Marching Towards Madness Get All Testosteroney with March Madness at Crew

March 25, 2009 #984

Marching Towards Madness Get all testosteroney with March Madness at Crew. page 18 inSIDE Shut up and read our ONYX club night at Touché. interview with Katie of page 8 The Ting Tings. page 12 PRESENTS

CHICAGO’S BIGGEST GLBT CONTEST! Produced by Windy City Media Group *

JACKHAMMER 6406 N. Clark STAR GAZE TUESDAY, APRIL 7 • 9pm sign up/10pm start 5419 N. Clark SPIN 800 W. Belmont THURSDAY, APRIL 16 • 8pm sign up/9pm start $100 TO WINNER WITH MOST VOTES CREW 4804 N. Broadway SUNDAY, MARCH 29 TUESDAY, APRIL 21 • 7pm sign up/8pm start 7:00 PM MARY’S ATTIC 5400 N. Clark $5 cover WEDNESDAY, APRIL 29 • 8pm sign up/9pm start Singers sign up at 6pm/$10 fee @MOSPHERE 5355 N. Clark WEDNESDAY, MAY 20 • 8pm sign up/9pm start

GRAND PRIZE: ROSCOE’S 3356 N. Halsted WILD CARD NIGHT Over $5000 in cash and prizes! THURSDAY, MAY 28 • 9pm sign up/10pm start $1000 in cash, American Airlines tickets, Broadway in Chicago tickets, and more SIDETRACK 3349 N. Halsted SEMI-FINALS SATURDAY, MAY 30 • 2pm door/4pm start

SIDETRACK 3349 N. Halsted FINALS SATURDAY, JUNE 13 • 2pm door/4pm start For more, visit windycitymediagroup.com MORE VENUES TO COME!!!

SPONSORED BY:

* Windy City Media Group includes Windy City Times, Nightspots and WindyCityQueercast.com

out in the stars by Charlene Lichtenstein Make room for energetic Mars LEO (JULY 24 - AUG. 23) Get with an unusual crowd that will as it pushes its way through ready for tax season, proud have them talking for weeks. Pisces. There is nothing as Lion. Survey the potential Well, even a couple of days is powerful as an idea whose damage with a good advisor. better than average... time has come. Hurry up and But all is not doom and gloom; move on it before it goes. expect a zetz in your love CAPRICORN (DEC. 23 - JAN. March 25, 2009 life. It is the spice you need 20) While you think you can #984 ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL to keep things interesting and spread your oil and slide by, 20) There is no reason to passionate. Be flexible... and your could grease could begin cover accept anything at face value very pliable. to fry and burn. If you find now since much of what is yourself criticized for saying PAUL & JEFF left unsaid is more useful to VIRGO (AUG. 24 - SEPT. 23) one thing and doing another, photo by Kirk you than what is exposed. Be Open enemies are no match just tell the confused crowd strategic and look under the for you! Mold relationships to that you are running for politi- surface for clues. There is your liking and needs but try cal office. INDEX plenty of time to manipulate to appear to be fair. For those THAT GUY them to your liking later. seeking new liaisons, rely on AQUARIUS (JAN. 21 - FEB. 6 your gut feelings as you scan 19) If money has been tight, THE DJ, THE MUSIC TAURUS (APRIL 21 - MAY the playing field. Displaying this week will either help you & YOU 21) Queer Bulls with a yen too much gut though is not invest more wisely or cajole 10 for company will find it... in recommended. you into unnecessary spend- INTERVIEW-THE TING droves. There is a lot that ing. Avoid any situation that TINGS 12 you need to accomplish on a LIBRA (SEPT. 24 - OCT. 23) requires a monetary outlay. It MARRS ATTACKS! personal level and the connec- Anything that gets you to relax is better to err on the side of 14 tions you make now will decide and recharge has multiple thrift. But don’t worry, this too THE SPREAD whether that road is slick, benefits. Clean out your inbox shall soon pass. 16-17 gravelly or smooth. Hob nob and push more into your DATELAND from the top down. outbox. You find alternative PISCES (FEB. 20 - MARCH 20 ways to unload clutter. Use the 20) There is something ener- INTERMISSION GEMINI (MAY 22 - JUNE time to tone and buff your bod gizing about you. Get yourself 21 21) Pink Twins need to feel instead of lifting the occasional in front of important, meaning- WHERE MY BAR AT? appreciated and recognized paper weight. ful projects. You make a strong 24 for their considerable efforts advances that set the stage for WHAT’S UP? but how much can you ask of SCORPIO (OCT. 24 - NOV. future success. Don’t wait for 26 bosses now? If you are seek- 22) Use your ample imagina- the world to rouse you. If you FROM THE BOOTH ing employment, try something tion and creativity to chart your snooze, you will oversleep and 28 unexpected that gets you course over the next couple of lose, Guppie.

noticed. A cellophane suit years. Queer Scorps are often however is not that thing. very intense. Now put that (c) 2009 THE STARRY EYE, LLC., All Rights Reserved. For Entertainment passion to work on your own Purposes Only. CANCER (JUNE 22 - JULY agenda. If that means throwing 23) Higher education—both a not-to-be-missed basheroo, Lichtenstein’s blog, www.thestarry- formal and informal—prove so be it. eye.typepad.com covers everything new age. Her astrology book to be more valuable than you “HerScopes: A Guide To Astrology For initially think. Your inquisitive SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 23 - Lesbians” is an international sensa- mind needs nourishment. DEC. 22) Find creative ways tion. Buy it and feel the vibration. Carve out time and ramp up to enhance your surroundings the effort. Can an old dog learn and make them stimulating new tricks? Only if he cruises and enjoyable. One way is to the right bars. plan the perfect get together

DOWNload: www.WindyCityMediaGroup.com

PUBLISHER Tracy Baim ASSISTANT PUBLISHER Terri Klinsky Managing Editor Kirk Williamson Photography Mel Ferrand, Kat Fitzgerald, DJ Greg Haus, Kirk, Kizzy, Ryan Kolodziej, Steve Starr CAST OF CHARACTERS Andrew Davis, DJ Res-5, graysong, Michael Hampton, Joan Jett- Blakk, Charlene Lichtenstein, David J. Magdziarz, Homer Marrs, Jennifer Parello, Randy Pubert ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVES Terri Klinsky, Kirk Williamson, Amy Matheny, Cynthia Holmes NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE RIVENDELL MEDIA (212) 242-6863 Promotions Cynthia Holmes DIRECTOR OF NEW MEDIA Jean Albright Office Cynthia Holmes Calendar Editor Jean Albright

Copyright 2009 Windy City Media Group/Lambda Publications Inc. All rights reserved. Reprint by permission only. Back issues available for $3 per issue (postage included). Return postage must accompany all manuscripts, drawings, and photographs submitted if they are to be returned, and no responsibility may be assumed for unsolicited materials. All rights to letters, art and photos sent to Nightspots/Windy City Times will be treated as unconditionally assigned for publication purposes and as such, subject to editing and comment. The opinions expressed by the March 25, 2009 #984 columnists, cartoonists, letter writers, and commentators are their own and do not necessarily reflect the position of Nightspots/Windy CityTimes. Publication of the name, photograph, or likeness of a person or organization in articles or advertising in Nightspots/Windy City Times is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such person or organization. While we encourage readers to support the advertisers who make this newspaper possible, Nightspots/Windy City Times cannot accept responsibility for advertising claims.

nightspots 5315 N. Clark St. #192, Chicago, IL 60640 Marching Towards Madness 773.871.7610, fax 773.871.7609 www.WindyCityMediaGroup.com Get all testosteroney with March Madness at Crew. [email protected] page 18 inSIDE Shut up and read our ONYX club night at Touché. interview with Katie of page 8 The Ting Tings. page 12 DOWNload: www.WindyCityMediaGroup.com Nightspots brings that guy the fun this weekend, by Kirk Williamson like, big time! Join me at all these Night- Two quick shout-outs (or is it shouts-out) spots-sponsored this week to some local bar cuties. events!

First to Mike at the Cocktail door. I used to do his job before he was even old enough to walk in the bar. We discussed the sheer pleasure of wrestling drunken queens out of the door. Ah, memories...

Secondly, a fond farewell to Sebastian at Spin. He’s leaving our Midwestern bosom to pursue nursing in Washington state. Yes, it’s a state. And our state is sad that he must leave. Here’s hoping all your nursing is naughty, C-Bass! Friday, March 27 - Hot Jock Contest at Crew. When it’s time to truly take care of yourself, let the good people at Mitchell Dental Spa take care of it for you. Come in and relax as Dr. Mitchell helps you create the smile of your dreams while you enjoy their many luxurious amenities.

In addition to top-notch dental services, at each visit you can choose a complimentary 10-15 minute spa treatment from their list of the six R’s (Replenish, Relax, Refine, Release, Refresh and Revitalize). Each service can be extended to 30, 60 or 90-minute sessions at extraordi- narily competitive rates. I went with the Relax treatment: a customized massage focusing on the back, neck and shoulders. I was exfoliated with a lovely blueberry/ chocolate mixture. It Saturday, March 28 - was all I could do to Leather Eye For the not lick myself! Preppy Guy leather makeover contest at Mitchell Dental Spa Touché. also prides themselves on their willingness to fight for their patients’ insurance claims. They understand that times are tough and will help ensure that you get the finest treatment possible... and it won’t break your bank.

Treat yourself to a visit to Mitchell Dental Spa, located at 845 N. Michigan Ave. in Suite 922 East in Chicago’s Water Tower Place. 312-642-1014. Visit www.MitchellDentalSpa.com for more details or to book your appointment today. Sunday, March 29 - [email protected] The kickoff event of 2009’s Windy City 6 Gay Idol at Star Gaze. March 25, 2009 Come to Star Gaze the kickoff event of the 7th annual WINDY CITY GAY IDOL Sunday, March 29

Sign-up begins at 6 p.m. Show at 7 p.m. $100 prize to ﬁnalist with most votes from the night! $5 cover, $10 contestant sign-up fee

5419 N. Clark St. • www.StarGazeChicago.com Rock hard for the men of ONYX at Touché photos by Kirk

Spank you very much, go-go boys at Cocktail photos by Kirk

Stop in for Tony and the boys at @mosphere photos by Kirk

8 March 25, 2009 $100 Jackhammer-style! to big Tuesday, MarchSign 31 up 10 $5 cover 9 o’clock winner o’clock $10 contestant fee

6406 N. Clark St. 773.743.5772 the dj, the music and you by DJ Res-5 27 Dresses: The options column

There were a couple of things that shined through for me instantly when I was watching the music video for the ultra-sexy new single from The-Dream & Mariah Carey, “My Love.” Mariah can’t cook... I mean like, really can’t cook... like, I-am-so-never-going-to-one-of- her-dinner-parties level of can’t cook. Also, I noticed The-Dream is really proud of his Grammy. It appears prominently in a few scenes of the video. Well, random points of interest aside, the song is great and I recommend checking it out.

Something else I can recommend checking out is the jaw-dropping Chriss Ortega mix to “My Life Would Suck Without You” by Kelly Clarkson. I will admit I have enjoyed Chriss’ stylings on underground tracks like the previously covered “To The Sky,” but hearing him on a mainstream track as important as Kelly’s comeback single is a welcome shock. I secretly had a great dislike for the song in it’s original form. I wanted to like it, I The DJs of Cut Copy wreck the decks at truly did... but I kept getting hung up on the produc- tion, which sounded like a busted-up version of The Berlin photos by DJ Greg Haus Veronicas. Chriss did away with everything that kept me from liking the song and replaced it with simple, pared down choices that showcase what we all love about Kelly: her voice. With names like Friscia & Lamboy and Dave Aude also on attached, I am still gravitating to the Ortega mix; that speaks well for him.

Dave Aude is still a busy man, and a look at all of the 2009 remixes he has already released is proof. My current favorite is his take on Beyoncé’s “Halo”. It’s very in-touch with the song’s strengths and is a great pick to move any formerly slug- gish dance floor.

[email protected] or bust!

10 March 25, 2009

The Ting Tings Ring interviewed by Randy Pubert

Manchester pop group The Ting RP: No. RP: What can people expect Tings is visiting Chicago and when they come to see you at the bringing its unique sound along KW: It means “a small cute cock.” sold-out show at the Metro? with them to a sold-out show at [both laugh] We had no idea. We The Metro on April 5. Katie White, went out to Japan and they are so KW: Well, we write big commercial who provides vocals, guitar polite there and nobody would tell pop songs. We don’t mean to but and bass drums for the band, us. Our record company finally told we just love pop music. But live, graciously took time out to talk to us, “Your name is an affectionate there’s only two of us on stage. We Nightspots magazine. rude word in Japanese.” We found mean every word of it, so it’s quite it hilarious. raw. I think people tend to expect Randy Pubert: We are all so excit- big smiley pop songs. We started ed about you coming to Chicago. RP: What are your musical influ- out playing house parties that were Have you been here before? ences? quite indie. We used to put out our Katie White: Yes. It was amazing, KW: We’re weird. I grew up listen- own records before we got signed. one of our favorite shows! We ing to The Spice Girls and The We are a full-on band but with two played one of the main stages in Backstreet Boys because that was people. It’s all about our energy and Lollapalooza in the daytime. It was played on the radio when I was giving 100%. brilliant. The view and the crowd little. were fantastic. RP: How does it feel to have your We’ve played a few tiny shows Jules [De Martino; Katie’s band- music used in movies such as there also. We played some art mate] had a better musical pedigree Slumdog Millionaire and He’s spaces. This is probably our fourth than I did. He listened to everything Just Not That Into You? gig there now. from The Police to Jeff Buckley. KW: We get offered lots of stuff and He has a really good knowledge of turn down like 99 percent of it. We RP: Where does the name “Ting music. won’t do films that are derogoratory Tings” come from? towards women. KW: I worked with a girl called Ting When we started this band, we Ting before and she said it meant listened to The Talking Heads and RP: What’s in the future for The “an old bandstand in a park” in Man- The Tom Tom Club. The Smiths and Ting Tings? darin Chinese. Then we googled Joy Division were also influences. KW: We are going to tour until it and found out that it meant “the We were even obsessed with the the end of summer. We do all the sound of innovation mind.” So when Ghost Busters theme song, all kinds festivals and then we move to Berlin you get an idea it goes “ting.” of stuff. and work on a new album there. It’s weird but we were in a band before and had been dropped by RP: What’s currently playing in RP: You have a Web site where our record company and we never your iPod? people can find out all the latest thought we would be successful, so KW: A Manchester band called news? we were very blasé about naming Elbow. KW: Yes. We are on myspace. We our band. We just said, “Let’s name message, do all our own blogs and it The Ting Tings. Oh, and there’s a girl from Chicago if anyone wants to chat, we will get called Anni Rossi who plays the it at some point. RP: Well, it’s working. It’s a very viola; she stomps her feet on a interesting name. wooden box and sings peaceful KW: Did you hear what it means in songs. She is really good as well. Japanese?

12 March 25, 2009 Haven’t we all had our fill by now?

Get your sing on in any of the great locations! MON TUES TUES TUE Champions Avenue Tavern Jackhammer Scot’s Apr. 6, 9:30pm-12:30am 9:30pm-1:30am 10pm-4am WATCH FOR DATES (773) 743-1797 (773) 975-7000 (773) 743-5772 (773) 784-1100

WED WED WED WED Hideaway Victory Liquors The Copa Holiday Club 9:30 pm-1:30 am 8:30pm-12:30am 9:30pm-1:30am 9:30pm-1:30am (708) 771-4459 (773) 348-5600 (312) 642-3449 (773) 348-9600

THU THU THU FRI FRI Pie Hole The Closet Four Farthings Pap’s Tap Joe E’s Unforgettable 11pm-? 9:30pm-1:30am 9:30pm-1:30am 9:30pm-1:30am 11pm-3am (773) 525-8888 (773) 477-8533 (773) 935-2060 5532 S. Narragansett (773) 283-3422

FRI FRI FRI SAT Bobby Love’s Velvet Rope Hideaway Christina’s 9:30pm-1:30am 9:30pm-1:30am 10 pm-2:30 am 10pm-2am (773) 525-1200 (708) 358-8840 (708) 771-4459 (773) 463-1768

SAT SUN SUN SUN Coppolino’s Hideaway Star Gaze Brendan’s Pub 10:30pm-2:30am 9:30 pm-1:30 am 8pm-Midnight Apr. 5, 8pm-Midnight (773) 735-8647 (708) 771-4459 (773) 561-7363 (773) 929-2929

for booking and hiring info: 773-720-7347 or [email protected] Dear Starbucks

Dear Starbucks, bad my shakes are). That the Valencia,” … but nothing down payment for a condo could ever be like the Valen- Hey, they’ve said some bad will have to wait another cia. Alas, the orange syrup things about you in the news decade. failed me too, and soon you lately. Your profits are down, took her off your menu as you’ve had to close some True, shnookums, we’ve well, as if to silently beg me stores… people just don’t had our share of rough back into your affections. support you they way they spots. There was the sum-

by Homer Marrs once did. Baby, look me in mer of 2005 when you got My dearest, I didn’t have the eyes. There’s something me hooked on strawberry the heart to tell you this until I want you to tell you that’s squares, only to pull them now, but when I found out going to make it all better. I out of your pastry case for what you had done to Va- don’t care what the others good that autumn, dismissing lencia, I did something rash. say, I will never quit my them as a second-class, Passion is a powerful force addiction to your overpriced, “seasonal” item. I filled out and I gave in to its wicked unhealthful product. my comment card, I tried to impulses. With shame I admit make you understand, but today that for a week I was marrs attacks Ever since we started see- you were resolute. Oh, did secretly seeing Seattle’s Best ing each other in college, I see a different side of you Coffee. you’ve become as much then, my darling. A different a part of my day as the side indeed. My love—please calm spam I get offering cheap yourself. I know, it is an insult Viagra. I remember when But I forgave you. As my made doubly worse by the we first met: you tempted love is everlasting and your fact that you own Seattle’s me with your sugary café product is physically addic- Best and she is like a daugh- mocha, knowing I wasn’t a tive, I couldn’t hold a grudge. ter to you. If I had had my af- coffee drinker. “It’s like hot Chemical dependency fair with Caribou or Tully’s or chocolate,” you said in your wouldn’t let me. even Peet’s for Pete’s sake, sultry, corporate voice. “You maybe then you could forgive love hot chocolate… c’mon, Our happiness returned, me. I understand if you won’t handsome. Drink from me perhaps with more passion be getting my order right for and live forever.” Pretty than before, because then a while, or secretly give me soon, that harmless mocha we knew we could survive half and half when I ask for became a quad venti no whip a bump. I started seeing skim milk. If you want me to soy pumpkin spice latte with you more frequently: in the sleep on the couch and wake four pumps of hazelnut. I afternoon for a Frappuc- up with Dunkin’ Donuts then, was a convulsing, penniless cino, at bedtime for a decaf my sweetness, I will accept junkie with too many cavities nightcap… we were having my punishment. for his age. the relationship we’d always wanted. But only because I’m physi- Darling, I understand why the cally addicted to your high- Siren is your logo. The song And then you changed octane mixture of caffeine of your expensive coffee again. You discontinued and simple sugars. Addicted seduced me, and now my your Valencia syrup without so passionately that you can ship is crashed upon your asking my opinion, without rest assured the economy shores. Who cares about re- thinking of what it might do to will never steal you from me. cent economic downturn, the us. “Try the orange mocha,” mortgage-lending nightmare you said, attempting to keep Your extra-hot foamy lover, and nationwide job insecu- the peace, insulting my taste Homer rity? I know where I’m putting buds and the years of devo- at least $5 a day, sometimes tion I’d put into that flavor. “I twice a day (depending how think you’ll find it’s a lot like

14 March 25, 2009 photos by Kirk These little bears are juuuuuust right at the Bear T-Dance at Wild Pug

photos by Kirk So very interesting at Mary’s Attic

photos by Kirk Every hour is happy at Scot’s

16 March 25, 2009 theSPREAD

...open wide

photos by Kirk Love for the ladies at the 40th anniversary of The Baton

Photos by Kirk The green scene at The Glenwood

17 March 25, 2009 Farewell, C-Bass at Spin photos by Kirk

Gettin’ LUCKY with Inferno at March into madness with Hydrate photos by DJ Res-5 Crew photos by Kirk

18 March 25, 2009

Star Power

HOLLYWOOD, CA—I’ve up with the Star. I immediately “The Star just snarled at me,” been in this town for only 10 recognized her. For some I whispered excitedly into the minutes and have already had reason, this made me giggle phone. Special Guest: The Ting Tings’ Katie White an ugly encounter with a Star. uncontrollably, which caused It was an unfortunate case of her to glare at me. “You’d better get out of there accidental stalking and it was before she files a restraining not my fault, no matter what This made me giggle even order,” my girlfriend said. So, I the Star might say. more. But I did not say, “Hey, I hung up and began searching know you,” because I’ve been for an exit. But no matter by Jennifer Parello This Star was in a very popu- told that Stars do not like to where I went, there was the

dateland lar 1980s sitcom. She was a be recognized. Although, this Star, who was becoming kid in the series and is now a has never made sense to me increasingly peeved at my woman. Sadly, she is not on because why did they become omnipresence. my “list.” Stars in the first place if they didn’t want to be recognized? Finally, I found an elevator You know the list I’m talking that would take me out of the about. It’s the list of famous Apparently, though, giggling building. But just as the door people you and your girlfriend counts as recognition because was closing, an arm pried it agree you can sleep with if the Star seemed highly ir- open. In walked the Star. She you ever have the opportunity. ritated by my snickering. groaned when she spotted Before I landed in Hollywood, me. And then she spoke. I was granted reluctant I immediately called my permission to sleep with girlfriend to tell her of the “Stop stalking me,” she said. Catherine Zeta-Jones and encounter. “I’ve just met a Jessica Lange. Star, and I think she likes me!” “Hey, just because you’re I exclaimed, undeterred by the the Star, doesn’t mean that “But that’s it,” I was told. Star’s obvious disgust. “Plus, you always get to be the one “There’s no wiggle room.” she’s a lesbian!” (The Star who’s stalked. Maybe it’s you had recently come out after who’s stalking me.” When the Which is simply unfair be- marrying her girlfriend.) elevator finally released us cause she knows how much I into the relentless California love to wiggle. “She’s not on the list so you sunshine, the Star pointedly can’t sleep with her,” my pulled off her sunglasses and After I checked into my hotel, girlfriend chirped, which made granted me a half smirk. I wandered across the street me mad. I had never been to a famous mall. (I think attracted to the Star, but now So, I didn’t get to sleep with it starred in Clueless.) My that I was told that I couldn’t Catherine Zeta-Jones, but I objective was to get a snack sleep with her, I suddenly did get a sort-of smile from and then to get the hell out of found her quite fetching. a has-been actress, which is there because I hate malls. about the best a middle-aged But there was no easy way As we launched into a lively suburbanite can hope for from out of the place. Escalators debate on whether I should the Entertainment Capital of led to other escalators and be allowed to sleep with the the World. elevators took me everywhere Star, the Star wandered near but to the ground floor. me. This touched off another Hey, I wrote a book! You can giggling fit, which caused the buy Dateland at Women and It was on one of the escala- Star to snarl at me. Children First, Unabridged tors to nowhere that I first met Books, and on Amazon.

20 March 25, 2009 nightSPOTSMAFIA We’ll tell ya what ta think

Special Guest: The Ting Tings’ Katie White

Elvis Presley; I can’t About 5 minutes; I am on tour A washing machine so I could remember what it was and surrounded by men wash my clothes on tour. called but there was that swear like sailors. I try - Katie a movie set where he to check myself but it never shrin k The national deficit. - Andrew

performed all of his songs. c u rsing ? works. - Katie My porn collection. - Pubert - Katie If I’m not working, months. Me? - Kat Sade: Lovers Live. - Andrew - Andrew My 102.3 degree fever. Yanni - Live :The Concert I wasn’t raised to cuss in the - DJ Res-5 Event. - Kat south, so a long time. - Pubert My debt (fucking grad school). Nelly Furtado - Loose: The I don’t. So there! - Kat - Cynthia Concert. - Pubert Fuck, I don’t know. - DJ Res-5 My waist. - Creaoke Madonna: The Confessions It’s not that I can’t, it’s that I don’t Rush Limbaugh. - Kirk Tour. - DJ Res-5 want to. - Cynthia Last concert fi l m y o u saw Gimme Shelter. - Kirk Weeks. - Creaoke Live Flight Of the Concords However long I can remain clips on YouTube. - asleep. - Kirk O ne thing that y o u wish wo ul d Cynthia H ow l ong co ul d y o u go witho t Some Kind of Monster. - Creaoke

Are you special enough? If you want to be included as a special guest in Nightspots MAFIA, send an email to [email protected] and plead your case.

photo by Kirk

MAIN: At Wild Pug, a few more inches over and...

DETAIL: ...dude would’ve gotten the ol’ bunny ears from the T-shirt behind his head. So close...

21 March 25, 2009

WHERE MY BAR AT? BOYSTOWN Pie Hole Scot’s The Burbs 3160 737 W. Roscoe St. 1829 W. Montrose Ave. Club Krave 3160 N. Clark St. 773-525-8888 773-528-3253 13126 S. Western Ave. 773-327-5969 Roscoe’s SoFo Blue Island, IL www.Chicago3160.com 3356 N. Halsted St. 4923 N. Clark St. 708-597-8379 Berlin 773-281-3355 773-784-7636 Hideaway 954 W. Belmont Ave. www.roscoes.com Spyners 7301 W. Roosevelt Rd. 773-348-4975 Scarlet 4623 N. Western Ave. Forest Park, IL www.BerlinChicago.com 3320 N. Halsted St. 773-784-8719 708-771-4459 Bobby Love’s 773-348-1053 Star Gaze www.HideawayNiteClub.com 3729 N. Halsted St. Sidetrack 5419 N. Clark St. Hunters 773-525-1200 3349 N. Halsted St. 773-561-7363 1932 E. Higgins Rd. www.bobbyloves.com 773-477-9189 www.stargazechicago.com Elk Grove Village, IL Bucks Saloon www.sidetrackchicago.com T’s 847-439-8840 3439 N. Halsted St. Spin 5025 N. Clark St. www.huntersnightclubs.com 773-525-1125 800 W. Belmont Ave. 773-784-6000 John L’s Place Cell Block 773-327-7711 www.tsbarchicago.com 335 154th Pl. 3702 N. Halsted St. www.spin-nightclub.com Touché Calumet City, IL 773-665-8064 Steamworks (bath) 6412 N. Clark St. 708-243-2753 www.cellblock-chicago.com 3246 N. Halsted St. 773-465-7400 Maneuvers Charlie’s 773-929-6080 www.touchechicago.com 118 E. Jefferson St. 3726 N. Broadway Ave. Wild Pug Joliet, IL 773-871-8887 UP NORTH 4810 N. Broadway Ave. 815-727-7069 www.charlieschicago.com @mosphere 773-784-4811 www.JolietManeuvers.com Circuit 5355 N. Clark St. www.worldsgreatestbar.com Rumors 3641 N. Halsted St. 773-784-1100 2433 Desplaines Ave. 773-325-2233 www.atmospherebar.com DOWNTOWN North Riverside, IL www.circuitclub.com The Anvil The Baton 708-443-1227 www.rumorspubonline.com The Closet 1137 W. Granville Ave. 436 N. Clark St. 3325 N Broadway Ave. 773-973-0006 312-644-5269 Velvet Rope 773-477-8533 Big Chicks www.thebatonshowlounge.com 728 W. Lake St. Oak Park, IL www.theclosetbar.com 5024 N. Sheridan Rd. Club Reunion 708-358-8840 Cocktail 773-728-5511 811 W. Lake St. www.velvetropeoakpark.com 3359 N. Halsted St. www.BigChicks.com 312-943-5397 773-477-1420 Crew Generator FireFly 4804 N. Broadway Ave. 306 N. Halsted St. indiana 3335 N. Halsted St. 773-784-CREW 773-738-9971 Dick’s R U Crazee? 773-525-2505 www.worldsgreatestbar.com Second Story Bar 1221 E.150th St. Halsted’s Bar & Grill Eagle 157 E. Ohio St. Hammond, IN 3441 N. Halsted St. 5001 N. Clark St. 312-923-9356 219-852-0222 773-348-9696 773-728-0050 www.dicksrucrazee.com Hydrate www.ChicagoEagle.com Near North Encompass 2415 Rush St. 3458 N. Halsted St. El Gato Negro Club 2506 773-975-9244 Lake Station, IN 1461 Irving Park Rd. 2506 N. Clybourn Ave. www.hydratechicago.com 773-472-9353 219-962-4640 312-533-1972 www.encompassnightclub.com Kit Kat The Glenwood Crobar 3700 N. Halsted St. Welcome Inn 6962 N. Glenwood St. 1543 N. Kingsbury St. 773-525-1111 155 Gostlin St. 773-764-7363 312-266-1900 www.kitkatchicago.com www.theglenwoodbar.com Hammond, IN Little Jim’s Hamburger Mary’s/ The Southside 219-931-3774 3501 N. Halsted St. Mary’s Attic Club Escape 1530 E. 75th St. 773-871-6116 5400 N. Clark St. 773-667-6454 Lucky Horseshoe 773-784-6969 www.clubescapechicago.com 3169 N. Halsted St. www.hamburgermaryschicago. 773-404-3169 com Escapades Manhandler Jackhammer 6301 S. Harlem Ave. 773-229-0686 1948 N. Halsted St. 6406 N. Clark St. 773-871-3339 773-743-5772 InnExile minibar/winebar www.jackhammer-chicago.com 5758 W. 65th St. 773-582-3510 3341 N. Halsted St. Joie De Vine www.innexilechicago.com 773-871-MBAR 1744 W. Balmoral Ave. www.minibarchicago.com 773-989-6846 Jeffrey Pub North End Man’s Country 7041 S. Jeffery Blvd. 773-363-8555 3733 N. Halsted St. 5017 N. Clark St. (bath) 773-477-7999 773-878-2069 24 March 25, 2009

Wednesday, Mar. 25 short film series hosted Clark St. drag and best female drag. Book Release Party The Ad- by Actor Slash Model 7:30 $10/$25 Center on Halsted. ventures of Cancer Bitch by p.m. $5-10 sliding scale. El- Tuesday, Mar. 31 tballentine@centeronhalst- S.L. Wisenberg 7:30 p.m. egant Mr. Gallery, 1355 N. OUTmusic Queer Open Mic. ed.org, 773-472-6469 X245 Women & Children First Milwaukee 3rd FLR Mostly Acoustic queer music Bookstore 5233 N. Clark last Tuesday of every month. Saturday, Apr. 4 773-769-9299 www.wom- Saturday, Mar. 28 Urban Café, 1467 W. Irving 2009 Club BEHIV & Cabaret enandchildrenfirst.com Center on Halsted Women’s Park 773-327-9427 www. , commemorate BEHIV’s 20 Gay and Lesbian Chamber Advisory Council on urbancafechicago.com years of life-saving service of Commerce Mix n Mingle Community and Cultural to the community, Woman’s networking event 6 - 9 p.m. Programs first organiza- Thursday, Apr. 2 Club of Evanston. 7 - 10:30 $20/$30 Wild Pug 4810 N. tional meeting. 1 p.m. Info The Alliance, gay/straight p.m. $ 150. Tix at www.behiv. Broadway 773-303-0167 or RSVP: Tom Ballentine, sketch group, debut show, org www.glchamber.org/ Director of Community and Gayrilla Warfare 50-minute Broadway, Our Way, Beckie Cultural Programs, tballen- show to run every Thursday Menzie and Tom Michael, cel- Thursday, Mar. 26 [email protected] 7:30 p.m. through April. $10. ebrate the songs of the Great Asians and Friends junior or 73-472-6469 X245 www. Mary’s Attic 5400 N. Clark White Way. Through April 25, league (Gay Yakuza) hosts centeronhalsted.org St.www. thealliancecomedy. 8 p.m. $18 cover charge and Mahjong (Learn and play!) Hydrate DJ Paulo, hosted wordpress.com. two-drink minimum. Daven- before Wild Pug’s Gaysian bar 8-9:30 p.m. benefitting port’s, 1383 N. Milwaukee evening, 7-9 p.m. Wild Pug, Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus, Friday, Apr. 3 Ave. Reservations recom- 4810 N. Broadway open mike 8-11 p.m., Lights Equality Illinois First Friday mended, 773-278-1830 Wild Pug Gaysia, come party Out Party midnight - 5 a.m., Networking event, welcomes Hydrate Artist of the month, with Asians and Friends, DJ 3456 N. Halsted St., Hydrat- partner organization, LCCP/ hosted bar 9-11 p.m. ben- Oskar, 9 p.m. - 2 a.m., 4810 eChicago.com HBHC. Sidetrack, Glass Bar efitting Lambda Legal, DJ N. Broadway, WorldsGreat- Spin Dragzilla Contest, $100 3349 N. Halsted St Roland Belmares, 3456 N. estBar.com first prize, $50 second prize, Flesh Hungry Dog Show Halsted St., HydrateChi- 800 W. Belmont Ave., spin- presents “Bitch and the cago.com Friday, Mar. 27 nightclub.com Dead Celebrities” four year Spin Popstars, featuring DJ Ri- Crew Fratboy Fridays with Hot Sunday Softball Signup anniversary of spreading ley York and hostess Christi Jock Contest, $300 cash Party Sponsored by CMSA, the gospel of live rock and Couture, 800 W. Belmont first prize, 11 p.m., 4804 N. 4:30-6:30 p.m., 800 W. Bel- roll, burlesque, and general Ave., spin-nightclub.com Broadway, WorldsGreatest- mont Ave., ChicagoMSA.org musical mayhem for queers Touché Bear Night with Great Bar.com Touché Leather Eye for the and friends. 21+ 9 p.m. $12. Lakes Bears, 6412 N. Clark Hydrate Midtangent Produc- Preppy Guy, the leather Jackhammer, 6406 N. Clark St., touchechicago.com tions presents Snow kickoff makeover contest, a benefit www.fleshhungrydog.com party, hosted bar 9-10:30 for Vital Bridges, see the full Hydrate Lube Wrestling with Monday, Apr. 6 p.m. with $10 donation, DJ makeover that night from host Amy Armstrong, DJ Sidetrack Party with castmem- Brett Locascio, 3456 N. Hal- SHEL-don Leathers, 6412 Jeannette, 3456 N. Halsted bers from RENT, featuring a sted St., HydrateChicago. N. Clark St., touchechicago. St., HydrateChicago.com performance, ticket raffles, com com Joel Hall Dance benefit per- giveaways and more, 10 Illinois Gay Rodeo Asso- formance “Flavors” 7:30 p.m., 3349 N. Halsted St., ciation, Dollar Dance fund- Sunday, Mar. 29 p.m. two nights. $25/$15. SidetrackChicago.com raiser, two step lessons 8 Jon-Henri Damski award Athenaeum Theatre, 2936 p.m. with Stina; DJ Michael to Dean Ogren 2 -4 p.m. N. Southport Ave. ticket- Tuesday, Apr. 7 B spins country and our Dol- complimentary light brunch master or 773-935-6860 or Homolatte, bi-monthly, all- lar Dance (walk up to anyone from David Sanborn of the 773-293-0900 ages, gay/lesbian/bisexual/ and ask “Would you like to Polo Cafe and Catering, in Touché MAFIA club night, transgender/intersex spoken dance for a dollar?”) 9 p.m. Bridgeport. Sidetrack, 3349 6412 N. Clark St., touchechi- word and acoustic music se- Charlie’s Chicago, 3726 N N. Halsted St cago.com ries presents Jon Ginoli, Tim Broadway St 773-871-8887 Chicago Shakespeare The- Windy City Blenders Steam- Cain 7:30 p.m., Big Chicks/ Rachel Shteir author Gypsy: ater’s Twelfth Night Court- punked: A Night of Spec- Tweet 5024 N Sheridan. The Art of the Tease A true yard Theater through June 7. tacle and Fashion, featur- www.homolatte.com icon Gypsy Rose Lee was www.chicagoshakes.com ing designs by Sam Bryer, Windy City Gay Idol Chicago’s the first and the only strip- Windy City Gay Idol Kick-off Crisswear and more, 9 p.m., biggest GLBT talent contest, per to become a household event of Chicago’s biggest Circuit, 3641 N. Halsted St., 9 p.m. sign-up, 10 p.m. start. name. 7:30 p.m. Women GLBT contest, eight rounds www.WindyCityBlenders. Jackhammer, 6406 N. Clark & Children First Bookstore in eight bars over coming com St., www.windycitymedia- 5233 N. Clark 773-769-9299 weeks, over $5,000 in cash Winter’s Dragging and So group.com www.womenandchildrenfirst. and prizes. 7 p.m. $5 cover. Are We: Everyone dresses com (Singers sign up 6 p.m., $10 in drag, over $1500 in cash Threat Level, bimonthly queer fee). Star Gaze, 5419 N. and prizes for best male

26 March 25, 2009

from the booth by Randy Pubert & Dick Groeper Idol Universe from Channel 1 Releasing Starring Tony Idol and Bo Summers

Tony owns a bar called “Idol’s Place.” While would have to pick them up himself. closing for the night, two employees are G: Idol’s Bar has great customer service. cleaning up in the kitchen. P: And he’s servicing the customer. JUDGING G: I always answer the door in a towel and a A PORN P: This looks like the restaurant kitchen where cock ring. I work in Andersonville. Wait, that never P: I bet you do, Ding Dong! BY ITS happens there. COVER G: Not that you know of. Employees hook up Back at the bar, a rent a cop arrives because all the time in the restaurant biz. the alarm was set off. Pubert: We did P: Maybe it’s all those late hours. The Apprentice G: Their kitchen manager is getting a show. P: Good thing Tony was there. Isn’t that from last time, now P: His accent sounds like Ricky Ricardo. Copacabana? “Tony sailed across the bar.” it’s Idol time! G: “Lucy, I’m home!” G: The policeman is hitting on Tony. Isn’t he Groeper: Well, P: The boss just came. taken? American G: Bosses are always cumming when I am P: This is not a good relationship training Idol has been not looking. video. pretty enter- G: That horrible retro lamp on the bar is taining and Tony heads home to get some shut-eye with distracting me from the action. Windy City Gay his boyfriend. P: This video is from the ‘90s so it’s not that Idol is about old. to start, so it P: This is sweet. His man is taking care of him. G: Tony just lied for his new copper friend makes sense. G: Must be nice to have a boyfriend. when his company called to check on him. P: Well, I P: It is. P: And so the deceit begins. couldn’t find G: I hate you. G: Channel 1 is nominated for so many any Easter P: Happy Easter! awards this year. porn so this is G: Speaking of Easter, Idol’s eggs look a little P: They must be doing something right. what I got. red. G: This video deserves more attention. G: “Easter P: Well, that’s better than blue. P: Are you more of a Paula or a Randy? Eggs.” Sounds G: Too true. I am sure people are “dyeing” to G: “Hey Dawg, there were some pitch like an idea for read your jokes. problems with this performance.” a movie… P: That one stunk like a rotten egg. P: I am more of a Simon. P: Hopefully P: The music in background is relaxing: the G: I have seen your cynical side. the guys in this tinkling of a keyboard. P: A little rough around the edges, but this Idol video fuck like G: Yeah, but I don’t think it goes with the is a wild card! rabbits. hardcore sex. P: Oh brother, their plant is dying by the bed. Pubert: Finger down the throat. G: It needs some sun and water. It’s a Groeper: Thumb up the butt. metaphor for their relationship. P: They barely finished having sex and Tony is Happy Easter and hope your basket is full! running back to lock up the bar. G: So much for stress relief. Be a part of the Idol phenomenon at www.c1r.com. Meanwhile, a bartender from the bar makes a For more info about Windy City Gay Idol, go to house call to return a customer’s glasses. www.windycitymediagroup.com.

P: Okay, that would never happen. The guy 28 March 25, 2009

Spin the wheel at Teri Yaki’s Game Show on Sundays at Spin photo by Kirk

30 March 25, 2009

Join us at

The Video Bar 3349 N. Halsted SidetrackChicago.com Monday, April 6 at 10pm as we welcome castmembers from

TThhiiss vveerryy ssppeecciiaall SSiiddeettrraacckk SShhooww TTuunnee MMoonnddaayy wwiillll ffeeaattuurree aa ppeerrffoorrmmaannccee,, ttiicckkeett rraaffffllee,, ggiivvee--wwaayyss && mmoorree..

tthhaannkkss ttoo oouurr ffrriieennddss aatt

CENTER