Patterson, Grenny, Mcmillan and Switzler P 214-216

Coaching for Crucial Conversations Here is a tool to help you organize yourself and prepare for a crucial conversation. The first column in the table lists the seven dialogue principles in the book. The second column summarizes the skills associated with each principle. The final column is the best place to start coaching yourself or others. This column includes a list of questions that will help you apply specific skills to your conversations.

Principle Skill Crucial Question 1: Start with the Heart Focus on what you really want. What am I acting like I really want? (Chapter 3) What do I really want?  For me?  For others?  For the relationship? How would I behave if I really did want this? Refuse the Sucker’s Choice. What do I not want? How should I go about getting what I really want and avoiding what I don’t want? 2: Learn to Look Look for when the conversation Am I going to silence or violence? (Chapter 4) becomes crucial. Are others? Look for safety problems. Look for your own Style Under Stress.

3: Make it Safe Apologize when appropriate. Why is safety at risk? (Chapter 5) Contrast to fix misunderstanding.  Have I established Mutual Purpose? CRIB to get Mutual Purpose  Am I maintaining Mutual Respect?  Commit to seek mutual purpose What will I do to rebuild safety? Recognize purpose behind the  Apologize strategy  Contrast to repair misunderstandings Invent a mutual purpose  Use CRIB Brainstorm new strategies

4: Master My Stories Retrace my Path to Action. (Chapter 6) Separate fact from story. Watch for Three Clever Stories.  Victim- “It’s not my fault”  Villain- “It’s all your fault”  Helpless- “Nothing else I can do”

Tell the rest of the story. What am I pretending not to know about my role in the problem? Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this? What should I do right now to move toward what I really want? 5: STATE My Path Share your facts. Am I really open to others’ views? (Chapter 7) Tell your story. Am I talking about the real issue? Ask for others’ paths. Am I confidently expressing my own views? Talk tentatively. Encourage testing.

6: Explore Others’ Ask Am I actively exploring others’ views? Paths Mirror (Chapter 8) Paraphrase Prime

Agree Am I avoiding unnecessary disagreement? Build Compare

7: Move to Action Decide how you’ll decide. How will we make decisions? (Chapter 9) Document decisions and follow up. Who will do what by when? How will we follow up? Adapted from Crucial Conversations. Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High. 2nd Edition 2012. Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler p 214-216

Prepared by Ann Brown MD MHS October 2015