The Pastor's Wife & the Other Woman!
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The Pastor’s Wife & The Other Woman: Bringing Balance to your Ministry & Marriage And Moses' father in law said unto him, The thing that thou doest is not good. Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not able to perform it thyself alone. (Exodus 18:17-18) Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned. (Song of Solomon 8:6-7) (All scripture references in KJV unless otherwise noted.) The Pastor’s Wife & The Other Woman: Bringing Balance to your Ministry & Marriage Joe & Pennie Wright Published by the Bivocational & Small Church Leadership Network 2020 Copyright © 2020 by Joe & Pennie Wright All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal. First Printing: 2020, January ISBN <> Bivocational & Small Church Leadership Network Post Office Box 111744 Nashville, TN 37222-1744 Website: www.Smallchurch.net or www.bscln.net Ordering Information: Special discounts are available on quantity purchases by corporations, associations, educators, and others. For details, contact the publisher at the above listed address. U.S. trade bookstores and wholesalers: Please contact the Bivocational & Small Church Leadership Network. Tel: (615) 490-3107 Email: [email protected] Digital Graphic Designer: Brittney Elaine Smith [email protected] Dedication Over the years, Pennie and I have read many dedications and wondered throughout the writing of this book, to whom the dedication would be made. Obviously, our family has been, is and will always be of utmost importance to us. Ashley, Amanda, Anna, Andrew & Micah, you are not only our progeny and hope for the future but you each in your own ways have given us the tools to become who we are today. The celebrations and challenges you bring to our lives make us better people, better parents and most of all, better children of a powerful, creator God! Thank you for becoming the Godly women and men who can make two Fathers and two Mothers proud. We are also thankful for the many friends and co-workers within the Bivocational & Small Church Leadership Network who took a prayerful chance to allow a crazy couple with wild-eyed dreams to see a vision that was just too large for anyone but our God. Our prayers are that the BSCLN will continue to engage, equip and encourage the leaders of all the smaller-attendance churches across our great nation and around our world. Of course, our most sincere and deepest gratitude must go to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! What an amazing thing that our God found a way to do the impossible. He died that we may live! Whoever heard of such a sacrifice? Finally, we could not leave this dedication without a recognition of two very special people who have left this world before us to live eternally with God. Pennie’s first husband, Bob and my first wife, Teresa gave Pennie and me the opportunity to learn, live and love with abandon as well as purpose. I will always be thankful for Bob who cared so deeply for Pennie that he kept her continually within the Lord’s presence. Pennie looks forward to meeting Teresa in Heaven that she might hug her as a sister and share the stories of living life with one more crazy preacher! Contents Acknowledgements ....................................................................... ix Foreword .......................................................................................... xi Introduction ..................................................................................... 1 Chapter 1: “The Other Woman” .................................................. 3 Chapter 2: “Houston, we have a problem!” ............................. 7 Chapter 3: “I Have To Do What?!?” .......................................... 13 Chapter 4: “Is That Important?” ............................................... 31 Chapter 5: “What Time Is It?” .................................................... 35 Chapter 6: “Whose Job Is It Anyway?” ..................................... 57 Chapter 7: “How Do I Love Thee?” ............................................ 71 Chapter 8: “Is That All?” .............................................................. 81 Endnotes .......................................................................................... 93 Acknowledgements Most recent studies show that 25% of churches have less than 24 people in them on an average Sunday morning while another 26% have less than 49 people in them. Increase that number to 75 people and you have discovered the size of 66% of all churches. Indeed, we are a nation of small churches. The BSCLN exists to “Engage, Equip and Encourage” the leaders of these small churches dotted across our land. Many of these leaders are bivocational pastors who must by financial necessity work a separate job to make ends meet within their households. As you can guess, this places tremendous stress and pressure upon them, their families and most of all their ability to lead within their churches. For over four decades, the Bivocational and Small Church Leadership Network has been rooted in early biblical church strategies, centuries of Kingdom contribution, and current mission challenges. Would you be willing to partner with the BSCLN in a financial manner? Your gift would be used for the ongoing mission of engaging, equipping and encouraging the leadership of some of the most important churches in our land, the smaller-membership churches. Some of the BSCLN goals are (1) Mission-focused churches that are strong in evangelism, missions and ministry, (2) Passionate pastors prepared to lead in preaching, worship and prayer experiences, and (3) Training of pastors and leadership teams for ministry, service and congregational health. Please, visit our website for more information about the work of the BSCLN or you may contact us to become a partner in this exciting and challenging opportunity of kingdom service: The Bivocational & Small Church Leadership Network Post Office Box 111744 Nashville, TN 37222-1744 (615) 490-3107 Foreword I have called Joe Wright a friend for over twenty-five years. We have shared ministry experiences, celebrated victories, wept over heartaches, encouraged each other during challenges and done a little fishing along the way. I have not met a more sincere man, nor have I doubted his love for his God or his family. For years, I observed his love and devotion to his first wife, Teresa. I walked beside him as he grieved her early departure from his life. I have watched his surprise and excitement as God brought Pennie into his life. Joe has been overwhelmed by the goodness of God. He will agree wholeheartedly with the writer of Proverbs who said that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. However, I am convinced that Pennie would say that she found a good thing when she found Joe Wright. I wish that I could repeat the above paragraph about many of my other friends in the ministry. Sad to say, I know too many ministers whose marriage is on life-support. Most of the difficulties can be traced back to a lack of priority, taking your spouse for granted and being confused concerning which comes first: you, wife and family or your church. I have often counseled young ministers that if you lose your church, you can probably get another one. However, if you lose your wife, your will probably lose your ministry. Years ago, I was leading a conference for ministers and their wives in Knoxville, Tennessee when a young lady approached me during a break. She told me she was engaged to marry one of the young preachers in the meeting. She was concerned about something several older ministers had told her. She had been told that she might as well get used to the fact that her husband would be married to the church he pastored. She said that did not sound right. I told her that it was not right. The church is the bride of Christ. You will be the bride of the pastor. Many young preachers need to hear that early in their ministry. Joe and Pennie have written about one of the prevailing problems in the ministry with clarity and conviction. Their advice could help many of God’s servants not make the same mistakes others before them have made. Churches today are desperate for a good role model for marriage. What better model than their own pastor as he loves and cherishes his wife before them? This is a book that a wise pastor will read several times throughout his ministry. Pressures and demands can cause a sincere pastor to get out of balance. A book like this will help him get his bearings as he tries to balance family, church and often a second job. The concluding chapter about the Ten Commandments for maintaining balance which Joe and Pennie have adopted contains a lifetime of wisdom. I suggest that every ministry couple use these concepts to formulate their own rules for keeping their lives focused and balanced. God has placed Joe Wright as the Executive Director of the Bivocational and Small Church Leadership Network for such a time as this. Most of the churches in America are served by a Bivocational pastor. Many of these churches would not have a pastor if their pastor was not willing to work an extra job to support his family. In my years of working with Bivocational pastors, I discovered that the number one issue for all of them is time management. However, the number one failure of Bivocational pastors is neglect of family. It is my prayer that our Lord will use this book to make a difference in the families of many of His servants.