Issue 846 University of Surrey Students' Union 2nd June 1995 NUS goes back to the 70's

ihe policy of the National Union of Students will not change, following the one-day extraordinary conference, held in Derby on Tuesday. Delegations from around the country voted to uphold a policy of campaigning for free education for all. The National Union has been campaigning with this policy since the gradual removal of grants and benefits began.

TManyUnion s went to the Conference intent on changing the existing policy. The argument coming from these Unions was one of realism. For full grants at 1979 levels to be restored to alt students, including those in Further Education, would cost £10.8 One Delegate's View billion. The proponents of change claimed that this was an unrealistic prop- urrey - are you ready for the tional insurance and income tax system osition, and that no political party would revolution? This is basically what (i.e. at source) according to income level. accept this as policy. Those in support of iwas called for at the NUS Provision was made to include a grant for grants were of the opinion that the money S Extraordinary Conference on how essential course material and travel, and could be found by taxation, and renation- to fund Further and Higher Education. there was also a call for the restoration of alisation of the utilities. There were many The scrapping of loans, restoration of benefits. This is a far cry from free educa- fierce arguments both in favour and benefits and the return of the grant to 1979 tion -we would .still be leaving university against the existing policy, although the levels (uprated in line with inflation) with thousands of pounds of debt - but debate remained orderly to a greater ex- made available to all students continues how many of us really expect, or want the tent. There was some heckling of those to be NUS policy. In campaigning for this taxpayer to pay for it all? Our proposal delegates who wished to change the pol- we will be joining with oûier trade unions was seen as a compromise - we have icy. for demonstrations, occupations and rent accepted the practicalities of the situation, TTie alternative to full grants being pro- strikes. and are willing to get involved with dis- posed was a different system of student cussions on government level. loans. The problems with the present In theory, I think we would all wish for loans system are the repayments grad- the right to free education, but in reality That chance is now gone, it would seem. uates have to make. A Student Loan has this demand can surely not be achieved, Or has it? Is NUS really not working for to be repaid within seven years, and the nor can the taxpayer afford it. NUS policy us? Would we have been better off voting graduate may only defer repayment if as it stands would cost £10.7 billion a to disaffiliate? Despite the absolute absur- they are earning less that 85% of the na- year, a sum equal to: dity of some of the proceedings at the tional average wage. At present, this conference, I believe we do still have a means that anyone earning over £13,500 - £986 per year on the basic rate of income chance to play an important role within will be eligible for repayments. The re- tax for the rest of our lives NUS. We may well have been in a mi- payments are fixed, and do not take into - 210 new hospitals, ending the NHS wait- nority, but it was a very large minority. account any other factors such as mort- ing list Now we must work together with the gages. other 25 students' unions who voted with - 246,550 new council homes a year, us, and talk to those who abstained or who The new system of loans being proposed housing the homeless did not agree with only a few points of our is called Maintenance Income Contingent suggestion. Loans (MICL). TTie income contingency - 7,400 new primary schools a year. is the advantage of this system. Repay- Furthermore, is it realistic to assume that So, at the end of the day all is not lost and ments are linked to a graduate's earnings, any government or political party will I don't think we can really expect to find and the proposers of the motion at tìie agree to increase taxes on the demand of ourselves rioting in the streets! The ma- conference were advocating a deferral NUS? jority may have voted against change, but level equal to the national average earn- - the light at the end of the tunnel - they ings. Surrey Students' Union, along with 25 did vote to continue the NUS's review of other universities and colleges, put for- student funding. Jonathan Bennett ward an alternative at this conference, Communications Officer whereby income-contingent loans taken Sharon Baker out by students during the course of their studies would be paid back via the na- 2 Bare Facts

Library Opening Constitutional Changes Hours - Summer he USSU's constitution is Other alterations comprise of the cre- Vacation changing! It must in order to ation of two new committees (Sports Ex- keep abreast with alterations at ecutive Committee and the Ents Ist July to 30th July: Tthe University. Yet, as we Committee) and the creation of two new approach the end of the last term this posts (Ents chair and Technical Man- educational body will ever experience, ager). Also proposed is the merger of the further changes must occur. General Purposes Committee and the Monday 0900 - 2000 General Societies Committee to form the Tiiesday0900-1700 Amendments to the Education Act in Executive Committee as well as the Wednesday 0900 - 2000 1994 have forced the issue in this Union, merge of the Education Standing Com- ensuring that undefined areas are now Thursday 0900 -1700 mittee and Welfare and Equal Opps Friday 0900- 1700 covered and that all students are aware of Committee to form the Student Affairs their rights in these matters. Unions Committee. The NUS referendum is also Saturday/Sunday - CLOSED must, after all, obey the law of the land - included and must occur once every two consequently these alterations are essen- years. tial. However, how will any of these af- August: fect the general student? The most major proposed change is that of the Arts and Ents Sabbatical. It is Alterations under the law have clarified proposed that this post is removed and be Monday to Friday 0900 - 1700 the following matters: replaced with a full time Ents Manager Saturday/Sunday - CLOSED • At the moment every student is auto- who will be in charge of the entertain- matically a member of the Students' ments side of the union. This post has The Library will be closed on Mon- Union. Students will now be able to been created at several unions in the past day 31st July for work in conjuction opt out of the S.U. if they wish and and seems to work well at these estab- with the new computer system. become a participant member (see BF lishments. week 1 Term 3) At present, the Ents Sabbaticâl deals with • Sabbaticals can stand for a maximum over £100,000 per year in door takings period of 2 years. and all we as the student body ask them Nat West • Hie Union must publish details of all to do is to break-even. With the unions affiliations to any external organisa- commitment to free entertainment (the tion by any club or society. This is in free band on Sunday nights and the Free Bank order to allow for students to object Fest) this will be forced to change in the against such affiliations. near future as the funding decreases and We would like to apologise to • The procedure for allocation of re- the union becomes more self-sufficient. Making this post available to an older our customers who were sources must be clearly outlined to the unable to use the service till at student members. more experienced person will increase the service given by the union to the the campus Branch during the • The code of practice and the grievance students and decrease the chances of the weekend of 20th and 21st May procedure must also be clearly out- union being "shafted". If this post was lined for students. placed as a member of staff the chances 1995. The engineer These changes are legal requirements so of the draw disco having a good band subsequently discovered that they would apply even if the other alter- would increase and the students would part of the external fîttings had ations to the Union's constitution were have more say in the matter than is been vandalised, therefore not agreed. They cannot be disputed. possible under the present system. Tlie Ents Manager would sit as a non-voting needing replacement. So, what have the meetings of the Con- member on the Ents Committee, chaired stitutional Review Group been in aid of? by the Ents Chairperson, and give advice This type of action is not only Well, as the constitution has to be rewrit- to the students on the type of event suit- rather stupid but causes a ten, minor changes were suggested and able. This advice would be considered, great seal of inconvenience to approved by the group. However, these but at the end of the day the chairperson users of the machine. small changes mutated into larger ones (with the voting body) has the final say. and kept growing. Consequently the sug- gestions must be documented to the ma- As many of these changes are controver- If any clubs or jority of the student body. The changes sial, there are to be two documents tabled include the revision of the Vice- at the General Meeting on Tuesday - one soceieties have not President's title from that of "VP - Wel- of essential changes (to be introduced in submitted fare and Education" to "Student Affaire the academic year '95-'96) and the other Officer". Both Heather Stych (VP) and to be an appendix to the constitution (to information that Andrea Morley (VP-elect) feel that the be introduced in the academic year '96 title has no direct relevance to the job of -'97). For any of these changes to be they would like on the Vice-President. Indeed it causes more made the General Meeting must be quo- the World Wide Web confusion as the VP is seen to be a second rate in Week 7 and doubly quorate in to the President and consequently Week 8. Also in Week 8, at the General then can they do so thought to take on the role of the presi- Meeting, there is your first chance to buy soon please dent if he/she is unable to perform their tickets for D:REAM (the end of term duties, which is unrealistic in many disco) with freebies and goodies yet to be cases. This change aims to clarify the decided! All submissions to position of the sabbatical officer and to simplify the chain of command within the Communications the hierarchal structure of the union. Sophie Rocks Bare Facts Secretary Officer. 2nd June 1995 3 Cheesy Quavers Rent Strike In G'day Oxford Firstly, a crie de cœur: if there is a French guy named Jean living in one of the Cath. Court buildings, can you do us ail a favour and égal action looms over rent striking students at let your friends know exactly where you live. This is because being Pembroke College in Oxford this week.The strike has woken up at 3.45am by a tired and emotional female, ftagranced been provoked by a 70% rise in "battles"(the sum paid as she was with 4.1% b.v. muscle relaxant, who took great joy in L Ifor rooms and college food) due to be phased in over 7 ringing ail the door bells and storming in and out of floors, doors years. a-slamming as she went, is one of life's little experiences I can At the moment across the university the 30 undergraduate truly do without during exams. I thank you. colleges estimate an annual loss of £100,000 on board and Secondly, the world as we know it is about to change. What has lodging. The students' union have indicated that over 20 col- been a part of our lives for nigh on thirteen years is about to be a leges have since proposed increases to the rent - although none part no more. What am I on about? The death of the milk carton, of them to the level of Pembroke. They have also accused that's what. In what must rate as probably the world's most boring colleges of 'artificially infiating' board and lodging costs to the headline, "Teseo move from cardboard sets challenge for milk students in order to relieve the financial positions of smaller container producers", the FThas uncovered a world-shaking event colleges, instead of the redistribution of funds from the more and characteristically covered it up. So what's it ail about, Alfie? wealtfiy colleges to those who are struggling. The University of Oxford actually receives two sets of monies Well, for 13 years the Tetra-Laval company has been producing from the Government at the moment - one goes straight to the > those horrible cardboard-and-wax nightmares that hold our daily colleges and the other to the main body of the university. This, ' milk, making a family fortune in the process (the family who owns in effect, allows for greater expenditure illustrated in the im- the company are now one of the world's richest). Meanwhile we mense libraries and facilities at the colleges. Admittedly, if the lesser mortals have had to contend with the design's capricious- colleges want to join the NUS then they each must pay the fee ness — who can forget that clip on It'll be Alright on the Night and supply it from their own pockets. But if a student can spend showing a Swedish Government Minister at the officiai launch of over £100 for one ball ticket then surely room costs will not the product getting milk ali over his suit whilst demonstrating how break the bank too much! easy they were to open? For 13 years the company has been researching a new, easier way of containing the product. But too Sophie Rocks late, me old china piate. Bare Facts Secretary Teseo has announced that it is, as always, doing its bit for the customer, the people who always come first in every décision the company makes (excuse me, but is that a pig flying pasi the BF Editorial window?). Research has shown that people surprisingly did not like the little cardboard carton, wanting instead to see the product inside. So the cardboard container has to go. But don't expect that the people who make the plastic bottles (technically called *jugs' because they have moulded handles) to benefit either. By the way, did you know that these jugs are the cutting edge of technology? Bet you didn't. Bet you ^so didn't know that the lllllll production of plastic milk jugs is, according to the FT, 'one of Britain's fastest growing industries', did you? What an exciting world we live in, eh? Anyway, back to the plot. What we peeps really want, says the research, is plastic containers that look identical to the milk bottles that your good old-fashioned Computers for Schoois milky used to deliver by electric float and leave on your doorstep. But traditional jug m^ers aren't interested in producing quasi- bottles. So Teseo is going out to the marketplace to see who exactly can meet 'our' requirements. And if Teseo finds them, market forces will dictate that other supermarket chains and eventually the whole world will have to follow suit. So goodbye to that bastard invention — huzzah! And finally... Now that Islington Council has effectively demon- strated that too much politicai correctness can be incorrect, my thoughts tum to the Miami Herald. A staff cartoonist recently produced a cartoon which showed a young Marlin Luther King standing embarrassed in his bedroom whilst his mother pointed accusingly at a wet patch in the centre of the bed. 'I had a dream,' he explained. Strait-laced (what we dabblers in psychobabble — or the babble of psychos — affectionately cali anal-retentive) newspaper execs thought that they had axed the cartoon, but it somehow stili got into print and onto newstands. So ali 500,000 copies were withdrawn — a mighty fiscal Ouch! and sense of If you shop ot Teseo and spend enough humour failure. to receive ony vouchers, the Student's Union ìs collectìng them for local schooís. Eau reservoir Please Drop tnem Into the Bare Facts Box. Lee Hopkins 4 Bare Facts Chocolate - The Unseen Drug s exam time approaches this fair University, more and ÍS unusual to hear a man complaining about the fact and begging more students reach for the Mars Bars. Cadbury's fríends to help in the curíng of this addiction. Some would annual review has reported that sales have soared by suggest that this is due to modem day society's beliefs about Aalmost 80% over the last ten years. This, no doubt, not women and dieting, already implanted in to the majority, which only has something to do with the increase in availability of the forcé the wanting for chocolate into a forbidden thought pro- substance but also with the increase in stress in the home, work voking a guilty desire and a martyring attitude once eaten. Yet place and at school. But has anyone really thought where this the view could aiso relate to meh as well as women and doesn't subliminal message of comfort comes from? seem to explain the differences in the separate attitudes. Others would believe an American nutritionist's claim that women are Recent research in the US has confirmed what the majority of genetically programmed to crave it rather than being patheti- women admit and the vast number of the human race knows - cally weak-willed in their relationships with the substance. So, chocolate makes us feel better! In any shape or form, the perhaps it is healthy to want chocolate - feminine even (if you chemicals that chocolate contains with the sugar and fat affect believe the adverts). the brain causing a sense of well-being to be introduced. The research uncovered two different chemicals which produce Britain is a nation of choc-loving fiends, with about nine in ten different results in separate tests. The first, theobromine, is a citizens eating it at least once a week and the other ten percent sedative and has a structure comparable to that of caffeine probably living in some sado-masochistic sect, on a remote although having the opposite affect. PEA on the other hand island or on a diet (heaven forbid). Yet still chocoholics are actually has a remarkable similarity to the substance released treated as attention seeking with their plight not being fully in the brain when humans fall in love (the Aztecs believed it to understood. We (those among us who eat this substance) are all be an aphrodisiac because of its affects). It is, in fact, 100 times in the grips of this unrecognised addiction suffering between more concentrated in salami, yet it is no wonder most lovers bouts of this cruel torment! We must rise above this situation don't pass sticks of salami on Valentine's Day! TTiis informa- and insist that we are treated equally. Smokers get a break to tion goes only some way to explain the cravings for chocolate smoke so we should receive one to eat chocolate in. Sure, it may that many people experience around this time. make us fat and cause our teeth to rot, but it doesn't cause cáncer ñor are there any ill affects on the nonparticipating population I say 'many people', but is that strictly true? I have never heard (apart from introducing cravings). Exercise and brushing teeth any male of the species, around exam time, express a desire or will help prevent these ills for chocolate eaters, but there is no craving for chocolate. Yet the number of female vocalised cure for cáncer! cravings issued at that time is amazing! It seems to be the accepted norm in society at the moment that the percentage of Sophie Rocks women buying the substance is greater than that of men. "fet it Bare Facts Secretary Raw Men On TV re men getting a raw deal on televisión at the moment? be wrong. Some writers can overcome this difficulty through Well. according to some critics (mainly men I hasten to experience, but many can't. add) this is true. Men are being portrayed as two This argument has been bought out into the open by the port- Adimensional chaiacters, which is nothing new, and in an rayal of men, but what would have happened if thirty years ago unsympathetic light. women had complained of their portrayal on such programmes Gone are the times that the beat-them ups, written by men and as "Happy Days", "Jason King" and "TheSaint"?No-one would aimed at an all male audience, drew the greatest viewing have taken much notice, as die television and working world figures. Nowadays the soaps (those wonderftil pieces of real was dominated by men. It is rather odd that the attitude is being life) are pulling in the crowds as millions hold their collective repeated at the moment, except that the positions are altered, if breath to see thé outcome of a particular story line. Even in not reversed these, the character that epitomises the *one you most want to hate' is normally male, white and in his thirties (the classic example being Dirty Den fi"om EastEnders). Yet this outcry has only occurred recently so what has provoked it? ALL CLUBS AND SOCIETIES The recent portrayals of men by women writers and directors seem to have given weight to this argument. Undoubtably the You need to have filled in a budget re- Lynda La Plante series have always shown men in a less than pleasant light, the two recent ones more than most. But when quest form in order to receive any fund- male directors pick up on the public enjoyment of such a ing for the next academic year. If you do programme and start to repeat the perspective, it starts to be more noticeable. This situation is likely to propel the "sex war" not have a request form in your Pigeon into a new dimensión of media - that of the televisión writer. Hole, spare forms can be collected from More and more series at the moment are being written by the Union Cashier women and appealing to a wider audience, so it is only to be expected that these programmes have a feminist slant to them. YOU WILL NOT GET A BUDGET IF A woman writer has no concept of the attitude of a man, ñor of A FORM IS NOT SUBMITTED their expectations or general behaviour. This means that when she writes for a male character there is invariably something wrong with the stanza. This problem is reflected when a man tries to write something ft-om a female's point of view. It is a fact of nature that men and women are difíerent, physically and mentally, so therefore anything written for one by the other will 2nd June 1995 5 Strange but True... Record Level Of Two men who cleared several piles of iron from the Sangmyung Women's University in Seoul bave been charged Student Enrolments with burglary: it seems what they thought was scrap had actually been According to recent figures from the Department of Education, student four sculptures, which university offi- enrolments at Higher Education universities and Colleges have hit record ciais valued at £45,000. "I can hardly levels. These have risen 5% over the last year to reach a total of over 1.3 million believe these were artistic works," one enrolled students in English institutions. The figures, jointly complied with of the men said. "I thought the school the Higher Education Statistics Agency, are provisionai estimates of the number of authorities were too lazy to dispose of Student enrolments for the current academic year. them." The men sold the iron to recy- clers for £27. The Overall total of enrolled students has increase by 43% over the last five years reflecting the recent changes in attitude, by schoois and employers, that further Believing tradition will hold, drivere education is important and necessary. This fact has also been picked up by the students in France are apparently throwing cau- themselves, with more and more worried about their fmancial status when they have tion to the wind. Since 1965, each new graduated with Student loans to pay off. Tim Boswell (the Further and Higher French président has pardoned Citizens Education Minister) said "Higher skill are the key to prosperity and our success in of their minor traffic offenses. As this international markets. Our young people now have better opportunities than even five year's election neared, the rate of fatal years ago". accidents in France climbed —16% in March alone. French insurance com- The equality between sexes has also improved with 49% of the total number of students panies say this year' s accident increase being female (compared to 48% the year before). This figure has been slowly creeping will cause 500-1000 deaths. The mon- towards the 50% mark since 1990 when the female students made up 45% of the etary damage is also significant: Presi- \ Student population. Yet this is taking into account not only home and EC but other dent Mitterand's pardon in 1988 cost overseas students as well. If the numbers of overseas students are removed the the French treasury £1.2 billion in un- percentage of female students is 50%, whilst those from overseas (non-EC countries) paid fines. form only 40% of the total number of overseas students currently enrolled in English institutions. Meanwhile, in another traffic engin- eering experiment, the emirate of Ras The differences occur in the type of degree as well. The numbers of students studying al-Khaimah of the United Arab Emir- their first degree are formed of equal proportions of male and female students from ates have found that the rate of traffic home and having only a 7% difference between the overseas students. Postgraduate fatalities decreases when repeat traffic courses show the greatest difference between the sexes with the percentages of female violators are given 50 lashes with a students on these being 47% of home students and only 34% of overseas students. It cane in the public square. Six weeks isn't surprising that still the greater number of part-time students are female! into the new practice, the usuai one-a- In this University the distribution of sexes seems to be about ^ual with 45% of the week death rate has dropped to zero, Student population being female and 55% male. The University has also published and the injury rate has halved. figures on its intake for 1994 which are relatively representative of the overall student Halfdan Prahl was after he frightened population in the U.K.. The majority of students enrolled here in 1994 were straight customers in a restaurant by bringing from 'A'-levels and from an E.C. country or from the U.K. itself However, the mature in a chain saw and carving his initiais Student intake accounted for almost a quarter of the overall intake for that year. into the floor of the bar. Afterward, It does seem odd that Surrey is very different in the student attitude to their Union and Prahl said he knew the owner and was yet the enrolled students are very typical for the year. Go figure! certain the owner found his stunt amusing; however, according to the Sophie Rocks police, ^ahl was unaware that his Bare Facts Secretary friend had recently sold the restaurant to another man. Florida Fire Chief Edward Murphy told reporters that he and other fire- STEP BACK IN TIME fighters and police officers spent 15 minutes helping free a woman whose 1 YEAR AGO 5 YEARS AGO long fingernail had become wedged Students at Risk!: Students in ground "Filo Facts": BF suddenly adopts a new into the coin slot of a parking meter. fioor rooms, especially in Stag Hill Court, name...? A jury in Wisconsin deliberated for are urged to move their beds away from Dangerous Things in the Kitchen: Inci- three hours before ruling against Ste- the windows after a Student is showered dents of fires in KUBs rise to three or four wart Blair. In his lawsuit against his with broken glass during a particularly per week, a rate that has the Fire and fiiend Maurice Poulin, for injuries in- nasty act of vandalism. Safety Officer a little worried! curred when Blair tripped over a snow- Sweet Revenge: The Hari Hit brigade plough biade, Blair claimed that Ä Bird in the Hand...: This well-known Start their annual end-of-term campaign! Poulin caused the fall when he startled phrase is aptly reworded to read," A house Blair by accidentally passing wind in in the hand is worth at least two in the 10 YEARS AGO his face. And in a postscript to the trial, Accommodation Office's book," as LIS as the jurors ceremonially exited the students hit the regulär problem of finding Phenominal FroUcs for N.T.F.F.: Free- courtroom, the foreman accidentally, six-month lease houses. fest takes on a new name (ie. "Not The audibly passed wind as he walked by Free Fest") and a new format to attempt a the judge. Personals: Bob, beware, he's only in it revival after several unsuccessful years. for the free coffee. And it worked, apparently! Jeff Blackham Personals: Wanted: Two camels to swap with final year chemist. Bargain price and guaranteed not to give you the hump. 6 Bare Facts

Dear Editor to deny accommodation altogether - in this event they would then look for off- Final Year Accommodation site accommodation for the whole year. 'Name withheld due to fear of We decided however that some, indeed repercussions' failed to clearly many students might prefer to have the BareFacts state the reasons why about 250 offer of help with temporary accommo- Union House final years will not get a place in dation until space was available. Finding accommodation this September. a large quota of accommodation that is University of Surrey Firstly, the University does not available and affordable for a short time have enough accommodation to is not easy -1 know because I have made Guildford house all final years. Secondly, considerable efforts to do this. The Port- Surrey this year only, due to the Univer- smouth offer is an option which may help sity's change in start date a large some students. I am sure many more will GU2 5XH number of 94/95 postgraduate find the help of a couple of weeks on students overlap with the 95/96 Campus at die beginning of September Tel: (01483) 259275 group. worthwhile. For those who prefer not to have the upheaval of moving several Fax: (01483)34749 The Residential Accommoda- times we will try and help with a whole tion Committee has the un- months temporary accommodation if Email: [email protected] enviable task of deciding how they wish. http://www. surrey. ac. uk/Union/bf/ final years will be selected - the Accommodation Office has the even less enviable task of informing students and I understand that students are disap- The deadline for submissions offering advise and options. pointed and disgruntled because they do is Neon on the Tuesday not get a place in accommodation. How- preceding publication. The students to who we can house at the ever I do assure Mr/Ms Withheld that this end of September are presented with a will not stop me providing alternatives AH submissions must have a particular difficulty. We considered that might help some of those affected. name and Union card number. various options for dealing with this. Submission is no guarantee The simplest, and for some students of publication. possibly the best, would have been for us Richard Paxton

Dear Editor, 2. A11 meals to be provided free of charge based on the standard cooked breakfast, cold lunch and cooked evening meal. Meals The present crisis in funding further education requires a lateral to be served in purpose made restaurants. Meals paid for by rethink. The despair of student hardship, the need for univer- either smart card or pre-issued vouchers. sities to be self sufficient etc. only serve to serve to demonstrate the tatters of government thinking, which at best is mediocre 3. Free laundry facilities to be provided for personal clothes and at worst suitable of "standing in the comer wearing a (may be contracted out to the nearest hospital laundry service). dunce's hat". Agreed amount of laundry to be ascertained with excess attract- ing parental contribution (to prevent profiteering). The aim of most universities is two fold: to provide a degree education in a diverse range of subjects and to work in colla- boration with industry etc. in research. 4. All books, stationary etc. to be paid for by parents, guardians etc. in the form of a committal fee of £200. Any balance left to Students come from a wide background; socially, culturally and be retumed at the end of the course. Where hardship exists geographically but they all generally have the same aim; to social payments to be made as per the usual rules. Books may leam. If the primary objective is to leam then all other activities be sold back to the bookshop for resale. The purpose of the must, by definition, become secondary. These include finding bookshop is to provide a breaik-even service only. accommodation, food etc. and obtaining the means to pay for them. The short time spent in studying for a degree can be better 5. Pocket money is really the concem of the parents etc. As the put than in sorting out the mundane routines of survival. majority of students are still in the fïrst fiush of life it is to be expected that they will want to drink themselves silly on a Any process involving large numbers lends itself to stand- semi-permanent basis. The question here should be; what did ardisation. The primary aim is to relieve the student of all they get away with at home? The area is bound to cause unrest secondary activities which may distract form studying. By as some students have very generous parents and other right old implementing this policy the present archaic system would be skinflints. It may become mandatory to insist on a minium level swept away. of support, say ten pound a week. As all other concems have been removed students have no real need to spend money in It is a misconception that students need a grant. What students order to survive. As students find more time to study they will require is the comforts of home while they are at university. be able to obtain extra money doing Saturday jobs. Doing away with grants and loans altogether will save the government an immense amount of money whilst reducing the bureaucratic pyramid building. As ultimately all universities The end resuit of these changes will be a contented student belong to the state this merry-go-round of money is ludicrous. body, a contented university with improved grades and a gov- In its place a system as follows: emment the envy of the world.

1. Free accomodation. The accomodation to comprise of a Some hope! Simplicity is not the way of govemments. Talk to single occupancy bedroom with study area plus basic hygiene any politician and you will get a headache! amenities. T^is to be provided ideally on campus or as close to the university as possible. No cooking facilities to be provided except for tea/coffee making. Peter Duckett 2nd June 1995 7 Job Hunting - Now and TUNE- After Graduation he summer is a popular time for some companies to recruit graduates. They may have done üie bulk of their recruiting during the autumn and spring terms but are now seeking to increase the number of their graduate recruits. If Information and Tcompanies are starting to feel more confident about the economic climate they may weil start recruiting more people. Helpline service Smaller companies, those in specialised fields, or even large companies who only recruit a small number of graduates may also be looking for graduates during the 8pm - 8am summer. Remember the good jobs may be found in unexpected places. Highly technical organisations may also recruit for finance, marketing or buying. The latest "Prospects Phone ext. 4949 Today" jobs bulletin, available free from the Careers Service, contains a wide range of opportunities. There are vacancies as a technical author, statistician and editorial Between Wey and assistant, to say nothing of accountants, FT specialists and management trainees. And Wandle in Sturey Court this is just a selection of the range of jobs available. By the way, the next issue of our own Vacancy Bulletin, timed to come out with Prospects Today, will be eleven pages long. Do come in and pick up a copy. You may also find it usefiil to monitor the magazines and joumals in your field: Pon't forget to "Marketing", "Personnel Management", "New Scientist", or "The Economist", for example, are ail easily obtainable. These, and others like them, give you useful background knowledge of the industries or functions that interest you and intermit- RECYCLE tently have graduate level vacancies. Jobs open to graduates may not always have '^aduate' or 'trainee' in their title. Salary is a good guide. The average graduate salary is around £13,000 so jobs roughly in the Bare Facts range £10-15,000 are always worth a look. Your industrial year should count as a year's work experience so do not be put oif if advertisements say that previous Paper bins in the experience is required. Union and ail When you are planning your job-hunting strategy for the summer, don't forget that we court réceptions. remain open throughout the year and are always happy to offer help and advice. Glynis Paxton Careers Adviser Editorial

o no progress has been made within NUS. Free Education The bastards in question are Labour Students, who have always is the ideal situation for ail. It is also a myth. For those of had a strong hand in NUS. This delegate was not one of their you taking out student loans, it is a myth, for those of you supporters. But the amazing thing is how long she'd been trying. Swho rely on your parents for money, it is a myth, and for I have been at this University now for nearly five years, and that those of you working in part-time jobs it is a myth. Full grants seems like an etemity. Ten years is long enough to do a first were only available when a select few went to University. Now, degree, Masters and Ph.D. Why is she still around NUS ten years there is much more access to Higher Education, and with it later? Can she still be a student? increased costs. I would postulate that there are people around who, since they By increasing taxation, some daim it is possible to fund free cannot get any type of power within a national politicai party, education for ail. This may weil be true, but then the extra hang around üie world of student politics. This seems the only taxation cannot pay for Hospitals, more Nurses and Doctors. It way they can get any position of influence. But why mess around cannot pay for better provision for the disabled. It cannot pay with students just for your own ends? These people seem selfish for better pensions. It cannot then remove the ridiculous VAT and narrow-minded. This is why I wanted to leave NUS. on domestic fuel. We are in NUS for the next two years now, and I hope every If, as is expected, the Labour Party form the next Government, student makes some effort to make our national union repre- then students can possibly expect a better deal. Or can they? Will sentative. they give fiill grants to everyone, or will they play an electorally This last conférence was an opportunity to influence what safe card and promise nothing. The Commission for Social system we end up with. The NUS will now be campaigning for Justice recommended a Graduate Tax. This means that we will that system to be full grants for everyone. Let's wait and see if all be paying for our education for the rest of our lives. Not just it happens. until we've paid back what we took. What annoys me more is the type of people who were advocating Jonathan Bennett this system. At a 'Victory Rally' held shortly after the con- Communications Offìcer férence ended, I heard one delegate say how she had been around [email protected] NUS for ten years, and 'they had never beaten those bastards'. 8 Bare Facts Album Reviews ALBUM OF THE WEEK The WUdhearts: P.H.U.Q (East West) The new album from those troubled metallers The Wildhearts Dreadzone: Second Light (Virgin) is a suprisingly good affair, which I believe makes it the first s soon as the first of many glorious Jamaican decent rock release of 1995 (with the exception of 'Someday bass roots hits you on the opening traclc 'Life, ril Be Saturday Night' of course.). 'P.H.U.Q' is big, bouncy Love and brimming Unity', you with clas- realise that this sic rock new tunes. The Dreadzone American album is really rock in- going to be fluences something are there special. undoubte 'Second Light' dly, there takes you on a are plenty 0 ^musical of singa- ^ J journey that is long cho- never quite ruses for satisfied with Wayne and one particular Garth look sound. It tries a likes to out them all. enjoy The next track whilst 'Little Britain' cruising adopts this down distinctly Guildford Gaelic sound High and adds finely Street. placed classic^ Good strings to make examples it sound like of this in- jazzed up clude the Beethoven for Top 20 the 90's. This theme denting 'I continues with the next Wanna track 'A Canterbury Go...' and Tale' which combines 'Just In violins to a looping Lust'. techno beat.

The yVUdhearts • P.H.U.Q. •P.H.U.Q' The album is littered with political comments about the state of is not just a the country, and it is dedicated to push the message of unity metal album across, it holds no barriers and no borders, and it simply wants it's a bit more than that, it has a certain glam element to it, lots to by enjoyed by all. Despite it's processed nature it still of T-Rex guitar hooks and lots of pompousity, like on 'Nita manages to hold a very live feeling, it does this with it's upbeat Nitro' which has Top 10 or else scrawled over in a red blood melodies and it's catchy tunes. colour. 'Second Light' reftiels your belief in electronic dub music and 'P.H.U.Q' is a wonderful pop album fiill of simple songs reminds you just how good it can be, it is a brilliant album that comforted with loud guitars. It occasionally gets a bit angry on has been solidly made, in fact it's so solid you'd have to melt songs such as 'Naviety Play' and 'Be My Drug' which just it down if you wanted to smoke it, which means it's just bit show that The Wildhearts can still get pissed off. 'P.H.U.Q' better than porridge. should be lapped up after a few episodes of Porridge. Future Sound Of London: ISDN (Virgin) THE MAKKING SCHEME 'ISDN' is a collection of live tracks and B-sides and new releases which any hardcore fan will have the majority of, as 5 - Fawity Towers most of this album was broadcast live on IFM. Future Sound Of London set up in a London studio and beamed there music 4 - Porridge out to the world via a digital phone link, instant fame guarenteed and a massive listening audience. The whole thing shook the 3 • Kising Dump music business into sitting up and taking notice of what was going on. 2 - Robin's Nest There brand of lazy jazzy ambient dance music has produced 1 • Dad's Arniy an album of some qu^ity, from the odd dance alongs to the most space age bliss outs you'll ever hear. It will leave you wonde- Anything Else ¡s Hl De Hl ring how it is all done, and commenting on how splendid it is, and for displaying such clever trickery they to can have some Porridge. SATURDAY 17TH JUNE 1995 IN THE STUDENTS' UNION

OVER 30 BEERS AVAILABLE BAR 11AM - 11PM ENTS UNTIL 12 MIDNIGHT

TICKETS £4.50 FROM THE TRADING DESK GUESTS ALLOWED (2 PER PERSON) ON SALE FOOTBALL ON SKY Saturday Srd June ENGLAND V JAPAN followeci by World Cup Rugby WEEK ENDING FRIDAY 9TH JUNE 1995 SCOTLAND V FIIANCE Coverage starts at 1 pm Friday 2nd Saturday 3rd Heineken £ 1 a can HOEDOWN SuMcrDnawRI U< 3S feaiHrtngRoblluera Kronenbourg £1 .25 a pint 9-2 Main Lounge Si Francis t Phil Roblmen Ol ufc> Mm LOWER UR Thursday 8th June £1 entiy E2B4IOpB,Uaf(er ENGLAND V SWEDEN Coverage starts at 7pm Sunday 4th Monday 5th World Cup Rugby Sunday 11 th June IRELAfSID V W/OJES OFU Film ENGLAND v W. SAMOA ENGLAND V BRAZIL Coverage starts at 5pm 'Mary Shelle/s Frankenstein' Promo from 7-10.30pm Coverage starts at 3pm Meineken £1 a can Ruddfes £1 a pint 8pm LTG

Tuesday óth Wednesday 7th Ceor* & AuddUss o pInt KARAOKE NIGHT btttiuttsn 7-9pfn Union Lounge PARnSOC PRESENTS HAVC II FCUI UIHIlSr UIHTCHING 8-11 pm THE 2ND ANNUAL 'CostMdars', 'Tha Bill' St 'areeksid*' Another cheap beer night!! Thursday 8th Friday 9th Football on Slqr HOEDOWN EriQLAriD V SWEDEFi on Saturday 1 Oth June 1995 Kick off 7pm 9-2 Main Union Lower Bar Watch it on the big Screen £1 B4 10.30, £2 after 8pm-2am Tickets £2.50 available from Monday 5th June FORTHCOMINO EVENTS Lunchtimes in the Union Foyer Friday 16th June CHARM Saturday 17th June BEER FESTIVAL 1995 Should auld aquain^ancc be forgol' Saturday 24th June THE DISCO DISCO 2nd June 1995 9 album. It tries to be haunting and mesmerising but sadly fails. Boy George: Cheapness and Beauty (Vir- People will immediately say that this is sc^ black and white gin) ghost fihn music but again it isn't. What it is in fact is a musty little album made by decadent malnourished ex-students who Boy George has lived a bit hasn't he. From reinventing pop studied Bohemain Societies and were probably members of the music with 'Karma Chameleon', to being ridiculed for taking Gothic Society. one to many drugs, to being the laughing stock of the nation with his pathtic attempts to make The Hari Krishnas an important part 'Psychedelische Musique' is a claustrophobic and spindly tale of musical history, and now he finally settles into an existance of indie life. At times you'd be right in thinking that it's talented that befits an eccentric gay icon. stuff. Guitarist Nigel Webb can do things with his guitar that Clapton and co could only gum about, but Webb is, no Robert 'Cheapness and Beauty', unfortunately is a bit of a whiffy one, Fripp. It does succeed in being different but also manages to bore it sets out to highlight the heartbreak and tradegy George has the pants off you. A bit like Robin's Nest. had to deal with in life and love. It is badly let down by his lyrics which resemble a depressed 15 year old's poetry. Such as "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the biggest hypocrite of them all". And so it goes on throughout the album, George clearly 311: Grass Roots (Capricorn) isn't a happy bunny. Red Hot Chilli Peppersesque group who like a smoke, a beer, The music is directed by long time friend John Themis and and a girl with a nice ass, apparently. 'Grass Roots' is all about doesn't really impress you much. It has two key moments these things. It's another one of those American bands releasing 'Funtime' and 'Unfinished Business', but that's about it some- a typically American album. It's wants to be 'Blood Sugar Sex where between Robin's Nest and Dad's Army. Magik' they want to have their picture taken with socks on their dicks. They end up a bit short of the line and sound like The Spin Doctors and look like Stone Temple Pilots, ie crap and looking The Hair And Skin Trading Co.: Psyche- very stupid. delische Musique (Freek) If you are going to Glastonbury this summer please take along One of those albums that is given rave reviews by the quality a bottle of your finest piss and lob it at these mongs for me. press, because of it's extreme weirdness. 'Psychedelische Mu- 'Grass Roots' just scraps a Dad's Army. However, it will sell sique' is an effects laden album that is almost an instrumental millions in America. SINGLES REVIEWS SINGLE OF THE WEEK GoriUa: Acid Test (Embreyo) Goriilla!!, Gorilla!!. If you had just formed anew hard metal act Kinky Machine: London Crawling (East that was ready to kick butt and push grannies over in the street would you call it Gorilla. I think not. Calling yourselves Gorilla, West) has opened the floodgates to hundreds, nay, thousands of crap reviews with crap jokes about monkeys, being hairy and liking I know it's not particularly hard but 'London Crawling' is bananas. You sad bunch. Kerrang will have a field day. possibly Kinky Machine's finest moment. It clearly oulines that Anyway, 'Acid Test' is a heavy Soundgardenish number that given the time and the odd good review Kinky Machine might shouts and screams a lot. The vocalist sounds like he is having actually prosper. It's one of those annoyingly catchy brit pop a bad toilet day with the amount of straining that's going on. The songs that are all the rage at the moment, gnarly vocals which guitars sound like they are being played by Lucifer himself, and spit and spout on a lot. 'London Crawling' is all about having a tìiere is not even an effort to get some sort of tune going. About good time in the city at some unearthly hour in the morning. as much fun as watching a bunch of crumbly old dead gits on the T.V. The guitars on this have been cranked a couple of notches to an irritatingly loud level and helps add to your liking of the record.

It seems that Kinky Machine have seen the last of thc«e fi-e- Ned's Atomic Dustbin: Stuck (Furtive) quently crap reviews and are ready to march straight into our Hmmmmm, it seems that the Ned's fooled everyone, we all hearts and onto our stereos. Until they go and spoil it with a thought that they were back to their brilliant best when they trouser-splittingly funny cover of some awful Gary Glitter song. released 'All I Ask Of Myself but now we know the real truth. Still worthy of some Porridge however. 'Stuck' is awful. Jt just isn't good enough in these times. When the majority of your audience has grown up and now like The Cranberries and Crowded House, the new kids on the block want fast energetic music like Ash, Oasis and Supergrass, you give Whipping Boy: Twinkle (Columbia) us 'Stuck'. 'Stuck' sounds like something off of 'Are You Normal' which bored most of their fans rigid. Starts with a misleading string selection that vanishes never to The fact that it is such a boring record doesn't help it along much, be heard of again once the guitars kick in. After that all you get the vocals sound uncannily like the bloke from Talk Talk's, is heavy indie noise with Chris Rea sound a like on vocals. whilst the band plod along uncomfortably constantly asking 'Twinkle' shows some promisein it's early stages but as the song themselves if it is all worth it. It isn't really, the proper title of gets older your opinion of it begins to differ. The vocals dete- this single is 'Stuck In A Big Bloody Rut, and Going Nowhere riorate into a ranting scream, and the guitars just form into a Fast'. A bit like the doomed Robin's Nest, which was centred chundering bloody mass that begin to annoy you lots, but it does around one utterly unhilarious joke. rock like a bastard, so it's well worth an episode of Rising Damp, oh and it's better Üian the new Therapy? single. Steeve French. 10 Bare Facts The Video Box ***** Stunning. **** Stonking. *** Steady. ** Stupid. * Stinks. It Could Happen to You (PG) *** 101 mins, Starrìng Nicholas Cage, Bridget Fonda, Rosìe Perez, Wendell Pierce. Dir. Andrew Bergman. Cage plays Charlie Lang, a down-on-his-luck New York cop unhappily married to discontented beautician Muriel who wants Charlie to better himself by becoming a criminal. After eating at a cafe Charlie fmds himself unable to pay the tip, and so promises the waitress, Yvonne, half of whatever he wins from his lottery ticket. This half tums out to be 2 million dollars, and boy is his wife dis-chuffed when Charlie decides to honour his promise. This lightweight romantic comedy (based on a true story) is pleasant enough but does suffer from the worst kind of Hollywood blandness. The director (Andrew Bergman) wrote Blazing Saddles, but none of that hilarity or sense of danger is present here, despite the two leads who are usually so memorable. I Love Trouble (PG) *4r 123 mins, Starrìng Nick Nolte, Julia Roberts, Saul Rubinek, Robert Loggia. Dir. Charles Shyer. If you don't like romantic comedies, you could well be out of luck this week at y our locai video store. May be you could "rent Forrest Gump - it's neither romantic nor ftinny. Getting back to the point: I Love Trouble is about an ageing hack reporter, Peter Brackett, who is just kicking back, biding his time untíl he retires..His editor can't find anyone to cover a train crash, and so as a last resort he sends Brackett. At the wreck he meets ambitious young Journalist, Sabrina Petersen, and they begin competing for stories - particularly foUowing up on a gang of youths who took luggage from the crashed train. Tìie plot is unconvincing and incoherent (suspensión of disbelief is kept to a minimum), and there seems to be no chemistry or noticeable characterisation from either of the stars. Can anyone remember a film where Julia Roberts wasn't miscast? Karl Monster OFU. here's none of your foot-high-foreheads and neckboits in OFU's showing of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein this week - this latest movie versión of the gothic Tmasterpiece is rather unconventional because it follows the book. Robert De Niro is the intelligent but none too pretty creature; the rumours that the OFU treasurer was offered the role are quite untrue. With great sets, top acting and a few good murders, it's the perfect antidote to revision. Showing at 8pm Sunday and Monday, tickets are two-nicker in advance from the trading desk, or 50p more if you want to reserve a ticket up to an hour in advance with the House Officer. A play within a play becomes a play within a film for this Wednesday's Arts Cinema film (8pm LTG). Vanya on 42nd Street is David Mamet's adaptation of Chekhov's Unele Come an Vanya and a view- ing is yours for just two-quid in ad- alf a b vance, or two- twenty-five if reserved up to an hour before, guv. Tum up early and get a free caffeine or custard cream overdose. Books, Watches, Calculators Andy (wfao can't fìnd the Mcmdcuf, Stk^iuije^ pound-sìgn) Students Union, 12 to 2 PM 2nd June 1995 13 ODEON, EPSOM ROAD Enquiries/Credit Card bookings: Guildford 578017. Advance box office open 2pm-7pm. Student discount available Mon-Thurs before 7pm (with NUS or ISIC card only). Friday 2 June for Seven Days.

the bullies through the use of his extraordinary cuh- Screen 1 : ROB ROY (15) nary skills. A secret society of nocturnal gourmets is formed, which all the while has to ward off the atten- Despite being overly long, taken in the right frame of mind this tions of the school's pompous and reptilian latin mas- is just an old fashioned swashbuckling, sword-fighting, sporran- ter (Christopher Lee). A nice enough film as far as it swinging adventure. Liam Neesen (an Irishman) plays Rob Roy goes, but nothing more than that. (a Scotsman) while Jessica Lange (an American) plays his wife. As history it's bunkum, but then it's not meant to be taken too Fri/Sun-Thurs 1.25 3.50 Sat 12.40 2.50 seriously; and it does have some okay set pieces, and some pretty Scottish countryside. It also has the excellent Tim Roth as a very nasty baddy. Not great, but not as bad as some crits have made Evenings: CIRCLE OF out. FRIENDS (15) Fri/Sun-Thure 2.15 5,15 8.15 Sat 12.10 3.10 6.10 9.10 A film about growing up in Ireland, circa the 1950s. Based on the novel by Maeve Binchy, this tells the Screen 2 : MURIEL'S WEDDING story of three school friends who enrol in a Dublin college, where they shake off their Catholic upbring- (15) ing to indulge in a spot of campus carnality. Despite the handicap of looking like a typical slice of Holly- Still (deservedly) taking money at the box office, this is a little wood blarney, the film has a warm heart and is nicely treat from down under. Very funny — but also daring to be sad acted by a low-key cast, headed by Chris O'Donnell in places — this is the tale of poor Muriel who h ves in a dead-end (watch out for him as Robin to Val Kilmer's Batman town, with a dead-end family and dead-end friends, but who in the forthcoming "Batman Forever"). eventually comes to terms with herself and life. It's got terrific performances, a great soundtrack (Abba — yeah!) and some Fri/Sun-Thurs 6.15 8.50 Sat 5.00 7.15 9,40 very funny moments. A delight. Fri & Sun 3.35 6.00 8.40 Sat 2.45 5.10 7.3510.00 Mon-Thurs Screen 4 : 1.10 3.35 6.00 8.40 STREETFIGHTER (12) Weekend matinees : 101 Unashamedly daft martial arts flick based on the computer game "Streetfighter 2". The Muscles From Brussels, Jean Claude Van DALMATIANS (U) Damme, heads up a crack team of Allied Nations soldiers whose mission is to turn over the seriously megalomaniac Raul Julia. The doggy tail of Cruella de Vil and her search for a black and How they hope to succeed with Kylie Minogue as the white spotted coat. team's.^.er... intelligence officer goodness only knows. This Fri & Sun 1.30 Sat 1.00 virtually incomprehensible fantasy moves along with almost limitless energy, thanks to Steven de Souza's direction which never allows a shot to last more than a few seconds. Computer Screen 3 : A FEAST AT games nuts will be delighted by all this, although fans of Van MIDNIGHT (PG) Damme who thought he was on his way to the top drawer after "Time Cop" will I» more than just a tad disappointed. Old-fashioned yam for kiddiewinks, which brings to mind some Fri/Sun-Thurs 1.45 4.10 6.30 9.00 (No perfs Weds) Sat 2.00 of those ghastly Children's Film Foundation flicks that were 4.40 7.00 9.50 inflicted on the unsuspecting youth of this country during the 1960s and 1970s. A new boy at a snooty prep school wards off Weds only: L'ENFER (15) Francois Cluzet begins to suspect his wife (Emmanuelle Beart) of having an affair and slowly becomes obsessed with finding out the truth — but will his paranoia cause his fears to become self-fulfilling? A typical slice of French psychological drama, but with more than a hint of Hitchcock, especially with its bloody finale. Weds at 1.50 4.15 6,20 8.50 p. Pete 'n' FhU 12 Bare Facts ® Jo and Ali - is it gonna be ® One for f*** and f*** for all. This is ® Oh Smurf! You make me go ali wob- bigger and better this time or the motto of the notorious muska-f*** bly! You had better monch on me fast. wot?!! @ Can you help me? I need a graduation © To Andy (?) Hs 18 - Fancy a drink and ®What's this about the NUS ticket for the 7th July 95 urgently. If a chat about the merits of Doo the delegates doing it for them- YOU have one to spare please contact Moog gigs - yar (Nick) selves? me either at SH or LIS pigeon holes. © Good luck for your finals Seb & Ben. ®Studmuffin lurvemuscle - M.Riirmier. Ali the best Martin, Andrea & Richard. see ya in the water. ©MARK - What did you call ail of © Beth: Stop exploiting and taking ad- ®What was all that noise on Union Security again? vantage of first years. Monday evening. OLAV © Rob - WE WANT YOU! From G & P © Smurf. I thought you were supposed to riding his wetdream? ® Sophie, I don't know, but I don't think be surveying? Not looking at your hel- ©KARSTEN: mouse, loose anyone else was involved, Phil. per's anticlines!! SCALLY. (beh), Julian Clary seduce - ® To the lusciously lovely Lorraine, two ©Sue - how long were those buttons sounds familiar?!! Gremlin. terms late, but punctuality was never undone?? ® Jono, Hearts and Solitare do my strong point - Nick ©Parsley - If you can't control them not belong in the BF office! ® S. Oh nothing, it doesn't matter, P. we're sure you can find an unselfish ® Sophie, do the initiais K and ® Whoops - lied î^out the money. lover who's Willing to lend a hand!! R mean anything to you? ® MAC - Here is your personal...we love © Just who DOES do ali the work in the ® Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll - you really...Amy & Claire xxx Bare Facts office? so ali I need now is a band - ® Next time you have 12 whiskies it' Il be ® Cory, mark em up and seil them on. Mad Irish Foet the lake for you. ®DofE'ers (re camping trip) - doesn't ® To hedgehog 49 - how are @ J. Fick dich ins Knie. Alle meine liebe, Sardine tea taste lovely??!! the rooftops tonite? F. ® Earth healing day - June 4th - anyone ® James - ha ha ha ha ha - Wee- ® To the twins, Ben and Jill, Happy 19th interested contact me - if you need to kee birthday for yesterday! Hope you had then you will ® Frank, lOSmph on the A3 - a great time! Now you're over the hill, ® Steeve French - Scooby and Cavey RUBBISH! just like me! Love from Sarah. Wavey below Gadget and Phooey - no ® Ethel will you marry me (this is not a ©V.Thankyou. M. taste and insulting to our intelligence - Outraged in Surrey. joke) - Rupert ©Mike (Blackwater boy): HAPPY ® What is the worst form of torture for a BIRTHDAY, so there will be a party ® GASH, you may be winning with the man (how does naked, carpet beater outside Blackwater on Friday night jobby types but I bet you, we will hear and an open seated chair strike you?) then! Love Amy xx the rip when you get your first jaggy. ® To ali 1 st year musos - think carefully @ Help! Help! It's touching cloth. I don't From SCALLY about next year! know how much longer I can keep it ©Steeve, here's a personal that isn't ®Congrats Frank on surviving for six in. slagging you off! ! weeks (weil, almost) PhiI, Sophie, © S. I think Frank asked too much of the © Holly Gerry - pity about the electricity, Simon, Richard et al. corkscrew. I guess it's just "not that so how about Jamaica? ®Cory, the Bosnian deal is through se- kind of kitchen Utensil" - P. © Danny - l've heard that spending the lection of merchandise is on the way. ©Captain America - men troubles night with a woman is a good hangover ® I could not find much WOO WOO on âgain...what is a blöke to doü! cure, maybe you should try it more often! the civ eng trip. Ali I saw were two ©Oh, and the sex! huge batholiths on Karen and an ig- ® Dean & Ben interesting new variety of ©Was that the Beatles or the Mon- neous intrusion on Mike. kees??? (oh, that was a gem!!) polystyrène pizzas! ® Mayday, mayday ! There is a psychotic © To the Old Fogey - nice try! ©A -1 don't know, why did the H'n'C maniac in house 41 S.H.C. Everyone © Karen, did you have a nice time on get out while you can. Her name is Joe, Student stare out the window? - C Monday? broadcasted from House 47, room 8... ©Poo - Happy Birthday (Oldiel) I love you pots, not too long now - Love from ©Week 10, will be full of interesting ®C - Why did the H'n'C student stare surprises! Worried yet?? out the window? - A Smiler x © R - requires man with firm hand. Com- © Will you be at the Hoedown on Friday ® To the Comish bit we ali love you if no mitment cowards need not apply. night??... one else does. Love the Taunton bit © To the cricketers outside Stag Hill Re- XXX © You ruined our Trivial Pursuit game by passing out in the Union. ception - bugger off and do some work ® With imagination, TU get there.. - you annoy us. © Si Parsley, we hope you control your ©Economies department in interesting balls better when you're soberü © ...Maybe l'il see you there?? lecture shocker - councillors have been © Sam - your post is STILL here! called in. ® Stephen, Indi, Karen, Angie & Verni - profuse apologies for lack of work and ©WONDERWOMAN: What is that ® Cory - the man form C&A attention - THANKYOU! Sophie. smile on your face for then? ® Phil, just what was Frank doing with ©Do Niteline cater for jilted cork- ©Basii - You're brilliant! Thanx a mil- the corkscrew ali night? - Sophie screws? lion, Loadsa Love Clara xxx ® Nick, how much time do you owe - ITie © It's the man that starts to drink but the ©Marx - Riencamated as Elvis imper- Grim Reaper drink finishes the man.... sonator - N. ® The letters A and B cause me a great © Mad Irish Poet -1 pity you ! deal of stress, usually. © Cory, they look Ivan Lendal ® C - Because they were bored of staring @ V. Thanks, you are welcome to control ® FREE MONEY AND SEX AT NEXT me anytime. - N. WEEK'S G.M. at the ceiling! - A ® P.S. Stop pinching other people's soft ® lilis is the last personal this week al- ®Room 12 Rich 3: Did you enjoy though it's likely to be deleted! S. Raiders of the lost Temple on Wednes- and squidgy bits, you CÎŒAT!! ® Jeff, you're going to have to sort out day? ® Happy B'day Alison M - Loadsa Luv this misogyny of yours. ® Respect to the Stereo Pukers. Rach, Jo, Vie and Debbie xxx 2nd June 1995 13 Household Removals Catering Assistant White and Co. PLC require four students required to help with Hall restaurant requires twenty four catering assis- household removals - July to September. Hours 8am to 5pm. £28 tants working average of 40 hours per week for the per day .Day starts at Famborough. All applicants must be strong summer holidays. Working from 3rd July to 31st and fit. Telephone (01252) 549212 August 1995 you will earn £3.50 per hour includ- ing Uniform and free meals on duty. You must be polite and courteous with conférence visitors. In- Laser Combat terested? Phone Nick Cave on ext. 9915. Looking for Fun work this summer? Quantum Pursuits require enthusiastic heîpers for the mobile crews for the summer season. Estâtes and Buildings Good rates of pay. Interested? phone (01482) 860993. require a Student to cross check the plans for one of the buildings on site with the building itself The Student helper - Résidences work will include adding to the plans the occu- pants and departments using each room. Common Fifteen students required to assist the permanent domestic staff sense essential and you must be polite at ali times. making beds, cleaning residential areas and portering etc. Some A covering letter will be provided to answer any overtime in July. You must be physically fit. Pay is £3.30 per queries. Pay £3 per hour. Start date AS AP. Contact hour or £2.80 with accommodation for U.O.S. students. Start Derry Caleb on ext. 9229. date 3rd July. Phone Mrs S Ambrosen on ext 9079. General assistant for Exams Office advertising and promotions Student required to insert papers into envelopes and label them. Ability to do routine stuffing with- department out losing concentration is essential. Hours 3rd to 5th July 9 to 5 pm, 19 to 20th July 9 to 5pm and 24th to 25th July 9 lo 5pm. ISP Europe require someone for 8 hours per week preferably Pay £3.50 per hour. Start date 3rd July. Contact the Exams momings. Duties include inputting sales leads and keeping track Office on Ext. 9037. of budgets, filing, photocopying, despatching brochures and making coffee! Keyboard skills required and able to give atten- tion to detail essential. Rate of pay £4.50 starting immediately. Contact Anita Alien or Lorraine Barker on (01483) 301757

Would ali clubs and societies that would like an insert in Surrey For Beginners Please Is christanity See the Communications Officer ASAF sexist? Contact Jono Bennett on Ext. 9275, or e-mail OPEN FORaN [email protected] D of E SOCIETY - No meeting on Tuesday 30th May, debrief of New Forest expedition on Tuesday óth June Everybody Welcome in LT B at ó.OOpm. CREATIVE WRITING SOCIETY AGM, 7pm Monday 5th June (week 7) Nelson Mandela Room. ARCHERY CLUB AGM, Wednesday 31st May, TB21. ARCHERY CLUB AGM, Wednesday 31st May, at2pm in TB21. ISLAMIC SOCIETY EGM, on Thursday 8 June 1995 at 6.30pm in LTE. WING TSUN KUNG FU AGM - on Thursday of week 7 in the Servery at 1 .OOpm. LIBRARY RESTAURANT WEEK 6 Squash Club AGM - Wednesday 21st June (Wk 9) 7.30 PM FRIDAY WEEK 6 -2ND JUNE Ipm Nelson Madela Room S 14 Bare Facts Show US a Sign! Part II

Do Ballistic Beer Mats Count As A Health Hazard? Free Fest 95

The Bogus Brothers as appearing at Free Fest! The question is do they alw<^s look at each other in this way? 2nd June 1995 15 CAMPUSPORT EXAMINATION REMINDER Most exercise classes, courses and dance will continue during the exam period. Please check with the Campusport Centre reception as to venues for these classes. From Friday 16th June everything will be Wednesday 2Ist June running normally again. I.D. SPORTS REPRESENTATIVES RIVERSPORTSDAYWHATBETTERWAY 1995/96 ACADEMIC TOSPENDAHOTSUMMERAFTERNOON YEAR THANSPLASHINGAROUNDINTHERIVE R.THEIDEAISTOHAVEFUNNOTTOSHO Sports Représentatives for 1995/96 MUST BE ELECTED THIS TERM. WHOWFITWEALLARE.THEREWILLBEE There will be an important meeting at the kCampusport Centre on Friday 16th June VENTSSUCHASRAFTCHANGEABOUT.W 'at 1.05 p.m. for all continuing and newly elected représentatives. ATERGLADiATORSANDMUCHMORE.IF The programme next year will be starting YOUHAVEBOTHEREDREADINGTHISFA in SEPTEMBER, with the full pro- RTHENYOUOBVIOUSLYWANTTOTAKE gramme operating when the new first years arrive at the beginning of October. PART.SOGETFiVEFRIENDSANDENTER PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU ELECT ATCAMPUSPORT YOU SPORTS REPS FOR NEXT YEAR AND COME TO THIS MEETING.

rHE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY XAKE IT ONE STEP FURTHER... WIN OR SWIM... JUST ONE OF THE EVENTS EM THIS YEARS RIVER SPORTS DAY Bare!fòcts SPORT

Duke of Edinburgh trip

to New Forest A DAY OF FUN one of US could quite believe il on Friday evening when we were ali packed and ready to go on our camping & TIME TO GET WET expédition to the New Foresi. After several weeks of Npréparation and discussion some of us were quite MAYBE WIN A PRIZE worried al the thought of 3 nights in a cold tent and several 'long hikes ! However, the weekend tumed out to be a big success, mud and ali. EVENTS: WATER GLADIATORS We arrived late at the campsile on Friday evening to be met by three members of Boumemouth University, and attempted to BEGINNERS CANOE RACE assemble the tents. We felt a good nights rest would prepare us TUG-OF-WAR weil for the following day. Saturday moming we ali packed up AND MORE and began our 21 kilométré walk finishing at the next campsite. The day's highlight had to be lunch time when some of the less fortunate members enjoyed 'sardine tea, compliments of An- drew 'what a gem Stevens! We ali felt like collapsing on reaching the next camp, but we managed lo gel the tents up and cook tea before having a first aid session for our feet and going to bed. Audio ^Visual Services An extra member from Surrey's Duke of Edinburgh Society joined us on Sunday moming, and we commenced on a slightly are pleased to be associated with and he phnting for shorter walk of 16.5 kilométrés. Penny and Richard wimped out and only carried small rucksacks for the hike, and at the end of the day Boumemouth went home! But theyd ali done better than The University of Surrey Portsmouth University who didnt make it in the first place! The rest of US managed to keep our spirits up with gossip sessions and sing-songs in between scrambling tlù-ough muddy swamps Students* Union and fords (Great route planning Richard!). Sunday night proved rather interesting with enlertainments ranging from Andrews Whigfield impression to watching the New Fbrest ponies eat "Bare Facts" Richards tent! We had another first aid session for our feet and called it a day. A warm welcome is extended to ali University On Monday moming we were up 'brighi and early, bui soon scrambled back in the tent to safety as the skies opened. Richard Staffi Students to fulfìll your requirements in 'wot no meths? Hiscoke suffered the downpour to cook our breakfasts, while we onlooked from the leni! Eventually the rain did stop, and we packed down and moved on again. This time Prífttíng & Photocí^ying it was just a planned 10 kilométré walk (much to Andrews disappointment!), which was later reduced to about 8 kilométrés due to tiredness and injuries. Finally we reached our ultimate V Graphic Design s^ - destination...the PUB, and settled down for some weil deserved pub grub, before being picked up and brought home! Phbtograpby In ali the weekend was a great success, we ali got on weil as a team (!?!) and hopefully there will be many more camping Television Audio ^ Weekends to come! ProjexìtioffServices^ Corinna Phillips

tjtììversity of Surrey,. Gujldfctó, Surrey. CW25XH. , , Tel:' (^3) 259290 Fax (01483) 25939^-