Doesn T Always Watch Over Me

MY BAD ANGEL My bad angel comes to me at night and invades my dreams. doesn’t always watch over me. She takes the change from my pockets when I’m sleeping. She puts things in my head. She took my leather jacket. She tells me things like: She wants me to shave my head. “While having coffee this morning, put your arms around the pretty young teacher My bad angel needled her way into angel land you are friendly with self-destructing and obstructing and pull her close to you… my emotional merry-go-round. kiss her passionately… My bad angel tried to strangle you know she wants you…look into her eyes… my wife in her sleep. real men take what they want.” She wants me all to herself. But I know better. We have a special relationship. My bad angel loves me deeply. She tells me things she tells nobody else: She is my angel “Death is the truth of life. but I don’t trust her. Life is the air that we breathe, the love that we keep My bad angel is a beautiful the desire we touch, twenty-five year old woman the thoughts that we feel. wearing too much lipstick, The body is a shell a primitive woman dancing naked that gives form to the living.” in the moonlit forest of the mind beheld by amber eyes. My bad angel tells me I’m a ladies man in spite of my face. My bad angel buys me drinks and She makes me forget my anniversary. then has no money to pay for them. She makes me buy presents for imaginary lovers. She always lights my cigarettes. She says it’s okay to read my poetry to rich people She serenades my daydreams with Spanish love songs at trendy Soho restaurants because I’ve already paid my dues. of unrequited love. My bad angel always reminds me to wear my grapevine suit She tells me to write poems when to dramatic happenings on Avenue B. I should be paying bills. My bad angel makes me undress women in my mind. Her lips taste of bitter absinth kisses She makes me look at dirty pictures. drunk in all-night underground cafes. She touches me yet can’t be touched. She suffers me with longing. She would like to babysit my children but I won’t let her. She pushes me into the middle of fights at school. She wants me to buy a gun. She helped me assemble my switchblade. She doesn’t give a damn about history. She never listens to me.

My bad angel keeps other angels away from me. She hardens me with desire for other bodies that are out of reach. She has followed me from New York to Hoboken. She is here right now. She doesn’t need wings to fly. My bad angel plays outside of time. My bad angel took her own life and still blames it on me.

She shows me glimpses: The body a shell that gives form to the living. The living interconnected to all the living that ever were. Time, a road built upon shadows of souls of all ever alive. Time measures life, God measures death. God the Word… Lovers embrace the edge of eternity, naked forever after… Smile angel smile your secrets are mine.

- Danny Shot