Erev Tov, Thank You for Being Here and Allowing Me to Share the Story of My Spiritual Path

Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl join awesome synagogue, boy and girl get married, boy and girl have an amazing daughter, 11 years later boy converts to Judaism, they live happily ever after. Any questions?

Erev Tov, thank you for being here and allowing me to share the story of my spiritual path with you.

I want to tell you how my journey has brought me to this moment at Shir Tikvah. I will be talking about my family, our community and torah. I just described my story like the outline of a picture in a coloring book. I want to color in the details for you.

Since I will be talking about them I would like to quickly introduce a couple more people.

My dad is here, Jim Gellerman as well as my in-laws Jack and Diane Zeller

As I was finalizing my remarks, editing my 20 pages down to 5, I had to drop some of my favorite stories of how many of you have influenced my life these past 12 years. I started to think about what an incredible honor it would be to speak to all of you.

As I thought about it, I was inspired by a common theme in these stories, I recognized a theme of a high level of decency and of personal character of the people here tonight.

Though we try to do our best, we are fragile and yet we are resilient; we strive for good yet some times we fall short and we make mistakes. We celebrate together in good times; we comfort each other in hard times. Together, ever so gently, we nudge the arc of justice towards repairing the world. Tikkun olam. So I am really humbled and honored to be speaking to you tonight.

Susan and I were lucky when we got engaged; we had the full support of both of our families. Even though they were raised in different worlds—my parents are Christians, born here in the heartland of America, and Susan’s parents are Jewish born on east coast —they were all cut from the same piece of cloth. Similar in age, they share common values, both couples have a high level of commitment to social justice and, if you are ever lucky enough to be invited to their homes, you’ll find that both are amazing and gracious hosts.

The first time I met Jack and Diane, as we were saying our good byes Jack pulled me aside, and speaking for the two of them he told me how nice it was to meet me, and how they were looking forward to seeing me in the future.

To paraphrase Rabbi Latz, In that one ordinary and extraordinary gesture he let me know it was okay with him to be dating his daughter and that it was okay with them that I was not Jewish. This was a great relief to me to have their blessing. My parent’s felt the same way about Susan. My dad has often said, “Whenever Susan is around, good things happen.”

When we got married I had two conditions that were deal-breakers. The first was if we were able to have a family our children would have my last name. We took care of that by blending our last names and coming up with a family name.

The second condition was that if we had children they would be allowed to celebrate Christmas with my parents. I could not have children and then deny my parents the joy of spoiling them at Christmas.

Susan’s condition was that we have a Jewish household. Which I Happily agreed to. At our wedding one of Susan’s good friends said “Everything about the wedding was

Jewish except the groom.” “Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the Law of

Moses and Israel, "Ani l'dodi, ve dodi li" (I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine).

When we exchanged the rings under the chuppah and recited these words, they were more meaningful than I think I can fully explain. I felt like my DNA changed. I felt like we were, and are, linked together at our hearts. ''Tiyhe Nafshi K'shura Benafshech'' (May my soul be interlaced with your soul). As the non-Jewish partner in our marriage I have felt great responsibility to honor the commitment I made to Susan to have a Jewish household.

But what does that really mean? Judaism isn’t just a religion, it is a community of people, it is cultural, and it is a shared heritage. I have struggled over the years to find ways that I can strengthen our Jewish household.

When Susan was pregnant with Amy it came time for the holiday of Sukkot, I thought ah, I could build a Sukkah—that is how I can participate in Judaism, I can build something. The first year it was 4 feet by 8 feet and it fell over every night, it has grown to 8 feet by 20 feet. Years later at the end of the fight against the Marriage Agreement, which many of us helped with, I thought I can bring the scotch, and we can have a

L’chaim for all who fought to defeat the amendment—that is how I can participate in

Judaism. There are many more examples I could share, but that is not the same as living a Jewish life, and there have been many times when Amy was little that Susan felt isolated in her faith, even though I respected and shared her desire for a Jewish household.

The big challenge to me was this: How can I support Susan in raising Amy with a strong Jewish identity? I am not sure I have quite figured that out, but I am always looking for ideas. I cannot tell you how it warmed my heart to hear Amy sing Jewish camp songs as she came home from camp TEKO. They were able to give her something that I was unable to give her myself, and I appreciated that so much. Even though my ideas about raising Amy are always evolving, I feel like we have already succeeded. Amy has a strong Jewish identity—she knows who she is.

When Amy started preschool, I went back to college. I developed a strong appetite for studying at this time, an appetite that has carried over into my Jewish life. I took the Intro to Judaism class twice as well as other classes and really enjoyed taking the Radical Amazement class with Rabi Latz. We had great discussions that zig-zagged through a variety of topics, never ending up where I expected.

I have enjoyed all of my torah studies here at Shir Tikvah and I am craving more.

I have been at services as parents offered their Bar/ Bat Mitzvah child a blessing of the love of studying torah. During those blessings I found myself feeling jealous. I would think to myself Yes! I want that. I want to dig deeper. I want a broader understanding of torah. I want a more meaningful spiritual life.

The problem was that I did not want to out myself. I did not want to share how important my Jewish life had become because I worried it might hurt my mother.

I also hesitated to think about conversion because I thought that I would have to have it all figured out beforehand. In my discussions with Rabbi Latz I had an epiphany, a Eureka moment that was very freeing to me. I did not have to have everything figured out. I only needed to make the commitment to moving forward, to continuing to grow to be able to convert. Like the beginning of a good marriage—you can’t predict that it will be good; you just need to make the commitment to having a good marriage and then do the hard work. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. describes it this way “Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.”

Since deciding to go ahead with my conversion I have seen signs that affirm my decision. In January Mayor Betsy Hodges came and spoke to us. At the end of her talk she read a prayer from our Siddur found on page 69. It really speaks to me about where

I am moving spiritually. “Either you will go through this door or you will not go through. If you go through there is always the risk of remembering your name. Things look at you doubly and you must look back and let them happen.

Now here is the part that really hits home for me. If you do not go through it is possible to live worthily, to maintain your attitudes, to hold your position, to die bravely, but much will blind you, much will evade you, at what cost who knows? The door itself makes no promises. It is only a door”.

No one is pressuring me to convert. No one has expectations that I will go through this door. This is about being true to myself. It is about being honest with where

I am. I want to claim the life I am leading as my own.

Last year Wendy returned from a workshop lead by Rabbi Shefa Gold with a spiritual chant that hit me like a ton of bricks. Ameich ami veilohayich Elohai. Your people are my people, and your God is my God. This really got me thinking about who I am and where I was in relationship to Judaism. I realized that like Ruth I had made the transition to a Jewish life back when Susan and I got married and that it was and is really important to me to honor that, to not fade away from it or ignore it.

I am converting now because I want to grow in my spiritual life. I also want a deeper connection with the Jewish community, particularly the Shir Tikvah community. We could keep living together, but I want more, I want to get married. I want a good marriage. I want a deeper sense of commitment and a deeper sense of connection with this community. What do you think Shir Tikvah—should we get married?

My conversion is not the finish line. This is the beginning, the beginning of a deeper exploration of Judaism. Like the words of Rebbe Bob Dylan ----- "He not busy being born is busy dying."

I have found this line of torah an inspiring one, one to help me lead my life, and one hard to live up to. When it comes to personal growth, spiritual growth and social activism, I believe if you are not making the situation better, then you are making it worse. I believe that we are all on this earth to help make it a better place to live, to help all beings heal, to live Tikkun olam.

Neshama Carlebach said at the URJ’s biennial that her soul made an aliyah

(coming up) from the Orthodox community to the Reform movement. When one makes aliyah, they take all parts of themselves. I feel as I am making an Aliyah to Judaism. I stand before you today to let you know I have not abandoned anything that is important to me. I feel like I have found a community with values that mirror mine and I am bringing all my values and ways of being in the world that are important to me, with me.

I am a better person for being a part of my family and this sacred community. I have been elevated. I have been blessed.

Thank you.