2. Title. You Are Either Missing a Title Or You Could Probably Come up with a More Creative One

1. Your paper is not in MLA format. Is your font Times New Roman 12? Are your margins 1 inch on each side? Do not justify your text—only left align it. You need to have a header on the left side of the first page with your name, mine, the class, and the date. On the top right corner of every page, you should have your last name and a page number (Barber 1). 2. Title. You are either missing a title or you could probably come up with a more creative one. 3. Hook. Is this the most interesting hook you can use? Think of something that really grabs the reader’s attention. If you are launching straight into discussion, the reader will not be as interested going into your paper. 4. Background info. You need to develop your background info further. You can do this by giving a summary of the essay, information on the issue, or even information on the author. Be sure you have a clear direction and are including the information for a purpose. 5. Your thesis needs adjusting. Be sure your argument is clear and you have examples/points included. For example, “Peter Pan is ultimately a hero because he defeats the villain, saves the damsel in distress, manages an army, and leads his friends on an adventure.” Granted, not the best thesis statement, but you get the idea. 6. Your topic sentence isn’t setting up the paragraph in the best way. Your topic sentence should set up the entire paragraph. Be sure it isn’t plot summary or a general statement. For example, it might be something like, “Peter Pan demonstrates heroic qualities when he saves Wendy from drowning.” This lets the reader know the paragraph will be about Peter Pan being a hero (which supports the thesis) and it gives an example of how he achieves hero status. It also tells the reader the examples and discussion will center only around the scene in which Peter saves Wendy. 7. Your thesis could be more specific. You’re close. Your thesis is structured correctly and shows your argument, but maybe it’s too vague or could include more detail. If you’ve said something like, “Fairy tales have changed in society,” maybe you just need to say exactly how. Are you talking about ideas of endings or true love’s kiss? Why have they changed? If they’ve changed because of the audience, why do you think that is? You have the right idea; you just need to take it a little further. 8. Your topic sentence could be more specific. Instead of saying something like: “The Little Mermaid” demonstrates that ideas about true love have changed, you might say “The Little Mermaid” demonstrates that ideas about true love have changed because in this story, true love is defined as self-sacrifice. Again, close. Just take the idea a little deeper. 9. This may not be the best example/quote to use here. Be careful about just quoting a random part of the story. If it doesn’t further your argument or add to your conversation, you might consider choosing another quote. 10. This is a little unclear. Try rewording these or explaining the idea more. I’m not quite sure what you mean here. 11. You have too much plot summary and not enough analysis. You do want to explain the central parts of the story that are relevant to your argument, but don’t spend too much time explaining plot points. You don’t need to recap the story. Think of it like your reader has read the book/seen the movie before, but it’s been a while. Make sure you spend more time explaining your quotes and ideas than you do talking about the plot of the story. 12. This paragraph is way too short. Spend more time explaining quotes or adding quotes. Remember that each paragraph should be 7-10 sentences. Three sentence paragraphs are not cool and make me sad. 13. You need a better concluding sentence here. Be sure you aren’t just ending your paragraph with a thought or plot point. End the paragraph with a sentence that ties all your points in that paragraph together and summarizes all you’ve just said. It can be similar to the topic sentence, but not exactly the same. 14. Explain quotes in at least two sentences. Remember that every quote should have at least two sentences of explanation following it. If the reader doesn’t see the connection between the quote and your point, you’ve lost credibility and your essay becomes hard to follow. Make the connection obvious: “This quote shows ______.” “Through this example, the reader is able to see that ______.” And so on. 15. Your organization could use some adjusting. Try organizing your paragraphs by either points or stories. If you are discussing one overall point, you want four stories. If you’re discussing only one story, you need four points. Be sure the thoughts in each paragraph flow well and have an organizational pattern of some kind. 16. Don’t begin or end a paragraph with a quote. You cannot have a quote as a topic sentence for a paragraph. Quotes are not your words, and if they’re not your words, how can they set up a paragraph of your own thoughts? No quotes as topic sentences. This applies not only for the body paragraphs, but also for the conclusion paragraphs. Never, ever, ever should a quote be a topic sentence—not even part of a quote. Additionally, you cannot end a paragraph with a quote. If a quote is your conclusion sentence, you have two problems: 1, you don’t have a sentence that completely concludes your paragraph, and 2, you aren’t following every quote with two sentences. 17. No quotes in your intro or conclusion paragraphs. In your intro, you are setting up your paper. You have a hook, background information, and your thesis. None of these need to be a quote, especially not your hook. You can set up your paper without quoting someone else. Additionally, in your conclusion, you are wrapping up your points; you’re summarizing your paragraphs and restating your thesis. None of these need to be someone else’s words—it needs to be yours. 18. Why is this difference important? If you are discussing differences between a book and movie or some kind of adaption, you need to be sure you are discussing why these differences are important. In “The Little Mermaid,” the sea witch cuts out the mermaid’s tongue instead of trapping her voice in a sea shell. So that’s a big difference… but so what? What does that mean? Instead, you should say something about what this difference symbolizes, why the change was made, etc. 19. Remember to use present tense. Literature is forever in a time warp. It’s always written about in present tense. The Evil Queen says, “Mirror, mirror on the wall,” Peter Pan leaps toward Captain Hook, Elphaba feels left out of her family, and the mermaid dies at the end. Not said, leapt, felt, or died. All present tense. Anderson writes, Maguire suggests, etc. 20. You have a citation error here. Your citation should look like this: (Grimm 12). The number is the page number, not the paragraph number. When you introduce a quote, and then “you launch into a quote, you still need the author name and page number cited,” (King 28). Note that the period goes after the ) and not at the end of the quote. An exception would be if the quote ends in an exclamation point or a question mark. 21. Your conclusion needs some work. Remember what a conclusion should do: answer the so what question (in this case, was it effective or not), summarize your points, and restate your thesis. Don’t bring up any new information in the conclusion paragraph, and don’t have any quotes. 22. Reword this. Your wording here may be awkward, unclear, or just not the best way to word it. If you’re unsure why I marked this, ask me. Do your best, though, to try to reword this phrase or sentence. 23. Your works cited page is a little off. Check all your citations. I gave you a lot of examples on that quoting sheet. Make sure you use it! You should have a hanging indent, and the entries should be double spaced. At the top in the middle, you should have “Works Cited.” (not in quotation marks, obviously) Not references, entries, or anything else, but the words Works Cited. 24. Each paragraph should contain at least two quotes. Be sure the quote isn’t longer than four typed lines. If it is, it’s too long. That would be a block quote, and we haven’t gotten there yet. Make sure you have at least two quotes in each paragraph! 25. You must introduce every quote. “You can’t just have a quote thrown in there like this.” When you do this, the reader has no idea who said it or why it’s important. Instead you want to introduce the quote. In the introduction, Jack Zipes suggests Andersen’s tortured love life circumstances influenced his tales: “insert quote here” (Zipes 45). You can even just write something as simple as: Zipes writes, “insert quote here” (Zipes 45). 26. Be careful of being too conversational. This is a formal essay, so you don’t want it to sound like some of your text messages or notes to friends. Keep your tone and word choice formal, and be sure to weed out any slang you might see. Anywhere I have marked a number 30 on your paper means either you are using slang or your voice sounds too casual or informal, and you need to revise to sound more academic. 27. You need a transition here. Between paragraphs, you should have a transition, something that connects the previous point to the one you’re about to make. For example, “In addition to the use of magic, most fairy tales also contain a prince and/or a princess.” You also need transitions between quotes/points in your paragraphs. You don’t want to have a quote, explain it, and then just go on. Use transition words or something that the two have in common to bridge the gap between the points, and move from one to the next. 28. I’m not sure why you chose this quote or how it advances your argument. (pretty much the same as #9, but I kinda put this one on here twice, so you may see this idea listed as either 28 or 9 on your papers!) 29. Go further with this idea/develop it further. You’ve started to explain this, and it’s a good idea, but you need to keep going with it and explain it a little more.