The Chomicle 75th Year, No. 122 Duke University, Durham, North Carolina Tuesday, April 1, 1980 Spencer finds long-lost mural By Neena Soo Miss Candy Lynn, Durham's finest John R. Spencer, chairman of the exotic dancer will appear." Department of Art, for the second time Although the mural was done entirely this year has discovered a work of art in purple and orange, colors previously thought to be lost. traditionally used by the Betas, Spencer Spencer has determined, using a said there was some doubt in his mind special X-ray technique developed in whether the Betas actually painted the the Duke Medical Center, that a mural mural. "This is in direct contradiction to painted by the 1947 pledge class of the everything we had ever believed about Beta Theta Pi fraternity is still intact Beta art," he said. under hundreds of layers of paint Spencer explained that the University covering the bridge on Campus Drive. archives and descriptions ofthe party in "The mural apparently was an the Chomicle indicated that the mural announcement of a Beta beer blast," was on the left side of the eastbound Spencer said. Spencer has been able to bridge. "But I'm 99 percent sure that it is PHOTO BY ROB BKANirr , _•__ i _• _ on the right side," Spencer said. John R. Spencer, chairman ofthe art department, examines East Campus rc«™t™ctpart ofthe mural which was bridge. Under the layers of paint, Spencer claims, is an incriminating Pamted with the words, Come celebrate "This mural is vitally important to the mural which was lost 30 years ago. sprmg...get blasted in the Gardens... Continued on page 6 Groups discuss joblessness By Juanita Job dreary, hopeless, threatening, sinister, foreboding The Office of Alumni Affairs, in conjuction with Ben world that awaits them," Sheridan said. "Nobody Sheridan Enterprises, Inc., will sponsor the should be better able to convey that sense of Unconference on Undergraduate Unemployment depression, sorrow, gloom, melancholy and utter (UUU) next month, (see related photo, p. 2) desperation than Duke's many unemployed alumni." According to Sheridan, the UUU was planned in Sheridan said he has not had problems attracting response to the need for students to prepare for the alumni to come back for the weekend. In fact, 34,214 coming recession, scheduled to begin later this year. unemployed alumni (60 percent of all Duke graduates) "We feel that students must plan ahead for the cold, will be returning to their alma mater. "We simply placed an advertisement in the Alumni Register offering the participants a free meal," Sheridan said. "We've been overwhelmed with letters since then, most of them with postage due." The meal is a very special part of the weekend. Sheridan wanted to provide students with an opportunity to learn about the intricacies of unemployment in various parts ofthe country. After brainstorming with Alumni Affairs Director Paul Vick, he devised a plan to place 50 flaming trash barrels, one representing each state, around the East Campus quadrangle. Students can then go to the barrel for the state in I'HOTO HY S.P. KKC Ben Sheridan, a co-sponsor of the upcoming which they wish to be unemployed, and speak with Unconference on Undergraduate Unemploy alumni from that area. Each participant will be given ment, demonstrates some ofthe techniques to be a can of pork and beans, a half-filled bottle of discussed at the meeting. DUCC goes down, fouls up By M.I.C. Mouse "We ran out of luce with TUCC." Ray said. They A new University-wide computer system went down were down so much that I could no longer give a fucc." last night, rendering the campus useless, according to Having left the computer time-sharing agreement of Mel Ray, vice chancellor for data processing. TUCC, Ray's plan was to incorporate all the The two-year-old system, created to place all University needs and herd them into one system. computers together in one massive operation, is called Yet a major handicap to Ray's plan was that circuits the Duke University Computation Center. overlapped, and University records became hopelessly "DUCC went down," Ray said. "This is going to confused. ruffle all kinds of feathers in this University." "I had a patient who was given A- blood," one doctor DUCC, a multi-million dollar project, was the complained, "when I ordered 0+. At the same time, a brainchild of Ray. "I had hoped to expand the system, student in Chem 11 was given an 0+ grade for the to father little DUCClings, and to make Duke the semester." mother hen of computer processing." In addition, several employees from the Campus But the latest collapse, the result of an overload from Services department were enrolled in Anthro 93, yet ' the Iron Duke office, has taken the byte out of the one source in the registrar's office said they were not project, Ray said. "This breakdown has thrownime upset because "they thought it was crip." into an endless loop. I've really been down in the dumps." Now that the system has gone down, several key pieces of information have been lost. "We have not yet Ray was coordinating the computer operations with been able to retrieve Cameron Indoor Stadium, but we the Center for Fowl Behavior, which was studying are still searching," said one computer man. "In fact," why ducks fly high. "The crash is devastating," he added, "the Gardens are hopelessly lost." according to Donald Daffey, director of the center. Ray said his next two-year plan was to unscramble PHOTO COURTESY DUCC NEWS SERVICE Ray's system replaced the Triangle University DUCC lays goose egg. DUCC's going down this Computation Center which Duke shared with other and clean-up the oil-slicked DUCC. "But I won't start weekend had many others laying eggs also. schools in the area. for awhile. I'm so tired, I feel like I just laid an egg." Page Two The Chomicle Tuesday, April 1, 1980 42 pt. Garamond head over 60 picas By Line Indent copy copy copy copy copy copy this is getting Indent lead, copy copy copy copy copy copy copy boring copy copy copy sloppy copy editing copy copy inaccurate attribution copy copy copy style error copy copy copy copy another ridiculous McCartney pun. copy copy copy cpoy typographical error no verb. Indent copy copy copy copy dangling participle copy Indent copy copy copy unattributed statement copy copy copy copy copy misplaced modifier copy copy copy copy copy space copy copy copy quote a whole lot copy copy inaccurate quote copy copy copy copy copy. of bullshit close quote he said copy copy copy copy Indent copy copy stupid sentence but the reporter copy copy copy space the final frontier. insisted that we keep it in copy copy copy copy. Boldface break Indent still more copy in the wrong font copy copy Indent copy copy copy copy sweeping generalization copy copy copy copy editorialization copy copy copy copy copy copy copy copy outrageous McCartney pun copy copy copy copy creating yet another commiteee copy copy copy copy irrelevant statistic copy copy. copy copy copy copy copy, Indent copy copy copy wrong font copy copy copy Indent copy copy ambiguous sentence copy copy copy correct font copy copy copy copy copy copy copy copy copy copy clear conflict of interest copy copy copy copy line correction placed on wrong line copy copy copy see related story page 17. copy. Story should have ended here Malicious gossip Indent copy copy copy copy copy quote stolen from . Indent incredibly awkward paragraph with a run- off the record copy copy copy copy copy still more on sentence copy copy copy copy copy copy copy copy editorializing copy copy copy copy return to advocacy copy copy copy. journalism copy copy copy. Indent one of those ridiculously short paragraphs. Indent copy copy copy copy copy missed style error copy copy filling up white space copy copy copy copy copy copy. Forgot to indent copy copy copy copy copy dazzlefontTAB copy copy copy copy copy iritating copy editing by a typesetter copy copy copy. Indent meaningless statistic copy copy copy copy copy copy entire story lifted from April 1, 1976 copyf right] copy copy copy copy. Indent paragraph which should have been much higher up in the story copy copy copy copy copy copy copy copy. Indent copy copy copy copy D filling up more white space • copy copy copy copy copy copy is anyone 1HJKHAM MORNING HERALD PHOTO GRASSY SNAKE-Vice-President Bill Griffith reading this nonsense question mark copy copy copy cuddles up to "exotic dancer" Candy Linn in an copy. area hot spot.

- FREE PREVIEW SEMINAR - "FORTUNE IN FORECLOSURES" The Foreclosure Institute of America, the leading foreclosure Institute

PHOTO BY JIMMY CARTER In the United States, can show you how to immediately take advantage of Unemployed alumni will also take part in the the boom in the mortgage foreclosure industry without any previous conference. mortgage or real estate background.

ONE—LET'S LOOK AT WHAT OUR FOUR — WHAT WILL YOU LEARN ATTHE CLIENTS SAY ABOUT OUR UNIQUE SEMINAR? |PROGRAM: •How tobuy yournext home thousands of dollars belowi the wholesale value. "Currently, usingonlyoneofyourmethods, wehave200 • How to buy income producing properties with nocash I The Chronicle | to 300 foreclosures coming in each month, withmini- outlay. | mum profit potentials of $10,000 to $20,000 each." • How to locate profitable impending foreclosures in The Chronicle is published Monday through Friday of the Market America Corporation most cases prior to any legal notice. academic year, and weekly through ten (10) weeks of Rea! Estate Consultants • How to get 200% of your initial acquisition costs back I summer sessions by the Duke University Publications Boston, Mass. within2weeks. Board. Price for subscriptions, $20; $60 for first class mail. • How to create yourown secondary market "Just completed one foreclosure in 90 days. I had a net • How to apply this program to residential, income Offices at third floor Flowers building, Duke University, | return of$25,000.00." producing, commercial, industrial properties & raw Durham, North Carolina 27706. Application to mail at Daniel J. Scholl, Salesman land and many other methods that will allow you to Second-Class Postage rate is pending at Durham, NC. Campion, N.H. make a fortune in this down-spiral ing economy. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to the Chronicle, "Your program has worked for me. In seven months I P.O. Box 4696, Duke Station, Durham, "NC 27706. I have acquired seven properties from which my gross FIVE — WHO CAN ATTEND THE FREE | profit is $135,000.00." PREVIEW L.A. -Bill" Wilbur, Jr., Boat Salesman Whilethisseminarisfreetothe public, seating will beonl Gibson Island, Maryland afirstcomefirstservebasisasourspace is limited. NO f "There are 200 foreclosures per month here. Iproject REAL ESTATE LICENSEOR MORTGAGE $60,000 to $75,000 minimum net profit." EXPERIENCE OR BACKGROUND NECESSARY Walter C. Adams, Roofing Contractor SIX — IS THIS PREVIEW REALLY FREE f "POEMS and POSTERS < Atlanta, Ga. Yes! There is no cost or obligation of any kind—ail you I t "/purchased 5 foreclosures out of over 60 that were must bring is a pen and notebook. for PEACE" I available. My profit was 72%." T Paul C. Higgins, Farmer FORECLOSURE Announcing a ' Richmond, Va. "Thelandtoreclosuresin Fort Meyers (Florida) willeas- INSTITUTE OF AMERICA JURIED SHOW of | ilynet$200,000.00." Pacific South Towers. 500 Pacific Ave., Suite 607 f Virginia Beach, Virginia 23451 f STUDENTS'ART William Morris, Financial Consultant THE FORECLOSURE INSTITUTE OF AMERICA • Naples, Florida DOESNOTWASTE YOUR TIME BY COVERING to Commemorate Peace _ TIRED OLD METHODS LIKE VA & FHA FORECLO­ I TWO—THE FORECLOSURE INDUSTRY SURE LISTS, NEWSPAPER ADS, LEGAL PUBLICA­ t in the Middle East. | IS GROWING RAPIDLY EVERY DAY. TIONS, DELINQUENTTAX RECORDS, PENDING We all know the "Good News, Bad News" DIVORCES, CASH-FOR-EQUITY ADS, OR All undergraduate and graduate students • stories. Intheforeclosure industry the business CONTACTING TRUSTEES. t are invited to contribute, , is very good with a strong economy. Its fantastic in a tight money economy. In other words eco­ EXHIBIT TO BE HELD nomic bad news is good news for the lore- closure industry. THE FORECLOSURE WEDNESDAY ONLY t April 9,10,11 in Flower's Lounge ' INSTITUTE OF AMERICA is now making f available toyou their revolutionary foreclosure April 2 f Judging and Prizes presented at a • techniques that previously have only been 2:0OPM AFTERNOON PREVIEW party in Few Fed Lounge Sat., Apr. 12 * available to a select few. 8:00PM EVENING PREVIEW t | THREE —YOU CANSTARTWITH NO Ramada Inn Downtown CAPITAL. I-40 at Duke Street Pick up an information sheet at Flowers Lounge Men and women from all walks of life and economic f Desque or call 684-1542 or 383-7900 backgrounds are reaping astounding profits with no Durham X Sponsored by Students for Israel, Duke Hillel, capital investment. 1-800-446-8260 f and the Duke Union Galleries Committee f Y Tuesday, April 1, 1980 The Chomicle Page Three ASDU's felicitous Fair flies to Iran today By R.W. "Johnny" Appleseed III John Forrer, president of the University '• 1880 NEWT News Service of Pennsylvania, who is a long-time LONDON — Bryan Fair, president of duelling partner with Fair. the Associate Students of Duke "His personal relations stuff is just University and all-around concerned crap. The only way to get anything done individual, left here this morning to fly is to get all your high school friends to to Iran and meet with Ayatollah cause trouble," said Jeff LeVee, speaker Ruhollah Khoneimi, seeking an end to ofthe ASDU legislature. the hostage crisis in that country. "Bryan doesn't know what he's doing," Fair, in a speech at Heathrow Interna­ said Ben Sheridan. "I like people, people tional Airport, said " the 140-day ke me. Look what I have done for Few impassecan be broken "if we all just love . pe(j pew pecj ^s :ust ^e __ran . Iran one another.i " should have more study breaks. That WRY NEWS SERVICE PHOTO "People have to be concerned with would bring the hostages home." Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini (left), still recuperating from a recent illness, ponders his impending meeting with ASDU President Bryan Fair other folks, concerned about the Sheridan added that if study breaks (right), pictured here awaiting take-off of his direct flight from community, concerned about friends as don't work, he will invite the ayatollah Raleigh-Durham airport to Tehran. well as enemies," Fair said. to his next Conference on Career The Duke sophomore said all he would Choices. "If Mr. Ayatollah came to CCC, do is "touch Ruhollah on the elbow and I'm sure the hostages would be free, free, kiss his wives. Nobody in diplomacy free," said the jubilant Sheridan. Penn fingers Forrer president shows concern for other people." Meanwhile, Iranian president Bani Fair, with a far-reaching ASDU Sadr said he would welcome Fair's visit. By Fred Spaghetti weekend, Forrer commen­ ivy can stay — for now." resolution banning Iran from Greek Week "He says he can bring all us folks i 1980 NEWT News Service ted on his goals. "My first Other plans for the and setting up an ASDU Committee on together. He reminds me of Billy PHILADELPHIA - In preoccupation will be betterment of UP include Hostages in hand, said he would not Graham, I like him," Bani Sadr said. a move which surprised ensuring that my friend lowering tuition, increas­ return without the 50 American Babwa Wawa, on ABC's World News both its administration Marty [Martin Roth, '80] ing financial aid, instal­ Yestewday, reported that "Bwyin Phair and student body, the is accepted in to the law ling color television in all "My whole philosophy is to bring would be wisiting Taywan, and was University of Pennsyl­ school and making sure he dorm rooms, building a people together, show them that sponsoring a FweeThe Hostages Dance vania Board of Trustees has all afternoon classes." new University Center someone loves them, I know I can for the people of Taywan." chose Graydon John Forrer plans to conduct and initiating a manda­ succeed." tory board plan. White House spokesman Joday Forrer, a junior in Duke's weekly "information Skeptics back at Duke guffawed at Powell said the president was Trinity College, to serve as sessions" from his Camp Fair's latest junket. Forrer has also decided encouraged by Fair's trip. president of the univer­ Graydon retreat and will "We've heard all of this before. Bryan, "We'll try anything-at this point," sity in Philadelphia. continue as special to dismiss head basketball iust like me> suffers from iiving in Powell said. "Ya know, he kind of Forrer, a political advisor to the president of coach Bob Weinhauer for Gilbert-Addoms too long," said Graydon reminds us of Jimmy." science major, applied for Mongolia. calling Duke "a thunder­ the position after seeing Forrer is "relieved" that ing herd of elephants" in Dropped 1978. Weinhauer will be an advertisement in the he had the foresight to Continued from page 4 Chortling through tbe night ui'b Cheshire Ranee andslitby lores. Ibis h yon Wall Street Journal. choose his staff well in replaced by former Duke way to reduce the cost of victorious wire editor ("my very own box") wishing a pat on ibe hack !• Forrer was surprised to advance. Marshall Orson coach Bill Foster, who has dedicated Ranee, a tickled toe to a foot fetisher, and grateful thank's U health care, the largest "popcorn" Nina, raucous Rick, all tbe Mas, my roomie, and punch; receive a letter from the and Chris Hest have submitted his resignation single evil in America." Board of Trustees of the accepted posts as diploma- to the University of South Carolina. Sources close to the university requesting tic advisors, and Dorothea committee say that the further information and ("Dotty") Suthon,'82,-will University has been commending him for his be the official hostess at The aforementioned offered $100 million from initiative. They later the presidential palace, plans are "only a few of the American Medical informed him that his "I do insist that Elvis the proposals that have Association to put the Surreal World application was under Wine and Spam be been accepted by the Dropper report into "serious consideration." included with every Board of Trustees. They action. "It is the only way VATICAN CITY - Pope John Paul II A very active member of university meal." Forrer were very enthusiastic but this University can announced yesterday that George St. the Duke community, commented. "As a student I decided that [Martin] survive financially,', the George Biddle Duke has been canonized. Forrer is currently ASDU I can sympathize with the Meyerson, [current uni­ source said. Canonization is the first step in the process legislator-at-large as well constant complaints versity president] might In addition, a report of becoming a saint. The Vatican cited miracles such as fires springing up in his as president of Americans about the quality of food be upset by my taking over from the alumni office for Democratic Action. — it definitely has to be while he was still in shows that if the change- footsteps and the unexplained appearance of Forrer is also president of upgraded." office," Forrer said. over to pre-med were $40 million in the Treasury ofthe Holy See Gilbert-Addoms dormi- Several people com- made, gifts to the as grounds for canonizing Duke. tory. plained about his plans to Forrer will take office University would in- In the future, Duke will be referred to as After returning from a tear down all the ivy that upon the expiration of crease, and the University St. George St. George Biddle Duke. series of interviews with covers the walls of the Meyerson's term later this Center would be finished the trustees this past buildings so "I decided the year. Continued on page 17 CHICAGO — Mayor Jane Byrne and her administration are reeling under the blows 'Death is only the beginning' of a Carter administration she turned down to endorse Sen. Kennedy. Carter has recently ordered that the winds that hit the Carter croaks, campaign continues city aeross Lake Michigan be doubled in strength, and that "the sun don't shine" on By Stephen Watchman Mr. Ackroyd will be available for limited appearances any part of Byrne's anatomy, White House 1 I9H0 NEWT Newsservice on television for important messages. Otherwise, Mrs. Chief of Staff Hamilton "I'm an asshole" In a move that did not surprise anyone very much, Carter and Amy will continue to do all of the actual Jordan said. the White House announced Monday that President campaign traveling," Powell announced. Jimmy Carter has been dead since Mar. 17. Carter Sen. Edward Kennedy, contender for the BELGRADE — Yugoslav President Josip campaign Chairman Robert Strauss made the brief Democratic nomination, departed from the prepared Broz Tito, who died 23 days ago, is still announcement at 2 p.m., three hours before the text on the back of his cuff to comment on how his deteriorating, sources near the corpse president was scheduled to appear in the Rose Garden election strategy would be changed. "Obviously uh, we announced today. "Better part of a premier to shake hands with both ofhis well-wishers. cannot, uh, continue to call for the, uh, president to, uh, than all of the Red Army," the source Higji administration sources have said that the come out of, uh, the White House. Since he's, uh, dead, commented. "Besides,- Tito now joins the revelations of Carter's death should have no effect uh, he ought to stay there." Kennedy also chided the ranks of the dead and the near-dead, great upon the re-election campaign. Officials pointed to administration for failing to allow Vice President leaders such as Jimmy Carter, Leonid recent popularity polls asking who Americans most Walter Mondale to become president. Brezhnev and Francisco Franco. admired. "Eisenhower always ranks high, and he's "We would have loved to have the vice president take been dead for years — even while he was president," over," Powell said in response. "But nobody has seen NEW YORK — Transit workers walked out commented one Carter aide. "We see no reason why we Fritz around in a year and a half." at midnight this morning, leaving the can't do as well." Ronald Reagan, front runner for the Republican nation's largest city crippled. A sympathetic In the daily White House briefing, Powell said there presidential nomination, was buoyed by yesterday's strike has been called by the Union of would be no change at all in the Carter re-election announcement. "If Carter can do so well by being Muggers and Petty Thieves, many of whom strategy. "We will continue to campaign from the Rose dead, just think how much support I'll get, I'm dead, were unable to conduct their businesses. Garden, since it has been so highly succesful to date. too, but my hair's still alive." Page Four The Chomicle Tuesday, April 1, 1980 RLTF changes report By Cul D. Sack said he did not expect the change to cause students to The Residential Life Task Force, in response to miss classes. "They may just have to take lamps and recent student outrage at proposals issued last week, carpets to class with them on their way to their new has revised its report. The new report states that "in rooms," he said. order to assure complete and total equality in housing It was mentioned that bad weather might cause between the campuses and the sexes, students will be serious problems for moving students. But Griffith forced to change dormitories daily." said students caught in heavey snow or rain could "That will show those whining, sniveling students," spend the night in detention camps set up along said Jean O'Barr, chairwomean of the RLTF, in Campus Drive. "We look after our students, " he said. explaining the move. "We busted ass all year long to "I've already ordered 5,500 sleeping bags." come up with a good proposal and now all they do is Griffith did admit that, in such a situation, the bitch, bitch, bitch about it." student would probably have to return to the same O'Barr was referring to the task force's original campus, site of his room for the next day. proposal which would have students changing It might seem that such a plan would be a logistics dormitories annually. "They should have known to nightmare for Barbara Buschman, housing quit while they were ahead," she said. coordinator. Apparently, this is not so. While O'Barr did sound somewhat vengeful, - she "Chancellor Pye told me he'd fire me fast as I could said the RLTF has made some plans to facilitate the say retrenchment if I said anything negative," the daily dormroom transition. An East/West Campus weeping Buschman said yesterday. "So, (nose blow) I van line service will help students move furniture to just thing (uncontrollable weeping), it's a wonderful their new rooms. A moving van will leave each campus proposal (total emotional collapse)." every five minutes. Kimberly Jenkins, a student who directs the R.A. staff, echoed Buschman's comments, saying, Vice President of Student Affairs William Griffith "Blfsturf neitnw;g viwoapzje menci pwolalf!"

Dr. Borzoi Pekinese, professor of zoology, Dropper drops pre-med ed bomb instructed an outdoor class yesterday in his course on "Canine Sexuality" (ZOO 294). Here By Alice Academia sities are going these concluded that society has "Everyone should be Pekinese displays the proper technique for A subcommittee of the need for no other profes- doctor. That is the only determining the sex of a Great Dane. This Wardropper committee, in The committee pointed than medicine. Continued on page 3 summer, Borzoi will teach a class with the issuing a minority report to statistics from the American Dance Festival on "Shagging with on the quality of education admissions office show­ Schnauzers." at Duke, said Duke should ing two-thirds of all Duke teach only premedical applicants voice a I .Duke University Marine Laboratory! students. preference for pre-med. Summer Session Program Navel assaulted, The Dropper Report, 327 "We are almost there pages long, said that all anyway," the report said. in nobody notices other areas are useless, "It is time for Duke to hear It was also alleged that and premedical studies the music." Marine Sciences By John Jay Navel "was the way all univer­ The Dropper Committee (Open to undergraduate & graduate students) John J. Navel was Public Safety officers, assaulted last night by a members of the Under­ graduate Judicial Board, Courses include biological an&geological mob of more than 150, oceanography, invertebrate/& developmental Paul Dumas, director of and members of the Chomicle staff partici­ zoology, ecology, physiology, phycofogy and Public Safety, said microbiology, plant diversity, geophysics, etc. Monday. pated in the alleged incident, Dumas added. ATTENTION (Departments involved are Botany Geology, & The alleged mob The alleged incident Zoology as well as the Softool of Forestry and Environmental Studies.) ::lv!ost courses are 6 allegedly consisted of aliegedly mvoived all the HISTORY MAJORS graduate units (T/ undergraduate courses). members of the alleged alleged members of the 2 Phi Delta Theta frater­ alleged mob "expressing Important discussion on nity, the alleged Duke extreme disfavor verbally Apply early: apptjcaMns accepted on a football team, alleged and by other means," the nature of the history space-ayait^ble basis. residents of Wilson House Dumas alleged. and alleged female major at Duke today at FOR INFORMATION AND APPLICATION Navel was unavailable 5 joggers, Dumas alleged. BLANK WRITE OR CALL for comment. 4:00 Perkins Library ADMISSIONS DUKE UNrVERSITY MARINE LABORATORY Room 226 BEAUFORT, NORTH CAROLINA 28516 (919) 728-2111

No Mileage Charge Chevy Chevette or similar car . PRICE DOES NOT INCLUDE EYE EXAMINATION, Students: Make the most of Easter Weekend. Escape tn a top-conditioned rental car from BRING US YOUR DOCTOR'S CALL YOUR CAMPUS REPRESENTATIVE PRESCRIPTION National. It's easy. If you're 18 or older, all you OPTICALCO. need is a student I.D., valid driver's license and COLLEEN TAGLE SINCE 1885 Wry, because this offer cash deposit. 684-1932 is effective from This low rate is available from 6 pm. OR RALEIGH-DURHAM AIRPORT 787-4676 March 17 thru May 31, 1980 Thursday until noon Tuesday. You pay for gas and return car to renting city. Rate is non- LENSES AND SUPPLIES discountable and subject to change without £*££&, National Car Rental notice. Specific cars are subject to availability. We offer S&H Green Stamp certificates FTI Crabtree Valley Mall • 782-1140 on rentals in 50 U.S. States Cary Village Mall • 467-4129 South Spare Mall • 493-2418 Tuesday, April 1, 1980 The Chomicle Page Five McCartney ban seen as possibility By Robert R. "Bob" Roberts photo costs," "$1 billion headcount Psychologists and neurologists at should bring the government to its Duke Medical Center are concerned census," and other examples, notably a about the possible effects of an outbreak delusion of an interview with a turkey oiparonmaxia nervosa, better known as named Gus around. Thanksgiving McCartney's Syndrome, in the Durham which "quoted" the bird as "winging it" area. and facing the holiday "on a wing and a McCartney's Syndrome, the inability prayer." to refrain from punning, caused either "This is evidence of a very disturbed by a congenital lesion in the brain or by individual," Llewellyn said. undue exposure to the writings of Interviews with members of the Bennett Cerf in early childhood, is often McCartney household reveal that all its completely debilitating to its victims. members suffer from the ailment, However, the most serious threat ofthe leading psychiatrists to believe the disease is to those exposed to the victim, disease is congenital. who are often subjected to "puns that If so, said Dr. Robert Wilkins, chief of would make Ziggy wince," according to neurosurgery, "a radical lobotomy is the Dr. Charles Llewellyn, head of the only cure." Community and Social Psychiatry "Such an operation would not impair Division. the patient's ability to function as "The current threat to Duke and editor," Wilkins added. Durham is that the Chomicle has Llewellyn said that the editors of the recently named as editor one ofthe first Durham Morning Herald, at his request, patients known to suffer from this are sponsoring a pun contest, with the syndrome — R.A. Scott McCartney of winners being awarded a bullshot mug. Wellesley, Mass.," Llewellyn said. "While this will increase the sufferingof "Normally I would not reveal a the community in the short run, it will PHOTO BY KEN PYE patient's name," he added, "but the help us identify and lobotomize those VIRGIN FOUND—True to tradition, Washington Duke stood up this who suffer from his plague," he said. weekend, signifying the arrival of a virgin at Duke. It has been reported threat to the community is too great." that his standing resulted from the presence of A.B. Duke finalists on McCartney, currently featured editor Those willing to contribute to pun- campus. of the Chomicle was diagnosed by plague research should send their Llewellyn after the doctor had seen contributions to "Save Our Ears," care sample headlines. "Silver enlarges of this newspaper.

Here's a riddle for alt you out the, e: "Wby'd the monkey fall out oftbe tree.'"—"Because he was dead'" Now doesn't • that brighten up your day? Tbh is your diligent andindustrious night editor Ranee Cleaveland noting that I don't ban > Duke Youth Outreach Program EUROPE"CA anything to note. S500 lax rebates this week go to Rick. Nina. Scott. Karen ("I bate no senseofhumor"). Susan. Holly, Judy (alternate alliteration allowed— amazing headlines!I. andallUnion peopt* (is ti true that we'drather stay up till RENT or BUT 7:30 rather than wake up at 7:30.'). Congratulations Ketan. Mark, Ruben, Kent. Dan and Jim.' Interviews for Big Brothers and LOWEST PRICES Big Sisters FOR STUDENTS, TEACHERS EUROPE BY CAR 45 Rockefeller Plaza Mew York, N.Y. 10020 Tues. April 1 & Wed. April 2 Phone (212) 581-3040 Mail this ad (or Special Student/Teacher Tariff. 7-10 in the IFC office • RENTAL • LEASE D PURCHASE Sign up for interviews on IFC office door

Come hear an EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT of CONDITIONS IN VIETNAM J Noreste, AND CAMBODIA Admissions by THIS IS YOU BELINDA McGLOIN Women's International League For Peace and Freedom English 'riiiqwqe le.(Docks Tues., 7:30 April 1st School combines quaMy Flowers Lounge —Sponsored by Alpha Delta Pi Sorority— CHANC

_n_z_=xic= SCHOLARSHIPS Applications are now available for the following scholarships for undergraduate women: Alice B. Baldwin Scholarships: To rising seniors in Trinity, based on scholarship, leadership, and character. Amount varies from $200 to $2000. NOMINATIONS APPLICATIONS Panhellenic Scholarship: $500 to rising senior, based ARE NOW OPEN FOR NOW AVAILABLE AT on character, leadership, service, scholarship, THE DISTINGUISHED FLOWERS INFORMATION and need. UNDERGRADUATE DESK, HANES HOUSE Applications are available in the Undergraduate TEACHING AWARD 121 ALLEN BUILDING, EAST CAMPUS LIBRARY Financial Aid Office. They must be completed and FOR 1980 ENGINEERING DEANS OFFICE returned no later than April 14. Page Six The Chomicle Tuesday, April 1, 1980

J* I ^V'*"'

i _ U i r • ' J" • k! *Uml I ' i I i I I 1 iK

An architect's rendering of the University Center spotlights the new breezeway. Architectual triumph recorded . .. Early Beta art Continued from page 1 U. Center to feature rift cultural history ofthe University. It's important that By Knaught E. Pine ASDU, to provide the legislature with an appropriate students of today know what their predecessors were Construction of the University Center, while on setting for their meetings. like. Isn't it interesting that way back then students schedule, has suffered some minor setbacks, James A. • A lecture hall to seat 700 students, proposed by the were rowdy and frats had strippers, too?" Spencer Ward, University architect, said Monday. departments of chemistry, biology, psychology and commented. "The problems have arisen from our using two economics. crews, operating from either end of the lot. The North When asked to verify the existence of the mural, • A branch of Perkins Library, with carrel seating for William Griffith, vice president of student affairs and crew was 40 feet north of where it belonged," Ward 200, proposed by the premed society. said. a member ofthe Beta Theta Pi pledge Class of'47, said, • A shopping arcade featuring a McDonald's and a "I have no recollection of that party, except that she "As a result, there will be a 40-foot-wide 'breeze-way' Baskin-Robbins, proposed by the dining halls. between the north and south sections," Ward said. was real cute. She had these funny little tassels, like on Ward said all proposals would be taken to the Board a graduation cap, you know..." There will also be a draft in several of the rooms, and of Trustees at its next meeting May 9. Center Middle first-row seats in the auditorium will be 40 feet from will probably be funded and completed by "the time Chris Hest, a Trinity senior and a member of the the stage, he conceded. your grandchildren graduate," Ward said. Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity, said he was Alternatively, Duke could build a new section to extremely pleased to learn of Spencer's discovery. "I Committee chairwoman Kay Goodman Stern, knew that other fraternities were involved in illegal connect the two buildings. The cost of such a plan interviewed at an executive committee luncheon would be roughly $17 million, according to Ward. catered by the West Campus Dining Halls last Friday, activities and this proves it," he said. As a result of the split, the University will open only said, "A McDonald's would be interesting." the South section in September, 1981. This section, housing offices, a games room and the Rathskellar, can be completed with funds on hand, according to Marion Peavey, development director. ABORTIONS UP TO 12TH WEEK OF PREGNANCY "We then plan to seek funds for finishing University k* Center North, which, with luck, will be finished by $176.00 1985," Peavey said. (all inckjwv*} M Pregnancy lest, birth control and problem Ward is currently planning to place additional pregnancy counseling For turttier infor­ conference and gallery space in the proposed mation -call 832-0535 (toll-free number University Center Middle. He has questioned student c?*'iai B00-221-2568) between S A.M.-5 P.M. groups and members of the Board of Trustees as to St what the new building should contain. Some Raleigh Women's Health suggestions: Organization 917 West Morgan St. • An ASDU Hall of Fame, proposed by the ASDU A Raleigh, N.C. 27603 legislature. The legislature also suggested a Hall of i S \ Fresh Bread, 7 Lines of Nat ral Produce, Peanut—^ /^^N Vrv Vitamins, Butter, &Juicesf'*C -"*J Cosmetics and WHAT NOW Wu, Herbs, Fruits, @__ __V Hair Products, w Nuts & Natural 3ooks and T-Shirls w! Cheeses, Good Food, Sandwiches # Ready? The First Wealth Ready! Is Health 3. .. 1173 Broad Street — across from Somethyme hours M-Th 10-8 Fri & Sat. 10-6 286-0367 2. J 1; . . Go! DISCOUNTS, THAT'S WHAT! PIZZA PALACE OF DURHAM, INC. • Big Discounts for 1st Jumpers Best Pizza in Town • Big Discounts for Old Jumpers • Big Party Afterwards Come see us! It All Happens Sat, April 5th

n or Take Out at Convenient Drive-in Window For Details Come to the Open Daily 4:00 Skydevil Meeting Wed., j)/n^ "Each pizza handmade April 2nd 7 p.m., Rm. 126 Psych-Soc j\J to order" CALL LIN x0741 or DAVID x0474 2002 Hillsborough Rd. al Ninth St. (Just two blocks from East Campus) 286-0281 Tuesday, April 1, 1980 The Chomicle Page Seven Workers 'blowing it off Hospital opening delayed By Rob Boberts Appalachia myself," Paul "A Pill for Every 111" Officials at Duke University Medical Center Donaldsky, head ofthe department of pharmacology, announced early today that Duke Hospital North will said. not open in May of this year as planned. "We're going The fate ofthe new buildings has been pretty much to blow it off," a prominent administrator explained. decided, although some changes could yet be made. Reasons for the decision to not open the multimillion "We thought about tearing the damned things down, dollar complex, hailed by some designers as the most but then humanitarian concerns beckoned," Robert sophisticated pile of steel and glass in the world, were McCallahan, former Duke North construction director varied and unique. "I think that we're getting tired of and a recent convert of the Moon family, said. the constant grind," one unidentified physician said. "We've decided that we're going to rent out rooms on "We just don't want this place to. get any more a low-cost basis," said McCallahan. This way we can complex." do our part to help the community," he added. PHOTO BY "MUGSY" RUFFIN Other physicians gave new career desires as reasons "These rooms will be open first-choice to Durham Construction of the new part of Duke Hospital is for closing down Duke North. "I'm heading to families and then to Duke undergraduates," he said. being "blown off," according to hospital officials. "What little money we do get we're going to donate to Duke." Physicians have expressed interests in donating money to such things as the student union f and various humanities and social sciences M.D.s warn of salad bar rot' departments," he said. By William Davidson any Italian dressing that might tempt their taste buds. McCallahan added that he was planning to give Duke Propaganda Service "It's a terrible disease," said one Duke student who money to the library to increase the Faulkner If you are like most people, you eat salad. And if your asked to remain nameless. "What can you eat if not the collection. salad is like most salad, then you may have cancer, salad on East Campus?" "Maybe this will get all those damned according to a new study completed at the Duke According to the Center, a cure is within reach. "We undergraduates off our backs," he said. University Center for the Study of Leafy Green are trying to harvest a cure, and right now we are in In order to keep tradition alive, however, the old Substances. the process of testingit on rabbits and white Canadian hospital building, Duke South, will still be "We tossed the idea around for a while, and then mice. We feed some nothing but lettuce, some nothing functioning. "No one wanted 'Granny' to completely realized that most vegetarians suffer from what we but cole slaw, and see which get sick first. It is an die, although she will be weakened," said Ed Flower, now call Leafy Green Cancer, or Salad Bar Rot, as it is extremely complicated scientific study, requiring associate professor of corrective neurosurgery for more commonly known," said Dr. R. U. Sick, professor millions of dollars in federal grants," said Peter C. psychosomatic illnesses. of green substances at Duke Medical Center. Tayle, director of the center. Costs for hospital care in the old building will be The symptoms of salad cancer are not easily The Center for the Study'of Leafy Green substances going down, according to Bill Bearing, an accountant recognized. The cancer starts in the stomach, acting as (CFTSOLGS) began under close security three years in the medical center business office. "Of course, to do a parasite.and giving the victim a constant desire for ago because it was thought that students might this, we will have to cut back on the less important more roughage. confuse lettuce with marijuana. "We didn't want services, such as family practice and nursing "We think that this is just the tip of the iceberg in students crashing the joint looking for grass, another services." Patients now will be expected to make their discovering what many call the resurgence of leafy green substance," said Tayle. own beds and empty their own bedpans. vegetable in the 1970s,"said Syck. So the next time you buy the special in the Blue and "It may be drastic but I guess it will show those The outlook for leafy green patients is grim. They White Room, leave your salad behind, along with your Commie pinkos that we hospitals can hold down costs must go on a continuous diet of cole slaw, foregoing Tab, beer, maraschino cherries... on our own," Bearing said.

JIII i iiimiumimiimimiuiiimii mm DUKE UNION CABLE TV TRUCKLOAD GENERAL MEETING D,SC0UNT 7:©©PIW SALE WEDNESDAY I PRICES GOOD THRU April 15,1980 sign up [on TRAINING SESSIONS. MQ 4-DRAWER - OUR BEST VALUE! EXPERIENCE IS NECESSARY 951 CABINET 79 Model 514 2-DRAWER FILE CABINET $59 Prices may never again be this low... take advantage of our Truckload Specials now!

CAROLINA COPY CENTER AND OFFICE SUPLY, INC.

716 Ninth St. Ramshead Plaza 12 Park Plaze Durham Chapel Hill Research Triangle 286-7592 967-2585 549-8289

Tiiiitiimiiiiiimiiiiiiiiiiiimiii Marsha Hurthy/Marsha's flaws NO COMMENT There's no fool like i Good-morning! Today is Tuesday, April 1, 1980 and the first day of our new style almanac. See if you can find the difference. The word for the day is putz She hated April Fools' Day. She always down the day the powder blew. meaning fool. This is not actually true but we can't tell you what it really had. Even her mother was more clever than means. And it wasn't because she was the fool she. One April Fools' Day, when she was Today in 1995 Duke President Terry Sanford will return from sabatical, to who always got dumped on every year. No, just a little tyke, her mother had taken her tell incoming freshman that they will be the first to see the new University she could take a good joke, she just by the hand and whisked her into the car. center completed. couldn't think of one. "Where fre we going, Mommy,"she'd Today in 2002 Duke will retrench the Political Science and Chemistry Every year friends of hers could think of asked, hoping it was to the ice cream store, departments in yet another attempt to beat the budget. Thus leaving incredible tricks to play on others, but her or to the toy shop. undergraduates a choice between majors in History (remember the good ole efforts at wily subterfuge had somehow "Oh, didn't I tell you? We're going to the days) and General Knowledge. always come up nil. Why couldn't she dentist," her mother had answered. Today in 2005 the Chomicle will see the conclusion of libel suits for this issue think of that ruse which merited the At the time panic had set in, until her after 35 years of insisting, "It was just a joke guys." cackles and praise? mother glanced behind her from the front Back here in 1980 this is the Chomicle saying, "You heard it here first" to all Like the time her friend Mary had seat, and with a wink and a smile had said, you putzes. hidden five alarm clocks in her brother's "April Fools' Day, honey." room on March 31, set to ring one every Now in retrospect, that was agreat joke. hour from two to six. Even though she Why hadn't some of that cleverness been despised mornings she had helped hide the genetically inherited, she wondered? clocks in strategic locations around the "I can't be that dull," she muttered out bedroom. But it was her friend Mary who loud. She wasn't Erma Bombeck or Carol What's your problem: had thought up the idea, and it was she Burnett. Nor was she Gilda Radner, but Rumor has been circulating recently to accordiong to the obnoxious libbers who the effect that the Chomicle is racist, anti- should be looking for husbands, rather fun, anti-Greek, anti-intellectual, anti- than challenging hard-working men "Besides, there are some people who have to give the Foolers career, anti-nuke, anti-anti-nuke, anti- looking for law school places. The women support, and there are some that have to be the Foots. You're great draft, anti-anti-draft, etc., and so on. hate the male chauvinist cretins just as Well, we're all of those things. much. After all, it's men who've oppressed 'cause you can be either one, often both at once." As a newspaper in a university women all these years, forcing them to use community, we believe that it is our moral pay-toilets and grow up to become duty to hate everyone. The fact that that is housekeepers-cum-sex-objects. who had received the credit (as well as the then who was? All she asked for was a t< in our nature undoubtedly makes the job Our tirades against the economics staisfactory abuse from her brother). little wit, and originality, and the ability to ft easier, but bear in mind that even if we department should not bely the fact that Or freshman year when her roommate think of great tricks or jokes first. It didn't liked you or your group (which we don't), we thoroughly detest PPS for churning out had nailed a girl down the hall by blowing do any good to think of something she - rr we'd never admit it. It would make us less narrow-minded bureaucrats. a whole bottle of talcum powder under the thought was wonderfully fantastic, and than objective. Nonetheless, there are some groups and door with a blowdryer. Her roommate was then have someone tell her that that had P To be objective, you see, requires individuals we detest more than others. popular with "the crowd" from then on, already been done. absolute loathing of almost everything. If Greeks, for instance. All that pinning of while she was in the shadows. She wondered how she could remedy the si we didn't hate your bourgeois-preppy- letters on your shirts (underneath the Originally she'd thought that maybe situation. She could go home to cry to her Greek-pre-professional guts, we couldn't alligators) to make someone think you're she could profit from her roommate's friends about her lack of creativity. But give you the treatment you deserve. someone special, whereas the only thing creativity, but that idea was certainly shot then again, going home was usually a h. Since we hate everyone, regardless of special about you was that you gave up race, color or creed, we don't believe that your individuality (insignificant as it was) we are particularly prejudiced. to pledge yourself to an elitist, sexist, Letters Considering our hatred for fine, racist, bourgeois collection of ragtag upstanding white persons, we find insecure imbeciles. accusations of racism to be misplaced and Independents — renowned for your unjustified. hours in Perkins, your rush for the best The Chomicle is the Our hatred of Communist Workers carrels, your Saturday nights at Party is matched only by our hatred ofthe McDonald's. You're even more elitist than Ku Klux Klan, and our distaste for Sigma your Greek counterparts, disdaining To the edit council: Alpha Epsilon is matched by our revulsion joining a brotherhood because you fear The Chronicle is the pits! It is completely Hazy pledges of Delta Tau Delta. You're all equally talking to others or you think you're too apart from what a school newspaper disgusting, boorish baboons. good for all that. should be! Witness. And that doesn't begin to say what we And that's only the beginning. It does not print stories of interest to the To the edit council: think of the opposite sex. The men here are Face it, you're the pits. community, telling them in advance of What's all this I hear about hazy uniformly misogynists. Misogynists, And only the Chomicle would tell you so. sorority rush, beer blasts, meetings of the pledges? I can't believe that a university Left-Handed Students for Reagan, or Ann like.Duke would allow such a thing! Why, Landers. When it does, they are not if people want to give their word about prominently placed. something, there should be no ifs, ands, or buts about it. People should keep their For master debators It doesn't support student government words! or its leaders. The Chomicle has been Chancellor A. Kenneth Pye has in the must not be mocked. We at the Chronicle known to print unflattering quotes, Emily Litella '09 past year unleashed a plan for Duke's have already stored our virility away for causing student leaders to lose popularity. future. While the details of Planning for our descendents. The new race of reporters It goes out of its way to point out , g-± the '80's are open for discussion, a new will surely best a sickly line of legislators inconsistencies. It has even reported some v-/regOIll.aflS attempt to plan for the 1990's deserves unless there is some adjustment made. unflattering actions by such leaders, examination. And that wouldn't be fun for anyone, which are truly nobody's interest but the We urge ASDU to follow the chancellor's would it? leader and his victim. To the edit council: example for its future and continued We understand that there would be some Re: Life and marriage success at Duke. For how many more years can problems for this project. A supercooling It doesn't affirm the right of free speech You may think that just because I'm a we expect to find leaders who are capable tank would have to be built, and this would and the maturity of the community by philosophy major and have a moustache of the type of work that ASDU has require some expenditure. However, the expurgating and from that / think I'm an authority on love, life, consistently shown? How much longer endless funds in the executive letters (I bet the ing paper is too and the world in general. Well, ha HA to can we hope to find people who are so indiscretionary fund could be used to take chicken to use them even here!). you! / am an authority on love, life, and the care of this. Also, if an additional source is world in general because I am from concerned with and aware of the activities It doesn't print anything abstruse or of all other campus organizations? necessary, some activity such as a fund- Oregon and we all know that Oregonians raising Valentine's Day Dance could be deep, or anything the small brains ofthe are a superior breed (especially to For these and other reasons, we advise edit council can't fathom, such as a proof ASDU to authorize the creation of a sperm scheduled. Also, the problem of a safe Californians). So, take that! Death to the place to store the precious cream must be that the universe is the vision of a edit council, you fascists! bank, in order "to encourage intrapersonal cockroach on acid. gelations," as Bryan Fair let us have it, as averted. While the ASDU office would be a Ted Fletcher '81 % bad site because of its warm atmoshpere, It responds to the interests of its readers. well as insuring that its tradition be It isn't funny enough. carried on. We are sure that this project it's almost certain that a more suitable site Get my goat could be found. It questions authority. will be an overwhelming success, These flaws point out the fact that the attracting a great number if not volume, of We would also hope that the labels on Chronicle is the second-best morning daily To the edit council: donations. After all, isn't this type of the bottles would not be displaced. It would in Durham, and is probably worse than We have noticed the alarming lack of activity practiced at every legislative be difficult to distinguish the product of our high school papers. articles in the Chomicle of interest to meeting? We are sure that the seed of Jeff Lefee from Chris Hest from Bryan goats and goat-lovers. Unlike the era ofthe ASDU execs, no matter how thin and weak Fair from Terri Mascherin. Peter Wood, history Great Goat Renaissance (1977-78), the it may be, could be used to foster the While problems must be overcome, the Martin Bronfenbrenner, economics paper has yet to feature stories about development of a few lovers of petty prospect of an ASDU sperm bank sounds Ross Osterman '80 accessible garbage dumps (I remember triviality who would be so useful to the appealing. We urge all legislators and Jim Scott '80 particularly, "The best vacant lots in organization. execs to start saving seed now for the Christopher A. Hest '80 Durham," Nov. 23, 1977) or about other This is certainly a serious issue that garden of the future. a dumb fool Waste of time. Like when she went home You're kidding. Where?," she asked for Thanksgiving. All everyone seemed to nervously. She looked down, searching for do was try to "one up" each other on how that all-revealing, terribly embarassing tough their school was. She knew if she rip. went home they'd certainly top her in the "Ha Ha! April Fools'!," screamed Cathy creativity realm. with delight as she threw back her head in So, it was April Fools' Day. She walked laughter. listlessly in circles on the quad, hoping She continued to walk, only now at a that by making herself dizzy her brain quicker pace. She wished there really was might just flip topsy turvy and come up a Wizard of Oz somewhere to give her some with a gag to end all gags. That is, she wit. No, maybe wit was something you - walked in circles until she bumped into aquired gradually — developing over time. someone. Maybe when she was older...naw. Oh no, she thought. Clever Cathy! She went back to her room and left a "Cathy, I can't take it anymore," she whoopee cushion in her roommate's chair. sputtered. "Is it too much to ask for a brain If she couldn't be original, at least she'd be • ON SECOJP THOUGHT, LET'S SCRAP THE IDtAcp ELECTIONS EVER/ RHJR YEARS AND that thinks tricks, and thinks 'em fast? silly. SIMPLY SUGGEST PERIODIC REyoUJTIOHS.'1 How 'bout a little wit? All I can ever come up with is the old tack in the butt trick." Lewis Thornton Rubrick III "Oh, don't worry about it, kid," Cathy answered. It's not that great being Class Clown. People always think of you as the funny dude, and they never believe you have a serious side. Besides, there are I found truth in Chapel Hill some people who have to give the foolers support, and there are some that have to be I was privileged to spend some time over Chapel Hill is an incredible place; it largely unfamiliar with the Duke student. the fools. You're great 'cause you can be the weekend in Chapel Hill, one of the "far possesses, in the form of UNC students, The isolation of Chapel Hill is not only either one, often both at once." corners" of the Research Triangle (and of what appears to be our hope for the future extreme — it is degenerate. the civilized world). I say privileged — the ultimate preppie. Hot pink clashes "Thanks Cath," she said with a little Thinking all this through made me because it was an enlightening experience with fluorescent green, add-a-beads realize that being at Duke is one of life's tear in her eye. "I feel a little bit like the which exposed me to a lifestyle and set of abound and monograms obliterate entire fool right now, but I do feel better." blessings — it is here that I discovered values which were previously unfamiliar. Shetland sweaters. Some of the most reality. And what is reality? The "Good," replied cagey Cathy. "That's beautiful sights on a college campus, and my girl." Chapel Hill is a quaint little town knowledge that the best way to approximately 15 miles west of Durham, some of the most endangered. accomplish anything is to conform; that Then they said their good-byes, and ideally situated along Franklin St. To ultimate happiness will only be mine if all parted their separate ways. One glimpse of life "off-Franklin" — a drive through the town and gaze at the peek into a dorm room, an attempted my shirts button down and my watchband She had walked about twelve feet when students and the campus they call matches my belt. The ability to put she heard Cathy yell after her, "Hey kid!" conversation — makes this painfully "school" is to once again believe in the clear. The discarded shopping bags are everyone else out of my thoughts and "Yeah?," she answered. infallibility of L.L. Beane, Izod and The from Sears' and Penney's, the add-a-beads concentrate only on myself is a trait I've "You'd better run home quick 'cause you Talbots. Unfortunately, nothing could be are only gilt and the topsiders come from learned to cherish. have a hole in your pants!" less true. Kinney's. Lest I paint too harsh a picture, let me The natives of the Chapel Hill campus say my evening was enjoyable. I came are even more alarming than their pseudo- back rested and refreshed with a clearer preppie sham. An attempt at meaningful idea of what color combinations to avoid. conversation is an exercise in futility: Despite the provincial quality ofthe town, Start talking about foreign cars and you enjoyment can be found. Candles glow : pits soon find yourself on the energy crisis; and quiche abounds in Spanky's, and comparing Florida vacations may lead to there is always that bastion of culture, an expression of concern for those less Purdy's on Franklin, where disco never i interests of the goat community. We also possibly a bit too rarefied up there for you fortunate; and, perhaps most appalling, dies, and the Zeta Psi's are willing to show I note that the Chomicle no longer to breathe. Way up there above the level of they are unable to recite the Greek anyone a good time. I advocates Goat Awareness Week, a Goat student concerns and wishes, where your alphabet in reverse! The students of Chapel Hill seem to take '' Cultural Center, and other demands of the only concern is pleasing yourselves — the Above all else, the native Tarheel lives this all for granted, and that should make GWS. We are truly disturbed to see that the undisputed elite of Duke undergraduates. in an unbelievably isolated system. It is us all sit back and reconsider. To preserve once-noble Chomicle has fallen so far But I suppose my fears are premature, as sad to see so many people who have lived the life we love, to spread the gospel of ; from the height of its garbage dump days. there seems to be more than enough on out their lives in North Carolina and are purely prep should be our goal. Our Barry Bryant '78 that plane to keep you going, especially now living out their dream-come-true: four unfortunate neighbors to the west are a Flopsie the Goat '78 when 69 percent of the concerned student glorious years at Chapel Hill. Everyone fine place to start. After all, there's body members point out your error of seems to know someone on that campus; nothing like taking your alligator for a The jerk judgement and you can blithely ignore there is no escaping that suffocating walk in a Chapel Hill sunset. their decision. friendliness. Most unfortunate however, Editor's note: Lewis Thornton Rubrick To the edit council: Can you believe it? — I almost forgot to in light of their obvious desire to live the III is a sophomiric freshman in Trinity Congratulations are due to the Durham- mention the fact that your trivial true preppie life, is the fact that they are College of Air and Space. Morning Herald for the brilliant editorial opponents got their question on the ballot cartoon of March 14 that labeled the only after collecting more than 873 president of the United States as "The (actually 979) student signatures on a Jerk." This mature and reasoned petition just a week prior to the vote. And The Chomicle contribution to the electoral debates of there were only about 30 voting legislators present at the meeting which barred this Editor: Who, me? Night editor: Ranee Cleaveland 1980 confirms again the Morning Herald's Business manager: someone else Wire editor: Judy Varner reputation as the second best morning quesiton from appearing on the ballot without the need to amass the affirmative Copy editors: Karen Blumenthal, daily paper in Durham, N.C. Advertising manager 20 percent Nina Gordon, Richard Liebeskind, Scott votes of 25 percent of the plebeian students Assholeous editor: Never on Mondays Ole R. Holsti (only 28 percent of which voted). McCartney, assorted others Chairman, political science Watchdogs: Richard Liebeskind, a whole Don't get me wrong, I'm all for your little Arts editor: VIP's kid bunch of people from York grandstand maneuver, but watch out Editorial page editors: Associate news editors: Jon Rosenblum, Dumbness there aren't any hostile students lying in Talk to the other one Laura Sessums, Loren Weil Featured editor: Token McWasp Assistant arts editor: Cynthia Camlin wait when you return to earth — it could New editor: I'm not here To the edit council: get messy. Assistant edit page editor Rob Cohen Assistant sports editor John Roth We've heard a lot of bitching about the Faruk '80 proposals of the Residential Life Task Photography editors: Photographers: Peggy Gulley, Scott Picker We just take the pics Composition: Holly Kingdon, P.E. Finlay, i Force recently. Seems people don't like all Sports editor: Call SID : that they hear about moving every year, David Yount Everything else Paste-up: Susan Deaton about all-freshman East campuses, etc., Supplements editor: etc., and so on. Well, if you're not careful, Ad saleswoman: Donna Parks It's that time of month Ad production manager: Sara Harrison you'll get us back, and then you'll know To the edit council: what dumbness really is. Hi! This is my 80th letter! Is that a The opinions in this pauer. such as they are, are views of a random sampling of whoever showed __ The Residential Life Committee '79 record? I don't have anything to say, but the views from a high place overlooking Bimini. that's true ofthe past 79, too. I can't help it, The Chomicle is published against the better judgment of the Duk 'annually I'm psychotic. The only way I can prove enough, thank you). Subscription rates: $60 per year to gel it before the pages ASDU stunts otherwi: that I exist is to see my name on the edit Phone numbers—news: busy, arts sports: nobody home, edits/'Assholeow,: wrong number, busines. page. People keep telling me I'm not real, little tape recorder that Wpe to the tune of "How Much is that Doggie in the Window?" To the edit council: The Chomicle. Room 304. Tower of Campus Thought and Action (where else.') Liurnam, N.C. 2770 Dear ASDU: you see. And of course they're right. All persons and events described in this newspaper are fictious. Any resemblance to any person, liv Just writing to ask if the air isn't B.S. Ross '81 purely coincidental. And if you believe that, can I interest you in some Chomicle Corporation bonds Page Ten The Chomicle Tuesday, April 1, 1980 College pressure getting you down? Lift a glass to dear ol' Duke with oV Ken Pye Paparazzi: Rob Brandt, Mack Ruffin, both seniors

Yesterday's Puzzle Solved:

A i Hi __. 7 O19S0 Unknot Press Syndicate it 1 QM :- r i- • 1 !• 1 • h! 11 ,'•-: y "1 1- H ; !•• '•• i 1- 'I HM • •• A ! •• 54 Sword •• 22 More of SHOE byJeffMacNeily v\ -•• • 1 ••• SJlfA VI P 57 — -de-lance i: 1 fj .'1 1- -; __'':• s- (bottom 58 Grain :•> _MH N ' m_mi to top) 59 Simple r • •ch IT ., K 23 Recipients: rr 1 H H 1 : M • r i: : A V i •I '•; suff. 60 Was ahead \ • • • • H 24 Sea birds 61 — and Yang I s 1 S 1 h •/. .•: '-'•-N' r 25 Equipment 62 Follow - 26 Table scrap closely

1 i J b a 10 M u 14 * '• M ID

!7 1 19 m ' KT Ti

2B i'9 31) 3' i_ J:; 34

33 31: il

38 41) PEANUTS® by Charles M. Schulz 41 k2 f H'3

44 ___mai HERE'S THE WORLD HERE'IS OUR CENSUS I 5H0ULD HAVE KISSED FAMOUS CENSUS TAKER QUESTIONNAIRE ALL HER, BUT WE'RE NOT mm',-: MAKIN6 HIS ROUNDS... FILLEP OUT.. WE'RE VW SUPPOSED TO GET SO 51 • b'l 6LAPT0 COOPERATE: INVOLVED EMOTIONALLf ~ J/ hi by SI 63 M M bt>

4/1/80 • J by Chic Trib N.Y. New sS> nd. nc. All High ts R Tuesday, April 1, 1980 The Chomicle Page Eleven ...UUU is for U and U and U Continued from page 1 notable unemployed alumnus, Richard Nixon, will Strawberry Ripple wine and a harmonica. present an upbeat keynote address on "How I Almost Although Sheridan said that the dinner would be the Kept a Job for Eight Years." most cheerlessly bleak part of the weekend, he said Sheridan predicted a big turnout for the UUU. that the afternoon seminars would the most valuable "These spoiled brats better get used to the idea of to the future unemployed. Topics include welfare unemployment while they're in college," he said, wrangling, blind man begging, gutter sleeping, food "because it's a real bitch out there. I expect to see U and stamp corruption and suicide methods. Duke's most U, and even U at the UUU." Nuclear reactor to replace East

By Bill Lee Chancellor A. Kenneth Pye said he was delighted by East Campus was sold outright to Duke Power the sale. "I've been trying to retrench that monstrosity Company yesterday for a high bid of $17.55 for the for years, ever since Bucky moved the girls out. I mean faltering "other half of the University. A nuclear retrench it, like dig it under and plant some crops reactor will be built on the site, according to Charles which will generate revenue." "Chuckles" Huestis, vice president for business and Pye said he was glowing over the announcement. bucks. "Duke Power will bring a new energy to 'this Willy "Hard Hat" Lee, recently freed president of university. I'm getting quite a charge out of it, at anj* the power utility, said Baldwin Auditorium would be rate." converted into a cooling tower, and the Down Under Keith Danko, president of trie Interfraternity would serve as the core to the reactor. Council, said he was "shocked" at the announcement. '. "All the standard equipment is already there," Lee "The only way we will let them on campus is if they go said. "The location has been isolated for years." greek. I suggested Delta Phi Chi, clever, isn't it?" PHOTO BY GLO WING GREEN Graydon Forrer, president of Save East Campus A spokeswoman for Duke SANE said that the An architect's rendering of the proposed East Today (SECT) said that since "students don't care I Campus nuclear reactor shows how the plant's members will picket the site in Nikes, gym shorts and design will attempt to incorporate certain don't care. It's a question of tit for tat," Forrer said. T-shirts. "We might as well get some exercise," she aspects of Georgian architecture. "Besides, I'm heading north." said. CLASSIFIEDS Announcements FOR RENT: 2 bedroom House STORAGE SPACE. Private Graduate student wants to Cook. Live in private ATTENTION: Excellent — fully furnished — within — Secure | Low Rates — Self share interesting house with residence May 25-Oct 25. IF YOU'VE GOT THE Lunch and dinner only plus counseling opportunities for PARTY WE'VE GOT THE walking distance of Duke. Storage — You Keep Key. interesting people in walking Available May 1-Aug. 31. JIFFY STORAGE 544-0142. distance of East. $50 reward light housework. Seaside men interested in serving PLACE. Secluded 40 acres, 7m resort with private room and youth ages 7-16, guiding them from Duke, with two large Quiet — piano — nice yard. TYPING - Papers any for information leading to $300/mo. Call 286-0171. length. Deadlines no problem. rental. John 1-5 pm. 684-2217. beach. Chatham, Mass. on in their physical, mental and buildings, plus large SWIM­ spiritual development. Only Poolside Apt. for summer! One Reasonable rates. IBM REWARD $25 for information Cape Cod, Off days Thurs and MING POOL. Catering and Sunday. Salary $140/wk those persons who will entertainment arranged. Seen bedroom Duke Manor Apt. Air Typewriter. Call 471-2805 leading to the finding of after 5:00. suitable 4-5 bedroom house starting. Ideal for senior who dedicate their wholehearted by appointment only. For conditioned. Some furniture. efforts to help each individual near campus for rental next needs some money in between reservations 383-4281. Mid-May to Mid-August. TYPING - REGULAR AND school or career. For interview child develop his or her year. 383-6418. WANTED: People interested Walking distance to campus. TECHNICAL: Letters, call evenings (locally) 489- potential should apply. One in a good time to come see Reasonable rent. Call 286- resumes, manuscripts. Professors. Need RESPON­ 4932. must have the ability toteac h Fiddler on the Roof April 4th 4029. Professional quality. Reason­ SIBLE persons to care- for of able rates. Mrs. Regen, 1014 your home while away next COUNSELORS WANTED and 5th. Drop by Page Box Summer Sublet 2 Bedroom Beautiful coed weight ali; Office or call x4059. Apt. at Royal Oaks fully Broad St., Durham. 286-7866 year? 2 LAW STUDENTS and .Students, teachers, and or 477-1104. 3 SENIORS looking to care for red.ucing camp. Teach furnished. A.C. Best pool in OVERWEIGHT children coaches should apply. CAMP town. $280 per month. Call and rent 4-5 bedroom house THUNDERBIRD, located 17 Answers near campus. PLEASE call 493-3375 or 383-6789. For Sale miles south of Charlotte, N.C. We thought yesterday's 684-1542. swimming, drama, crafts. is an ACA acredited camp Found Who PRINTS T-SHIRTS? Apply David Ettenberg, 15 question would attract a ATTENTION FACULTY member, specializing in water number of callers. Wrong (aiMes:'' Station Silkscreen Eldorado Place, Weehawken, sports (sailing, water skiing, POUND: Calculator on East- prints t-shirts. Any design of AND PROFESSIONAL NJ 07087. again, pugilist-breath! Only a West Bus. at the beginnhng of STAFF: 27 year old woman swimming, and canoeing), yet few people recalled that on your or our creation. Shirts an added emphasis is placed 4th Period. Call x0386 and priced from $2.35. Phone 684- would like to live with warm, Sept. 29, 1946, Ralph Walton identify. If no answer, keep people oriented family. on the land sports (general was knocked out IO'/J secnndK trying. 0194. Family needs to be willing to COME IN TODAY athletics, tennis, gojf, archery, into the first round ofhis fight Inexpensive, good used include her in day-to-day GO TO WORK riflery, and backpacking). with Al Couture. (Yes, that furniture. Dressers, Chest, TOMORROW Horseback riding, Whitewater Lost family routine. Financial lO'/j includes the ten second Sofas, Lamps, Bric-a-Brac. compensation to be arranged. We have openings for: canoeing and tripping are count-out.) Congrats go out to REWARD$50 forthereturnof Visit Guess Road Used For more information call • Typists extras in our excellent jittery Jim Scott, our first Charter to Kappa Alpha Furniture. 3218 Guess Road Gary Mitchell or Linda • Transcribers program. For further informa­ , .imrr caller. Order at N.C. State. Missing (near Carver St.) Master Dickson at684-4325 between 8 • Word Processors tion write or call G. William Mjuv Jan. No question:; asked. Charge/Visa. Open 2-7 and 5. • Data Entry Operators Climer, Jr., Director Camp Questions Thunderbird, Route 4, Box REWARD $50 for the return of weekdays, 10-6 Sat., 2-6 Sun, We'll try to get y'all again on 471-2722. Help Wanted 1 166-A, Clover, S.C. 29710 (803- an equal rights question. A 1979 Composite and 1976 831-2121). few years ago, the government Ammen Award to Kappa WANTED: Qualified Water the Roof KLWfe " Come.ee Fiddler on of Ireland was informed by the Alpha Order, N.C. State, Safety Instructor (WSI) NOW European Common Market Missing since Jan. No April 4th and 5th at Page THRU SEPT. Residence SERVICES Personals (actually the EEC) that it had questions asked. Auditoriu m. Tickets on sale at available on site. 7 miles from 383-2575 SPIDER • Friendship is lov- Page Box Office. not complied with certain sex REWARD $20!! for gold watch DUKE, Call 383-4281. 1816 Front St Suite 110 without wings- Billy Clyde. equality agreements of the Pinto 35 MPG, hatchback, air Croasdaiie Office Park. last seen in Sprig on March 17. Durham. EOE M F II organization. Immediately, If you have it PLEASE call conditioning, AM/FM/Cas- 1 the Irish government set out to Nancy at x7650 evenings (or sette stereo, steel radials, hire an Equal Pay Enforce­ aluminum custom wheels, Spectrum Kappa Deltas Don't foiget salad bar leave it at Flowers desk) in Few FedolS. bring ti.ppingo I'lrtcs Th. :•• will W a meeting for all those ment Officer. What was so foglights, 4 speed, guages, Editor's note: Since everyone hut interested m trying out for the 10HO-AI GREAT SENTIMENTAL been concerned about Spectrum ben<± bhnif puddles. unusual about the position? VALUE. NO QUESTIONS new battery, 2300cc, like new. Flag Corps on Wed at 4 in from <>f the (This is the kind of question 493-1557. cut. we hove decided to show you somt Projecl Wll.l) Staff Important music build.ng. If yoo cannot attend. ASKED. of what has been cut. that either you know or you meeting. 7:3y, in Few Fed. Come as you call April as xl492. don't — you'll probably never Lost: My notebooks, Math Is your father professional elephant Department of Zoology, 111 Bio Sci FOR SALE: Three month old trainer? If so, we have a scholarship for guess it.) To get equal book, and keys, all in a white at -1:15. Dr. Robert Bakker. -lohns cassette deck with one year you. The fluke Republicans areoffering representation in tomorrow's bnok bag with blue handles a FULL scholarship and free American Hopkins University, will speak on "Hot warranty; cost $300, sell $205. and Cold Running Dinosaurs." Chronicle, be the first to call were removed from Page Three year old top of line flan pin. Apply before convention time 684-3811 with the correct Ladies' Room 3/26. Please Raleigh 3-speed bicycle, to the Harry B. Fcedelbaum Memorial Academic Affairs Committee — don't answer. ______Scholarship Fund. return tn Flowers Desk or call lights, lock, $115. Both Chi Omegas!! Exec meeting at ; forget set-up for the symposir 6:30 and it starts at S, meeting at 730 Wed x0524. No questions asked. negotiable. Jeff 688-1284. Geek week has been postponed tonight and pledge meeting at 6. Don' Ride/Riders Wanted LOST! Reward for the return forget to talk to Lisa about the formal in the ASDU office. UFCAS of brown bulk-knit, sweater. coffeehouse Thurs. at 4 in Few Fed Is anyone going to the Pre proctologist club — Meeting Tri-Delta! Today is the Last Day t> Lounge. Philadelphia area the Left last Wed. in 305 tonight in GYN lab. Bring rubber order pledge formal pictures. weekend of April 11-13 AEPhi's: Meeting 6:30 at 0!4 Foreigr Language Building. Please Wanted to Rent gloves. TOMORROW (preferably leaving Thurs­ call Peggy x0948 — Great Language buildingf Pledges warm uj FACULTY - Three Physical Minor Detractions Committee — The day)? If so, PLEASE call sentimental value! CABLE 13 - General meeting on •s forth Therapy Grad students desire Bee Gees and The Osmonds are coming Wed. at 7 in 136 Soc-Sci. All are invited Ronni at x7037. Will share to Duke. Get psyched? We don't have the of to attend. There will be sign up sheets u s uals. much planning to do, so be at the ADPis - Pledge Formal pics are on . Services Offered aj-bound profe meeting. P.S. If we're good boys and for training sessions in production, East by 206 Bassett. You have until editing, camera, and directing. EVERGREEN MCAT-DAT beginning late August thru girls, the Archies may come in July! Wed. to order. Questions call Lisa x!661 For Rent/Sublease Revidw Course. Take the fall semester 1980. Willing to Cable 13 - General meeting in 136 or Anne x»016. course individually in Atlanta give proper care to house, Soc-Psych at 7 on Wed. Everyone is Bench and Bar Society — Members Housemates needed, May- yard work, painting.,, etc... invited. There will be sign up sheets Sept. Approx. $80 per month. in 3 to 5 daxs. P.O. Box 77034, ~5:15 p.m., "Holy Eucharist, who signed up for simulated law class Atlanta. GA 30309 phnne references available. Call 286- Episcopal," Duke Chapel Crypt. The from production, editing camera, and on Wed. at Don't Forget! Other Location 2 blocks off east by 4385 early evenings. University community is invited to technical work. NO experience is interested Society members drop by Idl (404) 874-2454 Allen Bldg. to pick up info. Today. Page Twelve The Chomicle

PHOTO BY "NOSE" PICKER UPI PHOTO SPRING'S SPRUNG: Decision trees are blooming in the gardens. ANDERSON CAMPAIGNS—Rep. John Anderson woos the youth vote at the University ofJCansas. Underpaid Chomicle staff forms union

By Scab Pickett the journalists are making minimum "Some of us have families to support," Karen B. Luce, editor ofthe Chomicle, wage, I may have to pay my toadies said John Roth, Chomicle assistant announced yesterday that her chronies $3.10 an hour as well," Red said. sports editor. The Chronicle and staff reporters have approved a plan "If they do this, I'll beat them up," said ' "And some of us have beer to buy," to institute a labor union in the office of the 4-foot-8 Lawsk. Dave Fassett, his cohort and cool Well, this is page 12. If you haven't the campus newspaper. The paper's efforts to unionize began sidekick, added. realized it yet, this is the Chronicle's The plan is expected to be approved by last May, just after Duke Hospital Chancellor A. Kenneth Pye, who world-renowned April Fool's issue. the University Publications Board this workers voted against a unionization wrote a response to a response to a Nothing in this issue, with the semester, making the Chomicle the plan. Reporters covering the story at response in a series of Chomicle exception of the ads and a few of the newest member group of the American that time worked as double agents in the complaints about being underpaid, said Spectrum notices (can you guess which Newspaper Guild. American Federation of State, County the Duke administration plans to send ones?), is for real. "We are understaffed, underpaid and and Municipal Employees' temporary Public Safety to the Chomicle office in It's all in good fun, so we hope you're without bread," the irate Luce said. "The office on Duke University Road. an effort to "bust the chronie union amused. Remember, you haven't made Chomicle chronies must have power, They smuggled secret information out before it has a chance to spring up." it at Duke until you're mentioned in the power, power," she told a crowded press of the office, including methods for "The University simply does not have Chomicle. See you tomorrow with a conference in Page Auditorium. popularizing subtle propaganda. The the money to pay Chomicle staffers. real paper (well, actually with an Failing a favorable contract, the Chomicle senior staff then used this Besides, they never say anything nice Aeolus, which isn't really/real...). Chomicle staff will walk out April 25. information to seduce reporters into about me," Pye said. "We realize our commitment to voting for a unionization proposal. providing a university newspaper, but if "Currently, Chomicle staff members our demands are not met, we will have are paid approximately 30 cents an hour no choice but to shut down and shut for their efforts to put out what is up," Luce said. possibly the best college paper in the country. Under the unionization plan, David "Red" Lawsk, Publications their salaries would rise to minimum WANTliD = Board business manager and Chomicle wage," according to Carolyn Gray, most-quoted-source, said he would not Duke's Student Activities director approve of unionizing the newsroom. "If (SAD). A NEW LCXX3 FOR THE DUKE UNIVERSITY UNION DESCRIPTION: THE "QUIET GIANT" NEEDS YOUR HELP IN ITS SEARCH FOR A NEW LOGO INCORPORATING THE "DUKE UNIVERSITY UNION" NAME TO BE USED IN ALL UNION ADVERTISING

REWARD: 2 SEASON PASSES to Broadway at Duke 1980-1981 2 DINNERS at flj^a&uU* attlll JIlX

JUDGES ASSIGNED: THE UNION'S PROGRAM COUNCIL. Adoption of actual logo is subject to Union Board Approval.

DEADLINE: Monday, April 14, 1980 at 3:00 p.m. in the Union Office, 207 Elowers

MORE INFORMATION: Susan Held 684 291 1 207 Flowers (Union Office) ipi GALLERIES ^_M3&r-_ii_ CRAFT flTJirvWieflS CENTER special events ||JiuvEjm Tuesday, April 1, 1980 The Chomicle Page Thirteen Casableeaugh: Bogart, Bergman flop By Rex Egler Casablanca's script detracts from With the Academy Awards the film and leaves the group of less- coming up next week, it is only than-first-rate actors which Warner proper that we take a look at the Brothers has assembled for the film worst film to which The Academy oi (obviously all they could afford) to Motion Picture Arts and Sciences speak such obnoxiously melodra- has ever bestowed its highest honor natic lines as "Here's looking at you, (Best Picture), that is, Michael kid," when there are absolutely no Curitz's marvel of mediocrity, kids around, and "All the gin-joints Casablanca. Casablanca makes in all the towns in all the world," Knute Rockne-All American look when Bogart is sitting in a bar good in comparison. which has served nothing but Not only does Casablanca fail to whiskey and champagne all night. satisfy the esthetic potential of Casablanca could have included Everybody Goes to Rick's (the sonie interesting dilemmas. For highly successful Broadway play instance, you'll notice that Ilsa from which it was adapted), but it turns to Sam (Dooley Wilson, Five characters in search of a plot. simply trivializes Victor Lazlo (Paul playing a very unconvincing black Henried doing a poor French accent) piano player) — not Rick — and asks song didn't even make when it was Rick in he can at least bring the film and his quest for the "free French" him to "play it." What is "it?" What first released in 1931 in some to some meaningful conclusion movement. What takes place is kind of romantic liasons between unknown musical whose obscurity leaving us with Rick as the tragic merely atmospheric conversation as Ilsa and Sam does this suggest (i.e. it, no doubt, helped to ensure. Why hero who can't get Ilsa, can't get Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman, playing an How dumb is Rick?). Warner Brothers thought they even and can't get away. But no, unconvincing Norwegian) and Rick The score for Casablanca also had needed to burden this already Curitz gives in to melodrama, happy (Humphrey Bogart playing an even potential greatness. Max Steiner horrendous film with an unpopular endings and all that garbage by more unconvincing American) try to intended to write a love theme for song is beyond me. having Rains "round up the usual rekindle the fires of a romance that Ilsa and Rick but by the time he got The worst thing about the song suspects" and then perform the was obviously never much of around to it, the picture had already has to be its incredibly trite lyrics: most obnoxiously meaningful anything anyway. Oh sure, the two been completed and Ingrid "you must remember this/ a kiss is symbolic gesture in the history of say such abstract lines as "We'll Bergman had already had her hair just a kiss/ a sigh is just a sigh." cinema: the dropping of a bottle of always have Paris" — but I thought cut for her next role in For Whom What profundity. Vichy Water into a waste-basket. the Germans had Paris...Isn't that The Bell Tolls. At its end the film has some hqpe Then Rains and Bogart walk off why Ilsa and Rick had to separate in I guess that none of the geniuses for redemption. After Rick has killed into the fog, over the rainbow and, the first place? at Warner Brothers had ever heard Maj or Strasser, Claude Rains, fortunately, out of the picture. "This This kind of disunity in the of wigs because they decided to stick (playing some French officer), looks like the beginning of a production only serves to frustrate with the song they had used all almost shows himself to be the hard­ beautiful friendship?" No, just the the viewer. along, "As Time Goes By." This core jerk that he really is. By turning ending of a terrible film. -Art spit- THACKER'S BAR B Q DEN * DuVal Hacked The Grateful Dead will perform tonight in the Ft-ORIST Catering to Pig Pickin's & Bar B Q Gatherings C.I. starting at 9:30 pm. Don't miss it! Homemade Flowers...For the Person Who Ham & Sausage Has Almost Everything °u«£ I Biscuits OUR DOGS ARE PHDs • (PURE HOT DOGS) Served All Day b 2009 GUESS ROAD * Enjoy Our Home Baked Biscuits with a Hearty Homecooked Breakfast Also Homecooked Lunches & Dinners •l^w^lf-^-.t^X-^V Dine-In or Stop by our Take-Out Window Wells-Lloyd Florist M-Sat 5:30 a.m. to 8 p.m. 3529 HILLSBOROUGH RD 383-9940 BASKET SPECIALS (beside Wendy's) § 1007 W. Main 682-0457

r Now you don't-have to drive to the Buy One Pizza VS^NEW YORK STYLE f beach for that seafood feast. . . Landlubber's has perfected that Get One Free BAKED ITALIAN SPECIALITIES Calabash style... so lightly breaded and quickly fried to retain the • lasagne • egg plant parmigiana • ziti second pizza of equalor less "alue ] * manicotti • calzone natural tenderness and juices. . . served with 23 item salad bar piled high on platters with eat in only PIZZA hushpuppies, slaw and fries or Sun-Thurs through 4/30/80 Handmade Neapolitan and Sicilian Pizza baked potato. unbeatable prices 4 unique taste (not valid on 16 inch pizza) HOT _ COLD SANDWICHES served anytime Now Open tor Lunch I 1:3O-2:0O Tues-Fri Eat In — Take Out A Taste of Italy Open n n Down on Main Street Tues-Sai Hwy. 54& PIZZA VILLAGE 910 Main Street M-Sat 11-10 Farrington I /? \\ ABC licensed 688-6670 Rd. 2105 Avondale 477-1944 Also loca'ed at Wellons Village Shopping Ctr. take Roxboro Rd. exit off 1-85 Page Fourteen The Chomicle Tuesday, April 1,1980 New arena to be built By Jeff Gentile their complaining about long lines," In a surprise press •conference said Griffith. "By making them yesterday, Duke Athletic Director Tom miserable, it will also tone down their Butters announced plans for a new behavior at the games." 21,750 seat basketball arena to be The fund-raising portion ofthe project constructed where the Allen Building is is underway and pledges have already presently located. started to come in. According to Butters, Because of the recent fire that left the the arena cost will be split evenly floor of Cameron Indoor Stadium under between the Duke University Athletic a black layer of soot, serious Association (DUAA) and a separate consideration was given to the fund-raising effort conducted by the construction1 of a new arena. According University. to one high administrative official, the "Although we are still working on the Allen Building site was selected because financing of the renovation of Wallace it hasn't served any useful purpose in at Wade Stadium, we feel that we can raise least two years. our half of the project by January 1981," _m_mm_m said Butters. "We will begin the The preliminary costs have been a:,- tin- iiiiiiil estimated at $22 million according to construction in late September before Butters. "The $22 million price tag will the cold weather moves in." also pay for' some of- the newest fan Chancellor Ken Pye approved the idea UPI PHOTO control techniques," said William of the project and felt confident of the Four Duke students simulate the university side of Ozone Hall, the new Griffith, Vice President of Student university effort to finance the arena. basketball arena circa 1989. "The outside air should help the health of all Affairs. "We feet that the campaign to finance the students," said Chancellor Ken Pye. The new stadium will have space for the new University Center speaks for 3,360 student seats molded of a new itself about our excellent fund-raising stainless steel alloy. Connected to each organization," said Pye. "We will begin seat will be electrodes which will all the campaign as soon as the University connect to one central location 60 feet Center project is completed." above the floor. The plans for the arena, named Ozone "With this new system, I'll be able to Hall after the famous quad dog, were conduct an electric shock to any student unveiled by James Ward, University that misbehaves," said Griffith. "We architect. "The stadium will be built in will have the capacity to shock an halves," said Ward. "The DUAA half individual or a whole fraternity, oops, I will be constructd with 10,500 seats and "»ean living group, with the flick of a then the Universtiy half will be switch." constructed when the funds are Also included in the new arena will be obtained." an alcohol detector at the entrance Experts in the administration feel doors, a 10-foot retaining wall around confident that they can raise the funds the visiting team bench and a by 1998. "Any private institution that revolutionary queue line which would cannot finance a project like this in 18 discourage students from attending the years will not make it into the 21st game early. century," said the official. The queue line would be covered with a The University Center project, started canopy that would simulate weather in 1955, has needed 25 years to finance conditions. "On days like the Carolina three-fourths of the total project. ''At games when a lot of people stand in line, least we can learn by mistakes," said we would be able to simulate a blizzard Griffith, who was only recently to drive some students-out of line to stop appointed to his Vice President position. Chomicle sportsbits

PHILADELPHIA - Following himself "Chocolate Thunder" no matter former Duke star Jim Spanarkel's 19- what Erving said. point, 10-assist effort vs. the Boston "Don't worry," joked Spanarkel. Celtics Sunday on national television, "Chocolate melts when it's under heat." injured 76er superstar Julius Erving COLUMBIA, S.C. - Former Duke announced that he would give up his head coach and present South Carolina nickname "Dr.J" for the remainder of Coach Bill Foster announced signing his career to Spanarkel. his first recruiting class only two weeks "I feel that tbe real Dr. is emerging after taking over his new position. here today," said Erving. "I felt sick but Foster, faced with only four returning his performance sure made me feel Gamecocks, signed former bench- better. I'm glad someone is living up to warmers Kenny Young, Geoff Northrup the billing." and Johnny Harrell to one-year letters- Darryl Dawkins, Philadelphia's of-intent. world-renowned dunk artist, said he "It's nice to feel like you're home," said would not allow Spanarkel to call Continued on page 16

i Complete Optical Services Inc.

PROFESSIONAL OPTICAL SERVICE AT REASONABLE PRICES

,_. „ ___ REGULAR PRICE SALE PRICE Don t Forget. . . Soft lens$139.00 $89oo- With your Duke I.D. Hard s Semi-Soft $99-$150 $74-$125" Prescription YOU Get An Extra Glasses $41 and up $20.00 off 10% Discount "We "will Special Order Frames

3315 GUESS ROAD HRS M0N-FRI 10 am-7 pm DURHAM, NC mmm SAT 10 am-4 pm PHONE 477-3513 ___ CALL OR COME BY Beside the Acorn Restaurant Tuesday, April 1, 1980 The Chomicle Page Fifteen All are McDonald's All-Stars Coach K signs 12 more recruits By Alex Michaels health, an education is most important," McDonald In an unexpected, yet welcome announcement said. He refused to comment on basketball. yesterday, Duke head basketball coach Mike Perhaps the biggest surprise came when Krzyzewski Krzyzewski announced that the entire McDonald's said the remainder ofthe high school stars will come to High School All-America team has signed national Duke. The new coach said McDonald was most helpful letters of intent to attend Duke next year. in persuading his all-star teammates to sign here. "It is my greatest pleasure to cap a successful Marcel "Mayor" McCheese, a 6-7 swingman, was recruiting year with these signings," Krzyzewski said, another signee. McCheese was among the most highly after returning from an exhausting 10-day trip recruited forwards in the nation this year, with offers through McDonaldland. "All our problems have been from more than 300 schools, including illustrious Frye remedied by this turn of events." State. The prize of the twelve men signed was 7-1 center McCheese was concensus All-State and All-America Ronald "Moonman" McDonald, who had narrowed at small Special Sauce High, where his dominating his choices to Duke and Alaska Central before the style of play earned him the nickname "Mayor." announcement yesterday. Other players signed yesterday include Harry "Well, boys and girls, I'm very, very pleased to be Hamburglar, a reformed juvenile delinquent who led attending Duke next year. You know, besides good his McRahway State Prison team with a 36 points per game average. Hamburglar will likely replace Bob Bender at point guard. "We're happy to give the kid a second chance," said UPI PHOTO Krzyzewski. "He's a great guy and deserves the SCRAM BART—New York Yankee outfielder chance to compete with the best...and learn, too." Reggie Jackson throws a cup of water on Duke Krzyzewski said he was disappointed that he failed photographer Bart Pachino after Pachino tried to recruit players of Polish descent. "That's okay, to steal the superstar's glove. "He got me wet," though," Krzyzewski said, "you can just call me Coach said Pachino. McK." fr_ Unfortunately, because of the quality of this season's recruits, several current members of the team will be released. "It's sad to say, 'Gee, I'm sorry Gene, but that McCheese guy is great. Maybe you're ready for the pros after all,' " Krzyzewski said in reference to his earlier conversation with Duke forward Gene Banks. Kenny Dennard and Vince Taylor will be sent packing, also, the coach lamented. "Overall, I'm excited about the prospects of playing with such a young and talented team," Krzyzewski said. "We should win the National Championship Harry Hamburglar. . 'no turnovers in the next year and the rest will be cake. Heck, we won't even backcourt next year.' have to practice."

Recycle Lefty's head Dean's nose UPI PHOTO 0 HEAVY, HEAVY-Duke football Coach Red Natvm's tan Wilson unveiled his new weightlifting program yesterday. All members of the team will benefit aoor from the program. $ fidf'i $ok vbs____—M. $ Novelty and Party Shop

jj Party Supplies and Costume Rentals £ 2600 HILLSBOROUGH ROAD 286-2328 $

THE CAROLINA THEATRE April 4 & 5] I DOWNTOWN WRHflfl 68&H339 and GOLDEN ANNIVERSARY FILM FESTIVAL GRADUATION WEEKEND Weclnesday, March 26-Tuesday, April 1 DEDICATED TO FRANK CAPRA May 9 & lo| AND THE LATE ROBERT J. FLAHERTY 8:30 p.m. Tuesday, April 1 Chaplin's Short SHOULDER ARMS Chaphn's Short A DOG'S LIFE AUDITORIUM—Tickets: $6.00, $5.00 and $4.00 Capra's THE BITTER TEA OF Capra's MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON ABLE AT PACE BOX OFFICE - 084-4059 . GENERAL YEN (1933) (1939) with James Stewart, Jean Arthur 2:30 p.m. 8:15 p.m. Page Sixteen The Chomicle Tuesday, April 1, 1980 Wade work slow By Notrab Onihcap Construction has been delayed on the aluminum seating currently being installed at Wallace Wade Stadium. The 1980 home opener against East Carolina is scheduled for Sept. 6, but as of right now, it does not appear that the installation of the benches will be completed by the scheduled date, officials ofthe Ree Lee Sleu construction company said. "It looks pretty doubtful alright," Athletic Director Tom Butters said. "We should be able to get the Iron Dukes seating in by then, but for the students and the genera] public, well, I just don't know." Plans right now call for the students to sit along the '.-_ - . cracked steps during the five home games. "It should PHOTO BY ROB BRANDT give Wade Stadium a Roman Coliseum appeal," The Roman Coliseum, image of Wallace Wade is beginning to take shape with the aging crews Butters added. making the concrete look 3,000 years older. Head football coach Shirley "Red" Wilson approved of the Butters plan and said, "With all our young Continued from page 14 years left in his arm. He's pretty much players, the fact that we'll be underdogs for most ofthe Foster. "All of these guys had a year of confined indoors anyway." games, and the stadium looking like that, it'll be like eligibility left so I figured that they OLD FOLKS HOME, Florida - The watching the Christians get fed to the lions" might as well use them up. possibility of a basketball strike reached Wilson saw some indirect benefits from the HOUSTON - New Oiler quarterback a full count yesterday when the players coliseum-like appearance of the stadium. "Our Ken Stabler, citing his lifelong bout with refused to have their pictures taken for recuiting should definitely be enhanced. I feel with my claustrophobia, has asked to be traded bubble gum cards. contacts in the state of North Carolina and the ones we back to the Oakland Raiders before the Bubble gum is not good for your teeth or should develop in Italy with the new stadium plan, coming season starts. mine," said Bill "Spaceman" Lee, who that Duke football will be restored to its glory years," More "My mommy always told me not to was not allowed to pose with his favorite he told the Chomicle. throw the ball indoors," said Stabler, pink rosin bag. "They have too many Bruce Wardropper, classical studies professor, was referring to the Houston Astrodome. restrictions these days, anyway. That ecstatic about the plan. Sports "Besides, she told me never to spit on the really sucks." "Just think how much more valuable our new carpet." LEXINGTON, KY. - Duke athletic History of Western Civilization course will be when it's Bits "That's okay with me," said Houston director Tom Butters announced taught amongst some ancient ruins," Wardropper Coach Bum Phillips. "I never liked yesterday the hiring ofthe late Adolph reported. snakes anyway." Rupp as assistant basketball coach In keeping with the Roman Coliseum theme of the "Real bite," said Oakland Raider under Mike Krzyzewski. "renovated" football complex, Butters cited some general manager Al Davis, who is in Rupp, who passed away shortly after changes for the soon-to-be-constructed press box- enough trouble trying to move his team turning down former AD Carl James' sports medicine facility. "We've installed Roman to Los Angeles without a permission offer to become head coach in 1974, was Baths as well as a sauna in the health part of the slip. "No way we're giving Dan not available for comment. building and the Duke Duchesses will be asked to Pastorini back. You can have George Contacted at his College Park, Md., partake in orgies with the members of tbe working Blanda (54 or so years old) if you want a office, James said, "It's about time the press," Butters said. quarterback, he still has a few good old man finally came to his senses." DUKE STUDENT LAUNDRY offers Summer Storage for Student Garments and Rugs, Blankets, Spreads.

BLANKETS, SPREADS, etc |SUMMER STORAGE

Household articles will be WEARING APPAREL stored for $1.00 per item plus cleaning charge We will dry clean, mothproof, Minimum: insure and store winter $5.00 garments for Regular Storage Charge RUGS charge plus $5.00 perorder 'Cleaned* (10 pieces) storage and STORE ONLY *Stored* Handling Charges. $1.00 Per Article "Insured* $5.00 Minimum Order Rates available Bring order to (Includes $100.00 upon request. Insurance per Pad same rate DUKE STUDENT LAUNDRY $5.00 Order) as rug. Foam Hayward Evans, Manager and rubber pad Basement—Union Building—(001) not acceptable. West Campus