There Are a Plethora of Ways to Fix an Unbecoming Head of Hair: Shampoo It, Straighten

Hair Today, Gone

Tomorrow

QuickTim e™ and a TIFF (Uncom pressed) decom pressor are needed to see this picture. AP English, Mrs. Krajeck

There are a plethora of ways to fix an unbecoming head of hair: shampoo it, straighten it, condition it, curl it, gel it, crimp it…. the list goes on. Because there are a variety of ways to fix that unruly hair, there are also a variety of things to buy: shampoo, a straightener, some conditioner, a curling iron, some gel…. again, the list goes on. As workers of the hair care industry know and love, Americans invest countless amounts of money and time perfecting their precious tresses. As not just a high school student- but a female high school student- I experience the mania and obsession associated with hair on a daily basis. One of the first things to be heard upon entering the consecrated halls of learning at the high school is something along the lines of the following:

“Oh my gosh, my hair looks absolutely hideous! I can’t believe I walked out of the house like this! How is your hair always perfect and mine always looks like a stupid bee nest?”

I have actually witnessed girls crying, void of reason other than an abysmal and shameful “bad hair day.” The pressure put on Americans to maintain a lustrous head of hair causes hundreds upon thousands of dollars to be spent every day on a diverse range of products, from mousse to barrettes and everything in between. If America were currently a paradise of riches with fountains of gold, perhaps I would not have a problem with good money being wasted… excuse me, spent… on achieving luscious locks.

However, as the value of the American dollar falls faster than limp hair on a humid day, maybe the time has come to ask: aren’t there more important things to spend our limited resources on? In this period of economic struggle, the answer is clearly yes. First and foremost, Americans need to cease and desist the purchase of vanity items. Because the general public is evidently too superfluous to regulate its own spending, it is time for government to step in and seize authority over non-essential expenditures; taking control in an efficient, rapid manner will limit opposition as well as reduce spending. The most rational way to halt the spending of trivial, unnecessary hair care products is obvious- all American heads must be shaved bald.

The economic and even social benefits of this plan are evident and essential for the wellbeing of the American economy. Caught up in the desperate desire for dreamy hair, most Americans, women in particular, do not realize the truly abundant amount of money that is allocated in their quest for beauty. According to a study done by the

TRESemme hair company, women spend an average of 50,000 dollars in their lifetime coloring, cutting, perming, dying, and generally manipulating their hair; a large percentage of women spend even more to purchase the higher quality, specialized hair products (The Cost of Gorgeous Hair). This significant amount of spending will not decrease in the near future. New hair care products are introduced to the market in increasingly personalized and, consequently, more expensive styles to offer consumers a wide variety of ways to perfect their hairdo; recent estimates value the hair care industry to be worth $7 billion, an estimate that will likely increase in the near future. (Hair Care).

It is absolutely vital for action to be taken against the futile spending on hair care and expenditures to be put toward a worthy cause. What better way to solve this conundrum than to eliminate the source of the problem- hair?

The procedure for this mass removal of hair would be very simple. All living

Americans shall be given a period of one month to arrange the shaving of their heads, and hair grown beyond one fourth of an inch in subsequent months will also be mandatory to eliminate; all infants, or at least those born with hair, shall also be required to be shaved upon birth. A major problem, though not one difficultly remedied, is the loss of jobs among those currently working in the hair care industry. The workers in such industries, such as marketers of hair products and stylists, will be given the option to pursue a more meaningful career of their choice or be trained in a new type of therapy available to those unfortunate Americans having self-esteem issues due to the recent loss of their beloved hair. There will also be a strong market for beauticians specializing in using a straight edge, in order to ensure the safe and effective elimination of all American hair. All in all, the process will be rather effortless, and within years our nation will not even remember the days when hair harmed the country’s pocketbook.

The most prominent benefit of this proposal is obviously the vast amount of money available for more significant pursuits. Such money could be donated to the health industry, scientific research, or advanced education. The money spent by one person alone on hair products is equivalent to the cost of a four-year college education

(The Cost of Gorgeous Hair). There are endless possibilities for the larger budget, and it may just be one step that will lead to a turnaround in America’s economy. However, the benefits of shaving are not merely monetary- there are social benefits as well. The stress created by desperation for perfect hair will instantly disappear, replaced by a uniformity and unity among Americans that does not currently exist. There will be no more “bad hair days,” no more feelings of self-consciousness, and no more cruel discriminations against those unfortunate enough to be born lacking beautiful locks. America will be on its way to a society with a bigger savings account and a sense of harmony. There are those who may argue that this act, though certainly a step in the right direction, will not be enough- that Americans will still be irresponsible in their spending and superfluous in their wants. Should our country decide to take action, yet conclude that simply shaving is not enough to effectively change Americans’ attitudes, there is another solution. In addition to hair, all cosmetics could be eradicated as they, too, are excessive wants and a completely useless, extravagant waste of money. Like hair products, cosmetics contribute to a large portion of the national budget; eight billion dollars are spent annually on this line of beautification (Matters of Scale). However, with an eager attitude and willingness to focus on intelligent spending, more drastic action will hardly be necessary. The simple sacrifice of hair will be plenty enough to change our nation’s attitude toward unnecessary expenditures, and our country will once again thrive. Those who wish to dismiss my proposal as ineffective or worthless may do so freely. Personally, it really does not matter to me either way; as a high school student, I continue to experience the joy of money appearing at my request, and have never spent a dime on hair care. I simply have a strong sense of moral responsibility for those struggling during this economic crisis who lack the ability to prioritize and spend wisely. Therefore, I give the best piece I can offer- be willing to sacrifice vanity for the ability to spend wisely. Be among the first of Americans to embrace the new creed- hair today… gone tomorrow.

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Works Cited

"The Cost of Gorgeous Hair." 16 Feb 2008 13 Mar 2009

"Hair Care Industry Growth in America." Yahoo Answers 23 Apr 2004 12 Mar 2009

"Matters of Scale." World Watch Magazine 12. 1(1999) 13 Mar 2009