Introducing 1 2 3 Magic! Training Your Child to Do What You Want

Introducing 1 – 2 – 3 Magic! Training Your Child to Do What You Want

The Wee Pals staff has been learning a new behavior program called “ 1-2-3 Magic” and it really has been beneficial. We hope to offer a training for interested parents in the Spring. Here is a snapshot of how it works:

In his book 1-2-3 Magic, Training Your Child to Do What You Want, Thomas Phelan adds a twist to time-out that works in many families. According to Phelan, you must first rid yourself of an erroneous idea about children known as the "little adult assumption." Kids are not little adults; they are kids. Explanations, persuasions, and logical reasoning usually have little or no effect on children. They simply do not respond to reasons and explanations like adults do.

Second, you must determine if you have a stop-behavior problem, such as arguing, tantrums, and teasing, or if you have a start-behavior problem, such as going to or rising from bed, eating, and doing homework or chores. The 1-2-3 counting system is used to deal with stop-behavior problems like whining, arguing, temper tantrums and the like. It is not used to get children to clean their room, rake the leaves, or finish their homework.

Third, remember that children often feel small and inferior because they are smaller and more inferior than adults. Therefore, if they can arouse an emotion in parents, such as anger, excitement, or some other feeling, they have "scored" with an adult. They often enjoy the temporary power the emotions and attention that "scoring" bring.

Phelan points out that parents who exclaim, "It drives me absolutely crazy when he eats his dinner with his fingers. Why does he do that?", have often answered their own question. The child may do it at least partly because it drives them crazy. Phelan writes, "So a corollary of this is: If you have a child who is doing something you don't like, get real upset about it on a regular basis and, sure enough, he'll repeat it for you."

Any discipline system, including Phelan's counting method, can be ruined if parents talk too much or get too excited. Therefore, parents must also follow Phelan's No-Talking, No-Emotion rules.

You don't participate in arguments. You merely count to three, then start time-out. When you continue to talk, argue, or show emotions, your child does not realize that continued testing and manipulation is useless. Until he realizes that it is useless, he will continue to try something that has worked at times in the past. You count, just that. You don't interject emotional tirades such as "Look at me when I'm talking to you" or "Just wait until you see what we are going to do about this temper tantrum."

Try this! Instead of your usual routine, try giving one explanation, if necessary, then start to count. Don't give further reasons, start to argue, get frustrated or mad. Just start to count. If the behavior has not stopped by the count of three, the child gets the appropriate time-out period: about one-minute for each year of his life. For younger children even 30 seconds to a minute is all they need for a time out.

After the child takes the short time out, you won’t believe what happens next. Nothing! No talking, no emotion, no apology, no lectures, no discussing, nothing is said unless it is absolutely necessary and normally that is not the case. Tempting as a little lecture might be, you simply remain quiet. If the child does something countable, count it. If not, praise him and enjoy his company.

Simple as that!

Focus on Health at Wee Pals Reminder: There are some children who have peanut allergies at Wee pals. When bringing store bought treats, please check to see that they are peanut free. We can only serve store bought items from parents due to licensing. New Menu’s coming: Wee Pals would like parents input on planning our menu’s each month. If you have healthy options or ideas you would like to add to our menu, please let Marilee know about your ideas. We are in the process of updating our menu’s to focus on more fruits, vegetables, less fat and less breaded items on our menu. Here is a nutrition article for parents taken from the MyPlate food guide. The good news is that you don't need a degree in nutrition to raise healthy kids. Following some basic guidelines can help you encourage your kids to eat right and maintain a healthy weight. Here are 10 key rules to live by: 1. Parents control the supply lines. You decide which foods to buy and when to serve them. Though kids will pester their parents for less nutritious foods, adults should be in charge when deciding which foods are regularly stocked in the house. Kids won't go hungry. They'll eat what's available in the cupboard and fridge at home. If their favorite snack isn't all that nutritious, you can still buy it once in a while so they don't feel deprived.

2. From the foods you offer, kids get to choose what they will eat or whether to eat at all. Kids need to have some say in the matter. Schedule regular meal and snack times. From the selections you offer, let them choose what to eat and how much of it they want. This may seem like a little too much freedom. But if you follow step 1, your kids will be choosing only from the foods you buy and serve. 3. Quit the "clean-plate club." Let kids stop eating when they feel they've had enough. Lots of parents grew up under the clean-plate rule, but that approach doesn't help kids listen to their own bodies when they feel full. When kids notice and respond to feelings of fullness, they're less likely to overeat. 4. Start them young. Food preferences are developed early in life, so offer variety. Likes and dislikes begin forming even when kids are babies. You may need to serve a new food on several different occasions for a child to accept it. Don't force a child to eat, but offer a few bites. With older kids, ask them to try one bite. 5. Rewrite the kids' menu. Who says kids only want to eat hot dogs, pizza, burgers, and macaroni and cheese? When eating out, let your kids try new foods and they might surprise you with their willingness to experiment. You can start by letting them try a little of whatever you ordered or ordering an appetizer for them to try.

6. Drink calories count. Soda and other sweetened drinks add extra calories and get in the way of good nutrition. Water and milk are the best drinks for kids. Juice is fine when it's 100%, but kids don't need much of it — 4 to 6 ounces a day is enough for preschoolers.

7. Put sweets in their place. Occasional sweets are fine, but don't turn dessert into the main reason for eating dinner. When dessert is the prize for eating dinner, kids naturally place more value on the cupcake than the broccoli. Try to stay neutral about foods.

8. Food is not love. Find better ways to say "I love you." When foods are used to reward kids and show affection, they may start using food to cope with stress or other emotions. Offer hugs, praise, and attention instead of food treats.

9. Kids do as you do. Be a role model and eat healthy yourself. When trying to teach good eating habits, try to set the best example possible. Choose nutritious snacks, eat at the table, and don't skip meals.

10. Limit TV and computer time. When you do, you'll avoid mindless snacking and encourage activity. Research has shown that kids who cut down on TV-watching also reduced their percentage of body fat. When TV and computer time are limited, they'll find more active things to do. And limiting "screen time" means you'll have more time to be active together.

Reviewed by: Mary L. Gavin, MD