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THE DRAMA MAGAZINE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019
UPPER AND MIDDLE GRADES PHey, Sophile!. . .a...... y...... s . . Craig Sodaro 2 Gerrymander ...... Kathryn Hammond 13
DRAMATIZED CLASSIC (F OR UPPER GRADES ) The Would-Be Gentleman...... Moli ère 17 Adapted by Lewy Olfson
MIDDLE AND LOWER GRADES A School for Black Girls ...... Renée C. Rebman 25 The Green Glass Ball ...... Hazel W. Corson 33 Mystery of the Gumdrop Dragon. . Gerry Lynn Burtle 41 Terms of Use • Vol. 78, No. 4
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The drama magazine for young people In this issue. . P. l ays Upper and Middle Grades Hey, Sophie! , by Craig Sodaro 8 actors: 5 female, 3 male; 30 minutes. Family learns the hard way that artificial intelligence can only do so much. . .it’s human smarts that make all the difference. Gerrymander , by Kathryn Hammond 6 actors: 2 male, 1 female, 3 male or female; 20 minutes. An intern at a newspaper discovers how voting districts are twisted, pulled, and pushed to give more power to the majority party. . . a real lesson in our political process. The Would-Be Gentleman , by Molière and adapted by Lewy Olfson 9 actors: 2 male, 2 female, 5 male or female; 25 minutes. A merchant tries his best to become a respected gentleman, in the hope of finding a suitable husband for his daughter. How foolish he is!
Middle and Lower Grades A School for Black Girls, by Renée C. Rebman 9+ actors: 5 male, 4 female, and as many extras as desired; 25 minutes. Based on a true story: A bold pioneer in women’s rights faces racism and sexism when she opens a new school in 1832 Connecticut. What makes people so uncomfortable? The Green Glass Ball , by Hazel W. Corson 13+ actors: 8 male, 5 female, and as many extras as desired; 20 min - utes. Irish folk tale teaches to make only wishes that are kind and gen - erous, for you may be standing on the fairy’s green glass ball, where mean wishes are never good. Mystery of the Gumdrop Dragon , by Gerry Lynn Burtle 17 actors: 2 male, 4 female, 11 male or female; 20 minutes. A large-cast play: The princess’s Gumdrop Dragon is missing and the search is on. Can the dragon be found and happiness restored to the kingdom? Keep your fingers crossed.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 1 Upper and Middle Grades Hey, Sophie! is protected by U.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to use this play in any way unless you are a cur - rent subscriber to PLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com).
Hey, Sophie! Family learns the hard way that computers can only do so much. . .and it’s human smarts that make all the difference. . . . by Craig Sodaro
Characters AT RISE : DEAN, on couch, is adjusting metallic sphere. He sits back, satisfied. DAPHNE WARREN, a sophomore DEAN : Hello, Sophie? ( No response ) CHELSEA WARREN, her sister, a Hello, Sophie? ( No response ) Sophie! senior SOPHIE : No need to shout, Mr. Warren. MOIRA WARREN, their mother DEAN WARREN, their father DEAN : Sorry. I didn’t realize you heard me. TAFFY, Daphne’s best friend MARK, another friend SOPHIE : I hear everything, Mr. Warren. But I prefer to be interfaced JEREMIAH, Chelsea’s friend with a simple “Hey, Sophie.” SOPHIE, a font of artificial intelli - DEAN : Hey, Sophie. gence, an offstage presence SOPHIE : No need to repeat, as we are SCENE 1 already communicating. How can I TIME : The present, before school one help you this morning? morning. DEAN : You know it’s morning? SETTING : The Warren living room. A SOPHIE couch or love seat center with a coffee : I know everything, Mr. Warren. table in front of it. An easy chair or two DEAN right and left. On the coffee table sits a : So, what do you know about me? metallic sphere with a small antenna SOPHIE on top. A suitcase sits on the floor, right. : Your name is Dean Warren. You were born in Worcester, Massa-
2 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com chusetts, on May 10, and you are now hope we will be great friends. 42 years old. You are an executive with Hammerschmidt and Bowles MOIRA : Get rid of that thing! It’s creepy. gaming company, where you have worked for 15 years. You are married DEAN : Moira! Don’t be rude. ( To to Moira Scott Warren. Your wife SOPHIE ) Sorry, Sophie. works in real estate. Last year she sold 17 properties, two of which had SOPHIE : I’m used to it, Mr. Warren. five-figure commissions. I’ve been called worse than “creepy.”
DEAN : Well, that’s very detailed, MOIRA : Dean, you’re talking to a. . . a Sophie. bocce ball.
SOPHIE : You are five feet eleven inch - DEAN : I’m talking to Sophie, who is es tall, weight 168 lbs, have blue eyes going to make all our lives so much and a scar on your left— easier. ( DAPHNE and CHELSEA enter left, in bathrobes. ) DEAN : Sophie! Stop! CHELSEA : Hey, what’s going on? We SOPHIE : Thigh. heard you arguing.
DEAN : Enough! I just wanted to see if MOIRA : We’re not arguing. you’re working. DEAN : We’re just discussing. SOPHIE : I am always working. Is there anything I can do to help you? SOPHIE : Good morning, Chelsea. Good (MOIRA enters, tying her bathrobe .) morning, Daphy.
MOIRA : Dean? ( He blocks MOIRA DAPHNE : Hey, who said that? Only my from seeing SOPHIE .) friends call me Daphy!
DEAN : Morning, Moira. CHELSEA : Dad! Did you get a Sophie?
MOIRA : Who are you talking to? I DEAN : I’m glad somebody’s with the heard a woman’s voice in here. program around here.
DEAN : Our newest addition. CHELSEA : That’s awesome! Hey, Sophie! MOIRA : Addition? What addition? SOPHIE : What can I do for you, DEAN : Honey, meet Sophie. ( DEAN Chelsea? steps aside and points to SOPHIE .) CHELSEA : What’s 872 times 367? MOIRA (Frowning ): What is that? It looks like a bocce ball. SOPHIE (Promptly ): 320,024.
DEAN : Hey, Sophie, please introduce CHELSEA : What’s the capital of the yourself. Ivory Coast?
SOPHIE : Hello, my name is Sophie. I SOPHIE : Yamoussoukro.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 3 DAPHNE : Gosh! She’s smarter than bumping into TAFFY, carrying back - Mr. Willis. And he thinks he knows pack, who enters right .) everything. TAFFY : Hi, Mr. Warren. MOIRA : So we just ask this thing a question and she spits out an answer? DEAN : Bye, Taffy! ( DEAN grabs suit - case and exits right. ) SOPHIE : I try not to spit, Mrs. Warren. TAFFY : What’s going on? You’re not DEAN : Ask Sophie something about dressed for school! real estate. MOIRA : Oh, gosh, I’d better get mov - MOIRA : All right. I’ve just listed a ing. I’ve got a meeting in twenty min - house at 1213 East Pelican Drive. utes! ( MOIRA exits left .) What was the original price when it was built? CHELSEA : I’m picking up Rob in fifteen minutes! ( CHELSEA runs off left .) DAPHNE : That’s not fair, Mom! How could Sophie know something that TAFFY : Daphy, will you tell me what’s specific? going on?
CHELSEA : Unless she’s the executive DAPHNE : I’ll just let Sophie do it. Hey, model. Sophie, you’re cool with that?
SOPHIE : When that house was built in SOPHIE : Yes, Daphy, I am. ( DAPHNE 1998, it cost $124,689.26. It was sold rushes out left .) again in 2006 for $187,455, and now you have it listed for $287,999. TAFFY : You’re one of those things, ha?
MOIRA : Unbelievable! It’s like witch - SOPHIE : I am an artificial intelligence craft! Black magic! agent newly established here at the Warren residence. And you are Taffy DEAN : Great, ha? Blanchard, a sophomore at Oregon Trail High School. SOPHIE : In the current market, Mrs. Warren, you shouldn’t list it under TAFFY : Wow, you’re pretty sharp. $299,000. SOPHIE : I try. MOIRA : You’re kidding. TAFFY : Hey, I couldn’t get answers to SOPHIE : I don’t kid, Mrs. Warren. some of the questions on my history worksheet. How about it? DAPHNE : You know what this means? SOPHIE : I’ll be glad to help. DEAN : It means I’m off on my business trip. I’ll be in Seattle. . .and, well, TAFFY : Gosh, I wish my parents would Sophie knows the details. Just ask say that! O.K. What president served her. Bye! ( He kisses MOIRA on the the shortest term? cheek, waves to DAPHNE and CHELSEA, and moves right, almost SOPHIE : That would be William Henry
4 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Harrison, who served only one month. MOIRA : You took the words right out of my mouth, Sophie. TAFFY : Great! How about which presi - dent said “Walk softly and carry a big SOPHIE : Sorry. I am programmed to be stick”? polite.
SOPHIE : Theodore Roosevelt said that. MOIRA : I understand. Say, could you help me out with something? TAFFY : Wow! And which founding father started the national bank? SOPHIE : Of course.
SOPHIE : The national bank was the MOIRA : I’m meeting a client this brainchild of Alexander Hamilton. morning who’s looking for a three-bed - (DAPHNE, now dressed for school, room, two-bath in the Devonshire enters left, carrying a backpack .) neighborhood, and it has to have a water feature in the backyard. Any TAFFY : This thing is amazing, Daphy. idea if there is such a place? She knows everything! I can’t wait ’til we get our math assignment tonight. SOPHIE : Absolutely. You will find the (MOIRA enters, now in street clothes .) exact house at 513 Riverview Road. It has not been listed yet, but the owners DAPHNE : Yeah! I’ll bet Sophie can are seriously considering selling and even explain our work for us! moving to Jupiter, Florida, where her brother lives. MOIRA : Iate to say it, but that’s cheat - ing. MOIRA : 513 Riverview Road. Thanks, Sophie, you’re a doll! But don’t say a DAPHNE : Why? word about this. We girls have to have our secrets. ( MOIRA exits right just as MOIRA : You’re supposed to do your CHELSEA, now dressed, enters left own work. That’s how you learn. carrying a backpack .)
TAFFY : But we learn just as much CHELSEA : Why’s he not answering? when Sophie tells us the answer. I just Hey, Sophie, Rob’s not answering my learned that Teddy Roosevelt carried texts. a big stick and Alexander Hamilton went to the bank. SOPHIE : He is on his way to school. Amanda Swertz picked him up. MOIRA : Girls, you’d better get a move on. It’s getting late. CHELSEA (Angrily ): Oh, she did, did she! ( CHELSEA exits right .) DAPHNE : Bye, Mom. ( She kisses MOIRA .) SOPHIE : Ahhhhh, now for a bit of peace and quiet. ( Curtain ) TAFFY : Bye, Mrs. Warren. * * * SCENE 2 DAPHNE : Bye, Sophie. TIME : Several weeks later, a school night.
SOPHIE : Have a good day, girls. SETTING : The same as Scene 1. (DAPHNE and TAFFY exit right. )
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 5 AT RISE : DEAN and MOIRA enter left. DAPHNE : For some strange reason Dorky Dillis wants us to work in DEAN : So I’ll be at the Chamber of mixed groups. Commerce meeting ’til ten. Bye, hon. (He air kisses MOIRA. To SOPHIE ) TAFFY : Not that we mind, but there And you, too, Sophie. I hope you have are only two guys left to work with. a wonderful evening. DAPHNE : But we can only pick one. SOPHIE : Thank you, Mr. Warren. TAFFY : Chester’s smart, but he’s not DEAN : Sophie, I’ve told you before, you exactly eye candy. should call me Dean. DAPHNE : Mark is eye candy, but he’s SOPHIE : All right, Dean. And don’t for - not exactly smart. get the pointers I gave you. TAFFY : Which one should we pick? MOIRA : What pointers? SOPHIE : It depends on what you want. DEAN (To MOIRA ): You want me to be president of the chamber, right? Bye! TAFFY : A date with Mark. (DEAN exits right. MOIRA follows him off right. TAFFY enters left with DAPHNE : An A. DAPHNE .) SOPHIE : Looking at a long-range pro - TAFFY : I can’t believe we got A’s on our jection, I would say work with Chester math homework. and get the A. Remember, you can’t judge a book by its cover. DAPHNE : Thanks to Sophie. TAFFY : What? You sound like my TAFFY : Who cares how you get A’s as mother! What kind of intelligence are long as you get ‘em? Hiya, Sophie! you?
SOPHIE : Hi girls. DAPHNE : Artificial, remember?
DAPHNE : Ready to help us make a big TAFFY : Call Mark, Sophie. decision? SOPHIE : I only take orders from a SOPHIE : Yes, of course. member of the Warren family.
TAFFY : Great! Well, the problem is DAPHNE : Taffy’s my BFF. Make the this. We’ve got a ten-page report due call. ( DAPHNE listens to her phone. ) on the Renaissance. Yuck! It’s ringing! Hi, Mark? It’s Daphne Warren. . .you know, I sit next to you DAPHNE : It’s for Dorky Dillis’s class. in Dillis’s class? ( DAPHNE leads TAFFY off left. MOIRA enters right. ) SOPHIE : That would be world history. MOIRA : So, Sophie, I need a favor. TAFFY : That’s the one. And we gotta work with a third person, and it’s sup - SOPHIE : Another one? posed to be a boy.
6 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com MOIRA : You never say that to Mr. out a mega commission! Understand? Warren. Either you find out what’s going on or it’s recycle city for you! ( MOIRA exits SOPHIE : Do you mean Dean? Are you left as CHELSEA enters left. ) jealous? CHELSEA : Hi, Mom! ( MOIRA exits MOIRA : Of a machine? How shallow do without answering. ) Wow, somebody’s you think I am? having a bad day.
SOPHIE : Do you want a candid SOPHIE : I hope yours has been better, response? Chelsea.
MOIRA : Get candid with me and it’s off CHELSEA : Absolutely great! I wrote my to the recycle bin for you! college admissions essay and I will say it’s amazing. I used everything you SOPHIE : I’m so glad you recycle. told me. I really like that part about Everyone should be so environmental - my struggle to overcome that disease ly conscious. you told me about.
MOIRA : Look, are you going to do me a SOPHIE : I was using that as an exam - favor or not? ple of an obstacle a student has had to overcome to achieve in high school. SOPHIE : Your wish is my command. You didn’t have that disease.
MOIRA : Next time just say that in the CHELSEA : Yeah, well, I’m not telling first place. So, Sophie, I’ve got a great and you’re not telling, right? piece of land that would be perfect for the Wilson Charity Foundation Head- SOPHIE : What other parts did you quarters. But so far they haven’t com - like? mitted and I’m getting worried. Here’s what I need: I saw two members of the CHELSEA : That quote from Aristotle: Foundation lunching at Denny’s today The fruits of education are bitter, but with a stranger. The stranger was a the roots are sweet. dark-haired man, fortyish or so, and he had dark-rimmed glasses and a SOPHIE : It’s the other way around: The mustache. I saw them slide something roots of education are bitter, but the to this shady-looking guy in a very fruits are sweet. sneaky fashion. He slipped whatever it was in his pocket. I need to know CHELSEA : They won’t even notice. I who he is and what they gave him. heard nobody ever even reads the essays. Anyhow, I need you to do a SOPHIE : I can connect you to a number check on a guy who asked me out of private investigators who can help tomorrow night. His name’s Jeremiah. you. Jeremiah May. Dig up any dirt you can. He’s new, and I don’t want to MOIRA : I know you can find out. You hang around with a loser. Thanks! know everything. You have access to (Knock at door right. To SOPHIE ) I half the CCTV set-ups in this city. If wish you could answer the door. that stranger has sold the foundation land for their new headquarters, I’ll be SOPHIE : You can buy an app that will
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 7 allow me to do just that. SOPHIE : My name is Sophie.
CHELSEA : That’d be a great invest - MARK : Yeah, O.K., Sophie. . .what ment. ( CHELSEA exits right, returns does the word Renaissance mean? a moment later with MARK .) SOPHIE : It means “rebirth” in French. MARK : So you’re Daphy’s older sister, ha? DAPHNE : Dillis told us that.
CHELSEA : And you’re a freshman. TAFFY : We need something that’s got a real wow factor. MARK : Sophomore. But I don’t let age differences bother me. SOPHIE : A wow factor.
CHELSEA (Icily ): Forget I’m alive. MARK : Yeah, like George Washington (Shouting ) Daphy! Some guy’s here to really chopped down eight cherry see you! ( CHELSEA exits left. ) trees and lied big time.
SOPHIE : You made it over here quick - SOPHIE : There is no evidence George ly, Mark. Washington chopped down anything. He did, however, plant several trees MARK : Who said that? that still grow at his home in—
SOPHIE : Me, Sophie. I’m on the table. MARK : Whoa! Too much information.
MARK : Oh! There you are. So, Taffy DAPHNE : Yeah, let’s stick to the said you can get us an A on this proj - Renaissance. ect? SOPHIE : What do you need to know? SOPHIE : Is that what you want, Mark? TAFFY : Where was it? MARK : I’m good with a C, but I’ll take the bonus. What do you know about DAPHNE : When was it? the Renaissance? MARK : And like who were some of the SOPHIE : Everything, Mark. people who got rebirthed?
MARK : You’re my kind of girl! ( TAFFY SOPHIE : Aren’t you supposed to and DAPHNE enter left .) research this information yourselves?
TAFFY : Who are you talking to, Mark? DAPHNE : We are.
MARK : Hey, Taffy, Daphy. I met your TAFFY : We’re asking you. friend here. She says an A’s in the bag. MARK : We’ll just record everything DAPHNE : She’ll spit out the right you say, then feed it into my computer answers as fast as you read the ques - and it’ll print out our report. tions. TAFFY : You’ve got voice-recognition on MARK : Yeah? Well, Stella— your computer?
8 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com MARK : Doesn’t everybody? judgment to mention that I’d seen them together just so I could let them DAPHNE : I think we made the right know I’m on my guard. choice about who to work with, Taffy. SOPHIE : Why are you on your guard, MARK : Somebody else was in the run - Moira? ning? MOIRA : Because there’s always some - TAFFY : You were our first choice. body out there ready to undercut my clients and me. There could be some - MARK : As usual. O.K., Sophie, give us one waiting with a bigger, better piece what you got! of property that would be exactly what they’re looking for just ready to kill SOPHIE : The Renaissance was born in my commission. Italy some say as early as the 14th cen - tury with the writings of Dante and the SOPHIE : I understand. paintings of Giotto. . .( As SOPHIE talks, TAFFY, DAPHNE, and MARK MOIRA : But thanks to you, I think I’ve get on their phones, drink soda, etc., put them on notice. Can I get you any - clearly not paying attention to anything thing? A box of chocolates, maybe? SOPHIE says as curtain falls .) * * * SOPHIE : I’m sorry, Moira, but I can’t SCENE 3 eat chocolates. I can’t eat anything. TIME : Several days later, after school. MOIRA : Oh, well, I’ll just have to eat SETTING : The same. them all myself to celebrate. ( MOIRA exits left as CHELSEA enters right .) AT RISE : MOIRA enters left. CHELSEA : Hi, Sophie! MOIRA : Sophie? Are you awake? SOPHIE : Hello, Chelsea. Did you have SOPHIE : I do not sleep, Mrs. Warren. a nice day?
MOIRA : Please, call me Moira. CHELSEA : I did. Jeremiah and I had lunch together. Just the two of us. SOPHIE : How can I help you, Moira? SOPHIE : Is that good? MOIRA : I don’t need any help now, Sophie. You told me the man the rep - CHELSEA : The best! I’m sooooo glad resentatives of the foundation were you ran that check on him. meeting with was Dan Feester, a pri - vate detective. You put my mind at SOPHIE : I’m glad I could help. ease, and I told the representatives that I completely understand if they CHELSEA : He’s got a clean bill of health. want to investigate the owner of the Romantic health, that is. Never dumped property that they’re interested in. anybody and the probability is good he never will without a good reason. SOPHIE : I’m glad I could be of help. SOPHIE : I am glad I have provided MOIRA : I decided against my better some comfort.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 9 CHELSEA : And how! ( Knock off right ) I CHELSEA : Sorry! But a girl can’t be too wonder who that is. careful.
SOPHIE : I’ll open the door and you can JEREMIAH : Well, neither can a guy. see. See you around! ( He exits right .)
CHELSEA : I love the new app! ( JERE - CHELSEA (Following him ): Jeremiah, MIAH enters right. ) Jeremiah! What wait! ( She follows him off. TAFFY, are you doing here? ( Coyly ) That anx - DAPHNE, and MARK, carrying back - ious to see me again? packs, enter left angrily. )
JEREMIAH : No, not really. TAFFY : I can’t believe it!
CHELSEA : Oh? Then what do you DAPHNE : After all that work! want? MARK : And my computer didn’t mis - JEREMIAH (Pointing to SOPHIE ): spell a single word! That! TAFFY : It’s all your fault, Sophie. CHELSEA : Sophie? She’s our AI Agent, and you can’t have her. SOPHIE : What is my fault, Taffy?
JEREMIAH : I just wanted to see for DAPHNE : We got an F on our myself how you did it. Renaissance project.
CHELSEA : Did what? SOPHIE : I’m sorry to hear that. How is that my fault? JEREMIAH : Investigated me! TAFFY : You said you know everything CHELSEA : What? about the Renaissance.
JEREMIAH : You can’t deny it. My AI DAPHNE : Mark’s computer wrote every - Agent told me you ran a check. thing down exactly as you said it.
CHELSEA : You have a Sophie? MARK : Didn’t misspell a word or any - thing! JEREMIAH : Ours is named Natalie. TAFFY : You must have given us all SOPHIE : My cousin, once removed. kinds of wrong facts.
CHELSEA : Well, I. . .I didn’t know they DAPHNE : I’m going to tell Dad to get a talked to each other. replacement.
JEREMIAH : I didn’t investigate you! MARK : My cousin’s got one named Natalie, and I heard she’s really great. CHELSEA : Well, what do I have to hide? SOPHIE : What didn’t your teacher like about your report? JEREMIAH : Start with that! ( He points to SOPHIE .) TAFFY : We don’t know.
10 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com DAPHNE : We didn’t read the comment. MOIRA : It’s Mrs. Warren to you. (CHELSEA enters left .) MARK : The grade’s the only thing that matters, traitor! CHELSEA : Gosh, Mom, are you yelling at Sophie, too? SOPHIE : Before you send me to prison, will you read me the comment, please? MOIRA : We definitely need a replace - ment. TAFFY : Like some kind of last request? (TAFFY pulls report from her backpack .) MARK : I tell you, Natalie’s the way to go.
SOPHIE : I’m entitled to at least that CHELSEA : I wouldn’t give Natalie the much. time of day! They’re all alike! Sneaky, invasive creatures. DAPHNE : All right. ( Reading ) “Your report is identical to five others I’ve SOPHIE : We aren’t sneaky, Chelsea. received. Let me guess. . .you’ve got Sophie at home.” CHELSEA : Then how did Natalie find out I did a search on Jeremiah? MARK : What?! There are more of you? SOPHIE : Your information is every - SOPHIE : Of course. I’m a bestseller. where, Chelsea. May I offer a word of advice? Don’t place all your faith in TAFFY : Why didn’t you tell us? me. ( DEAN enters right, bedraggled. )
SOPHIE : You didn’t ask me that. MOIRA : Hi, honey, how’d the election go? (MOIRA enters left, on her phone .) DEAN : I did everything Sophie said to MOIRA : I realize that, Mr. Hilliard. Of do. I exuded confidence, I spoke clear - course I wasn’t spying on you. I was ly and concisely. I laid out a platform just trying to protect my commission. for the Chamber for the next year or You must understand that. . . .You two. I even cracked a few jokes, right, don’t? . . .Oh, so you ran a check on me? Sophie? My reputation’s blameless. . . .Well, if you have to bring that sale up. It was - SOPHIE : It is always good to add an n’t my fault. I had no idea the roof amusing anecdote or two to a speech. would collapse. I—I never got that inspection notice. . . .Please, Mr. DEAN : Yeah, well. . . Hilliard, I know I can get the Foundation a good deal on the proper - DAPHNE : What kind of jokes, Dad? ty. . . .Mr. Hilliard? Mr. Hilliard? DEAN : Well, here’s one. You know what DAPHNE : You didn’t have a good day, my Grandpa’s last words were before either, Mom? he kicked the bucket? How far do you think I can kick this here bucket? ( A MOIRA : Not exactly—right, Sophie? slight pause ) Want to hear another one?
SOPHIE : I’m sorry, Moira. I’m not pro - ALL : No! grammed to interpret sarcasm. DEAN : I thought it was funny.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 11 CHELSEA : I guess you didn’t win the ber, I’m a font of information, but I’m election. not the smartest one in the room. You’re the ones who best know when DEAN : I didn’t even get a vote. to use information and when not to.
MARK : Well, I vote you get rid of Sophie. CHELSEA : You think Jeremiah will understand? DAPHNE : Yeah, throw her out! SOPHIE : You have a fifty-fifty chance CHELSEA : Maybe you can get your he will. money back, Dad. DAPHNE : We have the chance to do an DEAN : Only if the package is returned extra credit project to make up for our F. unopened. MARK : Count me out. SOPHIE : I’m sorry you are all upset. But is it me you’re really upset with? You TAFFY : That’s O.K. We’ll call Chester asked me for information, and I supplied this time. it. I am a very intelligent device, but I have never been programmed to decide DAPHNE : And do our own work. what information is best or how to use it in situations you have not completely MOIRA : I’m forgetting about the described. I can’t tell if an individual can Foundation mess and reworking my or can’t take a joke. I can’t promise oth - single-family listings. ers aren’t using my cousins and getting the same information. I can’t tell who is DEAN : And there’s always next year spying on whom and why. for me.
DEAN : I think we’ve gone a bit haywire SOPHIE : It sounds like I’m no longer with Sophie. the only one thinking around here.
MOIRA : We’re sorry. We wanted you to MARK : Yeah? I still say, get Natalie! do our work, didn’t we? She’s really, really smart! ( All boo as the curtain falls .) SOPHIE : I can tell you candidly, this is THE END not an unusual problem. Just remem -
PRODUCTION NOTES Hey, Sophie! CHARACTERS : 5 female (Sophie is off - cans and snacks; history report. stage voice), 3 male. SETTING : The Warren living room. A PLAYING TIME : 30 minutes. couch or love seat center with a coffee COSTUMES : Modern everyday dress table in front of it. An easy chair or for all. Daphne, Chelsea, and Moira two right and left. On the coffee table wear bathrobes in Scene 1 (with street sits a metallic sphere with a small clothes underneath for quick change). antenna on top. A suitcase sits on the PROPERTIES : Backpacks for Daphne, floor, right. Taffy, Mark, and Chelsea; phones for SOUND : Doorbell, as indicated. Daphne, Taffy, Mark, and Moira; soda LIGHTING : No special effects.
12 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Gerrymander is protected by U.S. Upper and Middle Grades copyright law. It is unlawful to use this play in any way unless you are a current subscriber to PLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com).
Gerrymander An intern discovers how voting districts are twisted to give more power to the majority party. . . . by Kathryn Hammond
Characters Governor will sign it, and this state will end up with a gerrymander to top NEWSPAPER EDITOR all gerrymanders. . . .O.K., Nikki, I’ll talk to you later. ( Hangs up, turns to REPORTER REPORTER ) I thought we were mak - INTERN ing some headway with all those edito - rials we’ve been running against the BENJAMIN RUSSELL redistricting bill, but now I’m no t so sure. MRS. RUSSELL REPORTER : Well, our readers can’t say GILBERT STUART we didn’t try to show them how bad this gerrymander will be. SETTING : Split stage: At left, a modern newspaper office with two desks, each INTERN : What’s a gerrymander, any - with phone and laptop on it. At right, way? Sounds like some weird kind of 1812 living room with couch and any animal. other pieces desired. EDITOR : In a way it is. You might call AT RISE : EDITOR is on phone at desk. it a sort of political monster. REPORTER sits at desk nearby. Right side of stage is darkened. INTERN : But what does it have to do with the redistricting bill? EDITOR (On phone ): No, there’s no word yet on the redistricting bill. . . .The EDITOR (Chuckling ): Aha! Our intern Legislature’s still in session, and we wants to be a political expert now, I were tipped off that the vote will be see. ( Leans back from desk ) O.K., I taken tonight. ( INTERN enters with guess I can spare a few minutes for a manila envelope, places it on EDITOR’s little history lesson. ( To INTERN ) desk. ) If the bill passes, I’m sure the So. . .back in 1812, Elbridge Gerry
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 13 was Governor of Massachusetts, and a RUSSELL : Yes, I am. We’ve just learned member of the minority party, which that Governor Gerry has devised an happened to be the Democrats. He ingenious plan to keep his party in was a shrewd politician and figured power, even though his Democrats are out a way to keep the Federalists, the in the minority here. majority party, from winning the next election by changing the boundaries of STUART : Ingenious is hardly the word voting districts. The editor of the for it. His plan is grossly unfair. In fact, Centinel , a Boston newspaper, was a I think it is undemocratic. Unpatriotic! guy named Benjamin Russell, and he was opposed Gerry’s plan. . . .You MRS. RUSSELL : And what is the plan, know who Gilbert Stuart is, right? exactly, that’s caused such a flurry?
INTERN (Nodding ): Sure, he was a RUSSELL : Gerry knows the Democrats famous painter. He did portraits of will surely lose the next election to the Washington, Jefferson. . . Federalists, and to prevent this he has drawn new boundaries for the voting EDITOR : That’s right. Well, they say districts, dividing and rearranging Stuart helped Russell coin the term them in such a way that the Democrats “gerrymander” to ridicule this unfair are now certain to win and remain in juggling of voting districts. But let’s go power. If you look at a map of what he back to when it all started. ( Lights go has done, you’d think he had drawn the out left and up right, where MRS. RUS - new districts while wearing a blindfold! SELL enters and sits, knitting. BEN - JAMIN RUSSELL, holding a rolled-up STUART : Well, not quite. Governor map, enters right, in the middle of a Gerry knew perfectly well what he conversation with GILBERT STUART, was doing. ( To MRS. RUSSELL ) You who follows him in .) see, Mrs. Russell, he has tacked large - ly Democratic areas onto other areas RUSSELL : I tell you, Stuart, the Gover- that had previously been Federalist, nor’s gone too far. creating Democratic majorities in these districts. As a result, the dis - STUART : Too far for you Federalists, per - tricts are now oddly shaped, without haps, but not for his own Democratic apparent rhyme or reason. party. ( RUSSELL goes to MRS. RUS - SELL .) RUSSELL : The case of Essex County is particularly outlandish. ( Unrolls map, RUSSELL : Good evening, my dear. I shows it to MRS. RUSSELL ) Just look hope you don’t mind my bringing at this. Gilbert home with me. MRS. RUSSELL : Why, it looks like some MRS. RUSSELL : Not at all, Benjamin. sort of grotesque creature! (Turns ) I’m glad to see you, Mr. Stuart. STUART (Looking at map ): That it STUART : And I’m glad to see you, Mrs. does. ( Takes out pencil and begins Russell. Perhaps you’ll be able to calm drawing on it ) It needs only a head your husband down. and wings. That will do for the Governor’s monster—a perfect sala - MRS. RUSSELL : What is it, Benjamin? mander. ( Pins map on wall, center ) You do look troubled.
14 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com RUSSELL : No, no, Stuart—not a sala - INTERN : What’s the census have to do mander. Call it a Gerry-mander. Let with it? us give credit where credit is due—to Governor Gerry. EDITOR : Well, depending on the count, each state may get more or fewer seats MRS. RUSSELL : A Gerry-mander! in Congress. If the number of seats (Chuckles ) Very clever, Benjamin. changes, the state has to redraw its voting districts, and . . . RUSSELL : Stuart, I shall run this Gerry-mander you’ve drawn as a car - INTERN (Nodding ): The people in toon in the Centinel , and every power get to redraw the state the way Federalist newspaper in the state will they want it. . .which is what’s hap - want to do the same. We need some - pening in our state now. thing to show the people of Massachu- setts the evils of the new redistricting EDITOR : Bingo! ( Smiles ) You’re a quick act. Before I am finished, a Gerry- learner. So anyway, in many states, mander will be known for what it is— some voters lose and some voters win an attempt to prevent fair elections! . . . not all votes are equal. (RUSSELLS and STUART exit. Lights up left .) INTERN : It sounds so unfair.
INTERN : Wow, I really didn’t know REPORTER : It is unfair. That’s why we much at all about gerrymandering. It keep writing about it, and trying to sounds like building a system to make convince people to raise their voices to people’s votes not count. get the system changed. Until that happens, we’ll have to continue to look EDITOR : Right, and though it started in at our Gerry-mander. ( Gestures to Massachusetts, now it’s used every ten map on wall as curtain closes . years—following every Federal cen - THE END sus—by the majority party in almost every state. The next census is in 2020. (Production Notes on next page )
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 15 PRODUCTION NOTES Gerrymander (Play on pages 13-15 )
CHARACTERS : 2 male, 1 female, 3 ting; rolled-up map (see below). male or female. SETTING : Split stage: At left, a news - PLAYING TIME : 20 minutes. paper office with two desks, each with COSTUMES : Modern dress for Editor, phone and laptop on it. At right, 1812 Reporter, Intern. 1820s period dress living room with couch and any other for Mrs. Russell, period suits for pieces desired. Benjamin and Gilbert. LIGHTING : Lights up and out, as indi - PROPERTIES : Manila envelope; knit - cated in text.
Artistic rendering of “Gerry-mander,” often attributed to Gilbert Stuart
16 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com This reading-style adaptation of The Would-Be Gentleman is protected by U.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to use this play in any way unless you are a current subscriber to PLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com). Dramatized Classic/Upper Grades
The Would-Be Gentleman Fun tale by Molière. . .a merchant tries his best to become a respected gentleman, in the hopes of finding a suitable husband for his daughter. How foolish he is! Adapted by Lewy Olfson
Characters always will be? You, a gentleman? Ha!
MADAME JOURDAIN JOURDAIN : My dear wife, I don’t see what the fuss is about, just because I MONSIEUR JOURDAIN respect quality. There is nothing to MUSIC MASTER compare with genteel society. There’s DANCING MASTER no true dignity except among the nobil - ity. I would give my right arm to have PHILOSOPHY TEACHER been born a count or marquis. But since LUCILE JOURDAIN I wasn’t, I’m going to buy my way in!
CL ÉONTE MUSIC : Lighthearted theme, in and SALES CLERK under. NARRATOR NARRATOR : Did you just hear those two? They are Monsieur and Madame Jourdain, going at the same old argu - MADAME JOURDAIN : Monsieur Jour- ment between them for the—well, at dain, my husband, you’re a fool! least the twenty-seventh time this Dressing up as though you’re on your week! It’s always the same: Monsieur way to a fancy ball! Hiring language Jourdain wants to be a high-class noble - teachers, and dancing teachers, and man, and Madame Jourdain wants sim - fencing teachers, and music teachers! ply to be Madame Jourdain! A great The next thing I know, you’ll be paying playwright once wrote a marvelously somebody to teach you to breathe! And funny comedy about them, in which he all because you think you can turn your - told the entire story. Want to hear it? self into an aristocrat. Why don’t you All right, then: ladies and gentlemen, face the fact that you’re a merchant, we now present the famous comedy by always have been a merchant, and Molière, “The Would-Be Gentleman.”
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 17 MUSIC : Light theme, in and under. DANCING MASTER : Hush! Here he comes. NARRATOR : The play begins in a room in the house of Monsieur Jourdain in JOURDAIN (Fading on ): Ah, good morn - Paris. A simple merchant, Jourdain ing, gentlemen. And what are we going longs to be an aristocrat, a nobleman— to do today? Are you going to show me a true gentleman of quality. And so he some more of your tricks? has hired all sorts of teachers and tai - lors, who, he hopes, will give him all of DANCING MASTER : Tricks, Monsieur the knowledge and graces he needs. It’s Jourdain? What tricks? almost time for his daily lessons. Listen! Here come his music master and his JOURDAIN : You know. Your dialogues dancing master, and I believe they’re or prologues or whatever it is—your discussing this very student now! singing and dancing!
MUSIC MASTER : I suppose Monsieur MUSIC MASTER : Music and dancing are Jourdain will be along in a moment. not tricks, sir.
DANCING MASTER : Yes, he’s generally JOURDAIN (Dismissively ): Well, what - right on time for his lessons. ever it is. Oh, I almost forgot. I want your opinions of my new suit! Isn’t it MUSIC MASTER : We’re both being kept handsome? pretty busy with him, eh, dancing mas - ter? MUSIC MASTER : Oh, quite! ( Aside ) Quite hideous, that is! DANCING MASTER : Indeed we are! DANCING MASTER : It’s just right! MUSIC MASTER : Ah, this fellow Jour- (Aside ) Just right for a fool! dain is just what we need, with his fan - tastic notions of gentility and gallantry. JOURDAIN : Look at these colors, how I only wish there were more like him. elegantly they become me. You could search throughout Paris, and not anoth - DANCING MASTER : I can’t agree alto - er gentleman would you find that has a gether. For his own sake I would like to suit like this one. see him have a little more understand - ing of the arts. DANCING MASTER : I well believe that!
MUSIC MASTER : All the same, you don’t JOURDAIN : My tailor tells me all the gen - refuse to take his money. tlemen of quality dress this way. Look here: 75 ribbons on each sleeve! And DANCING MASTER : Of course not! But it such exquisite taste, so simple and con - would be helpful if he had even a little servative. Do you realize that this suit is taste. not the least bit gaudy? That’s very rare! There are only five colors in it: pink, MUSIC MASTER : Expecting taste from gold, cerise, yellow and chartreuse. Monsieur Jourdain is like expecting cows to give wine instead of milk. I’m DANCING MASTER : A most elegant gar - satisfied just to tell him a lot of non - ment! sense that will keep him happy, and col - lect my fee. MUSIC MASTER : I wish I had one like it.
18 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com JOURDAIN : Ah-ha, but you could not DANCING MASTER : If you will be so afford such a suit. I tell you I paid quite good as to pay us, monsieur, we shall be a fortune for it. Yes, yes, I always say, on our way. “Clothes make the man.” JOURDAIN : Oh, certainly, certainly. MUSIC MASTER : They certainly make Here is your money. you! ( Aside ) They make an idiot of you! MUSIC MASTER : Thank you, sir. If only JOURDAIN : But enough of clothes. What all my students were as quick to learn are you going to teach me today? their music as you have been today.
MUSIC MASTER : Ah, sir, today you will DANCING MASTER : Never have I had a learn the notes of the scale. more apt ballet pupil than you!
JOURDAIN : I may not be a very good JOURDAIN (Pleased ): Really? How nice! pupil, sir. The only notes I understand Now, be sure to come back tomorrow, are those in the bank, and as for and we shall have another lesson. scales—only the kind that fish have. DANCING MASTER and MUSIC MAS - MUSIC MASTER : But sir, you must TER : Goodbye, Monsieur Jourdain. study, study, study your music, and then you will understand. MUSIC : Happy theme, in and under.
JOURDAIN : Does the aristocracy study NARRATOR : As you can see, Monsieur music? Jourdain is getting his money’s worth from his tutors, for though he may not MUSIC MASTER : But of course, mon - be learning much, they praise and flat - sieur. ter him so that he is glad to pay their fees. But here comes the philosophy DANCING MASTER : Almost as avidly as teacher. Let’s hear how his lesson goes. they study dancing. JOURDAIN : Ah, good morning, philoso - JOURDAIN : Then I will study music and phy teacher. What are you going to dancing as well! But I don’t know where teach me? I’ll find the time. I’ve already a fencing master, and a speech teacher, and now PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : What would I’ve taken on a teacher of philosophy. you like to learn?
MUSIC MASTER : Well, there is some - JOURDAIN : Whatever I can, for I want thing in philosophy, but music, sir, above all things to become a scholar. I music— have never gotten over the fact that my parents didn’t force me to be brilliant DANCING MASTER : And dancing, music when I was young. and dancing! What else does one need? PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Have you mas - JOURDAIN : You have convinced me! If tered the rudiments of the sciences? people of quality do it, so shall I! JOURDAIN : Oh, yes! I can read—and MUSIC MASTER : Wonderful! And now write, too! today’s lesson is over, as the hour is up.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 19 PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Then shall I nag!” that is prose? teach you logic? PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Certainly, sir! JOURDAIN : Certainly! Yes, indeed! Logic is just what I’ve always wanted to JOURDAIN : Well, my goodness! Here know. But one question. I’ve been talking prose for forty years and never known it, and grateful I am PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Yes? that you’ve told me.
JOURDAIN : What is logic? PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : You are a very quick student, Monsieur. That’s all for PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Logic instructs today’s lesson. If you will pay me my us in the three processes of reasoning. fee, I shall come again tomorrow.
JOURDAIN : And what are the three JOURDAIN : Certainly. Here you are. processes of reasoning? PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Thank you, PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Why, the first kind gentleman. process, the second process, and the third process, of course! JOURDAIN : Eh? What did you call me?
JOURDAIN : Oh, no, that sounds much PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Kind gentle - too complicated. Teach me how to write man. beautiful letters; there’s something I can use. JOURDAIN : Well, thank you! How fancy, “kind gentleman!” Here’s an extra gold PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Do you wish to piece for your “kind gentleman.” write in verse? PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : I am indeed JOURDAIN : No, no, none of your verse obliged, my lord. stuff for me! JOURDAIN (Happily ): My lord! Oh, my PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Then you wish goodness! Here is another gold piece. to learn prose? Very fancy! “My lord!”
JOURDAIN : No, neither verse nor prose. PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Oh, you are too kind, your grace! PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : But it must be in one or the other. Whatever isn’t prose JOURDAIN : Your grace! Your grace! is verse, and whatever isn’t verse is Take this for “your grace!” prose! PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : My lord, I JOURDAIN : And talking, such as I am thank your lordship for your grace’s lib - doing now: which is that? erality!
PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : That is prose. JOURDAIN (With a sigh of relief ): It’s just as well he stopped at “your grace.” I JOURDAIN : You mean to say that when might have given him the whole purse! I tell my servant, “Get me my slippers,” or I say to my wife, “You are an old MUSIC : Sprightly theme, in and under.
20 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com NARRATOR : Now, do not suppose that JOURDAIN : That’s not what I mean. Monsieur Jourdain’s wife approves of What sort of speech are you using? all her husband’s carrying on. Quite the contrary! Whatever he does to appear MADAME : Plain, understandable more like a gentleman, she immediate - speech! ly finds fault with. Of his clothes, Madame Jourdain has this to say: JOURDAIN : You’re talking prose, that’s what you’re talking! You see what it is MADAME : What are you doing in that to be a scholar? get-up? Tell me, husband: Are you plan - ning on applying for a job as a circus MADAME : A fine scholar you are! You clown? can’t even settle your daughter’s wed - ding. She is in love with Cléonte. He is NARRATOR : Of the dancing lessons she in love with her. But will you let them says this: marry? Oh, no! You even forbid the poor girl to see her beloved. You call yourself MADAME : Are you learning to dance for a scholar? You call yourself a father? the time when you’ll be too feeble to Well, I call you a fool! walk? MUSIC : Sprightly theme, in and under. NARRATOR : And of the fencing lessons: NARRATOR : Did you ever hear the like MADAME : Are you learning to fence of it? Springtime, and in Paris, and this because you want to murder somebody? Monsieur Jourdain refuses to allow his daughter to see her beloved. Such injus - NARRATOR : But Madame Jourdain’s tice! Such cruelty! However, there are biggest complaint to her husband is ways of getting around such things, and about the way he is treating their love - very often, though Papa says “No,” ly eighteen-year-old daughter Lucile. Mama will say “Yes.” And in many households, it is Mama who has her MADAME : Why don’t you give up all way. So, this very afternoon, Madame this foolishness and horseplay, my hus - Jourdain allows the handsome young band? You’d do much better to think man who loves Lucile to call. His name about getting a husband for Lucile. is Cléonte, and when he arrives, the lovely young girl greets him joyfully. JOURDAIN : I’ll think about getting Lucile married when a suitable hus - LUCILE (Overjoyed ): Cléonte! Is it really band comes along. Till then, I intend to you? Mama told me we would have com - give my mind to studying and learning. pany today, but I never dreamed . . .
MADAME : No doubt all your knowledge CLÉONTE : Ah, my sweet Lucile. That is is very useful! your trouble. Dearest love, you should have dreamed! JOURDAIN : Of course it is. For example, do you know what you are talking this LUCILE : From now on, my beloved very moment? Cléonte, I shall always dream—and only of you! MADAME : Good common sense is what I’m talking! MADAME (Fading on ): Cléonte, my boy, how glad I am that you have come. And
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 21 just at the right moment, too. My hus - rises in the world, and I mean to make band is coming in, so take your chances her a marchioness. and ask him to let you marry Lucile. MADAME : Heaven forbid! Why should CLÉONTE : Ah, madame, no command she marry above her station? Do you could be nearer to my desires, or more want her children to be ashamed to call gracious, or more acceptable to me. you “Grandpa”? Do you want her hus - band to refuse to sit down at our table JOURDAIN (Fading on ): Now, wife, who with us? is this company you want me to meet? (Angrily ) What? Is it you, Cléonte? JOURDAIN : My mind is made up that she shall be a marchioness, and if you CLÉONTE : Sir, I have come to put to you provoke me further, I’ll—I’ll make her a a request that I have long been consid - duchess! ering. May I ask the privilege and honor of becoming your son-in-law? MUSIC : Light theme, in and under.
JOURDAIN : Before giving you a reply, NARRATOR : Needless to say, Madame sir, I must ask you one question. Are Jourdain is furious, Cléonte is dis- you a gentleman? appointed, and as for Lucile—she is heartbroken. But there is a saying: CLÉONTE : I was born, sir, of honorable “When the heart says ‘Yes,’ nobody parents. I have served six years with dares say ‘No.’” And so the three put our glorious French army, and have, I their heads together to try to think of a believe, the money to maintain a pretty way out of the situation. fair place in the world. But if you mean to ask me if I am one of the nobility, I MADAME : Don’t lose heart yet, Cléonte. must, in all honesty, tell you that I am Lucile, my dear, look more cheerful. It is not, as you put it, a gentleman. not the end of the world.
JOURDAIN : That settles it, then. My LUCILE : It might as well be! daughter is not for you! MADAME : Nothing of the sort. We’ll get CLÉONTE : What? around that foolish father of yours yet. First of all, you must tell him firmly LUCILE : But, Papa! that if you can’t marry Cléonte, you will marry nobody at all. JOURDAIN : If you aren’t a gentleman, you can’t have my daughter. CLÉONTE : And then . . . ?
MADAME : What are you talking about? MADAME : And then . . .well, we’ll just You and your gentlemen! Are we have to wait and see. descended from St. Louis? Was Marie Antoinette your cousin? If so, I never MUSIC : Light theme, in and under. knew it before! We are plain, decent, honest people, and so is Cléonte! NARRATOR : During the days that fol - low, Monsieur Jourdain becomes more JOURDAIN : I know what I’m talking active in his pursuit of learning. about. Our daughter will marry a gen - tleman. It is my business to see that she MUSIC MASTER : Now, sir, sing the scale.
22 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com JOURDAIN (In a hoarse voice, off-key ): MUSIC : Happy theme, in and under. Do-re-mi-fa-sol . . . NARRATOR : So what do you suppose PHILOSOPHY TEACHER : Come, Monsieur Cléonte has come up with? He wouldn’t Jourdain. What is natural science? try physical violence—he’s too kind- hearted. Surely he wouldn’t be planning JOURDAIN : Natural science explains the an elopement—he’s too honorable. —ah—the principles of natural—phe - What’s this? Cléonte is going into a nomena in the poppycock. . .populace. . . shop. The sign on the door says properties of matter! “Theatrical Costumes for Rent and Sale.” What can he be up to? DANCING MASTER : Come, Monsieur Jourdain. Faster! Dance faster! One SALES CLERK : Yes, monsieur? What can and two and three and leap! I do for you?
JOURDAIN (Puffing heavily ): One—and CLÉONTE : I’m looking for a disguise. two—and three—and— CLERK : Yes, sir. But what kind? Is it for SOUND : Crash of glass. a show? Or for a party?
NARRATOR : And while Monsieur Jour- CLÉONTE : No, it’s—it’s for a wedding. dain is studying and learning and grow - ing wiser and wiser, the others continue CLERK : A wedding! A disguise for a wed - to try to find a way to thwart his mar - ding, did you say? riage plans for Lucile. CLÉONTE : That’s right. I’d like some - MADAME : How about this. We could— thing that a royal prince might wear. no, that wouldn’t work. CLERK (Humoring him ): Of course. LUCILE : Maybe if we—no, that wouldn’t Might I suggest a grand Turk’s cos - do. tume—as a disguise—for a wedding.
CLÉONTE : Would it be possible for us CLÉONTE : One with a beard! to—no, that’s no use. CLERK : With a beard. You’re going to play MADAME : How about— a practical joke on the groom, are you?
LUCILE : What if we— CLÉONTE : Quite the contrary. I am the groom! MADAME : Shouldn’t we— MUSIC : Happy theme, in and under. CLÉONTE : Wait! I have it! Just the idea! And it’s so simple, I don’t understand NARRATOR : So that’s it! Cléonte is why we didn’t think of it before. going to dress up in the costume, put on the false beard, and present himself to LUCILE, MADAME : What is it? Tell us! Monsieur Jourdain. Why, there he is now, all decked out in his scarlet tur - CLÉONTE : Wait and see. Just leave ban, green bodice, purple pantaloons, everything to me. and busy black beard. In that get-up, Cléonte could fool even his own mother!
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 23 I wonder if his scheme will save the day. that! We mustn’t let that happen!
CLÉONTE (In solemn tone ): The blessings CLÉONTE : Then you will consent to her of Allah upon you, Monsieur Jourdain. becoming my wife?
JOURDAIN (Surprised ): What? Who are JOURDAIN : Consent? Why, I should say you, that call me by my name? so! Yes, yes, my boy—I mean, your highness. And to think I would have CLÉONTE : I am the Paladin, the son of settled for making her a marchioness. the grand Turk. Now she’s to be a princess!
JOURDAIN (Amazed ): The son of the—of MADAME : Ah, husband, this is a wed - the grand Turk himself? The wealthiest ding you’ll never forget! potentate of the East? JOURDAIN : Of course not! It isn’t every - CLÉONTE : Indeed, I am his oldest and one who can become the father-in-law of best-loved son. a prince, or have a daughter who’s a princess! And to think of that bourgeois JOURDAIN : Really? Oh, your honor— Cléonte having the nerve to ask for her your grace –your highness! What is it hand in marriage! Tell me, my wife. Was that you want? What can I do for you? there ever a bigger fool than Cléonte?
CLÉONTE : You can save my life, MADAME (Shrewdly ): Yes, my hus - Monsieur Jourdain—and I know you band, I think there was—one. will not hesitate to do it, for I under - stand that you are a true gentleman. JOURDAIN : And who was that?
JOURDAIN (Amazed ): I? A gentleman? MADAME : Ah, my gentleman of a hus - (Collecting himself ) Oh, of course! I! A band, my nobleman of a husband, my gentleman! And of course I would not shrewd, bright, aristocrat of a husband, hesitate to save your life, but how am I, that is a story I shall tell you in detail, of all people, able to do that? after the wedding.
CLÉONTE : You see, Monsieur, I have JOURDAIN (Laughing ): Very well, after fallen in love with your daughter. the wedding! There’s nothing I like bet - ter than the story of a fool! Ha, ha, ha! I JOURDAIN (Amazed ): With Lucile? hope it’s a good story! ( Grandly ) It must be a story that’s fit to be told to the gen - CLÉONTE : Yes, with Lucile. And if you tleman Jourdain! ( All join in laughter .) will not consent to my marrying her, I know I shall die of a broken heart. MUSIC : Wedding march, full to finish. THE END JOURDAIN : Die! Oh no, you mustn’t do
PRODUCTION NOTES The Would-Be Gentleman CHARACTERS : 2 male; 2 female; 5 SOUND/MUSIC : Crash of glass; light - male or female. hearted music; wedding march. READING TIME : 25 minutes.
24 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com A School for Black Girls is protected Middle and Lower Grades by U.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to use this play in any way unless you are a current subscriber to PLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com). A School for Black Girls
A bold pioneer in equal rights faces racism and resistance when she opens a revolutionary new school in Connecticut. . . .
by Renée C. Rebman
Characters AT RISE : SARAH HARRIS, ELLEN, and JENNY sit in chairs. PRU - PRUDENCE CRANDALL DENCE CRANDALL stands before them, and addresses the class. SARAH HARRIS PRUDENCE ELLEN : Welcome to Canterbury Female Boarding School! My name is JENNY Prudence Crandall. This new school is a very exciting venture for me and REVEREND SAMUEL MAY I hope you will all enjoy your experi - ence here. We have so much to SHERIFF DAVIS learn—together. Now, it’s time we JUDGE begin introductions. Sarah, step for - ward, please. ( SARAH shyly lowers MR. LANDRY her head .) Come, now, don’t be shy. (SARAH rises and stands next to CALVIN PHILLEO PRUDENCE, who addresses other CROWD, extras girls. ) This is Sarah Harris. I guess you could say she was my inspiration for this school.
SCENE 1 SARAH : I didn’t do anything special, TIME : Fall 1832. Miss Crandall.
SETTING : Prudence Crandall’s school is PRUDENCE : Yes, you did. You asked to represented by six simple wood chairs learn. ( To class ) I chose to allow up right. Down left is street. Sarah into my classes. Many people in this town did not feel it was proper
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 25 for black girls to learn along with Stop this behavior immediately! white girls. So I closed my former school and opened this one especially 1ST MAN : We don’t want this school in for you. I will not let you girls down. our town. Canterbury doesn’t need a You have the right to an education. school for black girls. We told you (CROWD enters down left. ) that.
CROWD (Angrily shouting; ad lib ): 1ST WOMAN : You’ve refused to listen Close this school! Black girls don’t to us. We’ll close this school—by any need education! Get out of town! means necessary. You’re not wanted here! ( JENNY looks left, screams, as CROWD pan - PRUDENCE : I’ll never listen to irra - tomimes throwing rocks at school. ) tional prejudice! ( REVEREND SAMUEL MAY enters down left .) PRUDENCE (Alarmed ): What’s wrong, Jenny? REVEREND MAY : Listen to me! Leave Miss Crandall alone, and leave the JENNY : They’re throwing rocks at the girls alone! They want nothing but an building. education.
PRUDENCE : Girls! Stay away from the 2ND MAN : You stay out of this, windows. Get in the center of the Reverend May. room. ( They huddle together .) 2ND WOMAN : You do your preaching ELLEN (Near tears ): Miss Crandall, in church, not here. You’re not wel - they want to hurt us! come here either.
PRUDENCE : They just want to scare us, REVEREND : Welcome or not, I support more than likely. Miss Crandall.
SARAH : I am scared, Miss Crandall. PRUDENCE : Thank you, Reverend. ( To CROWD ) It’s time for you to leave— PRUDENCE : A little fear is to be expect - now. ( No one moves. She addresses ed, but a little bravery would be more REVEREND. ) Reverend May, would helpful right now. you go for Sheriff Davis, please?
SARAH : I understand. REVEREND : I’d be happy to.
PRUDENCE (Defiantly ): I’m going out 3RD WOMAN (Nervously, to others ): there. Maybe this has gone too far. I don’t want to be mixed up with the law. ELLEN (Terrified ): No! Don’t go, Miss Crandall. 3RD MAN : We’ll leave, but we’ll be back. ( CROWD disperses, exits. ) SARAH : Come sit by me, Ellen. Miss Crandall will be all right. PRUDENCE : Excuse me, Reverend. I have a class to teach. PRUDENCE : Thank you, Sarah. ( She exits. Lights fade in classroom. PRU - REVEREND (Smiling with admiration ): DENCE confronts CROWD. ) Stop! You’re a brave woman, Miss Crandall.
26 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com PRUDENCE (With a small smile ): A lit - SARAH : They hate us. tle brave. . .maybe. PRUDENCE : Don’t say that. REVEREND : You know what’s right and you stand up for it, simply and stub - ELLEN (Agreeing ): But it’s true, Miss bornly. Perhaps it’s your Quaker Crandall. upbringing. SARAH : Some people throw rocks at PRUDENCE : Perhaps. Pray I always me when I walk into town. have enough bravery, Reverend. JENNY : And they refuse to sell food to REVEREND : I’ll do that. the school and someone threw garbage down our well. PRUDENCE : Good day. ( She exits. Curtain ) ELLEN (Matter-of-factly ): It’s because * * * they’re white and we’re black. SCENE 2 TIME : June 1833. PRUDENCE (Calmly ): Now, girls, think about it: We have many friends who SETTING : Outside of the school; bare are white. My friend who found a stage. farmer in a neighboring town to bring us food is white. My father brought us AT RISE : PRUDENCE stands, sur - water when our well was poisoned, rounded by JENNY, SARAH, and and he is white. There are many white ELLEN, who are either standing near - people on our side. We’ve overcome all by or sitting on the grass. sorts of obstacles. Our school will remain open. JENNY : What does the Black Law mean, Miss Crandall? SARAH : But this is a law.
SARAH : Will you have to close the PRUDENCE : It is a law I refuse to rec - school? ognize. I’ve told the town that. (SHERIFF DAVIS enters down right .) ELLEN : What will happen to us? SHERIFF DAVIS : Miss Crandall? Could PRUDENCE : Hush, girls. Let me you step over here so I can speak to explain. Last month our state of you for a moment? Connecticut passed the Black Law, which declares that no school can PRUDENCE : What is it, Sheriff Davis? accept black students from other states unless the local people agree to SHERIFF : It might be best if you step it. I’m certain some of the Canterbury away from the students. residents were behind this. PRUDENCE (Making her way through ELLEN (Upset ): It’s my fault, I know it the girls to him ): They can hear any - is! I’m from New Hampshire. thing you have to say. Now, why are you here? JENNY : Don’t be ridiculous, Ellen. SHERIFF : I’m here to arrest you, PRUDENCE : It isn’t anyone’s fault. ma’am. ( Girls, alarmed, gasp .)
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 27 PRUDENCE : Arrest me? tonight. I’ll remain with them until she gets here. ELLEN : No! No! Don’t arrest Miss Crandall—please! PRUDENCE : She’s a good woman; a friend to the school. Thank you for your SHERIFF : You’re in violation of the help. ( To SHERIFF ) Let’s be on our Black Law, Miss Crandall. But if you way. ( She strides out right, followed by pay the bond, you won’t have to spend SHERIFF. ELLEN begins to cry. ) any time in jail. SARAH : Dry your tears, Ellen. PRUDENCE : I’m well aware of that (Students stand together, staring stage ignorant, unfair law. Of course I right, too numb to move. Blackout ) choose to violate it! ( REVEREND * * * enters down left and JENNY runs to SCENE 3 him .) TIME: July 1834.
JENNY (Upset ): Reverend May, the SETTING : At center is courtroom. In Sheriff is here to arrest Miss Crandall. front of judge’s desk is a small table with two wood chairs. REVEREND (Angry ): Yes, Jenny, I heard he was on his way here to do AT RISE : JUDGE is behind his desk. just that, but I can scarcely believe it. CROWD observing the proceedings (To SHERIFF ) Is this true? stands around the perimeter of the courtroom. The people inside the court - PRUDENCE (Speaking up loudly ): It is room should all be still—a frozen true. It is and I’m glad. tableau. PRUDENCE stands down left, speaking with her lawyer, MR. ELLEN (In disbelief ): Glad? Miss Cran- LANDRY, outside of the courtroom. dall, how can you say that? MR. LANDRY : Are you ready, SARAH : Aren’t you afraid to go to jail? Prudence? The judge will give his ver - dict today. JENNY : Pay the bond! PRUDENCE : I’m more than ready, Mr. PRUDENCE : I’ll be happy to spend time Landry. This entire matter has been in your jail, Sheriff. Davis. It will draw drawn out long enough. This is my attention to this ridiculous law. I’ll third trial! Third! I can hardly believe fight it. Just know I’ll fight it! it’s been more than a year since I was first arrested. REVEREND : I can get some bond money together by tomorrow, Miss Crandall. MR. LANDRY : The wheels of justice turn slowly. PRUDENCE : Let’s not waste time, Sheriff Davis. PRUDENCE : I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. You’re a fine lawyer and SHERIFF (Uncomfortably ): Very well, I appreciate your help. ( CALVIN you’re under arrest. PHILLEO enters down left .)
REVEREND : I’ll send Sarah to fetch CALVIN : Miss Crandall? Might I have Mrs. Thomas to stay with the girls a word?
28 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com PRUDENCE (To MR. LANDRY ): Do I small table as JUDGE bangs gavel .) have time to speak to Reverend Philleo? JUDGE : Quiet! This courtroom will come to order! I have reached my deci - MR. LANDRY : Quickly. ( PRUDENCE sion. Will you please rise, Miss and CALVIN move down center. ) Crandall? ( She does. ) The Black Law will stand. ( CROWD cheers. ) Order! CALVIN : Miss Crandall—Prudence. Order! ( JUDGE bangs his gavel and CROWD quiets. ) But Miss Crandall’s PRUDENCE : Yes, Calvin? school will be allowed to remain open.
CALVIN (After a pause ): This is not CROWD (Ad lib in anger ): What does something I wished to say in a rush, this mean? How can he allow this? It’s but. . .Prudence, I want you to know wrong! ( Etc. JUDGE bangs his gavel. ) my feelings and know that no matter Order! I demand order in this court! what the judge rules today, I admire (CROWD quiets once more .) You may you. I came here to watch the trial, go now, Miss Crandall. This court is like many others. But in these past dismissed. ( She exits, followed by MR. few weeks that we’ve gotten to know LANDRY and CALVIN. They stand each other. . .( Nervously ) well, I’ve down right. CROWD disperses quick - become—that is. . . ly, still muttering about the decision. )
PRUDENCE (Smiling ): Ministers aren’t MR. LANDRY (Happily ): Prudence—a usually so tongue-tied. What is it victory! you’re trying to say? PRUDENCE (Furious ): A victory? I’d CALVIN : A Baptist minister and a hardly call it a victory when that Quaker teacher. . . awful law remains on the books!
PRUDENCE : I don’t understand— MR. LANDRY : But you still have your school. Take heart in that. CALVIN (Quickly ): Prudence, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? PRUDENCE (After a pause; more calm - ly ): You’re right. I’m sorry to show my PRUDENCE (Surprised ): Calvin! anger.
MR. LANDRY : Prudence! It’s time to go CALVIN : You’re tired, Prudence. Let in! me take you home.
CALVIN : Prudence, your answer? PRUDENCE : Yes, let’s go home. Goodbye, Mr. Landry—and thank PRUDENCE (To MR. LANDRY ): One you. ( She shakes his hand and exits moment. ( To CALVIN; beaming ) My right with CALVIN. Blackout ) answer is yes. ( They share a quick hug. * * * PRUDENCE joins MR. LANDRY and SCENE 4 they enter the courtroom, followed by TIME : A few weeks later, in the middle CALVIN. As they enter, the observers of the night. and JUDGE break their freeze and the action continues naturally. MR. SETTING : Upstairs hallway of the LANDRY and PRUDENCE sit at school. Bare stage.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 29 AT RISE : ELLEN, JENNY, and SARAH JENNY : They’ll never give up. They run in left, dressed in nightgowns with hate us. blankets or shawls wrapped around them. The sound of glass breaking and CALVIN : Quiet, girls! Be still. ( They all loud crashing and thumping noises are freeze. A pause ) I think they’re leaving. heard. The girls are frantic. PRU - DENCE and CALVIN rush in right. ELLEN : Are you sure? They are also in their robes. PRUDENCE : Hush! ( They all listen—it ELLEN : Miss Crandall! Miss Crandall! is quiet .) (She begins to cry .) CALVIN : I’ll go check the ground floor. JENNY : It’s Mrs. Philleo now, Ellen! You’d all better stay together upstairs. Prudence—put the girls in our room. I’ll PRUDENCE (Urgently ): Hush, girls! be on guard duty the rest of the night. In the morning, I’ll go for the sheriff. SARAH : Stop crying, Ellen! You’re There probably isn’t much he can do for making yourself hysterical. ( Another us, but we need to report this. loud crash is heard. The girls jump. ) PRUDENCE : All right. But I’d like to CALVIN : What are they doing? What is have a word with you before you go. happening? (She turns to girls. ) Girls, please go into our room. I’ll be with you in a JENNY : They’ve broken the windows moment. ( Girls exit right except for downstairs. Do you think they’re SARAH, who lingers at the edge of the going to come inside? ( ELLEN wails. ) stage. PRUDENCE does not notice her as she begins to speak to CALVIN .) SARAH (Irritated ): Oh, do be quiet, Calvin, I’ve reached a decision. Ellen! You always fall apart when any little thing happens. CALVIN : What is it?
ELLEN : This isn’t just a little thing! PRUDENCE : I’m closing the school.
PRUDENCE : Stop squabbling, girls. CALVIN : No! You can’t mean it. Ellen is right. This isn’t just a little thing. Has anyone been hurt? PRUDENCE (Quietly but firmly ): I do mean it. I’ve thought about this so SARAH and JENNY (Ad lib ): No, I’m many times. There’s been so much fine. We’re all right. ( Etc .) vandalism, so much hatred. I can’t take the risk any longer. I’m not afraid ELLEN : I’m not all right, I’m scared! for myself, but if anything ever hap - pened to one of the girls I’d never for - PRUDENCE (Hugging her ): Courage, give myself. I couldn’t live with it. Ellen. Try and be brave. CALVIN : I understand. ( Pause ) You’ve CALVIN : Of course she can be brave. done so much for them. ( He hugs her. )
SARAH : Last year during your trial PRUDENCE (Sadly ): But I couldn’t do they set fire to the school—and now enough. this!
30 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com CALVIN : I’m so sorry. You’re brave. You’ll carry on. Someday, when things are better, when people PRUDENCE (Stepping away from him; finally understand, you can finish the brightly ): Enough of this sadness. Why job for me. Will you do that? don’t you go check the downstairs. ( He exits left. PRUDENCE stands lost in SARAH : I will, I promise. ( Blackout; thought. SARAH steps forward ). curtain. Lights come up and NARRA - TOR enters before curtain to address SARAH : You can’t close the school! audience. )
PRUDENCE (Startled ): Oh, Sarah! NARRATOR : Sarah Harris did continue (After a pause ) You heard. You were Prudence’s work. She became a teacher listening. and taught other black students. Many of the Canterbury students chose SARAH : I’m sorry. I was worried about teaching as their career. you. In 1838, the Black Law was finally repealed in Connecticut. Prudence was PRUDENCE : I have to do this. It’s the living in New York with her husband. only sane thing to do. I can’t risk your They moved back to Canterbury for a lives. short while, then decided to settle in Kansas. Prudence Crandall died in SARAH : But where will we go? ( PRU - 1890. DENCE doesn’t answer .) And what will Her former schoolhouse was pur - I do? chased by the state of Connecticut and turned into a museum and library ded - PRUDENCE : I don’t know. ( Sighing ) I icated to black history and women’s seem to be all out of answers. history. Separate schools for whites and SARAH : But I want to learn. I need to blacks weren’t outlawed until 1954, learn—so I can teach. I want to be a more than 100 years after Prudence teacher like you. first opened her school. Her fight for an equal education for all was an impor - PRUDENCE (Touched ): You do? ( SARAH tant step in our nation’s his tory. nods “yes,” then rushes into THE END PRUDENCE’s arms. She holds her tight .) Then you’ll find a way, Sarah. (Production Notes on next page )
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 31 STATEMENT OF OWNERSHIP, MANAGEMENT, AND CIRCULATION PRODUCTION NOTES 1. Publication Title: PLAYS, The Drama Magazine for Young People 2. Publication No.: 473-810 A School for Black Girls 3. Filing Date: 10/2/2018 4. Issue Frequency: Seven issues per year, monthly except June, (Play on pages 25-31 ) July, August, and September, and bimonthly January/February. 5. Number of Issues Published Annually: 7 CHARACTERS : 5 male; 4 female; as 6. Annual Subscription Price: $59.00. 7. Complete Mailing Address of Known Office of Publication: 897 many male and female extras as Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460 desired. 8. Complete Mailing Address of the Headquarters of General Business Offices of the Publisher: 897 Washington St., #600160, PLAYING TIME : 25 minutes. Newton, MA 02460 COSTUMES : Period clothes of the 9. Full Names and Complete Mailing Address of Publisher, Editor, and Managing Editor: Publisher, Peter A. Dimond, 897 Washington 1830s. In Scene 4, Prudence and girls St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460 ; Editor, Elizabeth Preston, 897 wear nighgowns, robes; Calvin wears Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460; Managing Editor, N/A, 897 Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460 nightshirt and robe. Judge, judge’s 10. Owner and stockholders owning or holding one per cent (1%) or robe. more of total amount of stock: Sterling Partners, Inc., 897 Washington St., #600160, Newton, MA 02460; Peter A. Dimond, 18 PROPERTIES : Gavel; blankets or Sterling St., West Newton, MA 02465; Elizabeth Preston, 18 Sterling shawls. St., West Newton, MA 02465. 11. Known bondholders, mortgagees, and other security holders SETTING : Scene 1, Prudence Crandall’s owning or holding 1 percent or more of total amount of bonds, mort - school, represented by six simple wood gages or other securities: None. 12. Tax status: For completion by nonprofit organizations author - chairs up right. Down left is street. ized to mail at nonprofit rates: N/A Scene 2, outside of the school, repre - 13 Publication Title: PLAYS, The Drama Magazine for Young People 14. Issue Date for Circulation Data Below: Oct. 2018 sented by a bare stage. Scene 3, court - 15. Extent and Nature of Circulation: Average No. Actual No. Copies Each Issue Copies of room. In front of judge’s desk is a small During Preceding Single Issue 12 Months Published Nearest table with two wood chairs. Scene 4, to Filing Date a. Total No. Copies (Net Press Run) 2,012 1,175 upstairs hallway of school. Bare stage. b. Paid Circulation LIGHTING : Lights fade, as indicated. 1. Mailed Outside County Paid SOUND EFFECT Subscriptions Stated on PS Form 3541 1,231 1,089 : Breaking glass, crash 2. Mailed In-County Paid Subscriptions box. Stated on PS Form 3541 00 3. Paid Distribution Outside the Mails including Sales Through Dealers and Carriers, Street Vendors, Counter Sales, and Other Paid Distribution Outside USPS 00 4. Paid Distribution by Other Classes of Mail Through the USPS 45 48 c. Total Paid and/or Requested Circulation (Sum of 15b (1), (2), (3), and (4) 1,276 1,137 d. Free or Nominal Rate Distribution by , 1. Free or Nominal Rate Outside-County Copies included on PS Form 3541 714 10 2. Free or Nominal Rate In-County Copies included on PS Form 3541 0 0 3. Free or Nominal Rate Copies Mailed at Other Classes Through the USPS 10 5 4. Free or Nominal Rate Distribution Outside the Mail (Carriers or Other Means) 00 e. Total Free or Nominal Rate Distribution (Sum of 15d (1), (2) (3) and (4) 724 15 f. Total Distribution (Sum of 15c and 15e) 2,000 1,152 g. Copies Not Distributed 12 23 h. Total (Sum of 15f and g) 2,012 1,175 i. Percent Paid Circulation (15c / 15f x 100) 63% 97% 16. This Statement of Ownership will be printed in the Jan/Feb 2019 issue of this publication. 17. I certify that all information furnished on this form is true and complete. I understand that anyone who furnishes false or mislead - ing information on this form or who omits material or information requested on the form may be subject to criminal sanctions (includ - ing fines and imprisonment) and/or civil sanctions (including civil penalties).
Peter Dimond, Publisher
32 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Middle Grades The Green Glass Ball is protected by U.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to use this play in any way unless you are a current subscriber to PLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com).
The Green Glass Ball Irish folk tale teaches, “ When you wish for something, make it a kind wish. Make it a generous wish.” by Hazel W. Corson
Characters All you have to do is to stroll around without a care in the world while I TINKER carry the pack. DONKEY TINKER : Oh, I work, too. Still, we have TERRY a chance to move about, meeting peo - TWO WOMEN ple and hearing the news. Isn’t that better than staying on a farm, plowing BOY the same field and talking to the same GIRL three people day after day?
TWO MEN DONKEY : If you say so. Here we come MIKE to a village. I have to stop talking now, but you can go on and on. BOY’S MOTHER TINKER OLD WOMAN : I see that you’re in a bad mood this morning, donkey. Cheer up! Who TIM knows what the day will bring? ( They stop center. TINKER shouts in a loud, SCENE 1 singsong voice .) Any rags, any bottles, TIME : Long ago. any bones today? Scissors sharpened! Knives ground! Pots and pans mended! SETTING : A small village in Ireland. I buy old rags, old bottles, old bones! (He takes pack off DONKEY’s back, AT RISE : TINKER and DONKEY enter sets it on the ground. He takes out a right and walk slowly to center. small grindstone and an iron kettle. As he pretends to make a fire in the kettle, TINKER : ‘Tis such a beautiful day! The TERRY enters, carrying a hoe, and sun is shining! The birds are singing! goes up to TINKER .)
DONKEY : That’s all right for you to say! TERRY : Good morning, tinker.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 33 TINKER : Good morning, lad. What’s and waits her turn .) I’ve heard there’s your name? a new ironmonger in the next village who makes good wares, but I’ve not TERRY : My name is Terry, sir. seen his work.
TINKER : And what can I do for you 2ND WOMAN : That would be young today, Terry? Jock. He’s an honest lad, and will do a good job of work at anything he tries. TERRY : I wonder if you can use a boy to (TINKER finishes mending pot, looks travel with you and help you, and it over, and gives it to 1ST WOMAN .) learn to be a tinker? TINKER : There you are, ma’am. That TINKER : You are a likely-looking lad, should serve you for a good long time. Terry, and bound to make a good tin - ker, if you tried. . .but I’m sorry. I have 1ST WOMAN : Thank you, Tinker. And a young nephew, Tim, who is lame. what do I owe you? There are not many things that Tim can do, but he could be a tinker, and I TINKER : Fourpence would be about plan to teach him. right.
TERRY : But how can Tim walk about 1ST WOMAN : And cheap enough, too. the country? I don’t have fourpence, but here is a sack of potatoes. They should be worth TINKER : I must find a way for him to fourpence. ( DONKEY stamps feet ride. Someday in my travels, I’ll find impatiently as TINKER takes sack .) someone with a cart to sell or trade. (Puts his hand on TERRY’s shoulder ) TINKER : Thank you. One can always But you keep trying to learn a trade, eat potatoes. Terry. Be your own man. ( 1ST WOMAN enters, carrying a pot and a 2ND WOMAN : Here are some knives sack. TERRY stands back, leaning on to sharpen, tinker. his hoe, and watching TINKER .) TINKER : I’ll gladly sharpen them, my 1ST WOMAN : Good morning, tinker. good woman. ( He takes knives and pre - Here is a pot I’ve been saving for you tends to sharpen them on his grind - to mend. ( Hands TINKER pot ) stone. As he works, BOY, carrying a kettle and a sack, and GIRL with a TINKER : A good morning to you. ( Looks wooden doll enter right, and TWO the pot over ) There’s many a good soup MEN enter left. All gather around TIN - been cooked in that pot, I’ll be bound. KER. ) A dull knife can be as dangerous as a sharp one, you know. ( MIKE rush - 1ST WOMAN : Yes. By me, and by my es in right. TERRY ducks down behind mother before me. And there’ll be the others, and slips off left .) many a good soup to come, if you can fix it. MIKE : Has anyone seen that good-for- nothing lad, Terry? TINKER : Aye! It can be fixed. And it will still be a better pot than one can 1ST MAN : And where should he be? buy today in most places. ( 2ND WOMAN, carrying a basket, enters MIKE : Hoeing beans in my field.
34 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com 2ND MAN : Maybe that’s where he is, TINKER : It looks like a good crop this Mike. I’ve no doubt you’ll find him. year, but hard to dry. It doesn’t do to put green hay in a barn, or even in a MIKE : I doubt it! haycock. The hay heats up and may catch on fire. Why, only last week such TINKER : And what is Terry to you, sir? a thing happened to Jim Kelly. His barn was filled with hay and it caused a fire. MIKE : He is a boy I keep, out of the kindness of my heart, because he ALL (Ad lib, excitedly ): Think of that! belongs to none. And a great worry he Kelly’s barn! A terrible thing! ( Etc .) is, with his hungry mouth and his shiftless ways. TINKER (Handing kettle to BOY ): Here you are, my lad. TINKER : Then why not take him to young Jock, the ironmonger, in the BOY : Thank you, tinker. ( Takes kettle, next village? He may need a boy. but stays to watch )
2ND MAN : Aye. Jock is looking for a GIRL : My doll has a broken leg, tinker. likely boy. Can you fix her? ( TINKER looks at doll, hunts through his pockets .) MIKE : I may do that. The boy will never make a farmer! ( Stomps off ) TINKER : Now, I have no wood like that at ·all. Do you have the broken leg? TINKER : Here are your knives, ma’am. Be careful, now. ( Hands them to 2ND GIRL : Here it is. WOMAN ) TINKER : Well, that’s not bad. ( He works 2ND WOMAN : Thank you, tinker, and on doll .) I’ll make a little hole here, and how much for the knives? one here. Now a bit of wire to fasten it together, and here she is. She can bend TINKER : Sixpence, all told. her knee. ( Hands doll back )
2ND WOMAN : I have no money, but GIRL : Oh, thank you, tinker. Here is a here are some cabbages that should pretty pebble for you. It is my good luck worth sixpence. ( Hands him cabbages pebble. ( Hands pebble to TINKER ) from basket ) TINKER : Thank you. It is a very pretty TINKER : Thank you, ma’am, and good pebble. ( DONKEY stamps .) luck to you. ( DONKEY stamps .) BOY’S MOTHER (Rushing in ): So here BOY : My mother wants to know if you you are! I didn’t say you could stay all can mend her kettle. All she to pay is day! I’m waiting for that kettle. this bag of apples. ( TINKER takes bag and puts it with his pack . ) TINKER : Don’t be hard on the boy, ma’am. He had to wait his turn. TINKER : I guess I can do it. It isn’t a big hole. ( Takes kettle, starts to work on it ) MOTHER : If I know him, he waited a bit more than his turn. ( Takes BOY by 1ST MAN : How is the haying around the ear, and leads him off. TINKER the country coming on, Tinker? starts to pack up his things .)
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 35 1ST MAN : I’d better go, or my wife will KEY stamps and sniffs loudly .) be after me by the ear. Come again soon, tinker. You always bring us TINKER : This is very pretty, Mother, news to think about. ( As he exits ) but neither my donkey nor I can eat it. Think of it—Jim Kelly ‘s barn! OLD WOMAN : Ah, but this is a magic 2ND MAN : ’Twas a good thing you did ball, and better than food. for young Terry. I’ll put in a good word with Jock for the boy myself. Now I TINKER (Sighing ): I know of nothing must be off, too. Goodbye, tinker. ( He better than food. exits, followed by GIRL and WOMEN .) OLD WOMAN : Hold this magic ball in TINKER (Waving ): Goodbye. ( OLD your hand and make a wish—one wish WOMAN hobbles on, carrying kettle .) only—for the thing you want most in the world, and it will come true. OLD WOMAN (In a quavering voice ): Can you fix my kettle, tinker? TINKER : Oh, I don’t believe it.
TINKER (Examining kettle ): Now, that OLD WOMAN : It is true. The fairies is as old a kettle as I have ever seen, made this ball many years ago and but still, a good kettle. Yes, I can fix it. gave it to a mortal. Since that time, it has passed from person to person. OLD WOMAN : Many a year has that each making one wish. I was the last kettle hung in the fireplace, and to have it, and now you. strange stories it could tell. ( TINKER works on kettle and soon finishes. ) TINKER : Why didn’t you wish for gold when you had the chance, Mother? TINKER : Here is your kettle, Mother. Then you could be paying me now.
OLD WOMAN : Bless you, tinker. It has OLD WOMAN : Alas, I wished my one been many a year since anyone called wish many years ago, when I was me “Mother.” “Old Goodie Blakewell” young, and it was not a kind wish or a they call me, or even “Old Witch generous wish and little good it did Blakewell,” but never “Mother.” me. I hope you will not wish foolishly, as I did. Think well before you wish TINKER : The more shame to them for and perhaps you will fare better than their bad manners, Mother. I, but remember, fairy wishes can be dangerous. No good comes from them, OLD WOMAN (Taking kettle and look - unless the fairies really want you to ing it over ): Now that is a good job of have the wish, or unless you make the mending, young man. I can see that wish for someone else. Good luck to you are no ordinary tinker. you. ( She exits. )
TINKER : Thank you. TINKER (Watching her leave ): Well, donkey, now we have a green glass OLD WOMAN : I have no money to pay ball, and one fairy wish. you, but you have been so kind to a poor old woman that I will give you a special DONKEY (Crossly ): And much good gift. ( She takes a green glass ball from may it do us. ( Curtain ) her pocket, hands it to TINKER. DON - * * *
36 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com SCENE 2 Tim to meet us. Don’t you fill his mind TIME : A short while later. with complaining. ( TIM enters. He pats DONKEY on the head, and smiles SETTING : A country road. The scene is at TINKER .) played before the curtain. TIM : Donkey, you and Uncle have been AT RISE : TINKER and DONKEY enter quarreling. What is it this time? right and walk to center. DONKEY : The usual. I can’t teach the TINKER : It’s been a good day, donkey. the tinker anything. He goes his own, Jock the ironmonger will take young easygoing way. He works for nothing. Terry, we will be getting home early, Today we did not take in even one coin. and a fine lot of business we did today! TINKER : But we did a good day’s work, DONKEY : If you call it business—lis - and are better off than we were this tening to a lot of chatterboxes. morning. Besides, we have a magic ball.
TINKER : Everyone brought me some - TIM : A magic ball? thing to mend or sharpen. TINKER : See how beautiful it is, and DONKEY : They did, indeed, and not as how the light shines through it. ( Holds much as one tuppence in the lot of them. up ball )
TINKER : They all brought something. DONKEY : Humph! You said yourself We have potatoes, apples, cabbages— that we can’t eat it.
DONKEY : And the green glass ball! TINKER : True enough! But something That was the most useless thing of all, beautiful is worth any price. unless you count the pebble. TIM : How did you get it? TINKER : I am not so sure of that. TINKER : An old woman gave it to me DONKEY : Well, I am. What am I to eat for mending her kettle. She said I tonight? must hold it in my hand and make a wish—only one wish—for the thing I TINKER : There is plenty of grass, and I want most in the world, and it will know you always like a fine red apple. come true. She said to me ( Imitates OLD WOMAN’S voice ), “I had my DONKEY : You should have kept the old wish years ago, and little good it did woman’s kettle, and exchanged it for me.” Then she told me to think well oats for me. before I wished.
‘TINKER : Now, donkey, what would the TIM : Are you going to try it? poor old woman do without her kettle? TINKER : I am, indeed! I have only been DONKEY : I care not what poor old waiting for you to help me. Now, what women do. I care about poor little me. shall I wish for?
TINKER : Oh, donkey, you have been TIM : Don’t you think you should put it complaining all day. Look, here comes down until you are ready to wish,
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 37 Uncle? It would be too bad to wish by TIM (Standing ): Oh, Uncle! What have accident. you done?
TINKER : True enough. ( They all sit, TINKER (Jumping up ): I didn’t mean it! with DONKEY sitting in front of cur - I forgot that the ball was in my hands. tain opening. TINKER places ball in How could I know that the wish would front of him .) really come true? ’Twas only a little old woman who said so! How sorry I TIM : What do you want most? am! What can I do?
DONKEY : Why don’t you wish for a lot TIM (Slowly ): Do you think I could of money? Then you could buy me oats have a wish? every day. TINKER : I don’t know why not. TINKER : Money isn’t everything. Why don’t I wish for a fine cart ? TIM : Then I’ll wish for donkey to be back.
DONKEY : So I can pull it around the TINKER : Oh, Tim! ’Twould please me country, I suppose. No, thank you. greatly to have the donkey back, cross as he is sometimes. But what about TINKER : If you are so smart, what you? Would you not like to be cured of would you have me wish for? your lameness?
DONKEY : Why don’t you wish to be a TIM : I would rather have the donkey king? Then I could be the king’s little back, and you happy again, Uncle. Let donkey. I would have a fine stable to me give my wish to you and the don - live in, and grooms to care for me. key. ( TINKER gives· the ball to TIM, What a life! who places it carefully on the ground .)
TINKER : What a life indeed! A king has TINKER : Wish carefully, Tim. Fairy many worries. He may live in a fine wishes are tricky. ( Puts ball into TIM’s palace, with many servants, and fine hands; leans forward, anxiously ) food, but a king can never be sure who his friends are. He must watch him - TIM (Slowly ): I wish the tinker’s little self, and guard the country. A king donkey back from the ends of the earth, gets old before his time. That is a stu - alive and well, as he was when he left. pid wish, donkey. ( TINKER picks up (There is a crash and a bang and DON - the ball to watch the light shine on it .) KEY bursts through curtains .)
DONKEY (Angrily ): So now you say I DONKEY (Angrily ): What a trick to am stupid! Ha! I don’t know what you play on your faithful little donkey! would do without me to help you. If it How could you be so thoughtless? Now were not for me you would starve. you have wasted your wish!
TINKER (Angrily, to DONKEY ): I have TIM : But, donkey, we used my wish to listened to your scolding all this day bring you back. If you are going to be and I am tired of it. I wish you were at so bad-tempered, we shall be sorry the ends of the earth! ( There is a crash that we didn’t leave you at the ends of and a bang. DONKEY disappears the earth. ( DONKEY hangs his head .) through the opening of the curtain .)
38 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com TINKER : Oh, my poor little donkey. TINKER (Sadly ): It’s too late, Mother. I How glad I am to have you back! Are wished foolishly. If I had only I had you all right? wished for the cart, Tim could go with us when we travel. DONKEY (Thoughtfully ): Yes, I guess I am. It’s too bad we lost the wishes. It DONKEY : Why didn’t you remind me was my fault. I complained too much. that we wanted the cart for Tim?
TINKER : It was as much my fault. I lost TINKER : I guess I didn’t think of it. my temper. ( Hugs DONKEY ) OLD WOMAN : But no one was hurt by TIM : What are you going to do with the your foolish wish? ball now, Uncle? TINKER : No. Tim made a wish that TINKER : It isn’t any good to us any - fixed everything. more, and somehow it doesn’t seem beautiful to me now. I’ll toss it away. OLD WOMAN : What’s done is done! (Starts to throw ball away ) Give me the ball.
TIM : Wait, Uncle! Suppose someone TINKER : And what will you do with it? finds it and makes a terrible wish? OLD WOMAN : It is a dangerous thing. DONKEY : Or a careless wish, not I know a place, far from here, where knowing it would come true? there is a deep bog filled with quick - sand. I will drop it in the middle of TINKER : I didn’t think of that. This that bog and it will drop out of sight magic ball could cause a lot of trouble. forever. I’ll smash it. TIM : It will be like giving it back to the TIM : But what if each piece is magic? fairies. There might be millions of terrible wishes made, and that would be worse OLD WOMAN : We cannot be sure of than ever.. that. The glass ball has been with mortals for many a year. The fairies DONKEY : What can we do with it? may not take it back. (They all think. OLD WOMAN is heard calling from behind curtain .) TINKER : And then, what?
OLD WOMAN : Tinker! Tinker! ( TIN - OLD WOMAN : Who can say? It ‘s too KER, TIM, and DONKEY look around. late for you, and too late for me, but OLD WOMAN enters. ) Oh, tinker! Are we must warn all our friends. ( TIN - you all right? I’ve been worried ever KER hands her the ball. She starts to since I gave you that ball. exit. ) Warn them all never to make a mean wish. Tell them, “When you TINKER : Yes, Mother. I’m all right. But wish for something, make it a kind how did you find me? How did you get wish. Make it a generous wish. You here? may be standing on the green glass ball.” ( She exits, and curtain falls .) OLD WOMAN : Never mind that. I’m here THE END to stop you from making a bad wish. (Production Notes on next page )
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 39 PRODUCTION NOTES The Green Glass Ball (Play on pages 33-39 )
CHARACTERS : 8 male; 5 female; as knives, cabbages; kettle; sack of apples; many extras as desired for other vil - wooden doll; pebble; black kettle for lagers. Old Woman; green glass ball. PLAYING TIME : 20 minutes. SETTING : A small village in Ireland. No COSTUMES : Peasant dress. Old Woman special set pieces are neccessary. Scene wears ragged clothes. Donkey wears a 2 is played before the curtain, so that donkey mask. Terry carries a hoe. Donkey may disappear through cur - PROPERTIES : Tinker’s pack, containing tain opening at center. grindstone and iron kettle; pot; sac of LIGHTING : No special effects. potatoes; basket containing cardboard SOUND : Crashing sound.
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40 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com Mystery of the Gumdrop Dragon is Middle and Lower Grades protected by U.S. copyright law. It is unlawful to use this play in any way unless you are a current subscriber to PLAYS Magazine (www.playsmagazine.com). Mystery of the Gumdrop Dragon The princess’s beloved pet is missing, and the search is on. Can the dragon be found so happiness is restored in the kingdom? . . .
by Gerry Lynn Burtle
Characters AT RISE : TWO GUARDS stand at attention at either side of stage. TWO GUARDS PRINCESS enters, weeping, followed PRINCESS by LADY CANDY FLOSS, LADY LEMON DROP, and LADY TAFFY, LADY CANDY FLOSS who are wringing their hands and whispering to one another. PRIN- LADY LEMON DROP CESS sits on throne, ladies in chairs. LADY TAFFY PRINCESS : Alas, what woe has fallen on PAGE our Candyland Kingdom today! COURT SCRIBE Whoever could have stolen my Gumdrop Dragon? TOWN CRIER THREE CLOWNS LADY LEMON DROP : If you ask me, it was the Keeper of the Town Museum. WIZARD He always did think the Gumdrop GATEKEEPER Dragon would look lovely stuffed and mounted. ( PRINCESS wails. ) PRINCE PEPPERMINT STICK SIR SOURBALL LADY TAFFY : Now, now, Princess, I’m sure the Museum Keeper would never GUMDROP DRAGON take your beloved pet.
CANDY FLOSS : Princess, I have an idea! SCENE 1 You might send the Town Crier SETTING : Throne room in Kingdom of throughout Candyland, with a procla - Candyland. Throne is center, with mation offering a reward to the person chairs on either side. who finds the Gumdrop Dragon.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 41 PRINCESS : Why, that’s a wonderful idea! SCRIBE : In that case, if you’ll excuse me, Your Highness, I’ll get my handkerchief LEMON DROP (Tartly ): Just what would ready. I always cry when I write sad you offer as a reward? things. ( He pulls handkerchief from sleeve, holds it ready at his nose. ) Now, PRINCESS (Slowly ): Why, I hadn’t then, Princess, if you will, proceed. thought about that. I don’t know. PRINCESS : My pet Gumdrop Dragon LEMON DROP (Crossly ): I thought not. was stolen from his cage in the court - Then I’d say it isn’t a very good idea. yard. No trace of him can be found. (SCRIBE begins to sniffle .) I would like TAFFY : I disagree. The idea is a very you to write a proclamation to send good one, and I know it can work. throughout the kingdom, offering a Simply put into your proclamation that reward for his return. whoever finds the Gumdrop Dragon may choose his own reward. SCRIBE (Sniffling into handkerchief ): Your every word is my command, PRINCESS (Excited ): Of course! The Princess. ( He takes roll of paper and very thing! Now, how does one go about feather pen from under his cap. TAFFY sending a proclamation? I’ve never done brings him an ink well; he dips his pen it before. into it, then goes toward 1ST GUARD, holding pen and paper. 1ST GUARD TAFFY : Call in the Court Scribe. He will bends over, and SCRIBE places paper write the proclamation on a scroll, and on his back .) Begin, Princess. the Town Crier will read it throughout the land. ( PRINCESS claps her hands, PRINCESS : Please address this procla - and PAGE enters and bows .) mation to all the people of the kingdom.
PRINCESS : Send the Court Scribe to me SCRIBE : Uh-h-h, how about something at once, please. like, “Hear ye! Hear ye! All ye good peo - ple of the kingdom! This is a proclama - PAGE : Yes, Your Highness. At once! tion from the Princess of Candyland.” (Exits ) PRINCESS : Yes, that’s perfect. Now say PRINCESS : I do hope this will work. something about the reward for bring - ing back my Gumdrop Dragon. TAFFY : I’m sure the Dragon will be found. SCRIBE : What is the reward, Princess?
PAGE (Reentering and bowing ): The PRINCESS : They may choose anything Court Scribe! ( SCRIBE enters and they want. bows as PAGE exits .) SCRIBE : Very generous of you, Princess. SCRIBE : At your service, Your Highness. (Writes for a moment ) It will go this What will it be—a poem, a story of way, then: ( Reads ) “The Princess of magic? Candyland offers a reward to anyone who finds her missing pet, the Gumdrop PRINCESS : Neither. Today the task I Dragon, and the villain who stole him place before you is not a happy one. away. The person returning both to her may choose anything he or she desires
42 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com for a reward.” ( Looks up ) I would sug - TAFFY : My, such a nice strong voice! gest ending it with a “Hear ye! Hear ye!” TOWN CRIER (Looking up ): Thank you, PRINCESS (Happily ): Excellent! Very Lady Taffy, but please, no interrup - well worded. ( SCRIBE finishes writing tions. I cannot work with interruptions. with a flourish, then rolls up paper It is one of the rules. and hands it to PRINCESS .) Thank you. I’m very grateful to you. PRINCESS : Please continue, Town Crier. No one will interrupt again. SCRIBE : Thank you, Princess. ( Bows and exits. PRINCESS claps her hands TOWN CRIER : Thank you, Princess. and PAGE enters .) Now, let me see. Where was I? ( Read- ing ) “The Princess of Candyland offers a PAGE : Yes, Your Highness. reward to anyone who finds her missing pet, the Gumdrop Dragon, and the vil - PRINCESS : Bring the Town Crier to the lain who stole him away. The person throne room, please. returning both to her may choose any - thing he or she desires for a reward. PAGE : Yes, Your Highness. Right away! Hear ye! Hear ye!” (Exits ) PRINCESS : Beautifully done. I shall PRINCESS (Holding up paper ): And now depend on you to read it throughout the to send my proclamation throughout kingdom, and to see that every one of the kingdom for all to hear. my subjects hears it.
PAGE (Reentering and bowing ): The TOWN CRIER : You can depend on me, Town Crier, Your Highness. ( TOWN Your Highness. I will not fail you. CRIER enters, bows. ) (Clicks heels together, bows low, exits )
TOWN CRIER : Your Majesty. How may I PRINCESS : And now I must hope with be of service? all my heart that because I believe it will be so, my Gumdrop Dragon will be PRINCESS : Town Crier, I would like you returned to me. ( Curtain ) to take this proclamation throughout * * * the kingdom for me, and read it to all SCENE 2 my people. ( Hands paper to him ) TIME : One week later.
TOWN CRIER : Glad to do it, Princess. SETTING : Same as Scene 1. Would you like to hear me read it now? I’ve a very good voice, you know. AT RISE : PRINCESS is on throne, sur - rounded by ladies, who appear deject - PRINCESS : I should like that very much. ed. GUARDS stand at right and left. Thank you. ( TOWN CRIER takes deep breath, clears throat. ) CANDY FLOSS : Princess, the sun is shining this morning, and the birds are TOWN CRIER (Reading; loudly ): “Hear singing. Won’t you try to smile? ye! Hear ye! All ye good people of the kingdom! This is a proclamation from PRINCESS (Sighing ): I will never smile the Princess of Candyland.” again. A week has passed, and no one has found my beloved Gumdrop Dragon.
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 43 TAFFY : I fear the Gumdrop Dragon is Hurray, hurry, today’s the day, gone for good. You must learn to live Today’s the day, we’ve chosen to play. without him, Princess. Of course today could be any day, ’Cause any day is the day that we play. LEMON DROP (Sharply ): I never did (They do somersaults and pretend to think we’d find that Dragon. hide from one another behind throne . (PRINCESS sobs softly. ) All laugh but PRINCESS, who lowers head and weeps .) TAFFY : Princess, do try to be cheerful. When you are sad, the whole Kingdom TAFFY : Enough, enough. You have done of Candyland is sad. your best, but it does not make the Princess happy. You may go now, and PRINCESS : How can I be happy, when thank you for trying. ( CLOWNS exit .) my heart is broken? CANDY FLOSS : Well, let’s not give up. CANDY FLOSS : Perhaps we can mend it Try the Wizard. He’s a master of magic. for you. Perhaps he can cheer the Princess. (TAFFY claps again. PAGE enters .) PRINCESS : You may try, but I am sure nothing will ever make me smile again. PAGE : You called me, Lady Taffy?
TAFFY : Nevertheless, may I have your TAFFY : Bring the Chocolate Wizard here permission to call the Clowns? at once.
PRINCESS : You may call them. ( TAFFY PAGE : Yes, Lady Taffy. ( Exits ) claps her hands. PAGE enters .) CANDY FLOSS : My Princess, if you will TAFFY : Send the Clowns to the throne observe the Wizard carefully, his tricks room, please. will fascinate you, and you will soon for - get all about the Gumdrop Dragon. PAGE : Yes, Lady Taffy. At once. ( Exits ) PRINCESS : I will never forget the PRINCESS : I do not think the Clowns Gumdrop Dragon. will seem funny to me today. PAGE (Entering ): The Chocolate TAFFY : But perhaps they will. Wizard! ( Exits as WIZARD enters, removes his hat, and bows ) PAGE (Entering ): The Clowns! (CLOWNS enter, tumbling over each WIZARD : Good day. And what would the other. All but PRINCESS laugh. good people of the court like to see this CLOWNS bow. PAGE exits .) morning? Perhaps a white rabbit. (Pulls toy rabbit from hat ) 1ST CLOWN : Good day. We’re here as you can see. . .somewhere. ( He looks PRINCESS : You are a wizard, and wiz - around to see where, and all but ards are supposed to be very wise. Can PRINCESS laugh again .) our you read the future? Highness, we are at your service. What would you like? A song, perhaps? WIZARD : Alas, my Princess, I cannot. Actually, though I hate to admit it, I am CLOWNS (Reciting together; merrily ): nothing but an overglorified magician.
44 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com PRINCESS : Oh, I am so sorry. I know PRINCESS : Oh, I hope it’s about my how you must feel. I, too, am unhappy. Gumdrop Dragon!
LEMON DROP : Here, here, that will do, TAFFY : We shall soon know. Wizard. You’ve done enough damage. Begone! PAGE (Entering ): The Keeper of the Gates! ( Exits, as GATEKEEPER enters, WIZARD : Alas, I have failed again. bows, and approaches PRINCESS )
PRINCESS : That’s not so. It’s not your GATEKEEPER (Excitedly; out of breath ): fault that you failed to cheer me. It just Your Highness! A strange thing! Yes, can’t be done, that’s all. indeed, a very strange thing.
WIZARD : Thank you for your kindness, LEMON DROP : Speak up, and stop sput - Princess. I hope you recover your happi - tering. The Princess is waiting. ness soon. ( Bows; exits ) GATEKEEPER : Yes, my lady. I’m sorry, PRINCESS : It is not fair for me to be Princess, but I am out of breath. I ran happy, when my Gumdrop Dragon may all the way from the gate to tell you be lonely somewhere, a prisoner of the what I’ve seen. terrible villain who took him from me. (Wails ) Oh, what a dreadful thought— PRINCESS : And what have you seen? my Gumdrop Dragon may be a prisoner! (Weeps. Ladies gather around and con - GATEKEEPER : This morning from the sole her as curtain closes. ) gatehouse tower, I saw a strange proces - * * * sion winding its way toward the town. SCENE 3 TIME : That afternoon . PRINCESS : Is that so?
SETTING : Same . GATEKEEPER : I could not see at first what it was, but as it came nearer, I AT RISE : Court is assembled as in began to make out certain figures. First Scene 2. PAGE stands before throne. came a young man, and next—
PAGE : Your Highness, I came as fast as PRINCESS (Excitedly ): Next? I could. The Gatekeeper begs an audi - ence with you. He says he has impor - GATEKEEPER : Next, Your Highness, tant news. came the Gumdrop Dragon!
PRINCESS : Do you think it’s about my PRINCESS (Overjoyed ): The Gumdrop Gumdrop Dragon? A week and a day Dragon! Are you sure? have passed since he disappeared. GATEKEEPER : Yes, Your Highness. They PAGE : He wouldn’t say, Princess. He have already passed through my gates, will talk only to you. Will you see him? and are now on their way to the castle.
PRINCESS : Of course! Please send him PRINCESS : At last! Prepare a feast. Let in. there be laughing and rejoicing! We must celebrate the return of my PAGE : Yes, Your Highness. ( He exits. ) Gumdrop Dragon!
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 45 GATEKEEPER (Hesitantly ): Your High- thief who took him. Both I return you. ness, there were others in the proces - sion, too. Even the villain who stole the PRINCESS : Again my thanks to you, sir. Dragon. He is in chains, at the end of May I ask you whence you come? the line. PRINCE : I come from the neighboring PRINCESS : Let them all come, including kingdom of Peppermint Green. I was the villain. He, too, knows what it is like traveling through your kingdom when I to be a prisoner, as my Gumdrop heard the proclamation. I immediately Dragon was. Thank you for your joyful joined the search. news. PRINCESS : And luck was with you! GATEKEEPER : You’re welcome, Princess. (Bows and exits, as PAGE enters ) PRINCE : Indeed, for I was fortunate enough to stumble upon the entrance of PAGE : Your Highness, the victor, a a tiny cave hidden away in the Marsh- young prince, and his prisoner are here, mallow Mountains. I stopped to investi - and your subjects are greeting the gate, and found your Gumdrop Dragon Gumdrop Dragon. tied up inside.
PRINCESS : Wonderful! Bring the prince PRINCESS : How cruel! But what of the to me at once. I must welcome him roy - villain? ally. PRINCE : The villain was not to be seen, PAGE : With pleasure, Your Highness. so I settled myself at the mouth of the (Exits ) cave to await his return.
TAFFY : He must be a very brave prince PRINCESS : How brave of you! to have found the Gumdrop Dragon and captured the thief who took him. CANDY FLOSS : Please, tell us what hap - pened then. PRINCESS : Oh, I am sure he is brave and good. PRINCE : I had not long to wait. Just as night was falling, the villain sneaked PAGE (Entering ): Prince Peppermint back to the cave, with food for the gum - Stick! ( PRINCE PEPPERMINT drop Dragon. I challenged him with my STICK enters, wearing crown. He sword, but he was a coward, and sur - removes crown and bows low to rendered immediately without a fight. PRINCESS. PAGE exits .) PRINCESS : You are very brave, my PRINCE : Princess of Candyland, it is an Prince, and you shall have your reward. honor. For many years I have heard of But first—( Claps hands; PAGE enters. ) you. I am delighted to meet you at last. PAGE : Yes, Your Highness. PRINCESS : You are very kind, noble sir. Is it true you have found my beloved PRINCESS : Bring here the villain who Gumdrop Dragon? stole my Gumdrop Dragon.
PRINCE : Yes, Princess, it is true. I have PAGE : Yes, Your Highness. ( Exits ) found the Gumdrop Dragon and the
46 PLAYS • playsmagazine.com CANDY FLOSS : The villain! PRINCESS (Kindly ): Oh, poor Sir Sourball. You aren’t a wicked villain at PRINCESS : Never fear. He will harm no all. You’re just an unhappy one. one. I would like to talk with him, that is all. SOURBALL (Sobbing ): I wish I’d never taken the Gumdrop Dragon. PAGE (Entering ): The villain! ( He exits. SIR SOURBALL enters in chains and PRINCESS : Listen to me, Sir Sourball. stands before PRINCESS without To be happy, what you need are friends. bowing. ) SOURBALL : But where am I going to PRINCESS : You are now in the presence find any friends? of a princess, villain. You will please bow. ( SIR SOURBALL bows. ) PRINCESS : We’re all your friends here. Aren’t we, Court of Candyland? SIR SOURBALL : Excuse me, Your Highness, but I’ve never been in the ALL (Together; ad lib ): Yes! Of course! presence of a princess before. I didn’t Certainly! ( Etc .) know I had to bow. SOURBALL : They are? Oh, I’m so happy! PRINCESS (Coldly ): Now, villain, what is your name? PRINCESS : Now you can help us cele - brate the return of my Gumdrop SOURBALL : My name is Sir Sourball. Dragon. Guards, remove Sir Sourball’s chains. He is no longer a villain. ( While PRINCESS : You stole my dragon. That GUARDS remove chains, PRINCESS was a very bad thing to do. claps hands. PAGE enters .) Page, bring in the Clowns, the Wizard, the Court SOURBALL (Sadly ): Yes, I know. Scribe, the Town Crier, the Gatekeep- er—everyone who tried to cheer me up PRINCESS : Then why did you do it? and help me find the Gumdrop Dragon.
SOURBALL : I will tell you, Princess. The PAGE : Yes, Your Highness! people of Candyland are all happy, except me. I’m terribly unhappy. So one SOURBALL : I think I’d better go now. day, I decided to do something about it. First of all, I looked around to see what PRINCESS : No! Please stay. You’re sorry was making the people of Candyland you took my Gumdrop Dragon, and happy. And I discovered what was mak - that’s all that matters. ing them happy was you, Princess. SOURBALL : Thank you, Princess. You PRINCESS : Me! are very kind. ( PAGE reenters, followed by CLOWNS, WIZARD, SCRIBE, SOURBALL : Yes. And I discovered that TOWN CRIER, and GATEKEEPER .) you were happy because you had the Gumdrop Dragon. So I thought he’d PRINCESS : Welcome! Let us begin the make me happy, too. Only it didn’t celebration and welcome the Gumdrop work. I was still unhappy. Not only Dragon home. that, but I made you unhappy, and all the people of Candyland, too. ALL : Hurray! ( GUMDROP DRAGON
JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2019 47 runs in and trots to PRINCESS, who gifts one can have is the gift of friend - hugs him .) ship, I can’t imagine anything better than to call you my friend. Would you PRINCESS : Oh, my darling Gumdrop consider being my friend? Dragon! You’re home! You’re home, thanks to Prince Peppermint Stick! PRINCESS : Why, of course! It would be my greatest pleasure to be the friend of PRINCE : I was only too happy to be of a prince so true and brave. ( She and service, Princess. PRINCE shake hands .)
PRINCESS : And now, Prince Peppermint ALL (Together ): Stick, you must choose your reward— Hurray for the Gumdrop Dragon! anything you like. Hurray for our Princess fair! Hurray for the Prince so brave, PRINCE : Princess, I have just witnessed And the villain who gave us a scare! your kindness, generosity, and under - (Curtain ) standing, and I see how much your peo - THE END ple love you. Since one of the greatest
PRODUCTION NOTES Mystery of the Gumdrop Dragon
CHARACTERS : 2 male; 4 female; 11 male cal symbols. Gumdrop Dragon, green or female for Guards, Page, Court papier-mâché costume, trimmed with Scribe, Town Crier, Clowns, Wizard, candy. Gatekeeper, and Gumdrop Dragon. PROPERTIES : Handkerchief; roll of PLAYING TIME : 20 minutes. paper; inkwell; toy white rabbit; wand; COSTUMES : Princess, Prince, Ladies, chains. Guards, traditional court attire. Sir SETTING : Throne room in the Kingdom Sourball, a suit of “armor.” Court of Candyland. Princess’s throne is cen - Scribe, tights, short jacket, cap with ter, and chairs are at either side. Table quill. Town Crier, black cape and hat. with inkwell is at right. Clowns, clown costumes. Wizard, long LIGHTING : Lights dim, for moonlight, as cloak and hat decorated with astrologi - indicated in text.
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