The Cowl December 10, 2009 Providence College thecowl.com Vol. LXXIV No.3 Youth for Western Civilization Defeated by Meghan Conway '12 News Staff

Student Congress

Over 100 students attended the Student Congress meeting on Tuesday, during which the voting members of Congress voted down legislation that would have made Youth for Western Civilization a proposed club, 16 to 12. Congress hotly debated the proposed club at last week's meeting. A specific issue was first raised at the Dec. 1 meeting was the appearance of Providence College as a chapter of the national organization on the YWC Web site before Congress had officially sanctioned it. Other members of Congress opposed the group. "I would like to remind everyone that this is about my dub and this campus, and it should not be about any personal grievances that you have with our ideology or with us on a personal level," said Tim Dionisopoulos '11. "This is about the issues at stake and whether we can improve this school, which I believe we can. I would like to stick to the topics that have some meat to them,

YWC / Page 6 MATT LONGOBARDI ’10 / THE COWL Tim Dionisopoulos '11 speaks about YWC to the crowd of students gathered at the Fishbowl on Tuesday. The dub was later voted down by Congress. Residence Halls Blanketed with Protection Sip of Success

by Devin Murphy '10 From Red Cup News Editor by Valerie Ferdon '12 Campus News Asst. News Editor

Residents in Aquinas Hall, Meagher Community News Hall, and Cunningham Hall woke up to some early Christmas presents last PCis rated one of the LEAST sexually healthy The rowdy behavior by college Friday morning. The floors of their students that led to the infamous Operation Red Cup has calmed over dorms had been strewn with Fantasy campuses in latex condoms. The condoms were Use A Condom; the past three months, leaving Elmhurst randomly thrown about the dorms. neighborhood residents satisfied for Some also had messages taped to them the time being. Positive feedback was which read: "PC is rated one of the voiced at a meeting held Tuesday night LEAST sexually healthy schools in the at Capitol Ridge assisted-living center. country. Use a condom!" This was the first time the community Resident assistants collected the gathered to reflect on the progress made condoms and filed reports with the by Providence police and officials from Office of Residence Life. The condoms the surrounding colleges. There were security personnel and administrators were then delivered to the Office MATT LONGOGARDI ’iO/THECOWL of Residence Life, where they were from Providence College, Rhode Island College, and Johnson & Wales disposed of. Life to provide the student body on campus to try to identify the "We're a Catholic college," with condoms. student or students responsible for University present at the meeting. said Steven Sears, Ph.D., dean of According to Sears, there are no the incident. In the month of September, 31 Residence Life. "We stay in line with leads on who may have distributed According to Kevin Butler, dean complaints were made to police or Dominican Teaching. It's against our the condoms throughout the residence of Student Conduct, there is no councilmen about the behavior of young Catholic teachings." halls. Sears said it appears to be a set punishment which any guilty people in the neighborhood. Since the In accordance with its Catholic completely random act. student or students would receive MEETING/Page 6 mission, Providence College does Residence Life is working with if caught. not allow the Center for Health the Office of Safety and Security and "It's a violation of College Services or the Office of Residence various other people and organizations CONDOMS / Page 4

INSIDE theCOWL Providence College's Student-Run Newspaper Since 1935 World 7 Commentary 9 step intoCHRISTMAS Roving 13 Jump into the holiday spirit with the A&E staff's Christmas picks, A&E 14 wish lists, gift ideas and a smattering of good will and cheer. Portfolio 22 Sports 26 Page 16 2 The Cowl NEWS December 10z 2009

KELLY PHILLIPS ’ll I THE COWL

KELLY PHILLIPS ’11 / THE COWL

TOP: Pottery for Presents was held RIGHT: The annual Christmas tree on Dec. 3,2009, at 9:00 p.m. in lighting drew PC students to Slavin McPhail’s. Lawn (see article on page 3).

LEFT: On Dec. 5,2009, the Dance BOTTOM: On Dec. 4,2009, students Company put on a show at 8:00 p.m. went to McPhail’s to taste a variety of in the Blackfriars Theatre. wines, an event sponsored by BOP.

STEVE MENDLESOHN ’11/THE COWL

CampusCalendar December 11-17

Fri 11 Sat 12 Sun 13 Mon 14 Tues 15 Wed 16 Thurs 17

6:00 p.m. 7:00 p.m. PC 9:00 p.m. BOP 9:00 p.m. BOP 11:30 a.m. 9:00 p.m. BOP 2:15 p.m. Hold Relaxation Cafe, Men's Basketball Study Break, Study Break, New Faculty Study Break, Fast to Dreams: Slavin Center, vs. Iona, Dunkin' Wendy's, Antonio's, Luncheon, Slavin Dunkin' Donuts, Readings of McPhail's Donuts Center McPhail's McPhail's Center, '64 Hall McPhail's Poems by Langston 7:00 p.m. PC 7:00 p.m. PC Hughes, Slavin Men's Hockey vs. Men's Hockey vs. Center, McPhail's New Hampshire, Boston College, Schneider Arena Schneider Arena

The Cowl Letter Policy Accuracy Watch Providence College's Student Newspaper since 1935 The Cowl welcomes guest commentaries The Cowl is committed to accuracy and Publisher: Rev. Brendan Murphy, O.P. and letters to the editor from members of the carefully checks every article that goes into Advisor: Mr. Richard F. Kless Providence College community and outside print to ensure that the facts are presented contributors. clearly and truthfully. If you find an error in Editor-in-Chief: John Vaghi '10 Photography Editor: Sara Spirito '11 Asst. Photography Editor: Dan Nieto '11 All submissions must include the any article, please e-mail the Editor-in-Chief Associate Editor-in-Chief: Katie Caliva '10 writer's name, signature, a phone number, at [email protected]. Corrections will Head Copy Editors: Patrick Allen '10, and an e-mail address where he or she can be printed as necessary, Managing Editor: Matt Longobardi '10 Katrina Davino '10 be reached. Letters should be no more than « u • Asst. Copy Editor: Lauren Cavalli '11 250 words in length and will be printed as Ver ISing News Editor: Devin Murphy '10 Asst. News Editor: Valerie Ferdon '12 Roving Editor: Brigid Quinn '11 space permits. Guest commentaries should Contact The Cowl with advertising requests be limited to 700 words in length, and only and questions at [email protected] World Editor: Jenny Arvanaghi '10 Copy Editors: Mo Kroening '10, Kate one will be published per week. The Cowl or’ tf necessary, via telephone at 401-865- Asst. World Editor: Sarah Laperriere '11 Cunningham '10, Caroline Thibadeau '10 reseroes the right to edit articles for space 2214. Visit www.thecowl.info for rates, Ariana Tantillo '11, Lauren Cavalli '11, and clarity. Submissions must be delivered, publication dates, and other information Commentary Editor: Maryclaire Dugre '10 Natalee Ambroze '12, Kelly Dorwin '12, Asst. Commentary Editor: Chris Slavin '12 Libby Considine '12, Christina Zupicich '12 mailed, or faxed to The Cowl office no about advertising with The Cowl. later than 5:00 p.m. on the Monday before SubcriDtions Arts & Entertainment Editors: Business Manager: Jessica Connaughton '10 publication. / Nahuel Fanjul-Arguijo '11, Mail submissions to The Cowl, 1 Subscription rate for a weekly issue by mad Catherine Northington '12 Advertising Managers: Caitlin Duggan '10 Cunningham Square, Providence, R.I. * per year. Send payment to The Cowl 02918; fax to 401-865-1202; submit online 1 Cunningham Square, Providence R.I Portfolio Editor: Nicole Amaral '10 Circulations: Chris Huber '10, Brendan at www.thecowl.com; e-mail to thecowl@ °^\8' make checks Pa*able, J116 CowL Asst. Portfolio Editor: Conor Leary '11 Shine '10, Andy Donahue '10 providence.edu; or hand deliver to The Student suhscrlPtum is included in tuition Sports Editor: Dan Ollquist '10 Cowl office in Slavin G05. fee; lssues are avallable around camPus on Asst. Sports Editor: John Butler '11 ■Thursday nights. December 10, 2009 NEWS The Cowl 3 Tree Lights Slavin Lawn with Christmas Spirit

by Sara Beth Labanara '11 Following Cuddy's blessing, Shanley News Staff spoke about the symbolic meaning of the Christmas tree. Campus News "This tree combines two simple symbols that are the heart of our faith; The Christmas season officially the first is light," said Shanley. kicked off with the annual tree lighting He said that especially as the days ceremony on Slavin Lawn last week. begin to darken, we all long for the In front of the newly renovated Slavin light. We can see the light in many Center on Thursday, Dec. 3, at 4:30 p.m. aspects of life such as the Easter vigil, Rev. Brian J. Shanley, O.P., president as well as the torch on the Dominican of Providence College, performed the shield. These examples remind us that annual honor of lighting the tree. Christ is light. My hope and prayer for The ceremony was opened up you is that you find that light, especially by Sharon Hay, dean of Student as you pray for exams," said Shanley. Programming. She welcomed the crowd He then discussed the second symbol of students, faculty, and administrators present in the tree lighting ceremony, to the event that started with Christmas the tree itself, and mentioned the music, holiday cookies, and hot permanence that it embodies. chocolate. Hay began by introducing "There's an everlasting and a Anaclastic, the all-female a cappella permanence to the tree, and it is a group, which performed two songs. reminder of the permanence of that Next, Hay introduced the all-male a love and that light for us," said Shanley. cappella group, Special Guest, whom He expressed his wishes to the performed a medley of Christmas songs. audience that they find a deeper sense of After the a cappella performances, Hay tire permanence of God's love in their Eves, introduced Rev. James Cuddy, O.P., who especially during the Christmas season. blessed the Christmas tree. Shanley concluded the ceremony by "We read in the Psalms, 'then shall all saying that the annual Christmas tree the trees of the world sing for joy before lighting is a great tradition at PC and the Lord for he comes,'" said Cuddy. that he was glad to see everyone who Cuddy said that lighting the Christmas came to watch. tree was an opportunity to make the word Students Eke Marissa Dalferro '11 of the Psalms that he just read come to life. enjoyed the annual Christmas tree lighting. "May this tree be, for those who "I always look forward to the tree gaze upon it, the cause of stirring being lit on campus because it gets me excitement in the heart, preparation into the holiday season," said Dalferro. for the joy of Christ who is to come this "I think it's really nice that the Christmas," said Cuddy. school has a special tree lighting Then he blessed the tree in the name ceremony each year; it's a fun thing SARA SPIRITO T1 / THE COWL of the Father, the Son, and the Holy and goes along great with our Catholic Father Shanley had the honor of lighting the Christmas tree on Slavin Lawn on Thursday, Dec. 3. Spirit, which was followed by applause. tradition," said Billy Kalinowski '11.

REGISTER now! Enroll in Winter Session 2010 Visit SCE, Harkins 102. PC@NIGHT

www.providence.edu/sce

TWO WEEK WINTER SESSION ONE WEEK WINTER SESSION January 4 -15 (Monday - Friday, 6 -10 p.m.) January 11 -15 (Monday - Friday, 8 a.m. - 4:30 p.m.)

art 104 Asian Art ♦ biology 121 Environmental Biology ART 271 America through the Camera’s Eye • ENGLISH 194 Science Fiction

HISTORY 345 History of Modern Middle East • law 102 FIRE SCIENCE 204 Firefighting Tactics III • HISTORY 422 Russian History II Basic Criminal Law • PHILOSOPHY 306 Business Ethics THEOLOGY 270 Growth in Christian Life • THEOLOGY 322 Synoptic Gospels

PROVIDENCE COLLEGE

School of Continuing Education . 401.865.2487 4 The Cowl NEWS December 10, 2009 Special Olympics CONDOMS: Basketball Tournament by Ted DeNicola '11 showed tremendous effort and support Culprits Unknown News Staff for the athletes, as well as for this event. Everyone that was involved was Continued from front page student or students to throw the Campus News willing to do whatever was necessary to make this event a success." condoms throughout the dorms. policy to hand out anything without There is also no evidence that the The Special Olympics Unified Among the many volunteers at the permission," said Butler. "I don't like act was in any way correlated to Basketball Tournament was held event were roommates Amanda Joyce to predetermine anything." HIV testing, which was held last Saturday, Dec. 5, 2009, in Peterson '11 and Kelly Hughes 'll, who teamed Butler would consider all of the Tuesday. Last week there was Recreation Center at 9:00 a.m. The up as game announcers. circumstances involved in the case slight controversy concerning event was organized by Meaghan "Amanda and I were game if those involved were required to SHEPARD's sponsorship of free Geislinger '10, Pastoral Council for announcers," said Hughes. "We undergo a judicial hearing. HIV testing by AIDS Ocean State. Campus Ministry and Coordinator for had a great time cheering on the He did say that a possible The organization was not going to Special Olympics. It consisted of five teams as we used some ESPN Sports punishment could be a fine, but come to campus because it would basketball courts and 24 teams of 15 Center material and fun nicknames not necessarily. not have been able to tell students members, including coaches, players, to encourage the players to have fun "We'd have to talk about it," that if they are sexually active the and partners. The athletes came from and show them that we were having said Butler. "Who knows what it best way to prevent the contraction all over Rhode Island. fun too. This was my third Special would be?" of HIV is to use contraception, Geislinger had a core team of Olympics Basketball Tournament nine committee members to help her and I continue to volunteer because organize and execute the event. Their it's a really great experience for all positions included a volunteer chair, involved. I want to send a special WE STAY IN LINE WITH DOMINICAN TEACHING. fundraising chair, and a special events/ thanks to Meaghan G[riffiths] from IT’S AGAINST OUR CATHOLIC TEACHING. publicity chair. Campus Ministry for all her hard In addition, Geislinger said work and dedication to Special Some students think whoever is such as a condom, during sexual that 80 PC students showed up Olympics of Rhode Island." responsible should not have a judicial to volunteer in a variety of areas, Joyce agreed that the experience intercourse. "We have no reason to believe which helped to keep the day was rewarding. hearing if caught. "I think they were just trying to there was a connection," said Sears. "I running smoothly. The students "I worked in the morning doing make a point, at least to get your have not heard that [and] I have not kept score, served as masters of the announcing for the game," said attention," said Sam Butts '13. thought that." ceremonies, presented awards, and Joyce. "Being able to see these people Other students thought it was Last week was not the first time served lunch. laughing and smiling and the fact that something like this has happened. "This event was for the athletes and I was able to be a part of it was such an just a joke. Condoms were also distributed I felt that all of the PC students saw that awesome feeling." "I think that's pretty funny," said Katherine Haslar '13. "I don't think throughout dorms two years ago. and gave it their all to help make this Aaron Keller '11 refereed the they should get in trouble." Resident assistants and hall directors event special and meaningful for all basketball games. "I had a great time Peter Sarian '13 also thought the have not directly spoken to students of the players," said Geislinger. "The refereeing the event," said Keller. about the incident. tournament would not have gone as "It was a humbling experience to stunt was somewhat original. well as it did without the hard work see the happy expressions on the "It is kind of funny because you Any student who has any and dedication of my committee, players' faces after they scored a don't hear about that every day," information about who is responsible as well as the PC volunteers on the basket. It was all about the athletes, he said. for leaving the condoms in the dorms day of the event. Many PC students and that's what made it special." There is no indication that can contact their RAs or the Office of any specific event triggered the Residence Life. Your vocation to heal starts here.

The Institute for the Psychological Sciences Salon 888 is a full-service salon. ■JI- We cater to your entire salon needs, including teeth whitening for$149.00! A Catholic Graduate School of Psychology

888 Smith Street • Providence • 401331.4888 703.416.1441 www.salon888ri.com www.IPSciences.edu December 10, 2009 NEWS The Cowl 5 H1N1 Flu Vaccine Clinics Protect Students

a serious reaction to intranasal influence differences between the two vaccine are considered to be at higher risk for by Allison O'Connor '10 vaccine (FluMist) in the past?" and variations are slight. spreading influenza viruses." News Staff "Have you ever had an allergic reaction "The RIDOH issued 780 vaccines Other schools which received to Thimerosal?" among others. If a to be administered at the college's first vaccines to administer this past week Student Health student answered 'yes' to any of these H1N1 vaccination clinic on campus," included Brown University, Bryant nine questions regarding allergies, said Kelleher. "Seven hundred seventy- University, Johnson & Wales University, Students lined up in '64 Hall this past reactions, previous flu vaccinations, five students registered on Monday, Rhode Island College, Rhode Island week to receive their H1N1 inoculations. or medical conditions, then he or she Nov. 30, for the clinics." School of Design, Roger Williams The Rhode Island Department of could not receive the nasalspray vaccine Other students opted to receive the University, Salve Regina University, and Health issued that all 12 colleges and administered at the clinic. Such students vaccine, but had doubts about its success University of Rhode Island. universities in the state hold free H1N1 might have been eligible to receive the and were concerned about side effects. The first of the H1N1 vaccination vaccination clinics on their campuses injectable version of the H1N1 vaccine. "I had concerns I would be sick from clinics held at the College were on between Nov. 30 and Dec. 18,2009. They "All colleges in Rhode Island received it since I don't have much trust in my Wednesday, Dec. 2, Thursday, Dec. 3, will be held on campuses for students H1N1 nasal mist for the clinics, with just immune system, but I think it was hyped and Friday, Dec. 4, in Slavin Center aged 24 years old and younger. The a small amount of injectable vaccine to because I have felt fine since," said Molly '64 Hall from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. issue from the State Department of be given to students of high risk who Plain TO. Mandatory pre-registration was held Health came due to statistics showing met the criteria set by the Department Some had various reasons for on Monday, Nov. 30, in the Student that the highest number of H1N1 cases of Health and the Center for Disease choosing not to receive the nasal spray. Health Center from 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 have been confirmed in people who are Control," said Catherine Kelleher, RN, "I didn't get it because I have never p.m. A walk-in clinic was also held on between five and 24 years of age. director of Health Services. gotten a flu shot and I didn't want to Dec. 9, 2009. Students had mixed feelings "I got the nasal vaccine and honestly do risk it.. .and I don't think it would be as "The2009HlNl LATV [live attenuated about receiving the H1N1 vaccine. not think it would be as popular without popular without the media," said Liza intranasal vaccine] is sprayed into the Some students thought it was a good all the media hype," said Elyse Bichler '13. McAdam TO. nose. It does not contain Thimerosal preventative measure in addition to "I am not really concerned about the swine Some students even felt it was or other preservatives. It is licensed for other healthy habits, and felt compelled flu, I just make sure I wash my hands and I altogether needless to be vaccinated. people ages two through 49 years," said to get vaccinated due to all the media know that if I do have any symptoms I will "I don't think it's necessary," said Kelleher. "The viruses in the nasal spray attention. Students could receive get it checked out." Annie Provo TO. "I don't live in a big vaccine are weakened and do not cause different types of the vaccine depending A small quantity of shot injections dorm and don't have any chronic severe symptoms often associated with on their medical histories: Students with was reserved for "high risk" students. conditions that could make getting the influenza illness [and] side effects may any chronic illnesses such as asthma "Students who self-identify with a flu life-threatening." include runny nose, headache, sore received a shot. Students without any chronic illness during their designated Providence College was one of the first throat, [and/or] cough." medical conditions received the vaccine vaccination time will be evaluated and nine schools to register the university­ A second round of Hl N1 vaccination in the form of a nasal spray. given priority in their group," said Koren based vaccination schedule. According clinics was scheduled for Tuesday, Dec. Prior to receiving tire vaccination, a Kanadanian, director of Emergency to the Rhode Island Department of 8, Wednesday, Dec. 9, and Thursday, mandatory form had to be completed. Management. Health Web site, "The first phase of Dec. 10, from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. If a student was under the age of 18, he Providence College was not given the clinics will target the nine colleges and in '64 Hall, and a mandatory pre­ or she had to have a parent or guardian option to choose between administering universities with residence halls and registration was held in the Student sign a form of consent. This form asked the nasal spray vaccination or the shot on-campus housing, [since] students Health center on Monday Dec. 7, from questions such as, "Have you ever had injection to the entire student body. The who live in close, congregate settings 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Shanley on Suffering Spirit Week: by Maxwell Kravitz '12 Shanley said that Young's argument News Staff is far from the truth. "God does not force us to love him," he said. Jan. 19-22 Special Lecture Because God is the embodiment of divinity, Shanley clarified that "we can Rev. Brian J. Shanley, O.P., president never see the world the way that God by Valerie Ferdon '12 of Providence College, set out to prove does. Because God allows us to make Associate Editor that it is possible for good to come out free choices, evil lies in us. If it is not free of evil to students on Tuesday, Dec. 1, choice, it is not love." Campus News 2009, in Jazzman's Cafe. During his According to Shanley, love can only presentation he grappled with the exist in a world of suffering. mysteries of suffering and free will. "Grace does not need suffering to The first-annual Spirit Week Shanley began his oral presentation exist, but there is grace in all suffering," will be held from Jan. 19 to Jan. by emphasizing the notion of theodicy, said Shanley. 22, 2010. It will include a series of the idea of a just God. He proposed a When Mack is brought to the shack events leading up to Homecoming philosophical question in which God's where his daughter was killed, he comes Weekend that begins that Friday. justice is considered. into direct communication with God. "Homecoming Weekend is "How can God be good if there This shack is the locus of a horrible crime, a time when we invite all the is suffering?" he asked. "Is God the and Mack cannot stress how burdensome alumni back to attend a weekend creator of evil, or does God allow evil?" it is to cope with his daughter's death. of events," said Sarah Firetto Shanley then dove into the depths Mack asks God if He has let this evil '03, assistant director of Alumni of The Shack by William P. Young, to happen out of punishment. Relations. "Although it has always highlight that God is not the creator It is not God's responsibility to stop been an important event, we feel of evil; for it is human beings who are every human from a bad deed he/she like students don't really know responsible for it. He emphasized that it might commit. God granted mankind about it. We hope to promote is through free will that evil can surface. with free will to make his own choices. student participation and have Student Although free will can bring about evil "We would not live in this world if them see the week as a tradition Travel in the world, Shanley said that free will we did not sin," said Shanley. even before they graduate." Services makes love possible. He said it is humans who control the The Spirit Week activities are "People can do great things if they way the world works. strictly for students, and will are left free," he said. The question and answer session include a scavenger hunt, Forever The Shack supports Shanley's began halfway through the presentation, a Friar caricatures, and "I Love principle that suffering is inevitable and in which Shanley encouraged PC" trivia. It will be wrapped can yield "good." In the text, the main participants to ask questions. up by a comedy night featuring character, Mack, is coping with a horrible "What about natural disasters or Michael Ian Black and Michael act committed against his daughter. Mack diseases that are not manmade? How Showalter from Michael and becomes exasperated, and considers that are humans responsible in that sense?" Michael Have Issues on Comedy God punishes Mack's daughter to hurt him asked one student. Central. For more information, [Mack]. Mack reflects that perhaps God does "There is a price that must be paid visit www.providence.edu/ this because he and God are distant and this in order to live in a material world," alumni/homecoming2012 and is a punishment for not loving God. Shanley answered. click on STUDENTS ONLY. TWO PRIME THREE BEDROOM APARTMENTS

FOR RENT / RIGHT NEXT TO COLLEGE LARGE ROOMS, EAT-IN KITCHEN W/ PANTRY, DOUBLE LIVING ROOM, HARDWOOD FLOORS, PORCHES, STORAGE, PARKING, SAFE AREA, GIRLS PREFERRED, WASHER & DRYER INCLUDED, 975.00 PLUS UTILITIES, 51-53 HUXLEY AVE., AVAILABLE JUNE, 2010, CALL RICHARD: 401-826-1223 OR 401- 345-9332 6 The Cowl NEWS December 10, 2009 MEETING: Now Focus on Bars, Liquor Stores Continued from front page there were positive results even during that month. implementation of Operation Red Cup, "Each semester brings a new influx this number has decreased dramatically, of students," said Gannon. "We have, with only two complaints since October. however, seen a lot of positive energy Moreover, three compliments were made within student leadership. We will during this time frame. continue to plan future programming "Ninety-nine percent of my to deter such misbehavior in the problems are gone," said a resident of coming months." Tyndall Avenue. "I am very grateful for Gannon explained that the focus all you've done." should now be turned to how underage Another resident echoed the students are acquiring alcohol. observable improvements. "I believe that phase one has been met. "There have not been any crazy Now we have to move on to phase two," parties," said one neighbor. "There have said Gannon. "We will be concentrating been no drug dealers walking the streets. on the source of the problem, how You have given me my confidence back MATT LONGOBARDI Mo I THE COWL students are getting these substances. and I thank you for that. I go to bed at Lieutenant Daniel Gannan spoke about Operation Red Cup at the community meeting on Tuesday. We are going to investigate liquor stores night feeling a lot better." and bars in the surrounding area." The number of arrests has gone Providence College was specifically seen students make much improved They will be taking strides to down considerably. There were over 20 mentioned for the strict practices choices. I want to express my require every liquor store to scan arrests each weekend between Sept. 18 implemented to address the alcohol heartfelt appreciation for this." driver's licenses to curb the number and Oct. 2, and this number decreased situation off campus. The College There was, however, concern with of students buying alcohol using false to 10 or less in the weeks following. spends $70,000 a year on police the longevity of the neighborhood identification. Undercover officers Providence police Lieutenant Daniel details to address misbehavior in harmony. Many residents believe that will also be sent into parties if there is Gannon reflected briefly on the past the neighborhood. Security officials the cold weather is much to blame for probable cause of misconduct. three months, explaining the necessity accompany city police on investigations the peace and quiet. Some potential future initiatives of taking drastic measures. of house parties in order to help identify "At the moment, I think students include a neighborhood to promote "We have made some considerable PC students. are all snuggled up in their little unity among residents, landlords, strides, and we hope everyone sees the While much of the change was nests," said one resident. "The student tenants and Providence officials. difference. This neighborhood needed attributed to police and administrative success of the initiative will hopefully In addition, there was talk of organizing to breathe," said Gannon. procedure, the residents also accredited be proven when the weather gets and a permanent Neighborhood It was also pointed out that all the students. warm. That is when we will see the Advisory Counsel made up of police, 102 young people whom the police "Pinehurst Avenue has been true colors of the students." landlords, colleges, students leaders, charged with offenses on weekend clean and quiet these past two In response, the panel of officers residents, local businesses and nights were disciplined by their months," said a member of the and college administrators pointed out neighborhood organizations. college or university. Elmhurst neighborhood. "I have that October was unusually warm, and YWC: Students Express Concern Over Campus Chapter

Continued from front page combat and talk about issues that participating.. .If Tim [Dionisopoulos] take what I'm saying the wrong way, weren't being intellectually discerned and his group are being truthful about I'm a master's student and don't know as opposed to gossip." upon in any other organizations," what they want to accomplish, I think that much about the undergraduate Dionisopoulos said that he would like said Dionisopoulos. "Something like that it can bring something to PC that we culture. I don't have fangs, I'm actually to bring speakers to campus to speak to multiculturalism has a lot of ethical don't have. However, I think minorities quite nice." students such as political figures. implications, it's a big issue. I don't on this campus are worried for their Angela Marathakis, academic The discussion then turned to issues of know where the allegations about safety because of the stigma of this skills specialist at Providence Youth for Western Civilization's affiliation white supremacists comes from. We are organization and I think safety needs to College, expressed her concern with the National Chapter of YWC. here to help people understand that as be highlighted. I think the way the group with the club in terms of students "I think PC students' memberships a civilization we share some common is being proposed right now doesn't feeling safe. to the national organization should be traits and common problems." necessarily make the student body feel "I was asked to come here by some independent of Providence College," said Providence College graduate student safe and there are a number of ways of my own student athletes who feel Skye Hawkins '12. "If Tim [Dionisopoulos] Jonathan Paquette discussed how the this can be fixed, like possibly removing threatened by this club on campus," said were willing to disassociate his group from group would treat Islam. itself from national organization." Marathakis. "So, I want you to know the national organization of Youth for "We are actually quite interested in Tim Fleming '11 questioned that there are a lot of people who feel Western Civilization, I would urge Congress discussing the relationship between the Dionisopoulos' refusal to create a YWC uncomfortable with this on campus." to put forth a new piece of legislation which Muslim world and what we understand chapter which was not affiliated with the Marathakis was not the only person would state this distinction." to be the western world," said Paquette. national organization. to express a fear for safety on campus. Dionisopoulos opposed the suggestion. "We are not in any way ethnically or "If rumors of racism are not true, "As a woman of color and a daughter of "First off, I really can't accomplish culturally monolithic, and everyone what is your issue with divorcing from immigrants, I feel highly uncomfortable any goals with my organization without is welcome to join. We are more of the national organization?" he asked. with this group and on this campus," affiliation with the National Youth for an intellectual group than anything "If your main goal is to celebrate and said Naomi Brown-Jones '11. "To already Western Civilization because we wouldn't else. We are mostly rightist, but are educate on western culture, why would have to struggle so much as a person who get any speakers, funding, or connections," not exclusionary and would not ban a you want to associate with a group that looks like me in a classroom daily, I don't said Dionisopoulos. "They have never Muslim member if they joined." has such a negative image?" appreciate having to struggle against a done anything wrong and have been Jasiel Correia '13 opposed YWC's "As I've said countless times, the group in my extracurricular activities that well behaved on every single campus. We becoming an official club. national organization always behaves has stigmas like this. On this campus I cannot be an effective organization if we "I feel that this truly does not go along itself," said Dionisopoulos. "The rumors want people to welcome me and foster don't have national affiliation." with the mission statement of our college," are baseless and have proven to be baseless. my growth." Dionisopoulos then spoke of the said Correia. "We are a college that wants Additionally, the national organization is The members of Youth for Western club's longevity. to foster a relationship between cultures, where the networking comes in and the Civilization did not respond to the "We have six members here tonight not to discuss them and put them down. ability to bring in speakers who would comment. and a lot of freshman support," said Zach Odachowski '11 added to enrich the campus life." Andraya Pulaski '10, executive Dionisopoulos. "We have a lot of this point, contributing statistical After responding to several president of Student Congress, made a members on our Facebook page—23 background on YWC. questions, Dionisopoulos needed to remark before holding the vote. plus—and we're hoping to grow once "I did some research and I counted leave the Congress meeting early. "I applaud the political discussions we can finally work with SAIL." 4,146 colleges in the entire U.S. and Discussion of the club continued you want to have and I think it's a Some students felt uncomfortable with only eight have the YWC program, if without him. After some confusion, noble idea to get students involved YWC's mission statement. On the national you don't count our phantom member," Paquette was left answered questions in controversial issues," said Pulaski. Web site under the "Our Mission" page said Odachowski. "What is this going for the YWC in Dionisopoulos' place. "But personally, in evaluating these it says, 'We have the self-evident right to do for us in the long run in terms of I think it speaks to the longevity of points I don't think this club fulfills any and duty to work for the survival of our recruiting students, teachers, athletes, the group that we have no one to answer other need that isn't already fulfilled own culture and civilization.. .There is alumni relations? Doesn't having PC on a question [after Dionisopoulos left]," on campus." no reason to believe that the advances of that list show complete disregard for said Tom Cotter '10. Paquette made a closing statement modernity and the political freedoms we Student Congress and the school itself? " Jacquie DeSisto '10 asked after before the vote. enjoy will endure with the extinction of Not all students felt that the group Dionisopoulos' departure if YWC would "By shutting us down, by confining the civilization that allowed them to exist. was in violation of the College's mission. be willing to work with the Board of us to the shadows, aren't you really just Western Civilization is our civilization Katrina Lapinsky '12 took a different Multicultural Student Affairs [BMSA]. telling us to 'shut up and go away?"' and in spite of the continual assault and standpoint on the organization. "I did not know BMSA existed said Paquette. "I think you should be a hatred it endures from the radical left, we "I think this club has a possibility until two seconds ago when it was little bit more grown up than that." wish to revive the West, rather than see to bring some educational enrichment mentioned," said Paquette. ' What is Following Paquette's remarks a our civilization be sent to the graveyard to this campus," said Lapinksy. "I see it, honestly? I think the celebration of motion to vote was approved, and the of history." students here who aren't normally western culture would definitely fit proposed legislation was voted down to "I started this organization to active on this campus and are finally under this multicultural bracket. Don t a round of applause. World Page 7 December 10, 2009 U.S. Cracks Down on Drug Trade in Afghanistan how to take down heavily guarded by Bill Pursell '11 drug labs. Some fear that this World Staff training is going to take much longer than desired. Afghanistan "This is kindergarten," said Vincent Balbo, the United States Drug Enforcement Administration chief in In light of U.S. President Barack Kabul, whose office is overseeing the Obama's recent speech about the training. "It's Narcotics 101." fighting in Afghanistan, new focus Another D.E.A. agent added: "We has been paid to the country's drug are at a stage now of telling these trafficking problem. In the past it has recruits, this is a handgun, this is a been a common military mentality to bullet," according to The New York view the drug trade as an extraneous Times. problem to the goals in Afghanistan. Under the Bush administration U.S. forces have renewed efforts to there had been many attempts to patrol the vast poppy fields in order stamp out large drug cartels in to keep farmers from harvesting Afghanistan, but corruption in the these poppy seeds, which is the key Afghan government complicated the ingredient for producing heroin. The process. This has led Russian officials U.S. troops are looking more towards to accuse U.S. and NATO allies of the drug trade for two main reasons. doing next to nothing to curb the "The fight against drugs is Afghan drug trade. actually the fight for Afghanistan," The Russian government has said Afghan President Hamid Karzai been asking the occupying troops to when he took office in 2002, according eradicate the crops with chemicals to Forbes.com. and herbicides. U.S. authorities still "This is a source of income for the AP maintain that it is more effective to warlords and regional factions to A British soldier in a poppy field in the Maywand region of Kandahar, Afghanistan. attack drug labs, and to encourage pay their soldiers," warned former farmers to grow different crops. Afghan Interior Minister Ali Ahmad brought in to between $259 million fact, about 80 people die every, day The aim of the new policy will Jalili in a May 2005 interview with and $518 million, which is a dramatic worldwide from heroin related deprive the Taliban of the tens of Reuters. "The terrorists are funding increase from $28 million in 2005. accidents. millions of dollars in drug revenue their operations through illicit drug In 2008 opium production shrank Viktor Ivanov, Director of Federal that is fueling its insurgency. trade, so they are all interlinked." from previous years, and the trade Drug Control Services in Russia, Russian border patrols have Although the heroin market still accounted for 97 percent of the stated, "In my opinion, international affirmed a large expanse of drugs and prices can only be unofficially country's per-capita annual GDP. [communities] and international being smuggled in through the estimated, it is believed to be one The country that is experiencing forces, once they take on the southern border. While a large of the most valuable commodities the heaviest influx of Afghan responsibility of creating a future quantity amount of heroin is in the world today. For example, a heroin is Russia. In fact, the Russian for Afghanistan, must understand discovered and burnt every day, ton of crude oil costs less than $290, government is labeling the recent that without terminating its drug much more are slipping past but a ton of heroin costs between increase in heroin use as an epidemic. industry, it will be difficult to create checkpoints. $360 million and $900 million in It is believed that between 1.5 and a working democratic society in The Russian government is New York, according to estimates 6 million people are addicted to Afghanistan," as reported by CNN. hoping that the new U.S. surge will based on recent Drug Enforcement Afghan heroin in Russia, as reported The U.S. are not the only ones help. With 30,000 more troops on the Administration figures. It is also by CNN. concerning themselves with the drug ground, it is believed that much more estimated that Afghanistan produces The addiction is only half of trafficking. In Kabul, Afghanistan, can be done to at least slow down the 93 percent of the world's opium. the problem. The drugs coming in members of the U.S. and Columbian drug trafficking, since officials think In 2007 it was calculated that to Russia are becoming less safe counternarcotics police forces have the only way to do so is by striking opium and heroin based drugs have as demand for them increases. In been training Afghan recruits on the drug trade at the source. Is Vladimir Putin Poised For Retirement?

by Arman Oganisian '13 a Russian Express train, according the presidential elections in 2000 World Staff to CNN. The derailment left 26 dead and served as Russia's president for and more than 100 injured. Putin eight years. Due to constitutional commented: "We did a lot [in recent limits, he was unable to run for a Russia years] to break the backbone of third consecutive term. Thus, he was terrorism, but the threat has not been nominated to become Prime Minister, On Thursday, Dec. 3, Vladimir eliminated yet... The entire society, current President Dimitri Medvedev Putin appeared for his annual town each of us, should be conscious of took his place. hall forum. According to CNN, this threat and be vigilant." At the forum, Putin was asked if Putin, currently the Prime Minister The economy was another issue he has plans to retire and live life as a of Russia, sent out a strong message brought up during the forum. Russia regular citizen. To this, Putin replied, that "he has full hands-on control of has been hit hard by the recession. "Don't count on that." When asked this country." As stated by CNN, Putin said that if he was planning on running for At the forum, Putin spoke for the past year was "one of the most the presidential office in 2012, Putin four hours and answered 80 out of difficult" years for Russia in the past replied, "I will think about it. There the two million questions which decade. He noted that the 2009 GDP is plenty of time for that." people submitted on a live call- was predicted to decrease, which According to CNN, Medvedev, who in show. As reported by CNN, will take a heavy toll on Russian was in Italy at the time, responded by Putin largely answered questions industries. He noted that there saying that he and Putin work very about Russia's domestic policy. He is going to be about nine percent well together, but he himself will not addressed issues such as pensions, inflation. rule out the possibility of running medication expenses, industries, "Turbulent trends in the global for a second term. Putin, at the Russia's accession into the World and, as a result, the Russian economy, forum, stated that he and Medvedev

Trade Organization (WTO), and even RUSSIANSPY.ORG are still in place," said Putin. "It will work very well together. They had take time and effort to overcome the known each other for many years, hip-hop music. Once a KGB agent always a KGB agent. Here Pu­ crisis." attended the same university, and The program was launched on the tin is shown here perfecting his aim at a military government's radio and television shooting range. According to CNN, Putin were taught by the same professors. stations. This event marked Putin's also noted some very positive As the statistics show, not many eighth live forum, the first being in the present audience, responded to developments in Russia such as the Russians would be displeased to see 2001 when he was president. phone calls, answered e-mails, and growing industries of agriculture Putin as president yet again. After all As stated by CNN, massive answered SMS messages. and military hardware production. his time in politics, Putin still has an amounts of people, including One of the critical issues discussed Perhaps the most controversial unprecedented 70 percent approval representatives from all Russian was terrorism. Terrorism has taken issue which came up was that of the rating, compared to 56 percent for industries and college students, a significant toll on Russia, as it has next election. Many wanted to know Medvedev in just his first term. attended the forum. During his time in all European countries. Just a Putin's future career plans. Before there, Putin answered questions from week ago, a planted bomb derailed becoming Prime Minister, Putin won 8 The Cowl WORLD December 10, 2009 Amanda Knox Sentenced to 26 Years in Prison system, including the rough treatment by Mackenzie Mango '10 Knox says she received from detectives, World Staff allowing jurors to read the coverage of the trial, and "negligent handling of ITALY evidence by investigators." Cantwell said she made her displeasure known to the Italian embassy and Secretary of According to CNN, an Italian jury State Hillary Clinton. has found American student Amanda The Knox family issued a Knox and her Italian boyfriend Raffaele statement in which they announced, Sollecito guilty in the stabbing death "We are extremely disappointed in of British exchange student Meredith the verdict rendered today against Kercher. Knox was sentenced to 26 our daughter. While we always knew years in prison and Sollecito was this was a possibility, we find it sentenced to 25 years. Additionally, difficult to accept this verdict when the pair must pay 5 million euro ($7.4 we know that she is innocent." million) to Kercher's family. They also stated that, "It appears At the rendering of the verdict, six of clear to us that the attacks on Amanda's the jurors were wearing red, white and character in much of the media and green sashes, representing the colors by the prosecution had a significant of Italy's flag. Prosecutors argued that impact on the judges and jurors and Seattle native Amanda Knox was a apparently overshadowed the lack resentful American who was so angry of evidence in the prosecution's case with her British roommate that she against her." exacted revenge at their home two Knox and Sollecito will appeal, years ago. They said Knox directed attorneys said. After the verdict, Knox's Sollecito and another man, Rudy lawyer, Carlo Della Vedova revealed AP Guede, to hold Kercher down as Knox his client was upset yet remains strong. played with a knife before slashing Amanda Knox smiles during a break at the trial in an Italian court in Perugia, on Thursday, Dec. 3. When asked if he expected the State Kercher's throat. Prosecutors had been Lawyers for the American student had their last chance to try and convince the jury she is innocent Department to get involved in his seeking life sentences, Italy's stiffest of murdering her British roommate. daughter's case, Curt Knox said, "I would sentence, for both. Defense lawyers I am not calm," Knox said in fluent I have serious questions about the be very disappointed if they didn't, argued that Guede, who was convicted Italian. "I fear to lose myself, to have Italian justice system and whether very disappointed." The Knox family in a separate fast-track trial and is the mask of the killer forced upon anti-Americanism tainted this already has spent more than $1 million currently appealing his conviction, me. I fear to be defined as someone trial," Cantwell said. The senator in hiring a legal team and keeping a was the sole killer. I am not." also believes there was not "enough family member in Italy at all times to On Thursday, Dec. 3, Knox took the Knox and Sollecito have now been evidence for an impartial jury to visit Amanda. When asked how he will stand for a third time in the Perugia jailed for more than two years. Senator conclude beyond a reasonable doubt pay for an appeal and to keep someone courtroom, telling jurors that she is Maria Cantwell, (D-Wash) publically that Ms. Knox was guilty." in Italy, Knox said, "We'll figure it out. not a "killer" who stabbed her former condemned the sentence. In addition, she said the trial She will not be left here." roommate. "They say that I am calm. "I am saddened by the verdict and revealed flaws in the Italian justice

Child Trafficking in China an Escalating Problem

by Molly Driessen '12 World Staff

China

Recently, an article was written by BBC Beijing correspondent Damian Grammaticas on China's stolen children. Child trafficking in China has recently become more of an escalating problem. According to HumanTrafficking.org the number of Chinese victims range from 10,000 to 20,000 each year. Grammaticas argues this party results from China's "one- child" policy and the preference for sons. Parents are willing to purchase a boy if they are unable to have one of their own. Another fear of the Chinese government, however, is that child trafficking has risen as a result of gangs becoming more organized and strategic. Traffickers are able to easily snap up children off the streets and can disguise themselves within large cities. Children will be lured in at train stations, buses, walking back AP and forth from school, and while playing in the streets. Security Chinese protest against kidnapping and child trafficking in Guangdong Province in April 2009. cameras have been set up in various locations but are not sufficient Run had been sold to an elderly couple, China is death. So far in 2009, roughly concern. These threats and followings enough to catch the traffickers. who gave him many toys and greatly 1700 have been convicted. Since April have included police, who do not Grammaticas follows the story of desired a male son. When Luo Run 2,007, according to the BBC, about want the public peace to be disrupted. Luo Run, who was snatched at a bus returned, it was awhile before the boy 2,008 children have been rescued. One parent, who has been searching station by a man luring him in with become acclimated with his previous The Chinese government has set up a for his missing son, has had to learn a pet turtle in his hand. Detectives home and family. website to help reunite children with how to deal with this. According to identified his trafficker and were able Most stolen children range from their families. Similarly, a national BBC he said, "If there were just one to set up a meeting with the traffickers ages of 100 days old to eight years DNA database has been established. or two cases it would be a minor in the mountains of southern Fujian old. Within this range boys are more According to BBC, some Chinese thing for the police. But there are province. The detectives went in the common than girls. Depending on the believe government officials are not thousands of us who've lost our kids. disguise of potential buyers. From age and sex, these children are sold for willing enough to address child It's a massive issue. By campaigning their arrest of Luo Run's trafficker, between 7,000 and 40,000 yuans, which trafficking cases. Some parents have openly we undermine the image the police were led to many other children, is equivalent to $l,000-$5,850. been threatened by trafficking gangs government wants to project that his who had been stolen and traded. Luo The penalty for child traffickers in to not draw attention to the growing is a harmonious society."

BATTLEoftheBRAINS201 0 — Providence College Tournament Saturday, January 30, 12-6pm Sign up in the SAIL Office through January 22! Commentary December 10, 2009 Burnt Lips, Bloody Pigs, and Sticky Myrrh An Advent Reflection on the Goodness of the Material World It is particularly fitting that the advent by Jeremiah Begley '10 conceptual chasm. We have managed, of the physical world? In fact, there Commentary Staff quite simply, not to think about it very exists a tradition of matter-spirit of winter should enhance our awareness much, which of course invites food dualism almost as old as humanity of physical goodness, since it is during CULTURE companies to engage in all sorts of itself. Those of you who recall St. Advent that we prepare ourselves to unsavory practices. True proximity to Augustine's Confessions will remember celebrate the moment of the Incarnation which sanctified our messy but beautiful The sensation of snowflakes settling in the source of food, however, enables one his stint as a Manichee, but the Gnostic your hair and eyebrows, the gentle burn as to distinguish the natural grossness of impulse preexisted Augustine and world. The three Wise Men may have the first sip of hot chocolate hits your lips, death from the unnatural grossness in survived his efforts to defeat it. By some misunderstood what kind of king the the feel of a mittened hand entwined with the food industry. It is also an important accounts, Gnosticism is pervasive in our baby Jesus was to be, but they gave fittingly incamational gifts to Him who, your own. part of living as a hylomorphic being. contemporary culture; exponents of this It seems that winter is upon us at This word, from the Greek hyle (matter) viewpoint to the subtle hatred of the by His coming, demonstrated once and last, and with the falling snow comes a and morphos (form), means that we body underlying many of our modem for all that the created world is good heightened awareness of the goodness humans are body and soul together. assumptions. The tendency of the post­ first and fallen second. The birth of God as a man is the final argument against of physical reality. Distinct from the We don't all have to be vegetarians (the Cartesian modem world is to streamline materialism of the frenetic culture of vegetables, after all, go through their the jagged, silence the noisy, and sweep the Gnostic hatred of matter and the Christmas shopping is the sense— own set of disturbing practices), but the messy bits under the carpet. In this body; the fact of Christ incarnate, Christ all but forgotten during the dreary we should acknowledge that food is a scheme, the body—like all matter— assuming the flesh of humankind, lead-up to the first snowfall—that vital part of the wholeness—and the is a necessary evil, and anything we means that God created the world not as an obstacle to salvation, but as a help to the created world is more than just a goodness—of the material world. can do to supplant it is automatically human habitat—it is a gem, a jewel, The distinguished look of a very old book, good. This is a popular view in our us in comprehending and worshipping an exquisite palace of perception. The the unmistakable smell of its dusty and aged technological republic, but it goes only the divine essence—a help suited to our pages, the feel of those yellowed bracing cold focuses the attention on screen deep, ultimately leaving the human mode of understanding. the sensible realm while the falling sheets between physical skin unsullied. The Amazon Pater noster, Ave Maria, Gloria patri, et Kindle will never entirely replace snow, extraordinarily beautiful in its your fingertips. filio, et spiritui sancto... the analog book composed of bound own right, purifies every nook and Who, you A wise priest once told me that the might ask, paper pages because, deep down, we rosary is an incamational prayer. The cranny of the landscape. Before the would know the former to be insufficiently spiritual entreaties to God and Mary MPAA hijacked the word 'sensuality' in deny the incamational. are accompanied and assisted by the order to caution moviegoers, one might The gleam of gold, the pungent aroma material beads stiding one by one have extolled the glorious sensuality of frankincense, the stickiness of fresh through the fingers of the supplicant. of experience,, which we all intuitively recognize as good. myrrh. We commemorate the Incarnation in particular after the last decade, The gush of blood from the throat when we kiss the figure of Jesus on of a slaughtered cow, the squeal of a the crucifix. At the time of His death pig just before it becomes pork and and resurrection, Christ extended the bacon, the smell of a whole flock of decapitated chickens. Incarnation throughout space and time with the institution of the Eucharist, Of course, we aren't wild about and his presence on Earth suffused and all the aspects of physical reality. We sanctified the whole of creation. This Americans are notorious for attempting to separate the food we eat from the Christmas, then, let us revel in the fact methods by which it is procured via that the plenitude of sensible reality exists to guide us closer to thousands of miles of distance and a vast The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. News Flash—Nobody's Looking at You

by Jenn DiPirro '12 "But who will I sit with?" Yes, because attention by saying how fat she is. We waiters come up to them to sing happy Commentary Staff everyone will surely notice that you know you're not fat, stop trying to get birthday. Why do we get so upset about are sitting all alone in an enormous attention! These people want to show this? It is actually just something nice

Personal Reflection Civ lecture haU. That is almost like the others how good-looking they are. that your friends and family do for you people who think that every other car I always have a pretty good laugh to make you feel special. God forbid! on tire highway is staring at them. No! at the person who takes a nasty I just don't understand how There are certain people who always Nobody has enough time to notice you digger and even if they are kind of people always think that the world try to convince others that they don't because everybody is so wrapped up in hurt they immediately look around is observing their every move. We care what anyone thinks of them. Even their own business and worrying about to see who noticed. Dude, you fell have all waved at someone that isn't when wearing the most ridiculous what other people think of them. What down hard! Take a minute to own who we thought they were or yelled outfit or after dropping a plate in Ray, a vicious cycle. the embarrassment. Instead, they look a friend's name and wondered why they claim to be impervious to the they are not turning around. Hmm, opinions of others. And who knows, EVERYONE STARTS CLAPPING AND THE VICTIM OF maybe it's because it's not your friend! maybe there are a few people who are Do we even need to get upset about that out of their dome-piece—like Lady GRAVITY TURNS EIGHT SHADES OF RED this seeing as though it happens to Gaga—for example, but no one I have everyone? Another personal favorite encountered thus far in life is free from I think my favorite of all the things around and flee the scene immediately. of mine related to the waving issue is the paranoia of what other people think that people do to try to make themselves I cannot wait until the winter because when you are waving to your friend about them. look cooler is that while they are alone it is one of my favorite things to watch. who is standing behind someone else If you have a Facebook then you care they take out their phones and begin The hot spot is on that small little hill in and that stranger thinks you are being what other people think of you. Why? texting or calling someone. Is that between Meagher and McVinney. That overly friendly to them and they roll Because Facebook is all about making supposed to make up for the fact that place is a death trap, the ice gets people their eyes at you. No, you are not my yourself look as cool as possible. You you are alone? I personally don't really every time. friend but why couldn't I wave to you pick a default that highlights your get what the big deal is about being seen Another one that gets people really if I wanted to? I mean, that is what best features, you come up with a alone because everyone will eventually flustered is when they drop their Mr. Roger's would have wanted. It clever status so that people think you have to do something on their own. It is plates in Ray. Everyone starts clapping was still pretty nice of me to be so are complex and edgy, and you friend virtually impossible for us to plan it so and the victim of gravity turns like friendly to you even if you were not request people so that they know who that someone is with us at all times, like eight shades of red. So embarrassing! the intended receiver. you are. By doing all these things you in the movie Stuck on You. eventually Until it happens to you it is almost Essentially, we will always care about are trying to get positive attention. you would want to kick your conjoined impossible to relate to, but believe me what other people think of us because Or perhaps you are the type of twin's ass. it is traumatizing. Then they have to get we will always think that the universe person who won't sit in Ray and eat by We all have that friend who is back into the sandwich line all somber revolves around us. It is merely an yourself. Or even if you do you probably incredibly self-conscious. They try on and discouraged. Kind of like when unstoppable part of our nature—we make sure to bring "work" with you so a miltion outfits and every single one you were a tittle kid and you used to are a little self-involved. And therefore, that you don't look like a loser. Some looks good and yet they still have to cry over spilt milk. It is because nobody you are lying in a bed of lies if you say people won't even take a certain class ask you if they look good, even though likes to make a big scene around them. that you don't care about the opinions unless they know that at least one of they know their outfit looks good! Then People also get absolutely mortified of others.. .so don't piss on our legs and their friends or acquaintances is in it. there is the skinny girl who tries to get when they are out at a restaurant and the tell us that it's raining. December 10, 2009 COMMENTARY The Cowl 10 TOO HOT FOR WORDS

ISA All '10 AND JOE MCMENAMIN 'io /THE COWL

Slavin '12 Reveals the True tangents & tirades Identity of "They" The Weather Outside is Frightful. What is going on with the weather, people? by Chris Slavin '12 No it's not cloudy with a chance of meatballs or raining lemon drops and gum Asst. Commentary Editor employed and become "they," you have a huge level of responsibility to drops. So far, my prayers have gone unanswered. But the weather has been SOCIETY do a good job for those who only know absolutely crazy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I love that it's been you as the faceless, nameless "they." It warm enough to wear just a fleece to class and to be able to keep my window "What are they doing to the traffic only takes one publishing error or one cracked just enough to let in a cool breeze at night. But come on already, pick a light near the post office? Can you late delivery to turn a "They do a great season. I'm just not comfortable with the uncertainty. I can't stand waking up and believe they changed the Poland job" to a "They just lost a customer." So not knowing if it's going to be 70 degrees and sunny, like Thursday, or suddenly Spring bottle again? They put entirely if you weren't nervous enough about snowing like Saturday night. Like the song says, the weather outside is frightful too much sugar in the lemonade at performing well at your job after my last and it doesn't show signs of stopping. Be prepared.—Ally Pelle '11 Three Brothers Pizza." Sentences such article, here is another reason why you They Call It "Wasted" for a Reason. All right, I've noticed a trend in college as these are all too common, where the should be. Society is relentlessly critical students' social behavior that really baffles me. Now, let's preface this with saying pronoun "they" is thrown around like about a person's job performance, and that I'm not on a high horse. I'm not really judging anyone or demeaning people a frisbee and the speaker isn't clear therefore quick to attack "they." who resemble what I'm about to say. I'm a senior now, and I think I've seen a lot about exactly who "they" actually And "they" are superior beings. of drinking of alcohol in my seven semesters here at PC. What boggles my mind are. After reading this, however, you Even though these people are is the prevalence of getting "wasted" in the college community nationwide. can have confidence when using one nameless, faceless beings, "they" Alcohol can be fun, sure, but there's a point where it's more harm than it is fun. of these normally imprecise sentences control what we eat, what we read, When you can't remember what you did the night before, what is the point? And because you will know exactly whom what we wear. The kid delivering even though you think you're having fun when you're "sh**faced" all you really it is you are substituting with the the pizza controls what time you are is "gone." So, maybe someone can explain to me the attraction. Maybe, but broad but frequently used "they." will be able to eat and the magazine's I really doubt it. The only real explanation for blackout alcohol consumption is Yes, I am live right now with the true publishers determine what goes on the some kind of masochism.—Ben Perry TO identity of "they." page that you read. A clothing designer Mamma's Girl. With Christmas break approaching, I have been reflecting on how To find our answer, let's look at a few chooses what your shirt consists of. So going back home means realizing what has changed since you've been gone, or of these sentences more carefully. What being "they" comes with an enormous perhaps, how you have changed. Home seems to always be the constant while is who doing to the traffic light near the amount of power. Sure, you can choose you are the variable. There's a certain comfort that envelops you when you find post office? In this case, the township's whether or not to read the magazine or that there is more space to just breathe and be you 100 percent. I'm a Gilmore Girl general workers are meant. When put on the shirt, but if you choose to, at heart, and there is nothing I love more than sitting on the couch with mom over you think about it, these yellow vest what you are taking part in is entirely a pint of ice cream or peanut-butter M&Ms, disclosing every story I can think of wearing, jack hammering men are who controlled by this unknown, superior from the past three months. Making time in college to spend hours talking to mom is usually meant when using "they" "they." By living in the world dictated is next to impossible. The details that should have made it into your conversations (Did you see that they put in a new stop by "they," we are all severely limited always seem to get lost somewhere between bites of salad at Ray or in between the sign? Do you know what they are going to what we can control in our own pages of my Civ paper. It's always, "Got to run! Call you later! love you!" The hours to do to the building on Washington lives. The things we eat, buy, and read we spend together at home give me complete perspective on everything I might Street?), but not all of the time. The are created by "they," who are people not have been able to figure out in the past few weeks. Every Rory needs a Lorelai; people who changed the Poland Spring we do not see, hear, know, or have any mothers always provide that extra little bit of sage advice that reminds you who bottle are the executives of the company control over. "They" are in charge. you are when you might not be able to yourself. — Viviana Garcia '12 and the person who put too much sugar So after reading this, if you have in the lemonade was some skinny kid any kind of job you now realize that President Obama Just Can't Seem to Get Off the Campaign Trail. In his behind the counter at a pizza place in you are "they" and therefore you have speech on Afghanistan last week, the President tried to play a game of politics Jersey. When it comes down to it, when power over the rest of us, but also a in an attempt to please everyone. He tried to come off as a strong wartime you have a job, you become "they." responsibility to use that power well. leader by promising to send in additional troops; however, he also appealed to And that ranges from a CEO to a Everyone who has ever used a sentence his liberal base by claiming he will begin withdrawal by summer of 2011, just delivery boy. with "they" in which the pronoun's in time for the next presidential election. There are a number of problems with "Did you see they changed their identity was not definitive, such as his plan. First, 30,000 troops will not do the job, and is significantly less than magazine's layout?" "They have such "They do a great job over there at The what was requested by generals on the ground. Second, giving a time table for slow delivery." In both of these cases the Cowl," now you know that who you are withdrawal is absurd, because to win a war you must actually be committed speaker thinks of "they" as a nameless, referring to have dominion over your to defeating the enemy. Third, the president didn't explain exactly how the faceless entity, but really there are life in one way or another. Granted, additional troops would help the cause. Furthermore, the president didn't speak people responsible for the magazine's some "they" have more control than at all about how he planned to pay for the surge, which would cost around $1 changes or the slow speed of the pizza others, but all do to some degree. Tune million. Above all else is the president's extreme lack of passion for victory. We delivery. Both the head of the magazine in next issue when I will be live with the are fighting evil Muslim extremists that viciously killed thousands of innocent and the teenage pizza boy are "they," true identity of "it" and, if Christmas Americans on 9/11. For the president to be docile and emotionless, and to put and both have a responsibility to serve break goes well, the Batman. such little urgency behind his words when attempting to rally support for the the public. As soon as you become war is simply beyond belief. This speech will go down in history as one of the worst Obama has ever offered.-Joe Sirianni TO 11 The Cowl COMMENTARY December 10, 2009 Jingle Bells to Bomb Shells: A Somebody Deck the Treaty for the War on Christmas Halls—We're Dying Here!

by Andy Kowal '10 for the holidays" instead of "shop for Commentary Staff Christmas" opens up the commercials about the school decorating for a holiday to a larger audience, thereby earning by Jeff Gahan 'll that they might not celebrate; however, SOCIETY these companies more money. Groups Commentary Staff since this is a private institution, they like the AFA hate this approach can rightfully do just that. I mean because of its appeasement to political War on Terror, War on Poverty, think about it: The school already correctness rather than Christian Campus War on Drugs. We as Americans makes us take two theology classes, principles. They are trying to promote love dubbing our fights as wars. so the administration isn't completely their Christian values, which is fine, Obviously we need to eliminate or adverse to subjecting its students to the but trying to force that on the rest Dec. 21,2009, is the last day for finals severely dampen the harmful effects religiosity of the school. Why can't the of the country which may not share this semester. The classes that have that of terrorism, poverty, and drugs. same method and reasoning be applied that belief is wrong. Some people final meet on Mondays, Wednesdays, It seems whenever an issue comes during Christmastime to give students may even think that they cannot say and Fridays at 11:30 a.m. This is a very up people like to say that they are a little light as they trudge through the "Merry Christmas" to someone else popular time for a class, so it seems attacking it, similar to attacks during final weeks of the semester? because of political correctness. But I strange that the school would schedule a war. Sometimes, like the War on The time of finals is a very feel like this is an exaggeration. If you a final for the last day that would cause Terror (which is actually a war), it unhappy time around campus. say "Merry Christmas" to someone so many people to have to stay at school is justified. Sometimes, however, Stress and anxiety run high during they are not going to turn around and for that long. Since PC is a Catholic we tend to imagine that a "war" is the last week of classes when papers say, "How dare you?" school, one could reason that we might happening. This is best exemplified in and presentations are due, and In public schools, teachers are not get out to go on Christmas break a little the so-called War on Christmas that the following week and a half of allowed to teach about Christmas. This earlier—having only four days to get some individuals feel is happening in preparing for and taking exams makes sense, as not all students in public into the Christmas spirit doesn't do a our culture. doesn't help in any way, shape, or schools are Christian, but again this First, let me say that there is causes controversy. But, is school really no such War on Christmas (I just ANY LAWN ORNAMENTS ON CAMPUS WOULD the place where most of us learn about got an image in my head of Santa EITHER BE DESTROYED OR STOLEN Christmas? No, it's from our parents, riding in on top of Rudolph with a our church, and our friends. And there crossbow in his hand looking like is no greater way for someone to feel left whole lot for holiday cheer. It would Braveheart.) The idea behind a War form. It is my thought that if the out than when tire entire class is talking do us, as students, well to be able to be on Christmas is that it is becoming a) school were to "holidize" the campus about Christmas and they celebrate home for more time before the holidays secularized and b) less emphasized more during this time of year, then Hanukkah or Kwanza, or nothing at all. so we could fully get involved in the due to political correctness. One of the perhaps students would be brighter Making someone feel different or like celebration of the birth of Christ. loudest proponents of this view is the during their time of studying. Is it an outcast is the exact opposite of the Students on campus are discouraged American Family Association, a group not the point of Christianity to give idea of togetherness, peace, and love from decorating their rooms in time which I feel has done more harm to the us hope in times of trouble? Finals are Christmas itself is supposed to promote. for the holidays. Christmas lights are family than the things they are fighting brutal for some people, and at best To the point that Christmas is getting not allowed, and as always, things against but that is another discussion they are annoying, time consuming, too secularized, I would argue that it hung around the room must remain at entirely. On their Web site they have and frustrating for others. While always has been. Santa Claus, BoBo least six inches away from the ceiling. a "Naughty or Nice" list in which some are able to pass their finals Natale, Kris Kringle, or whatever you This means that garland and other they list companies that use the word with flying colors no matter what the call him has been around for hundreds decorations would have to be hung Christmas in their advertisements situation, others need some type of of years. Santa Claus gives children without consideration to aesthetics. PC as nice and those that do not as, not external factor to help them along. hope, joy, and wonderment during itself could do a better job at decorating only naughty but, "companies against More holiday spirit in the form of Christmastime. This does not take for the holidays. Some Christmas lights Christmas." That's right, if you do not decorations and other such extras away from the religious importance of around campus bushes and tree would say Christmas in your advertisements, would certainly help bring a brighter Christmas. In fact, isn't Santa supposed look extremely nice with some freshly you are against Christmas. In fact, the mood to a dark and dismal time. And to be Saint Nicholas? The secular and fallen snow, and they could put either group recently ended their boycott of lastly, in keeping with the holiday non-secular attributes of Christmas are colored icicles or light bulbs in the shape Gap, Old Navy, and Banana Republic spirit, try not to abbreviate Christmas infinitely tied so make the most out of of candles in some of the office building because in one of their ads they said by "xmas." It takes the "Christ" out it. If you truly want to emphasize the windows to make a better scene. Since the word Christmas. Now they are of Christmas. religious aspect, teach children about the school is so big on fire safety, it is no longer on the "companies against St. Nicholas and then talk about the understandable to some extent that it Christmas" list but the "companies Nativity story. These two aspects do discourages decorations; however, the marginalizing Christmas" list which not have to be mutually exclusive; they school could take it upon themselves is apparently an improvement. If you have been able to cohabitate quite well to give the campus some extra holiday are curious, if you shop at Barnes & for hundreds of years. Most of us grew cheer. Wreaths and ground ornaments Noble, Victoria's Secret, or Best Buy up waiting in anticipation for Santa would be very beautiful. However, the you apparently hate Christmas and Claus, opening presents Christmas practicality of these decorations forbids want to see its downfall. So I guess morning, and then going to church. it from ever actually happening. If there you're going to have to do without But, if Christmas is in fact getting were to ever be any lawn ornaments that book, bra, or DVD player this too secularized and too materialistic, on campus, they would either be holiday time unless you want to kill then why would groups like the destroyed or stolen by the end of the Frosty the Snowman. AFA want to have it associated on first weekend. This group wants all of these advertisements for products that But besides the fact that we cannot companies' advertisements during the promote the materialism of modem always trust people to not make a holidays to say Christmas, but that day Christmases in the first place? My mockery out of Christmas, classrooms does not make sense on many levels. advice to people that are getting upset could be spiced up a bit in holiday It is true that the United States has an about this war: relax, drink some fashion. I know a lot of students who overwhelming Christian majority (81 hot cocoa, and I wish you HAPPY might not be religious would get upset percent of the population, according HOLIDAYS! to the Pew Research Center Surveys done in 2006). But that does not mean we are a Christian nation. The founders of our country chose to have no official state religion and that has not changed since the founding. To some people, December 25 is a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, to some it's a day to get smashed on eggnog, to some it's a day to eat Chinese food and go to the movies. The great thing about the US is its diversity. We have many religions and a lot of them have holidays in the month of December. So having advertisements that cater to all people, for instances saying "shop December 10, 2009 COMMENTARY The Cowl 12 Ignorance and Prejudice aith Still Prevalent on Campus F by Fr. James Cuddy, O.P. MATTERS Contributing Writer the college community on issues of by Brian Gay 'll sexual orientation. This organization Guest Commentary seeks to provide a supportive environment in which students can Your Christmas Connections With upcoming finals, papers due discuss issues of sexual orientation in each of my classes, play practices to freely and openly. This organization, Have you ever wanted to go the the while I'm staring at the gate, wait­ attend and a boyfriend to tend to, it is in keeping with the mission, ideals White House? Of course you have. Well ing for the emergence of my guy, who not often that I have free time to go to and values embedded in Providence let me tell you something...I know a I was sure would come and make ev­ many of the various engaging public College, is dedicated to fostering a guy. And anytime I go to Washington erything all right. He'd take us in, the events here on campus. However, I campus environment that encourages I dazzle my traveling companions by President would offer us his sincere was able to attend a talk hosted by PC the respect for the essential dignity, taking them on a tour; because I know apologies and a cup of hot chocolate for Life featuring guest speaker Dr. freedom and equality of every person a guy. All my friends think that I'm a and all would be right with the world. Susan Yoshihara, a pro-life advocate regardless of sexual orientation. big deal as I whisk them past the Secret Alas, it never happened. at the United Nations and Vice SHEPARD will assist all students Service and into a place where few oth­ As I was praying for my friend to President of the Catholic Family and to feel secure and included in the ers get to go. And all because I know a arrive, I realized that this was truly an Human Rights Institute. Providence College family." guy and he always hooks me up. Advent moment. There we were, un­ The talk was entitled "Rights by The mission statement of our Until this time. This morning, on comfortable, frustrated, and anxious. Stealth: The Covert Campaign for school states that Providence College what might have been the single worst And there was nothing that we could an International Right to Abortion" "encourages the deepest respect for morning of my life, I was denied en­ do by our own power to make the situ­ and focused on the recent trend in the essential dignity, freedom, and try to the White House. I was travel­ ation any better. My friends and I could UN committees and human rights equality of every person." There ing with a big group and everyone only watch and wait for the appearance campaigns of advocating for abortion is also a quote by the National was excited as we spilled out of taxis, of the one person who would deliver to be classified as a universal human Conference of Catholic Bishops which wondering if we might catch a glimpse us from what I was sure were the early right. The talk was very informative states that "the fundamental human of the president. I went up to the Se­ signs of hypothermia. and as a pro-life advocate, I found rights of homosexual persons must cret Service agent at the gate and— During this holy season where we myself unsettled by much of the be defended. All of us must strive with a look that said 'I'm kind of a big watch for the coming of the Lord and information that was being discussed. to eliminate any form of injustice, deal'—told him, "I know a guy and he prepare for his birthday at Christmas, What was equally unsettling, however, oppression, or violence against them." hooked us up with a tour at 9:45." And it's important to reflect on our human was a set of comments made by one of Finally, the Catechism of the Catholic then we waited for a little while for my condition. We all have those times my fellow students at the conclusion Church states that LGBT individuals friend to come out and escort us in to when we're shivering, worried, and of the presentation, regarding his "must be accepted with respect, the East Wing. disappointed that our best laid plans concerns about Providence College compassion, and sensitivity. Every While we were standing there, have resulted in failure. And those oc­ and its legitimacy as a Catholic sign of unjust discrimination in their group after group walked past us and casions can be blessings in disguise. Institution. He mentioned that he regard should be avoided." began their tours. The minutes seemed (Although my group of would-be tour­ does "not understand how we can call So my question is: If the school like hours as I waited for my guy. At ists would probably disagree with this assessment.) They are times when we ourselves a Catholic school" when the supports us, the US Conference of 10:00, the Secret Service asked us to can remember that we're ultimately not administration allows students to Bishops is behind us, and the Vatican stand aside. At 10:15, we started to in charge. We are forced to realize that scorn Church teaching on a regular has us under their wing, then who get really cold and started to shiver as basis. When asked in what ways exactly is my colleague looking to we continued our vigil. At 10:30, the we are not as big a deal as we'd like to the school scorns Church teaching, for authority? The point is that not group I was with started to ridicule me think. (Just ask the 45 little kids who my colleague stated "Well, for one only did I find this statement to mercilessly. At 10:45, a group of about passed me in line.) We are in need of thing, there's a GAY club on campus" be personally offensive, but more 45 third graders, their noses running a savior who will appear to bring us in (emphasis his). so disheartening that there is such and hands sticky, walked right past us from the cold and save us from what­ I was shocked. The statement ignorance about an organization like and into the White House. At 11:00, the ever difficulties besiege us. And you shivers were more pronounced and can have confidence that Christ can the mockery aimed at me was at an all- and will do just that. After all, you've I KNOWTHAT THERE ARE GAY CLUBS DOWNTOWN time high as the agents directed us to got a guy. BUT WAS UNAWARE WE HAD ONE ON CAMPUS move to the back of a long line. And all

struck me for multiple reasons: 1) I SHEPARD on our campus. I would know that there are quite a few gay implore any Dominican or member clubs downtown, but was unaware of the administration to speak on this that we had one on campus—he'll issue, as such ignorance vocalized in a have to take me there sometime so I club on campus does not "encourage know where to find it—unless by "gay the deepest respect for the essential My Tw oCents club" he meant SHEPARD, but I don't dignity, freedom, and equality of think so, because we're not a "gay every person" here on campus. Rather, club." We are a student organization the context and tone in which the has set for humanity: procreation. For dedicated to providing support and statement was made suggested a level this reason gay marriage is completely outreach to LGBT individuals on of frustration and disapproval that by Tim Fleming '11 unjustifiable in every case. War and Commentary Staff campus. 2) I hadn't previously made would surely offend many people, capital punishment however, do not go the connection between the LGBT especially those who may take refuge against the nature that God set for us movement and the Right to Life—I in that "GAY club" which my peer Rationalization is the process by because they can be justified in some know a lot of "gay" people who are suggests the donors should refuse to which a human being constructs a cases such as when someone destroys pro-life and a lot of "straight" people fund. I am pro-life and a supporter of logical justification for a belief. In the life of another human and when who are pro-choice, but maybe the LGBT community, and I know that the discipline of psychology it is the "Just War Theory" is met. Now this we've been breaking the Doctrine of there are others like myself here at PC. considered a defense mechanism that isn't a direct appeal for the legalization of gay marriage (although it is clear Binary Political Ideologies (where When we go to club meetings and hear occurs when "the individual deals where my opinions lie) but merely a one can hold only "liberal" or only such derogatory statements made in with emotional conflict or internal or commentary on the rationalization of "conservative" views.) I realized he an inappropriate context, it makes us external stressors by concealing the the Catholic Church. must have been feeling a little grumpy uncomfortable. Like any other person true motivations for his or her own If my understanding is correct, it's when his follow-up comment was at PC, we do not like to spend time thoughts, actions, or feelings through okay to punish someone by killing "I mean we have a Women's Studies around people we find threatening or the elaboration of reassuring or self them because it goes against our very program, for God's sake.") 3) I don't who seem not to like us. When faced serving but incorrect explanations." God-given nature to kill a human? And understand the logic between our with situations like these, it gives us I could not help but think about this it's totally fine that we've waged war having SHEPARD on campus and our a strong impetus not to return to the while sitting in my Church in the World after war because it was necessary? scorn of the Roman Catholic faith. space in which the violation occurred. Today course as my teacher explained Bummer, because capital punishment Allow me to elaborate: SHEPARD I am worried that others may be why certain actions were permitted has proven to be ineffective.. .seeing as is not only dedicated to fulfilling experiencing similar situations in other by the Roman Catholic Church and others were strictly forbidden. The we still have it. And there are wars that the mission of Providence College, organizations here on campus. Can have been waged for decades now that but it also works actively to ensure one be pro-life and pro-LGBT, or are professor spoke more and more don't seem to be slowing down. That that mission of the universal Roman the two mutually exclusive identities? about three topics that fell into two different categories: war and capital being said, it's one hundred percent Catholic Church is lived out here They only become incompatible when LGBT pro-lifers are made to feel punishment and same-sex marriage. against God to allow equality and love on our campus. On the PC Web site, The latter category is not permitted by to flourish between two people of the SHEPARD's mission statement reads: unwelcome because of their identity, the Church, which has full authority same gender. Love is against God... "SHEPARD (Stopping Homophobia, and then the movement (whichever it and war is not. Eliminating Prejudices And may be) suffers a loss, and that is truly over this matter, because it goes Restoring Dignity) seeks to educate unfortunate. against part of the natural order God Roving Photography December 10, 2009 What Is On Your Christmas List?

" To stop coughing and be healthy." "Facial hair." Anna Barden T2 Brian Whooley 'll

"Elin Woods...she's single, right?" "Matching flannel onesies." Robbie Smith-MacDonald '12, Kevin Smith T2 Garrett Amaru '12, Noel Graydon '12

"A white Christmas." "My own PC Shuttle with Tiger Woods as our driver." Tina Zaleta '12, Annie Melia '12, Maggie Cadigan 'll, Amanda Mathieu '11, Lauren Barkwill T2, Lauren Wentworth T2

"All we want for Christmas is you!" -The Cowl Arts & Entertainment Top 10 Moments of Past 10 Years video game consoles, have innovated by Neil Andrew Francisco '10 procrastination. A&E Staff The 2008 Election: Say what you want about the man, We've come a long way since the but the election of Barack Obama has "Y2K Scare." This past decade has seen made some symbolic changes among the rise of Kanye West, the retirement the American people. Had John of Jay-Z, the introduction of social McCain and Sarah Palin been elected, media outlets, the end of an 86-year this would still be on the list. No matter Red Sox drought, the un-retirement what, the 2008 election was one to of Jay-Z, and the debut of the iPhone remember. (as well as being able to do virtually anything on a cellular device). Here, The Office comes to America: I've compiled the 10 best moments of I get the sense that the majority of the past decade: Providence College students enjoy The Office. It creates laughs. Who doesn't Kanye West claims "George Bush like a good laugh? The series has doesn't care about black people": come a long way in the United States. Well, this list would not be complete They've given us a lot to laugh about without one of Kanye West's idiotic and enjoy. This is entertainment, my moments. I chose this one because I friends. thought it captured Kanye the best. Truly, it was a toss-up between this and PC tops #1 Pittsburgh: interrupting Taylor Swift. Oh, Kanye, idtos CeURTESY COOCL'E IMAGES Man, if you weren't at that game, the world would not be the same place you missed out on a lot. I know without your antics. because I wasn't there. I was at the English class. The news shocked and Michael Jackson's Memorial gym, on the treadmill, when I saw Janet Jackson exposes a nipple scared me half to death (I'm from Service: on the ticker: "UPDATE: Providence at the Super Bowl: N.Y.). I'll tell you though, the way this People sang, people cried, people defeats #1 Pittsburgh 81-73." If only This moment really fumed the Arts country came together afterwards talked about it. Corey Feldman showed we finally beat Scottie Reynolds and and Entertainment world upside down. was really moving, and a testament up dressed like Michael Jackson. There Villanova. The phrase "wardrobe malfunction" to the goodness of human nature. was a lot of crazy stuff going on this managed to become known only in past summer when Michael passed The Creation of Facebook: reference to this incident. Janet Jackson Michael Jordan's Comeback: away. No matter his character, MJ was There is no doubt in my mind was no longer allowed on CBS after Just when he thought he was done one in a million when it came to musical that Facebook has changed an entire she refused to apologize. Then, she for good, he comes back and plays performers. generation. Even further, it has disappeared until Michael's death. three years with the Washington affected older adults. Take my father Wizards. He could have been in the The Nintendo Wii, Xbox 360, for example: He's 55 years old and the Tributes to 9/11: hall of fame a long time ago. Whatever and PS3 Craze: father of two kids. What was he doing Everyone remembers where they anyone says about him, the one thing Video games entered the next when I came home for Thanksgiving? were at the time. Some of you were we can all agree on is that this man generation. People get killed at Playing Farmville. At least I didn't still in elementary school. I was in was one of the best basketball players WalMart. Saying "We" means catch him stalking my pictures from the eighth grade, sitting in Ms. Kelly's to ever grace the hardwood floor. something completely different. The college. ABC's Scrubs Returns Once Again Sitcom Regulars Go To Med School

by Ryan Waxon '12 (Dave Franco), a rich kid who intends A&E Staff to coast through medical school. Last May Scrubs put on perhaps one These characters so far have only been of the best series finales in television marginally interesting, and it is going to history. It gave fans everything that take a lot for viewers to be able to accept they wanted; J.D. and Elliot finally them as the new cast of Scrubs. officially ended up together, and we The few bright spots of the back-to- got a satisfying goodbye to all of the back premiere episodes all involved characters who have been entertaining the characters from the original series. us for the last eight years. J.D. walked J.D. and Turk form perhaps one of the out of Sacred Heart Hospital waving greatest comic duos in the history of goodbye to familiar faces that have modem television. They play off each been gracing the halls of one of the other like they have been friends since most entertaining hospital to ever be birth, and time the delivery of their on television. It was all over, closure lines perfectly. Dr. Cox was also able had been had, and I along with other to deliver a few great rants that very diehard fans were ready to walk away much fall in line with the early seasons from a series that had been so good to of Scrubs. us for so many years. And then creator Overall, I don't see the new series Bill Lawrence got the green light to re­ lasting more than one season. It doesn't brand his beloved TV series in order to have the charm or wit of the original squeeze out a few more seasons of a and lacks a solid enough cast to go the now inferior product. show primarily as teachers. Zach Braff deep philosophical quagmires of life. distance. I also really disliked how Aptly re-titled Scrubs [Med], the show (J.D.) is also scheduled to appear in the The new main character, Lucy, doesn't throughout the episode they dropped has been revamped, introducing a slew first six episodes to ensure a smooth have the charm of J.D., and often times little tidbits about the fates of other of new characters in a new location. transition to the show's new format. comes off as annoying. It also doesn't characters no longer featured on the Sacred Heart Hospital has been tom Narrating responsibilities have help that Kerry Bishe doesn't appear show. To a large degree it doesn't down and partially rebuilt on Winston been turned over to the character Lucy to be enough of a qualified actress to feel like the writers are respecting the University, taking the focus away from (Kerry Bishe), who is supposed to be anchor a major television sitcom. greatness of the original series, and are the ins-and-outs of a hospital and the nerdy female compliment to Braff's The rest of the cast it rounded out by stabbing diehard fans in the back. Once shifting it into the classroom. Donald character on the original series. Braff Eliza Coupe (Denise Mahoney), who Braff exits the show in a few weeks, I Faison (Turk) and John C. McGinley played J.D to perfection; he created an was featured last season as an intern, personally will no longer be watching. (Dr. Cox) have signed on as series extremely likable childish character Drew Suffin (Michael Mosley), a scruffy regulars and will be featured on the who often fell into dealing with the underachiever, and Cole Aaronson Grade: C December 10, 2009 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT The Cowl 15 Game Informer's Top 200 Games Todd Barry

by Nahuel Fanjul-Arguijo '10 games, and it made me reminisce for A&E Editor hours when I saw it hit number 184 on the list. This month marks Game Informer's The list also included some great 200th issue, and for this historic games ranked maybe a little too low event they have ranked the top 200 on the list. Games like Final Fantasy VII video games ever. Of course, as the (15), Chrono Trigger (17), Final Fantasy video game snob that I am, I took it Tactics (45), and Kingdom Hearts (79) upon myself to give props shots the should have been higher on the list, contents of this list. as they deserved to be closer to the The issues were random as towhich number one spot than flippin' Tetris. I one you got, since they released eight really don't understand how that game versions of the cover to involve the for the number three spot. Sure, it was eight top games they chose. I was one of the first addicting games for blessed with the Final Fantasy III like, my parents, but the game is just copy, and not to complain, but I feel boring. I'm not saying that Tetris is not like I deserved the Zelda cover. I a classic, but with the world of video might be asking for too much with games evolving so quickly right after the perfect cover, but the fact that its 1984 release, I really don't see it as seven Zelda games were included a revolutionary game (You can reread in the top 200 games, including the this rant and replace Tetris with Ms. number one pick, makes it for a very Pac-Man, because I feel the same way happy December for me. The original, about both games). The Legend of Zelda, got number one I guess I'll round off the good and the best game ever, and to some dismay, bad with some ugly. I was insulted by I might have to argue against this. and terrible distraught about the fact that Yes, I'm happy that my boy Link got Earthbound was placed at number 113.1 number one, but seeing A Link to the understand that it was not a huge hit in Past be number one would have been the United States and didn't have a huge a much better choice. Again, I may be industry impact, but you have to take asking for too much, but that's just the into account the amazingness of Ness. snob in me coming out. This RPG was perfect, and I will repeat: For other props to the list, I was P-E-R-F-E-C-T. You will not find a better very happy to see God of War in the top created, funnier, or more culturally 50 games. It is definitely the relevant game than Earthbound. I still most anticipated game believe that the worst decision in for next year, and the video game history ever made was not Sunday December 1 Sth original made a huge bringing the prequel and sequel to this hit for video gamers. game to the United States. And since Also it was great to I'm talking about RPGs, KEN REID see LittleBigPlanet Super Mario RPG is the the game of the closest competitor to JERKY'S year for 2009, in Earthbound and it 1; H»J »•»»*-. SX Avrihu SI0 rm-.. STJ the list. Last great most certainly mention in the list should have been was Vagrant Story. higher than 148 visit TODDBARRY.COM for ticket infO This was probably on this list. one of my favorite unknown PSI Left 4 Dead 2: Zombietastic Action

by Matt Frederick TO their names don't strike A&E Staff fear into your heart but let's American culture's recent be honest, this game isn't addiction to imaginary creatures is meant to keep you up at getting to be ridiculous. I really have night. A flaw that I always had enough of the whole vampire saw in the original game movement thanks to Twilight, True with the zombies was their Blood, and many others equally as inability to reach the human culpable. As a guy though there is characters quickly and one imaginary army of monsters without detection. Well now that I can appreciate and those are here comes the charger who zombies. About a year ago I wrote basically is half the Hulk, about this trend reaching across the half Nicole Richie with one country and to some extent it still club for an arm and the other hasn't died down. Enter Left 4 Dead 2. barely visible. He moves I made a mistake last time in trying effortlessly with the speed to explain too much so this time I'll let of Dash Incredible, knocking you figure out the basics of the game you down in a heartbeat and instead focus on what is new and while proceeding to beat better than last time. First, the humans you into the ground with have new weapon options. Of course his inhuman upper half. You like anyone else I'm excited to have rarely see it coming, making new access to an AK47 and a revamped the game that much more challenging guy I am reminded of Ephialtes, the In closing, 1 would feel remorse if sniper rifle to take down some and exciting. Spartan who betrays the secret path I didn't point out the negatives to you. zombies, but the most fun features Another major flaw I saw in the to the Persians, thus allowing them to The graphics are nothing in comparison are the new melee weapons. Guns zombies in the first game was that they surround his statesmen and conquer to what you are used to, but the creators can run out of bullets, but machetes, had no way of separating their victim the Spartan army. He looks exactly don't care so neither should you. The user police batons, and chain saws do not. from the rest of the human group. The like this guy from the movie except options during levels aren't tremendous So for once I feel confident that I can smoker shoots his tongue which is he is scrawnier. He's effective by King novel. Having said that, (thanks, take down the thousands of zombies supposed to pull the victim away, but jumping on your head and knocking Larry David) what better way to relieve that aimlessly run around each level. if any obstacle gets in the way then you around while simultaneously some stress then to just take it all out on Another great new feature of the the human just sort of writhes there in pulling you away from the rest of some mindless zombies. game has to be the new specialty limbo while his friends can shoot the the humans. The best is his signature zombies. Two of my favorites are the zombie or his tongue away. Now we giggle which brings both foreboding Grade: B+ jockey and the charger. Yeah, maybe have the Jockey. When looking at this fear and amusement. Page 16 December 10, 2009 an a e&

Santy Cl aws, This year has had some ups and downs. But overall I think I'm a pretty stand-up gal. I'd like the following for Christmas this year: I wish for... 1. Industrial size bags of blue and clear solo cups 1. William Shatner's speech patterns. It would be... so very cool...to...talk like 2. Emma Watson to fail out of Brown University, 2. The ability to feign the ability to dance. but her love of Providence leaves only PC as a 3. A Dick Towel. plausible place to transfer 4. A marshmallow gun that I can shoot at the slow walkers that run—nay, walk—rampant on 3. Team Edward and Team Jacob to have a massive our campus. Because some of us have places to go. battle causing complete and total annihilation of 5. A heart for Janina the Ray lady—it'll come in handy that day when I'm one fatal guest both species, thus ending the Twilight series and swipe short. all Burger King promotions with it 6. Marisa Miller. I'm straight, mind you. Nevertheless...Marisa Miller. 4. Kidz Bop 69 or Kidz Bop Christmas 33 7. Some kind of cheese steak dispenser. 5. Vince Vaughn to realize that nobody likes him 8. A Lil Bastard General Mischief Kit. as a romantic comedy sell-out and Owen Wilson to realize that life is worth living for, sparking the 9. Suction cup shoes. I have a strange and growing urge to scale Slavin's big glass box. duo's return to the Wedding Crashers glory days 10. My perennial request: Paul McCartney. 6. A personal apology from Brett Favre for tarnishing his legacy in my eyes and then for him Trust me, I'll make it worth your while (.. .1'11 leave you cookies. Pervert). to choke and crumble under pressure the rest of the season Catherine Northington 7. Unnecessary acronyms like "TMI" and "LMAO" to just disappear forever 8. An explanation from President Obama as to why the greatest improvement he has made thus 1. Although you have blessed me with far is on his jump shot dressing as a parrot for the last two 9. A tale involving Tiger Woods, his wife, his summers and working at McDonald's, I probable mistress, his car, and his four iron, am asking you for dignity. Please get me narrated by Christopher Walken a new summer job, I beg you Santa 10. Chuck Norris to finally accept his destiny as 2. MGMT to perform for the spring concert the chosen one to succeed Billy Mays as the next 3. Golden Crust to stop taking advantage infomercial immortal of people on Friday and Saturday 4. Rogaine...it's never too early - Matthew Frederick 5. To feel more cheery on Sunday mornings 6. Mrs. Claus to work at Ray for just one bear Santy Claws, meal on any one day, so for the first time For this Christmas, I would really like a couple things. in the history there will be good meals at I don't think they are too much to ask for, so I'll be every station...just one day expecting everything. Or else... 7. Stamina 8. To help the displaced refugees of 1. That there be a Legend of Zelda movie made, starring Operation Red Cup Hunter Parrish as Link, and that dumb girl from 9. To give Tiger a mulligan; it's about Twilight as Zelda (just for the publicity, she is a terrible time he had some fun actress). Oh, and Tim Curry must play Ganondorf. 10. To bring Michael Jackson back to life, 2. To get 1,000 hugs from 10,000 lightning bugs. so like you Santa, he can spread his joy to 3. Seven original copies of Chrono Trigger. Five copies all the little children of the world to sell, one copy to play, and one copy to keep in the original box forever. If you feel generous, two copies -Chris Powers of Illusion of Gaia would be great too. 4. This might be too much to ask for, but it would be nice to see Argentina win the World Cup. If this Dear Santa, is impossible (which it might be), then a personal Dear Santa, apology from Diego Maradona to every Argentinean Graduation is coming soon and I'm going to for even pretending like he would be a good coach. need this last round of gifts to prepare me for I know this might be a little too much to ask based on the typ 5. Infinite Slavin bucks... Ray just isn't cutting it these living in the real world: year, but I'm hoping you can hook me up. Nice is overrated. days, and I run out of hot dogs and Hot Pockets pretty quickly in my room. 1. A new wardrobe, and everything with 6. To show off my selfless side: I would love to get elbows must have patches. Patches make 1. What every senior Arts & Entertainment writer wants rubber sheets, and maybe some Depends, for my everybody assume that you did very well at looking one. roommate to put on after a long Monday night at college. 2. Taylor Swift. Everyone knows I have a rule against dating Louie's. 2. A1964 Aston Martin DB5. not apply to T-Swizzle. I'd marry her if I had the chance. 7. Some change would be nice, not so much for the 3. Hugh Grant's befuddled charm and accent. 3. Speaking of marriage, how about a wife that would at the world, or peace, but more for myself. I think you 4. Bruce Lee's strong kung fu. fad that I'm going to name my son, Nicomachus Aristoteles would have pretty good judgment and turn me into hand my initials down somehow. a good guy. 5. Since Catherine has already called dibs on Marisa Miller, may I have one of her 4. The ability to be both a vampire and a wolf. This way, g 8. A Star Wars Tauntaun sleeping bag. Or, if you're esteemed VS colleagues (not the ugly one choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob. They would a Star Trek fan, I'll settle for the Red Shirt Star Trek though), please? 5. Barney Stinson's Playbook. Cologne (I wouldn't mind smelling like places no man 6. Last year, you gave me Greek. How about French now? C has gone before). 6. A series of appearances on Mad Men as "Sam - the silent bartender." read Camus and Sartre in French! Mon dieu! 9. For people to stop asking for Official Red Ryder 7. A glass house. 7. To never hear about Jon and Kate, their eight, or how th Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model air rifle on our staff's Christmas lists. It's not funny, and 8. A large pile of stones. again. that movie blows. 9. A hefty insurance policy on said glass 8. A lightsaber. Do they make those yet? 10. For everyone who reads this listto look at this YouTube house and its contents. 9. My own theme park. I want to call it Nell World. It'll be lil video and realize the true meaning of Christmas: 10. The key to this candy store everyone has nothing like it. www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0 been talking about. 10. Could you give me a friend to speak to in Tagalog? I language has been disappearing on me. I really want to get it. Thanks my dude, hope it's not too much trouble for you, Do what you can, Let's make it happen, Santa. Nahuel Fanjul-Arguijo I know times are hard and those elves just unionized, -Neil Andrew Francisco cs The Cowl 17

December 10, 2009

Dear Santa, For Christmas, ideally, I'd love to have:

1. My own personal alter ego. 2. A duster. Dear Santa, 3. A week without tofu at Ray. My friend says you're not real. Some people are 4. A massive system of underground tunnels stretching so immature. 1 scaled back on my list this year. I from the four comers of campus that are fully ventilated hope it helps you out. and equipped with heating. 5. Pipes like Mariah. 1. A Radio Flyer to carry around all my stuff 6. Dr. Edward Turlington's Lower Back Tattoo remover, (preferably with tin cans dragging behind it on "because it won't be cool, forever." string, to announce my presence). 7. An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred- 2. A canoe to cross Huxley River, stocked with Shot Range Model Air Rifle.... and for Scut Farkus to get a three days' worth of rations. less mean name. 3. An official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200- 8. An inflatable air guitar, like the ones they have at Bat Shot Range Model Air Rifle with a compass in Mitzvahs. (Copyright my younger sister's 1999 Christmas list) the stock, and this thing which tells time. 9. A beach house. (Also copyright my younger sister's 1999 4. A free trip to the cartoon world in The Christmas list.) Pagemaster, with a map to the Exit sign. 10. A metal detector. 5. A "Get Out of Jail Free" card whenever I go to Eaton Street. THANKS A BUNCH! 6. For Iron Chef to be filmed in Ray. Every night. Sarah Dombroski 7. An annulment of all of Nahuel's dibs on movie reviews that he shottied at least five months in Anti-Aging Cream advance. A Ten-Gallon Hat All PICTURE S BY KRISTEN WHALEN *11 /THE COWl 8. A quarter for every time someone makes a Big Mouth Billy Bass Star Wars joke about me. Little People Big World: The 9. A tree house on the lower quad with a moat and drawbridge. omplete Series A DeLorean with or without time 10. Bring back the velociraptor! aveling capabilities The First Season of The Mystery Files See you soon, Shelby Woo Jorge Lucas Numerous Ed Hardy Tee Shirts A Super Bowl III: New York Jets Santa Baby, uthentic autographed football from Please bring me... e Namath Going Rogue by Sarah Palin 1. A double date with Robert Pattinson and Taylor . A jazz flute Lautner for my roommate Keryn and I, during which we will swap them as we please (sorry, Bryan and Tim). Ryan Waxon 2. A plan for my future that preferably doesn't involve living in a cardboard box (or worse, on my parents' couch). 3. Money for my (hopeful) summer trip to England. I promise to engage in various cultural activities, including taking pictures with Beatles impersonators and eating fish and chips. Catherine and Neil share a completely non-awkward moment of affection. 4. To be a special guest on an episode of Glee. I could Jolly Old St. Nicholas, be... a college student who can't sing! There's a stretch... Feliz Navidad, Papa Christmas! Apologies in advance for the lengthy list, but you should be used to this by now. Here are sugar plums dandng in my head: 5. Lady GaGa concert tickets. I already attempted to get them, and they were sold out. Yes, she is completely bizarre and potentially psychotic, and I love her. I'm 1. A future, please! It doesn't have to be anything glamorous, but it'd be so nice to sure you understand. People probably used to judge finally have an answer to that dreadful question, "So, what are your plans for after you for your crazy red outfit, too. jf person I was this graduation?" 6. For my friends to realize that Providence is dearly 2. Hermione Granger's time turner so I can be in class and sleeping at the same time. the cultural epicenter of the world, and that there 3. Lots of flip flops and sundresses, to increase my motivation to move back to the is no need to leave for an entire semester to various a future. A bright South after May 16. European locations. Sure, Italy probably has pizza, but can you get Golden Crust delivered there at 3:00 a.m.? 4. For everyone at PC to have roommates as considerate, fun, and talented in the Didn't think so. ondes, but rules do culinary arts as mine! 7. For people to stop sending me invites to join 5. Ayear's supply of the following items: pumpkin smoothies from Jazzman's, Wick- Farmville. Actually, make that for people to stop ry least tolerate the enden Street blend coffee from Coffee Exchange, and red velvet cupcakes from La talking about Farmville in general. I'm already from a Francisco. I have to Salle. And if I could get enough to share, that would be fab. small town, and I don't want to analyze whether or not 6. The ability to stop little problems from turning into big ones, and to be more grate­ that guy likes you based on the fact that he fertilized s wouldn't have to ful for my incredibly blessed life! your crops last week. loose Team Neil. 7. For Sufjan Stevens to come out with an album of HIM performing new songs...the 8. To call someone professional and have them answer orchestral thing was cool, but come on—I'Ve got a fever, and the only prescription is the phone: "Buddy the elf, what's your favorite color?" more Sufjan. ne on, I'm dying to 9. One of those fun dancing babies from all of the 8. For my sisters to watch all of the Christmas TV specials with me when I go home, YouTube videos. Not for me to personally take care are separate ever instead of leaving me to cling to my childhood alone, as usual. of or anything, but rather one that 1 could take out of 9. I'm not even going to ask for a white Christmas in Austin this year. I' ve asked every the closet as I please and laugh at their adorableness year since I could formulate sentences and it hasn't worked out. This time I'm giving whenever "Single Ladies" comes on. reverse psychology a try. So don't bother. Sea World, except, 10. Peace, love, happiness, cute shoes... you know, the 10. Most importantly, for everyone this holiday season to experience the incredible important things in life that we all need. love of a God so humble that He would enter this world in a stable for animals, all to afraid my native bring us back to Him. That would make for the merriest Christmas ever. iack. Thanks big guy! Hugs and kisses, Thanks S.C.! Alison DeNisco Tidings of comfort and joy, Claire Pevoto * 18 The Cowl ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT December 10, 2009

Picks of the Week Winter Break Movie Preview by Alison DeNisco '11 A&E Staff by Jorge Lucas '12 A&E Staff Movie: Home Alone This summer was an exciting one for movies, with the returns of Quentin Directed by Chris Columbus Tarantino, Harry Potter, Pixar, and Megan Fox, but Hollywood is now lining up its winter arsenal of action, drama, and yet another post-apocalyptic The 1990 instant Christmas classic world. When you're not too busy fighting moms for an Elmo doll at Toys "R" Us or pegging your neighbors' kids with snowballs, head over to the theater Home Alone was a staple of many and revel in the glory of excessive CGI and sticky, popcorn-covered floors. of our young holiday seasons, and continues to be today, thanks to TV networks who believe in showing The Lovely Bones (Dec. 11) the same movies over and over again Peter Jackson is putting hobbits and once December hits (I'm looking at gorillas aside to tackle some serious you, TBS). Written by the late and human issues. Based on Alice Sebold's great John Hughes, Home Alone bestseller, this heavy tale is told through gives us a slapstick comedy about a the eyes of a teenage girl after she is raped young boy named Kevin (Macaulay and murdered, watching from heaven Culkin) who is accidentally left, as her family deals with the aftermath. well, home alone when his family Jackson's previous films proved that he takes off for a holiday vacation to can handle drama with aplomb, and his France. Kevin must leam to fend for creative eye should produce some truly himself, and also protect his home beautiful images in the afterlife scenes. from two bumbling burglars (Joe From what we've seen in trailers, this Pesci and Daniel Stem). This is the may be a possible contender at next movie that launched little Culkin year's Oscar ceremonies. into superstardom and taught us the proper way to converse with delivery people ("Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"). The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (Dec. 25) Terry Gilliam, director of surreal Music: Kristin Chenoweth films like Brazil and The Adventures of A Lovely Way to Spend Christmas Baron Munchausen, brings us his most Sony Gilliamesque vision in a film about the leader of a theater troupe who loses his daughter to the Devil after making I'll admit it; I don't own many a deal. Heath Ledger's untimely Christmas CDs, with the constant death in the middle of production has barrage of Christmas music that brought a great deal of attention to you can find on the radio at any the film. Fortunately, Gilliam was able time after Thanksgiving. However, to complete, and honor, his scenes in Kristin Chenoweth's A Lovely Way to a daring, yet brilliant, move when he Spend Christmas is a sweet collection cast Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin of Christmas songs that provide a AVATAR Farrell as transformed versions of nice middle ground between the Ledger's character. The result looks to excessively upbeat Mariah Carey be a stunning masterpiece. favorite of the holiday season and the old, crusty Christmas classics. Avatar (Dec. 18) The Book of Eli (Jan. 15) Chenoweth has a beautiful voice that Anticipation has been building It seems that Hollywood's obsession lends itself well to Christmas tunes during the past year over what many are with disaster pom did not end with such as "I'll Be Home for Christmas" saying will be the most revolutionary Roland Emmerich's 2012 or John and "Silver Bells." If you're at all a special effects to grace the silver screen Hillcoat's The Road. January will bring fan of Chenoweth, I'd recommend in James Cameron's latest venture us another apocalyptic epic in the this album. since 2005. The first trailer elicited form of a film about a man (Denzel a lukewarm response from most Washington) with a mysterious book cineastes; not for the undoubtedly that contains the secret to saving Book: How the Grinch Stole awesome visuals, but for a rather humanity. The plot hardly sounds uninspired and predictable plot. The Christmas original and directors Albert and Allen story of an alien tribe defending their Hughes' previous film, From Hell, was by Dr. Seuss * land against greedy humans feels like far from impressive. Still, if Washington Random House a weak excuse to showcase Cameron's and seasoned villain Gary Oldman are new technology. Nonetheless, when as riveting as usual, Eli could surprise Young siblings and cousins will no it comes to adventure and heart­ us all. Let's just hope it's not as awful as doubt have this Dr. Seuss Christmas stopping action, Avatar is sure to be an Kevin Costner's The Postman. classic in tow at family dinners experience you won't want to miss. across America, creating a perfect opportunity to reconnect with your Sherlock Holmes (Dec. 25) inner child by reading it out loud to Arthur Conan Doyle's mystery them. The grouchy Grinch, whose stories were never known for being heart is two sizes too small, hates particularly grandiose or violent. Whoville's Christmas celebrations But don't tell that to Guy Ritchie. and decides to steal all of the presents The English director, whose frenetic

to keep Christmas from coming. filmmaking style was established in ALL

To his surprise, Christmas comes films like Lock, Stock and Two Smoking PHOTOS anyway, and he learns that the true Barrels and Snatch, isgivingthe Victorian

detective a makeover. Hitching onto meaning of the holiday has nothing COURTESY to do with gifts. If you have to resort Holmes's expertise in martial arts and to cheating and just watching the boxing, Ritchie has envisioned a hero

movie, make sure it's the original catered to Hollywood, and rather OF

FL II COM O .C FILIA O .FILM W W W cartoon version, none of that bad intelligently cast Robert Downey Jr., Jim Carrey remake nonsense (unless whose career has been on a roll since you're looking to make fun of a very 2008's Iron Man. Holmes purists will young Jenny from Gossip Girl, of probably be outraged, but this film will course). undoubtedly be an exciting one. December 10, 2009 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT The Cowl 19

Christmas It's the most wonderful time of the year. And what better way to celebrate than with some old- Christmas TV Specials fashioned family fun? Here are some of A&E's Movies picks for the greatest in Christmas entertainment!

by Sarah Dombroski '13 by Chris Powers T2 A&E Staff A&E Staff A Charlie Brown Christmas: This is the first animated special based on the comic strip "Peanuts." Charlie and the gang redefine the festivities of the A Christmas Story: Christmas season for all viewers. Small This movie is the perfect blend of things like the skimpy little tree that lacks Christmas. It's not the usual sugar leaves, the jovial caroling, and Snoopy's coating of Christmas in a winter decorations surrounding his doghouse wonderland setting, but the story of a all remind us that Christmas is really in nine-year-old boy facing the true aspects our grasp, "so long as we have hands of Christmas. There is no doubting to clasp" (to quote one of our other top­ Christmas is wonderful—but with any fivers) despite what we have, or what good there is always a bad. Ralphie we lack, to physically grasp Christmas encounters overprotective parents (not with. Charlie Brown, Linus, Lucy, Sally, allowing him to get a BB gun), nagging Snoopy, Pig Pen, and everyone else relatives, and a true mall Santa. From follow a similar vein as the Grinch, the midst of a rabbit costume and a and denote the commercialization of Chinese Christmas dinner, the audience Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer & "Festivus," Seinfeld: Christmas. sees that the most important aspect of the Island of Misfit Toys: Festivus is a non-denominational Happy Days: Guess Who's Coming to Christmas is family, not being clouded The true story behind the little annual holiday created by writer Dan Christmas: by material objects. deer who saved Christmas shows O'Keefe and introduced into pop culture During this memorable saga, the It's a Wonderful Life: the obstacles and characters he by his son Daniel, a writer for Seinfeld. gang finds out that Fonzie doesn't You may be thinking "cliche," encountered before he became famous. The concept has evolved to include have any family to spend Christmas and I agree, but this movie must be Rudolph leaves town because of the a "Festivus pole," a large, obnoxious with. Richie, upon hearing this news, recognized as one of the best Christmas harassment he received, and along aluminum pole that serves as Festivus' invites Fonzie to join them, however, films of all time. James Stewart blows his journey he meets the people that symbol, and practices such as the airing when Fonzie starts trying to change the the audience away with a stellar changed him into the savior of Santa's of grievances and feats of strength. The Cunningham's traditions, things start performance as George, whose life sleigh. Rudolph sees through the misfit Festivus episode of Seinfeld has been to get tense. Everyone has their own seems worthless after he falls into debt. toys that everyone is different, but that widely regarded as one of the funniest meaning of Christmas, or Hanukkah, or He is about to take his own life when doesn't mean that they should be left Christmas episodes of all time, and the Kwanzaa, and therefore, likes to impose a guardian angel shows him what the alone—especially on Christmas. His fact that Ben and Jerry's has created its their neatly packaged and rather world would be like without him, and newfound knowledge allows him to own limited edition Festivus ice cream sentimental meaning on everyone else George sees that he really does have a return to save the day and find homes just pushes the Festivus episode of who doesn't want any part of it. wonderful life. The movie exemplifies for all the unwanted toys. Seinfeld over the limit. The Brady Bunch: Voice of Christmas: the classic feelings that surround the The Year Without a Santa Claus: How the Grinch Stole Christmas: We've all seen spin-offs and spoofs Christmas season, and is one of the What would happen if Santa didn't This 1966 TV classic turns the story on the brood with three boys and three most inspirational films of all time. come out one year? The movie explores of our cave-dwelling friend with a very lovely girls, all of them with hair of Home Alone: this age old question, and shows that heart "two sizes too small" into a gold. In this episode, Carol Brady comes My personal favorite Christmas movie the spirit of Christmas will still live visual depiction that satirizes the down with laryngitis right before her big tells of Kevin McCallister, who wishes his on even if Santa doesn't want to come commercialization of Christmas. The Christmas solo at church. Naturally, the family to disappear—and to his surprise out and spread cheer. Santa sees the Grinch descends on Whoville to strip all Bradys are in a tizzy. When Cindy goes his wish comes true. Ifs every kid's fantasy: cheer children have for him when he that he feels is "Christmas" away from its to see Santa she asks him for one thing: he has the entire house to himself with no goes out to find a lost reindeer, whose residents, however, despite the Grinch's for "Mommy to get her voice back in one to tell him what to do. In the middle fate is held in the hands of the Heat best misanthropic attempts to destroy time for Christmas." The corniness of the of a dream come true, Kevin encounters Miser and the Snow Miser (they still Christmas for the Whos, they still find Brady family is known far and wide, but two intruders and must outsmart them to rank as the creepiest characters in any meaning and joy in the holiday without this Christmas episode is lauded not for protect his house. The movie warns us to Christmas movie). Mrs. Claus, Jingle all of the tidings and trim and cans of its well-written script or cunning turn of watch out for what you wish for. Even if and Jangle, and the children of the "Who hash." This classic will always events, but rather for its relevance. So, you find your family annoying, which the world show Santa that Christmas is reside in our regular size hearts during I feel that the Brady Bunch Christmas holidays tend to bring out, you are better more than presents—it's about the spirit the holidays as a constant reminder that episode is underrated in these times and with them than withouth em. of Christmas that brings joy to all. holiday spirit is important above all. it deserves a place at the top. Editor vs. Editor

This Week: Favorite Snow Activity Catherine Northington Nahuel Fanjul-Arguijo

Favorite Snow Activity: Sledding Favorite Snow Activity: Snowball Fights

Her Thoughts: Regardless of your age, the first snowfall of the season His Thoughts: What's the first thing you do when you wake up and is always banging (if you're reading this aloud then kinda sing that last realize that everything is covered in white and you have a friend word). And, contrary to what you might think, you're never too old for close by? Well, at least what I do is pick up a handful of that pow­ a day of good old-fashioned sledding. Grab your sled (preferably one dery stuff, hope it is perfect packing snow, and toss it hard at the of the saucer variety), find any decently-sized hill, and you're set for a back of my pal's head. What else is there to do? I mean, if it is mid­ day of action-packed speed demonry. What it boils down to is you and snow then the first thing to do is tilt your head back and await those your friends flying recklessly downhill at absurdly high speeds over little flakes to hit your tongue, but once that tasty treat is implau­ slippery, cold surfaces with little to no control over your direction. sible then you bunker up, load up on snow balls and lunge those Anything that dangerous has got to be fun! bad boys at the rival snow fort.

Her Views of Nahuel: Snowball fights are a classic, to be sure...but they His Views of Catherine: All right, we've all had our fun when could never even approach the extreme rockin'-ness (not a real word— sledding, but that might have been ten years ago, at the least. Once editor's license) of sledding. Also, think how cold and numb your hands those punks started getting into the inner tubes and propelling get after crafting just a few choice snowballs. At times it's almost too themselves at people's knees, that's when I quit...but that was mostly painful to be worthwhile. And the painstaking effort that goes into mak­ because my head started to hurt from rocking too many people in ing a single round of ammunition...yawn. Save that for somebody with my way. Sledding is lame unless someone gets hurt, and if Catherine more patience. Or, I would propose that you at least have your snowball wants to disagree with me, I'll just have to chuck a snowball in her fight whilst flying downhill on some sort of aerodynamic conveyance. face, Harry Dunne style. 20 The Cowl ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT December 10, 2009 A Christmas Carol: Back On Big Screens A New Spin On Dickens' Holiday Classic

Carrey's grumpy, self-isolated by Claire Pevoto TO Scrooge is surprisingly spot on, with A&E Staff none of the annoyingly over-the-top For lovers of classic yuletide humor characteristic of his typical cinema, A Christmas Carol is one of work. His cold verbal lacerations are those timeless stories craved around laced with enough dry wit to keep the this time of year; perhaps Brian character accessible. The seemingly Desmond Hurst's 1951 adaptation heartless delivery of Scrooge's lines is one of the most memorable and pre-haunting are revelatory of his treasured versions. But this year, the loneliness and emptiness, indeed of tried and true tale of a miser-tumed- the self-binding chain his greed has merrymaker has gone high-tech. Walt forged "link by link and yard by yard," Disney Pictures has teamed up with as the ghost of his former business director Robert Zemeckis' production partner Jacob Marley warns him. company, ImageMovers Digital, to Carrey truly makes the film by also recreate Charles Dickens' novella into a providing the voice behind the ghosts 3-D animated motion picture available of Christmas past, present, and future. for the IMAX experience. He is joined by other esteemed actors Devotees of A Christmas Carol in its such as popular Brits Colin Firth, Cary classic forms may fear that this film Elwes, Bob Hoskins and Gary Oldman, will trade in its poignant message as well as fellow Yankee Robin Wright for flashy effects and tawdry humor. Penn. The admirable cast gives all The idea of Jim Carrey playing the of the characters new energy while odious Ebenezer Scrooge especially maintaining their classic roles and London cityscapes invite the viewer the London streets in pursuit of the may frighten away those who were personality features. into the setting, especially viewed in an obstinate Scrooge. disappointed by his rendition of the The animation in A Christmas Carol IMAX theater, and the interactions with The cast and the animation make Grinch in the Universal Pictures revival is astounding in its closeness to reality, the ghosts can take on an even more Disney's A Christmas Carol a cinematic of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. With and in its capacity to make use of magical-realist quality than before. event on the grandest scale, but the visions of terrible slapstick comedy the real-life physical features of the The ghost of Christmas present, for most important element of the film dancing in their heads, Dickensian actors in the character depictions. A instance, is portrayed as a personified remains the story's message. That the loyalists might be tempted to shy quick glance at Scrooge might lead candle, with his fiery head lighting the man who claimed there was "nothing away from the Disney flick. If they do, one to think it is Jim Carrey starring way through Scrooge's memories. The more terrifying than a life of poverty" however, they are missing a charming, in a live action film. But beyond being ghost of Christmas future, on the other came to treasure the joy of giving above heartwarming film that stays true to impressively realistic, the use of hand, becomes all the more frightening his riches reminds us all, once again, the story while incorporating some animation allows for creative effects and eerie with a larger-than-life chariot of how to "keep Christmas well," and creative twists. not otherwise possible. Sweeping of ghost-horses careening through how to keep it all year 'round.

Beer of the Week retro corner

by Chris Stadolnik TO This Week: Jingle All The Way A&E Staff

Brooklyn Winter Ale by Nahuel Fanjul-Arguijo '11 A&E Editor Brewery: Brooklyn Beer Style: Scottish Ale Jingle All the Way is by far my favorite Christmas flick ever. There are ABV: 6.0% so many great jokes, and Arnold Schwarzenegger does not have a bad Country of Origin: United States role in his career. He just doesn't. Sure, this movie will never top the Region: New York, NY amazing duo of Arnold and Danny DeVito in both Twins and Junior, but Sinbad is an admirable replacement in Jingle All the Way. Appearance: The beer pours the The concept is simple, and not unlike many other Christmas movies: color of burnt toffee. The head is medi­ the dad messes up and ignores his family, and then he has to go on a um beige and thin. It falls quickly and ridiculous and hilarious journey to find a cure-all for his neglect. He leaves no trace of lacing. needs to win back his family's love. Of course, there is also a more Smell: There is nearly no hop char­ perfect dad just next door who hits on the wife, and of course in the end acter to the nose, and any hop pres­ the son doesn't care about his gift—he just wanted his dad back. It's a ence only accentuates the aroma of the typical '90s Christmas movie, and that is the best part about it. roasted barley. If you enjoyed movies like Home Alone, The Santa Clause, or National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (although this last choice might top any Taste: The malt dominates the entire Christmas movie ever), then you will have a ball watching Jingle All flavor profile. There is no hop bitter­ the Way. The frantic battle between Arnold and Sinbad grows to epic ness. The only counter to the sweetness proportions as they fight through malls and stores, blow up radio of the caramel and toffee flavors is the stations, and even wreck a Christmas parade just to show their kids that burnt and slightly acrid contributions they actually care about them. And let's be real here, Turbo-Man of the roasted barley. looks like the coolest toy ever, and I would do anything to get myself one of those. Mouthfeel: The beer is thick and And as always, I have to mention the cute son. Jake creamy. It is smooth on the tongue and Lloyd hits his break-out role, that is, if you ignore his on the back of the palate. The carbon­ part in Star Wars: The Phantom ation is minimal and is only presents Menace as Anakin Skywalker. itself on the tip of the tongue. We have not seen Jake Lloyd yet since we found Drinkability: This is actually a (Anchor Steam), or Full Moon (Blue him in Tatooine aspiring to disappointingly bad beer. Rather, it Moon). All these are good beers. Try become a pod racer. isn't bad in comparison to the regular them on for size this holiday season. macro-brewed schlock, but consider­ They will come in handy for when you ing how good Brooklyn beers are gen­ realize you actually don't enjoy spend­ erally, this is really a poor offering. It ing time with your family, though you goes well with, um, itself, maybe? I'm love them, and need to get your holi­ not sure. Don't buy it...really. If you day cheer from 12 ounce amber bottles. want a winter beer buy one of these: Cheers to beers and baby Jesus! Winter Hook (Redhook), Celebration Ale (Sierra Nevada), Christmas Ale Overall Grade: C+ December 10, 2009 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT The Cowl 21 Christmas 101 Celebrate The Holidays Right

Gorging oneself I don't just mean eating your fill. by Catherine Northington '12 I mean eating a good deal more than A&E Editor you have the physical capacity to Maybe you never knew this, but there contain. I mean eating until you are is a right way to celebrate Christmas. sick. Or at least until you can't move. Which implies that there is also a Savory dinners and deliciously wrong way. You heard me: Wrong. Way. saccharine holiday treats are the very Christmas. Celebrate. To. ...Is. best part of the holiday season. Who Now that Christmas season is upon cares if you plump up just a bit over us. Ya know, Santa Claus and ho-ho- the winter holidays? ho and mistletoe. All that jazz. That's what Christmas is all about, right? The Lights and shiny things holiday traditions of yore. I know we like to think of ourselves Wrong. Instead of having a lame as a civilized and sophisticated race of Christmas with all the usual and beings. But really, I think we're giving accepted Yuletide traditions, I propose ourselves a little too much credit. Over- that your holiday festivities include the-top light shows, gaudy ornaments, at least some of the items featured on audacious front yard displays... the following list. I submit that each Christmastime simply gives us an of these items is vital to any successful excuse to show off all our shiny objects. Christmas season. Some may seem odd, some may seem gratuitous, but A Muppet Christmas Carol (yes, please, bear with me. this deserves its own category; a A REAL Christmas tree, cut down Christmas music in November Muppet is NOT a puppet) Claymation and/or puppetry at a REAL Christmas tree farm. I am in the minority here, but what's I will never stop singing the praises Kids today are getting too soft. Smell that fresh evergreen pine. wrong with spreading the Christmas of A Muppet Christmas Carol. This In my eyes, it's not real Christmas Feel the charming discomfort of that cheer a little thin over the final two movie is the greatest thing to happen programming if you don't wake up in sticky sap oozing onto your gloved months of the year? By the time to mankind since the discovery of the middle of the night with cold sweats palm. Struggle to tether the tree to the November rolls around, we're all in dire fire. Not only does it boast all of your and nightmares about that Claymated top of the family minivan. Drop one of need of some holiday cheer. And since most beloved Muppet friends, but Santa Claus's horrible piercing eyes and those glass ball ornaments and have it there's no such thing as Thanksgiving add Michael Caine to the blend and jarringly asymmetrical features. Sure, shatter into nineteen trillion little pieces music, I 'hold that Christmas music is you've got yourself some premium he might sound jolly, and he might act all over the living room floor. Watch as appropriate as soon as November hits. cinema. Not to mention the heart­ jolly, but in any real Christmas special your mother sweeps up the mess whilst It's not like there's any shortage of good warming and catchy melodies. Santa is nothing more than a shoddily muttering hushed profanities. But Christmas music out there anyway. If According to Sam Eagle, "It is the crafted puppet pieced together from love every second of it, because it just you disagree then you're a Grinch (that AMERICAN way! I mean...it is the spare parts and crazy glue. wouldn't be Christmas without it. means you, Nahuel). BRITISH way!" Gifts for the TOP CHRISTMAS VILLAINS by John Vaghi '10 Common Good Editor-In-Chief Dishonorable Mention: The Grinch: The novelty has worn off, Grinch. Hock your dopey dog on eBay and buy a snowmobile. by Claire Pevoto '10 A&E Staff 9. Prof. Hinkle: "Messy, messy, messy." Disillusioned by the materialism 8. The Bumble: that often accompanies the holiday The initially gruesome abominable snowman from Rudolph season? Get in the real Christmas spirit scowled with sharp, menacing teeth—but his oddly blue baby face and ability to by giving gifts that will help people place stars atop tall trees eventually made our hearts melt with understanding. truly in need while* allowing your friends and family to participate in acts 7. Heat Miser: This demonic, hotheaded ogre not only resides inside of a piping of generous love. Sure beats socks. hot volcano, but his ability to melt any object (save for our hearts) with a blistering touch and to carry a pretty swanky ragtime tune makes the Heat Meiser one of Heifer International the most enviable of all Christmas rabble rousers. www.heifer.org. for donors to, as the website states, 6. Hans Gruber: Alan Rickman's turn as a German terrorist seizing control of the By providing livestock and "give a gift that truly gives twice," annual Nakatomi Christmas Eve party in Die Hard makes for a classic example of agricultural training to impoverished by providing for a community while greed suffocating giving. Gordon Gecco would have been proud, but luckily for communities around the world, gifting a friend all at once. Oxfam's Sgt. Al Powell, John McClane was just cowboy enough to ensure he'd be home in Heifer International helps people program is a little different in that the time to enjoy his Twinkie-laden Christmas dinner. of the developing world to become gift options extend beyond livestock self-sustaining and empowered in to mosquito nets, school desks and 5. Scrooge: Obviously Scrooge was going to make this list in some capacity. the long term, rather than merely chairs, medical kits and more. While However, I'd like to single out Michael Caine's incarnation of the selfish old bloke have their basic needs met. You can providing a community with a house in A Muppet Christmas Carol as the industry standard thanks, in part, to Statler contribute to this mission by buying on stilts costs $10,000, a supply of soap and Waldorf's portrayal of Marley and Marley and Rizzo the Rat's infamous a cow, llama, water buffalo, and more costs only $12, so generous folk of all lesson on how to light street lamps. for a community in need as a gift for income brackets can find a gift suitable a loved one. The community gets for their price range. 4. Mary and Harry (aka the Wet Bandits): Easily the most bumbling of all the the livestock; your friend or family villains on the list (sorry, Bumble), Marv and Harry opened the door for countless member gets a commemorative card Fair Trade of aspiring villains to get pummeled with paint cans and somehow be coherent and the knowledge that their gift is There is also a way to provide for enough to receive a blow torch to the face. Being home alone for Christmas was improving the quality of life for those those in need while also presenting never so raunch-tastic. lacking resources. those on your list with a tangible gift. Items bought through Fair Trade 3. Mr. Potter: Even more of a greed meister than Ebenezer, Mr. Potter was so pathways ensure that the people Oxfam Unwrapped coldhearted a fellow that not even Clarence the Guardian Angel considered www.oxfam.org/en/getinvolved producing them work in humane trying to reform him. Hopefully the wretched ghost Mr. Potter is lapping up the conditions, receive an equitable wage, Oxfam International is a group of sin in all those whiskey joints and jitterbug dance halls in Pottersville. 14 nation-based organizations around and have their voice heard in business negotiations and community initiatives. the world that promote sustainable 2. King Herod: I think all of you know how this story goes. development in impoverished areas, There are a myriad of venues to buy provide relief to conflict-or-disaster- Fair Trade products, from gourmet 1. Commercialism: Though King Herod wanted to kill baby Jesus, commercialism ridden peoples, as well as conduct roasted coffee at the Coffee Exchange threatens to destroy very spirit of Christmas. As South Park pointed out, in a political advocacy in issues relating to on Wickenden Street, to hand crafts and battle between Jesus and Santa, "there can be only one." Hopefully Christ comes apparel at www.tenthousandvillages. trade, health, education, food aid, and out the victor and we lose ourselves in grace and generosity long enough to more. Similar to Heifer International, com, and even chocolate, jam, and other appreciate what this season is really about. the Unwrapped program is a way tasty treats at www.serrv.org. Portfolio Page 22 December 10, 2009 The Other Side of the North Pole Life's not so easy for Santa and his friends... A Statement of Grievances From the Elf Labor Front by Blake Bergeron '11 exterminator with ants! My personal Portfolio Staff life has suffered for it too. Every night I cry myself to sleep because my wife ELVES left me for a leprechaun. It must be nice to have gold, that Irish jerk. Our second complaint concerns Dear Mr. Claus, C.E.O, workshop conditions. I see so many I am writing on behalf of the Elf young elves broken and lame because Labor Front (abbreviated ELF) to make they've been injured in the shop. Just you aware of certain injustices you because we have little hands doesn't have perpetrated against your ever mean we should be reaching into diligent workers. Until now we have dangerous running machinery. Last silently harbored these wrongs, writing week a good friend of mine lost his them off as sacrifices necessary to our hand reaching into a yo-yo saw. And benevolent enterprise. All throughout just yesterday I saw an elf crushed by a this recession we've borne each and rubber ball press. Plus, the long factory every hardship with one reassuring hours are absolutely grueling. I know mantra in mind: "For the children." Yet we have four million toys to make, but it's grown quite apparent to us that our do you really think we can function at suffering is not crucial to the children's full capacity on two hours of sleep? Christmas joy. We see now that you Finally, we're sick and tired of being were letting us work under this false discriminated against in the workplace. impression, reaping our labor at little Just because you and Mrs. Claus have to no cost to yourself. We see too where three feet of height on us doesn't mean

this surplus is being spent. Did you you can treat us like animals. I swear, PHOTO COURTESY BILL DAVENPORT really think we wouldn't notice your the reindeer have it better than we do. growing belly? Your red Armani suits? This heightism is sickening. We have Your new indoor swimming pool full feelings too, you know. Every time Not On the Naughty List Yet of hot cocoa? You've taken this too far, one of you calls me "stumpy" or "half­ by Tom Nailor '12 you stamp your feet and shout for Mr. Claus. Thus I present to you our pint," I die inside. My parents brought Portfolio Staff Daddy (as I know you are wont to do), main complaints, though let me assure me up proud to be an elf, but the way need I remind you of how many gifts you, there are many others. you debase us...it just makes me want Santa you received this year on days other First is the issue of wages. Candy to sit down and cry. than December the 25th? I hardly think is not legal tender. I cannot pay my Well, now it's up to you big guy, I do, but if need be, please address bills with candy canes and gum drops. the ball is in your court. If you don't Dear Veruca, a return letter to our Gift-Records Every morning I get out of bed with the redress these wrongs within the next First things first, I hope that you are Department with Oswald P. Elfington, fear that I might be spending the next week, then you can expect a complete having a wonderful New Year! I heard and I'm sure he'll be able to help you. night in a cardboard box. And there strike, just in time for December. And some exciting news earlier this year, I need to reassure you that this is not is no way an elf can survive on candy don't even try to hire the dwarves as that you are being allowed to visit Willy to say you are naughty. I have been... alone. My dental bills are through scabs again; they're on our side now. Wonka's ever-famous chocolate factory. trying, I suppose, in recent years to be the roof, and to make things worse, Well I didn't really hear it; it’s more like more stringent in who belongs on the I have no way of paying them! Have Elfingly yours, I saw it, since (just as a refresher course naughty list and who is merely having you ever tried to pay a dentist with Phineas Elfworth III in Clausology) I see you when you're a bad day. That is not to say that you are candy? It's like trying to pay a pest sleeping, and know when you're awake. not, well, to put it bluntly, dangerously And I suppose that serves as a segue as close to the naughty list, but you are not well as any I might provide. there yet. I am merely sending you this When I received your... rather letter to inform you as to why you might lengthy Christmas list, I was unsure not have received everything on your list: how best to respond. Some of me again, to be blunt, you just don't have as wished to merely let Barry, our head great of a need. And thus, I allocated the PHOTO COURTESY JULIA FREEMAN-WOOLPERT Elf in the Naughty/Nice department, time and funds that would have gone take care of it. But he claimed that I into your extra presents to give more to One Lame Letter Too Many should really pass it over to Cheryl those who get no other such gifts during in the Return-Policy Department. But the year. Consider it another sort of gift by Bobby Bretz '12 And this last thing...a pony? Really? Cheryl claimed that it really was up to from me to you—the gift of opportunity. Portfolio Staff Really? You're not joking? This is so Winston in our section of the factory Opportunity, that is, to do a good deed. appallingly cliche, I just don't know Santa how to react. I sincerely hope beyond concerning impossible wishes. But then Best of luck later this month when all hope that this is, in fact, a nine-year- Winston...well, you catch my drift, you go visit Mr. Wonka at his factory! I'm sure. Anywho Veruca, the truth of -Santa Claus Dear Echo, old's attempt at irony. But then again, -Saint Nicholas I'm writing in response to the letter your parents did name you Echo, so I the matter is that when it comes right -Kris Kringle you sent me last week, about everything wouldn't be surprised if they were a big down to it, I have decided it might be you want this Christmas. I simply want enough couple of rich, pretentious jerks best for me to handle a return letter to PS: In regards to your postscript, to let you know that you won't be to make you think that a real, live pony you personally. getting anything you've asked for, and could be considered an appropriate Veruca, there are many children in which I've just noticed on your list, NO you CANNOT have an elf of your own. for good reason. Christmas gift for you. If this is the case, the world who depend on me to receive There is no way on God's green Earth allow me to provide some clarification: Christmas presents. Now, I don't mean I'll be sending Mr. Wonka a brief note I am buying a nine-year-old girl a cheap, you are not getting a pony. Not this depend on me in the sense that every to warn him of your apparent wish to child does, because each and every nice have a diminutive magical creature gaudy make-up kit from Toys We "R"— Christmas, not ever. Get over it. child deserves Christmas presents, but who could even sell something like that? You're not getting any of this stupid to order around. Be warned, that, as I depend on me in the sense that if it always say, you'd better not pout, you'd The very thought of parents letting a crap this Christmas—I have scruples, were not for me, they would not get better not cry. We have a department girl your age walk around painted up you know. You're getting good books, any presents whatsoever. Now, you that takes care of kids that do. like a Beijing opera performer or an wholesome movies, nice clothes, and are fortunate enough that you do not Elizabethan prostitute makes me want to toys befitting a nine-year old girl, and necessarily have the same need. Before vomit with rage. Which leads me to the you're going to like all of it. Merry next item on your list... The Fame Monster. Christmas, you selfish little pissant. Wow. Lady Gaga? Aw, she's so cool and talented and sexy, I wanna be just like her Respectfully, someday, Mommy! News-effing-flash: Santa Claus you're nine! Not happening. December 10, 2009 PORTFOLIO The Cowl 23 Providence Cycle 15: Greater than Every Part

Remembering the frantic way they'd all by Kaly Thayer 10 Dick had come up behind her, "All right," Kathy said, smiling. "How tried as hard as they could to reach this 'real' Portfolio Staff holding out his hand. "Thought you about someplace warmer?" might want this." "The palm trees were nice," Ed said. Providence, Kathy couldn't help but laugh. A pocket watch fell to hang on the "The jungle-covered PC of the future The giddiness that seemed to spark Fiction end of its chain. It swung a bit. Then was a blast," Carl said. "And warm, through the air when they moved it stopped. Kathy took it, running her too," he added, shrugging. between worlds began to flash through Kathy took a deep breath. It had fingers over the winding mechanism. It "Rich?" Kathy tried to get his attention. Kathy's blood. She grinned, her smile so been a difficult decision to make. They didn't really have any meaning. It was "What if we all want to go to different wide it made her face ache. sat around talking about it for days. pretty, but that was it. places?" he asked without looking back "Rich, do you really want to stay here? Really, days. They hadn't gone to "I thought you might need it," at them. "What if we all want different For this?" She wavedahandoutthe window. class: it had seemed rather pointless, Dick said. worlds, different realities?" Now he Through the falling snow, they when there were multiple worlds that Kathy had never really realized it turned, and Kathy saw him blink. "And could see the brick buildings, the red seemed to hover in the air around their before, but Dick - Richard - could be one what if we can't get back?" cups on the sidewalk, the feeble fights every word and thought. of the most spectacularly Staring back, Kathy didn't of the chapel. They saw hours spent in They ordered pizza, then Chinese, awkward people blink. "You wanted classes with professors who didn't care, and then told Dick's roommates when he this, Rich. It trying to lose themselves at parties to buy them food when they went wanted was you they wouldn't remember, trying to find out. They slept piled on blankets and to be. who peace in a religion that kept it from sleeping bags. It was four days before those who needed it most. They saw they reached something resembling a what little of the future there was and conclusion. A conflicted conclusion, it amounted to little more than a prison yes, but a conclusion nonetheless. sentence. There would be freedom at Kathy closed her eyes. She remembered the end of it, sure, but not the kind the look on Dick's face. She remembered of freedom they could have now, in how Carl had looked at Laura, and how an instant, if they dared to make the she looked back for the first time. Behind greatest jailbreak in the history of her eyes, Kathy felt the bottom open up space and time. beneath the world, and the wind whistle Laura smiled, turning from the past her ears as she fell. window to look at Carl, who smiled "Kathy?" back. Ed grinned, and finally... finally, Dick's voice was quiet. They had all Rich smiled too. He looked at Kathy and dispersed, going back to their dorms or said "Walt Whitman would be proud." houses. Kathy had changed her clothes, "Why's that?" she asked, moving to turned off her computer, and forgotten take his hand. her PC ID. Dick's hand found hers. "'Plain I see you Western Youths...'" he began to quote. Carl took his other hand. She jumped, jerking her hand back. PHOTO COURTESY KIRIL HAVEZOV "Sorry!" Dick said, closing his "'See you tramping with the eyes and putting his hand in his "Rich, stop it," Kathy said. She said we could get back to our other foremost...'" Laura reached for Ed, and pocket. "Um, Ed said he's all set, don't laughed and pocketed the watch. worlds, the better ones. The real he wrapped his palm around hers. know if you might be too, just, trying "Really, stop it." ones." She slipped a hand into her "'All the past we leave behind...'" to get everything together..." His eyes He was looking at her. She thought pocket, touching the watch, what she The air began to spark, making Kathy's opened and he looked up. if he looked any harder she might guessed was a present in case she chose hair stand on end. She let her breath out and tried to crack like a bad mirror. "What?" to go back to the world of airships and "'We debouch upon a newer, smile. She went to check her things. "No one calls me that," he said, steam power. She peered at him. "Do you mightier world, varied world. Fresh They'd grown close, she thought. looking and walking away. want to get back?" she asked softly. and strong the world we seize...'" They had already been friends, Kathy rolled her eyes, closed her He didn't answer. For all they'd There was a flash, and as they vanished before the space station and the bag and followed. been through, though, his thoughts Kathy whispered, '"Pioneers. Oh, pioneers." monsters and the unexpected They were all there. The people were about as obvious as the format of It was the only piece of poetry any of inquisition, but they had definitely she'd been to space, the future, and a Civ exam: no, he didn't want to get them ever remembered, and they had gotten closer. The year had gone on, other alternate realities with, the people back. He also didn't want to come back better reasons to forget than most of the and they'd gone from world to world, who fought zombies and monsters and alone. There were dozens, hundreds of narrow-eyed students that passed through and somehow they'd grown closer the mafia alongside her, no matter how worlds beyond their own: the thing the college's doors. No monuments to each others' hearts. The books in little they had all asked for it. that made them all real was that they were built to them: no books were written. No one remembered them. But her bag all seemed to be insufficient "Well?" she asked, looking were there together, fighting whatever they remembered each other, through and superfluous: Weird Tales, Ender's around at them all. there was to fight. The difference was worlds and years and even through the Game, The Difference Engine, The Ed smiled. Carl hugged Laura that at least in those other worlds, experiment that proved once and for all Zombie Survival Guide. A change of close, and she hugged him back. Dick there had been something to fight clothes, a toothbrush. wouldn't meet her eyes, but looked out besides boredom and occasionally the that pirates are better than ninjas. "Here." the window. It had started to snow. Office of Residence Life. And that was enough.

Ode to a Serial Killer

by Tom Nailor ’12 Contingents Portfolio Staff by Bobby Bretz ’12 “One day men will look back and say I gave birth to the Portfolio Staff 20th century." -Jack the Ripper What for did the West-kings pine? A Moorish rhyme? A Turkish dime? A man without a face paved the way What held the hearts of Byzantines, for a world prepared for war to stay. And kept their ranks in dour lines? A man who stalked the highways and byways A soft breeze cooled the soldiers there; of the darkest nights in a London set ablaze It touched me from that ancient time took the seeds of the Victorian age restriction And blew through the corrupted air injected them into the Easter egg of human Around the smokestacks and the slime, condition. Until it struck a different chord, A man who taunted officers served in place With undertones of rot and bream: as criminal Fallopians for ideas of a master race. It took me to a distant ward This man who eviscerated night-walkers And graced me with its sober scheme, and seemed to ignite innumerable talkers. As driving as a feudal lord, This man with a multiplicity n’er seen As furnace fires forever roared, and a human cruelty n’er that may have been. I finally found the American dream— . He prepared us for a world where we may But what’s it made of? do what he did from a thousand miles away. Death and steam. Tis it better to kill with surgeon’s precision Or with particles quite beyond humanity’s vision? 24 The Cowl PORTFOLIO December 10, 2009 The Big Problem With a Little Silence by Conor Leary '11 children ages two to four, echoed through "Haven't you heard? Mrs. Claus "Christmas is in three days!" Asst. Portfolio Editor the quiet factory. Gilly was astonished. yelled at Elio Eddy Ebert for singing." "Sh! Santa and Mrs. Claus are fighting." Whenever he stopped singing or visited Willy Whippany Welf had his little elf Gilly peeled his eyes away from Fiction the eggnog cooler, he would still hear a hands crossed over his chest. His nose Suspilly's beautiful elf face. Other elves thousand singing voices. They would was cherry red and his eyes glowed were beginning to notice the silence. The reason for the stern silence all be in tune with one another and like any elf's did, always touched by Other elves were pulling other elves that encompassed the North Pole the mesmerizing voices would flow the gloss of fresh flurries. He wore the out of their caroling minds. Other elves was brought from one little elf ear to together like one chorus, complete same outfit Gilly had on: a little green stopped singing. Gilly and Suspilly another by quick, but unfortunately with perfect harmonies. Sometimes, tunic, a pair of tights, red slippers, and turned to where Willy was staring. short, little elf legs. Those who did he would hear several different carols matching hat. Willy didn't continue, but Large windows peeked over the not receive the memo squeaked from being sung at once. They would flow looked up from his tittle elf's height. factory. From that height, Santa and little elf mouths continued their into beautiful medleys as if they were "This is quite unusual. I don't tike the Management elves, responsible ritual of toy-building set to song. originally supposed to be sung together. working without the carols." Gilly for plotting Santa's routes, researching Every elf sang Christmas carols As Little Lucy Loopy Legs fell silent, he turned slightly although he thought weather forecasts, and tallying the as they fixed wooden wheels onto swallowed. It too echoed and his little elf he should have followed Willy's stare. daily turn-out of toys, could watch the wooden cars, painted blush on every lips began to tremble. Gilly knew Willy wanted him to look progress towards Christmas. Gilly saw doll, and polished up the electronics the little Management elves standing magically crafted by the recently outside the door, all five standing in established Technology Department. descending height. Santa was in the Every elf cared about their singing, office with Mrs. Claus. Gilly heard making sure that their volume was Suspilly gasp. The usually nurturing spreading the most Christmas cheer motions of Mrs. Claus were now possible, that they were clearly violent and thrashing. Whatever she articulating the immortal words of said didn't echo through the empty such favorites as "Jingle Bells" and space until she pushed her way out "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," of the office, nearly toppling all five and that their voices were always management elves down the steps. immeasurably flowing. It was in "My dear, please don't walk away. the nature an elf to always be on We have so-ho-oo much to discuss." tune. Whenever an elf was singing, Santa's jolly voice filled the room and they were working. Whenever an made Gilly release his little elf breath. elf was working, they would not be He watched his round boss hobble able to hear a thing unless another PHOTO COURTESY JULIA FREEMAN WOOLPERT down the steps, dressed in scarlet. Mrs. elf tugged their little elf ear towards Claus reached the end of the staircase their little elf lips. Gilly felt tiny "Where are all the carols?" Gilly up, but it could wait. It had to. He and brushed swiftly by the elves in icicles pinch his ear before hearing didn't want to hear any other sound needed to see who had filled his head front of her, most still petrified and something absolutely unbelievable. except Christmas carols. He had been with a different kind of music. She idly holding unfinished presents. "No singing!" Gilly Gilbert Glockenelf an elf working in that very factory for had just used her words, but her voice "We have nothing more to talk nearly dropped his project. He was just over four centuries and there wasn't danced through his head like the carols about. Go back to your work. It is about to begin another radiant verse of a day he had worked where he didn't did. Suspilly Sylvia Smelf took a tiny always more important than me!" Mrs. "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree," hear a carol being sung in excellent elf step next to him. Her eyes glistened Claus hurled her steps towards the a new favorite carol amongst the elves. rhythm. The time before Christmas and her cheeks shimmered with fresh large door, tossing her snowy curls. He felt little cold elf fingers leave his was always filled with song. Every flurries. There was still snow in her She pedaled quickly for freedom, but ear as he wrapped his tiny elf arms to elf was bound to sing the traditional sugar cookie blond hair. She bit her her husband, no matter how portly, catch the toy. He caught the doll and carols a beat quicker as it got closer little elf tip. met her there. They seemed unaware activated the voice box, something the and closer to Christmas. His head felt "What's going on?" they had an audience of blinking little technological elves had implanted in it. somewhat empty without the peaceful "Did someone sing out of tune?" elves watching them. "I love you!" Its playful voice, perfect for melodies floating around in it. "Why isn't anyone singing? "Every year, Nicolas! Every year you tell me you're going to take me on a vacation after the season ends. The one year I actually make reservations A Few of My Favorite Things at a nice spa on the South Pole, you say you can't go. You don't have to by Nicole Amaral '10 this list in their own right, but the fact 8. Spontaneous baking: It's nice go right back to work after Christmas Portfolio Editor that this delicious chocolate-peanut to bake a cake for your roommate's Day." Gilly gulped. Santa Claus stood butter-banana smoothie is available to birthday or a pie for Thanksgiving, before his angry wife, someone the Essay my weary soul until 2 a.m. makes late but I find it particularly satisfying to elves knew always to have a cheerful night studying that much easier to bear. throw together rocky road fudge bars smile, a fresh tray of cookies, and a I never really understood why "My 4. Impractical footwear: For those of or double chocolate chip cookies for no slightly strict baton when instructing Favorite Things" from The Sound of you who know me, this goes without other reason except to satiate my own the official Choir of Elves. Music is considered a Christmas song. saying, but any list of my favorite sweet tooth. "I love you," Santa told her. Mrs. I suppose it seems festive, as the song things would be incomplete without 9. Old family photos: I discovered Claus fumed away from him and mentions "brown paper packages tied an acknowledgment of how very much my grandma had a pretty sweet sense crossed her arms over her apron. Santa up with strings" and "snowflakes I enjoy purchasing shoes. of style back in 1943. Claus wrapped his arms around her that stay on my nose and eyelashes," 5. Kittens: Maria enjoys "whiskers 10. Clam dip: In true Rhode Island and tucked his cherry nose into her but other than that, I fail to see what on kittens," but I'm going to one-up fashion, I love clam chowder, clam shoulder. She tried with hardly a little is Christmas-y about it. Perhaps it is her just a bit and say that I like kittens cakes, and clams in general, but no elf's strength to get him off. the song's theme of appreciating the as a whole. Cute, cuddly, and adorable, Amaral family Christmas is complete "I love you, my little sprig of simple things in life that appeals to kittens are an instant mood improver. without Nan's clam dip. those in a holiday mood. mistletoe." He kissed her cheek. Mrs. Either way, the song got me thinking Claus slowly turned around. of my own favourite things as I zoned "I want to take a vacation with off while listening to a Christmas radio my husband after Christmas. Is that station. Maria lists "when the dog bites" too much to ask of Santa Claus?" and "when the bee stings" as the things Her comment was sharp. It made the that make her feel sad, but I would tike factory quieter. Every elf had stopped breathing. to add my own contributions to this list: end of semester work, graduate school "Say it ain't so," Suspilly muttered. applications, and studying for finals. Gilly felt her take his hand. In an attempt to distract myself from "Don't worry. He's Santa. He can the daunting nature of the next few give anyone anything." Gilly assured weeks, I'm going to simply remember her. They waited until Santa bowed his my favorite things, and maybe then I head and Mrs. Claus slowly pecked won't feel so bad. him on his bright red nose. 1. "December, 1963" by Frankie As Suspilly continued to hold his PHOTO COURTESY JOHN NYBERG hand, he heard soft little elf voices Valli and the Four Seasons: This song 6. Long car rides: There's nothing 11. Splashing in puddles while breathing carols back into the factory. is my jam. Thank you, Classic Trax, for like zoning off to my iPod and wearing rainboots: Huxley River is no They echoed and soon roared. He always playing it. watching the road pass by, especially if match for my L.L. Bean's. heard a little elf squeak beside him and 2. Clementines: The perfect snack I've created a playlist that corresponds 12. Waking up to snow on the found Suspilly singing. As he joined sized fruit! Unlike fun-sized candy with the destination. The mellow tunes ground: Those fleeting hopes of snow her, he looked up to find a sprig of bars, which are not actually fun at all, of "New Hampshire '09" are still a days never die. mistletoe dangling above them. these mini-oranges are easy to peel and personal favorite. 13. Procrastinating in the Cowl office His little elf cheeks turned bright fun to eat. 7. Spongebob Squarepants: I'll admit by thinking of my favorite things: I red as he and little Suspilly shared a 3. The Friartown Blitz at PC Perk: my sense of humor hasn't progressed should probably go and write a paper little Christmas kiss. Chocolate and peanut butter belong on much beyond that of a 10 year old. now... December 10, 2009 PORTFOLIO The Cowl 25

A Sfaxian Wedding Hell Hath No Fury by Daniel James '11 Her jaw almost slapped the table Portfolio Staff we'd been dining at. "Were you even by Alex BetGeorge ’11 listening to me?" Fiction Portfolio Staff "Yes," I said confidently. "Of course I was." The fish Sometimes I wish I could skip the whole "What'd I say?" She demanded. relationship thing and just find a girl I was caught My brain shifted into sixth gear. I could hang out with. fired on all cylinders. My only concern in Cap Bon's Gulf, I had a girlfriend, but that didn’t was survival. "You asked me if I was whose waters curve mean I was happy with her. I just listening to you." into the northern suburbs got back from our unpleasant lunch "Before that!" she almost screamed. of the capital: together. I knew things would be bad "You were making a point," I offered. A Sfaxian wedding, but not in Sfax: the moment she sat down because "What was my point?" She demanded. her normally pale face was tense and I could feel my brain give me The bride hesitates mid-step; slightly burned. Anyone else would the finger and shut down. It left her skirt’s wire frame assume that she'd been outside for me stranded in the middle of the threatens to catch on too long, but I knew her better than highway with no spare and an 18 the fish that. Every moment she gave me a wheeler coming at me so fast that on the floor subtle clue. The way she plopped there was no time to get out of the herself across from me in the booth with fake pink flowers way. I closed my eyes and hoped indicated that she'd been thinking for the best. "You were mad that we tucked into its gills: about whatever was bothering her for don't spend enough time together." awhile. Her evasive eyes, which were "No!" she said too enthusiastically. A trophy, focused on her food told me that I had "I was asking you what you saw in this but a hindering one, upset her in some way. The jabs she relationship if you were willing to go as beads of sweat pool took at her ziti without actually eating hang out with random sluts at the bar! in the depression between her told me that she was waiting for me to Do you even care about this relationship? plump cheek and meticulously fixed veil. light the fuse to her time bomb. That's what I wanted to know." The fish, MY BRAIN SHIFTED INTO SIXTH GEAR. I FIRED ON ALL [leviathan in size], THE CYLINDERS. MY ONLY CONCERN WAS SURVIVAL promises bounty in the wallet and bounty in the trousers of I sat across from her, observing her I hung my head in shame. My insides like an animal. I felt my chest compress went numb. I could feel a black hole Jonah, in on itself, like a vice grip on my insides. forming on the inside of my stomach who takes his woman's hand. I did my best to pace my breathing, but as I gradually accepted the truth that I They travail over the sea monster, my heart, was a machine gun with the was an asshole. I could feel my throat [a benevolent sign- Allah willing— trigger taped down. I closed my eyes strangle itself. I took a deep sigh and of years to come], and tried to pull my brain elsewhere. tried to find a solution. Then, almost whose bones I thought about lying in bed, staring as quickly as my depression sank in, will be picked clean of their meat aimlessly at the ceiling. I thought about everything went in reverse. My head and whose gleaming driving somewhere, anywhere, by perked up, and my insides restored white skeleton will be like myself with the radio off. themselves. I couldn't believe I had "You've got nothing to say?" Trish overlooked such an obvious truth. the son of the sixth grandson of Adam snapped, phrasing her tone to sound "I wasn't at the bar last night." whose crucified remains inspired more like a demand than a question. Trish gave me a glare. "My the frame of: I let my mind take it's time coming roommate saw you there." back to reality. "Huh?" "Bullshit. I went to the movies with The Aoud Her face was boiling. "You really Dante last night. Six dollar Tuesdays," is held in the hands don't know do you?" I reached into my week old jeans and of the man who made her I shrugged. "Know what?" pull out a wrinkled and tattered movie with no frets on her neck, She closed her eyes and curled her ticket. "See? Check that shit out." so that each note fists around her fork so tightly that Trish glanced over it, her features would match her knuckles turned eggshell white. slowly dropping. For a second, her its mellifluous human accompaniment. I inhaled the momentary silence. composure broke and remorse seeped She said something, but by the time through, like water leaking out of a But the Aoud strings’ I realized this, my brain had already cracked glass. Her eyes dropped to her only accompaniment taken another loop around the fantasy plate, and she was frozen in the moment. is the Mendelian helices exhaled track and I missed what she said. Afraid Then, as if nothing had ever happened, [by the adjacent sheesha master] of upsetting her even more, I tried to she picked up her fork and began eating. that twist and twine and recombine think of the best way to respond. "Whatever," she says to me, still between the plastic cords before dissolving. "Well," I began, fumbling with a keeping her eyes on her food. The smoke is then thousand words in my mouth. "When I started eating. swallowed down you put it like that, there really is more 1 don’t know why I stay in these with more of this delicious than one way to look at it." relationships. sinner’s water that matches the sheesha master’s cheeks and fez and the long table covered in red imitation satin and the wineglasses filled THANK YOU FOR READING! with this Magon ’06 [an award-winning year for the Magonese vineliers] in the narrow courtyard of the bride's parents’ house. MERRY CHRISTMAS, And everything becomes brighter. And the sheesha master tells me he has smoked this stuff since 1953, while his septagenarian hand climbs further up my thigh. But this is what it takes to extricate a story from a closed-mouth man with a fez, as fodder for knowing. The Portfolio Staff 26 The Cowl December 10, 2009 Friars Scoreboard Scores — Standings — Statistics -- Schedules -- Standouts Standouts

Brian McKenzie Jessica Vella Men's Basketball Women's Hockey Senior — Brooklyn, N.Y. Freshman — Pickering, Ont. McKenzie went 4-5 behind the three-point line and notched Vella scored two goals in the Friars 4-1 win over No. 3 New 17 points against George Washington for the Friars. He also Hampshire. For her efforts she was named Hockey East had 13 points against URL Rookie of the Week

Scores Schedules

Friday, 12/4 Friday, 12/11 Swim & Dive at Harold Anderson Inv. Ind. Results Women's Basketball at Massachusetts 7:00 p.m. Men's Hockey at Maine L,3-l Men's Hockey vs. New Hampshire 7:00 p.m. Women's Track at Fordham Invitational Ind. Results Women's Hockey at Boston College 7:00 p.m. Men's Track at Fordham Invitational Ind. Results Saturday, 12/12 Saturday, 12/5 Men's Basketball vs. Iona 7:00 p.m. Men's Basketball at Rhode Island L, 86-82 Men's Hockey vs. Boston College 7:00 p.m. Women's Basketball at Rhode Island W, 71-62 Swim & Dive at Harold Anderson Inv. Ind. Results Women's Hockey at New Hampshire W,4-l Men's Hockey at Maine L, 3-1 Men's Track at Brown Univ. Alden Inv. Ind. Results Women's Track at Brown Univ. Alden Inv. Ind. Results

Monday, 12/7 Men's Basketball vs. Brown W, 78-62

Tuesday, 12/8 Women's Basketball at Hofstra L, 72-68

Wednesday, 12/9 Men's Basketball at George Washington W, 110-97 Standings Men's Hockey East Women's 1 Hockey East

Conference Overall Conference Overall Team W L T W L T Team W L T W L T New Hampshire 7 2 2 7 6 3 Northeastern 6 3 2 10 4 2 Boston College 6 3 2 8 3 2 Boston College 4 4 3 5 7 6 Maine 6 4 1 8 7 1 New Hampshire 6 1 1 11 2 4 UMass Lowell 5 4 1 9 5 1 Providence 4 3 3 7 6 7 Massachusetts 5 4 0 9 5 0 Boston Univ. 4 4 3 7 6 , 7 Vermont 4 5 2 6 6 2 Maine 3 5 3 5 9 5 Northeastern 4 6 1 6 7 1 Connecticut 2 3 4 8 6 4 Merrimack 4 5 0 7 7 0 Vermont 1 7 1 5 10 1 Boston Univ. 2 7 2 4 8 3 Providence 2 5 1 7 7 1 December 10, 2009 SPORTS The Cowl 27 Homecoming Spirit Week A WEEK OF ACTIVITIES TO GET EXCITED FOR HOMECOMING WEEKEND’

Tuesday, January 19, 2009 BLACK AND WHITE BLAST OFF Friday, January 22, 2009 Raymond Dining Hall, 5-7 pm FOREVER A FRIAR FRIDAY Start off the semester with our kick off to Homecoming Spirit Week! Reunite Show your PC pride by wearing your favorite PC gear to class today! Let’s give with your friends after the winter break at Ray Cafe for dinner and get into our alumni a big welcome as they return home and show them that we are the Black and White Spirit! Cheerleaders and the Dance Team will be there to proud to be Friars. welcome you and your favorite cafeteria ladies will be serving special black and white treats. Let’s blast off with black and white! ; A NIGHT OF COMEDY featuring: Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter Wednesday, January 20, 2009 From “Michael and Michael Have Issues” HOMECOMING HUNT Peterson Recreation Center 9:00pm, Doors at 8:00pm Begins at Martin Hall, 2:00 pm $20 per person, $25 at door, $10 for students Get your friends together for the first ever Homecoming Scavenger Hunt! Join us for an incredibly funny show featuring Michael and Michael who learns of 5 will be given a list of items to find and photos to take throughout currently have a show on Comedy Central called “Michael and Michael the day. All teams that complete the list will be invited to participate in our I Have Issues.” Both comedians have previously been seen on MTV’s The Love PC trivia night on Thursday. Tie team with the highest number of points State and VH1 s Popular I Love the 70’s/80’s/90’s Series. Their antics and will receive Homecoming Hunt Championship T-shirts and their team name banter with each other will have you laughing the whole night. will be placed on the Hunt trophy - starting a brand new tradition at PC. The Hunt begins precisely at 2:00 pm at Martin Hall (only one team member needs to be present) and teams will have until 8:00 pm to complete the list.

Thursday, January 21, 2009 THINGS FOR THURSDAY Slavin Center, 11:00 am - 2:00 pm Stop by Slavin for your very own Forever a Friar caricature!

I LOVE PC McPhail's, 8:00 pm. $2 at the door Don't miss this event to celebrate everything we love about PC! Homecoming Huntteams will continue to compete against each other during a fun night of trivia. Additional Michael Ian Michael trivia teams can sign up at the event. Winning trivia team Black Showalter will receive front row seats to our Homecoming Comedy Show starring Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter from Comedy Central's "Michael To purchase tickets to the comedy show visit and Michael Have Issues." The event will feature all the things we love about www.providence.edu/alumni/homecoming2010 and click on PC including those buffalo chicken wraps! STUDENTS ONLY.

The Providence College National Alumni Association & The Office of Institutional Advancement are pleased to announce: Homecoming2010 pc COMEDY SHOW JANUARY 22 - 24 STUDENT ATHLETIC GAMES Alumni Association FRIAR FEST AND DUS DECORATING Member Benefits: COMPETITION Special invitation to alumni events Access to key alumni speakers Networking opportunities A Cappella CONCERT Practical event planning experience Leadership roles POST GAME DECADE Inside look at the National Alumni Association Board of Governors PARTIES

Current Freshmen, Sophomores, and Juniors are ... eligible to apply. Applications will be accepted in January 2010. For more information, contact

Andrea Ricci '03, Assistant Director of Alumni Providence College Homecoming Weekend January 22-24. 2010 Relations at (401) 865-2165 or [email protected]. www.providence.edu/alumni/homecoming2010 28 The Cowl SPORTS December 10, 2009 Davidson Leading the Pack PC: Vella Scores Two Goals To by Dan O'Brien TO Sports Staff of the field. Sara Graney '12 followed DiCamillo's lead and was the second Pace PC Past New Hampshire ______Track finisher, giving the Lady Friars the top continued from back page two places in Saturday's race. In the The Friars were not fazed, though. Just one week after the conclusion 1,000 meter race, Arnie Schumacher TO with two points in the league and Not this time. of the 2009 cross country season, the began her final indoor track season in to be the first Hockey East team to "It never even entered my mind," Men's and Women's Track Teams impressive fashion, finishing second win in that building is a wonderful Deraney insisted. "We were a lot more opened their seasons with meets at overall in the women's 1,000 meter race accomplishment, not only for our confident in that position against UNH the Fordham Invitational, held in the a day after she finished fourth overall players, but for our program." than we were against Northeastern. Bronx, N.Y., and at cross-town rival (5:24.20) in the mile at the Fordham Vella, only four games into her We really learned from that experience Brown University's Alden Invitational. Invitational. Following just behind college career after missing the first with Northeastern on how to play with The Friars impressed in both meets, Schumacher's pace for the Lady Friars, seven weeks with a residual spring a multi-goal lead." with individual victories in the mile Christina Conley captured fifth place soccer injury, broadened the advantage And indeed, the other skate never at the Fordham Invitational and wins overall with her 5:26 effort. to 3-0 at 4:25 of the second period. dropped. Instead, Providence turned in the 3,000-meter race on both the Both the men's and women's teams With Alyse Ruff '11 swooping the around and drew their own power men's and women's side at the Alden will take an extended break from puck deep down the left alley to the play with 1:02 left till intermission. Invitational. competition, returning to the track on New Hampshire goal line and fellow Then, with 30 seconds gone in the The men's squad was paced by Jan. 23,2010, at URI's Sorlien Memorial linemate Jean O'Neill '11 drawing a third, Laura Veharanta '12—now Stephen Hankinson '11, as he claimed Invitational. delayed penalty on the Cats, Vella cut paving a five-game point streak after victories in the mile competition the slot, absorbed Ruff's backhand an uncharacteristically cold start to her at the Fordham Invitational in 4:24 feed, and slipped home her second season—dropped in a door-slamming and followed up his mile victory strike through Minton's five-hole. power-play goal. with an impressive race in the Alden Suddenly, the Friars were in a "It's definitely a momentum Invitational 3,000-meter run, in which position reminiscent of their fall- booster," said Rigano. "We have he once again crossed the line first. from-ahead, 4-3 falter against another big game [tomorrow night] Hankinson's efforts earned him Big Northeastern two weeks prior. And if against another big Hockey East team East Track Athlete of the Week honors, only momentarily, that nightmarish [Boston College], so hopefully we can the first time in his career that he has scenario hinted a rerun when PC went pull off another win. earned such accolades. Pacing the on three successive penalty kills and "As Coach always says, we're Friars behind Hankinson's efforts ultimately authorized a UNH power trying to get home-ice advantage for was graduate student Richard Yeates' play strike via Micaela Long with 5:08 the playoffs, so this was a big step to 4:29 mile at the Fordham Invitational remaining in the second. hopefully getting that." mile and Matthew Terry's '12 second place finish in the 3,000-meter race at the Alden Invitational. The men's team captured the top seven spots in Friday's mile race in the Bronx, as well SWIM: 11 Meet "A" Standards as the top four places in Saturday's 3,000-meter race at Brown University. continued from back page and Chris Morales '13. Morales Also performing well for the Friars posted an impressive victory in the was Julian Matthews '12, who took swimmers who qualified included captain 400 individual medley with a time of first place in the 1,000 meter race just Carrie Lamb TO, Erin Nanna '13, Sam 4:15.67, defeating the rest of the field weeks after coming off of his first cross Schlich '13, Kelly Lamoreaux '13, and by seven seconds. Casciano also did country season at PC. Caroline Caliri '12. Lamb qualified in well to capture the 100 meter butterfly On the women's side, graduate the 100- and 200-meter backstrokes, event with a time of 52.60. student Katie DiCamillo impressed while Nanna qualified in the 50- and Coach O'Neill's biggest goal for this Head Coach Ray Treacy, capturing the 100-meter freestyle. Joining Nanna was meet was posting Big East times, and COURTESY OF SPORTS INFO Alden Invitational 3,000 meter race in Richard Yeates ’10 paced the Friars to a strong Schlich who also qualified. Meanwhile, with 11 now qualified, that has been 9:50.90, 30 seconds ahead of the rest start to the Winter track season. Lamoreaux and Caliri qualfied in the achieved. 100-meter breaststroke and 100-meter In addition to the 11 swimmers freestyle respectively. who posted sufficient times for the "The whole team did awesome, and "A" standards, nine Friars achieved HOOPS: Friars Win on Road everyone swam amazing in the meet," multiple "B" qualification standards in said Jordan Rivera '12. their specialty events. Tallied up, team continued from back page Even with some absences due to members made a total of 48 "A"and fans alike near heart attacks. illness the team conquered what they "B" standards as the Friars focused on beyond the arc in the first half of play. In the early stages of the game, PC set out to do, earning a total of seven qualifying in as many events as possible Despite their poor play, the Friars dictated the tempo and pushed the qualifying times. for the Big East Championships. were able to grit things out and enter ball up court any chance they could. On the men's side, Tim Reilly TO The spotlight was not only on the the halftime break with a 37-33 lead. Curry and Council did an excellent job qualified in the 100- and 200-meter swimmers, but also the divers who One of the main reasons PC was able to in the open court and found Peterson backstroke, as well as the 200-meter posted some impressive scores. Allie maintain the lead was due to the play and McKenzie for a number of great butterfly. Mathew Card TO, who has Black '13 finished first in the 1-meter of Wright,who provided eight first-half looks. McKenzie played perhaps his been swimming consistently well diving event with a score of 224.77. points and a much needed spark off best basketball of the season in the first this season qualified for the 50-meter Arnie Fracker '13 finished right behind the bench. half, knocking down a couple of threes freestyle, 100-meter freestyle, and-100 her in second with a score of 219.96. On "I see [Wright] really improving," and taking to the basket with authority. meter butterfly. the men's side, Ben Kardian '13 took said Davis. "When Kyle came here his When the halftime horn sounded, In addition to qualifying for three the 1-meter diving event for the Friars strength was shooting, but he's really PC headed to the locker room up 49- events, Card also posted possibly the with a score of 228.30. improved as a defensive player and as 35, but the Rams refused to lay down most impressive victory of the day as The team does not get back in the a rebounder. What's going to earn him in front of their home crowd. Fueled by he took the 100-meter freestyle event water for a meet until after winter more minutes is being able to play well the energy of their fans, Rhody clawed with a time of 47.69, while beating out break when they will compete against on the defensive end." its way back into the game due in large the 31 other competitors in the field. the likes of Villanova, Maine, and Thankfully for Friar fans, PC was part to their impressive defensive In addition to Reilly and Card, Syracuse. Also, the team will be able to put its foot on the gas in the efforts. After being burned on the Mike Loftis TO also qualified for competing against long time rival second half. Their full-court pressure fast break by the Friars in the first three events in the 100- and 200-meter Holy Cross in January of next year. In was able to force turnovers which half, URI buckled down and played freestyle and the 100-meter butterfly. the meantime the team will travel to St. allowed the Friars the chance to get tough man-to-man defense down the Other swimmers who qualified for the Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands for out and run and avoid the stagnant stretch. Throughout the game, the Championships in February included their annual winter break training trip offensive sets that plagued them in the Rams defenders frustrated Brooks and Matt Green '12, Colin Casciano '12, on Tuesday, Jan. 5. first half. despite his incredible four point play The turning point of the game which put the Friars ahead in the final happened at the 15:44 mark when minutes of the game, the star junior Providence embarked on an was held scoreless. impressive 19-2 run to blow the game Wtih the game hanging in the open. Leading the charge was Peterson balance the Rams were able to pull gut and Council who did an excellent job out a win over the Friars 86-82. PC's of pushing the ball up court. When all lack of experience certainly showed was said and done, Providence found down the stretch as they hoisted a itself with a 78-62 win. For the game, number of tough shots and committed Providence was lead by Peterson with a few turnovers down the stretch. For 22 points and nine rebounds, while the game, Peterson led the team with Wright and Bilal Dixon '13 added 15 20 points followed by Curry, Council and 13 points respectively. and McKenzie with 17, 16, and 13 Providence was not so lucky two days points respectively. earlier when they tried to defeat another The Friars return to action on in-state rival, Rhode Island, on Saturday, Saturday, Nov. 12, when they host the Dec. 5. The annual rivalry, which has Iona Gaels at 7:00 p.m. COURTESY OF SPORTS INFO provided a number of memorable Tim Reilly ‘10 qualified for the 100- and 200-meter backstroke, and the 200-meter butterfly at the games, once again gave Friars and Rams Harold Anderson Invitational. 29 The Cowl SPORTS December 10, 2009 Losing Streak Hits Three as Friars Fall to Maine by Chris Mammen '11 the slot. Maine's Gustav Nyquist sealed Sports Staff the 3-1 victory with his 11th goal of the season, putting the puck in the empty net with just 29 seconds remaining in the game. PC goalie Alex Beaudry T2 This weekend the finished the game with 33 saves, 20 of Providence College Men's which came in the first period. Hockey Team hit the road, and Friday, Dec. 4, the Friars had five dropped a pair of very similar, power-play opportunities in the first hard-fought contests to the period and were unable to convert on University of Maine Black Bears. any of them. The teams played to a The Friars lost both games by scoreless tie until the 6:01 mark of the the score of 3-1, and each night second period when PC took a 1-0 lead the Black Bears shut down any when Tim Schaller T3 drilled a one- chance of a PC rally with a timer off a feed from classmate Chris last-minute empty-netter. Rooney. Just 14 seconds later, Nyquist ’he Friars dropped to 7-7-1 pounced on a turnover and evened the overall and 2-5-1 in Hockey score for the Black Bears, 1-1. He struck East, while Maine improved again at the 9:36 mark, giving Maine a to 8-7-1 overall and 6-4-1 in 2-1 lead over PC. conference play. The Friars had several solid scoring "Everyone played really opportunities but were unable to hard all weekend and it was definitely even the score, and when they pulled tough to come away both nights Beaudry on a power play for a 6-4 man without a victory," said Dan New advantage with 41 seconds left, Matt '12. "We wanted to get the points [for Mangene finished PC off, 3-1, with an rankings], but we did work really well empty net goal. Beaudry finished with together as a team both nights." 27 saves. On Saturday night, in the weekend Head Coach Tim Army tried to finale, the Friars hit the ice hoping to take the best away from the weekend, avenge the prior night's loss, but it was saying, "We did some really good not to be. The Bears took a 1-0 lead things and hung around in both games, at the 9:41 mark when Joey Diamond so we can't let a weekend like this affect knocked in a loose rebound on the our psyche. We need to focus on areas World Cup Draw: power-play goal. Just three minutes where we can get better but we never later the Friars capitalized on their own got discouraged, and if we continue to power play when Eric Baier '11 tapped stay diligent over the course of the year a feed from classmate Matt Germain we will be rewarded." Field Set for South Africa into the back of the net, evening the This weekend the Friars will host score at 1-1. the University of New Hampshire on Door Wide Open in Group Stage Just five minutes into the second Friday night and Boston College on period Maine regained the lead (2-1) Saturday night, and try to put a stop to by Nahuel Fanjul-Arguijo '11 when Spencer Abbott scored his fourth a three-game losing streak. A&E Editor - can play like they did last World Cup goal of the season off a wrist shot from then they will definitely make it out of Soccer the group play. Nigeria and Greece are decent teams, but they don't have the Last Friday was long awaited, by talent to take out a team like Argentina Whatcheer Chauffeuring most for it being the end of the week (and yes, I am biased). and another great night to go out and The United States came out the “Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.1' party for the futbol loving community, best in the group drawings, getting an however, Dec. 4, 2009, was anticipated almost free pass from the group play. months in advance as it finally From what I've seen from their games, revealed the groupings for the 2010 and their quickly getting tossed in Best for FIFA World Cup. England's group I didn't expect them At this grand ceremony, the teams to do well, but with the group being Less! are picked out randomly from four topped off with teams like Algeria Student pots and placed into eight groups. and Slovenia they have a great chance The first pot includes the host team to move on. They did not impress me Discounts! (which is South Africa, for those who much the past couple of months, but don't follow soccer) and the top seven the few games in which they played PVD Airport, teams; the second includes teams from well, they showed me that they $25!! Asia, North America, and Oceania; belonged in the World Cup. the third includes teams from Africa Group G is the group of death for Returns and South America; and the last only this World Cup. It includes Brazil, includes teams from Europe. These Korea DPR, Cote d'Ivoire, and drawings are nerve wracking for most Portugal. The Ivory Coast impressed Cadillac DTS's fans, since you first have to wait out me immensely after they played Premium Cars! the hour-long event to find out who Argentina last World Cup, and I would your team will be playing against and love to see them move on, but it is then you are left to wait months before really unfortunate that they got placed these games actually take place. in the group of death for the second The host team was automatically consecutive World Cup. Portugal and Less than placed in Group A, along with Mexico, Brazil are the favorites in this group, Cab Pricing! Uruguay, and France. The French came but with Portugal's struggles in the out with a pretty lucky draw here, qualifiers, Didier Drogba and the rest No ride too since they were not placed in the top of Les Elephants might have a chance seven team's pot, and they drew the to go far. small! only group not including one of those With four other groups in the World seven teams. Mexico and Uruguay Cup, it should lead to a very exciting can always be a threat with powerful competition. We will get to see Spain players like Rafa Marquez and Diego dominate their group as they only have Forlan, respectively. Also, you can Switzerland as their most dangerous never ignore the host team, since they opponent-Then the United States faces Dennis Michael Murphy are playing on their own turf and have England in their first match of the Private Driver more to fight for than the other teams. tournament, which should be a great Group B includes my home nation match-up for a soon-to-start rivalry of Argentina, as well as Nigeria, Korea with all the publicity that game up is Boston. Providence, Newport Republic, and Greece. People give getting. And if the gods of futbol decide Argentina little credit because of how to bless me, then Argentina and Brazil Airport, Train, Bus they performed in the qualifiers, but should meet in the finals of the World with a group as mediocre as this one, Cup on July 11, 2010, in Johannesburg, they will most certainly get their act South Africa. And, of course, Argentina Inshixwi [email protected] together and move on. Messi has to would win the game 3-1 (I feel like that shine and own up to his title of "best score would make the best game). C: (401) 486-Q840 player in the world," and if the team December 10, 2009 SPORTS The Cowl 30 Sports for the Holidays

by Chris Torello '11 Angeles. During this time with your Sports Staff uncle, you may grab a piece of pie or that cup of coffee, but you don't dare start a conversation, because the Opinion relationship between you two during If you have any topics for debate, email PCI this time of lounging and basketball [email protected] the last paper has been written depends on nothing more than the and the final exam is over, we will all occasional, "Nice dunk," or "Lebron With the Major League Baseball winter meetings being held this week, who is head home for the holidays. We will isn't as good as Kobe." Anything more the most attractive free agent on the market this off-season? have approximately four weeks to spend and you will ruin the day. with our family and friends. Some will When you reconvene a week later, The winter meetings kicked off Although there are a handful of work, some may go away, and others, there will be another round of food Monday in Indianapolis, which means attractive free agents on the market myself included, will just lie around the and competitive family feuds, but this turn up the hot stove. This is the time this winter, there are only two players house. No matter where we go or what time you will have college football of year where agents show off their who can make my mouth water. we do, the majority of us will see our on. The Capital One Bowl between prized assets and rumors fly around These two men are very different family on Christmas Day, and possibly Penn State and LSU begins at 1:00 like Harry Potter at a Quidditch match. from one another, but they're both New Year's. We will enjoy a spread of p.m., and then comes the Rose Bowl Unlike last year, there are no franchise very talented and ready to make an finger-foods, followed by the Christmas at 4:30 p.m., and finally Tim Tebow's centerpieces available; however, there impact with their next team. Their ham, three different types of potatoes, last game as a Florida Gator comes in is still quality talent. The biggest move names are Aroldis Chapman and a vegetable dish that goes virtually the Sugar Bowl at 8:00 p.m. Again, to date saw the World Champion Matt Holliday. untouched, and then coffee and dessert. the same rules apply with the uncle, Yankees bolster their outfield by If you're craving a Cuban gem but On top of the usual Christmas no conversation, only the occasional acquiring CF Curtis Granderson. The you aren't able to get your hands on a feast, some of us will have to deal small-talk. By the end of the night, completion of the trade will affect some package of Cohiba Cigars or a bottle with a relative who loves to make the you'll wish there was more football free agents, but maybe none more than of Vizcaya Rum, Aroldis Chapman family play a game of Catchphrase to come. Luckily for you, there will be the top player out there, Jason Bay. is the next best thing. Chapman, a and then that impossible crossword about six more days of college football Bay is coming off a career year with 21-year-old Cuban stud with a rocket puzzle, where no one can find the bowl games, all leading up to the the Red Sox: batting .267, hitting for 36 for an arm, has hit 102 miles per word "mistletoe." But we love them BCS National Championship Game home runs, and driving in 119 runs. He hour on the radar gun and unlike a for making us play because it brings between Alabama and Texas on Jan. 7. proved more than admirable for filling Cuban cigar, he is difficult to light us all together. After you dominate the The holiday season is a wonderful in for Manny Ramirez since being up. Nonetheless, this kid better 12-year-olds in the Catchphrase topic time to enjoy your family, your home, brought in last summer. He carried the learn some control before he kills of "Sci-tech," allow your competitive and sports: How dreary would the Red Sox at times last year as the rest somebody. Similar to Ricky 'Wild juices to guide you over to the couch world be if there were no sports for the of the lineup looked rather sluggish in Thing' Vaughn from the 1989 baseball in front of the TV. This is where the holidays? There would be no childlike the early parts of the season. Now it is comedy Major League, Chapman has holiday season gets good. You plop awe in the amazement of watching men his time to cash in. With the Yankees been known to throw a wild pitch yourself down next to the uncle you soar as high as eagles, nor poetry in the getting better, the rest of the American now and again. see maybe four times a year and share way we describe a quarterback's pass. League, most notably the Red Sox and As Chapman learns to control his a beautiful five hours of golden silence, So yes, my friends, there are sports for Angels, will intensify their efforts to pitches, he will become a superstar while watching ABC's Christmas triple­ the holidays. They exist as certainly as attain talents like Jason Bay. and a crowd favorite. Whichever header, featuring the Boston Celtics there are touchdowns and slam dunks. The debate in the free agency team is lucky enough to sign versus the Orlando Magic, followed They live, and live, and live, forever on market is who to take: Holliday or Chapman will likely send him to the by a Kobe-Lebron match up out in Los our television screen. Bay. Matt Holliday is good, but we minor leagues for a while in order saw him struggle mightily while with to help him mature and acclimate the Athletics. This may make some to American culture, but he will be GMs wonder whether he can adjust throwing strikes in the majors soon to American League pitching, or if he enough. Most likely, either Yankees or Red Sox fans will be chanting, "Wild thing, you make my heart sing!" Despite Chapman's tremendous upside and exhilarating velocity, 29-year-old Matt Holliday is clearly the more proven player and is consequently a much safer player to sign. Holliday, a three-time All- Star, maintained an impressive .313 batting average while playing for the St. Louis Cardinals and the Oakland Athletics last year. The left-fielder also hit 24 home runs, had 109 RBIs, boasted an on-base percentage of .394, and held a slugging percentage of .515 during last year's campaign in the Gateway City. Matt Holliday was drafted by the Colorado Rockies in 1998 and led them to the World Series in 2007.

COURTESY WWW.BASEBALLRUMORMILL.COM That year, he earned the National League Championship Series MVP Matt Holliday is one of this year’s prized free- award and helped the Rockies win agents and will be in high demand. their first-ever pennant. Holliday is is a career National Leaguer. For the a tremendous all-around athlete and amount of money he is commanding, has the build of a football player, GMs want a guaranteed thing. On the possessing a height of 6'4" and a COURTESYOFWWW.HYPEOFMUSIC.COM other hand, Bay has proved himself in weight of 235 lbs. In fact, Holliday Kobe Bryant and LeBron James should provide some great entertainment on Christmas Day as the both the AL and NL. Furthermore, Bay was recruited to play quarterback debate over who is the NBA’s best player intensifies. showed signs that he can perform on the at Oklahoma State coming out of big stage and carry an offense at times. high school, but chose to sign with Danielle would like to welcome all new the Colorado Rockies instead; his JON RICHARD Holliday has mostly played in smaller first-time clients with a special promotions! markets and has had formidable decision proved to be a wise one. SALON sluggers surround him for most of his You could say that Matt Holliday Add a little Merry to your Christmas Holiday season career. Holliday never accepted the is a little bit country as he hails from with a fresh new look. Danielle’s cuts are very trendy, role as "the man" during his brief stint Stillwater, Okla, and chose Zac Brown fun and flirty. Just what every woman wants. Turn heads in Oakland, and was lucky enough to Band's "Chicken Fried" as his at-bat this holiday season and Danielle. play second fiddle to Albert Pujols in song. However, this Sooner is also a St. Louis. The final reason Bay is more little bit rock and roll, as he brings a Walk-ins are always welcome attractive, he is commanding less in big bat full of thunder with him every color cuts foils terms of contract years and you do not time he steps up to the plate. Many certified with keratin treatments have to deal with agent Scott Boras. folks in Stillwater are hoping that professional make-up artist certified by the It is anybody's guess where Jason this is a happy holiday season for Napoleon Perdis Makeup Academy Bay will land. Unfortunately for him, Holliday, and that the 2010 Holliday his biggest potential bargaining chip season is a joyous one. already filled their outfield void. ALL GIFT CERTIFICATES FOR NEW CLIENTS ARE 50% OFF 401-461-2700 I look forwnl to meattna you! 966 PARK AVE., CRANSTON Please make sure that you inentian (comer oi Park & Reservoir) — Chris Crawford '10 — Nicholas Aiken '12 this ad te recnivi! this Special! www.jonrichardsalon.com December 10, 2009 SPORTS The Cowl 31 Marandola Leads PC toWin Over In-State Rival by John Butler '11 Asst. Sports Editor Ultimately, turnovers were a key factor in the Friars' win. Providence notched 10 steals (three of which Women’s Basketball belonged to Trinity Hull 'll) and scored 28 points off of all the turnovers The Women's Basketball Team went they forced. Twenty points off of the 1-1 this week with a loss at the hands bench were also a key factor in the of Hofstra on Tuesday, Dec. 8, and a Friars' victory. praiseworthy 71-62 win over Rhode Providence returns to action on Island in Kingston on Saturday, Dec. 5. Friday, Dec. 11, against Massachusetts Despite the four-point loss on the in Amherst, Mass. Four non-conference road, Chelsea Marandola '10 continued games remain before the Friars open her impressive senior campaign with a their Big East schedule after the new team-high 23 points. Marandola broke year with a home contest against into the top 10 of the Providence all- Villanova. After Massachusetts, the time scoring list this week and now Friars will meet Vermont, Fordham, and has 1,346 points in her career. If her Duke, and each game will present play as of late has been any indication, varied challenges and obstacles, Marandola seems poised to add to but they will undoubtedly prepare that count as the season matures. For the Friars for their challenging Big her recent stellar play, Marandola was East slate. named the Big East Player of the Week on Monday, Dec. 7, for the first time in her career. Upcoming Schedule J Nineteen of Marandola's 23 points came in the second half against Hofstra as part of an impressive half COURTESY OF SPORTS INFO 12/11 at UMass 6:00 p.m. all-around for the Friars. PC shot 48 Chelsea Marandola ‘10 has been playing with an unmatched intensity and talent in recent weeks. 12/31 vs. Fordham 1:00 p.m. percent from the field and 50 percent She led Providence with 23 points against Hofstra on Saturday, Dec. 5. 1/3 at Duke 1:00 p.m. from three-point range, both of which Clearly, the defense was not lacking by the devoted defensive rebounding were significant improvements from against Hofstra, but without question, of Tiffany Hurd '11 and Coumoyer. 1/6 vs. 'Nova 7:00 p.m. the previous half. Indeed, the Friars the defense was in full throttle against The run was marked by dead-on 1/9 vs. L'Ville 4:00 p.m. looked good from beyond the arc, Rhode Island on Saturday. Providence shooting from the free-throw line and 1/12 at G-Town 7:00 p.m. with Marandola recording three treys held the Rams to 62 points, thanks was capped by a Chandler McCabe '12 and Brittany Dorsey TO recording in large part to solid defensive three-point shot at the 8:34 mark. 1/16 vs. Set. Hall 2:00 p.m. two. Emily Coumoyer TO had a good rebounding and a number of steals. From that point forward, Providence 1/19 vs. Syracuse 7:00 p.m. showing also, and notched 14 points In the early going, though, never looked back and built up their 1/23 on the night. She also lent her efforts Providence came out firing. Mi-Khida lead to 15 points by halftime. vs. Pitt 2:00 p.m. to the defensive cause in three blocked Hankins TO and Marandola carried It was more difficult for the Friars 1/27 at ND 7:00 p.m. shots and three steals. much of the weight for PC, scoring 23 to carry the first half's momentum in 1/30 at St. John's 2:00 p.m. However, Providence lost the of the Friars' 42 first half points. the second half. Despite shooting just 2/3 vs. DePaul battle of the boards in the second half For the better part of the first half, 28 percent from the field in the second, 7:00 p.m. to a skilled Hofstra squad. Hofstra the Friars and Rams were battling neck- Providence managed to put up 29 2/6 vs. W. Virg. 2:30 p.m. out-rebounded Providence 23-13, a and-neck, but Providence managed points, which was enough to hold off 2/13 at Marquette 3:00 p.m. statistic which was more meaningful a 15-14 lead at the 13:35 mark. From the Rams for the victory, a win made to the game's outcome than its place on there, a Hankins jump shot sparked an that much sweeter by virtue of it coming 2/16 vs. Cincy 7:00 p.m. the stats page might indicate. 11-4 PC run that was fueled primarily on the home court of an intra-state rival.

jr East Side Urgent Care 0 The Right Care, Right Now

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK *Located ON the Bus-99 Route *Call ahead to avoid waiting Monday - Friday 9am-8pm *Lab and Imaging services onsite *Check-in paperwork available online Saturday 9am~4pm Sunday 9am-4pm *A11 major insurances accepted *Appointments available

TREATMENT OF The East side’s original walk-in medical clinic. *Colds & Flu We are Rhode Island natives, *Minor Trauma caring for the Rhode Island *Sprains & Strains community.

Workman’s Comp Exams Fast, friendly, safe, and always *School, DOT, Sports Physicals completely confidential. infections, Rashes 1195 NORTH MAIN STREET Primary Care referrals available. 401.861.3782

1195 North A/Iain Street, Providence, RI 02908 www.eastsideurgentcareRI.com ports S Page 32 December 10, 2009 Friars On Fire In The Nation's Capital Six Players Score in Double Figures to Secure the 13-Point Win at GW team is based on outsiding shooting, by Dan Ollquist '10 and after watching shots rain down Sports Editor from the heavens all-night its clear that when the Friars' shooting is on, they Men’s Basketball are going to be able to hang in with the big boys of college hoops. Prior to heading to our nation's Ever since Head Men's Basketball capital, the Friars hosted Brown Coach Keno Davis arrived on the University on Monday, Dec. 7. Hoping Providence College campus in the to put their second-half collapse spring of 2008, Friar fans have been against URI behind them, the Friars hearing about Davis's run-and-gun came out lethargic against their cross­ style of offense. Although there have town rivals. Right from the opening been glimpses of it during his tenure, tip, Brown turned the game into a half­ Wednesday night's win over George court drag-it-out type of contest which Washington gave fans their best look helped neutralized the Friars' athletic at what "Keno Ball," is all about. advantage. Building off of their second half "Brown came in here with a very against Brown, the Friars came out good game plan," said Davis. "Both with their foot on the gas and never offensively and defensively, they knew let up. Sharaud Curry '10 and Vincent what they needed to do. They forced Council '13 ran Davis' offense to us to take some long shots and turned perfection, pushing the ball up and it into a half-court game and knocked kicking to open shooters at every down a number of threes of their own." chance. And the shooters were ready With just 4:59 remaining in the first to fire on this night. half, a Peter Sullivan layup pushed the Curry, Council, Brian McKenzie '10, Brown lead up to four points at 30- DAVID SILVERMAN/ DAVID SILVERMAN PHOTOGRAPHY Marshon Brooks '11, Jamine Peterson 26, which prompted the boo-birds to '12, and Kyle Wright '11 all connected Brian McKenzie ‘10 scored four three-pointers and 17 points in the Friars’ hit parade win over George rain down on the Friars. Providence from downtown in the first half of play. Washington, 110-97, on Wednesday, Dec. 9. just never looked on the same page in Scoring basically at-will PC raced out the first half. They struggled to create to an impressive 58-46 first half lead, effort of their own, the Colonials A total of six players scored double any sort of movement on the offensive capped off by a Brooks jumper off a simply could not keep pace with the figures, with Brooks leading the way end and knock down shots and also beautiful feed from Curry with just six Friars offensive juggernaut. Just like with 19 points, followed by Peterson, committed a number of careless seconds remaining. the first half, Providence continued to Dixon, and McKenzie with 18, 18, turnovers in the half court set. Adding Davis was somewhat leery about knock down shots at an outrageous and 17 respectively. Stud newcomer to the first half woes was lackadaisical heading down to face a tough George clip. One after another, Friar guards Council also chipped in with 10 points defense, especially on the interior. Washington team on the road. "To and wings buried perimeter shots, while the veteran Curry posted an Providence just couldn't seem to stop play that many games on the road, it's allowing them to shoot a blistering impressive stat line of 16 points and 13 the Bear's big men from converting tough," said Davis. "There's a reason 52.3 percent from the field, including assists. When all was said and done, PC in the post and even when they did, people don't want to go and play at URI 16 three-pointers. had themselves a 110-97 win. PC had a tough time defending the or at George Washington, because you The most encouraging part about Far from being a defensive clinic, three as Brown torched the Friars from can lose." the offensive onslaught was that nearly this was the first time that all of the Despite an impressive offensive everyone on the team contributed. Friars were firing on all cylinders. This HOOPS / Page 28 Swimmers Friars Get Historic Win Over No. 3 UNH Wrap Up Friars Become First Hockey East Team to Win at Whittemore Center by Al Daniel '11 Fall Season Sports Staff Women’s Hockey

by Alexis Smith '12 If carefree youthfulness got Sports Staff the better of Jessie Vella '13 in last Saturday's excursion to New Swim & Dive Hampshire's Whittemore Center, it happened to work for the better of The Providence College Swimming the PC Women's Hockey Team—and and Diving Team finished its final meet then some. for the fall semester this past weekend The affectionately dubbed Lake as the team competed in the 20th Whittemore had not been kind to the Annual Harold Anderson Invitational Friars in previous year. The 200-by- on Friday, Dec. 4 and Saturday, Dec. 5 100 foot sheet had been the site of in Kingston, R.I. the end of PC's last three playoff runs The men's team finished second out and in the watched UNH post a 69-0- of five squads with 694.5 points and 9 all-time record against Hockey East the women's team finished fifth out cohabitants. The unintimidated Friars of five teams with a cumulative score led by Vella ended up batting in two of 496. Despite the lack of Providence goals on as many shots to help her mates names in first place at the meet there sculpt a startling 3-0 lead and pace them COURTESY OF SPORTS INFO to an icebreaking 4-1 victory. were a lot of successful performances Lauren Covell ’12 had an assist in Providence’s 4-1 win over N0.3 New Hampshire on Saturday, Dec. "We knew it was going to be really that came from the weekend. 5. The win was the first ever at the Whittemore Center for Providence. "Overall, we've had a great meet," hard because we had yet to play on a said Head Coach John O'Neill. "One rink that size," said Vella. "But 1 wasn't importantly had a 1-0 lead on the losses being against nationally- swimmer fed off the next, so as we really concerned because I do like scoreboard, courtesy of Vella halting ranked teams and both being decided went from swim to swim, even session Olympic-sized rinks, and the captains on the porch of goaltender Lindsey within the final period probably had to session, it was exciting for both the were really good with making sure we Minton and nudging home Arianna something to do with it. swimmers and the staff to see all the were ready to play." Rigano's '10 feed from behind the net. "We were in desperate need of a work we've done all fall come together Contrary to their typical knee-jerk Ninety-two seconds and one stab win, so I think that's first and foremost," in one weekend." reaction to an opening face-off in later, Rigano inserted her own strike said Head Coach Bob Deraney. "The Eleven swimmers posted "A" the Wildcats' barn, Providence came for a 2-0 edge with a mere 10:04 off implications of that win are obviously qualification standards for the Big out swinging, unleashing each of the clock. very gratifying as well. We were East Championships that will be the game's first four shots on net in a What in the name of Miracle man aware of their record up there, and held in February in Pittsburgh. The matter of five minutes. Herb Brooks was going on? Well, playing that team on their home ice By the 8:32 mark, they held a the fact that the Friars were on a is a big challenge, so to come away SWIM/Page 28 6-2 advantage in shots and more disappointing 0-2-1 skid with both PC/ Page 28