Entries from the Blog of Scott Seseske, Providence College

WRITING THE COLLEGE ESSAY Lynne Kelsey, Westlake High School English Department

A few things to remember:  If you are applying to a CSU school, an essay is not required. (However, your senior English teacher will probably make it an important class assignment.)  If you are applying to a UC school, you should have your personal essay completed before you begin the online application so that you can paste the next into the appropriate area. You should write at least three drafts and have it proofread by someone who is skilled in spelling and grammar!  There are dozens of books written about writing the college essay. If you’re the kind of person who can methodically work through writing exercises, look for one of the workbook-style books such as How to Write a Winning College Application Essay or Conquering the College Admissions Essay in 10 Steps: Crafting a Winning Personal Statement. Other books focus on analyzing successful essays; for example, College Essays that Made a Difference or Fiske Real College Essays that Work. These books may provide inspiration, but the reader might be tempted to simply imitate an existing essay rather than producing an original piece—a dangerous idea.  There’s one thing you simply cannot escape: writing an effective college essay is hard work! It is not something that can be accomplished in a single sitting. Get your ideas down on paper, then let them “cook” in your brain for a few days before you return to the piece. Remember that revision is more than just fixing the spelling or putting in a comma—it literally means, “to see again.” Try to look at your writing with fresh eyes each time; put yourself in the place of someone who has never met you and imagine what they might be thinking as they read your essay.

UC Personal Statement Prompts: students have a maximum of 1,000 total words to answer both prompts. It is suggested that the shorter response be no fewer than 250 words.

Prompt #1 (freshman applicants) Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Prompt #2 (all applicants) Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Common Application Personal Essay The Common Application is used by over 400 colleges and universities, including Pepperdine, Chapman, Caltech, CLU, Westmont, and Loyola Marymount in California. The application states, “This personal essay helps us become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.” Students may choose one of the following topics; the minimum length is 250 words, and while no maximum is given, students would be wise to limit essays to around 500 words.

1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. 2. Discuss some issue of personal, local, national or international concern and its importance to you. 3. Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. 4. Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence. 5. A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated their importance of diversity to you. 6. Topic of Choice 2

Entries from the blog of Scott Seseske, Assistant Dean of Admission, Providence College Scott Seseske received a B.A. in English from Providence College (Class of 2004) and was a member of the Liberal Arts Honors Program.

August 13, 2008 Writing the College Essay

Ahhh the college application essay... nothing brings about writer's block quite like this, right? This week, we're going to spend some time talking about the essay, and hopefully make it a little less intimidating...

While the essay is many students' least favorite part of the application, it is actually the favorite part for many admission counselors (not less intimidating yet? Hang on...). Why is that? Well, the essay is the one piece of the application that you have complete control over at the moment you're writing it, and you have the opportunity to let your personality shine through. As an admission counselor, I really want to get to know YOU - to move beyond the "numbers" part of your application and get a sense of what's important to you, and what you are passionate about.

So, let's begin with the college essay topic - what should you write about? First of all, PC is a member of the Common Application group, and you have six different essay questions to choose from (and the last one is "topic of your choice" - so you can write about whatever you so choose). Unfortunately, I am not going to give you a specific answer here... and that's because there isn't one. There is no specific subject or topic we're looking for as admission counselors... we have no preference as to which common app. question you answer or if you choose your own topic... simply put, there is no "magic formula" to writing the perfect college admission essay. The best essays that we read each year are personal - in other words, when we have finished reading the 500-word, two page double- spaced essay, we know something more about the student and maybe even have a sense of that student's personality.

In choosing a topic, think about the people, places, and things that are important to YOU. You should not try to pick a topic that you think a college admission counselor would like to read about (I don't know what that topic would be - and I AM an admission counselor!). Instead, choose something you feel comfortable writing about and you feel will show us who you are as a person. As I mentioned above, the essay helps admission counselors to move beyond the "numbers" of your application (such as your GPA, class rank, and SAT/ACT scores) and gives us the opportunity to get to know the "real you" (clichéd, I know... but also true!).

 Write the essay about YOU! No matter which essay question you choose from the Common Application, it is important that your essay shows the admission staff who you are, and that when we put your essay down, we have a better sense of what is important to you, what you are passionate about, and hopefully even a sense of your personality. Each year, we receive essays from students about a certain topic that are well-written, but that don't tell us anything about the student. Here's an example: a student uses essay prompt #3, and writes his essay about his grandfather, and all of the wonderful things his grandfather did during his life. But when we reach the end of the essay, the student hasn't brought the essay back around to how his grandfather influenced him. This essay has shown us a great picture of Grandpa Charlie, but Grandpa's not applying to Providence College. Here's the actual essay question: "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence." No matter which essay topic you decide upon, don't forget the part of the question about your topic's impact or influence on you - that's what admission counselors want to read about!

 Spelling and grammar count! In our office, we refer to the application essay as "the first college assignment." That's important to keep in mind when you are writing it - make sure that you are spelling words correctly, capitalizing letters at the beginning of sentences, and using proper punctuation. As a liberal arts college, your writing ability is an important consideration in the application review process for us. Even if you're not an English major, you will be writing essays as part of our core curriculum and specifically the Development of Western Civilization program, and it's important that we see strong writing in your college essay.

 Remember, your college essay is a formal piece of writing! In other words, you are not writing an e-mail, an instant message, or posting on your friend's Facebook wall. The application essay should be written like you would write an essay for your high school English class - to put it simply, it should have an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. 3

 Don't mention other colleges or universities! This one's self-explanatory, and seemingly an easy mistake not to make - but it happens all the time. A student wants to personalize each essay to the seven different schools he or she is applying to... and forgets to change the school in each of the essays. Oops.

 Have your essay proofread! Your computer spell-checker isn't going to catch everything. Have a teacher, a counselor, your parents, or your friends read your essay over to catch any little mistakes you may have in there. And read it over yourself, too! Don't send the essay without reading it from beginning to end yourself!

 Start the essay early! If you haven't already started at least a rough draft of your essay, please take some time to do that before you head back to school this fall. It's a lot easier to write without the added pressure of an approaching application deadline.

April 12, 2007 Juniors: Things to avoid in your application next year

After reviewing 9,800 applications for admission to the Class of 2011, the admission staff has seen it all: the good, the bad, and the ugly. In this posting, I will focus on the bad and the ugly—some of the common mistakes (and at times, just plain laziness) that we observed in this year’s applications. Though I’ll be writing in a very lighthearted way, and many of these mistakes may make you laugh, they are not so humorous if they appear in your application. So, juniors, pay attention… and make sure none of the following appear in your application for admission next year!

Some of our favorite misspellings/incorrect word choices:

1. Guidance Councilor—Actually, we have found that there are many incorrect ways to spell counselor… but this is the most popular version. It appears so often that we start to wonder if high schools are spelling it this way above their guidance offices! Correct Spelling: Guidance Counselor 2. Honor Role—It’s tough to go more than two applications without finding this one. Correct Spelling: Honor Roll 3. Threw life—The first two we see quite often, but thankfully, this mistake is not nearly as common. Still, in my own geographic territory alone, I saw this on at least three occasions… which is at least three times too many… Correct Spelling: Through life 4. Edjucation—Yes, I really did have a student spell it this way. Really. Correct Spelling: Education. 5. Buisness—Business seems to be a relatively easy word to spell, but from the number of times we see the “i" and “s" reversed, I guess that it’s not! Correct Spelling: Business 6. Pschology—or sometimes “pyschology" or even “pschyology." Correct Spelling: Psychology 7. Captian—In fact, we see many three-sport “captians" who spell it this way each time they write it. Correct Spelling: Captain

A couple of other mistakes we see too often:

 A student spelling their own street incorrectly. Yep. Happens more than you’d expect. The student spells it one way on the application, and a different way on the additional forms they send in. And then we find it spelled a THIRD way on the transcript. Great. (Better than spelling your own name wrong, though… which has also been known to occur…)

 The infamous “search and replace" specific interest college essay… Where the student finishes the essay with the following line: “That is why I can’t wait to attend (school that is NOT Providence College) in the fall." Search and replace is great… but only if you remember to do the replacing! Unfortunately, this is also becoming more and more common in teacher recommendations, where the teacher firmly believes the student will be a perfect fit at (enter name of school that is NOT Providence College here). Oops.

And finally, some other things we chuckle at… Or that juniors should avoid on their applications next year:

 Inappropriate e-mail addresses, such as: [email protected]. Or [email protected] (and these are tame pretend examples compared with some we see!) It is so easy to open a free e-mail account through hotmail or yahoo, so why not create a college-specific address that you’ll be sure to check often with 4

your first name and last name (i.e. [email protected]). It makes you look a great deal more mature. But, I will admit, we do get a lot of laughs at the e-mail addresses we see each year.

 When a student tries to impress us with their knowledge of PC by saying something like, “I truly want to attend PC because of your fine Franciscan tradition" or “As I currently attend a Jesuit high school, I know the value of such an education and want to continue my Jesuit education at PC next year." Valiant attempts, but PC is run by the Dominican Order.

 Please, please, please, if you use the pronoun “I" in your application (which you will!), make sure to capitalize it. Remember, this is your college essay you’re writing, not an e-mail... or a blog...

 And finally, please don’t use Instant Messenger shorthand anywhere in your application! (Thx! TTYL!)

Ten Stupid Ways to Ruin Your College Application

By Jay Mathews Washington Post Staff Writer Tuesday, October 16, 2007; 9:36 AM

With just two weeks before the deadline for early action and early decision applications to many colleges, I offer these examples of wrong-headedness in the admissions process. Many were sent to me by Joseph M. Connolly, a guidance counselor at New Oxford High School in New Oxford, Pa. , who has seen much on the job and in postings from counselors and admissions officers to the National Association for College Admission Counseling Web site. Members of my washingtonpost.com discussion group "Admissions 101" also contributed.

Remember, these are things you should NOT do.

1. Rack up as many extra points as you can for "expressed interest" in your favorite colleges. This particular obsession was new to me. Connolly has encountered applicants who have inundated admissions offices with voicemails, e-mails and snail mail because they have heard that colleges want concrete indications of interest and don't think you can overdo it. Believe me, you can. "There is a fine line between showing adequate interest in the school and stalking," Connolly said. "Unsolicited cakes, pies, cookies, sneakers (the old 'one foot in the door' trick), a life-sized statue of you holding an acceptance letter, or a painstakingly detailed scale model of the campus clock tower will not make up for a lackluster academic record." When colleges look for "expressed interest," that means they hope that you will show up when their college reps visit your school, that you will visit their campuses and sign the visitor logs in their admissions offices and that you will get your application in on time with no loose ends. If you have a legitimate question, they are happy to receive your e-mail or telephone call. Doing more than that just makes you look desperate, and a little scary.

2. Don't worry about your postings on social networking sites -- college admissions officers understand your need for individual expression and will probably never look at them. I know, I know. What you put on Facebook or Myspace is your private business. College officials appear to share that view. They say they do not make a habit of looking up their applicants. But there are enough exceptions to make me think care should be taken when posting photos from your last rollicking beach party. Not everybody loves you. Those who don't could send anonymous notes to your first-choice school suggesting it inspect a certain Web site. There are no rules that say they can't.

3. When sending messages to admissions officers, the wilder the e-mail address the better. Here we are again with one of those First Amendment issues, but Connolly thinks -- and I agree -- that imsupersexy@[ fill in the blank].com is not a good choice. He says if you have not updated your personal address since the fifth grade, this might be a good time to do so.

4. College interviewers like jokes and exaggerations, so let fire. Dan4, a parent posting on Admissions 101, said his son blew his interview for the University of Pennsylvania by letting his sense of humor go too far. He told the interviewer, a woman, that if he got into Penn, he hoped to dump his dirty clothes on his aunt in Philadelphia since one of his personal goals was "to never have to do his own laundry." I think this is a funny 5

line. But the interviewer didn't. Dan4's son didn't realize how much this had hurt him until a cousin the same age, with the same last name, met with another Penn interviewer who asked pointedly if they were related and if he did his own laundry. The interviewer wasn't smiling.

5. Load up your application with as many activities as you can think of and don't mention anything that makes you look bad. Connolly said one student put on his application "I spend time lifting weights to improve my abs." This is dumb. Colleges want to see two activities to which you have applied much energy and passion. They don't want to see a lot of little stuff. The flip side of this stupid move, suppressing embarrassing or disturbing information, is trickier. One Admissions 101 participant who works at a selective college said one applicant had his acceptance letter revoked when the college confirmed an anonymous tip that a teacher had caught him plagiarizing an assignment during his junior year of high school. The poster said it was not the original offense that did in the applicant, but the fact that he had not disclosed it in his application. An Admissions 101 participant who tutors college-bound high-schoolers pointed out, however, that if the unfortunate applicant had disclosed the plagiarism, he most likely would not have been accepted anyway. I think if an applicant has done something bad enough to threaten his chances, and anyone else knows about it, it is best to disclose it, explain it and, if necessary, apologize for it. If the black mark is indelible, all is not lost. There are many state universities just as good as Yale or Princeton that don't have the time to consider much of anything on your application but your grades and test scores.

6. Use your application essay to expand upon how great your grades, scores and activities are. One college official on Admissions 101 said a common bonehead play is to waste the application essay by telling admissions officers things "we more or less already know or could figure out just from reading other parts of the application." This is not only boring, but it leaves the impression that your grades, scores and extracurricular activities are all that is interesting about you. College officials will never say this out loud, but one purpose of the college essay is to weed out insufferable people whom no one would want as a roommate. One good strategy is to write about some lovable quirk that reveals a facet of your character and lets you use some self- deprecating humor, essential to any successful college application essay. I know one applicant who wrote about her ability to identify a song on the car radio after hearing just a couple of notes. It was trivial, but charming, and she got in.

7. Nobody knows you when you are touring a college, so if you want to wear a T-shirt from a rival university or make a cellphone call, go right ahead. This is another problem with which I was unfamiliar. I am not entirely convinced that it is an issue, but Connolly and other experts insist it can hurt you. They think tour guides in some cases have the names of the people in their tours and will report unseemly behavior. A college tour guide told Admissions 101 that his supervisors encouraged him to tell them about tour participants who did GOOD things, such as ask insightful questions. So, I suppose, bad news can also get back to the people who are deciding your fate.

8. Let your parents do whatever they need to do to help you get admitted. This is an oldie but goodie. Helicopter parents, always hovering, have become a part of modern American folklore. They exist, of course. Students who let mom and dad get too involved are likely to suffer. My favorite story comes from an admissions dean at Princeton who, when he inspected the little box on an application that certifies everything the applicant has written is the truth, found that the student's mother had signed it.

9. Colleges are attuned to all the latest fads, so when e-mailing them, it is fine to use text- message abbreviations. Connolly said: "OMG, this is annoying for us non-texters and IDK why students do this to us adults when we are not their BFF."

10. Don't proofread your application carefully and don't bother to check to see if the envelope in which you placed the application or letter of recommendation for College A might actually have the address of College B. Connolly said I would be surprised how often application materials are sent to the wrong school. The best proof of genuine interest in a college is to send it all the material it requested in good order and on time. That is not so hard to do. We all have our moments of stupidity, which is why copy editing and proofreading are such honorable and indispensable activities. 6

http://thechoice.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/07/essay-as-memoir/ Posted 9/7/2010: As a college admissions counselor, I read many of these personal essays. They are by turn funny, touching and sometimes awkward. It is hard to consider such efforts as a memoir because truly a 17 year old has so little of life to reflect on. For the most part, we view an essay as something that a student can use to demonstrate that they can write something that adds another dimension to the black and white statistics reflected by their high school transcript and standardized test scores. Although it is important to spell all the words right, and for goodness sake get the name of the institution correct, the rest should not be a source of angst for these students. Write something that sounds like you and it will stand up for itself.

http://www.college-connections.blogspot.com/ September 7, 2010 6:22 pm Writing the college essay can be difficult because it is so unlike any other writing assignment that a high school student has ever done. They are told to be witty, descriptive, and engaging, but at the same time they are trying to sell themselves and their personality to a committee of strangers. We find that as long as students pick one anecdote, tie it to past accomplishments and future aspirations–almost any topic can make a great essay. Still, it is hard to convince many students not to re-write their resume with paragraphs or write all about their role model in life without ever divulging much about themselves. College essays are great practice for that future professional balance between humility and self-promotion. It is really wonderful when we see a student embrace a well-chosen topic. — Sarah – www.mycollegecoaches.com

A Few Interesting Prompts

1. Once you have completed your education, would you 7. Using a piece of wire, a car window sticker, an egg return to your hometown to begin your adult life? Why carton, and any inexpensive hardware store item, or why not? (William and Mary) create something that would solve a problem. Tell us about your creation, but don't worry: we won't 2. The late William Burroughs once wrote that "language require proof that it works. (Johns Hopkins) is a virus from outer space." We at the University of Chicago think he¹s right, of course, and this leaves us 8. Describe your most important academic wondering what else came here with it. Could this accomplishment or intellectual experience to date. finally explain such improbable features of modern life We don't want to know about test scores or course as the Federal Tax Code, non-dairy creamer, Dennis grades, rather we want to know about your Rodman, and the art of mime? Name something that creativity, your willingness to take intellectual risks you assert cannot have originated any other way. Offer or your affinity for scholarly endeavors. (MIT) a thorough defense of your hypothesis for 9. If we could only admit one more student to this extraterrestrial origins, including alternate explanations University, why should it be you? (University of and reasons for eliminating them from consideration. Pittsburgh) (University of Chicago) 10. What single adjective do you think would be most 3. You have just completed your 300-page frequently used to describe you by those who know autobiography. Please submit page 217. (University of you best? Briefly explain. (Stanford) Pennsylvania) 11. It has been said [by Andy Warhol] that in the future 4. Tell us about the most embarrassing moment of your everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes. life. (Santa Clara University) Describe your fifteen minutes. (NYU) 5. Sartre said "Hell is other people," while Streisand 12. If you could hold a conversation with someone sang, "People who need people are the luckiest people (living or deceased) you consider significant, who in the world." With whom do you agree? (Amherst) would you talk to and what would you talk about? 6. Are you honorable? How do you know? (University of Describe your conversation. (University of Oregon) Virginia) 7