Law Weekly 2017, 2018, & 2019 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner A Look Lovebirds Thrive in the Time of Corona...... 2 How Technology is Transforming Antitrust and Big Tech...... 3 Inside: Take a Gander at Which of these Tech Tips are Accurate...... 5

Wednesday, 2 September 2020 The Newspaper of the School of Law Since 1948 Volume 73, Number 2 Online around north Competition: Oh, The Places You’ll Go! grounds When Will Thumbs down Students Get Law Students Describe Big Law, Public to the sixty-per- son, maskless, Sent Home? distance-less Drew Calamaro ’21 Interest, and RA Summer Experiences Darden party this past Satire Editor weekend in the Ivy parking lot. ANG knows Darden stu- My fellow law students and dents have no real respon- COVID avoiders, sibilities other than to look A storm is coming. A wave pretty and network, but of undergrads is on the hori- read the global health crisis zon and there is no end to their in the room. numbers in sight. Each vector comes from afar, bringing Thumbs side- with them the many strains ways to Darden of COVID-19 (two—some students not being would say two too many) that able to read. ANG are spreading throughout the wishes ANG could claim country. Of course, the school such naivety when ANG administration could choose surreptitiously coughs on to NOT do this, thereby pro- gunners. tecting the student body and the city of Charlottesville as a Thumbs down whole, but here we are. to the hours at As a result, we have a situ- Greenberry’s be- ation where we all KNOW ing cut back even the school will go completely further. ANG depends on virtual at some point, but we quad-shot Americanos to don’t know when. Or may- give ANG energy, and Man- be we do… Here at the Law dy’s smile to give ANG hope. Weekly, we believe every- thing should be made a game, Pictured: Debuting this summer, Kolleen Gladden ’21, Sam Pickett ’21, and Andrew Teal ’22 test out different careeer paths. Photo Courtesy of Drew Calamaro ’21. Thumbs up to and, to that end, we are pro- the misting hand viding a reward to the person Sam Pickett ’21 the edge of their screen. Perhaps ful “passion project.” I was lucky sanitizer stations who most accurately guesses Columns Editor I would have gotten to know the enough to be able to do some ac- around the Law the date and time at which Summer 2020: The Hu- partners through bougie lunches tual substantive work this sum- School. ANG has never an email will be sent out that manization of Big Law in downtown D.C., but probably mer, where I discovered that I known such luxury and can entirely shuts down under- From the time that you start not as well as I know them now. really did enjoy doing real life now replace ANG’s monthly graduate classes.1 Here are law school, people tell you all Negative: We did virtual legal work. Phew, good thing, shower with a daily delicate the rules: kinds of things about your 2L trivia. because I’ve been saying I want misting. Your guess: Go to law- summer. They talk of luxurious I am actually a big fan of triv- to be a lawyer for a long time. weekly.org and click on the lunches with BigLaw associates; ia—not because I am good at it Neutral: I didn’t eat out at Thumbs down link to the Google survey (you they tell you of weeks of traveling or because I know a lot of things, cool lunch spots every day. to COVID-19 for must be logged into your UVA after your program is over; they but because there may be one For my health, it was prob- forcing classes email to access).2 You will regale you with tales of work basketball-related question that ably for the best that I didn’t eat into auditoriums. be required to include your barely done, the adventures to I can answer and feel important. lunch out every day. But instead, ANG already struggles in name and email, and others be had, and they remark that all This trivia, however, was run by I stayed inside and told myself class, but forcing ANG to sit who fill out guesses will be this can be yours, if you simply a teenager (or a man who looked that I “deserved” dessert on a in a seat with poor lighting, able to see yours as well. You go through the wringer that is like a teenager) with an iPad, daily basis. Is that really better? no power outlets, and bad are warned. The tiebreaker, if OGI. and this teenager did not know Who knows! lumbar support really kills needed, will be naming who Well, I went through the how to work Zoom at all. Also, the vibes. sends out this email. wringer that is OGI. And while there were no basketball-related Kolleen’s Wild Summer Deadline: Your answer I had imagined a summer questions. Adventure Thumbs up to must be sent by Sunday, Sept. ~frolicking~ through D.C., life Positive: We did a virtual It was Russell Baker who once Dean Groves’ silky 6, at 11:59 p.m. This is a hard had other plans. So, on July 6, cocktail night and now I can said “Ah, summer, what power smooth voice and deadline. 2020, forty-nine days after I was make a mean daiquiri. Kolleen Gladden ‘21 its rich timbre. Online shutdown event originally supposed to begin my In what was a predictably Photographer Who would have thought definition: I will personally program, I sat down in my Ivy rousing success, the law firm that explaining COVID-19 determine whether the email Garden apartment, alone, and shipped us various alcoholic ma- you have to make procedures and threatening meets the definition of a full logged onto the firm’s server. terials and had someone teach us suffer and like suspension over the course switch to online classes. Even And there I sat for the next six us how to make cocktails. Now I it.” Perhaps noth- of an eight-minute video if classes are not entirely on- weeks. To best summarize my can make a daiquiri, which peo- ing more aptly could ever sound so musi- line, I think we can agree that experience, I have decided to ple1 really like. encapsulates my cal? if the vast majority of classes come up with a list of the posi- Negative: We did a virtual personal experience with the become virtual, it counts. But tives and negatives of having a paint night and I disproved the summer of 2020. It was cer- Thumbs down it’ll be an “I know it when I ~virtual summer~. notion that everyone can paint if tainly a rollercoaster of a season, to Zoom break- see it” situation. Do I believe Positive: Partners are hu- they try. which I think was more or less out rooms. ANG it should be a democratic pro- man, just like us! While the teacher kept reiter- true for everyone. When Chris- clearly misinter- During OGI, you come to fear ating that you “cannot mess this tina Luk ’21 asked me to write preted and was hoping at 1 And sending undergrads partners. They are painted as painting up” because “everyone about my summer experience, long last to find an online back to the virtual realm severe people in suits who don’t can make it look how they want,” I had to pause. It’s almost hard support group for ANG’s where they belong. make mistakes and who frown I did in fact mess it up. No, I will to trace when exactly summer chronic, cystic acne. The strongly at a misplaced comma not elaborate. began, as my brain may have search continues. 2 If you think this sounds in a resume. They are not peo- Positive: I really do want to entered another plane of exis- like a naked attempt to garner ple; they are lawyers who only be a lawyer. tence the moment that pass/fail Thumbs side- clicks to our highly intuitive think and talk about the law. While law school “teaches” was announced last semester. ways to the new and advanced-looking web- But it is simply not possible you the law, internships are It is a privilege to have several pool rules at site, then you think correctly. to think of them that way when where you learn whether you fond memories of those follow- NGRC. ANG rare- The Law Weekly must still they are video chatting from a actually want to practice law or ing months, which were split ly exercises these days, but drink at the fount of clicks for random room in their home, whether this has all just been between long runs, watching only keeping the pool open our affirmation. shooing their children—each of an incredibly expensive, stress- until 10:30 a.m. just con- which is in various degrees of firms it’ll be another year SUMMER page 2 COMPETITION page 2 undress—out of the room from 1 My girlfriend. until ANG exercises again. 2 Columns VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 2 September 2020 their brains. I am beyond thank- Charlottesville, he mused that he coffeehouse that serves adorable COMPETITION SUMMER ful to have worked there. couldn’t wait to come back. Now (and delicious!) Mothman cook- continued from page 1 continued from page 1 I’m sure outside of work sum- that is a milestone. ies, and (perhaps my favorite) mer activities looked different We decided to turn the 20ish- a life-sized Mothman statue on cess to determine if the email my roommate Grace Tang ’21 for everyone this summer. I hour drive from Joplin to Char- their main street. If you enjoy counts? No. Do you know play animal crossing, writing spoke to classmates who can- lottesville into a multi-day road cryptids and urban legends as why? Because I am the one or- papers, and watching Kingdom celed trips abroad and various trip. Among our first stops was much as I do, Point Pleasant is a ganizing this. or battling over Dominion with ventures that are now discontin- New Harmony, Indiana, the must-visit. Determination of close- Grace, Ray Hou ’21, and Chris- ued until an undetermined point most interesting town you’ve There you have it, a glimpse of ness: I will publish everyone’s tina. When May rolled around, in the future. In Joplin, a typical probably never heard of. I only the highlight reel. I hope you all guesses on a Google Sheets I made the difficult decision to summer might look somewhat know it exists because I stopped have a safe semester, and watch document, which you will be leave three of my dear friends to like this: spending time with my there for gas on my first sojourn out for the moths. able to access. If the tiebreaker journey back to my hometown of same close-knit group of high to Charlottesville two years ago. fails to establish a clear win- Joplin, Missouri. school friends, sitting outside of It was home to a socialist ex- Courts and Coding: My ner, we will hold a socially dis- After a weeklong detour in the Sonic with half-priced shakes, periment in the early 1800s, Summer as a Research As- tanced footrace to determine Atlanta suburbs (which, now walking the mall, climbing wa- with the intent of becoming a sistant the ultimate champion. that I think about it, was the first ter towers, and people watching utopian society. The town, with As a rising 2L, I spent this The prize: A Dr. Ho’s time I spent any considerable at the infamous Seventh Street a current population of about past summer working remote- Humble Pie gift card. I can length in a suburb) with Chris- Wal-Mart. Due to the lack of 700, has some truly fascinating ly as a research assistant for promise you I did not pay tian Sorensen ’21 and his fam- initial COVID cases in Joplin, remains from that time period. Professor Michael Livermore. for this, but the Law Weekly ily, I made it back to Joplin and some of those activities were Several labyrinths can be found Andrew Teal ‘22 clearly has Bezos-level deep began work. I had the fantastic still viable for periods of time, across the town, and I believe Guest Writer pockets. Maybe the true prize pleasure of spending the follow- within reason. Certainly one of New Harmony’s logo is one such is the knowledge that at some ing thirteen weeks working re- the best parts of the summer was labyrinth in the shape of a brain. Professor Liver- point, you will be able to walk motely full time for the Federal Christian’s arrival in late August. There is a large outdoor temple more’s research around Charlottesville without Public Defenders for the West- All relationships have their own dedicated to all religions. Addi- explores mul- running into an infected un- ern District of Missouri. Working unique milestones, and I think tionally, New Harmony has one tiple fields, from dergraduate. with the federal public defenders “voluntarily wants to come to Jo- of the largest collections of un- environmental law to compu- was incredible. My first task was plin for a week” has to be a pretty dersea fossils. It’s a truly inter- tational analysis of the law, That’s it. Good luck, stay to create a template for motions significant one. Although, con- esting visit if you’re ever in the and I was one of three research safe, and guess away! for compassionate release under sidering the closest to Southwest area. We also explored Cincin- assistants working with him COVID-19, which is essentially a Missouri this Atlanta boy had nati, where we found a secluded this summer on a few of his --- motion requesting an inmate be ventured was Illinois, I doubted little vegetarian café (Sitwell’s ongoing projects. His current dac6jk.virginia.edu released or placed in home con- whether he knew what he was Coffeehouse Act II), which was research spans a wide range finement due to having health getting himself into. It’s safe to incredible. The walls were cov- of topics, and I was excited for problems that would put them say he didn’t—our week includ- ered in amazing artwork, and the opportunity to work with at a greater risk of death should ed, among other things: a car their tofu banh mi, dirty chai, him on projects involving data they contract the coronavirus. chase, an accidental run-in with and caramel macchiato were all and law. I have been interested Putting these motions together a U.S. Marshal while searching beyond phenomenal. in how emerging technology was possibly my favorite part for the famed haunted “Joplin The final stop was Point Pleas- will potentially disrupt the le- of the summer. I was also very Spooklight,” floating down Shoal ant, West Virginia. Anyone who gal field, and Professor Liver- fortunate to have supervisors Creek in a duct-taped inflatable knows me well knows my love more has explored this idea in who were incredibly accessible raft, my favorite gas station (it for cryptids and particularly the depth through a unique com- throughout the program. When sells, among other things, fuzzy Mothman. The Mothman is an bination of his legal expertise I wanted to learn more about a dice, cowboy boots, pickled ev- urban legend associated with and his understanding of data facet of racial justice work that erything, full sets of medieval this small West Virginian town, analytics. wasn’t explicitly related to my armor??), and, of course, a trip where sightings were first re- Although law students all internship, my main supervisor to the infamous Seventh Street ported in the 1960s. The town faced unusual circumstances held a town hall with twelve oth- Wal-Mart. As we loaded my has a Mothman museum where er attorneys just so I could pick car to begin the journey back to the history is fully explained, a SUMMER page 6 Love in the Time of Corona: Abby and Andrew

Although it’s been months, two days before classes Abby: Andrew is very cu- other hand, Abby is super forward to each day. I think many aspects of our “new started 1L, getting drinks at rious! He loves to experience extroverted, which has ob- the separation of those two normal” continue to pres- Sedona with a group of peo- and explore new things. I’ve viously been more difficult things helped keep work ent challenges that can be ple and then later that week learned and experienced a these past few months. In the hours for work. Communica- Ben Stievetar ‘22 at a party. We spent most lot of things with him that absence of those normal so- tion about COVID risks was Events Editor of the party talking and be- I normally may have over- cial outlets, I think I’ve been also crucial. We both realized came friends. After about a looked on my own. The other able to be a sounding board that because we were quar- strange and month, we attended another night we watched a Felli- and guide as she adapts to antining together we had a frustrating to party together as friends, but ni movie that he had been this more introverted life- mutual responsibility to be face. From sit- that night something clicked wanting to watch. I ended up style we’ve all been living. smart and safe. We made a ting next to and there was a clear, natu- loving it, but wouldn’t have That’s dolphinately a habit of always keeping each someone in ral shift in our friendship ever thought to watch it had good metaphor. Let’s other in the loop and letting class to hitting Bar Review, toward a relationship. We’ve it not been for Andrew. pivot back to Corona for each other know if we were things that once seemed a been officially together since Andrew: There’s a funny a second. I bet spend- ever uncomfortable with re- given feel far away, or at November! metaphor for our relation- ing all that time together spective personal plans. least vastly different be- Ah, all roads and rela- ship that we talk about a lot. could have been over- Andrew: Meetings, net- hind a mask and six feet tionships lead to Sedona. I’m like a whale and Abby is whelming. Did you have working calls, and big proj- apart. We’ve been forced Let’s talk COVID. What’s like a barnacle. We have a any practices in place ects at work were fairly easy to connect more creatively your relationship been very symbiotic relationship to keep things running to do separately. But when in our professional, per- like during it? and are dependent on each smoothly? things at work were slow, sonal, and—we’ll say it, you Andrew: Back during other, but in different ways. Abby: Yes! I think we’re there was definitely a temp- smokeshows, you—romantic spring break, we had been I’m pretty introverted and good at sitting together in tation to socialize with each lives. Indeed, like a profes- out of town visiting her par- would say Abby brings out the same room and doing other or do something im- sor explaining the holding ents and got back to Charlot- the extrovert in me when it our own thing, but we would promptu. But, going back five minutes past the bell, tesville right as the semester comes to socializing. On the plan out set activities to look to the introvert/extrovert love continues on, so we at shifted online and things dynamic, I occasionally do the Law Weekly thought it were shutting down. We had need time alone to recharge would be intriguing, pleas- to decide pretty quickly what my batteries. She’s the oppo- antly distracting, and (dare our quarantine situation site and recharges by being we say it) heartwarming would look like. We decided around people. We definitely to hear how couples and to stay put here together. had to communicate through singles alike are handling We’ve now spent more of our this difference in personality romance in light of all these relationship in quarantine and practice. changes. You’ve heard of together than not. Let’s do a lightning Love in the Time of Cholera, Abby: It’s been a (success- round! Best Charlottes- but get ready for Love in the ful) trial-by-fire. We had a ville date spot? Time of Corona. good number of friends who Andrew: Ten. Great su- This week’s guests are were here over the summer shi and vibe. It’s shockingly Abby Porter ’22 and Andrew than enabled us to have some fancy and city-like. I love the Tynes ’22. other social outlets, but we rural charm of Charlottes- Hi Abby and Andrew! spent a ton of time together ville, but Ten flips that on its Welcome and thanks for and learned a lot about each head and makes you feel like kicking us off this semes- other in the process. you’ve escaped to Manhattan ter. Let’s start with some Let’s hear it! How for the night. basics. How and when would you each describe Abby: Lampo! Best pizza did you two meet? the other in a word or Abby: Hi, Ben! We met phrase? Pictured: These two beauties lit up the stage at Barrister’s this spring. Photo Courtesy of Andrew Tynes ’22. CORONA page 3 Wednesday, 2 September 2020 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Features 3 Antitrust and Big Tech: The Path to 21st Century Technological Transformation Part 1 Already a year has come and has passed since I first learned loading apps like Venmo or devices—downloading apps cess of its business.” The nearly gone since I first happened upon what the term “antitrust” meant even making purchases online that became more influential in five-and-a-half-hour testimony the event “Antitrust in the Digital through my reporting. As a 2L, via eBay, Amazon, or Instacart. shaping our conception of the of the CEOs of these companies I return, having had the chance Yet necessity was the mother world around us and ourselves. (Jeff Bezos, Tim Cook, Mark Donna Faye to sink my teeth into these is- of conformity once COVID-19 Our increasing dependence Zuckerberg, and Sundar Pichai) Imadi ‘22 sues by working in the Technol- turned our lives upside down. on these digital platforms only demarcated the progress of a Current Events ogy Enforcement Division at Many Americans, like myself, exacerbated their power to con- nearly yearlong investigation Editor the Federal Trade Commission who previously did their utmost struct and influence the realities spearheaded by Chairman Cicil- Economy” as an (FTC). By way of this experience, to avoid being sucked in the we were siloed into within our line (D-RI). He began the hear- eager 1L and was I feel inclined to report to you digital economy due to concerns homes. This influence was re- ing reflecting exactly why being inspired to learn that Professor Hockett’s belief about privacy, data, and lack of flected in monetary third quar- “too big” might be a problem, and experience all that the legal about the promise of a career in transparency, were impelled to ter earnings reported on July weighed against those benefits profession offers us. Writing my antitrust law, as well as how an- change course. Paralyzed by the 31. Amazon reported record of Big Tech. His statements em- first Virginia Law Weekly piece titrust law relates to Big Tech, is pandemic and stuck at home, we revenue and profit increases, phasized the consequences of the covering the event, titled “Make correct. Big Tech’s influence is adapted. doubling profits to a record $5.2 abuse of these platforms’ mar- Antitrust Cool Again: Antitrust critically important to our lives For better or worse, our econ- billion, far exceeding expecta- ket-power (exacerbated by CO- in the Digital Economy,”1 I recall and antitrust is at the heart of omy was also forced to adapt, tions. Apple also reported a 11% VID-19), especially in eLearning, Professor Hockett’s passion as determining how to usher in markedly impacting fifty-one increase in quarterly sales due to e-commerce, social media, and he sought to convince his audi- our 21st-century technological million Americans who filed strong demand for apps, reliance other essential platforms. ence that 1) antitrust was “cool;” transformation—a technological for unemployment as of mid- on remote-work devices, and a Over the course of the next and 2) it was quite a “big deal” in transformation which not only August.2 Both producers (work- lower priced iPhone. month, I’ll reflect on my recent relation to regulating Big Tech. affects our economy, but our na- ers who are unemployed) and But, this might all seem so experiences at the FTC to illumi- U.S. antitrust laws that form the tion’s fundamental democratic consumers (all of us) thrust to obvious to you. “Of course, their nate how regulation of Big Tech foundation of our nation’s free- processes, international secu- change our habits. On the con- earnings increased,” you might via our nation’s antitrust laws, market economy, prohibiting rity, and our shared conception sumption end, millions of Amer- think. And why should that be or statutory authority, may im- monopolistic conduct and con- of reality itself. icans turned to large e-com- an issue? These tech companies pact our lives. We’ll turn to the spiracies in restraint of trade, are When the unthinkable de- merce sites such as Amazon for provided us great services in an recent Antitrust Subcommittee governed mainly by the Sher- scended upon the world by way basic commodities (remember unprecedented era. Could we hearing to do this, then to how man Act passed in 1890. (Big of COVID-19 in mid-March, the toilet paper catastrophe?). have imagined enduring such a antitrust in Big Tech intersects Tech refers to Google, Facebook, many things changed in our per- They also turned to Facebook catastrophic global event as this with U.S. international security Amazon, and Apple—the pre- sonal lives. We were stuck in our and Google (parent of Youtube), pandemic without such techno- objectives. Lastly, we’ll focus on eminent tech companies of our homes for weeks on end, longing seeking ways to combat the ef- logical interconnectedness? how Big Tech is regulating our time.) for the “simplicity” of our former fects of social isolation. More- You have a point. Being prof- social processes and conceptions It only took my coverage of grocery runs or restaurant out- over, with over one-hundred itable in America is not a crime. of our communities, especially in this one event to sow the seed of ings. But, we had great resources million iPhone users in the U.S Nor is it a crime to “Be Big.” As light of the recent and upcoming intrigue on how “Big Tech” com- at our disposal to match the mo- alone, we spent an incredible House Representative Sensen- elections. panies influence the social, eco- ment. Resources we have come amount of time on our phones/ brenner said in his opening Big Tech is a BIG issue. Let’s nomic, and political systems that to regard as our “virtual tool- remarks at the investigative get to it. pervade every facet of our lives. boxes.” 2 https://www. hearing before the House An- Serendipitously, exactly a year Prior to the pandemic, I had forbes.com/sites/ titrust Subcommittee, on July --- felt trepidation about entering a jackkelly/2020/07/16/51- 29, 2020, which examined the [email protected] 1 https://www.lawweekly. “virtual reality.” I was disinclined million-americans-are-un- “Dominance of Amazon, Apple, org/front-page/2019/10/2/ to use all of the “tech tools” at my employedheres-the-story-of- Facebook, and Google.” “Being make-antitrust-cool-again-an- disposal. In fact, I employed any the-job-seekers-behind-the- big is not inherently bad” and titrust-in-the-digital-economy method possible to avoid down- numbers/#39e611956ac1 “America should reward the suc-

Abby: I would say I value CORONA how Andrew comes to ev- continued from page 2 erything with passion and Food Recommendation Corner an opinion—he genuinely in Charlottesville and in- cares about what he be- Pearl Island Catering of crunchy, chewy, and salty, pleasure at Chinese restau- credibly cozy. lieves in and isn’t apathetic and Cafe and they taste incredible with rants. Not out of pickiness—I Favorite memory? about anything. He’s got an While working alone from the cafe’s aioli. A summer as- love to go with others and try Answer: It’s tempting admirable, stalwart spirit my apartment this summer, sociate classmate commented new dishes—but simply be- to pick a big activity or mo- when it comes to his views, Leah Deskins ‘21 that she could tell they were cause I find it fun to judge and ment, but our favorite times and he stands up for what Professor Liasion Editor good based on how I was eat- compare among restaurants. are the little things—sitting he believes in. I would also ing them, and she made that At Szechuan Restaurant, on the porch with a glass say that I’ve learned a lot of tucked away observation over a WebEx tucked to the side of 29, I get of wine, drinking coffee, or things from him. He thinks from the rest of lunch, friends. They’re that the General Tso’s Chicken making new recipes for din- outside of the box and isn’t society, I dis- good. All in all, I’d give Pearl extra spicy. The chicken isn’t ner. There haven’t been a ton really bound by traditional covered Pearl Island a 9.5/10 (the heart- overbreaded, and it always of big moments during this thinking. He’s an excellent Island Catering burn, man), and I’d highly comes out fresh and blazing summer, but that doesn’t ground-up thinker who isn’t and Cafe, and I cannot recom- recommend it as a fix for your hot (the three main criteria mean that there haven’t been satisfied by band-aid solu- mend it highly enough.1 They takeout craving. for good General Tso’s Chick- any good ones. tions. Finally, I would like offer an array of “platters” en). At lunch time, it comes First activity you’ll do to formally apologize for featuring a meat or vegan pro- Szechuan Restaurant with peppers and onions in or place you’ll go once preventing him from finish- tein, kale salad, rice, pigeon While I am known to be a container bursting at the all social restrictions are ing The Sopranos this sum- peas, plantains, and pikliz a fairly adventurous—even seams accompanied by fried lifted? mer by forcing him to watch (basically Haitian coleslaw). Michael Berdan ‘22 rice and an egg roll, for only Answer: On a micro-level, Parks and Rec every night There are also a few other op- Staff Editor $8 and change. something fun and around a with me instead. tions, but I haven’t tried them Ann Yu’s parents have ton of people—maybe axe- Many thanks to Andrew yet, so per the Honor Code snobby—eater, owned and operated the res- throwing at a brewery. On a and Abby for kicking us off rules, I won’t make up a re- I’ll admit that taurant—working twelve-to- macro-level, though, we’ve this semester on Love in the view of them here. The plat- General Tso’s fourteen-hour days, seven been planning an eventual Time of Corona! Are you a ters are reasonably priced, Chicken2 is my days a week—for over thirty trip abroad. We’re torn be- couple that’s been separated between $7 and $15, and can habitual guilty years. Ann recently ran a cam- tween Peru, Japan, and Italy. or getting creative during fuel you for between one to paign for community support Last question: What this social isolation period? two-and-a-half meals. You 2 Brought to the United through gift certificates dur- is one thing you would A single who’s desire to min- can either drive to Pearl Island States in the 1970s by famous ing their pandemic closure— want to say, in public, gle has been curtailed by to pick up your order or have chef T.T. Wang, GSC is a varia- that’s how I found them. possibly in front of the COVID-19? A platonic friend it delivered through a third- tion on a dish invented in Chi- They’re now open again for whole Law School (or at or member of a family who party app. I’ve only tried jerk na decades earlier. When the take-out. So call ahead, and least our readership), to wants to share how you’ve chicken as the protein in the dish’s original creator, Peng Ann’s mom will bring your each other? been making it through this platters I’ve ordered, because Chang-kuei (former banquet food out and take payment Andrew: I would say that together? Love comes in all why change after you’ve found chef for the Chinese govern- when you arrive. You might Abby is a rare type of moral shapes and sizes, and we perfection? It’s filling and ment prior to the Communitst even catch Ann’s dad picking and ethical person. I think want to hear about it! Email flavorful (though I’m pretty Revolution) came to NYC and squash or other vegetables in today’s society it’s easy to [email protected] if you sure it gives me heartburn). opened his own restaurant, from the garden out front to either go with the flow or to or someone you know might However, my favorite aspect he was angry, because every- make some of the dishes. He act out of a desire to impress like to be featured on Love in of each platter is, by far, the one thought he had stolen the will likely greet you with a big others via performance. I the Time of Corona. plantains. I’d previously nev- name from Wang, and cus- smile. think it’s very rare to make er liked plantains, but Pearl tomers were disappointed at the right decisions for the --- Island’s are the perfect mix how different the dish was (the --- right reasons. Abby always [email protected] original is not deep-fried, and [email protected] acts with righteousness. 1 Except for the heartburn its sauce is not sweet). Eventu- [email protected] She’s got a clarity of spirit aspect. I do not recommend ally he caved and started mak- that draws people to her. that. ing Wang’s version. 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 2 September 2020 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVA Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court comprises four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all con- flicts to [email protected]

John Does v. Open tillery barrage is followed by However, as my travelers on of fancy words that the Court I became a Petty Justice. So, Bathroom Doors noxious gas. A defeated, sad Oregon Trail so tragically dis- doesn’t have the energy to here we are. Injunctive relief 73 U.Va 2 (2020) 1L emerges, looking like he covered when they died of dys- pretend it understands now is granted, and the doors must wishes his mask covered more entery, bathrooms on the open that I’m a 3L.5 What is a boo- close. Jones, J., delivered the of his face. Rumor has it that road are ineffective at pre- gie, some kind of French hat? opinion of the Court, in that 1L switched all his classes venting the spread of disease. The dissent also brings up Tonseth, J. dissenting. which McDermott, Querner, entirely online that same day. Next, defendants contend that the standing of plaintiffs. But Calamaro, Deskins, Berdan, Plaintiffs, an entire class of there have been no real dam- in bathroom-related affairs, As this Court’s sole remain- J., and Luk, C.J., join. Tons- people who suffered just like ages inflicted on plaintiffs. standing is not the point. The ing bastion for textualism and eth, J. filed a dissenting our poor 1L,2 filed suit alleging While the Court’s knowledge point, in fact, can be accom- the proper administration of opinion. a violation of their fundamen- of damages is limited (sparky- plished with no standing at all. the judicial system, I vehe- tal right to privacy, their right sparky boom-boom means Therefore, the requirement of mently dissent. Justice Jones delivered the to not be heard,3 and their big cash money), we all know standing is waived. 1L Gunners v. Every-One opinion of the Court. right to shut the freakin’ door, from the Supreme Court’s vir- Never has there been such a Else, 324 U.Va 22 (2019) pro- man. This is not the first time tual hearings what a big deal traumatic bathroom incident vides a baseline rule here: 1Ls We’ve all heard of the open- always lose. There goes over a air office. Great spaces where third of the plaintiffs here. Fur- you can collaborate and be ther, another third of 2L/3Ls super nosy about your col- ut then the noise aren’t attending in person, leagues’ lives. But should this see COVID-19 v. Students, 20 nosiness extend to places you U.Va 20 (2020). This reduces normally don’t want to smell? crescendos.You wonder the original class of Plain- This court affirmatively an- “B tiffs to a generous number of swers the question with a no. three hundred. As this Court Just shut the door. if you’re still hearing the 1L, or if has previously ruled, see Lu- It is Tuesday. You are sitting lulemon v. Athleta, 315 U.Va in the library by the windows 18 (2019), law students are facing the JAG school. You’re there’s a recreation of the Battle of too boujee to wear knock-off a 3L, you don’t have a care in workout clothes, let alone use the world despite the global a public restroom. It is obvious pandemic,1 and so you don’t the Somme going on at the JAG the majority has ignored the notice that you’ve sat a little basic prerequisite for having a too close to the bathroom. All case on this docket: standing. of a sudden, you see a poor 1L school. “ Justice Jones, sitting on his walk past you a little too fast. ivory throne as a 3L, relies on Tragedy is about to strike. Be- the administration has been a single flush can become.4 since the time I was in kinder- the first Petty Rule of Civil Pro- cause this 1L has had too much reprimanded by this Court Finally, defendants muster an garten and the bathroom door cedure: We do what we want, Chipotle. Now you realize it. for bathroom-related privacy equal treatment under the law broke, locking me in.6 On that Law Weekly v. CoPA Copiers The bathroom doors have been violations. See Students’ Bod- argument. If plaintiffs’ online day, I swore to never let some- 369 U.Va 96 (2019). Appar- kept open. You hear it. At first ies v. The Overbroad Crack in Zoom counterparts can use thing like that happen again if ently, this arrogance also ig- the sound strikes like a polite Bathroom Stall Doors, 223 U. the bathroom in the middle of nores that the plaintiffs have car horn when someone hasn’t Va 281. (2019). their classes, then clearly the 5 Nor does the Court have a legitimate claim. This Court noticed a traffic light turned The defendants make sev- in-person student must take the energy to maintain consis- has wisely held that “emotion- green. But then the noise cre- eral arguments on appeal. the same open-air approach tent pronoun use when refer- al distress is a harm within the scendos. You wonder if you’re First, they argue that open-air or the curve will be thrown ring to myself. risk of attending law school.” still hearing the 1L, or if there’s bathrooms are necessary to off. To which we say: Equality 1L Gunners v. Everyone Else, a recreation of the Battle of the prevent the spread of disease. does not apply to bathrooms. 6 This is a true story. The Somme going on at the JAG That’s why some bathrooms fire department had to come COPA page 5 school. The Guns of August 2 No sound that emerges have urinals and their cakes and everything. continue firing until finally, from the bathroom when it while others go without. they stop. But it is not over. shouldn’t is too small for a The dissent uses a bunch Just like World War I, the ar- plaintiff to not be included. Faculty Quotes You might call this the “trickle 4 For an in-depth discus- 1 An astute reader might down” effect. sion of who flushed (Justice C. Hwang: “I want to be where to go buy weed!!” question the veracity of this Breyer), see Ashley Fein- a torts professor but there story based on the fact that a 3 See Professors Who Cold berg, Investigation: I Think I are already three guys named T. Nachbar: “Some people 3L is in the library in August. Call 3Ls v. Feb. Club (2018) Know Which Justice Flushed, George who teach that.” get stuck in the laundry de- To which we say: “tongue (holding that the right to not Slate, May 8, 2020. https:// tergent aisle for 40 minutes. sticking out with eyes closed be heard is fundamental, and, slate.com/news-and-poli- C. Nicoletti: “Maybe that’s Never happened to me.” emoji.” in the case of 3Ls, a social tics/2020/05/toilet-flush-su- the theme for this class: you duty). preme-court-livestream.html. steal a lot, and it comes out G. Rutherglen: “Guess okay.” what? We’re not going to recognize a foreign judgement S. Ballenger: “You won’t procured by bribery.” Virginia Law Weekly find that in the case law. Well, sometimes you can. If you COLOPHON squint.” Heard a good professor Christina Luk ’21 quote? Email editor@law- Editor-in-Chief A. Coughlin: “Who’s using weekly.org thermal imagers? I’m gonna Kathryn Querner ‘22 start using them so I know Executive Editor Michael Schmid ‘21 Phil Tonseth ‘22 Jacob Jones ‘21 Managing Editor Production Editor Features Editor

Samuel Pickett ‘21 Will Palmer ‘21 Drew Calamaro ‘21 Columns Editor Special Projects Editor Satire Editor Kolleen Gladden ‘21 Raphael Cho ’21 Grace Tang ‘21 Photographer Cartoonist-in-Chief Foreign Correspondent Ben Stievater ‘22 Leah Deskins ‘21 Donna-Faye Imadi ‘22 Events Editor Professor Liaison Editor Current Events Editor Nate Wunderli ’22 Bill Re ’21 Amy Pan ‘22 Sports Editor Historian Lifestyle Editor Stanley Birch ’22 Marlyse Vieira ’22 Will McDermott ’22 News Editor New Media Editor Development Editor

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EDITORIAL POLICY: The Virginia Law Weekly publishes letters and columns of interest to the Law School and the legal community at large. Views expressed in such submissions are those of the author(s) and not necessarily those of the Law Weekly or the Editorial Board. Letters from organizations must bear the name, signature, and title of the person authorizing the submission. All letters and columns must either be submitted in hardcopy bearing a handwritten signature along with an electronic version, or be mailed from the author’s e-mail account. Sub- missions must be received by 12 p.m. Sunday before publication and must be in accordance with the submission guidelines. Letters and/or columns over 1200 words may not be accepted. The Editorial Board reserves the right to edit all submissions for length, grammar, and clarity. Although every effort is made to publish all materials meeting our guidelines, we regret that not all submissions received can be published. Wednesday, 2 September 2020 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Hot Bench 5 COPA continued from page 4 Can You Tell Which Tech Tips Are Legit?

324 U.Va. 22, 24 (2019). As the University of Virginia see you. er to the bathroom with you. all the best of luck navigating Ignoring these otherwise heralds a new era of hybrid 2. To help keep background This will help avoid uncomfort- a semester of hybrid classes. If rather important procedural learning, the administration is noise to a minimum, mute your able situations and is generally you have other clever tech tips, aspects, this case is correctly Sam Pickett ‘21 microphone when you aren’t more hygienic. don’t forget to share! decided on the merits. The Columns Editor speaking. 16. Remember, people can Law School’s open-door poli- 3. Limit distractions to make see you and the area behind --- cy, applying only to bathroom doing its best to it easier to focus on the meeting you when you are on camera. [email protected] entrances, yet not bathroom prepare students at hand. 17. Make sure you have In- stalls or the administration’s and professors 4. If your computer, or other ternet access. If you don’t have Answer Key: (R= Real UVA offices, is both arbitrary and for the challeng- technology, does not work, try access to the Internet, you will Tip; F= Fake Tip) capricious. If I learned any- es of balancing turning it off and then back on. not be able to use Zoom. (1) F; (2) R, from “Zoom thing from having to trudge Zoom and in-person learning. 5. Wear clothes rather than Etiquette for Students”; (3) R, through Justice Scalia’s nu- They have created the “Great pajamas. So, there you have it, folks. We from “Zoom Etiquette for Stu- merous dissents in Con Law, it Lawhoo Bake Off” and “UVA 6. Keep your camera on, un- here at the Law Weekly cer- dents”; (4) F; (5) R, from “On- is that the role of the judiciary Law Pets” Facebook pages to less you need to take a break, tainly do our best to help keep line at UVA Law”; (6) R, from isn’t to make policy. How- help students feel more con- but remember that you are on you prepared as possible for “Zoom Etiquette for Students”; ever, this decision is based on nected, and an “Online at UVA camera. this transition to online classes. (7) R, from “Zoom Etiquette for sheer decency. A right to pri- Law” page to help students ad- 7. Don’t eat during class and Check the end of the article for Students”; (8) F; (9) F; (10) R, vacy may be contentious, but just to online learning. avoid other distracting activi- the Answer Key. from “Online at UVA Law”; (11) law students already struggle In addition to those efforts, ties. If you correctly identified the R, reported by a student; (12) enough under pressure. See the administration did its best 8. If clicking something fake tips, congratulations! If R, from the mock hybrid class; 1Ls v. Flex Exams, 309 U.Va to give technology tips to a doesn’t work, try clicking the you didn’t, then please send me (13) F; (14) R, from “Zoom Eti- 73 (2020), (granting an in- group of Millennials and Gen- other mouse button. If the oth- an email to confirm that I am quette for Students”; (15) F; junction against virtual proc- Zers who have been using com- er mouse button doesn’t work, as clever as I think I am. Don’t (16) R, from “Zoom Etiquette tors on 1L spring exams, al- puters practically their whole try the first one again. send me an email if you got for Students”; (17) F though the exams were pass/ lives. As a one-semester Zoom 9. If your Internet stops them all correct, though. That fail, due to the likelihood 1Ls School of Law veteran and working, make sure the modem doesn’t help my self-esteem. would clam up worse than one of many students who just is still plugged in. If the modem In the meantime, I wish you they do when trying to talk completed a summer intern- is not plugged in, you will not about anything other than law ship online, I thought I could be able to connect to your WiFi. school to friends back home). offer some advice as well. But I 10. When attending classes It would be inhumane to allow didn’t want to do this alone. So, that are hybrid, use head- the administration to inflict I enlisted several of the group phones to help you hear better. more pressure on students, chats I am in to provide UVA 11. If you cannot hear the especially when performance Law’s best and brightest with professor, turn up the volume and relaxation is critical here. some important tech tips™. on your computer. Butt because I can dissent, I Let’s see if you can tell the 12. If your computer cannot do. difference between the tech maintain its charge during the tips I gathered, and those that entire class, buy a new laptop. --- the UVA Law administration so 13. Prevent your comput- [email protected] generously provided to us. No er from dying by keeping it [email protected] cheating. charged. 14. Manage your time by ar- 1. When you are unmuted, riving to an online class a few people can hear you. When minutes before it starts. Pictured: The official rules for Zoom Etiquette. Photo Courtesy of law.virginia.edu your camera is on, people can 15. Do not bring the comput-

years. Dean Harmon was my Oh yeah, when I started, I One song to play in the I wanted to be a teacher. HOT first Student Affairs Dean; she wasn’t sitting in the same of- background of your life. At that time, scholarships did a lot with student needs fice as the Dean, so when we What would you pick? weren’t as generous. I had and she actually started the moved and got the open floor My go-tos are my Bon Jovi what I needed but no extra— BENCH Peer Advisor Program. Just plan, I began to engage more songs. I loved the big hair that’s why I went to associate’s thinking about how that has with students. I used to be be- bands. “Living on a Prayer”— college and got my degree in evolved and grown . . . when hind a wall and a little sliding love it! business administration in- we started, there were only window—like a dentist’s of- stead. twenty Peer Advisors. fice! Pet peeve? When I first started, we Okay, this will be funny [for What’s something most dealt a lot with supporting So, colloquially, we all Dean Davies]. I have this thing people wouldn’t know students. Dean Harmon, at know the Student Affairs about when people call Dean about you? the time, had a degree in edu- Office as the Snack Office. Davies “Sarah.” It’s a respect I was an active EMT. My cation and counseling, so she When did that start? thing. Not showing respect is husband and I ran a rescue worked with in-house coun- I think when Dean Davies one of my pet peeves. squad in Scottsville for twelve seling and we worked a lot came. At first we had some years. I’m still certified in the Lisa A. Napier with people who had needs. candy and then we realized Favorite phrase? state of Virginia, because you Snack Office Queen We did a small amount with it was a great way to get stu- Bless your heart. never know what might hap- organization type things—at dents engaged. Hopefully, pen. I was motivated because that point, if there was fund- we’ll still have people come in That can go different of my brother; he passed of a Hi Lisa! Welcome to ing, we were not in control even if there are no snacks. ways! massive heart attack at thir- Hot Bench! For all our of that funding. But now, we That’s true. Mine usually ty-two. And we didn’t have a readers who might not have grown! Dr. Gibson is No snacks this year? :( goes the good way. squad in our rural area. I de- know, Lisa holds court part of our team, and Kate Yes, for safety, there will be cided then that that’s what I in the Student Affairs Of- and Dean Davies do a lot of no snacks this year. We miss What do you like to wanted to do. And then I got fice a.k.a. the Snack Office academic counseling. Having it! We miss seeing everybody read? hooked and became an adren- and is the friendly face of the team come together, that in that capacity. I like mysteries. aline junkie. Student Affairs. Lisa, can was great. you tell us a little about What is your favorite If you could make one What’s your favor- yourself? What are some changes thing about the Student rule that everyone had to ite thing about the Law Sure! I’ve been an employee you’ve seen in the thirty- Affairs Office? follow, what would it be? School? of the University for thirty- two years you’ve worked Of course it’s the students— Be kind to one another. I think the close-knitness— two years and all but six of here? I love helping out any way I not just of the students, but those years I’ve been at the I think, each year, we al- can and I love working with Where did you grow up? the faculty and staff. We’re Law School. My first job at ways see a difference in each you guys. I grew up local—lived all my like a big family and I really the School was in Admissions. one of the student classes. The life twenty-five miles south of love that. I’ve always felt that I worked there for four years difference in personality is Let’s do a lightning here in Scottsville, Virginia. I here. and then I moved to Student just amazing.That’s always a round! grew up on a dairy farm. We Affairs. This was way back change. And the technology at lived in a very rural area, I As our parting shot, when we had only one build- the school—going from where Favorite place in Char- came from a humble back- what would you like to tell ing. we started—oh my gosh, what lottesville? ground—it was a treat for me all the students? is email? Back then we had C’ville Coffee—Toan and his to come to Charlottesville. We We wish you all the very That’s right! The Law two people in IT and when wife own it and I love them. had wide open playing fields best. Stay safe during all this School used to be just we got our first departmental [in Scottsville], it was great. and I hope to see each and ev- Withers-Brown Hall. Was email, wow. I think the tech- Where is somewhere I still live in the area: my eryone of you very soon. Just there a dedicated office nology is amazing and the you haven’t been but husband and I—and Sable, stop by and say hello! for Student Affairs back [new] building. would like to go? the dog (she’s a four year old then? In your own work, has You know, I’ve never been Charcoal Lab). --- Yes, there was. The Office that changed or shifted out west to Wyoming or Mon- has really evolved over the throughout the years? tana. Growing up, what did [email protected] you want to be? 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 2 September 2020 impact their rationale or de- SUMMER cision, this project goes be- continued from page 2 yond citations and explores the actual text of opinions to this summer, Professor Liver- measure each opinion’s influ- Cartoon By Raphael more did a great job planning ence. Using a statistical model an interesting and productive that incorporates regressions summer for his research assis- and dynamic topic modelling, tants. On top of typical email text from court opinions can updates, Professor Livermore be analyzed to show how the held a weekly Zoom meeting language used in those court with all of the research as- opinions is evolving over time. sistants at the same time. We As new opinions are written in spent this time getting feed- different areas of the law, the back on our independent proj- way these opinions discuss a ects while also hearing about topic will impact the writing what each research assistant of future opinions. The model was working on. Professor observes this semantic evolu- Livermore was careful to only tion to determine an opinion’s assign projects that we each overall influence measure- found interesting, so we all ment. The project explores worked on a variety of topics. changes in opinion language While I did work on more at the appellate level, and this typical research assistant estimation of influence can projects this summer, a large be compared to the citations part of my summer was un- courts themselves point to as conventional: Instead of legal being influential. This process research, I spent most of my will hopefully shed light on time writing code. I’ve been in- how courts interact with and terested in computer program- are persuaded by opinions of ming as a hobby, and Professor the past. Livermore needed assistance I am grateful for the oppor- with a project involving data tunity to have worked with and Python scripting. With Professor Livermore this sum- assistance from both Profes- mer, and I am continuing to sor Livermore’s colleagues at work with him on the influence Dartmouth and Jon Ashley, project into the fall semester. head of UVA Law’s Legal Data

Lab, I created datasets for --- statistical analysis, and I as- Enjoy! GMT. 2020 17:33:17 31 Aug Mon on http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated sisted in setting up a model to [email protected] measure the influence of court opinions. [email protected] The main project I worked on aims to measure the in- [email protected] fluence of appellate opinions on one another over time. While court opinions usually cite preceding opinions that

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