Becoming a Safe Person

BECOMING A SAFE PERSON 

1. GOAL

We will learn how to become a person whom others feel safe sharing their burdens and hurt with.

2. INTRODUCTION

In your Christian walk, have you ever noticed that many times, for some reason, people did not feel comfortable talking to you about their struggles, even though you know the Bible and can give advice and a plan of action? People are looking for a mature Christian who offers a heart of acceptance and compassion instead of simplistic solutions. Unfortunately, many believers seem to have an almost uncontrollable need to bandage others up with quick Biblical answers. All of us have been helped by seminars, conferences, and timely suggestions or tips. Many times, however, counsel, exhortation, or an answer is not what people are looking for when they share their questions and pain with us.

3. QUESTION

Can you discuss what kind of person you feel safe around when you are hurt or discouraged?

4. CONTENT

A. Having a caring attitude Isaiah 42:3 A bruised reed He will not break, And smoking flax He will not quench; He will bring forth justice for truth. Whether our affect on others is refreshing or discouraging depends not so much on our techniques as the attitude from which our words arise. God gently cares for us. He does not break us by loading us down with still more things to do. He does not get frustrated with us and snuff us out because our lamps are not burning brightly enough.

Copyright © 2002 by New Hope International Church, Seattle Becoming A Safe Person CG Corr Instead, God embraces us in our weakness and nurtures our growth. God protects our bruised reed and fans the flame of our smoldering wick. How can we avoid breaking wounded people and snuffing out the flickering faith of the weary? We should have a caring attitude toward them.

B. Numbering ourselves among those who need God’s grace and forgiveness Romans 3:23-24 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, We cannot be a safe haven for people until we are aware of the depth and pervasiveness of our own sin. We must realize that the roots of our sin reach far below our outward behavior into the hidden world of our hearts. People who are seen as safe number themselves among those needing God’s abounding grace. As we become more aware of our own sins and our need for God’s grace, we are no longer surprised or threatened by others’ sin. Nor do we condemn them. People can tell us about struggles with pornography, a past abortion, or even doubts about God without seeing a look of disgust, disbelief or disapproval on our faces. We don’t panic or take it personally when someone we are discipling is failing. When we become aware of our own sin, we will become more compassionate towards others. We will also appreciate God’s grace. It will lead us to a more humble, compassionate regard for the struggles of others.

C. Being convinced of God’s Grace 1 Timothy 1:16 However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. To become a "safe" person, we must be convinced of God’s grace. We must believe that He loves us unconditionally. This is easier said than done, because we rarely have earthly models of this kind of love. God has unlimited patience with us. The world is always pressuring us to prove our competence and worth, so it is almost impossible for us to mentally and emotionally separate our behavior from God’s acceptance. It is hard to believe that He doesn’t frown or turn away from us no matter what. He is not asking us to prove our worthiness. Jesus has already purchased for us the righteousness we could never achieve on our own. The devil desperately wants us to believe in the quasi grace that depends somewhat on our own efforts. As a result, we often feel insecure about the unconditional strength of

2 God’s love. We feel ashamed for not measuring up. When we fail, we respond by promising God that we will clean up our act. Instead of focusing on the gift of God’s grace through Christ’s sacrifice, we become preoccupied with trying to live a better Christian life. While there is certainly nothing wrong with desiring to live a virtuous life, we must remember that grace is the very heart of the gospel. It is the gift Jesus died to give to us. Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. The word “now” addresses our present state - regardless of what we have said or done. This is the bottom line of becoming a "safe" person: the belief that it is OK to be in the process of becoming more like Christ. We know that we are accepted and being transformed by God. Jesus has qualified us to stand eternally unashamed in His presence, which frees us to embrace others with the love of Christ. Matthew 10:8 “…Freely you have received, freely give.” We can only give to others what we ourselves have received. If we don’t feel safe in the presence of God despite our shortcomings and blemishes, we cannot offer that kind of safety to others.

D. Jesus came to save the lost Matthew 9:10-13 Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples. 11And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to His disciples, "Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" 12When Jesus heard that, He said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. 13"But go and learn what this means: `I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance." 1 Corinthians 6:11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. We cannot change people. God’s Spirit is the One who brings about the process of change from the inside out. It is something we cannot do for others, no matter how accurate or practical our counsel and teaching may seem. God alone is the agent of change in the lives of others. This understanding removes the pressure we sometimes feel to affect changes in someone’s life. We will be willing to listen to others, pray for them, celebrate their success and never turn away when they make mistakes. We will not

3 look at others as a spiritual project. We will accept them in the same way God has accepted them. We will love people and leave it up to God to change them. Our struggles are not unique. We are not alone and we are not very different from others. God came to save the broken, wounded and weak people. We stand on equal ground with each other as wounded children of God who are being healed day by day through His power and the love of His people. As you grasp this truth, you will become a "safe" person.

5. DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

A. What attitudes do you have that make you become a person whom people feel secure to be around? B. Do you think giving Biblical principles alone, without showing a caring heart, will help the hurt and the wounded to be open and healed?

6. MEMORIZE VERSE

1 Corinthians 6:11 And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.