Oral Roberts University Digital Showcase

Oracle: ORU Student Newspaper Oral Roberts University Collection

4-1-1975

Oracle (Apr 1, 1975) April Fools Edition

Holy Spirit Research Center ORU Library

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Part of the Christian Denominations and Sects Commons, Christianity Commons, and the Higher Education Commons THE .l937 Vol. 2001, No. I Roberts' Orol University April ì, 'Mqrtin v sqys'Dqte o Silly Martin, Director of Stu- two' persons. "We felt that we remember to fill out their com- dent Emotional Activities, an- should give more points to the puter cards!" nounced early this morning that guys who had enough courage to What about married students? all ORU students will now be re- go out with older women. A "Of course, this would not apply quired to have weekly dates. freshman guy who goes out with to them, as we would definitely "Students just weren't getting in- a senior girl should receive more discourage messing around on to the social aspect of life points than a junior guy who the side, but married couples will enough, so we felt that by re- dates a sophomore," Silly says. get their points by having familY quiring them to have a date a But what abo¿t those who just outings on the weekend." week, we could better aid their plain can't get-a.date? Silly goes In closing, Silly reminds us social development," explained on to say that "we didn't want that "this system is for the stu- Ms. Martin. to have to flunk people out who dents, and they must remember How will students be checked? tried but just couldn t make it that unless they fill out their dat- How else but by the ORU tradi- happen. So, we've decided to give ing computer cards, we will have tion of weekly computer cards! points for effort. If a guy asks no record of their dates, and this Answers to be filled in will be a certain number of girls out, he could affect one's dating grade Wqlloce recogn'izes the importonce of his new posilion ond is preporing number of times, duration, special will at least be given credit for which will be given at the end of for it. creativity and the class of the trying. Of course, students must the semester." ForddubsWqlloce ORU goes under the dome by wrong horgon farce, as it might attract were- Then they will walk in from there. wolves to the a¡ea. However, if Some have complained that they Yesterday, Vice-President of this problem can be overcome, don't want to walk the 6 miles Attorney Generql going to Trivialities and Wasteful Spend- there should be beautiful and ro- to campus, but they're ing, Will Robertsoo, announced mantic nights from now on. PDA have to realize that we just can't President Gerald Ford today Washingto4. Mrs. Wallace of- plans to construct a clear plastic will be legalized, as students will think of every minor detail." It appointed Mr. Jack Wallace, fered to give this statement on dome which would completely now be required to take weekly has been rumored, though, that former Dean of Students at Oral her husband's behalf: "I consider seal off the University from rain, walks and have weekly dates. the Student Senate is working on Roberts University, to the post of it a privilege, not a right, but a wind, and other known forms of The dome itself will be made the construction of a monorail U.S. Attorney General. The an- real privilege to serve under such sin. out of plastic. It is rumored system, to be completed by 1994, nounc€ment, issued to newsmen a great man as President Ford. The dome would be 6 miles that it is being constructed some- so everything should function in the OvaI Room, followed ru- This great land of ours has long long, 5 miles wide, and 3 miles where in the Arctic and will be well after that. mors from high sources that the been known for its high-caliber high. It would be equipped with flown up by a fleet of 600 heli- The Federal Aviation Associa- President was grooming a dark- leadership, and for the humble sun lamps in the ceiling and cen- copters, specially equipped with tion had originally filed a com- horse running mate for 1976. attitude of its people. I've always tral air conditioning for constant heavy-duty cranes. It will be plaint, as it felt that the dome When asked if Waliace was to be been impressed with Mr. Ford's temperature comfort. The stars lowered into place and will be would cause a problem for air- his running mate for the upcom- tasteful manners, hair length, ski- and constellations will be put in hermetically sealed. planes flying overhead. The com- iog Presidential election, Ford trips, and his all-American clean as soon as possible, along with a "Parking will be no problem," plaint was dropped when the As- replied, "There is a distinct pos- shaven faoe. He stands as the lifelike moon. The moon will al- states Robertson. "Students will sociation was promised special sibility that Jack will be working epitome of the America I love. ways be full. This could possibly now park either at 81st and Me- use of the dome's new and inno- with me in the future. We've Just as I've always told my kids cause problems for the security morial, or llth and Harvard. vative rooftop airport. shown great compatibility on the (at the school, that is), 'Ifs golf course so fa¡. I see no rea- America.' " son why that friendship wouldn't O¡al Roberts, Wallace's for- work with the American people." mer employer, said in reply to Wallace was not available for newsmen's queries, "Who?" Clqss to film oiry disqster flick; commeDt at his home in Tulsa, The Oracle, ORU's student Okla. His wife stated that he was newspaper, printed a one-page moving his office equipment and editorial on the subject, which perils of cqmpus life exposed papers "We're from his office at the said: sorry to lose a good ORU's film class is making its students is the LRC first-floor Thursday points for battling Southern Hills Country Club in editor, but we're glad to see him debut into America's cinema. Be- maze. As close to 2,000 students winds. preparation to go . . to Washington, is." for the move . that ginning April 19, Dr. Steve crowd into the corridors, Dr. The actual filming will involve Ryan's film class will start pro- Hartman in the chemistry lab sud- the destruction of many build- duction of "Gusty Winds." This is denly discovers that his students ings. Miniature replicas, including a spectacular to be rated among have fioally perfected a deadly the Prayer Tower, have been ob- Sqgq sqlqries soqr the big movies such as 'Earth- gas, smelling like rotten eggs, tained from ORA for the produc- quake" and "Towering Inferno." which is penetrating the building. fion. "Gusty Many "Gusty be Saga Food last Friday an- college students-how do they An all-star cast for students are blown away Watch for Winds" to nounced that all student workers say it, 'ripping them off-and we Winds" has already been signed while trying to reach the AC an Academy Award nominee in would receive raises to bring decided to give them what they including stars such as Robert computer cards to plug in their 1976. their pay up to $3 per hour. deserved." Redford, Barbra Streisand, Paul The announcement was met with Robert Creek, Business Mana- Newman, John Wayne, and Mick some jubilation and tossing of ger at ORU, also announced to- McCabe. Making her first appear- q cookies by employees. day tlat room and board would ance on the silver screen will be Alwoys in 'punchy' mood l Pamela Noe Hitman, Saga Manager and increase nearly 300 percent next Otto. Trail Boss, said, "We realize we semester. He gave no reasons for The movie will be filmeð on "Helen location were taking advantage of these the price hike. at ORU, because where ploys for high steqks else except in Oklahoma does the wind so literally come sweeping down the plain? The plot will in- Helen Jones, known to most She also gave advice to student Aword chokes up Roberts volve the tragic fate of the 2,500 students as "Helen, the Meal gamblers using a secret code, ac- students trapped in their dorm Ticket Punch Lady," was arrest- cording to what day a:rd meal Delco Shock Absorber Corpor- honored him for "Significant rooms when the gusty winds hit. ed yesterday for illegal gambling she punched. ation today awarded their "En- contributions to the business com- Imagine the perils of climbing practices. In a press conference from gineer of the Year" prize to Mr. munity." down the golden grills on the Fr¡nk fteþþsrson, Chief of Se- Tulsa County jail, Helen said, "I Will Roberts, executive vice-pres- Roberts is also known around high rises in a 90-mph breeze. curity, explained: "Ilelen, or was only trying to provide the ident for construitions at ORU. campus as the designer of the Or being in the swaying towers whatever her real name is, was students with a service. Besides, According to Violin, Silvenmith, Mens Twin.Towers parking lot as one floor at a time is blown head of a big gambling ring, I never once took a bet from president óf Delco, the award speed bumps. free. The movie shows the des- what could turn out to be one anyone without his tie on. What's goes to Roterts "because of his After first hearing of this latest perate attempts of Braxton and of the largest in Oklahoma." It the difference between punching innovations in our industry." announcement, Roberts could not Shakarian students to open the seems Helen was taking bets, meal tickets and taking bets? This award, carne to Robêrts comment. He later said he had a windows or doors to escape. slipped to her by students along Either way, I'm helping students the week after Midas Muffler Itrmp in his tb¡oat. The one place of safety for with their meal tickets. gamble." Poge 2-THE PORACLE, April l, 1937 LETTERS NEWS CRAPSULE EDITORINL To the editor: I would like to emphatically by gory i. loughingome state for the record that I be- fillrir'ri'' ]r I lieve that it is patently unfair for Oklchomo Cily: certain females on this campus to The Oklahoma I-egislature voted unanimously last week to tax Goodbyerreqders be allowed out after curfew. out-of-state college students, in hopes of bolstering Oklahoma's The females that I am speaking faltering economy. The bill would place a dollar tax on every pound We're tired of it. about are the ORU female toads. of weight of full upon date of People keep saying Oracle a joke. No one trusts us; no eac that the is Can you give me one good rea- registration. Mos 3,000. Those who one takes us seriously. son why these to-eds should be do not own a car 2,500 in taxes. So this the you'll see. tired slaving every is last Oracle ever We're of zllowed to roam about the cam- Attorney General Larry Cherryberry was pleased with the new week to put paper out a everyoDe laughs at. püi'at vTill while'the rest of us law and feels it is fair. realtze that $3,000 is a considerable But don't wrong with us. "l blame us. Therc's nothing The student body are shdf up in our dorms? amount of money, but out-of-state students should help pay for the is composed sickies. are sick, sick. are to under- of You sick, You out After all, shoulð it not be the fine schools we have in this fine state." Cherryberry did say that his mine the University and all the Oracle stands for. duty of every good mother toad office recognizes that a small minority may not be able to pay the You have flooded with letters the You have our office to editor. to be home with the toadies? tax in full, so it has extended loans to needy students in order to harassed us for the we print. And we're tired thinç of it! Should not the teenage toads facilitate payment of the tax. "Our office will gladly give loans at You won't have the Oracle to kick anymore. somewhere around Go have to be in from middle-of- 307" interest to those interested. Vy'e're actually for the students." else to get your Ken's Pizza coupons. I-et your hamster sleep regu- on the-week dates by 11 p.m.? Cherryberry has already called in the National Guard to help with newsprint. your see lar Wrap fish in The Wall Street Journal. You'll What I propose is that a mem- the collection of the tax. soon enough how much you miss the Oracle. ber of our fine security farce be Wcshington: given the job of going to the Congress and President Floored, in efforts to combat the ever- Prayer Gardens, standing on top worsening recession, have finally agreed on a Dew rebate plan. Both of the Prayer Tower, and an- Congress and the President have spent long hours in debate in hopes nouncing, "Now is the time for Quishuis Who? of deciding on a plan that would be fair to all. all good female toads to quit The rebate plan would amount to a refund of 8 cents per family "Es- Gridley Quishuis is a salesman. sombrero, he tearfi¡lly said, messing around and get home." of six. However, the Administration pointed out that there would be He sells tamales and refried toy tan alegre y humilde." ("I'm Of course, he would have the a25-eænt postage and handling fee, due upon receipt, from the fam- beans Mabee dur- power give at the Center so humbled and happy.") to out late minutes. ily receiving the refund. Press Secretary Walter Crook said that he games ing basketball and semi- Gridley was awarded a silver It's time that we have equality. feels the American public will be happy to see the check for 8 cents. nars. Today he announced that can opener and three bottles of Female toads must be made to President Floored also added, "This Administration is dedicated to was retiring good, he for and was Myrtle's Mexican Hot Sauce by cooform with the rules, or every- helping the American people and sure this refund of 8 cents will the guest Im of honor at a farewell Robert Creek, business manager one else will begin to claim that come in handy to our American housewives who struggle to make party given associates at by his at the Mabee Center. Quishuis they, too, are an exception to the ends meet." The bill passed with only one negative vote, that Rep. (pronounced of Mabee Center. kiss-whiss) was the rule. Claude Stingy. Standing before the crowd of ooly Mexican on the Mabee Cen- Signed, Poris: six in his wide-brimmed Mexican ter refreshments staff. No Toad Libber Henry Kissinger left for Paris today to attempt to reconcile Okla- homa back into the Union. Oklahoma seceded from the Union last a week. The trouble began when Texas refused to stop dumping 1,0fi) A rce sees Fontosylond tons of manure onto Oklahoma soil. Oklahoma had taken the case to the Sìrpreme Court, but the high court ruled in favor of Texas. In a lengthy brief handed down by Chief Justice Warren Burglar, the does TU reollv smos Court stated-füat the precedent set by -rigbt of eminent domain- h ORU? was applicable in the case. He also stated that Oklahoma w¿u¡ aD ex- cellent site for dumping waste because of its location and general Frolicking merrily across tåe I-et me show you around." witness the well-known tortoise geography. Hare Gardens, earning her 24 Alice noticed the pure white and hare competition. In their Kissinger remained mum on tbe subject of success at the talks. "I aerobics points, Alice suddenly covering each rabbit had. Never annual ga.me, the great ORU cot- think the chances of Oklahoma entering the Union again are really, stopped. ahead, large she seen m¡ny played Straight 4 had so cute little tonball team TU, Tortoise really good." . - wtrite rabbit (not an uDcommon b¡r¡nies or s:horÉa¡es (and short University. As slow as*lhey ap- sight in the appropriately named hairs) with whiskers above their peared, TU won and proeeeded gardens) was dashing rnady o'er mouths. to make sure that ORU would the grass. "I'm late, I'm late, for '''Hare we have Sa-ha, ha, ha- not place any more "goal" den Poet's C,orner a very important date," he pa-nted ga. It is now 'i¡--tte process of eggs in their baskets again dur- Seme turkey dip and a chicken worriedly to himself, dropping - discovering a new s¿ay-to fix soy- ing the year. After the disap- lip fell on the kitchen floor. frrE oR4CtE books as he ran. Being tfie¿ood bean carrots. On Sunday nights pointing game Alice's furry Grandma came, grandma slippett person she saw herself as, Alice we hold Vesp-hares. Although friend depressedly said, "I was we ain't never seen her no volume-distortes scurried to retrieve and return ORU does have church-hoppers, down so low they would have more. ¡umþs¡-millions of 'em them. Following after him, she we have come to the conclusion had to jack rabbit me up to Well, picked up that ugly stuff I lrulhs lo be self- stumbled and tumbled down a that clover will leaf again." bury me." and put it back on the platter, We hold these First, we didn't do it. Whole Hole. 'I think your nose is so cute. Alice longed to remain at ORU Then Brother John refilled his evidenl. know how il UPon reg¡ining consciousness It's so pink!" forever. She was indeed a "fur" plate-seems didn't make no Second, we don't it whot ore Alice wrung the sweat from her piece from home, but she knew matter. got done. And third, Hores this distortion of sweats and felt her forehead, Whole that home is where the heart is. Now, turkey dip and chicken lips you doing with profession of which was now the size of a "Actually, usually isn't. I've "Y"p, y'all, I'm gonna stay have long been fare our the fine iournol- it in thot we're off speed bump. The large white been in my room. Somebody hare forever." home ism? Thot meons ond should be rabbit was soothing the wound turned off the heat and turned She sat up in a flash, respond- We stuff 'em in, and wash 'em the hook, You wilh thís thing, we onlY with the tip of his iodine-coated on the air conditioners in 38-de- ing to the sound the school down, and finish with an ice- cought of proy thoi you will hove o good cottonball tail. "Thank you for gree weather," he replied. "My bell. Alice had fainted once cream cone. returning my HARE/MANities eyes also are only pink occasion- again from overexertion during Visitors and guests and the na- excuse. hondcopicd by 294 m¡gronl book and sillybus," he said. ally. Too much study. When her aerobics run. ft had all been tion's best-who always seem twice fortnightlY ond "Where am I?" Alice uttered. teachers say 'Hop to it!' we do a pleasant dream. She smiled. to know munchkins more often, with ex- "Why, you're in Signs-and it. I guess they're just trying to "At least finally got little Have said, and repeated, sometlmes I a and told vocotion, Wonders-land. We call it ORU, keep us from being harebrains." sleep," she said as she hurried to still hold, cept:ons mode for week, floods, fire, Oralcle Rabbits Underground. Alice was fortunate enough to Conditioning class. -yes,that dip and lips is gold. exem Pesli- l,:nce, uncontrolloble sloth, bob stomps's birthdoy, ond the ro- toting of the tires on our ex- pensive cors. This poper is so Art bod rhot we losl our sh¡rls ÌrY- You wan'l-ed to The,r< is 5ens+tìng ing to moke it go, ond olso ore see u3 ó'o"r{ ¡¡q fhat I oboul lo be moved out of our L lltougv'l office ond into the outhouse l'1r. oallace? ocross the street. lf we were lo you rn:rg!',{ list oll of our mony posl oc- t¡u< tg complishmenfs ond owords, we Lno'¡, would be lying, but we did monoge 1o win the Jenks, Amer- ico, Junior Americons Lilter Compoign, for creoling the most I litter in the history of Jenks with lhis issue. Letters should be od- dressed in core of Kirby Bird- seed, Jenks, Americo (rhofs oll rhe oddress you need!), or coll lhe phone co. ond osk them to lurn our phone bock on (en- close o check for 1o cov- aP*i\ futt $1,572 ha9p1 1"J"O\ er our overdue phone bill.) April l, 1937, THE PORAC[E-Poge 3 Security puts CoptqrnO Ecology defqmes cquse Captain Ecology has recently eral joggers reported. to Security was either that or burning the been demoted for malpractice. that they had noticeÌÍ' asuspicious napkins in effigy during Steak Apparently it was discovered that looking character madly flinging Night." Proceeding to leap over Hiten in custody he had been snatching the excess napkins into Fred Creek, yelling a trash can, he added, "But I'm napkins off of people's trays and viciously, "Take that, and that, not much of an exhibitionist-I Smoe Hiten vowed that he Saga at TU. throwing them into Fred Creek and..." prefer being more discreet." would "leave the food business Dreg Bledso, executive vice- as an act of vindication. Finally, with the help of the According to Randy Adobe, forever" during a heated meet- president of Student Menace, The Science Department was Science Department, Se c u r i t y the Science Department demand: ing of the Food Committee to- asked the council for an objective intrigued by the phenomenal in- traced the suspicious character as ed that Captain Ecology be de- day. The outburst followed the investigation of the allegations, crease of albino water rats in being Captain Ecology. A hor- moted for defamation of the claim by students that they were and moved that Smoe Hiten be Fred Creek. Through in-depth rified Randy Adobe, Saga Foods cause of ecology. Private Ecolo- served sauteed hockey pucks on held by authorities until the situ- study, it was found, however, Manager, questioned Captain Ec- gy is now on "sabbatical." The the night designated as steak ation was made clea¡. The move that the albino water rats bore a ology's activities. "Don t you latest word was that Private night. Column Steal interjected was seconded by Dean Hamilton great resemblance to soggy nap- realize you've just drowned three Ecology was in the process of the statement, "That is incor- and thirded by S. M. executive kins. The study did not end here. trees?" capturing several hundred albi- rect," after Hiten's eìcclarnation. president Randolph Sternum. An aroused Science Depart- Upon being asked why he had no water rats in hopes of appeas- He went on to calmly explain Hiten was placed in the custody ment carried on further investi- chosen this method of protest, ing the Science Department a-od that it was impossible for hockey of the ORU Security Depart- gations to find the culprit. Sev- Captain Ecology responded, "It regaining his "lost face" with pucks to have been served that ment, where he will be forced to Randy Adobe. night, as the market for hockey run behind the patrol carts until pucks has been bought out by the case is resolved. Hexton cancels exam Storqskq Dr. Frank Hexton, instigator was necessary. "All I can hear in the Humanities department, when I come into the lectures is qttqcked announced today that the Human- silence, except for some deep Curfew obolished! ities exam scheduled for Friday breathing. I suppose that's be- Frederic Storaska, nationally has been cancelled. cause they find the lectures so known authority on defense Two monumental discoveries contemplating the decision for Hexton said the department invigorating," said Hexton over against rape and assaults, today were unearthed by the Oracle to- about 2 months. felt - students were so attentive the barks of Ralph, his seeing+ye announced that he would skip day. Samantha Straightlace, new In another major development, during-the lectures that no test dog. ORU during his annual tour next dean of women, announced to- Earth Science professor Nathan year, claiming that ORU women day that ORU women will not Meleen announced today that "need no protection whatsoever" have curfew next semseter. hell froze over. He said, "I don't Agonizing evening on top against possible attackers. He de- She said, "We trust our girls really understând it. We noticed clined to give reasons for his implicitly. When they come to the center of the earth had been "An evening of Par Avion" will go to Delta Kappa Sigma in statement. college, we realize that they are cooling for about 2 months. But will be presented by the ORU an effort to buy a "practicæ trail- News Brief: Frederic Storas- grown women." She said that the today it just froze over." Drum and Bugle Corps in How- er" to be awarded to the society's ka was hospitalized in Newport Student Affairs staff had been a¡d Auditorium on April - at outstanding student teacher. Mu- News, Va., today after he was 11:30 p.m. Works by the little- sic majors will not be allowed a allegedly attacked by three young known French avant-garde com- punch on their recital cards for women in blue sweat suits. Stor- poser to be performed will in- this concert; however, those at- aska, who has a first-degree clude "Agony in G," "A French- tending will be issued one "Get black belt in karate, said, "I morrioge man in ?aris, Tx.," and "The Out of Seminar Free" ticket to knew I should have kept it to Kood¡e ont¡ Weather Variations." be used before the end of the myself," but declined to explain Tickets will be sold. Proceeds semester. his statement. Mrs. Churl Koodie, speaking at learned while he was in the a seminar on Marriage and the Coast Gua¡d station on Buffin Family, told 400 students, Island nea¡ Canada. Mr. Kood- IF{E ØLEND/R "Don't." The speech followed ¿ ie remar.ked, "Oå--sbe's just-mad dinner held at the Mabeæ Renter because I didn't sing ier.favor- TODAY Tulsq {oday, where Mrs. I(oodie's hus- ite, 'Singin' in the Trees,' during Junìor Recitol: Jock Wolloce band, Berry, entertained the the medley." The couple left the (orotion obouf Orocle), Room group with a meclley of 36 songs seminar hand in hand, singing. l-4 Sub, oll doy. M¡dn¡sht Monsoon Seoson begins. Movie: "The Life ond Times ôf Chester A. Arthur," Senote Tqpe Office, 2 o.m. ORACTE RATING PO[t Lecture: Dr. Horold Poul Horvey, 'The Anlinomion Cuhure of Pleose onswer the following quest¡ons by plocing on the l2th dynosty of Mozom- Distr¡but¡ons, X in the box beside the onswers thot best describe bique ond its effecl on U. S. your op¡n¡ons obout the Orocle. foreign policy with Oklo- homo," 3 o.m.. Ciry Holl, Jenks, Americo. lnc. The Orocle's presentotion of news ¡s: unslonted ond stroightforword TOMORROW cleor ond conc¡se Lost doy for Orocle sloff lo + Amazing Discounts excellent w.ithdrow wilhoul being osk- oll of .the-obove ed to leove. Lecture: "The Morolity of lhe + Superb Quality Vietnomese Tse-Tse Fly," Dr. The Orocle should be: Wun Fly Floo, Sogo k¡tchen, censored I I o.m. + Specializing in cheap, shut down YE5ÏERDAY more biosed lntromurol Foosboll: Sons of second-hand, and re- less hereticol Thunder vs. Doughters of Joy, Sub, l2:20 o.m. lf I were ed¡lor of the Orocle I would: possessed tape systems not tell onyone WEDNESDAY reolíze my bockslidden cond¡tion Speciol Chopel: Burning of April not occept o scholorship on morol groundi I Orocles, Mobee Center, I I Mony Exclo¡m: "Well l'll be horn- o.m. qu¡t : Swompstomper Reloys:,,Open swoggled! This tope system ploys The Orocle would be better if: cómpetifion,' F red,/Cree'k, noon. iust like the one I used to hove!" iunior high kids ron ¡t I wrote it THURSDAY Come in qnd see Cqrl Robinson's it were oll odverlising Speciol Chopel: ln memory of qnd the obove those who disoppeored yes- fine line of tope systems equ¡p' ony of terdoy ot the reloys. you pleose clip menl. While you're there, check When hove completed this survey, FRIDAY your We're go¡ng 1o run it out ond stick it in eor. Ken lrby's formol deniol of ony into his new line of cqr burglor our Poper the woy we wont to. responsibility for April I Orocles. qlqrms. Pose 4-THE PORACLE, APril l, 1937 got ticket Moore Bqd Books Bomb students got sAP Newly elected President Jim running mates, Ken IrbY and Car- l. The Late Great Planet 7. Taping Techniques A Simp- Moore's use of the ticket in the ol Burton, "I didn't know the Pluto by Hill Flimsey. lífíed Versìon by R. M. Trixon. recent Student Association elec- password to get in, so I had to 2. Like a Mìghty Mouse by 8. The Maine Bíology ol Frecl bY manY get a ticket." Creek by Jaque Crisco. tion has been questioned ''..:3.Milt Sorry. voters (and the unsuccessful Moore's platform was based Bury my heart wíth the rest 9. Lìfe wíth the Relatives by presidential hopefuls). on better communication with of' rny,þody by M. Welby,' MD Albert Einstein. SternsbledsoebaileY asked the administration. He has al- 4. Last Tangle- ín Mavís by 10. Germ V[/arfare and the Moore if the ticket of the Pre- ready issued new tin cans and Afro Sheen. The. gripping story Christian Suítor by Date M. Fast. vious year had influenced his de- twine to Jack Wallace and Carl of a young girl with tangles in L'1. The Choreographels Sin cision to run on the ticket. Moore Hamìlton. her hair. by B. Jones. refused to answer, saying, "What Past accomplishments include 5. You too can live with your 12. The Restless Puns by Wm. do you understand about Politics president of the Jack Wallace Fan loot in your mouth by Howard Morgan. anylvay, whoever you are?" Club and circulation editor of the Cosell. 13. The "lll never telf' Poli- In confidence Moore told his fall yearbooks. 6. My Lip is Hip by Muham- ticians' Handbook by David C. med Ali. Fall. Bill Shellenbqrger of rhe ORU Music Deportmenl will ploy some of his eorlier composilions ol o foculty retitol next week. Cooches recru¡t p oyers/ Shellenborger is shown here in his iunior high school bond uni- form which, he proudly points out, "sfill fits perfectly." Along expecting mqny mirocles with such originol pieces os his orrongemenl of "Mory hod o Little Lomb," Shellenborger will Well, sports fans, it's recruit- him in the ribs, sending him up- ploy more difficult numberc ing time again, and at ORU ward. At last word, his head was such os the fi¡sl trumpet porls coaches of all sports are heatedly lodged in the shower stall ceiling of clossics "Bondologl/' ond involved in their own wheeling and he was receiving the world's "Notionol Emblem." and dealing. cleanest pair of knees. Tennis coach Bernis Puke, us- Coach Whale also reported the ing his famous picture postcard return of 6-10 center Mike Mon- method, hit the jackpot when he goloid. Loveable Mike, who has sent one to his colleague in Chi- been the mainstay of the Blown Dâ, who promptly returned a Machine for the last 8 years, has Care package o,f Mongolian decided against graduation in fa- ping-pong stars. The only prob- vor of retirement from ORU. Be- lem concerns the players' reli- sides returning for basketball, gious preference-they koep con- Mike comes back to fulfill his verting the tennis balls to Budd- duties with Security. He holds the hism and shaving off the fuzz. position of Executive Vice-Pres- Meanwhile, on the basketball ident in Charge of Lighting the scene, Coach Whale says, Prayer Tower. "Things are looking up. The Bill Techeetahtruck, president newest recruit is 7-6." the lad, of the Soccer Club, has had fa- "Uh, t rhink I look a wrong lurn ot lhe lndion Ocedn," were lhe presently visiting ORLI, was not vorable results. When asked words of Gulliver Fred os he drifled onlo lhe ORU compus yesterdoy, available comment. Appa¡- about his recruiting methods, grinding holt for down lhe Creek beoring his nome. The boot cqme lo o ently, while showering in Shakar- Bill replied, "We take anyone qworded hon' Hi! Nuisonce here, on the spillwoy by the lennis courls. F¡ed hos been on ian Hall, the shower head goosed who's still kicking." orory dãgree by rhe University ond will be employed in rhe HPE de- onnounc¡ng the lotest porlment os inslruclor for smoll wqlercrofl nexl yedr. distroction from

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