Transcript of Don T Forget Bin Night

Transcript of ‘Don’t Forget Bin Night’

2 x teenagers sitting on a couch talking to Camera.

Teenage Male: Hi there, thanks for joining us. So your Mum or Dad is about to be absent from the family do their job away on an exercise or deployment. This probably isn’t the first time you’ve experienced a parent going away for work. Each time is different though, different location, they will be away for a different length of time and of course you’re at a different age.

Teenage Female: We want you to ask yourself these questions: What is life like before they leave? Is everyone anxious? Do you worry about where they are going? And do you worry about their safety? How do you prepare yourself to cope without them being around?

Teenage Male: What is life like while their away? Is life busier? Do you have to take on more responsibilities? Do you even notice changes in other members of your family?

Teenage Female: What is life like before they come home? Does everyone get excited, countdown the days and look forward to the return or are there mixed feelings because you worry they might have changed or that you might not have anything to talk about.

Teenage Male: And what is it like when they are at home again? Is it easy for them to reconnect to the rest of the family?

Teenage Female: During this video we want you to consider everything that we have mentioned and how other people will cope with this change in their life.

DVD moves on to next segment.

Teenage Female: Before Dad leaves or whenever he is posted we generally go out to King’s Park and we have a picnic or a bike ride or something ‘cos we’re all very active (DVD shows family playing kick and catch in the street) and we really make it special time with each other. We just want him to know that we are there for him before he goes away so yeah he doesn’t feel so bad when he has to leave us. (DVD shows father, son and daughter playing football in the street). It’s not ‘til when I became a teenager that I realised that he also felt upset leaving us.

Teenage Male: Before Dad goes way we usually just try to do stuff that we like; we might work on his car or we might just sit down and watch TV together. Quality time for our family is quite important because when our parents are gone we can get a bit lonely (DVD shows father and two sons talking and laughing on the couch) and we really need to make up for it.

Father (Navy Seaman): Most of the times you spend as much time as you can because you know you’re building yourself up to be away from your family. Quality time is very important. Teenage Female: Before he left, every single time he would put post-it notes around the house for us writing little messages and everything and Riley was the artist so he would draw him pictures and I’d write him stories because I love to write.

Different teenage Female (sitting on her bike): My Mum and I did do something special like we went for a bike ride together just before she left for Afghanistan around the neighbourhood and back home (DVD shows mother and daughter riding bikes around the neighbourhood). It was nice and calming, it was peaceful, it was happy.

Father: (sitting at table with two daughters looking at map): We all pulled out a world map and we try and trace the journey we are going to do so they have some knowledge of it.

Father (in Navy uniform): I like to be able to communicate with my kids on any level of any problem. I believe if we talk to our kids and keep them on that communication wave we’re going to be laughing.

Teenage Female: I remember when he was in the Gulf he would just be like ‘I am in the Gulf’ and that was it, he wouldn’t tell us how far away he was from land or when he was at sea or anything so it gave us a bit of a worry at times.

Young Male (sitting on bike): If Dad is going away for a long period of time, like to Afghanistan or something, that would worry me because if Dad’s in a war he could get killed .

Older Teenager (sitting): I worry a lot about Dad when he leaves because you never know what’s going to happen; he might not come home one day.

Woman: I try to be really honest with my children. I don’t like to lie to them and I don’t like to sugar coat things. I believe they are old enough now to know (her son appears on the DVD) how it is and I tend to be quiet open about the fact (DVD shows mother leaning over back of couch speaking to son) that it’s dangerous but Steve has had a lot of training and we have to trust that the training is adequate.

Navy Petty Officer (sitting on couch): I don’t speak too much about where I’m going (DVD show’s father fixing trail bike, while son sits on bike), what I’m doing, particularly some of the operational deployments. I try not to put worry or fear or concern onto the family and generally just the information they need to know.

Teenage Girl: The more you talk about something, it makes it so real and especially with my Mum; she had to hold it all together for Riley and I and she would say every single day ‘your Dad loves you’ he’s just doing this because its his job and it made us understand that he had to do it, not because he wanted to leave us or anything (DVD shows girl reading book).

Teenage Female (sitting on her bike): There’s usually just a bit of tension, you know, here and there. Everyone’s a bit upset, tense you know. It’s very easy to wind us all up to, you know, get really emotional, cry or something. From what I remember I got angry quickly but I’d try to make up for it as quick as possible, cos I didn’t want her going and to be upset or anything like that.

Woman: We have, on occasions, had a few incidents where, you know, people are a little short with each other but I think that’s just the stress, fear of the unknown and how it’s going to be for the next six months.

Navy Chaplain (in Cams sitting on couch): There’s a little bit of tension, if that’s the right word, the older one, Rebecca, tends to, I think, withdraw. The second youngest girl, Sarah she gets very very clingy

Teenage Girl: Before Dad goes away each time, Mum and him do have a bit of fights and everything because she doesn’t want him to leave, she wants him to stay but she does know in her heart that he has to leave (DVD shows young boy sitting on front lawn playing with football whilst sister walks to him and asks him if he is alright and how’s he doing – she sits down beside him and puts her arm around his shoulder). We really do try to keep it together, for his sake, so he knows that it’s not going to upset us when he leaves or anything.

Teenage Male and Female, sitting on couch: Male : When you hear that one of your parents is going to be absent from the family it can make you feel sad, anxious and worried about how you’d cope without them, or how the rest of the family will cope. Female: These feelings are completely normal. About a week before your parent leaves you might feel mixed emotions, you may even start wishing for them to go already, get the goodbye over and done with. Even though you may not want to, it’s important to discuss how you’re feeling with your family. Male: It may help if you find out where your parent is going. Look up the location on a map and find out some information about it. Female: Find out when they are likely to be back, you probably won’t get an exact date but if you know it will be around a certain time it will give you something to look forward to. Male: Set yourself a goal to achieve during their absence, it will give you something else to focus on and it will also be something that you can share with your parent when they come home. Female: Try to keep in mind that it is also a difficult time for your parent; they may be feeling similar emotions and may even be feeling a bit guilty about leaving the family.

Teenage girl, sitting on bike: When my Mum’s away I feel quite upset, quite agitated, very bottled up.

Teenage girl, sitting in her room: When I was little I used to feel really alone and stuff but now I’m more (pause) independent. So, yeah, I get alone fine without him.

Teenage boy, sitting at desk: I don’t feel any anger, resentment towards Dad because I know what he‘s doing is for the family and it’s to help us move forward not backwards.

Teenage boy sitting in front of computer: When Dad’s away I usually feel a bit angry and I take it out on school. I run amok, I treat teachers pretty badly (DVD shows teenager on skate board), I don’t know; I think it’s a lot of stress that I’m blowing off and I need to get it out of my system. I understand it shouldn’t be at school and there’s other ways to cope with it

Lady in Yellow Top, sitting on chair: Yeah, Rachelle doesn’t cope when John doesn’t…when John’s not home, she struggles a lot because she pretty well much is a daddy’s girl. Even though she’s in her teens, she looks up to him, for support and for backup and sometimes he’s not here to do that.

Navy member in Cams: I can remember occasions when I’ve had to leave and something that the kids really wanted Dad to be there and they’ve had to miss out on that so that becomes a bit emotional for the kids as well, as well as the parents, makes it very hard, very hard to cope with.

Teenage boy sitting in front of computer: Life is a little bit more hectic when he’s away (DVD shows family in kitchen preparing meal) but we organise things a bit better and try to share the load out a bit more.

Young boy sitting in front of computer: We try to be more well behaved so Mum doesn’t get too stressed

Young boy sitting on kitchen chair: I do help mum a lot more when Dad is away. I help out more by doing more jobs around the house (DVD shows kid taking bin out) that Dad normally does.

Navy member in dress whites: He’s obviously taking his responsibilities when I do go away, the load spread with one less person here but I find that the kids adapt very well and Christina drives a pretty tight ship too so you can’t get through her letting you know that something’s not been achieved.

Young Boy on Bike: I do think I have a bit more responsibility cause I am the only man in the house and umm dad always tells me to look after mum and sis.

Teenage boy sitting on stone steps: I get up late in the mornings, go to bed really late at night cause of stuff I’m trying to do for mum and (DVD shows teenager walking to Post Office to check mail box) the responsibility. The change in the routine around the house is difficult.

Teenage girl: It made me grow up a bit earlier I guess cause when you see your mother cry it’s not something normal or anything that most kids have to experience (DVD shows mother and daughter preparing food in kitchen). I was always trying to be there for her, trying to make sure she knew yeah that I was strong, that I was going to be able to look after us and even though Dad wasn’t there we could still keep on going as a family.

Teenage girl, sitting on bike: I think it is quite a heavyweight on me because I have to be that emotional and moral support (DVD shows teenage girl playing with her brothers in back yard, bouncing on trampoline). If I’m crying every day because my mum wasn’t there my brothers would be crying even more often and they would be just a really big mess. Older male: In the two years my wife has been deployed (DVD shows sister helping her two younger brothers at the PC) I watched my little girl accept levels of responsibility that other children don’t have to accept for many, many years and she’s done it admirably (DVD shows girl vacuuming floor). Without her help, there’s no way I could have gotten through without Cassie.

Navy Chaplain in Cams: I communicate to Rebecca ah because I recognise she is getting older and she needs communication so instead of (DVD shows girl sorting through postcards on the dining table) writing to the family, I write to Rebecca so it means a lot of work but I know she appreciates them because she’s kept them all, so fantastic so she knows that daddy’s thinking about her.

Lady, packing care package: …(DVD shows mother and daughter packing care package) In the three months he was away, we probably sent him eight to ten packages, if not more and it was great, it gave us an opportunity to write him little notes and make him little cards and put little treats we knew he couldn’t get in boxes. I guess we can express ourselves a little better and we could put photos in there and keep ourselves connected.

Navy Chaplain in Cams: I was away for 8 months in umm 09 um and I received probably two care packages…yeah, fantastic, I’d encourage it more and more, if I could receive one every week it would be great.

Adult male sitting at table in front of Laptop: (Daughter walks in with photo album) We put together a video and sent it all over the USB keys and Cassie still has it. So that was a long time ago and uh she still has it, she treasures it.

Navy Chaplain in Cams: I would expect every day, if not, every other day I would e- mail. Whenever we get into a port I would phone them and of course there’s other means of communication that one way with post cards uh umm and other things but basically the e-mail.

Navy Member in Dress Whites: Fortunately the modern age that we belong to now and the technology through e-mail provides us that opportunity to be at the touch of a key, so generally you can communicate fairly regularly and routinely.

Navy Member in Cams (Griggins): I try and focus everything back on the kids and what they’re doing in life. I try not to tell what I’m going to be doing, its just work, a normal day at work I don’t really talk about my work that much . More focus on their life then they can think about what they’ve got to do.

Adult female: The only time the kids sought some reassurances is if they watch the news and they see there’s more bombings (DVD shows young male talking on mobile phone) it affects them. We have the daily communication they know he’s fine.

Teenage girl: When we do get to contact him its always nice to be re assured and having him say ‘I love you, I miss you and can’t wait to see you again.’ It just…and he tells us about his day and we understand what’s he’s going through as well. Teenage girl sitting on bike: My mum would always tell my dad a whole lot more than she would tell us because she didn’t want us crying or anything. And I’d think, you know (DVD shows teenage girl on mobile phone) what hasn’t she told us now, what danger is she in now (DVD shows teenage girl standing in kitchen on mobile phone). Apparently bombs are blowing up around her every day and I wanted to know.

Teenage boy sitting in front of computer and guitar: When my dad’s gone overseas or he’s on deployment, I tell him the good things that I want him to hear and not the bad things I don’t want him to hear, cos if there was something bad I don’t want to tell him that for two reasons: I don’t want to get in trouble (DVD shows teenage male, his mother and sister skyping with dad and dad skyping with them) and I don’t want him to be stressed.

Teenage girl: At my school we have a Defence Mentor Program and it’s really good to like, have other kids spread out from year 8 to year 12 (DVD shows girl doing homework on her bed) and just knowing that in those different ages everyone is going through the same thing. Having the Defence Transition Mentor at Colby has been really fantastic for me (DVD shows girl doing homework on her bed).

Adult female: The Defence Transition position at the high school, it’s amazing. I’ve never had access to anything like that before. I know that it does help Erin, I know that it helps me as well and if I have any issues (DVD shows mother and daughter sitting on couch using TV remote) at all I can just call Linda up and she always gets back to me and lets me know there’s no problem .

Teenage boy sitting in front of computer and guitar: When Dad’s away I don’t know exactly what he does when he’s gone, I would like to know a lot more.

DVD shows sailor in civilian attire, then in Navy Cams, boarding ship with other crew members, on the Bridge using binoculars. Shows varying scenarios of military life.

Teenage Male and Female, sitting on couch: Female: music leads in to ….inaudible….today you might experience some mood changes. You might feel angry more often, you might feel anxious and lonely and you find yourself crying when you normally wouldn’t. Male: There can be feelings of added pressure as well. Perhaps more is expected of you while one parent is away. You may have to take on more responsibilities like looking after younger brothers or sisters, doing more housework and being the support person for the parent at home. Female: We’ve come up with some ideas that might help you to cope: You could keep a record for your parent to look at when they get back. This can be videos, photos of significant moments or it could be a journal you keep just for them. Male: Send things to them while their away, maybe something you see in a shop you think they may like, a letter for them to read, photos that you’ve taken or even artwork that you’ve created. Any of these can really help to make the distance seem smaller for your parent. Female: Keep in contact using e-mail or phone. You might find that when your parent calls the house they spend most of their phone call talking to your other parent, its not that they don’t want to talk to you, they just have limited time. If you don’t get to speak to them properly then just send them an e-mail, they’d be really happy to receive it. Male: And if you need someone to talk to, perhaps have a chat with your parent at home another family member or one of your friends

Teenage Boy, sitting beside computer: When I get told that’s dad’s returning, ah we all get excited, we clean up the house.

Teenage female, sitting in front of computer: We just like, get the boys excited, telling them that dad’s coming home soon, you know, getting everyone ready. We usually go out to dinner when they come home, spend lots of time together.

Boy, sitting in front of computer: It’s a really good time when you see their face again it makes you fell better.

Teenage girl sitting on bike: Sometimes, she comes back and it’s a little strange at home, but she also, she gets a little worried here and there because, she won’t fit in or something and I worry that she won’t fit in as well.

Navy Member in Dress Whites: I find that there’s a distinct adjustment period in this family. I am quite respectful of the fact that they have established a routine without me and it’s not my place to come in and try to change the routine.

Navy Chaplain in Cams: Parents, when they deploy, ah, are confronted with that their son or daughter are pushing the boundaries, perhaps a little bit more than they otherwise would.

Teenage girl sitting on bike: I had to be like, a second mother, as well as a sister (DVD shows two young boys, using computer). You know, she is the mother (teenage girl enters picture and assists young boys with computer) but I’m trying to mother them and I think that sometimes it hurts her quite a lot to see somebody’s grown in her place.

Teenage boy sitting on stone steps: Sometimes, his shaver breaks so he’s got like a big beard and he looks kind of funny but like his attitude’s a bit different cos he’s just worn out from being over there for so long.

Teenage girl sitting in bedroom: I usually know dad’s going to be tired when he gets home and so he’ll be less (pause) enthusiastic as he usually is and less funny (girl laughs).

Boy, sitting in front of computer: Inaudible…….sometimes still thinks very military, you know, stressed.

Navy Chaplain in Cams: One thing I’m certainly aware of is I need to step back a little bit and allow that integration to take place the natural way rather than to force it upon her because I certainly got in the way, um, but look that’s something that I’ve learnt and that’s something, I guess, I’ll do a little bit better next time. Teenage boy in front of entertainment unit: I’d probably say that he’d have to think about it first, he’s not in Command any more; he’ll just have to be a bit more polite that he would be... um, wherever he’s been.

Boy, sitting in front of computer: He’ll act like I’m still younger than I was before and he’ll treat me like a younger person and sometimes I get in the way.

Teenage girl sitting on bike: I think that I did grow up quite a lot while she was away. Ahh, just as she changed a lot while she was gone.

Teenage Male and Female, sitting on couch: Male: When your parent is due to come home there can be a lot of excitement in the house, the house may be clean and tidy, special meals might be prepared, even family gatherings might be organised. It can be a really busy time. Female: You may experience some feelings of worry and anxiety just before they get home. You might wonder if they’ve changed, will everything be the same as it was before they left? Will you have stuff to talk about? Will they be proud of your accomplishments when they have been away? Male: Remember, your parents are probably having similar thoughts. They may be thinking what’s life like at home. Will everyone welcome me back? Will life be the same as it was before I left? And how much is everyone changed and grown? Female: To make the transition easier perhaps you can try some of these ideas: Be patient when they get home, they might be overwhelmed by everyone giving them attention. Try to give them a little bit of space when you think they might need it. Male: You might have taken on some of your parent’s responsibilities while they’ve been away. Try not to feel offended if the parent is telling you what to do or how to do it. This is just a re adjustment period and it will pass. Try to keep in mind that your parent needs to feel useful and needs to feel welcomed back into the family. Female: Just spend some quality time with the parent, perhaps you could show them sporting certificates, or school certificates that you’ve received or photos of events that they’ve missed. Male: If you put into practice some of the tips we’ve provided you might find that each time your mum or dad goes away, it gets a bit easier. Female: And if you do need someone to talk to, approach another family member or someone you trust cos sometimes it is really important to get your woes off you chest and to get someone else’s point of view. Male: Remember, you’re not alone so if you need help, just ask for it. Female: Thanks for joining us and good luck.

Song by Natasha Lorkovic: ‘Always’