LITTERING CAMPUS SINCE 1904.
VOL. 115 ISSUE 123 FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005 WWW.KANSAN.COM/STORIES/TONGUEINBEAK
▼ HIS NEW HOUSE God’s coming to campus! University to build Creationist Science Center on the Hill
BY OWEN MORRIS Multicultural Resource Center First Divinity Church of God said confirm it, but they always use big [email protected] currently is located. The MRC is in a phone interview. “Intelligent confusing words like primordial TONGUE IN BEAK WRITER already scheduled to move into design will finally be taught and and environmental adaptation. the expansion of the Kansas scrutinized with the same scien- The Bible explains it in two sim- The University of Kansas Union between the Union and tific tools that evolution has been. ple words, ‘Adam and Eve.’ I’ve Alumni Association announced the Union’s parking garage in Maybe this can finally allow sci- never seen evolution, but I have yesterday that an anonymous August 2006. entists to come to a conclusion seen the Bible.” donor gave the University $10 If plans go smoothly, crews based on science and not on their “We will be the laughing stock million to fund a building and could demolish the old MRC own biases against Christianity.” of every other science department start a new science department building and start construction The design shows the building in the country,” Alan Gentry, devoted to the research and study on the new building as soon as would have a 20-foot-tall statue assistant professor of biology, of the theory of intelligent design. summer 2006. An early design of praying hands at the base of said. “I’m praying that this does The building/department still shows a three-story building with the entrance, which the donor not go through, though not in the Artist rendering by Ginny Weatherman/KANSAN have to be approved by the Board classrooms on the first level, a requested, saying it represented same way that these people pray. Separation of church and state will only occur as a result of steel of Regents and Chancellor church on the second level and “all scientists who pray that man There’s so much real research and sheet rock at the University’s new Creationist Science Center. The Robert Hemenway. If given the research labs and offices on the will one day find the real truth that’s in desperate need of financ- church will house God on the second floor, classrooms on the first green light this would create the third level. about its past.” ing.” floor and research labs and offices on the third floor. first science department of its “This is a glorious day which “I think it is a good idea,” “That’s just the small minded kind at any accredited university proves science and religion do Robert Biggums, Hutchinson simpleton reasoning we’ve come The chancellor’s office had no hands on his desk. in the United States. According not have to be opposites, but can sophomore, said. “I always hear to expect from those scientists,” comment when contacted yester- April Fool’s! to the current plans, the building study and learn from one anoth- all this talk about all this proof Reverend Brown said in response day, though it is known that the would stand where the er,” Reverend Paul Brown of the about evolution and how studies to Gentry’s comment. chancellor keeps a pair of praying — Edited by Jennifer Voldness
▼ SPRING BREAK LIES ▼ KU GETS EXTREME MAKEOVER Break: ‘not awesome’ Hot, new image BY CHRIS CRAWFORD for University [email protected] TONGUE IN BEAK WRITER BY SAM HOPKINS [email protected] Following last week’s spring TONGUE IN BEAK WRITER break, Heidi Mellencall, Blue Valley junior, told friends and The University of Kansas has roommates that she “raged” in again hired outside consultants Cancun, Mexico, for the past to help shape the school’s week. She admitted yesterday image. This time though, our that she in fact spent her break beloved Jayhawk mascot may at home at her parents’ house. end up revealing a bare midriff “I couldn’t believe it,” Staci and a lower back tattoo. Bettendorf, Chicago junior and HotProdukt, Inc., has come Mellencall’s friend, said. “She’s on board the University’s pub- so tan and she talked about lic relations ship with plenty of being in a wet T-shirt contest. accomplishments under its She said she hooked up with belt, including MTV’s “Real Fat Joe.” World vs. Road Rules Mellencall came clean, saying Challenge” series and musician that she went to a tanning salon John Tesh’s 2002 “Boo-Ya!” “So we should just believe every other day to give herself a World Tour. some scientists because they bronze, spring-break glow. “I wouldn’t say we create did a few experiments? Give “I actually did hook up with new personalities for clients, me a break. If I’m made of the Fat Joe, but he works at the but we sure overhaul the old same stuff as charcoal, then I’d Subway around the corner from ones,” HotProdukt co-founder like to see someone try to my parents,” Mellencall said. and chief operating officer throw me in a grill and cook She admitted that most of her Lesley Franks said by phone hot dogs with me at the family Cancun stories came from half- from the firm’s New York head- barbecue,” Craysdale wrote. hour segments which aired on quarters. “Kansas students can “I’ll give you a good punch in MTV’s “Spring Break” series. rest assured that we will add to the gut before that happens, “She told us she was a con- the school’s existing image, not buddy!” testant on 50 Cent’s ‘Spring take away from it.” Craysdale’s confrontational Break Candy Shop,’ whatever Some disagree, including KU tone and pseudo-scientific that means,” Mellencall’s moth- Bookstore employee Rachel analysis have not made him er Judy said. “She doesn’t even Lyons, Salina sophomore, who any friends in academic circles, like sweets.” said, “They’ll probably want us but University administration Mellencall told friends that to print Applebee’s logos on officials remain open to she met Beyoncé and that she exam blue books or something. HotProdukt’s plans, despite seemed really smart. She also I don’t trust them.” their apprehension. said Rob Schneider was better Consensus or not, plans are “We have faith in the overar- looking in person. under way for the University’s ching goal of increased expo- “We should have figured it first HotProdukt-coordinated sure for the University of out then,” friend Heather lecture series to be called “J- Kansas,” Tammy Weidrich, vice Stevens said. Hizzle.” provost for media relations, Mellencall tried to emulate the “We wanted to give you guys said. “I think students have to Cancun spring break she had Flavor Flav and Mini-Me or take the good with the bad and hoped for by not bathing regular- someone who would really get look toward the future. I’m ly, drinking excessively and act- a rise to start things off. But from Milwaukee, and everyone ing slutty, which she said includ- then the administration asked thought the Jeffrey Dahmer ed entering a wet T-shirt contest us to suggest someone a little case would bring shame to our in downtown Kansas City, Mo. more academic,” Franks said. city. But then, 10 years later, we “I really was gross,” “So, the inaugural lecture will got a new baseball stadium.” Mellencall said. “I woke up be given by author Randolph Following the above exam- most mornings sweating booze. Craysdale, whose 1999 book, ple, even questionable media I let a guy named Fat Joe do ‘Go Ahead and Hit Me!,’ was a attention may allow the tequila shots out of my belly best seller. He’s smart, but he’s University to reap long-term button because he gave me got an edge for sure. The things benefits. Students and faculty extra Subway stamps, and I was he says about carbon not really will soon be able to voice their in a wet T-shirt contest with five being the basis of life on Earth approval or dismay at the ladies my mom’s age who had Photo illustration by Ginny Weatherman/KANSAN really get a rise out of people.” school’s short-term plans and more scars than teeth.” Junior Heidi Mellencall celebrates her 13th beer at the wet bar in her parent’s basement. Mellencall Craysdale’s opens his 2002 Craysdale himself. drank alone in the split-level’s dark first floor most nights during spring break. Mellencall claims she’s pamphlet “Carbon, — Edited by Ross Fitch rated PG for “Party Girl.” Schmarbon!” with: — Edited by Laura Francoviglia Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe.
Today’s weather Badminton team loses Textbook business laughs at your poverty Kansan.com One shot short. The bad- The “Textbook Editor” explains how overpriced Check minton team is stunned books help line his pockets. Without your support out all 89 9 in huge upset. Can our he couldn’t buy diamond-lined underwear. PAGE 2A kansan Tongue Lots of cookies! campus of badminton- .com in Beak — Cookie Monster, Kansan weather loving fans cope? What’s exclusive stories tomorrow Sunday Wal-Mart family buys fieldhouse for daughter next after the star seniors and the 51 50 2 12 The Laurie family has once again put a price on a leave? Sounds like the real ones at kansan.com. Not as many cookies Cookie crumbs? priceless monument. Paige Laurie says Allen weight room for our Fieldhouse will now be “the sweetest, most awe- It’s like the paper, but on All contents, unless stated otherwise, young players. PAGE 14A a computer! © 2005 The University Daily Kansan somist fieldhouse ever.” PAGE 14A OpinionOpinion
PAGE 2A FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005 WWW.KANSAN.COM/STORIES/TONGUENBEAK
▼ BOOK PIMP Actually I do laugh all the way to the bank Hi there. You don't know me Well, I’m going to let you in on a Besides, why are you upset? It’s in order to scrape together money down I just think about some out- personally, though you might little secret: I really don’t know or just daddy’s dinero anyways. Oh? to buy one book. Oh, that’s a deep rageous deed we’ve done. Like have driven by one of my summer care what’s on those pages. What’s that? You have to work belly laugh. That one always gets the philosophy book we put out mansions before and asked, Sometimes we spellcheck them, two jobs just to pay for school? me. last semester that was 80 percent “What kind of person can afford but usually not. Half that stuff is You really can’t afford it? Well I’m sorry, what were we talking pictures we took off the Internet. that kind of place?” made up anyways. Let’s stop talk- that's too bad. I have to go to about again? Oh, about me laugh- The price? $220. That’s right, 220 Well, I’ll tell you what kind of ing about textbooks. I don’t spend work, too. Though at my work, I ing to the bank. Actually that’s not big ones. That’s more than 90 per-
person: Me. And you know how I much time on them. TEXTBOOK EDITOR sit at a gold table with the text entirely true. I never actually go cent of what philosophy majors made all that money? By charging In fact, I would say I spend 10 [email protected] execs, shouting out random prices into the bank. will make a year after they gradu- students like you hundreds of dol- percent of my time working on and deciding if you would pay I just wait outside in my stretch ate. lars for textbooks. textbooks and the other 90 per- me? them. The answer of course is yes, limo while my two man-child Oh, the laughs. Oh sure, there’s something cent swimming in my big vault of Bam, I just raised the prices 20 but still it always gets a big laugh assistants wheel the money in on written on those pages, probably money. Let me tell you — it’s the bucks. You know I could raise when someone shouts out a num- wheelbarrows. The laughing part ◆ Editor is a Lawrence something that your professor life! What? Do I hear you com- prices, and you would still pay ber like $7,332. I imagine you though is correct — sometimes for resident with oodles and told you is important to learn. plaining? Are you questioning them. going without food for a semester hours. Whenever I’m feeling oodles of cash.
▼ HICK EYE FOR THE QUEER GUY ▼ YOU HOLD THE POPCORN, I’LL HOLD THE TALKING Gays get opportunity ‘Movie guy’ dispels movie myths Dear Movie Guy, to fire Yoda twice on that Man, “Easy Rider” is so picture. He used The Force for ‘Straight Camp’ trippy. What were Dennis to make the crew forget Hopper and Peter Fonda about scenes he didn’t want Legislators in Kansas decid- Proponents agree that beer-guz- smoking? to shoot. “Yoda, though a ed to kick queers while they’re zling is a valuable part of both — Buzzed in Bonner Springs STEPHEN SHUPE formidable Jedi master, is down this week. Conservatives hunting and fishing. Baseball, the [email protected] not a professional actor. He and religious leaders proposed next test, is considered one of Dear Buzzed, Tony the Horse, the notori- keeps humping my leg an addition to the gay marriage most important. Shortly after the film’s ous hit man. Tony worked between takes,” Luke ban, on which the public will “It’s called America’s pasttime release Hopper said, “We for the Tataglia brothers, Skywalker said at the time. USTIN ASTER for a reason,” Journey said, “We’ll vote Tuesday. A C smoked hashish, right out of who sent him to kill Luca Yoda replied, “Insolent, my “Because our conservative [email protected] juice them up with ’roids if we have the peace pipe. Chief Brasi on the night of Connie young Padawan is.” Not religious stronghold will be at the to, as long as they can hit a freaking Hummingbird flew down on Corleone’s wedding. The surprisingly, Lucas chose to polls anyway, we may as well try Prada, Gucci and Louis Vuitton baseball when they leave.” four-legged assassin, who to wipe out the gay population would be stripped from all gay While the topic of baseball was the back of a griffin and create a digital Yoda for the altogether,” said Sen. Phil men’s closets, Journey said. on the floor, several sports fans smoked us all out. I remem- had been seen drinking new “Star Wars” films. Journey, (R-Haysville). Each male camper would wear brought up the importance of ber Jack Nicholson and heavily at the Corleone Wednesday, Journey, along a uniform composed of an butt-scratching and adjusting Gen. George Armstrong estate that afternoon, fell with other conservatives and adjustable baseball cap, a oneself, so the Legislature consid- Custer playing darts in the down a flight of stairs while Dear Movie Guy, religious leaders, said that a ban NASCAR tank top, dark blue ered adding a clause to include back of a bar in San on his way up to Luca’s My wife thinks Frodo and on gay marriage was not enough. sweat pants and hiking boots. those behaviors. Antonio. The rest is hazy.” apartment. Luca shot the Sam have a homosexual He proposed a six-step plan to Flannel button-downs would be Liberals led by Rep. Paul Davis horse, hacked off his head relationship in “The Lord of (D-Lawrence) called the plan eliminate homosexuals called the distributed during cold weather. and mailed it to Hollywood. the Rings.” I think this is one Gays Go to Straight Camp Act. A ludicrous. “We have to get them used to Dear Movie Guy, of the greatest platonic male Citadel-trained task force would dressing normal,” said the Rev. “We’re setting America back Growing up, my favorite friendships in movie history. round up all gays and lesbians in Jerry Johnston, pastor of First another 50 years,” Davis said. Dear Movie Guy, Kansas and take them to a camp Family Church in Overland Park. “Doesn’t the Bible say that God movie was “The Who’s right? where they could be “corrected,” The Reverend proposed setting loves all people?” Godfather.” I especially When I watch “The — Platonic in Prairie Village Journey said. For now the plan aside a wildlife reserve for the Conservatives said because liked the part where the Empire Strikes Back,” I’m focuses on gay men. hunting segment. Even if bucks they had the majority, they did Hollywood producer wakes always impressed by the Dear Platonic, “My plan would not only elim- are not in season, their deaths will not expect to have difficulty pass- up with the stallion’s head in puppet work in the scenes Your wife’s right — Frodo inate the gay population, but also serve the greater cause, he said. ing the amendment. his bed. Was that a real stal- with Yoda. Was that a chal- and Sam are all about hob- help the economy by creating “God wanted man to be master “Liberals threatened to move lion’s head in that scene or lenge for the filmmakers? bit love. thousands of jobs,” Journey said. over animals didn’t he?” Johnston to Canada when Bush was re- was it a fake one? — Impressed in Iola elected,” Journey said. “In time For homosexuals to be said. “I think our Savior would — Remembering in Russell released back into society, they agree that this is a worthy cause.” they will conform.” ◆ will have to pass six rigorous tests The reserve would also be used Shupe is an Augusta gradu- Dear Remembering, Dear Impressed, including fashion, hunting, fish- for fishing. The homosexuals will ◆ ate student and really does Caster is a Shawnee senior George Lucas threatened know it all. ing, beer-guzzling, baseball and have to catch and clean a bass no and currently reports on the The head belonged to scratching/crotch adjustments. shorter than 28 inches. Bible Belt. ‘Kansan’ Election Guide With Student Senate elections just days away, here’s how the three coalitions stand on the issues KUnited Delta Force Student Voice Most important Bring The Wheel to The Underground. platform issue Move out of Justin Mill’s shadow. Have someone take us seriously.
Provide a free pair of Uggs and/or flip flops to every Provide a free pair of Chucks to every student. Provide nothing to students — we already pay Other platform issue student. enough in tuition.
Bring back “Yellow Bike” program, because that was Hire Chuck Norris as Chancellor. Get dates. Secret wish platform such a rousing success.
Working to sell off even more student seating at Allen Working with other national activist groups to sponsor Working to attain “master wizard” status in Ongoing legislative work Fieldhouse to raise money for Jaywalk. “Hands Across America 2005.” Dungeons & Dragons.
Foam parties. Not-so-free lovin’ with Delta Force candidate of your Talk smack about other coalitions on Fundraising methods choice. thefacebook.com and xanga.com — hope that added exposure brings in more funds.
Goals for next year Get somebody, anybody, to use Jaywalk system. Cancel class on April 20. See if any platform issues are feasible.
Vote for us. We’re going to win anyway. Vote for us for REAL change, you know, like changing A third party — as vital to campus politics as it is to Campaign Slogan up KU Info and condom dispensers. national politics.
Sign Sign Sign Red and blue striped flag. Blue fist on yellow background. Non existent. Campaign Uniform Uniform Uniform Uniform Jean skirt, bid day shirt. Hemp necklace, dashiki, dandruff. Patchouli oil sold Ellsworth 7 shirt, shirt we bought from Chipotle, high separately. school letter jacket.
Campaign Spokesperson P. Diddy Che Guevara “Chippy” the Chipotle Burrito Mascot
Promotional efforts Cover every damn inch of campus with chalk. Throw a house party for all the freshmen. Throw accusations at the incumbent party.
Product Tie-Ins KUnited tanning passes Delta Force Merc membership Student Voice “Magic: The Gathering” card set
Election Day Message No, we swear “Yellow Bike” was a success until We are the world, We are the children, Just because Vision and Lord Wads were complete everybody started stealing the bikes. We are the ones who make a brighter day, so let’s failures doesn’t mean we will be, too. start giving ...
Source: Will Lamborn, Tongue in Beak writer Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe. THE STUDENT VOICE SINCE 1904.
VOL. 115 ISSUE 123 FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005 WWW.KANSAN.COM
▼ LAW SCHOOL ▼ PHI KAPPA THETA IFC denies LEGAL LETDOWN first appeal Law school drops in law rankings Council upholds recruitment and alcohol policy national rankings Here are the KU School of Law’s rankings from the US News and World Report’s America’s violations. BY NEIL MULKA Best Graduate Schools decision to expel “We felt that a more lenient [email protected] punishment would not have the KANSAN STAFF WRITER Edition year Grads employed Grads employed Student faculty Rank campus chapter intended effect to curb the at graduation after 9 months ratio The University of Kansas BY ERIC SORRENTINO behavior for this chapter,” Scott School of Law dropped 37 spots Shorten, IFC president, said. 2004 60.7 percent 93.1 percent 13.9:1 63 [email protected] in the upcoming US News and KANSAN STAFF WRITER The chapter has 30 days to World Report’s America’s Best 2005 43 percent 83.3 percent 15.6:1 100 appeal for a second and final Graduate Schools. The Interfraternity Council time. The school appeared as No. Source: US News and World Report unanimously voted to uphold The general assembly of the 63 last year and slid to No. 100. the decision to expel Phi Kappa IFC, which consists of a repre- Decreases in employment since and have resumed teach- responded to the survey, which employment rate as of February Theta fraternity from the sentative and the president of rates and an increase in student ing. skews numbers, McAllister said. 2005 was 90 percent, McAllister University of Kansas yesterday. each chapter, would conduct versus teacher ratio are the rea- Ranking numbers suggest the The question is whether the said. Phi Kappa Theta, 1111 W. the final hearing. sons behind the drop, according school has about 16 students law school needs to do some- That data will be in the April 11th St., appealed to the execu- Shorten said the IFC would to the report. per faculty member. thing else, he said. 2006 but not April 2005, edition tive board of the IFC Tuesday, be open to a second appeal. Those numbers can be mis- McAllister estimated that “We could coerce them if they because US News and Word on grounds that its punishment Matt Moreno, Phi Kappa leading and students have noth- there were 520 law students for choose not to respond,” he said. Report only collects data in the was too severe. Theta president and Wichita ing to worry about, said Stephen 36 faculty members, which “Maybe they can’t pick up their fall. The IFC expelled the chapter sophomore, would not say McAllister, law school dean. equals about 14 students per diploma if they don’t respond.” McAllister speculated that after it had an unregistered whether the fraternity would Faculty who are away on sab- faculty member. Data is also dated, McAllister the bad economy was another party at its house on Feb. 19, attempt a second appeal. batical were left out of the ratio, One of the two employment said. reason for the drop-off in jobs. where police confiscated 16 A decision will be made after McAllister said. At least three categories cited that 43 percent The data reflects employment The law school doesn’t do kegs of beer, $517 in cash and his visit to the national chapter professors were away when the of KU law school students were rates of the 2003 class in enough to get those numbers, signs that advertised the party. this weekend in Indianapolis. magazine gathered its informa- employed at graduation in 2003. February 2004, McAllister said. The IFC filed 24 charges tion. Two of those have returned But only a portion of alumni For the class of 2004, the SEE LEGAL ON PAGE 6A against the fraternity for SEE APPEAL ON PAGE 4A
▼ PROFILE Golden tournament Photographer, KU graduate to cover 50th Final Four
BY NATE KARLIN [email protected] KANSAN STAFF WRITER
Contributed photo Illustration by Brock Potucek/KANSAN
in or lose, Rich Clarkson which he has covered several times. man season. He took several pictures enjoys every Final Four, and “I just love college basketball,” he of the star dunking and jumping, but Whe hasn’t missed the NCAA said. “I think it’s one of the best games. just love college Clarkson said he couldn’t depict just I think the Final Four during the years “I how tall Chamberlain stood. men’s basketball tournament in 47 years. that I’ve been doing it has developed basketball. I think it’s one Clarkson realized a seated shot of As thousands of fans witness the into a premier sports event.” Wilt would maximize the effect of the winning shot of the championship Clarkson continuing his career at his of the best games. I think star’s high waist and long legs to accu- game, Clarkson captures the coaches’ age has impressed Snead, but Clarkson the Final Four during the rately depict his towering seven-foot and teams’ reactions to the final buzzer said he has cut back on the number of frame. on film. sporting events he covers. Clarkson years that I’ve been doing “I thought, gee, if I could just get him But then again, that’s all just part of photographed about 20 sporting events to sit down in one of these folding a day’s work. this past year, but he used to cover it has developed into a chairs and tie his shoes, that might For more than 50 years, the 1956 about 100 events per year, he said. make him look taller,’” Clarkson said. graduate has worked his way to the top Now he personally covers track and premier sports event.” And it did. of the photography business. field events and the Final Four because Rich Clarkson Clarkson sent several 8-by-10 copies When Clarkson captures the memo- he enjoys those events the most. Photographer of the pictures to Sports Illustrated in rable moments at this weekend’s Final Along the way to national promi- New York. Four in St. Louis, his 50th tournament nence, Clarkson has worked for sever- The photo editor at the time, Jerry al newspapers and magazines, includ- Ashter, received Clarkson’s photos on shoot, the 72-year-old Lawrence native Contributed photo Clarkson had snapped shots of KU ing the Lawrence Journal-World and the Monday before he planned to send won’t be surprised if photographers are Rich Clarkson, 1956 graduate, took this football and basketball games as a free- The Topeka Capital-Journal, a photographer to Lawrence for a piece capturing his own movements through photo of Wilt Chamberlain, then a lance photographer. National Geographic and Sports on Chamberlain. The magazine used their telephoto lenses. freshman at the University of Kansas, in His ability did not go unnoticed. He Illustrated. Clarkson’s photo and never sent a pho- If another journalist or photogra- 1956. Clarkson realized a shot of received a personal invitation to the Clarkson resides in Denver where he tographer to Lawrence. pher exists who has worked 50 Final Chamberlain seated would accurately 1952 Final Four in Seattle, his first, owns a photography company that “I thought that was the epitome of Fours, nobody knows about it, depict the basketball star’s high waist and from basketball coach Forrest “Phog” covers all 88 NCAA championships, success at that time,” Clarkson said. Clarkson said. long legs that composed his towering Allen. and the pro teams the Denver Broncos Three months later, an editor at the “He’s one of a kind guy,” said Bill seven-foot body. This photo received a Clarkson enjoyed covering KU and the Colorado Rockies. magazine gave him his first assignment. Snead, Lawrence Journal-World sen- spot in Sports Illustrated. sports, but it would not lead him to his ior editor. “I don’t know anyone else dream job at Sports Illustrated, a new What was supposed to be a single A giant of an opportunity photo from a Kansas vs. iowa State like him.” photography, Snead said. magazine at the time. Clarkson’s passion for photography basketball game became a six-page As a photographer for the Lawrence Because of the experiences of his last That changed when basketball began as an activity for the yearbook at spread after another story fell through. Journal-World and The Topeka 50 years, Clarkson said he would never standout Wilt Chamberlain arrived on Liberty Memorial High School — now Three years later, the magazine Capital Journal, Clarkson mentored get tired of basketball. The easy “walk- campus, shortly after Clarkson gradu- Lawrence High — before it trans- selected Clarkson to cover all basket- Snead for nine years. Clarkson has up” atmosphere has made the Final ated from the University in 1956. formed into one of the most prominent ball games for Sports Illustrated. established himself as a taskmaster of Four more enjoyable than the As a freelance photographer, photography careers in the country. perfection, but he takes pride in teach- Superbowl and the World Series, Clarkson took Chamberlain’s picture at ing young photojournalists the art of By his senior year of high school, the beginning of Chamberlain’s fresh- SEE TOURNAMENT ON PAGE 6A
Today’s weather Science project Man of the year Online poll A University of Kansas Lew Perkins received the NIT Man of the year How often have you professor found that phy- award last night at the halftime show for the NIT attended a SUA event? 6228 toplankton, microscopic championship game. PAGE 12A Go Partly cloudy plants that live in water, kansan online to — Justin Gesling, KUJH-TV tend to be more diverse .com vote in Tomorrow Sunday Senior Day in larger habitats. Val the 66 42 74 48 The seniors on the women’s rowing team will be exclusive More like spring Heat wave! Smith combined research honored tomorrow for Senior Day. The team faces KULTURE from other studies in his Tulsa and Drake at 2 p.m. on the Kansas River. This poll. Resuts will be pub- All contents, unless stated otherwise, © 2005 The University Daily Kansan findings. PAGE 5A is the only home regatta for the Jayhawks. PAGE 9A lished next week. 4a the university daily kansan news friday, april 1, 2005
▼ insidenews ▼ ARTS
Law school drops 37 spots in national report In the upcoming edition of the US News and World Report, the University of Kansas School of Law has dropped from last year’s No. 63 spot to No. 100. Stephen McAllister, the school’s dean, said several factors affected the ranking, including faculty away on sabbatical and data that was dated. PAGE 3A
Interfraternity Council denies Phi Kappa Theta’s appeal The IFC decided to uphold its decision to expel Phi Kappa Theta from the University of Oedipus and Jocasta, played by Kansas. The chapter will have one more opportunity to appeal. Members of Phi Kappa Aron Carlson, KU graduate, and Theta said they wanted to remain close. PAGE 3A Jan Chapma, KU graduate, express their feelings for each Tournament veteran other during a dress rehearsal Photographer Rick Clarkson will cover his Wednesday evening. Paul Lim 50th Final Four this weekend in St. Louis. A adapted and directed “Jocasta” 1956 KU graduate, Clarkson began his by Michael Fabien for an English career photographing Wilt Chamberlain, and Alternative Theatre and Lawrence he now owns his own photography business Arts Center production, which in Denver. PAGE 3A opened last night. It can be seen in the Lawrence Arts Center, 940 Retelling of play remains sexy, adds characters New Hampshire St., tonight and Paul Lim’s version of the play ‘Jocasta’ does not contain nudity, contrary to rumors tomorrow at 8 p.m. and Sunday spreading throughout the department of English. The English Alternative Theater is at 2:30 p.m. Rylan Howe/KANSAN putting on the play, which includes five characters, as opposed to the original one- man show. PAGE 4A Rumors are wrong; Professor supports biological theory A University of Kansas professor has combined other people’s research with his own to support an ecological rule. Val Smith found that phyto- ‘Jocasta’ clothes stay on plankton, microscopic plants that live in water, BY NEIL MULKA Boatright said. tend to be more diverse in larger habitats, an The theatre is producing Fabien’s ver- Performance info idea that generally applies to most plant and [email protected] KANSAN STAFF WRITER sion of the myth so students who are animal species. PAGE 5A ✦ WHAT: “Jocasta” by Michele studying the tale can see it come to life, Fabien The rumors floating around the Lim said. It will also inspire classroom ▼ insideOpinion department of English aren’t true. No discussion and give a new perspective of ✦ WHEN: 8 tonight and tomor- one is naked in the English Alternative the play, he said. row, 2:30 p.m. Sunday Theatre’s production of Michele “So often, modern audiences shy Column: Rowdy protesters just as bad as Coulter Fabien’s full-length play “Jocasta.” away from Greek theatre,” said Dianne ✦ WHERE: Lawrence Arts Matt Sevcik says that the shouting protesters at Ann Coulter’s speech Tuesday night Some people in the department Reyner, Lawton, Okla., graduate stu- Center, 940 New Hampshire were as ineffective as Coulter at making their point. The “pundits” did more to turn oth- might be sensitive about partial nudity, dent, who plays Jocasta in the play. “I St. think it will enhance people’s under- ers off to politics than anything else. PAGE 7A but the showing of skin is comparable to a beach movie, said Zacory standing from it.” ✦ COST: $6 for students, $8 for Boatright, Topeka senior and stage Fabien’s play was written in 1981 and senior citizens and $10 gener- Column: Ten Commandments moral code for all Americans manager. was intended to be a one-man show, but al admission Ray Wittlinger says that the Ten Commandments should not be an issue of separation However, “Jocasta,” a retelling of Lim adapted it to include a five-person of church and state. It should unite Americans under a moral code to treat all people classical Greek playwright Sophocles’ cast featuring a younger and older with respect. PAGE 7A Source: English Alternative Theatre “Oedipus Rex” from the viewpoint of Jocasta and Oedipus and a narrator. the queen and mother, has intimate When Lim read the script, he said he ▼ insidesports scenes with the actors wearing revealing heard five voices in his head from the Fabien’s play is rooted with modern- costumes. “Oedipus,” the Greek myth lines. feminist themes and female desire, Lim where Oedipus kills his father and then Making it into a five-person play said. Baseball team prepares for Texas A&M crowd marries Jocasta, his mother, is taught in shows the conflict between the charac- “It’s about how men look at women freshman English classes. ters better than the one-person version, and how women should be allowed to The Jayhawks usually play in front of crowds of about 1,000. The nudity rumor might have origi- Boatright said. look at men,” Lim said. “It’s more This weekend, they will take on the Aggies, who regularly nated from an e-mail sent to teachers One example is that the play shows acceptable in society for an older man draw more than 5,000 spectators. Coach Ritch Price says explaining that this version contained what actually happens to Jocasta, to date a younger woman, but it’s College Station is his favorite place to play. PAGE 12A more mature material than what’s whereas she was off-stage in Sophocles’ frowned upon for an older woman to taught in class, said Paul Lim, director script. date a younger man.” Column: It’s time for fans to forgive Roy of the play and English professor. “In Sophocles’ play, Jocasta is seen Joe Bant says two years is enough time for fans to get over Roy Williams’ departure. “It’s hot, it’s sexy and very now,” briefly and kills herself,” Lim said. — Edited by Ross Fitch For all the good times he gave us, fans need to move on and realize Williams deserves a National Championship. PAGE 12A would take a two-thirds vote of the said. “Everybody is trying to make Appeal IFC to kick him off the commission. amends and make things back to KU senior swimmer could qualify for Olympic trials CONTINUED FROM PAGE 3A KU swimmer Amy Gruber has had a great career at the University of Kansas. This Shorten said Pillshaw’s position where it was.” Tuesday, she will be competing in yet another meet, but this time for another prize: a remained safe at this point unless he He said the fraternity would try to spot on the Olympic National Team. Her coach, Clark Campbell, said he was confident The continuation of the fraternity’s had some sort of involvement with the remain involved with its philanthropy, national charter will be discussed. The unregistered party. Shorten could not, the Children’s Miracle Network. she would perform well. He is also sad to see one of his best swimmers depart. PAGE 12A national board of trustees will decide if however, confirm a decision on The fraternity traditionally hosts a the charter will be repealed. Pillshaw’s position next week. capture the flag event for the organiza- Athletics director receives top award Mike Pillshaw, risk management Members of Phi Kappa Theta will tion in April. Moreno said he would Athletics director Lew Perkins was awarded the NIT’s Man of the Year award last night chairman for the IFC executive board not have their house next year and are like to see the event happen this year at the National Invitation Tournament championship game. Perkins was given the and Phi Kappa Theta member, was not not allowed to pledge another fraterni- despite the fraternity’s struggles. award for his commitment to college basketball. PAGE 12A involved in the decision because his ty. Pillshaw said that many people Responsibility of the infraction membership in Phi Kappa Theta. from the 35-member fraternity would shouldn’t be placed solely on Phi Women’s rowing only home regatta honors seniors Pillshaw said he was disappointed in move to Highpointe, 2001 W. Sixth St., Kappa Theta, Schuyler said. The IFC A ceremony and a barbeque to recognize the seniors will follow the regatta tomorrow the decision. apartments next year. should enforce policies equally as “I was just shocked because we were “It was a house decision,” Pillshaw strict with all chapters, he said. against Tulsa and Drake. The races start at 2 p.m. on the Kansas River. PAGE 9A the first house to ever get expelled from said. “We’d all like to stay closely knit.” He said, however, that all members the University,” Pillshaw said. Jeremy Schuyler, Lawrence fresh- of Phi Kappa Theta had an equal roll Kansas goes for third consecutive victory Pillshaw said his position with the man, said it was this type of brother- in the violations. The Kansas women’s tennis team is on a road-game winning streak. It will need that IFC was in jeopardy after a Tuesday hood that convinced him to join the “We can’t really cast blame on any- momentum and confidence to win against Baylor tomorrow in Waco. Baylor is ranked meeting in which his position on the house. And while he doesn’t agree one. We’re all responsible,” he said. 12th nationally, but Kansas is undefeated on the road in Big 12 play. The team will council was questioned. with the IFC’s decision, he is glad fra- “It’s just as much Matt’s problem as it take on Texas Tech in Lubbock on Sunday. PAGE 9A He said the IFC could vote on his ternity members will remain close. is my problem.” risk management position during the “It’s kind of a downer that all this Tell us your news ▼ MEDIA PARTNERS next meeting on April 12. He said it stuff has happened all at once,” he — Edited by Austin Caster Contact Andrew Vaupel, Donovan Atkinson, Misty For more TODAY Huber, Amanda Kim Stairrett news, turn Church of Rock N Roll to KUJH-TV or Marissa Stephenson at midnight to 2 a.m. Jazz ET CETERA 864-4810 or on in the Morning 6 a.m. The University Daily Kansan is the student newspaper of the University of Kansas. The first copy is paid through the stu- [email protected]. Sunflower Cablevision to 9 a.m. Breakfast for dent activity fee. Additional copies of the Kansan are 25 cents. Subscriptions can be purchased at the Kansan business office, 119 Beatlovers 9 a.m. to Kansan newsroom Channel 31 Stauffer-Flint Hall, 1435 Jayhawk Blvd., Lawrence, KS 66045. The University Daily Kansan (ISSN 0746-4962) is published daily during the Noon News 7 a.m., 8 111 Stauffer-Flint Hall in Lawrence. The student-produced school year except Saturday, Sunday, fall break, spring break and exams. Weekly during the summer session excluding holidays. 1435 Jayhawk Blvd. news airs at 5:30 p.m., 7:30 p.m., a.m., 9 a.m., 6 p.m. Sports Talk 6:15 p.m. Lawrence, KS 66045 9:30 p.m. and 11:30 p.m. every to 7 p.m. Progressive Sounds 9 p.m. to Periodical postage is paid in Lawrence, KS 66044. Annual subscriptions by mail are $120. Student subscriptions of $2.11 are paid through (785) 864-4810 Monday through Friday. 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▼ SCIENCE ON THE RECORD
✦ A 22-year-old KU student reported stolen an Professor researches diversity unknown amount of Hydrocodone to Lawrence police between 10:30 p.m. March 23 and 11:30 a.m. March 24 from the 1700 block BY TY BEAVER not uncommon. Studies in the med- of West 19th Street. The medicine is valued at ical field can involve researchers [email protected] $12. KANSAN STAFF WRITER analyzing primary research and ask- ing bigger questions. ✦ A 46-year-old KU Memorial Unions employ- AUniversity of Kansas researcher Using phytoplankton as the ee reported graffiti spray painted on a side- is gaining national attention after he model provided a universal applica- walk to the KU Public Safety Office between conducted a study based on other tion, Foster, an assistant ecology 5 p.m. March 29 and 7 a.m. March 30 people’s work. and evolutionary biology professor between the 1300 and 1400 blocks of Val Smith, professor of ecology said. Jayhawk Boulevard. The damage is estimat- and evolutionary biology, found that “Phytoplankton are cosmopoli- ed at $300. The graffiti was advertising a phytoplankton, microscopic plants tan, they’re able to get around and presentation. that live in water, tend to be more live in a variety of habitats,” he said. diverse in larger habitats. His Smith began his research after he research supports the theory that was asked to join the National Center for Ecological Analysis and species diversity is determined by ON CAMPUS habitat size. Synthesis several years ago. To reach this conclusion, he com- As technology has improved, ✦ pared past research to see if a basic researchers like Smith have attempt- Student Union Activities will sponsor Tunes At rule of ecology could be applied to ed to examine whether the rule Noon today at the Kansas Union Plaza. This his studies. Erin Droste/KANSAN about habitat size controlling diver- event is free. Call 864-SHOW for more infor- During the course of his research, Professor Val Smith demonstrates how he examines the water samples he sity applied to phytoplankton. mation. he spent more time in the library uses in his study of water diversity yesterday in his office in Haworth Hall. Smith Smith simply took the information ✦ than the laboratory. His paper, said he and his staff have completed much of the field work needed for the that was available and made sense Student Union Activities will sponsor a “Phytoplankton Species Richness research and were working mostly in the laboratory conducting experiments of it. screening of the film “Ocean’s Twelve” at 7 Scales Consistently From and analyzing their work. Now Smith hopes that a and 9:30 tonight at Woodruff Auditorium in Laboratory Microcosms to The researcher will investigate why this the Kansas Union. Tickets are $2 or free with World’s Oceans,” was published in such as biological surveys of the tion, he synthesized it. The research rule exists. SUA Movie Card. Call 864-SHOW for more the March 22 issue of the Great Lakes and Lake Baikal in provides reasoning that small closed “It doesn’t make sense that a body information. Proceedings of the National Asia. experiments can be used in research- the size of a water bottle and the ✦ Academy of Sciences. He also conducted several of his ing environments, he said. Arctic Ocean are ruled by the same English Alternative Theatre will present the While Smith did use research data own small scale experiments in his A collaborator and colleague of principle,” he said. play “Jocasta” from 8 to 9:30 p.m. tonight and from similar past experiments, he laboratory. Smith, Brian Foster, said this type of tomorrow night and at 2:30 p.m. Sunday at used data unrelated to the research, After gathering all the informa- research, called meta-analysis, was — Edited by Kendall Dix the Lawrence Arts Center, 940 New Hampshire St. Tickets are $6 for students. Call 864-3642 for more information.
Firefighters, police respond to ✦ Golf Course Superintendents Association of smoke in Allen Fieldhouse America will host the Lisa Ramos Bland Scholarship fundraiser from 9:30 a.m. to 1:30 As the competition for the NCAA champi- p.m. Sunday in the St. John’s Parish base- onship heats up, so did Allen Fieldhouse. ment, 12th and Kentucky. Contact Kathy Firefighters and police were called to the field- Thomas at 841-2240 for more information. house at about 1:30 p.m. yesterday after some- one inside smelled smoke. ✦ Students in Communications Studies will Mark Bradford, deputy fire chief, said one of sponsor a bowling fundraiser from noon to 3 the air handling units in the southwest corner of p.m. Sunday at Jaybowl in the Kansas Union. the third floor overheated and started smoking. Pizza will be available. Call (847) 668-7715 for The smoking unit set off the fire alarms. more information. The number three air handling unit, which coincidentally has a red “no smoking” sign ✦ Cellist Zuill Bailey will perform at 2 p.m. attached to it, is located right next to a storage Sunday at the Lied Center as part of the area filled with cardboard boxes, posters and Swarthout Chamber Music Series. Call 864- handouts. 2787 for more information. There was no damage to the fieldhouse or external damage to the unit. Note: The University Daily Kansan prints campus events This is the second time this year firefighters that are free and open to the public. Submission forms have been called to the fieldhouse. A cardboard are available in the Kansan newsroom, 111 Stauffer-Flint box of potato chips caught fire in the fieldhouse Hall. Items must be turned in two days in advance of the March 2. desired publication date. On Campus is printed on a Nicoletta Niosi/KANSAN — Estuardo Garcia space available basis.
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NATIONAL gentle death” at about 9 a.m., a antibiotics yesterday and described LAWRENCE stuffed animal under her arm, as stable after he suddenly devel- Schiavo dies 13 days flowers arranged around her hos- oped a high fever brought on by a Barbeque to raise scholarship pice room, said George Felos, urinary tract infection, Italian news money for local parishioners after tube removed Michael Schiavo’s attorney. agencies reported. The pontiff's St. John’s Catholic Church, 1234 Kentucky St., PINELLAS PARK, Fla. — With No one from her side of the health had declined sharply and rap- will hold the third annual barbeque fundraiser in her husband and parents feuding family was with her at the idly a day after he began receiving honor of the Lisa Ramos Bland Memorial to the bitter end and beyond, Terri moment of her death. nutrition through a feeding tube. At Scholarship. Schiavo died yesterday, 13 days — The Associated Press the edge of St. Peter's Square, hun- The event will take place Sunday, April 3 from after her feeding tube was dreds of people gathered early yes- 9:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. in the Parish Hall. removed in a wrenching right-to- terday, concerned about the fragile The cost is $8 for adults, $4 for children and die dispute that engulfed the Pope has high fever pope. A few knelt on the cobble- $20 for a family of four. courts, Capitol Hill and the White stones to pray, others wrapped blan- from urinary infection The barbeque will help to raise part of the House and divided the country. kets around themselves as they kept VATICAN CITY — Pope John Paul $2000 for a scholarship for students who are Cradled by her husband, Schiavo, vigil through the night. II was responding to treatment with members of any Douglas County parish. 41, died a “calm, peaceful and — The Associated Press Bland was killed by a 16-year-old drunken driver on Sept. 16, 2000. “I think it’s important for people to go to the ments have not slowed Clarkson down. think about more creative opportuni- event and remember her,” Jim Bland, Lisa’s wid- Tournament Clarkson was usually ahead of the ties during the postseason because by ower, said. “At the same time it benefits stu- CONTINUED FROM PAGE 3A game when it came to technological then people have seen many basket- dents who will get money for the scholarship.” advancements in sports photography. ball pictures, Clarkson said. Additional money for the scholarship would Ahead of the game He was the first to put digital cameras He knows from experience that come from outside donations, Bland said. Other professionals have said behind the backboard glass to capture creativity could cause photographers — Nate Karlin Clarkson’s 50-year run in the field is action shots around the hoop, said to miss the most important shot of the CAMPUS highlighted by the progress he has Snead, who used to poke fun at game. continued to make. Clarkson’s idea. “By the time you get to the cham- KUnited fined for violating “If you do the same thing for 50 “I asked him if he had his Windex pionship game at the Final Four, years, I don’t know how you would get to wipe down the board,” he said. you’re making damn sure that you campaigning regulations out of bed,” Snead said. “To keep your But Snead said Clarkson never aren’t taking one of those kinds of KUnited was found guilty for campaigning interest up, you’ve got to change.” feared trying a new technique. gambles in the name of creativity,” inside residence halls illegally at a Election And for a photographer who began For Clarkson, tournament time Clarkson said. Commission violation hearing yesterday. his career with a old-fashioned speed poses the biggest challenges to main- The coalition was fined $25, as the action was graphics camera, technological advance- tain originality. Photographers often — Edited by Azita Tafreshi determined to be a minor violation. Two mem- bers of the coalition went door-to-door giving out coalition posters and buttons for residences to put in their rooms. The commission found Lance “It’s one of the best regional student concerns with the ranking Mall, KUnited member, not guilty for soliciting; Legal schools,” Hernandez said. “The area drop. however, it found the coalition as a whole guilty CONTINUED FROM PAGE 3A doesn’t have much else to offer.” He estimated that 80 to 100 stu- for supporting the campaigning. Jack Connor, a A lot of apprehension exists among dents attended. He said he told stu- Student Voice member who filed the complaint, law students and nobody really knows dents that the quality of education was said Josh Hernandez, Boulder, Colo., said the punishment should have been stricter. what’s going to happen on the job no different because of the new rank- law student, said. “When the person gets off like he did, they market, said Chris Schulz, Seguin, ing. “The school knows it has good pro- will continue to do it all day,” Connor, Overland Texas, law student. “It wouldn’t make sense for me fessors and good programs and have Park freshman, said. “Campaigning in the resi- “I’m trying to get a job right now transfer because I’ve built so many been resting on that for a while,” dence halls has been a problem in the past, and and it’s very stressful,” Schulz said. friends here and the numbers don’t Hernandez said. “They need to play this will not stop it.” “There’s something wrong with you if reflect the education I’m getting here,” the game like other schools. If they Nick Sterner, presidential candidate for you’re not concerned.” Schulz said. don’t, it will make us look bad.” KUnited, had no comment on the commission’s McAllister put together an open Hernandez isn’t worried about the decision. forum at noon yesterday to address — Edited by Ross Fitch drop in rank affecting his career. — Daniel Berk
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▼ THE CROSSWORD CAN WAIT ▼ SACK’S PERSPECTIVE Shouting protesters no better than Ann Coulter’s ranting In three years of attending Wednesday, and you would- this University, I can’t think n’t have had any clue how of any time I’ve been obnoxious the “protesters” ashamed to do so. were. You would have I can’t think of any time thought it was business as I’ve looked around at my usual for a highly conserva- fellow students and felt tive speaker on a highly lib- utterly embarrassed. I’ve MATT SEVCIK eral campus. also never walked out on a [email protected] All this taking sides is speech, play, movie or any what stops our country kind of presentation at the University of from progressing. There is, unfortunately, a Kansas. third party in America. These are the pundits. Then, on Tuesday night, I saw Ann Coulter. By adhering to a system that promotes apathy, My friend and I watched the spectacle for less they are taking away the most important reason than a half hour and decided that if we wanted to democracy was even created. see something like that again, we’d go to the cir- The people in the auditorium that identify cus next time. But this wasn’t because of Coulter. themselves as “staunch Republicans” had all their No, I knew what to expect from her. I knew she’d suspicions confirmed last night about people that be specious, illogical and at times downright hate- identify themselves as “staunch liberals.” They ful. I had no idea that so many specious, illogical will now associate all liberals with the “protesters” and downright hateful liberal college students in the back of the auditorium, and consequently would show up to prove her right when she called disassociate them with any kind of progressive liberals idiots. discourse. These protesters in the back shouted, yelled, Now, do I agree with the protesters? Sure. I threatened violence, laughed inappropriately and don’t think we should, according to Coulter, make acted like complete morons at an academic lec- converting the Middle East to Christianity a mis- ture attended by 1,800 people. No air of intelli- sion of the military, and I don’t think we should gence left their mouths, just more yelling. Like try- bomb The New York Times. I don’t think ing to kill a fly with a machine gun. Vietnam veterans that protested the war caused us The people in the back of the auditorium were to lose said war. I mean, come on, she’s crazy; let’s Steve Sack/STAR/TRIBUNE pundits, and I mean that as the worst insult possi- get that out of the way. ble. But the “protesters” in the back of the auditori- The pundit is devoid of critical thinking: um were equally as crazy, and I just hope they Pundits see a label and react. They are respon- realize they weren’t helping advance progressive sible for the apathy that most college kids have social changes by turning Coulter’s speech into a ▼ HERE’S TO YOU for politics. They yell until they think they’ve circus. won. But when intelligent discussion is If anything, it confirmed every Republican in replaced by blind loyalty, we’ve lost all sem- the Lied Center’s suspicions that Democrats are Ten Commandments should blance of what our forefathers intended free all a bunch of crazies, which is quite unfortunate, speech to evoke. because they should instead fight to be associated Those who fought for free speech intended for with open-mindedness. people to be able to speak out against real injus- And anyone who hadn’t drawn a side Tuesday unite, not divide Americans tices, real social problems in the world, in an effort night will be turned off to politics altogether. And Everyone knows we have of America. to discern the most effective, utilitarian govern- a college kid who stays home instead of voting is a problem distinguishing just Many question why it ment possible. a victory for the conservatives; trust me. what the separation between would be such a bad thing at I think the people who founded our country, So in closing, I want to make sure the “protest- church and state is in these all for everyone to have to nay, any proponent of virile democracy, would ers” on Tuesday night realize they didn’t accom- United States. live by the Ten have been sick to the stomach at Tuesday plish a damned thing. Often it’s hard to tell if a Commandments. Outlined night’s speech. And I wish I could say it was just All they did was make sure that Ann Coulter separation even exists. There in this sacred document are one side. remained “controversial,” made the $25,000 they RAY WITTLINGER really shouldn’t be a problem indeed some of our country’s I really wish I could say, “Oh man, those paid her seem worth it, and probably helped her distinguishing between the [email protected] most fundamental laws. damned Republicans were being jerks!” or “Those sell a ton more of her books. Ten Commandments and the There still must be respect Democrats just won’t stop complaining about Way to stick it to Ann Coulter, guys. I’m sure Constitution. though for the difference in opinion on the anything!” she’s crying all the way to the bank. As the Supreme Court spends time deliberating authority rather than the law. Of course both God But I’d be lying to you. I read the news arti- on whether statues or monuments of the Ten and a government do not tolerate nor allow mur- cle in The University Daily Kansan on ✦ Sevcik is a Leavenworth junior in English. Commandments can be placed on grounds of gov- der, but if some do not believe in God as an ernment buildings, Americans face another moral authority figure, they may just not follow his law. dilemma. There, we face a moral danger. ▼ LETTER TO THE EDITOR It is certainly hard to argue that religion Aethiests and Christians have argued for years plays no role in our govern- as to why there should even Schiavo case misunderstood; ent people will make different decisions. Mrs. ment. God is everywhere be a division between the Schiavo made her decision and expressed it to these days in American government and church. Life, death distinction not clear line her husband and their friends. We should democracy. On the national he Ten Commandments While one believes they Several years ago, I watched a family mem- respect that, just as we should respect other motto, the dollar bill, coins, T deserve protection from the ber die, and I know that life and death aren’t people’s wish to draw that line elsewhere. the pledge of allegiance and serve as a moral code that other, one believes they separated by a bright line. He moved closer to Like most Americans, she didn’t want to per- even in the oath our exert power over the other. the end for weeks in the hospital, and he went sist when her mind was gone, and the courts President takes to assume all humans should live by The Ten Commandments from there to a nursing home because the doc- were right to respect that wish. office. You name it, he’s and should not be a source is an actual object that just tors knew he only had weeks left to live. He People who choose differently deserve and there. may have the ability to unite drifted further away through the day before he should receive the same protections. So why all of a sudden is of contention about separa- the two with common died. Overnight he went from tired but conver- As someone who has been through this there this question of beliefs in respect for each sational to comatose and we knew it was a mat- process, I resent attacks by conservatives on a whether or not a higher tion of church and state. It human individual. Instead it ter of hours, not weeks. His breathing slowed, caring husband. This decision can’t have been power should have a hand in serves as one of the greatest and one pause between breaths didn’t end. The easy for any member of the family, and the the laws of the land? shuld unite between athe- divides. death certificate says when the doctor stopped attacks on the Schiavo’s marriage are inappro- The presence of the Ten ists and Christians. Tolerance really does listening for a heart beat, but he was reallygone priate, as is the attempt by certain authoritarian Commandments near a gov- extend in two different the night before. conservatives to force their views on Mrs. ernment institution can be directions. While it is impor- Theresa Marie Schiavo, who died yesterday, Schiavo and the nation. offensive only if you let it be. tant to understand and sup- went through an even slower transition. Bulimia Let Mrs. Schiavo’s legacy be a sincere nation- The great debate we have now is about letting the port followers of each religious background, it is resulted in a heart attack, which caused brain al discussion about the dying process. Let her theology of some dictate the lives of others. equally important to respect those with no reli- damage and a coma. For 15 years, her brain be remembered through compassionate laws We do face a grave danger in becoming a state gious background. But allowing basic rules of atrophied, and her husband, family and friends that help families confront the most dispiriting of discrimination by telling Americans who can humanity to offend you and frighten you is watched her drift away from them, moored to choices. Please, don’t let her legacy be the divi- marry and who cannot. Even the fight to keep unnecessary. this world by a feeding tube. sion and strife that have been sown around her. stem cell research harnessed and at a minimum Death isn’t simple. Feeding tubes and life sup- Let her rest in peace. based on personal beliefs threatens the ingenuity ✦ Wittlinger is an Olathe freshman in political science. port can stop a person’s descent into death, pausing them as if in mid-air. Sometimes doc- tors can pull someone back. In other cases, as Joshua Rosenau ✦ with Mrs. Schiavo’s, they can’t. Drawing a bright Lawrence graduate student Bill Self is the greatest recruiter in line in that gray area is complicated, and differ- Ecology and evolutionary biology college basketball. Free ✦ Is Russell Robinson really gonna ▼ TALK TO US Editorial Board Members Letter Guidelines transfer? Andrew Vaupel, editor David Archer, Viva Bolova, Maximum Length: 200 word limit for ✦ 864-4810 or [email protected] John Byerley, Chase Edgerton, Include: Author’s name and telephone AllFree for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about Hey J.R., watch out, Chalmers is Call 864-0500 Wheaton Elkins, Ryan Good, any topic they wish. Kansan editors reserve the right Donovan Atkinson, Misty Huber, Amanda number; class, hometown (student); gonna take your number next fall. Paige Higgins, Matt Hoge, John Jordan, to omit comments. 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Erick Schmidt, Devin Sikes, Gaby Souza, Guest Column Guidelines For more comments, go to www.kansan.com. ment about stealing iPods, I was Steve Vockrodt Sarah Stacy and Anne Weltmer. just wondering if you wanted to Laura Francoviglia Maximum Length: 650 word limit Bob Johnson’s article today got me so pumped that I team up, because I want one, too. opinion editors Include: Author’s name; class, home- chugged a keg of beer and had sex with 10 women. ✦ 864-4924 or [email protected] ▼ SUBMISSIONS town (student); position (faculty mem- ✦ ber); phone number (will not be pub- To the idiot who thinks he’s going to steal my iPod, you The Kansan welcomes letters to the To all the Kerry supporters, take down your signs. Bush Ashleigh Dyck, business manager editors and guest columns submitted lished) better watch out for me. 864-4358 or [email protected] by students, faculty and alumni. Also: The Kansan will not print guest won. Get over it. ✦ columns that attack another columnist. ✦ Danielle Bose, retail sales manager The Kansan reserves the right to edit, Hey 34D, I wish I could help you out, but I’m a 38D, so at The day after Christmas and Easter earthquakes hit 864-4358 or [email protected] cut to length, or reject all submissions. Submit to least I feel your pain. Burn away. Indonesia. Jesus is coming back. For any questions, call Steve Vockrodt ✦ Malcolm Gibson, general manager Kansan newsroom or Laura Francoviglia at 864-4924 or e- ✦ and news adviser 111 Stauffer-Flint Hall Pick me, pick me, I’m a 34D! mail opinion@ kansan.com. I would like to quote Ann Coulter. She said that “you are 864-7667 or [email protected] 1435 Jayhawk Blvd. ✦ General questions should be directed Lawrence, KS 66045 stupider than I thought you were.” Could someone point So there’s nothing hotter than seeing guys with roller Jennifer Weaver, sales to the editor at [email protected]. (785) 864-4810 out to this lady that “stupider” is not a word, that it’s bags around campus. and marketing adviser [email protected] actually “more stupid”? 864-7666 or [email protected] ✦ 8A the university daily kansan sports friday, april 1, 2005
“If we swing the bats as well of senior outfielder Andrew Baseball as we did [against Nebraska] I Baldwin’s six-game hit streak. NewsNewsNewsNews CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12A think we are capable of going in During the streak, Baldwin is NewsNewsNewsNews there and winning two,” Price hitting .583 and has eight RBI. NewsNewsNewsNews Now batting .313 as a team, said. His game-deciding solo home CUT IT OUT! NewsNewsNewsNews the Jayhawk lineup consists of On the mound, the Aggies run in the seventh inning seven starters hitting .300 or can expect to face tonight’s against Lamar was his second NewsNewsNewsNews better. Nebraska outscored scheduled starter Mike home run of the game and third NewsNewsNewsNews Kansas 24-14 in the series, but Zagurski. The senior left-han- of the season. NewsNewsNewsNews the Jayhawks proved their der (4-2) has a 4.21 ERA and Junior shortstop Cliff offensive ability by getting 27 struck out a team-high 62 bat- Pennington, the best offensive Campus coupons NewsNewsNewsNews hits against the Cornhuskers’ ters this season. starter, is hitting .398 and leads coming soon to a Kansan near you NewsNewsNewsNews 29. In game one, junior right- the Aggies in home runs (5) and NewsNewsNewsNews Junior outfielder Gus Milner hander Kodiak Quick (7-2) may RBI (25). continues to lead the way from see a couple of innings in relief. On the mound, the Jayhawks NewsNewsNewsNews the clean-up spot in the Kansas He is holding batters to a .251 will likely face the Big 12’s co- NewsNewsNewsNews lineup. Milner is batting .357 average and has a 3.29 ERA. pitcher of the week for week and leads the team with nine Junior right-handed closer Don four, sophomore lefty Jason OR NewsNewsNewsNews Online Courses doubles. He was one of only Czyz (2-1) will most likely see Meyer (5-1), who has a 3.35 NewsNewsNewsNews two Jayhawks to hit a home run significant time on the hill. In ERA. 1st Five Week Session NewsNewsNewsNews against the Cornhuskers and his 31 innings of relief this sea- As the season enters the May 24 to June 30 NewsNewsNewsNews collected three RBI in his first son, Czyz has a 2.32 ERA and must-win conference stretch, NewsNewsNewsNews Big 12 series. 37 strikeouts. As a staff, the Price said he knew what he 8 Week Session As Baty fills in for an injured Kansas pitchers have a 3.87 expected from his team. May 24 to July 21 NewsNewsNewsNews Ryne Price at second base, ERA, just more than the Aggies’ “We’re trying to win five of NewsNewsNewsNews freshman John Allman took the 3.26. the nine series,” he said of the At Washburn University opportunity to play Baty’s spot With a 7-3 record at home, Big 12 schedule. “If we win five 2nd Five Week Session NewsNewsNewsNews in the outfield. Allman is cur- Texas A&M faces a Kansas of nine during the course of the July 5 to August 4 Now. rently hitting .391 and went 5-9 team coming off a 7-6 victory year, we’ll make the Big 12 tour- Summer 2005 with two RBI in the Nebraska against Lamar. Compared to nament and most likely the series. Kansas’ .313 team batting aver- NCAA tournament as well.” (785) 231-1010 Junior outfielder A.J. Van age, Texas A&M is hitting just The first pitch is at 7 p.m. at Slyke has had success at the .278 as a club. Olsen Field. www.washburn.edu kansan.com plate, hitting .320 and leading At the plate, the Aggies have the Jayhawks with 29 RBI. been feeding off the momentum — Edited by Kendall Dix
SOFTBALL The team’s next game is Swimming this weekend against Texas CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12A Kansas continues A&M. The Jayhawks will play losing streak the Aggies at 2 p.m. tomorrow record times in a the spring and at noon Sunday at In a doubleheader against freestyle and butterfly. Only Arrocha Ballpark. Wichita State yesterday, the KU swimming legend Tammy Kansas softball team extended — Drew Davison Thomas has matched her its losing streak to four times. games. Gruber credited some of Kansas lost her drive to succeed to ATHLETICS the first game Campbell, whom she consid- 5-4 in eight ered a coach, supporter and innings, Kansas negotiates friend. instead of the “It takes a tough guy to Adidas contract normal six, coach 30 girls year after year,” The University of Kansas and fell 7-3 in she said. “He understands my Athletics Department could the second disappointments and reminds make a formal announce- match-up. me there’s always something ment about a new apparel In the first to improve on.” deal with Adidas as early as game, the If Gruber decides to leave Settlemier next week. Jayhawks swimming, she said she really “We have been talking to collected 10 hits, including a wanted to work in athletics. several apparel companies home run over the left field She said she would eventually regarding our next apparel fence from Serena like be an athletics director or deal,” said Jim Marchiony, Settlemier, junior pitcher and an associate director. associate athletics director co-captain, in the fourth But regardless of her deci- for external affairs. “When inning. But the Shockers sion concerning her future in we do sign a deal, it will put picked up two runs in the swimming, Campbell said the Kansas in the upper echelon eighth inning and picked up KU swimming program would of such deals in college ath- the victory. miss her. letics.” In the second game, the “Amy has left her mark on Marchiony declined to con- Shockers rallied in the bottom the Kansas swimming pro- firm whether the department of the sixth. The team scored gram,” he said. “You never would officially switch to five runs and gained a 7-3 replace someone like Amy.” Adidas as its new apparel lead, and the Jayhawks were sponsor. unable to come back. — Edited by Ross Fitch — Ross Fitch friday, april 1, 2005 sports the university daily kansan 9A ▼ ROWING Athletics calendar today ✦ Baseball vs. Texas A&M, 7 p.m., College Station, Home regatta to honor seniors Texas BY KRISTEN JARBOE attend the regatta. The Jayhawks matched up against “We’re looking forward to continue Saturday This is a day that Tulsa and Drake last year in our improvement,” he said. “Our race [email protected] ✦ Baseball vs. Texas A&M, 7 p.m., College Station, KANSAN SPORTSWRITER she has waited for Lawrence. All three teams started against Texas wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t Texas since she started their season at about the same time, perfect. We need to race down this ✦ Rowing vs. Drake, Tulsa, all day, Lawrence The Kansas women’s rowing competing more which was different compared to the course, taking good, clean strokes.” ✦ Soccer vs. Minnesota, 11 a.m., Jayhawk Soccer team will host its first and last regat- than three years last regatta with No. 15 Texas, which After the race, Hennessey and the Complex ta for the season tomorrow. ago, she said. began racing well before spring break. other seniors will be eager to cele- ✦ Softball vs. Texas A&M, 2 p.m., Arrocha Ballpark A barbeque celebrating Senior Day “It’s a happy and “They have raced as much as we brate, but she wants the team to cel- ✦ Tennis vs. Baylor, 1 p.m., Waco, Texas will follow the races against Tulsa and sad event all at the have,” assistant coach Jennifer ebrate its victories as well. Drake at 2 p.m. on the Kansas River. same time,” she Myers said. “This makes it an even “I hope everyone can say they Sunday said. “It will be our Hennessey playing field.” gave 100 percent,” she said. “The This year’s seniors are Rachel ✦ Baseball vs. Texas A&M, 1 p.m., College Station, last home race, so Hennessey said she was focused team should be able to say that they Chapman, Kristy Hainer, Erin Texas that’s pretty sad.” on the Jayhawks’ race, regardless of paid attention to technique and what Hennessey, LeAnna Kemp, Ashlea ✦ Softball vs. Texas A&M, 1 p.m., Arrocha Ballpark Having friends and family attend the other teams positions on the we’ve learned in practices. We need Kramer and Crystal Reed. ✦ Tennis vs. Texas Tech, 11 a.m., Lubbock, Texas For Hennessey, this meet brings would also provide support for the water and the thrill of racing at home. to remember all the things that we’ve more than a senior celebration. team, Hennessey said. “We need to focus on rowing our been taught in previous weeks.” tuesday “My dad is coming down from With any sport, it’s always nice to race,” she said. “That’s one of the The races tomorrow will include ✦ Softball vs. UMKC, 3 p.m., Arrocha Ballpark Wyoming just to see me race,” she have the “home court” advantage, things our coach tells us. We keep the Varsity Eight, Novice Eight, two ✦ Swimming at world championship trials, all day, said. “This will be the first race my coach Rob Catloth said. racing hard regardless of where the Varsity Four races, and two Novice Indianapolis dad has ever seen.” “You always do well on your other boats are.” Four races. Besides her parents, nine other home course,” he said. “The women Catloth said he wanted to see Intramural scoreboard members of Hennessey’s family will know the course pretty well now.” progress. — Edited by Lori Bettes Wednesday Softball ✦ ▼ TENNIS Men Delta Chi 1 def. Hardwood Sluggers 15-0 Team Priest def. Los Fulanos 14-1 Cajuns def. DU 2 18-4 Kansas ‘starting to peak at right time’ Lime Green Machine def. Turd Sandwiches BY RAHUL SHARMA said. Big 12 Conference championship in as professional, which is not 20-7 [email protected] The other junior, his first season in 2003, has a talented allowed in the collegiate ranks. ✦ CoRec KANSAN SPORTSWRITER Luiza Loureiro, player in freshman Zuzana Since her return, Walter is 2-2. Billy’s Bombers def. Poles and Holes 11-9 who has battled Zemenova. Scrivano said his team wouldn’t Apt. M def. GP-Maggie 13-2 The Kansas women’s tennis team back pain this sea- Zemenova, the only Big 12 player underestimate Kansas. (4-9, 3-2 Big 12) has won its last two son, has assisted ranked in the top 25 nationally, has “They are one of the up and com- 3-on-3 soccer matches over conference opponents, Skoda with team won 12 of her last 13 singles matches. ing teams in the Big 12,” Scrivano ✦ Men Oklahoma and Oklahoma State. leadership. “We knew it would be just a matter said. “They are starting to peak at Kappa Sig 2 def. Triangle 3-2 Kansas will get an opportunity for a “I like to cheer of time before she made an impact the right time.” ✦ CoRec third Big 12 victory tomorrow for my teammates,” before the national scene,” Scrivano The match also will reunite a UnKnown def. Rehab 4-3 against Baylor (14-4, 5-0 Big 12). Loureiro said. “I Polito said. coach and his former player. Kansas Kansas is undefeated on the road can be really loud.” Standout talent Klara Zrustova, a Assistant coach Frank Polito, while in the Big 12. Loureiro, who has solely per- sophomore from the Czech at Eastern Michigan, recruited and Local firms win stadium bid “The confidence level and the formed as a doubles player, said she Republic, has seen action at both coached Scrivano in 1993. WASHINGTON — The Washington Nationals’ competitiveness are there,” coach expected to play this weekend. the number three and four singles “I have a lot of respect for him. I new stadium will be built by a joint venture that Amy Hall-Holt said. “I think I can go,” Loureiro says. position for Baylor. wish him all the best,” Scrivano said. includes a company that designed 15 of the last The improvement of junior “It’s painful, but I’m going.” Zrustova has won 14 straight sin- Polito said he remembered 23 major league parks. Christine Skoda, who ranks second Freshman Stephanie Smith has gles matches, 13 of which were Scrivano as a serve and volley play- The team of HOK Sport + Venue + in the conference with a 4-1 singles reeled off two straight singles victo- straight-set victories. er who worked hard. Entertainment Inc., of Kansas City, Mo., and mark, has been one of the reasons ries. She has been praised by coach- “She puts a lot of pressure on her The coaches faced off while Devrouax & Purnell Architects-Planners, of for Kansas’ success. es for her baseline game and aggres- opponents to beat her,” Scrivano Polito served as an interim head Washington, was chosen yesterday by the D.C. Skoda began the spring season 0- sive competitiveness. said. “I don’t see anything changing coach at Ohio State, and Scrivano Sports and Entertainment Commission. 5 and now is considered the Baylor earned its highest-ever with her.” was in his first season at Baylor. Washington’s ballpark will be built along the Jayhawks top all-around threat. ranking in the program history earli- Sophomore Carolin Walter, who “I am 1-0 against him right now,” Anacostia River waterfront, with the Nationals “I’m feeling more confident in my er this week under the leadership of began the season ranked No. 31 in Polito said. “Hopefully, I can keep expected to move in for the 2008 season. shots,” Skoda said. third-year coach Joey Scrivano. the country, saw her ranking slip as that streak alive.” — The Associated Press Hall-Holt said Skoda, one of two “Our team has improved a lot with the NCAA slapped the German Kansas will face Baylor at 1 p.m. in upperclassmen on the squad, had their attitude,” Scrivano said. “We native with a 13-match suspension Waco, followed by a Sunday match- started to fill a leadership role. want to be excellent out on the court for competing at the collegiate level up against Texas Tech in Lubbock. Tell us your news “She’s going to keep on taking her no matter who our opponent is.” with club tennis experience overseas. Contact Bill Cross or Jonathan Kealing at game to a higher level,” Hall-Holt Scrivano, who led Baylor to the The NCAA recognizes club tennis — Edited by Lisa Coble-Krings 864-4858 or [email protected]. 10a the university daily kansan entertainment friday, april 1, 2005 ▼ FRIEND OR FAUX? 944 Mass. Red Lyon Tavern 832-8228 NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews Topless Liquor “Party like NewsNewsNewsNews (Formerly Discount Liquor) you’re in NewsNewsNewsNews 1805 W. 2nd next to Holidome 830-8014 Mexico” NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews Jager Handles $34.65 NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews Seth Bundy/KANSAN Red Stripe 12 pks $9.49 ▼ SQUIRREL NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNews Wes Benson/KANSAN NewsNewsNewsNews ▼ PAUL NewsNewsNewsNews NewsNewsNewsNewsNow.
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▼ HOROSCOPES KANSANCLASSIFIEDS ✦ Today’s Birthday. You have wit, charm decision you’ve recently made. Cite ✦ Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Today is a and lots of energy this year. That’s experience and history. 7. Make a connection with people you good, because you’ll get to fight for love, don’t put it off any longer. what you want at home, at work and ✦ Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) Today is an 8. Financial troubles will fade later in the in your relationships. It’ll be fun. Work interferes with travel for the next month, don’t worry about that now. few days. The orders you’ve been But don’t go shopping, either. ✦ Aries (March 21-April 19) Today is a 7. given may change. The job takes You’re hot, but it's not a good idea to longer than expected. Reschedule lib- ✦ Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Today is a ROOMMATE/ talk back to authorities. Use your wis- erally. 6. You’re feeling feisty, but take care. AUTO JOBS LOST & FOUND FOR RENT SUBLEASE dom, not your ability, to make wise- The family may have already made cracks, and get your point across. ✦ Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Today is a 7. plans that aren’t the same as yours. PHONE 785.864.4358 FAX 785.864.526 [email protected] Give financial matters your attention Better check with them before you ✦ Taurus (April 20-May 20) Today is a 6. first, especially concerning your home. make reservations. More research is required before you After that, you’ll find it easier to relax make your next big move. Don’t head with the people you love, as always. ✦ Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Today is a 7. down an unknown path before you A group of friends provide you with a find out what’s at the other end. ✦ Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) Today is a 6. brilliant new idea. This project requires Some household projects are best left work on your part, however, and con- ✦ Gemini (May 21-June 21) Today is a 7. to professionals, but some you can do. centration. You’ll have to excuse your- You’d rather run and play with your Practice figuring out which are which, self from the festivities. friends, and you may get to do some carefully. of that. There are bills to be paid, how- ✦ Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) Today is a 7. ever. Don’t overlook responsibilities. ✦ Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Today is a 7. A recent disruption loses importance, You’re into hands-on education, rather as you and your friends discuss the ✦ Cancer (June 22-July 22) Today is a 6. than intellectual games. You want to next objective. Make sure to keep the Your reward for a job well done may know whether or not actions are effec- costs down, there’s more coming after be an argument. Be ready to defend a tive, and if they are, how to do them. this. SERVICES JOBS JOBS
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From $10! For info 3-4 BR, 3 BA, 2 car, W/D hookups, mow- electric paid per mo. 816-289-3502 $495 call Jim and Lois 841-1074 Studio apt on bus route. $390/mo. 508 work, and chores. Occasional evenings 800-366-0307 xM769 ing incl. Avail. May 1. through summer and weekends.Some extended overnight Wisconsin. Avail Aug 1. Also 2 BR apt. and/or fall. $350-$400/person. No smok- stays and out of town family trips. Must be 3 BR, duplex 2 BA, 1 car garage. 2 YR. Avail. Aug. Studio & 1 BR Apts. in ONE BLOCK TO KU. By Naismith hall. ing/ pets. Brand new subdivision. 1848 able to cook, have own car, and be avail- old. W/D hookup. no pets and no smok- renovated older houses. All walking 1826 Arkansas W/D, CA $650/mo, pets Villo Woods (19th & Delaware). able weekday afternoons beginning at 3 ing. Aug 1. 804 New Jersey $900/mo. distance to KU and downtown. Wood ok. Avail Aug 1. 218-8254 or 218-3788. 7585-550-6939 pm, and during school vacations. Excel- 550-4148 floors, some with dishwashers, each lent pay for qualified person. apt is unique, no dogs. From $399 to Walk to Campus! 1712 Ohio. 3 & 4 BR Lrg 2 BR apt. on 1st flr. of remodeled Apts. Avail. Aug. 1. Midwest Property Please call 865-2331. Affordable College Rates! $479 call Jim and Lois at 841-1074 home on east edge of campus. W/D, DW, Mgmt. 841-4935 fridge, stove; upgraded wiring, plumbing; 2 BR 1 & 1/2 BA Lawrence Country Club is now accepting Avail. June Small 3 BR Apt. in reno- high efficiency heating and CA; wd flrs; lrg 3 floor plans starting at $510 applications for lifeguards. Apply at 400 vated older house west of 13th and covered front porch with swing; off-street Taking deposits now. WOW! Country Club Terrace. Massachusetts. Window AC, private 3 BR 2 1/2 BA $820 parking; no pets/smking. Tom @ 841-8188 Sunrise Place 841-8400 deck, DW, wood floors, off street 9th & Michigan 4 BR 2 BA $920 Part time position at children’s museum in parking, new 90% efficient gas fur- Unbelievable space for your money. Seeking 3 fem. for 3 BR adjacent to KU Shawnee, KS. Weekday & weekend hrs nace, small BA, great closets, no Taking deposits now. Athletic center. Avail. Aug 1 ‘05. Stdnt Oc- Applecroft Apartments avail immediately. Call 913-268-4176. dogs. $725. Jim and Lois at 841-1074 Sunrise Village 841-8400 cupied.Seen by appt. only. 785-528-4876 Starting at $490/mo. 1 & 2 BRs 660 Gateway Ct. Heat, A/C, Water, Trash paid! Available for June, 1 BR apts at Briar- PART-TIME HELP WANTED: 8-15 AUTO 785-843-8220 Small 3 BR house avail. June 1st. Rent HOURS a week-Saturdays, Summer, & stone, 1000 Emery Rd. Great neighbor- $799. DW, central air, 14 mo. lease Fall. Availability Required. Apply in person 500! Police Impounds! Hondas, Chevys, hood near KU. W/D hookups, ceiling fans, 550-7492 or 841-1074 at The Mail Box at 3115 W. 6th St. Ste C. Toyotas, etc. From $500! Avail Aug. Cozy 2 BR Apt in a reno- mini blinds, balcony, DW, CA, $515/mo. TOWN HOMES 749-4304 Cars/ trucks/SUVs/Jeeps. vated older house, wood floor, DW, No pets. 749-7744. For listings 800-366-0124 x 4565 W/D hookups, off street parking, walk to downtown and KU, no dogs 3 Br, 2 BA, 2 car garage luxury town PilgrimPage, a local ad agency, is seek- Best Value! California Apts. 501 Califor- $599 call Jim and Lois at 841-1074. home. All appliances avail. June 1st. No ing a part-time employee for photo editing/ nia Studios, 1,2, & 3 BRs. From $415. pets. $975/mo. Call 766-9823 data entry. Approximately 20 hours per Avail. Now & Aug.1. 841-4935 week. Flexible schedule but must be avail- Avail Aug. Large 2 BR Apt. in reno- able during business hours. Apply at: vated older house 10th and Ken- Chase Court Luxury Apartments 4 BDRM Townhouses/Duplexes www.pilgrimpage.com/jobs.htm. tucky, wood floors, separate study, 1942 Stewart Ave. 2 car garages, large room sizes. Starting DW, W/D hookups, off street park- 1 & 2 BRs, washer/dryer, pool, at $1300 a mo. Call 766-6302. Servers/Hosts/Cooks ing, no dogs $725 call Jim and Lois 24 hr. fitness center, M-F breakfast For well established Irish Pub and Restau- 841-1074 785-843-8220 4 BR, 3 BA. All appliances, W/D included. rant in the busy KC speedway area. Great Close to KU Great condition. On bus atmosphere. Call 913-788-7771. M-F Avail June. Large 2 BR Apt. in reno- 1 & 2 BR apts. Walking distance to cam- route. June or August. Call 841-3849 vated older circa 1900’s house on pus. Free water & gas. 550-2580. ROOMMATE/ Shipping position open. $8.00 per the 1300 block of Vermont. Wood www.lawrenceaptartments.cjb.net Garber hour. 20 hours per week. Choose your floors, DW, an extra room to make a Property SUBLEASE own hours. Must have own transportation. study or office, brand new furnace, 1 BR avail June 1 between campus & Management Mileage reimbursed. Involves some heavy private deck, double closets with downtown, close to GSP-Corbin, $450 Female Roommate wanted for 3 BD apt. lifting. Must be committed and depend- FOR RENT sliding mirror doors, bathroom is mo. no util. no pets 841-1207 Now leasing for June/Aug. $280 /mo. plus 1/3 util. Lease from 8/05 able. Send letter and/or resume w/3 refer- tiny with stall shower, no dogs $725 2-3 bdrm townhomes at the -7/06. Call for details. (785)-760-0223. call Jim and Lois at 841-1074 following locations: ences to: EEI, P.O. Box 1304, Lawrence, Near KU; Studio and 1 BR apts. Rm. or of- KS 66044. EOE/AA. fice apt. in private home. Possible ex- 1 BR for sublease May 12-July 7. Full fur- APARTMENTS *Bainbridge Circle Avail June. Small 2 BR apt. 13th & Ver- change for misc. labor. Call 841-6254 niture close to KU and downtown. Close (1190 sq. ft to 1540 sq. ft) SUMMER CAMP STAFF mont. DW, AC, off-street parking, no to KU bus rte., laundry, dishwasher, pool. Eddingham Place Apts. dogs. $575/mo. 316-518-0860 / 841-1074 *Brighton Circle www. coloradomountainranch.com Quail Creek Apts. $290 utilities included. Call Mike 24th & Naismith (1200 sq. ft to 1650 sq. ft) 1-800-267-9573 Large Studios, 1, 2, & 3 BRs 766-2821. Large 2 BR *Adam Avenue (1700 sq. ft) Avail. 5/1! GREAT downtown Mass.St. Up to $100/ mo. OFF. Up to $100/ mo. OFF. Teachers assistant needed 12-6p.m. Mon- Apt. 2 BD, 2 BA $750 /mo. + utilities. Call Call for specials 1 BR townhome, all amenities, garage, Call for specials Providing Fri. Apply at Children’s Learning Center 785-550-2774 843-4300 balcony, fireplace, 854 sq. ft, $580 + util. 841-5444 *Equipped kitchens 205 N. Michigan (785) 841-2185. EOE *W/D hk-ups mo., NO pets. 913-486-9519. *Window coverings 2 BR, 1 BA, lrg. 444 California. On bus The Kansas Bikini Team talent search is *Garages w/openers 2 BR, 2 BA, 5 min. walk to campus, quiet, route, W/D, CA, pets ok, $600. 550-7325. underway. If you’ve been told you look *Ceramic tile no pets, W/D, $824 mo.+ util. Call Erica great in a bikini you may have what it 1-2-3 Bed *Fireplaces (785) 550-5572. takes to represent our team and sponsors *Lawn care provided at promotional appearances and on our ORCHARD $99 Deposit *NO PETS CHICAGO 1 BR apt. sublet, Lincoln Park 2006 calendar. Free portfolio photo shoot Area, unfurnished, lots of storage, worth $800, royalties paid on sold mer- Call for Specials 841-4785 $1175/mo. Avail. May 1. Call: 842-3868 chandise, great modeling exposure. Apply CORNERS at www.kansasbikiniteam.com. 15th and Kasold 843-4040 Townhomes Cute one bedroom spacious studio, hard- 749-4226 2 & 3 BR starting at $750 wood floors. Close to downtown and KU. TOP BOYS SPORTS CAMP IN MAINE! [email protected] 4500 Overland Dr. Leasing for Fall No pets. Available sublease May 1st and PLAY & COACH SPORTS-HAVE FUN- 842-3280 possible rent August 1st. $400/mo. MAKE $$ Exciting, fun, summer working thefoxrun.com Now Leasing Contact 913/302-3157 with kids, on magnificent lake in central Dorms, Studios, 1, 2, 3 & 4 Bedroom Maine! Counselor positions still available: Free furnishing available Summer Sublease 2 BR, 1 BA. Great Baseball, Basketball, Soccer, Lacrosse, On KU Bus Routes HOMES Hockey, Water-Ski, Wakeboard, Swim- cond. Walking distance to campus/Mass On-site Laundry St. $320 each/mo.+ util. 847-309-0227 WSI, Sailing, Hiking, Overnight Camping, On-site Managers Hurry! Rock Climbing,Woodworking, Arts & 24hr. Emergency Maintenance 2 & 3 BR Houses SUMMER SUBLEASE. 2 BR, 2 BA, new Crafts. TOP SALARIES, Free Washer/Dryers Large Living Areas & Kitchens spacious townhome, over 1,100 sq. ft. Room/Board, Travel Allowance. Apply Swimming Pool We’ve Gone Crazy! 842-3280 online ASAP: www.campcobbossee.- $375 mo.+ util. 845-8544 or 913-980-3928. Pets Allowed •Free Rent com or call 1-800-473-6104 •Reduced Rates Show Units Open daily 3 BR, 2 BA, 2 car garage. Gorgeous SUMMER SUBLEASE No appointments needed. •Flexible Lease Terms •Lowered Deposit home. MUST SEE! Desirable West 1 BR for summer starting May 20. 4 BR, 2 Office Hours Mon-Fri 9am-5pm Lawrence location. 4832 Tempe St. pets BA. $320/mo. Contact 316-640-6784. Sat. 10am-4pm ok. $1200/mo. Avail Aug 1. 218-8254 or 1, 2 & 3 Bedrooms 218-3788. Town home 3 BR, Lg Master BR, 1 car 2300 Wakarusa Dr. CALL TODAY! 4 BR, 2 BA duplexes. Avail. August 1st. garage, fireplace, 1500 sq. ft. 2 living ar- ABERDEEN (785) 749-1288 All Appliances incl. W/D. On bus route. eas. Lawn mowing provided. Avail. in $925/mo. 4th & California. Call 766-9823 May. $825/mo. Call 785-838-3403. Open House Lorimar & Courtside Townhomes 2 bdrm STUFF Sat. 11am- 3pm 3 bdrm special! Refreshments special! Lorimar Townhomes Courtside Townhomes 1, 2, & 3 Bedroom Townhomes 2, & 3 Bedroom Townhomes • Washer/Dryers • Washer/Dryers ABERDEEN • Dishwasher • Dishwasher • Microwaves • Microwaves • Patios • Patios Ask about 1,2 & 3 Bedroom • Fireplaces • Gas Fireplaces 4 bdrm Duplexes • Ceiling Fans • Ceiling Fans 2300 Wakarusa Drive 3801 Clinton Parkway #F1 4100 Clinton Parkway (785) 749-1288 Come enjoy a townhome community where no one lives above or below you. [email protected] For More Info: 785-841-7849 KANSANCLASSIFIEDS IN A CLASS OF ITS OWN SportsSports
PAGE 12A FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005 WWW.KANSAN.COM
▼ SWIMMING ▼ FOR THE WEEKEND Olympic trials lie on horizon Coach prepares to say goodbye to record-holding swimmer BY KELLY REYNOLDS could then use course meters in an Olympic-style fun. If I swim well, there’s a larger JOE BANT [email protected] that qualification pool, rather than short-course possibility that I will continue to [email protected] KANSAN SPORTSWRITER to compete in the yards used in Robinson swim.” 2008 Olympic Natatorium. Campbell said he was Campbell will accompany Kansas swimming coach Clark Games. confident Gruber could build off Gruber to the trials next week for Fans should Campbell might soon have to part The fastest solid NCAA meets and continue what could be their last meet ways with the woman he calls “one swimmers in each strong. together. He said Gruber’s work of the best swimmers in the history event will be a “Amy had the best NCAA meet ethic and mental toughness singled of the University.” part of the US of her life,” Campbell said. “Amy is her out from other swimmers. forgive Roy, Senior co-captain Amy Gruber National Team, experienced enough to take that “Most of them are done in May, is preparing to swim at the World Campbell said. Gruber speed and translate it into long- but it’s like Amy took the quantum Championship trials, also known The top six course.” leap,” he said. “She’s in a whole move on as the spring nationals, Tuesday in freestylers at the World Gruber said she intended to be different realm right now.” Indianapolis. The trials are held in Championships also make the cut, competitive, but would have a dif- “She’s on a mission to finish her Let me just say, I’ll never be a North Carolina fan. conjunction with the US he said. ferent mindset going into Tuesday’s career on her terms,” he said. I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I see Swimming National So far, Gruber’s best time in the competition. Gruber is among the top 30 powder blue and white put together, and when I see Championships. 100-meter freestyle is 57.66 sec- “I’m looking at it as a complete- American Division I swimmers. a kid wearing UNC gear around campus, my first If Gruber swims better than onds. But Campbell said he has ly different meet,” she said. “The After a four-year career at the impulse is to punch him in the back of the head. I 57.19 seconds in the 100-meter been telling her to visualize swim- NCAAs were hard for me because University of Kansas, she owns rooted for Duke in both of its match-ups with North freestyle, she would make the ming near 56 seconds. it was my last college meet. But Carolina this year. I stood up and cheered every time Olympic trial standard cut. She The meet will also feature long- I’m going into this meet to have SEE SWIMMING ON PAGE 8A Blue Devil senior J.J. Redick hit a three-pointer, even though I felt dirty and confused about it afterward. I chucked beer cozies at the TV for every Dickie ▼ BASEBALL V. diatribe about the unparalleled greatness of Roy Williams and the ’Heels and Tobacco Road, and at the begin- ning of this year’s tourney, when I saw Kansas and North Carolina both placed in the Syracuse Big-league crowd regional, I fantasized about the Jayhawks whooping the Tar Heels in the Elite Eight. But Bucknell killed those fan- Coach Price says Aggie ‘passion for baseball is awesome’ tasies before they had a chance to BY ALISSA BAUER Williams be realized, and North Carolina [email protected] kept on winning. Somewhere KANSAN SPORTSWRITER amidst all this, I had a revelation: North Carolina, or more specifically, Roy Williams, deserves a National When Kansas opened up the Championship, and it’s time to stop hating the Tar Big 12 Conference against Heels. Nebraska last weekend in It’s been two years since Roy Williams bolted Hoglund Ballpark, it was in back home to North Carolina, leaving a heartbroken front of roughly 1,000 fans, and Lawrence and a crushed-like-a-dove Al Bohl in his many of them were donning wake. Two years since he revealed that he did, in Husker apparel. fact, give a shit about his alma mater after all. That’s As Kansas heads to College more than enough time to get over the bitterness and Station to take on Texas A&M, sense of betrayal and remember the 15 years, 418 led by veteran coach Mark wins and four Final Fours he gave Kansas, the Johnson, in a three-game week- achingly close calls, the tearful press conferences, end series, it can plan on play- the daggummits and all the rest. ing its second Big 12 He took a probationary program and made it Conference opponent of the shine with class. He was National Coach of the Year year in front of a more Texas- four times. He won at least 20 games in each of his sized crowd. That crowd does last 14 seasons. He’s just too good for his legacy to not faze Kansas coach Ritch be his departure. Price in the slightest, he said. And yet, walk around Lawrence and the “It’s my favorite place I’ve University of Kansas campus and you’ll be hard ever been to play. The atmos- pressed to find much love for Roy. phere is absolutely incredible,” “But he lied,” the common argument goes. “In Price said. “There will be 7,000 2000, he said he was staying, but then a couple years people there and their passion later, he just ups and leaves.” for baseball is awesome.” Jeez, you’d think it was Missouri he ran off to — The Jayhawks prepare to face not North Carolina, not his home state and his alma the Aggies, who had more than mater and his wife and kids’ alma mater. Sure, he 5,500 fans at their last home could turn down his dream job once, but twice? No game on Tuesday. way, especially considering the turmoil the program The Aggies (20-9, 2-4), was experiencing: two consecutive years with no ranked No. 16 by Baseball NCAA Tournament invitation and Matt Doherty America, sit in the eighth spot ousted after only three seasons. in the Big 12 standings, only Be realistic. And come on, be forgiving. one spot higher than the Kansas junior guard Jeff Hawkins is. “He’s a good, Jayhawks (21-10, 1-2). Kansas loyal guy,” Hawkins said of his former coach. “He lost its series against Nebraska, did a lot for the University, and fans shouldn’t forget while Texas A&M dropped its that. He was faced with a tough decision; fans conference-opening series to should respect that.” Surely if anyone has a right to Texas Tech and Oklahoma. still be mad at Williams for leaving, it’s the players he Although Kansas could not left. If Hawkins is big enough to root for Roy, fans take the series from No. 8 should be too. Nebraska, the team continued You know those annoying exes that keep on hat- to show strength and improve- ing you like three years after they should have ment on the field and at the moved on, the ones that cut you out of photos and plate. grill all the gifts you gave them into charred stuffed- “I think we’re ready to play in animal steaks? Well, I hate to say it, Kansas fans, but this conference,” junior out- that’s us. Roy dumped us, and it sucked. But it’s time fielder Matt Baty said. “We’ve to get over it, and it time to get over hating the struggled in years past, and I ’Heels. think this is the year we’ll do Rylan Howe/KANSAN some damage in the Big 12.” Matt Baty, junior second baseman, reaches to tag out Nebraska left fielder Andy Gerch during the second game of the ✦ Bant is a Colorado Springs, Colo., senior in doubleheader March 26. Kansas traveled to College Station, Texas, for a weekend series against Texas A&M starting at 7 journalism. SEE BASEBALL ON PAGE 8A tonight.
▼ ATHLETICS DEPARTMENT Perkins named NIT ‘Man of the Year’ BY ROSS FITCH February, said the recognition “There are Marchiony said he had athletics director Bob Frederick, from the UConn Club for dedica- [email protected] came as quite a shock. many people in known Perkins for the past 15 former Oklahoma State coach tion and service to the University KANSAN SENIOR STAFF WRITER He said when the NIT called the field of col- years, and he had worked Henry Iba and Texas Tech coach of Connecticut Division of he asked, “Why? What did I do?” lege athletics alongside Perkins for the past Bob Knight. Athletics and the Distinguished University of Kansas athletics “They told me they wanted to who know three years. He said Perkins In 2000, Perkins received the Service Award from the women’s director Lew Perkins was more honor me for being a strong how much he’s continually tried to give coaches inaugural National Athletic national championship basket- than a spectator last night at the supporter of college basketball,” meant to ath- what they needed to be success- Director of the Year Award, pre- ball program. National Invitation Perkins said. “I took it as the letics and col- ful and considered student-ath- sented by Street & Smith’s He also brought NCAA Tournament’s championship highest compliment I could lege basketball letes his top priority. Sports Business Journal in con- Division I-A football to the game. He was awarded the receive. It’s something that I will specifically,” “He’s committed to making junction with the National University of Connecticut in NIT’s Man of the Year award at cherish for a long time.” Perkins saidcollege athletics in general the Association of Collegiate 2000 while serving as the halftime. Although Perkins did not Marchiony, best it can be,” Marchiony said. Director of Athletics. During the school’s athletics director. Perkins, who was actually expect the honor, Jim Marchiony associate athletics director for Previous winners of the 1994-1995 academic year, he named Man of the Year in said it was no surprise. external affairs. award include former Kansas received the “Crystal Award” — Edited by Lori Bettes friday, april 1, 2005 entertainment the university daily kansan 13A
▼ monkbert ▼ the family monster
Cameron Monken/KANSAN Josh Shalek/KRT CAMPUS ▼ damaged circus ▼ cashews
Greg Griesenauer/KANSAN Doug Lang/KANSAN ▼ gar-playing-field ▼ THE FAMILY MONSTER
Doug Lang/KANSAN Josh Shalek/KRT CAMPUS ▼ HOROSCOPES ✦ Aries (March 21-April 19). You are the you are fun and spunky. So, you are ✦ Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You VOTE FOR TOP OF THE HILL 2005! Visit www.kansan.com/topofthehill/2005 wild type. Learning a new drinking an idiot with no future. You are the always view the glass half full. game at a party is the highlight of type of person who admires the You’re an optimist by heart and that your week. In other words, you are house ant, uses fingers to compute makes you forever naïve. It’s time to an alcoholic with the IQ of a toaster. easy addition, and thinks there are wake up and face reality because Keep up your screwdrivers every only 27 days in a month. One plus you have no future and all your morning and eventually you’ll start one equals what again? friends secretly hate you. Your pet is screwing a toaster. soon to die. ✦ Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You are an ✦ Taurus (April 20-May 20). You’re good organized person and know where ✦ Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You are at planning and styling your hair. you are going. You are only pre- an honest person. In other words, This is all you’re good at though. tending though. Truthfully, you are you’re a heartless brat who has no People think you’re a waste of space absolutely clueless about life, but feelings for others. People always with hair that’s not even that great. you like to pretend you are better ask if you are an only child. You’re Your roommate is planning on killing than everyone else. Welcome to the type of person who has no you in your sleep. Sleep tight. schizophrenia, poser. problem eating in front of a hun- gry friend. Your significant other is ✦ Gemini (May 21-June 21). You love ✦ Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22). Your sex planning on leaving you this week- the outdoors. Camping, hiking and appeal and fabulous flirtatious ability end. fishing are the ultimate experiences makes you smile. Simply put, you’re for you. You smell like the farm and easy and have low self-esteem. It’s ✦ Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Don’t enjoy picking your nose. Welcome time to wake up and get off other leave the house tomorrow. to a lifetime of being alone. people’s beds. It’s time to like your- self as much as you like sex. By the ✦ Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20). You are ✦ Cancer (June 22-July 22). You are a way, cut down on the porn. a very romantic, passionate per- deep thinker and keep to yourself. son. Basically, you stay in every But people think you are a preten- ✦ Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21). You like a night watching TV and movies tious jackass. You’re the kind of per- good challenge. You’re the type of that give you false hopes that son who would sell your sibling’s person who tries to eat soup with will never come true for you. Go kidney to make a quick buck and, chopsticks. While your pointless out tonight, have fun, cheat and although the idea of that makes you adventures may amuse you, they don’t remember it tomorrow — laugh, it’s nothing to be proud of. piss off the people who have to you deserve it. Besides, that spe- deal with you. You are likely to be cial someone has already cheat- ✦ Leo (July 23-Aug. 22). People say the only person at your funeral. ed on you.
ACROSS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 A cat goes __ 13 14 15 16 17 18 13 Allen __house 19 Jibber-jabber 19 20 21 20 A farmer’s dog 22 23 24 21 What wine is made out of 25 26 27 22 Backtalk 23 Valentine’s Day treat 28 29 30 24 Mythical creature 31 32 33 34 35 36 25 Continuous 26 Winded 37 38 39 40 41
27 Kittens 42 43 44 45 46 28 Woodstock 29 Suspense writer 47 48
Woods 49 50 51 30 Men in charge 36 Win-win, lose-lose 52 53 54 solutions 55 56 57 58 37 Your _ goes to college 38 Ocean 59 60 61 62 63 42 Black or white 64 65 66 67 68 45 Wedding-cake layer 47 Locater 69 70 71 49 Fast food favorite 50 Caligraphy 72 73 74 51 PC Competitor 52 Small doughnut 5 Clinton and Maher Solutions to last year’s puzzle 53 ^&%(#@& 6 Filler 54 __ Moines, IA 7 In Black 55 Peak 8 Mimic 56 Bee’s speciality 9 Monroe 58 The climax 10 Red all over 59 Negative story charac- 11 Peter, Peter ter 12 Stick you lick 60 Muck ___ 13 Foul shot in soccer 62 Farm animal 21 Dairy twist 64 ______22 Backstreet 65 Bagel topping 24 Pigs like __ 68 Spanish class 25 It’s raining 69 Boo & Cookie 26 Type of literature 71 Sportos 28 Kiss me I’m __ 72 Winter accessory 30 Dog breed 73 Hair color 31 Guys & __ 74 Measurement 32 The Facebook action 44 Here I come 52 Today DOWN 33 Place 45 Fake 53 Fiction 1 Tonic’s best friend 35 What? 46 Not true 55 Opposite of real 2 You are my ___ 37 Which way? 48 April 1st 56 Not real 3 Games 38 By the skin of our 50 Not fact 57 Made up 4 Medium 42 Spider’s dinner 51 Fable 58 False
Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe. SportsSports
PAGE 14A FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005 WWW.KANSAN.COM/STORIES/TONGUEINBEAK
▼ OUT WITH THE OLD Family gives daughter Allen Fieldhouse as gift
BY OWEN MORRIS The Laurie family originally era,” Chancellor Robert recruiting players from prison [email protected] named the new arena at the Hemenway said. “No longer do like Missouri.” TONGUE IN BEAK WRITER University of Missouri after their we have to keep living in the Hemenway and Bill Laurie daughter, Paige Sports Arena. past at KU by naming all these were unphased by the disgust The Board of Regents But when it was discovered she’d buildings after old fogies. and anger that their announce- approved a proposal five to one cheated while attending Instead we have a new future! ment created. to sell the naming rights of University of Southern One that is $12 million richer.” “Mr. Laurie is one of the rich Allen Fieldhouse for $12 mil- California, they gave the naming “I guess it’s sort of cool to ... I mean, nicest men in the lion to the Laurie Family of rights back to Missouri, who have buildings named after world,” Hemenway said. “He’s Columbia, Mo. For the second changed the arena to Wal-Mart me,” Paige said, while tanning all right in my book and Paige is time, the Lauries have decided Cheater Arena. at the Palm Beach Country such a nice girl. I’m sure she’ll to name a venue after their The Lauries though were not Club. “Though I would have never do anything bad again.” daughter Paige. Allen too happy with the name liked an island better. Where is The University of Southern Fieldhouse will now be called change. So, they decided to KU anyways? St. Louis? Are California had threatened to “Paige’s Fieldhouse.” contact other Big 12 they the Wildcats?” take away Paige’s degree once it “This is a wonderful day that Conference universities to see if Many students were notice- was discovered that she’d will hopefully vindicate our they could buy the naming ably upset after hearing the cheated and had never actually daughter from all the trauma rights to their arenas. The only news. attended classes at Southern she has gone through,” Bill other university to respond was “I don’t care that they California, or been in southern Laurie said at a press confer- Baylor, who wanted $15.50 for rename the building for cash,” California. It recanted when Erin Droste/KANSAN ence in the fieldhouse yester- the naming rights to their arena. Lukas Philips, Bumblepatch Bill Laurie threatened to buy The Laurie family will cut the the red tape at the renaming ceremo- day. He added, “Paige, Paige The Lauries picked that one up senior, said. “But to name it the university and turn it into a ny April 20 at “Paige’s Fiedlhouse.” Paige Laurie has asked that “only honey, do you want anything too. Paige has suggested “The after a family from Missouri, Wal-Mart. really popular people show up. No nerds.” Laurie also has requested else? How about a jet, sweet- OC Arena.” that’s unacceptable. Next thing the hardwood floor of the fieldhouse be repainted pink and blue with ie?” “It’s the beginning of a new you know, they’re going to start — Edited by Nikola Rowe pixies. Phog Allen’s statue began softly weeping.
▼ BADMINTON SHOCKER: 63-64 ▼ PC CRAZY KU Badminton loses Border rivalry ShuttleHawk seniors’ birdies mauled by Cougars renamed ... again
BY SAM HOPKINS University of Kansas Athletic “Border Co-existence” in refer- [email protected] Director Lew Perkins ence to the fact that both uni- TONGUE IN BEAK WRITER announced yesterday that the versities do co-exist. Perkins official title of the KU-Missouri said that the new name would rivalry would be altered in encourage Kansas fans to think Ron Langdon stares blankly order to avoid what he referred of the University of Missouri as at the shuttlecock in his hand, to as “an overly competitive a neutral entity and not as a wondering what might have sense of competition.” rival. been. The senior and starting Perkins noted that the offi- As part of his continuing service specialist on KU’s bad- cial moniker of the rivalry, “The efforts to completely emascu- minton team says he knows Border Showdown,” was too late the Kansas sports image, that he let down his school, confrontational and might send Perkins has also stated that any fans and family. But more than the wrong message to impres- shirts, signs or chants that anything, he disappointed sionable students of both uni- encourage the University to himself. versities. succeed at the expense of oth- “Every little kid playing “I’ve spoken with Missouri’s ers would also be prohibited. badminton in the backyard AD, Michael Alden, and we both “I go to sporting events and dreams of getting the shot we agreed that the current name did see T-shirts that say ‘Muck had,” said a dejected Prashant a disservice to the actual show- Fizzou’ or ‘Go Jayhawks’ and I Marpathsary, also a senior, downs that are going on in other worry that we’re sending the “but sometimes the birdies just areas of the world,” Perkins said wrong message to our kids.” won’t fall where you want in his weekly press conference. Perkins said. “After all, the pur- them.” “The word ‘showdown’ has such pose of collegiate sports isn’t to The University of Kansas a powerful meaning to those beat other teams — it’s to gen- suffered a surprising defeat at who are involved in them, that erate revenue.” Perkins finished the rackets of Clearfield we did not want to risk offending the press conference by stating College, a small school that them. Granted no one has com- that with new corporate spon- two years ago barely had a plained yet, but there is the sorship, the official title of the badminton club. Now, the potential that someone may rivalry would be “ESPN pres- Clearfield Cougars have complain at some point in the ents the Cooper Tires Border secured their school a spot in future, so we must be proactive.” Co-existence sponsored by the National Collegiate Perkins announced that the Nextel.” Badminton Association and rivalry would be renamed the — Will Lamborn an upset victory to boot. The ShuttleHawks, as fans call them, had high hopes ▼ THE STUFF going into this season. Ron Langdon was a pre-season All- NCBA First Team selection McGwire tear juiced and is still a candidate for the prestigious Nigel Fletcher award, which is the greatest for Congress hearing individual honor in collegiate Kansan file photo badminton. Prashant Marpathsary, ShuttleHawk senior, attempts the final volley before blowing it. The KU bad- A medical expert discovered receive sympathy from the The final set of the final minton team ended its season yesterday, losing a shocker to underdog Clearfield College, 63-64. The that former baseball player American people by balling in match of the ’Hawks season ShuttleHawk team touted one of the best senior classes the school had ever seen. The senior class included Mark McGwire injected front of Congress. McGwire came down to a lob that was Marpathsary, All-NCBA First Team selection Ron Langdon, Dat Phan, Ralph Pinkerton and Chas Wolberry. tearoids into his buttock prior continues to vehemently deny offered up by Clearfield on a set When asked what happened on the final play, Marpathsary said, “I just got my shuttlecock blocked. I hate to the steroid congressional the use of steroids despite the play gone awry. The team failed getting shuttlecock blocked.” hearing March 25. Tearoids are fact that he is neckless with a to capitalize, and unfortunately younger guys.” a newly developed drug that bad case of acne, experiencing a splendid day for Ron Langdon Sophomore Londino Latrice enables one to create tears constant mood swings and is — not so great for his team- came to Kansas from Guyana because I uses his own personal journey without any emotional feeling beginning to need a “Bro” to mates — ended with his missing “I to remind him that brighter whatsoever. support his man boobs. his trademark overhand had a dream to play badminton in the States. I days are ahead. “I’m not surprised,” former When reached for comment “smasheroo,” which had been Though he put on one of McGwire teammate Jose about his use of tearoids and the scourge of opponents all won’t let that dream die. Rock Chalk the worst performances of Canseco said. “I think I’m pret- steroids by the University season long. his young career in the sea- ty sure that Mark did tearoids Daily Kansan, McGwire said Next season looms heavy on ShuttleHawk, baby.” son-ender, he remains opti- when we were playing for the he was unwilling to talk about the horizon for the returning Londino Latrice mistic. A’s.” the past. When told that tearoids were “I’ll only talk about the players, some of whom will Guyana sophomore “I came to Kansas from have to shake a late-season Guyana because I had a dream created just last month, a con- future,” McGwire said. “I want scoring drought that eventually to play badminton in the fused Canseco responded, to keep this positive. I wish caught up with the ond season as the of tough stuff. I have a lot of States,” the 19-year-old mused. “Well, I know he did steroids. everyone would just leave me ShuttleHawks. Coach Rick ShuttleHawks’ coach. good players who will contin- “I won’t let that dream die. He did steroids. Believe me. I alone. I didn’t do steroids. I Malrek is optimistic, though “Losses happen and it’s ue to develop over the com- Rock Chalk ShuttleHawk, saw him do them several, twice, wish Canseco would just shut many fans are disappointed rough,” he said, “But we’ll ing years. We’re focusing baby.” I mean at least 200 times.” his face. Do I look like I did with the quick loss in his sec- move on because we’re a bad- especially on strength and McGwire allegedly injected steroids?” minton team and we’re made endurance training with the — Edited by Ross Fitch the drugs in an attempt to — C.J. Moore Note: The stories on this page offer only inaccurate information from fake sources. Welcome to the world of make-believe.