1984 TW postmortem (pretest) Score range: 2-7; avg = 3/4
Plus: STUFF WE ROCKED! Delta: STUFF WE CAN IMPROVE FOR NEXT TIME!
Understanding that one of Winston’s moral conflicts is his Avoid brining in other works of literature. Stay focused on relationship with Big Brother, whom he connects with his the task at hand. well-being as a sort of father figure. Misused words: “aurora” for “aura”; “effect” for “affect”; Some nice word choice: “harrowing,” “repels,” “fabrication “coop” for “cope”; “alterior” for “ulterior.” of history,” “eroded,” “indoctrinating,” “sterile”—ooh! Some sentences that don’t make sense: “Orwell’s intent Nice parallel structure in the intro: “A world where for that society’s purpose will be formerly unknown” - ? freedom has no realm, warfare is the norm and poverty knows no bounds”…artful and sets the mood well. Another Characters don’t “have” moral and ethical implications; example: “the fabrication of history, the destruction of the there are moral and ethical implications for situations in individual, and the removal of passion”…good job! the book.
Good specific discussions of education and technology in Know the difference between morals and ethics! 1984 & their consequences, as well as the intended Fragments: “Whereas society is thinking in a totally effect(s) on the audience. different spectrum” and “In which the present, does not.” Universal point in the conclusion—the “so what?” Don’t resort to praising the author! takeaway—is good. 1984 gets italics, not quotes. Not a deal breaker, but nice Winston not wanting to watch an execution has moral to know! implications…okay, good, let’s develop that! Vague discussion of conflict: Winston goes along with I doublepluslove that some of you developed a plan and society, then he doesn’t—try to focus on specific incidents. annotated the prompt before you began. #winning Try for 2-3 pieces of evidence per paragraph rather than 1. Implied discussion of morals/ethics…not overtly stated, Go for a CLAIM – EVIDENCE – ANALYSIS structure. We’ll but there’s a rough understanding there. chat about this soon! Some fuller intros than I’ve seen in past classes. Nice! Lead with commentary in your topic sentences, not Understanding that Winston’s relationship with Julia has statements of fact. moral and ethical implications regarding individualism and Informal diction: “screw others over”
You can’t ignore the morals/ethics part! Please address both parts of the prompt. 1984 TW postmortem (pretest) Score range: 2-7; avg = 3/4
Still delta…. The follow-up letter…
Don’t oversimplify the conflict (“Winston does not like the Deep breaths! These were tough prompts, and this is a way in which he was living life”)—you need to analyze it, pretest situation, so don’t panic if you’re not exactly or break it down. bringing your A-game yet. You’ll get there. Yes, the delta list is twice as long as the plus list. Yes, you don’t want to Be more specific: we know that Orwell wants people to tell your parents, “But C’s get degrees, Mom!” We’ve got see the consequences of a totalitarian government, but some work to do, and here’s how we do it. there are only so many ways you can say that before you sound redundant. Think about what he is doing with specific characters/incidents, etc. STEP 1: Go through the rubric and highlight benchmarks Avoid 1st person: “me,” “I,” “my”; also, avoid 2nd person: that you think specifically apply to your own writing. “you,” “your.” STEP 2: Look carefully at the plus/delta list. Now highlight No need for “in conclusion” at the end—we know you’re parts of your paper that pertain to my comments. Click on concluding. anything that is hyperlinked for help.
3-page summary of the book…that’s problematic! STEP 3: Consider revising your thesis and one body paragraph based on the rubric and my commentary. This Don’t editorialize: “It is very unfair that people can’t do may take some individual conferencing, and I’m ready to what they want to do”—yes, but that doesn’t have help you. You’ll eventually do this as an assignment, but anything to do with the prompt. you’re welcome to begin thinking about it now.
Diction and syntax would make sense with a micro timed STEP 4: Pay attention in class, and ask tons of questions. write (in which you are given a passage); they are very We’re going to do some writing workshops and really difficult to analyze well without direct quotes…same thing focus on specific skill sets that will help you up your scores with imagery. Hard to talk about without the evidence. and feel more confident in writing.
Avoid beginning sentences with “it,” as your antecedent will frequently be unclear. Bottom line: You’re awesome. You belong in this class. The Some commentary that doesn’t make sense when taken as timed write is just a snapshot of your skill level coming into a response to the prompt: “I feel as if he replaced his this class, that’s all—it is one essay, and it does not define mother, sister and then Julia with gin as a way to coop [sic] you. There’s nowhere to go but up, so stay positive! with things…” – doesn’t answer either prompt.
Avoid word-for-word repeat of thesis at the end. -G “Man vs. society” is a conflict, not a theme; also, don’t confuse motif and theme.
Keep the focus on Orwell’s technique, and less on the reader. You can’t always reliably predict the reader: “many privaledged [sic] readers may not be able to relate at all and believe that this is impossible” – well, yes, that could be, but you’ve got much more evidence to discuss Orwell’s techniques here than to speculate on the readers.
Some misused punctuation: “One; is that sexual relations amongst others is prohibited” and “As society was taught; ‘Big Brother is our hero, he is good!”
1984 is not told in first person. 1984 TW postmortem (pretest) Score range: 2-7; avg = 3/4