Writing a Commentary of Nefarious War

Writing a commentary of Nefarious War

Now that you have completed your annotations and the worksheet you are going to write a commentary.

You will focus on the following areas:

1. Context 2. Audience/Purpose 3. Tone 4. Imagery

Before you write your commentary we will work on expanding your notes and constructing your paragraphs

Structure of the commentary

Paragraphs Topic 1. i. Author and extract

ii. Context -What is the relevance of the text socially or culturally? -What are the main ideas? What is the text about?

Audience/Purpose 2. a. To whom is the piece intended? b. What is the message of the piece? c. How should you think or what should you do after reading the piece?

Tone 3. a. What is the attitude of the writer/speaker? b. Does this create a mood, atmosphere or feeling which permeates the text – look at the lexical field c. How does the text make you and/or the target audience feel?

4. Stylistic Features - Imagery a. What kinds of visual images does the text present? b. How does the author use metaphor for example? c. Explain and analyse these examples in terms of the overall meaning of text. d. How does the text involve and engage the reader/audience by appealing to the senses. 5. Conclusion Return to an overview of the text. Sum up how the effects and details of style you have analyzed come together to create a whole piece of writing. What has your reading of it contributed to your understanding of the subject?

POINT - EXAMPLE (QUOTATION) - EXPLAIN (ANALYSIS)

Turning notes into good paragraphs

Let’s assume that you have made the following notes that you want to expand into a paragraph.

Point: Bilbo changes by becoming more brave.

Example 1: By killing the spiders, Bilbo feels like a different person.

Quote for Example 1: “He felt a different person, and much fiercer and bolder in spite of an empty stomach.”

If we were to follow a simple P.E.E. structure, these notes would not make a very good paragraph. It would read something like this:

Bilbo changes by becoming more brave. By killing the spiders, Bilbo feels like a different person. “He felt a different person, and much fiercer and bolder in spite of an empty stomach.” (181) Bilbo is very brave to kill the spiders on his own.

The main problems here are that:  The point and the evidence are too similar.  The quotation is not introduced properly.  The Explanation (“Bilbo is very brave to kill the spiders on his own”) is not detailed enough.

To solve these problems, we should reconsider how we introduce our point and evidence. If we think again about this example, what else can we say about it. You could make the following notes:

By killing the spiders, Bilbo feels like a different person. Turning point Alone Without help from his friends Instinctively brave Names his sword

We can incorporate (include) most of these notes into one point to start our paragraph as follows:

Bilbo’s instinctive slaying of the spider without the help of his friends proves to be a major turning point.

Essay Writing Tricks! Ideas are the most important things in essays. However, it is also important to sound professional and formal in your writing style. Here are some simple examples of how to sound very impressive in essay writing. Although the meanings are often the same, the style becomes more appropriate to an essay:

Choose interesting, but relevant verbs: Instead of… Use… Bilbo met the Goblins Bilbo encountered the Goblins We can work out that Bilbo is We can infer Bilbo’s courage from courageous from what Gandalf says Gandalf’s comments Gandalf shows that… Gandalf highlights that…

Use literary nouns: Instead of… Use… As the main character, Bilbo… As the protagonist, Bilbo… The handkerchief is important in The handkerchief is symbolic of Bilbo’s life before the journey Bilbo’s past Whether Bilbo is a hero or not is not Bilbo’s heroism is ambiguous very clear

Some useful phrases: Instead of… Use… Bilbo says, “….. Bilbo exclaims, “… Bilbo states that, “… Bilbo points out that, “… From this quote I know that… This implies that We can see, therefore, that This demonstrates that It is clear that It can therefore be concluded that Later on, Bilbo gains respect from… Subsequently, Bilbo gains respect…

Embed your quotes within your sentences: Instead of… Use… Gandalf says: Gandalf states that Bilbo was, “not “You are not the same hobbit the same hobbit” proving that he had anymore” changed. It shows me that Bilbo has changed.

Now we need to introduce the quotation properly. We can use a simple introduction here like:

Tolkien notes that, “…………….

Remember to put the page number in brackets afterwards:

……….” (181)

Finally, we must remember to build on our point adding extra details in our explanation. This is a good place to add the following comments:  Bilbo does this on an empty stomach showing us that he doesn’t need food to be happy and successful as he did before.  Bilbo names his sword at this point. This is important because its almost like he is giving himself a new identity too. We could call this a symbol or a metaphor because it represents more than just the naming of his sword.

Once we have added these points, our paragraph is now looking professional and complete:

Bilbo’s instinctive slaying of the spider without the help of his friends proves to be a major turning point. Tolkien notes that he, “felt like a different person, and much fiercer and bolder.” (181) Tolkien also makes a point of saying that he did this, “on an empty stomach” (181) suggesting that Bilbo no longer requires the comforts of home. It is also symbolic that, just after acknowledging his own change, he names his sword Sting. The act of naming his sword is almost like giving it a new life, just like his own new life begins at this point.

Congratulations, you have now written an excellent and insightful paragraph!

Each paragraph should be well-constructed.