When Someone Sins Against You

Sept 10, 2017 23 Sunday Year A

Do you know what causes great rejoicing in heaven? The bible says, “When one sinner repents and turns back to the Lord.” What further makes our Father in heaven happy is when His children help each other to repent. We are on this journey together and our readings remind us that we are to encourage and challenge one another to holiness. We are our brother’s keeper. We are our sister’s keeper!

In most aspects of life, warning people about danger comes natural. If I was in a burning building, I would instinctually pull the fire alarm to warn people: get out of the building it’s on fire! Parents naturally warn their children against dangers: don’t play with matches, don’t ride your bike in the middle the road. In my own life, I’ve been grateful for the warnings people have given me. Just the other day I was driving east of 143rd. It was a nice day so I had my windows rolled down and I wasn’t paying attention to how fast I was going. All of the sudden, this car pulls up next to me and I hear this guy yell, “Slow down! It’s only 35 miles per hour.” It scared me half to death! I looked over and it was a parishioner laughing. Well, about 5 seconds later we came upon a cop on a side road with his radar gun. That parishioner saved me probably a hundred-dollar speeding ticket!

We warn each other about physical dangers, but what about spiritual dangers? We live in a culture in which tolerance reigns supreme. I’m OK, you’re OK. Who am I to tell you that’s a sin? As a Christian, we still believe it is a spiritual work of mercy to “admonish the sinner.” We were discussing how hard this is at the men’s group this week and talked about the pre- conditions for fraternal correction.

Fraternal correction should never be done out of an air of superiority or in a condescending way. Before we call a brother or sister to repentance, we must first humbly recognize our own sinfulness. I read a homily by Pope Francis on this gospel and he said the “same awareness that enables me to recognize the fault of another . . . reminds me that I have likewise made mistakes and I am often wrong.” We are all sinners! We are in the same boat.

Pope Francis points out that in the penitential rite of Mass we say, “I confess to Almighty God and to you my brothers and sisters that I have sinned!” We don’t say, “Lord have mercy on this man beside me, or this woman,” who is a sinner! “No!” We say, “Have mercy on me.”

Fraternal correction is not done out of judgment but out of a genuine sense of love and concern for the eternal well-being of the other.

Notice, too the gospel says, “When your brother sins against you . . .” Fraternal correction presumes that a relationship exists. We are brothers or sisters in the Lord. It’s not going to be effective to go up to a complete stranger and say, “You shouldn’t be doing that!” The person I’m confronting has to know that I love him or her and care about him or her. Another word Pope Francis has been using: accompaniment. We have to be patient with others and be willing to accompany them. We don’t just go up to someone and say, “Wow, you have a big problem, good luck with that.” We must be willing to accompany them. I care about you. You know what I’m weak too, but let’s help each other. Let’s hold each other accountable. I’m willing to walk with you. I’m here for you!

This gospel provides some of the most practical advice for how to confront someone that does wrong us. Jesus says, “Go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” Let’s first note what Jesus doesn’t say.

Jesus doesn’t say, “When someone sins against you, go tell everyone what a jerk that person is!” Post it all over Facebook! This is a good question: When we are wronged do we go around and gossip about that person? Do we commit detraction? Pope Francis, commenting on this gospel reminds us, “Words too can kill!” We can kill another person’s reputation by gossiping.

Jesus also doesn’t say, “When someone sins against you, brood on it for weeks or months or years!” Several years ago when I was pastor in Topeka, I led an evening of Eucharistic Adoration and after the service this lady came up to me and said, “Father, I had a wonderful experience during Adoration tonight, I was finally able to forgive you.” I said, “Oh, well thank you.” And then I started thinking, I wonder what I did? She then proceeded to say, “Do you remember what you said to me 5 years ago?” I had no idea, but she proceeded to tell me how insensitive I was. I told her I was sorry but I thought wow – she carried this for 5 years. I can find myself falling into this same trap: replaying the scene in my mind over and over. The bible wisely says, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” It’s better to get it out and confront the issue immediately. Jesus is showing us the path to restore peace – not stewing on something for days on end – but confronting the issue to get it out in the open and let it go!

Notice too, Jesus doesn’t say, “When someone sins against you, go immediately over their head and tell their boss.” No, Jesus says, “go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.” Sometimes we do have report something to a person’s superior, but Pope Francis says we do our best to avoid needlessly humiliating the sinner. We go directly to the person that has offended us. What Jesus is showing us in the principal of subsidiarity which means we try to handle things first on the most local level and then if that doesn’t work we move up to the next level.

Finally, this gospel also gives us an opportunity to think about how do I receive fraternal correction. When someone provides constructive feedback, do I get defensive? Or do I humbly receive it and thank the person who is challenging me to become a better person. I think I shared before that some time back I was on a silent retreat and was working through some desolation that I was feeling inside. One day after concelebrating the retreat Mass a lady came up to me and said, “You look so unhappy, why don’t you try smiling a little more during Mass.” After Mass I decided to go on a jog and the whole time I was on my jog and I kept replaying the comment in my mind and I started thinking of all the things I would like to have said to that lady!” Then it hit me, “Why am I reacting this way?” What came to me was my pride was hurt. She had a point, I should smile more. All of us are on a journey in which we are called to on-going repentance and deepening conversion of heart. And we are called to help one another – to challenge one another – and to accompany each other in a spirit of genuine love and concern for each other’s well-being.