David Beckham

David Beckam began his life as a baby. As soon as he was born, doctor’s say the first thing he did was to kick out his foot, which hit a small packet of tissues on the bed, which flew through the air and landed 5 metres away in a small bin in the corner of the room. That moment, football legend was born and David’s parents knew he would be famous one day.

It is said that baby Beckham never cried, but was born with a very calm , wise expression on his face, which reminded his parents a bit of Clint Eastwood. They say his first word , at the age of 6 months, was “Fergie”. It was only later that his parents realized that David had special powers.

The young Beckham went to play as a baby for Manchester Utd toddler academy, where he became an instant star. Later, after many hundreds of goals and a glittering career, David Beckham was fired from Manchester Utd after an incident in the changing rooms when he kicked a football boot in Alex Ferguson’s face. Fergie knew, deep down, that David never missed the target, and that if the boot hit him in the face, it was where David intended it to go. Experts calculated the odds of this being an accident at 3000/1.

That night, as David tossed and turned in his bed, a strange thing happened. His mother, who he was staying with at the time because Victoria was in hospital having a secret operation, went into David’s room to find that he could not move and had turned into a mannequin.

It was decided not to tell the general public about David’s condition. David just lay in bed for weeks , unable to move his own arms or legs or to move any of his facial muscles. The biggest problem for the family was how long they could hide this from the public.

The best doctors in the world were brought to look at him, but none could find a cure for his condition or figure out the best thing to do.

Finally, David’s Mum looked on the internet and learnt of a famous but very reclusive doctor in Hollywood who had successfully treated some patients with a similar condition, known as “ mannequinism”. In fact, Hollywood had become like a mecca for people from all over the world suffering from this condition. He had a 20% success rate but as David’s family were clutching at straws it was their only hope of him having a normal life again. If the worst came to the worst the only option left was to put David in a shop window where he would be able to model the latest creations by major fashion designers and where he would be propped up on a special trolley and fed by a tube up his trouser leg.

In the end, this wasn’t necessary. The surgeon succeeded in surgically implanting a small motor in David’s spine which could be operated by remote control . with the help of this miraculous technology David was re-habilitated into normal life, though he was still left without the use of his facial muscles which were frozen in exactly the same expression as when his mother found him that morning. David’s family managed to keep his secret and David was signed for LA Galaxy for the next few years, where he made friends with many Hollywood stars, many of whom suffered from the same condition and who had had spinal motors fitted.

At LA Galaxy, David was remotely-controlled by his father from high up in one of the stands . It was evident that he was no longer the football genius that he used to be, but the spinal implant allowed him to at least “go through the motions” of being a footballer, and it was only his parallel career as a model which saved him and his family from poverty and starvation. In the end, becoming a mannequin had some advantages, after all.

After every game, David was manoeuvred into the dressing rooms where he was placed in a long , velvet-lined box, similar to a coffin, but with breating holes so he wouldn’t suffocate. He was taken home in the boot of his father’s car and placed carefully on his bed where his family were allowed to visit him. Unfortunately the lack of a father had terrible consequences for the Beckham children, who were diagnosed early on with severe behavioural problems. Young Brooklyn was expelled from school at the age of 7 for spraying graffiti all over the school. It was clear that he had not inherited his father’s football skills but was destined to be a creative artist of some kind.

One day, Brooklyn’s grandparents were horrified to come home and discover that Brooklyn had found his father’s tattoo gun and tattooed his own name and the names of all his brothers and sisters and all the extended family, including uncles and aunties, onto David’s body while he lay paralysed in bed, unable to resist or raise the alarm.

It is believed by some, including members of the Beckham family, that his fate was sealed by the famous boot incident in the changing rooms that day and that Ferguson had in fact placed a kind of Scottish Curse on the unfortunate player. It is not known what David believes, but sometimes in the night , his mother claims to have come into his room and , when she put her ears very close to his lips, heard what sounded like the word “Fergie ….Fergie…” being muttered deep in David’s throat, though doctors say this is impossible and was probably just a gurgle.