The Emerald Eye ( A f i l m b y D e a n C o l l i n s o n )

Opening scene set around a campfire on a beach on Koh Pangan. Pan around the cast sat around the fire.

Dean' voice The start of a four-month vacation. Everything I've ever known behind me and everything I've yet to know in front of me. This, today, now, was hopefully gonna be a new turning point in my life. I had everything. A beautiful girlfriend who would be joining me after Christmas, money in the bank, a good contract to go home to, and eight really cool friends to share my new experiences with. That's Ariel, he's an Israeli who I met on my last travels to China. There's Hannes, a Swiss guy who should have been a girl only God fucked up big time! Maurine and Andy Mc-fuckin'-nally. We call him that cos every other word starts with f and ends in k. I met Alexis through my girlfriend Anna. See, my hobby’s collecting oriental martial art weapons, and last year I bought this samurai sword from Chang Rai’s hilltribe market … … Well, Anna happened to have a friend from collage who is now a zzypologist, and he fell in love with the sword, and we just hit it off, like blood brothers. Weird. I've probably known him the shortest time out of any of my friends, but if push came to shove, I would trust him with my life … … …Then there's Francesca. A typical 19year old blonde who's just desperate to be shagged in every country possible … … Colin, your everyday computer nerd who only has something interesting to say when he's off his head, and Ania, his Slovakian step-sister who defiantly gets the Oscar for being the biggest cock teaser on the planet … … One night, she stayed up late watching the shooting stars and swimming with the midnight phosphorous in the sea. Well I was pretty sure of at least a blowjob, Alexis too. But after seductively swimming naked, brushing herself on us as she played the night away. She suddenly gets out and says goodnight, smiling away to herself knowing Alexis or myself couldn't get out the sea 'cos of the stiffy we were carrying … … Then there's er ... (Cut to a local man eating a Dorian fruit) ... a local fisherman from ...... [Cut back to Dean thinking about it] Who the hell is he? [To the fisherman] ... Where do you come from my friend? [Cut to where the fisherman had been sitting. He has disappeared. The rest look up as Dean catches their attention.]

Andy Hey Dean, You alright? Dean What? ... Er ... no ... no one. Ariel Perhaps a little too much smoke my friend! Maurine Haven't we all. Ariel takes a joint from Dean and passes it on. Everyone laughs and resumes what they were doing before.

Dean Just gonna take some air.

Dean gets up and walks to the sea to take in the beauty of the phosphorous and reflecting stars and incoming tide. Without consciously knowing, we are transformed to a beach on the island of Koh Yao. A low native voice breaks his silence.

Mr Bean Take this my friend. It better. It getting cold!

Dean turns around and smiles at the Local fisherman. He is sat at the fire chopping up some marijuana for his homemade bong, cautiously checking out every sound around him. Dean looks back at the fire. All his friends have gone. There is no sign of anyone but the two of them. Dean walks towards Mr Bean and puts the blanket around himself. Bean hands the bong to Dean who takes a full drag. Dean's head explodes with the hit. Mr Bean laughs hysterically.

Mr Bean Dean Bah Dean [Coughing] Bean Bah! Mr Bean Dean Boh Dean [Still coughing] Bean Bah Boh!

Opening Credits

Scene 2 Set on the 'Thannon Ko San' in Bangkok. Pan around to show the crazy street filled with western travellers and money grabbing Thai's. Three lady boys are serving drinks out of an old psychedelic sixties VW van.

Ladyboy1 Two hundred, ten Baht. Alexis Song Roy sib Baht. Cop coon Cap! Keep the change!

The lady boy looks at the ten Baht coin as if to say shove it. Alexis takes five drinks to the others in the street. Alexis [Handing the drinks out] Five drinks for less then a dollar each. Perfect! Dean Come on, let's get out the middle of the road and find somewhere to sit.

Cut to an open front bar on the Ko San Road. Dean, Alexis, Maurine, Andy, Francesca, Hannes, Ariel, Colin and Ania sit down around two tables. The ones that don't have a drink order one.

Ariel So where are you gonna spend your last two weeks then guys? Maurine Don't know, haven't thought Andy Probably Phangan! Fran Might come along, supposed to be a lot of action there

Maurine isn't impressed

Hannes I'll probably cruise around Phuket and the islands in the Andaman. A friend from Japan's invited me so ... may as well get pampered in my last two weeks Alexis Koh Yao Noi! Colin Where? Alexis Koh Yao Noi! A small island in-between Phuket and Krabi. Population of about 2,000. Less than 1% are farrang. [Looking at Dean] Perfect hideaway from everything! Are you coming? Dean (Thinking about it) Maybe. Ania Well we've all still got two days left together in Bangkok so let's get some serious partying done.

Ania puts a huge bag of Gina on the table.

Ariel What the fuck are you doing? You'll get us all locked up. Ania Don't be so scared we're farrang. Andy Fucking farrang! They don't give two fucking hoots were fucking farrang! They're fucking barbaric here if they catch you! Dean And it's worse here in Bangkok cos you've got money!

Alexis takes the bag and hides it in Dean's rucksack

Maurine So who's for take away and going back to get stoned? All Yeah, good call! Colin Ere look, they sell mushroom shakes. Lets all have one to start the celebrations. Ariel Whao, you've gotta try' em man. They're real trippy! All Yeah why not? Alexis Pom cor cheqeye sai Het perdt ...... Cop cun Kap. Andy I don't know how the fuck you've picked the language up so fucking quick ... it's so same sounding. Maurine You don't do so bad yourself. You only seem to have two words in your vocabulary. Fuck and one that's not fuck! Andy Speak for your fucking self! The gang laugh at Andy and Maurine quibbling

Fran How many times have you been before? Alexis Me? ... Not many ...... Just the odd stop over in Bangkok, you know. Ania It really is amazing how quick you picked the language up, though.

Dean, Andy and Maurine are having a chat aside.

Andy Well, we did it! Dean Four whole months around Asia! Maurine And still mates.

Andy and Dean look at Maurine. Pause.

Dean In your dreams! Andy I can't stand the fucking site of him! Maurine What do you think I've had to wake up next to for the past four months? Dean She always has to have the last word. Maurine No I don't. Andy Yeah you do! Maurine I do not! Andy See. Maurine No, that is not fair! Andy Ah! Maurine But ... Andy Ah ... Andy and Maurine sit in silence until they both break out into laughter. Cut to the waitress bringing out the shakes. Alexis Here's to me for being ... oh just ... me really.

The others heckle.

Alexis To Fran ... for keeping that fresh smell of pussy around the camp ...

Fran sticks a finger up at Alexis and mouths 'Fuck You' at him.

Alexis To Andy and Maurine for keeping reminding us all how bad married life can be. To Hannes for being just the sexiest freak alive, but I want it on the record that even after two bottles of Laos Cow, he, she or whatever it is, still doesn't do it for me ...... Ariel, the friendly Jew who has been travelling now for sometime and still hasn't spent the change from the first 20Baht note he cashed four months ago... Colin for been the most boring form of conversation in the world ...... but at least makes up for it by being better background blurb then the local karaoke. Ania for just being ... annoying and frustrating in everyway ... And finally Mr Dean James the misfit who's dyslexic father named him after the Movie star James Dean … … Fuck you all, and here's to next year. Chun Geow! All Chun geow! Colin What does that mean again? Alexis Break Glass! Dean (To Alexis) All over your fucking head. Alexis Cheers! They all down their drinks, put 50B each on the table, and then head home. Alexis stops at a market stall and throws a t-shirt with Bin Laden printed on at Dean.

Alexis Suits you, you Anarchist.

Dean drops it on the floor

Dean Now look what you've done, you moron. Fuck ...

The female market staller makes a move for Dean. She is shouting abuse at him.

Staller Cun unklit te deow tong rrewer bah blah ......

The others start to laugh

Dean I'm sorry, It wasn't my fault! Alexis Mai sai ban ha! Staller Mai mai, mai sai ban ha! Cun farrang! Cun ban ha!

The staller goes up to Dean and starts hitting him over the head with the t-shirt, shouting abuse. The others laugh. Dean gets a bit pissed off then starts to defend himself.

Dean Oi! Stop that! Enough! Or I'll report you to the tourist police! Staller Police? Cun teow pom cun Thai les bye police? Farrang!

The staller loses her rag and starts karate kicking Dean who tries to defend himself.

Alexis Por, Por, Kap! The staller becomes more irate with Dean.

Dean No! No! Or I'll have to stop you.

The staller doesn't stop kicking and lunging at him. Dean takes a sigh then slowly but firmly pushes the woman back from attacking him. She falls backwards into her market stall, knocking it over. Suddenly the surrounding stalls form a circle around Dean and Alexis.

Alexis Shit now look what you've gone and done! Dean What I've done? Thanks ass hole!

Two of the market-staller's enter the circle in an aggressive manner to fight Dean and Alexis. Dean gets out his wallet to offer the woman money for the t-shirt.

Dean Look there's been a mistake. take this!

One of the market-staller's knocks the wallet from Dean's hand and hits him. Alexis pulls him off as a struggle ensues. A fight of western and eastern styles kicks off. As Dean and Alexis get more stuck in, a small group of local police push their way through and breaks it up. One of them grabs Dean with his stick around his neck and forces his arm behind his back.

Police Stop! Police! Dean Ok calm down! Chill! ...

Dean and Alexis are pulled off the local staller's.

Police 1 Your name and ID?

Alexis takes out his wallet and shows his details. Alexis Mai sai ban ha! Mai sai ban ha.

Police 2 (To Dean) Where are your details?

Dean looks around for his wallet. Panicking as he can’t find it.

Police 2 (Shouting) Where are your details?

He finally finds it and picks it up from underneath the t-shirt stall and shows his details to the police. The officer takes the wallet and goes through it. He takes a picture out of Dean and his girlfriend Anna posing with his collection of weapons. The police officer smiles and puts the photo in his top pocket.

Police Search them!

The two other police take their bags and search them.

Dean What the hell you doing? Hey! Be careful, there's something fragile in there.

The main officer starts to speak English as one of the others pulls out the bag of weed Alexis has just hid away..

Police 1 Fragile! Dean What the fuck is that doing ... ? Police The only thing that seems to be fragile is the situation you are in. Farrang!

The main police officer inspects the grass. Cut to Fran and Ariel.

Fran What's he doing? Ariel Checking its strength. Hannes (To Ania) Why the hell did you have to bring that out with you? Ania It's not my fault Alexis told me to ... I'll go and explain … I'm sure ... Ariel (Pulling her back) Stay where you are!

Cut back to the officer smelling and tasting the grass. He looks at Alexis and Dean and smiles. Police 1 (In Thai) Take them away! Alexis looks at Dean. Dean What? What's he say? Police 1 (In English) Take them away! Dean No wait I wanna speak with my embassy.

Alexis and Dean are whisked off as the main officer opens Dean's wallet and hands 500B to the woman staller and keeps 1000B himself. Andy and Maurine run up the street after Alexis and Dean.

Andy Just take it easy, be calm, we'll sort some fucking thing out! Dean (Shouting back) Make sure there's always someone at the guesthouse so we can keep in touch! Police 2 Silence Farrang!

The police officer punches Dean in the back of the head.

Maurine Don't worry, we'll get onto the embassy right away!

The officer hits Alexis in the back with his stick. Alexis Hey take it easy ... Mai sai ban ha! Mai sai ban ha!

The other police officer turns around and butt ends Alexis in the mouth with his stick. Dean and Alexis are thrown into a police car and driven off. They are closely followed by other police cars. Slowly pan around down the crazy Ko San Road. Picking out the seperate faces of all the travelling group. They are all in shock.

Cut to an old Thai police interrogation room. A badly beaten up Dean is sat at a square table with his head resting on it. He is cuffed to the legs of it. There are two other empty chairs at the table. He is very distressed and has tears in his eyes. Eventually a door opens and Alexis is pushed in by two police guards, one of them is carrying a coffee in a polystyrene cup.

Police officer1 You in big twubble!

Alexis I told you it was fucking planted you fuck head!

The other police officer trips Alexis and pushes him to the floor. He falls awkwardly to the floor. The police officer1 picks up the chair and places it over Alexis's body and neck pinning him down, almost choking him with the crossbar support of the chair.

Officer1 How would you like it planted up your ass … … Fuck head. Dean Leave him alone!

Again the 2nd officer reacts to the interruption and backhands Dean, almost knocking him off of his chair.

Officer 2 [In Thai, subtitled] Who was speaking to you, you foreign piece of shit! Dean What the fuck 'you on about? Officer1 He not speak foweign tongue. You see, you in his countwy. You speak him you speak his tongue! Dean Look I can explain! You don't understand! We're just simple travellers who happened to have a small amount of weed on us. It's not mine, I was just doing someone a favour. Officer1 Oh no, I'm afwaid it you who not understand! In my land any form of dwug dealing is punished with death! Alexis We wasn't dealing it you stupid fuck!

Officer 1 slowly nods his head at officer 2. Officer 2 walks over and kicks Alexis in his head. Just then another plane clothed officer walks in carrying a rolled up piece of paper in his hand.

Mad Dog Enough!

Officer 2 moves away. 'Mad Dog' orders officer 1 to pick Alexis up.

Mad Dog Pick him up!

Reluctantly the officer picks Alexis off of the floor and put him back on his seat.

Mad Dog How much were you owed? Dean What? Mad Dog The market staller! How much did she owe you for the drugs? Alexis What the fuck are you talking about?

Mad Dog looks at Alexis and smiles. Then he slowly walks over to him and stomps on his foot causing Alexis to scream out.

Alexis Aarhh! Mad Dog takes the rolled up piece of paper and stuffs it in Alexis's mouth then pour his hot coffee down into Alexis mouth. Alexis tries to spit it out as he almost chokes on the hot liquid.

Dean Stop! Stop it! We don't know anything about the woman or drugs. We were just having a laugh ... messing about with one of her T-shirts, that's all! Mad Dog And the package in you rucksack? Dean It was a bag of weed one of our friends were stupidly carrying. When she realised she had it on her. She just put it in my bag to carry that’s all. We're just simple fucking travellers in the wrong place at the wrong time!

Mad Dog pulls out Dean's wallet from his back pocket. He opens it and pulls out a photo of Dean and his girlfriend Anna with Dean's collection of oriental weapons.

Mad Dog Maybe it was only a bag of weed … … But you are defiantly in the right place! Alexis. How much do you want for turning a blind eye?

Officer 2 punches Alexis in the head.

Officer 2 Low gowng nge teiow farrang!

Mad Dog holds him back.

Mad Dog (Subtitled) No wait! (Looking at the photo) Maybe he has just saved us having to write a report.

Mad Dog puts the photo in his pocket and throws Dean’s wallet back onto the table. Then nods to officer 1 & 2 who leave the room.

Mad Dog More then you piece of scum can afford!

Alexis looks hard at Mad Dog. Alexis How much you bent fucker? Mad Dog 200,000 Baht and you leave tomorrow morning! Alexis Two hundred … … That’s five fucking grand! Mad Dog Not much for your pathetic lives. Cos if you do not pay you will die … … I will make sure of it! Dean Alright we’ll pay, but we’ll have to pay 120,000 tomorrow!

Mad Dog laughs insanely.

Mad Dog You Americans make me laugh. You think you can wave your fancy plastic and the world will stop for you. You fucking idiots! All now or you will live the rest of your short lives in the hellhole of Bangkok! Dean Ok but we’ll have to stop off at the guesthouse then the ATM. Mad Dog Why guesthouse? Dean Cos we can only get $500 out a day. We’ll need more cards to get the money Mad Dog (Smiling) Oh you don’t carry that much on you? Alexis Yeah, course we fucking do, dick! That’s why we have to go to fucking guesthouse!

Mad Dogs becomes evilly still and silent. Pause. He then walks over to the door and opens it. He stops and looks over evilly at Alexis.

Mad Dog I shall arrange to drive you to your guesthouse and then the ATM.

Mad Dog orders officer 1 to go get the car. Officer 2 re-enters with Mad Dog and re- cuffs Dean and Alexis Cut to scenes of busy streets in Bangkok.

Cut to inside the police car. Mad Dog is sat in the front with officer 1 driving. Officer 2 is at in the middle of Dean and Alexis. The car pulls outside the Nikkorn Pink hotel on Samson soi 6. Mad Dog turns around and shoves a gun into Alexis’s mouth. You have seven minutes. If you fail to return with your friends cards you will be a friend short and left with the thought of never leaving this country alive!

Dean looks over at Alexis.

Mad Dog The clock is ticking.

Dean gets out the car and runs up to his room. As he opens the door his friends frantically approach him.

Maurine Oh my God you’re free! Ariel Hey man we’ve been worried Dean I need your money! Now quick your money! Francesca Where’s Alexis? Dean He’s in a car downstairs … He’s got a fucking gun down his throat! Ania What? Dean A gun! Now give us your money and your cards and write down your PIN number. I was given seven minutes to get back!

The gang disperse looking for their cards and cash. All but Colin.

Colin Hang on a minute how do we know you’re not conning us for cash. Ania Colin! Alexis has a fucking gun in his mouth! Colin I know but I’ve saved up for far too long to blow it on a stupid situation. Dean It's because of your fucking half-sister we’re in this mess. We’ll give you the God damn thing back in the morning prick!

Colin goes to bring his cash. The rest of the group counts the money out and hands Dean the cards. Ariel There’s twenty three thousand … and there’s our cards Dean Thanks. We won’t be long.

Colin hands Dean some more cash and his card

Colin There’s another ten … And get enough out to get some beer on me.

Dean turns around and leaves the hotel room.

Cut to following Dean running through the hotel towards the car. As he arrives the door opens and Dean climbs in.

Mad Dog You are thirty three seconds late! The fact that you came back may have saved your own life but your friend will suffer!

Mad Dog slowly pulls the trigger of his gun. Dean screams for mercy as Alexis screams for his life. The pin slaps into the empty chamber. Silence. Mad Dog breaks the intensity with hysterical laughter.

Mad Dog So fucking predictable you Americans!

Mad Dog butt whips Alexis with his gun. The car speeds off. Alexis has obviously pissed himself with fear.

Cut to Dean returning from an ATM counting the money. He gets back into the car, hands Mad Dog the money and takes his photo from Mad Dogs top pocket. Dean That’s mine and it's not part of the bargain. Alexis You fucking wait till the US embassy hears about this you sick fucking prick! Mad Dog In my country America is nothing! (Counting the money) You are nothing! Just dollar and pussy … my friend. Dollar and pussy! [Mad Dog reloads his gun with a new magazine] You now have twenty seconds to get out of my sight or I will shoot you.

Dean opens the car door and gets out. Alexis opens his door too.

Alexis Fuck you Ass hole!

The officer 2 grabs hold of Alexis and holds him as the car drives off. When the car has picked up a bit of speed Alexis is thrown out the car and roles in front of an oncoming Tuc-tuc. The Tuc-tuc swerves and over turns onto its side. Dean runs over to Alexis. Dean Alexis! Alexis I’m alright. I’m alright … ... We’re free! We're fucking free!

Tuc-tuc Driver You stupid farrang! You fucking cwazy! I could have fucking killed you!

Cut back to the police car. Mad Dog is just looking through the sun-visors mirror back at Dean and Alexis.

Mad Dog I’ll be seeing you … soon!

Cut to a bruised Dean and Alexis inside a Seven Eleven. They are paying for some beers and fags.

Alexis I thought we we’re fucking dead back there man, I thought that was it.

Dean is silent.

Alexis I thought we’d be banged up on death row in the fucking Bangkok Hilton Man! What a fucking story to tell people back home! Dean Will you just shut the fuck up! Alexis What? Dean We’ve just been beaten half senseless, you’ve had a gun embedded in your fucking teeth. And you think it makes a good story! Alexis Well now that it’s … … Dean I don’t wanna hear it. Shut the fuck up! Alexis In case you didn't notice, it was me who took most of the shit! Dean In case you didn't notice it was you who got us in the situation in the first place! Shopkeeper Seven hundred and twenty baht please.

Alexis pays the shopkeeper.

Alexis Cop cun cap. Shopkeeper Cap. Alexis [To Dean] You can be such a twat!

Alexis picks up the two carrier bags and exits. Dean sighs and follows.

Dean [To the shopkeeper] Thanks.

Cut to the Nikkorn Pink hotel. The others are all in the hotel room anxiously waiting for word of their friends. Ania opens the door. A bruised Alexis and Dean are stood waiting to be let in.

Ania Oh my God, you're safe [Getting emotional] They're safe, they're safe. [Hugging them both] Oh my god you're safe.

The rest of the group get up to see Dean and Alexis. It is a very emotional time for everyone.

Cut to Maurine and Francesca bathing Dean and Alexis's wounds. Dean holds back the pain as Maurine applies some antiseptic. Maurine Sorry. Dean First thing tomorrow morning I'm out of here. Maurine Goes for all of us I tell you.

Ariel comes over with a bottle of rice whiskey.

Ariel Here my friend, this'll take the pain away. Alexis Pain? If it means having Francesca taking care of you. I'm gonna get in more skirmishes.

Francesca kisses Alexis on his forehead.

Francesca Keep still sweet talker. Alexis You don't have a nurses outfit do you?

Colin comes over smoking a huge spliff.

Colin I know it caused you shit, but the doors are locked, it’s our last night in Bangkok, and it's the only thing guaranteed to take the pain away ...... and it seems such a shame to waste it. Dean Not for me. Alexis's Such a pussy! [taking the spliff] I tell you ... I've got two weeks left and I intend to carry on having the time of my life.

Alexis takes the spliff from Colin and grabs Francesca's bum with the other.

Francesca Cheeky sod!

Alexis takes a huge drag from the spliff.

Alexis You love it!

Cut to later on. The group smoking chilling and partying the night away. At the end of the night everyone has crashed out around the room. Fade to black Cut to Dean waking up. Suddenly the door is being pounded.

Voice Open up. Open up!

Dean turns to Ariel who has crashed out next to him. He shakes his arm. Ariel rolls over. He is dead. He has been mutilated and blood is all over. The door is being pounded again.

Cut to the corridor. It is full of Police officers.

Police Farrang Open the door! Open immediately!

Cut back to the room. Dean panics and looks around. Cut to everyone in the room. They have all been cut up and mutilated. Dean is in total shock. He starts to beat himself around the head. Dean Wake up ... for fuck sake wake up! The door is about to be broken down by the police. Dean jumps up and tries to get a small rucksack together. He throws a few things into his bag. He scans the room for his getaway! The door is buckling under the constant banging. Dean runs to the bathroom, opens the window and climbs up the fire escape. The Police finally break the door in. They all pour into the room and see the mutilated bodies. Mad Dog enters and looks around. There's a bong in the middle of the floor with a half smoked Thai stick next to it. He picks it up and smells it. Mad Dog [Subtitled] They deserve to die. All of them.

The bathroom window falls down which instantly gets everyone’s attention. Mad Dog walks into the bathroom. Two officers are looking down to street level. Mad Dog walks over, looks down then pans up to the roof. Mad Dog The roof! ...... I want him alive!

Cut to the fire escape on the roof. The door bursts open as police pour out. Dean is frantically looking for an escape route. As the police start to close in, he runs hell for leather for the edge of the building. He clumbsily launches himself over to the next building. An officer opens fire with his pistol as three others pursue him. The officer in charge orders the rest of his unit down to street level as he takes out a pair of binoculars and a walkie talkie. Dean runs frantically over the resident roof tops disturbing various locals relaxing in the city heat. Three Thai police closely pursue him. Cut back to the officer in charge. He is giving a rundown commentary in Thai of where Dean is heading. Suddenly a helicopter flies over and joins the pursuit. Cut to Dean. He is coming to the end of the row of buildings closely followed by three other officers. Totally on adrenalin he has no choice but to launch himself off the buildings towards an unfinished over pass. He just manages to grab hold of a dust breaker as he starts to lose altitude. One officer launches himself after him, but doesn't have the height advantage. The officer manages to grab hold of Dean's rucksack, but starts to fall pulling Dean with him. Eventually the officer falls to his death. Dean holds on for dear life. The two officers stop to see their colleague fall to his death. One takes out his pistol and takes aim. Police 1 [Subtitled] Mad Dog wants him alive! Police 2 Too bad! As the police officer checks his aim and shoots. The dust breaker that Dean is clinging to rips, and Dean swings down under the carriageway. As he does he knocks a local off his moped. The oncoming traffic is forced to swerve, causing minor collisions. Four ground police run towards the pile up, obviously in pursuit of Dean. Noticing the oncoming police, Dean gets up and steals the moped he collided with and rides off. Two of the ground police take their guns out and try and shoot his tyres. Another officers runs to the middle of the road and pulls a local off of his moped and rides off after Dean, Another officer runs up behind another moped rider and jumps on the back of his bike. There's a struggle as the officer throws the rider off and carries on the pursuit. A huge moped chase ensues through the streets of Bangkok climaxing through the small canal network. More police join the chase as a helicopter directs them. The chase finishes with a spectacular crash where Dean is catapulted from his exploding bike into a dirty canal. Cut to Mad Dog looking on.

Police officer [Subtitled] There is no way he can be alive. Mad Dog Show me his body and let me be the judge of that! ...... And if he isn't ... then take pleasure in your last lungful of air.

Mad Dog walks away in disgust.

Cut to a sewage pipe full of rats. Dean comes up gasping for breath. As he does the rats clamber for dry ground all over him. Dean is taken aback by the stench of the sewer, and throws up over the clambering rats, sending them into a frenzy.

Cut to a bar with CNN news on the TV. A very smelly Dean orders a beer. The TV cameras are at the Nikkorn Pink Hotel as the bodies are being wheeled out.

Reporter As you can see, a plot to assassinate King Rama the 10th was foiled by the Thai secret police, as seven western terrorists were gunned down after resisting arrest......

Cut to Dean. Dean looks around and notices an uncollected bill.

Cut back to the TV

Reporter [Cont...] One man escaped and is currently on the run. He is believed to be a Dean Collins of Pennsylvania. The mastermind behind the assassination is believed to be very dangerous so do not approach him in anyway. Police believe the assasination is related to King's estranged son being banned from Thailand for trafficing drugs.

Cut back to where Dean was sitting. He has gone and so has the money from the unpaid bill.

Cut to Bangkok's southern train terminal. Dean has shaved his hair and goatee off so he is more inconspicuous. As he enters the station wanted posters of his passport picture are being pasted all around the place. As he runs to catch the train a station police officer shouts at him.

Officer Oi you, stop!

Dean stopped in his tracks. He slowly turns around as the officer approaches. Just as the officer gets close to him the officer bends down and picks up Dean's ticket that he accidentally dropped. Officer Be careful. Without ticket you can not travel.

Dean Cop cun Cap

Officer Cap. Now hurry you ... train leave shortly.

Dean nervously smiles as he notices the wanted poster of him behind the officer. He turns and rushes off to his train.

Cut to the station officer. He is stood just in front of a wanted poster of Dean.

Cut to the train pulling out the station. Various camera shots of the journey spanning 17 hours are intercut with memories from what has happened.

MEMORY 1 Ariel So where are you gonna spend your last two weeks then guys? Alexis Koh Yao Noi! MEMORY 2 Ania We've all still got two days left together so let's get some serious partying done.

Ania puts a huge bag of Ganja on the table.

MEMORY 3 Officer1 Oh no I'm afraid it is you who not understand! In my land the maximum sentence for dealing any form of narcotic is punished with death my fwend.

MEMORY 4 Alexis A small island in-between Phuket and Krabi. Population of about 2,000. Less than 1% are farrang. [Looking at Dean] Perfect hideaway from everything! Are you coming?

MEMORY 5 Andy Well, we did it! Dean Four whole months around Asia! Maurine And still mates. MEMORY 6 Alexis Two hundred … … That’s five fucking grand! Mad Dog Not much for your pathetic lives. Cos if you do not pay you will die … … I will make sure of it!

MEMORY 7 Alexis [Looking at Dean] Perfect hideaway from everything! Are you coming? Dean (Thinking about it) Maybe.

MEMORY 8 Ania Oh my God, you're safe [Getting emotional] They're safe, they're safe. [Hugging them both]

MEMORY 9 Alexis Are you coming? Dean (Thinking about it) Maybe.

MEMORY 10 Police Open up. Open up! Like before Dean turns to Ariel who has crashed out next to him. He shakes his arm. Ariel rolls over. He is dead. He has been mutilated, blood is all over. The door is being pounded again.

Cut to Dean waking up on the train. He turns to his right and see's Alexis standing over him. Alexis Koh Yoa Noi ... Are you coming?

Dean is freaked out. Dean Where?

A smiling train Guard is standing where Alexis was.

Guard Sura Thani sir. You have arrived, Sura Thani.

Dean realises he was dreaming. He gets his things together and leaves the train.

Dean Thankyou ... Cop cun cap.

Cut to Dean bartering with a couple of local moped riders for a ride to Krabbi. He is rejected at least twice before some one offers to take him for more then he wanted to pay. DEAN You robbing sod. BIKE RIDER (Not understanding) Thankyou.

Cut to scenery scenes with Dean travelling on the back of a knackered moped. Eventually they arrive at a small village with a small wooden pier with six or seven small longtail boats scattered around the bay and a cargo longtail unloading supplies. The bike rider pionts toward a group of islands.

BIKE RIDER [Subtitled] Koh Yao Noi, one hour through those islands ...... Koh Yao Noi ...... One hour! Dean [Trying to communicate] When ... next boat ... longtail leave

The bike rider is confused but just nods and smiles.

Dean [Pionting at his watch] What time next boat? BIKE RIDER Ah! [Pointing at the sun] Sun go down ... [Pointing at Dean's watch] Tomorrow … One hour and twenty minute ... to ... morrow. Dean Tomorrow? BIKE RIDER Yes DEAN Cop cun cap.

The bike rider laughs as if he's never heard a farrang talk Thai.

BIKE RIDER [Laughing] Cop cun cap ... Thank ... You! Ha ha ha ...

The rider then starts his bike and then rides off laughing away to himself.

Cut to early evening. Dean is slowly wading / swimming towards an old longtail boat tied up to a bouy in the bay. No one is around and the sun is fading fast. Dean takes off his wet rucksack and throws it into the boat, then climbs in himself. He slowly unties the boat constantly checking for any activity on the bay and slowly pushes himself to sea with an old bamboo. Once he is far enough out, he pulls some wires from the engine and hot wires them together, then cranks the old motor. Smoke bellows out of the engine as it kicks into motion. Dean heads out for Koh Yao Noi.

Cut to Dean cruising around the coast of Koh Yao Noi. He finds a small deserted Island just off the coast where he can hide his boat. He drives the longtail into some mangrove bushes and camoflages it with branches. Then he climbs back inside the water and swims for the Main Island. The moon is shining and the midnight phospherous shimmers in the sea.

Cut to Dean arriving on a beach. He has obviously been swimming for sometime and is very tired. He crawls out of the sea and crashes out under a bush. Cut to the next morning. A local is carrying some old planks along the beach, smoking a huge spliff, singing away to himself.

Cut to Dean asleep on the beach.

Cut back to the local. He is the same local fisherman in the first scene.

Cut back to Dean. A shadow suddenly closes in over Dean. The fisherman bends down and touches Dean's brow. Dean wakes up in a panic and aggressively grabs hold of the locals hand.

Mr Bean It ok my friend ... [Pointing] Puern ... me friend ... It ok.

Dean is totally disorientated. Dean You speak english? Mr Bean A little I understand my friend ...... No problem ...... You have fever ... here you smoke and come I make you medicine. Cut to a plot of land with four, half built wooden bungalows. Dean is sat with a towel around him. Mr Bean exits an old shanty shack carrying a homemade remedy drink. Dean looks up at Mr Bean.

DEAN I'm sorry I have no money ...... My bag was stolen on the train ...... No money!

MR BEAN It Ok my friend ... No problem ... [Looking at the half built huts] I help you ... then maybe you help me!

Dean sips his bitter drink. Mr Bean just smiles at him. The sound of a Honda moped cues the arrival of Mr Bean's wife and two children. There is a live chicken tied to the handle bars and a front basket full of fresh vegetables. Mr Bean stands up and beckons Dean. Dean stands up as the two kids climb off the bike and take the food into the hut. Mr Bean takes the flapping chicken from his son and addresses his wife.

MR BEAN [subtitled] How is your mama? His wife is unsure of the stranger.

TOHT [subtitled] She gave us a chicken to celebrate prosperety on our new business...... Who's farrang?

MR BEAN [subtitled] I found him asleep on the beach. He has lost his bags and money. [To Dean in English] What your name?

Dean introduces himself to Mr Bean's wife. He bows his head. DEAN Hello, I'm Dean. I'm American.

Toht smiles and bows her head.

MR BEAN Ah! Mr. Dean, me Bean, Mr. Bean! This my wife Toht. She very good cook. You see later when we eat chicken. Mr Bean takes out a knife and slits the chicken's throat. As it starts to struggle he throws it to the ground. Dean is shocked at how barbaric the situation is. Mr Bean notices Dean's reaction.

MR BEAN See Dean, we have many respect for chicken in my country. It very dear to us … We leave to die. Come we go!

Mr Bean and Toht enter the shack. Mr Bean comes back out to get Dean.

MR BEAN Come we go now. Come my friend!

Dean's voice narrates as the sub plot of his evolving relationship with Bean is established through picture scenes.

DEAN'S VOICE So here I was. Finally handed a stay of execution from God. The only problem was I had left my wallet and passport in the hotel room, and I had no way of contacting home as there were no international phones on the island. … Still I had this beautiful but crazy Mr Bean, my own personal Tarzan. The only man I've ever met who gave without expecting anything back in return. In just three weeks he taught me to survive in this amazing country, climbing trees for food, speaking the local language ... and all I could give back in return was helping him build his four little holiday huts.

Dean and Mr Bean are chilling, drinking a beer around a campfire. Mr Bean is throwing waste bits of wood onto the fire. Dean is showing Mr Bean a picture of his Girlfriend.

MR BEAN Oh very beautiful! DEAN Isn't she? MR BEAN You have many weapon my friend DEAN Yeah I've been collecting for 8 years now. Some are even worth something.

MR BEAN Dean many thing worth something. It not have to be big or heavy. Understand?

Mr Bean takes out a shell on a piece of string from around his neck.

MR BEAN Two years I have this. To you it just a shell ... But to me it is like … how you say … gold. When I fell from cave climbing for bird's nest ... You know what is bird nest? DEAN Sure. For birds nest soup? MR BEAN Well I had accident and people thought I would not walk again. And when I woke up in hospital ... My daughter give me shell and say it make me walk ... This is worth more then anything else I have or want. Yet to you it just a shell. Understand?

Dean just smiles at Mr Bean understanding everything he is trying to say.

MR BEAN Dean? You and me puern. You understand ... Puern ... friend. You help me many time with bungalow and you teach me better English. DEAN Believe me, that's nothing to what you have given me. Mr BEAN [Laughing] No problem DEAN Puern! Pom puern! ... I'm gonna hit the sack if we're going searching for wood tomorrow. Goodnight Bean. MR BEAN Dean bah! DEAN Bean boh! Mr Bean laughs as he takes a drag of his self-rolled cigarette. Fade to black.

Cut to early the next morning. A futile Mr Bean abruptly wakes Dean with a pitch fork to his throat.

Mr BEAN You lie! You lie to me! Why? DEAN What? Wait ... Don't hurt me! MR BEAN Why? ... They say you try and kill king? DEAN What ... They're lying! ... I've been set up for...

Mr Bean pulls a crumpled wanted leaflet from the back of his fisherman trousers and throws it at Dean.

MR BEAN [Raising the fork] You lie! You dead man in Thailand! DEAN Please, I didn't do anything I swear. I woke up to find my friends all slaughtered ... I had nothing to do with it! MR BEAN You lie! Why you lie to me? DEAN I'm telling you I'm not lying...... But go ahead put that through my fucking heart, cos once they get hold of me I'm worse than dead! Tense pause. Mr Bean still with his fork raised, can't bring himself to do it. Eventually He throws it down and offers Dean his hand.

MR BEAN My heart say no, I cannot ... But you must leave now. Go! Many police are coming here. If you not lie … then you must go! Quickly!

Dean is relieved. Toht enters the hut. Mr Bean turns to her.

MR BEAN [Subtitled] Go and get money! TOHT [Subtitled] What ...... MR BEAN [Subtitled] No argue, no time! Quick … trust me!

Toht exits the hut.

MR BEAN I am sorry but I can not be seen to help you no more. Or I put my family in many danger. It better you leave Thailand and not come back! DEAN Easier said then done ... I don't have my passport! MR BEAN What is passport? DEAN It's what you need to travel in and out of different countries. But unless I can get a fake one I won't be leaving Thailand. Mr BEAN Then you should go north ...... I have friend of Papa wife, in Chang Mai. Maybe he can arrange for you to go stay with hilltribe people, then I see I can ask and maybe help get passport. DEAN How can you get a US passport. You don't even know what one is? Mr BEAN Many thing happen in this world my friend. I know many powerful Thai people from climbing for birds nest. Many ... how you say in America ... Mafia my friend. DEAN I thought you couldn't help no more? Mr BEAN My head speak many word ... but sometimes my heart speaks more loud.

Toht quickly re-enters carrying some money.

TOHT [Subtitled] The police! They are coming! They will hurt us if they find him here!

Mr Bean takes the money and gives it to Dean.

MR BEAN You take this! It not many to you, but it from my heart, from Toht's heart ...... You must leave now!

Dean hugs Mr Bean and bows to Toht. He goes to leave then stops and turns.

DEAN You are the most amazing man I know! ... Cop Cun Cap ... [Holding the money to his heart] Puern!

Dean picks up his small bag and runs off into the jungle.

Cut to the police approaching up the dirt track. Four mopeds and the car screach to a halt outside Mr Bean's place the driver of the car gets out and opens the back door. Mad Dog exits the car.

Mad Dog I want him alive!

The armed police go to search the huts and shack.

Cut to inside the hut Mr Bean and Toht are in. The door is kicked open and Mr Bean and Toht are told to raise their hands. Loads of shouting and panic.

Officer1 [Subtitled] [Shouting] Don't move! Get your hands so we can see them. Quick, Hands so we can see! Mr BEAN [Subtitled] Don't shoot! Don't shoot!! Officer 2 [Subtitled] [Shouting outside] In here! Another officer checks the toilet area out.

Cut between other police checking the shack and huts.

Cut to Mad Dog walking into the hut where Mr Bean and Toht are being held.

MAD DOG [Subtitled] Where is the farang! Mr BEAN I don't know what you're talking about. There is no farrang here.

Mad Dog flicks his fingers and a police officer brings Mr Bean's 8 year old daughter in by her hair. He puts his hands on the neck of her dress and rips it off of her. She is standing just in her knickers.

MAD DOG [Subtitled] Your daughter would bring a good price in the Asian sex trade. It would be a shame to have her innocence plucked at such an early age ...... Now where is the farrang?

There is a tense pause. Toht starts crying and begging Bean to tell all.

TOHT [Subtitled] Tell them! ...... Don't let them hurt our baby. Tell them! Mr Bean looks aggressively at his wife as if telling her to be quiet but Toht is too scared. TOHT [Subtitled] He stayed here for three weeks but he just ...... MR BEAN [Subtitled] Just disappeared two days ago. Said he was going to Malaysia ...... [Handing Mad Dog the flyer] It was only yesterday that I saw him on the poster MAD DOG [Subtitled] So why didn't you contact us? MR BEAN [Subtitled] I told Mr Apple last night ... that I thought it was him and he said he would tell his brother who works for police ...... Its not our fault that he come here. We don't have a Television ... We had no idea. He left money on the pillow and that was that!

Mad Dog just stares hard at him. Pause. He suddenly takes hold of the naked daughter and puts a knife to her throat. MAD DOG [Subtitled] If I find out you're lying I will gut her and make you eat her piece by piece!

Mad Dog cuts the little girls ear then pushes the girl towards her mother.

MAD DOG [Subtitled] Don’t fuck with me!

Mad Dog exits.

Cut to outside the hut. Mad Dog talks to one of his officers.

MAD DOG [Subtitled] He told them he was going to Malaysia, but that's what he wants us to believe. OFFICER [Subtitled] What makes you so sure?

Mad dog takes Dean's passport out of his coat pocket.

MAD DOG [Subtitled] He can't go anywhere without this!

Cut to Dean sailing into the bay where he stole the longtail boat. A local Thai is screaming abuse at him from the bank. As Dean sails in the Thai starts wading towards the boat shaking his fists. THAI [ Subtitled] Thats my boat you robbing bastard! I've been looking for that for the past three weeks

Cut to a train pulling out of Surrathanii station. It is late. As the train leaves the platform, Dean runs out from the points shed and jumps onto the step of one of the carriages. He tries to open the door but cannot. He notices a window slightly open and pulls it fully open. He pulls himself through landing head over heals in the toilet. Cut to outside the toilet. A transport police officer hears a bang. He stops and knocks on the door. Cut back to Dean. Dean turns quickly to the door and thinks what to do. He starts simulating being violently sick. Cut back to the officer. He smiles to himself. Transport Officer Farrang!

Cut to Dean walking through different carriages. As he walks through a sleeping carriage he notices the ticket guard in the next carriage walking through, checking tickets. In front of him is a top bunk with a fat Chinese looking guy talking to his wife on his mobile. The underneath bunk is free. Dean jumps into the underneath bunk and half closes the curtain as the ticket guard enters the carriage.

Guard (In Thai) Tickets please.

The fat Chinese guy says goodbye to his wife, puts his phone on the outside of his pillow and climbs out of his bunk to go to the toilet, blocking the corridor for the ticket inspector.

Guard (In Thai) Tickets please.

The Chinese guy takes his ticket from under his pillow and shows the guard. Dean crouches behind the half open curtain. The Guard checks the ticket then glances at the half open bunk before moving on. The Chinese guy puts the ticket under his phone then walks off towards the toilet scratching his rear. Cut to Dean. Dean looks up at where the guy left his ticket. He raises his hand to try and grab it without anyone looking. He takes the phone and the ticket then looks up and down the carriage. The Guard is exiting the sleeping carriage. Dean dials his girlfriend’s number back in the US, checking for the Chinese guy. The number is engaged and a Thai voice speaks. Dean tries again only this time connecting. Eventually Anna, his girlfriend, answers . ANNA Hello.

DEAN Baby its me …

Anna is shocked. She hangs up and backs away. The phone rings again. She picks it up ANNA Who is this! DEAN Anna, please don’t put the phone down I didn’t do anything … Please …

ANNA Dean? …

DEAN Yeah it’s me.

Anna puts the phone down again. Once again Dean calls back, checking for the return of the Chinese guy. Anna once again picks up

ANNA I thought you were dead … They told me you where dead!

DEAN Who told you … Listen, I don’t have much time. Whatever they say it isn’t true. I promise. You must believe me.

ANNA Why didn’t you call! … I …

DEAN I’m in a lot of trouble … Something weird’s going on. They’re all dead … God it’s good to speak to you.

ANNA I was about to give your stuff to Alexis, he’s was going to look after it until I could bare to go through it all.

DEAN Alexis!

Dean notices the fat Chinese guy exiting the toilet.

DEAN I’ve got to go … Listen, don’t trust Alexis … Something’s so fucking wrong here. You’ve gotta trust me … I Love you. Dean hangs up the phone. ANNA Wait …Love you too.

A tear appears in Anna’s eye as she hangs up. Cut back to Dean. The Chinese guy is walking back. Dean quickly picks up the ticket and puts it into his wallet, then puts the phone back before closing the curtain fully. The Chinese guy climbs back into bed. Dean hears the guy climb into bed. He opens his wallet to take out the picture of his girlfriend and himself to look at. It has gone. Dean punches the side of the train in frustration. He is worn down. A tear forms in his eye.

DEAN (Narrating) Not only do I find out my best friend isn’t dead but he’s back home steeling my stuff. He had to have been involved otherwise he’d be still dead with his throat cut … I wonder how many of the other fuckers were involved?

Cut to the morning. Dean is being woken up by the cabin boy who wants to put the bed back into a seat.

DEAN’S VOICE (Narrating) I hardly got any sleep that night. Between trying to figure out what the hell was going on and the squeaking breaks of that old train stopping at every stop.

The guard walks up the corridor shouting something at the passengers. Everyone gets their belongings together. Dean panics as he tries to ask what is going on.

DEAN What’s he say? … What did the guard say?

Two Thai guys smile at him and nod their heads and say ‘Yes’

DEAN No! I need to know what the guard said. Understand?

Thai Guy How … ah … you …today?

Dean tries to ask again. The fat Chinese guy answers. Chinese Guy They stop the train at next stop for police check.

DEAN Thanks … Cop cun cap.

The Chinese guy is obviously looking for his ticket. Dean heads towards the toilet. He locks the door and lowers the window. Without realising the train is slowing down for the next station Dean climbs out of the window. He lowers himself down slightly running with the train. As he lets go he rolls over and falls. As he picks his head up he sees the boot of a Thai policeman. The officer kicks Dean in the face. Dean turns over and the officer puts a foot on his neck, pinning him to the floor. The officer turns and calls over to another group of officers.

Officer (Thai) Quick, I caught him trying to jump out the window!

The officers disperse as Mad Dog emerges from the middle.

MAD DOG That’s him!

Cut to another police interrogation room. Dean is again cuffed to the chair. The door opens as Mad Dog and another official walks in.

MAD DOG Your trial has been set for five weeks time. Until then you will be held in Bang Kwan top security prison.

DEAN What the fuck for? I haven’t done anything!

Mad Dog turns to the other official.

MAD DOG (Thai) If he causes a disturbance or resists in any way. Beat him … Hard! The Official uncuffs Dean’s legs from the chair and recuffs them back together. He then uncuffs his hands from the chair and recuffs them behind his back. He then pulls Dean up by his hair. The official aggressively pushes Dean out of the cell past Mad Dog.

MAD DOG I will make sure you get the death sentence! Farrang!

Mad Dog laughs hysterically.

Cut to Anna’s apartment. Alexis rings her front doorbell. Anna opens the door, she is surprised and now wary to see Alexis.

ALEXIS Hey what’s up? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

ANNA Erm … No, I erm … What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work?

ALEXIS I was passing by so I thought I’d pop round and get Dean’s stuff out of your way, you know … so it doesn’t keep reminding you too much of … well you know what I’m saying …

ANNA I don’t think I wanna get rid of them just yet.

ALEXIS Oh don’t be silly ‘course you do. I know how you feel … he was my best friend as well.

Alexis tries to enter the flat. Anna puts her arm across the door.

ANNA Look I said I didn’t want to get rid of them yet!

ALEXIS (Shocked) Are you ok? Anna starts to cry. Alexis comforts her by putting his arms around her. He tries to walk Anna into her apartment but Anna doesn’t wanna go inside with him

ALEXIS Hey come on, I’m sorry. It was insensitive of me. It’s your stuff, you’re right … whatever you want to do with it. I just thought I’d help store it, you know ‘til you had the time an all. Are you sure your Ok? You, er … look a little pale. Fancy a cup of coffee or something?

ANNA Alexis, I just wanna be on my own … I’ve got a lot of things to sort out in my head … Where I’m going in life, where I’m gonna live now ... I just need time to be on my own, please …

Alexis is slightly suspicious.

ALEXIS Yeah sure. Call me, right!

ANNA I will

ALEXIS I’m always here for you. You know that don’t you?

ANNA Yeah, and … thanks.

ALEXIS Don’t mention it! Laters.

Alexis gets into his car and starts it up as Anna closes her door. She takes a deep breath as she hears Alexis’s car drive off. She picks the phone up and dials the operator.

ANNA Yeah, could I have the number for the US embassy … Thailand please. Cut to Bang Kwan top security prison. It is filthy and very run down. A door is opened to reveal fifteen or so Thai and western prisoner’s squatting in a dark cell. They have obviously been locked up there for some time. They all squint at the light entering the cell

PRISON GUARD Pwisoner 315, come out slowly with your hands above your head.

A very ill looking Dean exits the crowded cell with his hands above his head. He is convulsing and crying at the same time.

DEAN There’s a dead fucking body in there you barbarians. It’s been dead for …

Dean gets butt whipped to the ground.

PRISON GUARD Thank Budha it not you farrang! Thank Budha it not you!

The guard grabs Dean by the handcuffs and drags him up.

PRISON GUARD Move you have visitor!

Dean is being pushed down a filthy corridor by the guard.

PRISON GUARD You have shower and you say only good thing about Bang Kwan or you’ll go straight back in there! Understand!!

Cut to Dean being blasted with water. Two guards are taking pleasure in half drowning him.

Cut to Dean walking into the visiting room. He takes a seat behind a glass partition. Mr Bean is sat on the other side. He points at an old phone for Dean to pick up. Mr Bean picks up his phone.

Mr BEAN Did you do it or not? I need you to tell me truth. Dean’s eyes say it all.

DEAN Help me please.

Mr BEAN Tell me the truth and maybe I can help.

DEAN I didn’t do it. I don’t even know what the fuck I was suppose to have done … You have to believe me.

Mr Bean puts the photo of Dean and Anna down on the table. Dean is shocked.

Mr BEAN I took this out of your wallet. That weapon there look very similar to the Emerald Eye. You know Emerald Eye?

DEAN No, never heard of it.

Mr BEAN Present to King number two of Cambodia from King number four of Thailand. Stolen from Cambodia in 1979 just after the terror reign of Poll Pot. It is worth 14 million dollar on open market. This is reason for your trouble! I think.

DEAN It’s not real. I bought that 2 years ago in Vietnam. It cost me $30 that’s all. It’s a fake!

Mr BEAN Many strange thing happen in my world. Many important treasure go missing Dean, Oh many time this happen my friend.

DEAN The whole fucking world is like it.

Mr BEAN If I’m right you have big problem my friend!

DEAN No shit?

Mr BEAN I might be able to help you, but I need many Baht Dean. Many many Baht.

DEAN I don’t have anything on me. All I have is in the States.

Mr BEAN In my country money talks louder then me or you my friend. Can I call your home for you to arrange dollar?

DEAN How much are we talking here?

Mr BEAN eighty, ninety, maybe one hundred thousand dollar.

DEAN Are you fucking crazy! I don’t have that … Fuck!!

A guard comes over and knocks the phone out of Dean’s hand with a stick. Mr Bean then stands up and knocks on the glass flashing a thousand Baht note.

Mr BEAN My sai ban ha! My sai ban ha!

The Guard stops and nods to the hatch. Mr Bean puts the note in a wooden draw. The guard then opens the inner hatch door and takes the note. As he walks away he slaps Dean across the head. Mr BEAN What is fuck? You say a lot?

DEAN What? … Fuck is … well it’s just fuck!

Mr Bean is trying to comprehend the word but obviously doesn’t get it.

Mr BEAN If you want to live you must think of how I can help you.

DEAN Even my parents don’t have that kinda money … Not even if they sold their … Wait a minute. Pete Lawton! Yeah, that’s it! He paid for my collage years. I met him at an auction for rare Eastern weapons. He knew my dad, and when I showed interest in his collection. He use to let me go round and help him polish them for show. Why the fuck would he give me $100,000?

Mr BEAN Can you remember his number? I give him a call and ask him for help.

DEAN Erm … no … I … wait Anna will have it … Anna! Oh my God Anna has the sword. You must warn her. Tell her to get out and to tell no one where she’s going. Her number’s 001 426 738 5591

Mr BEAN Once again but slowly please.

DEAN 001 426 738 5591. Quick hurry. They might have already got to her.

Mr BEAN I go now but you must not speak of this to anyone. You understand?

DEAN Yeah sure. But please hurry. I promise I’ll pay you back whatever you want. Just call my girlfriend please.

Mr BEAN I don’t need your money … I speak soon. And thank you, you been a help.

Mr Bean smiles, stands up and walks out. Dean then registers Bean’s last words as they replay in his head. He panics as he realises he has now given Bean his home number. He freaks out in the room. The door is closed behind Bean.

DEAN No! You fucking leave her alone you bastards!

Three guards rush to Dean and beat him severely with their sticks.

Cut to Dean being sentenced in a Thai court. Everything is in Thai. Dean hasn’t a clue what’s going on. It is very manic and intimidating. Eventually the judge bangs his hammer then looks at Dean hard. Mad Dog quickly gets up and shakes the prosecutors hand.

DEAN What? What the hell is going on!

Dean’s Thai lawyer shakes his head, collects his stuff then walks away.

DEAN Will someone tell me what the hell is going on!

Mad Dog walks over smiling proudly.

MAD DOG You have just been sentenced to life on the Kings pardon … either way your life is over farrang!

Cut to Two weeks later

Dean is back in prison and is tied to the doors of his cell. He has been badly beaten. A Thai guard is pacing the cell with a lit cigarette in has hand, as another guard has a cat of nine tails in his hand. The Thai Guard opens a tin of fruit from a selection of rashens on a table, takes a piece then empties the rest out in front of Dean. He then nods at the other guard who lashes Dean. Dean screams for mercy.

THAI GUARD Where is she? All you have to do to stop the pain is tell me where your girlfriend and the ‘Emerald Eye’ is, and all this can stop.

The guard puts his cigarette out on Dean’s back. Dean screams again.

DEAN I’ve told you I’ve no fucking idea where she is! And I don’t know anything about your stupid ‘Emerald Eye’!!

The Thai guard nods at the other guard who lashes Dean again.

THAI GUARD We will find her with or without your help. But if you do not co-operate I can assure you she will be found and raped, several times, before they gut her and leave her to bleed a slow, painful death.

DEAN You fucking touch her and you’re dead … all of you, you Asian shitheads!

Again the guard nods at the other. He then punches Dean twice in his kidneys. Dean coughs and growns in pain.

THAI GUARD Your personal pride is flattering Mr Dean so I tell you what I’m going to do. If you tell me the whereabouts of the ‘Emerald Eye’ then I will do all in my power to get you off death row and be able to get out of here within the next ten years. Depending on your conduct of course!

DEAN I’ve told you. I have no idea what you’re talking about. I collect copies of samurai weapons and I figure you already know where I live … so if they’re not there I’ve no idea! Cos guess what? I’m 12 thousand fucking miles away locked up in deepest fucking hell with you!

The guard just looks at Dean. The other guard lashes Dean again. A third guard enters the cell and whispers in the Thai guards ear. The Thai guard smiles then turns and spits in Dean’s face. The other guard lashes Dean again who screams again. THAI GUARD A months solitary confinement will maybe help him remember.

The Thai guard exits.

Cut to blackout where Dean has spent the past month. The doors to solitary confinement are being open. Dean is ordered out. Dean exits the cell holding his eyes as he hasn’t seen light in a month. The Thai guard stops him. Another takes hold of his arms as the Thai guard forces both eyes open with his fingers. THAI GUARD (Laughing) Just checking you can see me Mr Dean.

Dean tries to move his head as his eyes burn with the light saturation.

THAI GUARD You have a visitor waiting so get yourself cleaned up.

Cut to a wet Dean being pushed through the door to the visiting room. Mr Bean is sat waiting. Dean sits down and picks up the phone.

DEAN If you think I’m gonna tell you anything more you piece of shit …

Mr Bean interrupts.

Mr BEAN What happened Dean? Why you angry with me?

DEAN Don’t play the innocent with me. Why else would you be here?

Mr BEAN I come to tell you good news!

DEAN Oh yeah you … what? Mr BEAN I spoke to Mr Peelawtown … Pete Lawton with you need help. I told him about the ‘Emerald Eye’ and you need many dollar for freedom and he say he give you the $100,000.

DEAN What? He’s gonna just give me 100K just like that on the whim that someone believes that my stupid weapons collection happens to contain the original ‘Emerald Eye’ all the way from Viet-fucking-nam …

Mr BEAN Cambodia … a present from Thai King.

DEAN … Or where ever the hell it came from! What does he want in return? One night with my girl? (BANGING THE PHONE DOWN) Christ, I’m living a fucking movie

A guard butts Dean with the end of his truncheon.

GUARD (In Thai) Settle down!

Dean picks the phone back up.

Mr BEAN All he want is to look after your collection till you pay money back.

DEAN Yeah right!

Mr BEAN Why you think I make joke with you? It true. I speak with Anna but she not there. So I come to tell you news and find out where Anna is.

DEAN I don’t know where she’d be. She could be anywhere …

Mr BEAN Maybe her mama will know.

DEAN They died fifteen years ago … She was adopted by her aunt who … Her Aunt. Try this number … erh 001 3 … 7 .. 4, 628 … 79 … 31, yeah 31 I think … Yeah 31. Tell her to tell Anna to remember Café de Paris … in London … and to call you back, Don’t forget to leave your number.

Mr BEAN Café de Paris … Understand! … Now I have also speak with friend of someone who know doctor in Tao Lao prison hospital. I arrange with him to show you way out of prison and make you free again.

DEAN Great. But I’m in Bang Kwan prison you fucking moron!

Mr BEAN What is fucking moron?

DEAN Erm … it’s like slang … ‘puern’ you know friend.

Mr BEAN Oh I see … sound similar to Fuck. Is that same?

DEAN Erm … sort of ... …

Mr BEAN Oh I see … Well all you have to do is pretend you need hospital by next Friday and he will help. You stay in hospital for two day then on Sunday when they not have many guard. Doctor Porb … He help you escape.

DEAN Porb? … But what if we don’t find Anna in time?

Mr BEAN If you think that it will not happen my friend. If you think about tomorrow being good again it better my friend. Understand? DEAN What ever.

Mr BEAN Arrai ge die! It mean what ever. I see you later puern. Many thing to be done … ... Oh one thing. It cost many dollar … you understand? eighty towsand dollar to my friend and his doctor friend. I give my family ten towsand just in case I get found, understand? That leave you ten towsand dollar. Will you be able to get back to your country with that?

DEAN Yeah, I just need to get to the US embassy.

Mr BEAN Mai sai ban ha. Just make sure you get to hospital by next Friday. I see you soon.

Bean gets up to go.

DEAN I sure hope we can trust your friend!

Bean turns back to the window.

Mr BEAN Jai dee Dean. If he my friend then he have good heart. You have also. Jai dee.

DEAN Yeah, he needs to with eighty grand in his hand.

Cut to a very wealthy mansion in the States. A late middle aged man is sat in a leather chair in his drawing room. The phone rings. The man picks up the phone. A pigeon English Thai voice is heard.

Thai voice (Muffled) Mr Lawtown. Mr Lawton I’ve been expecting your call. Have you got it?

Thai voice Yes.

Mr Lawton Good. When will I have it in my possession?

Thai voice It should be with you … before Friday.

Mr Lawton Good. I’ll have the money transferred by 10 o’clock Friday morning. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you. Oh, and if you come across anything else that you think I might be interest in then get in touch.

Cut to Mr Bean on a phone booth in Bangkok train station.

Mr BEAN I understand. It been good doing business with you too.

Cut back to Mr Lawton. He puts the phone down and looks at a book with a picture of the ‘Emerald Eye’ on the front cover. He has an evil smirk on his face.

Cut to Friday morning in Bang Kwan Prison. Dean is laying in his filthy cell. Pan up and down the other cells. Some of the Prisoners have gone mad. One is catching a cockroach and eating it. Two are jacking up with rusty needles. Dean checks up and down the corridor. The corridor door opens and three guards enter. Two guards are carrying a huge heavy pot. The other one bangs on the cell bars. One by one the prisoners hold there food bowl out.

Cut to Dean who takes a jacking up kit from under his mattress and ties a piece of string around his arm.

Cut to a bowl being filled up with watery rice slops. Cut back to Dean. He takes out a small tin from the window ledge and opens it. There is a small heap of white substance wrapped in cling film which he takes out and opens.

Cut to the guards getting closer.

Cut back to Dean. He is picking up his bowl and half filling it with his toilet hole. He takes a drink before spitting it out and vomiting over his cell.

Cut. The guards are aware of the commotion so one of them investigates.

Cut back to Dean. Dean empties the powder into his mouth which starts to instantaneously effervesce.

Cut to the guard running to Dean’s cell. Dean is lying on the floor surrounded by vomit, convulsing with a needle hanging from his arm. The arm tie has been loosened.

GUARD (In Thai) Quick go get the doctor. Quick!

One of the guards drops his half of the pot and rushes out for help. Some of the contents spill over the floor. The other cellmates scramble to claim as much of the spilt gruel as possible.

Cut to a Prison ambulance approaching Tao Lao Prison Hospital.

Cut to Dean being picked up by his arms and legs and swung onto a stretcher like a piece of meat. He is rushed into an operating room. Two masked doctors check Dean out. One forces his eyes open and shines his torch in it as the other one gets a huge needle ready to jab him. The first doctor asks the nurse what is the problem.

DOCTOR 1 (In Thai) What happened?

NURSE (In Thai) Heroin overdose. Convulsions, Vomiting …

DOCTOR 2 (In Thai) Pump his stomach! The Doctor injects Dean with a heavy knockout drug.

DEAN Porb … Doctor Porb?

DOCTOR 1 (Laughing) Doctor Porb? He not work here. I don’t know.

DEAN What, but he … has …to ….

Dean becomes unconscious. The two doctors continue to pump his stomach. Picture and sound all blend into a cacophony of an acid trip eventually grinding to to a blackout halt.

Cut to Monday morning. Dean’s cell door is opened by a small Thai doctor. A coffin is carried into the cell by two guards. He goes over to a heavily sedated Dean and tries to wake him by shaking him. Eventually Dean opens his eyes. He is dribbling down the side of his face.

DOCTOR PORB Wake up. You must wake up now!

DEAN (Broken) Leave me to die. Please leave me to die … …

DOCTOR PORB I have escape for you. It already been arrange so if you die you die after, yes? Quick get inside coffin and be quiet and still. I help you.

DEAN I … can’t … move

The Doctor helps Dean off the bed and over towards the coffin.

DOCTOR PORB Oh, they really drug you up to your balls … In here, quick … No sound, no sound. Dean falls into the coffin semi-conscious. The Doctor bangs on the cell door. The two guards re enter. DOCTOR PORB Take him to the mortuary. Quick, very contagious … Quick he die. Hold your breath.

The two guards look scared as they pick the heavy coffin up and hurry it to the mortuary.

Cut to the mortuary. The Doctor takes the lid off and tries to pull Dean out.

DOCTOR PORB Quick you must stand on your own as you have to go now … Here this will help.

The Doctor injects Dean with another cocktail. Dean jumps up still slurry but now his body is buzzing, fighting against his dreariness. The Doctor hands him a map.

DOCTOR PORB Follow this map until you get to the waste chute. At 10 o’clock it will be opened and you will be washed into the river. Then you must swim down stream where you will see an old blue longtail with a woman wearing a … how you say? Wickerat on her head?

DEAN A wicker hat …

DOCTOR PORB My English not so good but better than your Thai no? (Laughing) There you must say ‘I would kill for a coke’

DEAN Then what?

DOCTOR PORB That all! She help you … that all I know. It better me not know anymore. Understand? You free … but must disappear away very quickly as you already dead! (Laughing again)

The Doctor pushes the empty coffin into a huge furnace. DOCTOR PORB Hurry you must go. Only have fifteen minute before waste pipe is opened. Bye! Bye!! You go now. (Openning an air vent) You go through here, quickly!

A Dean that is as high as a kite yet still heavily sedated tries to move. Banging into everything as his co-ordination isn’t working properly. He finally climbs into the air duct. Turning back to the Doctor.

DEAN I didn’t think you were real. Didn’t think you were going to turn up. Thank you.

DOCTOR PORB (Laughing) Got the Flu. Had two day off … But thank you … I very rich because of you. (Laughing again)

The Doctor closes the air duct door and signs the death form for patient 315

Cut to Dean clumsily following the map to the waste pit. On arrival the stench is so vile Dean throws up. A warning siren is heard as the prison is about to empty the pit. Dean jumps in. There is a loud steam valve heard opening as the lower pit door is raised. All the waste is washed out into the Bangkok river.

Cut back to the mortuary. Mad dog is smashing up the place as the doctor is held by two guards. MAD DOG (In Thai) Why burn him so quickly. Why couldn’t you save him!

DOCTOR PORB (In Thai) It is all standard procedure. He had a very contagious form Tuburculosis. His body must be burned immediately to stop the risk of the disease spreading. All standard proceedings. Now if you don’t mind I have my job to do!

Mad dog screams and punches the Doctor in the stomach as he leaves. The two guards drop the Doctor to the floor and follow Mad Dog out.

Cut to Dean been carried down stream with the current. He eventually notices the boat and swims towards it. He grabs the side of the boat slightly tipping it. A woman is sat with a boat full of soft drinks. She looks at Dean.

DEAN I could kill for a coke!

The woman smiles with her black teeth.

WOMAN Sowadee cap!

Cut to dusk. The woman is sailing her boat with Dean asleep inside down the river. She pulls up to an old jetty with a lone figure on. The man talks Thai to the woman then exchanges 1000Bahts with her. He then takes a bottle of water and pours it over Dean waking him up.

DEAN What the hell … …

Mr BEAN You made it my friend. It good to see you again.

DEAN What the hell’s good about it?

Mr BEAN You my friend are free!

DEAN Free! … Free? I’ve gone through … no beyond hell and back … and … and while things are looking good right this moment, I’m still stuck in this fucking shit hole, wanted for the attempted assassination of a King I didn’t even know was a King … Oh and let’s not forget the 8 or so friends that were mutilated … or not as it now seems! Free? … More like fucked! … … And I didn’t think you were even come through!

Mr BEAN Oh you mean doctor! (Laughing away to himself) He got sick. Had to come in later. But now Thai Police think you die so you free puern.

DEAN If only it was as easy. I’ve gotta somehow go to the US embassy, sort out a passport and try and explain this unbelievable mess. Cut to outside the US embassy. Mr Bean takes a pair of sunglasses off and pats dean on the Back.

Mr BEAN It all over very soon. Very soon.

Mr Bean and Dean crosses the road to the entrance gate.

Cut to Mad Dog

Cut to Anna's sisters house in a quiet village/town settlement in the USA. A taxi pulls up outside the house and Dean gets out. He pays the bill and tips the driver.

DEAN Cheers man, have good day.

The cab drives off. Dean stops for a minute and takes a look around. He is obviously enjoying his freedom. He walks up to the front door and calls out.

DEAN Hey ... Anyone home?

There is no answer. Dean opens the outer fly door and walks in.

DEAN Anna? Anybody here?

Dean picks up a photo of Dean, Anna and her sister on the side board. He smiles to himself. He enters the kitchen and dumps his bags on the chair. He opens the fridge and takes a carton of milk from it. The music becomes tense. Dean closes the fridge door. We are shocked no-one is behind the fridge door.

Psion

Cut to Black. Slowly sound and very blurred vision fades up from Dean’s perspective. Mr Lawton is sat in an armchair, one hand leaning on the ‘Emerald Eye’ as a walking stick. Alexis is slapping Dean around the face bringing him back to reality. Dean’s hands are taped around the back of the chair he is sitting on.

Mr LAWTON Welcome home!

DEAN What the … ? (Focusing on Alexis) You! You sick, twisted mother fucker!

Mr Lawton nods at Alexis. Alexis punches Dean around the face.

ALEXIS All in a days work … mate.

Mr LAWTON Enough prattling … I’ll be blunt because as you most probably know … I don’t have time for small talk and I’ve wasted enough time already tracking down this wretched thing, which leaves me with only one question. Where is it?

DEAN What are you fucking stupid? It’s in your hand you dumb smuck!

Alexis again punches Dean in the head.

ALEXIS Don’t fuck with us!

Anna tries to stop him but she is gagged.

Mr LAWTON Like I already said I’ve wasted enough time on this already. This is nothing but a cheap fake. A good one as far as detail … but let down by the cheap materials …

DEAN I swear I don’t know what you are talking about! Mr LAWTON See, I know you had the real McCoy because it was authenticated by my former partner Mr Alexis James …

ALEXIS What the fuck you mean former partner?

Peter Lawton gets up out of his chair and walks around the room examining the sword.

Mr LAWTON When Mr James approached me with the possibility of acquiring me the infamous ‘Emerald Eye’ I was intrigued … especially with his simple but what then seamed feasible plan. Buying a few bent officers … faking his own death …

DEAN What about the others that was slaughtered needlessly, they had nothing to do with it?

ALEXIS Ariel? Andy Mc-fucking-nally? Oh come on … Oh yes Fran and Ania … Should have seen them … screaming for mercy as I fucked their little brains out.

Mr LAWTON The point is my friend everything was going to plan until you managed to slip from the sloppy grasp of the Thai police. One phone call from you to her … that’s all it took to mess up a perfectly good plan.

DEAN Glad I could have been of service!

Mr Lawton nods at Alexis.

ALEXIS What do you mean former partner?

Mr LAWTON Oh just hit him will you! Alexis once again hits Dean in the head. Dean this time spits out a tooth and a mouthful of blood. Mr Lawton wipes the blood from Dean’s mouth. He looks at the blood then slowly tastes it.

Mr LAWTON Then purely by luck I get a call from a Thai guy called Been of all people ... and we did a deal … Your life for the ‘Eye’ … Unfortunately what he failed to tell me was that he was going to get a cheap imitation made and couriered over to your beloved Anna. This was the last mistake I would tolerate … and as Mr James is responsible for bringing me here and not presenting me with the real ‘Emerald Eye’ … I’m left with no choice but to terminate our proposed partnership.

Mr Lawton plunges the sword into Alexis’s back. Dean screams out as Mr Lawton almost picks Alexis up forcing him to move towards the sideboard before pulling out the sword. Alexis is silent as he spits blood from his mouth before collapsing onto the floor, knocking various ornaments off of the sideboard as he goes. He catapults two samarai circular knife throws that Dean had gave to his sister-in-law into the air. As Alexis falls to the floor the two circular knives spin towards him in slow motion. One lands cutting two of his fingers off as the other sticks straight into the wooden floor. Alexis gurgles with pain as he gasps for his last breath. Dean stands with the chair connected to him and rushes towards Alexis but Mr Lawton stops him in his tracks by pointing the sword at him.

Mr LAWTON I wouldn’t if I was you … See the only thing that is stopping me inserting this into your gut right now is the whereabouts of the original.

DEAN You sick fuck! I don’t have a clue what you’re on about … I’ve just got back from fucking Thailand.

Mr LAWTON Hmmm … You’re right … How stupid of me.

Mr Lawton looks at Anna then back at Dean.

Mr LAWTON Well lets see … Now that you’re home … I guess that leaves the lovely Anna, like dear Mr James here … surplus to requirements.

Mr Lawton turns the sword on to Ann Ironic that I finally managed to acquire a $14,000,000 sword for just $100,000. All was going perfectly until he found out this very authentic sword was a cheap Asian copy dated three weeks not three thousand years. But now another turn in the books means now Dean is home his girlfriend has become surplus to requirements. The millionaire takes the sword and cuts Anna's shirt open, drawing blood. Dean Screams at him. 'Maybe I've found a reason for you to hand over the sword. Dean gets Alexis's attention and nods over to the dresser. There are the two circular weapons that Dean posted from Thailand earlier on there. Dean then goes into a spiel about the sword and how some German acquired the sword for a museum in Isreal and that they agreed to make a copy for him. Its gonna take at least nine months to be able to tell if its authentic or not but until it is agreed they made a copy for his own display. Dean finishes by saying 'Game Over!' The millionaire will never get his hands on the sword as long as he lives. The millionaire replies if that’s the way it has to be then that’s the way it has to be. He takes the sword and is about to slay Anna. Suddenly Alexis throws the weapons into the millionaires back. The millionaire smiles then falls sword first onto Anna pinning her to the chair by pushing the blade through her arm. She screams as Dean rushes over. The man is still conscious and grabs Dean and tries to pull his head onto the blade that has gone through Anna's arm. There is a tense struggle. Suddenly there is a thud as Anna head-buts the millionaire who falls back onto the the weapons sticking into his back. Dean unties Anna then pulls the sword from her arm. She calls 911 as Dean rushes over to Alexis. He puts his hands over Alexis's wound. Blood is coming from Alexis's mouth who is crying . He says he is so sorry as he dies in Dean's arms.

At the end Mr Bean tells of a premunition he had sat at a fire with many westerners and Dean asked what he was doing here? 'I don't know why but when I met you I knew I had to help you'.