LISTENING Foundation of Intentional Communication

LISTENING – Foundation of Intentional Communication

Verbal Listening Techniques

 Parroting – Repeating back exactly what the speaker has said, especially if it’s directions, phone numbers and addresses  Paraphrasing – Putting into your own words what the other person has said.  Interpreting – Guessing the underlying feeling tone of what the person has said if emotion not directly expressed. Run the risk of misinterpreting.  Validating – Acknowledge hearing and listening using statements like "I hear what you are saying," “That must have been a real struggle,” “Ah, that makes sense,” etc.  Create context – Strive to understand the environment so you can understand the circumstances. Ask questions about feelings/emotions, “Why was that important?” Ask to repeat what was said for clarification.

Non–Verbal Listening Techniques  Attentiveness – ‘turn off the TV’, remove yourself from distractions  Genuineness – be in the moment  Eye Contact – Frequent but not staring  Posture & Gestures – Neither too relaxed nor too tense, nodding head,  Personal Space – Stay in your own space, be aware of boundaries & comforting

Red Flags for poor listening:

1) Evaluation/Judgment: We are so busy planning our attack, or criticizing the other's message that we often do not really hear what is being said. 2) Jumping to Conclusions: We jump to conclusions, filling in our own details before the other has had a chance to explain himself. 3) "We're all the same": We assume that other people think as we do. 4) Attitude, the Closed Mind: “Whatever.” We ‘tune out’ people with whom we don't agree. 5) Lack of Attention: We let our minds wander giving in to other external noises and distractions. 6) Wishful Hearing: We tend to hear just what we want to hear, or expect to hear. 7) Excessive Talking: We INTERRUPT OR DOMINATE the conversation so that the other doesn't get a chance to adequately express his/her ideas. 8) Unclear Words: We fail to find out what the other means by the particular words he/she chooses. 9) Lack of Humility: We feel that we must express our superiority by speaking or contradicting the other. We must get the ‘last word.’ 10)Fear: We avoid listening with understanding because we are afraid that the other may challenge some long–held belief. We are threatened by a new idea or need for us to change.