Mick and Beth Rule the School ______
A staged musical loosely based on Shakespeare's Macbeth Written by Nancy Kissam
Nancy Kissam [email protected] 213.280.4486 ii.
WGA #: 1713810 iii.
Cast of Characters (in order of appearance) PRINCIPAL PAM (40) A Pollyanna of a principal. Could be played by a male also. Change the name to Paul. MS. HECKY (50) Principal's secretary STACEY DUNCAN (16) A perky straight A student and class president. ROSIE LYNN (14) Stacey’s minion, a total sycophant and class secretary. DECK NORRY (17) A big football jock and jerk SCOTT VICTOR (17) A good looking rugby player and Deck's rival BANKS (16) A sexually ambiguous teenage boy MICK (16) A nerdy teenage boy IZZIE (15) A tall skinny Goth girl and leader of her Wiccan pack. CHERIMOYA (aka "Chair")(15) A Goth girl who wears big horn rimmed glasses and is a Wiccan FIG (15) A Goth mute boy or girl who is a Wiccan. BETH (16) A hip new wave girl and Mick's twin sister KID (13) An obnoxious kid who spits in Chair's face. MALCOLM (16) A tall, pimply skinny nerd with braces. He is also class treasurer. DONALD (15) A kid with a devil may care attitude. DUFFY (17) A cute skater girl FOOTBALL PLAYERS Stereotypical 1980s movie jocks FRED AND MIKE (13) Mick's minions WAITRESS (40s) works in a local diner CHORUS (varied) A chorus of students who sing back up for many of the songs. iv.
SETTING Dunsy High School auditorium The Woods Mick's house The street Duffy's house
TIME 1989 ACT I
SCENE 1
SETTING:
Dunsy High School Auditorium. 1989.
A lone microphone stands on stage. PRINCIPAL PAM enters and approaches it. MS. HECKY stands nearby with a clipboard. STACEY DUNCAN stands on her other side. Principal Pam clears her throat and taps the mic.
PRINCIPAL PAM Testing. Testing. (to Ms. Hecky) I’ve always wanted to say that.
Principal Pam laughs hard but no one joins her.
(back to the crowd) Anyway, Welcome everyone to the Dunsy High Homecoming Dance!!! It’s going to be a special night; I can just feel it. Don’t you think so President Duncan?
Stacey strategically moves Principal Pam aside so she can speak into the microphone.
STACEY Totally Principal Pam. And I just wanted to say a special thank you to Jerry Konig’s Dad whose deli provided all the meats and cheeses.
PRINCIPAL PAM Yes, thank you Mr. Konig. Next time we’ll have to arrange for some bread, won’t we?
Again, Principal Pam laughs but no one joins her.
No matter. Now, without further adieu, Ms. Hecky -- 2.
Music for The B-52s “Party Out of Bounds” plays.
MS. HECKY -- Let’s get this party started!!!
Curtain rises to reveal: Teens dancing at a Homecoming Dance. ROSIE LYNN follows Stacey throughout the scene.
PRINCIPAL PAM
SUPRIIIIIIZE!
MS. HECKY
PAAAAAARTY!
FOOTBALL PLAYERS
YEAH, WE JUST THOUGHT WE'D DROP IN!
DECK NORRY bumps into students and rubs up against other guy’s girlfriends.
CHEERLEADER #1
WHERE'S YOUR ICEBOX?
CHEERLEADER #2
WHERE'S THE PUNCH?
CHEERLEADER #3
EW, HOUSE-A-TOSIS!
SCOTT VICTOR dances with his girlfriend.
PRINCIPAL PAM
WHO'S TO BLAME WHEN PARTIES REALLY GET OUT OF HAND? 3.
MS. HECKY (to Stacey)
WHO'S TO BLAME WHEN THEY GET POORLY PLANNED?
BANKS enters, tipsy, singing.
BANKS
HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOOOO-OOOOOOOOO.
MICK follows, tipsy, wearing a white polo shirt and blue windbreaker.
MICK
CRASHERS GET BOMBED
Drunken football players crash into he and Banks.
BANKS
SLOBS MAKE A MESS.
One throws up right on Banks’ shoes. Football player spills his punch on Principal Pam’s wife’s dress.
PRINCIPAL PAM
YA KNOW SOMETIMES THEY'LL EVEN RUIN YOUR WIFE'S DRESS.
MICK
CRASHERS GETTTIN' BOMBED.
BANKS
WHO'S TO BLAME? 4.
STACEY (to herself)
CAN YOU PULL IT BACK IN LINE? CAN YOU SALVAGE IT IN TIME?
Mick sings. Cheerleaders/Chorus sing back up.
MICK
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO SAVE A PARTY? PARCHEESI? CHARADES?
MS. HECKY
A SPUR-OF-THE-MOMENT SCAVENGER HUNT, OR QUEEN OF THE NILE?
BANKS
(WOOOOOOOOOOH!)
The lights go out.
CHEERLEADERS
WHO TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS!
Everything stops. Lights up to reveal Deck man handling Scott’s girlfriend as she tries to return to Scott with punch. Scott points to Deck.
SCOTT DECK NORRY!
DECK Yeah?
SCOTT YOU ARE SO DEAD!
They both roll up their sleeves and take stances as if they’re about to pounce on each other from opposite sides of the auditorium, like bulls. 5.
The other students are hungry for a fight. The adults appear nervous. Deck and Scott circle each other
ALL
PARTY GONE OUT OF BOUNDS! GONE OUT OF BOUNDS! PARTY GONE OUT OF BOUNDS! GONE OUT OF BOUNDS!
BLACK OUT!!!
END OF SCENE 6.
SCENE 2
SETTING:
Birnam Woods. Night. Thunder plays.
AT RISE:
Three darkly cloaked and hooded figures sitting around a pot of steaming water atop a Coleman stove.
IZZIE speaks first in a dark - trying to conjure the dead - kind of way.
IZZIE Stem of a Coneflower.
Izzie drops a flower stem into the pot.
IZZIE (CONT’D) Hair of a Finney Rat.
CHERIMOYA hands Izzie a baggie of tiny hairs.
CHAIR (respectful whisper) I gave my hamster, Leon, a haircut.
Izzie, irritated, takes the baggie and empties it into the pot, staring at Chair the whole time, annoyed.
IZZIE Eye of Newt.
Nothing.
IZZIE (CONT’D) I said, Eye of Newt.
Izzie looks at FIG who avoids eye contact with her. 7.
IZZIE (CONT’D) Fig, did you forget to bring the eye of Newt again?
Fig shrugs her shoulders.
IZZIE (CONT’D) You know that every potion specifically calls for Eye of Newt! Goddess dammit!
She huffs in frustration.
Beat.
Chair interjects.
CHAIR (excited) I have eye drops! Ya know cuz sometimes on the rare occasion when I wear contacts which I don’t do very often cuz they hurt my eyes, cuz c’mon, it’s totally unnatural to put this plasticky thing in your eye and ---
IZZIE (cuts her off) Give them to me!
Chair gives Izzie the eye drops. Izzie squeezes drops into the liquid.
IZZIE (CONT’D) Eye drops of -- Bausch and Lomb.
Chair smiles. Pleased. They wait.
CHAIR (tentative) Um, Izzie?
IZZIE Shhhhhhh. I told you to call me by my given mystic epithet, Virago Brimstonia Conflagoron.
CHAIR Oh, um, Virago Brimstone -- 8.
IZZIE (correcting) BrimstonIA Confla
CHAIR (getting it all wrong) Confag --
IZZIE (correcting) Con-FLAG-or-on.
CHAIR Con-FLAG-OR-ON.
IZZIE (correcting) Virago Brimstonia Conflagoron!
CHAIR Right. Virbrim --
IZZIE Okay stop.
Beat.
CHAIR What’s supposed to happen again?
IZZIE (more annoyance) We are conjuring the dead.
CHAIR Ohhhhhhh right.
Beat. Izzie closes her eyes and inhales audibly. Chair and Fig exchange looks. Then Chair follows suit, closes her eyes and breathes audibly. Fig sneaks a salamander out of her cloak pocket and gives it a peck on the nose. 9.
Suddenly, a twig SNAP is heard offstage. Fig tucks her salamander back in her pocket. They FREEZE. Scared.
MICK What up Witches!
IZZIE (scolding) Micky!!
MICK We just wanted to see what our three favorite freaks were up to.
IZZIE If you must know, my Wiccan advisor gave me these dark crystals from Scotland that I wanted to try out. But now you ruined it.
CHAIR (smiling/mooning over Mick) You totally ruined it.
MICK Sorr-ree.
CHAIR You look all, I dunno, handsome and stuff.
MICK Thanks. We just came from The Homecoming Dance. (sing songy) Laaaame.
BANKS Ooh, except for the fight.
CHAIR (clapping/excited) Yay. Who? 10.
Izzie takes several crystals on a rope from the boiling pot, lightly blows on them and drapes them around her neck. They hurt from the heat.
BANKS Scott Victor and Deck Norry.
IZZIE Cretins.
BANKS Micky totally broke it up.
CHAIR (impressed) Ooooooooh. Do tell?
Izzie shoots Chair a look.
MICK It was not a big deal.
BANKS Yeah right. First, we got a bit buzzy on my mom’s melon schnapps to celebrate my besty’s b-day!
IZZIE Classy.
CHAIR (more mooning) I knew this day was super special for a reason.
They all sideward glance at Chair who giggles.
BANKS Anyway, Scott and Deck were totally beating the crap out of each other on the dance floor and that’s when Mick got on the mic.
Light change. Mick drunkenly stumbles up to a microphone.
MICK You two really need to stop fighting over me. There’s enough of Micky to go around. 11.
He giggles, hiccups, then falls down.
Light change. Mick should be back with the witches.
Chair smiles with more admiration than can be contained on one teenager’s face.
CHAIR (sing songy) What?
BANKS They couldn’t quit fast enough.
CHAIR (to Mick) Did they come after you? (mooney) I would’ve.
IZZIE Chair, do not encourage him.
BANKS (ignoring Izzie) Totally. But as they moved in for the kill, Principal Pam intercepted.
Principal Pam enters.
MICK (CONT’D) Yeah. She told them --
PRINCIPAL PAM (serious) -- any more shenanigans and you two can forget graduation.
Pam exits.
CHAIR (crushing hard on Mick) Wow.
IZZIE You two are fascinating. Now it’s time to go. 12.
Izzie grabs Micky by the wrist and something happens. Her eyes roll back. Lights change. Thunder claps.
IZZIE’S VISION
Mick stands next to Stacey Duncan who holds up his wrist in a “He’s the champion” gesture. Slight applause SFX.
Thunder/lightening. Lights change back.
BACK TO SCENE
Izzie holds Mick’s wrist, very much like Stacey in the “vision” but in contrast, Izzie holds Mick’s wrist in a vice grip.
MICK What the hell, Iz? Let go.
He pulls his arm out of her grip. The spell is broken. Izzie gathers her wits.
MICK (CONT’D) We’re leaving okay?
IZZIE No, wait. When did you become ASB Vice President?
MICK What? Like never.
IZZIE I saw you. Just now. You were VP.
MICK What? No. That’s Kenny Cawdor. You know that, Iz. Even though I HAVE been running for VP for three consecutive years and losing. Thanks for rubbing it in. 13.
IZZIE You’re gonna be him.
MICK Kenny? No thanks. Not with that unibrow.
BANKS Yeah. He could use a tweeze or two.
CHAIR And he’s not even as cu(te) -- I mean as good a talky guy as you.
Banks nods in agreement. Izzie, irritated that her prediction is not being taken seriously, “shhhhs” everyone. It’s powerful and echos. Even she is a bit taken aback by her power.
IZZIE Mick, you’re gonna be (echoes) Vice President. I just saw it. (Can we at least raise the volume or do some effect on her voice?)
They all stare at her.
IZZIE (CONT’D) Okay, don’t believe me. But I saw it.
MICK (sing songy) Right.
He starts to leave. Izzie tries to stop him.
IZZIE Wait.
She grabs Mick’s arm again only to stop him but then a new vision appears. Thunder/Lightening. Her eyes roll back again.
IZZIE’S VISION
Mick walks. Principal Pam stops him. 14.
PRINCIPAL PAM Morning, Mr. President. Forget 3rd period. Let’s have a lunch meeting in my office. My treat, ‘kay?
MICK Sure thing, Principal Pam.
PRINCIPAL PAM Please Mick, call me, “Princy Pam.”
BACK TO SCENE
Mick pulls his arm away. Izzie starts to laugh.
IZZIE No way. No frickin’ way.
BANKS What?
IZZIE I do not believe it.
MICK What?!
IZZIE It doesn’t end at VP. You’re gonna be (echoes) -- president.
Beat. Mick smiles but is incredulous.
MICK No way, Izzie. Shut. up.
IZZIE Suit yourself. But I saw it.
MICK Banks, let’s go.
BANKS Wait. What about me? Maybe I’ll be first lady.
All laugh except Izzie.
IZZIE No. No more. I’m done. 15.
BANKS (begging) C’mon? Please?
IZZIE Fine, but this is it.
Banks closes his eyes.
IZZIE (CONT’D) You don’t have to close your eyes.
BANKS Oh, okay, right.
Izzie takes her crystals in her hands again, blows on them and then grabs Banks’ shoulder. Her eyes roll back. Thunder/Lightening. Light change.
IZZIE’S VISION
Banks lies frozen on the floor, his hands gripping his throat, his eyes wide open, his face dead. Light change.
BACK TO SCENE
Izzie lets go as if she’s been shocked.
BANKS (CONT’D) What was it?
IZZIE I didn’t see anything. Sorry.
MICK (to Banks) Banks, let’s go.
They start to leave.
CHAIR Bye Mick!
The boys are gone. 16.
CHAIR (CONT’D) (to Izzie) You wanna get back to calling up dead people?
Izzie is off in her own world.
IZZIE No. No. (trying to shake off the weirdness) Let’s just try to levitate Fig again and call it a night.
Fig smiles, excited, and lies on the floor, hands across her chest. Izzie looks to where Mick and Banks left.
BLACKOUT.
END OF SCENE 17.
SCENE 3
SETTING:
The road outside Birnam Woods.
AT RISE:
Mick and Banks walk.
BANKS That was wild, huh?
MICK What? Izzie and her psycho visions? Please. Remember when we were in 6th grade? That girl would spend the entire art class inhaling rubber cement while making lady parts out of popsicle sticks and pipe cleaners.
“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” by The Eurythmics starts to play
BANKS She’s different, I’ll give you that. Still. Would be cool, huh?
MICK What? ASB president? Yeah, I guess.
BANKS You guess? You’ve wanted to be ASB president since 7th grade.
MICK Well, how else am I gonna get into an Yale?
MICK (CONT’D) Good grades don’t cut it anymore.
BANKS I dunno. Maybe Izzie isn’t sniffing glue this time.
MICK (contemplative) Maybe...
Light change.
Mick sings “Sweet Dreams” by The Eurythmics. 18.
MICK
SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS WHO AM I TO DISAGREE? I TRAVEL THE WORLD AND THE SEVEN SEAS, EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR SOMETHING.
Banks and chorus back up.
CHORUS
SOME OF THEM WANT TO USE YOU SOME OF THEM WANT TO GET USED BY YOU SOME OF THEM WANT TO ABUSE YOU SOME OF THEM WANT TO BE ABUSED. SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS WHO AM I TO DISAGREE? I TRAVEL THE WORLD AND THE SEVEN SEAS EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
BANKS & CHORUS
HOLD YOUR HEAD UP KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.
MICK
MOVIN’ ON.
BANKS & CHORUS
HOLD YOUR HEAD UP
MICK
MOVIN’ ON.
BANKS & CHORUS
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.
MICK
MOVIN’ ON. 19.
BANKS & CHORUS
HOLD YOUR HEAD UP KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.
MICK
MOVIN’ ON.
BANKS & CHORUS
HOLD YOUR HEAD UP.
MICK
MOVIN’ ON.
BANKS & CHORUS
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP.
MICK
SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS WHO AM I TO DISAGREE? I TRAVEL THE WORLD AND THE SEVEN SEAS EVERYBODY'S LOOKING FOR SOMETHING
Light change.
Banks acts as if he has not been singing this whole time.
BANKS (O.S.) Mick. Mick. Micky!
Mick snaps out of it.
MICK Huh?
BANKS Let’s get outa here. I’m freezing my frickin’ butt off. 20.
Banks exits. Mick hangs back a second, then exits.
BLACKOUT.
END OF SCENE 21.
SCENE 4
SETTING:
Mick’s house.
AT RISE:
Mick, shivering, enters through the front door. The phone is ringing.
MICK (calling out) Hello!? The phone! Anybody home?
No one. Mick goes to answer the phone.
MICK (CONT’D) Hello?
Split Stage: Mick and Stacey on their phones. Stacey talks on a pink princess phone.
STACEY DUNCAN McKenzie?
MICK Yes.
STACEY DUNCAN President Duncan here.
MICK Oh, Hi Stace. What’s going on?
STACEY DUNCAN (correcting him) President Dunc -- nevermind. Look, I have some rather disturbing news.
MICK Whoa. What is it? 22.
STACEY DUNCAN It’s about Vice-President Cawdor. Well, the half-wit previously known as Vice-President Cawdor.
MICK Kenny? What’s going on?
STACEY DUNCAN Regrettably, I had to let him go. Let’s just say that he deeply betrayed your beloved senior officer.
Light change. Mick freezes. Kenny, a boy with a rather prominent unibrow, enters.
KENNY (to Stacey) I’m breaking up with you. You’re annoying.
He exits.
Light change. Mick unfreezes. Stacey stifles a whimper.
STACEY DUNCAN He was becoming, let’s say, a threat to the well being of this government agency.
MICK Are we a real government agency?
STACEY DUNCAN Darn it, McKenzie, don’t make me reqret what I’m about to ask.
MICK Sorry. Go ahead.
STACEY DUNCAN Well, I saw how you handled the fight at Homecoming tonight. My dance would’ve been ruined had you not stuck your gay neck out to diffuse a major catastrophe.
MICK What? Thanks, but I was totally joking. I’m not gay. 23.
STACEY DUNCAN Sure, sure. Listen. It’s your turn, McKenzie. Time to step up to the plate. It’s go time. You think you can handle it?
MICK Handle what exactly?
STACEY DUNCAN The Vice-Presidency, McKenzie! The second most powerful position after me!
MICK Oh! Yes! Of course.
STACEY DUNCAN Don’t let me down, McKenzie. This is about making me look good. Don’t be a traitor like that Cawdor.
MICK What? No. Never. And just to be clear. I’m not at all gay.
STACEY DUNCAN (chuckling) Whatever you say. Just be at the lunch meeting tomorrow, ‘kay?
MICK Yes. And thanks Stacey. Thank you so much.
STACEY DUNCAN People don’t realize it, but I’m a giver, McKenzie.
MICK Absolutely. And I’m seriously not gay.
Stacey chuckles.
STACEY DUNCAN (humoring Mick) Okay McKenzie. See you tomorrow.
MICK Yup. See you tomorrow. 24.
They hang up.
MICK (CONT’D) Holy crap.
Mick is slightly bothered. Izzie’s voice echoes in Mick’s ear.
IZZIE You’re gonna be Vice-President -- (echoing) President, President, President.
Mick swats at Izzie’s voice like it’s a fly. Lights up on Beth who sleeps in a chair with headphones framing her face. She wears a Souxie and The Banshees T-shirt and cut off jean shorts with fishnet stockings. She cradles a stuffed bear, “Nursey,” in her arms.
Mick sneaks in and tackles her. She screams throwing off the headphones. The Smith’s “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want” PLAYS faintly.
BETH What the frick, Micky!!
MICK It’s our birthday! Why are you up here lying around with your toys?
Mick grabs Nursey and throws her.
BETH Because my toys have better personalities than those miscreants at that Alcatraz they call our high school.
Micky sits in front of her and stares into her eyes.
BETH (CONT’D) Aw Jeez. 25.
She starts to put her head phones back on.
MICK Oh, c’mon. Just do it.
Beth looks annoyed, then gives in.
BETH Fine.
They then stare into each other’s eyes. Beat. Beth takes a deep breath in.
BETH (CONT’D) I got it.
MICK Go.
BETH You, you, you ---
MICK C’mon.
BETH You ---
This is taking too long.
MICK Alright.
Frustrated, he gets up to leave.
BETH No. Come back.
Mick sits back down in front of Beth.
BETH (CONT’D) You are -- finally growing body hair. 26.
Mick, annoyed, goes to leave again.
BETH C’mon. Just tell me. I can’t do that twinzy mind meld crap anymore.
MICK YOU used to want to do it all the time.
BETH I’ve grown. I’m a woman with secrets. So, just tell me.
MICK Cawdor is out. I’m in.
BETH Oh yeah. That’s cuz Kenny broke up with Duncan because she’s a two ton twit who makes out like she’s got a baby fish mouth.
Beat.
BETH (CONT’D) Hey, Kenny’s words. Not mine.
MICK Well, that’s just mean.
BETH Is it?
BETH Remember last year? When she told everybody I did it with Homeless Harold in the Denny’s parking lot?
MICK Didn’t you?
BETH No! I told you! I merely flashed him a bit of the old upstairs -- (indicating her chest) -- cuz, I dunno, he always looked so sad. It was charity. 27.
MICK (remembering) Oh, yeah.
BETH But that Staph Infection you call your class president made it sound dirty. For weeks, Deck Norry and the like, threw pennies at me to pay for mine and Harold’s wedding. On the upside, I made six bucks.
MICK What ever happened to Homeless Harold?
BETH He cleaned up his act and got work at that very Dennys. I think my girls inspired him.
MICK No doubt.
BETH So, yeah, Skanky Duncan can suck my snot.
MICK Pretty.
BETH You asked. So Vice-President of ASB huh? Truth time. I think you’re shootin’ way too low.
MICK Too low? I’m Vice-President.
BETH By default. You deserved that job the minute you first sashayed into the stinkin’ joint.
Beth goes to the stereo and presses a button on the tape player. “Everybody Wants To Rule The World” by Tears for Fears starts to play.
MICK You think?
BETH Yeah I think.
MICK I dunno. 28.
BETH Micky, you’re way sharper than most of the tools in that shed.
MICK Izzie told me -- forget it.
BETH What? What did the witchy woman impart?
MICK Banks and I went to the woods where she and her cult were being weird.
BETH As per usual.
MICK Her eyes got all exorcisty and then she said I’d be V.P.
BETH Uh-huh.
MICK But that wasn’t all.
BETH No kidding.
MICK She also said I’d be president. She saw a vision or some crap.
BETH I’ve always liked that nut job.
MICK But that’s bizarre isn’t it? How can I believe these whack visions are true?
BETH Because they’re not whack, Veep. 29.
BETH
WELCOME TO YOUR LIFE THERE'S NO TURNING BACK EVEN WHILE WE SLEEP WE WILL FIND YOU ACTING ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR TURN YOUR BACK ON MOTHER NATURE EV'RYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD
MICK
IT'S MY OWN DESIRE, IT'S MY OWN REMORSE HELP ME TO DECIDE, HELP ME MAKE THE MOST OF FREEDOM AND OF PLEASURE NOTHING EVER LASTS FOREVER
BETH
EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD
Chorus joins in.
THERE'S A ROOM WHERE THE LIGHT WON'T FIND YOU HOLDING HANDS WHILE THE WALLS COME TUMBLING DOWN WHEN THEY DO, I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU
BETH
SO GLAD WE'VE ALMOST MADE IT
MICK
SO SAD THEY HAD TO FADE IT
MICK AND BETH
EV'RYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD
MICK (a capella)
EV'RYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD
MICK But...I’m scared.
BETH Get out. 30.
MICK What?
BETH No no. We sang the “motivation” song. Now you must go.
MICK You’re the best.
BETH Out.
Mick exits Beth’s room. Mick stops. He hears Izzie’s voice.
IZZIE (V.O.) You’re gonna be Vice-President. (echoing) President, President, President.
END OF SCENE 31.
SCENE 5
SETTING:
School hallway. Morning.
AT RISE:
Izzie, Chair and Fig walk in slow motion.
One cool girl and three student “MC’s” rap/sing “Shadrach” by The Beastie Boys
COOL GIRL
EHHHHHHAAAAAA, EHHHHHHHHAAAAA, EHHHHHHHHHAAAAAA
MC’S (lyrics to broken up during rehearsal)
RIDDLE ME THIS MY BROTHER CAN YOU HANDLE IT YOUR STYLE TO MY STYLE YOU CAN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO IT EQUINOX SYMMETRY AND THE BALANCE IS RIGHT DANCIN’ AND SWINGIN’ ON A TUESDAY NIGHT IT'S NOT HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME IT'S HOW YOU WIN IT I CHEAT AND STEAL AND WIN AND I'M A CYNIC FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK WE SALUTE YOU THE DIRTY THOUGHTS FOR DIRTY MINDS WE CONTRIBUTE TO I ONCE WAS LOST BUT NOW I'M FOUND THE MUSIC WASHES OVER AND YOU'RE ONE WITH THE SOUND WHO SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH THE MEEK SHALL I THINK I'M STARTING TO PEAK NOW AL AND THEN THE MAN UPSTAIRS WELL I HOPE THAT HE CARES IF I HAD A PENNY FOR MY THOUGHTS I'D BE A MILLIONAIRE WE'RE JUST 3 M.C.'S AND WE'RE ON THE GO SHADRACH MESACH ABEDNAGO
A KID spits in Chair’s face and laughs. Everything stops. 32.
Real Time:
There’s something different about Izzie. She gives the kid a steely look and he freezes. Izzie takes Chair’s glasses off and wipes them in the kid’s hair.
Mick sweeps in, grabs Izzie by the arm and pulls her off. She tosses Chair’s glasses back to her.
The kid falls against a locker, relieved to be out of Izzie’s grasp.
IZZIE What’s up Veep?
MICK Yeah, about that. How’d you know?
IZZIE Whatever do you mean?
MICK I mean, I got a call from Stacey last night. She told you? Before you told me, right?
IZZIE Mick, do I look like the type of gal who chit chats with Dooky Duncan over chicken mcnuggets at Micky D’s?
MICK Right. So how did you know?
IZZIE I don’t know how I knew, but I told you. I saw it. You just didn’t believe me. (mocking) “Oh, she’s a weirdo, that one. Did you know she flies on a broomstick and sleeps in a coffin.” To which I say, (yelling out to all who will listen) STOP MIXING YOUR METAPHYSICAL METAPHORS PEOPLE! 33.
MICK It’s just bizarre, Izzie.
Chair pops her head in between them and interjects.
CHAIR That’s Virago Brimstonia Conflagoron.
Chair and Izzie high five without Izzie taking her eyes off Mick. Chair then looks mooney at Mick.
CHAIR (CONT’D) Hi Micky.
Mick doesn’t respond, as suddenly, there’s a commotion. Deck Norry and two other obnoxious football players enter. Deck aims his malicious intent onto Mick and Izzie.
DECK Well, look who it is.
Mick looks away, used to this. Izzie keeps her eyes down.
DECK (CONT’D) What are you two talking about? All the loser babies you’re gonna have together? Oh, that’s right. You can’t have babies. Cuz that one’s a fruit and this one’s a freak.
Deck reaches out to touch Izzie’s long black hair and receives an electric shock (FX). Izzie looks up into his eyes. She smiles an evil smile.
DECK (CONT’D) What the -- ?
Deck gathers around his friends for protection, visibly shaken. 34.
DECK (CONT’D) Let’s go dudes. (to Mick) And McKenzie! That thing at Homecoming last night. Don’t you EVER imply that I might like you like you.
He turns to a “smart” girl holding books at her locker.
DECK (CONT’D) That’s the right word - “imply?” Right?
She nervously nods her head.
DECK (CONT’D) Yeah! That’s right!
FOOTBALL FRIENDS Totally. Yeah Deck. You’re like...a genius.
They leave.
MICK Okay, what was that? (indicating her hair)
IZZIE I dunno. But I like it. I like it a lot.
She brushes a hand lovingly through her hair.
END OF SCENE 35.
SCENE 6
SETTING:
Student Council Room/Classroom. Lunch time.
AT RISE:
Members of the Student Council sit around with their various lunches. Stacey Duncan calls them to order by POUNDING a gavel, even though everyone is already quiet.
STACEY DUNCAN Order, order everyone. Order! Rosie Lynn, I hope your pen is poised. This is an auspicious morning.
ROSIE LYNN Yes, Madam President.
STACEY DUNCAN Now! I’m sure it will come as no surprise to all of you that Kenneth Cawdor is no longer my boyfr, um, assistant, I mean, Vice-President. Please give a warm welcome to his successor, Mick McKenz ---
MALCOLM interrupts.
MALCOLM We know who he is, Stacey.
STACEY DUNCAN Malcolm Fete, you show some respect before I throw you on the scrap heap like Mr. Cawdor.
MALCOLM I’m just sayin.’
Stacey silences him with a sharp glare.
MALCOLM (CONT’D) Fine.
Stacey gives him another scowl. 36.
MALCOLM (CONT’D) Okay.
Stacey’s eye daggers are now out in full force. Malcolm shuts up.
STACEY DUNCAN Mr. Mick McKenzie everyone.
She claps quickly. Everyone joins her. (NOTE: this is the scene that Izzie saw in her first “vision”)
STACEY DUNCAN (CONT’D) All right, that’s enough. Now, even though Homecoming is under our belts, we can’t sit on our laurels. For instance, we have the Christmas dance around the corner. What’s our theme? No Jesusy Rabie stuff. We can’t be churchy.
MALCOLM (pronouncing it correctly) You mean “rabbi?”
STACEY DUNCAN Don’t you dare correct me, Malcom Fete.
Mick raises his hand.
MICK Ooh, I have some ideas.
STACEY DUNCAN McKenzie, you don’t have to raise your hand. You’re VP.
Mick lowers his hand.
MICK Okay, great. Well, I thought that maybe we could do Summer in December. Ya know, beach balls and Bermuda shorts.
STACEY DUNCAN Ooh, that reminds me. Rosie Lynn, didn’t you have some ideas about a Disney princess theme. 37.
ROSIE LYNN I did. Picture this: The orchestra plays “Part of Your World.” You, Madame President, could be The Little Mermaid descending from the ceiling like you’re visiting the underwater sea world.
MICK What?
STACEY DUNCAN I love that idea. Can I wear a mermaid tail?
ROSIE LYNN Anything you want.
MICK Seriously?
STACEY DUNCAN I don’t like your tone, McKenzie. I can wear a mermaid tale if I want to.
MICK I know. It’s just that -- Disney?
MALCOLM I’m with you there, Mick. A Dunsy Dance isn’t exactly the happiest place on earth.
STACEY DUNCAN (scolding) Not with THAT attitude it isn’t, Mister. (to Mick) See what you started? Not a good first day, not good at all.
Mick sighs.
DONALD chimes in.
DONALD How about the undead? Like in the movie Redneck Zombies, there was this guy -- 38.
STACEY DUNCAN (interrupting) Really Donald. No more from you.
Donald just shrugs.
STACEY DUNCAN (CONT’D) So, it’s settled. Disney princesses. I, for one, LOVE. IT. Meeting adjourned.
Stacey POUNDS her gavel and departs. Rosie Lynn is pleased with herself. Mick stays seated as the others depart the room. Stacey returns.
STACEY DUNCAN (CONT’D) Oh, and Mick?
A second chance? Mick perks up.
MICK Yes, Stacey, um, I mean Madam President?
STACEY DUNCAN Try to be more of a team player, hm?
MICK (clearly over it) Sure thing.
STACEY DUNCAN Atta boy. Ta!
MICK (sings/defeated/a capella)
EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD.
END OF SCENE 39.
SCENE 7
SETTING:
Mick and Beth’s Kitchen
AT RISE:
Mick and Beth drink Cokes. “Why can’t I be You” by The Cure plays underneath.
MICK It’s like I wasn’t even there.
BETH You knew what Stacey was like. She’s an evil scag. I told you.
MICK I know. I just thought I’d get more respect, ya know? I’m V.P. now.
BETH Micky, you gotta take respect. It’s not gonna be handed to you.
MICK I have great ideas. But if no one listens --
BETH Make them listen.
MICK How?
Beat.
BETH Well, what if you became president? Like Izzie saw. In her vision.
MICK How? We’re seniors. Stacey got it. She’s class president. What’s done is done.
BETH Things can be undone. 40.
Beat.
BETH (CONT’D) What if we take care of her?
She smiles lasciviously.
MICK “Take care of her?” I’m guessing you don’t mean treat her to a day at the spa.
Beth shakes her head “no” and offers a smirk.
MICK (CONT’D) Wait. Are you for real right now?
BETH Micky, you said it. It’s our senior year. You wanna get in with the Ivy League next year, right? This is how you do it. You don’t have any more time. Stacey Duncan has got to go - one way or another.
MICK I can’t believe you’re honestly considering this.
BETH I can’t believe you’re not. It’s not as though she took the straight and narrow to get where she got. After all, during her campaign, she did sell those “special” brownies to the burnouts to get their vote.
MICK That’s not exactly hurting anyone.
BETH Hey. She’s drugging minors. They could, I dunno, fall asleep while operating heavy machinery and die. Eat too many Doritos and die. Listen to that Grateful Dead too long on their Walkmans --
“Burning Down the House” by The Talking Heads plays.
MICK -- And die? 41.
BETH It’s happened.
MICK No, it hasn’t.
Beth shrugs.
MICK (CONT’D) This is crazy. Not to mention totally wrong.
BETH Micky, you always do the right thing, always keeping your nose clean. Be bad for god’s sake. Get what you want. For once in your life. Get what you want.
Beth and Mick sing. The Chorus joins them.
BETH
WATCH OUT YOU MIGHT GET WHAT YOU'RE AFTER COOL BABIES STRANGE BUT NOT A STRANGER
MICK
I'M AN ORDINARY GUY
BETH
BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE HOLD TIGHT. WAIT TILL THE PARTY'S OVER HOLD TIGHT. WE'RE IN FOR NASTY WEATHER
MICK
THERE HAS GOT TO BE A WAY
BETH
BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE HERE'S YOUR TICKET PACK YOUR BAG TIME FOR JUMPIN' OVERBOARD THE TRANSPORTATION IS HERE CLOSE ENOUGH BUT NOT TOO FAR, MAYBE YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE FIGHTIN' FIRE WITH FIRE 42.
MICK
ALL WET! HEY I MIGHT NEED A RAINCOAT
BETH
SHAKEDOWN! DREAMS WALKING IN BROAD DAYLIGHT THREE HUN-DRED SIX-TY FIVE DE-GREES
MICK & BETH
BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE!
MICK
IT WAS ONCE UPON A PLACE SOMETIMES I LISTEN TO MYSELF
BETH
GONNA COME IN FIRST PLACE PEOPLE ON THEIR WAY TO WORK AND BABY WHAT DID YOU EXCEPT GONNA BURST INTO FLAME
Short Instrumental/Dance Break
MICK
MY HOUSE! IS OUT OF THE ORDINARY
BETH
THAT'S RIGHT!
MICK
DON'T WANNA HURT NOBODY
Beth gives him a look that says, “seriously?”
SOME THINGS SURE CAN SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET
They dance during the musical interval. At the end of the song, they face each other. 43.
MICK & BETH
BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE!
END OF SCENE 44.
SCENE 8
SETTING:
Gymnasium
AT RISE:
RAIN and THUNDER are heard.
There are several dishes on a long folding table. Mick straightens out the dishes meticulously. DUFFY REYNOLDS (17) rides through on her skateboard. Duffy catches Mick’s eye and waves. Mick does nothing. Then Duffy does a trick off the stage and falls hard, scraping her leg. Mick runs over to her.
MICK You okay?
DUFFY Yeah. Comes with the territory, right?
MICK I guess. You’re bleeding.
DUFFY Oh crap.
MICK Let me get you a napkin.
Mick retrieves a napkin and returns to Duffy, applying the napkin to the cut.
DUFFY Thanks. How are you?
MICK Good. Good. I’m VP now.
DUFFY Yeah, I heard. That’s cool. It’s what you wanted, right?
MICK Yeah. Yeah. How are you? 45.
DUFFY Other than falling and looking like a giant ass, I’m good too.
MICK How’s Chewy?
DUFFY I feed him too much. So he’s fat.
MICK He’s a guinea pig. It’s in the name.
Duffy smiles.
DUFFY He misses you.
MICK I miss him.
They share a moment until Stacey’s voice interrupts.
STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) (yelling) McKenzie?!
Mick stares at Duffy, almost longingly, but then --
DUFFY It’s alright. I got it.
STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) (yelling more) McKenzie!!!
MICK I have to --
He motions that he has to go.
DUFFY Yeah, yeah. Go.
MICK See ya. 46.
Stacey enters, wearing a bright mermaid costume.
STACEY DUNCAN Hello McKenzie.
MICK Hey Stace --
She crosses her arms.
MICK (CONT’D) -- Madam President.
STACEY DUNCAN Come immediately when I call you McKenzie.
MICK Yes Madam President.
STACEY DUNCAN I just wanted to tell you, McKenzie. Well done. Well done indeed.
MICK Thanks Madam President. I thought doing a test run of your mermaid descent would be a good idea.
STACEY DUNCAN See? Now that’s thinking like a team player.
MICK Mm-hm. Plus, I just wanted to show my appreciation for your support.
STACEY DUNCAN I told you, McKenzie, I’m a giver. These bacon cheese puffs are deelish.
MICK Thanks. Beth made them. Well, warmed them up.
Stacey doesn’t hear a word Mick says.
STACEY DUNCAN If there’s trouble hoisting this petite little mermaid up, I’m blaming you, Mister! I’ve gotta go climb up on that catwalk and get ready for my grand entrance! C’mon you two. 47.
(indicating two freshmen) You’re coming with me.
Stacey trots off. He waits until she’s gone and then glances over to where Duffy was but she’s gone.
Mick peers upward.
Banks approaches Mick, singing and clapping “Oh Micky” by Toni Basil.
BANKS
“OH MICKEY, YOU’RE SO FINE. YOU’RE SO FINE, YOU BLOW MY MIND!
HEY MICKEY! HEY MICKEY!”
Mick’s a little embarrassed.
MICK Hey Banks.
Mick sneaks peeks up to the rafters.
BANKS Lookit you.
MICK Whaddya mean?
BANKS Vice Prez, VP, Veep.
Mick fakes a smile.
MICK Yeah. That’s me.
Mick wipes his brow of sweat. 48.
BANKS So Izzie’s thing. Her glue sniffing prediction came true. How ‘bout that?
MICK I guess. I haven’t really thought about it.
BANKS Whaddya mean? I was like - whoa!
Mick just nods, sweating.
MICK You should get some food or something to drink. There’s lemonade.
BANKS Micky, I’m only deathly allergic to lemons. Duh. Whaddya trying to do? Kill me or something?
MICK Oh. Yeah. I forgot.
BANKS You okay?
MICK Yeah sorry. This whole test run thing -- (indicating the Mermaid drop) -- was my idea so I just want to pull it off sucessfully.
BANKS Oh, yeah, sure. I bet it’ll go just like you planned.
MICK Fingers crossed.
BANKS (joking) Well, hopefully, we can still be friends, I mean even though you’re all like powerful now.
MICK Uh huh.
Mick is clearly distracted.
BANKS Um, well, I guess I’ll leave you to it. 49.
Banks starts to walk off.
MICK Okay. (snapping out of it) Banks.
Banks turns around toward Mick.
BANKS Uh-huh?
Beat.
MICK Nothing. I’ll see you around.
Banks smiles meekly, waves a half- hearted wave and walks off. He turns back to Mick for a moment with a look of hurt on his face.
SPOTLIGHT ON:
Mick having an anxiety attack.
MICK (VO) Oh God. I dunno. This is crazy. It’s crazy. I can’t do this. I can’t. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Banks knows. I bet he knows. Oh God.
Mick grips his stomach.
STACEY C’mon McKenzie!! Stop wasting my time!
Lights up! At the sound of Stacey’s voice, Mick’s demeanor changes. He’s ready to do what he needs to do.
Beth walks up to him.
BETH You okay?
MICK Yeah. 50.
BETH You know this is the only way, right?
MICK Yeah. I know.
BETH Good. Let’s do this.
Beth exits. Outside lightening STRIKES and thunder ROARS.
MICK (looking up) Okay, lower her down.
Rosie Lynn steps in.
ROSIE LYNN Let me handle this, McKenzie. (to the freshmen) Lower her down!
MICK That’s VICE-PRESIDENT McKenzie.
ROSIE LYNN Whatever. You got that title by default. I’m gonna totally be VEEP the minute I hit junior year, from VOTES, unlike you.
Instead of getting angry, Mick surrenders.
MICK You know what? Have at it. (indicating Stacey’s drop)
ROSIE LYNN (snotty) Thank you. (calling up) That’s right. A little lower.
SFX: The rope beginning to rip.
Deck Norry enters.
DECK Clear out, Dummies! 51.
ROSIE LYNN What? Why?
DECK It’s raining like pussycats and poodles out there and we gotta run our drills, so OUT.
ROSIE LYNN No, no. We’re doing a trial run for our holiday underwater spectacular. (calling upwards) Hold her up!
STACEY DUNCAN What!!? I can’t just hang here like a piece of meat!
Deck looks up, notices Stacey.
DECK Oh dip! I thought I smelled something.
STACEY DUNCAN Shut up, Deck Norry! I’m going to have you suspended! You won’t graduate high school until you’re 40!
Deck laughs obnoxiously. Mick and Beth stand off to the side watching.
SFX: The rope strains. The Dead Kennedy’s “Holiday in Cambodia” starts to rise.
DECK Hey Duncan! I can totally see your tail!
The football players fly in, some go to the buffet and grab snacks.
ROSIE LYNN Get out of here, you neanderthal and take your homosapien friends with you.
DECK (imitating her) “Meeminy, meeminy, meem.” That’s all I heard and you better not be callin’ my friends homos. Speaking of homos, there’s one. 52.
(re: Mick) Hey Fruit!
Mick sweats. Beth nudges him.
BETH DO NOT let him get to you. Focus on Stacey.
STACEY DUNCAN Get me down from here!!!
BETH On second thought, don’t. We don’t want to look suspicious. Say something to him.
MICK Hey Deck.
Deck takes one step towards Mick.
DECK Don’t talk to me. I don’t want your gay breath on me.
Just then, more of Deck’s vile insults are drowned out by Stacey’s screams as her rope RIPS.
Lights flicker on and off. “Holiday in Cambodia” by The Dead Kennedys goes full blast.
SLOW MOTION:
Stacey falls from the rafters and lands on Deck. (This can be done in any way the production team deems possible and plausible.)
CUT SONG AT 33 SECONDS
Lights up
Back to real time:
Stacey, dead, lies on top of Deck who is also dead.
The freshmen, who were helping lower Stacey, appear. 53.
Rosie Lynn runs to Stacey and pushes her off Deck. Rosie Lynn screams.
ROSIE LYNN Noooooooooo!!!
The football players cry and hug each other. Beth smiles coolly. Mick starts to sweat and breathe heavily.
BETH Keep it together, little brother. We’re not done here yet, are we?
Mick shakes his head “no.” Then, he points at the two freshmen in charge of the rope.
MICK Look!! They did it!
The football players stop their CRIES long enough to look at the freshmen, who are terrified and run off.
FOOTBALL PLAYER #1 Get ‘em you guys.
All the football players run off in pursuit of the freshmen.
Beth hides a giggle. Mick watches the chaos with a steely gaze.
Malcolm and Donald stand off to the side.
MALCOLM Man, this doesn’t look good.
DONALD Nuh-uh.
MALCOLM I’m getting out of here before someone -- 54.
They look over at Mick.
MALCOLM (CONT’D) -- accuses me too.
DONALD Yeah, dude. Let’s book it.
They start to walk off gingerly.
DONALD (CONT’D) Can I come to your house? Your mom makes that rad mac n’ cheese.
MALCOLM No, Donald. Get your own mac n’ cheese. God.
Malcolm stalks off.
DONALD (dejected) Okay. Jeez.
They run off.
Banks is off to the side, witnessing the whole thing. He walks off before he’s noticed. Mick & Beth walk over and flank the bodies, they look at each other. “How Soon Is Now?” By The Smiths plays.
END OF ACT 1 55.
ACT II
SCENE 1
SETTING:
Vigil
AT RISE:
Students enter one by one holding candles, singing “Bad” by U2.
STUDENTS
IF YOU TWIST AND TURN AWAY IF YOU TEAR YOURSELF IN TWO AGAIN IF I COULD, YES I WOULD IF I COULD, I WOULD LET IT GO SURRENDER DISLOCATE IF I COULD THROW THIS LIFELESS LIFELINE TO THE WIND LEAVE THIS HEART OF CLAY SEE YOU WALK, WALK AWAY INTO THE NIGHT AND THROUGH THE RAIN INTO THE HALF-LIGHT AND THROUGH THE FLAME IF I COULD THROUGH MYSELF SET YOUR SPIRIT FREE, I'D LEAD YOUR HEART AWAY SEE YOU BREAK, BREAK AWAY INTO THE LIGHT THROUGH THE DAY OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH TO LET IT GO AND SO TO FADE AWAY TO LET IT GO AND SO, FADE AWAY
Mick enters. 56.
MICK
I’M WIDE AWAKE WIDE AWAKE WIDE AWAKE I'M NOT SLEEPING
Repeat rhythm and bring to silence. All the students exit, leaving Mick. Music fades. Mick sings a capella. Banks enters.
BANKS Hey Micky.
MICK Hello Banks. (calling off to Jason and Mike) Jason? Mike?
Two young students appear.
JASON AND MIKE Yeah boss?
MICK Why don’t you two get me a coke.
JASON AND MIKE Sure thing Mr. McKenzie. Absolutely Sir.
MICK (to Banks) You want one?
BANKS Oh, um, no thanks.
MICK All right. Run along boys. And don’t forget the lemon.
JASON AND MIKE Yes sir. Mr. McKenzie sir.
They run off. Banks is impressed.
BANKS Wow. “Mr. McKenzie.” “Sir.” 57.
MICK Yeah, Banks, about that. I’m strictly going by Mick now. No more Micky. It’s more distinguished now that I’m president, ya know?
BANKS Oh. Okay. Sorry.
MICK Not at all. What’s up?
BANKS Oh, uh, not much. We just haven’t seen each other since the accident, huh?
MICK (not sad) Yeah, that was real sad. Oh well.
BANKS It’s weird huh?
MICK Not really. Those two freshman clearly had something against Stacey.
BANKS Not that. I mean Izzie and her predictions. Now they’ve all come true.
MICK Yup.
BANKS I mean, here you are. ASB president. Don’t you think that’s crazy?
MICK Not really. I earned it.
BANKS Sure. But that Izzie guessed it all. I just think it’s freaky. 58.
MICK (pouring on the suspicion) I’ll tell you what’s “freaky” is that both Donald AND Malcolm haven’t been to school since it happened. What’s that about? Maybe THEY had something to do with Stacey’s fall from grace - so to speak.
BANKS I dunno. They don’t seem like the type. I mean, what Izzie said about you --
MICK (Mike) Banks. You sound, I dunno, jealous.
BANKS What? No. No. I think it’s great. (pause) I just never see you anymore.
Beat.
MICK Look. As you well know, I’m hosting the holiday dance at my house on Friday since they’re still trying to get all the blood stains off the gym floor. You’re coming right?
BANKS Yeah, yeah.
MICK Well, let’s hang out then, ‘kay?
Mick smiles a fake smile.
BANKS Okay. Sure. Let’s do that.
MICK Great.
They both continue walking in the direction they were heading. Both glance back with suspicion. Mick keeps going but not before one final wave at Banks. Banks waves meekly. Mick walks off.
Banks sings “Suspicious Minds” by Fine Young Cannibals 59.
BANKS
WE'RE CAUGHT IN A TRAP; I CAN'T WALK OUT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH MICKY WHY CAN'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO ME WHEN I DON'T BELIEVE A WORD YOU SAY?
Chorus of Students enter and sing back up.
BANKS AND CHORUS
WE CAN'T GO ON TOGETHER WITH SUSPICIOUS MINDS AND WE CAN'T BUILD OUR DREAMS ON SUSPICIOUS MINDS
BANKS
ON SUSPICIOUS MINDS
END OF SCENE 60.
SCENE 2
SETTING:
Beth’s room
AT RISE:
Mick and Beth sit and have a coke.
MICK You were so right, Sis. Getting rid of Stacey was the best thing ever.
BETH Right?
He raises his coke.
MICK To you and me.
BETH To me and you.
They clink their bottles. Silence.
BETH (CONT’D) But, ya know. I thought I’d feel different. More important or something.
MICK I feel -- alive.
BETH Unlike Deck and Stacey.
MICK (sing songy) Ho-Oh!
They high five.
BETH Still, I dunno, I pictured myself like “Vengeance is Mine!” and I’d be holding a lightening bolt or riding a lion or something.
MICK You’re such a weirdo. 61.
BETH Oh, come on. Tell me you feel like all is right with the world now? Stacey’s gone. You’re president. Done and done?
MICK Yeah, I’m done. Done being treated like a troll by those Dunsy High School bullies.
BETH Yeah, well, you can’t cut the rope of every dirtbag that hangs in your path. That’s a lotta dirtbags.
MICK (stoic) Watch me.
Beat. Beth’s frozen.
MICK (CONT’D) I’m just kidding, Bethy. Just kidding.
BETH Good. Cuz you’re freaking me out a little.
MICK Oh yeah? No more twinzy mind meld?
BETH Oh please, I can read you like a Judy Blume novel.
MICK Yeah?
BETH Oh yeah.
MICK Let’s do it, then.
BETH Okay. Let’s.
They each set their cokes down and gear up for a stare like it’s an Olympic event. They stare.
Light change. Murder and screaming SFX. 62.
Beth tries to break the gaze. Mick is stuck on her. Finally, she breaks away. Light change back.
MICK What’s wrong?
BETH Nothing.
MICK What did you see?
BETH (trying to joke) Not much, Brainless.
She laughs nervously. He doesn’t. He grabs both sides of Beth’s head. She’s startled. Then he kisses her hard on the forehead.
MICK I’m gonna hit the hay. Having a big meeting with Principal Pam tomorrow to discuss getting rid of the football team.
He exits. She catches her breath and guzzles the rest of her coke.
BETH (filled with doom) What. The. F--
END OF SCENE 63.
SCENE 3
SETTING:
Bank’s car
AT RISE:
Banks drives down a dark road
BANKS (V.O.) What the heck is up with Micky? (correcting himself) Mick. Maybe he did have something to do with Stacey’s (finger quotes) “accident?” I didn’t think he had it in him, but after Izzie made those predictions, they started coming true. OR did Mick make them come true? Cuz he’s acting like, like the people we can’t stand. I have to talk to him at the dance tonight. After all, he’s my best fri --
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Jason and Mike appear. They wear Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers masks. Banks screams, swerves and crashes the car, smashing his head on the steering wheel.
Banks’ raises his head as Jason and Mike appear at the front of the car again.
Banks sees them and screams. He tries to break out of his seat belt. It won’t budge. Jason and Mike walk toward the car.
Banks frees himself, opens the car door and runs.
Note: This next running bit should be ridiculous with Banks running but Jason and Mike walking after him.
Banks nearly trips a few times but regains his balance each time. 64.
Then after two near trips, he does trip. Jason and Mike continue to pursue.
He gets up an runs some more. Jason and Mike follow.
He sees a lit diner.
BANKS A diner! Thank God!
Banks enters the diner and sits, breathless. A WAITRESS approaches Banks.
WAITRESS Hey son. You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Let me get you some water.
BANKS Yeah, Yeah. Thank you.
WAITRESS Sure kid.
Banks catches his breath, looks around and doesn’t see any sign of Jason and Mike. The waitress gives Banks water from a water pitcher filled with lemon wedges.
BANKS Thank you.
Banks downs the water.
BANKS (CONT’D) That’s better.
He regains his breath. That is until his breath becomes more and more shallow.
WAITRESS What is it kid?
BANKS (barely breathing) Uh-oh. 65.
WAITRESS Kid, you don’t look so good.
Banks points to the pitcher of water. He gasps as best he can with no breath.
BANKS Le-mon.
He points to his throat.
BANKS (CONT’D) Can’t -- brea.
Banks passes out on the floor, dead.
WAITRESS Kid? KID?
Jason and Mike appear off to the side, watching the whole scene. They lift their masks, nod to each other and smirk.
END OF SCENE 66.
SCENE 4
SETTING:
Mick & Beth’s house
AT RISE:
Mick hosts a huge Luau Christmas Summer Party. Everyone from school is there dancing, socializing and dressed in island wear. Everyone sings and dances to “Head Over Heels” by the Go-Gos.
ENSEMBLE
BEEN RUNNING SO LONG I'VE NEARLY LOST ALL TRACK OF TIME IN EVERY DIRECTION I COULDN'T SEE THE WARNING SIGNS I MUST BE LOSIN' IT 'CUZ MY MIND PLAYS TRICKS ON ME IT LOOKED SO EASY BUT YOU KNOW, LOOKS SOMETIMES DECEIVE BEEN RUNNING SO FAST RIGHT FROM THE STARTING LINE NO MORE CONNECTIONS I DON'T NEED ANY MORE ADVICE ONE HAND'S JUST REACHING OUT AND ONE'S JUST HANGIN' ON IT SEEMS MY WEAKNESSES JUST KEEP GOING STRONG
HEAD OVER HEELS WHERE SHOULD I GO? CAN'T STOP MYSELF OUTTA CONTROL HEAD OVER HEELS NO TIME TO THINK LOOKS LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD'S OUT OF SYNC 67.
BEEN RUNNING SO HARD WHEN WHAT I NEED IS TO UNWIND THE VOICE OF REASON IS ONE I LEFT SO FAR BEHIND I'VE WAITED SO LONG SO LONG TO PLAY THIS PART AND JUST REMEMBERED THAT I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY HEART HEAD OVER HEELS WHERE SHOULD I GO? CAN'T STOP MYSELF OUTTA CONTROL HEAD OVER HEELS NO TIME TO THINK LOOKS LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD'S OUT OF SYNC
HEAD OVER HEELS WHERE SHOULD I GO? CAN'T STOP MYSELF OUTTA CONTROL HEAD OVER HEELS NO TIME TO THINK LOOKS LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD'S OUT OF SYNC HEAD OVER HEELS WHERE SHOULD I GO? CAN'T STOP MYSELF OUTTA CONTROL HEAD OVER HEELS NO TIME TO THINK LOOKS LIKE THE WHOLE WORLD'S OUT OF SYNC!
MICK Thanks everybody! Thanks so much for coming to “Summer In December.” I just wanted to say how honored I am to be your host AND your new ASB President!!
He waits for clapping which there is a smattering, from Beth.
MICK (CONT’D) Anyway, let’s keep the party going!
Mick spots Beth in the crowd. He raises his tropical island coconut drink to her. She raises her coke bottle, half-heartedly. 68.
Jason and Mike enter, carrying the Mike and Jason masks. Mick goes to them. They all whisper. Mick looks satisfied. There is an exchange of money. Beth watches this exchange and tries to approach Mick but the dancers get in her way.
Beth finally breaks through.
BETH What are you talking to those losers for?
MICK Who? Jason and Mike? They’re nice enough guys. You having fun, sis?
BETH Sure. Yeah, um, it’s a great turnout.
She smiles a fake smile. He seems nervous.
MICK Mm-hm. Where’s Duffy?
BETH (incredulous) Duffy?
MICK Yeah. Duffy. She’s not here.
BETH You really expected her to come?
MICK (agitated) Yes. I’m president. It’s my party. She should be here.
BETH You’re right. She should be here. 69.
MICK She knows. She knows about me. She’s plotting against me.
Beth smiles a little too broadly in an attempt to hide Mick’s freak out.
BETH Mick. Stop. No one knows a thing. Look at everybody. They’re having a blast.
Beat.
MICK You’re right. You’re right. I’m gonna get another drink.
Mick exits. Beth looks after him. A drunk girl walks right into her and keeps walking.
BETH Rude!
A STUDENT BARTENDER (17), with his back to the audience, prepares Mick a drink. Mick is distracted, looking around.
BARTENDER (O.S.) Mr. McKenzie, sir, would you care for lemon?
MICK Yes, thank you.
The bartender hands Mick the drink. It’s Banks. However, he wears a Hawaiian shirt and looks blue’ish. Mick is horrified.
BANKS Hey Micky! (correcting himself) Oh. My apologies. “Mick.”
MICK (stunned) What is this? 70.
BANKS (indicating drink) That? It’s a “7UP Surprise.” Oh! No wait. You mean THIS surprise (indicating himself). Don’t worry, friend. I’m not alive. Hmmmm. Maybe you should worry, because you’re seeing dead guys at your pool party. Nice crowd by the way. But maybe they figured if they didn’t show, you’d, I dunno, HAVE THEM MURDERED.
MICK You should go. Leave. Now.
BANKS Awwwww. Whatcha gonna do? Kill me?
MICK Get out of here!
BANKS Now is that any way to speak to your BEST FRIEND?!
MICK I SAID GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!
Everyone stops and stares at Mick. Banks shrugs, grabs his tips leaves.
BANKS Okey dokey. But it’s your funeral.
Beth runs to Mick’s rescue. He’s clearly losing it.
BETH C’mon. Let’s go inside.
Beth speaks to the guests but no one pays any attention to her.
BETH (CONT’D) Oh man, Mick’s under a lot of pressure, you guys. He went all out for this party and he’s wiped out. So...yeah and...yeah.
She pulls Mick off.
Banks re-enters. 71.
BANKS There you are! I cannot lose another finger today!
He walks off.
END OF SCENE 72.
SCENE 5
SETTING:
Beth’s room
AT RISE:
Beth enters and places Mick, half crazed, in a bean bag chair.
BETH Dude, what is going on? You’re wigging out.
MICK We’re in too deep, Bethy. We’re in way too deep.
BETH No, no. We’re fine. Just keep your head.
MICK We shouldn’t have done it, ya know. But now, we can’t turn back, can we?
BETH Mick, we’re fine. You’re fine. You need to sleep is all. You’re exhausted.
MICK I have to talk to Izzie.
He goes to leave. Beth grabs him.
BETH Mick, it’s late. You can’t talk to Izzie now. Listen, I’ll kick everybody out. You get some sleep.
Beat.
MICK Okay. Right. Sleep.
He curls up in the chair. Beth covers him with a blanket and he pretends to fall asleep. She tip toes out of the room. He opens his eyes and throws off the blanket.
END OF SCENE 73.
SCENE 6
SETTING: Malcolm’s basement.
AT RISE: Malcolm PLAYS “Phoenix” on his Atari in his basement room which is decorated with Star Wars and Indiana Jones posters.
The doorbell RINGS. Malcolm continues playing. The doorbell RINGS again.
MALCOLM (calling off) Mom!
No answer. The doorbell RINGS again.
MALCOLM (CONT’D) Mom!!
The doorbell RINGS again.
MALCOLM (CONT’D) God! MOM?!
Malcolm ditches the Atari controls.
Malcolm opens the door and there stands Duffy holding her skateboard. Malcolm looks at Duffy with suspicion.
MALCOLM Duffy Reynolds. What are you doin’ here?
DUFFY The same reason why you’re hiding out.
Beat.
MALCOLM Come on in. 74.
Malcolm offers spray cheese to Duffy.
MALCOLM Care for a spritz?
DUFFY No thanks.
“True Faith” by New Order begins to play.
MALCOLM Listen, I share your suspicions.
DUFFY I figured.
MALCOLM Totally. Stacey Duncan takin’ a dive in her fish suit? Those poor little pummeled freshmen had nothing to do with it.
DUFFY Right? And Mick, he’s changed since he became president.
MALCOLM I know. He’s kind of cool now. What’s that about? No one in Student Council is supposed to be cool.
DUFFY Cool? More like cold. That’s not the Mick I knew.
MALCOLM Oh, dang. That’s right. You guys were buds once upon a time.
DUFFY Once upon a time.
MALCOLM And you think he had something to do with this gnarly business? 75.
DUFFY I dunno. Maybe. Yeah.
MALCOLM Me too. It’s intense.
He sprays some cheese in his mouth.
DUFFY So, you’ll help me?
MALCOLM I’m not gonna lie. I’m creeped out. Me and Donald have been keepin’ it on the down low ever since cuz who knows when Micky’s gonna blame him or me or both of us. We were there.
DUFFY That won’t happen.
MALCOLM No?
DUFFY No.
MALCOLM What makes you so sure?
Duffy and Malcolm sing New Order’s “True Faith”
DUFFY
I FEEL SO EXTRAORDINARY SOMETHING'S GOT A HOLD ON ME I GET THIS FEELING I'M IN MOTION A SUDDEN SENSE OF LIBERTY I DON'T CARE 'CAUSE I'M NOT THERE AND I DON'T CARE IF I'M HERE TOMORROW AGAIN AND AGAIN I'VE TAKEN TOO MUCH OF THE THINGS THAT COST YOU TOO MUCH 76.
DUFFY & MALCOLM
I USED TO THINK THAT THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME I'D SEE DELIGHT IN THE SHADE OF THE MORNING SUN MY MORNING SUN IS THE DRUG THAT BRINGS ME NEAR TO THE CHILDHOOD I LOST, REPLACED BY FEAR I USED TO THINK THAT THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME THAT MY LIFE WOULD DEPEND ON THE MORNING SUN
MALCOLM
I FEEL SO EXTRAORDINARY SOMETHING'S GOT A HOLD ON ME I GET THIS FEELING I'M IN MOTION A SUDDEN SENSE OF LIBERTY THE CHANCES ARE WE'VE GONE TOO FAR YOU TOOK MY TIME AND YOU TOOK MY MONEY NOW I FEAR YOU'VE LEFT ME STANDING IN A WORLD THAT'S SO DEMANDING
DUFFY & MALCOLM
I USED TO THINK THAT THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME I'D SEE DELIGHT IN THE SHADE OF THE MORNING SUN MY MORNING SUN IS THE DRUG THAT BRINGS ME NEAR TO THE CHILDHOOD I LOST, REPLACED BY FEAR
DUFFY
I USED TO THINK THAT THE DAY WOULD NEVER COME
MALCOLM
THAT MY LIFE WOULD DEPEND ON THE MORNING SUN...
MALCOLM All right man. What do you have in mind? 77.
Malcolm swallows a spritz of string cheese.
END OF SCENE 78.
SCENE 7
SETTING:
Movie Theatre
AT RISE:
The dialogue to “Teen Witch” plays. Mick walks down the aisle peering down all the rows. He loudly whispers “Izzie, Izzie” and is met with several “shhhhs’s.” Finally, he spots Izzie, Chair and Fig sitting together. They’re all eating popcorn and giggling at the movie.
IZZIE Mick. What are you doing? Get out of here.
CHAIR (dreamy) Hi Micky.
Mick dismisses Chair.
MICK (to Izzie) I have to talk to you.
IZZIE Mick, We haven’t talked in weeks. How did you even know we were here?
MICK Teen Witch is your favorite movie. Of course you’d be here. Izzie, please. You have to help me. I’m going crazy!
The movie patrons get angry at Mick’s interruption.
IZZIE Fine. Shhhhhhhh!!
The movie and all the patrons become silent.
MICK Wow. 79.
IZZIE I know. I’ve become fairly awesome.
CHAIR You don’t look so good, Mick. I mean, don’t get me wrong. You’re still super cute, but a wigged out, sweaty cute. (to everyone) Am I right?
Fig shrugs.
IZZIE What is up with you? You got everything you wanted, didn’t you?
MICK Yeah, yeah, I guess, but I dunno. I’m worried, ya know? You have to tell me, Iz. What happens next?
IZZIE Seriously?
Mick nods feverishly.
IZZIE (CONT’D) I dunno. I spent yesterday reading Chair’s future and it was so boring, it wiped me out.
CHAIR (excited) When I turn 40, I’m gonna adopt a half blind pug with three legs.
IZZIE See?
MICK Please Iz. I have to know.
CHAIR And I’m gonna name her Pickles Turnblatt. Isn’t that adorable?
Fig nods in agreement. 80.
IZZIE (to Mick) Fine. But this is the last time. Give me your hand.
Mick holds out his hand to her.
IZZIE (CONT’D) Wow, it’s so soft. Have you been moisterizing --
Lights change.
Izzie’s eyes roll back as she gets ripped into Mick’s future. Izzie’s voice changes. It’s Ms. Hecky’s voice.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY (filled with doom) Beware, beware, BEWARE!!
CHAIR Hold up. Is that Ms. Hecky?
MICK Shhhhhhh.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY (more doom) Beware Mick McKenzie --
MICK You said that already.
Izzie/Ms. Hecky give him the stink eye. Beat. Her voice reverberates.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY BEEEEEEEEWWWWWAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE
CHAIR Hi Ms. Hecky!
Fig waves.
IZZY/MS. HECKY Hi kids!
Mick shoots Chair a look. 81.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY (CONT’D) (more casual) Okey doke, Mr. McKenzie. Beware of that cute girl - um, what’s her name?
CHAIR Patty Canavan.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY No.
CHAIR Debbie Hunter.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY No. Uh-uh.
Beat. Fig whispers to Chair.
CHAIR Ooh. Nancy Finch
IZZIE/MS. HECKY No, but she is adorable.
CHAIR Totally.
Fig nods.
MICK Can we PLEASE skip this part?
IZZIE/MS. HECKY Sure, sure. Next. Ooh. How do I put this? Beware of anyone who was not born out of their mom’s hot pocket, juice box, honey pot. You’re pickin’ up what I’m droppin off.
MICK What?
IZZIE/MS. HECKY Listen. I calls ‘em likes I sees ‘em.
MICK That’s just, no, Izzie, are you messing with me, because if you are -- 82.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY Don’t even try it, Mr. McKenzie? I taught Virago everything she knows about the black arts and let me tell you, it will be you who is sorry if you make threats.
Fig whispers to Chair.
CHAIR (realizing) Ohhhhhh! That’s why Izzie was always in the main office. Ms. Hecky is your Wiccan advisor. She gave you the dark crystals.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY You got it little sister.
CHAIR (CONT’D) This whole time I thought you had a thing for Principal Pam.
Izzie breaks through.
IZZIE Ewwwww. Chair?!
CHAIR Well, I dunno.
MICK ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??
They freeze and stare at Mick.
Sorry, okay? But all this stuff is happening and it’s freaking me out and I just need to know what happens next.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY Okay dokey. Back to business.
She “listens.” Oh my. Oh my. That’s, oh, that’s funny. That. Is. Funny.
Mick is baffled.
MICK What? What do you see?
IZZIE/MS. HECKY Get this. I see a tree moving toward your house, Mr. McKenzie. Isn’t that a stitch? 83.
MICK A tree?
IZZIE/MS. HECKY Yuh-huh.
MICK Moving. Toward my house?
IZZIE/MS. HECKY Yeah, isn’t that too much?
MICK That’s impossible.
Mick takes his hand away.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY That’s all I got for now. Take care kids. Bye Mr. McKenzie and good luck.
IZZIE She’s gone.
CHAIR Bye Ms. Hecky!
Fig waves.
MICK She’s lying.
IZZIE What?
MICK She’s lying. That stupid witch is a lying b --
IZZIE (interrupting) Hey! You wanted the truth and you got it. Just because you’re losing your grip, don’t blame Ms. Hecky.
Mick pouts.
Izzie and Chair sing “Policy of Truth” by Depeche Mode. They dance around Mick “witch like.” Thunder claps. 84.
IZZIE
YOU HAD SOMETHING TO HIDE SHOULD’VE HIDDEN IT, SHOULDN’T YOU NOW YOU’RE NOT SATISFIED WITH WHAT YOU’RE BEING PUT THROUGH
IZZIE AND CHAIR
IT’S JUST TIME TO PAY THE PRICE FOR NOT LISTENING TO ADVICE AND DECIDING IN YOUR YOUTH
MOVIE AUDIENCE
ON THE POLICY OF TRUTH
IZZIE
THINGS COULD BE SO DIFFERENT NOW IT USED TO BE SO CIVILIZED YOU WILL ALWAYS WONDER HOW IT COULD’VE BEEN IF WE’D ONLY LIED
ALL
IT’S TOO LATE TO CHANGE EVENTS IT’S TIME TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCE FOR DELIVERING THE PROOF IN THE POLICY OF TRUTH
Ms. Hecky comes back into Izzie.
IZZIE/MS. HECKY Oh! Wait!! I got it! Sorry to interrupt your song and dance number but the cute girl? Her name is Duffy Reynolds. Beware Duffy Reynolds.
Mick looks like he’s been struck across the face. Izzie looks exhausted.
MICK (to himself) Duffy.
Mick dashes off. 85.
CHAIR Bye Micky! Should I go after him?
IZZIE No. Let him dig his own grave.
Izzie motions for the movie to begin again. Fig and Chair settle in. Izzie glances back to where Mick left.
END OF SCENE 86.
SCENE 8
SETTING: Duffy’s House. Night.
AT RISE: Duffy, Malcolm, Donald and Rosie Lynn gather.
DUFFY I’m just saying that something has to be done.
ROSIE LYNN I can’t believe that Mick would do that to Stacey. I could never do that as Veep.
DONALD And don’t forget Deck Norry.
MALCOLM Yeah, but that was an accident.
ROSIE LYNN A happy accident if you ask me.
DONALD True. I did not like that guy.
MALCOLM You know when we were in 5th grade, he gave me such a wicked wedgy that I had to get stitches -- (whispers) -- inside my butt.
DONALD Whoa. I thought that was the week you were at fat camp.
MALCOLM No, I was not at fat camp.
DONALD Dude, you were a super chubster when you left and when you came back, you were all skinny. 87.
MALCOLM Well, I couldn’t eat real food because -- because I couldn’t - (whispers) -- poop.
DONALD Ohhhhhhhh. So it was kind of like fat camp.
MALCOLM Not at all.
DONALD Okay.
DUFFY Guys, can we get back to what we’re gonna do?
ROSIE LYNN What can we do? Mick McKenzie is a lunatic.
DONALD We could go to the cops.
DUFFY What proof do we have? He gets his minions to do his dirty work.
MALCOLM Duff’s right. We gotta take care of this ourselves.
Malcolm pulls a yogurt out of his backpack and offers it to Rosie Lynn. There’s a flirtation.
MALCOLM (CONT’D) Yogurt?
She takes it.
ROSIE LYNN (touched) Thanks.
Donald looks queerly at Malcolm.
MALCOLM What? I still enjoy soft foods.
Donald shakes his head. 88.
DONALD Hey Duff, weren’t you and Mick friends once?
DUFFY We were, yeah.
MALCOLM So maybe you could talk to him.
DUFFY (awkward) Maybe. But we’re not really friends like that anymore.
MALCOLM Hmm. Hey, speaking of Mick’s friends, has anyone seen Banks lately?
They all shake their heads “no.”
ROSIE LYNN I haven’t seen him since the vigil.
DONALD We should go look for him.
DUFFY Yeah. Let me just run in the house and grab my jacket.
Duffy exits.
MALCOLM (to Rosie Lynn) Your blouse is very pretty.
ROSIE LYNN Oh. Thank you. It was my sister’s. Hand me down.
MALCOLM Well, your sister has excellent taste.
Rosie Lynn nods her head, having nothing to say to that.
Malcolm turns to look at Donald who stares at him as if to say “What an idiot.”
Duffy screams offstage. 89.
She then enters carrying a dead guinea pig.
DUFFY It’s Chewy. He killed Chewy. It was Mick. I know it.
Donald approaches Duffy.
DONALD Oh. It’s just a stupid guinea pig.
Duffy has fury in his eyes.
DUFFY WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?
He pushes Donald. Malcolm holds Duffy back.
MALCOLM Duff, calm down. Calm down. He didn’t mean anything by it.
DONALD Yeah, dude. I’m sorry. Listen, I had a rat once that I loved so hard.
ROSIE LYNN What happened to him?
DONALD Um, oh wait. I still have him, but mostly I ignore him. I mean, he’s a stupid rat, right?
DUFFY I can’t believe Mick would do this.
MALCOLM He’s not Mick anymore, Duff.
ROSIE LYNN I never liked him.
DUFFY He used to be good. He used to be a good guy.
MALCOLM Well, that good guy’s gone, dude. He’s gone. So, I’m sorry, but you gotta stop being a baby.
Beat. 90.
DUFFY Gimme a minute, okay? My Chewy was just murdered. (Pause) Our Chewy.
MALCOLM All right. We’ll give you a minute.
They all stand around and wait. Duffy gathers her wits.
Beat. It’s getting awkward.
DUFFY Let’s get ‘im.
END OF SCENE 91.
SCENE 9
SETTING:
Mick and Beth’s kitchen. Night.
AT RISE:
Beth enters, wearing an apron and slaps a large dead fish on a chopping block.
She smells her hands which reek.
BETH Oh God.
She goes to the sink and washes her hands with way too much soap.
The fish begins flopping around the counter. Beth stops. The fish looks right at Beth. It talks; Stacey Duncan’s voice comes out.
FISH/STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) Hi!
BETH (hesitant) Hey.
FISH/STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) How ya doin?
BETH Not so good actually.
Beth smells her hands. They stink.
FISH/STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) (fake empathy) Awww, really? Well try being a frickin’ fish, dummy! 92.
BETH Stacey?
FISH/STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) In the fish flesh. So I was wondering -- why’d you do it? I was a nice girl. I was a giver.
BETH No you weren’t. You were a phony, rumor spreading twit who got what she deserved.
FISH/STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) Uh-huh. What’s with the hands?
BETH Nothing.
She smells her hands again. They reek.
FISH/STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) I can smell them from here and I’m a fish. A dead fish!
BETH Yeah, so be dead and shut up!
She tries to hide her hands.
STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) Oh please. Like you can hide that stink.
BETH Shut up! Shut up!!!
She runs back to the sink and rubs her hands with a scrub brush.
STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) Scrub away but it’s not going to clean your conscience. Because YOU are and will always be a dirty, dirty murderer!
Beth takes the knife and starts slamming it into FISH/STACEY DUNCAN
FISH/STACEY DUNCAN (OFFSTAGE) Ooh, ow! Ouch! Aw Jeez! Ugh.
Stacey is “dead” again. 93.
Beth, exhausted and out of her mind, drops the knife, runs to clean her hands, pouring liquid soap on them and scrubbing them with a brush. Before she can dry them, she smells them and they still reek.
BETH Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
She runs off.
END OF SCENE 94.
SCENE 10
SETTING:
Mick’s house. Night.
AT RISE:
Malcolm, Donald, Rosie Lynn and Duffy hide behind bushes.
MALCOLM So what’s the plan?
DUFFY I’m not sure yet.
DONALD I’m hungry. (to Malcolm) You got any more of those yogurts?
MALCOLM Seriously? We are on a mission. You can’t be hungry when you’re on a mission. Did Han Solo say, “Hey Leia, Hey Luke, can we take a break from trying to destroy the Death Star and get ourselves an Astro Burger.” No, he did not.
DONALD I bet he did. They just didn’t show that part cuz it’s boring.
MALCOLM Exactly. It’s boring. So stop it with your boring hunger.
DONALD I can’t stop my boring hunger until I get something in my tum- tum.
ROSIE LYNN I have half a yogurt left. Want it?
DONALD Really? Thanks Rosie Lynn.
She gives it to him. Malcolm appears jealous.
MALCOLM Okay. Happy now? 95.
Donald’s mouth is full of yogurt.
DONALD (mumbling) Mm-hm.
DUFFY I can’t tell if he’s home.
Lights up on Mick, sitting at the kitchen table, eating the fish Beth just destroyed. Note: His hands are red.
MICK Mmm. This is delicious. (calling off) This is some very yummy fish.
DUFFY Shhh. Shhh. There he is. There’s the guy who killed my Chewy.
MALCOLM Let’s go guys. Let’s do this.
DONALD What are we gonna do? Just like break into his house and then what?
ROSIE LYNN (as if in a trance) Destroy him. Tear him apart. Rip him to pieces and feed his entrails to the wolves.
DONALD Yikes. Are you kidding? I mean, first off where are we gonna find wolves this time of night, am I right?
MALCOLM (to Rosie Lynn) You’re really attractive when you’re on a man hunt.
Malcolm stares into Rosie Lynn’s eyes.
ROSIE LYNN Thanks. 96.
She stares back. They have a moment. He’s won her back.
DUFFY (whispering to himself) You can do this. You can do this.
They all stare at Duffy.
DONALD Dude, who’re you talkin’ to?
DUFFY Nobody okay?
MALCOLM So are we just gonna walk up to his front door and knock like a bunch of Avon ladies?
Offstage a car is heard driving up. The gang hide more/huddle. Then a father and son can be heard talking. The gang all look off towards the voices.
FATHER (OFFSTAGE) All righty son, let’s clear a spot in the living room and then we’ll get this beauty off the car.
SON (OFFSTAGE) I’m so glad we got a real one this year.
FATHER (OFFSTAGE) Your mother’s wanted one for years.
DUFFY I have an idea.
END OF SCENE 97.
SCENE 11
SETTING:
Beth’s room
AT RISE:
Mick knocks on Beth’s door.
MICK Sis? Bethy? Whatcha doin?
Beth hides behind her bed, completely mad. She rubs her hands.
BETH Can’t get the smell out. The smell. It’s so bad. So bad.
MICK (O.S.) Sissy? Beth?
Beth freezes. She holds “Nursey,” her stuffed bear, and talks to her, putting her finger to her lips --
BETH Shhhhhhhh. Shhh.
Beth CLOSES her eyes, CRINGING, with a hand over her Nursey’s mouth.
Mick leaves.
BETH (CONT’D) (to Nursey) Whew. That was a close one.
Beat.
BETH (CONT’D) Hey Nursey, I have a great idea! 98.
SCENE 12
SETTING/SPLIT STAGE:
AT RISE:
Beth walking and Mick’s house
The gang enter carrying/hiding behind a Christmas tree. They move very obviously but trying to hide the fact that they are indeed behind a Christmas tree.
Beth enters SL singing “Peace Train” and holding Nursey.
BETH (singing)
NOW I'VE BEEN HAPPY LATELY THINKING ABOUT THE GOOD THINGS TO COME AND I BELIEVE IT COULD BE SOMETHING GOOD HAS BEGUN I'VE BEEN SMILING LATELY DREAMING ABOUT THE WORLD AS ONE AND I BELIEVE IT COULD BE SOMETHING GOOD'S BOUND TO COME
The gang move some more.
BETH
FOR OUT ON THE EDGE OF DARKNESS THERE RUNS THE PEACE TRAIN PEACE TRAIN TAKE THIS COUNTRY COME TAKE ME HOME AGAIN
Mick looks (USR) out the window to see the tree moving toward his house. The gang stop to “pose” like a real tree.
MICK (to himself) Well. Damn you Hecky. Damn you. 99.
BETH
PEACE TRAIN SOUNDING LOUDER RIDE ON THE PEACE TRAIN HOO-AH-EEH-AH-HOO-AH COME ON THE PEACE TRAIN PEACE TRAIN'S A HOLY ROLLER EVERYONE JUMP UPON THE PEACE TRAIN HOO-AH-EEH-AH-HOO-AH THIS IS THE PEACE TRAIN
DUFFY (loud whisper) Ready?
ROSIE LYNN, MALCOLM AND DONALD (loud whispers) Ready!
Beth sings over the following montage
BETH
I'VE BEEN CRYING LATELY THINKING ABOUT THE WORLD AS IT IS WHY MUST WE GO ON HATING? WHY CAN'T WE LIVE IN BLISS? FOR OUT ON THE EDGE OF DARKNESS THERE RIDES THE PEACE TRAIN PEACE TRAIN TAKE THIS COUNTRY
SLOW MOTION MONTAGE
-- The gang storms through Mick’s door with the tree.
-- Mick hides in Beth’s room.
-- Rosie Lynn finds Mick and tackles him. But he takes her light weight and throws her to the floor. 100.
-- Duffy busts through just as Mick is about to bash Rosie Lynn over the head with Beth’s dual cassette receiver.
-- Mick stops, turns and sees Duffy. They all freeze.
BETH
COME TAKE ME HOME AGAIN
PEACE TRAIN SOUNDING LOUDER RIDE ON THE PEACE TRAIN HOO-AH-EEH-AH-HOO-AH COME ON THE PEACE TRAIN
She lies down SL, as if on “train tracks”.
Mick drops the cassette player and hugs Duffy. Duffy doesn’t know what to do.
DUFFY Um, can you guys give us a minute?
ROSIE LYNN What? No!
Rosie Lynn goes to attack again. Donald and Malcolm catch her, practically in mid air and lead her out of the room.
DONALD Let’s go, Firecracker.
MALCOLM Yeah. Duff’s got this.
ROSIE LYNN But -- but --
They lead her out. She sighs and pouts.
ROSIE LYNN (CONT’D) I wanted to feed him to wolves. 101.
MALCOLM We know.
DONALD Yeah, it was a great plan.
All leave except for Duffy and Mick.
MICK I never thought you’d come back.
DUFFY It’s not what you think, Micky.
MICK Whaddya mean?
DUFFY Well, for one, we came here to, I dunno, kill you I guess.
MICK I know.
DUFFY You know?
MICK Yeah. Ms. Hecky told me. She’s a witch.
DUFFY Oh. That’s cool.
MICK Yeah.
Awkward pause.
MICK (CONT’D) So, you gonna do it?
DUFFY I dunno. It’s not like I really want to. But the gang is kind of expecting me to and man, you killed Chewy. That was low, Micky.
MICK I didn’t mean to, Duff. I haven’t been myself. 102.
DUFFY I loved that little guy.
MICK So did I.
DUFFY And it’s not just Chewy, Mick. You killed Stacey and Deck. I know they were jerks and all but still.
MICK Don’t forget Banks.
DUFFY What?! Banks?! Why Banks? He was your closest friend.
MICK I know. But he was on to me, Duff. And I told you, I haven’t been myself. I blame you.
DUFFY What? Why me?
MICK Ever since we stopped hanging out, I just, I dunno, have felt lost.
DUFFY You can’t blame me for that.
MICK I guess not. But why’d you wanna stop hanging out?
Pause.
MICK Tell me. I deserve that much before you kill me.
Beat.
DUFFY It was intense, okay? You wanted to hang out all the time, talk on the phone every night. I didn’t feel the way about you that you felt about me.
MICK Whaddya mean?
DUFFY I don’t like guys...not like that. 103.
MICK And I don’t like girls...not like that.
DUFFY Oh. So I was your phony girlfriend?
MICK No. You were my real best friend.
DUFFY I didn’t know that. And then after Beth died, it just felt --
MICK Wait. What?
DUFFY What?
MICK After Beth what?
DUFFY After Beth died?
MICK She’s not dead.
DUFFY Mick. She’s been dead. For a year.
Beth gets up and walks off SL.
MICK No.
DUFFY Mick, she disappeared after Stacey spread those rumors about her and Homeless Harold, on your birthdays.
MICK No. I just saw her. She was here.
DUFFY No Mick. She got drunk and fell asleep on the train tracks. A year ago.
Beth re-enters but instead of holding Nursey, she holds a bottle of Southern Comfort. 104.
Mick & Beth stand on opposite sides of the stage and speak in unison.
MICK & BETH You’re way sharper than most of the tools in that shed. Micky, you gotta take respect. It’s not gonna be handed to you. Be bad for god’s sake. Get what you want. For once in your life.
MICK Get what you want. (tears in his eyes) I remember now.
DUFFY I’m so sorry, Micky.
MICK (as lost as a child) What do I do? What do I do?
END OF SCENE 105.
SCENE 13
SETTING:
Outside Mick’s house
AT RISE:
Donald, Malcolm and Rosie Lynn stand with the Christmas tree.
MALCOLM I wonder what’s going on in there.
DONALD I dunno, but would it be in poor taste if I checked for snacks in the fridge.
ROSIE LYNN/MALCOLM Yes.
DONALD Got it.
A car engine is heard offstage, then driving
ROSIE LYNN There they are.
MALCOLM Where are they going?
DONALD I dunno. You think Duffy’s okay?
MALCOLM She just waved to us.
Malcolm and Donald wave back.
ROSIE LYNN (mad) She didn’t kill ‘im.
MALCOLM Doesn’t look like it.
DONALD So, now that they’re gone, you think I could -- 106.
ROSIE LYNN/MALCOLM No.
END OF SCENE 107.
SCENE 14
SETTING:
A Camaro
AT RISE:
Mick and Duffy drive. New Order’s “Age of Consent” plays underneath scene.
MICK Thanks for coming with me to the police station.
DUFFY Of course.
MICK I’m scared.
DUFFY It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be okay.
MICK I don’t know about that. But I am glad you’re here.
DUFFY Me too.
MICK Duff - I have a weird question.
DUFFY Nothing could be weirder than tonight. Go ahead.
MICK Were you, um, were you born out of your mother’s --?
Beat.
DUFFY That is weird. I dunno. I guess not technically. She had a C-section. Why?
MICK No reason.
Beat. They quietly enjoy the ride. 108.
MICK (CONT’D) Well, if my life is kind of over, I better get some fresh air before I go.
He starts to climb out of his seat.
DUFFY (laughing nervously) Micky! Get down. You’re nuts.
Mick sticks his head through the sun roof.
MICK I am nuts, Duffy. That’s for sure. It’s a beautiful night. So beautiful.
Mick inhales some night air.
Road. It’s dark until the ghost of Banks appears.
Black out. Car screech/crash SFX. Lights up.
BANKS Boom. Now that’s how it’s done!
Duffy, whose head rests on the steering wheel, stirs. He’s okay. However, he notices that the seat next to him is empty.
DUFFY Mick? Micky?
END OF SCENE 109.
SCENE 15
SETTING:
School Auditorium
AT RISE: Principal Pam approaches the microphone. Ms. Hecky stands close by. She gives a wink to Izzie, Chair and Fig in the audience, who wave back excitedly.
Malcolm, Rosie Lynn and Donald stand upstage left of Principal Pam and Ms. Hecky
Note: At this point, the rest of the ensemble are in the audience. This way they can interact with the action on stage.
PRINCIPAL PAM Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s been quite a semester and before I release you for your holiday break, I wanted to introduce you to your new ASB president, our third for the year and hopefully our last, Mr. Malcolm Fete!
The room breaks into applause.
Malcolm gives Rosie Lynn a kiss. The audience goes crazy. Donald seems upset but then shrugs it off, reaches into his pocket for a Hostess Twinkie, unwraps it and starts snacking.
Duffy looks on from the audience, clapping and smiling proudly.
Banks and Mick enter. Mick has a gross gauze wrapped around his neck and is holding his head in place.
BANKS C’mon dude. We gotta go.
MICK (slightly irritated) Okay, okay. I’m coming. I just wanted to see this. 110.
Beth enters.
BETH Try not to lose your head, little brother.
MICK Ha ha. Funny.
Mick turns to see Beth. She is tattered and torn from her run in with the train but other than that, she looks pretty good.
MICK Bethy.
He goes to her and they hug.
MICK You’re here. You’re really here.
BETH I’m really here.
MICK I’m sorry.
BETH For what?
MICK For not, I dunno, noticing, knowing you were lost.
BETH How could you? Sometimes the thing about being lost is that you don’t want to get found, right? And yet, here we are. Found.
BANKS I dunno. I’m still lost. Where the heck do we go?
BETH Follow me. I know the way. Happy to see you two are hanging out again.
(“What’s so Funny ‘Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding” by Elvis Costello and The Attractions 111.
BANKS I don’t have a choice. It’s my eternal punishment for killing him.
MICK You love me and you know it.
Mick puts his arm around Banks. Banks tries to break away.
BANKS Eww. You’re oozing all over me.
BETH You two.
Beat.
MICK
AS I WALK THROUGH THIS WICKED WORLD SEARCHIN' FOR LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS OF INSANITY.
BETH
I ASK MYSELF IS ALL HOPE LOST? IS THERE ONLY PAIN AND HATRED, AND MISERY?
BANKS
AND EACH TIME I FEEL LIKE THIS INSIDE, THERE'S ONE THING I WANNA KNOW: WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE LOVE & UNDERSTANDING?
Stacey and the fish puppet enter.
STACEY FISH PUPPET
OHHHH
ALL
WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE LOVE & UNDERSTANDING? 112.
DUFFY
AND AS I WALKED ON THROUGH TROUBLED TIMES MY SPIRIT GETS SO DOWNHEARTED SOMETIMES
MALCOLM, ROSIE LYNN AND DONALD
SO WHERE ARE THE STRONG AND WHO ARE THE TRUSTED? AND WHERE IS THE HARMONY?
They all sing in harmony.
STACEY FISH PUPPET
SWEET HARMONY.
Izzie, Chair and Fig enter.
IZZIE AND CHAIR
'CAUSE EACH TIME I FEEL IT SLIPPIN' AWAY, JUST MAKES ME WANNA CRY. WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE LOVE & UNDERSTANDING?
FIG
OHHHH
ALL
WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE LOVE & UNDERSTANDING?
Principal Pam and Ms. Hecky enter.
PRINCIPAL PAM AND MS. HECKY
SO WHERE ARE THE STRONG? AND WHO ARE THE TRUSTED? AND WHERE IS THE HARMONY?
MS. HECKY
SWEET HARMONY.
The entire cast enters. 113.
ALL
'CAUSE EACH TIME I FEEL IT SLIPPIN' AWAY, JUST MAKES ME WANNA CRY. WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE LOVE & UNDERSTANDING? OHHHH WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE LOVE & UNDERSTANDING? OHHHH WHAT'S SO FUNNY 'BOUT PEACE LOVE & UNDERSTANDING?
All dance.
END OF PLAY 114.
NOTES: For Stacey’s death, please produce a SAFE way to illustrate her fall onto Deck Norry. At our school, we had a dummy fall in slow motion from the fly space and with a light change, the actor was then able to switch spots with the dummy and lie on top of Deck Norry. The lights and music played a huge role. It worked really well.
For the driving scenes, since the show is campy, we made cars out of papier mache and the actors held them.