Prov 16:21 the Wise in Heart Will Be Called Discerning, and Sweetness of Speech Increases

This afternoon, I want to talk about the tongue, our speech, the words we use. I'm going to assume everyone here talks or communicates somehow. So this is a relevant topic for each of us….

Let's check out what James has to say…

James 3:3 Now if we put the bits into the horses' mouths so that they may obey us, we direct their entire body as well. 4 Behold, the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder, wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. 5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. Behold, how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!

This is powerful imagery. Picture the powerful horse, weighing 8 times as much as a man, controlled by a tiny bit (act out). Picture the rudder of a boat, small, yet it steers a giant ship. And picture the tiny flame spreading into a raging fire that engulfs and entire forest.

Point: The tongue is powerful - what we say, how we use our words - it has a tremendous impact. For good, or for evil. e.g. How many of you have ridden a motorcycle? A fast one? Let me tell you, when you sit on a fast bike - it's an awesome feeling… one flick of your wrist - zoom - you're flying. It's thrilling. You know you're alive - a great experience. On the other hand, if something goes wrong the consequences are terrible. My friend, who has worked in the ER at a local hospital, has described motorcyclists who have come in after a bad accident. It's ugly. Usually they have blood all over their face and pouring out their mouth. Often leg bones are sticking out. They're in excruciating pain. When you get on a motorcycle, there's potential for a great time, or a horrific outcome. So it is with the tongue. "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." - Prov. 18:21

Since we possess a tool so powerful, it would be wise to consider what the Bible says about how to use it. We'll consult Proverbs for most of our material… you can think of it as kind of an owner's manual for the tongue. There's lots of material in there about how to use our tongues in a constructive way.

Instruction Number 1: Handle with Care

As with any powerful tool, the tongue should be used with care.

Prov 21:23 He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles. Prov 10:19 When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise.

How many of you have said something to someone (or sent an email to someone) only later to wish you had never said it/ sent it? Oh how I wish I could have some of those back! Often times we speak first, and think later, and with very bad results.

e.g. My friend asked a woman when she was due to have her baby. She wasn't pregnant.

The Bible suggests that we weigh out what we're going to say BEFORE we say it.

Prov 29:20 Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. Marriages have ended, friendships have been irreparably damaged by words that should never have been uttered. There are people here who are estranged from friends or family members over this very issue.

For some of us… our tendency is to speak our mind. If we think it, we say it!!!!

But Solomon says, "The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; The one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin." - Proverbs 13:3

Ask a few simple questions before you speak something that is potentially damaging: > Am I sharing this thought with the person because they will benefit from it, or am I just lashing out to hurt them. This would eliminate a lot of things right there. > Is this just my opinion, or is this something God teaches in his word? > Is this the right TIME and SETTING to speak this thought to the other person? > Am I in the right emotional frame of mind to share this in a way that will be constructive and beneficial?

Filter - being reflective before you speak - the Bible says we could all use a filter.

Instruction Number 2: Don't lie

Lying is a deliberate decision to use our words to deceive. e.g. When you're on the phone with someone who never stops talking, and you're looking for a way to end the conversation… lying is acting like you really need to get off the phone to get out the door. e.g. Lying is giving the impression you know a lot about something when you really don't. e.g. Lying is leaving out part of the story… like telling your parents about the classes you passed, but omitting the ones you had to drop because you were blowing off your homework and skipping class.

We use our tongue to lie a lot - some big lies, some little ones, but we do it. And it's a practice the Bible condemns. Of all the things that Proverbs says about the tongue, this is what it repeats the most: DON'T LIE. Check out these verses…

Prov 12:22 Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, But those who deal faithfully are His delight. Prov 4:24 Put away from you a deceitful mouth, And put devious lips far from you.

If you've ever been victimized by a lie, you know why God is so opposed to dishonest speech. e.g. Being told "I love you" by a boyfriend/girlfriend, and then seeing them pursue someone else. e.g. Being promised "I'll help you" by a friend, and then being let down. e.g. Being gossiped about, misrepresented, and falsely accused. Lies are so destructive because they are a betrayal of trust. Lies leave the deceived person feeling hurt, abandoned, and alone.

The problem is, lying his a hard habit to break because in the short term, it seems to help....

Prov 12:19 Truthful lips will be established forever, But a lying tongue is only for a moment.

We think, if I lie now, it will get me an advantage…And for the moment, this is often true.

> A lie can save us from humiliation e.g. Lying to Joe Groom > A lie can boost our status in the eyes of our friends e.g. Neil > A lie can us get what we want e.g. Guy telling his girlfriend he loves her in order to get sex.

Lying is for the moment and for a moment, it seems to help. But long term it has a corrosive effect on our lives.

> It's hard to keep track of your lies and who you've told what. After a while, you're likely to get caught and lose the trust of others. Lying with our tongue will catch up to us in our relationships. > Lies make you feel slimy. e.g. Joe Groom.

Bible says that lies may seem good in the short term, but in the long haul, our lives will be established (be on more secure footing) if we tell the truth. Prov 12:19 Truthful lips will be established forever, But a lying tongue is only for a moment.

Let's talk for example, about truth telling in relationships. Example: You're getting ready to go on a date to a party, and you have food in your teeth. You do your make up, put on a great dress, turn to your roommate and say, "how do I look?" What do you want them to do? Ignore the food, and say you look fine? Or tell you that you have food in your teeth? I'll take the latter. I'd rather hear the truth!

Which type of friend is better? One who tells the truth or one who tells you what you want to hear? Prov 28:23 He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor Than he who flatters with the tongue. Prov 27:5 Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Prov 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Being willing to tell the truth (like rebuking someone) in the short term doesn't seem worth it - it's awkward, it's scary, and it's easier to look the other way. In the long term, though, it's better for the friendship. It deepens trust, and our friends feel cared about.

Instruction Number 3: Don't boast

Boasting is using your tongue to draw attention to yourself - trying to look good. e.g. Kids: I can bench press 180 lbs. Oh yeah, I can bench 250!! e.g. Adults: We don't go around saying "look at me" or "I'm great" or "I'm the Mac" etc. We boast in more subtle ways... > Through the car we drive and the clothes we wear. > Or by playing down the effort it took for a great achievement e.g. Good grades in school. We say "Yeah - I barely studied." > Failing to mention or to get excited about the contribution and achievements of others.

Boasting reflects a deeper, internal desire to draw attention to self. Are you a boaster? Ask yourself these questions e.g. Are you willing to work hard in public, when people are watching, and being lazy in private. "Looking busy" e.g. Do you inwardly groan when one of your peers is praised? (Thoms)

The Bible has some harsh words about boasting with your tongue… Prov 30:32 If you have been foolish in exalting yourself or if you have plotted evil, put your hand on your mouth. > When we're tempted to put in a good word for ourselves, the Bible says "just cover your mouth!" > Sometimes we catch ourselves boasting in midsentence... and when we do, we just need to stop!

Prov 27:2 Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; A stranger, and not your own lips. It's not that God doesn't want us to receive praise. He'll praise us himself (1 Cor. 4:5) when we're with him one day. And there will be times when people praise us. e.g. There's a scene in A Beautiful mind where John Nash, a well respected mathematicians, enters the faculty lounge for to have a cup of tea. There he is told he will receive the Nobel prize for his work in Mathematics. Then, unprovoked, his fellow professors approach his table and put their fountain pens down in front of him as a sign of respect. It's their way of saying good job. That’s the way it should be, and when this kind of praise comes our way, we should rejoice in it. But we don't use our tongue to boast and provoke people to praise us. Proverbs recommends that instead of using our tongue to boost ourselves, we find ways to use it to promote others.

Prov 31:8 Open your mouth for the dumb, For the rights of all the unfortunate. e.g. Speaking up when someone is being slandered instead of going along with it. Prov 31:9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, And defend the rights of the afflicted and needy. e.g. Pointing out when someone is being treated unjustly vs only speaking up when your rights are compromised.

Finish by contemplating the potential you have to use your tongue for good. Used the proper way, our tongue can have a deep, positive impact on someone else.

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. - Proverbs 16:24 …the tongue of the wise brings healing. - Proverbs 12:18 A soothing tongue is a tree of life. - Proverbs 15:4 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life… Proverbs 10:11

We can use words to give life, to heal, instead of to destroy. How many of us have experienced this? A time when someone spoke a thoughtful, timely word of encouragement for example that lifted you up. e,g, Larry Crabb prayed a stuttering, heretical prayer at a men's prayer breakfast. An elder came over (Larry thought he would get rebuked) and said "whatever you do, I'm behind you 100%."

So the Bible urges us to use our words to heal and give life.

Heb 10:24,25 and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near. encouragement - communicating God's truth in ways that encourage Christians to go on following God's will for your life. e.g. Encouraging fans at my High School cross country races.

The American church is so hung up on not cussing, that they've forgotten what we're supposed to use our tongue for. e.g. I know a devout Christian mom who never said "shit," but her constant negativity and belittling of her son had a damaging effect. Her non-encouraging barrage of negative comments was far more destructive than cussing

A well chosen word of encouragement is a powerful tool. Take time before you get here to think through the lives of individuals here. And think of specific was to use your tongue to encourage them. > a reminder of their position in Christ > gratitude for their service e.g. helping you move > noticing the unique ways they contribute

Great to have an expanding ministry, using your tongue, your words to build others up..

So the Bible has a lot to say about the tongue. Just to summarize...

1. Handle tongue with care 2. Don't lie with it 3. Don't boast 4. Use your tongue, your words to give others life.