Lyyar-Tamuz 5778 May-June 2018 Our Newsletter North Fork Reform Member of the Union for Reform Web Site: www.northforkreformsynagogue.org

From our From our President I love that our cycle of holidays allows for consistent Shalom opportunities to reflect on our year and our life as a Spring is arriving on the North Fork and many won- whole. Each holiday offers a different vantage point derful things are happening at the North Fork Re- for reflection. For example, the High Holy days ask form Synagogue. Trees are sprouting leaves, the us to reflect on our relationship with God and with lawns are coming to life, the Ospreys are back and our fellow human beings. We ask for forgiveness we are expecting the arrival of our snow birds. As and forgive others. Chanukah gives us an opportuni- is customary this time of year we celebrated Purim ty to reflect on what we’ve dedicated our lives to and Passover. We also conducted our Yom over the past year, and what we’d like to emphasize HaShoah memorial service. in the year to come. Passover has us asking what we are slaves to, what is our chamets—the thing we The most memorable event this year has been our should take a break from or give up entirely. memorial service commemorating Yom HaShoah. As many of you are aware, Margo Lowry was born But what about secular holidays? How about birth- in Poland very soon after the end of WW II, a child days? What role do they play in Judaism? The En- of holocaust survivors. This year Margo construct- cyclopedia Judaica could not be more blunt: "The ed a service for us that included a stirring account celebration of birthdays is unknown in traditional of one of the Warsaw Ghetto uprising leaders, Ma- Jewish ritual." We can’t really look to the for rek Edelman. Margo is an amazing and coura- inspiration; in fact, it says, the only party geous person to have prepared and delivered our mentioned in the Bible is for Pharaoh! (Genesis annual memorial to Yom HaShoah. 40:20). But nevertheless, certain minhaggim, certain Several months ago, we were informed by the URJ traditions have developed for birthday celebrations. (Union for ) that we must move our Before I started rabbinical school and was studying Website to a new platform. The URJ provides us at Pardes in Jerusalem, I was introduced to a spe- with our Website as a part of our membership with cial birthday tradition. The birthday celebrator was them. We have hired a consultant to assist us in invited to bless everyone celebrating with them. The the transition and I am pleased to tell you that we idea is that their prayers are extra receptive on their have gone live with our new platform. We attempt- birthday. There’s even an idea that we an extra ed to keep the appearance of the new website as close to what we had as was possible. We formerly soul on our birthdays, just like we do on Shabbat. had a feature whereby each congregant could sign The birthday boy or girl would generally tell their up for a user name and password and then have friends and classmates what it is they appreciate access to our membership directory. This feature and admire in the other people, and offer individual will be available on the new platform but, for now blessings that encompasses and encourages those there are some technical issues that render this fea- gifts. It was always quite moving any time we had an (Continued on page 2) (Continued on page 2)

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(Continued from page 1, from the Rabbi) ( From the president Continued from page 1) opportunity for this ‘ritual’. ture inaccessible. You will be informed as to the Some chose to perform the ‘ritual’ on their birthday procedure to re-enroll when the technical problem is according to the Gregorian calendar, or the Hebrew resolved. At that time you will need to create a new calendar, and some both. Still others decided to user name and password which can be the same as connect the two dates and continue to give out the your old one since all of the old data has been elimi- blessings during the days between—the Chol HaMo- nated. Should you browse the new website and ed of their birthdays, if you will! have any comments or issues, please email me directly. Given the flexible and shifting nature of the , the Chol HaMoed of your birthdays can I am pleased to tell you that we have entered into a vary in length from year to year. This year, I have long-term agreement with our Cantorial Soloist, Ila- an exceptionally long Chol HaMoed time span. I na Davidson, who will be leading our services at our recently calculated it since my Hebrew birthday is High Holiday Services this year. Ilana was magnifi- just after Shavuot, and the holiday is hot on my ra- cent at last year’s High Holiday Services and we are dar for May. All in all, I’ll have twenty three days of thrilled that she agreed to continue on with us. heightened blessing-giving-power. It’s a great op- portunity for me to be really intentional about telling We received notice from Hebrew Union College the people I care about how they’ve impacted my about our upcoming student Rabbi for the 2018- life—to thank them for the blessings they’ve given 2019 year. The individual selected is Danielle me, and bless them in return. Weisbrot. Danielle will be a third-year Rabbinical Now birthdays, unlike the , are per- student when she assumes the pulpit this Septem- sonally centred rather than communally focused. ber. Please look elsewhere in this newsletter for But just like the Jewish holidays, they give the indi- more information about Rabbi Danielle. vidual the opportunity to reflect on their year and their life. They can reflect on the blessings in their Our board has decided to add two special events lives—the gifts they’ve received as well as the gifts this summer. One will be a repeat of our dine-around they’ve given. My last two visits to the North Fork as your Rabbi will fall during my Chol HaMoed. As I which is an evening dedicated to having a great time reflect back on the year I’ve had with this beautiful and getting to know your fellow congregants better. community, I just hope that the number of blessings The dine-around will be held on July 21st. The other I have given you comes even close to the number event is a dinner party honoring my six-years as of blessings you have given me. As the North Fork President to be held on August 26th immediately af- Reform Synagogue celebrates its 26th birthday, I ter our annual meeting. . hope the community realizes its gifts given and re- ceived. And may it continue until 120! Ad me’ah I am pleased to tell you that we are continuing our v’esrim! tradition of holding a “joint” beach service with all of the North Fork Congregations. The services will be jointly led by Rabbi Gadi Capela of Tifereth Israel Rabbi Jess and Rabbi Michael Rascoe of Temple Israel and our own Rabbi Barbara. The joint service will be held on June 15th at Kenny’s beach in Southold. A Kosher meal will be provided by the participating syna- gogues. The exact time of the dinner and services is still being determined. Please check our website for the final details as they materialize.

Our Foodie Tour committee has been hard at work. (Continued on page 3)

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Yom HaShoah Shabbat Service oldest one there. Twenty-two years old. Together, all by Margo Lowry five of us we were 110 years old.

75th Anniversary of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising The majority of us favored an uprising. After all hu- manity had agreed that dying with arms was more On Friday, April 20, at the Yom HaShoah Shabbat beautiful than without arms. Therefore, we followed Service, we honored the memory of Marek Edel- their consensus. In the Jewish Combat Organization man, Commander of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. there were only two hundred twenty of us left. Can you even call that an uprising? All it was about final- Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day was ly, that we not just let them slaughter us when our signed into law in Israel in 1953 by David Ben Guri- our turn came. We did not want the Germans to pick on to commemorate the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising the time and place of our death… We chose the man- and the six million who perished in the Holo- ner of dying”. caust. He felt that the young country of Israel need- ed heroes, and the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, the Marek Edelman died in 2009. At the time of his largest act of Jewish Resistance of the 2nd World death he was the last surviving commander of the War, was a heroic act unparalleled in the history of Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. the Holocaust. Edelman’s words to live by - “To be a means As a result of his decision, Yom HaShoah Ob- always being with the oppressed and never the op- servance is inextricably linked to the Warsaw Ghetto pressors” Uprising, which started on the first Day of Passover (from the president Continued from page 2) on April 19, 1943, seventy five years ago, almost to the day. Our Twelfth Annual Foodie Tour will be held on Its goal was not to defeat the Germans or prevent Sunday September 16th. As you all are aware the the liquidation of the ghetto. It could not have been Foodie Tour is our major fund raising event, with- with a few hundred of smuggled grenades and one out which we would be unable to maintain our dues rifle for every 20 resistance fighters. It was a battle structure and other costly events. One of the for human dignity and for the Jewish soul, and by things we rely heavily on is our congregants, their that measure the Jews won. Surprisingly, it took the Nazis more than a month to quell the uprising and families and friends to act as docents at the Foodie liquidate the ghetto. In the end, over 300,000 Jews Tour. I cannot stress enough that we need the as- died that represented almost 30% of the total popu- sistance of all in order to conduct this wonderful lation of prewar Warsaw. Warsaw was declared event. Please understand that we are a very small Juden Frei, though it is estimated that about 10,000 congregation, and we need hands-on involvement Jews managed to escape and hide on the Aryan to make things happen. If you like what we do and side. want us to continue doing what we do, please re-

One of them was Marek Edelman, who on May 10th spond when you are asked to pitch in and help, led the remaining resistance fighters through the whether it is for the Foodie Tour or other commit- sewers to join partisan groups in the forests around tees. Warsaw. I look forward to seeing all of you at our various Edelman survived the war and for many years he remained silent. In the later part of his life, he celebrations and certainly at our Beach Services. opened up and gave interviews about his experiences and his role in the uprising. This is how he characterized the three weeks the uprising. Steven

“Why did you choose that very day? April 19th? We did not choose it. The Germans chose it. That was the day that the liquidation of the Ghetto was sched- uled to begin… the walls were being surrounded on the outside. On the night of the 18th we met all five of us, the whole command staff. I was probably the

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The Missouri Reform Jew Who Contributed to Israel's Founding BY RABBI STEVEN STARK LOWENSTEIN , 4/03/2018

It’s well known that almost 70 years ago, on May 14, 1948 at 4 p.m. local time, David Ben-Gurion read the Declaration of Independence that brought the modern Jewish State into existence. It’s also well known that just 11 minutes later, Unit- ed States President Harry S. Truman recognized the new State of Israel.

What’s not so well known is that Truman’s prompt recognition might not have happened without Eddie Jacobson, a little- known Reform Jew from Kansas City, MO, who was Truman’s Army buddy and former business partner.

As the story goes, Jacobson was born to poor Lithuanian Orthodox immigrants on New York’s Lower East Side. Growing up, he had little connection to Judaism or , and soon left New York for Kansas City.

In 1905 Jacobson worked as a stock boy in a Kansas City shirt store and Truman worked as a bookkeeper at a nearby bank. Their friendship grew when in 1917, they reported for basic training in Oklahoma. Truman was named canteen officer and, lacking business experience, selected Jacobson, a traveling salesman before the war, as his manager. They worked well together, and the friendship blossomed.

Having agreed they would go into business after serving together in the 129th Field Artillery in World War I, the two opened Truman and Jacobson Haberdashery on 12th Street in downtown Kansas City in November 1919. Jacobson did the buying and Truman kept the books and sold clothing. When recession hit, they were forced to shutter the store in September 1922, enduring great personal financial hardship. Although the partnership ended, the friendship endured, even as Jacobson and Truman took different paths in life – Ja- cobson kept selling shmatas (rags in ) and eventually opened his own clothing store while Truman went on to become a county administrator, U.S. senator, vice president and, after Franklin Delano Roosevelt died in office in 1945, president of the United States. Through it all, the two remained lifelong friends.

Immediately after he become president, Truman was under tremendous pressure from all sides regarding the situation in the Middle East. Personally, he was most concerned about the Jewish refugee problem the Holocaust had created. The State Department, under Secretary George Marshall, was against the establishment of the State of Israel and any parti- tion plan. President Truman was in favor of other options.

At one point, when Truman said, “I don’t want to hear about Palestine anymore,” and refused a meeting with Chaim Weizmann, president of the Zionist Organization, the Jewish world was thrown into panic. National leaders reached out (Continued on page 5)

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(Continued from page 4) LIBRARY CORNER to Jacobson, who in his 37-year friendship with NFRS Book Club Discussion: the president, had never tried to leverage it. Howev- er, having met Weizmann, Jacobson had taken up Nemesis (by Philip Roth) the Zionist cause. On March 13, 1948, Jacobson went unannounced to If you haven't read Philip Roth's Nemesis, you see Truman in the Oval Office. Although Truman should. At the center of this moving, harrowing, screamed at him for violating the president’s specific touching novel is Bucky Cantor, a 23-year-old play- instruction never to mention the word “Palestine,” Ja- cobson knew how to get to the president. As record- ground director, devoted to the students who use a ed in Yehuda Avner's book, The Prime Ministers: An Newark school playground during the summer of Intimate Narrative of Israeli Leadership, Jacobson 1944. There are several other major characters: said this: the polio epidemic, God's role in the vicissitudes of life, and Bucky's guilt. Your hero is Andrew Jackson. I have a hero too. He’s the greatest Jew alive. I’m talking about Chaim Weiz- mann. He’s an old man and very sick, and he has Eminently discussable, the book club members of- traveled thousands of miles just to see you. And now fered their "takes" on these wide-ranging topics. you are putting him off. This isn’t like you, Harry. It's amazing to me how so many of us can read the same book, yet take away such a variety of opin- Five days later Truman met secretly with Weizmann in the Oval Office. They talked for over an hour and ions. This is one of the most exciting aspects of Truman agreed to support the Partition Plan and the showing up at a book club discussion! establishment of the State of Israel. Immediately after the State was declared, Harry Truman signed the proclamation, giving his friend, Jacobson, the pen he We were also blessed to have the attendance of used to sign the document. Rabbi Jess and Rabbi Danielle (our soon-to-be Student Rabbi), as of September. Their input add- Twenty years later, Truman wrote: ed so much to the discussion.

One of the proudest moments of my life occurred at Please try to attend our next book club discussion 6:12 p.m. on Friday, May 14, 1948, when I was able on June 9 at 11 am. The book is Out of Egypt by to announce recognition of the new State of Israel by Andre Aciman. You'll be glad you did! the government of the United States. I remain particu- larly gratified by the role I was fortunate to play in the birth of Israel as, in the immortal words of the Balfour Declaration, “a national home for the Jewish people.” Come to the Next Book Club Discussion: June 9 at 11 am Thanks, Eddie Jacobson, for stepping up to help We invite you to the next NFRS Book Discussion make this moment possible! on Saturday, June 9 at 11 a.m (place to be an- nounced). Fred Cohen will lead the discussion on Rabbi Steven Stark Lowenstein, the senior rabbi Out of Egypt by Andre Aciman. of Am Shalom Congregation in Glencoe, IL, is the author of For the Love of Being Jew- Set in luxuriant cosmopolitan Alexandria, this richly ish and For the Love of Israel. colored memoir chronicles the exploits of a flam- View all posts by Rabbi Steven Stark Lowenstein boyant Jewish family from its bold arrival in Egypt Published: 4/03/2018 at the turn of the century to its defeated exodus three generations later. In elegant and witty prose, The author introduces us to the Olympian figures who shaped his life.

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OUR COMMUNITY EEJCC Yom HaShoah Remembrance Memorial March for Our Lives Joanne Davis-Slotkin and Dr. Jay Slotkin visited The 5th annual East End Jewish Community Council their daughter, Cara, a teacher in Washington D.C. (EEJCC) Yom HaShoah program proved to move, Together they stood in solidarity with the survivors inspire educate and delight. of the Parkland, Fla. school shooting. Dr. Stanislao Pugliese a distinguished professor of Kate and Miles Eisenberg met Kate’s parents Anna Italian and Italian –American studies known for his and Mike Hoffman, at the corner of Route 112 and international talks on the Italian Jewish experience 347 , Port Jefferson Station to be counted among during the Holocaust, treated us to a fascinating talk the countless tens of thousands who did the same chock full of interesting information regarding the Ital- across the nation. ian/Jewish relations and what Italy did to save the Jews of their country. If you would like to learn more about the March for Our Lives movement. Please visit https:// Cantor Ilana Davidson delighted us by singing her marchforourlives.com. You can make a difference father’s compositions Butterfly, Bird Song and How with a click of the mouse. Visit https:// you Look at It from the work “ I Never Saw Another marchforourlives.com/sign/ and sign the petition Butterfly” as well as Eli Eli, and a moving rendition of that is asking congress to enact legislation that up- Hatikva. The program was moving and meaningful! holds our right to bear arms in a way that responsi- bly protects and saves the lives of our children. Cantor Davidson will be gracing us with her beautiful operatic soprano voice this summer in a concert for As the says “whoever saves a single life is us and the community; more information to come in considered by scripture to have saved the whole our next Newsletter. world”. Together we can save the world one act at a time. Boker Tov - All the best Rabbi Barbara Rabbi Barbara

Our Board has adopted the following Mission Statement

North Fork Reform Synagogue is a small inclusive congregation meeting spiritual, educational, social and cultural enrich- ment needs of our members in the Re- form Jewish tradition. We embrace fami- lies and individuals, Jews by birth or “by choice,” non-Jews and Jews regardless of ethnic or racial background, sexual orientation or gender identity. We support the local community through outreach programs with special emphasis on social justice issues.

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Shabbat Dinner March 16, 2018

Good food, good friends and the warmth and glow of Shabbat left those present at our Family Shabbat Dinner feeling uplifted as together we said goodbye to the week and welcomed Shabbat.

The candles were lit; the Barucha and kiddish were said. Mothers and fathers put their hands on their children’s heads, or thought of their children not pre- sent, bringing good thoughts, well wishes and bless- ings upon them.

Together we sang the shecheyanu and thanked God for bringing us to this special occasion.

Special thanks to the Shabbat dinner committee Lin- da Hill, Margo Lowry, Helene Ciappetta and Kay Freeman for shopping, cooking and making the evening complete.

If you missed this and would like to enjoy the warmth, companionship and inspiration that Shabbat dinner and beach services provide please visit our website www.northforkreformsynagogue.org for the list of this year’s Beach Services.

Mark your calendar: Friday, June 15, will be this sea- son’s first Beach Service. A tri-synagogue happen- ing. Dinner begins at 5pm (provided by Temple Isra- el) and 6pm services. This is an opportunity to cele- brate Shabbat with our Jewish neighbors on the North Fork. Hope to see you there!

Rabbi Barbara

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SYNAGOGUE OFFICERS

Steven Hill...... President Margo Lowry.....Vice President Kay Freeman...... VP, Treasurer Ellen Love...... Secretary Barbara Sheryll...... Trustee Paul Gilman...... Trustee

Barry Mallin……………………….Trustee Ellen Zimmerman...... Trustee Meet our new Student Rabbi Irwin Freeman....Past President Hi, my name is Danielle Weisbrot and I am excited to be joining North Fork Reform Syna- gogue as your student rabbi this fall! I am a native Long Islander, from New Hyde Park, and am now completing my second year of rabbinical school at Hebrew Union College- Jewish Institute of Religion. I also currently teach 5th grade Judaic Studies at Brooklyn Heights Syna- gogue Religious School. I earned a Bachelor of Arts in English, with a minor in Judaic Studies, at Dickinson College in Carlisle, NEWSLETTER SPONSORSHIP PA. Before enrolling at HUC-JIR, I worked at an Please consider sponsoring a NFRS Newsletter. education and performing arts non-profit in East Complete as Follows: Harlem and at a charter school management com- I enclose a check payable to the North Fork pany. In my spare time, I do volunteer work for Dickinson College’s admissions department, at JBI Reform Synagogue in the amount of $100. (formerly the Jewish Braille Institute), and at the My Name: HUC-JIR soup kitchen, where I help prepare week- ______ly meals for our guests. I also enjoy reading, bak- _ ing, and singing with the choir at my home congre- Address: gation.

______

Reason for Sponsorship: This Edition is Memory of Loved One: Name: ______graciously sponsored by Special Occasion: (describe) ______Helene and Vinnie Ciappetta _ In loving memory of Mildred Behm Other: (please describe) ______And in honor of Please complete this form and enclose your check and mail to: Rabbi Barbara Sheryll North Fork Reform Synagogue, PO Box 1625, Southold, NY 11971 for officiating at her funeral service.

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Come Together with your NFRS Community before embarking on an intimate fine dining adventure! The Third NFRS Dine Around Saturday July 21, 2018

Dine Around Fun at the Hills What is a “Dine Around”? The fun starts 6:00 pm at the residence of Linda and Steve Hill for beverages and Hors d’oeuvres. During the appetizers, guest will draw a number indicating where you will be dining. It is completely random. You may join old friends, members that you do not know and you may even get to know board members better.

What is being served for dinner? Each dinner host will create their own menu, but expect it to be a night of fine dining. Please let us know if you have special food requirements when you RSVP.

The Finale! After dinner we will all gather together at a secret location for dessert, coffee and brag about our great dinners $36 PER PERSON payable to NFRS Volunteers are need to host dinners for Eight people RSVP Please e-mail NFRS at [email protected] or e-mail or call Kay Freedman: [email protected] 631-722-5712 or Paul Gilman: [email protected] for reservations, volunteering to host and questions by July 1, 2018.

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Five myths about

Passover Courtesy, the Washington Post 4/1/18

Passover is one of the most widely observed Jewish holidays, but there are still many myths around it. ." Friday night, Jews around the world sat will sit down to a Passover Seder — a ritual that involves, among other things, retelling the story of the Israelite Exodus from Egypt described in the Torah, drinking a lot of wine and eating a big meal with symbolically significant foods. It’s one of the most religiously important and widely observed Jewish holidays, with 70 percent of Jews reporting in a 2014 Pew survey that they had at- tended a Seder in the previous year. Given the weight and complexity of Passover (which lasts eight days in the Diaspora), it’s not surprising that there are plenty of misunderstandings about both its history and its practice. MYTH NO. 1 The Seder tells the historical story of the leaving Egypt. A lot of literalist religious perspectives, both Jewish and Christian, presume that the Exodus story is a faith- ful recording of historical fact. For example, like many Jewish literalists, Rabbi Yirmiyahu Ullman of the Ohr Somayach Orthodox outreach network bases his claim on the story of revelation at Sinai: “Since the entire religion is predicated on this mass-revelation, no one could ever convince an entire nation to accept the reli- gion based on a purported experience that no one ever had.” But the historical accuracy of the Exodus is hotly debated among scholars. Archeologists and Egyptologists have never found evidence that could be directly connected to Israelites’ enslavement or departure, or of a large group of people — 600,000 men, plus women and children — wandering the Sinai Peninsula for 40 years. Some scholars argue that the locations of the Exodus route — Pitom, Sukkot, Kadesh Barnea — are anachronistic to the date of the story and note the Exodus’s absence from key sources like the Book of Chronicles. Some suggest that the Exodus may have been developed by scribes in the 8th through 6th cen- turies B.C. to give hope to a conquered, exiled people living under Assyrian and then Babylonian rule. The story also resembles other famous Near Eastern tales, like that of the Mesopotamian Sargon the Great, said to have been set in a basket in a river as a baby, as Moses was in the Torah. (Continued on page 11)

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(Continued from page 10)

Some scholars wonder if the Exodus might be connected to the Hyksos, a Semitic population that ruled Lower Egypt from 1630 to 1523 B.C., when they were defeated and expelled. Others say there may have been an Israelite Exodus, but smaller in number than the Torah relates; scholar Richard Elliott Friedman, for example, uses literary analysis to suggest that the Exodus may have involved only Levites who moved into, and influenced, the Israelites living in Canaan.

Regardless, some truths are deeper than history: The story of enslavement and liberation is a deep, indel- ible facet of Jewish theology. And a mature faith can hold an expansive understanding of God and holy texts that embraces the ways this story — no matter whether it happened historically — helps us see who we are and the nature of our obligations to those oppressed today. MYTH NO. 2 The Seder is a purely Jewish tradition. The Torah tells us to clear out leaven for the week of Passover and eat unleavened bread, to slaughter the paschal lamb and eat it with matzah and bitter herbs , and to teach the story to our children. Many more of the elements of today’s Seder are found in the and the Talmud , and the evolution of the holiday meal is usually seen as a natural and purely Jewish process. In fact, many scholars today argue that the Seder is based on the Greco-Roman model of the symposium, which involved, among other things that may sound familiar to anyone celebrating Passover, a banquet framed by specific appetizers, eating in a reclining position, drinking a predetermined number of cups of wine, songs of praise, easily accessible questions, and deep discussion of philosophical matters that last- ed sometimes all night. Of course, the real power of the Seder is in how it sacralized and transformed the symposium model. Praise was sung not to the emperor but to God; questions were not about the nature of food or pleasure, but rather an invitation to discuss essential themes of bondage and freedom. The cups of wine alluded to the four actions taken by God in redeeming the Israelites or to the four stages of liberation. Children and women were included. The Seder may have been adapted from the wider culture, but it was imbued with enduring meaning. MYTH NO. 3 Jesus’ Last Supper was a Passover Seder. The Gospels of Matthew, Mark and Luke assert that the Last Supper took place on the first night of Passo- ver. As such, some Christians are attracted to contemporary observance; some churches even hold “Christian Seders” in an attempt to practice the religion of Jesus. However, it’s pretty unlikely that Jesus participated in a Seder. When the Second Temple in Jerusalem stood, the first night of Passover usually involved just eating the paschal sacrifice, a lamb that had been slaughtered at the temple and then roasted and served at home. The temple was destroyed several dec- ades after Jesus’ death. There are no descriptions of the Seder or the Haggadah — the text that guides the Seder ritual now — from major historical authors or works detailing Passover observance during the time of the Second Temple, such as Philo of Alexandria, Josephus, the Book of Jubilees or the Elephantine “Passover Papyrus.” We first see mention of them in early Rabbinic texts like the Mishnah and the , which can be tricky to date, as they originated as oral traditions.

Parts of the Seder might have begun to take root during Jesus’ lifetime, but there’s no evidence that they were widespread or developed enough that he would have participated in them. MYTH NO. 4 The Seder centers on asking and answering four questions. Many Jews learned the Four Questions when we were kids — to recite them by heart, to a familiar tune. The questions formally kick off the retelling of the story of the Exodus; they are often considered the heart of the service. (Continued on page 12) Page 11

(Continued from page 11)

But if you look carefully at the Haggadah, there’s actually only one question: “Why is this night different from all other nights?” Following this are four observations about the foods and practices that distinguish the evening from others. In the Haggadah, only two of the observations — about eating matzah and bitter herbs — are addressed directly, and not until much later in the Seder. Rather, the frame of the questioning is intended to point us to the discursive nature of the Haggadah: It’s not meant to be recited rote but rather engaged as part of a dynamic discussion, with the people at the table fleshing out what the text leaves un- said and with multiple “right” answers to every question out there. The fact that a child is asking helps us to fulfill the commandment of teaching the story to our children — but if we want more questions, we need to generate them ourselves. MYTH NO. 5 There’s a standard list of foods Jews avoid during Passover. Many people know that Jewish law prohibits eating chametz at Passover — food made from or including wheat, barley, rye, oats or spelt that has fermented or risen. This is a mainstay in “Passover 101” articles . What’s often left out (I myself didn’t realize it until becoming more religiously observant in my 20s) is the extent of chametz in everyday products — not just bread, pasta, cookies, cakes and beer, but also soy sauce with wheat, wheat-based vinegars or processed foods with an impressive range of additives. Many Jews are strict in their engagement with this practice, but less traditionally engaged Jews might be less so. In addition to not eating chametz, many Jews with ties to the traditions of Germany or Eastern Europe ab- stain from eating kitniyot, a complicated Passover-specific category of food that includes rice, beans, len- tils, corn, peas and soy. The reason for the practice, which dates to the Middle Ages, is unclear; it probably related to making sure legumes were not confused with or contaminated by forbidden chametz. Lately more Jews are moving away from this practice: The Reform , Conservative and Reconstructionist movements have recently allowed for consumption of kitniyot, though many still don’t do eat such foods. Most Jews with roots elsewhere in the world do eat kitniyot, but even then, it’s not necessarily straightfor- ward. During Passover, many Moroccan Jews eat kitniyot except for rice and chickpeas, though some ab- stain from legumes that have been dried or processed. Many Persian Jews eat rice but not leg- umes. Ethiopian Jews avoid fermented dairy. Some groups of Hungarian Hasidic Jews don’t eat carrots. The bottom line: If you want to feed a Jewish friend next week, don’t make assumptions. And if you’re ever invited to a Seder, the safest gift for your hosts might be flowers.

Danya Ruttenberg is rabbi-in-residence at Avodah and author of "Nurture the Wow: Finding Spirituality in the Frustration, Boredom, Tears, Poop, Desperation, Wonder, and Radical Amazement of Parenting." Follow @theRaDR

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Social Justice Series

Tikkun Olam – A Nation of Immigrants

On March 18, our Programs Committee sponsored a program featuring Sonia Spar and other members of the Town of Southold Anti-Bias Task Force

Over 16,000 Dreamers have already lost their work permits and deportation protections since the Trump Administration announced the end of the DACA pro- gram. Congress must take action before thousands more Dreamers lose their ability to live, work, and contribute to the only country they know.

Locally undocumented immigrants, understandably, are living in a state of fears. (Fears, which include court appearances.) The North Fork Spanish Apos- tolate and Sister Margaret Smyth can use your help to help those they serve.

To learn more about how you can be an advocate and accompany individuals to court please contact Sister Margaret and The North Fork Spanish Aposto- late at (631) 369-4601 or [email protected]

To learn more about the Dreamers and DACA vis- it https://dreamers.fwd.us/

Make a difference and encourage your legislators to do something to protect these 800,000 people who have known no other country as home and their families.

Rabbi Barbara

NEW FROM NFRS

Now you can easily acknowledge a simcha or other event in the lives of family or friends with a hand-inscribed tribute card that can be sent for you. This is an excellent opportunity to let the recipient know that you have made a donation to the synagogue to commemorate the occa- sion. Unless you request it, the amount of the contribution will not ap- pear. By giving you are supporting the synagogue while offering your congratulations or condolences. We suggest a minimum donation of $18 (chai). To send a card contact Kay Freeman at 631 722-5712 or [email protected]. By mail, send your re- quest with a check payable to North Fork Reform Synagogue, Tribute Fund, PO Box 1625 Southold, NY 11971. Include recipient’s name, mailing address, occasion being commemorated, donor’s name, address, phone number and amount of contribution if you wish to have it included.

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Book Notes tim, to an existential stance of agency, responsibility, and a deep inward sense of the freedom to choose, By Jerry Levin not necessarily the circumstances of her life, but her response to them. This conviction that she—and we— It is not often that it is difficult to say whether it is always have a choice transformed an already ex- the book or its author that is most impressive. That traordinarily courageous and resourceful woman into is the case with Edith Eva Eger’s The Choice: Em- one possessed of equally extraordinary wisdom. brace the Possible. It is partly a heart-wrenching Even as early as when she was a teenaged prisoner Holocaust memoir; partly an account of a long, tor- at Auschwitz she must have—at some level—known tured, but ultimately triumphant “recovery” from the this, although it would take a lifetime to fully realize sustained trauma of seeing her parents murdered it. That inner core of inviolable freedom manifested and herself imprisoned in Auschwitz; and partly a itself when she was commanded to dance (she had series of clinical vignettes illustrative of the profes- been a ballet student) by the “Angel of Death” Josef sional work she now does as a clinical psychologist Mengele and saved herself even under his lascivi- and of the passionately felt values that sustain that ous and potentially murderous gaze by imagining work. Eger was 50 when she received her doctor- herself not as suffering an ultimate humiliation, but ate in clinical psychology after a journey entailing rather as joyously dancing in the Budapest Opera many ups and downs, twists and turns. At 90, she is House. Eger’s most profound message is that we still practicing, teaching in a California university, are always free if only we know it and are willing to and lecturing around the world. And now she has take responsibility for our choices. In the course of published a book. her journey Eger expands her self-concept—a notion she got from Carl Rogers, who was one of her men- It is a long time since a book brought tears to my tors, best known for his emphasis on the necessity of eyes—this one did. The Choice is many things: an “unconditional positive regard” on the part of the account of a Hungarian Jewish family with all its therapist towards clients, to include being capable of conflicts that is never sentimentalized or retrospec- experiencing every possible emotion and doing so. tively idealized; an account of the destruction of a Albert Ellis, whose Rational Emotive Therapy devel- culture and of the torture and killing of multitudes; a oped into cognitive therapy, and Viktor Frankl, a fel- personal history—a retelling of the events and a de- low survivor who developed “Logotherapy,” a treat- scription of the relationships in Edie’s life before, ment that emphasizes the centrality of finding mean- during, and after the war; and, at the deepest level, ing in both therapy and life, who became a personal a spiritual autobiography. Perhaps one of the great friend, were also major influences on her therapeutic ones. As I read it many feelings surfaced, not least approach. Eger is always about openness, inclusion among them rage—particularly at those who did the and acceptance—of self and of others. She becomes unspeakable and who in so many cases were never viscerally certain that fully experiencing our emo- held responsible, as well as at those who failed to tions, no matter how terrifying or how much we think hold them responsible. Reading Eger’s book also of them as not part of ourselves, is a trial through elicited grief, sorrow, fear, awe, and a desire to live which we need to pass if we are to be free. The my life more fully. emotion Eger was most defended against is rage. Only after a long struggle was she able to fully expe- Eger repeatedly tells us that she has rience that rage, an experience that was liberating—a a strong accent and still finds English problematic. huge step in her internal journey from slavery to So, not surprisingly, she had a co-author, Esmé freedom. Schwall Weigand, who probably did most of the ac- tual writing. Be that as it may, the writing is terrific: She also has moments of insight that are not so dra- fluid, clear, evocative and compelling. This is a matic but no less transformational, as when she real- book that as a result of both substance and style is ized that the husband she had divorced (and later hard to put down. remarried) was not the cause of her unhappiness— rather it was her internal, largely unconscious con- To return to The Choice as a spiritual autobiography: flicts which she had projected onto him. To give Eger’s story a much more linear unfolding than it had in reality it is an account of a move from Edie is a realist. She knows and tells us that suffer- an existential stance of avoidance, repression and ing is unavoidable, that history cannot be rewritten, denial that in some ways served her extraordinarily that trauma cannot be erased, although we can loos- well, yet left her inwardly impoverished and (her no- en its hold on us and not let it determine our lives, tion) self-imprisoned by emotional constriction in a and that what was and what is must be faced and self-definition, or better a self-experience, as a vic- (Continued on page 17)

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(Continued from page 14) integrated. She knows that to be fully here and now we must confront the then and there, never living in the past yet never denying the emotional reality of its impact on us. She emphasizes the need to mourn and distinguishes the process of mourning from a static entrapment in grief. In her formulation, mourn- ing comes to an end while such grief does not. And it does so by surfacing and intensifying every feeling associated with the lost, including the ambivalence and complexity inherent in our love for them. We need to mourn, not only for the people we have lost, but for ourselves—the parts of self that are gone and the opportunities denied. In expanding and deepening our self-experience, we may recover parts of that lost self. From her clinical vignettes and autobiographical insights Eger is a master at demolished defenses against mourning. For her it is not pain that cripples but rather maladaptive defenses against that pain.

Eger puts great emphasis on forgiveness while she make crystal clear that forgiveness does not entail not holding perpetrators responsible. Nor does it entail forgetting. We need to forgive for ourselves, not pri- marily for the ones forgiven. In forgiving we loosen the grip that those who have aggressed against us hold on us and continue to hold so long as we hate and obsess over the wrongs done to us—wrongs real and imagined. She also makes it clear that there’s no short cut to forgiveness. She herself was unable to forgive until she experienced the depth of her rage. Forgiving was another step to becoming free to choose and in fact it is in itself a free choice.

Edie tells us that we need to accept ourselves and all our foibles, so I don’t think she will mind if I point out some flaws in her book. She can, at times, be preachy, albeit she preaches a magnificent sermon and has more than earned the right to deliver that ser- mon. Nevertheless, she can come across as doing too much preaching. This flaw is closely connected to redundancy in her clinical vignettes, not redundancy in the clinical material itself but in her commentaries on them. The commentaries tend to be quite repeti- tious, and it is in that repetition that the preachiness comes through. A very little bit of judicious editing would easily rectify this, in what I hope will be a sec- ond and many subsequent editions.

Eger surely intended The Choice to be inspirational. And she succeeds beyond what may have been her wildest dreams.

Jerry Levin

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Birthdays and Anniversaries

May Birthdays May 8 – Ronald Hellman May 9 – Bert Spitz May 10 – Kathleen Grossman May 23 – Jay Slotkin

May Anniversaries May 15 – Sara Zarem & Jerry Levin May 24 – Joan & Mike Furst Amazon Smile Riddle: How can I make donations to NFRS June Birthdays without writing a check? June 1 – Ellen Love Answer: Do your Amazon shopping through Am- azon Smile and a donation will go to NFRS! June 5 – Nohra Corredor How do I shop at AmazonSmile? Gavyn Drago To shop at AmazonSmile simply go June 6--Jane Stevens to smile.amazon.com from the web browser on June 6 - Amy Godol (Deak) your computer or mobile device. You may also want to add a bookmark to smile.amazon.com to June 14 – Jerry Levin make it even easier to return and start your shop- June 17 – Stuart Grossman ping at AmazonSmile. June 18--Ellen S. Gilman How do I select a charitable organization to sup- June 28 – Marc Sheryll port when shopping on AmazonSmile? June 29 – Steven Hill On your first visit to AmazonSmile (smile.amazon.com), you need to select a chari- June 30 – Sharna Nicholson, table organization to receive donations from eligi- Billy Bennett ble purchases before you begin shopping. They will remember your selection, and then every eli- June Anniversaries gible purchase you make at smile.amazon.com will result in a donation. June 7 – Kay & Irwin Freeman How much of my purchase does Amazon do- June 15 – Margo & Andy Lowry nate? June 16 – Sue & Sandy Hanauer The AmazonSmile Foundation will donate 0.5% June 17 – Joanne Davis & Jay Slotkin of the purchase price from your eligible Ama- zonSmile purchases. The purchase price is the June 20 – Gail Kriegel & Barry Mallin amount paid for the item minus any rebates and June 29 – Miriam & Michael Lastoria excluding shipping & handling, gift-wrapping fees, taxes, or service charges.

If you have any questions, please contact Margo Lowry ([email protected]) and she can walk you through it.

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Chef’s Corner Directions Spinach Lasagna Béchamel For Béchamel sauce: heat the milk till very Ingredients warm but not boiling. In another pan, melt the butter Serves 6-8 on medium heat. Do not let brown. Whisk in the 6 cups milk flour and cook for 3-4 minutes, stirring constantly. Gradually add the hot milk and continue whisking till 2 pounds spinach, rinsed, stemmed, chopped sauce thickens. 1 cup butter Sauté the garlic and onions in the oil or butter. 3/4 cup chopped fresh parsley When the onions are translucent, stir in the spinach and 1/2 cup of the parsley. If the spinach is dry, l cup flour add a little water. When the spinach has wilted, re- 1 pound ricotta cheese move it from heat and set aside. salt and pepper to taste Mix together the remaining parsley, ricotta cheese, eggs, and 2/3 cup of the Parmesan 2 eggs cheese. 1/8 tsp nutmeg At this point, either cook the lasagna noodles al 2 cups grated Parmesan cheese (5 oz) dente, or don't cook them at all! Just layer the raw (or cooked) noodles in the pan: Oil a large casse- 1/4 cup vegetable oil or butter role or lasagna pan and layer the ingredients in the 2 cups grated mozzarella cheese (8 ounces) following order: first, l 1/2 to 2 cups Béchamel sauce, a third of the noodles, half of the spinach 2 garlic cloves, minced mixture, all of the mozzarella. Next 1 1/2 to 2 cups 1 pkg lasagna noodles of sauce, a third of the noodles, all the ricotta mix- ture, the rest of the spinach mixture. Finally, 1 1/2 2 cups chopped onions to 2 cups sauce, the remaining noodles, the rest of the sauce. Sprinkle 1 1/2 cups Parmesan on top. Deliciously submitted by Kay Freeman Bake covered at 350 degrees for 45 minutes and then uncovered for another 10-15 minutes. Remove from the oven and allow 10-15 minutes for the lasa- gna to set up before serving.

Remembering Your Departed Loved Ones

Last year we dedicated our newest bronze Memorial Plaque, underwritten by the generosity of our mem- bers, Arlene and Ed Fox. This plaque, which is hung next to our first memorial plaque in the vestibule as you enter the front door of the sanctuary, continues to offer our members the opportunity to memorialize their loved ones. The tablet accommodates 30 individual nameplates to memorialize our departed loved ones. Each 2 inch by l0 inch nameplate features a light to be lit on the yahrzeit of the deceased as well as on Yom Kippur. The memorialized names will also be featured in our Book of Remembrance on Yom Kippur. The member may choose to have the English name of the deceased on the plaque…or both the English and the Hebrew names. The donation for each nameplate is $500. Several of our members have already ordered nameplates for the new memorial wall. Please note that, because of the limited number of memorial nameplates available, this opportunity is open only to members of the North Fork Reform Synagogue. Please contact Irwin Freeman ([email protected] or 722-5712) for an order form or for further information.

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North Fork Reform Synagogue Member of the Union for Reform Judaism

UPCOMING EVENTS

Friday May 4 Shabbat Services, 8:00PM, Host for the Rabbi, Margo and Andy Lowry Oneg Provided by Miriam and Michael Lastoria Saturday May 5 Adult Education at the home of the Lowry's 4:00PM

Friday May 18 Shabbat Services , Annual Women’s Service 8:00PM, Host for the Rabbi, Ellen Love Oneg Provided by the men of the Congregation Saturday May 19 Adult Education at the home of: Fred Cohen 4:00PM

Friday June 1 Shabbat Services, 8:00PM, Hosts for the Rabbi: Linda and Steven Hill Oneg provided by Fred Cohen Saturday June 2 Summer Party and farewell to Rabbi Jess at the home of Linda and Steven Hill 2:00-4:00PM

Sunday June 3 Blooming Artists sponsored by NFRS see page 15 Mattituck library 2:00 to 3:00PM Friday June 13 Beach Service Joint service with North Fork Kenny’s Beach 5:00 PM Sunday June 24 Special Program on the Holocaust led by Author Marissa Fox .see page 16 Mattituck Library 2:00 to 3:30 PM Friday, June 29 Beach Services Kenny’s Beach 6:30PM Friday, July 13 Beach Service Kenny’s Beach 6:30PM Saturday July 21 Dine Around time and details to be finalized Friday, July 27 Beach Service, Kenny’s Beach 6:30PM

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