARD ON THE DANCE FLOOR TONIGHT!

Moses: Why are you screaming?

Aaron: I’m just so excited about next week! 7 STRAIGHT DAYS OF KOHANIM LOVIN!

YOU’RE INITIATING EVERYONE INTO PRIESTHOOD!

Moses: OH I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE THE MUSIC IS SO LOUD

Aaron: THAT TOO

Priest 1, 2, and 3: STOP SCREAMING!!!!

Priest 2: I’m trying to rage here…

Moses and Aaron: SORRY! I mean sorry…

Narrator: Next morning…

Moses: It’s been a great convention! We raised over $613 for T.O…

Priest 1: Cha-ching!

Aaron: Made new friends

Priest 2: I LOVE ALL OF YOU

Moses: Learned new ruach songs

Priest 3: Rosa, rosa!!!

Aaron: And found out the rules of our lives as kohanim!

Priest 1, 2, and 3: Burn, baby, burn!

Priest 2: Fire infernooooo

Moses: See you all next week, for a week straight, when you all become initiated into Priesthood! YAYAYAYAYA IC - INITIATION CONVENTION!