contents.
6. You Can Try It All by Jenna Galbut
7. Mostly Children by Jacob Kose
9.
Six Years from Now by Ayesha Khalid
10. My Choice by Erin Barlow
11. The Space Within by Burnell Ashton McLeod 12. The Inner Tube of Attitude by Shawn Chappelle
13. The Importance of Free Will by Jake Braly 14. What Did I Do? by Shane Tate
15. Wrapped Up by Hannah Deixler
16. A Successful Man by Landon Chavis
17. To Call This, Life by Garrett Evenson
18. Prisons by Katerina Athanasiou
20. For Want of a Lighter by Lucas Whaley writer’s bloc adina rubin-budick president emily foreman vice president kierra jones treasurer jack newton content editor
eleni konstantopoulos caitlin parker public relations layout editor
shane kalb cpep liaison
copywriters jacob braly landon chavis leela chantrelle erin barlow elizabeth young
jim schechter advisor cpep executive director
special thanks to mary katzenstein the cornell prison education program (cpep) board of trustees and donors volunteer professors and teaching assistants marge wolff milk not jails
our talented contributing writers from cayuga and auburn correctionals the cornell campus, auburn prison, and facility and staff cayuga correctional facility
writer’s bloc literary journal is an independent student publication produced by students in the cornell prison education program and cornell university. writer’s bloc is an indepdent student organization located at cornell university and is responsible for the content of this publication. this publication was not reviewed or approved by, nor does it necessarily express letter from the staff
In this issue of Writer’s Bloc we are thrilled to welcome the submissions of Cornellians from the many different parts of our academic community. We asked students from the Ithaca and Qatar campuses, as well as students in the Cornell Prison Education Program at the Auburn and Cayuga correctional facilities, to collectively brainstorm a quote from psychologist Viktor E. Frankl about throwing off external “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”
As students in one of the world’s most competitive universities, the authors in this issue are accutely perceptive of external pressures, as they are inherent in the academic and intellectual challenges posed to them on a daily basis. Yet beyond this point, these writers grapple with other forces pushing and pulling them in every which way, such as the pressures of growing up, choosing a path or a partner, confronting natural disasters, and meeting societal norms. They explore the danger of failing to defy external constructs, and the unfortunate possibility of forgetting to color outside of the lines.
This issue features the strong voices of individuals demanding to be acknowledged and heard as while there are many other seemingly impenetrable barriers on the path towards individuation. With passion, awareness, and determination, these writers demonstrate the importance of asking the question posed in the piece by Garrett Evenson, “Would I really like to call this life?” In asking this question of ourselves, we beg ourselves to observe the life we live in and whether it is all we desire it to be. Drawing from the spirit of our writers, we at Writer’s Bloc hope that our readers will ask this question of themselves every day with the intention that you too will come to understand the immense potential you have to choose, change, and transform from the inside-out.
Happy reading, as always, Writer’s Bloc Staff A New Page by Burnell A. McLeod writer’s bloc fall 2012 You Can It All Try I cansenseyour blazing glare from across theroom. 6 On display, oronstage. As ifIaminacage; Like ananimaltrapped andmangled. likeI feel I’mbeingstrangled. tochoke,Every timeIstart toevoke, itdifficult I find Try tobreakTry me. Fetter me, Chain me, You it all. can try I amanimpenetrablefortress. is untouchable.My mind I setmyself free alongtime ago. Jenna Galbut writer’s bloc fall 2012 7 last. Jacob Kose Mostly Children Mostly The sole reason for being is to experience everything for the first time and the for experience everything being is to The sole reason for and the tragedy of intercourse is the regeneration of the soul. and the tragedy of intercourse is the regeneration of And every man’ll look up man’ll And every children. because mostly thing apply, that tells her her with indulgent tenderness look toward But you talking to. which prick she was a virgin back then, I was But she doesn’t care -- he’s talking to her, about her. her, about her. talking to care -- he’s But she doesn’t as she does. Hold that thought as close other times. self-absorbed prick, she’ll say You because there’s usually a bathroom around when I need it. because there’s disgusting creatures. Mouths are beautiful, shut up and pray. to when Know French kissing than dentists. but petrified of, No one is more excited by, an idiot. he’s observation: make the following Sometimes you’ll that it’s easier to be smart easier to that it’s yourself. other people than for for get smart, The secret is start dumb and around. not the other way I usually figure God must exist I had to say a few things a few say I had to the tallest, because I was them all about themselves, so I told and how, say and no matter what you On a line where people wait people wait On a line where me. there, and were mostly children I broke my pinky playing dodgeball the day my mother wept and my grandpa died. my mother wept dodgeball the day I broke my pinky playing My pinky hurt a lot. those things happen before. any of felt I had never that at the time. know don’t other people, but you cry for to have don’t You in God and sex and death, I promise. still believe You’ll iPhone 5? the in line for here Is everyone Jenna Galbut Jenna 8
Quentin Lewis writer’s bloc fall 2012 9
No. Even then, And dive right in, This does not end. So, let’s take heart, And a deep breath, For all that’s worth it. For six years and more, After we’re all done here. all After we’re And we’ve got six years of it. Nothing will ever be the same, Ayesha Khalid Ayesha
to be bathed by those enigmatic sun rays. sun those enigmatic be bathed by to They say we can’t step into the same river twice,
Six Years from Now Six Years Nor will I slip-conveniently, quietly, unabsolvedly-away quietly, Nor will I slip-conveniently, I am freer… eyes, time I close my Every I am still here. that, No matter I’m still here… I’m And I will not be ignored.
Still I Hope. control. my all that is beyond seeing after or even told, been what’s of regardless I am me, or will endure, much more I can not how Knowing may… they being what circumstances wet-rain, that sweet feel to distant clouds, those Still I reach for My mind, races back and forth between the beautiful past and a bleak future. a bleak the beautiful past and and forth between back races mind, My years. Days sandwiched into a bit. moved I haven’t sprint in this quicksand. legs My tears. forgotten-to-fall what will become brimming with Eyes faith remains. my time ticks, hand of As the heavy wirely-caged. barbed, been has freedom while my Even Still I Dream. I’m yelling, yet no one seems to hear the torturous agony in my voice. in my hear the torturous to agony seems no one yet yelling, I’m books. these many through all of studying perpetually, learning, And I’m Still Here Still faces of about a third of the class— upperclassmen, I deduced, who were now contemplating nowwere whodeduced, upperclassmen, I class— the of third a about of faces the claimed look vacant thought.A without TA’salmost the fromtongue out wordsspilled The likethe gas,talk down downdrugs,the to sit on lower turn and up guns ease to them convince and safety about choices,preachchurch. a right to the me somebodymaking helpfullypoint very say will will I I Nothing people.If help to doctor a be to wanting about said I what meant I somebody is making a dumb mistake that will haunt them for the rest of their life. Sometimes the There was another shooting in the news that night. A couple suicides too and updates on the civil people,”help to want “I simply.explained I and meanings wordstheir But lose often spokenso looks and occasional grins of solidarity with each response. Everyone was squeezing each other knowingexchange classmates new mymorning. watched the I in o’ clock nine conversation at blood, crises and bad decisions, I study all the harder and stiffen my resolve to do something do resolveto my stiffen and harder the all study decisions,I bad and blood, crises with fill newspapers okay.when is So everythingpretend eyesand my close won’ttroubles. I our for blame to someone for searching time wastecovers, or the beneath room my in cower to refuse I and choice myworld’s is the problems face I me.Howcontrol they can neither But to heal.to all,After there may manybe problems need people butsometimes solutions of need in Every generation has its share of fighters, leaders, problem-solvers and peacemakers. I choose
writer’s bloc Sage nods. Iwondered iftheexpressions onsomepeople’s even faces registered.fall mental The 2012 “Will shemake it?” thereThen expression was thescornful that lookspastmy words to the eye-roll thatdeclared face “Yet anotheroneofthose, like rabbits.” Orthespeculatinglook: wars intheMiddleEast. Somebody somewhere isalways starving, somebody isdying and supposed dollarsignsinmy eyes. Ithasnever beenaboutthemoney but peoplewillsee tasteful silver words platteroffancy andpolitical correctness. Ican’t control that…Ican’t why they madethegrievous mistake tenminutes early ofarriving day onthefirst withus anything they want to, whether it’s there ornot, inotherpeopleandtheirown shadow. freshmen. Ohtheunendinglitany oftrials, tribulations, andintroductions thatmake up civilized creatures we claimtobe. worldThe isfullofproblems —allserved upona A round ofreplies circled theroom inthemonotonevoices ofpeopletooasleepfor My Choice fixing too.fixing ishowThis Idomy part. Really, despiteallthevoices to trying control people’s actionsorwhat they dotothemselves andthe world. Erin BarlowErin convince me otherwise, my choiceistheonly onethatmatters. into mentalcubbyholes, nomatterhow thefit. ridiculous I braced myself andkept itshort: “Biology. Pre-med.” world like feels it’s around apart falling us. “What college are you in? What major?” are labeledcliché. about it. college. 10 writer’s bloc fall 2012
Burnell Ashton McLeod Ashton Burnell It’s the space within us that ties the reality of the space within us that ties the reality It’s one generation to the next, tracing traits and misdiagnosed the next, tracing traits and misdiagnosed one generation to destiny. our overall human consciousness to I believe that these challenges are passed down from these challenges are passed down that I believe shapes our social interactions. final butterfly songs. caterpillar until our soul’s from cocoon to up by lies. core. one home intertwined at our soul’s dedicated to my wife Sonya become our own. purpose until finally they conditioned circumstances of
who has just now realized this who has just now has only just begun; that this journey found I have defined by its good or evil counterpart and mere standpoint, defined by its good or evil
a dream, or perhaps a chance at an opportunity to come alive. opportunity to a dream, or perhaps a chance at an self” that has all along shared of the “real becomes aware cannot understand, yet alone comprehend. yet cannot understand, be kept to an identity forced that forges by bad statistics, It’s difficult to give solace to a worrisome being a worrisome solace to give difficult to It’s I’ll cherish this awakening. Truly, find our space within... This longing to A fortress paved with much trial and error, paved A fortress
find credence with a hope, therein, searching to lose ourselves We — finally are you Whereupon, this space within — who There is a space within the heart of a woman that no man can ever understand. can ever that no man heart of a woman a space within the There is the heart of a man which he himself a space within There’s You see! upon principles overestimated based value, for this yearning It’s
The Space Within Space The 11 writer’s bloc fall 2012 12 doesn’t know me,” and I feared hardly anyone would identify with my plight. So I rebelled. I quit I rebelled. I So plight.my with identify wouldanyone hardly feared me,”I knowdoesn’t and guy thought,suffering.“This I silent of culture a into submerged being was I that alarm internal an of beginning anything.”the to marked amount This never you’ll and up this “Keepsaid, school counselor often.The too fighting for school elementary of out kicked was I old, years 9 was I When never amount to anything.” This came from a who staff was supervisor supposed to maintain my “care, Yearslater, juvenilewasa I to confined center.detention There,wasI reminded again once “youwill Today,reality.your not is doesn’tyoudefine situationsomeone’s of yourthat Thatopinion realize I cover!lovedI waythe words playedconcepts, dubious myin enablingclarify tennis helped and mind spend years having it tucked neatly into obscurity. So I picked up a dictionary and read it from cover to thatwouldme to of amount inside special wantto preciousand “something”not something did I and sources or influences.external I howwith strategized the fortresses my best and arm to fortify heart the I’dbetweenand air processconnection that the my a and tiresfelt them. I into frequently pump favored.I wheels four myof thought time,bikeI this What however, peculiar.bit a was of thought I or two,three with tri-cycles. Anything and motorcycles niopeds,bikes, pedal bikes:lovedalways I who you are, you definewhoyou are through thoughts, desires, actions, will which andchoices need toprotect my young soul, that specialforcewithin from being “flattened” by orcorrupted thickest mostflat-proof imaginable.thickest structure Somehow Iknew, with certainty, that there was manifest itselfintheeventuality ofdestiny oras Ann Haymond Zwingersosuccinctly putit: “Dryness promotes the formation offlowers promotes the formation “Dryness buds… flowering is, afterall, notanaesthetic school aftermy graduation.school 5thgrade I’ve never beentojuniorhighor school. It was during thisawfulIt was during that thesimilitudeofmy isolation period bike came to me. My attitude thenwas oftheyouthful rebel breed –live fast, dieyoung andmake a a more prolific array ofexpressions toconvey my thoughts. chaotic
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines inner tube as: as: tube inner defines Dictionary Merriam-Webster The Contemplate the marriage of these two words for a minute. a for words two these of marriage the Contemplate And it defines attitude as: attitude defines it And 2) A mental position or feeling with regard to a fact or state or fact a to regard with feeling or position mental A 2) 1) An airtight rubber tube inside a tire to hold air under pressure under air hold to tire a inside tube rubber airtight An 1) 1) Posture 1) contribution but a survival mechanism.” but asurvival contribution The Inner Tube of Attitude That’s theinnertube ofattitude. custody andcontrol”. good-looking corpse. Shawn Chappelle
writer’s bloc fall 2012 - Jake Braly 13 provoke the school into actually addressing the issues. It is our different reactions that make us unique from unique us make that reactions different our is It issues. the addressing actually into school the can provoke force outside No uniquely. operating of power the witnessed back pushed who those and another, one monitor the students. They may have put the same restrictions on us, but everyone reacted differently. differently. reacted everyone but us, on restrictions same the put have may They students. the monitor and height in tension in the school because of a racist scandal involving our high school president, to the to president, school high our involving scandal racist a of because school the in tension in height and aftermath of the suicide of one of my friends, school-wide changes were implemented in both cases to as dire as the ones I have outlined above. Many of my friends from high school that I speak with over themselves. found they which in circumstance whatever despite way own their in operated They desires. respected and remembered are who those Ultimately, reform. achieved and conditions their against edly, have been caused because disenfranchised groups simply reacted to the conditions meant to oppress we can see through this argument almost immediately. There is always an option to go against the grain and grain the against go to option an always is There immediately. almost argument this through see can we moments in which circumstance is seen as shaping the actions of participants. Many Nazis claimed that their that claimed Nazis Many participants. of actions the shaping as seen is circumstance which in moments forced circumstance words, other In order. following of result the simply were II War World during actions The concept of free will is frequently seen as the most important aspect of living; we are able to make our our make to able are we living; of aspect important most the as seen frequently is will free of concept The many still are there However, predestination. by down set already path a following of instead choices own 14 writer’s bloc fall 2012 What DidIDo? I satfor hoursandlistened, resort? Was ithow Istoodstrong againstthedemons you fought, like Iwasyour last Was itallofthecare, concern, support? How didthiscometoanend? What didIdo, butbeyour friend? Doing whatIdidfor you wasjustbeingme. I won’t stopbeing meduetotheview Isee, But nolongerare they for you. My loyalty isreal andmy love remains true, I can’t changewhoIamandwhatdo. Against theslanderbackbitingandfalseaccusations. And you couldn’t have liked medefending your reputation Putting somethingspecialinyour Christmasstocking. I guessyou secretly hatedmetakingyou shopping, Too much ofarock for you todependon. Was Ithere toomuch whenthingswent wrong? What didIdoandwhenit? And keep your motherfrom grieving. Because Iwantedtoseeyou keep breathing What didIdobesidesgive away my freedom? Keep you surrounded intrustandhugs? What didIdobutsacrificemy blood, You feel more wrapped intheaverage. comfortable And you are allergictothat fabric. Oh, Igetit. I’mcutfrom adifferent cloth Was itmy honorandhonestythatturnedyou off? I thoughtproved it. It wasalways love. What didIdoandwhenit? Laughed withyou whennothinginmy world wasfunny. I gave you thelastofmy money, Held you closeandwipedthetearsthatglistened. What didIdoandwhen didIdoit? Shane Tate writer’s bloc fall 2012
15 Hannah Deixler Hannah Wrapped Up beings, especially in the face of crisis and we have the power to do big things if we simply allow ourselves. it took this trip out and of the my self-contained world’s bubble people, to realize are — awesomely or good. remind myself Humans — (even that me!) the are world optimistic, resilient, giving It is all too easy, when It everyday. is wrapped all too easy up to forget in that I have my a choice own — we story, all do to — to do forget and feel about good. For me, everything I don’t see or feel Instead of bathing in sorrow, New Yorkers found hope and turned that which had happened into that which should be. should which that into happened had which that turned and hope found Yorkers New sorrow, in bathing of Instead It is easy to fall into bouts of self-pity, anger, jealousy and sadness when the world throws us a curve ball. It is natural, is It ball. curve a us throws world the when sadness and jealousy anger, self-pity, of which bouts that into and fall isn’t), to (but easy been is have It could which that have, don’t we which that on focus to understandable, even we wish hadn’t happened. However, as New Yorkers of every shape, color and size proved, that is only one way. swept around each corner of the city grid, proving the resilience of the city, and the innate goodness of New Yorkers. Yorkers. New of goodness innate the and city, the of resilience the proving grid, city the of corner each around swept together to help one another, friends and strangers alike. Despite the devastation there remained a sense of pride that that pride of sense a remained there devastation broughtthemrace remarkablehumanof goodnessthe the the strength and However, fell. Towers Despite Twin the sincehadn’t alike. strangers and friends another, one help to together Those who had made it through Sandy’s ferocity could have easily moved on, gone to work, and lived their lives as they as lives their lived and work, to gone on, moved easily have couldferocity Sandy’s through it made had who Those they that way violated,afraid,anda vulnerablefeltin community— a as —Yorkers Newdidn’t. they But them.know were rather representative of what was happening on every block. I couldn’t understand how extraordinary it was extraordinary it how understand couldn’t I block. every on happening wasrepresentative ofratherwhat were thatthatNewYorkers, their allvariedin forms, cametogetherwake the ofin disasterbeautifully a in genuine way. that, despite the racing and honking and mania of New York City, anyone who had something to share — money, money, — share to something had who anyone City, of mania York Newand honking and racing the despite that, ofthosereadweremagnanimous,nothadmoststoriesThe the I but so. bedrooms, food,did electricity — love or who had been unaffected by Sandy’s breath to the streets of Queens with food and water. I couldn’t understand understand wassensethehand—of couldn’t I community kinshipand amongNewYorkers, water. thatbrought and Upperthe EastSide resident food with of Queens streets the to breath Sandy’s by unaffected been had who lieu of pitying themselves for training for a cancelled race, distributed food and blankets to families in Long Beach. Long in families to blankets and food distributed race, cancelled a for training firstfor themselves ofpitying it lieu saw I until understand couldn’t and — understood hadn’t I I had watchedwhat the relief But concert. I had re-tweeted celebrities’ tweets about the Cross. Red I had afar. even texted to from help to attempt sorry a in donate However, what was However, more signs that striking than rested the INDEFINITELY” “CLOSED on windowsills throughout Tribeca,was the overwhelming selflessness New Yorkers showed. Ihad read accounts of marathoners who had, in autumn autumn air. Although I was seeing the city ten days after the disaster, Sandy’s bitter aftertaste remained. coverage and had understood read what about had the storefronts actually with blackouts, smashed windows, trash piled on sidewalks, happened and a lingering the fear that traveled through the brisk until displacements I and walked the through flooding, lower I Manhattan hadn’t and really saw small I spent last weekend in Manhattan. Although I had watched hours of Hurricane Sandy storm writer’s bloc fall 2012 A SuccessfulMan No telephonetodisturb you, notelevision tocloudyour mind Familiar hintsofsmoke andleatheryou’ve grown tolove. There was never celebrations, any superficial timefor Where your sweat turns clothesintoasecondskin. You athousandnights more sitbackand smile for You’ve never beenbothered by simplepleasures, Just how you like it, by amandefined hischoices You’ve never neededtolookintoanother’s eyes, Never wanted toshare your bed oryour home. Fine silkrests around inloosefolds your waist. Scotch projects smallwarmth from your belly, “Follow thy heart” you say, anddamntherest. For many they years stoppedinterfering ago. You settleintoyour chair, creases itsfamiliar A growing layer ofdustresting comfortably Tilting backyour glasswiththeconfidence Only nightly practice canbestow, you taste Conforming nicely astheyConforming have years. for You’ve always chosentobeanindividual, A comfortable shadeofamber,A comfortable revealing And for thatalone youAnd for are arare jewel – The face ofamanwho istruly satisfied. face The A clockticksonsomewhere, inevitably, For agoal reached isyour greatest joy. Of choicesandevents thatisyour life, And can’t helpbut smilewithpride. A successby your own standards. And, surely, therest are scorned, What grand things you’ve done. On your awards andaccolades. You are amanwho hasmadeit, A quaintfire paintseverything And you’ve got nowhere togo. You lookbackonthequilt And nobody says athing. Now itisjustyou. An uttersuccess. A success. Landon Chavis Landon 16 writer’s bloc fall 2012 I’m not falling apart anymore”. I would like to call this, life. this, to call like would I 17 This too, I would like to call, life. I would This too, And I would like to call this, life. And I would like to call this, And would I really like to call this, life? And would I really like to call this, This especially. I would like to call, life. This especially. Garrett Evenson To Call This, Call Life To so now I can’t dream anymore and you can fix your own goddamn car dream own goddamn can fix your anymoreso now I can’t and you anymore somewhere and now I’m standing day my tongue for scald your in Discoveryso youwon’t Park and it’s stopped raining so of course there’s no stranger at whom “ to yell, And our hands never quite wrinkled like we thought they would, did they? And our hands never quite wrinkled like we thought they children, have Because we couldn’t inside when like to go it rains,and you so we never really sick got from the wet and the cold never reallyand you filled those cracks did purposely in the concrete you but tip the candle But now it’s stopped raining, and you’re not here – so how am I supposed to? And I would really like to finish someday. But they wereBut they never really ready school for tomorrow, were they? I would like that. I would like all that. other kids ready school for tomorrow, from clenching mine at 3 AM under the sterile lights and vending-machine coffee. from age and not from the water in the sink. afternoons too many From of roughhousing guys in Gig Harbor until it pours with the on us, usual amount of tea without your from drink your IKEA mugs when gripping too many I make you honey, from birthday signing too many cards the same silver pen, with from changing diapers too many and editing book reports after we’ve already the cooked and gotten instead of with the burnt dealing oaks and cracked concrete. wrinkled hands. I would like your wrinkled hands to wrinkle with mine I would like your I would like to dream again. that wrought-ironI would like to justify buying bed frame we picked out instead of pretending to dream on the floored mattress where the bricked the cement meets wall. Instead of dreaming that the candle purposely shin when the power shut off, the skin on my tipped and singed instead of dreaming of in the comforter, fumbling So I could make you want to stay in and trace want to stay So I could make you the raindrops knuckles, my over tongue again want your to scald so I could make you the coffee on I pickedfrom up Pike’s, day. so I could laugh about my and that I’ve stepped out of crumble the jeep and didn’t when raining. stopped it finally home to you. I would like to come me. love so I could fix it and make you “Babe, there’s wrong something with the car,” to say, I would like you I would like to finish someday. I would like shout at a stranger to stand up and I would like that I’ve stood up, that I’ve stepped off the pedal down I-95 South, writer’s bloc fall 2012 18 hlho sois f ne-iy alm n n tep t urvl the so school, unravel high of year his to senior my shares was circle attempt literature Canada a done an had book. insider’s I time an in last book, the The The activity. Harlem to criminal violence. promote to that circumstances and lead reactions environments inner-city the can unpack to that tries perspective, and culture of and norms thoughts social stories our childhood discuss to e a al ed efry Canada’s Geoffrey read all had main We a is Katzenstein, Mary professor, Our prisoners. to proponent courses of the program and organized the event for bring our on-campus class called “Prisons.” to works Program CCF Education Prison with Cornell’s circle. reading a in participate with intermingle and could we prisoners that so groups two into split was class our tour, small a After weaned. Arriving at Cayuga Correctional work. Luckily, own as my Facility we of drove top was outside on somewhat of even of a Ithaca wasn’t shock. into I I colorful when never realizedscenes discussion of book Upstate a autumn, have my and frantic prison to feelings a day my visit of out to chunk a taking weren’t tried school, leaving Why was I done? I Here everything day? the get in hours to screwed. more there going fundamentally I was was How anxious. I was around I and dancing but Reader myself, were calm Words City couldn’t. American my I of But pages myself. the immerse and studies, my the of theories, planning crux major I outlined that sit. articles to long jittery these too read being to then desperately and wanted coffee para another same yet the ordering reread after I only down, times, sat 40 I graph where of Regardless weeks. those of one just was It focus. me helping was determination my even not But well. doing of capable was I that myself) to (and department new my to prove to trying was I majors, switched just Having Friday.on test the take me let the to agreedLuckily, professor course. during my another for be midterm to happened trip which prison “Prisons,” classic course, a favorite to my for market that discussion farmers’ book the a to from feeling running — was mode marathon in I was I meaning work, Thursday,a was in It fact. year,in last time this drowning around probably was It stress. mid-semester and over-committed, deprived, Sleep wwr. ee e ee pioes n Cornell and the about conscious prisoners elitism associated Self with party.coming from either an were, undeniably about Ivy League ever assumptions school, I was was have we conversation it make to not trying thoughts, could and ideas our sharing students, Here of initial I out The than awkward. came inspirational what morepredicted. But far much. was expecting wasn’t I it Sik Kie Gun Knife, Stick, Fist, Prisons n wr supposed were and - writer’s bloc fall 2012 19 Katerina Athanasiou Katerina immense privilege. to forget the beauty in education. to College forget students often get caught up in exam schedules our at times, forget, juggled an onslaught of other activities. We and papers, which are three times a week, have the time of your life, follow your three passion. Most of the time, it’s about starting some new habit path. But his sometimes, what advice you was or have. already so It’s simple: so Value easy, Everyone gets so much advice. Apply for this job, take the LSAT, follow these rules, be in this major, get practical skills, exercise Thursday night, excited about garden cities and Jane Jacobs, I realized how lucky I was. began to read. I stayed up till two, bathing in urban planning terminology and theories. The process of learning about things you really care about is As amazing. I sat there on a I tried to articulate what happened that evening, but I couldn’t quite. Instead, I grabbed my textbooks and ran over to Stella’s Coffee Shop. With a large coffee beside me, I home that night and ran into my apartment to greet my roommates. They were unwinding, were They roommates. my greet to apartment my into ran and night that home excited. also was I but out, miss to sad course, of was, I together. relaxing and stories telling lucky we were, how much they’d love to be in our shoes. I felt guilty for feeling so frustrated frustrated so feeling for guilty felt I shoes. our in be to love they’d much how were, we lucky with in school. that hour Somewhere of conversation, it happened. Something within me You are so, so lucky. If I could tell myself something 10 years ago, I’d say work hard in school.” school.” in hard work say I’d ago, years 10 something myself tell could I If lucky. so so, are You how us telling kept They education. about passionate so were — inmates other the and — He truly stayed with me. He said, simply, “I would give anything to be in school right now. Value it. Value now. right school in be that left we to before advice of anything piece one us give gave he But would conversation. our to “I often contributed simply, said, He me. with stayed truly Whenever someone mentioned a text one man would eagerly jot it down, hungry for any new book suggestions. He was they’d study, read previously or referenced a certain the pipelines from neighborhoods to prisons; they could understand things we couldn’t. professor pulling teeth to get people to contribute, there was an outpouring of excitement. of outpouring an was there contribute, to people get to teeth pulling professor Everyone And cared! in fact, they had perspectives that we didn’t. These books we were far more engaged and engaging than any of my peers during section. Instead of a especially careful about any out comment for I my made. actually I suburban listened feared and upbringing someone inquired or would about call blatant the me ignorance. points But I made. they Everyone didn’t. was They curious. 20 Seriously, Ididn’teven know thoseguys had that many albums. PinkFloyd. that camper peoplesmoke thefinest weed apparently inexistence, whilelistening toa lotof later. lip-gloss untilhours And Ilearned the same thirteen-year-old boy wouldnot even notice theflavor of lip-gloss. that tank topand cherry Ilearned a sixteen-year-old girl ina porn-star happily become theslave of with each otherat least prettyregularly. intent… intriplicate. Besides, fromthemaking outand heavy petting, I’mfairly theywere having certain sex zoned withthetitle, “Porn are making morethan a fashion statement. Star” Theyare making a declaration of that inmatching threesisters tank topsemblaassume that theywere “easy”—however, itismy strong belief this case, obviously an oldhippieand hervery sexually promiscuous, teenage daughters. writer’sused as a filterfor a few hundredcigarettes. Eitherway, mythanks feetscreamed totheirgenerosity. angels’ wings; orhad been ithad beencoated inthedustof golden glow about itsonce-white paneling, as if fall. Theancient Winnebago that slowed as itpassed me, and finally pulledtoa feetahead, stopa had dozen a bloc urban myth. people, orthat serial killerwiththehook,camper peoplehave relegated long been totherealmof tocamper, course, referring ortrailer, people. Like crocodiles inthesewers,proud nation. mole- Iam, of mother. fall tobecooperative.trying years, Still,after thirteen frommy a littlemoreunderstanding own Iexpected seen itall coming. intheworldtolive Iwasn’t theeasiest person withand Ihadn’t even2012 been thehighway. Isupposed,as Iwalked, thatand began Ishouldhave Itwas quiet onmy my sideof march north. pretty surewas an illegal U-turn. stomping onthegas. patch between Thecar pounced forward, lanes inwhat knifing across thegrassy Iwas that, quitefrankly, intoa grimace self-control could handle. Herface contorted looked painful towear. violence inhereyes. Maybe Ijustfeltlike barely walking onthat restrained glorious late summerday. Maybe itwas thegleam of thehighway and calmly toldmetoget out. pulled over ontothesideof stesnsto nte xiigdy a etsadn ntesdwl erasrtho beach day,As thesunsetonanother exciting Iwas leftstanding onthesidewalk near a stretch of a few things onthat that ridetoDaytonaI learned a thirteen-year-old Beach. Ilearned boy would meto actually thedaughters tried tohave withme, itisunfair of sex You may feelthat, since noneof Salvation ina tincan. Like sardines packed inholy water, blessedby a priestand threenuns…or, in thempicked and got metoDaytona meupan hourintomy sojourn Beach before night of A group creaturesI’m heretotellyou—these actually and legendary strange exist. this humanity that can only bemetwhilehitchhiking themainthoroughfares of There isa class of You’d thinkthat, years, afterthirteen I’d know better. automobiles heading south, then turned I spared a second to watch the car disappear into the crowd of “That way’s New York!” shescreeched, stabbing oneserratedfinger toward thewindshieldbefore my voice was morethan her myself. Butapparently, toexplain Ibegan, trying “Look,” thesoundof Quickly. thecar. Whatever itwas, Igot outof I can’t besurewhy Ididn’targue. Maybe Ihad beenwaiting for a way out. stillan hourfromCape Canaveral, Florida, whenshe Melbourne, We of were tenminutesnorth o ato aLighter For Want of sincepurpose, the alternative justseemed tooweird.) hot sand torolla joint using Bible paper. (Inaturally thiswas assumed its King James bible inmy backpack. peach schnapps, and a Bud,a plastic canteen of with threeounces of I wandered ontothebeach drinking theschnapps and sat down onthe It was at that pointIrealized I didn’thave a lighter. Lucas Whaley - -
“And would I really like to call this life?”
“The sole reason for being is to experience
“It’s this yearning for value, based upon that forges an identity forced to be kept up by lies”