March 2011 66

46 52 features 59 THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX Critical reasoning is crucial for 21st 25 GUILIN GETAWAY century children. But can we really You’ll find plenty of surprises in this expect them to employ this seemingly Chinese city. complicated skill?

28 DIVORCE: HELPING KIDS COPE 64 EARN AN A+ IN COMMUNICATION You can help make things easier for A seasoned educator, counsellor and your kids when they feel like their parent offers tips for talking with your family is being torn apart. child’s teacher.

34 THIRD CULTURE KIDS 72 QUICK & EASY DINNER Children who grow up outside of Annabel Karmel shares a recipe that their home countries enjoy countless mums can make without spending benefits and opportunities, but a few ages in the kitchen. PHOTOGRAPHY drawbacks too. Melanie Adamson upfront 40 TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT MODEL Riley Many mums struggle to balance the 8 WHAT’S ON luxury of having a helper with the A look at what’s going on around town Smock top and skirt by Little jealousy over their children loving this month Mercerie. French-style cabinet, them more than they expected. rice melamine cups from Mirth. 12 HOT OFF THE PRESS 46 BOARDING PASS Hip new shops, services and products Would you send your child to a boarding school halfway around the 15 FINGER ON THE PULSE world? Hear from parents who did it. Parenting news from around the world

52 PUBLIC OR PRIVATE? 17 ECO HERO If you’re deciding where to deliver your Ideas and products for greener living baby, there’s much to know about your two Hong Kong options. 22 IN YOUR OPINION Playtimes readers’ thoughts on timely topics March 2011 59

3472 regulars information 19 TOY BOX 76 STOCKISTS Toys that teach and amuse See something you like? We’ll tell you where to get it. 21 BOOKSHELF Books for international kids, plus a review from a fresh, new critic

66 URBAN EDGE Embrace everything this dynamic city has to offer with Hong Kong-designed fashions.

80 THE LAST WORD Nury Vittachi ponders advice for his Bookshelf mixed-up son. pg 21

Toy Box Eco Hero pg 19 pg 17 contributors

eDITOR-IN-CHIeF Tracey Starr t: 2973 6078 e: [email protected]

PUBLICATIONS DIReCTOR Jo Allum Kelly Yang t: 2973 6159 Kelly was born in Tianjin, China. She e: [email protected] immigrated to the US when she was six years old and grew up in California. As a child, Kelly loved to read and ADveRTISING SALeS AND DISTRIBUTION write and would often disappear Narelle edwards t: 2973 6131 for hours into the magical world of e: [email protected] literature. When Kelly was 13 years old, she entered university. She is one of the youngest graduates of ACCOUNT MANAGeR the University of California, Berkeley Wendy Clarke (at the age of 17), and Harvard Law t: 2973 6279 e: [email protected] School (at the age of 20). Upon graduating from HLS, she took a radical departure from law to pursue her dream of teaching. She founded The

Kelly Yang Project (KYP), an award-winning writing programme in Hong ACCOUNT MANAGeR Kong for children aged two to 17. Today, she is the mother of two young Cath Worthington boys and teaches creative writing, critical reasoning, public speaking and t: 2973 6139 SAT classes at KYP. e: [email protected]

PRODUCTION MANAGeR Michael Chau

Brooke Chenoweth ART DIReCTOR Brooke grew up in rural Australia Timmy Ho and spent most of her early days running around barefoot, playing dress-up and perfecting her mud pie recipe. She played the geek at school, the wallflower at university GRAPHIC DeSIGNeR Samuel Tang and the intrepid Aussie backpacking in Europe, but most prefers her current role as Mum. She moved to Hong Kong with her husband in 2007, CeO and after a brief stint as an English David Tait teacher, decided parenthood was the way forward. She discovered the t: 2973 6791 e: [email protected] art of blogging and freelance writing while looking for work that would allow her to stay at home in her pyjamas. While dressing up is a rare treat these days, she still enjoys going shoeless, and now makes mud pies with her son. FOR SUBSCRIPTIONS & DISTRIBUTION t: 2973 6131

CONTRIBUTORS: Melanie Adamson, Dr Minna Chau, Brooke Chenoweth, Dr Rosann Kao, Ingrid Keneally, Rachel Kenney, Sarah Chapman Monahan, Kelly Yang, Bianca Zee-Geissler

PUBLiSHEd BY: PPP Company Ltd, 20/F Carfield Commercial Building Correction: 75-77 Wyndham Street, Central, Hong Kong Last month we inadvertently omitted two names from our makeover team. Stylists Tel: +852 2973 6131 Lisa Lee and Edith Lau from Tala’s Hair & Beauty helped create the gorgeous hair PRiNTEd BY: Fantasy Printing Ltd. in Hong Kong and make-up styles for our three winners. We were very grateful to have their help ISSN 1726-183X

Published by PPP Company Limited. The publication is sold on the understanding that the publisher, advertisers, contributors and expertise on the team! and their employees are not responsible for the results of any actions, errors or omissions taken on the basis of information contained in this publication. The publisher, advertisers, contributors and their employees expressly disclaim all and any liability to any person, whether a purchaser of the publication or not, in respect of any action or omission or the consequences of any action or omission by any such person, whether whole or partial, upon the whole or part of the contents of this publication. All rights reserved, 2011 PPP Company Limited. No part of this work, covered by the publisher’s copyright may be reproduced in any form by any means, graphic, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or information storage and retrieval, without the written permission of the publisher. Any unauthorised use of this publication will result in immediate legal proceedings. welcome Tracey and models Riley and Agatha

h, March. The month I findmost challenging here in Hong Kong. The holidays are over, without a statutory freebie on the calendar until April. We’ve tasted a few A sunny, spring-like days in February, but will likely be saddled with grey skies for several weeks. While you’re stuck inside catching up on books and magazines, we’ll do our best to keep you entertained and informed! This month, we’re talking about third culture kids (TCKs) and parenting in a global world. So many of you are raising children in a different country from the one you call “home”. While this affords you and your children amazing opportunities, it comes with some challenges, too. My dear friend Sarah, who’s both raising her own TCKs and was one herself, tackles the challenges and extols the benefits in this issue. For those of us who grew up in the West, parenting in Hong Kong presents another unusual element: helpers. And while many homes run more smoothly and efficiently because of the help – especially when both parents work outside the home – it can still sting a bit when your kids seem to love the helper a bit more than you expected. Bianca Zee-Geissler discussed this touchy topic with several mums and shares the results. While Hong Kong schools are world-class, many parents here consider sending their children to boarding school. Whether you’re keen to have your kids reconnect with their national roots or have simply discovered a programme that you think would suit them better, there are plenty of reasons that boarding school might make sense for your family. Rachel Kenney talked it over with parents on both sides of the fence and shares their insights inside. If you’re still awaiting your child’s arrival, then Brooke Chenoweth’s look at hospital delivery options might be helpful. Your choice of a public or private hospital can be a tough one, but Brooke has done all the homework to help you make an informed decision. All of these stories and more await you. Here’s hoping that this March is brighter than most. Or if it is grey and dreary, that by this time next month we’re celebrating sunnier skies and warmer days. Until then, I hope you enjoy this issue.

Thanks for reading,

Tracey Starr, Editor-in-Chief

6 Playtimes

WHAT’S ON March T H e H o TTe ST H a PPenI ngS aR ounD T o W n

authors from around the world gather for the The Hong Kong International Literary Festival 2011. Visit www.festival.org.hk for details. Kung Fu FIGHTING Rock melodies, pop rhythms, Women in Charge is supporting hipster outfits, kung fu and celebrating 100 years of fighting and Beijing Opera International Women’s Day come together in 108 Heroes, with a networking evening, Tales from The Water Margin. open to all women, at Coast, Performed in Mandarin with Kinwick Centre, 32 Hollywood english and Chinese surtitles Road, Soho. Click at the Lyric Theatre, this show http://womenincharge.com.hk is suitable for kids over six. for details. Click www.hkticketing.com for details.

Amazing Symphony of Acrobatics Spring Be dazzled by the Yunnan enjoy displays of exquisite acrobatic Troupe of China’s potted plants, beautiful performance of The floral arrangements and Daughter of Emperor. See gorgeous landscapes at the the show on 12 March at Hong Kong Flower Show Tuen Mun Town Hall and 2011 in Victoria Park. on 13 March at Yuen Long Click www.lcsd.gov.hk Theatre. Click www.urbtix.hk to learn more. for tickets and details.

Circus Hokus Pokus is a circus show featuring puppets, clowns and black light theatre. This one-hour programme, suitable Introduce your baby to Mozart, for kids ages three and older, Bach and more, when Hong will be performed at Tai Po Civic Kong Sinfonietta presents Tickets sold out again quickly Centre on 26 March and Sha Classical Music for Babies at this year, so if you don’t have Tin Hall on the 27th. Yuen Long Theatre auditorium. yours yet, you might have to Find details and tickets The programme, in english, wait until next year. But at www.urbtix.hk. is tailored for wee ones least you’ll understand where and singing and dancing is all the crazy fans in fancy encouraged. Buy tickets – for dress will be headed. you and your baby – at Visit www.hksevens.com www.urbtix.hk. for details.

8 Playtimes sponsored feature

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10 Playtimes sponsored feature

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March 2011 11 HOT OFF THE PRESS

Make mealtime zoo time with tableware from Skip Hop. Little diners will love having their very own plate and bowl featuring their favourite ZOO character. Bright colours and whimsical faces make mealtime fun. The collection is made from durable melamine, dishwasher- safe and perfect for mixing and matching. Priced from $39 and available from Bumps to Babes, Mothercare, Baby Central and www.bloomandgrowdirect.com.

Children’s entertainers, Scotty & Lulu, will return Fusion Academy is to the stage this April at HKAPA Drama Theatre, expanding their Tots Wanchai, with their new Outer Space adventure. programme for children Featuring 60 minutes of madcap mayhem, the new aged two to four years starting this show promises lots of laughter and the chance to month. Classes will be held at Flex Studios in dance and sing along with Scotty, Lulu and a host of Aberdeen at the Regency Centre on Wong Chuk great new characters. Catch the show on April 1, 2 Hang Road. In each 45-minute class, children will or 3. Click www.hkticketing.com for tickets. dance, sing, act, move and develop a sense of self confidence. Learn more at www.fusionacademyhongkong.com.

Kindermusik by Catherine has opened new locations in Sai Kung, Shatin and Olympic. Kindermusik by Catherine, established in 1999, is the second largest Kindermusik® programme provider worldwide and credits its success to the exciting musical experiences it offers families. Children aged newborn to eight years learn music in a fun and stimulating environment with qualified educators encouraging musical exploration and movement. Join the fun at their Central studio or one of their many other locations. For a free trial, call 2518 4840, or visit www.kindermusik.hk for more information.

12 Playtimes Tripp Trapp Newborn Set is a new, ergonomically designed, pod chair that fits simply onto the top of your Tripp Trapp chair to create the perfect environment for your newborn baby. Babies learn and grow through contact and communication with those close to them and The Special Needs’ Network (SNN) is a group this set allows your new addition to observe her surroundings whilst of parents who meet every few months to talk, interacting with the whole family. Having your baby at your level means share experiences and support one another. that family mealtimes really are that – the whole family around the table. Members have children of various ages who Click www.stokke.com for shopping details. have special needs, including autism, global delay, deafness, cerebral palsy, genetic disorders, epilepsy and acquired disabilities, and others. Looking for information, need a good listener or want to talk? Join them on Thursday 31 March. Email [email protected] or Harry Wright International [email protected] for more details. will get your kids swimming. Three specific programmes provide options for all ability levels and goals. The Infant Aquatic Programme is for babies and toddlers aged four months to four years. Kids five years and older will enjoy the Learn To Swim Programme. And for those kids who wish to train and compete, there’s the Competitive Programme. Classes are standardised and coaches work as a team, teaching similarly and with a united aim and philosophy. For more information, call 2575 6279, or email [email protected].

The Hong Kong Rugby Sevens doesn’t provide the only rugby excitement this season. Playtimes would like to congratulate the crusading girls and boys from HKU Sandy Bay Mini RFC on their great success last month in Thailand at the Bangkok International Rugby Tens. Sandy Bay toured with 55 players and won two cups, a plate and a bowl. Equal congratulations go to the mini rugby section of Hong Kong Football Club. They sent 13 teams (in a squad of over 300!) to We received a record number of entries for our the Bintang RFC festival in Kuala Lumpur and achieved their share of January competitions. The winners were: silverware. Well done! • Family four-pack of tickets to the BFG Dana Winograd • Fully loaded Trunki Kathryn Bell • Bloom and Grow travel packs Cheryl Chan, Azita Crerar, Georgina Lyons, Judith Lee Looking for stylish maternity clothes? • Havianas family pack Queen Bee offers 50 brands to choose Susanne Padilha from. You’ll find everything from the • Avalon Organics travel set most comfortable maternity leggings ever, Olianka Cruikshanks, Amy Dickson, to evening dresses and special occasion outfits and designer Melanie Kammermann, Susie Tan, Kim Williams maternity jeans. Get fast delivery to Hong Kong for a flat rate of just AU$30. Visit www.QueenBee.com.au to view the full collection and Thanks to everyone who entered! start shopping.

March 2011 13

FINGER ON THE PULSE

Young children who are treated with antibiotics are twice as likely to develop digestive problems later on, according to new research. The study, from the Statens Serum Institute in Copenhagen, Denmark, and published in the health journal Gut, looked at the medical and prescription records of 580,000 children over an eight-year period. It found that youngsters who had been given one course of medication such as penicillin or other antibiotic treatments by the age of three or four were 1.84 times more likely to be diagnosed later on with bowel disease than those who had never received the drugs. The risk of developing the illness increased by 12 per cent every time the medicines were prescribed, the study found. source: The Telegraph

As health professionals search for ways to combat the rise in obesity and promote healthy eating, new research reveals a mother’s own eating habits – and whether Babies born to mothers who are depressed during pregnancy she views her child as a “picky eater” – have higher levels of stress hormones, decreased muscle tone has a huge impact on whether her child and other neurological and behavioural differences, a new consumes enough fruits and vegetables. study finds. When mothers viewed their children as picky “The two possibilities are that [the infants] are either more eaters, their kids consumed less produce. sensitive to stress and respond more vigorously to it, or that “Mothers who viewed their children as picky they are less able to shut down their stress response,” lead eaters may be more lax in encouraging investigator Dr Delia M Vazquez of the University of Michigan the consumption of fruits and vegetables,” School of Medicine, says. researchers say. Up to one in five women experiences depression during Previous research shows that early pregnancy. “It’s difficult to say to what extent these differences repeated exposure to different types of foods is are good or bad, or what impact they key to helping kids become healthy eaters. Up might have over a longer period of to 15 exposures may be needed before it can time,” the researchers say, so they urge be determined if a child likes or dislikes a food. pregnant women showing symptoms of Source: physorg.com depression to contact a therapist. source: HealthDay News

Many mothers are under so much pressure to appear like perfect parents that they cover up how much television their children watch or what they cook their families, according to a survey. Such “white lies” also extend to how much “quality time” mothers spend with their partner, website Netmums said its survey of 5,000 people suggested. The parenting site also said mothers often made each other feel “inadequate”. The website is calling for a more honest approach to family life and an end to the guilty subterfuge of mothers who feel unable to achieve an idealised view of parenthood. “Mums need to be more honest with each other,” said Netmums’ Siobhan Freegard. source: BBC News

March 2011 15

ECO HERO

Wide swathes of northern China are suffering through their worst drought in 60 years – a dry spell that could have a serious economic impact worldwide if it A recent study by scientists in Los Angeles has continues much longer, experts say. found that bright city lights makes air pollution Some areas have gone more than 120 days without worse because the glare of the lights interferes with any significant rainfall, leaving more than five million chemical reactions that clean the air of pollution hectares (12.4 million acres) of crops damaged – an during the night. area half the size of South Korea – China’s drought Pollution from motor traffic and factories pours control agency says. A bit of snow has helped ease the into the air during the day and is broken down at problem in some areas, but there hasn’t been enough night by nitrate radicals – a special form of nitrogen to make any dramatic change yet. oxide that is destroyed by sunlight. There are fears that the problem could send global Scientists from the US National Oceanic food prices soaring at a time when food costs are and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) and already causing governments headaches. “If the dry the University of Colorado’s spell continues into March or April, wheat production Cooperative Institute for could be seriously affected, with losses Research in Environmental of more than 10 million tonnes,” says Sciences (CIRES) have now Ma Wenfeng, an analyst at Beijing found that the lights of Los Orient Agribusiness Consultants. Angeles produce enough light to source: www.physorg.com suppress the nitrate radicals. Leader of the research team, Dr Harald Stark of NOAA’s Chemical Sciences Division, said the preliminary results show the lights of the city slow the night-time cleansing of air pollution by up to seven per cent, and also increase the chemicals Estimated amount of money that produce ozone pollution during the next day by the Hong Kong government as much as five per cent. is believed to have spent source: www.physorg.com on combating air pollution since 1999. source: South China Morning Post

Environmental group Greenpeace has praised China for setting new pollution targets but says the measures fall well short of what is needed to curb the country’s carbon emissions. China, which in November admitted it is the world’s biggest greenhouse gas emitter, has some of the world’s worst air pollution after rapid growth over the past 30 years triggered widespread environmental damage. The country has invested billions of dollars to clean up its environment but has so far refused to cut emissions outright, saying doing so would unfairly hurt its economic development. China instead pledged last year to slow the growth in its emissions by reducing energy consumption per unit of GDP by 40 to Threesixty offers easy ways to go organic. O Organics 45 per cent from 2005 levels by 2020, essentially a vow of greater peanut butter, available in creamy or crunchy styles, energy efficiency. is free from harmful transfats and formulated to To achieve the targets, authorities will crack down on heavily- avoid oil separation. O Organics unfiltered 100 polluting industries such as paper-making, textiles, leather and per cent apple juice is made from the freshest chemicals, and make greater efforts to control vehicle emissions, the tree-ripened apples to ensure the perfect blend of government said. It will also invest in wastewater treatment plants and flavours and sweetness. Click www.threesixtyhk.com develop technologies to reduce factory emissions. to learn more, or visit Threesixty locations to start source: www.physorg.com shopping.

March 2011 17

TOY BOX

Crochet Airplane Rattles Age from birth $200 Villa Marguerite

Pop Large Chubby Bear with Pompons Age from birth $440 Kaloo

HappyLand Double Decker Bus Age 18+ months $225 early learning centre Leap Frog Tag Pen and World Map Age 4-8 years $129 for the map/$399 for the pen Toys“R”Us

Lacing Dolls Age 3+ years $120 early learning centre

Wooden Chinese Character Blocks Age 3+ years $500 www.hocusadabra.com

March 2011 19

BOOKSHELF

Kid’s Review Young Readers (9-12) The Adventure Begins: Lucas, age 9 First Day at Detinu International School The Red Pyramid by Jen Munnerlan by Rick Riordan us$18 $144 This book was written This is my favourite book because especially for primary-aged it is a story about bravery, TCKs and chronicles the ups friendship, and it also tells you and downs of life as a young some facts about Egyptian mythology. It’s about global nomad. Through a boy named Carter. His mother passed away a few issues such as moving to a years ago. When he visits his new country, making friends, sister Sadie, who’s lived with attending an international her grandparents in England school, coping with change ever since her mum died, they and saying goodbye, little go to the British Museum. TCKs will see themselves Their father mysteriously in the experience of living disappears and Carter and “among worlds”. Sadie discover their true Available at www.amazon.com destiny, and they also find out that they are “hosting gods”, which means that they are early Readers (4–8 years) partly gods. Trust me, it’s really good! Young Fredle Available at www.paddyfield.comand by Cynthia Voigt www.shopinhk.com $136 Fredle is an earnest young fellow suddenly cast out of his I Hate English! cosy home behind the kitchen by Ellen Levine cabinets into the outside. It’s a $48 new world of colour and texture “Such a lonely language. and grass and sky. But with all Each letter stands alone that comes snakes and rain and and makes its own lawnmowers and raccoons and noise. Not like Chinese.” a different sort of mouse (field Mei Mei, a bright and mice, they’re called) not entirely trustworthy. Do the articulate immigrant dangers outweigh the thrill of discovery? from Hong Kong, is having difficulty adjusting to the Available at www.paddyfield.comand new language and culture at school in New York City. A www.shopinhk.com sensitive teacher takes Mei Mei under her wing, helping calm her fear of losing her identity. My Name is Yoon Available at www.shopinhk.com by Helen Recorvits and Gabi Swiatkowska $136 What Does It This is an inspiring story Mean to Be Global? about a little girl finding by Rana DiOrio her place in a new country. US$17 Yoon’s name means Shining (us$4 for Kindle Wisdom, and when she writes it in Korean, it looks edition) happy, like dancing figures. In this story, children learn But her father tells her that what it means to be global she must learn to write it in by visiting the pyramids, eating sushi and learning English. In English, all the lines and circles stand alone, how to say hello in Swahili. It’s a conversation-starter which is just how Yoon feels in the United States. for parents to teach children about the goodness in exploring, appreciating and respecting other children’s Available at www.paddyfield.comand traditions, religions and values. This book is also www.shopinhk.com available in French and Spanish. Available at www.amazon.com

March 2011 21 IN YOUR OPINION

Well, firstly, my daughter seems to wear less corduroy While I’m trying to avoid bringing than I did in up a “little emperor” it the 1970s! seems that besides my But the main own son, a lot of other difference people’s kids are given is that she much freer reign to speak was born their minds, how and abroad and, in 18 months, has when they see fit, than in racked up numerous flights across three my day. Saying, “I’m bored”, continents and has been witness to many aged seven, at a restaurant different people and cultures. Of course it table because parents are is unlikely she will remember any of this, involved in adult conversation but we hope it will somehow give her a with family friends would good grounding and a passion for travel in neither have been tolerated nor accepted when I was that age. later life. That aside, I am trying to emulate There’s good and bad attached to 21st-century kids’ power, in much of my childhood for her as I was my opinion. always very happy. Amy Andrew

share their thoughts. We asked, “How does your child’s life differ from your own childhood?”

I grew up in South Africa with a front garden and a back garden, and when I say “garden”, I mean with grass and flowers and soil and trees and swings and sandpits and earthworms and snails and the odd bit of dried dog poop. We also had pets – two cats and two dogs. While the obvious difference between my childhood and my child’s experience here in Hong Kong is having lots of space and a private wilderness in which to be creative, there is a more subtle difference. Space can be had in Hong Kong – you can go to playrooms after all. But kids in Hong Kong lead incredibly sterile lives, especially in their early years. Cleanliness is great for many reasons, but I grew up with dirt under my nails and flowers in my hair. I think this has its benefits and I plan to let my daughter crawl on the grass whenever she has the chance, dried dog poop and all. Laura

22 Playtimes IN YOUR OPINION iPhone, iPad, Youtube ... just to name a few. I think they will have short-sighted vision sooner or later. Ivy

They live in a better world with plenty of, and rapidly changing, opportunities and challenges. Augustin

My girls have a sibling, something I never did. My girls think that a video call is the normal method. My girls have never seen a phone with a cord except on TV. Andreas

My son’s life is hugely different to my childhood: I grew up in a small country town, had no idea that the rest of the world existed and didn’t fly on a plane until I was 15. My son is growing up in So far, my daughter’s led a much more Hong Kong, has friends from all over the world and had flown cosmopolitan life than I had, having visited eight to Australia, the Philippines and Indonesia before his first countries in her first one and a half years. I hadn’t birthday! I think he’s missing out on a lot by growing up away even left Massachusetts by that age! from [extended] family, but he’s also going to see and do a lot more than other kids his own age. He has opportunities I could Amy only have dreamed about as a kid.

Brooke I was a child of first-generation immigrant parents in Australia. Our family had to adapt I grew up in Sydney, Australia, where we to a completely foreign played cricket, netball or tennis in the culture while balancing street with all the neighbourhood kids. Chinese values and We spent more time outdoors going to beliefs. My parents tried to the beach, swimming in the pool and going instil Chinese culture and to barbecues. No one would ever go to an language into my sister and me, but all we indoor play centre. Our holidays were to the Gold Coast, wanted to be was Australian – easy-going Queensland, not to overseas destinations. and carefree! Kim Eva

April’s question: Do you talk to your kids about the environment? What kinds of things do you do to be “green”?

We’d love to hear from you! Email your answer to [email protected] by 14 March and your answer might appear in the April issue.

March 2011 23

MANDARIN MADE EASY

Heather Froger finds plenty of surprises in the southern Chinese city of Guilin.

irst we went on a cable car ride to October, when it is warm the top of a mountain. Then, to the but not too rainy, is children’s whoops of delight, we a great time to tobogganed down. But we weren’t go to catch the Fanywhere near a snowy ski resort. We were in the mountains at Chinese city of Guilin, in the southern province of their greenest. Guangxi, and our three children – ages 14, 11 and There was so six – were in their element. much to do on our short We were at Yao Mountain, which is just ten break, the tricky bit was minutes from the city centre, on the outskirts fitting it all in. The whole of Guilin. We’d been on the Guilin Sightseeing region is filled with a wealth of Cableway, where we’d enjoyed fabulous views natural beauty – the place names of the surrounding mountain peaks. We were alone sound amazing, and include surprised at how cold and wet it felt at the top of Folded Brocade Hill Park, Fubo Hill, Sword-testing the mountain, considering how mild the climate Stone, Yuzi Paradise, Beauty of Crown Cave and was at the bottom – we definitely needed our Reed Flute Caves. But time was short, so we had jackets to huddle in. to be selective. One of the first things we saw was Guilin is surrounded by dramatic, jagged, the attractive Shan Lake in the city centre. The mist-shrouded limestone mountains, which were lake has two tall Chinese pagoda towers in the shaped 300 million years ago. The mountains middle, called the Sun and Moon Twin Pagodas. have iconic status – they are featured on the The Sun Pagoda is the tallest copper pagoda Chinese 20 RMB note, and they have inspired in the world, and is one of the few pagodas many Chinese paintings. Between April and anywhere to have a lift. You can get between the

March 2011 25 pagodas through an underwater tunnel – a little throughout China. Guilin off-beat perhaps, but great fun! snails are a local delicacy, Another unusual sight is Elephant Trunk Hill, but if you don’t fancy a natural arch of limestone at the edge of the Li them, there are plenty of River. The arch resembles an elephant dipping other Chinese cuisines its trunk into the river for a drink. If you want to to choose from, and get up close, you can hire a bamboo raft to float Western food isn’t hard around the arch, and you can climb the hill and to come by. explore the caves and grottoes. There is also a Our hotel was temple at the top of the hill. When you’re ready conveniently located for a break, the river bank is a popular place for close to shops, chilling out – lots of people go there to swim, have restaurants and picnics or while away the afternoon. markets, and was on Seven Star Park – the city’s largest park at the edge of Li River. 137 hectares, and one of China’s original tourist We could pop out as attractions – is also well worth a visit. As well as often as we wanted, being a great place for a stroll, there are also hills which was great to climb, caves to explore, wild monkeys to spot, as the kids loved and even a zoo. everything the city One of the most memorable parts of our had to offer – there holiday was an hour-long night cruise on the Li was an underground River, which runs through the city. The whole market, a night waterway was lit up with colourful lights – every market, Pizza Hut, bridge, every arch, every traditional house. Chinese restaurants, We passed through locks, sailed past ancient green walkways with monastery-type buildings and watched the world boutique-style shops, go by. We all loved it, especially the kids. mahjong-playing Another boat trip that had us spellbound grandmas, calligraphy was sailing down the Li River to Yangshuo. The shops, tea shops … trip takes about four hours, during which time A family like ours with we passed breathtaking limestone mountains three kids drew lots of and one natural spectacle after another. It friendly attention – one was completely mesmerising. When we got to man stopped to show Yangshuo, we had a look around the historic town off his twins to us with and cobbled market streets, then took a taxi back great pride, saying, “Me to Guilin, which is about an hour away. two, you three!” We certainly didn’t go hungry on our Despite its holiday. Fish fresh from the river makes plenty of population of four appearances on restaurant menus – one of the million, Guilin still local specialities is carp from the Li River cooked somehow manages in beer. Guilin’s rice noodles are also famous to maintain a small- town atmosphere. It was easy for us to get around, and we met plenty of friendly people. There was so much to do, there were lots of trinkets to buy, there was life on the river and lakes to be experienced, there were cultures to learn about, and there was stunning scenery to enjoy. But if all that sounds a bit too sensible, you can always throw yourself down a mountain in a toboggan!

March 2011 27 28 Playtimes divorce: helping kids cope Not all marriages last forever. This sad reality is widely known and accepted. But, despite that, most parents and kids still struggle when their family is the one being torn apart, explains Dr Minna Chau.

eparation is a stressful time for everyone in the Children usually react differently to a separation or family and can be particularly tough on children. divorce depending on their age. Younger, pre-school Although it’s important for parents to remind children may not have a clear understanding of what is themselves of how their children may be feeling, happening and can be left feeling that one parent has it can sometimes be difficult when the parents abandoned the family. This can make them question if Sthemselves are feeling overwhelmed by their own emotions. they will eventually be left behind again by the parent who The trauma of the death of the relationship and the “remains”. As a result, they may display signs of anxiety in related consequences often leads to disagreements and everyday situations like going to nursery, sleeping alone, etc., arguments about the kids: custody, visitation, discipline, stemming from a fear of abandonment. There may even money, possessions and education. Divorce typically be an increase in fears and nightmares, and a regression in involves a few battles. However, with careful management behaviour, such as bedwetting in toilet-trained children. and consideration, the potential negative impact on School-age children will generally have a better children can be minimised. understanding of divorce and its implications, and will often

March 2011 29 experience sadness, grief and loneliness. As children get older, anger becomes a more prominent reaction. Although the anger may be directed at both parents, it is often the remaining parent – most often the mother – who will field the bulk of the venting, irrespective of the reality of the situation. In addition to the full range of emotions, children may also find it difficult to discuss the divorce or separation and may try to conceal it at school. Although emotions may be internalised, children may display physical symptoms such as an increase in headaches or stomach aches. However, it is worth remembering that the majority of children are very resilient, and that the support and reassure your child that the divorce is not their fault and that information they receive from their parents will protect and whatever happens, Mummy and Daddy will always be their guide how they process this experience emotionally. parents and continue loving them, and that they will never be abandoned. Keep the kids informed Children should also be told what to expect in the near Clear and honest communication is essential: divorce can future, such as where everyone will be living and how often often be misinterpreted by children, who fill in the gaps they will see each parent. This practical information will help where they lack information, possibly even assuming it is provide children with as much predictability as possible in their fault if they haven’t been given any other explanation. a suddenly shaken-up world. You may need to repeat this Most professionals agree that it is best to tell a child information often, as it may be difficult for a child to take it about the decision to separate as soon as possible, ideally all in at once. one or two weeks before the separation occurs. From It’s important that you allow your child to be sad or a young age, children can be very perceptive about angry about the separation and the changes that will changes going on in their family, so it is not helpful to try to ensue. In the period leading up to, and in the months keep it secret or to wait until the last moment. A week or following, try to give your child the freedom to ask questions two of warning gives children some time to adjust to the and endeavour to answer them as honestly as you can, idea and to ask questions. Ideally, children should be told whilst keeping it simple so that your child is not confused or by both parents, in simple, factual terms. It is important to burdened with unnecessary information.

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Divorce requires a According to Robert Emery, Ph.D., director of the Center huge adjustment by each for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of family member, but keeping Virginia, the most difficult hurdle for children is not to adjust to divorce per se, but to any long-term conflict they witness. the following tips in mind Whilst disputes between you and your ex-partner may be can help ease the strain. difficult to avoid, it is most important that children are not pulled into the conflict themselves. Children who observe • Make time to spend with your child. marital discord are more likely to develop anger problems, • Be open and talk to your child about the divorce oppositional behaviours and academic underachievement. or separation, and don’t discourage them from Many can become anxious and sad, while others can asking questions. become over-protective about their parents and may • Reassure your child that they are still loved by ultimately lose out on part of their childhood. both parents. Children need to feel secure. • Don’t give your children false information. For Visits are essential example, don’t promise that the other parent will Research indicates that children benefit from maintaining a move back home eventually. good relationship with both parents, including visits with the • Try to stick to routines and keep activities as parent who no longer lives in the household. For younger normal as possible. children, predictability is more important than frequency • Keep contact arrangements as reliable and as of visits. Younger children benefit from a clear and regular consistent as possible. pattern of contact that avoids confusion, disappointment • Never say negative things about or criticise your and, ultimately, insecurity. However, older children seem to ex-partner in front of your children. prefer more flexibility and involvement in planning the visits. • Choose your children’s well-being over Once an arrangement has been made, both parents should your conflict with your ex. Make sure any ensure that a visit is not cancelled except in an unavoidable disagreements you have are discussed beyond emergency. your children’s earshot. • Never ask your child to take sides. • Avoid communicating with your ex through your child. If possible, schedule a weekly parenting call to discuss any issues or decisions needed for your child’s welfare. • Don’t use visitations as a time to gain favour; maintain normal boundaries and discipline. • Children often feel the need to say the right thing to each parent as a way to secure loyalty and support. Check with your ex before you leap immediately to any conclusions based on your children’s comments and reports. • Try to resist asking your children about what is Visits should be about enjoying time with a non-resident going on in the other home to secure information. parent. It is helpful if parents can be open to their children If you want to find out, ask your ex directly. talking about the fun they’ve had and what they’ve done • Be flexible and adjust to meet the needs of your with the other parent. If children feel that they cannot talk children. about their time spent with one parent to the other, it’s likely • Don’t expect your child to take on the roles of to have a negative impact on both relationships. your ex-partner, especially as a confidant. In some cases, contact may be limited by geography. • Do seek help and support from other family In this case it may be more difficult to see your child members and friends. regularly, but there are other ways of maintaining a positive relationship such as regular telephone calls, letters, cards No one can pretend that divorce is an easy time and emails. for either children or parents. However, sometimes Although research suggests that most families take one a well-managed divorce can lead to a better to two years before they feel adjusted to the divorce and outcome for children than an unhappy marriage. If the new situation, children’s adjustment can be helped you feel overwhelmed by your situation or feel that by trying to maintain as much normality in their lives as your children are not coping, talk to friends and seek possible. This includes continuing with regular activities, advice from a qualified health care professional. sticking to usual routines as closely as possible and, above all, remaining consistent with discipline and boundaries. Do not let guilt about the divorce prevent you from setting normal limits and enforcing usual rules for your child; Dr Minna Chau is a child psychologist at Central normal limits will help restore your child’s sense of safety Health Medical Practice. For more information, click and order. www.centralhealth.com.hk.

March 2011 33 third culture kids Children who grow up outside of their home countries enjoy countless benefits and opportunities, but a few drawbacks too, explains Sarah Chapman Monahan.

never knew I was a “third culture kid” (or “TCK”) until I who celebrate diversity and for whom difference in thoughts was raising a few myself. As the daughter of an American and beliefs is a kind of fascinating beauty rather than a diplomat, I followed my parents on nine international threat. All in all, we are, as sociologist Ted Ward said in 1984, moves. Our lifestyle was recognised as “strange” only “the prototype citizens of the future” – a pretty amazing set whenI we were “home” and everything we said took a lot of of people who refrain from ethnocentric views in favour of explaining. Since marrying my husband, who himself became a attempting to see things from a multi-dimensional world view. US diplomat, I have lived in five foreign countries while raising OK, so we’re also generally rootless and restless, often have three children. Somewhere along the way, the concept of third commitment issues and (supposedly) problems with long- culture kids or “global nomads” emerged. term relationships. We feel different: we are chameleons, but Today, many studies have been conducted and books question who we really are and where we really fit in. have been written on the subject, each offering us advice on how to raise these children. I know my parents never read What does it mean for parents? a book about it, and we four turned out pretty well. Despite Once I “discovered” I was a global nomad, I began to consider that, it’s good to have the benefit of some guidance and what this meant to me now in terms of raising my own children acknowledgment that raising children in this lifestyle requires abroad. Unlike parents for whom moving around was not a some special considerations. childhood experience, I, at least, have a keen empathy for what my children go through when we move and hope that this Who are third culture kids? perspective can benefit me as a parent. But my past by no There is much to say in identifying and understanding common means serves as a Global Parent’s Manual; as we all know, our traits – both positive and negative – in those of us who Norma families all have unique characteristics and needs. In her book McCaig, founder of Global Nomads International and a pioneer Raising Global Nomads, journalist Robin Pascoe offers two key in the field, defined as “anyone who has ever lived abroad points for parents to keep in mind: the first is that nobody’s before adulthood because of a parent’s occupational choice,” perfect, and the second is that your children are watching. I and for whom, as David C. Pollock puts it, “the sense of like this system of checks and balances. We’re all trying to do belonging is related to those of like experience rather than the our best given the circumstances and the unique souls of our traditional ways of defining cultural belonging.” In other words, children, and while we will make mistakes, we can never stop you probably find your comfort zone in those who have had a striving to do better by them – or they’ll call us on the carpet. similar upbringing rather than in a place. If you struggle with having left a job or some other kind of When they become adults, global nomads are known to self-identifying infrastructure behind, maybe it will bring some be observant, flexible, adaptable, tolerant people – individuals solace in your decision to stay at home to know that, overseas,

34 Playtimes March 2011 35 your child needs you more than ever. I came to terms with not was better in the last country, we had to add something we having a full-time job because no matter how much household found better in the new. We came up with silly, flippant retorts, help was available, I wanted to be there, to offer my children but, nevertheless, it forced a positive outlook and made us continuity in parenting (defective though it may be) if nothing laugh. Laughter feels good. So does crying, sometimes. (My else. Pascoe’s advice is never to leave the job of parenting to mother, during one stressful move, fell sobbing to the floor after others if you are living abroad. If both parents do work full- or lightly bumping her head, much to the horror of my little brother part-time, she recommends having one “front-line parent” who and me as we hovered over her slumped body. She finally will keep in touch with school and friends, who will be available managed to utter between sobs, “It just feels good to cry!” This in case of emergencies, who is aware of all the various aspects became a mantra in our household.) Sharing emotions can of your child’s daily routine. She also recommends frequent, benefit others in the family, too. organised family time and trips. In Raising Global Nomads, Pascoe entreats us to make Is it a good thing? these our family challenges: to continue to enjoy each other’s Children of world-transient families are privileged and it’s our job company, to support each other, to become active members as parents to prove why. How we best accomplish this may be of the new community, to seek out and appreciate all that life impossible to know. But how does any parent ever know she’s abroad has to offer. To me, that means we should attempt really doing the right thing? The simile-adroit journalist Thomas to live fully as individuals, reaching out into the new culture Friedman wrote, “It was like working in a dark cave with the aid and life, getting involved, each in our own way, but then of a single candle. Just when you thought you had spotted the bringing our experiences home and sharing them with the white light of Truth, you would chase it only to discover that it family. Pascoe says each sibling may respond differently to a was someone else, also holding a candle, also looking for the move, and home should be “where you don’t need to explain light,” (From Beirut to Jerusalem, 1989). The passage struck a yourself.” There is no such thing as a cookie-cutter kid, so revel chord with me. His simile was not meant for the perpetual quest in the diversity of your children. for confirmation of good parenting, but rather for a journalist trying to interpret the facts in How can we ease the trauma? war-torn Beirut. Nevertheless, Moving is traumatic. During a it struck me as befitting, move, children need constant especially for parents of affirmation of their parents’ global nomads. In some ways, love. Parents must be sensitive perhaps, it suits the plight of to their needs and should the global nomad child, too: just encourage them to express when she gets comfortable, it’s their feelings. A parent can’t time to move again. fast forward through the Ultimately, the same difficult times, but can provide instincts hold true for parents a safe haven until the days anywhere. Things aren’t so when the new place becomes different just because the the home, when new friendships solidify, when the child has venue changes. Unconditional love and providing that bedrock mourned the old place sufficiently to let go and reach out to of support; finding a healthy balance between letting your the new. But it takes time – it has to – because if it didn’t, kids explore and shielding them from harm; and maintaining a then it would be disloyal to the past and imply a shallowness positive spin on life whatever befalls us; if we can do all of this, of the new life. TCKs must allow a period of transition (often it will be a job well done. And if problems arise (of course, they up to an entire year) during which the last home is honoured will), well, try not to blame the place. and maybe even lauded. “Until TCKs can acknowledge that proper mourning for the inevitable losses in their lives is an Additional resources for raising kids overseas affirmation of the richness of the past rather than a negation As our planet figuratively grows ever smaller and more of the present, they will continue to deny any grief they have families move to foreign lands, many books and resources felt,” say Third Culture Kids authors David C. Pollock and Ruth are emerging to make the transition smoother, less traumatic Van Reken. There is not one place I have lived that I don’t and more rewarding. Here are a few (but by no means all) treasure as a wonderful experience. Change is difficult, sure, particularly helpful resources available to parents raising but also incredibly enriching. global children: When we were growing up, my brothers and I used to regale our parents with daily reports when we first started a Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among new school in a new country. It was almost as though there Worlds, by David C. Pollack and Ruth Van Reken, is known was a competition for who could recount the most awkward to be the first book to give TCKs a real voice, to fully identify moment or most embarrassing situation. It was cathartic after and develop the concept of these children who grow up a day of intense estrangement to be able to laugh in the bosom internationally nomadic. of our family. My mother had a rule; we rolled our eyes at it but I now see its intrinsic worth: The first six months we were in a Culture Shock! Successful Living Abroad: A Parent’s Guide, by new place, we could only criticise if we offered a compliment Robin Pascoe, written in 1993, deals with the preparations in after the complaint. And if we moaned about how something readying the family for a move overseas. It includes checking

March 2011 37 out schools and coping with the pressures of dealing with a foreign language, learning disabilities and children’s emotions and anxieties from the packing stage through to early resettlement.

Raising Global Nomads: Parenting Abroad in an On-Demand World was written by Robin Pascoe in 2006 with that many more years of experience under her belt and a nod to a post- 9/11 world acknowledging security issues and cautions. She has sage advice, natural savvy and a great sense of humour, adding some of her own trials and errors of motherhood. Call Me Okaasan: Adventures in Multicultural Mothering is an anthology of essays collected and edited by Suzanne The Expert Expat: Your Guide to Successful Relocation Kamata. Mothers from around the world ask and answer Abroad, by Melissa Brayer Hess and Patricia Linderman, is questions such as, “What happens when your child doesn’t recommended especially for trailing spouses and families speak your native language?” “How do you maintain with children, even by veteran expats who have had several cultural traditions while living outside your native country?” overseas experiences. The book guides you on a plethora of And, “How can you raise a child with two cultures without topics from gathering information and planning a move, to fracturing his/her identity?” handling pets and teens, to adapting to a new place. Robin Pascoe’s website, www.expatexpert.com, has links to Parenting Abroad, by Ngaire Jehle-Caitcheon, a mother with articles on parenting, chat rooms and blogs (including her own). 26 years of expatriate experience, offers a guide with practical, useful insights into the many complex issues that challenge www.expatexchange.com contains articles written and parents raising children in a foreign country. submitted by expats on subjects from having a baby abroad to bullying in overseas schools. Notes from a Traveling Childhood, edited by Karen C. McCluskey, is an anthology of accounts by parents, children, www.talesmag.com, the website for Tales From a Small researchers and mental health professionals about the Planet, has fiction and nonfiction stories, poetry, practical effects of international moves on children. The book “tries to tips and information from those who are “there”, “Real Post present the emotions, the difficulties, and the joys of parenting Reports” on different countries, book reviews and links to internationally” through the words of those who have been information on schools. Fun for adults and children, this is a there. useful and entertaining site.

The Art of Crossing Cultures, by Craig Storti, may not address www.expatwomen.com is a website for women who are living parenting directly, but is a helpful, funny, anecdotal book overseas. It includes a page for mothers with links to many the whole family can read to create a healthy mindset when pertinent articles on raising children overseas, country-specific approaching a new culture. links, information on books, a monthly newsletter and lots of interviews with women living abroad. Where in the World Are You Going? is an entertaining book with activities and pictures, written by Judith M. Blohm, www.tckid.com, a forum for both children who are now to engage children aged five to ten to help explain cultural TCKs and adults who were raised as TCKs, has chat rooms, differences and make an international move easier. stories, games and information on organisations, and blogs, counsellors, meeting announcements and more. Unrooted Childhoods: Memoirs of Growing Up Global, by Faith Eidse and Nina Sichel, presents 20 stirring memoirs of www.familylifeabroad.com is another website with articles childhoods spent packing, written by both world-famous and submitted by expats and anecdotes of funny, unusual first-time authors, making the story of growing up displaced experiences abroad. This is a fun place to while away some hours feel universal. you should be spending out creating adventures of your own!

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too close for comfort

Many mums struggle to balance the luxury of having a helper with the jealousy over their children loving them more than they expected, writes Bianca Zee-Geissler.

rom afar, Tammy Kwok her either. In fact, there were too many Inside myself, I was secretly hoping I seemed like one of those occasions when she was extremely would hear some complaints or that women – a respected grateful and thankful for her presence. she was not up to speed in some areas. partner in a global law firm Then she would berate herself for But instead, they told me how nice and with a supportive husband, feeling like her helper was stealing her fun she was. They even asked if she Fthree gorgeous children, and juggling family away from under her nose. could join us on our upcoming holiday. it all with true poise and in a designer “I remember a few evenings coming Suddenly, it repelled me to hear them wardrobe to top it off. home from an especially stressful day at even utter her name.” But underneath the seemingly work and opening the door to the sound perfect exterior, Tammy harboured a of laughter and my children all talking Alternating emotions grievance that never allowed her to feel enthusiastically at once,” says Tammy. I It’s a love-hate relationship like no other. completely harmonious with herself. would quietly poke my head in the room How could you possibly loathe someone There was another woman who knew her so they couldn’t see me and I would who cares for your children with so much children and husband as well as she did, watch my helper serving them their love and kindness, as if they were their if not better, and they also adored that dinner as each of them, with excited own? But it is exactly that same warmth woman back. That “other woman” was looks and animated voices, would tell and tenderness towards your little ones her domestic helper. her about their school day. My heart that makes you seethe with envy. At times, the jealousy and turmoil would just sink. It should have been me It’s a continuous inner turmoil were too much to suppress and Tammy doing exactly what she was doing. that most mothers around the world truly despised her helper. But when “Later in the evening, when I tucked would never experience or understand. rationality allowed her to see clearly, the children into bed, I would ask them However, many a mother in Hong Kong she knew she could not live without what they thought about our helper. can relate to Tammy’s erratic emotions

40 Playtimes at some level or another – especially only able to spend 30 minutes with him and I realised that I didn’t even know those working full-time and long hours. before I needed to dash off to work. So, what foods he liked. And when I read Talitha Castan, a full-time working I can’t really blame my helper for my son him books, he asked why I couldn’t do mother of a four-year-old son, works at growing so close to her. She was really it in the same funny voice as ‘Ya-ya’. I a top investment bank. About a year the primary person who he spent all had heard all these stories before, but ago, she was leading a team on a high- his time with every day. It’s only natural now it was happening to me. I have to profile project for a very demanding that a bond would develop. But I never admit, I was devastated. I had spent client. Her team included two members realised how strong that bond was my whole career working hard to climb who had just been transferred from becoming.” the corporate ladder and here I was, other parts of the business and were On weekends, Talitha attempted to competing with my helper. new to her division, and they could not compensate for all her time away from “I really started to feel that I was keep up with their assignments and her son and tried desperately to build ‘losing’ him when he was very ill with a tasks. Talitha continually needed to an even stronger bond with him. She high fever and frequent vomiting one stay late at the office to patch up their spent every sleeping and waking minute night. He was delirious and inconsolable, deficient work from the day while her with him and requested her helper to and I tried so hard to soothe him. own boss in New York, where they were stay in the background. But instead, it Nothing could pacify him until our helper about to start their day, waited for the backfired. came over and he threw himself into her information. “He would constantly ask for our arms, curled up, and then calmed down. “When I think back, I didn’t really helper because I guess he was not At that moment, it was me who had see my son on most weekdays. By the used to her not being around. That truly tears streaming down my face.” time I got home, he was already in bed irritated me but the real wake-up call Talitha decided that she needed to every night. And in the mornings, I was happened when we went out for a meal get control of her home life again and

March 2011 41 consciously chose to cut back on her most critical steps to take is to engage Good cop/bad cop work commitments. She made a pact in open and immediate communication As the children grow, discipline often with herself to get home from work if something bothers you, rather than creates contention between the mother one hour earlier every day so that she allowing it to build up and escalate. and helper. Lisa Tong is a full-time could bathe her son and do the bedtime “If I see something that I am not working mother of two girls, aged three tasks. She also arranged to take one pleased about, I’ll talk to her about it and five, who enjoys her job as an IT afternoon off every week so that right away because if I don’t, I just keep manager. She found that her daughters they could go on an outing together. dwelling on it in my mind, which makes often took solace with their helper It is slowly making a difference, not me increasingly upset,” says Aria. “So, during times when Lisa was instilling only to him but also to her. discipline. She feels there is a better “My helper does spoil balance between her work them and always says ‘yes’ to and home life, and the new everything. There’s not much circumstances have alleviated disciplining and she often a lot of the tension with her gives them what they want,” helper. says Lisa. “So, most often, the kids ask for my helper when I Who’s your mama? get very disciplinary and they The strong attachment of want a way out.” a child to their helper does Lisa tried to solve the not only occur with mothers who are I’ve come up with a way to let her know problem by asking her helper to abide working full-time. Aria Dagmar, originally as politely as possible if something is by the disciplining rules that she had from Austria, is a full-time mother of a bothering me and to ask her to do it set. But, in most cases, the helper one-year-old son. She admits that her differently.” could not implement them the way that son is very attached to their helper Lisa would do. and when he first started speaking, he called their helper ‘Mama’. It was very disheartening and, at first, Aria’s helper only encouraged his behaviour. “When my son was saying ‘Mama’, she would repeat it back, so it reinforced in his mind that he was doing the right thing. She was encouraging him. She wasn’t doing it intentionally, but she thought she was doing the right thing. And so he thought he was doing the right thing.” Since Aria was not working, she immediately tried to rectify the situation by spending more time with her son and through more open communication with her helper. “The whole thing was very upsetting to me but I just tried to spend more time with my son. I took him out more and made sure it was me who woke him up from his nap and got him his lunch. I was trying to show him that I was the mommy.” Aria stresses that you need to stick to your own commitments and promises. For example, if you commit to feeding your child lunch every day, you need to carry it through or else you’ll just end up harbouring negative feelings towards yourself. She also feels that it’s important to decide what your boundaries are and to be clear to your helper about what you will and will not tolerate. She suggests that one of the

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What can you do when there is friction with your helper because your children seem to favour or adore her more than your comfort zone can tolerate? Andreas Rosboch, author of Hiring and Managing Domestic Help, offers a few sensible tips.

• While you should set clear be a big help here as she can free ensure you have a continual boundaries and guidelines with you from doing household chores. dialogue with your helper about regards to the helper’s tasks, do • Be there for big events like school family matters. It is important not be afraid to let your helper recitals, and also for potentially for the kids to have consistent “in” with regards to affection to traumatic things like doctor and fostering from all caregivers. and from the children. Children, dentist visits. • “Know” your helper. She should especially young ones, do not • While the helper should have not be your best friend (not ration love. They will not love you the power to discipline the kids a good idea since she is your less because there is a helper as needed, don’t delegate this employee), but a good – even around, just like they don’t love entirely to her just because you friendly – working relationship you less because they love want to be the “cool parent”. is a must. This will ensure there Grandma and Grandpa. • Don’t be afraid to talk to your is little or no awkwardness • Ensure you spend quality time helper about the children’s and defuse potential with your children. A helper can behaviour and emotions. Overall, misunderstandings.

Francesca Sun had similar tensions and half a dozen trips to the toilet. I as possible. No doubt, it also became in her household. The Chinese-American became the ‘bad cop’ and my helper difficult for her to try coaxing the kids to full-time mother of two girls, aged two became the ‘good cop’ and I hated eat more food and shuttling them into and three, is the first to admit that playing that role.” bed by 8pm. Naturally, there was a lot of she does not have half the amount of Ultimately, Francesca devised a screaming, fussing and food splattering. patience as her helper when it comes solution that enabled her to “switch “That left me opportunities to reward them at the end of a meal or going into their room to read a bedtime story and tucking them in. This new system completely removed the tension and frustrations I had at mealtime and bedtime.” Francesca realised that she needed someone with whom to switch roles and, in doing so, she did not feel resentful of her helper any longer. “My children used to like our helper more because to misbehaving children. Hence, her roles” with her helper occasionally. she never had to do the disciplining,” children grew quite close to their helper “Since the most difficult tasks in said Francesca. “So as soon as we were and would run to their helper instead of our house involved getting the children working together to set order with the their mum when they hurt themselves. to eat and to bed, I took a step back and children, I was no longer seen as the It also did not help matters that let my helper run the show,” ‘bad cop’.” Francesca and her helper had different explains Francesca. “I No mother is ever going to feel 100 perspectives on how the children should was precise to her per cent comfortable seeing her child behave. about my rules rushing into the arms of another “At meal times, I was focused on and asked her to caregiver. But, as these very making sure the children finished all execute them honest mums have shown, there their food. At bedtimes, I was focused as close to my are always strategies to redress on getting them into bed by a expectations the balance. specific time,” says Francesca. “Meanwhile, my helper didn’t see finishing a plate as a goal and felt that as long as they ate something off the plate, her job was done! Bedtimes under my helper’s watch were not nearly as strict with the kids going to bed after a cartoon show

44 Playtimes

boarding pass Would you send your child to a boarding school halfway across the world? Rachel Kenney speaks to parents who have to find out why.

hoosing the right school seen as an ideal launching pad for an wasn’t fulfilling his potential and he was for your child can feel like international career. In 2009, 5,000 becoming demoralised. With around a monumental decision. children from Hong Kong were educated 35 pupils in each class, there wasn’t Parents agonise in British boarding schools. Australia, much time for individual attention. He endlessly about which New Zealand, Canada, America and had friends who were going to boarding Clocal schools are best, how to get their South Africa are also popular places school and he thought it might be a good children in and how much they should be for Hong Kong children to be educated. idea for him, too. “Reluctantly, we went to achieving. When you take that parental Hong Kong makes up such a large part look at a few boarding schools in the UK,” anxiety and put it in a shrinking, global of the boarding school market that the says Sue. “One of them stood out – all world, another option rears its head: prestigious British school Harrow is the children were smiling and laughing, boarding schools. opening a school here in 2012. they were polite and confident – the When you think about boarding We are constantly told that we are place had a good feel. Added to that, it schools, lots of images spring to mind. a generation of “helicopter parents” was a lovely old building, it had its own On the plus side there are the fun who hover over our children, closely grounds and playing fields, there was high jinks, midnight feasts and firm dissecting their every move. Plenty of even a school dog. It just seemed right.” friendships. And on the minus side parents get jittery enough sending their The Cullens took the plunge and the institutional austerity, loneliness child off to camp for a couple of nights. agreed that their son could go. He was and bullying: Prince Charles describes So what could prompt this decision to 15. “When I drove away from the school, his strict Scottish boarding school as send a child off to the other side of the I felt empty. I felt that my mothering duty “Colditz [prisoner-of-war camp] in kilts”. world for months at a time? had been cut short by three years. But There are those who think that the rules it has been very good for my son. His and routines of a boarding school are New opportunities grades have improved, he’s getting to do the making of a child, and those who One factor could be if the child’s current loads of new activities and playing lots feel that they can damage a child for life. school is not meeting their needs. As of sport, which he loves. We’re in touch But like them or loathe them, mum Sue Cullen explains, “I always every day on Skype and on the phone. boarding schools are a way of life for said ‘I didn’t have children to send We’ve all stayed as close as ever. He’s many Hong Kong families. Their strong them off to boarding school’. I thought really grown in confidence,” says Sue. academic credentials have always made it was an awful thing to do.” But a few “He left in September a boy, and came them a popular choice, and they are years into secondary school, Sue’s son back at Christmas a man.”

46 Playtimes March 2011 47 it – but I’m reasonably confident that my children will cope.” With their small classes and good facilities, boarding schools carry a hefty price tag. With all the extras, such as trips, pocket money and uniforms, the average cost of keeping a child in a UK boarding school for a year is between HK$300,000 and HK$400,000, according to Perry Lam from Dolphin UK, an agency that advises Hong Kong parents on UK boarding schools. In the States, the average cost for a year is HK$288,000. In Australia, it is HK$232,000 to HK$309,000. Although fees vary widely among schools and countries, even the cheapest schools are out of the reach of the majority of people. Some parents sell or re- mortgage their homes to finance their child’s education. But what do parents expect for their money? Perry Lam says, “In the UK, Another mother who had never is excellent, but for me there’s not the main things parents are looking for envisaged herself as a boarding school enough emphasis on sport. I think are high academic standards with good mum is Glynis Ferguson. Her daughter children – especially boys – need spoken English. Other considerations was in a mainstream school in Hong sport.” When her eldest son reaches are staff-to-student ratios, the Kong, where teachers worried that she 13, in two years’ time, she is planning proportion of boarders to day students, was learning too quickly and retreating to send him to a boarding school in the facilities, tradition and the ethos within herself. A child psychologist Brisbane. Her other son will follow a to address the needs of students as suggested she needed more than the couple of years later. She says, “The individuals.” school could offer. Glynis explains, “We looked at boarding schools in England – we thought that the breadth of subjects A really good education is one of the they offered would fulfil my daughter’s needs. As well as core subjects, she most“ important gifts you can give your was able over the years to study children – no one can ever take it away Latin, Greek, Spanish, Mandarin and Japanese. It was a hard decision to from them ... send her, especially as she didn’t make school has 12 playing fields, and the One size doesn’t fit all friends easily. At times, having her children won’t ask ‘Will I play a sport?’ Despite the high cost, some parents ” in a boarding school broke my heart; but ‘What sport will I play in summer feel you can’t put a price on education. my intuition told me it was the best and winter?’ Every child has a place on “A really good education is one of the decision for her. Later my daughter was a team. They can also get involved in all most important gifts you can give your diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. aspects of school life, and get a good children – no one can ever take it away One of the good things about boarding all-round education.” from them,” says father-of-two Nigel school for her is that she learned how Amanda went to a girls’ boarding Reid. From this belief, plus his own to interact in social situations – given a school and enjoyed the “can-do” experience as a boarder, he decided to choice, she preferred her own company. attitude and the camaraderie, so is send his children to boarding school in If she’d stayed in Hong Kong, I feared planning the same for her daughter. the UK. Both went at the age of eight. she might become a recluse.” She says, “For years, I am going to be His son thrived on the experience, and a yo-yo, travelling between Australia his daughter Victoria was keen for her Sporting chance and Hong Kong. I know it’s going to turn to come. But things didn’t work out It’s not just the academic facilities be tough – when the children are on as they anticipated. of boarding schools that appeal to different continents, I can’t be with Nigel explains, “Victoria went a Australian mum-of-three Amanda all of them at the same time. But it’s bit abruptly – her school in Discovery Walsh. Sporting facilities are high a great opportunity for them. I know Bay was closed because of SARS, on her wish list. She says, “I think boarding school isn’t for everyone – I so she went a term early. She was the education system in Hong Kong think you need the right personality for very unsettled. She’d always been

48 Playtimes particularly close to her mother, Pauline, make. Victoria was born in Hong Kong, When it comes to boarding so she was lonely. The school did their for her it was home and she was missing schools, one size definitely doesn’t fit best to keep her busy, but she wasn’t it and wanted to go to school with her all. Every child, every family and every happy.” Hong Kong friends, so she returned and circumstance is different – parents Victoria, who is now 16, remembers, joined Island School where she is very have to negotiate the complex maze “At first, it was hard. I was very homesick. happy.” and make their own decision. But It took me a long time to get used to the Despite this stressful school whether you see them as a privilege, a regimented life. They’d have punishments experience, Nigel is pragmatic. “I punishment or just plain practical, the like early wash or early bed if anyone was think it’s horses for courses,” he says. Hong Kong tradition of sending children caught talking after lights out.” “Boarding school worked brilliantly for to boarding schools abroad shows no Because she wasn’t settling, Nigel my son, but not for my daughter. It all sign of dying out any time soon. and Pauline would make sure one of depends on the child.” them was in the UK to see Victoria every two weeks or so. “Between us, we were almost in a perpetual state of jetlag,” says Nigel. “Each time we took her out she’d be great at first, then, as it got nearer to the time to drop her back, a cloud would descend. Saying goodbye was very traumatic. When we drove off, she’d be on the phone within minutes.” After a while, Pauline moved to the UK so Victoria could become a day student, rather than a boarder, at her secondary school. But in her final boarding year at prep school, Victoria was much happier, and had come out of her shell enough to wow everyone with her performance in the lead role in the school play. By this point, Victoria says that she had learned to be more independent and make her own decisions. But the family was split. Nigel says, “After a while, we had a decision to

The case against …

One person who thinks that the high cost of boarding India and England appeared so vast that my parents felt school isn’t just financial is psychotherapist Nick Duffell, way beyond my reach. As a child I just got on with it. This author of The Making of Them. He set up Boarding School decision was made with my ‘best interests’ at heart. So I Survivors (www.boardingschoolsurvivors.co.uk) to offer learned to survive, to bottle up my feelings and to get used support for people who have been affected by the boarding to sleeping on a wet pillow soaked in tears that had no school system. He says, “When children go to boarding other outlet. school, they learn to be hyper-private and put away all “I learned to cope, and apparently did well. I got to their emotions. They can feel a sense of abandonment a prestigious university, and learned to play the piano mixed with privilege, and they have to make sense of that. beautifully. But the cost was considerable. Perhaps Children will adapt because they don’t want to show their the one overriding thing that I learned at school was parents that they are unhappy, and you don’t see the to endure loneliness with a cheerful social veneer. effects of this until adulthood – they are developed on the The false kind of independence that was superficially outside, but neglected on the inside. Boarding schools are apparent covered a hunger for love that played havoc in big business – they can modernise and put in carpets and any intimate relationship. I had a very successful career radiators, but they can’t replace the family. Children should and bought a fine flat in London, but I could not have the be brought up in families where love is the currency.” kind of closeness that I dreamed of. It has taken many An ex-boarding school pupil who agrees says, “I am years to address the underlying issues and begin to enjoy the daughter of a diplomat. For much of my early life we happiness. Yes, I received a good education but I can’t lived in Pakistan and India. At the age of eight I was sent help but feel that a poorer school with the benefit of a to a boarding school in England. Everything that was warm secure daily home life would have produced a happier and and loving had to be left behind, and the distance between more fulfilled adult.”

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public or private?

If you’re deciding where to deliver your baby in Hong Kong, there’s much to know about your two options, writes Brooke Chenoweth.

lanning for the arrival of a new baby is an exciting and wonderful time. From preparing the nursery to choosing an obstetrician, there are many decisions to be made. Perhaps one of the biggest and most important decisions is where to give birth. In countries like Australia and the UK there are many options available for expectant mothers. Home births, birthing centres, Pwater births, public or private hospitals, access to a whole range of services – women have freedom to choose and tailor their birthing experience. In Hong Kong however, you can only give birth in a hospital. There are 56 hospitals in Hong Kong, 12 of which are considered private, and the remaining 44 public, or government-run. While the standard of medical care is world-class in both the public and private hospitals, the level of personal care and comfort varies greatly. Take a look at any online pregnancy forum or listen to a conversation between pregnant friends and you’ll hear the conversation inevitably turn to the “public or private debate”, and most parents feel quite strongly about their preference. When I was expecting my son last year, I was both warned against the public system and criticised for considering “wasting money” at a private hospital. I was struck by how divisive this important and personal decision could be, so I decided to do a little research and determine what each of the two options offers.

Private hospitals If you plan to give birth in a private hospital, then you have the option of choosing your own obstetrician. For many – me included – this is, by far, the biggest advantage to the private system. Knowing who will be at the other end of the bed on the big day is very reassuring. Antenatal visits with private obstetricians are regular and consistent. Depending on who you choose to see, waiting times at appointments are generally very short, and monthly ultrasound scans and visits with both a midwife and your obstetrician provide reassurance and security that all is well with your pregnancy. The doctor’s office will handle your hospital booking and ensure that you have all the information you need.

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You’ll be advised in creating a birth plan and the hospital makes every effort to ensure that this is followed. You have the option of having your husband and a whole tribe of supporters in the room with you if you so desire: a doula, your mother, your helper, an acupuncturist; if it’s in the birth plan, the hospital will accommodate you. It’s comforting to know that your wishes will be respected. The atmosphere at the private hospitals is designed to feel like a hotel rather than a clinic. The delivery suites are comfortable and, while you’re in labour, a dedicated midwife is always close by. Your obstetrician will appear like magic at the crucial moment, and you’ll be given time to bond with your new baby and breastfeed before being taken back to your room. Mums are fed gourmet food from an extensive menu and every need is met, with regular checks from midwives, paediatricians and nurses, who are extremely knowledgeable and generally very attentive. If you’re in a “first class” room your husband can stay with you the whole time, and the three of you can hide away from the world getting to know each other, or your visitors can come and go anytime of the day. You also have round-the-clock access to advice, the nursery and medication. While this all sounds quite idyllic, the reality can be a bit different. First, the private hospitals here are in high demand, and you need to book a bed almost as soon as you confirm your pregnancy. Even after paying a hefty deposit and making a booking, if the maternity ward is full on the day you go into labour there is no guarantee you will have your baby at your chosen hospital. Another downside to the private system is that none of the hospitals has a neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). After a difficult delivery, if there are unforeseen complications with the newborn, the baby may be taken to the NICU at Queen Mary hospital, while Mum remains at the private hospital to recover. This separation can be a traumatic and stressful experience at such an important time. If you have a complicated pregnancy, then the private system may not even be an option for you. The cost of this deluxe birth experience is the biggest obstacle for many families. Unless you have private health insurance, a pregnancy and delivery under private care will set you back at least HK$100,000.

Public hospitals There are a number of public hospitals across Hong Kong, and if you choose this option, you’ll be designated a hospital based on the catchment area you live in. All antenatal appointments are conducted at a separate clinic, unless there are complications, in which case you will see a dedicated consultant. Many women complain of long waiting times at appointments and a lack of personalised care. At each appointment you’ll meet with the doctor or midwife who is available, which could mean seeing someone different every time. There is no way of choosing who will deliver your baby. In some cases, your baby will be delivered by a midwife or a doctor-in-training. A friend once described the difference between public and private hospitals here as the difference between a five-star hotel and a backpackers’ hostel. Having a baby in a public hospital in Hong Kong is definitely a no-frills option, and the most commonly used adjective to describe the experience is “fine”. For most expectant parents the most appealing feature of the public system is the high level of care and access to specialists if there are complications after delivery – the staff are known to be very thorough and cautious – closely followed by the low cost. When staying in the public hospital, despite being on a ward with several others, mothers are encouraged to keep their babies with them at all times, while in many of the private hospitals babies are kept in the nursery. It may feel as if you’re being thrown into the deep end, suddenly having to care for a newborn baby on your own, but it is very good practice for what awaits you at home! Some of the downsides of a public delivery include the limited visiting hours, crowded wards, limited food options, and care that is best described as impersonal. While the private hospitals seem to be very patient-oriented and focused on the fact that you’re bringing a new life into the world, in the public hospitals labour and delivery are treated as any other medical procedure, and the focus is on the task at hand. Most women I spoke with who had given birth in public hospitals suggested that it is possible to have the birth experience you want in a pubic hospital, but you have to be clear about

March 2011 55 what you want and be willing to speak up. You will need to inform the hospital well in advance if you have a birth plan, and they will do their best to follow it. On arrival at a public hospital you will be assessed and sent to a labour ward or straight to the delivery suite, depending on how progressed your labour is. Husbands are not allowed into the labour ward, and although mums-to-be can leave, there’s really nowhere comfortable to go. First-time mum Suzanne recalled being stuck in the labour ward, vomiting and in agony, for nine hours without her husband or her handbag. Fathers are allowed in for the delivery itself but, once the baby is born, they are only allowed to visit for two hours at a time, twice a day. Older siblings are not allowed to visit either, and newborns are tagged with an electronic bracelet that emits an alarm if the baby is taken off the ward. Mum-of-two Alex described her heartbreak at holding her newborn on one side of the room while her older son wailed for his mummy on the other side, her two children only getting to meet each other on the drive home. While your baby will be delivered by an obstetrician assisted by a midwife in a private hospital, in a public hospital midwives do most of the work with doctors standing by if problems arise. Despite the fact that you can’t choose to have a caesarean if you’re giving birth in a public hospital, medical intervention rates in Hong Kong are extremely high. Hong Kong has one of the highest rates of caesarean delivery in the developed world, and episiotomies are standard for first-time births. However, epidurals are not encouraged and many women complain that they had to ask repeatedly for pain relief during and after labour. According to World Health Organization statistics Hong Kong has a fairly low nurse-patient ratio compared with other developed countries, and many people come here from the mainland seeking medical treatment, which places strain on an already overburdened system. This places great demands on the staff and at times it can feel as if you’ve been forgotten about. New mum Natalie says the best way to get around this is to be prepared, have everything you need with you already and be proactive: ask for help rather than waiting for it to be offered. Paula, a mother of two girls, remembers being unimpressed by the food on offer in the public hospital where she delivered both of her babies. She suggests having your husband or friends bring in meals and snacks. However, a number of mothers credit the restricted diet of water and congee for their rapid recoveries after caesareans! In an effort to save some money but still have a little comfort, some parents opt for a public delivery but choose to stay in a private or semi-private room. You can choose your obstetrician this way, and you will have a better night’s sleep than if you were on the public ward with 20 other mothers and their newborns, but the cost is on par with the private hospitals.

A matter of choice Not all women have a choice about where to give birth. If they are likely to experience complications, or they simply can’t afford a private birth, the public system is the only option. For those of us who have the luxury to choose, it’s a personal decision. If you have insurance or can afford it, a private hospital is a good experience, provided you have a normal delivery with no or minor complications. If things do get complicated, a public hospital with a NICU is the best place to be, regardless of how much money you’re prepared to spend. Some of us may crave a bit more TLC and luxury when we welcome our new little ones into the world, while others prefer to get on with it and get home as soon as possible. We’re lucky here in Hong Kong that we have access to world-class medical care, in both public and private systems, and that the overall standard of care is very high. After speaking to so many women, with such varying experiences, it’s clear that what it comes down to is the birth itself. If your delivery is complicated, the baby is ill, the labour is long and painful, then it’s going to be a negative experience, no matter where you are. But if you have the dream-run, textbook labour, you could probably give birth in a taxi and it would still be the most amazing experience of your life (although not a birthplace that’s commonly recommended).

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Critical reasoning is crucial for 21st century children. But can we really expect them to employ this seemingly complicated skill? asks Kelly Yang.

ecently, one of my students asked me why he wasn’t allowed to listen to his iPod during class. There they were, a roomful of 13-year-old students gathered around a conference table on a Saturday afternoon, ready and eager to start our Advanced CriticalR Reasoning class at our centre, The Kelly Yang Project. “I would still pay attention. I could lower the volume when you’re talking,” he insisted. “It would just be like adding a soundtrack to our class.” I could tell the other kids were excited by the prospect. Some were already whipping out their own MP3 players and searching for an appropriate song. I did not reply straight away. As a teacher, I was, of course, mortified by the very question. What would happen to classroom interaction and quiet moments of contemplation when everyone had Lady Gaga blasting in their ears? But I also knew that this very question was an opportunity. It was the perfect occasion for critical reasoning. My frown slowly turned into a smile and my exasperation transformed into excitement.

March 2011 59

skill, because without the ability to reason independently and analyse issues intelligently, most of us could not get anywhere in life. These days, the ability to think critically, coupled with the ability to communicate ideas well on paper and in person, are the keys to success. Now, more than ever before, we need individuals with excellent critical reasoning skills to help us solve the complex problems our world faces. However, in many schools in Hong Kong, it is still a skill that isn’t developed adequately. Critical reasoning is the ability to take an issue, look at its various implications and come up with an astute conclusion. Critical reasoning often goes hand in hand with creative thinking, but it’s slightly different. A creative person is someone who can think of many, many ideas. Creative people thrive on having multiple options, creating new options, and forming novel associations. With critical Put simply, critical reasoning, you are not creating something new. You are looking at existing issues and problems and coming up with “reasoning is a survival skill, interesting conclusions. However, in doing so, a fair amount because without the ability of creativity is employed. to reason independently and Use it or lose it You may be wondering why kids need to have this skill. analyse issues intelligently, After all, it all sounds fairly complicated. Can children as young as ten really be expected to use critical reasoning most of us could not get skills to analyse complex current events and come up with articulate, well-written responses? The short answer is yes, anywhere in life. because that’s exactly what they are doing every day in “Alright then,” I said to the class.” I looked around. “Can anyone think of a reason – any reason at all – why we shouldn’t all be listening to our music during class?” At first, no one responded. But as I turned from student to student, I could tell there was hesitation in their eyes. There were ideas there – notions, concerns, worries – whatever they were, it was my job to bring them out. “It’s your class, guys,” I urged them. “And it’s not just any class. It’s Critical Reasoning class. So come on. Convince me. Persuade me. Blow me away with your reasoning on why we should all listen to our iPods!” Slowly, the hands went up. One student pointed out that, although it would be fun to listen to music, we wouldn’t concentrate as much on the class. Another said that we’re supposed to be here to learn and write, and not to listen to music. Still others made passionate pleas in favour of the music. They were all great points – exactly the type of points I wanted to draw out. At the end of the day, all the students, including the boy who first proposed the idea, voted to reject the idea. It was amazing! After all, it’s not often that a roomful of teenagers chooses a lecture over music. But the wonderful thing was they did it entirely on their own using their critical reasoning skills in a group discussion.

What is critical reasoning? Critical reasoning is not new. Although it’s now being called a “21st century skill”, it has been around since the beginning of time. It’s a skill we all have and use every day, whether we know it or not. Put simply, critical reasoning is a survival

March 2011 61 my classes. The longer and more interesting answer is yes, because if they can do it, then they should be doing it. Critical reasoning is a muscle. If you do not flex and stretch it, you will lose it. The earlier you develop this muscle, the easier the process will be, and the better off you will be. My philosophy on teaching critical reasoning has always been, “Let’s use the world as our classroom!” After all, in order to reason critically, we need to analyse something. What better to analyse than what’s currently happening in the world? In our critical reasoning classes, we find interesting news articles from around the world, simplify them into concrete issues kids can understand, engage our kids through debate, and guide them to write an essay response. The results speak for themselves. First of all, contrary to what most people think, the kids actually understand most of the issues going on around the world. And in the process, they have fun. They love it and their writing, grades and scores improve. What student wouldn’t want to When done right, debate the perils of Facebook or whether children should developing critical reasoning automatically inherit their parents’ money? “ But, indeed, no matter how good a class is, critical skills has the power to reasoning is a skill that you won’t develop simply by going to an after-school programme. Students need to do it on their change lives. own, at home, on holiday, whenever” and wherever. So talk about the latest health policy with your children at home. Is there a rule at your company that you don’t agree with? Reduce it down to terms that everyone can understand, and then bring it up at the dinner table and see what your kids think! I found it very heart-warming, but not at all surprising, when one of our top students told me she recreates our class when she goes home. After class, she goes home and delivers the same class during dinner, only this time she’s the teacher and her little brother, her mum, her dad and their golden retriever are the students. She does this every single week. What started off as a simple after-school writing class has now turned into a full-blown family debate night. When done right, developing critical reasoning skills has the power to change lives. The short-term benefit is that it directly leads to better academic results, especially in rigorous and enquiry-based systems like the International Baccalaureate (IB). The long-term benefit is it can transform our city, its residents and our future. I believe the only way we can truly make Hong Kong Asia’s World City is if we better equip Hong Kong’s children. At the end of the day, it’s not test-taking skills that will change the world, it’s critical reasoning skills.

Kelly Yang is the founder of The Kelly Yang Project, an award-winning after-school thinking and writing programme for students in Hong Kong aged two to 17 years. She is a graduate of the University of California, Berkeley, and Harvard Law School. She entered university at the age of 13 and has written two books on creative writing for children. For more information, please visit www.kellyyang.com or email [email protected].

March 2011 63 earn an

in communication

Seasoned educator, counsellor and parent Dr Rosann Kao offers tips for talking with your child’s teacher.

64 Playtimes If you hear ideas with which“ you do not agree, ask for more information. Do not object until you fully understand what the teacher or school official is saying. ” y the middle of the school year, most parents voice, begin by clearly stating your questions. (Write these of young children have met their child’s down before the meeting so that you don’t forget anything.) classroom teacher. Over several school Some ways to begin discussion on the more complex visits, parents and teachers have had the topics might be: opportunity to get to know each other’s • “We could not find any information on the school website interests, values and communication styles. about … Would you please explain why it is that … ?” ByB mid-year there is often a take-it-for-granted good harmony • “Both of us are curious about … Could you help us in the feelings between home and school. understand the reasons why … ?” But sometimes the harmony is interrupted when parents • “In our previous school, we were told to … Here we find have questions or concerns about programmes, activities or that you are suggesting the opposite. Can you help us to academic progress. What is the best way to start a discussion understand the difference between … ?” with the teacher without risking the good relationship you’ve been building? Stay focused. If you hear ideas with which you do not agree, ask for more information. Do not object until you fully Clarify misunderstandings with a call or email. Ask directly: understand what the teacher or school official is saying. • “Can you please tell me how to … ?” Ask how the programme got started. Ask how parents might • “Would you please send more information about … ?” learn more. Listen for the main content and separate this • “I think I might have missed one message on … Would from supporting or background information. Do not let the you please let me know more about it?” conversation wander into side questions; help to keep the attention on the question you have asked. Understand the response. Listen to the voice or read the email with care. Sometimes a short telephone call or a quick Ask for more time to consider. Sometimes it becomes email is all that is needed to clarify a misunderstanding. When obvious that you don’t know enough about the topic to you do get a clarifying response, be sure to thank the teacher continue the conversation with the teacher. At that point, it’s for the prompt and helpful reply. If there is no response in probably best to thank the teacher for her time and ask if one to two days and the matter is important to your child’s you might return at a later date. Let her know that you want welfare, try calling or emailing once again. to know more about the area of concern; ask for printed materials or website resources. Invite a longer conversation on complex issues. Broader concerns about reading level expectations, maths methods Talk with other parents. From parents of children who on the computer, nutritional content of the school lunches, travel on your child’s school bus to women you meet in the religious teachings and so on require more time for all points supermarket, tennis buddies or parent association leaders, of view to be heard. Request a time to meet directly with the chances are that someone else has dealt with a similar teacher or administrator. Arrive promptly and assume that the problem before. Ask other parents what they have done in meeting will last no longer than 15 to 20 minutes. With a calm similar circumstances.

Dr Kao is an experienced teacher and counsellor. She welcomes your feedback at [email protected].

March 2011 65 Agatha wears floral dress, $260, and headband, $40. Riley wears floral smock top, $230, with denim smocked miniskirt, $230. William wears beige polo shirt, $200, with dark brown shorts, $230. All from Little Mercerie. Colourful canvas from Hilly Chrisp, $1,100. urban edge Embrace everything this dynamic city has to offer – dress your little ones in clothes designed in Hong Kong. Look cool and buy local.

styling Ingrid Keneally photography Melanie Adamson models Agatha, Riley & William Agatha wears grey and white cotton dress, $280. Hairclip by the little dog laughed, $85 for two. Riley wears floral cotton smock, $280. Both dresses from Hilly Chrisp. Both girls wear Bensimon tennis shoes, $238, from Mirth. Quoit sets, $180, Acapulco chairs for children, $1,900, and Meredith Gaston art all from Mirth. Agatha and Riley both wear Kuki Kids jersey long sleeve magnolia brown dresses, $295, and Bensimon tennis shoes, $238. Pink and lemon wooden stools, $480, from Mirth. 70 Playtimes Left: Agatha wears cotton silk-screened grey unicorn T-shirt and William wears pale blue skull silk-screened T-shirt, both by Hey Kidoo, $200.

This page: Agatha wears navy blueberry muffin cotton singlet with navy and red bow, and Riley wears fairy floss pink cotton singlet with navy and white bow. Both from sophie & la-la, $99. Catherine Martin wallpaper in background, from Mirth.

March 2011 71 72 Playtimes quick & easy dinner Annabel Karmel shares a recipe that mums can make without spending ages in the kitchen.

Chicken Yakitori with Noodles

Traditionally, this is made with chicken thigh, which contains twice as much iron and zinc as white meat.

Yakitori • Preheat the oven to 220°C/430°F 3 tbsp mirin • In a saucepan, bring the mirin, honey, soy sauce, 3 tbsp honey vinegar, ginger and garlic to a boil. Reduce by a 3 tbsp soy sauce third, then leave to cool. 2 tsp rice wine vinegar • When cool, add the chicken and marinate for 30 1 tsp fresh ginger, grated minutes. Season and thread the chicken onto 4 1 garlic clove, crushed skewers. 4 chicken thighs, boned and cut into large chunks • In a frying pan, heat 2 tbsp of oil. Brown the 3 tbsp oil skewers for 1 to 2 minutes on both sides until golden, then place onto a baking sheet and Noodles bake in the oven for 12 to 15 minutes until 125g medium noodles cooked through. 175g courgette, sliced into batons • Cook the noodles according to package 135g carrot, sliced into batons instructions. 2 spring onions, thinly sliced • Heat the remaining oil in a frying pan. Fry all 100g red onion, sliced the vegetables for 3 to 4 minutes, then add 75g chestnut mushrooms, sliced the noodles, stock, soy sauce, chilli sauce and 75 ml chicken stock seasoning. Heat through and serve with the 4 tsp soy sauce kebabs. 4 tsp sweet chilli sauce Makes 4 portions.

Annabel Karmel is the UK’s best-selling author of books on baby and children’s food and nutrition. She is an expert in devising tasty and nutritious meals for children without the need for parents to spend hours in the kitchen.

March 2011 73 Sponsors Organiser

We have had over 400 entries for the Hong Kong Young Writers Awards from the following schools: • Australian International School • Kingston International School • Beacon Hill School • Korean International School • British International School • Korean International School - Springboard • Beijing BISS International School • Kowloon Junior School • British International School • La Salle College • Belilios Public School • Munsang College • Bradbury School • Pentecostal Lam Hon Kwong School • Canadian International School • Po Leung Kuk Hong Kong Taoist Association Yuen Yuen • Carmel School Primary School • Chinese International School • Po Leung Kuk No.1 W. H. Cheung College • Clearwater Bay School • Quail Ed College • Delia School of Canada • Quarry Bay School • Diocesan Boys’ School • Renaissance College • Diocesan Girls’ School • Sacred Heart Canossian College • Discovery Bay International School • Shatin Junior School • Discovery College • Shatin College • Evangel College • Shatin Pui Ying College • French International School • Singapore International School • German Swiss International School • South Island School • Glenealy School • St. Mark’s School • Good Hope School • St. Paul’s Convent School • Heep Yunn School • St. Joseph’s College • HKUGA College • St. Margaret’s Co-educational English Secondary and • HKUGA Primary School Primary School • Holy Family Canossian College • St. Margaret’s Girls’ College • Hong Lok Yuen International School • St. Mary’s Canossian College • Hong Kong Academy • St. Paul’s Co-educational College • International Christian School • St. Paul’s Co-educational College Primary School • International College Hong Kong (New Territories) • The Harbour School • Island School • Victoria Shanghai Academy • Kellett School • West Island School • Kennedy School • WF Joseph Lee Primary School • Kiangsu Chekiang International • Yew Chung International School • King George V • Zhuhai International School Thank you!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of the Awards, please email Jo Allum, [email protected] www.hkywa.com

stockists

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March 2011 77 MARKETPLACE

78 Playtimes MARKETPLACE

March 2011 79

LAST WORD

Mixed, or just Mixed-up?

Kids transplanted culturally have a range of options, writes father-of-three Nury Vittachi.

ear Diary, this evening my son came home 4. When you’re older, women will like you because they from school with a puzzle. He has been asked reckon that instead of watching football on TV, you’ll d to come to school tomorrow in his national want to exercise your innate skills in making money. costume. Tricky. We’re a mixed-race family, and he’s adopted. On the downside, you rarely see Western girls I tell him: “You can be South Asian if you take dating Chinese guys, so your partner choices will be your father’s background, Chinese if you take your limited. birth mother’s background, or Western if you take your So then we made a list of good reasons for being mum’s background.” Western. We sit down and make a list of pros and cons. Good Reasons to be Western Good Reasons to be South Asian 1. You can invent games that no one else can 1. You can claim to have invented the world’s favourite understand, like baseball and cricket. food, curry. 2. You don’t have to learn foreign languages because 2. No one will be surprised if you wear a 1970s you can just assume that everyone else should learn moustache your whole life. English. 3. You can answer questions by diagonally tilting your 3. You can have loads of nuclear weapons while telling head, thus postponing actual decisions indefinitely. the rest of the world that they can’t have any. Check it out: 4. If you eventually live in the US and look even vaguely “Will you marry me?” mammalian, you can have your own gun. Headwobble. 5. Girls like you because they assume you will grow “Are you aware of the speed limit, sir?” taller than other guys. Headwobble. 6. Westerners’ traumas (Titanic sinks, 1,500 die) “Does this make me look fat?” are taken way more seriously than the traumas of Headwobble. Easterners (Dona Paz sinks, 4,000 die). 4. You can be a fat guy with hamster cheeks and still be a movie star. 5. Guys can act like complete sexist prats; indeed, no less is expected of them. 6. Guys can prance around like girls and claim they’re doing Bollywood dances.

On the downside, South Asian males are way down at the bottom of the popularity chart with girls in every But ultimately, I decide, it may be better if place I’ve ever lived, including South Asia. he doesn’t just choose one. “In theory, if you are Is it better to be Chinese? We made a list of good multicultural, you could have all the advantages,” I tell reasons to be Chinese. my boy. Then a thought strikes me: Or all the Good Reasons to be Chinese disadvantages. You could be a short, puny guy with no 1. Everyone thinks you’re brilliant at maths so you ability to earn money and no luck with women. always get put in charge of the money. Suddenly my past flashes before my eyes. 2. No one is surprised if you have a dried cow penis in your medicine cabinet. 3. You can make any kind of gibberish noises and tell people, “I’m speaking one of the 3,000 obscure NURY VITTACHI WRITES A REGULAR HUMOUR minority dialects of rural China.” COLUMN AT WWW.mRjAm.ORG.

80 Playtimes • Readers • Big Books • Flashcards • Online Classroom • Audio • Activity Pages • Chinese Cultural Pack • Games

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