2017 ABA Law Student Division Best Newspaper Award-Winner Law Weekly Wednesday, 6 September 2017 The Newspaper of the School of Law Since 1948 Volume 70, Number 2 A View around north From grounds August 12th Thumbs up to the Rain or Shine, We UVa Football Team winning on Satur- Observers day. The only thing Adele Stichel (she/her/hers) ’19 that surprises ANG more Amanda Lineberry (she/her/hers) than the fact that UVa still ‘19 Dandelion has a football team is that Campbell Haynes (he/him/his) ‘19 William & Mary also has a Courtney Koelbel (she/her/hers) football team. ‘19 Elizabeth Sines (she/her/hers) ‘19 Leanne Chia (she/her/hers) ‘19 Thumbs down to Starbucks for fak- The following is a reflec- ing out ANG on the tion by UVa law students start of PSL season. who attended actions on ANG dressed in leggings, August 11 and 12 as either Uggs, and a Northface jacket counter-protesters or le- on Sept 1st FOR NOTHING. gal observers. We write to the UVa law community to share our perspectives Congratulations with you directly and to to Zach Britt and explain why and how we Dan Richardson, were involved. EIC of the Virginia We did not consider our Law Review, on their wed- decision to take part in ding this weekend. ANG the counter-protests to hopes there’s an open bar. be without consequence, Best wishes! but it was still an easy call for most of us. We knew of the potential for Thumbs down to violence. For those of us the Virginia Law who participated in OGI, Review for solicit- we knew that our involve- ing student-written articles ment could harm our ca- on current events. That’s reer prospects. ANG’s domain. If VLR wants Still, we believe that to start a turf war over half- white supremacy and baked student editorials, it Nazism are so vile and should at least bring pizza. threatening to our democ- Photo courtesy of Greg Ranzini racy that they should be Greg Ranzini (he/him/his) ‘18 Solo cups. I’m still not en- confronted directly. For News Editor case, switching to Fountains tirely sure what their theme Thumbs up to those of us involved in the of Wayne did not avail them. was, but considering they had Softball Season protests, we drowned out Dandelion made a damp “Drag, but not even commit- the leather jacket already, starting. ANG ap- the Nazis’ hateful chants and dreary return to its tra- ted drag,” opined another 3L they might have been better preciates watching 1Ls slow- and forcefully showed ditional Friday timeslot this nearby. served to just go with “Jump- ly realize gym class is back. them they are not wel- past week. Section D went for “Do inG the Shark” and own it. come here. For those of It may have been a surprise It for the (J)D,” although I Section I continued the us who were legal observ- to some that the event went have it on good authority that trend of taking a full three Thumbs down to ers, we monitored their off at all in the half-flooded they were originally thinking minutes to set up, although Trump nullifying violent behavior as well Park, as NGSL’s alcohol about “Darden” before they their acrobatic “I” might le- DACA. ANG seri- as the police treatment permit did not allow for a chickened out. Even so, this gitimately have taken some ously hopes that of counter-protesters. rain-out location. However, was probably the best of the coordination. Their theme, The Donald doesn’t think Specifically, we worked a clever change to the traffic day, thanks to crisp choreog- “What 1Ls Expect,” proved that doing something so pet- with the Central Virginia pattern around the wristband raphy, solid costuming, and more surprising. Apparently ty and cruel will distract the chapter of the National checkpoint and a fortuitous enthusiastic stripping. 1Ls expect purse snatchers news cycle from Rus- who Lawyers Guild to support break in the weather allowed Section E was solidly com- to be camp stereotypes. A are we kidding. their clients: clergy and for a wilted Dandelion to pro- petent with “Part-E Bus Kara- proper attempt at dancing other counter-protesters, ceed. ok-E,” a medley of 80s power prompted loud and vaguely not the Alt-Right. In keeping with our ancient ballads. Good commitment to wistful cheers. Heartest felt For some of us, one of traditions, the Law Weekly the theme, if not particularly Section J took even longer congratulations the hardest parts of the submits the following roast: funny. to begin. Channeling Shia to Dear Respected whole experience has Section A, named “Acci- Section F confused us all LaBoeuf and shouting “Sec- Comrade Marshal been figuring out how to dentally in Law” kicked off by holding up a book labeled tion JUST DO IT” at them Kim Jong-un on the suc- deal with what we went the event. After several false “Swag Statute.” Could it be had no effect. “Justice League cessful test of the DPRK through, how to process starts, however, it became that they really don’t know / Soulja Boy” might have hydrogen bomb. ANG looks all of the violence and apparent that they had taken how to spell their section been a clever theme, but the forward earnestly to the de- hate, how to talk to strang- “skit” far too literally, given name? They do know how to dog they dressed in a cape struction of the American ers about how horrible it that their dialogue was inau- dance, at least, even if their looked positively terrified. aggressors and the eternal was and what needs to be dible. The Shrek theme didn’t choice of “Safety Dance” “Justice League” on the trash victory of Juche Thought. done now, and how to ask really help. Cute dog, though. deepened the mystery—as bag capes matched well with Please don’t touch the law our friends for the sup- Section B followed, cor- did their decision to shout “Superman that ho,” I guess. school. port we so desperately rupting their section softball “The F is for Phenomenal” at The judges disagreed: “Team need. We want to feel okay team (“Bad News Barristers,” the end. is disqualified for animal cru- again every time someone get it?) into “Bad News Bear Section G’s participation elty. That poor beagle.” Thumbs down brings up that weekend or Suits” before transitioning seemed to be in doubt. They The LLMs declined to par- to the approach- when we walk downtown. into a left-field dig at Chris began with one of the lon- ticipate, having seemingly ing Hurricane Irma. We want to deal with ev- Christie’s recent beach clo- gest pauses in recent memory concluded that America is be- ANG will be waiting erything we saw and the sure scandal. With only two (Sadly, not the first nor the yond parody this year. with bated breath for your trauma associated with costumes for thirty section last of the day). After sev- emails, Stephen T. Parr. it on our own terms, but members, it seems sadly eral minutes, a man with a Official winners: instead we are forced to probable that they will return pool noodle duct-taped to his First place: Section D. They relive it every time we at- to their usual attire by the shoulders and a plastic di- looked horrified to learn of Thumbs down tempt to convince others time the playoffs roll around. nosaur claw down his sleeve the “prize.” to Joel Osteen. of the magnitude of what Section C’s theme was, in screamed something unintel- Second place: Section I. Refusing to help happened. a word, “indeCipherable.” “I ligible into a mic, indicating the homeless and That weekend, we stared Can’t Wait to ‘C’ You Again” that... something was hap- The Law Weekly’s verdict: displaced is boring—ANG into the eyes of hate and suggested an audience mem- pening, at least. To their cred- Section D, followed by Sec- prefers ANG’s megachurch the faces of contempt ber next to me; other possi- it, they did gamely attempt tion I. Well done, NGSL! scandals with hookers and as white supremacists bilities include “unClear” and to continue their skit under a --- blow. OBSERVERS page 5 “Confused.” Whatever the half-hearted rain of discarded [email protected] 2 Spotlight VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 6 September 2017 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: SPOTLIGHT The Law Weekly reached out to affinity group leaders to write for us in a feature we are calling “Spotlight.” Our goal is to give leaders a regular platform to start conversations about issues they are facing, to reflect on the events of August 11th and 12th, and to educate the UVa Law community about their diverse experiences so that we can become better allies to our fellow classmates. If you or your organization would like to be featured, please reach out to us at [email protected].

“Diversity” and “inclu- words are not malicious; to those who specifically normal responses, such as involvements through- sion” are buzzwords I rather, they come from a asked. A couple months “congratulations,” “that’s out the year that had led personally was privileged place of misunderstanding into spring semester of 1L, great, good for you,” or to this position had all Shruthi Prabhu and mild ignorance. I distinctly remember par- even just saying very little been reduced to the col- (she/her/hers) ’19 My story is about the 1L ticipating in a conversa- and continuing the under- or of my skin. I knew the Guest Columnist career search. Texas, my tion about the job search lying conversation, her statement was not meant target geographic prefer- with a group of friends. first reaction to me was, to intentionally hurt me enough to or to dismiss my accom- never worry plishments, but hurt and about grow- dismiss is exactly what it ing up. Law did. That statement came school changed that. Here from ignorance, from the at UVa Law, those two inability to see the count- words have a robust pres- less hours I labored while ence, involving themselves maintaining a good aca- in career prospects and demic and social standing the social environment, in order to secure a posi- an inevitable result of the tion in my geographic pref- greater social homogene- erence. The worst part: I ity here than that in cities have heard similar stories many students are used before, and I will continue to. Needless to say, it is a to hear them again until bit of a culture shock for we educate about diversity some who come to a place and inclusion. with dissimilar demo- I cannot pretend that I graphics to home. That is have been the victim of ra- where affinity groups such cial injustice throughout as SALSA, the South Asian my life. I consider myself Law Student Association, privileged in that regard. come into play. However, this event was a Some people have slap in the face and made reached out to me to ask me realize that these prob- about affinity groups have lems truly do exist, even in asked me whether there is great institutions of law. a problem when it comes Photo courtesy of Maya Iyyani It was then that I realized to diversity. My response ence, has a faster timeline At the time, I was the only “Oh wow, I wish I was a the role SALSA played in typically consists of an an- than other states. Conse- one in the group with a minority.” my life. My community ecdote in an effort to an- quently, I finished my job summer clerkship, and “I wish I was a minor- through the organiza- swer as honestly and can- search relatively early. I no one in that particular ity.” All my hard work tion served as a sounding didly as possible. In my kept the news of the of- group knew that yet. One in classes, the network- board for the hurt I was experience, I’ve found that fer somewhat close to me, girl asked me about my ing and cold calls to land feeling. within an educated popu- only divulging its exis- summer plans and I told interviews with firms in The purpose of SALSA lation, racism and hurtful tence to close friends or her the truth. Instead of Texas, the extracurricular SPOTLIGHT page 5

four cheeses. I think their de- working on my penmanship so raising three children on her liciousness has a lot to do with that I could actually read my own. She wore the ring ev- Virginia HOT the copious amounts of butter notes. eryday while she had it, and I she uses, but I can’t be sure be- have worn it every day since it Law BENCH cause I’ve been unable to repli- 10. What did you have was given to me. cate them. for breakfast this morn- Weekly ing? 15. If the law school had 5. If you could meet one Homemade French toast, yearbook awards, what Wins celebrity, who would it imported maple syrup, fresh would you want to win? be and why? berries, and mimosas . . . Just I hope I would win “least ABA I would want to meet Leo Di- kidding. I’m pretty sure I rolled likely to sleep through a morn- Caprio because I still don’t un- out of bed and ate stale Gold- ing class,” but the chances of Award derstand the ending to Incep- fish crackers and canned fruit. my never sleeping through tion and I have questions that my 8:30 class are extremely need answering. 11. What’s your most in- slim. Realistically, I could “The Virginia Law teresting two-truths-and- probably win “most likely to Weekly blends its roots 6. If you owned a sports a-lie? (And what’s the lie?) still get hopelessly lost in the as a news source for the team, what/who would be 1. I met Paul McCartney while law school as a 3L.” school of law community Katie Daw ‘20 the mascot? hanging out in a hotel swim- with an occasional slight- (she/her/hers) The mascot would be a capy- ming pool. 2. I spent a sum- 16. If you could know ly satirical tone. Its staff bara because I think they’re hi- mer on an archaeological dig in one thing about your fu- of roughly 20 accepts arti- larious. Then again, people in Lebanon. 3. I didn’t learn how ture, what would it be? cles on any topic of inter- 1. Have you ever had a mascot costumes make me ner- to ride a bike until I was 18. It’s a trap! I don’t want to est to students from guest nickname and what’s the vous, so perhaps my sports (Number 2 is the lie. Though know anything about my fu- writers, giving access to origin of it? team wouldn’t have a mascot I do truly enjoy archaeology, ture. Does that ever turn out students, faculty, and a People in high school called and I should just acquire a pet I’ve never been to Lebanon.) well in movies and literature? wide cross-section of the me Katorade because, as a capybara for myself. school. The paper covered freshman, I accidentally spilled 12. If you could live any- 17. Backstreet Boys or elections for the student- a full container of red Gatorade 7. If you had to pick one where, where would it be? *NSYNC? run disciplinary system; powder on the principal’s two- song to play non-stop in I would want to live in Lon- This might be the hardest the denial of organiza- year-old daughter. The toddler the background of your don. I studied abroad there question on here. I think I’ll tion status to DREAMers and my classmates thought it life, what would it be? during undergrad and fell in have to go with Backstreet on Grounds and the con- was hilarious. My principal did I would probably go with love with it. Boys, though. (Sorry, JT!) troversy surrounding the not. “Renegade” by The Styx. It decision; and their SBA’s never fails to pump me up. 13. What’s the best (or 18. What’s the lon- reform of its bylaws and 2. What is your favorite worst!) PG-rated pick-up gest you’ve gone without constitution. The VLW word? 8. If you were a superhe- line you’ve ever heard? sleep? also examined “Hoos Got Zephyr ro, what would your super Is your name Earl Grey? Be- About fifty hours. Never Your Back,” the campus- power be? cause you look like a hot-tea! again. wide initiative to end 3. Where did you grow Never needing to sleep would sexual violence. And we up? be an excellent and very practi- 14. What’s the 19. What’s your favorite commend you on your I was born and raised in the cal super power. best gift you’ve ever re- thing to do in Charlottes- continued commitment to Reno, Nevada/Lake Tahoe ceived? ville? discovering and sharing area. I will fight people who in- 9. What’s something you When I was going through Everything! So far, I really the truth.” correctly pronounce “Nevada” wish you’d known about a rough time in undergrad, like sitting on the benches at as “Nev-ah-duh”. law school before coming my family gave me my Great the downtown mall and peo- - ABA Law Student Divi- to UVa? Grandma Jewel’s college class ple watching. The hiking is sion award notes 4. What’s the I wish that I had known ring. When she was widowed nice, too! best meal you’ve ever had? that some professors don’t al- at the age of 42, she put herself --- My mother makes a killer low laptops in class because I through college and went on [email protected] grilled-cheese sandwich with would have spent the summer to get a Master’s degree while Wednesday, 6 September 2017 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Stories 3 Summer Stories: Roger T. Dean Guess what I did this sum- size and its varied respon- agencies in civil proceed- rior Court of the District ed States v. Bradley, 165 mer? sibilities. Shockingly, for an ings filed in federal court of Columbia, (the local F.3d 594 (7th Cir. 1999) in I want to first start off by area so small, it is the larg- in the District of Columbia. courthouse). It was also the which the court says “[t]his saying welcome to the new est United States Attorney’s As the principal prosecutor courthouse my supervis- just makes common sense Office. It has over 350 Assis- for all criminal offenses in ing attorneys practiced in because those who smoke, Roger T. Dean tant United States Attorneys this jurisdiction, and as the every day. As an office, we buy, or sell this stuff are (he/him/his)’19 and over 350 support staff. principal litigator for the were in court every day for the real experts on what is Guest Contributor The size of this Office is the United States in the nation’s something. There are a lot of crack.” class of 1Ls. result of the breadth of the capital, the Office offers ex- murders that happen in the Long story short, there You have em- responsibility for criminal tensive litigation experience district. I was unaware of was some crack that was barked on a law enforcement and the before over 100 judges in that. I had no clue. I did not supposed to be found and worthwhile ideal location in the nation’s the federal and local courts know murder was so preva- field tested, but it couldn’t journey to become a legal capital. USAO – DC is re- and unique opportunities lent in such a small area. be tested or retrieved be- advocate at a wonderful in- sponsible not only for the for important public service. There were over 130 in- cause it was consumed by stitution of higher learning. prosecution of all federal I know—pretty fancy, terns in the intern office and the government’s witness. The University of Virginia crimes in the District, but right? During my time fifteen on my floor. There The witness was there for School of Law and I both were a couple of UVa Law the purpose of identifying welcome you. Now, I will get students in my division and the substance. In the oral straight to the point of this in my office this summer. argument, the judge stated article. You can ask around and she was inclined to agree You will never guess what get different feedback, but with the government’s. I did this past summer. Go my experience was once- Similarly, I analyzed prec- on, guess. I will give you in-a-lifetime. I loved my edent and wrote a response three guesses. If I told you experience. I had the op- opposing a motion to sever already, you don’t get to portunity to do some solid two homicide trials, argu- guess. I mean you do, but legal research and writing. I ing that joinder was ap- you don’t win. All right, got researched and drafted a re- propriate given the over- your guesses? All wrong. All sponse to a defense motion lapping involvement of the of them. I mean, you actu- for the government arguing defendant, weapon, and ally could have gotten it, but that a drug addict’s identifi- witnesses. I did the normal I’m going to tell you anyway. cation of an illicit substance and expected things like This summer, I stayed with should be accepted as expert review, analyze, and syn- some of my friends from testimony. The question thesize witness interview undergrad (George Mason presented was: “Would it be tapes for trial attorney, and University) while I interned appropriate for the court to I also observed courtroom at the United States Attor- accept the government’s re- proceedings including tri- ney’s Office for the District quest to qualify a drug user als, hearings, and appellate of Columbia (USAO – DC). as an expert witness in a arguments. Last, but defi- According to their web- trial for identification pur- nitely not least, I went to a site, poses of crack cocaine?” The medical examiner’s office. The Office of the Unit- also for the prosecution of there, I was in the homi- short answer was: “Yes. It is The other interns and I were ed States Attorney for the all serious local crime com- cide division. In D.C., there appropriate as it has been able to learn about the his- District of Columbia is a mitted by adults in the Dis- are two courts in which this done in other jurisdictions. tory of the Baltimore Office unique one among the 94 trict of Columbia. On the office works: the U.S. Dis- There is legal support for of the Chief Medical Exam- United States Attorney Of- civil side, the USAO – DC trict Court for the District the decision, and it wouldn’t iner and the field of study. fices across the nation and represents the United States of Columbia (the federal be overturned on appeal. It We got to see how they train its territories by virtue of its and its departments and trial court) and the Supe- is clearly aligned with Unit- SUMMER page 5 Practice LSAT Question Law Weekly Staff energy. And we must do so also preparing to welcome about the University’s abil- This includes open spaces together. more than 4,000 new stu- ity and commitment to such as Nameless Field and Reading Comprehen- dents, faculty, staff, and ensure a safe learning and our historic Lawn, where sion: We have devoted much their families. living environment. torch-wielding protestors of our attention and effort Many in our community The University of Virgin- gathered and marched to Each set of questions in invoke fear and intimida- this section is based on a tion. single passage or a pair What did the University of passages, derived from know about the gather- real communication(s) ing here? What actions from the University ad- did that prompt? What ministration to the student enhancements should body. The questions are to we consider to further re- be answered on the basis fine policies and improve of what is stated or implied existing safety programs in the passage or pair of and protocols? Part of our passages. For some of the ongoing responsibility is questions, more than one to consider these ques- of the choices could con- tions with those involved ceivably answer the ques- to reach frank conclusions tion. However, you are to about them that may yield choose the best answer; opportunities for us to fur- that is, the response that ther improve our efforts. most accurately and com- As we do following every pletely answers the ques- major event and exercise, tion, and mark the cor- we will look for opportuni- responding space on your ties to improve our com- answer sheet. munication and coordina- tion across the Grounds Passage for Ques- and with local law enforce- tions 1 and 2 ment agencies. I write today to reassure Last Friday torch-bear- you that your safety is our ing protestors marched on most important concern. our Grounds prior to Sat- UVA has a robust network urday’s rally and protests of safety resources that we in downtown Charlottes- have expanded in recent ville. Emotions remain raw years. I would also encour- in our community. We all age students to read Seven mourn the loss of life on Resources to Help Students Saturday, the injuries, and Stay Safe at the University the resulting distress. And of Virginia. While no pub- we feel anger and frustra- lic space or environment tion at the hateful mes- Photo courtesy of news.virginia.edu can be completely safe all sages that were directed thus far to continuing to have inquired about the ia is a public institution and of the time, the University to valued members of our respond to repercussions University’s preparation as such must abide by state will continue pursuing that community. Beginning to for our students, faculty, and response on Friday and federal law regarding goal as a top priority. heal as a community from staff and others follow- evening. Important ques- the general public’s right I remain proud of the ac- this trauma takes time and ing the weekend. We are tions have been raised to access outdoor spaces. QUESTION page 5 4 Colophon VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 6 September 2017 LAW WEEKLY FEATURE: Court of Petty Appeals The Court of Petty Appeals is the highest appellate jurisdiction court at UVa Law. The Court has the power to review any and all decisions, conflicts, and disputes that arise involving, either directly, indirectly, or tangentially, the Law School or its students. The Court is composed of four associate justices and one Chief Justice. Opinions shall be released periodically and only in the official court reporter: the Virginia Law Weekly. Please email a brief summary of any and all conflicts to [email protected]

Class of 2020 v. Law ment, which they surely sentences from their initial 340 U.Va. 712 (“Sitting at remember anything about School Canon do not yet understand (not complaint: “The traditional standing desks is hereby Pennoyer other than the 502 U.Va. 626 (2017) that they will even after Con law school canon no longer absolutely forbidden. What phrase “quasi in rem,7” and Law, lol), and the tort of In- serves any discernible pur- the fuck is wrong with you despite the apparent lesson VANDERMEULEN, J., tentional Infliction of Emo- pose. It is provincial, out- guys?”) and Class of 2019 of Lucy v. Zehmer, several announced the judgment tional Distress (does anyone moded, and, to wit, totally v. 1L Professors, 312 U.Va. members of this Court regu- of the Court in an opinion other than Professor White f*cking lame.”4 While this 600 (2017) (“Nobody wants larly engage in attempted joined by GOLDMAN, C.J., actually get what this is?). Court is not unsympathet- to see their professors at real estate transactions and HALL and ZABLOCKI, Next are a blizzard of legal ic to the pleas of the Law the Rec. That’s gross.”) But while inebriated only to lat- JJ. and equitable claims so diz- School’s newest denizens, why would we act to deprive er attempt to renege.8 zying that this Court is led we feel compelled to affirm these bright-eyed, eager 1Ls Nevertheless, both pe- The case at bar comes to to believe that some over- Judge Kendrick’s order. of the wisdom of ages past? titioners and respondents us on appeal from a 12(b)(6) fail to grasp the 1L canon’s motion to dismiss granted most essential quality: law by Judge Kendrick in the espite the labyrinthine catastrophe students have shitty senses lower court. It presents a of humor, and without the novel issue of law: may the common bonds of the 1L can- 1L class, mired in the in- of ill-wrought and contradictory on, we would lose a massive tractable wilderness of the “D chunk of our already-paltry canonical 1L cases, earn joke material. In order for an injunction against the claims made by the petitioners . . . their claim the members of the Class teaching of generations of of 2020 to be fully accepted law school wisdom, in par- as members of the commu- ticular, what is known as can be summed up by the two sentences nity, they, too, must find the “1L canon”? Judge Ken- themselves consumed by drick granted the defen- self-loathing when, months dants’ motion to dismiss, from their initial complaint: ‘The traditional from now, they make a bad made to her on behalf of the joke about feeling like the faculty by Professor Bon- horse in Bailey v. West or nie, who couldn’t bear the law school canon no longer serves any dis- craft a lousy pun about the thought of not being able to scales in Palsgraf. It’s what teach Faulkner, Cunning- it means to be a law student. ham, or any of the rest of cernible purpose. It is provincial, outmoded Left bereft of the 1L canon, those weird British cases he we would have only the pro- uses to teach mens rea.1 In fessors and softball to unite recognition of the Goluboff and, to wit, totally f*cking lame.’” us in humor, and, let’s be Suggestion, we note that our honest, most of the profes- jurisdiction over this matter -J. VanderMeulen sors aren’t that funny.9 is clear, as it concerns stu- No, it will not do. This dents and faculty of the Law Court has long held to the School, and we affirm the idea that a thriving law court below. zealous 1L has been doing Make no mistake: this Court This Court’s members all school humor scene is at the The petitioners, the Class too much outside reading3: could, of course, enjoin the read these cases,6 and the heart of what it means to go of 2020, apparently already unconscionability (yeah, teaching of the 1L canon years since 1L have blessed to UVa. See SBA v. Libel, weary of parsing 18th centu- right), substantive due pro- and rid North Grounds of us with the sagacity and so- 7 Sorry, Professor Wool- ry language2 and reading the cess (talk to me when you’ve Pennoyer v. Neff’s madden- phistication to truly appre- handler, it wasn’t you, it phrase “to wit,” base their read Glucksberg), trover ing opaqueness for all time.5 ciate the multi-faceted and was me. effort to bar the teaching of (wut), and, most bafflingly, We frequently exercise our timeless wisdom that they 8 Lookin’ at you again, legendary pre-1960 cases the Rule of Capture based plenary equitable power alone can . . . lol jk. I don’t Justice Jani. on a series of claims, each on that “pernicious and in- to prohibit those activities 6 With one exception; see 9 It’s true, don’t @ me. more tenuous than the last. corrigible” fox case. The deemed hostile to the con- Jani, J., concurring. COPA page 6 First come the usual sus- Court doesn’t even know tinued functioning of the pects: the Eighth Amend- how to respond to that. Law School. See Sitting at 1 Just wait ‘til you get to Despite the labyrinthine Standing Desks v. Stand- Faculty Quotes the insanity defense, seri- catastrophe of ill-wrought ing at Standing Desks, ously. and contradictory claims 4 The Petty Court notes J. C. Jeffries, Jr.: “That’s what I’m driving my Subaru and lis- 2 And sometimes earlier; made by the petitioners’ its appreciation of the 1Ls’ lawyers are paid to do: stand up tening to NPR.” thanks for making us read representatives in their ef- talented weaving of preten- and say with apparent sincerity that 15th century Thorns fort to escape the vener- tious law school language things which are preposterous.” J. Harrison: “You have to Case, Professor Abraham, able precedents of their le- with pointed profanity. wonder how many fires are set I’ve been super careful gal ancestors, their claim 5 See Rule of Petty Pro- M. Riley: “What do we need by firefighters so they can slide about bush-trimming ever can be summed up by two cedure #1: We do what we to do to get real legal change? down the pole.” since. 3 Color us surprised. want. That’s right, kill children.” J. Setear: “Often the standard J. Mahoney: “It’s difficult of review for those types of is- to say no to a child selling Girl sues is de novo. What’s the name Scout cookies, even to a trucu- of that singer...Demi Lodovo...?” Virginia Law Weekly lent child.” COLOPHON Heard a good professor R. Hynes: “I’m an academic, quote? so I’m doing what academics do. Email [email protected]! Jenna Goldman (she/her/hers) ‘18 Editor-in-Chief

Eric Hall (he/him/his) ‘18 Jansen VanderMeulen (he/him/his) ’19 Managing Editor Executive Editor Anand Jani (he/him/his) ‘19 Production Editor

Kim Hopkin (she/her/hers) ‘19 Greg Ranzini (he/him/his) ‘18 Lia Keane (she/her/hers) ’18 Columns Editor News Editor Features Editor

Katherine Mann (she/her/hers) ‘19 Ali Zablocki (she/him/hers) ‘19 Julie Dostal (she/her/hers) ’19 Columns Editor Arts Editor Features Editor

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Wednesday, 6 September 2017 VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Columns 5 SUMMER OBSERVERS ble and necessary, or as reached out to check in, ported in being top-notch continued from page 3 continued from page 1 an irresponsible decision to support us, and to tell advocates. We are in likely to do no more than us to be ourselves. When Charlottesville at a time examiners as well as the ins marched past us. For feed into the Alt-Right’s asked, we told interview- when the vilest forms of and outs of the office. More those of us who worked desire for visibility? What ers that we were there, discrimination and ha- importantly, we got to see as legal observers, our if we had been arrested, as and that the experience tred are resurging. You, autopsies. They are not like neon green hats made us many counter-protesters was still raw and difficult our fellow classmates, what you see on TV. In Bal- feel safer, but they also were at the KKK rally in to discuss, but that we are some of the bright- timore, at least, there is a made us stick out from July? We recognized that were thankful we could est and kindest people we giant room where they per- the crowd. Our fear and our race and class privi- use our legal training for have ever met. We know form the examinations, but discomfort did not deter lege insulated us from our communities. your skills can help this there are like five corpses us from standing strong some of the risks faced by We say all this to show community defend itself and multiple medical exam- and staring back. We felt many others. Still, those that standing up against against hatred and dis- iners. One person does fin- gerprints. Another one may be doing the brains. It was a or some of us, one of the hardest parts of the very eye- and mind-opening experience. No pun intend- whole expereience has been figuring out how ed. Or is it? “F Either way, I did public to deal with what we went through, how to process all service for my first sum- mer and I loved it. For 2Ls the violence and hate, how to talk to strangers about how and 3Ls, OGI is pretty much over, so we can finally relax. horrible it was and what needs to be done now, and how I hope we all get what we are looking for when it comes to ask our friends for the support we so desperately need. to offers. 1Ls soon you will have a choice to make as to ” what you want to do with your next summer. There strongly that we needed privileges did not insulate Nazis and white su- mantle systemic forms are many options out there to stand up to hate and be Heather. premacists is not radi- of oppression. If you are to choose from to spend proactive allies. Although we were not cal. It did not hurt our not already involved and your summer. I recommend Less than forty-eight sure how law firms would career prospects in any would like to be, please the United States Attorney’s hours after the rally, some react to our involvement, meaningful way. As legal reach out. We need you. Office in D.C. or any other of us traveled for callback we also were not going to observers and counter- --- office for that matter. Maybe interviews. After Heather hide it. The strong dedica- protesters, we feel we [email protected] you will catch the public ser- Heyer’s murder made in- tion to justice that brought made our neighbors safer [email protected] vice bug. Maybe you will get ternational news, we were us to law school prevented standing up for what they [email protected] to go on a police ride-along. sure that interviewers that. We are proud to be believe in. It certainly [email protected] Maybe you will realize you would bring up the week- part of a community that scared us and shook us to [email protected] want to be a prosecutor. end’s events. We won- has fully supported our our cores, but in ways that Maybe you will realize you dered, if August 12 had decision to take a stand. have positively and pro- want stay as far away from turned out differently, Career Services, the Pub- foundly changed us. prosecution as possible. would we still be in those lic Service Center, faculty, In a time where white That’s unlikely, but either interviews? If Heather had staff, fellow students, and supremacists and Nazis way, whatever you decide, I not died, and the conver- members of the adminis- feel most bold, we can- wish you all the best. sation not changed, would tration have all had our not afford to be apathetic --- firms still want to talk to backs, and we are im- or hesitant to speak out. [email protected] us? Would they view our mensely grateful for that. As UVa law students, we involvement as admira- Attorneys at our firms are trained to be and sup- QUESTION Wertland Block Party. location of the Wertland SPOTLIGHT working alongside these continued from page 3 This private event oc- Block Party. continued from page 2 amazing individuals, and curs off our Grounds and C. Not enough students now as the president of tions of our community, thus the University cannot know about the Wertland is to represent the views the organization, I have our public safety officials, act directly to stop it. This Block Party. of South Asian Ameri- been able to participate and medical center staff in gathering of students and D. The Wertland Block can students at UVa Law. in discussions, meet like- a tense, indeed unprece- the public has as its single Party is a treasured UVa This purpose is achieved minded students, and talk dented set of circumstanc- purpose pursuing risky tradition. through educational, pro- with the administration to es. I am deeply grateful and harmful behavior in- E. The Charlottesville fessional, cultural, and emphasize the “inclusion” that a volatile situation did cluding but not limited police are worthy of our social programs. SALSA part of the buzzwords, “di- not escalate even further to consuming dangerous gratitude because they provides a forum for the versity” and “inclusion.” on Grounds. amounts of alcohol. This absolutely did not stol- discussion of those is- The environment at … event threatens the gen- idly refuse to intervene as sues affecting South Asian UVA Law is indeed col- University Police ar- eral health of participants. a torch-wielding mob at- American law students legial, a wonderful law rested one protestor and It also places a tremendous tacked UVa students or fail and the university com- school where friends want charged the individual strain on local law enforce- to confront a Klansman munity as a whole. An- friends to with assault and disorderly ment and health officials, who fired his pistol into the other aim is to help suc- conduct. Several minor all of whom have only be- crowd. educate and inform ceed, injuries were reported, in- gun recovering from the the greater com- a cluding one University po- violence of this past week- Question 2: Which of munity (not lice officer who was injured end. Our students are pre- the following statements just South while making the arrest. pared for leadership, and would follow most logi- Asian people) Several other individuals now is the time for leaders cally from this statement about issues sustained minor injuries to step forward. made in the first paragraph that involve during the confrontation, In the days ahead, you of the passage, reproduced South Asian none requiring admission will be hearing more about below? Americans, to the hospital. planned activities for since educa- We are grateful for the bringing our community “Beginning to heal as a tion is one of efforts of University Police members together to heal community from this trau- the quickest and our law enforcement and support one another. I ma takes time and energy. solutions to ig- partners during this very hope that members of the And we must do so togeth- norance. fluid and difficult event. I University community will er.” During my time also want to express grati- participate in these activi- at UVa Law, I have place tude to members of the ties and turn our collective A. The Wertland Block found multiple homes where I University and larger com- focus toward the future. Party must be canceled. in people and groups, would hope munities who came to the Teresa A. Sullivan B. Underage drinking is and one of those homes is no one would intention- assistance of those injured President bad. SALSA. Last year was the ally bring another down on Friday. C. The Student Safety organization’s first year for looking different than A Call to Cancel all Wert- Question 1: The pas- Guide will be updated to of existence. Spearheaded them. My genuine hope land Block Party Plans sage provides evidence to include a section on re- by 3Ls Maya Iyyani and for this organization, as In consideration of my suggest that the author sponding to terror attacks Nimrah Khan with help well as my hope for other assurance that your safety would be most likely to on the Downtown Mall. from 3L Shanthi Rajago- affinity groups, is that and well-being remain our agree with which of the fol- D. Safe Ride provides ef- palan and recent graduate one day, they will not only utmost concern, and given lowing statements? fective protection from the Vishal Ganesan, SALSA serve as a home for those the immeasurable emotion Klan. became a way to form a who seek peers similar to and stress that first re- A. Everyone should at- E. The University will South Asian community them culturally and physi- sponders and community tend the Wertland Block take concrete steps to ad- for future students to uti- cally, but also as an educa- members experienced this Party. dress and remedy its histo- lize as home, as well as a tional asset demystifying past weekend, I am calling B. It is useful to have the ry of institutional racism. conduit to progress at the diversity and inclusion for on our student community university officially an- --- law school. As a 1L rep- those who would benefit to put an end to the annual nounce the time, date, and [email protected] resentative my first year from it. 6 The Back Page VIRGINIA LAW WEEKLY Wednesday, 6 September 2017 COPA continued from page 4 Reflections on August 12 Violence August 12, 2017: a day right and white nationalist providing my voice to a cause, contextualize my understand- 342 U.Va. 116 (2017) (“No, burned into the collective movement, that’s not what I I will go one step further and ing of the state of racial and A.J., we won’t make Libel consciousness of every stu- believe my society needs from offer the most open of ear, cultural divide in our country stop making fun of you.”) me in this historical moment. heart, and mind to those who with my own experiences. I With the fragile state of the Matt Johnson So I won’t be standing up to most deserve to have a voice want to do everything in my humor-dependent lawyerly (he/him/his)’18 shout at the top of my lungs against this hate. Those who power to personally contex- psyche in mind, this court Guest Contributor with my thoughts on what have been marginalized and tualize understanding the affirms the holding of the dent, faculty, needs to be done. I won’t be targeted in all of this political structural issues at play with lower court, and orders dis- and alumni of talking anyone’s ear off on my hate have something they’ve the experiences of those who missed petitioners’ claims. UVa for rea- personal thoughts on the mat- too often felt they have been understand it best: those be- Have fun reading Erie, bit- sons none of us ter. Any voice championing deprived of: a willing audi- ing marginalized. chez. wanted. Seeing hate and an- love and respect is a welcome ence to hear their thoughts, Nothing good happened ger flow through the streets addition to the discourse, their emotions, and their on August 12, 2017 in Char- JANI, J., concurring of Charlottesville as we saw but there will be no short- pain. I am a sponge, please lottesville when hate de- I join in full the opin- places of intimate familiar- age of those voices who can bring it on. scended on our homes. But ion of my colleague Justice ity splashed across national say it more eloquently, force- I always felt I had a pretty so much good can grow from VanderMeulen. I write this news media felt like a sober- fully, and with greater effect strong moral compass and the ashes of that travesty that concurring opinion only ing reminder of the worst in than I ever could. I want to that I generally offered mea- reminds all of us about what to respond to his perni- people in direct clash with respect where I stand in this sured, thoughtful responses it means to positively engage cious accusations. While my what actually makes Ameri- world and respect those being to assaults on political and each other in ways such that learned colleague and erst- ca great. Nothing will erase disparately affected by this cultural ideologies, but now is we all learn from one another. while sectionmate is tech- those images, those emo- movement and these times of no longer the time for me to --- nically correct that I failed tions, and those thoughts of fear and discord. So instead of retreat to my resolution or to [email protected] to read Pennoyer, Lucy, helpless angst from our mem- and every Torts case prior ories, and nor should they be to Thanksgiving, he knows erased. We need to carry the perfectly well that the fault weight of those memories for that failure lies entirely with somber attitudes, and with my supreme and un- more importantly, persever- matched dedication to Le- ant resolve to respond to the gal Research and Writing. I hate and anger with a stern doubt Joe Fore has ever seen message of love and rejection such an exemplary memo- of the hateful rhetoric and randum of law! In response violent extremism that over-

to Justice VanderMeulen’s took our quaint college town. libelous accusation of drunk It is my natural inclinaEnjoy! - GMT. 2017 03:58:47 29 Aug Tue on http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku by Generated transacting, I would like to tion to try to derive from trag- remind him that plying fel- ic events like this some sort low students with hard li- of meaning and some sort quor and then inquiring of way to move forward and about their family’s foreign help effect change. In my best real property holdings is intentions, I want to help im- ethically questionable and prove our community and on beneath the dignity of this our society. I don’t want to do Cartoon By Ali court. that in this aftermath. While --- I intend to take every action [email protected] I see necessary to counter the hateful rhetoric of the alt-

TIME EVENT LOCATION COST FOOD?

WEDNESDAY – September 6, 2017

Samosas, we’ll see SALSA General Body Puzzle 1 (Hard, difficulty rating 0.62) 11:30 AM WB 104 Free if they have SUDOKU Meeting enough this time

The Real Deal: Legal Aid Purcell Reading 11:30 AM Free Lunch, but RSVP. and Social Justice Room 6 9 4

If/When/How Fall General/ 12:00 PM WB 129 Free Lunch Reproductive Justice 101 2 6

Advocates for Life Kickoff 12:00 PM WB 121 Free Raising Cane’s Meeting 3 5 1 2

Public Service Kickoff Caplin Pavilion Free Food and Drinks 5:00 PM 3 7 9 1 THURSDAY – September 7, 2017

UVA Innocence Project Pro 9 6 4 7 5 12:30 PM WB 128 Free Pizza! Bono Clinic Info Session t Anti-Semitism and the Purcell Reading 2 7 9 6 1:00 PM Free Lunch Struggle Against Racism Room

“Light refresh- JB Moore Society General 6 9 8 5 5:00 PM WB 152 Free ments”— probably Meeting literal 3 1

o c k e FRIDAY – September 8, 2017

Pavilion Pool/Court- 8:30 PM SALSA/LALO/WoC Mixer Free Snack and drinks 7 2 4 yard D SATURDAY – September 9, 2017 Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/sudoku on Mon Sep 4 21:58:55 2017 GMT. Enjoy! Charlottesville Classical All Day The Haven $5-$20 per concert For purchase Guitar Festival h e Solution SBA and NGSL Present:

T 12:00 PM 306 Alderman Rd. Free, bring riff raff Pizza and beverages

UVA v. Indiana Tailgate 6 8 7 2 3 4 5 9 1

3:30 PM Virginia Football vs. Indiana Free For purchase 4 1 2 9 5 6 3 8 7

MONDAY – September 11, 2017 5 3 9 8 1 7 2 4 6

Student Loan Entrance 11:45 PM Caplin Auditorium Free Doses of reality 9 7 1 6 8 3 4 2 5 Counseling

Heavy Apps with Employ- 8 2 5 4 7 9 1 6 3

Purcell Reading 5:00 PM ment and Labor Law Pro- Free Hardcore apps 3 4 6 5 2 1 9 7 8

Room

fessors! 1 5 4 7 9 8 6 3 2

TUESDAY – September 12, 2017 7 9 3 1 6 2 8 5 4

Panel Discussion: Equality,

4:00 PM Whit Supremacy, and Con- Caplin Pavilion Free No. 2 6 8 3 4 5 7 1 9 federate Symbols 0.69) rating difficulty (Hard, 1 Puzzle

Garrison Keillor’s Prairie 6:00 PM Home “Love and Come- Sprint Pavilion $39-$85 No. dy” Tour