The Top Ten Ways to Cope with FASD

1. Keep a journal. Record significant events as they happen and make notes on strategies you might try in the future. This simple paper trail should include the highs as well as the lows on this roller-coaster journey. Don’t edit yourself or worry about spelling or grammar – just let the thoughts flow. This is your private document: use it to express anything that’s on your mind. It may provide useful back-up later when you deal with professionals or the legal system. Believe it or not, this journal may provide a few chuckles in the future. Keep it in a place where your loved one with FASD can’t find it.

2. Share the crazy moments with your partner or a trusted friend. Releasing your frustration will keep you mentally healthy and keep you from bogging down in self-pity.

3. Always look for and express the positive side to even the worst moments that you go through with your cherished one. There is usually an upside to every bleak event, even if it isn’t obvious at the time (a black sense of humour really helps here).

4. Learn to recognize that your unconditional love may never be returned – because your loved one may be incapable of that depth of feeling.

5. Remember that, whatever happens, it’s not your fault. Ignore professionals, family members and “friends” who blame your parenting skills. Concentrate on maintaining a loving relationship with your loved one, providing support and boundaries that will keep both of you, and others, as safe as possible – while recognizing that you have very little control over the end result.

6. Let everyone know that your special person is struggling with a disorder that is not his or her fault. No one blames the deaf or blind for being unable to see or hear. Why should we blame the one who struggles with FASD or the ones who know him or her best?

7. Tell the FASD story to anyone who will listen. It’s the invisible disability that only a few of us understand. Wear a FAS Knot routinely. Carry FASD brochures at all times and hand them out to anyone who can read. Support FASDay events in your community.

8. Offer respite and support to others if, and when you feel strong enough to do so.

9. Lobby your representatives at every level of government. When they understand the huge size and cost of FASD, they will be more likely to put in place funding and policies to prevent FASD and support those with FASD and their families.

10. Start feeling good about yourself because you are doing something that is far more important than any scientist, professional or business leader has ever done – you are the hands-on practitioner, the caregiver, the frontline researcher. You are far more powerful than you realize, especially when we all work together.

You are the one who will ultimately change the world. For all my FASDfriends… from Brian Philcox [email protected]