Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 1

Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 1 Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 2

Interviewer: Ashley Pasquariello Interviewee: Monique Simpson Year of Birth: 1986 Interview Date: April 2011 Location of Interview: Nashville, TN Interview Duration: 82:49

Full Transcript:

INTERVIEWER: Ok can you say your full name for the record?

Simpson: Monique Elise Simpson

INTERVIEWER: And. Alright I’ll just read this standard introduction to you. Thank you so much for agreeing to participate in this project. It will surely benefit the community now and in the future. The goal of this questionnaire is to produce as detailed and coherent a narrative of your story as possible. In light of that, I encourage you to feel free to not worry about providing an answer that is too long or too in-depth. That’s what we want! I realize that you have already signed a consent form, but I also want to let you know that you should feel free to tell me if there’s any particular thing you say during the course of the interview that you’d like me to remove from the transcript or other preservation methods.

Ok. So we’ll start off with just your background and your childhoold.

Simpson: Sure.

INTERVIEWER: So tell me about where you were born and what was going on there when you were growing up and what it was like.

Simpson: So I was born and raised in Trinidad and Tobago, and it, there’s, in terms of socio- economic stuff there’s been a couple things I remember from my childhood that were kind of, a little bit crazy that I don’t really remember a lot about them. But I remember we had a coup when I was 4, so like these people took over our government for a couple of days. But I don’t have a lot of memories around it because I was too young. I mean, I think my childhood was really good. Actually, I lived a fairly privileged life, probably upper-middle class or at least middle class. Because my father worked in oil and my mom was a stay-at-home mom. I had a maid and like all that kind of stuff. Which really isn’t that uncommon in the Caribbean. [Laughter]. People over hear are like, “Oh my gosh, you had a maid!” And I’m like “No.” But then my parents got divorced, when I was, I wasn’t quite 10 when my dad left for good. I think I was 8 or 9. That kind of really rocked our world. I’m the eldest of 3, and when my dad left my mom didn’t have any money so she went from being a house wife to working 2 jobs, sometimes 3. We still had maids because mommy was working, so we still needed somebody to take care of us. But, it’s kind of funny actually because my father actually left with our housekeeper, so I went from having the person I always had around caring for me all the time, she was no longer Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 3 there. And I mean I still, obviously she’s my step mom now, and I care for her, but it was just weird, a weird dynamic, having to have all these strange people. Because after that maids just came in and out of our life and my mom was really busy working and it was just different. My dad started to work away; he’s worked in oil so he worked in Mexico and all these other places. And so we saw him a lot less. He became like a phone call every 2 weeks on a Sunday. And, it was just kind of weird growing up like that. When I was growing up I grew up in the South of the island, but after my parents got divorced my mom us right around when I was 10 she moved us to north of the island. First we lived with our grandmother when we were building our house, like 15 minutes down the road [laughter]. And then when we moved into our house and everything we were still really close to granny, and I started secondary school, and that kind of stuff so life pretty much settled down. I think it’s been tough for my mom, like raising us as a single mom. My dad is still home more, but he’s never really had custody of us and stuff so he’s a very big part of my life. Because I’m the eldest I feel like I do remember him the most. My little sister actually at one point was like, “Mommy, how do you know my daddy?” She really didn’t know, because she was very young when they left. And so I’m closest to my dad I think out of the 3 of us. But it’s just been interesting growing up and then moving here for school and stuff. It’s been interesting to see how my interaction with home has changed. I’ve lived a pretty privileged life until my dad left and then it was like “Oh wait, we don’t have everything we used to have anymore.” But we still lived pretty well because my dad still supported us, but our life definitely changed.

INTERVIEWER: So for, what type of primary school did you attend?

Simpson: I went to private school, which is not really that uncommon at home. And it was called Cedar Grove Primary School. I went there until what we call grade 3. I think it was called prep 3 but I don’t really remember. And then that’s when I moved and I moved to another private school. It was called Maria Gratie. And all primary schools in Trinidad have uniforms whether they’re private or not, so you really can’t tell who’s going to private school or public school. In fact some of the public schools are actually the best schools, there’re also really hard to get in to. We have a different education system, like it’s not quite zoned the way it is here. Somebody from San Fernando, which is in the south, can go to school in Port of Spain, which is in the north. But there’s no school buses and stuff so your parents get you to school, so. I went to private school all through elementary school and then we we’re 11 we sit this exam, it’s called Common Entrance, or in England they call it 11 Plus. We’re very British.

INTERVIEWER: I was in London this past semester, so yea, things sound familiar.

Simpson: So you understand. Yea. So when we’re 11 we sit this exam, and so depending on how well you do is the school you go to. There’s a lot of pressure around that exam. Especially because my mother, my aunt, and my grandmother had all gone to the same high school. My mother and my aunt went to the one in San Fernando it’s called St. Joseph’s Convent and it’s like one of the better schools, and then my grandmother went to St. Joseph’s Convent in Port a Spain, which is like the number 1 school in the country. So there was a lot of pressure going in to that exam to do well. And I did well, and passed with my first choice, and I went to St. Joseph’s Convent just like my grandmother. And there was this whole legacy thing that I felt like I had to keep up. But that school was a public school, uniforms again, all girls. Pretty much elementary Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 4 school was mixed but then most people if they go to a good school in middle school and high school it’s usually, even some elementary schools are all girls or all boys, so it’s very gender- segregated. High school was definitely all girls until what would be the equivalent of 10th grade, which is when we do our CXC which is our O Levels in England. And then they let boys in in 6th Form, which is like the worst thing they could ever do. Because they let 10 boys in to a school of all girls, so they would just walk around and people would just stare. I don’t know, we just got really distracted by them. But I think it was interesting definitely the education system and like going to school in Trinidad.

INTERVIEWER: Yea, so what was the ethnic/racial composition of your classmates and your teachers?

Simpson: Yea that’s definitely different than America. I was definitely a minority in Trinidad. Trinidad is like, you have 40 something percent black, 40 something percent East Indian, and then you have a couple people who are like genuinely straight only Chinese, genuinely only white, genuinely Syrian or whatever but then you have a couple people who are mixed. I think the mixed population is growing by like, if you, people just identify with… So I’m definitely a minority there. I would say the class is pretty much divided like that, because it wasn’t based on money, it wasn’t based on where you lived, it was basically just how well did you do on this test? A wide range of us did really well on this exam. So I would say it was pretty representative of the population, like 40% black, 40% East Indian, and when I say Indian I include some Chinese as well, and then there was, my school tended to have a lot more Caucasian people. In Trinidad I’m actually considered Caucasian, which was a very odd transition to come over here and it’s like, “you’re not white anymore.” I was like, “What the heck?” Not that I had a problem with it, it was just odd to me that this whole like 1 drop rule, or you have an accent so you’re definitely not white. I was like, “Ehh whatever.” But it’s been interesting, transitioning to still being a minority but being like, “Oh wait, I thought I was going to be the majority over here. Odd.”

INTERVIEWER: Yea. And I’ll ask you some questions related to that later, too. Thinking more about when you were younger in your childhood, what were the kinds of things you liked to for fun with your friends?

Simpson: We did stuff like we played games, like at school in the yard. We played hopscotch, we’d skip, I think we also had a jungle gym, we had monkey bars, that’s what we called them. And we’d go wild on that. We played a sport called Cricket. I tended to be more of a tomboy, especially when I was younger. And even through high school I played sports. And then I became kind of like a girly-girl now. We were just always outdoors. I loved it. Breaktime we had 15 minutes and as soon as the bell rang we would like sprint for the field! And we’d be like “oh we’re supposed to be eating our snack but I’m going to like run like crazy.” We played this game called Sky which is where you take a tennis ball and you throw it as high as you can to people on the opposite side of the field, and if they catch it they get a point and you lose a point. Just dumb games, we were just outside, played cricket, we just ran around and played tag. Lots of grass everywhere. Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 5

INTERVIEWER: Do you remember stories about, when you said when you were 4 years old there was a coup?

Simpson: Yea.

INTERVIEWER: Do you remember, did people in your family talk about stories about that?

Simpson: Yea, I actually, the only thing I remember from the coup was there was this news reporter, the news starts at 6 o’clock every day. I don’t know, when I was younger, and I still kind of like news. Sometimes I’ll watch it if I’m bored here. Don’t really have enough time to do it, but sometimes I watch it for fun. And I just remember watching news with my mom and this guy with a gun was on news, he had like a huge gun. Even now when I see a big gun I’m like “Eh,” But he was kind of like, “We’ve taking over your country!” Kind of thing, and I didn’t really think understand what was going on, I remember asking my mom, “Why is there a bad man on TV?” Like, with a gun, and why is there no news tonight? I was just like “I want to watch news, mom, why is there no news going on?” My family talks about it, the guy who did the coup and blew up police stations and took over the government, held the government around, I think it was for 3 days. I’m so sorry that I don’t know more about it. It just never piqued my interest. He’s still free in Trinidad and there’s definitely like this Muslim League sect, which is, you know, it’s odd because a lot of people in Trinidad are Muslim, we are predominately Christian, a lot of people are Catholic, but we do have Eid as a holiday, and I love that about Trinidad. We celebrate Diwali, we celebrate Eid, we have Indian Arrival Day. We have all these great days, and it’s good that we can separate him and his extremist Muslim league beliefs. If someone’s like “Oh, I’m Muslim,” I’m not going to be like, “Oh, you’re with Abu Bakr and you’re going to blow me up and I can’t be your friend.” I m ean, definitely you’re a little cautious. I mean you’re like, “well what kind of Muslim are you? [Laughter]. Are you like, you know, what does that mean to you?” I feel like Muslim over here means something kind of scary to a lot of people, so, especially after 9/11. I mean, I can understand that, because we did have a coup, but, we tend to separate it a little more.

INTERVIEWER: So when you were in secondary school, what were your favorite subjects and classes?

Simpson: Definitely not math [laughter]. I had a teacher that didn’t like me, so math and physics aren’t my favorite subjects. It’s funny how you can remember negatives. Ok let’s think. What did I like? Lunch time, I played sports so I kind of lived for lunch when I could play volleyball. And if I had to go to class, geography, general science. I did well in school, but I didn’t really like school. Especially the environment I was in: you take all the smartest girls in the whole country and you put them all together, so like, I would get 95 on a test and it would be like one of the lowest grades. And I would just be like, you know, it’s just so competitive, and I just felt like sports were my thing because really a lot of people weren’t very athletic, I mean, thank God. And I don’t’ know I felt like I was good at volleyball and it was my comfortable thing that I could go do and break and I didn’t really like class, because I felt like I got outshined all the time. I did like literature a lot, and I liked languages eventually, and I did French up until A- levels, but initially it was just kind of like a “I don’t like school” kind of thing. I did really well in it, but it was just like “Oh, I’m going to go to school so I can play volleyball.” Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 6

INTERVIEWER: So, were there any other extra-curricular activities you did other than volleyball?

Simpson: I did volleyball, I did swimming a little bit, which, and then I played water polo at the end of my, at like form 6 level I started playing water polo as well. But those are the two that I kind of, I did volleyball like hard core, I lived, breathed, and ate, and slept and dreamt volleyball. I would like go to school early we’d play volleyball, break time we’d play volleyball, lunch, volleyball, after school, volleyball, until my mother would pick me up and she’d drop me off to a club volleyball practice, which after wards sometimes I’d have national team practices, so it was just like I couldn’t do anything else because I didn’t have time for it. I mean I did, when I was 15 somewhere in there I squeezed in my confirmation in there because I’m Catholic, and you know I’d fit other random things in, but, pretty much volleyball.

INTERVIEWER: Did your parents or grandparents or any other elders in your family try and get you involved in anything else that you weren’t as interested in?

Simpson: no, lucky for me my parents met playing volleyball, so they were very supportive [laughter]. They played on the same volleyball team and they played my same position. They’d be like, “Oh yea, you’re a setter and I’m a setter!” I kind of, I did a lot of religious stuff for when I was older. I never made my first communion, and so I decided, well, I want to make my confirmation. So I was like, “Oh wait.” Because we moved at a very bad time for me to make my first communion and everything, and nobody in my family’s really religious, so it’s kind of something I did like without their push, I think their push was always school. “Just make sure you have good grades.” And I was like OK, I can do that. I was like, “I can get you…what would you like? What do I need to get? You want A’s? Ok, I got that.” I was like, “As long as I don’t have to be first in class!” I was like, “because if I have to be first in class it’s going to be a hard battle.” I think they, if I remember, I think they pushed school a lot. And they liked that I played volleyball because both of them played volleyball.

INTERVIEWER: did you have much time to watch TV when you were younger?

Simpson: I…sometimes I feel like I didn’t really watch TV, but I know I did. Like I remember watching Doug, and Gumbee, I remember coming home, when I was younger, Adventures of Tin Tin, Gumbee, and something else, and then I would go outside. It definitely wasn’t a sit down and watch TV all day kind of thing, but it was there and we had cable. Like I said, I lived in a fairly upper-middle class home, so we had cable and stuff. I think when I was older I started to watch a lot more TV. I pretty much loved MTV and still do love MTV. I love trashy TV. I’ll watch Real World/Road Rules Challenge, dedicated follower. I also started to watch Disney Channel, I don’t know, I went through and I did watch TV. I think it got a lot more when I got older because I could stay up later and watch TV. I don’t really remember TV a lot in my childhood, especially when we moved to my Grandmother’s house, because she lived in a very desolate area where you couldn’t get cable, and you couldn’t get satellite either, because now she has Direct TV and it’s fine. There was just forest outside, which was entertainment enough, and a river right down the street, so, my brother, sister and I, would just roam wild. We would ride Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 7 bikes and go on little adventures in the river, so we were sufficiently entertained without television.

INTERVIEWER: Did you read for pleasure at all?

Simpson: Oh my gosh. Yes. I still do. I’m very different than my brother and sister in that I love to read. When I was little my mom would read to me and then as I got older she would just give me books and I would read. I would read the most random things for pleasure, too. My grandmother’s in to history, so I read this history book about Chacon [Jose Maria Chacon]. He was one of the governor’s of Trinidad, and then my grandma was like “Oh, he’s way back when related to us.” Because she’s also really in to genealogy, which is great, because I know where my family has come from. And on my dad’s side, lucky for me, they’ve also preserved that, so I know my dad’s heritage and I know my mom’s heritage too, at least on my grandmother’s side, so I know there was a huge library that my grandmother had with history books. And then one of my grandmother’s cousins, we just call everybody aunt, so I just say aunt. So one of my aunt’s, she wrote a book and I remember being like “Oh mom, I want to write a book.” She wrote Ti Mahi, and I think she also wrote, it’s called Tigress. I remember reading it when I was like 11. I just would always be reading. I read Coral Island by Robert Ballantyne, that’s like my favorite book. I read it over and over and over again. I read those Mallory Towers, Enid Blyton books. The prizes in our classes when we were in primary school, I remember, if you came like, most outstanding student or whatever, you got a book, and like in side the book, it said, “Monique Simpson, most outstanding, blah blah blah.” Or “Most Punctual” or whatever. Your prize was a book. So I was always elated. Some people are all like, “Oh, lame book.” But I was like “Yes, a book!” And I’d read them over and over again. And it continued, I read the Sweet Valley series and stuff as I got older. But yea, love to read, still read, and now I read in the bathroom. It’s the only time I have in med school [laughter]. I have a summer reading list. That’s what I did through college. I was like “Oh, I want to read that book! I’ll read it this summer.”

INTERVIEWER: So besides the politics when you were younger, did you keep up with politics in secondary school or current affairs?

Simpson: I feel like I was fairly well informed, because especially in sixth form we had a subject called GP, which is General People. Where basically you go in to an exam, and I can’t remember how long it is or how many essays we had to write, but we had to write essays about current events. And there was, you know, I was fairly well informed about environmental things through geography, and there was always that discussion going around. But I never really took an interest in politics. I was in Natural Science class. They split us up when we’re in the equivalent of 9th grade over here, and you choose a track. And I did NatSci, which is BioChem, Phys, Math, Ad Math, like Science. And then there’s Geography which is EarthSci, and then you do 2 sciences, and then the people who are more interested in politics and stuff they go in to what we call Modern, which is where you do 2 languages, because all of us have to a language but they do Spanish and French and history and all this other stuff. I dropped history as soon as I could. Not because I didn’t like it, but because I liked it not to have to memorize it. I was interested in it, and I wanted to read about it, but I didn’t want to have to memorize a bunch of dates. And to this day I’m still kind of interested in politics, and I’m interested in policy like I’m in medical school, and I always think maybe I should get my MPh because I’m always kind of love to go home and Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 8 be like, if it wasn’t so very interesting corrupt at times I would love to be the Minister of Health or something. But you know I’m just like I don’t know if I could work in government because I don’t know if I could deal with what that means, and I don’t’ know if I’d be like if someone was like “Oh, you’re a politician” and what that means. But I am interested in policy and I’m interested in improving health care at home. I don’t know where that’s going to take me, so I do have an interest in it but I’m not sure if I would make it a career or something I would study.

INTERVIEWER: Mhmm. So what was your social life like in middle school and high school. Who did you mostly hang around?

Simpson: I have a pretty diverse group of friends, which I never really realized until I got over here. We don’t really have middle school, we just have this primary, secondary, so we would, I mean pretty much just whoever I played sports with. Whoever I vibed with, whoever were my riding buddies. We just kind of hung together. Honestly, I feel like kids over here do a lot more outside of school than we did. My social life consisted of volleyball, which isn’t really a social life it’s extra-curricular. I had all my friends through volleyball. Now that I think about it, that’s my friends, my teammates. And then even worsened by the fact that we played school volleyball, club volleyball, and national team volleyball together it was just like I’m seeing the same people over and over again. Sometimes on the weekend we would go to the movies, but that required way in advance planning. Because we don’t get to drive when we’re 16, so we had to beg you parents. Especially in my case where I lived way far away from everybody. I’d be like, “Mommy can I please go to the movies!” We had what we call “boyfriends” and stuff like that, but I just feel like taken in comparison to here it was a completely different context than what I would call a boyfriend now obviously now that I’m older. I feel like more of my social life just revolved whatever extracurricular I did. When I was in confirmation my confirmation friends become my like, we would go see movies and stuff together as well, and like still keep in touch with them, and then my volleyball friends, and my water polo friends, and my school friends. I never really thought about it but we never really hung out outside of school. I mean, I don’t know how but we had a blast in school. I really social life was like… I guess we would go home and be on MSN chatting to each other. I don’t even know what we did. But I felt like I had a social life.

INTERVIEWER: And so you said you had, well, “boyfriends”

Simpson: Quote on quote boyfriends [laughter]

INTERVIEWER: so were you allowed to date, or was just something you did?

Simpson: Well, it depends on who you ask. [Laughter]. If you ask my father, no. I don’t need a boyfriend, even up til now. I’m like “Dad, well one day you’re going to want grandkids, I am the eldest.” But my sister has a boyfriend now. I feel like my dad’s more strict about it. He’s just really strict. I think he just, one time I told him, this is really funny. He said “I don’t want you to have a boyfriend.” Because my sister totally ratted on my and told him that I had a boyfriend. Because she’s the youngest, and you know, all that good stuff. He was like “Oh, you don’t need a boyfriend, blah blah blah, boys are bad.” And I was like, “you just don’t want me to have a boyfriend because you remember what you were like when you were 16.” That didn’t really go over well with him, but, I mean, I thought I was growing up then. I mean I had boyfriends, but I Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 9 should also place this into the context of, I’m catholic, and my dad is really conservative and my mom at the time I felt was really conservative as well, and she always told me that when I got married she’d thought that I was a virgin. And so, even though I felt like I could explore my sexuality and that kind of stuff, I always felt like that’s something sacred and you don’t just do those kinds of things with anybody. And so, I say quote on quote boyfriend because when someone over here says at 16 and they have a boyfriend like they might be having sex. But when I say quote on quote boyfriend I say like most we did was make out, so you know, it’s just different. And it’s even different in my sister’s generation and stuff like that going down. But you also have to place this in the context of I’m the responsible kid, the one who’s doing well, going to this certain school, playing volleyball all the time, so I didn’t really have the time except to text a boy every now and then and be like, “Hey, how you goin?” And on top of it I should add that I was the president of the abstinence club in high school. Good job. So my parents weren’t really worried about me at all. It’s pretty interesting.

INTERVIEWER: why did you get involved in the abstinence club?

Simpson: I, so I did, I told you earlier about my, a little bit of experience in ministry, so after I did my first communion and my confirmation I was in a youth group at this community center called living water community which was right up the street. So when I wasn’t playing volleyball I was at living water Monday afternoons. And then they trained me as what we call a youth minister sort of thing, so I would help with planning retreats and stuff, and helping the older ministers who maybe felt like they didn’t have, like we used things that they didn’t use, like text messaging and, I don’t know, just certain things, they wanted us to help them make it more relatable.

And so we were youth ministers and we helped them out. And so they trained us as that, and then, I can’t remember, I think it was an initiative of the government, because the message there is abstinence. It’s not like condoms. I don’t know if it’s changed, because, I haven’t been home to hear the message all the time. But the message was always abstinence abstinence abstinence. And, it is a predominately Christian-Catholic country, so I think it was a government imitative. And so especially since I went to a Catholic high school, it was like, I think somebody approached me and was like, “Oh, will you kind of do this,” and I was like, “Hecks yea.” I was like, “it’s right up my alley actually. It’s pretty much just like youth group, so…” I did it with a couple friends, and I feel so naïve when I look back on it now. I was telling my friends in college and they laughed their faces off at me. They were like, “the abstinence club! Like, why on earth would you?” and then “what did you even do? What were your events?” And I was like, “well, you know we had assembly,” which is the whole school would come in to the chapel and we would give assembly, and we talked about purity, and we sold little white ribbons for fundraiser. And they were like “Do you understand how horrible that is, that you’re walking around with a white ribbon on you, and like, if you don’t’ have the white ribbon you’re not pure,” and I’m like, “well, I mean, I didn’t think about it at the time.” I just feel like I was so naïve then. Not that anything’s wrong with abstinence, and not that I’m not still abstinent, but like just the way that I paraded around as the lifestyle for everybody to follow, that was kind of naïve. And I didn’t really realize it then. But then, I mean, I was just a very naïve child. I didn’t know that there were gay people in the world until like 9th grade, and even then I didn’t really understand what that was. So. Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 10 [30:30]

INTERVIEWER: So can you tell me about your parents, what they’re like, what stories people— people in your family—tell about them.

Simpson: What are my parents like… I think, let‘s see… my mom has changed a lot recently. Just, I wouldn’t’ say in a bad way or a good way, she’s just changed. She was diagnosed with breast cancer, and she’s been through a lot. And so, this is her story, so I’m trying to like not say everything. But she decided she didn’t want to take chemotherapy and she wanted to like… which really upset me. Because I want to be a pediatric oncologist! I was like, “Hell no!” I am going to be giving people chemo! Why are you not taking chemo?” I was really upset with her at first. It was like, I was all the way in NJ and she was going through this in Trinidad and I was like I want to drop out of school and come home, and she’s like “NO!” So, but, after that, she’s like changed her lifestyle, she’s more holistic and all this herbal stuff. And I’m trying to understand it more, and like, her wanting to be healthier has been good for my family, but at the same time it’s just been odd because I don’t know. [laughter]. For a while she was vegetarian, like, we just eat certain things with meat. There’s this certain dish we eat called Pelau, which is rice, beans, actually I have some in the fridge right now. And that’s what I’ve been taking to school this week. It’s like rice, peas—pigeon peas—chicken, carrots, whatever you want to make with it. It’s like a one-pot dish. Mommy would make Pelau, I remember the other day she made Pelau without chicken, she made chicken on the side, and I was like, “There’s something wrong with this Pelau!” I was like, I don’t know what it is… and then I was like, “Oh wait! There is no meat it in.” And so I, just stuff like that. Recently she’s changed a little bit. You know, I feel like my mom was also different before the divorce and after the divorce, understandably, well one, because she was allegedly cheated on. Allegedly because my father denies cheating on her, and, she was hurt by that. I mean I would be hurt by that too. And, then she, she was no longer at home with us anymore. And she used to do things at home, I remember. My mom was very crafty, so she would decorate these pots and kind of sell them on the side, and she like made mayonnaise and seasoning from scratch—random stuff. But she couldn’t do that anymore after she had to work a lot. I also feel like that made her a lot more stressed out than she was before. She got a little bit more agitated when she had to work a lot. And, I don’t know, it was just different.

And I was glad when we moved closer to my grandmother. She could pick us up from school and help mom out a lot. Because sometimes mommy would work late and I would be at school. She’d be like, “I can’t come get you!” and I’m like, “well they’re locking the gates, so…” I was like, “I’m at the side of the road! The pit bulls have already been let go to like guard the school for the night” I was like, “where should I go?” so I was glad to have my grandmother or my aunt to call for those times. I think Mom has changed and evolved, just like anybody would.

What else? My dad, I feel like he’s pretty much remained the same. What I remember of him, because, you know, I was young when he left but not that young, so I do remember him. I remember him being involved in a lot, like I remember him taking me to ballet and stuff when I younger. And I do remember quitting ballet as soon as he left, because I was like, “If daddy’s not taking me to ballet I’m not going to ballet any more.” Which is a shame, too, because I have all these awards from it too. But he’s very reserved, I’d say he’s quiet and he’s not really quiet— Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 11 he’s careful about the emotions and the words that he shares. So he’s not going to walk around— like I’m a very huggy person—like, when I go up to you, the first time I met Tiara, actually, I like hugged her like, “Hey! Brittany told me about you, how are you?” and just hugged her. And, so that’s just the kind of person I am. I don’t know how I became me, but. I just like hugs. And I feel like my dad’s not really like that. I’ve very much just like “Oh, I love you.” Like when I’m talking to my little sister and stuff I’m like “Oh, I love you so much!” and she’s like “I love you more!” and I’m like “I love you more!!” you know, and we do stupid stuff like “You hang up,” “No, you hang up first!” So we do that kind of stuff. But I feel like my dad, he doesn’t really do that kind of stuff. He’s more serious. So he’s very serious and he doesn’t really seem to have emotions but I know he does somewhere under those glass blue eyes. And I know he cares about me a lot, I know he just shows it in a different way, where as my mom I feel she’s more emotional, which is probably where I get my huggy’s from. I don’t really, though, I don’t’ really remember that kind of thing. She’s not quite as serious as him, she’s a little more, I want to say laid back but not really because my dad’s laid back too, it’s just that he’s very serious, and more responsible, and my mom’s a little bit more, you know now she’s more flighty-hippie almost. [Laughter]. Yea, we tease her about it now. We’re like “Oh, hippie.” Yea, it’s kind of interesting to see how different they are.

INTERVIEWER: Yea. So you were, you grew up around your grandparents and other people like your aunts and your uncles in your extended family?

Simpson: Yea, for a little awhile my gran, I lived with my grandmother in her house. And in her house I had my 2 uncles and my aunt. So it was crazy. [laughter] it was great [laughter]. I had 2 uncles, auntie, mummy, Christopher, Celeste, and I, and Granny. And for a long time I like slept in my grandmother’s bed, and that’s really great. Like to this day I’m still really close to my grandma. And we like talk and like the other day I wrote to her an email, via my aunt, because she doesn’t have an email. I don’t know, it was good. I mean, we moved eventually. It wasn’t very long. I think we stayed 2 or 3 years there, kind of like in that transition phase. But they were definitely around and there to help out when mum had to work, because she worked, in her position sometimes, once a week, she had to drive all the way to the south of the island. So you know it takes about an hour and a half. It’s not that it’s far it’s just that traffic and roads, so it would be hard for her to pick us up from school. So my aunt and my granny would pick me up. It was good to have them around, especially since my dad was working abroad, so we had our uncles there, it’s cool.

INTERVIEWER: do you remember says or lessons the elders in your family would repeat to you or try and press upon you?

Simpson: Well, Granny always would say stuff like, “A lady should be seen and not heard.” [Laughter] because I was very tomboy-ish, and very loud, which I think continues a little bit to this day. A lot of stuff about manners, like Oh! I remember, oh, they have this song, it’s horrible. If you put your elbows on the table they’re like, “Monique, Monique, strong and able. Get your elbows off the table.” And like, just stuff like that. We ate with a knife and fork at dinner every night. I don’t know if that’s a norm for every Trinidadian family, like we eat pizza with—I mean, sometimes they would let us eat it with our hands, but like, I don’t know, we just eat everything very proper and stuff. A lot of things about manners and addressing elders, aunt and uncle, like Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 12 to be respectful. I would never call my Grandmother “Peggy” or something, even now. Actually, especially now [Laughter]. I would never call, like I don’t call my auntie “Margaret” even though now I’m like almost 25, like I still call her Auntie. Sometimes I call her Tauntie for fun, but. There’s a lot of stuff about respect and stuff like that. And to do well in school. Or stuff about people can’t take your education away from you. They can take everything else, but if you do well in school nobody can take that away from you. Nobody, you know, people can do what they want, but at the end of the day, if you have an education, you’re going to do well for yourself. So, stuff like that. That’s what I remember.

INTERVIEWER: So when you think about your family or your roots and your heritage, what thoughts or feelings come to your mind? And do you have any stories that really illustrate those feelings?

Simpson: When I think about my family, what stories come to mind? Hmm. I feel like that’s something that I would have to think of more. I definitely think of a appreciation for respect and culture and stuff like that. Definitely an appreciation for education, and they definitely fueled my curiosity, because I think I was a really curious child. I can’t really, like, I don’t know. I think of them supporting me like even now, like, there’s this thing that they sometimes in Trinidad, “it take a village to raise a child” and I feel like it’s so true, because, you know, my mom is on Facebook—which sometimes I hate and sometimes I love, because we can keep in touch a lot better. And if I talk to her and I’m like “Oh Mom, I got in to this Amos Christie scholars thing in Nashville, and this summer I’m going to be in the Children’s hospital, I’m so excited!” She’ll go put it on Facebook [laughter]. Of course, the whole world needs to know! [Laughter]. She came for my white coat ceremony, she took a video and put it on Facebook, when she came up for graduation, she took a video and put it on Facebook, and it’s like, I know she’s really proud of me and I know my dad’s really proud of me too, and I know everybody’s proud of me. And it’s good, because everybody else at home gets to participate too, like my Grandmother and other people, and my family, whose since emigrated to Canada and stuff, they comment on it, and it’s nice that we can keep in touch via Facebook. Sometimes it sucks because you want to go on Facebook and say something, as they say in the US, “ratchet” like you want to be like “Ahh, F this or F that.” And I feel like I always think twice before I do that, because I have my mom, my dad, my cousin, my brother, my sister.

And I guess when I think about my family too I think about my brother and sister. And about especially about my little sister. My brother, he moved a lot between my dad and mom, but I still feel like we’re close. But my little sister and I, we’re like. Actually just today I watched my graduation video, which is like, it’s absolutely hilarious to me, because, here I am in all my graduation regalia, all these honors chords and there’s a medallion around my neck, and it’s like, I’m supposed to be looking all sophisticated and proud to be graduating, and then I had no idea that my little sister was coming. She lied to me, totally conned me and told me that—yea, she sent a gift and everything, and a card, and was like “I’m so sorry I can’t be there.” And the day before she wrote on my Facebook wall like “I’m sorry I can’t make it, I’m really really sorry, we’ll make up for it when you come home.” And this is like, I’m walking down the hill, and when I turn the corner and come ‘round, she’s there. And they’re all screaming Monique, Monique! And I was absolutely shocked. I don’t even remember the moment. That’s why it’s so funny to watch it on video, because I go from surprised, to excited, to like bawling. And so that’s Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 13 what I think of when I think of my little sister and like the close relationship we have. Even though we fought like crazy when we shared a room and all that stuff, but I think everyone fights with their sister. But, yea. I think of my brother and sister and how close we are. How much fun we had when we were little, running around in rivers and that was pretty fun. And it’s nice that I’m close to her now because when I was younger I was like, I used to go to school and cry all the time. Nobody could really figure out why when my mom was pregnant with my sister. And it’s because my brother was like seriously torturing me. He would take my barbies and cut their heads off, and my mom was like, “what’s wrong, what’s wrong?” and I didn’t really want to tell on anybody, and one day I told my nursery school teacher and I was like, “I just don’t want another brother.” Like, I really don’t. And I was genuine. And mommy was like, “well pray, and I don’t think God will do that to us.” And I was like, “Ok.” And so I prayed every day for a little sister, and when I got my little sister I was so excited. And then she followed my brother around everywhere, did all this tomboy stuff, like would go cut down trees. And I was like, “Does anybody want to play with dolls? Ok, no.” And I mean I was also tomboyish and I played sports, but she was just always following him, so it’s nice now that we’re closer. Because, before we weren’t. It was just like his little side-kick, and I was like, “where’s my sidekick? I prayed for you!” [Laughter].

INTERVIEWER: So tell me about your ancestry, and where your parents, when they came to the island and all that. Because I know you said your grandmother was really in to genealogy.

Simpson: Yea, I could go way back. I have a pretty interesting ancestry. My dad, I’ll start with him because he’s the easier one. My dad’s father came from Barbados after going to school in England for boarding school, I think. I just remember he and his dad fell out over something and he sent him to boarding school, or I think they fell out over the fact that he did not want to go to boarding school. And he was, “No, you’re going to go to boarding school in England because it’s good for you.” And then he said well, if you send me to boarding school I’m not coming back to Barbados every again. So my grandfather, went to England, studied, and then got a job in Trinidad. And never went back to Barbados to live, officially. Always would visit, and I knew my family in Barbados and I still know them, but my grandfather came to Trinidad. And then he met my grandmother there. She was born in England, actually, and all her family, I think her family’s originally from Guyana, but from English descent because her grandfather was also born in England. She always reminds me that him and her were the only ones born in England. And so they’re very much white. So she moved, well she didn’t really move, because it just happened that she was in England, her mother was on vacation in England when she was born, so then she was like 6 months I think she came back via boat to Trinidad. So we have Scottish on my dad’s side, Scotland to Barbados, Barbados to Trinidad. And then granny is Guyana, some kind of England, to Trinidad. So that’s fairly easy, white, my dad’s very white with blue eyes.

My mom, we’ll start with her dad, because he’s easier as well. He is half white and half East- Indian. Well, maybe, I don’t’ know exactly how it breaks down. Because I never really thought about numbers before. But I know that his father was white Hutchinson, and he had blue eyes too, and his mother was East-Indian, and her mother came from India, crossing the big river to look for work. So it’s interesting that my grandmother has found all these stories and stuff, and everybody knows where they come from. So he’s like, if you need a picture, he like looks like a light-skinned East Indian guy with green eyes and big nose [laughter]. And my grandmother, Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 14 she’s like really mixed. Very very mixed. Her maiden name is Diaz, so there’s definitely Spanish ancestry there. But there’s also like native, you know how there’s like Cherokee Indians and stuff here? Somewhere way back we’re like Carib Indian, but very little bit, and there’s also obviously Spanish, Chacon, she like, went all the way back to that. There’s definitely what we call French Creole, which, Creole means something a little different in the Caribbean. Usually it means white born in the Caribbean. So you’re not quite white, it’s like you’re British, but you’re not really British, because you were born in Trinidad kind of thing. Your parents might have been white, but you’re creole. So like Coco payo’s Spanish, all this stuff. So, she’s like really mixed. She looks-she also has Chinese, and all this stuff, so, she looks like a light-skinned black lady, like really light-skinned black lady, with the cutest Chinese eyes. I should probably just get a picture because I’m really not doing her justice. She’s like, I think she’s absolutely gorgeous. I call her my teddy bear. And I like always hug her [laughter].

So yea, but for instance my mother and her siblings, all of them look completely different. And like, that’s completely normal in Trinidad. And people, like they’ll always make the joke like “Same mother, same father?” and we’re like “same mother, same father!” My aunt looks East Indian, my mom looks very Spanish, one of my uncles looks very like what we call “red,” he looks like a light-skinned black guy, kind of thing, and then my other uncle was really pale but like still had curly hair. You just get like a full range, I don’t know how the genes work. It would be interesting to try and figure out.

INTERVIEWER: That’s probably why people in your family are so interested in it, because it’s just so-

Simpson: Yea, it’s just crazy. Somewhere here and there, people just, it’s just so great to be— somebody called me a mutt the other day, and I was like, “I prefer to look at myself as a hybrid.” I was like hybrid, mutt [weighed one against the other]—I was like, look at the positives in this. I feel like I got exposed to a lot of great cultures, because my step mom’s Hindu, so I know about Hinduism, but then my dad’s Catholic so I was baptized, and then, I explored Catholic faith on my own, and my mom’s Anglican, and I just feel like everything was there for me to explore and find and it was just cool.

INTERVIEWER: So when did you, you moved to the US to just go to university?

Simpson: College, yea.

INTERVIEWER: So you were 17 or 18?

Simpson: I was, I think I was 18 or 19. Now I’m 24, so 4, 5 years ago.. yea, 19. [Laughter]. Sorry, it’s hard.

INTERVIEWER: So why did you choose to come to the US?

Simpson: So um I feel like the US has this reputation of having really good education system, and I wanted to do medicine, obviously now I’m in medical school. And we do have a local med school, but my father and I spoke about it, and he’s like, “you know I really feel like your Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 15 education would mean more if you got a degree in medicine from a foreign medical school.” So I started, I’m very responsible, so I started looking around when I was in 9th at all my options. Because I also knew that we really didn’t, you know because even though my dad was making money, I don’t know, he told me, “Look, I can’t pay for you to become a doctor. So you’re going to have to study hard.” So… I looked into England, way too expensive because you’re converting to pounds sterling which is like one pound is like 12 TT dollars. So that wasn’t it. I also looked into Canada, I mean, I did have a lot of family there and the dollar was a little bit better of a conversion, but they just didn’t give scholarships as much. And, I looked into the US and at the time I was playing volleyball pretty hard core, national team, like had gone to Guyana and stuff, and my coaches were pumping my head with “Oh, you can get a volleyball scholarship!” Because I didn’t think I was smart because I was going to this really ridiculously smart school, comparing myself to all these really ridiculously smart girls. But I was smart. I just was, you know, kind of like at Vanderbilt. You’re really smart, you’re just surrounded by ridiculously smart people. So, it’s just like, “Am I smart?”

So I was like “Ok, I’ll get a volleyball scholarship and I’ll go to the states.” And my dad and I talked about it and it was like ok sounds like a good plan. But then he was like oh wait, get an academic scholarship, kind of like pushed me away from volleyball because he felt like it wasn’t that steady of a, he was like, “Well what if you’re playing volleyball and your grades drop and you lose your scholarship?” I got an academic scholarship, and in the end that’s what really made me come over here. The fact that basically for my undergrad degree I really didn’t have to pay for it, for my undergrad degree. And I feel like I did pay for it because I feel like I brought a lot to the campus where I was at. Like I definitely engaged a lot in student leadership, I gave back to the school, and I had a lot of programming. I really tried to give back a lot to my community.

I don’t feel like I… I came across somebody once in a gymnasium, after I came out of the pool, who like.. she didn’t go to the school, she was, I don’t know she had a gym membership, for our gym or something. And she was like, “Oh, how did you get here?” whatever. And I was like “Oh, I got a scholarship” because she asked me how I could afford it. She was very adamant that I was taking American taxpayer dollars to like fund my education and then go back and I was like, I was really, I was upset afterwards when I called linesister [sorority sister]. I was like why does this woman say this stuff to me, she doesn’t even know me, she doesn’t know how hard I worked to get here, she doesn’t know that I have 3.9 GPA, like how can she say that I don’t deserve this? And like, that I’m just taking resources, and so after that I’ve definitely been a lot more hesitant to like talk to people from the US about like you know like financial aid and stuff like that. I don’t get financial aid—all the stuff I get has to be merit-based because I’m not American, I don’t have a green card, like, you know. So I just feel like I’m a lot more hesitant after that horrible experience. I was just like, “You just met me 5 minutes ago, we were having a great conversation, now you’re accusing me of stealing your resources of your country. Ok.” So that was definitely interesting, but yea.

I mean, I came over here and then by a stroke of luck[laughter]—no, by a lot of hard work I got into Vanderbilt for medical school and that’s how I ended up here in Tennessee.

INTERVIEWER: So where did you do your undergrad? Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 16

Simpson: I went to a small school called Ramapo College in New Jersey.

INTERVIEWER: What’s it called?

Simpson: Ramapo.

INTERVIEWER: Oh, ok. I’ve never heard of that.

Simpson: Yea, it’s a really small school. Which was great for me, because I don’t’ think going from a little island to, like, ok if I came from a little island to Vanderbilt I think it would be a lot more intimidating because it’s like a large university. I think it’s not that I wouldn’t have thrived, I think it would have taken me a little longer to thrive, and it might have been a little bit more intimidating. But like one example is I started off doing the volleyball team, I had my, almost like a comfortable place, and it was really great.

INTERVIEWER: So, tell me, you talked a little bit about the food that you ate at home. Do you remember a lot of music being played in the house, or for holidays and stuff?

[54:41]

Simpson: Yea. We have this really big thing called Carnival, and I mean, definitely. I still listen to our music. My friends tend to not really like it. They’re like, “It’s just too happy!” I’m like, “Well what is the sense in being upset?” [laughter] I’m like I just want to hear, but it’s like we listen to soca music and Calypso, a lot more Soca in my generation, less Calypso. It’s too social commentary for us. But I do enjoy Trinidadian music. I love steel pan. I know that there’s a steel pan class here, and I like emailed the guy, “I totally want to take your class!” And it was already full. I was like, “Uh!” Because I learned how to play steel pan at 1,000 [inaudible] in Trinidad and I was like “Oh I should definitely try to remember how to do that!” So music has definitely been around, and we all learned how to play steel pan in high school, so that was good. My sister learned recorder, she didn’t learn steel pan. I don’t know why she learned the recorder. But in my school, we learned how to play steel pan. We also listened to I guess a lot of Jamaican music too. Reggae and stuff. And yea, I mean music definitely played a big part. It still does. Like when I’m going to the gym there’s this DJ called DJ Private Ryan in Trinidad and he makes these podcasts up and so I just download them and they’re like an hour of soca music, and so put on this music and it’s like music remixed to techno, it’s just great. And I go and download all these mixes and go to the gym. Oh no it’s awesome. He has a fist pump remix, which is like all these, like Lady Gaga and all this stuff, and it’s great. I use him to go to the gym with whether I’m listening to soca or not. And it’s also great when I want to listen to soca because it’s all mixed all together, so I don’t have to go through and search and find and download, because you have to download because you can’t find the music to download over here. So it’s just like, well, you know what. And it’s not on iTunes. So, I was like well I’m going to have to find this, YouTube it. I definitely love our music. I try to make other people love it to, but it’s hard to get accustomed to. And our food. They like it, but some of the stuff they’re like “You eat what!?” [Laughter] Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 17 INTERVIEWER: So thinking about, I know you had to wear uniforms for school, but would you describe yourself as someone who was fashionable, or did you ever try to communicate anything about yourself through how you wore your hair or how you dressed or did your make up?

Simpson: There’s no make up for school. Didn’t even start wearing make up until I came to the US sophomore year after I became a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha [Sorority, Inc.]. No, it was probably a little bit before that. But I was not very girly, so my school uniform, yea. I guess I tried to roll my skirt up and my legs were always shaved, because I didn’t want to look like, I don’t know, a complete slob. My hair was always in a ponytail, never wore my hair down. Because it was just too hot. I was just like, “it’s dumb!” Like why would I try, I always wore my hair curly, never straightened it, it was always back in a ponytail, or bun. That was all I did. And, when I came over here that changed. Not because, I don’t know exactly why it changed. I think I was like “Oh, I want, probably because I had to dress myself every day for school, honestly, and didn’t just have a uniform to throw on every day. But even like in, as a first year, because we can’t say freshman any more, I was trained not to say that, even as a first year student, I would wear jeans and t-shirts I had no idea how to layer things, so for winter I wore jeans, a spaghetti strap top, and a jacket, and I thought that I would be warm. And then somebody explained to me “No, that’s not how it works, you have to put on layers.” And so, I feel like as my knowledge weather and how all that worked evolved so too did my style.

And some of the styles that I like tend to be styles that I can’t really wear at home anyway. Like I love sweaters, might not look like it right now but I do like to dress up. I like boots and stuff, and I feel like that stuff is just too hot to wear at home. So, I don’t know. When I went out at home before, the coolest thing to do when you were 16 was to have Aida slippers, a football jersey, preferably from your boyfriend’s high school, his big silver chain, and you had hoops on that matched your silver chain, and jeans. And you were the most fashionable person. Your hair could be in a ponytail, you were fashionable. So never really used make-up, I never really owned make-up, except for the make-up people gave me. And I was like, “why did you give me that, really?” Most girly thing I had was perfume, which I really liked, and still continue to love. So that evolved in college, and started wearing heels. I did experiment with make-up when I was home, but I feel like I really came into my own in college when I was like “Oh, I can put eyeliner on. Oh, I can wear heals.” You know, it was just like I really started to wearing dresses. I love dresses, I don’t know why I didn’t wear them before. But like I absolutely love them now. It’s like I’m going to start wearing a whole bunch of dresses in Trinidad, so I feel like my style has evolved into more girly, but still athletic.

INTERVIEWER: So as a teenager, and I guess answer this question both in secondary school in Trinidad and also here, in the US, but how did you define your identity?

Simpson: When I was in Trinidad I was Monique the volleyball girl. I also like to write a lot, so I always had my journal. So if you asked people—there were 2 Moniques, and we were both in the same year. So they’d be like, “Monique, the girl who does track, or Monique the girl who does volleyball?” and then they’d be like “Well, I kind of know they do sports, not sure which, but I know Monique the one that walks around with her journal all the time?” Or “Monique, the one who’s really religious? Goes to Living Water all the time?” So I feel like that’s how I identified myself, as volleyballer, I always had my journal with me, that was like, I went through journals Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 18 like “woah” I would go through a journal in 2 weeks. I don’t know what I was writing about. And my religion. Because I was in to youth ministry and stuff toward the end of school, and like obviously abstinence club.

INTERVIEWER: And you had said that in Trinidad you considered yourself white?

Simpson: Yea. I mean, I guess it’s not something that I really thought about a lot until I came over here and people were like “well what are you?” And I was like “What do you mean, what am I?” I’m like, I’m human. People are like, “well what race are you?” and I’m like “human race, Bam!” I always think that’s funny. But um, I mean I was aware of the fact that my father was white and my mother, well she was part-white too, because her father was white and Indian and I’m sure somewhere along in Granny’s heritage somewhere somebody that was white. So, like if anybody asked me I’d be like well I’m at least 5/8 white, so I’m white. Because I’m more than ½ white. And in Trinidad, I never really thought about it to the extent where I was like “Oh, well I align with the—“ like you know because people clique up in Trinidad just like they clique up over here. So I’m not going to try to say people don’t do that. So there’s like the white girl clique, and then there’s the volleyball clique, and then there’s the rich people clique—you know, there’s cliques. But I never really was like, I did have white friends, I had black friends, I had Chinese friends, I had Indian friends. I had all kind of friends. I never really looked at skin color and stuff or analyzing as much, except for genealogy, which was just cool to me. I was like, “hey! I’m Chinese and Indian and white and black and Spanish and French and Dutch!” And it’s just like, I thought it was cool, more so than like “Oh, what percent am I?” And then when I came over here, and it’s like I guess I identified… my mom, says “Phenotypically white” that’s what she says. I’m like “what the heck does that mean?” she’s like, “you’re phenotypically white, your father’s white.” I’m like “what does that mean?” So I always thought I was white. So when I came over here, people are like “1 Drop Rule!” And I was like, “what the heck does that mean?” and it’s like 1 drop and you’re black. 1 like you know if you have any black in you you’re black. And I fought that, like for so long I thought like, for at least a year I didn’t join the Caribbean club at first, because it was under the Black Student Union. I was like, “well you’re just excluding me” because I’m not completely black. I was like, “why is the Caribbean club under the Black Student Union. That doesn’t make sense to me.” And I was like mom I don’t understand it, I’m not joining it. I have volleyball, I don’t really need it… I mean still talk to the Caribbean people and they knew I was Trinidadian, I was very proud, I had my Trinidadian flag hanging from my window! Anybody asked me, you know, but I was just like I don’t understand why it’s under the black student union. And I fought it for a long time.

Until I realized that I guess a lot of my culture does correlate to what black culture is in America. And then I joined a black sorority. Which, I’m not going to lie. That initially did not go over well with my family. To this day I’m not really sure if my dad knows I’m in a black sorority. He knows I’m in a sorority, but he doesn’t know exactly what it is and I don’t think he’s bothered to find out. His one question was like, “well did you have sex with somebody?” I was like “Daddy, just stop. Right there.” I was like, “Awkward. What?” It was over the phone, too. I was like, “What? No dad, what do you think this is?! It’s not like that!” And I keep trying to explain to him that black Greek life is very different than what you see on Van Wilder and these girls on Girls Gone Wild. And I’m like “That’s not what Greek life is to me, anyway.” And that really didn’t go over well, initially, with my family. Because they’re like, “You’re not black!” And I’m Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 19 like “Well, you don’t understand this because you’re not over here. But over here, I am black.” And I was like, I didn’t really understand it at first either. But, it makes sense now that I’ve let it make sense. But you know the foods we eat are very similar to black foods. I don’t know, I’ll call something a different name. But Brittany and Tiara, my friends here, they, you know I’m like we just call that this. It’s the same thing. Y’all call it macaroni and cheese, I call it macaroni pie. You know it’s like y’all call it this, we call it that. You know, y’all call it stew chicken-well I all it stew chicken, y’all call it something else. So, I kind of like stopped fighting it as much and I was like why am I even fighting it? It’s really just a losing battle, because they’re gonna label me whatever the heck they want anyway.

And I was like, “I identify with these girls, they’re great girls, I don’t care what my parents think.” I think that was the first time I ever was like, “I really don’t care what you think. I’m gonna do this anyway.” Well to my mom and my sister and my grandmother anyway. I really don’t think my dad understands what it means. And I think it was the best decision I made in college. Yea, I was pre-med and did all this great stuff, and did this club and did Soca, which was the Caribbean club, and all this stuff. But like Alpha Kappa Alpha was the best thing I did in college because the friendships I made and all that stuff continues today. Just recently, just this Sunday, I don’t know, I love my sisters. And like, I love that even though Delta Sigma Theta is our rival sorority I’m in med school and my two best friends are Deltas. And like I relate to them and they relate to me in a way that I can’t relate to some of my other classmates. Just because I come from a background that’s similar to theirs. And it’s not, you know, it doesn’t make me black, doesn’t make them… I don’t know. It just. Our cultures are similar. Like family values, just different things like I don’t know. It’s just, it’s easy to transpose Caribbean culture into black culture. Even though it’s not necessarily the same, it’s similar.

INTERVIEWER: So do you feel like it was something, do you feel like it was other people that were labeling you?

Simpson: Yea.

INTERVIEWER: That you sort of took on as yourself?

Simpson: I felt like it wasn’t something people were like “Oh yea yea you’re black.” They were confused as to what I was, so they just put me in that—I always put myself in that “other” category. If anybody asks me, it’s kind of weird feedback I get. Because if I talk to African American people, they’re like “Oh well is anybody in your family black?” and I’m like “well my Grandma is black and Chinese” and they’re like “Oh, you’re black.” I’m like “don’t you want to hear about my dad and my grandpa, you know? I’m like you don’t want to hear anything else? No? Ok. Just the 1 drop rule? Ok.” So like I do identify with African Americans when they say “you’re light-skinned black” basically, I’m like “really light-skinned black,” down south they call it “high yellow” [laughter]. It’s kind of funny. But yea I do feel like it was something that was kind of pushed upon that I eventually just kind of, whatever, and went with it. It was also just sort of a choice I made. Because I can’t fight being in the Caribbean club just because it’s black. I was like this is kind of a dumb stance to have. There are black people in Trinidad, ok fine. I can understand why people who don’t know a lot about the Caribbean would just be like, “Oh, yea, black people, the Caribbean.” Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 20

People have asked me when they meet, I had a PI who’s the head of my research, who’s from Belgium, he was like “You’re from Trinidad?” I was like “Yea.” He was like “I went to a football game or a soccer game, and everybody… aren’t you a little light to be from Trinidad?” and I was like “Yea, definitely. Most people in Trinidad are not of my complexion. I’m mixed. My dad’s white.” I just, you know, people. And I kind of consider myself a walking flag, like yea, not everybody’s what you think they are. So I think it’s pretty interesting if people invest the time to talk to me they realize it’s a lot more different than they ever imagined.

INTERVIEWER: And so you’re proud when people ask you questions and you get to—

Simpson: Yea. I think, I mean, I think it depends on my day and on my mood, to be quite honest. Some days I’m like really proud, and I’m like I love this, here’s my music. And other day’s I’m just exhausted, I’m like, “If 1 more person asks me what are you I’m going to flip out!” I’m just like “I am human. I am sitting down in class next to you. It doesn’t matter who my father or mother was, we’re learning about the bowels today.”

INTERVIEWER: [Laughter].

Simpson: “Don’t ask me! We have a test in 2 weeks!!” Some other days, it’s like I’m completely down and I love sharing my culture with people. It’s just that I guess sometimes I just wish everybody knew automatically. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable because I have to say stuff different, and I say stuff funny, and among friends its kind of hilarious to poke and prod and tease, but like I don’t know after awhile it just becomes awkward when you have this weird accent and everybody’s staring at you and you’re like, “Damn. I’m talking in a weird accent and you have no idea what I’m saying, do you.” So it’s kind of funny.

INTERVIEWER: How would you describe the connection you feel to other West Indians?

Simpson: I feel like I get mixed feedback. Some people are like—some people think I’m really cool, actually most people do. I have Jamaican friends, one of the girls in our class in Antiguan and I talk to her, and then there’s also a Jamaican guy in our class. I feel like I know my culture and I am genuinely Trinidadian and I’m willing to share with them. I cook curry and Pelau and all this other food all the time, and they know I’m West Indian, it’s not something that I hide. But at the same time, it’s like…

I’m not gonna lie, sometimes, I don’t know exactly when this happened, but somewhere in college I started to dull my accent. And I think it was just about sophomore after that first semester. I had a physics teacher who had no idea what I was saying. I would ask questions in class and I would have to say them 3 times, and I’m sorry to do such a horrible American accent, but if I dropped into a “Um, Sir, like, if I don’t, like, if like the square root of like” if I talk like that he would understand me, and so like in that class I had to switch my head like “when you talk, talk in an American accent.” And then eventually it became basically all the time almost. I didn’t try to remember the way, even sometimes I’ll ask Tiara, like “what is it that y’all call this again?” because I don’t want to be that one in the group that’s calling sodas soft drinks or sweet drinks and you’re like “what?” because it gets annoying after a while. So I thought like well I’m Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 21 here for however long may as well figure out. I look at it like a foreign language. Just like I speak French with French accent and Spanish with a Spanish accent, just like I speak Trinidadian English with a Trinidadian accent. When I’m in America, I don’t’ necessarily have a perfect American accent, but I do tend to pronounce things like I think they’re supposed to be pronounced, like among most Americans. So I do tend to try to change my communication. Like people have said, and I do it unconsciously now, like if I speak French it’s with a French accent, I don’t know what I do. But if my mom calls or something, and I like hear my mom’s accent, I slip back into it like “Oh hey Mom, what’s the scene?” And apparently my accent gets really strong. I don’t know because for the most part I really don’t hear it. But people have told me like “when you talk to me you sound completely different than when you talk to your mom.” And I’m like “I’m sorry, I’m not being fake, my brain’s just trying to make our communication very clear. [Laughter].

INTERVIEWER: Yea.

Simpson: I feel like you can hear the difference when someone else can put on a fake American accent, and do such a horrible thing and I’m talking to somebody and my accent’s just as thick. And it’s definitely not something conscious, but it’s definitely something, I mean after 5 years somewhere, you’re going to. I have a great Jersey accent I think at this point.

INTERVIEWER: So you mentioned your experience at school when that girl said I feel like you’re taking away our resources.

Simpson: Yea. Oh my God, that was horrible.

INTERVIEWER: yea. So, was that like, what degree would you talk about, if you were to stay the next few years that you’re going to be in the US, do you expect to be discriminated against like that again?

Simpson: I think that may be part of why I’m so conscious about my accent nowadays. Because I feel like I am, like I’m not obviously foreign. I mean, if you look at me, you’re like “well, she’s not exactly…” but I could be Italian, or I could be something else. Like I’m not obviously West Indian. But then I open my mouth, and I’m clearly not from America, you know. So I feel like to some extent I dull down my accent unconsciously, I don’t know. I should probably psychoanalyze that, I don’t know. But like in an attempt to not be discriminated against. Because like how would she have known if I didn’t have an accent that I wasn’t from the US, if I wasn’t dumb enough to tell her? So, I mean, among people, like Brittany and Tiara have said and other people that I’m close to like Laura and other people in New Jersey that the more comfortable I get with them the more they hear my accent. So clearly that says something. But, I think that definitely on a protection level if I first meet you, I’m not gonna be like… it does come out if I get nervous, when I like get up in front of the class. Bam! [Snap.] Thickest accent ever. Which is horrible for announcements, because you’re trying to convey a message and you’re not really being, not going to be very well.. But I think that is 1 thing that I do to try and avoid discrimination. Clearly I joined an African American sorority, so discrimination’s not an issue for me. I just joined a group of people that I feel like still experiences discrimination in the US to a very high degree, um, but I think that helps us to relate to each other. Because immigrants have Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 22 this like stigma, this bad reputation almost. We’re finishing up a global health intersession right now at med school, and it’s just like people think all Spanish people do this, and its just like these ideas people conceive in their head after like 1 interaction. And so I always try to make people, after leaving having a conversation with me, I don’t want them to be like “All Trinidadians are bitches” or something like that. But you never know what people are going to think. So I really try to give them a positive…but that’s hard, because, hey, I’m human. And sometimes I have a bad day, and sometimes you ask me “what did you just say?” and I’m like “Look! Just leave me alone!” It’s interesting.

INTERVIEWER: And so, I guess, um, this is something I’ve asked other people about as well. Do you, have you witnessed or experienced conflict between native black Americans and West Indians, particularly black West Indians? I don’t know how much experience you’ve had.

Simpson: I don’t… I feel like I haven’t really witnessed like conflict, I’ve just witnessed that it’s definitely a different culture. Like I have friends who are like “I hate your music” like, it comes on when we’re out, and they’re like “this crap is on!” And I’m like “well I hate some of your music too, but I don’t like say this crap is on, I still dance to it.” And I feel like it’s like palpable when my music comes on I get excited, I get happy, and I’m like “eyy!” and I’m excited and I know all the words. They’re excited when some rap song, like Waka Flocka. And I’m like “I don’t know what he’s saying, but I’ll still dance to this.” So, I feel like that’s something that’s different. You know, I think on a joking level between me and my friends we’ll sometimes harass each other, like “you and that curry crap that you eat.” And I’m like Yea, I love curry. [Laughter]. Um, But like I haven’t really witnessed anything really serious. And I don’t know if that’s just because my interactions have been, I don’t know if they’ve been limited, but I haven’t really seen a serious conflict. People do have stereotypical views, though, like every time someone’s like “is Trinidad near Jamaica?” I really do have to contain an urge to educate them, but it’s just interesting, like I don’t really see them as having a problem with us necessarily, but i do think that we’re distinct from them.

INTERVIEWER: So our last question is what in your mind are the 2 things you’ve done in your life that you’re most proud of?

Simpson: [Laughter]. Um, med school. I think just moving to America, I’m very proud of. Not because I want to stay here or something, just because the amount that I’ve grown from it, it’s, I’m almost like a completely new person. And I think it’s really given me more perspective in terms of what I can appreciate in Trinidad and what things could be changed and improved and stuff like that. So I’m really proud of the fact that I came over and have bettered myself. I mean I did so much on my own, like when I look back like I got, my undergrad was paid for, and like, I’m in to Vanderbilt which is a really good medical school. Even though I have the support of my family, my parents, both emotionally and financially for books and gas and stuff I’m very proud of the fact that I came over and essentially made it by myself because all my immediate family is in Trinidad. Like my mom, dad, Grandmother, everybody’s in Trinidad. I feel like I gained a lot of independence. And my second was probably I guess I’m proud of the fact that like I, even though I’ve changed so much I’ve still remained true to what I am. It’s like I will never deny being Caribbean I will never deny being Trinidadian. If somebody asks me about it. Like I was in the Vandy Rec Center the other day and this girl came up to me and she was like Interview with Monique Simpson Pasquariello 23 do you want to join the CSA listserv and I was like “How do you even know I was Caribbean?” and she was like “well you talk, I mean I heard your accent.” And I was like “Oh, that’s funny because people usually tell me that I don’t have an accent. But of course, add me to the CSA listserv. I’m in med school and I’m really busy so I don’t want a leadership position, but I’ll come out to events.” And so I’m proud of the fact that people can still recognize me as West Indian and people still see that I do represent my culture. Yea, I mean I’m just proud that I’ve changed but I haven’t really changed that much. I’m still Monique from Trinidad who likes volleyball and likes curry.

INTERVIEWER: Is there any other information that you’d like to include that we’ve haven’t touched upon?

Simpson: Not that I can think of. I mean, I don’t know.

INTERVIEWER: That’s good. Well thank you again for participating. Please feel free to contact if you have any questions or you’d like to add anything or after I type it up and send it to you if want me to not include something that’s fine too.

[End of Audio]

Duration: 82:49 Minutes