“A Biblical Description of the Marriage Covenant” (Sunday Morning November 6th, 2011) Selected Scriptures

O.S. In Her Book Entitled, “The Divorce Culture”, Dr. Barbara DeFoe Whitehead Stated That 64% of the Friends Involved in a Wedding Believe That the Couple Will Eventually Get a Divorce

-> So, Now You Know What Most of Your Friends Were Thinking as You and Your Spouse Were Exchanging Your Vows (Behind Your Back, Perhaps, They Were…)

-> And the Sad Truth is That They are Right on Target Because 65% of New Marriages Won’t Make It

-> Another 10% of the Couples Will Stay Together for Various Reasons, But They Will be Miserable

-> This Means That the Typical Marriage in America Today Has a 75% Failure Rate

Q.n = Now, if Airplanes Had a 75% Failure Rate, Would You Get on an Airplane? or Would You Let Your Son or Daughter Get on an Airplane?

Q.n = Or if You Knew That 75% of All Automobiles Would Ultimately Crash and Burn, Would You Climb Inside of One of Those Death Traps?

-> And Perhaps, the Saddest News of All, in This Regard, Involves All of Us Who are Involved in a Local Church

-> Because the Divorce Rate is Now Higher Among Those of Us Who are Involved in a Local Church Than It is Among Those Who are Unchurched

-> A Recent Survey Conducted by George Barna Revealed That 25% of Adults Have Experienced at Least One Divorce During Their Lifetime

-> And This is How It Breaks Down Among Christians and Non-Christians

24% of Non-Born Again People Have Suffered a Divorce 27% of Born Again Christians Have Suffered a Divorce

-> And the Christian Denomination Whose Adherents Have the Highest Likelihood of Getting a Divorce are Baptists St = Of Course, This Causes Me to Want to Answer Two Questions

Q.n # 1 = Why is the Divorce Rate so High in This Country Overall? Ans = Marriage Has Come to be Viewed as a Means to Selfish Ends

-> Of Course, This Should Not Surprise Us, Because the Apostle Paul Said This in 2 Timothy 3:1-2; He Said,

“1 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, …”

-> Dr. Barbara DeFoe Whitehead Also Said This in Her Book; She Said,

“Americans have changed their ideas about the individual’s obligation to others and have moved toward an obligation to self”

-> Likewise, William J. Bennett Recently Wrote These Words; He Said,

“Modern marriage has been detached from any objective foundation and is now generally viewed as possessing little or no intrinsic worth but as being a means to an end, that is of ‘personal happiness’ or ‘personal fulfillment.’”

-> Now, Let Me Just Translate All of That for You This Morning by Saying That, for Most People in America Today, Marriage is All About “Me” “Myself” and “I”

-> And in Addition to This, Divorce Has Become Extremely Easy in Our Day and Time

(In Fact, You Can Get a Divorce with the Click of a Mouse), and It Has Even Become Popular for a Person to Get a Divorce

-> An Example of This is a Book That Came Out Recently That is Entitled “Spiritual Divorce” Where the Author Claims That She Can Help a Person, Quote “Improve Their Life” Unquote, as They go Through the Experience of a Divorce

-> So Now, Think About the Implications of That

Q.n = Do You Want to Improve Your Life? Ans = There are Some in Our Society Who Would Say,

“Well, You Can Start to Improve Your Life by Getting a Divorce”

-> That, in My Opinion, is a Lie Right Out of the Pit of Hell, and It Represents the Pinnacle of Selfishness ______

T.S. Q.n # 1 = Why is the Divorce Rate so High in This Country Overall? Q.n # 2 = Why is the Divorce Rate so High Within Our Evangelical Churches? Ans = Well, I Can Think of Two Rather Obvious Reasons

Reason # 1 = We Have Allowed Ourselves to Become Conformed to Our Culture, and We Have Begun to Adopt Its Values as Our Own

-> In Romans 12:2, the Apostle Paul Warned Us About This by Saying

“…do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect”

-> That is Exactly, What I Believe, Many Christians Have Done, They Have Allowed This World as the Phillips Translation Says “To Press Them Into Its Mold”

Reason # 2 = We Have Lost Sight of the Fact That a Marriage is a Covenant That is Based on Unconditional and Unselfish Love

-> The Apostle Paul Also Said This in Ephesians 5:25; He Said,

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”

Q.n = And How Has Christ Loved the Church? Ans = He Has Loved Us Unconditionally

-> “But God demonstrates His own love toward us…” Paul Says, “…in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8)

Ans = He Has Loved Us Unselfishly

-> In John 15:13, Jesus Said, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends”

-> And That is Exactly What Jesus Did for Us (Elaborate)

Pt = A Marriage Relationship is Supposed to be Based on That Kind of Unconditional and Unselfish Love Which Grows Out of a Covenantal Love

-> That is the Subject That I Want to Elaborate on This Morning -> And So, With This in Mind, I Have Divided This Sermon Into Two Parts

I. The Nature of a Marriage Covenant

1) It is Spiritual

-> The Word “Covenant”, and the Concept of “Covenant” is Something That is Found Many Times in the Bible

-> In Fact, the Word “Covenant” Itself is Used More Than 300 Times in the Old Testament Alone

-> And by the Way, the Word “Testament” Literally Means “Covenant” (O.T./N.T.)

-> The Etymology of This Word Can be Traced Back to a Term That Literally Means “To Cut”, and It Was Associated With a Blood Bond of Life and Death, an All- or-Nothing Agreement Between God and a Person or Two Persons

-> When God Established a Covenant With Abraham in Genesis 15, for Example, He Instructed Abraham, or Perhaps I Should Say Abram, to do This; He Said,

“9…’Bring Me a three year old heifer, and a three year old female goat, and a three year old ram, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon.’ 10 Then he (Abraham) brought all these to Him and cut them in two, and laid each half opposite the other;…”

-> Then, We are Told That a Smoking Firepot, Along With a Blazing Torch Appeared and Passed Between These Two Pieces (Gen 15:17-18)

-> Now, These Items Obviously Represented God, Since He Was the One Establishing This Covenant With Abraham

-> And What Was Being Said Their in Symbol Was This; God Was Essentially Saying,

“May This Happen to Me if I do not Keep My Promise to You”

-> That Covenant, as You Can See, Was Spiritual in Nature

-> In Fact, Kay Arthur Even Makes a Good Case for the Fact That All Three Members of the Trinity Can be Seen in Those Symbols St = The Bible Reveals to Us That God Established Several Covenants With Other People as Well

Ex. God Established a Covenant With Noah Before the Flood in Genesis 6:18

-> And Then, After the Flood, He Established Another Covenant With Noah, and He Gave Him, and All of Us, the Rainbow as a Reminder of This Covenant (Gen 9:8-17)

Ex. God Established a Covenant With Moses and the Nation of Israel in Exodus 19:3-6

-> This Involved the Giving of the Law Which Had Three Parts; the Moral Law (Which We Know as the Ten Commandments), the Civil Law and the Ceremonial Law

Ex. God Established a Covenant With King David, and We are Told About This in Psalms 89:3-4, Which Says,

“3 I have made a covenant with My chosen; I have sworn to David My servant, 4 I will establish your seed forever and build up your throne to all generations."

-> That Was a Great Promise, and of Course, God Kept That Promise

Ex. God Even Used, Listen to This Now, the Marriage Covenant of One of the Prophets in the O.T. to Illustrate His Faithfulness to His Own Covenant With His People

-> And What is Especially Significant About This is the Fact That Hosea’s Wife Gomer

Was Unfaithful to Her Marriage Covenant, But Hosea Remained Faithful to His

-> Then, as if That Was Not Humiliating Enough, She Left Hosea and Began Drifting From One Lover to Another and All the While Hosea Found Ways to Supply Her With: Grain, Oil, Wine and Money

-> Until Finally, She Hit Rock Bottom; Gomer Found Herself Stripped Naked in Front of a Jeering Crowd of Foul Mouthed Men Waiting to be Auctioned Off as a Slave

-> But in True Covenant Fashion, Hosea Stepped Out of That Crowd and Bought Her Back and Decided to Love Her Again as His Wife

-> That Command Which Came From God to Hosea is Found in Hosea 3:1 -> And So, That Gives Us a Picture of How Incredibly Strong and Unconditional and Unselfish a Marriage Covenant Between a Man and His Wife Should Be

Ex. In Addition to All of This, There are Four Blood Covenants Mentioned in the Bible

-> The Abrahamic Covenant Required Circumcision; the Mosaic Covenant Required

Animal Sacrifices, and the New Covenant Required Jesus’ Atoning Work on the Cross

-> Those First Two Blood Covenants Were Fulfilled by Jesus in the Third, and the Third One is Not Required Again, Because It Was Accomplished Once and for All

Q.n = But There is a Fourth Blood Covenant, Do You Know What It Is? Ans = It the Sexual Consummation of a Marriage

-> For You See, the Breaking of the Hymen, Which Occurs the First Time That a Woman

Has Sexual Relations, is Described in Deuteronomy 22:13-17 as a Blood Covenant

-> And to This Day in the East, a Blood Stained Cloth is Exhibited as Evidence of a Woman’s Virginity and a Consummation of a Marriage Covenant

-> This is One Reason That the Writer of Hebrews Could Say This in Hebrews 13:4; He Said,

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; …”

-> That is Referring to the Sexual Relationship Within a Marriage, and the Word “Undefiled,” “Hagios” in the Greek, Literally Means “Holy”

-> So, Sex Within a Marriage Relationship is Absolutely Acceptable, Sanctified, Holy in the Sight of God, and It is the Consummation of a Blood Covenant

Ex. And Finally, Last But Not at All Least, Marriage is Also Used in the New Testament to Symbolize God’s Covenant Relationship With His People

-> For You See, Jesus is Described as the Bridegroom, and the Church is Described as the Bride of Christ -> And I Like What Larry Crabb Had to Say About This When He Said,

“God wants our relationship to validate the claims of Christianity to a watching world as an example of the power of Christ’ redeeming love to overcome the divisive

effects of sin”

Pt = A Marriage Relationship is Not Just About Staying Together; It is About Communicating a Very Important Spiritual Message to a Watching World

2) It is Serious

-> Somewhere Along the Way, I Believe That We Simply Lost Our Understanding of a Marriage as a Covenant, and We Began to Look Upon It as a Contract

-> But, of Course, a Covenant and a Contract are Very Different

-> A Contract is a Legal Document Based on Distrust, But a Covenant is a Promise Based on Trust Between Two Parties

-> A Covenant, Unlike a Mere Contract, is a Spiritual Promise That Cannot be Broken Simply Because Our Circumstances Change

-> Now, if You and Your Spouse, Have Ever Stood on a Platform in a Church Like This One, and You Have Exchanged Marriage Vows in the Presence of God and Witnesses,

I Have Some News for You; YOU - HAVE - ENTERED – INTO – A - COVENANT

-> And Whether You Have Taken That Covenant Seriously or Not, I Can Assure You That God Has

-> In Fact, I Want You to Hear What God Had to Say About This Covenant in the Book of Malachi Chapter 2 Verses 13 Through 14; He Said,

“13 This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 Yet you say, 'For what reason?' Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife (Listen Now) by covenant”

-> These Israelites Were Distressed Over the Fact That God Would Not Show Regard for Their Offerings -> So, They Flooded the Altar With Their Tears, and They Wept, and They Groaned, and They Complained to God About This

-> In Other Words, They Could Not Understand Why God Would Not Commune With Them and Answer Their Prayers

-> So, God Spoke to Them Through the Prophet Malachi, and, in Essence, He Said,

“This Has Happened to You, Because You Have Violated Your Marriage Covenant”

St = Now, I Can Just Hear Someone Say, “Well, Yeah, But That’s in the Old Testament”

-> That’s Right, But I Want You to Know That We Find the Same Truth Expressed in the New Testament

-> Listen to What the Bible Says in 1 Peter 3:7; It Says,

“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that (Listen) your prayers will not be hindered”

Q.n = So, Do You Want to Know Why Your Prayers are Not Being Answered? (Do You Want to Know Why the Heavens are Brass?)

-> This Problem Could be Related to You Mistreating Your Spouse; or Worse Yet, This Could be Because You Have Violated Your Marriage Covenant

-> NOW, I am About to Say Something That Has the Potential of Knocking You Right Out of Your Pew; So, I Want You to Get a Firm Grip on That One in Front of You

Q.n = Are You Ready? Have You Got a Firm Grip? Are You Sure? Ans = O.K. Then, Here It Comes

-> Because This is a Spiritual Covenant and a Serious Covenant, No Human Being Has the Authority to Release Anyone From Their Obligation to It (Repeat)

-> That is Why Jesus Said This in Matthew 19:6; He Said,

“So they are not longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, (Listen Now) let no man separate” -> Many Today Would Say, “Well, I’ve Been to a Judge, and He Granted Me a Divorce; and Therefore, I Have Been Released From My Obligation to Keep This Covenant”

-> Well Then, Listen Carefully, a Judge is Just a Man; He Can Release You From Your Legal Obligation to Your Marriage Covenant, But He Does Not Have the Authority to Release You From Your Spiritual Obligation to It (Ex = Herod Antipas – Mark 6)

-> Now, I Know That There are Some Biblical Grounds for Getting a Divorce; Namely,

Adultery (Matthew 19) and Abandonment (1 Corinthians 7), and I Know That Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right (Elaborate = I’m Not Suggesting That Anyone Should…)

-> I’m Just Trying to Save as Many Marriages as I Possibly Can, and I Believe That a Better Understanding of What the Marriage Covenant Really is Just Might Help; I Suppose We Could Call This “A Paradigm Shift” (Elaborate = That’s a Popular Phrase) II. The Necessity of a Marriage Covenant

1) It is Satisfying

-> I Believe That One of the Biggest Problems We are Facing With People in Our Society and in Our Churches as Well is That We Want Instant Gratification

-> Consequently, Many People Have Some Very Unrealistic Expectations About Marriage

-> I Suppose That They Honestly Expect It to be All Sunshine and No Rain

-> And So, the First Time Their Marriage Encounters a Little Bit of Turbulence; They Can’t Handle It, and They Quickly Bail Out

-> Then, They Eventually Get Into Another Marriage; and More Often Than Not, the Same Cycle is Repeated

-> Of Course, This is Very Unfortunate, Because I Firmly Believe That Those Who Stick It Out Will Eventually Come Out on the Other Side and Have a More Satisfying Marriage Relationship Than They Have Ever Thought Was Possible

Q.n = Because Listen, Are You Listening?

-> The Bible Says That God is Sovereign and Personal; This Means That No Problem Can Come Into Your Life or Your Marriage or Mine Unless God Has Allowed It

-> And God, Therefore, is Able to Use These Problems and Difficulties to Help You and Your Spouse to Become “One Flesh.” -> For You See, God Has Promised to Become a Partner With Us When We Enter Into a Marriage Covenant

Q.n = Did You Know That?

-> In Genesis 2:24, God Gave Us the Institution of Marriage, and He Said,

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh”

-> Now, I Want You to Notice That God Said Quite Confidently That “…they shall become one flesh”, and I Believe that He is More Than Capable of Doing This

-> I Believe That, if Any Couple Will Stay Together, God Will Cause This to Happen Ill: I Heard a Preacher Say One Time That a Marriage is a Lot Like God Making Mashed Potatoes

-> First, God Starts With Two Very Different Potatoes; Each With a Rough Exterior and Each With Multiple Flaws

-> Then, He Peels Them, and We All Know How Fun It is to Get Peeled

-> Then, After the Bumps, and the Knots, and the Rough Spots Have Been Removed, God Throws the Two of Them Into Some Hot Water

-> Then, After These Two Potatoes Have Boiled for Some Time, God Takes Out His Metal Masher, and He Starts Smashing, and Pushing, and Grinding and Stirring Them Up Until All of the Lumps are Gone

-> And Then, Finally, He Spoons Them Out and Puts Them on a Plate, and No One Can Tell One Potato From the Other (Pause)

Pt = It Doesn’t Matter How Much a Husband and a Wife Love Each Other; They are Going to Start Off Their Marriage With: Two Personalities, Two Minds, Two Souls and Two Backgrounds

-> So Naturally, in Every Marriage, a Man and a Wife are Going to Encounter Some Problems That They Will Have to Work Through

-> Moreover, Jesus Tells Us in Matthew 7:24-27 That the Rain, and the Floods, and the Wind are Going to Come Upon Every House

-> So, at Some Point Along the Way, We are Going to Encounter Some Difficulties and Hardships in Life, But Those Who Stick It Out Will Eventually be Rewarded

-> In Fact, Linda Waite and Maggie Gallher, in Their Book Entitled “The Case for Marriage” Quoted These Statistics; Listen, They Said,

“Seventy-seven percent of those couples who rated their marriage as ‘VERY UNHAPPY’ in the late 1980’s said that the same marriage five years later was ‘VERY HAPPY’ or ‘QUITE HAPPY.’

-> This Tells Us That Permanent Marital Unhappiness is Rare Among Those Who Hang in There

-> Or to Put It Another Way, a Marriage is a Lot Like an Inverted Bell Curve

-> It Starts Out Very Satisfying for Most Couples; It Goes Down Hill for a Time; But for Those Who Stick It Out, It Eventually Comes Back Up Again (Pr.m.) 2) It is Social

-> God Spoke Through the Prophet Malachi in Malachi 2:16, and He Said, “I Hate Divorce”

-> And We are Told in the Previous Verse That He Said That Because He Desires a Godly Offspring (Malachi 2:15)

-> You See, God Doesn’t Want Us to Just “Be Fruitful and Multiply,” He Also Wants Us to Have Dominion Over the Earth

-> And So, if God’s People Aren’t Willing to Have and Raise Godly Children, Don’t be Surprised if We Get Taken Over by Pagans

Q.n = Now, I Realize That Someone Might Say, “Well, Surely, God Would Not Want Us to Stay Together, Even if We’re Miserable, for the Sake of the Children?” Ans = Well Apparently, God Would Prefer That to the Alternative

-> And the Effects That Divorce Has Proven to Have Upon Our Society and Others Has Overwhelmingly Supported What the Scriptures Teach Us at This Point

-> I’m Not Going to Bore You With a Lot of Statistics; I’ve Already Done That

-> But You Can Trust Me When I Say That, School Drop Out Rates, and Crime, and Drug Abuse, and Unwed Pregnancies, and Teenage Suicides, and Other Such Things are All More Likely to Occur in a Single Parent Home -> The Family is the Most Basic Building Block of Any Society; So, Do Us All a Favor and Honor Your Marriage Covenant

-> This Does Not Mean, However, That Our Focus Should be Primarily Upon Raising Our Children, Because Our Marriage Relationship Represents a Higher and More Permanent Relationship

-> Lets Look Again at What God Said Right After He Created This Institution That We Call Marriage; He Said,

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” (Gen 2:24)

Pt = Your Marriage Represents the Highest of All Human Relationships; and So, This Relationship Deserves to be Given the Most Attention

-> For You See, We Will Only Have Our Children With Us for About 18 to 20 Years, But Our Marriage is Supposed to be a Lifetime Commitment (Elaborate) Invitation: Now, in Closing, I Want to Tell You About One More Covenant

-> Jesus Established This Covenant When He Was in the Upper Room With His Disciples

-> In Luke 22:19-20, the Bible Says,

“19 And when He had taken some bread and given thanks, He broke it and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is My body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.’ 20 And in the same way He took the cup after they had eaten, saying, ‘This cup which is poured out for you is the new covenant in My blood.’”

-> We Partake of These Elements on a Periodic Basis as We Did This Morning; Otherwise, We Could Not Even Legitimately Call Ourselves a N.T. Church

-> But These Elements are Only Symbolic of What Jesus Accomplished for Us on the Cross at Calvary

-> The Unleavened Bread Represents His Body, and It Reminds Us of the Fact That He Had a Physical Body; He Lived a Physical Life; He Endured a Physical Death; and Three Days Later, He Arose Physically From the Grave

-> The Juice Represents His Blood That Was Shed to Provide an Atonement for Our Sins -> And We are Told in Hebrews 9:22 That, Without the Shedding of Blood, There is No Remission of Sins

-> So, by These Elements, We Present the Gospel

-> Or if I May Put It Another Way, These Elements Tell Us How a Person Can be Saved and Inherit Eternal Life

-> We Can be Saved by Recognizing That We Could Not Save Ourselves by Our Own Good Works or Our Personal Merit

-> But What We Could Not do for Ourselves, God Did for Us by Sending His Son to Die on the Cross

-> Then, Three Days Later, the Acceptability of His Sacrifice and His Atonement for Our Sins Was Validated by the Fact That He Rose From the Dead

-> And This is Why the Bible Says That Anyone Who Will Place Their Faith and Trust in Jesus Christ Believing in His Death, Burial and Resurrection Shall Have Eternal Life – IN FACT – THIS A COVENANT PROMISE!

se of Us Who are Involved in a Local Church Cannot Say That These Statisticsof Us Who are Involved in a Local Church