Issue 15 | July 15, 2013 | critic.co.nz OUSA PRESENTS NOMINATIONS UNIVERSITY ARE OPEN OF OTAGO Nominations close Friday 2 August 2013 at 4pm. BLUES Contact [email protected] &GOLDS More info at ousa.org.nz AWARDS 2013 Issue 15 | July 15, 2013 | critic.co.nz EDITOR Sam McChesney DePUTY EDITOR Zane Pocock SUB EDITOR Sarah MacIndoe 22 TeCHNICAL EDITOR FEATURE Sam Clark 22 | An Island is an Island DesIGNER Stuck on an island that even a film crew for Survivor found too rugged (or dull) to film, Loulou Daniel Blackball Callister-Baker’s head has become swamped with thoughts of the existential-crisis variety. In AD DESIGNER a quest to maintain her relevance, Loulou explores what it means to both psychologically and Nick Guthrie technologically isolated, and the community that maintains this lifestyle all year round. FEATURE WRITER Loulou Callister-Baker FEATURES NEws TeAM 26 | 3D Printing for Dickheads Claudia Herron, Jack Montgomerie, Critic’s finest technology geeks Zane Pocock and Josie Cochrane, Jamie Breen, Sam Clark explore the new phenomenon of 3D Thomas Raethel printing, which is steadily creeping its way into the mainstream consciousness. SECTION EDITORS Charlotte Doyle, Lucy Hunter, Tristan Keillor, Rosie Howells, 30 | Dreaming of Electric Sheep Kirsty Dunn, Basti Menkes, Fantastical new inventions are just around the Raquel Moss, Baz Macdonald corner, and we enjoy an ever-increasing ability 06 to solve the problems nature throws at us. But is NEWS the dream of a technological utopia realistic, and CONTRIBUTORS is it wise? Guy McCallum, Sam McChesney, 06 | Otago Considers Sam Clark, Campbell Ecklein, Recreating Christchurch Tim Lindsay, M and G, Dr. Nick, 34 | Obscure Sports are Obscure The University is considering demolishing Hannah Twigg Critic brings you a roundup only of the world’s most both the Arts building and the Property Ser- obscure sporting endeavours. If you’ve ever won- vices building on Albany Street after the two dered what Bo-taoshi is, or whether being a stoner buildings were deemed earthquake-prone is a sport, or who won the recent World Shin-kicking Championships, then Critic has all the answers! under the University’s Seismic Programme. NEWS reGULAR STUFF 07 | Campus Produces Two Council Hopefuls AD SALES News | 06-21 Culture | 37-47 08 | Dunedin Craft Beer Festival: PLANET MEDIA DUNEDIN LIMITED Features | 22-35 Letters | 48-49 Tama Walker, Tim Couch, Brought to you by Lion Nathan Gus Gawn, Josh Hannigan Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication 14 | The Second Quarterly planetmedia.co.nz do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Executive Reports [email protected] Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press 16 | Trans-Pacific Partnership: P.O. Box 1436, Dunedin | (03) 479 5335 Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, Secret trade talks resume [email protected] | critic.co.nz PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. 4 | Issue 14 | Critic EDITORIAL – the exception being OUSA, which has always been well-run and fairly accountable – the new structure has imposed a bit of market discipline that had previously been absent, meaning that students will eventually get more bang for their buck. In a couple of cases, though, this has bounced associations into a high-stakes game in which they could rapidly face extinction. Salient is a great magazine (yeah, I said it) but the organisation around it is a shambles; it’s probably no coincidence that the city in which VSM was cooked up was the one with the least competent students’ association. Year on year, the Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association he passage of Voluntary Student students’ associations had previously, and then (VUWSA) haemorrhages money while providing Membership (VSM) in 2011 was a very use this fee to hire the association to provide the bare minimum of services; having been raised T odd time. VSM, to those of you who are roughly the same services. Students’ associa- to believe that money grows on trees, they’re still unfamiliar, changed the mechanism by which tions would charge “zero fees,” meaning you’re struggling to adapt to a system in which survival students would join students’ associations. an idiot if you opt out, but you’d still pay the actually requires doing things. Take the piss out Previously, universities could require students to fee indirectly, via the university. This created of OUSA’s “world record” paint party all you like; join the association, and if students wanted to opt an environment very similar to the pre-VSM VUWSA has just broken the record for the smallest out, they had to ask the association’s permission. situation, but slightly worse for most parties. ever Re O-Week (i.e. they didn’t have one) – there- VSM stopped universities from doing so, creating by smashing the record they set last year, when an opt-in system. Worse for associations, because they became the only event was a pyjama party that fewer dependent upon the universities and had far than 20 people attended (incidentally, this still This seemingly minor tweak caused all hell to less discretion in terms of spending. Worse for holds the record for “world’s shittest Re O-Week”). break loose. Broadly speaking, the rightwing universities, because negotiating an SLA is a minority of students (who disliked students’ lot of extra work, which most really couldn’t be Much of VUWSA’s money goes towards propping associations) supported VSM while the leftwing fucked with. And worse for libertarians, because up Salient and the VBC, purely because they can’t and centrist majority (who liked students’ asso- not only would they still get charged their asso- be arsed selling any advertising. Critic doesn’t ciations) opposed it. The irony of the situation, ciation fee and have no way of getting it back, totally pay its own way, but the magazine still which nobody pointed out at the time, was that but opting out would mean the association would only costs you around $2.50 each a year (about the pre-VSM environment was (more or less) a keep the fee rather than (as had previously been 10 cents an issue). Salient costs almost triple product of the free market, while VSM itself was the case) donating it to charity. that figure, but with a fraction of Critic’s budget. a piece of government regulation. They’re being royally boned by the boneheads So why the history lesson? Well, OUSA and the upstairs, and if VUWSA goes down in flames, This resulted in some truly cringeworthy de- University are about to negotiate their third SLA. Salient could go with it. And who would we take bates, and many hilarious mental gymnastics. This time, they’re jumping in bed together for the piss out of then? Socialists slammed government intervention three years, a union longer than most marriages. and issued grave warnings about the tragedy This works for the Uni, because they don’t have Of course, there are many ways that OUSA it- of the commons. Libertarians whinged about to bother negotiating another one until 2016; self can become more cost-effective. For one, “force” and “coercion” as though OUSA had a and it generally works for OUSA, because their the association is still manacled to the rank, secret paramilitary wing, and begged the state medium-term future will be secure. It imposes a flaccid corpse of NZUSA, effectively flushing to step in. A staunch(ish) leftie, I made an oral certain rigidity on the organisation, and having $45,000 down the toilet every year instead of submission on the bill in which I trumpeted to set budgets three years in advance isn’t ideal giving it to Critic, where it belongs. And it still freedom of contract. Sir Roger “dinosaur cunt” (especially when you’ve only been in the job owns that fucking Aquatic Centre, which is due Douglas laughed, told me I had misinterpreted the three weeks), but on the whole it’s the most to cost the association upwards of $65,000 in meaning of “freedom,” and offered an alternative logical way forward. maintenance this year alone. But on the whole, definition that wouldn’t have looked out of place they’re doing okay. on a Labour pamphlet from the 1920s. I privately To be fair, not a whole lot has changed under agreed with him, but kept my mouth shut. VSM, mostly because at the time nobody had So what was the point I was trying to make really thought much about the potential of SLAs. here? I don’t know really, just thought you’d The bill passed, of course, and we switched to And ironically, those who could be best off in the like to know. Service Level Agreements (SLAs), whereby long term are that majority of students who had the university would charge the same fee that opposed VSM. For most students’ associations - Sam McChesney Critic | Issue 14 | 5 NEWS Otago Considers Recreating Christchurch BY CLaudia HerroN he University is considering demolishing to a 67 per cent standard, or a full decant of the “[Students] would continue to use the old building both the Arts building (Burns) and the building to also reach a 67 per cent standard. until the new building was completed. For staff the T Property Services building on Albany Options other than a demolition of the Arts most obvious disruption would be shifting offices Street after the two buildings were deemed building include a full decant of the building to from the old building to the new one.” earthquake-prone under the University’s undertake repairs.