Embodied Mindfulness- Images of a Black Horse

Embodied Mindfulness- Images of a Black Horse By Mary Ann Evans, Ph.D.

My earliest memories as a child, which were encoded deep in my DNA, involved images and impressions of horses; the sights, smells and sounds associated with these magnificent creatures. Family stories relate that my first word was even “horse’. At about the age of four our family moved to my grandparents’ farm in Southern Illinois, a paradise for a young child free from the confines of the concrete city. Here I began my journey of remembering my essential self through my connection with the animals sharing our rural life. Although I helped nurse the three legged piglet, “Blackie” back to health and became the surrogate mother to the orphaned lamb “Bambie”, it was the mystical creatures grazing the distant fields that captured my imagination. You see, my grandfather, despite his gruff persona, had a tender heart and couldn’t stand the thought of these majestic creatures being sold at auction to ultimately become food for the family dog. So he would frequent the local sales yards and bid on the doomed horses that suited his fancy, often paying with money that should have been used to run the farm. These salvaged creatures were then guaranteed a lifetime of freedom from human demands and cruelty. My young impressionable mind often took flight with images of these magical steeds carrying me away to places beyond the confines of my everyday life. In my mind’s eye I rode the heavens in the night sky along the Milky Way and past the light of the moon. Often I became one with this little rescued herd munching the tall grass, or soaking up the warm sunshine in the field. Sometimes it seemed that I was more equine than human. I certainly spent more time with these horses than any human friends. As we moved back to the city I carried this inner sense of equine being; often taking on the behavior characteristics of my spirit guides, whinnying, riding my bike which was really my horse, and cantering and trotting instead of running as a child. A bout of polio sent me to bed for nearly a years, during which time I was isolated with only my books and imagination as companions. The primal image of equus continued to infuse my spirit, giving me comfort and a connection to the natural world which was shut away from me in reality. I spent house fashioning these mystical creatures out of clay, letting my imagination take me aware to where they grazed in beautiful meadows of tall grass and flowers, or ran across windswept plains, or feeling the harmony of flying on their backs. I was able to find freedom in my imagination despite my lack of physical mobility. Many years later my imaginal horses became a reality. At age 30 my dream of finding harmony with equus in the flesh took the form of a beautiful soft eyed partner named Teakwood. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a deep spiritual quest that continues to unfold in my life over 35 years later, taking me back to my Celtic soul and the myth of the Black Horse. My Celtic ancestors communed with nature, particularly horses, in the belief that kinship with animals deepens our awareness and brings us into contact with our Divine origins. Interaction with horses allows us to let go of our defenses and beliefs that stand in our way of returning to our Source. They allow us to get a glimpse beyond the veil that obscures our sense of unity and beauty. It has become increasingly clear to me that these Divine messengers know intuitively how and when to introduce us humans to unexpected insights and knowledge. By virtue of their nature as prey animals and intimidating size they can both challenge us and soothe our fears, make us confront our beliefs, breaking down our ego defenses and restore us to wholeness. Working intimately with horses allows us to return to the primal nonverbal state of awareness that we have so often repressed in favor of the chatter of words in our minds. We can glimpse nature and the whole of life from a different perspective as we force our talkative left hemispheres into silence. Horses live in the present moment and are congruent in their awareness and behavior. They can’t lie, deceive or cheat us; becoming mirrors of our inconsistencies, reacting to what’s in our heart, not our heads. In this silence we connect with our own right brain intuitive nature and can experience the unity of life around us. It is in this silence in the present that our soul is touched and we come face to face with our own incongruity and ego driven motives. This awareness is the first step toward our own transformation. Both my imaginal and embodied journey with my equine guides have helped me gain inner harmony, allowing me to drop the illusion and fantasy constructed by my ego in order to see the larger picture and acquire the inner wisdom of knowing that all is well even in the midst of chaos and tragedy. My soul has been nourished by the Divine when my equine teachers help me slow down and savor my experience with authenticity and full awareness. The original images of the black horse from my childhood dreams (and nightmares) have fueled my innate fears of annihilation and darkness. The world of duality in my primitive mind was represented by opposing shades of white and black horses. Perhaps it is no coincidence that my very life was threatened by the feminine force of the black horse. Both my physical and psychic selves were endangered by two dramatic accidents on different black mares, bringing the forces of these images into embodied states. My most basic fears of survival and pain were activated and although my broken body has healed, my mind continued to be fueled by thoughts of pain and uncertainty. I continue to ask myself, “Is there a light hidden in these moments of darkness I’m trying to avoid?” The words of Carl Jung remind me, “Enlightenment isn’t about imagining forces of light; but in making the darkness conscious.” Wow! The images of these two black horses serve to help me find those hidden fears and areas of disconnect and in-authenticity. Only when I can learn patience and develop the tolerance of distress will I learn the lessons offered by the images of the Black Horse- “It is upon disaster that good fortune rests” Lao Tzu. I also am learning to embody the message of Joseph Campbell, “The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe.” Horses will continue to lead me back to the heart of creation and to my authentic self. www.mindfulhorsetherapy.com