The Stage Is Completely Dark and Silent. Suddenly the Sound of Someone Winding an Alarm

The stage is completely dark and silent. Suddenly the sound of someone MILO winding an alarm clock is heard, and Beyond what? after that, the sound of loud ticking is heard. A VOICE “This package contains the following CLOCK items:” See that! Half a minute gone by. Seems like a long time when you’re waiting (Milo pulls the items out of the box and for something to happen, doesn’t it? sets them up as they are mentioned) Funny thing is, time can pass very slowly or very fast, and sometimes “One genuine turnpike tollbooth to even both at once. Time is important, be erected according to directions. but it’s what you do with it that makes Three precautionary signs to be used it so. So my advice to you is to use it. in a precautionary fashion. Assorted Keep your eyes open and your ears coins for paying tolls. One map strictly perked. Otherwise it will pass you up to date, showing how to get from before you know it, and you’ll here to there. One book of rules and certainly have missed something! traffic regulations, which may not be Things have a habit of doing that, you bent or broken. Warning! Results are know. Being here one minute and not guaranteed. If not perfectly gone the next. satisfied, your wasted time will be refunded. Meet Milo. Who never knows that to do with himself – not just sometimes, MILO but always. When he’s in school, he Well…what else do I have to do. (pulls wants to be out, and when he’s out, he out map) I never heard of any of these wants to be in. Another long, boring places. Well, it doesn’t matter anyway. afternoon. Unless he bothers to notice Dictionopolis. That’s a weird name. a very large package that happened to arrive today. CLOCK See what I mean? You never know MILO how things are going to get started. (Suddenly notices the package. He But when you’re bored, what you need drags himself over to it, and more than anything is a rude disinterestedly reads the label.) “For awakening. Milo, who has plenty of time.” Well, that’s true. (Sighs and looks at it) No. A VOICE (Walks away) Well…(Comes back. Rips THE ROAD TO DICTIONOPOLIS open envelope and reads.) MILO A VOICE (reading) Welcome to expectations. “One genuine turnpike tollbooth, Information, predictions and advice easily assembled at home for use by cheerkfully offered. Park here and those who have never traveled in lands beyond.” blow horn. (Milo blows horn, other person makes the noise) MILO What are the Doldrums? WHETHER MAN My, my, my, my, my, welcome, LETHARGARIAN welcome, welcome, welcome to the The Doldrums, my friend, are where Land of Expectations! We don’t get nothing ever happens. I’m a many travelers these days; we lethargarian, at your service. certainly don’t get many travelers. Now what can I do for you? I’m the MILO Whether Man. Do you think it will Very pleased to meet you. I think I’m rain? lost. Can you help me?

MILO LETHARGARIAN I thought you were the weather man. Don’t say think. It’s against the law.

WHETHER MAN MILO Oh, no, I’m the Whether Man, not the Tell me, does everyone here do weather man. “WH” After all, its more nothing? important to know whether there will be weather than what the weather LETHARGARIAN will be. Everyone but the terrible watchdog.

MILO MILO What kind of place is Expectations? The watchdog?

WHETHER MAN LETHARGARIAN Good question, good question! THE WATCHDOG! RUN! Here he Expectations is the place you must comes! always do to before you get to where you are going. Of course, some people WATCHDOG never go beyond Expectations. What are you doing here? Whether or not you find your own way, you’re bound to find some way. If MILO you happen to find my way, please Nothing much. Just killing time. return it. I lost is years ago. (exits) WATCHDOG (loud clap of thunder) KILLING TIME?! It’s bad enough wasting time without killing it! I’m MILO Tock, by the way. Oh dear! I’d better get out of Expectations, but fast. Oh, no, now MILO what? I’m getting nowhere! I was on my way to Dictionopolis when I got stuck here. What kind of LETHARGARIAN place is it anyway? You’re…in…the…Doldrums. (Yawning) VOICE 1 We offer you the hospitality of our kingdom… TOCK It used to be a marvelous place, but VOICE 2 ever since Rhyme and Reason left, it Country hasn’t bee the same. VOICE 3 MILO Nation Rhyme and Reason? MILO TOCK Don’t all of those words mean the The two princesses. They used to same thing? settle all the arguments between their two brothers who rule over the Land VOICE 1 of Wisdom, Azaz and the Of course. Mathemagician. VOICE 2 MILO Certainly Well, I guess I will have to try and restore peace in the Land of Wisdom. VOICE 3 To the King! Precisely.

(knocks on door) MILO Why don’t you use just one? Wouldn’t VOICE 1 that make a lot more sense? Excuse Did someone call for the king? me! Your Highness, my name is Milo. Thank you very much for seeing me. I VOICE 2 think your palace is beautiful. Did you mention the monarch? AZAZ VOICE 3 SILENCE! Now tell me, young lad, Speak of the soverign? what can you do to entertain us? Sing songs? Tell stories? Juggle plates? MILO Who are you? The King’s Advisors? MILO I can’t do any of those things. VOICE 1 The Duke of Definition. AZAZ What an ordinary child. Can’t you do VOICE 2 anything at all? The Minister of Meaning. MILO VOICE 3 Well…I can count to a thousand! The Earl of Essence. Most of the time I take the shortest distance between any two points. And of course, when I have to be in several AZAZ places at one…I simply multiply. ARGH! Never mention numbers here! My brother, who I loathe, is the MILO Mathemagician! Time for speeches. How do you do that? You first. MATHEMAGICIAN MILO There’s nothing to is, if you have the (Hesitates) Your Majesty, ladies and magic staff. gentleman, I would like to take this opportunity to say that… MILO That’s nothing but a big pencil. AZAZ That’s quite enough. Musn’t talk all MATHEMAGICIAN day. That’s true, but once you learn to use it, there’s no end to what you can do. MILO Maybe you should let Rhyme and MILO Reason return. Can you make things disappear?

AZAZ MATHEMAGICIAN Ah. How nice that would be. But I’m Watch this. 4=9-2*16+1=3*6-67+8*2- afraid it can’t be done. You would have 3+26-1-34+3-7+2-5= to persuade the Mathemagician to release the Princesses, which we MILO know to be impossible because the It all comes to zero. Mathemagician will never agree with me about anything. He refuses to MATHEMAGICIAN understand that words are the most Precisely. Now what can I help you important. But to try, you will have to with? go to Digitopolis! MILO MILO I’m here to help restore Rhyme and To Digitopolis! Reason to the Land of Wisdom.

MATHEMAGICIAN MATHEMAGICIAN Welcome to Digitopolis! The land of No! Azaz is too unreasonable! Why numbers! just last month, I send him a very friendly letter which he never MILO answered. It took me a long time to get here! MILO MATHEMAGICIAN (reads letter) 4738, 667 349107 5841 62589 85371 (wakes up) Boy, I must have been gone 5864, 62179875073 for an awful long time. I wonder what Maybe he doesn’t understand it time it is. 5:00! I’ve only been gone an because it’s all numbers. hour!

MATHEMAGICIAN CLOCK Nonsense! Everybody understands An hour. Sixty minutes. How long it number. really lasts depends on what you do with it. For some people, an hour MILO seems to last forever. For others, just a Everyone is so sensitive about what he moment, and so full of things to do. knows best. There’s just so much to learn. (sits down feeling defeated) BOTH Tick tock tick tock. CLOCK Tick tock tick tock. Milo…..just remember, many things are possible just as long as you don’t know they’re impossible.

MILO I feel like I keep making mistakes!

CLOCK You must never feel badly about making mistakes. As long as you take the time to learn from them.

MILO But there’s so much to learn!

CLOCK That’s true, but it’s not just learning that’s important. It’s learning why you learn things that matters.

MILO (Yawning)

AZAZ Words…words….words….

MATHEMAGICIAN Numbers…numbers….numbers….