Saying Good-Bye

Introduction

It took weeks and months to prepare mentally, socially and spiritually for your short-term mission. It is only fitting that you be thinking in advance of all that can be done to prepare for a successful departure and re-entry. It won't take much effort to lay the ground work for the many emotional and mental transitions ahead. The following outline provides teaching material and tips for an on-field team meeting.

Preparing for a Proper Farewell

V.L. Hunter in his article "Closure and Commencement: the Stress of Coming Home" writes, "Goodbyes are important. Without a meaningful goodbye and effective closure, there cannot be a creative hello, a new beginning and hopeful commencement." A good ending of a short-term mission experience ensures a smoother beginning of life back home. Here are some practical suggestions as your team plans ahead for departure.

Say "Goodbye" One significant part of closure is saying goodbye to people and places. Proper farewells with the nationals, missionaries and the church include farewell parties, time where you "just stop by to say goodbye," and special outings with friends.

Say "Thank You" Saying "thank you" and affirming relationships are important to a proper closure. There are culturally sensitive ways of expressing affirmation in relationships. Gift giving, in

many cultures, expresses appreciation and affirmation of the relationship. You could enhance the closure of their mission experience by knowing the culturally appropriate ways to say "I appreciate you," "Goodbye," and "Thank You!"

Say "I'm Sorry" Another component of effective closure is resolving conflict. It is clearing one's conscience of any misunderstanding, failure or sin. You may need to facilitate opportunities to ask for and grant forgiveness of each other in a sensitive and Biblical manner.

Other Helpful Tips

1. Don't be afraid to show emotion. More than likely the nationals have fewer inhibitions than you, so learn from them! Hugs, if appropriate, and words of appreciation are expressions you won't regret.

2. Treasure the moment. So often we live our lives for the future and fail to appreciate the present moment. This is a good moment, one that cannot be duplicated. Value what is happening.

3. Get the address of those you intend to write. Don't make commitments to everyone. Be realistic. That will help you have integrity at home and abroad. 4. Give a small gift as a token of your friendship. The giving of gifts should not be elaborate because they may introduce awkwardness into the friendship. Choose something personal that will remind the person of you.

5. Talk about your feelings with the team after you have departed. This will create an environment where others may feel its okay to share their grief and joy.

6. Don't expect others to handle the goodbyes as you do. We all respond differently to emotionally charged events. Be accepting of other's inhibitions or tears.

7. Get plenty of photographs or video footage. You, and perhaps only you, will value this at home. You may also want to send photographs to the host community once you are home. Be sure photographs and video are appropriate in the host community.

8. Agree to pray for one another. This is the most important expression of love you may be able to share with your newfound friends. Let them know they will be in your prayers.

9. Avoid making financial commitments during the goodbyes. You may confuse a very valuable time by introducing finances into your farewells. Furthermore, you might make a commitment you are unable to keep once you get back home. Wait and think through your financial decisions and make sure you check with your host to find the best way to give, if the Lord is leading in this area.

Preparing for a Proper Re-Entry America and your home town have redeeming qualities. They also have flaws. Being away from "home" will give new light to these realities. Being in another country, however, will cause you to appreciate all the more the things that you love about "home" and may stir deep emotions against the flaws of your own culture or home. Here are some discussion starters as you lead your team through the re-entry process.

Preoccupation with Materialism Back in the U.S., the desire for material comforts and possessions is a dominant theme.

 Are you prepared to face this fact, especially if you are returning from a culture where people are content with little or have only the basic necessities of life?  Has your sensitivity to basic human needs been heightened by your experiences abroad?  What responses might you have to affluence, waste or overindulgence?  Suggestions o Do not be quick to condemn; realize that others have not had the same exposure to another way of life. The preoccupation with "their world," as they know it, is only natural. o Be prepared for sensory bombardment, if you have become accustomed to simplicity in choice and lifestyle. An overabundance of goods, choices, etc. can overwhelm you at first. o Expect others to not completely understand how you feel when their "materialistic ways" seem wrong to you.

Doing Things the "Best" Way This is often referred to as ethnocentrism. It is only natural that every culture values its own ways or what they perceive to be the "best" way.

 Is bigger, better, faster and more accurate really best?  Do other cultures have something to offer us?  Expect to receive blank stares or an air of disapproval from your compatriots, if you question traditional ways.  Suggestions o Be on the alert for a "holier-than-thou" attitude. Do not be too quick to judge others for their ethnocentric stance or think that your way is the best way. o Share your perspectives, but at the same time avoid becoming involved in arguments. On the other hand, do not allow yourself to withdraw or refuse to discuss matters because of opposition.

Personal Worth and Recognition Possibly one of the most difficult areas to address is personal fulfillment. Have team members ask themselves the following questions.

 Was my service valuable?  Will anyone recognize my contribution or my sacrifice?  Will I be just another fish in a big pond?  What will the situation be like upon my return?  Suggestions o Do not expect to be in the limelight for long after your return. Some may ask to see your slides, have you speak, etc., but soon you will be back to your "ordinary citizen" status. o Realize that your worth and recognition comes from God. View your mission as service to Him, not something with which to gain recognition and praise from others. o Do not allow yourself to feel hurt or sorry for yourself when people do not notice you or your service. God notices.

o Look for ways to meet the needs of others; this will help you take the focus off yourself (see Philippians 2:3-4).

Refer to the Reflection Questions in the Spiritual Journal inside the Goer Guide.

Source: The Next Mile: Short-Term Missions for the Long Haul, Resource CD, www.authenticbooks.com