Prof. Millie Roqueta - ISS 1161 Chapter 7 Summary

Prof. Millie Roqueta CHAPTER 7 SUMMARY

Chapter 7 .INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION LEARNING OBJECTIVES 1. The process of interpersonal communication 2. Components of the communication process 3. General principles of nonverbal communication 4. Elements of nonverbal communication 5. Detecting deception 6. Significance of nonverbal communication in interpersonal relationships 7. Creating a positive interpersonal climate 8. Conversational skills 9. Self-disclosure 10. Effective listening 11. Communication apprehension 12. Barriers to effective communication 13. Beliefs about conflict 14. Types of conflict 15. Styles of managing conflict 16. Dealing constructively with conflict 17. Public communication in an adversarial culture 18. Application: Developing an assertive communication style

The Process of Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal Interpersonal communication: an interactional process whereby Communication one person sends a message to another. 1. At least two people must be involved 2. It is a process 3. The process is interactional (i.e., not a one-way street) The importance of communication: 1. Communication is an essential aspect of everyday life. You cannot not communicate. 2. The quality of our communications can affect our satisfaction in relationships.

Prof. Millie Roqueta Components There are six essential components of the interpersonal of the communication process: Communication Process 1. Sender: the person who initiates the message. . In a typical two-way conversation, both people serve as senders (as well as receivers). 2. Receiver: the person to whom the message is targeted. 3. Message: the information transmitted from sender to receiver. . Senders encode ideas into messages; receivers decode messages into ideas. . The primary means of sending messages is language. . Nonverbal communications (facial expressions, gestures, and vocal Inflections) also convey messages. They are used to supplement (and sometimes entirely change) the meaning of a verbal message. 4. Channel: the sensory channel through which the message reaches the receiver. . Typically, people receive information from multiple channels simultaneously. . In addition to hearing what other people say, we also see the person’s facial expressions, observe their gestures, experience eye contact, and sometimes feel the person’s touch. . Messages from the various channels may be consistent or inconsistent with each other, making their interpretation more or less difficult. . Hearing- or visually-impaired individuals send and receive messages through alternate channels. . Whenever two people talk, miscommunication can occur. 5. Noise: any stimulus that interferes with accurately expressing or understanding a message. . Sources of noise can be environmental factors such as street traffic, loud music, cellular phones, etc. . Physical factors such as poor hearing, poor vision.

Prof. Millie Roqueta

. Noise can also have semantic origins, such as emotionally loaded words, profanity, ethnic slurs, or sexist language, which can cause a listener to disregard the larger message. . Psychological factors such as defensiveness and anxiety can contribute to noise. 6. Context: the environment in which communication takes place. . Context can include the physical place. . The nature of the participants’ relationship. . The participants’ current mood. . The participants’ cultural background.

Nonverbal Communication

Definition and Nonverbal communication: the transmission of meaning from General Principles one person to another through means or symbols other than words.

General principles of nonverbal communication: 1. Nonverbal communication is multichanneled. . Nonverbal communications typically involve simultaneous messages sent through a number of channels. . Information may be transmitted through gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, posture, and vocal tone.

2. Nonverbal communication is relatively ambiguous. . The gestures we use can mean different things to different people (for example, the meaning of a shrug or a raised eyebrow). . It is also difficult to know whether nonverbal messages are being sent intentionally. . Few nonverbal signals carry universally accepted meanings, even within the same culture. . Nonverbal cues are informative, but they are most reliable when accompanied by verbal messages and embedded in a familiar cultural and social context.

3. Nonverbal communication conveys emotions. . We often communicate our feelings without saying a word.

Prof. Millie Roqueta 4. Nonverbal communications may contradict verbal messages. . When confronted with contradictory messages, you’re probably better off heeding the nonverbal signs.

5. Nonverbal communication is culture-bound. . Like language, nonverbal signals are different in different cultures.

Elements of 1. Personal space: a zone of space surrounding a person that is felt to Nonverbal "belong" to that person. Communication a. Proxemics: the study of people's use of interpersonal space . Four interpersonal distance zones have been identified in middle-class encounters in American culture: Zone 1 – Intimate Distance, 0-18” Zone 2 – Personal Distance, 18” – 4’ Zone 3 – Social Distance, 4’ – 12’ Zone 4 – Public Distance, 12’+ b. Other animals show a similar tendency, called territoriality. c. Size of personal space depends on the nature of the relationship and the type of situation. . Distance is regulated by social norms; varies by culture. . Women seem to have smaller personal spaces than men. . People of similar status tend to stand closer together. d. Invasions of personal space elicit a variety of reactions. 2. Facial expressions a. Generally convey emotions. b. Six emotions associated with distinctive facial expressions: anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, surprise. c. Some facial expressions are universally recognized but many expressions vary from culture to culture. d. Display rules: norms that govern the appropriate display of emotions. e. People can regulate facial expressions to deceive others.

3. Eye contact a. Duration of eye contact is most meaningful. . In the U.S., high levels of eye contact are associated with attentiveness. . High levels are also associated with effective social skills, credibility. b. Gaze is means of communicating intensity of feelings, but not positive or negative emotion – those are conveyed through context and vocal tone. c. Culture affects patterns of eye contact. d. Gender and racial differences have been found in the United States. 4. Body language a. Kinesics: the study of communication through body movements. b. Provides information about person's level of tension. c. Body posture also conveys information . "Open" position conveys feeling of relaxation. . Leaning toward another person indicates interest, positive attitude. . “Closed" position associated with lower status. d. Hand gestures are primarily used to regulate conversations, supplement speech. 5. Touch a. Takes many forms and can convey a variety of meanings, including support, consolation, and sexual intimacy. b. Can also convey messages of status and power. c. Strong norms about where people are allowed to touch each other. d. Gender differences in responses to touching: . Women generally respond more favorably. . Gender difference may depend on status differences.

6. Paralanguage: all vocal cues other than the content of the verbal message itself. a. Relates to how something is said, rather than what is said. b. Cues include intensity, speed, and rhythm of speech. c. Aspects of vocalization can communicate emotions. . Loud vocalization often indicates anger. . High pitch may indicate anxiety.

Detecting Deception 1. It's possible to detect deception, but it isn't easy. 2. Vocal cues include excessive hesitations, stammering. 3. Visual cues include excessive blinking, dilation of pupils. 4. Liars nervously touch themselves more than normal. 5. Use of polygraph: device that records fluctuations in physiological arousal as a person answers questions. a. Called a "lie detector," it's really an emotion detector. b. Monitors indicators of autonomic arousal (e.g., heart rate, blood pressure, respiration rate, and perspiration). c. Studies show polygraph is inaccurate one-fourth to one- third of the time.

The Significance of Although people are unaware of nonverbal communication, it Nonverbal plays a central role in everyone’s life. Communication 1. Negative feelings toward someone will "leak" through nonverbal channels. 2. Research indicates that people with negative self-views are not likely to detect negative, nonverbal messages. 3. Accuracy in reading emotions of others is related to social competence, status. 4. More negative messages, fewer positive messages associated with unhappy marriages.

Prof. Millie Roqueta Toward More Effective Communication

Creating a 1. Learn to feel and communicate empathy. Positive Interpersonal Empathy: adopting another's frame of reference so you can Climate understand his or her point of view. . Sensitivity to others' needs and acceptance of their feelings are hallmarks of empathy. . Providing support does not mean you must also endorse individual's behavior. 2. Practice withholding judgment. 3. Strive for honesty. . Mutual trust and respect are based in authenticity and honesty. . Avoid “hidden-agendas”. . You can be honest without being hurtful. 4. Approach others as equals. . Most people dislike being reminded of another’s higher status or greater ability. 5. Express opinions tentatively. . Rather than coming across as a “know-it-all”, let others know that you are flexible and open to their ideas.

Conversational Some people can launch right into a conversation with a stranger with Skills no problem, while others break into a sweat just thinking about it. Here are some general guidelines to improve your conversational skills:

A. Principles of making conversation: 1. Give others your attention and respect. 2. Focus on the other person instead of yourself. 3. Use nonverbal cues to communicate interest in other person. B. Breaking the ice in conversation: 1. Use ritual questions (e.g., "Are you from around here?") 2. Ask for information Page 7 Prof. Millie Roqueta

3. Give a compliment 4. Use humor 5. Use current events 6. Try being direct

Self-Disclosure Self-disclosure: the voluntary act of verbally communicating information about yourself to another person. 1. Self-disclosure is of critical importance to psychological adjustment. a. Sharing problems with others plays key role in mental health. b. Emotional self-disclosures lead to feelings of closeness. c. Self-disclosure in romantic relationships is related to relationship satisfaction. 2. Reducing the risks of self-disclosure. a. Use the strategy of gradual self-disclosure. b. Be discriminating about sharing personal information: . Pay attention to verbal, nonverbal cues from conversational partner. . Look for reciprocation of self-disclosure. 3. Self-disclosure and relationship development: a. Emotional disclosures lead to feelings of closeness. b. Self-disclosure varies over course of relationship, with higher levels at beginning.

c. Movement away from equal exchanges of self- disclosure is based on needs that emerge as relationship develops. . Need for support . Need for privacy d. Self-disclosure changes when relationships are in distress. 4. Culture, gender, and self-disclosure: a. Individualistic and collectivistic societies show differences in self-disclosure. b. In United States, women tend to self-disclose more than men, although difference is not as large as once believed. . Difference is greatest in same-gender relationships. . Gender differences are attributed to socialization. . Men tend to self-disclose more with strangers; with friends, they share activities rather than talk.

Effective Listening A. There are three main points to keep in mind in effective listening: 1. Communicate your interest in the speaker by using nonverbal cues 2. Engage in active listening a) Pay careful attention, process information b) Ask for clarification c) Use paraphrasing 3. Pay attention to nonverbal signals B. The key is to devote active effort to the task.

Communication Problems

Communication Communication apprehension: anxiety caused by having to talk Apprehension with others. 1. Bodily experiences include increases in heart rate, cold hands, and dry mouth. 2. Four responses to communication apprehension. a. Communication avoidance – a reaction that occurs when people confronted with a communication situation can choose whether they want to participate. b. Communication withdrawal – occurs when people unexpectedly find themselves trapped in a communication situation that they can’t escape. c. Communication disruption - the inability to make fluent oral presentations or to engage in appropriate verbal or nonverbal behavior. d. Excessive communication – a relatively unusual response to high communication apprehension where people dominate the social situation by talking nonstop. 3. People with high levels of communication apprehension are likely to have difficulties in interpersonal relationships.

Barriers to There are a number of barriers to effective communication: Effective Communication 1. Defensiveness a. The most basic barrier to effective communication. b. Threat need not be real to elicit defensive behavior. 2. Motivational distortion a. People sometimes hear what they want to hear. b. Selective attention may cause distortion. c. Tendency to distort occurs most often in discussions of issues that people feel strongly about (e.g., politics). 3. Self-preoccupation a. Self-preoccupied people rarely listen attentively. b. Self-preoccupied people can cause negative reactions in others. . Content of remarks is usually self-serving. . Take up more than their share of conversation time. 4. Game playing a. Games: manipulative interactions progressing toward a predictable outcome, in which people conceal their real motivations 1. Involve use of ambiguous, indirect, or deceptive statements 2. Games are destructive element in relationships 5. Collusion a. Collusion: when two people have an unspoken agreement to deny some problematic aspect of reality in order to sustain their relationship b. Involves mutual denial, suppression of discussion.

Interpersonal Conflict Page 11 Prof. Millie Roqueta

Beliefs About Interpersonal conflict: exists whenever two or more people Conflict disagree. Beliefs about conflict: 1. Although many people assume that conflict is bad, it is neither inherently bad nor inherently good. 2. Collectivistic cultures often avoid conflict, whereas individualistic cultures tend to encourage direct confrontations. 3. When dealt with constructively, interpersonal conflict can lead to valuable outcomes. a. Bring problems out into the open. b. Put an end to chronic sources of discontent in relationship. c. Lead to new insights.

Types of Conflict 1. Pseudoconflict a. A false conflict. b. Key to management is to recognize game, avoid being drawn in. 2. Fact-based conflicts a. Disagreement about issues of factual nature. b. Check facts, don't dwell on who was right and wrong. 3. Policy conflicts a. Disagreements about how to handle a situation. b. Best solutions usually address the problem and the feelings of both parties involved. 4. Value conflicts a. Disagreements on personal values (e.g., religion). b. A particular problem in intimate relationships. c. People may have to take turns obliging each other. d. Better to match up with person who has similar values. 5. Ego conflicts Page 12 Prof. Millie Roqueta

a. People tend to view outcome as measure of self- worth. b. Associated with negative personal judgments. c. Key is to recognize them, return to content level.

Styles of A. Two dimensions underlie the different styles: Managing Conflict 1. Interest in satisfying one's own concerns. 2. Interest in satisfying other's concerns. B. The five styles: 1. Avoidance

 Characterized by low concern for self and others.

 Generally just delays the inevitable clash. 2. Accommodation

 Low concern for self, high concern for others.

 May lead to feelings of resentment. 3. Competition . High concern for self, low concern for others. . Likely to lead to post-conflict tension, resentment. 4. Compromise . Moderate concern for self and others. . A pragmatic approach that is fairly constructive. 5. Collaboration . High concern for self and others. . Involves a sincere effort to find a solution that will maximize satisfaction of both parties. . Most productive approach for dealing with conflict.

Dealing 1. General principles Constructively with Conflict a. Approach other person as an equal. b. Define the conflict as a mutual problem. c. Choose a mutually acceptable time to work on resolving conflict. d. Show respect for the other person's position. e. Communicate your willingness to modify your position. 2. Explicit guidelines a. Make communication open, honest. Use “I” language. b. Phrase statements about other person's annoying habits in terms of specific behaviors, not global traits. c. Avoid "loaded" words. d. Use positive approach. e. Limit complaints to recent behavior, present situation. f. Assume responsibility for own feelings, preferences.

Public 1. According to sociolinguist Deborah Tannen, contemporary Communication America is "the argument culture”. in an Adversarial 2. Contributing factors Culture a. Adversarial nature of America's individualistic culture. b. Tendency to see things in terms of opposites (e.g., good versus bad). c. Face-to-face communication is on decline. 1. As function of advances in technology. 2. People spend more time on their own, don't learn to interact effectively with others. d. Exposure to high levels of physical, verbal aggression, especially on television. 1. Contributes to development of aggressiveness in some children. 2. Viewers become desensitized to violence.

3. Restoring productive public communication a. Social institutions (e.g., government, media) could institute changes. b. Individuals can create positive interpersonal climate. c. Parents have special role. 1. Can limit children's exposure to physical, verbal aggression. 2. Can encourage non-aggressive ways of resolving childhood conflicts.

Application: A. The nature of assertiveness (acting in your own best interests by Developing an expressing your thoughts and feelings directly and honestly) Assertive Communication 1. Submissive communication is consistently giving in to others on Style points of contention. 2. Aggressive communication

 Not the same as assertive communication.

 Involves an intention to hurt or harm another. 3. Assertive communication is more adaptive than either submissive or aggressive communication. B. Steps in assertiveness training 1. Understand what assertive communication is.

 Process can be critical for people to whom assertive communication is unfamiliar.

 Should use consistent nonverbal messages. 2. Monitor your assertive communication. 3. Observe a model's assertive communication. 4. Practice assertive communication. 5. Adopt an assertive attitude.

Discussion Questions 1. How does the physical place in which a conversation takes place influence the Page 15 Prof. Millie Roqueta kind of communication that occurs? How would a conversation with a close friend be different if it took place in the privacy of an apartment in contrast to a public place such as fast food restaurant or a shopping mall?

2. A form of interpersonal communication that generally includes nonverbal aspects is flirting behavior. Can you think of some examples of nonverbal behaviors you've engaged in to communicate to someone that you find him or her attractive?

3. Look around the classroom. Can you identify any examples of people marking off their personal space? In general, how does territorial behavior in humans compare to that in other animals?

4. Do you think it’s possible for people to exert conscious control over the facial expressions that are used to convey basic emotions (e.g., anger, disgust, fear)? What kinds of people are likely to be particularly skillful at manipulating their facial expressions?

5. Have you ever been in a situation in which someone you didn’t know very well showed a tendency to engage in prolonged eye contact with you? What was your reaction?

6. Do you tend to touch other people during conversations with them? What kinds of reactions does this behavior tend to elicit?

7. In the discussion of polygraphs, your textbook mentions that some people can lie without experiencing physiological arousal. What other kinds of personality traits might such people exhibit?

8. Some people seem to be prone to revealing their innermost secrets to people who are not interested. Have you ever been the receiver of self-disclosure that you felt was inappropriate? What kind of impression did you form of the other person in this case?

9. Research findings suggest that women are generally more likely to engage in self-disclosure than men. Is this consistent with your own experiences? Can you think of any possible explanations for this gender difference?

10. The textbook discusses self-disclosure in verbal communication, but it is also possible to self-disclose in written form (i.e., in a letter) or through electronic mail. Do you think people may be more willing to self-disclose in situations other than face-to-face interactions? Why or why not?

11. With our increased reliance on technology and computer networks, a lot of interpersonal communication is done via electronic mail and chat rooms on the Internet. What advantages and disadvantages do you see with this form of communication?

12. The textbook discusses the importance of empathy in verbal communication. Do you think it's possible for a person to convey empathy toward another individual without actually feeling empathetic? How might you recognize that another person was being deceptively empathetic?

13. The textbook mentions the breadth and depth of self-disclosure. Do you think either of these characteristics is more important than the other in an intimate social relationship? Why?

14. Do you agree with Deborah Tannen’s characterization of contemporary America as “the argument culture?” What kinds of public behavior have you witnessed that would support this claim? Page 16 Prof. Millie Roqueta

Chapter Summary References: Adapted by Roqueta, M. (2002), from Weiten, W., & Lloyd, M. A. (2003), Psychology applied to modern life: Adjustment in the 21st Century. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth/Thomson Learning.

Table References: None.

Websites: Center for Nonverbal Studies: The home page of the Center for Nonverbal Studies, an interesting multidisciplinary research group. Features a fascinating Nonverbal Dictionary. Dispute Resolution: Fascinating website featuring many links to information on conflict management strategies for many contexts. Effective Communication: A business-oriented website that explores four different channels of communication. Mind Tools - Communication Skills: This Mind Tool page focuses on communication skills. Psychological Self-help: This self-help online chapter focuses on Methods for Developing Skills in Communication.