THE JEWISH WOMAN in CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY the JEWISH WOMAN in CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY Transitions and Traditions

THE JEWISH WOMAN IN CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY THE JEWISH WOMAN IN CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY Transitions and Traditions

Adrienne Baker Course Director and Tutor, Diploma in Counselling, Regent's College, London and Lecturer in Women's Studies, Birkbeck College, London Preface by Susie Orbach

Jo Campling Consultant Editor

150th YEAR

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First published 1993 by THE MACMILLAN PRESS LTD Houndmills, Basingstoke, Hampshire RG2 l 2XS and London Companies and representatives throughout the world

ISBN 978-0-333-53760-2 hardcover ISBN 978-0-333-53761-9 ISBN 978-0-230-37581-9 (eBook) DOI 10.1057/9780230375819 A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library To Harvey Contents

Preface by Susie Orbach ix Acknowledgements XI

Introduction 7

THE CULTURAL BACKGROUND 7 Setting the Scene 9 Jewish immigration into Britain 9 The American incoming 12 On being an immigrant 14 Ashkenazim and Sephardim 16 Demography: facts and fears 23

II WOMEN AND JUDAISM 33 2 Women's Role in Judaism 35 'Blessed art thou . .. Who hast not made me a woman' 35 Woman's rightful realm 35 Images and stereotypes 41 3 Religious Law 45 Women's status 45 Prayer 48 Religious study 50 Divorce 54 Agunah, the 'anchored woman' 58 Can the law change? 61 4 The Religious Scene 65 America 66 Britain 74 RU~l ~ The secular Jew 92 What does it mean to me, being a Jewish woman? 97 5 Aspects of Orthodoxy 102 The ultra-Orthodox 102 The Chassidim I 08 The ba'alot t'shuva: women who 'return' to strict Orthodoxy 115

Vll viii Contents

III FAMILY LIFE 121

6 The Jewish Woman at Home 123 The Jewish family in history 124 The daughter's apprenticeship 125 Myths 132 Food 135 Handing on tradition 143 7 Marriage, Childbearing and Sexuality 147 The meaning of marriage 147 Choosing a partner and the wedding ceremony 150 The marital relationship and the Laws ofFamilyPurity 155 'Be fruitful and multiply' 158 Sexual morality 163 Staying single 164 Lesbianism 166 8 Areas of Difficulty 172 Intermarriage 172 Conversion 175 Family breakdown and domestic violence 179 Single parent families 183 Women as carers 186

IV AREAS OF CHANGE 189

9 Changing Perspectives 191 Secular education 191 Voluntary work 194 Jobs and careers 196 10 Feminism 204 Within the family 205 Within religion 206 Woman's legal status in relation to divorce and agunah 207 Feminism and Zionism 209 Ambivalence and change 212

Bibliography 216 Index 224 Preface Susie Orbach

As a second generation secular Jew, part of the 9 per cent of British and American Jewry who have no religious affiliation and practise none of the fundamental pietistic precepts associated with Judaism, I found Adrienne Baker's book covering the wider spectrum of Jewish communal activity an eye opener on the one hand and a cause for self-reflection on the other. The secular Jewish world assumes that to be a Jew a sufficient starting• point is the statement of ethnic affiliation. For the generation raised in the wake of the Holocaust, there is an imperative to claim that ethnicity and that history; to not deny that aspect of one's personal and family heritage. One has been raised to be ever so slightly 'set apart' from the general culture. One learns to be alert to racism and anti-semitism; to be cautious and vigilant; to watch out for the consequences of being a Jew without really being able to put much substance to what being a Jew means. And yet the need to identify as such, the wish to place oneself as an American Jew or a British Jew is significant and transcends religiosity and observance. What intrigued me in reading this book was the heterogeneous nature of the community which the secular Jew is both connected to and excluded from. I was delighted to learn more about the 300,000 people in the UK and the six million people in the United States with whom I, by the state• ment that I am a Jew, identify. In her survey of current trends among the many religious Jewish com• munities, Adrienne Baker shows how each branch of Judaism has given itself a defined purpose reflecting a specific ideology. We learn about gender politics within the more progressive or liberal tendencies and the meaning of femininity in the conservative and ultra-right Jewish commu• nities. I was shamed by some of what I learnt about the repression and oppres• sion within certain communities. At the same time I was impressed by the struggles of religious contemporaries who are creating forms of commu• nity, including study and worship which reflect the position of post• diaspora Jews. I was impressed too by the headway that gender-conscious Jews have made in rethinking issues of sexuality, including lesbianism, and in redefining sex roles: including the most welcome ordination of women rabbis. I was stunned to discover that the adage that a child is only a Jew through matrilineal descent is a law which has now been challenged by Progressive Jews.

ix X Preface

But the question I was left with after reading this book, a book which tells us that one-third of Jews are marrying out, was this. What is the significance of naming oneself a Jew? While for many many Jews this has a religious answer, what does this mean for a secular Jew? What is the significance and meaning of giving that identity to the next generation? For society as a whole, this is still a political question. Jews are not seen as the sum of their religious observances, or their people's history: they are seen as a political or sociological category. As long as that remains the case, then we need to retain that identity, but there is also a need for us to understand who Jews are rather than be allowed to project on to them what we need them to be. This book is a useful introduction to contemporary Jewish culture through the perspective of women's experience. In letting us into those communities we begin to understand more about who we are, whether within the spectrum of Jews or within contemporary femininity.

Susie Orbach 1992 Acknowledgements

Most of all, it is the women who have talked to me about the special meaning to them of being Jewish whom I want to acknowledge. They have talked and I have listened and then together we have discussed these things, in study groups and informal gatherings and in interviews - and, as well as sharing their thoughts, they have often given me their hospitality, too, and much wonderful Jewish cooking! My thanks go to my editor, Jo Campling, for her interest and encourage• ment and to Kate Loewenthal, who was my PhD mentor and whose enthu• siasm for learning more about ourselves as Jewish women is with me still. Then, too, I must thank Ezra Kahn, the librarian of Jews' College library, for his patience and his suggestions. The excerpt from 'At the new moon: Rosh Hodesh' on p. 81 by Marge Piercy (copyright© 1987, 1992 by Marge Piercy and Middlemarsh, Inc.) is used by permission of the author and A.M. Heath and Company, Ltd. The poem was first published in Tikkun and is included in Mars and her Children published by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. I want also to express my appreciation to Vicky Brohan for all her won• derful help and friendship and to my many friends whose ideas and support have been so important to me. I am grateful for the ideas and criticisms and stimulus of my daughters, Caroline and Marion, and my son, Larry. Finally and especially, I value the endless encouragement and love of my husband, Harvey. They have been there for me all the way along.

XI A Woman Of Worth

A Woman of Worth, who can find? For her price is beyond rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth in her and he shall have no lack of gain. She doeth him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands ... She bringethfoodfrom afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and setteth forth provision for her household. .. She considereth a field and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength and maketh strong her arms. She perceiveth that her earnings are good: her lamp goeth not out by night. She putteth her hands to the distaff and her hands hold the spindle. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she putteth forth her hands to the needy.... Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land .... Strength and majesty are her clothing; ... She openeth her mouth with wisdom and the law of lovingkindness is on her tongue. She looketh well to the ways of her household and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her happy; her husband also and he praiseth her, saying: 'Many daughters have done worthily, but thou excel/est them all. Favour is false and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her works praise her in the gates.'

Proverbs xxxi, 10-31

This ancient text is sung in Hebrew to the wife each Friday evening at the commencement of the Shabbat.

xii