AND OTH ER C O R NISH TALES

AND FANC IES

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L O N D O N

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A R TH U R C H AMPION PH I LLI PS W ILLYAMS

T H ES E S TOR I ES O F H IS O \VN PE OPLE

C O N T E N T S

PA GE

O U R LITT LE TOW N.

’ PENT l C OST S

A ! U ESTIO N O F T AST E

T H E D E F E AT O F T H E A MA ZON S

T H E S ILK HA T

A GO V E R NME NT A LLI A N C E

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W i sn T W o o n

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O U R L I T T L E T O W N

PENTICOST’ S

’ BESSIE S is Tom , who a travelled man and

knows what he is talking about , is wont to declare tha t if he were to have a sudden access

— a of fortune y, though it were thousands of

—he Po r th u l a n pounds would never stir from j y .

he Po r th u l a n Why should , when j y provides all that the heart of ration al man can desire

affable neighbours , plen ty of news going round

o n ? all the while , and the fat of the land to live

is There n o beef like ours k illed at our doors ,

it goes into the pot fresh an d fresh twice a week .

mi nd su o f I f you have a to a p tea , or if your

su fancy dwells on a p of brandy , our resou rces

are equal to either occasion . Would you m use on the beauties of Nature ? There are

the rocks i n the cove , declared by un prej udiced stran gers to be the handsomest rocks they ever se o n t eyes . A re you for solacing your sight 2 O U R LI TTLE TO W N with the achievements o f Art ? There is

Wesley Chapel , universally admitted to be an architectural marvel and not a house in the

o f o f place but boasts stately pictures , many

o ff ou them painted by hand . Would y indulge ? t in a little d issipation S . Kenna is only

’ o ff twelve miles , and a brief four hours journey by ’ bus will set you down amidst the feverish

o f - gaieties a market town , with its cattle fairs , organ recitals , auction sales , and Salvation

o u Army meetings . Naturally y wish to live

o ld to a good age, that you may enjoy your ’ fortune to the utmost . Bessie s Torn can

’ name o ff- hand a dozen folk between Gov ment Buildings an d Sunny Corner who are well up

in the eighties . And no wonder, when Po rthj ulyan can boast of so bountiful a supply “ ’ o f good , strong, healthy water. There s

’ nothing like water, declares Bessie s Tom ; an “ ancient Greek has said the same . Nothing ” like water, says Tom , and pauses , and adds

“ ’ c tiv el I re fl e y , Though an t saying a word

ru rn . a s o ur agin Yes , a place of residence little town should commend itself to the wealthy leisured classes ; and as for us poor

working folk , why , we manage to get along

’ tha n k e tolerable well , , what with our crabbing , O U R LITT LE TO W N 3

s ilt er in and p g, and boltering, and tramm elling ,

o u r o f and teeling little plats land , an d snaring — a few rabbits now and again , and this in your ear—maybe knocking over a pheasant or two at a particular time .

Porth ul an Physically and politically, all j y — is divided into two parts the Town proper ,

’ v men t and Go . Taking the letter U for the I ground work of our survey , would ask you to impart a slight outward slant to the two uprights , and to consider them as two steep roads runn ing inland up two narrow valleys .

Where the basal curve begins , there begins

Porth ul a n j y on either side , the town to the

’ Gov ment left , to the right . A low cliff or

o f spur the hills divides the two parts , so that each is invisible t o the other ; but follow the

as f road it humps itself over this clif , and from the midmost point you can obtain a compre

hen siv e view of the whole place .

Yo u First turn seawards . look down o n the cove and its two beaches— the town beach

o f with its serried array boats , some forty

in number, and rangin g i n size from the little skiffie - boat in which the farm boys and

’ their maidens take their pen n orth o f sea on

summ er evenings , to the two big black seine 4 O U R LITTLE TOW N

boats lyin g high and dry with their sterns

’ poking out into the street ; and the Gov men t

’ Gov ment afl oa t beach , with its solitary gig ’ — at the foot of the Go v men t slip a spick and

fi ne span lady in blue and white, decorously bobbing and curtseying all day to the in diffe r

en t rocks and the disdainful gulls . Wheel

- about with a half turn to the right , and the

ou town is before y , a long , narrowish street, curving gently down and away from you to the beach , where it twists sharp about and then straightens itsel f again for the climb up the valley ; with houses set close on either side r like partners in a country dance, and othe houses scattered here and there on the slopes

o ld on . behind , like the folks looking I f it — — has been raining and it generally has the roofs will be shin ing like mirrors , an d the road with its glittering puddles will look too precious to tread upon . Over the housetops there

fl oa ts a delicate mist , which , for all its ethereal

o u beauty , is not above hinting to y of certain substantial comforts .

Now turn about , and your eyes are dazzled

’ with Gov men t whitewash ; fi rst the white washed boathouse with its whitewashed wall it f about , then a whitewashed ence enclosing O U R LITTLE TOW N 5

’ the Gov rn en t cabbages ; above that , the chief

’ - office r s whitewashed villa, four square and vigilant like its master ; above that again the ”

’ men s whitewashed quarters , crouched under the hilltop in the discreet attitude enj oined

cia l — by o ffi dign ity and reserve to wit , with their backs to the road an d the town and the

common folk thereof. A few cottages stand

o ab ut in huddled groups , with the awe and

’ i n fl uen ce o f Gov men t upon them ; they have

a timid air, one fancies , and have whitewashed

their faces at least, if not their sides and backs .

Porth u l a n Over in the town , j y despises white wash as a vain and doubtful gloss on honest

stone , and is stiff against whitewash , that

’ Gov men t mark of the beast , and has a text ready on its tongue that is hard upon the

whited wall .

Po rth ul an Further to describe j y , and to differentiate it un mistakably from its neigh I bours , would mention cats and fuchsias .

At Pe n o we r u s g , to the west of , t he windows

and walls are ablaze with geraniums , and white clouds o f pigeons are ever gathering an d

a Tre a rr sc ttering overhead ; at g y , to the east ,

fl ora l P the taste runs to ortu gal laurels , and the chickens outnumber the humans by ten to 6 O U R LITT LE TOW N o n e Pol oose ; while at g , up over the hill , pigs and begonias hold undisputed sway . But at Po rthj ulya n no household is complete without its fuchsia - bush o n either side of the door comely sentinels in green picked out with — crimson and purple and its sleek family of cats curled up o n the slab beside the stewpot . A n event without parallel elsewhere is of daily occurrence at Po r thj ulya n when the boats come i n fi rst . As the keel k isses the sand , cats , white , grey , tabby and tortoiseshell , appear from all quarters an d scamper down to greet

of their masters . The sight half a dozen big

o n e booted men stumbling up the beach , each preceded by a proud cat with heavenward pointing tail , or by an abj ect cat that casts itself at intervals in paroxysms of grovelling affection before feet that have much ado to

o n it keep from treading , is not without its tender humour .

for for As the fuchsias , their likes size and multitudinous blossoming are not to be found

Po r th ul a n in all the countryside . j y takes pride in its fuchsias ; that is well enough ; but pride begets em ulation , an d emulation breeds envy , hatred , m alice , and all m anner — o f uncharitableness ugly issue to father o n O U R LITTLE TO W N 7

fl owers so the lovely innocent yet it is . The tale is yet new of Tarbox and Pockets , how each boasted in the other ’ s presence that his was the fi n est fuchsia in the town ; and ho w from boasting they descended to argument , and rose thence to hot words and revilin gs, and parted in anger . Late that n ight , Tarbox , with a steamin g kettle in his hand , met Pockets , who fi ngered a sharp kn ife . They scowled

’ and passed , each towards the other s dwellin g .

Two m inutes later they met again , and this time each gave vent to a diabol ical chuck le .

fi n est When day dawned , the two fuchsias in Por thj ulyan lay a - dyin g ; the one had been severed from its roots , and on the other boiling I water had been poured . tell you this in order to have done with it soon ; it is the

I o f Po rth ul an darkest tale have to relate j y . O ur civic life is n aturally focused down

ou beach . I f y take the aforemen tioned seine boats for your central point , and fetch a

o f compass some dozen yards about them , your circle will include all the vital organs of the town , with two notable exceptions ; the inn , which is discreetly and conveniently withdrawn and sequestered among trees

is beyond the village proper, so that he who 8 OU R LITTLE TO WN

for a modest glass is not to be distinguished from him who is for a quiet country stroll ;

and the chapel , which is j udiciously located

’ Gov me n away in the opposite direction , in the t

off regions , far enough to isolate it from the

- week day stress and stir , and , incidentally, to give us a fair chance o f thoroughly airing o ur

’ own best clothes an d ad miring other people s .

- offi ce But the beach itself, the shop , the post ,

’ Penticost s the seat of honour, and fall every o ne within our imagin ary circle , and about them the life -blood of Po r thj ulya n ebbs and

flows . The beach is as other beaches , the

offi ce shop not unlike other shops, the post

o n calls for n o special com ment , an d even the

o f seat honour we n eed not dwell at presen t .

I t has its counterpart elsewhere , this fragment

o f amorphous wreckage , studded with insidious

bolts an d nails , set in the lewth of a wal l

facing south , and reserved by immemorial

’ o f r a n df ers custom for the use the g . There

sit u they in the sun , their knees p , their sticks

between their knees , their hands clasped on

their sticks , their chins resting on their hands ,

as their eyes blinking , their beards wagging,

they mumble true tales of ancient times . But

’ Pe nticost s demands more than a pass ing notice . O U R LITTLE TO WN 9

’ Pen ticost s might aptly be descri bed as the — brain of Po rthj u lyan the vital spot that o ur best blood goes to feed , the source from which our corporate, as distinguished from our individual , thought an d action take their rise .

’ Penticost s o ur I n plain language , is shoe

’ - m aker s shop , and the chief meeting place of ou r - men fol k . You might pass it a dozen times and never i t . notice A low , narrow door Open ing into

- mud cavernous d arkness , and a small paned , splashed window with its sill scarcely trans — cen d in g the level o f the street s uch is the

’ o f Pe n t icost s unassuming outward aspect . E nter the door, stumble down three steps ,

knock your head against an unsuspected wall , twist to the left through another doorway , and you are in a dim cellar that m ay measure some eight feet by six . Before the window is a table strewn with m iscellaneous cobblin g tackle

nails , taps , sparables , lasts , scraps of leather , and

o f th e l’ the like . I n front table sits e n ticost himself on a folding stool ; on the ground

beside him lie various tools an d requisites ,

h eelblock hammers and to the right , lapstones , iron - foot and water - pail to the left ; and behind him is a bench for the accommodation o f 1 0 O U R L I TTLE TO WN

’ Pen t ico st s o f visitors . knees are j ust clear the table ; the knees of the central occupant o f the bench are in like manner j ust clear of

’ the small o f Penticost s back ; and the bench itself is closely j ammed against the wall .

suffi cien t Vertically, the dimensions are j ust to accommodate our tallest member without com pelling him to stoop an d here I must confess

f r u that we are not remarkable o our stat re .

u s Once , indeed , we had a tall man among , a

’ very giant ; but an envious Gov men t laid hands on him an d made him policeman up to Churchtown ; and we rejoiced to be rid of an

’ H e o r ov men t incubus . was a fool ( G would

misfit never have coveted him), and a into the

bargain . We care not for an empty head that

u s mocks from absurd altitudes , bumping with witless arrogance against crossbeams and plan chin gs that were adj usted with an eye to

o f H e men decent growth . was always bump

ing his silly head , an d the groan he invariably

’ Gov me n t fetched was an insult to our inches .

was welcome to him ; and , to do him justice , he makes an excellent policeman—ornamental

an d not too clever, a capital bogey to frighten

o u r fi rst - children with , and a rate butt when we have a m ind to string our shafts against

1 2 O U R L ITTLE TOWN eyes have seen many wonders at Sunderland and Cardi ff and Runcorn . A crafty man and wit a masterful , a thinker of agile , a subtle

is debater, it he who presides over the club , guides its discussions , and sees that its rules — are en forced . For we have our rules printed

o r our ones too , as near to print as most expert

To m ca ligra phist could make them . himself

u drew them p, and they are n ailed on the wall

over against the door for all to see . Thus they run :

NO SW A I G NOR DAMMING E R N .

’ NO R ELI GEON E! CEPT PENTICOST H E CA N T ELP IT H .

NO W IMEN A LOW D .

E T H A FIV E TO SMOK E T N E NOT MOR N O O C .

T K I G W A! - DS W I T H OU T PER MISSIAN NO A N EN .

B riefl I y commenting on these , would ask you to ad mire the subtle distinction implied in the fi rst

has o f them . The second been found necessary in order to prevent unseemly wrangles in a place

that holds fervent Wesleyans , ardent Churchmen

fi er and y Bryan ites in nearly equal proportions . The saving clause is a graceful concession to our host ’ s weakness for garn ishing his conversation with obscure and terrible texts from the minor O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 3

prophets . The third calls for no com ment whatsoever . The fourth is a needful sanitary regulation , having regard to the exiguous

o ur ro dimensions of quarters . Without the p

f fifth Pen tico st tection o the , would soon be a

- ruined m an , with wax ends twopence apiece, and their superior fit n ess for binding fi sh- hooks and

- splicing knife handles generally recognised .

’ Next to Bessie s Tom , the most assiduous

o f — - - frequenter the club is J ames over to shop .

of A man substance and argument is J ames ,

’ H e and our best debater after Torn . is Tom s inferior in mental agility , but otherwise they are well matched . Solemn , ponderous , manifold of chin , his least word seems to carry the weight

su er fluit o f all his p y of flesh . A man o f

“ ae No form ul is J ames , and when we hear w

’ ” “ ’ or I ll give you an insight , I don t coincide

” “ ’ ’ o r : I with you there , That s very well an t

’ t/za t saying nothing bout , then we lean back and co n fide n tly await something worth listening to . No session can be considered complete without Sam J ago , that silent humorist with

fla v ou re d the twinkling eye , whose few rem arks , with an agreeable cyn icism chie fly directed against women and coastguardsmen , supply the 1 4 O U R L ITTLE TO WN indispensable dash of condiment to o ur con v ersation al Fo r dish . example

“ ’ Jenny don t care , so long as she get her

’ m an . Come J udgement Day, there she ll be ” co ocin e n fi rew rks g after through the o .

’ J enny s never too old to know roguery , and

’ ” old en J acky s never too to be took in by .

’ Fighting come by n ature : there an t a

’ ’ ” cheeld fi st m but can double his , soo s he s born . “ ’ Gov men t ? Give me four brass buttons

’ ’ ’ o Gov men t and a pail whitewash, and I ll run ” myself.

of I Beside Sam , for the sake the contrast ,

set will J an Tripp , whose fatuous eloquence, if it you analyse , will be found to be the j oint offspring o f a slow mind and a voluble tongue I a revoluble tongue , if may coin an apt word I I for the occasion . will illustrate what mean by a specimen of Jan courteously making conversation with a stranger over his garden

gate of a moonlit evening. ” Fine n ight , says the stranger casually .

fi x es J an him with a pair of blinking blue eyes , and makes answer

’ Ess - . Moon s looking beautiful to night ’ ’ beautiful and bright she s looking. Tis light

’ enough of a n ight when there s a moon . When O U R LI TTLE TO WN 1 5

’ ’ is t . there an t no moon , then dark But when

’ ’ ” is t . there s a moon , then tolerable bright , you see

The stranger assents , an d innocently con ceiv i n g the subject to be exhausted , remarks that the night is also somewhat chilly . But J an is nothing if not thorough ; so far from having emptied the theme , he is on ly j ust beginn ing to discern its conversational possi bilities H e . continues blandly

“ ’ Ess f edn . Very dif erent when there no

’ moon ; then tis dark , sure enough . When

’ ou there s a n ice bright moon , then y can see

’ b lieve your way about , . But these dark n ights ,

’ ’ he m I e t y terrible dark , assure Someti mes ’ see you couldn nothing , these dark nights when

’ ” there e d n no moon . The desperate stranger flies for relief to the

fi shin g prospects . I n vain . Jan listens politely to the irrelevant interruption , and resumes with unabated enthusiasm

“ ’ No . Don t know what we should do if

’ there wa d n no moon to give us light sometimes

’ o f Tis o f a night . the nature nights to be

’ ’ ’ id n dark , you see ; and when tis dark , then t

’ fi n d easy to your way about . There an t no

’ ’ su n - , night time , if you ll notice ; so we m

’ mostly dependen t on the moon . She don t 1 6 O U R LITTLE T O WN

’ shine by day, the moon don t , not being wanted ,

’ of I you see , because the sun . But don t

’ ’ - twa d n know what we should do , night time , if ’ —’ for the moon . When there an t no moon tis so sometimes—then ’ tis terrible dark in these

’ ” I e parts, can tell .

Then the stranger departs abruptly, his

of his brain in a whirl , and J an , still fu ll subject , turns indoors to discourse with his wife at more adequate length on the beauty and utility o f the moon . Without wearying you with a list of our I obscurer members , have a special reason for mentioning those invol untary contributors to

o f our O the gaiety club , rlando Chynoweth and

O is Archelaus Trudgeon . rlando a stuttering

for o u simpleton , and there is humour y ready made . Archelaus , that roaring blade, is all but stone deaf. When other amusements fail , we invent and retail scandalous stories about

ou r us him , he sitting in midst and imploring

r to make him a partaker o f the joke . O we

on to egg him and Orlando quarrel , and since wrath reduces Orlando ’ s speech to an incoheren t

’ babble, and swells Archelaus s to a cannonade

- that threatens the win dow panes , you can imagine our exquisite enj oyment . O U R L I TTLE TO WN 1 7

of With these, and a sprin kling idle jun iors congenially occupied in helping Uncle Antony ” to kill dead mice, as the phrase goes , the

’ permanent session at Penticost s is fairly com

lete p . I t is not until dark that the place becomes crowded , though most who pass by

see look in for a moment , to what it is , as

sa we y .

H e I have left Penticost himself to the last .

f - is an inof ensive little man , sallow cheeked ,

of o f gross body , and a simple and pious habit

f o wn shO — o mind . I n his p he is nobody the

o f our common butt wits , the victim of countless practical jokes , his i mpotent wrath dissolving into tears as soon a s it bursts . But we are all

Pe nt icost o ne co m fond of , and in respect he

o u r H e pels admiration . has a more than

H is femin ine scent for news . little black eyes are as sharp as a robin ’ s his ears can only have been fashioned so big and outstanding for o ne purpose his very mouth is mostly ajar to catch

his is i n c re what it may . Moreover , memory d ibl H e y exact and capacious . can tel l yo u off hand who is second cousin to whom ; n o m ean

o f - feat , with an intricate net cross relationships tanglin g u s all U p in a way that would m ake the most expert of genealogists tear his hair . 1 8 O U R LITTLE TO WN

H e knows to a day how long Maria, the bake

has house woman , worn that imitation sealskin

o f she is j acket which so inordinately proud , and remembers where she bought it and what she paid for it better than M aria herself. Maria

H e and her kind love him not . can repeat you true stories o f twenty years back with all those minute details of speech and gesture, without

a s is which , we consider, no true story worth

e the t lling . As he sits and ham mers , at the faintest sound of wheels o r footsteps in the

his o u street , eyes g p , his ears (I would swear)

hi s shoot forward , mouth drops wide open , an d

— is small as that window , and thickly as the — dust and mud obscure it in a flash all that is to be known o f the passer-by is known to

Pen ticost H e . nods his head sharply .

“ ’ ic Pe n t ost ? . Who s that , says somebody

’ ” Can t mind his name for the minute , says

“ ’ i ost he s e nt c . P , hammering away But own brother to J osiah Johns that married our

’ Poltri a n Nancy s Geraldine . Lives up to gg .

’ ca rr in Helps the photographer there , g parcels and oiling the machine and making faces at the

’ babies to keep them quiet while they m being

- took . Wears a pipe and a drum hat Sundays ,

’ and he s courting the z econ d parlour - maid up

20 O U R LITTLE TOWN

’ - m I pilot cap up to , so see, and a little dinky

’ n z eco n can with a brass top to , that his d parlour - maid give him last Christmas ; but the

’ ’ o ff sole of his left boot s n early , so he needn be

’ hu rlie —Pen i s proud . C J ackson ! t co t s voice suddenly rises from narrative pitch to the shrill

o f C hurlie tones protesting wrath Jackson , if

’ c od - on you put gy wax my stool agin , I ll turn

’ ’ ’ e o u t 0 my shop and never leave e come in no more Aw l where ’ s my ham mer ? Where’ s ’ ? I e it to Arthur Tripp , condemn for taking ’ ” my hammer ! There tis ! - the little man is —“ ’ ’ weeping al ready there tis ; I ben t left to

’ am a bit 0 bread in my own shop ! Gie me ” that hammer ! He seizes another ham mer

fl ourishes it . ! and Show your pluck , then Put forth your hand and leave me hit en ! No

’ ’ o u ! You ot y don t dare haven g no pluck , ’ n - no more a screw mouse . You can tease a quiet old man in his own shop , sticking him to his o n own co d - o u w seat with his gy wax , but y

’ e n A w haven got no pluck to face after that . ,

’ ’ ’ the Book s harder pon e than what Pen ticost ' ’ is H e shall break in pieces the oppressor , it s sa ay and when the Book y a thin g, it mean ’ ’ ’ it I e — 0 , can tell . Gospel truth heard tell

’ ‘ ’ ‘ e ? that , have Gospel truth, and break in O U R LITTLE T O WN 2 1

’ pieces the Oppressor put they two together,

’ m ? ler r u s and where you to Scat all to p , the

’ ’ av e ! A lot y , laugh away, if you ve a min d

’ ’ e to . The Black Man s laughing behind . Gie me that hammer

our Such , for instruction and entertain ment ,

Pe nt icost is , dear soul . Can you wonder that we honou r him so persistently with o u r com pany , even when he would much prefer our room ? A ! U ESTI ON OF TASTE

C ASTING about me fo r means to brin g you to a

o ur closer acquaintance with little town , and wishing particularly to give you an insight below the material surface o f things into the

I o f deep workings of our minds , can thin k no better plan than to submit to you a faithful report of the great debate that was held at

’ ’ Pe n ticost s last winter between Bessie s To m

- - - o u r sub and J ames over to shop . When two

tlest dialecticians join issue, we are always sure o f an intellectual treat ; but o n this occasion

o they excelled themselves . We still speak f that debate as the most brilliant in the ann als

of our club . S uch a feast of stateliest an d most regal argument was never dished up to us before or since ; never at a sin gle haul were so many pearls o f wit and wisdom dredged out o f the fathom less and unquiet deeps o f con

e rs trov y . You may object that the subject or main OU R LITTLE TOWN 2 3 — thesis was trivial even to foolishness unworthy,

o f therefore , the elaborate treatment it received I adm it the fact , and dispute the deduction .

us With (an d surely we are right), the subject counts for less than nothing. Dearly loving an f argument , we show our af ection by lovin g it as own it should be loved , for its sake, without regard to its worth or substance . We will

a dispute you as readily, as keenly, y, and as

ro fi tabl o n p y , the dimensions of a prize cabbage as on the fate of empires . Moreover, we fully recognise , as many fail to do , that logic , pretty

be sport though it , is only sport after all , and must not be allowed to interfere with a m an ’ s cherished convictions . We may at times be f de eated in the wordy fray , but we never fail to retire in good order with all the honours o f war, armed at every point as when we entered I the lists . For what is man , ask , but a bundle ? of Opinions Some of them m ay be worthless , mere rotten sticks , so to speak ; but for all

o f his that they are a part individuality , and therefore deserve to be fostered and respected .

P o ut ull one single stick , though it be the rottenest of all , and your bundle is apt to fall

fi rst o to pieces at the shake . S what we say we adhere to , like limpets to a rock I ndeed , 24 O U R LITTLE TO WN

defeat on ly rouses o ur pride an d con fi rms our

stubbornness ; drubbed , we clench our teeth

and sit the closer . The lowly origin o f the great debate must be sought for among the apples and onions of

’ Pen t icost s pasty . Livin g up at Churchtown ,

Pen t icost two miles away , brings his dinner

with him , and eats it as a rule in the one half

o f hour the day when his shop is empty , between

a quarter past twelve and a quarter to one .

But on this occasion a school tea was toward , an d no sooner had he taken down his shutters than he was well - nigh buried in an avalanche

- o f of j uvenile foot gear . A crowd small boys

i n rushed , pulled off their boots , thrust them

’ Pe n tico st s a into han ds , and nnounced their i n fle x ible determination (backed by m aternal authority) of waiting o n the spot till the n ece s

’ To m sary repairs were executed . Bessie s ,

arriving at his usu al hour, started back aghast

from a scene of un paralleled riot and disorder . O n the floor two u rchins rolled in the throes of a dispute as to which had fi rst call on Penti

’ o n cost s services half a dozen stood the bench , shrilly cheerin g the comb atan ts ; while that

anointed l imb , J ohn Charles Peter , perched

- n o f cross legged o a corner the table, was O U R LITTLE TO WN 2 5 gravely lecturing Pe n tico st o n his notorious

Pen ticost idleness and incapacity . himself,

was white with wrath , vainly striving to quell the tu mult with fulmin ations borrowed from the prophet J oel . Tom ’ s prompt an d vigorous action restored

wa s something like order , but there no rest for

Pe nti co st o r that morning , that afternoon either .

I t was growing dark when , with the departure o f the last small boy to test the temper of his rehabilitated toe - caps against the nearest stone

Pe n ticost wall , heaved a sigh of relief, cast from

- w him iron foot and heel block , thre his coat

over his shoulders , an d produced knife , fork ,

B - - - and pasty . y that time J ames over to shop ,

i n Sam J ago , and a few others had dropped . With meditative eyes we watched Pe n t ic ost as he shovelled away with kn ife and fork alter n a te l o u r y ; and when we began to talk , dis course n aturally turned o n the mysteries o f diet and digestion . We discussed pigs and filth their y ways , and agreed that wonder work ing Nature did nothin g more marvellous than when through porcine agency she trans formed disgusting offal into tasty bacon . We

ho rse fi esh thought that , theoretically speaking , was a far more suitable article of human diet , 26 O U R LITTLE TOWN the horse being a clean feeder but we doubted whether all the o il-cake in the world would produce in the friend of man that unique streakiness to which bacon chiefly owes its vogue .

Then James - over - to - shop propound ed a

he or hypothesis . Suppose , said J ames , that ,

’ To m Bess ie s , or any other m an in the place ,

o S t . were to g to a town , say to Kenn a , and , feeling hungry , as weak mortals must at times ,

’ - — were to enter an eating house Thomas s , as it

’ ’ be or S imo n s s he a s m ight , ( wasn t particular

t o to which , an d desired avoid all appearance — of favouritism) and were to sit down , stretch his legs , rap on the table , and call aloud for

- or for o f rabbit pie , , the sake argument , hare pie. Very well . H aving supposed all this , suppose in addition that Thomas , or Si mons, or one of their underlings , were to set before

’ T o m o r him (James) or Bessie s , whoever it was o f —o r o f , a pie made rabbit hare, as the

be— o f case might an d also a pie , identical appearance , containin g a cat , properly skinned

- u . an d cut p , an d the tell tale claws removed

’ Then , in J ames s opinion , if you , being

was ignorant which which , were to taste both

is sa - —o r pies , that to y both the rabbit pie , to

2 8 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

- ? J ames mean by cat pie I n his own words , a

of e at pie m ade . What was a cat ? Was it a

r rabbit ? Certainly not . O a hare ? Far

it No w from . Well an d good . , what were o u r u s ? tongues given for Why, for tasting vittles , an d for conducting rational arguments . What was J ames doing ? A t once denyin g the fi rst use an d stultifying the second by his foolish talk , with no more value in it than f there was in a heap o straw . What did this ? prove That J ames , take him all in all , was

In fid el little better than an .

We drew breath and looked at J ames .

The indictment was severe . H ad he an

? H e answer had .

First , with a pitying smile, he insinu ated that Tom had altogether failed to grasp the point of his argu ment . Then , as a con cession

’ to Tom s weak intellect , he restated his

“ m lifi ca io n s a t . hypothesis , with careful p And

” ’ now , he contin ued , I ll give you an insight .

When I was on the coasting trade , our vessel l ay alongside o f a Frenchman in Swansea

’ ’ Ou r harbour . cap n and the French cap n got

a ll v o uz in brave and friendly , p y g away, till one

’ d ay Frenchy up and ask o ur cap n to step aboard and take denner with him . Down O U R L ITTLE TO WN 29

- o out . cabin they g , and had a rare good come

’ ’ ’ ’ n e o ur ca n s tic la r O dish took p fancy p , and

’ en t remen ous a laid into something j . Come —‘ to come on deck How you like your

’ ’ ’ ? Toler ble denner says Frenchy . well , says

’ ’ ’ ‘ i l r our t c a . cap n , p that last dish A tasty

’ ’ he consarn , sure nough , says . Then the

’ ‘ French cap n grin like a cloamen cat . You know vat you v as eating ven you eat that

’ ‘ ’ ’ sa I r ? . o u dish he y do not , says cap n .

’ ’ I ha Twas tasty , and could done with some

’ ’ a I more , but what was couldn tell for my life .

’ ’ ‘ ’ ? o ur What was it now says cap n . Snails ,

’ ’ o ur says Frenchy ; and pon that , cap n up fi with his st and knack that Frenchman down .

’ E ss a , kn acked that Fren chm an down , did ,

’ ‘ ’ a sa Mo rbloo en before could y . Cost fiv e pound up to police - court next day ; fi v e pound

’ ’ ’ 0 e n I that dish snails cost , so sure s m a ’ ? setting here . What d ye say to that con

o n cluded J ames , turn ing abruptly Tom .

“ I sa ? r To m What do y to that reto ted .

I a I sa s . y this to that First y , knacking a

’ ’ man down ed n no a rgyme nt tall ; and kn ack

’ ing a man down that have j ust treated e to a

’ e d n t e o usn ess r denner nothing but j , snails o

’ I sa f none . Next y , snails an t cats . O f er a 30 O U R LI TTLE TOWN

’ ’ ’ ea t - — e a cabbage leaf that ll tell . A snail s a

’ ’ I e sn ail , but a cat s a cat . condemn for d ragging snails in by the ears where they an ’ t

u wan ted , an d so muddling things p . Your ’ a r men t — gy was cats , wadn a cats an d hares

’ ’ e and such foolishness . Well then , how don t

ar ment ? stick to your gy Stick to your cats , if so he cats is your a rgymen t ; stick to your

’ ’ ’ ” e so I cats , my dear , and I ll follow fur s can .

“ ’ ” A nd that edn fur ! exclaimed his

“ ’ o n opponent . You m the wrong tack agin .

’ ’ I e I sa so ? was giving an insight , didn y

’ ' a r men t the m d effr a n t I nsight and gy , y two

’ ’ ’ b liev e let rat ur e things , ; if you d got any tall ,

’ ’ r m n e n . a e t d you d kn ow that My gy snails ,

’ ’ ’ n or ted n cats ; my a rgymen t s the tongue o f man , and they that put their trust in it shall ” be con founded .

’ ’ You m right there , sure nough , interjected To m with a chuck le ; but J ames disdained to grapple with the wilful misunderstanding .

” ’ the m My snails and cats , he continued , y — ’ nothing but illoosi on s that s what they are :

’ illoosion s , or parables , if you ve a mind to call

’ ’

s a r me nt . em o . They don t tetch my gy My argymen t stand on his o wn little feet ; you

e n may heave all the cats in the town at , an d O U R LITTLE T O WN 3 1

’ bez id e ou u sot al l the snails , but y won t p my ’ ” — i o av little a rgy men t not o ne ott um . ” “ “ Iotum l otto ? Tom corrected James .

’ Iot u ms ou you do m ane . the word , if y m ust

’ o u If ot let rat ure g cutting p . you d g any

’ ’ ” tal l , you d know that . (A neat thrust ; we “ u r marked it with o applause .) And if your

’ r men t ed n - fi t a gy cats nor yet snails , better ”

o u e n o ut it . y pitch agin , and leave they of ’ S o T o m saying, Bessie s leaned back and

fi n er - inspected his g nails one by one . Since T o m went on the Provident Club and became

fi n er - a gentleman of leisure, his g n ails have

o f hi s become a chief object care and attention , and by d iligently paring and polishing he has brought them to such a state of perfection that you would never guess him to have done a

’ hi s day s work in life . Pink , glistening ,

- almond shaped , they would do credit to any

’ fi To m his fi n er ne lady . Bessie s inspected g — nails the act is known to have a particularly irritatin g effect on his horny - handed opponen ts

— us and the rest of waited in silence , while

- - - J ames over to shop pondered deeply .

Long ere this , the n oise of the d uel had

spread down beach and up street . The

audience had been increasing for some ti me, 3 2 O U R L ITTLE TO WN

and now the shop was quite full—crowded to

as — o f success , we say and a solid wedge humanity was slowly forcin g itself in at the

Pen ticost fi n din to door . , g it impossible

to his work with his arms tightly pinned sides , threw down his ham mer with a mute gesture of despair.

for Still we waited J ames to speak . Some body thought we had waited long enough . A f voice piped up rom the back of the crowd ,

o f the voice that profuse babbler, Jan

Trip p .

“ S a kin of his p g cats , he began , blinkin g eyes and smiling that k nowing smile which deludes strangers into searching desperately for veins o f hidden humour in every trivial —“ s a kin word he utters p g of cats , our J ob

’ snore like a Christian . An t a night but what

his he wake the missus up with snoring .

Snore like thunder , our Job do , and wake the

’ ’ our m issus up every night , most . That s Job ;

’ ’ ’ av b lie e that s um , v ; snore like thunder ;

’ ’ m issus can t get her sleep for J ob s snoring . ’ ’ — An t many cats you ll fi n d do that snore fit

u she to wake the house p . The missus , stick

‘ ’ u her elbow in my chest . Wake p , Jan , she

‘ ’ sa fellcr y, and bark to the fond little snoring . O U R LITTLE TO WN 33

’ E5 5 our ob is , he s a masterpiece , J snore like thun

The blan d voice of Sam J ago was h eard .

’ I e s Jan , shall len d a pair of cissors to cut that yarn

J an subsided amid general laughter, which wa s instantly hushed as James - over - to - shop

sat u suddenly p , took his pipe out of his

’ Tom mouth , and pointed the stem at Bessie s .

’ be Accepting Tom s challenge, shifted his ground , discarded the whole menagerie of cats , hares , rabbits and snails , an d took up tobacco .

out o f Look now . N ine times ten , if a man went into the dark , smoking a pipe , and if the

’ darkness were such that he couldn t see the

his smoke issuing from mouth , then , n ine times

’ out of ten , that man wouldn t know whether his r pipe were alight o no . N ine times o ut of

: was - ten , mind J ames a chapel member, an d

’ wouldn t venture farther than that . But as sure a s he had a pipe in his han d at the

e o f if pr sent m oment , nine ti mes out ten , a

’ man wen t into the dark , smokin g , and could n t see w ] the smoke or the glo from the bow , n ine

’ times out of ten he wouldn t know what he was

’ s — —o r moking bacca , tea or hay whether he ” was smoking at all . An d that , said James, 34 O U R LITTLE TOWN rollin g down the lower fold of his guernsey and extracting thence a match , which he struck

o f and applied to the bowl his pipe , that

’ ed n shows smoking no good . The keener critics among us admired the sudden and artful manner in which , with that

fi eld last sentence , J ames shifted the of argu T ment from taste to morals . Would o m meet him o n the higher groun d ?

Tom was ready . What were James’ s words ? “ That shows

’ ” e dm N smoking no good . Very well . o w

n ow suppose J ames to be smoking , as he was ,

’ an d let Tom come and take J ames s pipe o ut

’ o f his sa mouth , an d y he shouldn t smoke no more . Well and good . Now consider the

’ pipeless James in two hours time . What would ? he be doing For a wager, he would be

’ thinking upon his pipe . And in four hours

o n his time ? Still his mind would be pipe . And in six ? Would his fond mind have strayed from that pipe ? And what about ? ’ next day Why , twould be all pipe and

’ nothin g else with J ames s mind by that time . What did this prove ? The gross error of

’ ’ J ames s contention that smoking wad n no

o f good . I t was manifest that nothing short

36 O U R LITTLE TO WN

so four , he had heard tell , and that only

his If strengthened argument . a m an had

’ a s many stom achs as a cow , twould be a poor look - out for him when his food happed to f disagree with him . Tom often suf ered grievously from indigestion himself, but , after that , he was not the man to turn round and blaggard his

s stomach , as Jame was traitorously doing by implication .

For answer, J ames begged to remind Tom

ou t that nin e times of ten , if a man went into the dark , smoking a pipe

’ Tom had heard that before . And a man s

’ m ind was a man s mind , after that.

Nine times out of ten , said J ames , raising his voice . ’ ’ ’ And a man s stu mmick s a man s stum ”

To m . mick , said , doing likewise

“ ” Nine times out of ten , persisted J ames , louder still , that man

” ’ ’ — mmick ! If t ed n tu . S shouted Torn ,

’ i s I d ? what , like to know That m an couldn ’ tell bellowed

J ames . ’ ” “ st ummick ! Mind and , there s your man “ yelled Tom . Take they two away, and where’ s n O U R LITTLE TO WN 37

Couldn ’ tell if ’ twas alight or no roared

James .

Then , flushed with triumph , Tom rose from

fi n al his seat and delivered the , decisive blow .

r The sound of it still rings in ou ears .

H u d so e co l . Not . tell When such a contingency occurred , experienced smokers were in the habit o f protruding the under lip and adroitly pu ffi n g the pungent smoke up into their If f eyes . , when they pu f ed , their eyes smarted and watered , they knew the pipe was alight , and were happy. That ended the great debate ; for James

’ “ over - to - shop s Foolishness ! Never heard — tell o f no such fool ishness never in my life could not be regarded as a serious contribution to the discussion ; and his noisy reiteration of it as he retreated from the assembly was

o f f merely a clamorous confession de eat . TH E DEFEAT OF TH E AM AZ ONS

W E know not if the rest of the world be

us Porth u l a n better enlightened , but to at j y the

ways of womankind are a profound mystery . That man ’s destined mate should be utterly in comprehensible to him is as strange as it is

’ certainly true . All Sam J ago s brilliant epi

grams on the sex , when you come to analyse

o f humili them , are only witty confessions this ating fact I have heard of a wise conclave o f lawyers and doctors who once decided that a man was in no way akin to his own mother ; and

’ i surely they were r ght . We won t deny a certain super fi cia l resemblance as to lan guage

diet , disposition of features , and the like ; but

fi n d probe below the surface , an d what do you ?

A n unimaginable discrepancy . What is man ? To deal for convenience ’

’ T o m? sake with the concrete, what is Bessie s

’ Bessie s To m is a rational creature of noble ideals an d lofty imagination , a deft logician , a 38 O U R LI TTLE TO WN 39

’ o f fi rst —i n humorist the water short , Nature s

’ so masterpiece . An d as Bessie s Tom is , are

’

Pe nticost s . u s we all at , more or less Deprive of our our ideals , our imagination , logic an d our humour , and what should we be but gibbering apes , whom humanity would disown straightway P H as woman any o f these qualities in the

o least degree ? Take humour . We g home from the club and tell our wives a merry tale o f Pen ticost co d - , his stool , and a bit of gy wax

? I n o intervening . Do they laugh trow t . As

a s n o t us like , they only vilify for tormenting

o wn an inoffensive old man in his shop . As fo r d eficien c logic , their notorious y in this re spect has long been the com mon discourse of n ations ; it can only be paralleled by their

’ o f utter lack imagination . I ll give you an insight . A fter the great debate was over,

- - - J ames over to shop , defeated but not convinced ,

- carried home his cherished cat pie , and set it

his before wife , seeking sympathetic support . What wa s the resul t ? A t the very outset she U caught him p , and would hear no more , declaring that Thomas and Simons were both respectable men , who would never betray their customers in so senseless and disgustin g a 4o O U R LI TTLE TO WN

‘ ou fashion . No imagination , y see . And when he tried her with his other argument , the one

’ wa d n that proved that smoking n o good , she showed her crass ignorance of the n ature of logic by suggestin g that in that case he had

fi re better cast all his pipes into the , and a good riddance too .

o f We grant their possession ideals of a sort , but ideals so ignoble as to be scarce worthy of

’ the name . Take home life . A man s domestic — ideal is a purely spiritual o n e comfort ; a

’ is woman s cleanliness , which is grossly m aterial .

i n ev it No wonder then that , spirit and matter

we o f ably clashing, , the heirs the ages , are d riven to take off our sea - boots in front gardens and smoke precarious pipes in cold , draughty ! back kitchens . But there as Sam Jago says “ Woman ! You read all about her in

of Genesis , an d a pretty job she made things ,

’ ’ first o - off b liev e sure nough . Scat creation g , ,

’ o n and been dancing p the shards ever since .

’ ’ ’ If twad n ud for she , you an d me be in the

Garden this day, stroking the lions and tickling ” the tigers .

e We notice this , that wom n do markedly resemble cows . Take them singly, and they are

o r more less amenable , if not to reason , at least O U R LITTLE TO WN 4 1

to gentle persuasion and loving discipline . But in the herd they are all horns and hoofs ; on

on n o the least provocation , provocation at all , it ’ s up heels with them an d a mad coursey

’ fi eld round the . Then there s no holdin g

’ ou them ; over the gate with y , unless you ve a mind to be gored and trampled . I n my

of o u r I description little town , omitted al l

’ : reference to J ul ian a s purposely , since Penti

’ cost s (oi which I aspire to be the humble mouthpiece) has reason to regard J uliana ’ s as

or a public n uisance , a foul blot excrescence o n o ur o ur com munity , about which , for fair fame , it were best to keep silence before the

I o world . But now have a tale to tell f

i o f gr evous peril , siege , of seeming rout an d

’ fi ure s glorious victory, wherein J ulian a s g as

’ o o f I the fell adversary . S J uliana s must S f peak per orce , or leave my tale untold . j uliana J ulyan possesses the noblest mangle in the town , and does the washing for ou r

i o - A t ar stocracy an d g about women . her gate the feet o f all our wives are stayed when

’ scandal is hatching . I n fact , J uliana s is a kind o f distorted fem inine counterfeit o f

' ’ Pe n tico st s Pe n tico st s , and over against it is se t o f , with the width the street between . But 4 2 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

’ Pen ticost s whereas , with characteristic male

’ m odesty , burrows half underground , J uliana s

looks down o n the street from a brazen altitude . The rites o f the m angle are performed in an

of inner room , which , since no male creature has it I ever entered , can give you no description , on ly hinting d arkly that n ot only sheets and

aprons are mangled there . But the washing is

of don e in the front yard , in the sight all the

Now is o n world . this yard planned the model

fied o f for ti . a place It is approached by steps , which are barred at the top by an iron wicket ;

o f an d roun d it runs a goodly rampart stone ,

- breast high within , and towering over the heads o f those without . From this commanding situation the fair garrison can not on ly pour

a s their broadside on the adversary he passes , but also rake him fore and aft as he approaches and retires , from the top of the street right

’ down to the water s edge . Add to these strategic advantages the fact that the leader o f

i s the A mazons , J uliana hersel f, a big woman , whose perpetually rolled - u p sleeves d isplay a pair of notably muscular arms , whose voice is of extraord in ary vol ume and penetration , and whose temper the fumes of the washing - tray — have not mellowed , to say the least and you

44 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

a fortn ight had elapsed from the wedding - day

’ O Pe n tico st s when rlando reappeared at . We

rallied him briskly, and the sickly grin that was his only answer spoke vol umes to every

’ u s married m an among . Bessie s Tom called truce to raillery , and m ade sympathetic inquiry . O ? ” Ton gue, rlando

’ ” “ T - O tongue tis , stammered rlando . T

she tongue till the cows come home, and then ” - t talk in her sleep beside .

o n Ah said Tom , winkin g the company . ff ’ And your speech being a licted as tis , you

’ ’ can t answer back so smart as you might : ed n that so ?

’ o ut c- H aven spit a clean word for weeks ,

’ t - said Orlando . Don t get time . ” m ’ ’ ! To . e Ah said Tell what tis ,

’ Orlando : m an with your a ffli ct io n did n ought

’ Ca use or ust i m ed i men t to marry , that s plain . j p , ' ’ ' — ’ the Prayer Book say ; z mp ea zmen t that s aimed

’ ’ e e ? If I at straight . Have tried swearing min d right , your dees were always better

ressed . g , like, than you r Christian speech

“ ” “ - O . S o T true, said rlando mournfully

’ th e m they were . But now y like the rest ” t - snails crawling through tar .

’ ” “ - - - I ve heard tell , said J ames over to shop, O U R LI TTLE TO WN 45

his putting ponderous shoulder to the joke , f o a man that was plagued that way , and he put his wife snug in the asyl um before the year

’ f r ll ou t . a was Never said nothing , her holling

si ssed ea t and bawling , but j ust like a al l the — — tss . while like this , f to everything she said

as And in six months she was as m ad a curley .

Seeming to me , you could do that easy ,

Orlando . O h rlando s ook his head hopelessly .

Try the stick , said somebody . O ’ Again rlando shook his head . She d ” u have me p , he said .

Smash the cloam , suggested another . E (You nglish call it crockery . )

“ ’ ’ A w e , don t d o that , my dear ! cried

Pe n t icost - , his ham mer suspended in mid air .

was T re arr There a man up g y d id that , and the wom an gathered up the shards and put a

c rust round them , and baked them and give

’ (o r them the man a pasty to carr to his work . They call him the Shardy - Pasty M an to this

day , and the last state of that m an i s worse

his fi rst than . All this while Sam J ago had been absorbed

d his in whittling a stick own in retired corner .

u Now he looked p . 46 O U R LITTLE T O WN

O rlando , he said , his eyes twinkling , how

’ ’ don t e put her head in a sack P

Orlando peered doubtfully at Sam . N no, Sam , he stuttered . You you

’ ’ d - e P don t mane that , do I t was delightful to see how serious Sam

o f m ade himself a sudden .

’ ’ Tis e O the only course for to steer , rlando ,

’ n at r a l he said , with grave emphasis ; your ’ O weapon (that s your tongue, rlando) being f — ’ ou t o gear . The stick that s assaul t and

— a co mmo ous - battery ; but a sack j flour sack ,

’ — e n now that s warm and comfortin g . Heave

en over her head , pull well down over her arms ,

’ ’ o and skip out the way of her legs , and you m

’ ’ all right . She can t holler , nor she can t use

’ so her claws ; leave her be for a bit , and she ll ” o f soon see the error her ways .

o u r O rl ando pondered , while we contained selves as best we could .

“ ’ t - I ve a terrible m ind to try , he said at length . “ ’ e n o w Do , urged the persu asive Sam .

’ ’ o u s ll e An d if so be all do g well , bless and — lay in a stock fo r ourselves a sack to every

’ o f married man . Twill be the salvation the ” town . O U R L ITTLE TO WN 47

Orlando meditated a little longer . Then

ot suddenly, without another word , he g up and went out .

’ ” ’ d o it ! My life , he l l exclaimed Bessie s “ ’ ! Tom . H e ve gone to fetch the sack Sam

’ J ago , you m a m asterpiece H o w we laughed ! B ut a peep into futurity

r would have twisted ou faces the other way .

it . Orlando d id , sure enough From

’ Pe n t ico st s door he went straight to the shop , whence he emerged with mild determination on

i - h s face and an empty flour sack over his arm .

’ Home he went . The sack caught Minnie s eye ; her instant and particular i nquiries

remaining u nanswered , resolved themselves into O a flood of com prehensive vituperation . rlando

’ gave her two m inutes law , and proceeded gravely and faithfully to carry out Sam 's

diffi c u lt instructions ; not without y , for the sack

wa s o f none the largest , and M inn ie was a stou t

u young woman and well set p . The enveloping

movement carried out , Orlando retired from

fi e ld the , sh utting the door behind him . P resently a neighbour , hearing mysterious

sounds , peeped in at the window and beheld a strange headless figu re cu riously gyrating 48 O U R L ITTLE TOWN round the roo m to an accompaniment of mu ffl e d f o . squealin g m usic , as distant bagpipes

was With some labour Minn ie extracted ,

for breathless , d ishevelled , and ghastly white ; the flour - sack had not been entirely emptied o f its wa s contents . Powdered as she from head — ’ to waist a n incomplete image of Lot s wife she rushed into the street , tore down along , and captured Orlando j ust as he wa s turning

’ Pen tic ost s I a m n ot into to report progress .

o u going to tell y what happened next . I t is the reverse of creditable t o our little town that such — a spectacle o f manly humiliation hum iliation — o f the grossest kind should have been offered to the public eye ; though at the time , to be — — ~ as sure , we laughed traitors that we were we had never laughed before .

Next day we met to laugh again , heedless of a certain murmurous agitation that buzzed

’ as and swel led about J uliana s yard , about a

For hive in swarming time . , as we presently

sex knew , the was up in arms , and the little domestic incident over which we were quietly chuckling had been elevated over the way into an even t o f great political importance . I n home - talk overnight some indiscreet male had

’ divulged the source of Orlando s action . That O U R LI TTLE TO WN 49 was enough : by the mysterious alchemy o f

’ the femin ine brain S am Jago s innocent bit o f waggery was transm uted into a deep organ ised plot against wifely rights and privileges . The

of suspicious hatred clubs natural to woman ,

’ and the rankling jealousy o f Penticost s in

Pe n t icost particular , which , thanks to himself,

’ is always ahead o f J ul ian a s in the matter of news , were ready at hand to fan the flame .

fi rst The mutterings of the storm passed , as

as I said , unheeded . But presently, we sat placidly chewin g the cud of the joke, we heard a smart shower of taunts an d execrations come pattering down from above , and immediately

’ i n afterwards Bessie s Tom dived , d ucking his head and shaking his ears .

“ Pi h - h ! p p he exclaimed . The women I have gone clean m azed , thin k . Such pro I faning never heard in all my married days . — Hark to them like a passel of gulls on a rock !

is i t ? What was asked .

’ is i t ? What M innie Chynoweth tis , and

O - u s rlando , and the flour sack , and all of .

’ ’ M a r t r s And Minnie s Foxe s y al l complete , and

’ ’ we m the persecuting Papishers . That s o f i t i

We recon noitred . To the door we d id n ot 4 50 O U R LITTLE TO W N

venture , but by leaning over the table and peering up through the lower panes o f the window we could j ust take in the t o p o f

’ of J ulian a s rampart . We saw a row bobbing

heads , with swiftly moving j aws and red , furious faces turned ever and anon in ou r direction ; an d not a man among us b ut discreetly jerked himsel f back after the fi r st peep . We looked at one another ; and the

wa s a s silence in the shop , which the silence of interstellar space , was pierced by shrill meteors , imperfectly discerned , but obviously of dire import .

’ ’ b liev e There s trouble brewing , , said

- - - J ames over to shop , weakly enough .

’ The sper it of the devil s in their stum ! m icks exclaimed Sam J ago , whose concise vigour of speech never deserts him .

“ ’ o f A time war and tribulation s at hand ,

Pe n tico st old prophesied , when your men shall

not slumber in their beds , and your young men

shall hear voices in the n ight .

“ ’ - 3~1 Tay time s at hand anyhow , said Bes e s

To m , with a brisk effort to dispel the gloom .

’ ’ Who s going home along o ut 0 this P

Nobody stirred , and J ames rem arked that we were safest where we were .

5 2 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

’ they ve catched u s they shove u s into sacks

- us into flour sacks they shove , and so whiten o u r heads before their time , the scheming

’ ’ ” ha dd e rs ! r ! Don t g in pon me, Sam J ago (Sam had donned the patient smile of the good

o n o f man frowned by Fortune . ) The likes

’ you ben t fit to look a h - honest woman in the

’ o f I face. You m the worst the bunch , an d if

’ ’ ’ a I d e e was A melia I go leave know . Put in

I wou ld a sack yourself, so ; ess , into a coal

’ ’ ’ I d e ou sack put , and then y would n be

’ la c k r n o u E - h b e what y be already . yah ! A nest o f grizzling badders

’ Here, missus I t was Bessie s Tom who

o f spoke , with a courage born desperation .

’ Here , missus , this won t do . Agin regula ” tions , you see . What d o the lazy pauper mane ? inquired

u ha n a J .

To m turned very red , and it was with a trembling fi nge r that he pointed to the rules on the wall .

“ Rule three , he stammered . No women ’ ” t is fo r allowed . There . See yourself.

J uliana strode across the shop , taking no more notice of Pen ticost as she upset him than if he had been a worm . The next moment O U R LITTLE TO WN 53

Tom received his rules in his face , in the shape of a crumpled ball .

Tfl a t for your rules , remarked J uliana , as the missile flew . She stalked back to the door

us and faced again . ’ ’ ? Sim me , you m mazed gasped Tom .

J ulian a dropped a mocking curtsey .

“ ’ A wake woman if you plaise , she said ,

a nd but soun d in body in m in d . Siss so

’ ha dd ers ! lon g as you ve a mind to , You ’ m ” wa an t drive e to the asylu m . Her eye

o n - - was the guilty , squirmin g J ames over to shop . Was nothing hid from this terrible

? Ess c o n person , a wake woman , but my I scien ce is clane , and can stand u p agin the

’ ’ lot of e and call e heathen Turks and growling badders and everything but men , and there

’ ’ an t o n e among e that can flip forth his ton gue

’ me 0 ! to call out my n ame . Fah I scorn

’ ’ e ! I ve seen better men than you se t up in

’ medd e r a to scare the sparrers . I ve seen better men than you stu ffed with straw and

bo n fi re fi n . e bu rnt in a H ere J ul ian a , with a

o f f sense d ramatic ef ect , began to depart back

“ ’ ’ f e . o u d wards , step by step Not one but ' - steal his wife s dead shoe strings , give him the

’ ’ ? see chance . No women al lowed We ll bout 54 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

’ ’ us ? that , won t , neighbours We ve borne with ” you and your club long enough . Light streamed through the unobstructed doorway,

’ “ but J uliana s voice still assailed our ears . A

nest of ramping , roarin g bad ders , and call ! ’ I’ m itsel f a cl ub We ll club them , as a Christian w oman

The voice grew faint , as j ulian a and her retinue retired to their fortress ; but still we caught fragments

“ Sacks ! S t u ffl e their wives ! ” Turks ! H a d d e r s ! We sa t and stared at o n e another in blan k

silence . J ames forced a weak laugh .

H e - heh ! Amoosin g to hear her ! Quite ” a moo sin g, I should say .

’ To m That woman , exclai med Bessie s , in whose breast the sting o f an injurious appella

ti on still rankled , that woman is a complete

’

venom . That s what she is , a complete venom .

: Min d what I say a complete venom , that ” woman is .

“ ’ e ? What d id I tel l , my dears cried

“ Pe n tico st o f . A ti me war and tribulation ;

” those were my words ; you heard me spake .

” “ My missus , said Sam Jago , sent my

Sund ay shirt to the wash this week . My O U R LITTLE T O WN 55

’ n ame s stitched on the tail of it in red cotton for al l the world to see . My heart do ache ” for that shirt .

’ To m That s very well , Sam J ago , said ,

“ ’ turning savagely upon him . You m a smart joker, no doubt ; but I ask you this . Who

us landed in this here mess , with his smart

’ jokes ? Where s o ur refuge now in time o f trouble ? The venom ’ s been here once she’ ll

ou be here agin ; and I put the fault on y , Sam ’ ” E ss e J ago . , I condemn to your face .

A renewed gust of invective shook the windows . ” Another hadder com ing , said Sam , the “ ! imperturbable . Ah the deaf hadder this

time , he added , as Archelaus Trudgeon entered , beamin g and boisterous as usual . ” “ ! H e H ullo he roared . has to roar to

’ ’ s k hear himse lf pe a . What s up with al l o f e ? You ’ m lookin g like you done a roguery and

o ut was having it with old Conscience . Wisht

’ ’ ’ you m looking : stick a kn ife into e and you d

’ get no blood . What s up

” “ Why , Archelaus , said J ames . D idn e notice nothin g as you come along —no comm o ? ” tion , like , up over

: No Archelaus had noticed nothing unusual .

br ie fl We en lightened him y . 56 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

Bless my poor ears he shouted . They

’ sa rv ice do me good , for all they ben t no use .

The women can bel ler till the cows come home , ’ I’ m for all I care . They can t reach me ; ” blockaded . We found it in our hearts to envy the im penetrable armour that had brought Archelaus unscathed through storm and tumult .

Suddenly Sam J ago slapped his knee .

e n I have he exclai med .

’ What have e

A way out of this . Come here, Archelaus . Archelaus is so deaf that whispers and shouts

’ are all one to him . But let him watch a man s mouth , and he can tell what that man is saying by the movemen t of his lips Sam , who loves

m st ifi ca t ion ba tfl ed s an impish y , now u by making a perfectly voiceless com mun ication to

Archelaus , who punctuated it with tantalising nods and explosions of laughter. The col lo u q y ended , Sam arose and said

Me and A rchel aus is goin g outside . They that wan t to go home can go ; they that want

see to a bit of fun can stay . Now, forlorn

’ ho e fo r a r d . P ,

o ut Sam and Archelaus marched . The

For storm burst forth anew . a few moments O U R LI TTLE TOWN 57 it raged unchecked then we heard the bellow of it Archelaus above , dominant , supreme , like f the roar o thunder over pelting rain .

“ ar te r n oo n ! Ah , J ulian a my dear , good ’ ? ’ How s your health Seeming to me, you ben t

so o u You looking brave as y might . women

’ sa drink too much tay , that s the truth . I y ” — tay, he added in an aside to Sam and his asides are louder, if anything, than his direct —“ ’ speech I say tay to save the woman s

’ feelings , but brandy s the true tale, as all the ” world do know .

r ifi ed A pet silence . Then J uliana collected

o f herself, an d the private character Archelaus fell in rags about his feet . ? f Did J ulian a speak he asked , all af a

’ bilit . e y Would mi nd saying that over agi n ,

’ P— u I m J ul ian a and spake p , if you plaise . a

- r bit deafer than usu al to day . O else he

’ o r 5 roared in Sam s ear , else the woman too ” fur gone to spake plain . The raving incoherence of J ulian a’ s reply betrayed her plight , like the d i sorderly rally o f h defeated troops . Archelaus only shook is head wistfully .

“ ’ ’ i n t resti n I know tis something terrible g,

’ I m - J ul iana ; but properly deaf to day, sure 58 O U R LITTLE TO WN

’ nough . Poor woman he murmured , an d a

wa s O stentorian murmu r it . Local ption

’ ” that s what we want . ” She glazed , said Sam , describing the scene afterwards , she glazed , an d guggled , and swa z ed - y her hands , helpless like , and then flop ” indoors and door shut home . Archelaus smiled pensively an d singled out

o another A mazon . But I need not g into the — details o f the sl aughter call it not combat . As ultimate victors we can afford to be gener ous , and to be sure Archelaus was not over nice

in his choice of weapons . The buried scandals that saw resurrection in the next few minutes had best be comm itted to earth again in fi ht decorous silence . The g was soon over .

Deserted by their leader , confronted by an adversary who was absol utely invulnerable

against their only weapon , the rebels soon

us— broke and fled withindoors , leaving we

Pe n ticost were all outside by then , even in apron

- — and shirt sleeves masters of the situation . A rchelaus received our heartfelt congratula

tions , nor were we backward in thanking the

i ngenious Sam . S ince then we have had no further trouble

’ with J ulian a s .

60 O U R L ITTLE TO WN

sparrows all black as in k , and the countless E sil k hats . specially when he dilates on these

’ Pe n t ico st s last does he rise to lyric heights , till ham mer hangs idle in his lifted hand , an d their wonted fi res die out from the ashes of

’ ’ ’ Bessie s Tom s pipe . I t was J ames s good fortune to be present at a suburban station o ne morning in time to witness the daily procession

fi n ish of London clerks from start to . I ndeed ,

H e he got up betimes for that very purpose . arrived at the station between six and seven

’ o clock somewhat too early , as he found ; but the spectacle was well worth waiting for .

First singly , then i n their twos and threes ,

fi fties then in their tens , their , and their hun

i n dreds , the London clerks poured ; and J ames solemnly assures us that he failed to detect more than three o r four felt hats in all h that glorious throng . It was as grand a sig t as ever he beheld , says j ames , and we can well bel ieve him .

Yo u o r will rightly in fer that the sil k , d rum ,

it o f box hat , as we ind i fferen tly style , is rare

o u r In occurrence i n little town . fact , un til lately we could boast of only one that belonged t o the place . There are two now , and of the second I have a story to tell ; but I cannot let O U R L ITTLE TO WN 6 1 this opportun ity pass without making some

r respectful reference to the fi st and its wearer .

of Sitting on the Seat Honour down beach ,

of any time the day when the sun is abroad ,

see o f Porth ul a n you m ay the patriarch j y ,

U ncle Augustus H un kin . Stout , ruddy,

- white haired , he is youthful yet , for all his

o dd eighty years . H is eyesight is not quite what it was a decade ago , but his hearing is

his as keen as ever , his voice hearty, hearty appetite, and heartiest the excellent loud laugh that man ages to fi n d an appropriate place in

- For well nigh every sentence he utters . cheerful philosophy he is hard to beat . I t is a favourite sayin g of his that he would wish to die fourpence in debt . Asked for the secret of lon g life , he replies Content , and so much

o r a s beef as you can put away , a variant

J ) Chaw hard and laugh hearty . S peculating o n the span of life still remaining to him , he prophesies I look for a fi t to carr’ me off

’ a fit 0 ho - laughing , ho l And he suggests fo r an appropriate inscription on his headstone

—H er e li es U n cle A u u stu s t/za t di ed o a g , f

u i q p . A s for his failing eyesight , that troubles

it he is him not ; n or will , says , until he no longer able to distin guish a pretty maid from 62 O U R LITTLE TO WN

S o her grandmother . long as you can do that , says Augustus , you have no reason to complain . U ncle A ugustus and his drum - hat have n o

o f u s separate existence in the minds most of .

Never seen apart , they are m uch of an age , I should j udge ; though there are some who declare that the hat is by far the elder of the t wo wa s , and indeed cast in a mould when

Adam wore slippers , whenever that mythical epoch m ay have been . I n any case , it is a won derful structure ; in these degenerate days you wi ll search in vain for its match in loftiness f o crown and curliness of brim . Some m ay think that its ancien t dignity is degraded by the way its owner has of wearing it continually at the extreme back of his head ; and certainly it is a good example of the essential strangeness of things that two such venerable objects as

Uncle Augustus and his hat should , by their mere juxtaposition at a certain angle , produce o - - - f s . rakish , young man about townish an ef ect

Venerable indeed is that hat , not merely by

i ts reason of antiquity , but because of the it reverend associations that cluster about .

- U ncle Augustus is a lifelong chapel member, and for many years it was he who took up the

fi rst Sunday collections in this very hat , drop O U R LITTLE TO WN 63

ping his handkerchief inside , that decoru m might suffer no shock from the unseemly clink of coin It was not until a fter the great revival of ten years ago , when membership increased enormously an d offertories swel led in proportion , that it was deemed advisable for safety ’ s sake to substitute a commonplace

o f u s wooden box . Some can remember how, as small boys , we used to beguile the tedium o f a lon g discourse by pleasantly speculating

o f whether , in the event a larger collection than

o f usual , the crown or the brim Uncle

’ Augustus s hat would be the fi rst to give way and when the hat was passed round , it was thrilling to thin k that the penny o n e was gettin g ready might be destined to play the part of the proverbial last straw , and bring a

’ o f shower bronze rattl ing about one s knees .

But , as I said , the catastrophe was averted in time . U ncle Augustus and his hat retired from o ffi ce to enjoy a well - earned repose in the sun down beach ; and there I will leave them , and

’ pass on to the tale of the Stranger s Gift , and how it went perilously near to ruining the happi

lo v in est ness of the g young couple in Cornwall .

To begin with , a charitable hope may be 64 O U R LITTLE TO WN expressed that the gentleman from London i E t . meant well by ither he did , and was singularly lacking in a sense o f humour and

or wa s o f proportion , else he a practical joker the most abandoned kind , and abominably

Mr ungrateful into the bargain . . Smith came

Po r th u l a n down to j y for his health , and found a hearty welcome and comfortable accommoda

’ tion at the Rowes cottage . J amesy Rowe E had lately taken J ulia Harvey to wife . very thing about the place was spick and span ; J ulia in her cookery blended the experience of the matron with the enthusiasm of the bride ; there were no noisy children about ;

Mr . Smith came for a week and stayed a m onth . O n the morning o f his departure he walked out on the cliffs to take a last view o f the rocks

fi ll his an d the sea , and to lungs with a last

o f o ur draught medicinal air . The air was in

’ Mr a boisterous mood that morning ; . S mith s — — hat o n e of those soft indented felt hats was rudely snatched from his head and whirled over a sheer two hundred feet of cliff into the

S o sea . it happened that he drove away from

’ our little town with a cloth cap of his host s o n his his head , and on lips a gay promise to O U R LITTLE TO W N 65 return o r replace the same within a few days . To say that he was as good as his word

H e —or would be untrue . was far better worse

— his o n f than word . When the ollowing im Saturday the bandbox arrived , and the patient J ulia had fetched J amesy up from the beach , and J amesy had cut the outer string and untied the inner tape and lifted the lid , a

- brand new , glossy , black silk hat was disclosed E to their astonished eyes . xclamations burst

’ simultaneously from the two ; J ulia s wa s of

’ wa s fl av ou red unalloyed rapture, J amesy s with

o f a spice dismay .

“ ” Well now , said J ulia, as she carefully . extracted the gift from its swa thi n gs o f tissue

paper well now, I do call this handsome o f

Mr ! -hat l H ow . Smith A drum it do shine !

Real handsome , to be sure , and cost a pretty

’ ” pen ny , I l l be boun d .

“ ’ Shouldn wonder , said J amesy , regarding

“ ’ it with uneasy disfavour. But what s going

’ to e n ? d o by That s what I want to know . ” bu ffl e head ? Do , thou cried J ulia, with a

“ fond smile to soften the rude word . Do ?

e n I Why , wear , to be sure

S o she saying, poised the hat delicately 66 O U R LITTLE TO WN

fi n er - o n between her g tips , raised herself her

his . toes , and set it on head With her own head prettily on one side she marked the effect .

“ ’ Grand ! You m the gentleman now ,

’ ’ J amesy La ! tis one 0 these proud London

’ fi she rman c lu rks I ve been and married , and no at all “ ! ” But , J ulia exclaimed her dismayed

“ ’ o husband , I can t g about with this black

’ ’ drum thing pon my head . They ll all be laughing u pon me ! ”

J ulia compressed her lips . Let them laugh

’ if they ve a m ind to, said she . ’ ’ ! ” And what s more, I won t declared

J amesy .

J ulia wrinkled her brow . J ames Rowe ,

’ she . said , you m talk i ng foolish

u ’ I m talking sense , protested J amesy . I ’d ” But rather tal k foolish than look foolish .

’ “ J ulia s eyes flashed om inously . J ames

’ Rowe , you m going to chapel with me to morrow in the handsome hat the kind gentle

’ ’ ” e man s sent .

J amesy shook his head . The hat promptly slid sideways over the close - cropped surface of his U skull , and came to rest pon his left ear .

’ t is There he exclaimed in disgust .

68 O U R LITTLE TO WN

possible fashion . But though s ubdued , he

remained unconvinced , and his heart failed him

when he thought of the morrow.

stified H is misgivings were amply j u . Their wal k to chapel next morning wa s humorously elevated by Por thj u lya n into a triumphal

procession . Subdued cheers were raised , hats f were dof ed , curtseys dropped , and a band of urchins beating im aginary dru ms cleared the way for the pair . Julia walked along , rigidly

un conscious , her pretty nose in the air ; while

o f the victim fashion , his hand convulsively grasping the unruly hat , alternately twisted an uneasy deprecatory grin on the spectators , an d relaxed the same to whisper a savage “ I told

’ ’ e so f in his wi e s ear . H is arm ached con su med l his y , an iron band gripped brow, an d

wa s life a bitter mockery . Surely J ulia would

see now reason , an d relinquish this absurdest o f social aspirations .

But J ulia persisted . Some words of m atronly — “ scorn a whispered Think a brave lot of

’ us ? ourselfs , don t a blunt outspoken

“ ou J ulia Rowe , be y mazed to leave your ” man m ake such a may game o f himself ?

- roused her pride and sti ffened her resolution .

“ ’ The m “ y jealous she declared . Not O U R LITTLE T OWN 69

’ ’ on e o f em but ud give her best bonnet to ” walk to chapel along of a hat like that .

J amesy sighed , and stroked Peter the cat . H e felt that a strong bon d o f sympathy united

fi rst himself and Peter. When the hat arrived , Peter had j umped up on the t able to inspect it , as in duty bound he inspected everything that came into the house ; and after a single f sni f , Peter had lifted up his back and sworn

o f aloud . J amesy sighed , and thought distress — ff ful times to come times of wearisome cha , o f jokes mercilessly ham mered in to the head .

H e gl anced at J ulia , as with frown ing brow and pursed - u p lips she brushed that ridiculous cylinder of silk and m uslin . Was that his ? sm ilin g , coaxin g little wife This was not it matri mony as he had i magined , nor as he had experienced it before this Troj an gift

H e arrived . wondered i f a renewed resistance would be worth tryin g, and the deepest sigh o f o f all acknowledged the futil ity the notion . f Their customary Sunday wal k on the cli f s ,

- a - lover l ike , arm crook , was om itted that after

o n noon without a word said either side .

’ O n Monday J amesy s doleful expectations i' were fully real ised . Chaf whi rled about hi m as it whirls about the thresher in the rickyard . 70 O U R LITTLE TO WN

Sam J ago had seen a m ajestic drum -hat come

’ out of J amesy s door, with somethin g obscurely

visible inside it that looked like a man , though

’ Sam wasn t at all sure . Could J amesy resolve the doubt ? Bessie’ s Tom craved permission

’ o f to feel the top J amesy s head , and detected

a portentous swellin g there , such as no ordinary

- A n ? head gear could cover . eruption of brains

—o r o f ? conceit queried Tom . And our m inor wits m ade up for their lack of subtlety by

- a sledge ham mer vigour and persistence . Such — talk can only be answered in two ways in

kind , or else with blows and J amesy was neither

H e witty nor warlike . suffered in silence ; that deprecatory smile was called for so often d uring the week that he began to wear it

permanently . I t greeted him in the glass when he shaved next Sunday morning ; so

looked , he thought , the patient grinning wooden

fi u res - g you throw sticks at for c igars in fair time . The walk to chapel was a repetition o f last ’ f week s progress , with added ef ects . An d

though the two walked side by side , a great gul f yawned between them . All the week they had been drifting apart . Sharp words had been spoken ; looks had been exchanged ,

f t/zcz as bl ack as the hat itsel f. O t no syllable O U R L ITTLE TOWN 7 1

was uttered ; but its image ever hovered

between them , an inky spectre .

ou t J amesy began to grow desperate, and of his desperation was born an Idea . I t came to him that evening as they sat over the fi re

in the kitchen , together , yet apart ; and the

’ o f Satanic beauty it made hi m chuckle . J ulia s

heart leapt . For a whole week all mirth had

been banished from that modest roof. Was her world about to right itself ? She put

forth a timid , pen itent hand ; a second chuckle caused her to draw it back as from i a serpent , for th s was un mistakably the

laughter of the Pit . On Monday morn ing J amesy waited until

J ulia was o ut of the way . Then he stole

u pstairs , drew the bandbox from under the

o u t bed , took the hat , ram med it wel l down

his over brow , crept downstairs again , and

sal lied forth , whistling a m erry tune . Strange things have been seen at times in

Po rth u l a n j y , but in al l its varied history nothin g — so stran ge as the spectacle o f that day a n

able - bodied fi sher ma n in guernsey and sea

his boots going quietly about work , baiting

- hooks , handling ball ast , hauling crab pots ,

- with a brand new silk hat on his head . We 7 2 O U R LITTLE T O W N

o ur held sides , and racked our brains for fresh

o n quips . J amesy went with his work , placidly smiling . I t was a cal m sun ny morn ing ; all the world was a - glitter ; but nothing on earth

’ or sea that day surpassed the sheen o f J amesy s hat . Wherever it went the am azed sun devoured it with burning glances ; o n the beach it dazzled all eyes ; far o ut at sea its lustre domin ated the shim mering waves .

When J amesy returned to dinner , there were

’ sh e traces of tears in J ulia s eyes , but said no word . The meal was eaten in stiff silence, and forth wen t the hat again to affront all heaven

o f and earth with its easy supremacy ugliness . Now we began to perceive that the joke had somehow been tran sferred from our own hands

’ to Jamesy s ; we ceased to mock , and professed ourselves ready to laugh with J amesy instead

wo o f against him . J amesy opened t serious eyes , averring that he saw no humour in the hat ; it was a handsome hat , and com fortable enough when one got used to it ; if he chose

wo r k wh ose to wear it at his , concern was that ?

o ur Not altogether at our ease , we returned to scoffi n g.

H usband and wife , meeting over the teapot,

“ su r exchanged searching glances , read No O U R LITTLE TO WN 73

’ an d render in each other s eyes , sat down to table, mute and sullen . ’ ot u I n the n ight the wind g p, an d Julia s i spirits rose with t . The elements were ranging themselves o n her side ; to - morrow

- fi tt in on would be a d ay for close g caps . But the morrow Jamesy retired upstairs for hal f

an hour , and when he came down he was suitably rigged to encounter the rankest south E easter that ever blew. yelet holes had been

o f bored in the brim the hat , and an ingenious

o f - arrangemen t guy ropes in twine and elastic ,

’ passing from either side under J amesy s chin ,

made all taut and sn ug . J ulia refrained from tears and hardened her heart

n V i i O Wednesday , casual s tors drifted in

Po l oo se T re ar r from g , g y and elsewhere , l ured

o f fi sher ma n by a strange tale a mad . Their f laughter was of ensively loud and long , and we began to think that the joke had gone

o f R e far enough for the cred it the town .

He monstrances were addressed to J amesy .

listened , and in reply began to p reach with

o f quiet earnestness the Cult the S ilk Hat .

H e u s bade note the advantages it con ferred .

- I t was at once a com m od ious head covering ,

a stately ornament , and an unequivocal mark 74 O U R LITTLE TO WN

’ o f rank . I t added inches to the wearer s

physical stature ; to his social stature yards .

It was also a convenient portable store - cupboard

’ - fi sh for pipe , bacca pouch , handkerchief, spare

hooks , pasties and what not . Moreover , with what ease d id its happy possessor achieve — that most d iffi cu lt of marine man oeuvres the expeditious lighting of his pipe in a gale of

ou wind , when al l Bryant and May , y would ! say , were impotent and un availing Some

took sacks to sea , and retired within them at

he the critical m oment ; , superior , disdained

such cl umsy m akeshifts . Jamesy concluded by exhortin g all Po r thj ulya n to follow his

example , an d invest to a man in silk hats .

ba tfl ed Puzzled and , we retired to shake our

heads in corners .

But Sunday was again drawing near, and J amesy began to grow nervous and a ppre he n siv e ; for J ulia showed n o glim pse o f the

white flag . Daily her face grew harder ; their intercourse was strictly limited to words of

H is briefest necessity . heart misgave him ; he feared he had gone too far ; and at last he pocketed his pride and mu rmured a tender contrite word . For answer, J ulia rose and left the room .

76 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

room , and bent her head over some needle work .

o f To this situation d umb tragedy, enter the winged Goddess from the m achine .

so A fond young couple , be they ever fond , will feel the need of other objects on which

su erfl u ous o f to lavish their p store tenderness . I n course of time the void is usually fi lled in a perfectly legitimate and delightful way , but meanwhile the reign o f furred and feathered

’ pets endures . J amesy s especial favourite was Peter the cat ; J ul ia distributed her affection

d i n ifi ed among a g fami ly of Bantams , reserving

for the cosiest nook in her heart Spotty , who was the youngest of the three hens , and s mall for her age . Spotty had been reared

’ from microscopic chickenhood by J ulia s o wn hands ; her earl iest assoc iations were centred round a cardboard box at the back of the

“ ” apparatus , as we cal l the kitchen range at Po r t hj u ly a n ; and now that she had grown u p , affection and habit combined to bring her i n and about the house all day . I t was f she who , drenched and buf eted by rain and

wind , now tapped impatiently with her beak at the back door . J ul i a got u p and let her i n . She clucked her thanks in a shrill treble , O U R LITTLE TO WN 77

fi reside she and stalked to the , where perched o n the fender and began to preen her draggled feathers .

J amesy relinquished his book , Julia her needlework , and both contemplated Spotty with eyes of anxious affection . The cares of approaching motherhood were weighing fo r the

’ fi ott s rst time on S p y m ind . Her comb was

fi re she as red as , cackled in preoccupied tones

mo m from to night , she shunned her fellow fowls : all o f which sym ptoms pointed un mis

ka l t a b . y to eggs Yet no eggs appeared . Much time was spent in inspecting eligible sites for nests ; but whether from youthful caprice or from aristocratic fastidiousness (she wa s a Bantam of high lineage), Spotty could

o n . f settle none to her taste Her health su f ered , her appetite declined , and her m aster and mistress had good reason for anxiety .

Her toilette completed , Spotty hopped from the fender and m inced daintily about the room , f her neck bobbing grace ully at every step , her round bright eye peering this way and that . J amesy could not refrain from a glance at

n o r f J ulia , J ulia rom a glance at J amesy ; their eyes met and d ropped in confusion . The same t hought had occu rred to both at the same 78 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

moment . Spotty , undaunted by many dis

was appointments , still searching for that

eligible site . They watched her make the

o f round the room , and detected in her frequent

o f — clucks a whole gamut emotions hope , con

fid e n ce , doubt , dism ay , despair . They entered

fully into her feelings , and when she hopped on to the window - sil l and craned her neck wisti i lly towards that ostrich egg in a m ossy hanging

o f basket , the coun terpart which is to be found

- Po r th u l a n in every wel l appointed cottage in j y , neither was at a loss to interpret her regretful ” Kuk - uk l

“ - o f A nest ready made the best materials ,

- a it said , and in it a superb nest egg . I m i sorely tempted . But the egg s somewhat of

. i n ex the largest I doubt my powers . My

e rie n ce p is against me . I will be prudent , and ” refrain .

’ From the window - sill to Jamesy s shoulder wa s a single fl u t te ri ng leap ; another took her

’ from Jamesy s shoulder to the table . Two

she she steps advanced ; then paused , with one

d imin utive foot up raised , the claws of it clench

ing and relaxing with emotion , her abstracted

left eye on J ulia , her excited right on the Hat .

’ fi r J ulia s sewing fell from her lap . The e was O U R LITTLE TO WN 79

’ transferred to S potty s left eye as she brought it in turn to bear on the hat , while she now held Jamesy with her right . J amesy drew a long breath . Spotty lowered her foot , took

o n e a slow hesitant step , and stood again at legged attention . No pin dropped , so no sound was heard . Then Spotty hesitated no longer .

A deft j ump , a balan cin g wing momentarily

on outstretched , and she stood safe and steady

- the hat brim . She peeped within . Her right eye ascertained that the interior was as roomy as any Bantam could desire ; her left made sure that it was clean , an d comfortably , n ay, l uxuriously lined . The next momen t Spotty had disappeared inside the hat .

’ fi st o n J amesy s , raised for a delighted bang

- the table , was arrested in mid air by a warning ” H ush ! from J ulia . Once more their eyes

met , and this time lingered , saying m any thin gs . J amesy was rising im pulsively , when j ul ia waved him back , and with another gesture

. n o t indicated the hat The crisis was yet over .

Two interminable m inutes they waited , with

hearts that beat absurdly high . Then , as in a

conj urin g trick , Spotty reappeared on the hat

r u ffl e d brim , shook her feathers into com posure , ogled her two friends simultaneously with two 80 O U R L ITTLE TOWN

d ivergent glittering eyes , and remarked in tones o f triumphant assurance

Tuk - tuk - tuk - tuk - tra - a - a a - tuk 1

Together they rushed to the hat , an d

’ ’ Jamesy s arm was about J ulia s waist as they peeped within , and beheld the tin iest , frailest , most delightful egg that ever mortal Bantam laid it That settles , said J amesy, with solemn conviction . it That settles , echoed J ulia, between laughter and tears .

’ We ve been two fools , declared J amesy .

’ Two fools we ve been , agreed J ulia .

’ ’ Do e fancy she d like some green meat ? said he . I ’ ll put some I ndian corn in soak for her ” this minute , said she . f Whatever she do an cy , she shal l have . ”

she . Whatever she do have , deserve

’ ’ Do e thin k twould be safe to move the hat ? ”

sa I Best not . Leave well alone , y . I t ” o f might put her f.

’ ’ Where s my cap ? I must go tell em down beach . ’ ’ I n your cap ? They won t know e ! O U R LITTLE TO WN 8 1

’ Aw well , I ben t in no hurry, come to think

’ fo r of it. I ll stay here a bit with my fond little wife . A lot you care for your fon d little wife !

’ ” You m right , decl ared J amesy fervently . ” I do that . A brave lot .

For a month the hat rem ained undisturbed

o n . the kitchen table Seven eggs were laid , and seven successfully hatched . Then , when Spotty had led her diminutive brood—they were about as big as walnuts—forth into the world , the bandbox was fetched , and the hat

went into honourable retirement , there to remain un til J amesy ’ s younger brother was about to

o f get married , when he solicited the loan it for

the occasion . I ts appearance added much to

the dignity of the ceremony, and several of the maidens who were present registered mental

vows , with the result that now no wedding in ou r little town is considered complete unless

’ ’ J amesy s hat decorates the bridegroom s brow .

so it And I leave , encircled with a genial halo ,

and promisin g in time , if not to su pplant Uncle

’ - Augustus bell topper in our affections , at least

to occupy an equally honoured place . A GOVER NMENT ALLIANCE

IN the Sunday paper that vile Radical rag, — as the parson calls it o f which we are diligent

’ Po r th ul a n Go v men t students at j y , we notice that is frequently figured forth in the likeness of an o ld woman , slow , obstinate, fussy , and muddle

’ ov men t headed . And certainly the action of G in m aintaining such an expensive and redundant establishment as it does in o u r orderly little

us o f so town , rem inds nothing m uch as the behaviour of an aged and eccentric widow - lady of means who once dwelt in the big house at

Sunny Corner . She kept two servants , a cook and a housemaid , of whom she demanded no

she n o co mmu n ica service , an d with whom held

tion , save to pay their wages . She did her own marketing , cooked her own meals over the

- fi re drawing room , darned her own stockings , and made her o wn bed . When asked why she wen t to the expense of keeping domestics at

she all , would explain that the cook was there 82

84 O U R LITTLE TO WN a m o u sorry to disappoin t y , but wrecks we

Pro have none . I t has pleased an in scrutable v id en ce to set ou r town right in the middle o f

of a deep bay , well out of the main road ocean

a ffi c Our t r . oldest inhabitant remembers but o n e wreck in our immediate neighbourhood , an d that was a vessel laden with blocks of

—a o f k granite foolish , unnecessary sort wrec ,

’ use it Gov me nt with no or reason in . No ; may say what it pleases , but the fact remains

so Por th u l an that , far as j y is concerned , it lives ,

i n moves , and has its bein g , for, an d by white wash and driftwood , and these only . I n white wash it wallows all d ay ; of driftwood it dreams all night .

’ ’ Now Gov men t s whitewashing proclivities ar ml ug , r e har ess eno h but its in—ord in ate hunge for driftwood is another m atter a very serious matter in a treeless district like ours , where

is b o f fuel scarce an d hard to come y . Plenty driftwood comes o ur way there would be

’ Go v me n t enough and to spare for all , if were

so A s n ot greedy . it is , we are l ucky if a few

o ur sodden sticks fall to share . I will give you an illustration , so that you m ay fully

’ ou r Gov men t appreciate attitude towards , as it is essential you should before hearing my story . O U R L ITTLE TOWN 85

fi ne o n A autumn d ay . We are down the

o n beach , baiting hooks , drying nets , and so .

’ Gov ment , havin g nothing else to whitewash

ou t o n f for the time bein g, is the clif s with pails an d brushes , whitewashin g select portions of —a the Corn ish coast stone here , a boulder

’ there , along the coastguard s path . A spar

on fi r st appears the horizon . Who sees it ?

’ Gov me n t - o n The look out m an , posted the cliff- top with a big telescope for that purpose and no other . What happens then ? A ringin g of electric bells , a shouting through telephones , a casting down of pails and brushes ,

’ and a general turn - out o f the entire Gov ment

’ Gov me n t force . I n ten min utes the gig is lying on its oars outside the cove , the chief boatm an is on the cliff with flags , pistols , and

- signal rockets , and every likely point for a m ile along the coast has its blue - j acketed

o f watcher . What chance have we captu ring that spar ? What can we do but stan d by and give ven t to our feel ings in ironical cheers when the gig returns with its booty in tow ? No w consider the habits and methods of

’ Go v me n t a s ex e mplifie d in the further history of that spar . I t is hauled up into the watch

o f ficer house . The chief approaches it with 86 O U R LI TTLE TO WN measuring - tape and notebook ; he studies it from every point o f view ; he goes home and writes to headquarters , giving its dimensions

o f it every way , the nu mber n ails in , the hour

o f and minute capture, and copious particulars

o f o f . the state wind , weather, and tide Does the farce end there ? I trow not . Somethin g about the spar arouses the stern suspicions o f

’ ’ Go v men t o ffi cer s , and for days the chief brow

fi n e rs is black with care , and his g with in k .

’ At last Go v me n t decides that no treason or

“ felony is discoverable in the spar . Sell the

’ me n Go v t . spar , says No expense is spared in advertisement , and soon the whole world

’ knows that a proud an d powerful Gov men t

- o ff Po rth u l a n has captured a fourteen foot spar j y , and i s ready to part with the same for a con sideration . The sale i s held , the spar success

’ f o f Gov me n t ully disposed , and wipes its brow — , drops the resultan t half crown into its pocket , and returns to its peaceful whitewashing . No w you are in a position to understand ’ — and j ustify our attitude towards Go v me n t a n attitude subtly compounded o f smoulderin g

- irritation and good humoured contempt . I n

’ o u r eyes Go v me n t is the com i c villain of the piece , loathed and laughed at by all . Under O U R LITTLE TO WN 87

’ : of Gov me n t stan d with the staff Buildings , as men , we have no quarrel ; though as free Britons we cann ot help despisin g men whose souls , whose very buttons , are not their own .

Still , they are good fellows all , and we converse f with them af ably over gates , swappin g yarns

hit ewa sh and showering light w y banter . But we never forget that as o fli ci als they ran k

u r outside the scale of humanity . O intercourse

o f su erfi cia l with them is all a p kind , an d between o u r in ner lives and theirs so great a gu l f is fi x ed that o ur respective womenfol k have

absolutely no deal in gs together. This is as it

E - should be . very right thinking citizen is the

’ o f Gov me n t potential foe , and in times of peace

n o n an armed neutrality , temp ered with little

comm ittal courtesies , is the only proper attitude .

n ow And , I think , you are prepared to hear

o f o f young Wilkins and J ane Ann ie , the dire peril with which they menaced the balance o f

Po r th u l a n power at j y , and of the crafty device

by which that peril was averted .

Young Wilk ins came down last summer to

’ fi ll a vacancy on the Go v me n t staff: H e had only j ust fi nished serving his ti me on board

was his fi rst ship , and this berth ashore . A 88 O U R LITT LE TO WN

- - handsome , free and easy young chap , fresh from sea, and sudden ly set down within hailing distance o f the prettiest bevy of maids in Cornwal l—what more natural than that he

- should embark on a course of light hearted , indiscriminate flirt a tio n ? That was well — to enough contrary to all precedent , be sure, but we had been young ourselves an d could

fin d excuses for him , even if our wives could

A s — o n e not . for the maids well , knows what

o n e m aidens are, an d can not expect them to be guided by political considerations when a

. So likely young fellow is in question long,

co n fi ne d then , as he himself to light amorous banter, and an occasion al romp ending up with

o n impartial kisses all round , we looked , benevolently neutral . But youn g Wil kins was not content to stop at that ; or if he was , J ane

’ ’ A nnie wasn t . J ane Annie s hair had only

’ been put u p since E aster ; Jane Annie s

fi rst womanhood was in its , fresh , eager bloom ; and consequently j ane Ann ie took herself — and young Wi lkins very seriously indeed .

’ ’ Gov men t s brass buttons and plenteous white

’ wash dazzled J ane An nie s youth ful eyes ; J ane

’ Annie con ceived ambitions , and woman s n ative determination was not lacking to back them ; O U R L ITTLE TO WN 89

set J ane An nie made a dead at young Wilkins .

With growin g amazement, with deepening horror, we watched him being coaxed and d riven from the broad road o f universal gallantry down the d angerous , devious path that leads by way of stolen meetings and twilight whisperings to the brin k of the black matrimon ial gulf. I nj udicious interference only precipitated the crisis ; and the Sunday came when our amazed eyes beheld the melancholy

’ o f Gov men t a n e spectacle Town and , ] A nnie an d young Wilkins , charming in white muslin and

- a - manly in blue serge , lin ked arm crook in un natural union , and wal kin g up the road to chapel . ” - ou t our A queer come , said men folk , and said no more , philosophers all . But our women were n o t inclined to dismiss the m atter so l ightly . Hear Maria the bakehouse woman , shrilly voluble in the m idst o f a whirling eddy of best bonnets . I f report speaks true , Maria is n ot o f - on above a drop run down the sly, and on Maria ’ s kitchen mantelpiece lies a short

’ grimy clay which is not the property o f Maria s

S o - husband . perhaps her p ublic spirited utterance owed some of its glow to a sense o f private grievance .

’ E d e ars l— 0 yah , my never heard tell no 9 0 O U R LITTLE TO WN

’ ’ 0 h s ch thing in my life . A purty state t ings ,

’ ’ ! Gov men t sure nough Shall marry into ,

’ — - shalt P the bowld face u z z y ! Stout fi sher

’ ’ ’ e ? boys ben t good enough for , ben t they Set thy heart ’ pon six brass buttons and a pail

’ o ? d o - whitewash , hast Going to the come over

’ ’ ? t e ousn ess pon thy betters , hey Here s j , friends and neighbours all ! H ow be us a - going

’ o u r sa cre ts to keep little private y , as don t consarn nobody but our own selfs , with this

o n rin ci led -a -coose outrageous , p p stir chattering

’ ’ into Gov me n t s lon g ears all the while ? Cast

’ ’ o ff 0 her , neighbours ; she s none we from this

’ ” Gov men t ! — day . An d you , here Maria diverted her eloquence on the whitewashed buildings up the valley . All these years

’ you ve been going about taxing u s and stealing

’ ’ fi r ewood e our , and now that an t enough for ,

’ but you must carr o ff o ur innocent maids and

’ ’ ’ u s set em to spy upon . For that s what twill come to , friends ; mark my words . From this day forth there won ’ t be a pipe of ’ bacca

’ ’ v smoked in this town , but what Go me n t ll

’ ’ know where twas got and what price paid for m .

’ F ro m this day forth there won t be a pannikin

’ ’ of rum su pped round the corner, but Gov me nt ll be muzzling his nose inside, asking questions

9 2 O U R LITTL E TO WN

In improve our tempers , you m ay be sure . dignation meetings were held , treasonable tal k was rife , and I tremble to thin k what might have happened had not Sam J ago stepped into the breach .

Now Sam , with his concise wit , his cap acity

i n fi n ite for crafty scheming and silemnce , is a born diplomat if you l ike . I n this e ergency ,

? H e a s what does he do goes , nobody else would have thought of going, straight to the hostile headquarters .

I n his shirt - s leeves Sam J ago leans over the

u ffin o f garden gate, p g slow volleys smoke into the cal m face of the evening . M ark him well , that small , lean , bearded man with the twinkling eye . Men fol k an d women fol k pass to and fro before him ; he nods to those and winks at these , but will not be seduced into conversation .

b d e fia nt J ane Annie bou nces y , ; he heeds her not . Young Wil kins swings past , half arrogant , hal f sheepish ; he m akes no attem pt to detain

t r a ffi c him . The stars peep forth slackens and ceases ; still Sam J ago leans over his garden gate, til l the n ight dews have robbed his shirt -sleeves of the l ast relic o f their Sunday stiffness . Presently a hinge creaks up the O U R LITTLE TO WN 9 3

’ Gov men t valley in the direction of Buildings , and Sam pricks his ears . A dark form comes slowly down the road ; brass buttons gleam here and there upon it in the starlight ; it is

offi cer the chief , making his n ightly round of inspection . Sam straightens himself out , shifts his pipe , and gives a soft hail .

E Mr Mo rid e vening , . gg g

o ffi cer The chief halts , and shows a face

s seamed with worry . No occa ion to bring him

on to the point ; he begins it at once . ! A pretty business this , Jago Riotous

bon fi res—a assemblies , sed itious cries , unlawful

Am a m pretty business I to report , or I not ?

’ o r Whether I do don t , headquarters is sure to

o f it get wind , and that means a reprim and .

’ A bov e a ll n o r icti on wi t! ; t/ze o ula ce— , f p p that s the word ever since the riot at Tregarry four ” years ago .

“ ’ ’ ’ was ba rr l wa d n a ? That a of spirits , says Sam .

’ “ S Cigars . A nd cigars or pirits I should n t

(0018 ! mind so much . But two young How I’ m to word a report I can ’ t for the life of me

see . “ Said anything to the young chap ? asks

Sam . 94 O U R LITTLE T OWN

Not yet . But when I do

’ if I Is Wouldn t , was you . the young

’ ’ set o n e chap s m ind so terrible the maid , do think ? ” ‘ “ H im ! Didn ’ t I catch him this very morning , kissing my own d aughter behind my o wn back door ?

Ah says Sam , and rum inates . ” M r Mo rid e Look now , . gg g , he begins “ ’

. us suddenly We m foes , you and . But in

—ha a friendly way , like

o ffi ce r The chief nods . ” “ - see . Now look , contin ues Sam I speak

’ ’ plain . There s secrets ; there s town secrets

’ ’ ’ v men t Go . an d there s secrets Tis this way ,

’ ’ it Tid n I take . proper for we to know too

ou r - on much about y goings , and then agin you don ’ t care to know more ’ n you ’ re bound to

’ ou r - n Id n so ? about goings o . that

o ffice r Again the chief nods cautiously.

“ o f Ways pleasantness and paths of peace ,

a m ha ? pursues S . And here come a

’ young woman round the corner, and where s your peace and pleasantness ? Gone in to once . “ G ’ oodness kn ows , I ve worry enough with

as is offi c e r the women it exclaims the chief .

96 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

’ his I ll do it he exclaims , slapping thigh .

’ What a chap you are, J ago l I ll do it to

’ 0 morrow . Come up alon g me this minute ,

’ and we ll prime the missus .

Next day the invitation was delivered , and

J ane Annie, clad in her best and brimm ing over with importance , went up to the white

was . washed villa . She received by Mrs

Mo r id e gg g and her daughter, and they sat

wa s down to tea . J ane An nie a bit nervous

fi rst wa s co n fin ed at , and the talk to society com mon places . But soon J ane Annie gathered con fid ence before these two meek , subdued women . Jane An nie began to chatter volubly ;

Jane Annie began to laugh loudly . Suddenly

Mrs Mo rid e . gg g raised a warning hand . ! ” H ush she whispered , and listened . ! ” “ ’ Ah she added , in a tone of relief. Tis all ” right . I thought I heard the master coming .

J ane Annie Opened her eyes . The domestic

’ o f Gov men t life is , as I have hinted , a sealed

sa book to our womankind . J ane An n ie w the

o f pages flip open , and had a glimpse a tasty tale o f domineering husbands and down trodden wives . J ane Annie compressed her lips in scorn ful amusement . O U R LITTLE TO WN 9 7

’ The master don t like loud talk , said Mrs . “ Mo rid e . gg g , with a wan smile And loud

’ ’ o r talk he won t have , whether tis here over to

’ the Buildings . We re under orders , you see ,

’ us my dear . There s drill for as well as the

3) men .

J ane Annie opened her eyes stil l wider. The tasty tale was developin g a curious fl av o u r

— r fl a v ou r t uth to tell , rather a forbidding . l J ane A nnie , at a loss for words, let oose a shrill titter , which was abruptly checked as

Mr the door was flun g violently Open an d . H Mo r id e . e gg g appeared , fumin g threw him self into a chair . “ ’ These women ! he growled . They ll be ! ”— the death of me . Aha , my dear discover

“ ’ — see in g j ane Ann ie glad to you . We ll

’ have a chat presently , when my temper s gone ! ” down . These women

What have they been up to now , master ?

Mrs Mo r id e asked . gg g , playing up to her cue .

“ ’ ” What haven t they been U p to ! roared

Mr Mo r id e . gg g . R ank insubord in ation , right — ’ ’ ’ and le It that s what they ve been up to ! I ve

a given them a d ressin g , though ; y , that I — have a regul ar u p - and -( lown dressing 9 8 O U R LITTLE TO WN

Mr s Mo r id e Come now, m aster , said . gg g

u s soothingly . Drink your tea and tell all about i t

“ o f Ready for gossip and scan dal , course ,

“ Mr Mo rid e said . gg g pleasantly . Well , since

’ ’ the girl s here , and twill help her to get a notion o f her duties

“ ’ she Tis only proper should , said Mrs .

Mo rid e gg g , with a pitying sigh ; an d J ane

on An nie wriggled uneasily her chair .

“ ” “ Mr Mo r id e Mrs Well then , said . gg g .

’ fi rst J ames , of course . That woman s the plague of my life . I f I spent two minutes in her kitchen I spent twenty , teaching her to wash the baby as a Government baby should ? be washed . And what return do I get

d efia nce o f Gratitude ? Not a bit . Flat authority ' Said she wasn ’ t going to drown

cheeld n or it the , yet boil , for all the Govern

’ lzer ments in the world . Bread and water s

’ o f fare for the rest the week . What d ye

’ 0 for ? thin k that , my dear, discipline he

o n added , turning J ane A nnie .

Whatever Jane Annie m ay have thought, she was obviously incapable of giving it expres

Mr Mo rid e sion . . gg g win ked at his wife, and continued

1 00 O U R LITTLE TOWN

’

it s . particular about than anything else , teeth

' T eeth a n d morals , says Govern ment , but teeth

fi r st . and foremost And by the way, my dear,

’ since you are here, an d there s no time like the present , suppose we get through that little

- formality . A modest , well behaved maid as

’ o n ever was , that I know ; but I can t report

o your ivories without a person al inspection . S come under the light , my dear , and open your ” mouth .

With an inviting grin on his face , he rose and bore down on J ane Ann ie . But o n m ature re flec tion J ane Annie had resolved to renounce her aspirations towards a Govern ment al liance . She did not even wait to say

- good bye . That very night young Wilkins

his received dismissal , and peace brooded once

’ o v me n t more over Town and G . NED’ S H OU SE

R EC ENT events in connection with Ned Rundle have served to recall to our memories an early episode in his career ; a small but momentous

and instructive episode , which helps to explain

so con why he remained a bachelor long, an d

fi rms , moreover, in a striking fashion , our deep conviction of the cantankerous u nreasonableness

’ of womankind . Wom an s great aim in life ,

as our cynic philosopher , Sam J ago , acutely

points out , is to get her m an ; and in further ance o f this malignan t design she displays a preterhum an ingenuity and cun n ing which reduces u s to the cond ition o f babes in her

fl i ht i n ess hands . Yet such is her g , such her

a s irrational inconsistency , that often as not she i s baulked of her prey by her own act , and

o n we are saved the brin k of matrimony .

’ i s Ned s case a case in poin t .

S fi ft ee n ome years ago , when he was a young

fi v e - - m an of and twenty , he went courting a maid , 1 02 O U R LI TTLE T O WN as the customary but preposterous phrase

a goes ; in pl i ner an d more accurate speech ,

fished fo r S ibyl Dunn Ned and caught hi m ,

d iffi cu lt not without y , for even at that time he

a s w slow to kindle, and cautious beyond his

years . M atters proceeded in the usual way ;

the dresser was bought , and the crockery to garn ish it withal ; a kitchen table was

’ ordered at the carpenter s , and Ned picked up a stately flowery - faced grandfather clock at a

Po l se o o . sale up g way Then , after some

— or search , an eligible residence , if you prefer

’ Sam J ago s caustic metaphor , a com modious

- — rat trap was fi x ed upon ; and fi n a lly things came to such a pass that Ned went off to m arket and returned with the rin g—that

aureate fetter which custom , with grim facetious

ness , assigns to the captor in lieu of the captive .

When Sibyl saw it she u ttered a cry of del ight ,

fo r Ned , with characteristic thoroughness , had

chosen the most massive article in the shop .

“ ” Cost me two pound , he said , as she turned it a bout and balanced it fi rst in one P pal m and then in the other . lum an d sol id

’ ’

? . edn a Won t wear out in a hurry , I reckon

” ’ “ Not in fi fty year ! was Sibyl s ecstatic

exclamation .

1 9 4 O U R LITTLE TO WN

Did it not show a rare prudence, a consum mate

a s foresight , such should endear a man to any maid , if sense were in her ? There was none in Sibyl . She flung the ring violently down

’ at Ned s feet .

en E Take , dward Rundle she exclaimed .

en en o Take , put in pocket , and g sarch for

’ ’ on e e the next to once . Twill save a deal of

o f time and trouble , to say nothing my burying expenses and the money for putting the banns

’ up a second time . You m too providential for

’ ’ S o e me , and that s the truth . fare well , an d

’ e ou wish joy, y and your next one

S o passes Sibyl Dunn from my story , like

o f fl i ht a pu ff g y , unsubstantial smoke, leaving Ned with his youthful faith in the sex hope

o f lessly shattered , and his horror rash

— o f o r enterprise al l enterprise , change , — innovation whatever enormously augmented .

fiftee n fi n d Skip years , and Ned at forty ,

- in - living with his brother law , Sam J ago , and slowly wearing his sister Amelia down with

his . fussy , obstinate ways As Sam says , ” The worst o f old m aids is an old bachelor ; and if A melia ventured to change the position of the most inconspicuous ornament

- on the chimney piece, it was at her peril . O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 05

Ned would come home from fi shi ng and sit him down to a dish of tea . With the cup at his lips , his slow eye would revolve about the

on room , would hesitate , pass , return , and stop dead . The cup would be set down with

’ fi n ers awful deliberation , and A melia s g , eye lids, and lips would begin to twitch nervously .

’ Ned s gaze would rem ain fi x ed while you might count fi fty ; then he would glance cautiously round , as i f to make sure that he

’ hadn t got into the wrong house by mistake ;

fi x ed then the glare would be resumed . Next you might observe him passing a doubtful hand over his brow , as who should say Do ? I dream Then , to a whispered aecom —“ ” pa n ime n t o f Oh dear ! Oh deary dear ! from poor frantic A melia, he would set slow

- hands to the chair arms , rise , and inspect the chimney - piece at close quarters from end to

No t end . till then would he nod a short nod of terrible conviction , and turn u pon the trembli ng culprit .

“ ’ Where s the C haney cat ? he would ask

aller o ne sternly . The y with the red spots ’ ? and the left ear broke off. Where s it to

' ’ I—I v e put h im in the parlour for a bit ,

Amelia would reply . 1 06 O U R LITTLE TO WN

H ow ?

’ I thought twou ld be a change , like .

’ Change I Every revolting fibre o f Ned s being would assist in the expulsion of the

“ ’ ! for e detestable word . Change What do want to change ?

“ ” Aw ! o ut , Ned , Ned Amelia would burst .

o u Tis very well for y to say that , being a man , and out and in all day and every day , now sea , now land , bad weather and good , nets , lines ,

’ - You and crab pots , this , that and tother .

’ ’ You don t need to look for no chan ge . an t

- - n o stay to home woman , with the same old walls , and tables , and chairs , and cloam looking

’ her stark in the face al l the while , till she s

’ ’ o o f sick the sight em , and want to smash a

’ plate or something , so s to make things l ively

’ You and heartsome for a bit . don t want n o

’ a w change ; but , Ned , there s them that do There would be a pause whi le this cloud of

’ fi ltered vai n words through to Ned s brain , and rose therefrom like a sum mer m ist from a meadow , leaving as little trace behind . Then

“ ” “ ’ Change ! he would repeat . Tis my

’ bel ief you women won t be sa tisfi ed till J udge

’ ment Day do come , and the world s turned all upsy - down like a burley - cake

108 O U R LITTLE TO WN farden —until poor A melia was driven well n igh m azed between the two .

old S uch then was Ned at forty, a complete

con fi rmed bachelor, a m isogynist and misoneist

t he and such he promised to rem ain to end , when suddenly a great Even t splashed into

o f the calm backwater his existence . H is

E o aged m aiden Aunt lizabeth to k ill and died ,

and when her will was Opened , it was found that she had bequeathed the lease of her — house to Ned himsel f the last pe rson in the it world who had any conceivable use for . What would he do with it ? A swarm of barren conj ectures buzzed for a season and

d ied d own , and we sat and watched Ned

slowly swal lowing this enormous innovation . — The house itself was a tidy little affair fi v e

rooms , garden , and outhouse, conveniently

Po r th ul a n situated in the best quarter of j y . Several young engaged couples began at once

on it to cast env ious eyes , and approached

Ned with a view to negotiations . To these he

d efi n ite returned no answer ; indeed , he was hardly accessible to hum an intercourse j ust

o f fo then , dwellin g in a kind spiritual g,

u through which his new possession loomed p,

u vag e , immense , not to be envisaged in its O U R LI TTLE TO WN 1 09

f entirety without long and arduous ef ort . Some days elapsed from the reading of the wil l before he so m uch as set foot inside the house ; and when , after long hoverin g, he ventured within , walking gingerly like a cat

n ot after the spring cleaning , he had inspected more than t wo rooms before the outrageous novelty o f hi s position came over him in a sudden flood , and he turned and fled back to

’ sa t A melia s k itchen , where he gasping for a

o f i great space t me .

“ was o n No good , he heard to murmur

“ ’ ’ recovery . No good tall . Wouldn give a

’ ’ for n en farden . What s to be done by I

’ ” don t k now .

However , Time the Reconciler passed a

’ r u tfl e d H e soothing hand over Ned s plumes . passed by slow degrees from pan ic bewilder ment to calm resignation , from resignation to H a complacent sen se of proprietorship . e began to make casual references to m y little

r house , and soon eve y spare moment was

o n H e o wn spent the property . took his

’ sa t private chair over from A melia s , and and smoked meditative pipes in every room by

it a s turn getting the feel of , he explained

H e to inquirers . spent long hours in bad 1 1 0 O U R L ITTLE TO WN

out o f weather staring the u pper windows ,

and discovering , as was conjectu red from the

speculative animation in his eye , a discreet an d n ot unpleasing novelty in the appearance o f

sea sk land , , and y as viewed from the new

set outlook . I n short , Ned had been fairly

spinning down the rin ging grooves of chan ge , an d we awaited fresh developments with

amused curiosity .

We did not have long to wait . Presently came a report that Ned had been heard to say

the house was d ingy and wanted repaintin g . With miraculous rapidity another followed o n

it s heels , that he had d isinterred a forgotten

o f fi sh - barrel paints from the back of his cellar,

o f and was makin g a regular rainbow the place ,

o ff inside and out . We hurried to inspect , and found him disconsolate amid in n u mer

- able paint pots , before a wonderfully variegated

- front door . The door posts were creamy

- on e yellow , the j ambs were apple green , panel

- was sky blue , and the others were adorned

with tentative dabs of well - nigh every hue one

cou ld give a name to . Ned had been ex p eri

’ me n ti n o f g, an d couldn t for the life him decide

which colour he liked best . For be it noted as a warn ing to bachelors that long years of

1 1 2 O U R LITTLE TO WN

That was enough for Ned . Straightway he began to cover the delicate blue with a coating

r of violent iotous orange , a colour no blonde

o beauty would venture within sight i .

“ ’ ” ’ as Tis a cheerful colour, said he most ” fi re good as a . Perhaps that was on e of his reasons for choosing it ; for he had polished all the grates with Brunswick black until they were the

Por th ul an shiniest, handsomest grates in all j y ;

a and so much did he admire their ppearance, so o f deep was his horror dust and litter, that

’ he hadn t the heart to set a match to one of them . An d since his spare time generally coincided with wet weather , the paint refused

his to dry unassisted , and labour threatened

’ to prove as unendin g as Tr egeagle s with his ropes of sand . Still he persevered , groaning and lamenting , but contemptuously rejecting al l advice and assistance , until at last his task

fl a red was com pleted , and the orange mansion like a winter - bloomin g furze - bush among the sober greys and modest greens o f o ur little town . What next ? we wondered ; and again we

n e fi e did not have long to wait . O n morn ing

’ Ned wa s seen to mount the bu s and ride away O U R L ITTLE T O WN 1 1 3

o t was t S . Kenna . It not the regular market

fe w was day , the passengers were , and there little prospect of a heavy load returning .

o ur J udge then of surprise when , about eight

’ o clock in the evenin g, the very hour when

’ bus the was d ue back , there came a telegram

Poltr i a n from the driver , handed in at gg , four

of miles away , requisition ing an extra pair

s. horse Such curiosity was aroused by this , that some of us cl ubbed our halfpennies to

gether , and sent a prepaid telegram to ask the

“ ’ ' ” N ed s u r u z tu r e reason . The answer came , and our wonder gave way to consuming

laughter. I t was getting on for m idnight when the

’ of bus at last arrived , but a good part the it town was on the spot to receive . Ned in

his holiday suit of solemn black , perched o n the roof am idst a mighty pile of swaddled

was chairs , tables , and rolls of carpet , welcomed

with rapturous enthusiasm . A nybody who affords u s am usement is bound to be popular

in our little town , an d Ned with his house wa s

a regular pantomi me , as the saying is .

Fifty wil ling hands assisted at the unloadin g ,

n while Ned stood at the orange gate , la tern in

’ hand , issuing directions, and reciting the dealer s 8 1 1 4 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

o f ornate description each article , with candid comm ents of his own thus

’ ’ ’ M a ssi v e ma o u dr a wz u - r oomso et Ed n g y g o .

n u ther so massive , . The chairs do crake terrible

’ ou when y set upon em . ’ ' ' ‘ ’ u a i n t szdoooa m r zokl ca r v ed Iza fi zslzo ! , y ,

’ des n to m ig . No good . No polish up .

H e/e a u t br a ss a n d i r e c edstea g on Fr u /z b d . ’ — No good tall too wide for one and t oo narrer

for two .

N ew des n K i dder ca r et woudm u l wea r ig p , f

' ’ lu e Ed n — zu v a . g worth a farden , though too

’ ho w en dingy . Don t k now I come to buy .

Ta estr ca r et a ll wool a r t colour s da i n t p y p , , , y

’ desz u so g . Not bad , this one . A showy li ll ’ ” carpet , sure nough .

- We also unloaded a Duchesse dressin g table ,

an assortment of brilliant l i ttle pictures , a

syringe for streaming the windows , a warm ing

pan (this had a rousing reception), a com plete

a o f b ttery brooms an d brushes , and other

articles too n umerous to mention . An d we

’ learned that another bus - load was to follow

- stair carpets , bedroom furniture , kitchen utensils ,

’ and I don t know what else . O n the outskirts o f the crowd A melia Jago

hovered weeping .

1 1 6 O U R LITTLE TO WN

how robe , how it stuck on the stairs , the banisters had to be sawn away , and how Ned stood by and shed the only tears of his adult

— i n life when , I say , the furn iture was , and Ned held a regul ar quality At Home (for gentlemen only), and we had gazed and wondered at the downstairs rooms , and (those

’ o f us who cared to submit to Ned s in fl ex ible regulation and take o ff o ur boots fi rst) the

upstairs rooms as well , and had been taken into the outhouse and m ade to note how every tool that could be hung up had its appoin ted

’ nail , an d every tool that couldn t its exactly

o n ordained position the shelves , and had admired the rigidly geometrical arrangement o f the fuchsias and geran iums in the garden then we frankly admitted that whatever Ned ’s

be mental condition might , his house was a

- shining , blazing , extra varnished credit to

l a n Po rthj u y . Still we contin ued to wonder what he would

it H e do with . was content , we found , to do

ithout very little indeed . W shifting his eatin g

’ an d sleeping quarters from Amelia s , he visited

the house daily, and after airing and making

o f the beds , checking the lawless aspirations the

fuchsias, and dusting an d sweeping everywhere O U R LITTLE TOWN 1 1 7 with a thoroughness that the n ot ablest house

u s wife among might well despair of emulating ,

sit he would down , now in this room and now in that, light his pipe, and give himself over to

so serene meditation . I t was , to speak , the swept and garnished cloister of his soul , the

o f undisturbed , inviolate fortress that shy I deal

o f o f u s which , in the case most , has to take its

o f chance amid a j ostling crowd coarse Realities .

o r Here , with no change fear of change to vex him , with all womankin d inexorably denied

o n admittance any pretext whatsoever, he found that crystall i ne peace which is deemed

o f o f the privilege gods rather than men .

of Without, he was the slave time and muta bilit of y , and all the tumults and chances this

wavering world ; within , he shed al l temporal

shackles , and munched the lotus through a

dateless and irrevoluble eternity.

sa A shame , you y , to disturb him . But we

Po rth u l a n are a practical folk at j y . Houses

a t are scarce and hard to come , and when we sa w continually before o ur eyes such a com

’ mod io us little residence as Ned s lyin g thus ,

i n o ut week , week , in an exan imate trance (for what is a house without a kitchen fi re but a ? — dead , sou lless thing ) our amusement was 1 1 8 O U R L ITTLE T O WN

swallowed u p in exasperation . Cloistral ideals

fi tter are all very well , but for Papishers than

r fo good Wesleyans . A householder has his d uties to fulfil towards the com munity ; and

fi rst o f according to our notions , the requisites good citizenship are a wife for the neighbours to gossip with and borrow flour and frying pans from , and chubby children tumbling about the gate , and cheerful midday smoke curlin g up from the chi mn ey . Here was a house , tenanted , yet untenanted , elaborately furnished to no pu rpose with chairs an d tables

that l acked a single convivial association , and with beds that had never been slept upon . The

’ thing was unprecedented , uncanny ; we didn t

- like it at all . The middle aged bachelor is a

rare fool among u s ; a m iddle - aged bachelor with a desirable residence attached was a

glarin g anomaly , not to be tolerated . With o n e accord we began plotting to drive poor

o f Ned into the toils matrimony . B ut that wary bird was not to be caught with the chaff

o n o f we showered his head , nor with the crumbs

fo r sage advice we scattered at his feet . But his

—a n a et own act proceeding, curi ously enough , from his extreme caution and foresight—Ned

m ight have remained in solitary bliss to this hour .

1 20 O U R L ITTLE TO WN

wrath , his scornful , spluttering den ials , all went

o t for nothing , until Tamsine suddenly g well

’ again , and Ned s interest in her disappeared as

u s suddenly, leaving in utter con fusion and perplexity. Here was a riddle ; who could solve it ? Who but the wise an d crafty Sam Jago ?

Three silent pipes he smoked , sitting on the edge o f his boat do wn beach ; from the third

u he shook the ashes , stood p , twinkled round

us on , and said softly

“ e n en n ow I have . H ad by the tail just

’ ’ e n Tid n got by the scruff now , sure nough .

’ ’ Tamsine tall tis the little house, nothing but

’ that . Tamsine well and hearty an t no —’ account ; but Tamsine siek tis the little house

in danger.

We saw it at once , and wondered how we

could have been so dense . But perhaps it may not be super fl uous o f me to explain the m atter

to you at greater length . When we lease a

Po rth ul an d efinite house at j y , it is not for a

of term of years , but for the duration the

o f o r longest three select l ives , more accurately,

fo r - the lease is a nominal ninety nine years , determinable (as the lawyers say) o n the death of the last survivor o f three persons nominated O U R L ITTLE TOWN 1 2 1

’ the o f in document . A n d in the case Ned s

Tremellen house, since Squire was untimely dead , and H ubert H unkin had not been heard o f since he went o ff ten years ago to foreign

’ parts , Ned s continued possession practically

’ o n Ta msin e s depended the third life, which was

o n e own a stout thread to all seeming , but that

capricious Fate m ight snap at any moment .

Hence that an xiety , those delicate attentions .

or fo r We laughed for a week , m aybe ten

days ; sedulously as we tend our j okes , the best o f them will hardly keep their freshness

longer ; and then we let the matter drop . Not

so Sam Jago . Sam saw his way to the — killin g of two plum p birds with one the 'stone

perpetration of an excel lent practical joke , and

’ the putting a stop fo r good to Amelia s sisterly

lamen tations . A good , kindly woman was

Amelia , but a little trying , even to a philosopher

like Sam , with her perpetual flow of melancholy

’ fo r solicitude Ned s welfare . Sam laid a

o n i t scheme , brooded , hatched it out , and presently paraded a downy little chick o f a

plot for our inspection . We hailed it with

rapturous approval .

’

Twill do very well with care , quoth Sam . ' e n u d But leave to me . You chaps choke it 1 2 2 O U R LITTLE TO WN

off with a lot of solid l ies . I t want careful

‘ handling and soft feeding, this little scheme do .

en Leave to me .

S o so saying , he tucked it un der his wing , to speak , and went off to interview Tamsine . Now Tamsine had been really touched by Ned ’ s

i n atten tions ; in fact , the vague hopes they spired had contributed n ot a little towards her

wa s speedy recovery , and his sudden defection

S o grievin g her sorely . her ear was open to the tempter, her bosom ready and warm to

she cherish the chick . That evenin g took to her bed again , and you m ay be sure it was not lon g before the news was al lowed to come to

’ ’ ff u Ned s ears . O he posted to the Teag es .

’ T a msi n e s mother answered his peremptory

sa w knock , and shook her head when she hi m .

’ ” She do seem bad this time , sure nough ,

she said . What have the woman been eatin g now ?

' “ exclaimed Ned vexedly . I wish potatoes were a sovereign apiece , so I do

“ ’ ’ Tid n ind igestion this ti me, said Mrs .

’ ” Teague gravely . Tis the heart , Ned Rundle . “ ! ” Ned turned pale . Heart d isease he

’ ! o see gasped . My nerves I ll g for the doctor to once .

1 24 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

’ oo A nd you m mad t bawled Ned . You ’ m all mad together ! Such talk Wouldn ’ give a farden for such talk ”

n uthe r . . Nor I , agreed Mrs Teague Tal k

’ an t no account , but actions do speak louder w than words . An d hen a man come along with his pills an d hi s pilchers

Ned fled .

r We left him alone for a day o two, j ust to

i n al low time for the idea to soak . H is groans ,

fi x ed his starings at nothing in particular , his reckless consumption of tobacco—none of your customary twenty slow pu ffs and pipe back in pocket , but a furious incessant Vesuvius of smoke an d sparks—these things were the out

o f co n flict H e ward signs a grievous inward . never went near Tamsine, nor dropped a ques tion about her , but you may be sure that frequent bulletin s from all quarters kept him

o f f well informed the progress o her m alady .

be ' t r ust ed And if reports were to , Tamsine was in a poor way , sure enough . Her pallor, her

o f o f loss appetite , her plaintive babble cold tombstones and colder, stonier hearts , al l pointed

fi n ers o ne skeleton g in sepulchral direction .

Ned began to be seriously alarmed , and we to press our point with vigorous insistence . O U R LITTLE T O WN 1 2 5

’ But the wom an an t no good cried Ned

’ ’ f e at bay . An t worth a arden , I tell A ! ” y , but the little house replied Sam .

’ ’ of b liev e That s worth a brave bagful fardens , .

’ o en I t lo k to me like you m gwine to loss , if

’ ou a s y don t take she well . Such a handsome ’ ’ house as tis , too , and the trouble you ve took

’ and the money you ve spent by en l Well , it do seem a pity.

’ Ned s groan o f anguish m ight have wrun g compassion from the hardest heart , but we

H e were flint and steel . had no peace from us a float out of , or ashore, until at last , sheer desperation , he began to approach the awful

o f possibility matrimony, much in the same spirit as that in which the possessor of an intolerably aching tooth approaches the dentist ’ s

o was d or . Perhaps there another m otive .

fi n When all was said an d done, here was a e woman pining away for love of him ; and all his prejudice could not steel hi m against the insidious flattery . I n the midst of a vehement diatribe against the sex , he would sudden ly —“ ’ pull u p with Mind , I an t saying a word

’ Tis agin the poor female . n othing but nature after al l ; and he would cast a glance round o n his massive furniture , with a peep by the 1 2 6 O U R LITTLE T O WN

o f way , in the glass the qu aint sideboard , at his own no less massive proportions .

Sam judged that it was time to strike hard .

H e com mun icated with Tamsine , and within the hour Ned was given to understand that the poor maid had temporarily rallied , and had expressed an earnest desire to gaze o n the

’ famed glories of Ned s house , j ust once, before

E H is it was too late . ven then he j ibbed . whole being revolted against the sacrilegious

notion , and it was not until we had coaxed

a , um y nd threatened had appealed to his h anit , and impressed upon him the desperate and

singular n ature of the case , the urgent necessity

of humouring the invalid , and the grave

responsibility a refusal might entail , that he growled out a ferocious and reluctant

surrender .

That afternoon Tamsine Teague, carefully

wrapped in shawls , an d su pported by her

mother and Sam , arrived at the door , where

they were met by the pale and miserable Ned .

Mrs . Teague , who in her prophetic soul was

- i n - already a mother law, with all the rights f and privileges appertaining, sm iled an af able

as greeting, set her foot within , and made if to

his enter . Ned held up hand .

1 28 O U R LITTLE TO WN

’ house , why , there won t be no muck to take ou t of a house . ” A z ac kl y , grunted Ned , not ungraciously .

sa What I always y myself. Step inside,

’ e P wil l he added , achieving the unaccustomed f politeness al most without an ef ort . Confronted with the sober magnificence of the parlour , Tamsine lifted hands and eyes i n a mute ecstasy of ad miration that was not f without its ef ect on her host .

’ ’ e set ? How don t down he growled , and

Tamsine turned a tender, grateful glance on him , and sank into a chair . She looked about her , punctuating her examination with little sighs of wistful delight, till her eyes rested on a duster lying in a heap on the table , where Ned had hurriedly thrown it when the summon s

to the door interrupted his daily task . She j umped to her feet .

“ tid she I like to see things left y myself,

said , with gentle severity , and began to fold the

’ u d uster p . Ned s face , as we gathered from

co n flicti n Sam , was a study in g emotions . Wrathful indignation at femin ine presumption battled with shame at the implied rebuke to his w housewifery, while deep down belo the surface began to glow and bubble the uneasy O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 29 rapture of him who at last discovers his kindred

his - - spirit , unlooked for , un hoped for Twin Soul . H aving folded the duster and carefully

o ut smoothed its every crease and wrinkle, Tamsine was about to put it away in the

o f middle drawer the quaint sideboard , when she o ut started , peered , shook the folds again , and began to wipe invisible dust from the

o f recesses the rich carvings .

“ ’ ’ I m she making a bit free, you ll say , remarked over her shoulder to Ned ; but

see fi n ers when I dirt, my g do ache to get at en . A nd this twiddly kind of furn iture do

’ ’ a P catch the dust terrible , don t “ ! ” Ah , it do that sighed Ned , touched to the heart by this shrewd stroke . The trouble

’ ” that sideboard give me you wouldn believe ,

co n fid e n t ia ll he added y . ‘ Not bu t what you ’ ve done very well by ” e n — for a m an , said Tamsine ; and Ned sa t up with a sudden jerk , and remained bolt

U his pright , mouth hal f open , h is fascinated eyes following the neat , plump little woman a s she moved softly about the room , flicking

the duster here , adj usting an ornament there ,

and now and again m aking some brief, pregnan t

a s remark , such 9 1 30 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

’ You ve been using furniture polish , I see .

’ Tis a mistake . I t look handsome for a bit ,

’ o o ut it it s but the spirit do soon g of , an d f ’ bound to gather dust , such sticky stuf as tis .

’ Try a soft dry rag , Ned Rundle . I t ll polish

as bright , and the sheen do last longer . P Hear that , Ned muttered Sam , improving

the occasion . The woman do know a thing

o r P two after all , eh

H e To which Ned returned a solemn nod .

was too deeply moved , too much absorbed in

readj usting his conception of the universe , to

H is utter a single word . pride was humbled , his

boasted skill in housewifery impugned , corrected ,

o f— made nothing and by a mere woman too .

fi n d To j udge by his looks , he did not the sensation of abasement altogether a disagree

able one . Something like admiration , some

thing warmer even than admiration , came into his eyes as he watched Tamsine fl itteri n g

o n here and there , pausing , putting her head

n e o side , darting swiftly and unerringly on

i n fi n itesima l o f some speck dust , for all the

- world like a busy , bright eyed , silent robin . For the fi rst time in fi fteen years Nature had

been given her chance with Ned , and Nature

o f it was making the most .

1 3 2 O U R LITTLE TO WN

must be direct , frontal , un mistakable . Tamsine began to gather her shawl about her . ” “ ’ e Well , Ned Rundle , she said , I thank

fo r le av i n hearty g me have a glimp at your house .

’ Such a house I never see before , nor I an t likely to see agin , not if I live to be a hundred , which I hope I m ay for your sake , Ned , though

’ I fear I an t quite so long a s that for this world . She paused , coughed a churchyard

u co gh , and contin ued

“ ’ ’ It a P— do seem queer , don t you and me and the house being bound up together , like , and yet the three o f us never come together before this hour, nor never will agin , most likely . it Another opening . Ned saw , advanced

to towards it on tiptoe , so speak , and retired hurriedly, moistening the lips that refused to

o ffice do their . Tamsine gave a little shrug, exchanged comical gl ances with Sam , and tried once more .

’ There an t a woman in the town , Ned , but

’ ’ ’ what s aching to hear what I ve got to tel l em . And j alou s ! La ! I shall hold up my head ’ ’ e some , I can tell , after this . But I shan t ’ ’ I ‘ tell em nothing. No , says , Ned Rundle

’ ’ don t want a passel 0 women chattering about O U R LI TTLE T O WN 1 33

’ - his chairs and tittle tattling about his tables , ’ I ’ says I But I will say this, says , there an t

’ e n uther a maid among , nor a married woman , but what she’ d be proud to have the dusting of such stately furn iture and the sweeping of

’ ’ such noble carpets . An d if twas m ine , says

— - I but la ! what u m I a telling o f P

- She pulled up in well acted con fusion , an d hid her m ingled laugh and blush with the

’ prettiest gesture i maginable . Ned s eyes grew bigger and rounder than ever ; he gasped li ke a dying cod ; he bobbed his head forth and back like an alarmed chicken ; he fumbled

his wildly for handkerchief, snatched it out ,

-ea ll blew a sum monin g bugle to his courage, and spoke

sa r v ice Tis at your .

” ’ Pla ise P said Tamsine ; for Ned s voice was unintelligibly thick with emotion , and further

o f impeded by the folds the handkerchief.

“ ’ sa rv ice sa be Tis at your , I y , repeated , desperately loud and bold .

’ I—d -o n d e rsta n d on t , murmured the lady coyly .

’ Tis sa rv ice at your , snapped Ned for the

“ ’ . o r it third time Take it leave . Shan t say

' " sa it agin . Shan t y no more . 1 34 O U R LITTLE TO WN m No occasion to say no ore , remarked “ ’ I’ m Sam benevolently . Without tis what

’ a - going to say ; and that s what they say in

- ba rr i n e t the story books , when the have scat his brain abroad , and Lady Jen ny and Vice

’ count Jacky are down pon their m arrow - bones

o ld before the earl in the white weskit . B less

’ ’ e c held ern , my , says the old bloke , and so I say . f An d so saying, he tact ully turned his back o n the young couple , stepped to the window ,

a s and published the news by blowing an airy , fantastical kiss . We shouted , and Sam slipped

ut u s s H e o to join and give u details . is the happy possessor of a vivid imagination . I don ’ t know whether he drew upon it for the picture he drew u s o f Tamsine perched cooin g

’ o n Ned s k nee with her arms wreathed about his neck , and Ned looking as if he was thoroughly enjoying the situation in his solemn way ; but I do know that they were married last Christmas . — P . Happily married you ask Well , I shall never forget the pride , the gusto , with which Ned

u s in formed , a week or two after the ceremony , that Tamsine had absolutely forbidden him to smoke his dirty pipe anywhere in doors

FANNY AND COR NELI U S

M OD ESTY and truthfulness alike forbid me to claim high ran k for our little town as a centre o f culture , but you m ust not suppose that the

us polite arts are altogether unknown to .

so Brutes indeed should we be i f this were .

’ ’ Bessie s Tom s sweeping dictum Story - books

ick shers is foolishness , p is plum foolishness ,

’ and as for music , tis the plu mmest foolishness ” o f o f al l was uttered in the heat argument , and he would be the fi rst to qualify it largely

A s in his calmer moments . a matter of fact ,

we are ardent students of literature, keen

o f fo r critics pictures , and devoted enthusiasts

F o r o f . that art arts , music solid reading , well - nigh every house possesses copies o f

’ Val ti Vox M a n r s en ne and Foxe s fy , and the ’ t bus scarcely ever returns from S . Kenna market without at least one o f those penny stories which are the chosen solace o f o u r lighter

o f moments . A little bit of love , a little bit O U R LITTLE T OWN 1 37

of — adventure , an d a little bit religion sueh are the ingredients we look for in the literary dish ; and the penny stories in the pink covers provide them in a variety of cun nin g blends . Nor are we altogether without literary associa

of own - - - tions our . J ames over to shop once com posed a handbill for the advertisement o f

o f fi - - ff i a surplus stock y blown gown stu s , wh ch

us was much ad m ired by all , besides number ing good intellects up to Churchtown . And we think we ought to be allowed a kin d of vicarious participation in the literary fame o f a certain young man who came down among u s

o f one summer , was m ade free our club ,

o ff attended m any meetings , and wen t an d wrote a tale in which all o u r principal members figu red and many o f o ur choicest yarns were

’ Pentico st embod ied . d idn t like it at al l ; for the young m an , who for some unknown

us ou r reason called al l out of names , chose to Z d ub him erubbabel , which may be Scrip

’ ’ te d n bez id e ture , he complai ned , but pretty ,

” making me feel like I was somebody else . But the rest o f us were proud to see ourselves in print.

With pictures we are well suppl ied , thanks S t to the keen competition amon g the . Kenna 1 38 O U R LITTLE TO WN

who n us grocers , rain their rival chromos o every Christmas . Nor are we without some native skill in the graphic arts , as every cellar

s door bears ample witness . Scarce one of u but has contributed at some time or other t o

o f o f ou r the adornment the wal ls club , which are covered with portraits of Pe n tico st in al l

o f manner ignominious situations . They m ay n ot fi n i shed be highly , those portraits , but

their rude vigour is undeniable , and they are instantly recognisable us portraits by the con

s icuousl p y brandished ham mer . And at the

t o o n e Land and Sea Thanksgiving up chapel ,

fi sh year when was scarce, a gigantic mock

turbot , ingeniously plaited by J an Tripp out

o f - wheat straws , was m uch commended by com

o f petent judges , not on ly as a work of art

unique character , but as an adroit and economical

tribute to earth and ocean at once . E ven if we be not allowed to shine as artists ,

o f yet here , as in the ease literature, we are at

of least the fertile cause art in others . Many a stately picture has been painted o ff on o u r beach ; many a heap of fresh - caught fi sh has been preserved in o il to future generations ;

’ T o m - and Bessie s , hauling crab pots , mending

- crab pots , marching up the beach festooned

1 40 O U R LITTLE TO WN

- once broke two lamp shades . Ours is Fiddler

o n H arry, who is equally skilful the violin , the clarionet an d the bass - viol ; which last he ff especially a ects in the winter season , when brisk exercise is even more desirable than sweet — sounds . And ours lastly was alas , that I

i s - cannot write Benjie Dun stone, chief among sacred harmonists . And so to my story .

Benj i e Dunstone was an old man when he said

- good bye to our little town , and for more years than most of us ca n remember he had been in charge of the harmon ium up to chapel . A

fi lled j ust man and a m asterful , he that exacting

H e position to the satisfaction o f all . chose the hym ns with tact and j udgment , his tread was

fi rm o n o f the bellows , and he was capable a

’ ' or tzssz mo‘ OH f that fairly lifted you your feet, being a man o f singularly muscular calves for his age ; as you are doubtless aware , it is the

- legs that count for most in harmoniu m playin g . H e ruled the choir at practice with a rod o f iron

: fit no small achievement , let me tell you to comman d armies is the man who c an enforce

- order and obedience at a choir practice, what with giggling sopranos who pop unseason able acid -drops into their mouths at the moment O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 4 1 when a clear and unimpeded to p-note is called for, and bewildered altos for ever strayin g into

’ their neighbours preserves , and aspiring tenors who will hold on to their best note right across

e b tween the verses , and jealous basses , each one

o n o ut r owlin bent g g the rest , to the utter sub

- version of all expression marks .

’ ualificati o n s As for Benj ie s m usical q , it is believed that the m—an could do simply what he liked with a tune turn 01d H u n dr ed into a

’ ’ j ig , if he d a mind to . There wasn t a stave in the hymn - book but he could play it o ff by heart

—a from beginning to end y , and backwards from

’ end to beginning , I shouldn t won der, i f he had

’ cared to try ; which he didn t , being a sober ,

- e God f aring man , the last to interfere with the

o f established order things . Once only did he depart therefrom . That was when he made up an entirely new tune to Peace in the Valley” made it up out o f his own head and wrote it o ut his o wn fairly with hand , in four parts

was f all complete . I t quite a d if erent tun e from

fi tted the n atural one , yet it the words with a

marvellous exactitude . We never san g that

is tune in public , it true , because the old associa tions of the familiar words would come cropping

o ur so u p in minds , that after starting fair, voices 1 4 2 O U R LITTLE TO WN would begin to drift away at the fir st bar o f the second lin e , and the verse would end in lament able con fusion . But that was our fault , and

’ did not detract from the credit o f Benj ie s

You achievement . may be sure the old man was uncommonly proud of his m usical bantling ;

P or t/z u a u o f our and he n amed it j ly , in honour town .

Twice a year, at Land an d Sea Than ksgiving

u s and at Christmas , Benj ie steered successfully

or through an anthem , without hitch break

’ down ; which is m ore than parson s daughter

up to Churchtown ever m an aged to do , an d she

has a grown man , artfully concealed behind a

curtain , hard at work all the while supplying

us her with win d . Benj ie pulled through single

his u s handed . With eyes upon we dared n o t

break down , and his eyes seemed to be upon us — all the while . Treble, alto , tenor , bass four

o ne pair of eyes had Benj ie , and over for the

o f e n thu si soloist . The very sight him inspired

a sm fi n ers , with his g like lightnin g over the keys , his whole frame swaying from side to side as

he pounded away at the bellows , and his face all

fi re a with the music , and growin g ruddier every

moment with excitement and exercise combined .

u s But Benj ie left . I t was a sad wrench for

1 44 O U R LITTLE TO WN these forty years and here ’ s my little tune I ’m that I made myself, and to tell e the truth

’ o f rather proud the same, though I don t want to ” r boast o make a fuss .

out Next time it was with all the stops , bellows going ful l speed , and cold water trickling down every back . That was M usic H ere ’ s to music A wonderful thing is m usic , friends all . I t opens hearts out , and joins hearts together in praise and loving - kind f ness . In the grief of parting , in all m anner o

’ i s trouble, no matter what it , music s the best fi ” com forter , I nd . Some such words were

’ always in Benj ie s mouth, and now the music said them for him .

The last time, in went all the stops but three ,

o f the soft ones at either end the row , and that

o f other stop which makes no sound itself, but sets a kind of W hirligig going in the V itals o f the

so out m achine , that the music comes all soft

and trembly , like a m aid saying something

tender and trying hard not to cry all the while.

so o n e o f And now he played softly , that when M aria the bakehouse woman ’ s hairpins worked

’ it s way out of Maria s back hair and fell with

a tiny tinkle on the stones , every ear in chapel it ’ heard ; and not a lip quivered , though Maria s O U R LI TTLE TO WN 1 45 habit o f shedding her hairpins under the stress of

us emotion is a standing joke among . The meaning this time was plain .

” ’ - Good bye, said the m usic . Tis grief ’ i ’ e . o u t to leave Make what y will of , parting s

’ a terrible sad old tune , an d we won t pretend it

’ ’ stu fli e isn t . I t s not for Cornishmen to up their feelings as if they were ashamed of them .

’ ” - e o n e Good bye , and wish wel l , and all .

The l ast chord you could hardly hear at all . Some who were at the back dec lare to this day that , by a supreme touch of artistry , Benj ie it never played . But played it was for all that ;

o ff and then Benjie got his stool , and quietly ,

-o i - in the most matter fact way , fetched the key o u t of his waistcoat pocket , shut down the lid , and m ade al l fast . Then he went to d rop the key back in pocket , remembered , twisted an odd

o n grin his hard old face , and laid it instead on f E the top o the harmon iu m . verybody stood up to him as he marched stoutly down the — chapel , and everybody but really it is no concern of yours who blew his n ose and who piped her eye ; nor indeed a m I so sk il ful as t Benj ie in the manipulation of that trem bly s 0p .

us Benj ie left , and we were uncom monly sorry

: is to lose him that enough said .

1 0 1 46 O U R LITTLE TO WN

is But my story on ly j ust beginning. We

as had to choose his successor ; a big task , you will admit ; Benjies d o not grow o n every furze

ou r bush . We did best , and things turned out well enough in the end ; but perhaps it is not so wonderful that the business was terribly

bungled in the doing .

To o ur begin with , best remaining musician

o ut was entirely of the question . H arry the

is a s a s Fiddler great in his way Benj ie himself,

i n fi n itel an d y more versatile . We fran kly admit that he has more music in his little fi n ger

o f u s than the rest have in all our bodies .

’ was Tis in the blood , you see ; his father

Harry the Fiddler before him , and his grand

father Crowding H arry . With horsehair and catgut he can m ake us laugh and weep at will ; e when he scrap s , al l must dance ; what he

- - tootles to day , that we whistle to morrow ; in

a word , he has a genius for carnal melodies . But his idle vagabond ways u n fit hi m for

ecclesiastical preferment , and , moreover, he pro

to o ur fesses heartily despise harmon ium , it speak in g impious words against , and declaring th at when all ’s said and done ’ tis little better

- than a burdy gurdy . I t gives him grievous

1 48 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

further , an d Cornelius J ohns elected withou t debate or delay . For some years Cornelius

’ had been Benjie s pupil an d actin g deputy .

H e was a steady , esti mable young m an , not

who another Benj ie by any means , but one made up by serious application for the n atural genius he la cked u the sort of youn g man you

on sa E could be dependent , as we y . verybody had al ways looked forward to seein g him step into his master ’ s place when the time should come .

’ S o matters rested until Benj ie s departure

s began to occupy u . Then Fan ny Worth suddenly entered on the scene—Farmer Worth ’ s spoiled and petted only daughter, returning

- sehoo l from boardin g for the last time , with her hair newly done up an d all the graces and accomplishments thick and fresh upon her, turning the heads o f our young men with her pretty face an d quality ways , and stirrin g the hearts of our m aidens to envy and uncharitable ness with an endless succession of smart new

’ dresses . There wasn t a quality accomplishment

’ that Fanny couldn t touch off to the nines . She

o ff she could paint pictures by hand , knew all

s she a ll v o u z e the book , could p y better than any

- Frenchman , and as for her harmonium pl aying , O U R L ITTLE TO WN 1 49

I don ’ t believe there was a duchess in the lan d

fit to stand in sight of her in that respect . I f

fi n ers quick g said the last word , Benj ie him self would have to give in to her , as he admitted , with an apologetic glance at his knotted , horny hands. And here was Farmer Worth , a man f o substan ce and standing , a shining light at

o f the chapel , an d a chief supporter its funds , roundly decl aring that his Fan was going to

’ take Benj ie s place , or he would know the O reason why . pposition was aroused by this .

- We are a proud spirited folk , an d hate to be dictated to . B ut Farmer Worth was not to be ignored , and J ustice had her claims ; the matter

or was one to decide without fear favour , and without fear o r favour we were resolved to

“ ” it sa we decide . When I y in connection

o f with an affair such m agn itude , it is need less

’ Pen ticost s to explain that I mean . I t wa s a wet n ight when the subject was

’ Pe n t ico st s broached , and was crowded consider

ably beyon d its utmost capacity . The cream

’ o f Po r thj uly a n s intellect was gathered there in h i ’ a clotted eap . O course both Bessie s Tom

- - - and J ames over to shop were present , Tom on his accustomed perch among the bristles and wax - ends at the corner o f the table nearest the 1 50 O U R LITTLE TOWN

door , and James , who came in late , occupying the only space left vacant for him , which was

’ the lozenge - shaped space between Tom s out

o ur stretched knees . In our m idst meek little

o n host sat invisible his low stool , now tap tapping away like a woodpecker in a dense forest , an d anon throwing down his ham mer in despair and pl aintively sol iciting more room for his pinioned elbows . The early part of the discussion was random

o f an d desultory , an d I can recall no more it than Sam J ago ’ s hu morous suggestion that here was a seasonable Opportun ity o f discarding the harmon iu m altogether , and substituting a

’ o n e us proper organ , with a han dle so s old ” ones can have a turn now an d agin . But presently it resolved itself, as our discussion s

- a t - are apt to do , into a heated passage arms

o f between our two giants debate . Seated as ’ — they were , with J ames in Tom s lap and because of the crowd neither could budge— the

To m duel presented a curious outward aspect ,

’ storming away at the back of J ames s head , and J ames volleying retorts over either shoulder in

fl ies o f turn , like a dog sn apping at a sum mer afternoon . They approached the matter on its

ze sthetie pol i tical , rather than its side ; and

1 5 2 O U R LITTL E TO WN

’ t o business . I t look me like the best way s to

’ pitch one o f these competitions they m a - telling

’ ’ o f F . Here s Cornelius and here s anny , like it

skiffi e - skiffi e- might be my boat and your boat , i f

’ o u o n dersta n d y . Well , then ; set em a piece to ’ play , like settin g em a course to steer ; and the one that steer the harmonium the smartest ,

en hand over the key to , like it m ight be the — prize see P When we had successfully disentangled

skiffi e - harmonium from boat , we agreed that the notion was an excel lent one I t appealed

o ur to sporting instincts , it d estroyed all

o f possibility underhand intrigue , and it gave

o f fair promise some fun and excitement , things that are sadly to seek with us in the dull

winter months . We resolved ourselves into a

committee , and proceeded to discuss the matter

of in all its bearings . The results our delibera tions were as follows The com petition was to take place in the

of chapel , course , and the voting in the

E - schoolroom underneath . very full blown

- chapel member was to have a vote , without

’ o f distinction sex . Sam Jago s objection Give Jenny a vote ? Yo u might so wel l give ”— her a loaded gun to onee l was overruled , O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 53

wi th what wisdom you will see later . T he competitors were n ot to be present at the voting, which was to be by show of hands .

After it was over, the two were to be called i n th e , and the key, the symbol of o e, was to be e formally presented to the succ ssful candidate . diffi All this being satisfactorily settled , a cult question arose . What was to be the subject o f competition ? What piece were we to set them to play ? Hym n - tunes were

out promptly barred , as bein g too easy an d com monplace . Secular music was out of the f ” o . question , cou rse Vital Spark , our favourite burial anthem , had its advocates , as a tasty l ittle ballat with some twisty bits in it ; but its funereal associations were held to it disqualify . A more festive note seemed

Pe n ticost called for . A ll were at a loss , when piped up with a suggestion .

“ ’ ” ’ I m t o wld , he said , that there s a piece

’ C o o ress eo n they cal l the Halleluj ah , that s

’ ed - ed n se d e r the tip top piece of all . There a

’ so piece , they tell me , that s so much thought

S ee mi n r of up to London . g to me , if we could get hold of that piece That ’ s the piece ! exclaimed Bessie’ s

’ ’ C o o re ss— a v u m Tom . Hallelujah that s l 1 54 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

’ ’ I ve seen it highly spoken of pon the paper ’ T/ze ek bmlea a elu a h many a time . C H ll j ” Coor ess— I mind it on the paper. “ E ss - - -s , said J ames over to hop , an d , seem

’ ’ e n - me , I ve heard too . Look see , Peter Peter, didn ’ the ban d pl ay that very piece up to flower - show last summer ?

“ ’ ” so H e That s , said Peter Peter . spoke with authority , for he it is who plays the euphoniu m in that sel fsame band . Nightly he practises his part by the open window o f an upper chamber , an d nightly we pleasantly speculate what gay tune it may be of which

’ those slow grunts are the foundation . That s

” “ se o f , said Peter . I m ind it well . Some

en the maids started dancing to , and up come

’ - d o I ca n e the parson , and a terrible to , tell .

’

E ss . , that s the piece Take some playing too ,

— a - that piece do sweaty , s lap d ash stave , sure ” - enough . What I call a two noggin piece , said Peter , who measures his art with a pint pot , according to the amount of subsequent lubrication his throat requires .

“ ” ? Pen ti co st . See cried , highly delighted

’ ’

! A t ou h b liev e . See ? There tis g melody,

o ut J ust the thing , I should say , to sarch better ” from good .

1 56 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

’ at every whip an d turn . Look abeam 0 my

— fiv e six Es fi n er . s g four, , at one stroke , a ’ tough job , I should say . Don t know what ’ ll it ” Cornelius m ake of . That m ade us debate whether either candidate was to be allowed a prelim inary inspection and trial . We decided in the

was a s n egative. The contest to be strict and

a s it fair we could make , an d if practisin g were

fishin allowed , Cornelius , with his g to attend to , would be at a disadvantage against the leisured

o Tom Fanny . S buttoned the Gems up safely

his o ff inside coat , an d went to put them under

lock and key against the hour of trial .

ot Meanwhile the m atter had g abroad , and

all the world was discussing our plan . The

general sentiment was favourable. Party feeling had already begun to run high ; bad blood was being engendered between the Cornelians and the Fanatics ; and the scheme

we proposed was welcomed with rel ief, as offering an unexception able solution of a very

d ifficu lt delicate y . But what of the two most ? interested parties Fanny Worth laughed ,

tossed her pretty head , and declared herself

willing to undergo any test we cared to impose.

But the behaviour of Cornelius was unexpected , O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 57

H e and , at the time , inexplicable . turned

fi n a ll very red , m umbled unintel ligibly , and y came out with a flat refusal . We expostulated . Did he se e that this was tantamount to a defi nite of his ? withdrawal candidacy Yes , he

’ his did ; and he wasn t m uch caring , either ; mind was not so much set o n the matter as it

’ ’ had been ; he d idn t wish to stand in anybody s light ; and , in short , if the maid wanted the

she it so post , was heartily welcome to , far as he was concerned . And perhaps we

’ so wouldn t mind telling her , with his compli ments .

This , we felt , would never d o . I t upset all o u r us elaborate arrangements , and cheated of

’ the prospect of an even in g s entertainment .

We argued , flattered , cried shame , but all to no

wa s purpose . Cornelius immovable . We went o ff in despair to notify Fanny . Fanny laughed

re again , tossed her head once more , and marked that it was easy givin g away what you

' ’ Tfumé - ou or n ot/zz u ' hadn t got , and y f g was her message to Cornelius , and the chap was afraid ,

’ o f surely . She didn t think much cowards and

n o t skulkers , either ; they were the sort of

she d young men wished to have ealings with .

wa s I n fact , it in her mind to despise Cornelius 1 58 O U R LITTLE TO WN

so ker heartily , and we might tell him , with compliments .

This being faithfully reported to Cornelius , he turned redder than before, m umbled worse than ever, and then , suddenly setting his teeth

r esi and flinging back his head , withdrew his g nation , and announced himself determined to

’ go in and win though he didn t care a straw what an uppish flir ti n gill o f a maid said o r thought of him . We applauded his resolution , and clinched matters by fi x i n g the date of the

contest there and then .

The night came ; the chapel was crowded . None but members were allowed within the

wa s building , and hardly a member absent ; while a dense mob of Bible Christians an d E piscopalians thronged the purlieus , there to

o u r await verdict , an d meanwhile to pick up such shreds of melody as might be wafted

through the windows . The two candidates

were accommodated with seats in front , j ust under the pl atform? Cornelius was terribly

o f nervous , we could see that . I n spite m uch

o il his , hair hun g lan kly ; his lips required

his frequent moistening , and damp palms went continually up an d down over his twitching

’ wa s knees . Fanny s demeanour a complete

1 60 O U R LITTLE TO WN

o f e The group s n iors , who had been earnestly

o n u con versing the platform , now broke p . J ames - over-to - shop approached the candidates an d whispered them in turn . Cornelius shook his head dismally ; Fanny nodded hers gaily ,

and began to take off her gloves . “ I’ m ! ” Six buttons , as a Christian woman

came from behin d me .

’ To m Meanwhile , Bessie s had unlocked the

harmonium and arranged the music . Fanny

rose, stepped on to the platform with all the

assurance in the world , an d took her seat at

the instrument . A dead silence prevailed

while she deliberately settled her skirts , took

’ o ff - her rings , and made little dogs ears at the

o f r A t foot eve y page . this j uncture , J ames , who had not quite recovered from the bewilder ing effects o f his own metaphor about the

kiffie- o u t his s boats , took watch and laid it on

the ledge before him , with the eviden t intention

o f timing the performance . Then Fanny

set glanced at the opening bars , her delicate

ers st0 out fi ng to stop after p until all were , including that trickish Expression stop whic h only the most expert performers dare meddle

— ! —we o n with , and then crash embarked a

swift torrent of sound . I t never paused nor O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 6 1 slackened ; the pages were turned over by some sleight o f hand that none of us was quick enough to follow ; and as for detecting mis

’ o u takes , if there were any , y simply hadn t time . Say she did slip once or twice ; before

o n you could pounce the spot , she was f plunging along ten bars ahead . The ef ect was undeniable . We were swept along , carried

f t u mult u away , sprayed and buf eted in a wild , ous sea of harmony ; and when fi n a lly we were rushed headlong shorewards and left stranded

o f in a haven silence , we could only gasp and

o u r stare amazedly at fair pilot , as she gathered up her rin gs an d gloves , patted a stray curl , and sailed back to her seat , as cool and u n rufii ed she it as when had left . Yes , it was too a wonderful perform ance ; only clever ,

us - perhaps , for simple , steady going folk . I t wa s like a cup o f tasty liquor set to o u r lips

u so and vigorously ti pped p , that we had to swallow the draught at one choking gulp ,

si instead of savouring it slowly , p by s ip .

was Such m iraculous dexterity beyond Cornelius , we knew ; but dexterity is not everything in

u art ; and when Cornelius stepped p , his nervous

his set ness gone , l i ps , his whole demeanour expressive of a modest determination to do

1 1 1 62 O U R LITTLE T OWN

o ur his best, we settled ourselves back in seats ,

o n e a s sa nodding to another, who should y ” Fireworks are over ; now for some music . — Cornelius began well soberly , yet ener

etic all E g y . very note was correct , and we had

it s time to observe correctness . The time was well marked , and we could help to mark it

- with approving nods and soft tapping feet .

con fidence his Cornelius gathered , quickened

r pace , and still proceeded without mistake o hesitation u ntil he reached the bottom o f the

fi rst page . Then he com mitted a fatal error . We were quite ready to allow him to pause in order to turn over ; such a course is permitted ,

I believe, in the best musical circles . But Cornelius took it into his head to emul ate

’ s Fanny s conj uring tricks . Without topping, he made a wild snatch at the page with his left hand , turned it over certainly , but at the same time upset the delicate balance o f the

- music book , which toppled down over the keys , extracted an expostulatory wail from

“

O H o n . them , and slid to the floor A sym pathetic murmur ran through the building , while Cornelius dived hurriedly behind the

fl ushed harmonium . When he reappeared ,

o ne wa s and trembling , I for realised that all

1 64 O U R LI TTLE TO WN

o f u p over the harmonium , a picture ungainly de spair, and Fanny sat looking at him with medita tive , not unpitying eyes . Then Fanny took o u t her handkerchief, and a delicate fragrance

’ stole over the blank misery o f her companion s senses , like beauty walking in darkness . She passed the han dkerchief over her lips , hemmed

’ o f prettily , and m ade low music Cornelius

H e name . heard without power to reply , as a lost soul m ight hear a victorious pitying angel . ” Cornelius , said Fanny again , and rose and stood beside him . I t was then , I thin k , at the

o f hi s fi rst sight distress , that the wom an awoke fli ht in the g y , heedless schoolgirl , and a wom an ly

’ impulse took her to hi s side on a woman s com forting m ission . The moment had its sym

u pathetic magic, if Cornelius would only look p . ” I ’m Cornelius , said Fanny , vexed . I

’ ’ ’ e a m so can t tel l how vexed I . Don t be

’ ’ ’ it Twa sn t f down about . your ault . Twas

see Yo u an accident ; anybody could that .

’ — e began splendid made me wretched to hear .

win For I d id want to , Cornelius .

’ ” You ve won , gloomed a hollow voice .

- b - No credit in a come y chance victory , I’ d said Fanny . sooner be beat fair than win ” like that . O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 65

’ ’ ” e I don t grudge it to , muttered Cornelius ,

his u dropping hands , but still not looking p .

’ ’ “ Now Twas the shame that hurt . tis over ,

’ I m glad .

’ e Than k for that , said Fanny , quite I’ d tenderly . never have said the same myself.

’ ’ ”

Ti sn t . in a woman , I fear Cornelius looked up into a pair o f soft grey eyes . The magic began to work .

“ ’ ’ ’ I wouldn grudge e nothing you d a mind

— o u to y know that , he said emphatically .

’ ” o u t o Y know twas my wish stand aside . ” Why ? asked innocent Fanny .

’ u e Cornelius stood p . I can tell if you do ” he wish , said .

Tell away laughed she .

’ Cornelius d rew a breath . Well then , twas because ! ’ ’ No Don t tell My mind s changed .

’ ” I don t wish to hear a word . ’ Twas because N

“ j ust hark to them down under . Like a swarm of bees ” “ Because

- Fanny leaned over the m usic book , turned a

page , and said hurriedly

' ’ ’ e I m I ve somethi ng to tel l mysel f. a 1 66 O U R LITTLE TOWN

’ I—I ve rogue an d a cheat , Cornelius . played Oh that piece before. , an d more than once !

C orn elius I ! , know that piece without book ’ ! e now fo r There what do thin k of me , a chapel - member P Cornelius didn ’ t even pretend to look shocked .

“ ’ “ Don t know about that , he averred , nor

’ ’ ’ ’ e o I don t care . B ut I ll tel l what I think f e for a maiden .

“ But I know already , murmured Fanny , drooping her eyes .

“ ’ ’ e ? Do now That s very well , said

Cornelius , drawing near .

’ ’ ’ ’ A u u zsk zr tzu zll o a ma id ! Yes . pp fl g f

she H a - ha ! o wn quoted . your words, Cornelius Johns Cornelius did not look foolish for more than a moment

“ Fanny , he began again , with threatening tenderness .

’ That s my name, sure enough , said Fanny smartly . Fan ny dear

’ n ot That s what father do call me, and

’ another man among e has the right to make ” s o free .

1 68 O U R LITTLE TOWN to be impartially distributing unpalatable pieces of his m ind among a little cl uster o f o ur most respected members, the same who had lately figured with such tact and dign ity on the platform . Now , in their Sunday broad

of cloth , with their faces shameful amazement , they looked for all the world like a fl ock o f silly black sheep being worried by a bristling farm dog. With the appearance of Fanny and Cornelius a dead silence fell . All eyes were on the two , and you could have heard that dear

’ old pin drop quite plainly . Then Bessie s Tom w F stepped for ard , grave an d resolute . armer

Worth im mediately dived at him , bark ing , but

’ was arrested by a d ign ified wave of Tom s

hand .

No i nterruptin g the chairman , if you pl aise ,

” “ he Mr . . Worth , said Friends and neigh

” ’ bours al l , he contin ued , with your true orator s

“ swell of the chest , I do my duty without

’ n or o ff fear favour , nor I ben t to be turned by ’ ? scandalous words . What s my duty To

act accoordin g to your vote . Do I make

i n div idious question about the rights of that

’ vote ? No, I do not . A vote s a vote, right

’ r o wrong. Tis so in Parliament , and the O U R LITTLE TO WN 1 69

’ or o n willin I m same here . Willing g, bound

en a ccoord to bide by , and I proceed to act

D ing .

Here Tom paused , dived into his pocket ,

fi she d o ut the key , and continued Cornelius Johns (Cornelius and Fanny started violently . ) Cornelius Johns, stand foo rth , and take this key from my hands , which is clean hands , me being chairm an and so not

’

I m t o . u having no vote, than k ful say Step p ,

Cornelius , an d take the key , which have been

’ awarded to e by this here meeting o f j ustified

f - Christians , by orty seven votes agin thirty three , on account of you r havin g made such a terrible mess o f the Celebrated H alleluj ah ” C oo ress l

A t these words , flung at their heads with

’ T o m the bitterest emphasis by Bessie s , the company broke into fresh uproar . Farmer

Worth pl un ged forward again , roaring

’ ’ thee st 0 Fan Come home along me , Fan

’ Ou t 0 this den of rogues before the roof do fall , not forgetting to scrape your boots at the ! door , accord ing to Scripture H earken to me ,

’ e - - ! al l of , rogues forty and seven Daniel

’ Worth s a Churchman from thi s day henceforth ,

’ and so s his d aughter ; and I wi ll conclude 1 70 O U R L ITTLE TOWN these few words by remarkin g : Down with the Metho days

The d in redoubled , while the two, who had been snatched from the green meadows of romance to be dumped down on this furious

fi eld o f battle , looked at each other with pale question ing faces , and drew insensibly together . What did it a ll mean ? I n two words—and hereon let all reformers —it ff ponder meant Female Su rage . More at length , it mean t that warm femin ine sympathy with masculine distress , and hot feminin e

fl a ra n tl prej udice against bold , overdressed , g y

- well looking hussies , had combined to prevail against cold abstract j ustice . No sooner had we gathered in the schoolroom than a hurried

was canvass begun among the sex , and strong pressure was brought to bear on every amenable

o u t male , with the result that , of the thirty

o n e wa s three that supported Fanny, not a

- woman , while the maj ority of forty seven included every petticoat in the room , together with a herd o f meek husbands and subservient sweethearts .

To m As Cornelius did not budge , forced his way to him and thrust the key into his passive hand .

1 7 2 O U R LITTLE TO WN

she repeated aloud , and bravely faced the throng . “ “ — Friends , she said , and foes ; I should

’ wish to say a few words . You ve voted again st

’ me . I quite agree with you there . Twas no

fair trial , as I told Cornelius J ohns j ust now .

’ ’ I d got that piece at my fi n gers ends all the

’ I ho e while . Twas downright cheating , but p

’ ’ you ll all forgive me, which I don t deserve ,

but Cornelius have forgiven me already , I — know leastways , I think but you have,

’ ’ e ? haven t , Cornelius “ Well spoke ! A brave maid ! shouted

somebody in the backgroun d . ”

Oh ! . , oh wailed Fanny Take me away ! ” I t is to be supposed she knew whose arm

o ut o f wen t about her an d drew her the room . I a m told that at the door she looked up and

smiled tearfully into his face . Somebody

raised a cheer behind them , and all the men

o f in and quite a n u mber the women joined .

’ o n e Pen ti cost s Then we looked at another, and shri ll bleat was heard

’ “ But who s going to play o ur harmonium

’ ” next Sunday ? That s what I want to know . ” ’ “ “ u s Well , my dears , said Bessie s Tom , O U R L ITTLE T O WN 1 73 haven ’ done so well by this here business as we

o f as might . Nothing to be proud , I think

’ ’ you ll all agree . I should say we d best leave

’ it to the two that s j ust gone out . I t look

’ to me like they m goin g to settle it nice and

’ ” fo r ble the irselfs co m between .

And so they did , and Fanny presides at

is the harmoniu m when she so incl ined , and

’ Cornelius when she isn t . And we have had no reason so far t o be dissa tisfi ed with this double arrangement .

so And , pleasantly concluding with a picture o f two young hearts un ited by a common love — of the Divine Art there is no stouter lin k ,

’ e — b lieve me , in all Cupid s armoury the present

Po r th ul a n chronicler of j y makes his bow , hoping that he has gone some way towards j usti fying that lordly eulogy of his little town which he

’ borrowed in the fi rst instance from Bessie s

H a s us Tom . he tem pted you to pay a visit ? You shal l receive a Corn ish welcome ; none is

heartier . You shall be made free of our Club ;

’ Pe n t ico st shal l yarn to you Bess ie s Tom shal l

affably argue your head off ; J ames - over - to - shop shall give you an insight into m any strange things ; Sam J ago shall watch you and weigh 1 74 O U R LI TTLE TOWN

you in silence from his corner, an d having found

o u y worthy , shall impart to you lavishly of his store of wit and wisdom Ned Rundle, mellowed

ou i his by marriage, shall carry y off to nspect

ou house and his wife, an d leave y doubtful which he takes most pride in ; Fiddler Harry shall melt you with sweet sounds ; you shal l atten d chapel in the morn ing to hear Cornelius,

’ in the evening to hear Fanny ; Gov ment shall unbutton to you and even J uliana’ s horde

o n o u its For shall smile y from battlements . the stranger within o ur gates is sacred ; o f him

we keep silence , save from good words . But if

is you cannot come, the loss (believe me) you rs,

so an d (I assure you) ours too . And good

’ ’ e bye , and Wish well .

R P O 1 76 M . SAM S N every Thursday mornin g saw her trudging down the road on her way to a neighbouring

co n m arket town , with a basket on her arm taining eggs and perhaps a chicken or two, while Caroline, who seldom stirred abroad ,

out o f stood at the gate an d watched her sight . Caroline was on the watch again at fiv e in the

on evening , to greet her her return with the

’ o f week s supply groceries and gossip .

On e Thursday she was back a full half- hour

sa t before her time . She panted as she down , and her eyes were bright with excitemen t .

’ Caroline s pulse began to flutter.

’ she is a P Sister, said faintly , what

fi r e la ce Catherine pointed to the p .

’ it she There s somebody want to take , said . The house ? Never ! ”

Ess . . , the house A man Sister ! A single m an

s Es . A stranger from up the country . Aw ’ ! ’ , Cath rine You didn

t ? . S 1 . n o ES , did Why Trust me I know better from worse . A staid m an , and

’ ’ his name s Isaac Sampson , and that s a good

— o u t o f respectable n ame took Scripture , both

’ ’ ends of it . And he s to work pon the roads ,

’ a nd breakin g stones , there an t no solider trade P O 1 MR . SAM S N 77

’ than that , I should think . And he ll pay a

’ - shilling a week , and I ve took the arnest money

’ fi rst for the week , an d him and the furn iture s

- coming up to morrow . There

Carolin e gasped . ’ ! ! Cath rine A single m an , and a foreigner And us all alone

“ ’ You m talkin g foolish , sister . A staid ,

’ ’ e respectable man , I tell , and sixty if he s a

’ ’ en S en d ay You ve see d too , and poke to .

’ ’ H e passed 0 Tuesday and give us the ti me 0 day

’ 0 There was two people passed Tuesday .

This one passed in the morning .

Caroline reflected .

Grey whiskers all round , soft black hat u p

’ ‘ ’ m ma r nen to , stooped a bit, and said , broad like ? ”

“ ’ ’ reco nised That s the chap . I him to once

’ a civ ille r - when spoke to me . A spoken man

I never look to meet . Recommended by the

Ess . Mr . butcher , too , I asked Pearse about

’ ’ a a him , and said was honest enough for all he knowed and that ’s a deal for a man to

’ ’ sa his e y that kill own m eat . I l l tel l how ’ twas . With all its rami fi cations o f detail and

1 2 1 8 P O 7 MR . SAM S N

’ fi v e comment , the telling of the minutes inter view i n the market - place took half an hour at B least . y that time the idea which at fi rst had so t erri fied Caroline had grown familiar and accepted . ’ “ ’ F a sk raps if we him , said she , he ll kill

’ us the chickens for . I shan t never get over

’ wringing the poor dear mortals necks , not if I ” live to be a hundred .

Mr I t was late next even ing when . Sampson

- arrived with his possessions in a farm cart .

The sisters watched , peeping from behind the geraniums into the rainy A pril twilight, while

wa s E the furn iture being unloaded . vidently

Mr . . Sampson was no Sybarite When a chair, a table, a bed , a box , and a miscellaneous

i n bundle had been carried , the empty cart

o ff drove , and the new tenant went in and shut the door .

’ e ? My life ! did see exclaimed Catherine .

o rn men ts so No carpet , no mats , no y , not

’ iek sher ! m uch as a li ll p A rough sort , I

’ ’ his seem . I do most wish I hadn took shilling . “ At Poor soul murmured Caroline . his ! I’m age , and nobody to look after him glad

1 80 R A P O M . S M S N

’ a - we He s setting there , close up to , smoking

’ ” fi re away front of the .

“ “ Like father used , said Caroline . Nice

’ ’ eo mfor ble o ff an d , with his boots , I shouldn

’ ! he s fi re wonder . There now raking the .

’ ’ ’ Tis most as if a was in the same room ” us with .

They kept silence for a while, try ing to realise their new neighbour’ s proximity through the party wall , strain ing their eyes after the

w of his shado company . Presently Catherine had an idea . H ow if we should rattle the fi re - showl a ? bit she suggested . Twill seem more ” sociable, like .

Caroline stretched out her hand , and drew it back , reddening.

“ ’ so—so I don t like to , somehow . I t seem ” - a - forward , like thing . Aw ! ’ w , nonsense How s going to kno we done it a - purpose ? And the grate wants

u w . righting p, anyho . Here, give it me She scraped up the ashes with d efi a n t vigour , and let the shovel fal l clattering . “ There ! Now call your sister all the bold

’ u z z ies you ca n think for

fi n er Caroline smiled faintly, holding up her g . R P O 1 8 1 M . SAM S N

Mr But even if . Sampson heard the signal , he was not imaginative enough to interpret its kindly meaning, and respond . I t was ten minutes before they heard another soun d—the double tap again .

“ n e O more pipe , and then to bed , com

’ ” men ted . Catherine That was father s way .

fi re They remained over the , talking a little in discreet tones , their ears ready to seize the i slightest sound through the wall , their imag na tions busy with the man who sat unconscious O within a few feet of them . nce he coughed ,

o n and they speculated the sound . Was it an ordinary clearing of the throat , as Catherine

a o r main t ined , was Caroline right in detecting a hollow ring , and arguing a weakness of the chest ? Once he whistled a few slow notes ;

they recognised a fragment of a revival hymn , and drew favourable deductions . I f it had — bee n a low pothouse song l At last they

- o f - heard once more the tap tap the p ipe bowl , followed im mediately by the scraping of chair

o n floo r legs the bare . “ ! j ust l ike I said exclaimed Catherine .

’ ’ H e s going to bed n ow . La me l t is nine ’ ! o clock How quick the time have gone , to be sure ! 1 82 P O MR . SAM S N

’ I m in glad we took him , good man , said

’ ’ ’ ’ 0 co m n a P Caroline . I t make a bit p y don t

Sleep was long in coming to them after the social excitements of the evening . They awoke later than usual next morning , and were

Mr o only down in time to see . Sampson g past on his way to work . They hurried to the gate .

“ ’ ” H e stoo don t py so much as I thought ,

“ for a e I said Caroline . A clever man his g ,

’ Id u - l mmed seem . his left hand coat pocket p u out like P

’

S o . . tis Got his din ner inside, I reckon

’ a Wonder what is .

’ ’ C ath ri ne l How s going to m an age for his meals P

’ ’ D un n aw e m a s . Cook himself, s pose, same ’ ’11 we . a of it And a wisht poor job make , I seem . — ’ Poor chap ! W e we couldn offer to

’ ’ ” m s ose P cooky for , p ’ — Would n be fi tty not till we do know him

’ ’ a better . Pretty and foolish we d look if was

’ ’ ‘ e to say No , than k .

’ ’ u s F raps he ll ask to , said Caroline as

’ i n Aw o . ! a they turned to g , Catherine I f haven ’ gone and left the door all abroad

1 8 P O 4 MR . SAM S N

’ clan ed es d a n ow I up the floor y y, and look ” en ! to Such a muck you never behold .

“ ’ ’ Cath rine ! We can t leave en go on this ” a - ! o en so way I t g to my heart to see .

“ ’ ’ No more we won t . We ll come in after ’ ” br ukfa s and do up the place .

’ H e But he ll know . might be vexed .

’ ” Don t care , said Catherine recklessly . I f

’

o ff. he s vexed , he can take himself This room fi tt have got to be clane and y agin Sund ay , fi tt ’ it ” and clane and y we m going to make .

ne n O thing led to another . O his return

Mr . Sampson found the house swept and

fi re garnished . The grate was polished , the laid ; a strip of o ld carpet was spread before the hearth , another strip guarded the entry . A piece of muslin had been nailed across the

o n w- o window , and the windo shelf st od two

geraniu m pl ants , gay with scarlet blossom .

The table was set for a meal , with kn ife , fork ,

mug and plate , and on the plate was an inviting

H e brown pasty . went upstairs , and found his

- bed neatly made , and a bright coloured text pinned on the wall where it would meet his

M r waking eyes . . Sampson pondered on these

things while he ate the pasty to the last crumb . Presen tly he went out and knocked at his P O 1 8 MR . SAM S N 5

it n eighbours door . Catherine opened ; the other conspirator trembled in the background .

’ ”

Mr . e . Thank , marm , said Sampson shortly

’ Mr You m welcome . Sampson . Anything

’ we can do to make e co mfor ble

Mr . Sampson shifted his feet, spat respect fully behind his hand , an d said nothin g .

Catherine gained courage .

’ ’ e ? Won t step inside she asked , and immediately bobbed backwards , utterin g an o dd little squeak , as her skirt was tugged from

Mr behind by the alarmed Caroline . . Sampson stared at her in mild astonishment .

’ e— No , thank do very well here, he said .

wa s Pasty capital , he added after a pause .

“ ’ ’ it e n r all Sister m ade . She s g y reckoned a good hand .

’ e Mr Thank , marm , said . Sam pson , raising his voice and addressing the obscure

’ in terior over Catherine s shoulder . The vague figure within responded with a flutter and an ' inarticulate twitter . I f you ll leave me know what ’ s to pay N

’ ’ sa Mr We won t y n othing bout that , .

wa s — Sam pson . But I going to say sister and me have been talk ing things over—and I was

’ I ) going to a sk e 186 MR . SAM PSO N

With many hesitations Catherine expounded

of she a plan mutual accom modation , by which an d Caroline were to cook his food and keep his rooms tidy in return for the heavier o ut — door work digging the garden , gathering fuel from the moor, and the like . A special clause ’ stipulated for the wringing of the chickens

Mr necks . . Sampson agreed readily, and grew

co n fiden tia l spasmodically . Lived with a widowed sister till last year . Sister married again , and gone to live in the shires . Doing for himself ever since , an d mak ing a terrible it poor job of . Knew no more about cooking than a cow did about handling a musket .

Could m ake shift to fry a rasher , and that was

’ about all . Reckoned he d do very well now, and was properly grateful to the ladies for

their proposal .

’ Aw Mr , you m kindly welcome , . Sampson !

I t was Caroline who spoke , close up to her ’ w sister s elbo .

“ ’ e Thank , marm , he replied , and Caroline

shrank back into the shadows .

The arrangement worked capitally . Every

Mr o n . evening returnin g from work , Sam pson

found his house in order , his table laid , and

88 MR P O 1 . SAM S N

evening at the accustomed hour , sat for the accustomed period in his accusto med chair , and

was bore his part in the accustomed talk . I t a wonder to Caroline that she had ever been

o f n ow afraid him , that he had come to be as much a part o f the n atural scheme o f things as the grandfather clock that ticked in the corner by the staircase . I ndeed , with his

- round moon face , his slow and weighty speech ,

his and undeviating regularity of habits , he bore no small resemblance to that venerable timepiece. The comparison does him great

’ ” for f honour ; Grandf er, as the sisters af ection it ately called , held a deservedly high place in their esteem . Those who dwell in crowded marts may regard their clocks and watches as mere mechanical contrivances ; but to two lone women in a solitary place , the household clock ,

’ especially if it be such a clock as Grand fer , with his imposing seven foot o f stature and his

o f i s solemn vis age shining brass , something

of more than a mere nest cogs and pulleys . Such a clock is the real master of the house ; he orders the comings and goings , the down sittings and uprisings of his votaries ; his ponderous ticking pervades every room ; when he huskily clears his throat , voices are hushed P O 1 8 MR . SAM S N 9 and respectful silence is kept till he has delivered his hourly mess age to transien t mortality the operation of winding him up is an affair of solemn ritual . I t was not long

M o f before r . Sampson heard the history the

’ ’ two outstandin g events in Gra n dt er s other wise untroubled existence — the vain and impious attempt of a misguided stranger to carry him o ff in exchange for a paltry twenty pounds in gold , and that other episode of his

o f frenzy, when , in the dead n ight , he had a E false alarm of tern ity, and struck a hundred and seventeen on end , while the sisters , called from their beds by the dread su mmons , hovered

- about him , white robed and tearful . The four m ade a com fortable and well

’ a r e ca r r é bal anced p tz e. C atherine led the talk ;

Mr . Sampson seconded her bravely ; C aroline

’ was the best o f listeners ; while Grand f er filled the gaps , when gaps occurred , with his well conned discourse, soothing to hear with a clear

o f - conscience at the end a well spent day . There was no more harmonious and happy a

fi reside company i n all the countryside .

n e Then came the catastrophe . O evening

was i t a Thursday , about three mon ths after

’ Mr —he . Sampson s arrival knocked at the 1 9 P 9 MR . SAM S ON

as . H e door usual I t remained shut . tried

. . H e ut ! o the latch I t would not open called , ’ and Catherine s voice made answer °

sa it Mr Grieved to y , . Sampson , but you

’ ” i n can t come .

’ ’ H o w ? What s up with e P

’ ’ ’ e i n I can t tell , but you m ustn come .

’ e o Mr Will plaise to g away , . Sampson P ” H e thought it over slowly . No , he said at ’ ” last . Not till I do know what s the matter . Aw ! ” dear There were tears in her voice . ’ e o I beg of , g ’ u Not till I hear what s p, he repeated .

o f A murmur agitated tal k came to his ears .

’ o u I f you ll open door , he said , y can tell

’ ’ ’ for ble I won t me co m . come in if you don t

’ ’ ”

I m u . wish , but bound to know what s p

More whisperin g . Then a bolt was with

or drawn , and the door Opened an inch two .

“ ” Come , he said , and pushed gently . The

door resisted .

“ ’ ’ I can t look e in the face . I f I must tell

’ ’ e but I of e , I must , die shame if I look in ” the face . So bad as that ?

’ n Worse . Worse anythin g you could ’ A ! e P think for. w dear How be I to tell

1 2 M P O 9 R . SAM S N

Mr a and . Sampson con fronted them , his eyes twinkle with sober enjoyment . ’ ” That s a stale old yarn , he said . Heard

’ ’ e u O me weeks ago . nly twas told tother way

’ ’ ’ e about . Don t mind telling I mightn have ” of thought it else .

Mr ? Thought of what , . Sampson

’ o f e Why , courting , to be sure, said the

gentleman placidly .

The ladies gasped in unison . ’ — ’ You don t mane to say you you m

stam mered Catherine at last .

“ E ss be . u , I , though This fort it , come

’

. so Sunday I f you ll k indly take it , and no ” offence . — But but we never noticed nothing .

“ ’ ’ Tis see No, s pose . like the cooking, you

’ ’ Now ti u it s o t . I m a terrible poor hand at .

’ ” Ben t vexed , I hope .

“ Aw n o ! , But ” “

! o n . There he hurried Thin k it over,

’ ’ e o f o u will P There s the saving to consider , y

’

see , money an d trouble both . An d I ve put

a s by a pound or two . Not so young I was ,

’ a s but we an t none of that . An d not so

’

o ld n uther . dreadful , Wouldn thin k of parting

’ of e ; reckon we could be pretty and com MR P O 1 . SAM S N 93

’ ’ te r ble u s together, the three of , though I can t

’ ’

o f e . S o m arry but one , course tal k it over,

’ ’ - will e P I ll be round agin to morrow evening .

- Good n ight . H e had reached the gate before Catherin e found voice to recall him . ” Mr Mr. ! ! . Sam pson Plaise , Sampson

ma r mP . Well , he said , slowly returning

’ A scu se — e my asking , but would m ind — ' telling telling w/zzck o ne you was thinking — y of o f courtin g ? ’ Mr fi n ers o f . Sampson s g went to the back

is h head .

’ Now you ll be laughing upon me , he said .

’ W hich o ne ? W hich y Well , I don t know y

’ ’ one , and that s the truth . But it d on t make

no odds , he added cheerfully . Settle it

’ ’ ’ ic a e . t l r b tween yourselfs I ben t noways p .

Mr . ! La , Sampson Who ever heard tell of ” s ? uch a thing cried Catherine , giggling in f spite o hersel f. ’ ! That s right he chuckled . Laugh so

’ a s to much you ve a mind to . Sister l aughing o P

’ Caroline s nervous titter passed muster .

’ ’ ” c mf r o o ble . Now we m , he rem arked ” Reckon I can step inside now , and no scandal .

his I n he walked , none hinderin g , took usual I 3 1 MR 94 . SAM PS O N

his chair , spread his hands on knees , and beamed o n the sisters .

” ’ Ess I m . old , he continued like the cat — ’ in the bo n fire don t know which course to

’ ’ steer . Never was such a case , s pose . I ve

’ turned it over this way , and I ve rolled it over

’ that way , an d I can t come to no conclusion .

’ ou see Always seeing you together, y , I can t

’ e part nohow , no more than milk from water.

’ a s But don t matter , I said before . I f only

’ you ll be so kind as to settle it between your selfs

’ We couldn do that , said Catherine em phatically .

“ e n o w ? H e Couldn , turned inquiringly to Caroline . Caroline shook her head . ’ fitt ” Wouldn be y, she murmured . ” Mr Well , you do know best , said . Sampson ,

o n a little dashed , and pondered , his eyes the ground , while the sisters shot sidelong glances

’ H e at him an d avoided each other s looks . lifted his head and caught Caroline’ s eye

’ ’ Cath rine s the best to manage things , said

Caroline, in a hurry .

H e looked hopeful ly at Catherine .

’ ’ ” she Car line s the best cook by far , hastened

sa to y.

1 6 A P 9 MR . S M S O N

’ An t se marmP that , he added , appealing to

Caroline . “ I m in d a text in Proverbs , said Caroline shyly, which say , The lot causeth contention s

’ to cease .

“ ” “ ’ ! Mr See ejaculated . Sampson . That s

’ o f it ! ‘ The lot causeth contentions to cease .

’ ’ ut 0 Pro Tis aimed straight at our case . O

’ to o ! Old we verbs , Solomon s the chap for .

’ ’ See how a settled that a rgymen t bout the

Ma t . baby . An d there was two ladies in

Well , then ?

Catherine shook her head doubtfully , but

ff Mr o ered no further objection . . S ampson

of o ne produced a handful coins , chose with

fitti n for i ns ec g deliberation , and held it up p

tion .

“ ’ No w a , he announced . I f should turn

’ ’ ’ old up the Queen , then tis Cath rine . I f tis

’ the young person with the prong , then Caroline s ” n e she the o . And up goes .

I t was not the spin of an expert , and he

failed to catch the flying coin . I t fell to the

’ Mr ground in the dark corner by Grandf er . .

o n his Sampson went down hands and knees ,

while the sisters held their breaths . I’ m Well , darned P O 1 MR . SAM S N 9 7

Mr. The ladies j umped . S ampson rose slowly to his feet, holding the halfpenny at arm ’ s length and smiling foolishly upon it

- I f it had been a lime ash floor , now , he

’ ‘ What s wrong ? C atherin e foun d breath to

’ 0 Fell in a crack the planching , my dear .

e n u Found stickin g there edge p , and no head

e u Old to , nor yet no tail . Solomon himself

’ e n couldn m ake nothing by . But how come

fl oor you to have a ti mbern to your kitchen ,

’ ” when mine s lime -a sh P “ ’ Twas father ’s doing when the house was

“ H e built, said Carol ine . always liked to

’ o ff a - take his boots of evening , and lime ash is

’ ’ - e that cold natured , tis apt to give chilblains ” through your stock in gs . “ ! Well , to see how things do turn out

r meditated M . Sampson .

“ ’ a Tw s ordained , I seem , said Caroline solemn ly .

“ A token , sure enough , agreed Catherine .

’ u s And father s eyes u pon this very m in ute , I

’ ’ Mr — I t is shouldn wonder . . Sampson doubt

’ w e d sa all fool ishness , and best y no more ” about i t 1 9 8 MR . S AM PS ON

’ see he Don t that , said . I f your father

’ ’ didn choose to wear sl ippers , that an t no law ful reason why I s houldn ’ get married if I want

’ wa ' that s to . M ust try some other y, all .

Again he pondered , till Caroline broke the silence with a timid suggestion . If ” , she hesitated , colouring , if we should M r . s wait a bit , Sampson keeping away from u

’ ’ r a s ud meanwhile , p p his heart speak . ’ ” S o a might , said the gentlem an d ubiously

’ ’ a an d then agin mightn . A mazy old organ ,

’ ” liev e b .

e Absence m ake the heart grow f nder , so ” they say , remarked Catherine .

’ ” ’ That s very well , he replied . Don t

’ ’ a how a doubt but what do . B ut if should

’ ’ m ake e n grow fonder of both of e P Where d

’ s ? o u u be then But we ll try if y do wish,

’ ’ t id n though I doubt much use .

his Taking leave , he paused at the door .

” ’ Al l the same, he said , I can t help wishing

’ ” I d been born a heathen Turk .

Left alone , the sisters had plenty of food for

thought . They sat without speaking , and the longer they sat the harder it became to break

fi rst silence. For the time in their lives a veil

200 MR P . SAM S O N

’ S osin ! she p g I did whispered . Then how come you to take those eggs P I—I shall take what eggs I ’ve a m ind to so there I “ ’ so A mean trick , tis . To take my eggs ,

’ she what I ve been saving up for Toppy , and

elu ck cluek be as as can , as you very well know , and in her box this very minute , wearing her

o ut - heart over the chaney nest egg , poor fond ! Of little worm all the mean tricks , to take my eggs ” Aw bistl o ld 1 , you and your y eggs Even for a maiden attempt at scorn ful

o n e sarcasm it was a wretchedly poor , and its effect was further discounted when the perpetrator instantly burst into a flood of penitential tears . The next moment they were

’ in each other s arms . “ it ! ” To thin k of exclaimed Catherine, as their sobs subsided . All these years with Aw never a cross word , and now , d rat the man Sister 1”

Drat the man she repeated , revelling in

’ her own profanity . Wish we d n ever set eyes

’ pon him . Sarve him right if we sent him ’ bout his business ! MR P O . SAM S N 20 1

’ S ister ! When we m both so good as

’ ’ ’ ’

n ! a o . promised to Beside , wouldn g He s ” terrible obstinate , for al l his quiet ways .

“ ’ ’ ” 11 en A week s notice settle , said Catherine viciously .

’ i ! — Cath r ne , we couldn Good man to be

o n e o ut o f slighted by two in day, an d turned — ’ house and home o v e r plu sh we could n

” “ I t do seem hard , admitted Catherine. But

’ ’ ” o we can t g on like this , that s plain . F’ ’ ’ raps he ve made his ch ice by now .

’ ’ ’ a a o n e u I f have , can t choose but of s.

’ be P l And then , where ll the other Tell me that ” Sister , said Caroline , and paused , an d d rew I —I ’ a long breath . Sister dear ; ben t in no

’ ’ ’ i la r v i le n e p t c c to get married .

’ ’ Caroli ne Stevens , there s the Bible pon the

’ n shelf. Lay your hand to , and say those

words agin , if you can .

’ ” Caroline hid her face in her hands . I can t , she faltered .

“ n uther be Nor I . And here we , the two o f us c , ge king round the corner after one man !

’ ’ At ! Tis sha me fu l l I m our age , too black i t red all over at the thought of . Two s illy — ’ ” old women that s what we be .

’ A w don t I , , sister shuddered Caroline . 202 R P O M . SAM S N

Two silly old women , repeated the

’ - so . merciless self abaser . But it shan t be

be ot Than ks , I g some sense left in my brain ,

’ though my heart s a caudle of foolishness . I t

’ so shan t be . The longer he stay , the worse

’ ’ ’ be o a twill , and g he shall . How couldn make

’ ’ ’ up his m ind fore speak ? Two uld n have ” happened so then .

“ ’ ’ fo ced Twas upon him to speak .

’ ’ ’

S o a . was I mustn be hard pon him .

’ - fi t Tis Doom , I reckon and better Doom should ten d to his battles and murders an d sudden

’ o f deaths , stead com ing an d plaguing quiet ,

’ d acen t folk . Well , and Doom shan t have it

’ h r n ut e . all his own way , There shan t be no

a lous - - i n - j wife nor no sinful thoughted sister law , ” not in this locality .

Sister , such dreadful talk

’ ’ Tis my duty to speak plain . There s bound

o f it to be suffering com e out , but anyways we ” f Go can choose to su f er respectable . he shall .

The garden gate clicked .

“ ’ ’ Cath rin e ! Here a do come ! A nd aw l

’ ’ his if I do live , he ve got best clo es u p

’ a bu m Then made up his mind after all ,

’ ’ us so an d he ve com e to tell . But tis too late

’ ’ a now , and shan t n ame no names , not if I can

M R P O 204 . SAM S N

’ a z ackl to began at last , and I don t y seem

’ 0 get to the rights this .

’ There an t no rights to en cried Catherine

“ ’ ’ Will e Tis wildly . ( stop snooling, sister

be to all so wrong as can , and time put an end

’

it . to Nor you mustn ask why , for we can ’ ’ ’ e e o ut never tell . We m grieved to put in

’ ’ e any way , and we m grieved to part with ; but

o g you must , and no questions asked .

’ Mr . Sampson s scattered wits obeyed his

’ ” summons . I f I ben t mistook , he said , not without dignity , there was words passed ” u s con sarnin between g matrimony .

Foolish words interj ected Catherine .

“ ’ Foolisher words were never spoke . They ve ” got to be took back .

’ I ben t I f mistook , he contin ued stolidly , I was told to go away and make up my mind

hea r a s —if t . or my , you may say so be I could

’ ’ Tis too late . We ll be thankful if you ’ it ” won t say no more about .

’ “ If o n I ben t m istook , he went , with a

corroborative glance at his festal attire , I come here j ust now to say I’ d come to a conformable — conclusion at last . I come here to say with

’ doo respect to the other lady , who s good enough for anybody—I come to say I’d pitched MR A P O 2 . S M S N 05 my eh i ce on the lady I should wish t o com mit matrimony with . An d the n ame of that lady

’ ” Don t say the word ! cried Catherine .

’ ’ ’ Tis hard enough already ; don t e go to make

’ it harder . Whichever tis , her answer have got

’ ’ ’ so P to be No . An t that , Car line

Caroline speechlessly assented .

With best than ks all the same , continued

Catherine in softer tones , and hoping you

’ too o f u s won t think hardly , and never shall

’ 0 we think other than kind ly you , an d proud

’ ’ ’ ha a t her o n e u s we d been , y of , if it hadn been

’ ordained otherwise , as you ll m ind I said to

’ o n once when the ha penny stood edge , and

’ a w w ill e o , g , and not stand glazing there like a stuck pig

Mr f . Sam pson sti f ened his back . Very ” o ff well , m arm , he replied , and began peeling a glove I ben ’ t one to fo ’ ce myself ’ pon

H e nobody . attacked the other glove . Nor

’ n o r a sk I ben t going to state no grievance , no ” H e questions , nor mention n o names . rolled the gloves into a forlorn and crum pled ball .

“ ’ ’ ” e m su iffi n You ll spile , said Catherine , g

’ aud ibly . G ive em here .

She took them , smoothed them out , laid A P 206 MR . S M S O N

o n e them together, turned neatly inside out over the other , an d gave them back .

“ ’ ” “ ’ e Thank , he said . Bought em for a

’ ’ funeral I didn go to ; never put em o n till

- to . out day Queer how things do turn . Well ,

o H e if I got to g , then the sooner the better . took the flower from his buttonhole and laid it

“ o n o f the table . (Meant for the lady my

’

. 5 0 ch ice , not to mention no n ames ) I

’ ” o H e h reckon I ll g to once . fumbled in is

“ pocket . I can get a bed over to Churchtown

’ - I m — very good beds at the inn , so told and

’ ” on H e I ll sen d along for my things later .

“ o ut on counted some silver the table . And

’ there s the money owing ; two shilling rent for ” this week and next .

r M . Sampson Catherine protested

H e through her tears . raised an implacable

hand .

I f you plaise , marm . According to the law

o f the l and , and not wishin g to be beholden to no

’ ’ ” b lie e - v . . body . A nd that s about all , Good bye

’ ’ o You ll shake hands fore g , pled Catherine .

’ ” o ld No , I don t think , said the un forgiving

’ do I m an . Tis the Christian thing to , know ; ’ it but there an t no m istake about , I ought to ” have been born a heathen Turk .

T H E W H I T E B O N N E T

W H EN S usann a Poyner found herself alone in middle age with a tiny cottage of her own

she and an income to match , got Christopher E llery , the carpen ter, to run a couple of shelves

o f n across the window the best room . O these she arranged some packets o f minor groceries , three or four bottles of sweets, a card o f sham j ewellery, and a pyramid of oranges , and so took her fi rst timid d ip in the great

o f she ocean commerce . The splash made was almost inaudible ; the ripple o f interest

it spread around was of the faintest . A dozen windows in the village displayed a similar

array of d usty bottles an d packets , and the jesting stranger has been known to ask if the inhabitants had no other way o f supporting themselves than by selling o n e another baking

wa s powder an d acid d r0ps. Susan na herself

modest enough in her aspirations .

Yo u see she as , said to Christopher, he TH E WH ITE B O NN ET 2 09

“ ’ hammered away, I ben t what you may call

’ a laborious wom an , but I can t endure to be

’ twiddling my thumbs all day ; n or I ben t no gossip , but I do like a bit of company ; nor

’ ’ - I ben t no money grubber, but I can t support

on - S nature kettle broth , and ixpence a day

’ ’ o : won t brin g me m uch else . S there tis something to do, and somebody coming in now and again , and something gained by the end

’ of the week , if tis on ly fourpence to buy hal f a pound of butcher ’ s meat for Sunday—that ’ s all

’ ’

. ? I look for Tisn much , Christopher

’ I ve knowed people to look for more , admitted Christopher , twinkling . Should

’ o u think y might safely reckon pon fourpence , o r fiv e e nce o ne even p , taking week with another . Not all to once, you know I t

’ b liev e take some time to work u p a trade, . ” S o ! much competition sighed Susanna .

’ ’ Mrs There s . Woon across the way . She don t need to keep no shop , with her husband arnin g

’ ’ ’ good wages . Tisn fair to we that s properly ” in business .

’ Mrs . Woon don t have n o customers that

” ’ o i “ I hear tell , said Christopher , without tis her own family . She buy her soap and starch

" o il o f herself, and sel l the sweeties to her own 1 4 2 1 0 TH E WH I TE B O NNET

children for the pennies she give them . They

do say she keep some pennies a - purpose with

’ ’ ’ holes in em , so the custom shan t go out o the family circle, like . Been going round and

’ roun d for years , those pennies have , till they re

most wore out . Terrible short weight she

’ so I m give them too , told , an d cheat herself ” over the soap beside .

Cheat herself cried Susanna , throwing up

her hands . The desperate person

’ ’ Ti s b liev e i C h stO he r. in the blood , , said p

o Her father used to g aroun d selling coals .

’ ou And that s the last n ail , Susanna . Now, if y wan t any help puttin g up the things

o f flims Standing before the little pile y boxes , he hitched U p his sleeves and made a feint o f

o n spitting his hands .

“ ’ Now you re joking , I do believe exclaimed

Susann a , gently reproachful . But i f you

’ wouldn mind stepping outside , j ust to see how they look while I put them up ” To be sure , my dear, said Christopher

heartily , and made his way into the road .

Mrs ou t . Woon , peering j ealously from behind

sa w her rival shelves , him gravely and minutely

gesturing with uplifted hand , like an umpire

giving middle to a batsman , while Susanna,

2 1 2 TH E WH I TE B O NN ET

and as hard to catch as a King George bu tter fl lu wo y . B ut I been thinking , if only

’ me 0 I can tice the n into my sh p , I might

o r pick up with a solid evangelical farmer, a st aid widow man with a nice little business .

’ ” I ll thin k it over, Susanna, said Christopher,

’ ” with a grave face . And thank e for the hint . “ Y ’ ! . ou La , Christopher she cried don t

Aw ! I iv e think I mean t , Christopher g

’ ’ e my word , you re the last person I should ” o f ever think in that way .

“ ’ And that s a terrible fi n e forth -and - baek it ” sort of compliment , come to think of , said

Christopher d rily.

“ o u Now , Christopher, y do understand my

’ meaning very well . You re a friend . You

’ ’ don t think I d go setting my traps for a ’ ’ e P friend , do Twould be like teeling a gin for a tame rabbit—I’d never have the heart

’ to do it . But I do believe you re joking again ! ’ I do wish you d laugh like other people when

so you m ake a joke . I can see a j oke well as other people , give me proper warn ing ; but

’ - these solem n faced jokes , they re d angerous thin gs . You mind the story of the wolf, Christopher P

To be sure I do , said Christopher, taking TH E WH ITE B O NNET 2 1 3

“ ’ H e his departure . dressed up in sheep s clothing, an d went about hooting like a d un ke for y, and everybody was frightened their

’ o ut wa d n life, till they found he nothing but a ” - tame rabbit after all . Good bye , Susanna .

“ ’ H e ve got it all wron g . Another j oke,

’ ” s pose, said Susann a, gazing wistfully after “ ’ E him . I do wish he d laugh . ven a wink

’ u d be better than nothing .

c ” ’ Poor whifiie - headed soul l was Christopher s

’ io n r efl ect as he went o n his way . She won t make her fortune in a hurry , I seem .

’ But the curious thi n gr was that Susanna s

fi rst business grew and prospered from the , i n spite of her complete d e fi cie n cy in the co m me rc ia l virtues . A rithmetic was to her a kind of d ubious fairyland , where nothing happened but the unexpected ; and when , with the

o f she increase trade , was obliged to set up

- an account book , m idnight often found her wandering in a d i m avenue of debit and credit columns , that wavered an d shifted shape at

every new inspection , like trees in a mist .

she Nor could be styled a brisk saleswoman . The most t r iflin g purchase at her sh0p wa s an undertaki n g to which it was advisable to se t

- aside a good half hour at least . She had no 2 1 4 T H E W H ITE B O NN ET

more control over the natural perversity of inan imate objects than over the thoughts in her brain , and the article she was most in need

wa s of ever the last to come to hand , if it came to hand at all . But entertain men t was

’ never to seek in S usanna s shop ; and therein ,

o f perhaps , lay the secret her success among

- the joyous , time scorning fol k of the village .

Customers might, or m ight not , obtain wh at they came to purchase, but they were sure of their diversion , whether it took the form of a fren zied hunt after the missing shoe of a pair, or a candid discussion o f the great plan of

o r campaign against the eligible farmer , a

fi c - te rr i cataclysm among the pickle bottles .

The parlour was soon too small for the stock . Christopher was called in again to erect a coun ter in the kitchen and to line its walls with

shelves . And still trade grew and space con

tracted , while Mrs . Woon across the way gnawed her envious lips and freely prophesied

o f disaster . Colu mns boxes rose to the

ceiling ; bales and sacks obstructed the floor ;

stockings and herrings , sunbonnets and ropes

of onions , waved overhead like an i nverted

fillin forest ; and over al l , g every chink and

2 1 6 TH E W H I TE B O NNET

them , and they were the only ones that came ’ ’ ” a P to buy . That looks like business , don t “ I t do that, agreed Christopher . Seem

’ u or ing to me, I must hurry p, I ll lose my ” chance . “ w ’ No . , Christopher, you re farcing again

You did ought to be more careful . Suppose I

’ ’ was to take you up ser ous ; where d you be ” then P Reckon I’ d be ’ tother side counter with my

’ You arm round your waist . don t frighten me,

’ Susanna . I ve been in worse places than that , ” and never turned a hair .

u Susanna drew herself p .

W as r it tobacco you were wanting , M . ” E stitfl llery ? she asked y .

I f you plaise, M iss Poyner , he returned imperturbably .

’ ’ There tis , then . I f you ll kindly take it Aw ! and , Christopher See what comes o f your joking ! Yo u nearly made me speak

’ ’ sharp to e l I shan t sleep to - night for thinking of it H o w ou 5 0—8 0 . can y be indiscriminate ?

fi lled Her eyes , and Christopher surrendered .

“ ’ ’ ! e There, Susanna Didn mane to vex .

’ ’ Wouldn vex e for all the world and A ust r aley ’ You t e ous beside . m ustn mind my j nonsense. TH E W H ITE B O NNET 2 1 7

Aw . , well , she sighed Must take you as

’ ” you are , s pose .

“ ’ That s all I want , Susann a . For better , ” for - worse, as they say in the prayer book , he replied from the doorway , and disappeared as

u her hands went p .

O n e spring mornin g Susanna had an adv en — ture with a bagman a n excitin g adventure in

- itsel f, and far reaching in its consequences as

o wn well It shall be told in her word s . — I saw him at the gate only j ust discerned

’ re co n ise d his outline , like , but I hi m for a traveller to once : for all the world like a real gentlem an , on ly brisker and sh inier . I took him for the glass and chin a person , and not I’ wanting anything in that way , I thought d

‘ ’ ’ sa hide , for y no to them I can t when once they begin—they ’ ve such a fascinating way with them . No ti me to slip round to the

so back , I lurked down behind the counter ,

’

0 o . h ping he d g away after a bit I n he come,

and rapped on the counter j ust over my head , and up wen t my heart right into my mouth ;

’ but I didn budge , and there was he waiting , and there was I crum pled up on the floor li ke

the a cat looking after a mouse , on ly other way 2 18 TH E W H ITE B O NN ET

about . Then I heard a rustling sound up over,

’ ’ u and I could n but look p, if twas to meet my

so death I screwed my head carefully round , and there I behold a hand , with a m assive

’ - fi n er seal ring pon the little g , feeling to the

su nbon nets up there . That made me doubt

o r if he was the crockery gentleman after all , he ’ d have been attracted by the teapots on the shel f behind , more like . Then I fancied could

’ I d - he see my hair, that done u p careless like

’ on to in a roun d knap p , stead of pl aitin g it

’ en rall behind like I g y do . You know how

’ sel f- conscious your hair do feel when tis

f S o arranged dif erent from usual . I was lurk

ing down closer to the floor , when a strange

feeling come over , an d I knew something I ’ dreadful was going to happen . d been

o f ot serving pepper j ust before , and some it g

o n fl oor spilt the , and there I was, working up

’ for a sneeze . Then I knew twas all over with

me , for a sneeze is like doom itself ; you m ay

’ dodge it for a bit , but there s no escapin g it in

’ S e the end . I begun creeping away pon my

hands and knees , thinking if only I could hold out till I got behind the biscuit boxes I could

’ safely stan d up and explode, and he d thin k

’ I d slipped into the sh0p behind his back .

2 20 TH E WH ITE B O NN ET

I’ d him I him after the fright given , let him

’ book an order for two dozen , and they re coming down in good time for Easter—where ’ ’ — I m to put them I can t thin k for my life an d

’ if the public don t rally roun d me, and buy

’ - I m all twenty four, a ruined woman , an d all ” because I done my hair on top this morn ing .

B ut more hopeful vie ws soon prevailed ; an d when the hats arrived and were set out for

o f show in her bedroom , and the ladies the

— was village crowded to view an d what more, — to purchase she wa s inclined to be boastful

of her business acumen . Some might thin k

wa s she she running a risk , but was bound to move with the times ; and it wa s easy enough

to create a market , once you know how . With

she wa s her experience, believed there nothing

’ in the realms o f commerce that she couldn t dispose of within the l im its o f the parish

- barring gas stoves, perhaps .

o n e Within a week , all the hats but had been

sold . But when another week passed , and that

o n e o n still hung hand , Susan na began to be E anxious . aster Sunday once past , the market for the choicer vanities would be closed

i nd e fin itel y. Holy Week wen t by in desperate TH E WH I TE B O NNET 2 2 1

f but unavailing ef orts to push the sale , and

on E Ev e his Christopher, dropping in aster for usual Saturday chat , found her plunged in gloom .

of The handsomest the lot , Christopher , and the most expensive , but not a penny more ’ E it than it s worth . verybody admires , but —’ everybody says the same thin g tis only fi t for a bride . A white bonnet , Christopher ,

fl o wers with white an d white satin trimmings .

’ a s it And for the bride to belong with , I ve

’ made particular inquiries , and there won t be n e o n o han d for another twelvemonth at least . I lza v e been speaking to some of the young

o n bachelors , trying to urge them ; but you

’ o f know how tis with the men this parish ,

o r youn g old when it comes to matrimony , a

o snail have got far m ore enterprise . S there

’ t is on my hands till n ext sprin g , most like , and by then ’ twill be as un fashionable as an

’ ’ so it addled egg . Tisn much what I lose by , I’ d but staked my reputation on sell ing the lot ,

’ and tis hard to bear with M rs . Woon send ing the children across every day with mother ’ s compl iments , and have I sold that beauti ful

e t he r bonnet y , and wil l I leave have it for e i htee n e n c e a s she she g p , think m ight trim it

wee k - up for a y day hat for little M uriel . 2 2 2 TH E W H ITE B O NN ET

’ Mrs . Woon s a spiteful old venom , if you

” “ ask me , said Christopher . Bonnet u pstairs , S usanna ? ”

“ ’ No I so s o n , brought it down , to have it

’ Ti s o ut the spot . in the oven here , of the it P way of the dust . Would you like to see

’ That s what I was hinting after, Susanna . i She stooped and produced t . Christopher eyed it with that transparen t assumption o f knowingness which bonnets and babies elicit in the mere m ale .

’ sa A nice consarn , I dare y , but I can t very well j udge without a head inside . Put it

’ ” o n will e P Aw ’ ! , Christopher, I couldn Not before

’ ” you . You d laugh . i I t . Not . Come , on with

she Tittering and blushing , complied , j ust poising it on her head and snatching it away .

wa s With a smile and a colour, Susanna by no

- m eans an ill looking person .

“ ’ A nice consarn , sure nough , and suit

’ e beautiful , said Christopher approvingly .

’ ’ - e Look see , Susann a ; how don t do like M rs .

’ ker e n 0 Woon with stale goods , and buy off yoursel f P ? ’ ? Me , Christopher A bride s bonnet

2 24 TH E WH ITE B O NN ET

’ half an hour to see a joke . She d thin k better

’ o f it , come bedtime . And , anyhow, she didn t — look so bad in the bonnet not half bad , she

’ didn t . I f she did hap to catch her m an with it ’ , Christopher wasn t sure that he would call

that m an a fool . But Susanna had already hurried her shutters u p, an hour ahead of time, and was now posing

- f o f before her looking glass , trying the ef ect

the bonnet at various angles, while vague vision s o f suppliant farmers fl eeted through

her brain . Christopher was right she had

been talking an d dallying lon g enough , and it

was time to make a bold stroke . Men did

so she j udge by appearance, and had neglected

her appearance shamefully . An d the bon net

set so t rifle did suit her, especially when just , a

o it . forward . Now for a costume to g with The dresses in current wear were fi ngered ff and cast aside with contemptuous sni s . Her vanity was wide awake and hungry after its

long slumber . She tugged a heavy chest from

bed a nd st ratifi ed under the , foraged amon g the

f she relics o bygone years . Near the bottom

flims lit o n a y white gown , trim med with pale ! blue . The very thing Rather light and airy,

perhaps ; but in for a pen ny , in for a pound . TH E WH ITE B O NN ET 2 2 5

Not be a bit soiled , thanks , and hardly crumpled . With a little touching up it would look like

was new , and nobody likely to remember it

H o w after al l these years . well she remem

- bered the feast day , when she had wo rn i t for the fi rst an d only time ' I t had done some

Yes execution then . , to be sure , that was when Christopher was courting his deceased wife , who turned out in pink ; but the blue and white carried the day , an d Christopher

o n e was most attentive, till the slighted

o f bethought her fetchin g Mrs . Poyner on the scene , and M rs . Poyner took prompt action , whisking her daughter home , despoiling her

fi n er of her y , and sending her supperless to bed . To think of her and Christopher sweet ! hearting Well , he was a proper man even

’ If o n l ! now . y he would n t Boots She must have a new pair . And a white petticoat , and

- . she suitably light colou red stockings Well , had only to m ake her choice o u t of the stock downstairs .

sat She u p into the small hours , stitching and ironing ; and waking dreams occupied her for long afterwards . The church bells aroused

' e fi o r her in the m ornin g . Superhuman ts

brought her to the church door , breakfastless , 1 5 2 26 TH E WH ITE B O NN ET

palpitating , but hardly two m inutes late . As she went up the aisle , she was conscious o f — a m urmurous sound gathering behin d her a n

o f fi n er excited whispering , the rustle new y as

shuifl e o f the wearers turned , the masculine

Gra tifi ed h feet . , t ough somewhat nervous , she minced along t o the m usic o f her tight

new boots . The murmur swelled . People in

fron t turned their heads . The vicar looked

round , caught sight of her , and stumbled in

’ his address . Susanna s composure began to

A s o f shake . she passed a row young maidens ,

an audible titter shattered it to pieces . She

s quickened her tep to her seat, and buried a

hot face in trembling hands . H ad a seam burst ? W a s the bonnet ridiculously awry ? She remained a prey to dreadful misgivings until the Gloria brought her to her feet and

the psalms began . Somebody in the seat behind moved from

the farther corner an d stood at her back . Upon the words o f D avid delivering his

soul against the heathen , broke in the words

of Mrs . Woon deliverin g her soul , in a hissing

o f o f commentary , the accumulated rancour

’ fi v e years unsuccessful rival ry ; and each

’ phrase wa s a dagger in Susanna s rigid back .

2 28 TH E WH I TE B O NNET

almost burglarious , attempts to effect an entry , but without avail . The village dealt excitedly

o f in rumours ban kruptcy and suicide . To E wards even ing , Christopher llery marched resolutely up to the door, knocked thrice , called

tfl ed as ba . aloud m any times , an d retired

u O Tuesday the shop opened as usual , and Susann a faced the unending stream o f

o f visitors with a brave show composure , meeting all question s and inn uen does with an in gen uous candour that disarmed raillery .

’ o n e With reservation for friendship s sake , all

’ the in ner history o f Sunday s even t was laid

fi rst o f Open to the world , from the access m ad

fi nal vanity to the resolve , afte r two days of anguished seclusion , to face the music and live down her disgrace as best she might .

n e It was a busy and trying day . O regular r p l r customer did no—t tu n u unti some time afte his usual hour n ear closing time, in fact .

S wa The h e p s empty when at last he entered .

Susanna greeted him with a careful smile .

“ ’ - You re a bit late to n ight , Christopher.

’ see ou ou Gl ad to y , but y mustn t stop long, I ’ m ’ for most tired out , an d I shall shut up

’ li ev e b . directly, No particular news down

’ ” e s o se P stre t , p TH E WH ITE B O NNET 2 29

Who so disconcerted as Christopher, who had been primin g himself for a very d ifferent reception ! I— ’ Susan na , he fumbled , Susanna , you m a good soul , Susanna . No better soul in the

’ world , I should thin k . But we can t slide things over like this . We must have it out ,

a - my dear . I come in purpose to ask your

’ pardon , and it s got to be done , whether you ” r like it o no .

wa s ? I t a j oke , then she asked quietly . ! ” J oke he exclai med with bitter energy . ’ Ess , twas a j oke , right enough . Trust

t o ou t Christopher have his fun , in season or ,

f e n fi no matter who su f er by . A brave ne joke

’ — o f ld too one to be proud . O Harry s joke ’ ” wa d n e n with the apple nothing to , I reckon .

’ ”

You needn be vexed , she said cal m ly .

’ I d a sk I only thought to make sure . I t come into my mind that you m ight have been ser ’ ous

’ F o fo r once . raps you did g j ust a bit too

’ far ; but you ve learned me a lesson I ought

’ a m I m to be thankful for , and than k ful I .

n a cha ged woman , Christopher ; I can feel the revolution in my very bones . No more m an

’ b liev e A n traps on these premises , . old maid I a m and an old maid I remain to my dying day . 2 39 TH E W H 11 12 B ONN ET

’ ’ ’ e 0 Don t be so sure that , said “ ’ ’ Twa d n Christopher with sudden emphasis . only to beg your pardon that I come in

’ - to night . I ve been thinking things over since

’ — ra s— Sunday since Saturday , p p and n ow my

’ ’

u . e ? mind s made p Susan n a , will marry me

She smiled rather wearily .

” “ ’ Christopher, she said , you re incurable ” Do have done with your jok ing .

’ ’ liev e 0 b . Joking H ad enough that game , ’ I’ m I f you m a changed woman , a changed I’ m m an . in dead arnest, Susanna .

She shook her head with tolerant incredulity . ’ ? You don t believe my solemn word , Susanna

’ ” N ot if I go down pon my knees ? ’ ! Goodness sake, don t do that, Christopher

’ There an t no room in the shop , such a large ” m an as you are . You might upset something,

- ! said she , and giggled actually giggled A changed woman indeed ! No coun terfeiter re — ceiv in g his change in bad half crowns was ever

d isco mfited so completely as Christopher .

“ ’ ” see a t Don t nothing to laugh , he said in

’ A ask inj ured tones . honest man can a wom an to be his wife without being made ”

o f . fun , I should thin k

M ake a joke, take a j oke , quoth Susanna .

2 32 TH E WH ITE BONN ET forlorn hope that one day he may induce

o f Susan n a to take him seriously as yore , and

defi n ite Be es or return him a answer . it y no ,

o n e he hardly cares by now , if only for moment she can be got to believe in the sincerity o f

- his reformation . But this , in all good humour ,

t o she obstinately refuses do , an d his case is

H e fl e sh pitiable enough . is losing , and exhibits a growing distaste for the frivolous

o f - society his fellow men , preferring to meditate

- alone at eventide in groves and by duek ponds ,

o f those favourite resorts the melancholic .

fl o u r i shes As for Susanna , her business more

she than ever, an d the little jokes proudly produces every now an d again are greatly appreciated by her customers . A STR ON G MA N

MY week at Po rt r ewan was o n e of blustering

- - gales . From south east to south west they shifted , and round to the north and back again ,

sea - bringing rain and hail and fog, and now and then some blessed hours of dazzling sun shine ; but with al l their changes their force never abated . The little village was in a state

’ o f suspended animation . Al l the winter s work

was done ; boats had been repaired , gear

fi fteen mended , nets barked ; hundred new crab - pots were piled ready in the lofts ; nothing

’ remained but to await the wind s pleasure . A

wa s o n sea spell of stillness the pl ace . The

roared without , the wind whistled overhead , sometimes—but that was seldom—huding its

way round the headland , an d sweeping the

’ street bare of yesterday s accumulation of l itter . I n the midst of the hurry and welter o f the

Po rt re wa n . elements reposed , silent and idle U p the valley N ature was already at work , 2 33 234 A STRO NG MAN

’ o f heedless her servant s rebel lious bluster . The slender Corn ish elms stood up in a d elicate mist of ruddy purple , the blackthorn hedges w were powdered with living sno , the furze bushes were in flame, green blades and discs were push in g o ut from every chin k in the grey stone walls , and in every sheltered spot Spring had written her n ame full and clear in violets ,

wa s and set her primrose seal beside it . I t no

sit ti me to be sitting an d waiting , yet to and

’ Po r tre wa n s wait was lot .

On e t o soon got know the place by heart,

ne d a at least in its idle aspect . O y resembled another as a pea its neighbour in the pod .

The morning broke , clear or overcast , but always heralded by the sonorous matins of the gulls , circling and shouting at an incredible

a s height above the cove . Then , as soon the su n u was p , a shambling step outside told me

“ that the village natural had begun his day- lon g

H e ramble . never sat down , he seldom stood

co n fi n es still for a moment , he never quitted the of the village , but as long as light rem ained in the sky he wandered to and fro , peeping into

- b houses and cellars , greeting every passer y with an uncouth chuckle , and incessantly

f. talking, talking to himsel Greet him kindly

2 36 A STRO NG MAN

fi fi e suddenly lled with children , and for v minutes Por t rewa n was lively with shrill voices and twinklin g legs , till the mothers rushed out an d swept their broods up the valley to school .

Then the rapt pause that precedes an event . f o . of Click a gate Appearance a man , hands in pockets , white linen j umper ballooned out into a sphere by the wind , resembling nothing so much as a bloated pair of com passes .

Another pause . An other m an . Another , and another , and another , all with their han ds in

o n their pockets , and all converging the life boat house, where they met without sal utation unless indeed that was mean t for salutation which the Oriental regards as the deadliest of insults—silently squared their shoulders against

on the door , and turned their eyes the horizon . l More men , and more, unti all the shoulder space against the house was occupied , and the row o f im mobile hu manity extended itse lf a lon g

fi sh - of . the wal l an adjacent cellar Still more, the l atest comers hooking themselves in a variety o f contorted attitudes over the sides o f b an o ld seine boat hard y . Then for two hours nothing save an occasional woman or dog moved in the village. Towards midday came the only bustling A STR O NG MAN 2 37

Po rt rewa n time , when the outer world invaded in the shape o f three or four tradesmen with their carts . The two rival butchers arrived from opposite directions , and drew up at opposite ends of the street . The greengrocer came rattling down the hill at a reckless rate that set his apples and potatoes dancing in their baskets . Perhaps the bootmaker from the market - town would drive U p in his smart

o r - - his little gig , the J ohn ny come fortnight in lumbering van . Then the women issued forth , and voices were loud for a season . But the

o f men stirred not , till the approach the dinner hour was signalled to them from the chimney tops .

The afternoon was like the morning , without

its interruptions , until the child ren straggled

fl e d home from school , and silence from Port

rewan , to return only with return ing night . S o the days passed and the wind blew till

u Po r t rewa n its my week was p , and I left to

o f idle waiting , carrying away a vivid picture

o f white walls and brown thatch , handsome

- bearded men , comely keen faced women , and

rosy chi ldren , the loveliest ever seen , but

n knowing scarcely anythi g , save by im perfect

was divination , of the inner life of the place . I 238 A STR O NG MAN

a foreigner , and towards foreigners the folk of Po rtrewan are silent and reserved beyond the

o f wont even Cornishmen . Gentlemen all ,

’ they offer no rebuff to the V isitor s civil advances ; they are quite ready to exchange s mall talk about the weather and the fi shi ng

prospects ; you may even , with patience ,

extract a yarn or two of storm and wreck . But they never lose sight o f the fact that between Cornish an d English a great gulf is

fi x ed n ot o r , to be bridged in a week or a year a

S e Por t rewa n lifetime . of I can m ake no story ,

- O ne fi ure only a still life picture . g alone

moves in my memory , and that in rather a striking way ; but that figu re does not properly

Po rt rewa n belong to at all , and it was not until I had actually left the village behind me that a chance encounter an d a casual word brought

o ut o f it striding the painted canvas in to life.

o f was fi ne The fou rth mornin g my visit , and after breakfast I went down to the beach and found a seat on a piece o f timber a l ittle way apart from the silent assembly o f sea

gazers . The children were at school ; the

a field women were , hanging linen to bleach

on gorse and blackthorn bushes . The lazy

249 A STRO NG MAN

f- arose and con tinued for a long hal hour .

u o ne Then horses were whipped p , and after another the invaders departed . The world had

Portrewan for done with the day .

No t . quite Twen ty minutes later, when the last faint eddy of excitement had whirled withindoors in the trail of the last woman ’ s skirts , yet another equipage appeared round

to o f the corner at the p the street . A very small , very cautious donkey came down the

fi r ml hill , stopping and y bracing its feet to gether at every step . I t was harnessed to a

o n miniature cart , or rather barrow , which were piled som e wicker baskets and a few

- ff. heaps of green stu And on the near shaft , lean ing backwards an d nodding his head drowsily against the baskets , sat the ablest

se o n H e bodied man I ever t eyes . was not very tall , though no doubt taller than he seemed ; but his shoulders were broad to the

o f o f verge deformity , the muscles his arms bulged immense under the sleeves of hi s dirty white j umper , and the j umper was stretched to

- H is rending point across a Herculean chest .

dis r0 ortion atel bare head , which appeared p p y small o n those shoulders , was covered with

- closely curling black hair, slightly grizzled A STRO NG MAN 24 1

l about the tem ples . H is eyes were sm all , s eepy , cunning ; his lips full , sensuous , humorous .

And down the hill he jolted towards me , his

a feet scraping the road , one arm hanging rel xed with Open hand , the other hand loosely hold in g the reins , but leaving the diminutive don key to

o wn the unfettered exercise of its j udgment . H avin g carefully picked its way down the

o f own hill , the donkey stopped its accord on

it s the level , san k head , bent a k nee, and lapsed

wa s into meditation . I t some time before the man stirred a limb ; but at last he rolled o ff

t o the shaft , stretched hi msel f, and lounged the back of the cart , where he picked an apple out o f a basket and began to munch , leaning

- against the cart wheel . I t was then that I noticed an unusual agita tion among the bron ze buttresses of the life boat house . Two or three were actually standing upright and unsupported , several were exchanging remarks , and all had their eyes

- fi x e d on the man with the donkey cart . S o

a s far I could construe thei r looks , it was no

o u unfamiliar sight they were feasting . Wonder

u n wi n k i n r was not in their gaze , nor the g critical scrutiny to which every stranger in Po r t re wa n

. wa s must subm it But there ad miration , if I

1 6 242 A STR O NG MAN

mistook not , and gloating pride, and something of the rapt interest with which farmers around a

- o f x show pen follow every movement a prize o .

o n e o f —it Then the men was George Corin ,

- — coxswai n o f the life boat detached himself

from the wall and rolled towards me . To all appearance he was ignorant of my proximity ;

his his eyes never left the horizon , gait was that of on e starting on an aimless stroll , but for all

to that I knew he was going to speak me, and I wondered what could have conquered his shy taciturnity and induced him to accost the E foreigner without invitation . ven now he did

stitfl not come straight up to me , but l urched y W b against a indlass hard y , and curled himself

- over the handle bar. A minute passed , and

still he m ade no overtures . I knew enough of

Po rtrewa n the ways of to wait in patience ,

watching meanwhile the stranger, who had

fi n ish ed his his apple , thrust his hands in

to pockets , and gone sleep standing .

Mr o n sea Presently . Corin , his eyes still the , jerked a casual thumb in the direction of the

- donkey cart , and remarked to the waves ” Big chap , that . I th ought he wa s the biggest chap I had

ever seen .

2 44 A STR O NG MAN

My endeavour to express intense interest passed muster, and the softened Corin continued .

“ ’ There e d n a man in this town that

’ Theophilus couldn pick up with on e hand and ’ m shake the nature out of . And two year

’ running a held the Belt Throwed J acob

Treskill y , and big Ben Rutter up Bodmin , and

the pick of the Devon men beside . Not one

’ of e m had a chance with Theophilus , and two ” year running he held the Belt . I was so i njudicious as to ask who beat him

the third year . Corin snorted contemptuously .

’ Beat e n ! Beat The0philus ! There wa d n ’ ed u a man alife could do that . Nor there a ’ n o w he s man alife coul d do it , for all twenty

’ a year older than what was then . Beat

Theo hilus P ! en p No , no Nobody bet , then

H e o wn nor since . give the Belt up of his

— it as sa self resigned , you may y . Naturally I wanted to know why

’ d ursen Chap use his strength , said Corin im pressively .

Again I asked why . Corin waxed eloquen t .

Look he exclaimed , pointing a dramatic

“ ’ fi n ger at the slumbering hero . There s a ’ ’ pair of arms to be levering broc lo and taties and apples by the pint and by the quart and A STR O NG MAN 2 45

’ by the gallon ! Selling green sfi ed n that a mean trade for the strongest man in Corn wall ? All that power and al l those shoulders wasting ’ — ’ the irselfs pon cabbages e d u that a wisht

’ ’ ’ malin cho ly sight for e P But a don t dare do ’ ’ m no more , and there s danger for in that .

’ ’ ’ H ow P e you ask ; and I ll tel l . The second year Theophilus wrastled for

was the Belt , the match up to Plymouth .

’ Mell n When the news come to S t . y that he d

— M ell n won St . y being his locality where he

— t Me ll n was reared to the S . y chaps concluded

’ to pitch one 0 these here celebrations agin he — come home . A nd so they did met the train

- e sco o r d with a four horse carriage , and te of

’ him home , hol l ing and singing , flags flying

a - and brass band playing ; and after that , they fi n ished u p with a feast in Wesley school room

’ ' - 0 none your ninepenny tays , but a reg lar

’ - beef and pork wine banket . Nothin g wad n too good for Theophilus when he ’d won the Bel t and bet the Devon chaps ’pon their own

his ground . And then they drun k health and

’ en cheered till they couldn cheer n o more .

“ u Then Theophilus got p , looking brave

’ ’ a and solemn . Neighbours , said , here stand

I in the midst of joy and than ksgivin g . A nd 246 A STR O NG MAN

’ what s the state o f my feelings in the midst o f joy and thanksgiving ? Dust and ashes is

’ ‘ ’ he their state , says . Friends and comrades ,

’ he says , glory s holler trade arter all ; and as

’ ’ for than ksgiving , tis nothing but a sheep s

’ ’ — 11 n bladder wan teeny pin do fur . And

’ ’ I ve got the pin handy , says Theophilus ,

’ ’ c o m n stopping and looking round pon the p y ,

’ of and if he d dropped the pin he was telling ,

’ ‘ ’ en Mell n . S t . you d heard fall Men of y , says

’ he fi ht , I ve fought my last g and wrastled my fi t last throw , and Corn wall m ust and search

’ for another champion .

- Well , there was a terrible to do then , as

’ '

o u . H ow Tfi eo fi zlus ? y may think Twas , p and ,

’ ' l a t s ma Tkeo lzzlus ? A r t maz d ne, p and , e ,

’ ’ ’ Theo k zlu s — p all holl ing pon him to once .

’ ’ a Then he put up his hand Comrades , said ,

‘ ’ ’ mu r n ful a hark to my tale . And then told

’ ’ em how when the wrastling was done a feelt a

queer mazy sort of pain inside , like a han d was

’ ’ squeezing his heart . Didn pay no tention at

’ fi rst , but it got worse and worse , till he couldn

’

set n or o . S e a stand , , g said to himself

’ ’ e The0 hilus P - fit What s up with , p Better

’ ’

ou o . S o a y g see for a doctor d id , and found

’ o ff— one not fur reg lar quality doctor, brass

248 A STR O NG MAN

e o ut S o h , holding his hand . Theophilus paid en and come away . “ That ’ s what Theophilus told the men of

t Mell n for S . y at the feast they made him , and

mur n in turned all their joy to g. An d since ’ ’ that day a haven d ared use his strength to

fi ht H e fit g with nor yet to work with . and

d u nk e bought a y and cart , and pitched selling ’ a greens , being the lightest trade could think

’ ” for and he ve been selling greens ever since . I gazed with heightened interest at the

H e fallen hero . was still in the same attitude , lean ing against the cart with his han ds in his

ha d pockets and his eyes half closed . Nobody

o f come to buy him , nor had he made the f slightest ef ort to dispose of his goods . I

as remarked m uch to Corin .

“ ’ ” “ ’ Well , tis like this , he explained . H e s

’ ’ a o f independent sort chap ; don t come here ,

’ ’ n ot nor nowhere else , reg lar ; only when he ve

’ ’ e n ra ll a d o a m ind to . And g y, when come ,

’ ’ tis after the reg lar man have been , and there

’ an t much business left for Theophilus . But

’ he don t care ; you may buy o ff of him or not ;

’ ’ t Ed u he won t put hi mself ou for nobody .

n uther proud , ; always ready for a chat or a

’ ’ — t ie lar glass glass in p . A STR O NG MAN 2 49

I suppose I smiled at this , and Corin realised that he had been guilty of an indiscretion in

’ exposing a fel low - countrym an s failing to the stranger, for suddenly his com mun icative mood

u H e o ff dried p . grunted shortly an d moved .

I remained , with a fascinated eye on Theo

hilu s p .

Five minutes passed , and he shifted his weight from left leg to right . Three more , and he blinked twice as the sun began to shine

his into eyes . Then , after a decent interval ,

ou t he dragged a huge hand of a tight pocket ,

his an d pulled cap over h is brow . The hand wen t back to the mouth of the pocket , fumbled there for a moment , and dropped l im p , at the

’ same instan t that Theophilus s head dropped forward on his breast . A wom an bustled o ut o f a door and bore

h is down upon hi m . She touched elbow, and he raised his head without indecen t haste . I could plainly hear the colloquy that ensued , and thus it ran

e rt ates Mr Pe n n wa r n P Any new p , y

’ ’

E ss a b liev e . , , my dear Good ones P

’ ’ Well , my dear , tis my business to sell em .

’ I don t se t up for n o j udge co n sa rn i ng the 2 50 A STR O NG MAN

’ ’

a tein o f . one 0 g em See for yourself. I n

’ ” fl a sk et s b liev e they up front , .

The wom an ru mm aged , found the right

basket , and scan ned its contents .

’ o ld er ta t es ? Rather for new p , ben t they

’ ”

sa . Dare y you m right , my dear

’ for Mr e . How m uch are looking , Penny warn P Aw ’ , j ust the reg lar price hereabouts . What’ s that P

’ Yo u bett er n should know I do , my dear

I give eightpence last time I bought any ,

“ ’ said the woman doubtfully . But they d got

’ ” more n ature in em than these , I seem .

’ ” Shouldn wonder , said Theophilus , and

yawned .

’ I f I knowed they wouldn go watery in the ’ I ’ d pot, I don t know but try half a gallon .

’ ’ c I d Well , my lear , if made em , I might war

’ ’ ’ ”

as . rant em ; but tis , I can t do no such thing

fi n e red The woman g a tuber , glanced at

Theophilus , whose eyes had already closed

again , hesitated , and said

Well , I can bu t try them . A gallon ,

Mr Pen n wa rn . please , . y

’ a - The measure s top of the rhubarb , said

to . Theophilus , without offeri ng move Meas

2 5 2 A STRO NG MAN

’ o f f n ot supreme ef ort , from Samson s revengeful

t o motive , but save some life from dead ly peril .

’ O n e realised his feelings as he le ft the doctor s

presence, crushed and bowed under the fatal

sentence . A nd with what loathing must he regard the petty occupation to which he wa s doomed A steam - hammer is sometimes made to crack a nut by way o f diversion ; imagine a steam - ham mer endowed with sentience and the

of pride life, and set to crack nuts perpetually !

I t is true that now and again , as I pursued my imaginary analysis of a brave soul at odds with fate , a disturbing image would intrude itself of a lazy careless vagabond leaning against

- a cart wheel , munching apples and drowsing in the sun ; and I would be conscious of a certain incongru ity . Yet , if I know anything o f the Cornish fol k , the man must feel as I

i magined him to feel . A visible danger he

o f m ight face with a light heart , but no child his race could live contented and careless under

such bizarre conditions , with the spectre of sudden death dogging his steps wherever he

H e went . must have his dark hours , though

not a line on his face betrayed them .

u My time was p . The day of departure A STRO NG MAN 2 53

fi was ne , and I resol ved to m ake the ten miles

n - to civilisation o foot . H al f way through the

t o journey I came a solitary little wayside inn .

’ Before the door stood Theophilus Pen nywa rn s it donkey and cart , and , as l uck would have ,

himself lou n e d Theophilus g out j ust as I passed . Presently I heard the patter of the donkey ’ s hoofs behind me . I slowed down , and

Theophi lus and I exchanged greetin gs . H is face was flushed , and he exhaled a rich aroma o f beer . f We were j ust at the foot o a hill . The

an d donkey slack ened its pace , its master and I fell into conversation as we trudged up side by side . Theoph ilus was com mun icative , not to i n fl ue n ce say garrulous , under the ben ign of

we f ale . I n two minutes were great riends .

Presently my chance came , and I d ropped a

' ‘ I he o hilus casual rem ark about wrestl ing . P

his his turned full face on me , and eyes twin kled .

’ “ ’ ’ ’ “ Ted n a You m right , he said . what

’ ” w . as in my youn g days , more s the pity I m ade a complim entary reference to his

his . H e early prowess fetched a sigh , but eyes still twin kled .

“ Ess s he , well , aid , those days are over . 254 A STRO NG MAN

’ They make me sad to thin k upon . You ve ’ ” murn ful s ose P heard my tale , p

. on I had indeed I ventured condolences . Theophilus checked a beery chuckle with another porten tous sigh

“ ’ e d n a P Terrible, he said with excellent

“ ’ ’ dolefulness . There wouldn be many ud

’ s erits keep up their p in my place, would em , n o w ? They often come to m e and say ’ so ? D ost n Theophilus , how are you cheerful

’ mind how the sh a dd er o f death s a - hanging

’ ’ over e all the while ? D e stu feel shame for

’ ’ the mean trade you m forced to work to P

’ ’ That s how they do talk . But I say to em

’ ’ - Look see , says I we ve all got our burdens E ’ . ss o ur in this sinful world , I say, tis doom

’ o f affl ictio n to carr the waters , some in milk

’ ’ - j ugs and some in beer barrels . Tis a reg lar

’ fo r puncheon with me , but you needn grieve

’ me . My shoulders are brave and broad .

’ ’ That s what I say to em . Nobody ever heard

’ ’ me holl in g ; I an t that sort . Maybe I should get the doldrums now and agin , same as other

’ ’ ra s people , and more reason , p p , but I an t one

’ ” to make a show of em .

Now I began to understand Theophilus , an d to respect an d admire him as he surely deserved ,

2 56 A STR O NG MAN

“ Feel that , he whispered . Sound a s a bell ! ”

” “ What ! I exclaimed . Do you mean to

’ ’ Never wad n nothing the matter wed n

of he said , and burst into a roar laughter. A nd the d octor at Plymouth P

Never went to no doctor in my life . What should chap like me want with doctors ? Then why o n earth P ” he his Look , said , turning up sleeve and displaying a hairy arm o n which the muscles

“ ’ stood up in great lumps . There s the strongest arm in Cornwall this day . Something to be

’ f ed n a o P o . proud , S you thin k What a grand thing, says you , to be so strong as any ! ’ three With an arm like that , you d say , there

’ an t nothing a man could look for, but what he

’ ca n n ! ! ! get . Glory Honour Dominion Power an d at each sounding word he dealt

“ ’ ou the arm a vicious smack . That s what y

sa do y . And what do I say that the arm ? ’ belong to I say , strength like m ine s a curse — to a quiet easy - going chap like me nothing

- but a curse . Look see , now . Before I went v to Plymouth that time, I worked o er to the A STR O NG MAN 2 57

’ o ne quarries , an d if I did m an s work , I did

’ 0 If four, and all along my strength . there should be a great big stone to shift that nobody

’ ’ else couldn move, twas always the same old

’ ’ ’ en lze ll n yarn Liv to Theophilus see fur .

Aw en be I f a cart should get oversot , liv ,

’ ’ ? H e you chaps . Where s Theophilus ll put

’ ’ e n t o I d fi n ished rights . And when u p my

’ ’ as I m work , twas j ust bad . Maybe for a

’ quiet touch - pipe by the fi re : but no ! Here s

’ Aunt J ane Eddy s n ev v y and n ace home for a

’ ’ visit . I n they come . This here s Theophilus ,

‘ ’ ’ e be o ld says Aunt Jane . Ded ever such a

’ t remenyo us chap ? Would e m i n d bend i n g

n e v v a n d the poker , Theophi lus , for my y nace

’ ’ to see ? O r p r a ps I should stroll down to cove after tay , to see the men haul up the boats .

’ Then twas Lend a hand , Theophilus , thou

’ great lazy rogue ! A nd soon s I set huger

’ ’ W ud pon the indlass , all the rest give over and stand gasping and glazing to see me haul e u

’ so a was up all by mysel f. And , always the I’d same all the while wherever I went . better

fo r ro fit bee n born a horse , all the thanks or p I '

0 . A n d go t out my strength me a quiet chap ,

that like to take thi n gs easy ! S o o n e d a y ! ! 'twas in the train com ing home from Plymouth 1 7 2 58 A STRO NG MAN

that time —I said to myself I

‘ ’ o said , you d better g and break your arm to

’ ’ once ; then you ll have some peace . Well , I

’ ’ o so s didn want to g quite fur that , but after

Yo u thinking a bit I made a plan . know what

’ ’ a was . They swallowed my yarn as if twas a dish of crame and they a passel of cats , and I

’ haven had no trouble from that day to this . ’ — Why , you wouldn believe but if they should

o r see me going to use my strength , lifting

’ pull in g things , they ll come running up with

‘ ’ ’ ’ ’ ob e Here , Theophilus , I ll do that li ll j for — for fear I should drop before their eyes .

’ ’ ’ Te d n often I got to load my li ll cart myself,

’ e I can tel l . Always somebody ready and Aw proud to lend a hand to poor Theophilus . , ’ tis grand ! Many ’ s the laugh I ’ ve had

H e l—his laughed now , the reprobate mighty

shoulders shaking, the tears standin g in his

too cunning little eyes . And I had to laugh , in spite of the vexation with which I recalled

the sympathy I had wasted o n the lazy rascal . Sheer laziness—there was nothing else the

matter with him . An d for twenty years this

huge impostor had lolled on his throne , receiving

sn iffi n . wa s tribute , g incense I t scandalous ; yet what could I do but laugh ?

260 TH E LUCUB RATI O NS O F

o f ment capital letters , the writer has not

to fi rst con formed general usage ; and at , with

e the editorial fever hot upon me , I pr posed to remedy this , by substituting the current ortho graphy , breaking up the breathless periods into more man ageable lengths , an d making a

o f ‘ general redistribution capital honours . But a careful study o f the docu ments has led me to modify my plans to a considerable extent . Unprej udiced students o f literature must adm it that since the adoption o f a uniform

o f system orthography , the printed page has lost much of its former variety and picturesque ness , while gainin g little , if anything , in

Literat ure I legibility . , would humbly submit,

’ is an art ; the artist s m aterials are words ; and the more plastic his materials , the wider his f o . scope effect As it is , with all the liberties at present permitted , how hard it is for a writer to express all the shades of meaning he has in ! mind Words are stubborn things , we say ; they were not so until the dictionary - maker cast them in his iron mould . Take a letter written by o n e of the persons we are pleased to term illiterate , and note with what admirable fi t n ess and fl u idity the spel ling varies with the ’ it writer s mood , how vividly il luminates the T HYR Z A TH E OPH ILA 26 1

o f drab com monplace trite phrases , how easily and suffi cien t ly it degrades o r ennobles a word at pleasure by the mere add ition or subtraction of a single letter . H owever, since readers in this hurried and mechan ical age are i mpatient

t oo above all of much original ity , I have reluctantly mod ifi ed my author into a partial compl iance with present orthographic usage , abolishin g all merely accidental variations , while carefully retaining every jot and tittle that makes for beauty , character, or emphasis . As to stops O u r elaborate system o f punctuation is useful enough in cases where close and involved arguments have to be set

t o f for h , but for the purposes brisk narrative it

is unnecessary . The great A lexander Dum as ,

- o n prince of story tellers , has put it record that his m an uscri pt wa s entirely innocent o f punctuation ; stops , etc . , were only added on the printed proof, as a concession to l iterary prej ud ice . I n the followin g pages the full stops

alone are d ue to the author . For the com mas ,

su e r fl uo u s quotation marks , and other p poi nts ,

is the editor solely responsible . The sem icolon ,

o f that mark the literary beast , he has taken care to eschew altogether .

e u se Lastly , with referenc to the of capital 2 62 TH E LUCU B RATI O NS O F

letters , I would ask the reader to glance at the

matter below , and compare its lively and pictorial appearance with the dull and formal

o f monotony this introduction . Let him mark ,

too , that the capitals are not scattered haphazard ,

d efi n ite but serve a artistic purpose . They are hardly ever used except for singling out the

ur con fi n important word . O absurd custom es their u se chiefly to the fir st word of the sentence

- generally an unim portan t article o r con

for j unction , and em phasis we must have recourse to the clu msy and d isfigu ri n g device of

fi n all italics . And , y, why should we alone among the nations proclaim our egotism by investin g the fi rst person singular pronoun with an im portance den ied to its fellows ? Our illiterate friend is more m odest an d logical , though here again custom and prej udice have proved too

fo r strong me , an d I have reluctantly substituted the arrogant I for the humble lower - case letter c that appears throughout the original manus ript . The m atter o f the letters needs n o preface ; let it speak for itsel f forthwith .

I

A MR — I DE R , write these Few lines hopein g to fi n e you Well as it leave me at

264 THE LUCUB RATI ONS O F

O of my peaces is longer than thers . I have made a Long peace about the Great Hoshean

a ll how it Roll about the while , how it Roar

the up agin the Clifts like Wild Lions , Tender m aiden hear it i n the n ight, she Tremble think ing upon her Bet roa thd hauling Crab Pots o ut of Grea d awes o f R a ei n Oshea n the y J the g g ,

o this is my Longest peace but in Sh rt metar, shal l I send it ? Dear mr I will now conclude from yours Respectably TH YR ZA H O H I A OU T E P L TR NCE .

I I

A MR —I a m wrot ou DE R , the Pot what to y w last week , please will you ans er Soon . Dear mr S esa men , I would send you a p Peace for

see you to , but J an have Forbid me, he say these Citty people is all Rogs , if you got my peace J an say you would put it on your paper an d not Pay me , please Forgive J an for speak

o u ing so Rude , I dout doubt but what y be

a s Honest the Day, but Jan dont hold with

wo n ee Citty folk , a city m an Cheated J an over some Fish , he dont forgive easy , J an dont, nor

R elli eon us yet forget . g do tell we must forgive 7 0 time 7 which come to a Brave lot U when you reckon it pp , Jan do say thats the THYR Z A TH E O PH I LA 265

reli eo n Hardest thing about g , he say even the School Board dont larn u s further than 1 2

a m times . I Primitive , some here is primitive

u s some church some wesley, why cant be al l

relli eon P I g primitive is Best , this is my

in ea n A . H u mble p Mrs is kind but Church ,

writ ein o tr she dont hold with primitives g p y , but I say if church pots why not Primitive pots P

mr sa Dear , I dont y a Word agin my m rs ,

i s C o n sid r at a llou s Pro wd she most , not J only , she don t like to see I n k on my fi n ge rs when I f take up the Dishes , ink be Terrable stu f , it do

E Gown ds get very where , it spi le my , Jan dont

Pa ticler like that , he is terrable , so is m rs . J an —‘ say to me Pot ry be Foolishness and make

’ o t r P you all of a Mess , so Why write p y he say .

mr Dear , J an don t Understand , it makes me Unhappy some times because he don t under

is stand what it to be a Pot . Some times the

sad words at the end wont Match , this is a

Tryal , some times the lines do come too Long for the paper some times too sho rt till I don t

a n know what to Do by them , and then j come

so i n and I feel Teasy , dont treat him Proper ,

’ sa r then he y I ot y be bad for the Tem per , so e P s why write p try he ay .

mr I b Dear , have made a peace a out the 2 66 TH E LUCUB R AT I O NS O F

Primitives for you r paper, it do Crack them

con sed ra ble Upp , please are you primitive, if

it n ot tt not I wont send , wishing to A end , trusting to here from you Soon and no more at presa n t from yours truthfully

TH YR ZA H O H I A T E P L TROU NCE .

I I I

A MR —I ou D E R , hope y get my Letters

Pot r what I send you about the y, J an say he give them to the most R a spect able m an he see

Othe Yo u in your e , I hope he give them to , I

0 C o nv ean an t h pe you will A n ser when , J an

ou bring y a Bokay of Flowers with this letter ,

I hope you wil l Like them , Mrs have a Beauty

o f fl o wer s full Garden full Hansam , she allow me to walk i n the garden and gather the fl e owers , this is Kind , I Love the fl wers , they smell so so H ansam they look Pretty , there is . fl o we r s i ra n u ms Roses lilies j illy j , many others

Nu maro us too to Relate , letter paper bein g

Ex eneiv e ShO p , the woman that keep the p here is a Great Rog, she Appress poor people , charge 1 d for 3 sheet paper 3 en v alo p 1 din ky

S c ra of Blo tte n e pp paper what w nt Blott ,

Shame upon her I say , whats the Use of blott e n paper as wont Blo tt P

2 68 TH E LUCUBRATI O NS O F

Dear mr please write Soon and leave me know about the Pot ry from yours Truthfully ” “ TH YR Z A H H I A T EOP L TROU NCE .

I V

A MR —I hoa t DE R , p to get a Hanser from you about the P e try but it haven come not yet . J an do thin k you keep your pots in your Offi ce an d pay them Reglar Wages to write

otr a m your p y, m y wages here is 7 pound , I

A n x o us o u to Better myself, when y want a New pot I a m ready to come for 1 0 pound and would Cook an d Wash beside , please leave me know Soon so I could give Notice and would come when my Month was up if

r ble Ag ee . Dear mr there was a peace in your V a luble

Allso paper about the Moon , I have made a peace about the moon , in my peace it say how Lovely she do shine of a Night when no C lo wd s

‘ sa — o f ? about , so J an y Well what That if the moon hapt to shine Day time that be Worth putting o n the paper but she dont do ’ no such Thing so why Trouble about her P J an be good Fisherman but haven got no

tra t ur o for Stroa l Let , some times we should g a

o f H e av en i n l an on the Cli fts a g, say to J T HYR Z A TH E O PH I LA 2 69

‘ H o schea n How Grand the do look , I de like to step into a Boat and sail a crost the M ighty O E ’ —‘ ’ shan for ver, so J an say to me You d

’ be brave and ill before Long , he say . Alass

e t no P try about J an , he thin k pot y be all very

sa well for Females , but he y Give Mee crab pots , when he say this he reach out his Arm ,

’ reck a nd J an s the Strongest man in these parts ,

mrs sa Th rz a also very Steady, my y to me y , you ’ m a Lucky maid to get such a Steady

a s Le t ra t ure 2 1 chap , and for , why pots in

’ he F a ma l 1 s . y be too Many , say

“ mr Dear , I dont wan t to Hurry you but wish for E stea med Answer about the po t ry

S o n w oon , ti me be the Wing , you Never kno

E sa when the nds coming , it y in the Coppy Bo ok best not put off to Day what you cant do to Morrow , much Sound Doctrine in these

shou ld e n S Copy books , I be frighten if olomon a n wa s d a H a d in Concocting them , he Wise but Bitter agin the Women nor I dont wonder , when yo u come to marry 7 00 wives youm Bound to get 1 or 2 Light C a re cte rs i n to your

Fa ma l ma rr e d y , a m an in these parts been y

4 times , they call hi m Ki ng of the Widow ' U l Men , I think he s a Mean gg y little chap , wo u lde n sa y Thank you for im my sel l but 2 70 TH E LUCU BRATI O NS O F

theres Some m aids is ready to go to the

Tro wses H alter with any Thing that wear , though as many W ren kles on is face as Figgures

in the A lman ack .

mr Dear , please thin k over what I have said about the Pot t y and Cooking and n o more at Presa n t from yours respectably

TH YR ZA H O H I A T E P L TROU NCE .

V

A MR —if DE R , you would send m e some Paper like you give your Pots to write o n I

Abli ed should be much g , these little din ky

’ P ot r o n Sheats ben t itt to write Good p y , if you would send some Bigg Thick sheats with Lines ruled on them then I could write Better

otr o f p y , my pen g through this Thin stu f when I get A x csited over my p o try and then the Nibb get cross and Splatter the I nk all

is about , this a Soar Tryal , when the nib get Cross you must throw it away and fi t a New

o n e is , the n ibs here 4 a penny , the woman

a n d l u s that keep the shop is a S c o Roag .

“ mr o t r Ex e n ce Dear , p y be a Big p what

A t set a r with n ibs paper in k an d y, so I cant

otr ou A fford to send my p y Gratus , but if y

S a fi shan t pay me 6d a peace that wou ld be ,

2 7 2 TH E L UCUBRATI O NS O F

o f words , the words put all Kind things in your head what you never I n tend and then

ou y wonder how they come there , yours truth ” R Z H H I A fully TH Y A T EOP L TR OU NCE .

VI

A MR -I DE R , see your paper Reglar every

fi re Week , mrs give it me to light with , I read

Alwes so much of it as I can , I read the Story ,

’ also the Fishing and Murders to tell J an , that s

mr all he care about , dear I like your paper, I

think it do you Credit , I wonder where you get

all your News from , Wonderful what a Lot of

a lwes news do come about every Week , I cut

P r fi re o ut the ot y before I light , this is not

Stealing n or doing Wron g , I ask Preacher is it

Pot r fire so wrong to cut out y before you light ,

sa fi re so he y No , not if you can light well ’ ot r Without the p y .

mr Dear , your pots be Clever chaps , they ] spell Wonderful , once I wrote a Story but it

’ x en civ e f to came E sp for paper , can t A f ord write

e a m O n o more storys , only P try , I the nly pot b now living in these parts that I know y , my Uncle’ s wife once wrote a Hymn about J udge

ment Day , she was Church , so she ask Parson

was 8 to allow Quire to sing it in Church , it T H YR Z A TH EO PH I LA 2 73

‘ 6 sa — and Meter, but he y No no , too m uch

o f Brimstone in that hym n , I dont A pprove

’ she such Warm Doctrine, and then was that

she Vext leave church and turn Bible Christian , I dont hold with leaving the R eligea n you

V ishous been brought up to , she was a temper

’ o n o w sa p or woman , she s dead , J an do y she wa s the Only pot he ever came a crost beside Me and he say he dont thin k M uch of the

mr it Breed , dear he dont Mean nothing by ,

oa k he is very Fond of me but love is J , I ham

S ea ro us o f f a turn M ind mysel , in the Story I wrote the end was Sad , the good chap died the Bad chap died and last of all the Maid died also and they Bu ryed her on Topp of her

‘ Bet ro a thd a n , so j say to me Too much

S e ma t a r T h rz a y about you r storys y , please

’ ’ don t write no More , they ben t Heal thy . J an

o f r dont think M uch sto y books , all Lies , he sa y , plen ty True tales goin g round , so why i wr te Lies , too much Courting in these storys

sa S he y , it m akes him ick to hear tell so much about Courting , Kiss and dont Tell , thats I l is maxam .

“ mr sa Dear , you haven wrote to y if you

o tr i f want my p y , you kindly write I will send a Free Samp al , I have made a peace about

1 8 2 74 T H E LUCUB RATI O NS O F

see Winter, it tel l how Sad to the pretty Leafs

falling , it say how Retched you feel to see them

fal l , it make you think upon Death , I read this

‘ so — peace to J an , he say What , more Seme t a ry P if p otry m ake you feel like That why

otr P a lwes C heerfull write p y J an be , he laugh

lot oa ks a Deal , know a of J , every body do say

’ J an s good Company though he haven got n o

Letra ture I , some got Gift some Another, if we was all Alike we shoulden get on so co m

e fable I s pose .

mr Te o us Dear this be a j long letter, will now draw to a Close hoping you keep Tolable from yours truthfully “ R ZA H H I A THY T EOP L TROU NCE .

VI I

A MR —I V a ro us D E R , write to tell you the peaces I got in Stock so you can Chuse which

Pr afer fo r peace you would me to send you , would yo u like a peace about Spring ? I got

Nu ma rou s peaces about spring, this be Fine

eck e subj for P try , the words match easy , I

begun to be Pot in the Spring time, it was like

see Vile ts this , I wolk out one day , the and E Pimmy Roses in the dges, hear the Black

whisslin birds and Gray birds g, that m ake me

276 TH E LUCU B RATI O NS O F reading in it took o ut of S creptu r but I dont

u his Besness think the man have lar t propper,

None of the words dont Match , also too many

C a recters Bad in the book , I never knowed

wa s there so many Devils about .

“ mr se ra l Dear , I have Also made v peaces

W o nd arfull about Love, love be thing , very Conform able to potry but not anough words to

Match , when you write about Love youm Bound to say it come from Above like a Dove

o u sa E and then y dont know what to y lse, if you could sen d me some More words to match

Grata f ed with Love I would be m uch y to you ,

t r ed Low have y Shove and Glove , but too for

Pot r y , no more at present from yours Truthfully “ ” TH YR Z A T H EOP H I LA TROU NCE .

V I I I

A MR — DE R , please never mind writing to

’ Pot r S udd a nt me about the y , J an s Uncle died last week thro u gh drink ing Furn ichar Po lesh

use by Mistake for Rum , he to drink Terrable

a 0 but d a Kin d heart , he leave J an 5 pound som e Massive Picsures also a S t u fft Badger in

o glass case, so J an mean to g Shares with is

sa ou t Brother in a Drift Boat , he y he will be Drivin g all the week so no time for Courting so T HYR Z A TH EO P H I LA 277

’ Ma rr e d won ee why not get y to , but Mind , he

‘ ’ otr say, I ben t goin g to have no I nky p y about the House to Mucky my new Wife and

Fu r n ich a r Potr my new , mind that , y be all very well for Maidens but not Propper for d it ’ Ma r r e . y women to give Way to , he say

“ mr fi n d Dear , I it Hard to give up being

otr Pot , J an say I must Burn all my p y, this is

C ru a ll S ea irce Hard , but Steady young m en is in these parts , plenty maidens ready to snatch im at J an if I dont have , and a Poor lot they

wn s be too for all theyr Smart Go d .

mr a m Dear , I Young but not Too young to

so marry , can make Pastys well as Any body ,

r O ff its neve safe to Put the men , I can tel l you a Yearn about that , there was a m an in these parts courted a woman 30 Year and

was Slighted her after that , it like this , he ask

she her to M arry him , so say Wait a bit til l

’ u so o o ff o n you get O a bit , he g and get a

she Bitt , then say Wait till you get on a bit

’ ’ she More , so he get on a bit more , Then an t

a t asf e d so she sa S y , y You haven got on

’ o Anough to my mind , so he g off and get on some more , then he get on a Brave Lott , get

’ n G very Rich , the she s not ood anough for hi m ,

o s he Leave her and m arry a Born Lady , this 2 78 TH E LUCUB RAT I O NS O F

should be a Warning to all Maidens n ot to be Grea dy but m arry Fi rst chance they get if a

Steady young m an like my J an . When I a m marryd I will En deav ar to be Obea d en t to my U sba nt and not write Po t ry but its H ard , J an dont Understand how Hard

’ tis , but I m ust not Complain , J an s very Good ,

a m ] H u sban t I Than kful to get such Good .

mr Dear , I wish to Thank you for Kindness

I reading my Letters , if you could a put only o f my peaces o n your paper I would a been Pro wd to see my name on your Est amable

‘ so Prowd paper , I tell this to J an , he say ,

e sa U yes I beleave , not to y Stuck pp , but never mind little m aid you Shall have your

’ name on the paper al l the Same, so I say

‘ ’ H o w my name o n the paper ? so he say

‘ Marred es Why , in with the Rest of the g and

P sa what More do a maiden want he y .

mr for Dear , I will now Conclude the Last time with Best Respect in which J an do join and no more from yours Respectably “ H YR ZA H H I A O T T EOP L TR U NCE .

280 TH E LUCU BRATI O NS O F

o Pot r write Poetry and she g an d spel l it y, how do she Expect to make the words Match if she

’ dont Spell them proper P

mr Dear , dont be Frighten , I haven made

Ma r r ed no more Poetry, not sence I got y , dont get no Ti me what with J an and Baby ,

mr dear , I take up my Pen to say we be doing

N icely here, Baby got 4 Teeth and begin to ‘ ’ im Talk propper , say Da to J an , cant get to

a llous say M a yet , I ham not J , Babys name is

E 2 t oo John Charles dward , J an think its ? M any , Whose going to call him all that but

o n sed rable Baby got a C Parcel of Aunts , al l wishing to put a Finger in the C hre st nin g

Bowl , they chuse a name an d feel Slighted if

’ ’ you say No , that s too Grand .

“ mr Dear , I won t be so Rude to ask are

Ma rr e d so you y an d got a Baby, I hope , it is Great Blessing to be marryd and have a Fond

mr A scu se little baby , dear please m e , I begin to talk about Baby to won ee when I take up

Deffra nt mr my Pen to write something , dear

o n In te lla en t it is like This , I see your g Paper you get the News from All parts but not from

ou Tre a rr These parts , y get the news from g y from Po lgo o se from all they Little places which

are No Account, the people here feel Slighted THYR Z A TH E OPH I LA 2 8 1 because they dont see There names on the paper, they come to me , they say to me

‘ Th rz a E y , how dont e write to that ditor a yourn and Stirr him U pp P

mr Dear , I ham but a Weak Woman but thin k I could write you the News in these

so Tre a rr parts well as any g y man , would you

S a lla r like for me to send the news , I ask no y ,

’ To la ble J an s doing well with the Fishing ,

len t full lobsters be Slight but Crabbs p y , you m ight put o n your paper that crabs i s plenty ful here , also M ullet , plenty going on here , we a d o f F u r n ichure a Sale here last week , a man

1 6 E come to it D runk , bid 5 shilling for m pty

o n Brandy bottles , you m ight put this your

fo r paper a Warnin g to the Drunkard , if his mind ad n o t been Sett on the Drin k he would a been more Careful to se e if the bottles was

fi rst Full .

mr Dear , I wen t to the Sale , I bot a H igh Chair for Baby so he can sit up to Table and

’ take his meals I ro ppe r with M a and Da (this is private , dont put This on you r paper), he look

Picsu re n sa a setti g up to table , he y Da and

a n A ffe c t o n a te his hit j with is Spoon , he take

a n im food Hearty , j do give bits of Fish , I Tremble be eo use of the Bones but j a n sa y 2 82 TH E LUCUB RAT I O NS O F

Nothing like Fish for growing Boys , look upon

’ Me , he say and then he Slapp is Chest All

’ fish mr he say , dear if Baby do grow up so

’ sf ed ‘ S ata . Stout as J an I shall be y What,

’ you say , More baby, you say , I want News

’ mr not babys , you say . Dear , n o more room on this Sheet but n ex time I will write more news and no Baby , not if I can H elp , but he do run on my M ind a deal and so J an say he do get in the I nk Pott and S pread himself on

oa k the Paper , J an will have is J , no more at Present from yours truthful ly “ TH YR ZA H O H I A LELEAN T E P L .

I I

A MR — I D E R , haven seen your Paper to see

i n o u if you put the News , what I send y about

mr the Crabs and the Sale , dear Nobody haven seen your paper this week which is Great Loss ,

I w i ll tell you how , it is a S ad Tale, it is like this , When the Postman come he stick the paper in a Tin Box in the old Lime Kiln down

beach , the men cal l this lime kiln by the n ame

o o f the Town H all , they g there Fi rst thing to read paper and get the News . Well , same day your paper come the B utcher come too

Po l oose from g , no Stable handy , so he put

2 84 TH E LUCUBRATI O NS O F every body get A cx eited and bid for things

mex they dont wan t , Repentance come day , they try to Sell them agin but no Money to be

o n foun d no more than Feathers a Toad , E mpty Pockets every where, much Lamenting ,

is ou such Life, what y Buy you must Pay for , you Laugh today you Weep tomorrow . Baby laugh a Deal , dont Weep more than a Healthy baby shou ld , J an dont Un derstand this , cant

Bear to hear Baby weep , thin k its Bound to be

o r C olleck pins , get in a Terrable Way, so I say

be ot to J an Leave the child , you g no

’ ‘ Ex eara n ce so — p with babys , he say Reckon

’ I got so much as You any how, but I tell J an a Woman do know without Telling , its Wonder ful what a woman do fi n d she Know about

1 o f wn babys when she got her O .

mr S cri nk Dear , when Baby laugh he up

O t har is Nose like I never see no baby do , it

’ look so Pretty when he l augh , you m Forced to laugh too . we got a Hansam Cat , she is

to called by the name of Louisa, I used be brave and Fond of Louisa before Baby come ,

Sha mefull but now she do get Neglected , she

i t Mo a r n full dont like , she sit in Corner , look

‘ ’ ‘ o n o u Baby , Who be y , she say , setting in

Mrs my lap where I belon g to be Myself, tell T HYR Z A TH E O PH I LA 2 85 e the Truth I dont think Much of you no r I cant think whats Come to m rs these days along

ou sa a y , and M aster be j ust as Bad she y to

S o rrofull her self, and then she Win k , but here I be to the En d o f the Sheet and no News t o speak of and Baby have slipt in agin which I

S a ri z in diden I ntend , but he Do get in most p g places , under Table inside Washing Tray every

’ I hin k mr where you could upon , dear I will

d o n e x Try an d Better tim e , trusting you keep your H ealth yours respectably T H E PI I ILA LELEAN THYR ZA O .

I I I

’ A M R — l le n t DE R , y news this time if you

fi ne fi n e could Room , I think you could room

o u Tr W r it e i n if y y , my g be Bigger than your

R e fi ec k Printing , please Serous upon this Fack , 4 sheets loo k a Lot but dont hold M uch when yo u write Big like I do . my First news Impr imus is we had Land an Sea Than ks

R e o c e Givin g u p to Chapel last Sunday , great j y in g m any Strangers from up the Country , chapel looking Lovely , I vies twined all over , grea t Loafs a Bread A pples Tom atas tur n ups

] a tse ta r ha n d cotton wool y , m uch Fish g i n

iv e i n Ple n t fu ll o f Porch , all g g y of there Store 2 86 TH E LUCUB RATI O NS O F

1 Blessing , all but old man , I dont give is

own name for Shame , a Rich man , 3 Boats ,

6 Pileha rs 2 d so only bring Stale , cost about ,

‘ they say to him How dont you bring More ,

’ ’ ou so Me an P so this an t M uch , how are y he —‘ ’ say Do e hold with S crept ur P so they m

sa sa cre Bound to y yes they do , so he y S p

hea rfu ll ture tells me the Lord loveth a C giver ,

cou lden if I give more I de be apt to Grumble,

’ Help myself.

“ Mr it s to Dear , I think Bad be Rich and Mean and fetch Tex ou t o f S crep t u r to cover wit h I ’ your Mean H eart , thin k he s a Roag im but he have a Bad Leg , I will say That for ,

W on ce wa s J an had a bad leg , he Wonderful it Brave over , the doctor went to Cutt it but

fi rst he tie J an up to the Chair, then begin

‘ 0 sa cutting away , then he st p and y Time to

’ ‘ A d men ester so sa — the Brandy , J an y What

? so for the Brandy doctor doctor say How , ’ — ‘ ben t you going to go Off P so J an say No

’

o . d ctor , youve Tyed me up too Tight for that

a s a m G This w Brave, but I lad I wasen there

s a n u to see doctor cut my H u b t p .

mr Dear , I wil l now give some More news but fi rst would you Mind if I tell you about Baby ? I look up from writ ei n g these few

2 88 TH E LUCUB RATI O NS O F

be H absan t post , it join Friends and only

s 1 d co t .

mr T a lls Dear , the Postman have is ry like

o n e the rest , I will tell you , there was a M aid in these parts , she was Plain poor thing, never

V a la n tin e have no Chap , Nobody send her no , this do Greave her Soar but she dont give up

1 Hope . Well , come 4 Feb , the postman come ] along , the m aid is waiting Hopeful by the gate , he hold out a Letter, her hand Tremble,

‘ ’ she o g to take it Quick , Wait a bit, says

‘ postman , the Chap was that M azed with Love ’ 2 d he forgot the S tamp , to pay , says postman , so 2 d the maid Run and get the , she give him

2 d she the , Snatch the letter , Tear it open , hn d 1 U l V a la n ti nes of these gg y inside, this m ake her that Mad she Throw it in postmans

mr tis face , call him Fatt Roag , dear I allow

2d for 1 o f V a la n tines hard to pay these Ugly , but no A cassio n to call poor In n a ce n t Postman a Fat roag .

mr was Dear , if you mist my letter it

selld about Than ks giving up to Chapel , they

V e ebles the Fruit and g by Auction , I greave

S uabli n to say m uch q g over the sale , the things got M ixt , you bid for Grapes and got

a bbed e s o C g , the money g to these Heathen T HYR Z A TH E O PH I LA 289

Missia n o r s y , all for a Good cause but you dont

to Like feel you been Cheated after that .

mr Dear , I would write you More n ews

e In k but Baby have Ups t the Pott , I put some

’ Water in but no Good , that s what makes my

W r i i n te g look so Wisht . Jan say to me

Th rz a A n x o us C heeld y , I me about that , soon a s see Go it 0 he I n k he for , H pe he wont grow

1 up to be of these Poets , its in the Blood , we

’ O o f oa ks m ust be Careful . n ly one J ans J , I

’ oa ks so don t M ind his j , Glad to thin k he s

C hear ful o a ks so , but he speak the j Serous , some times I dont take them up Quick anough ,

I think he mean them for Serous , feel Vext he

sa should y such Thin gs , I m ust larn to be Good wife and take up my hu sba n s j oa ks

Quicker , thats the way to m ake Married life

ble C omfa .

“ mr n o w the Dear , I must Concl ude before

ho e in fi n e rs I nk do run Dry , p g your g dont A ke

wr ite in li ke m ine do with g your Paper , Are

u fi n e rs you Tro bled with I n k on your g , do

‘ sa e your wife y Shame u pon , M ucky

’ e so Fing rs like J an do , i f Salts of Lemmon be good thi n g and don t smell so Wild a s

Tu r a n t i ne p , try it from yours respectably

“ T H YR Z A T H EO I’ H ILA L ELEA N 2 99 T H E LUCUB RATI O NS O F

V

A MR —I D E R , got Sad News about Louisa ,

u se ea t a lwes she to be good Sober , stopt in a

R a n d v oo z in o n T0 s Nights , no y g House p , no

La n u ed e a cse Bad g g p to Dogs , but I fear

on o n Baby have got her Mind , he sit her

becouse Head , pull her Tail , she feel Neglected o f o u t o Baby , grow Reckless , stop Late , g

fi htin g g, dont keep her Fur clean , Low

R es eck behaviour in H ouse , lose all p for her

us allous sh e self, this should larn not to be J ,

’ dont care What happen to her, her heart s

that Sore along a Baby , she Quarrel with cat n ex door , much Sissing and Wowing and

n S udd a n Scratching , Curo s to see them stop

and Rake for Fleas , then begin Fighting agin ,

’ p resen ly they m so Took U p with fi ghti n g

’ t he m they don t see where y to , they Tumble

over clift all Hugged up together, Jan ran f down , pick them up both quite Stif , no Life O seemingly , we put Louisa in ven , give her

A n x o u s Brandy, a terrable time , my Heart R e proa cht me for Neglecti ng poor Louisa and

d r iv ein on E 1 g her vil Ways , then she open

E e she y , then Baby hapt to Holler so Shut eye agin like she think Life not worth Troubling about with That young Feller

29 2 TH E LUCUB RATI O NS O F the blue Skies but now I can look in Baby ’ s E yes , this do sound Terrable like Poetry, but

ma tcht tis quite True for all that , the words

A ese den tle their selfs .

mr o u o n Dear , I Hope y will put my news

' our a er y p p , people come to me and tell me Things and then they say Send That up to E ’ that ditor a yourn , its mostly Piggs been killd or Fa mal s I got y , thin k its Low to talk so Much about Pigs like they do here , but if you dont think pigs is too lo w for your R aspect a ble paper I coul d sen d you m uch

‘ — Th rz a I nfamation . Jan say to me y , what your Editor do want is 1 o r 2 Horred

so M urders , you tell him I dont mind sticking a Knife in 1 of these Coast Guard 1 o f these Dark n ights if so be he promise to pay my

’ E x en ces mr S ola ml p , dear , I do y Assure e

i s 1 o f oa ks would en this only J ans J , he hurt

’ a Fly , leave alone a Coast Guard , but he s Fond of Farcing about Goverment , Jans a Radicle

Po let ex by , I use to be Conservatory before

d o H usban t Marre ge but now I g with my .

“ mr Dear , please think upon the Pigs and

h o e in leave me know , p g you keep N icely from yours truthfully R Z A H H I LELEAN TH Y T EOP LA . TH YR Z A TH E OPH I LA 2 9 3

VI

A MR — D E R , not much News this week , Bad

weather , every body in doors , no Fish , no

1 Scandal , nothing but new Baby come to

Offi cers Chief wife up to Coast guard , we call it

Gov a me n t Yesd a the Baby , Jan see it y when

o E ov a men t sa he g up to sell ggs to g , he y

’ C hr ismas he ve seen Better babys took off a tree, he say it s Frock is tyed up with Red Tape

o f R ibba ns in stead , I think he mean this for a

k ur ribba n s J o a but not sure . O baby got Blue

’ E he s to match is yes , l i ke a Sunbeam in the

F C he ld er n H ouse , I itty them that haven got no

Ma le n co l in the house this y weather .

mr a m T r ue l Dear , I y sorry I got no

‘ fo r a n — News you , j say Why not make up it some Fine news with plenty Blood in , then yo u can C o n t ra d ie k your news n e x week and ’ s that will make A nother I tum . Jan d o ay

s that the Reglar way on these papers , but dear

- mr IIo nest , I Know you be too to d o s uch

d o F a r ml thing , I Assu re e I do y Beleave

e e a n v ry Word you put on your paper , so do j .

mr —I a n Dear , read your paper to j , then

his A in e o n a i n e o n he give p , then I give My p ,

we A r f in he then gy y a bit , then I give to J an , 2 94 TH E LUCUB RATI O NS O F

wo nce dont like for me to Agree with him to , he Love a bit o f A rgyme n t to keep his Brain

Pl a n t i n n o t y , so I dont give , till he begin to Bang o n the Table with is Fist an d say

ou Cant think how y are so Stuped , whats the

U se a r f of trying to gy y with a Woman , I de rather a rgyfy with a Dead Duck in a Mud

’ Pool , then I give in Q uick , then he say

‘ Glad to see you got Some sence , now pitch

’ u s and read A nother itum .

mr see Dear , I dont n o Sence in Argy fyin g but the Men do like it and you got to give in to them , J an be a Fine hand to a

H a r me nt in gy , he Never give . Some times

H eav n en his brother Dick do step in of a , then

C on sha n se we get some Rare old Dialogs about ,

about Where do the Tides come from , about

o t How tis the Women haven g no Sence , about How much Beef could a Man put away

I Go Tr ed at if he y , they dont n ever Settle nothing but it keep them Warm and dont

hurt Nobody .

“ ‘ mr — Th rz a Dear , J an say to me y , i f

’ ’ you m Short of News , how don t e send your

e im Ed itor a J ak , keep in Good temper, do to

’ ful l up a Corner in his paper . We got some

oak s Fine j i n these parts , been goin g round a

2 96 T H E LUCU BRATI O NS O F

m ake me Vext to thin k the man should be so

to Foolish Waste the good candles , but these

H i n aran t Lot Irish be a g , I reckon his Wife

O ut was , a Woman would know better than

That .

“ mr Dear , this is a Long letter though no

it 0 n ex News in , h ping Better luck time , yours truthfully “ TH YR ZA H O H I A LELEAN T E P L .

VI I

A ' MR —I DE R , Greave to say J an wont

leave me send you no more Letters after this , he dont like you n o t putting my News on your

’ paper , he say you m no Gentleman , please ' so Prowd o f E xcuse J an talking Rude , he s his

e Wife, don t like to think I been Slight d , please dont think I a m Affen d ed by you n ot putting my news on your Well Read Paper, I got Much

co n son l h sba n t to me, a Lovely Baby a Good u

shou lden many Blessings , wonder but what my Poor Scribbles ben ’ t Pitt to put on your

In tella gen t paper .

“ mr sa Dear , before I y my Long farewell

I wish to tell you about Louisa, you will be

l a v d she is n o w R e e to hear H appy , got 3

allous of d inky Kitten s , not J Baby any more THYR Z A TH E OPH I LA 29 7

now she Understand what it is to be a Mother , my H eart do go Ou t to her when I see her so

Tender with her Babys , wash them All day ,

W o w Hate to leave them out of Sight , say wow soft to them when she come Back , dear mr I Know how she Feel .

“ mr Dear , I often think upon the days before I got Ma rryed when I was Poet and J an

o f courting me , I thought I was H appy then ,

a s ma t cht no Troubles so lon g the Words , wages Reglar , plenty time for Courting and

‘ u se — Th r z a Poetry , I to say to myself y dont

V ilen ce be Foolish , dont be in such to get

Ma rr ed y , wait a bit and I nj oy your sel f while

’ ma r re d e you m Young , g mean Trouble , no P pleasan t Courting then , no time for oetry , why get Ma rry ed P

“ mr wa s Dear , I Foolish maid , I know

n o w n Better , seem i g to me they that I njoy their selfs all the While d ont get no Time to be

sit Happy , you cant down fold hands and say

’ ‘ Now I will be Happy for a bit , it look to me li ke H a ppy n ess do come round the Corner when you ' n n an t Look ing , when washi g D ishes , darn i g i you r H usba n t s Stockens stitchi n g I ro c k s for

H a n ess Baby , then you dont Think about ppy

is so A x c it in a s but There t all the while , not g 298 TH E LUCU B RATI O NS O F T HYR Z A

ou out Courtship but better for y , it Sp read more , last a Life Time so long as you dont be

Grea d Ind a eston y over your Food and get the g , thats what Spile the Temper , Break up Happy

o u V isho us homes , make y speak to your kind

Husban , Smack your Tender Baby .

“ mr A at ite Dear , my pp continue Hearty,

D a e stion ] so e my g be Powerful , I h pe to keep happy a Long time .

’ mr Dear , you must thin k you m in

Te ous S a r mon Chapel with my j , will stop now,

mr a m will say my Last Farewel l , dear I sorry

’ it V a luble to say , I feel like you m a old Friend ,

o u y been so Kind reading my Scribbles , I m ake so Bold to wish you Every Prosperaty from yours Truthfully “ T HYR Z A H H I A LELEA N T EOP L .

300 LANGAR R O C K GREAT T REE

of the church were laid , which would make it

fi v e A t more than hundred years old . any

was rate , two centuries ago it already known as the Great Tree Yet to the last it showed

of no signs senile decay, but rem ained sound At at heart and in every limb . some early

o f period its history it had been pollarded , and after centuries of free growth it still seemed to remember the sharp lesson of the knife . The human touch persisted , in a slight thickening o f o dd the upper part of the trun k , an dis position of the m ain branches , and a more than vegetable something that invested its whole appearance—something that was at once grotesque and lovely. You felt that , if

o u on ly y watched long enough , the Dryad would take courage and peep .

of I n spite its age an d bulk , it gave no impression of patriarchal gravity . To the last it carried itself with a lively air and grace , singular in so ancient a tree , and hardly i n

su r keepin g , perhaps , with its situation and roundin gs . Its boughs , and its trun k from six feet upwards , were delicately rounded , and glistened like satin among the gold - green of its foliage ; below, it was closely covered with inscriptions , some deeply cut, some lightly LANGAR R OC K GREAT TRE E 30 1

scratched , and some almost obliterated by the

fi n er o f on e g of ti me . They were mostly kind — four initials , two above two , set in a heart shaped cartouche ; and they gave the tree a claim to ran k among our parish archives , as a

- betrothal register of generations of lovers . Never was tree so steeped in amorous associa

n tions . O Sundays , as the congregation left the church , it was the custom of the young men an d maidens to detach themselves from their elders and gather under its shade in a

ou t merry crowd , that slowly sorted itself by two and two until only a single couple lingered . I t was the favourite spot for assignations ; if your way took you past it after dark , you were

o r pretty sure to hear soft whispers , catch a

s o f fi ures glimp e shadowy g starting asunder . And in the local code o f courtshi p this rule wa s o f found , that no walking out , keeping

“ com pany , armin g along , or other pre limin a r ies of wooing were to be regarded as

o r binding on man m aid , until the lover , stand ing beneath the tree in the presence of his beloved , had taken forth his kn ife , sought

e out a smooth space on the tru n k , and carv d

o f h is the record vows in the livin g bark .

Whether those vows were kept or broken , or 302 LANGAR R OC K GREAT TRE E ho w far the inscription was subsequently con fi r med or contradicted by certain other records

b wa s in the church hard y , no concern of the

’ tree s . There it stood , an am icable Pagan set in consecrated ground , scarred like a heathen

o f god by the knives its worshippers , breathing fran k incitements to love and laughter at the very doors of the church . You can hardly wonder that the ecclesiastical authorities re

o r garded it with sour disapproval , that three times at least they attempted , under various

e pretexts , to compass its destruction . Twic they failed ; the third time they were only too successful .

fi rst 1 Their recorded attack was in 7 03 .

I n our parish accounts for that year , the year o f the greatest storm Britain has ever known , the following entries occur

Pd ye Glaish er abou te y° Gla ss in y6 Ch urch W i n do w weh was bro k e by ye m S tor m G e T ee e 00. o s. 10 r at r y £ 7 d . Pd J os : J o ll ey fio r 10pping ye Great ° T i n u c H 00. 0 z o . ree y Ch r h ay £ 15 . d ' Reed from Samw ell Ba rgwa na th fl or k m 6 d m t oo o s T ee . 1 Te be 00 5 06d . r fr y ay r £ 4 .

n b O the blan k page opposite, the scri e has made a note

° This day att y V estrey much d escoorse

39 4 LANGAR R O C K GREAT TREE

likely to sit quietly at home when danger

fi rst Y u threatened the tree in the Duchy . o

fier can picture him , the y old J acobite , booted

an d spurred , flushed with claret and indignation , bursting in upon the village Sanhedrim as they sat placidly plotting the murder of that

royal helpless creature . You can i magine the

—~ conclave parson , churchwardens , overseers , wa wa rd en s C a z er y , an d Solomon , parish clerk — y cowering bewilder ed un der the lash of his wrath , and blankly wondering why all this

fuss should be raised over a bit of timber . All through the sleepy Georgian days no f harm seems to have been of ered to the tree, except once by a mad Methodist , who rushed on e day into the churchyard , prophesying of groves and Asherah , an d hacked at the trunk with a bill - hook until the constable was

o f fetched to haul him f . The second real peril fift did not threaten until about y years ago . A t that time o u r west win dow was blocked by

o f a gallery , erected and set apart for the use

—fl ut e - the church musicians , clarinet , bass viol ,

wa s and a choir o f men and urchins . I t they who n ow conspired against the tree . The lopped branches had grown again ; and in su mme r when out , , the leaves were , the gallery LANGAR R O C K GREAT TR E E 305 was so darkened that the occupants could not

- or see to read their psalm books , distin guish

I ’ ' D emise: from Ola N zuetzetlz in broad daylight . S o they took counsel and laid their grievance before the authorities , declaring , these arrogant

o or artists , that either the tree must g they would go themselves . Again the parson and vestry joined the cabal against the tree , and again the Squire Behen n a o f that day stepped it in to protect . While he lived , said the

Squire , not a twig of its head shoul d be

’ severed ; it was clear to him on his ancestor s account , and for its own venerable sake beside .

V But as for flute and iol , they were hopelessly o u t o f date , and he had long been awaitin g a conven ien t opportun ity to do away with their

o tootling and scraping for good and all . S the

’ o n plot recoiled its concoctors heads . The amazed musicians were taken at thei r word

and dismissed , the gallery was pulled down , a harmonium was installed in the chancel , and for

hal f a century more the tree was left in peace . I should not like to say that it presumed on i ts n immu ity , thus twice tested , or that it bore any real mal ice against the Church for her

e p rsecutions , but certainly in these latter d ays it seemed at times to be an imated by a S portive

20 306 LANGAR R O C K GR EAT TR E E

o f spirit m ischief toward s its neighbour . Dur in g long sermons on drowsy summer days it w would tap and rustle at the windo , beckoning

ou o f y out doors , tempting your thoughts to wander in green shades . I n winter it had its riotous moods , when , in the midst of a hymn , it would suddenly raise an uproarious bluster,

a s shouting and thumping outside , they say the

o f giants these parts used to do in the old days , when they came u pon the cell o f a saint and

u heard the voice of the holy man within , p raised in a psalm . I n spring a jesting thrush took it for his pulpit , an d preached a rival

o f of sermon , full quips and cranks the most unseemly kind . I n autu mn , m atters were

’ worse ; it was then the starlings favourite

- meetin g house , where they collected to whistle

ea t - irreverent calls all through morning service .

When they were particularly noisy , good Parson T regen n a would sometimes break the thread of his discourse , and try to weave in something about the natural piety of the feathered creation ; but it would not do . There is no disguising the fact that the starl ing is the most carnal - minded

f as o u o birds try you may , y can never spiritualise his ear - splitting squeals and profane

i n s v en triloq u si g into sound doctrine .

308 LANGAR R O C K GREAT T RE E

h ocri strongly recommended . Then , with a yp ti cal expression o f regret that his duty towards the parish should compel hi m to advocate the removal o f this ancient and notable specimen

’ ” of Nature s handiwork , the new parson sat down .

’ Farmer H awke , people s churchwarden , rose to support the recommendation , laying special

o n emphasis the fact that , in these shy times , fi t fi ft f . y pound was y pound As for the tree, for his part he could see no sense or utility in the great wooden thing . Trees were all very wel l on an upland farm like his own , where he would be glad enough of a few o f the same to shelter his house and barns ; but here, in an enclosed valley , they were about as useful and

- j udicious as Open umbrellas in a baek parlour . H e was aware that the sight - seeing strangers who infested o u r village were in the habit o f going into ecstasies of maudlin ad miration over the tree on account o f its age and bigness ; but ? where , he asked , was the credit in that What else had the idle thing to do bu t to grow old and big ? I t sickened his heart to see those it foolish foreigners stand gaping round , when they would pass by a meadow full of prize- bred fat bullocks without turning a head . Down with the cumbrous eyesore , said Farmer H awke . LANGAR R O C K GR EAT TR E E 39 9

- Benj amin Crapp , sexton and bel l ringer ,

o n followed the same side , speaking with a heat and bitterness born o f a personal grievance E against the tree . very autumn , said Benj a min , he was put to the tedious and unnecessary trouble of sweepin g, pitchforking , and wheeling

’ of away a monstrous great litter leaves , the tree s discarded apparel , to the extent of two cartloads at least . And whose fault was it that about the same time of year the o ne aim and aspira tion of every pig in the parish was to get into the churchyard , an d rout and nuzzle amon g the graves for scattered m ast ? A dozen times an hou r he was called upon to east down his tools and chase some intrusive porker from the

a s cred precincts , and as soon as one was driven

i n out , another popped . There was no un

holier beast to be found than your pig , as he would u ndertake to prove any day out o f Leviticus . Their presence in consecrated ground was little short of sacrilege , and the

’ wa s i faul t entirely the tree s for enticing them n .

Down with the gashly , untidy , godless old lump o f timber , said Benjamin Crapp .

sa These three having said their y , and nobody

rising to plead for the tree , a vote was taken , and the voice of the meetin g wa s found to be

fo r unanimous destruction . 3 1 0 LANGAR R O C K GREAT TRE E

Now all the talk of the village was o f the

o f tree . I only wish I could report a tale the

of cu lmi n growing indignation the inhabitants ,

of ating, perhaps , in a mass meeting all lovers ,

past and presen t, gathered to protest against the

sacrifice of their tutelary spirit , the guardian of

their vows , whose every leaf was hallowed by f tender memories o sighs an d kisses . B ut no : not a voice was raised in its behalf al l senti

mental considerations , if such existed , were

’ nipped by Farmer H awke s weighty argument . fi ft These were indeed shy times , and y pounds fift were indubitably y pounds . Let the Church execute her sentence of axe and faggot as soon

as she pleased . — O ne hope remained the Squire ; and at fi rst

the Squire , true to the traditions of his house , rose nobly to the occasion . Down from the A t Big House came his prompt veto . all costs the life o f his venerable dependent was to be fift it spared . I f y pounds would save , the sum should be forthcom ing out of his own pocket .

Now you would have thought the tree was safe . But the new parson had to be reckoned with ; and in the new parson all the traditional ani mo sity o f the Church against the tree seemed

i n ten sifi ed to be con centrated and . Finding

3 1 2 LANGAR R O C K GREAT T RE E

Perhaps you will not blame him ; yet for my part I cannot help thin king that a little re flection and a touch o f imagin ation might have led him to see the event in a d ifferent and more agree able l ight . What more appropriate fate could

for be conceived his worthy ancestor, whose

was of soul in trees , than that the chief his favourites should thus seek him out , slowly gre ping fo r two centuries in the darkness under ground , till it found him , netted his dreamless

fibres his head with its , and began transm uting dead clay into the livin g green his eyes once so

i n delighted . Such a fate Sir Thomas Browne

fi n din might have curiously moralised u pon , g it no fallacy i n duration thus to subsist in leaves

o f instead bones , and to be arboreally , not pyramidally extant . But the Squire , honest

e man , re ked n ot of these things , seeing only what he deemed the insolent ingratitude o f a

pampered dependent .

Sti ll the end was delayed , and that from the

n o w lowest of motives . I t was April , and the

sap was ris in g . I n order to get their sorry

ro fi t o f - o f p blood money out the tree , the murderers m ust wait until the excitement of

o spring died down in its veins . S for three months it was allowed to enjoy the rain and LANGAR R OC K GREAT TR E E 3 1 3 sunshine ; and this was the most pain ful part of the whole unpleasan t business , to watch the soft new leaves unfolding, as fresh and delicate

’ co n fi den ce as a sapling s , to mark its growing

on and serenity as the days went , and to know all the time that the hour of its fullest vigour and completest enjoyment was to be the hour

In o f its fall . com mon decency they should have waited until its winter trance was o n ; then the crude barbarity of the deed would not have been so apparent . Going down into the village one J uly morn

o f in g , I found a crowd people gathered in the road below the church , and knew that the hour

s wa come . The tree was still standing in all it s sacr ifi c ia l sum mer bravery , but the ropes it m were about , and at the end of each m a I kn ot of men stood ready . could see the great

e b - whit gash in its trun k ; and close y , red faced ,

triumphant , axe in hand , was the Rector himsel f, so lost to all sen se of shame that he had elected to be the executioner of his o wn vindictive

E a s he sentence . ven I looked , gave a word of com mand ; the men at the ropes spat on the ir hands and took hold and suddenly that v ast mountai n of leaves t rembled violently

se e from head to foo t . H avin g n o mind to the 3 1 4 LANGAR R O C K GREAT T R E E

o ut of rest , I hurried away ; but I could not get earshot before there came a sound like a gusty

sigh , that swelled from a whisper to a roar , and

ended in a mighty crash . I looked back . The church tower stood alone ; where its noble com panion had been was n ow a chasm of empty air .

5 0 La n a rrock fell g Great Tree , a m art yr, as

I will always m aintain , to religious intolerance .

The Rector, to be sure , laughs when I tell hi m so ; and I will do him the j ustice to say that he seems quite unconscious of the inheritance o f obscure rancour which was the real motive that

urged him to the deed . The Church funds gained a pound or so by the sale of the timber ; on the other hand we lost what the whole rate

able val ue of the parish could not replace . Ah ,

old Don Pepino exclaims Landor , trees in their living state are the only things that money

cannot com mand . Rivers leave their beds , it run into c ities , and traverse mountain s for ;

obelisks and arches , palaces and temples , amphi

theatres and pyramids , rise up like exhalations

at its bidding ; even the free spirit of Man , the

on ly thing great on earth , crouches and cowers

in its presence . I t passes away and vanishes ” before venerable trees .

3 1 6 WIS HT wo o o

to wood of ancient growth , dense enough shut

o f the world out , big enough , with the help a

o - little man euvring an d make believe , for a man to lose himself i n ; without it s like in al l Corn

is wall . They say there a wood near Bodmin ,

n o o n e but this is t the . Where it is I shall not tell , lest the Devon men should come and

o f it f make game , and the oreign visitors drive out in their carriages to stare at it as they stare

Men - an - to l at the an d other Cornish wonders .

o f That would be a pity, for the charms Wisht

so it Wood ( I will call , leaving its real n ame unspoken)are secret and delicate , an d only to be comprehended and enjoyed by the solitary lover .

This much may be told , that it lies in a

o n hollow a hillside, where the land dips from the m oor to the pasture , and you may approach it from either direction according to your — it mood down from the heather to surprise ,

wo o or up from the grass to it gently . Coming

o u o ff from below y see it afar , and lose it and hn d it again as the path wanders amon g the

o u i t hills ; and when y reach , there is only a little brook to cross , and you are within . But

o u o u if y come from above , y are suddenly aware o f the moist sweet breath of innumerable green

o n e . leaves , close at hand , and not to be seen WI S HT wo o o 3 1 7

You step without warning from heather o n to stone ; you halt , for your next step would be

o n o r o n t o not earth rock , but the p of a tall tree . A wall of gran ite drops sheer beneath

ash you into a green twilight . Pines and trees it crowd against , young elders and thorns grow o ut o f its crevices , and beyond , down the slope,

— - stretches the wood a ruddy mist of elm buds

o f in the spring , in summer a lean ing roof green leafag e , a dense , unbroken surface on which the

fi r m eye rests as on ground , denying the airy

so space below , that it comes like the shock of a blunt contradiction when a wood - pigeon i suddenly claps ts way out .

’ ’ is ustifie d t is Within , the wood s n ame j ; a

a s sa wisht place su re enough , people y . It wears an appearance of extreme old age— age that ha s passed the lim its of venerable dignity and fallen into a fantastic dotage . Grey rocks lie prone in grotesque attitudes among the trees the trees too are grey with moss and shaggy

its lichen , and scarcely one of them has natural

growth . There are pollard ashes lean in g cun

n in l g y this way and that , their monstrous heads

bristling with stiff twigs . There are elder trees whose trunks run along the ground and

suddenly erect themselves , like threatening 3 1 8 W I S HT wo o o

- h snakes . There are thorn bus es on which you would think some tormenting spell had been cast, their twigs are involved in such mad

o n e ou contortions . I n remote corner y com e — upon two young trees a n el m and a syca more—locked together in a desperate death

- fi rs grapple . Two others , straight stemmed ,

has are crossed like swords in a duel . Another been pinned down by a boulder and is growing it over , slowly smothering it in thick foliage .

The heart of the wood is a deep black pool , hardly to be approached , so thick is the crowd it o f trees an d bushes that stoop and peer about . You guess them to be gloating over some u n savoury secret which they would not have you

E i s fl o urish share . lsewhere there a handsome

o a k o n e ing with unaccountable dead li mb, from

o u which , as y approach , a stealthy hawk stoops

flies n and noiselessly away . O still spring afternoons the least stir of wind rouses a sound of light footsteps an d a faint , sweet perfume but

o u hea d n o when y turn your , fair ghost glides past ; it is only a laurel thicket tapping dry leaf on leaf, and uneasily shaking its tasselled blossoms . You cannot doubt that other in fl uen ces are at work in the place beside the ordinary control o f sun and wind an d rain . Trees are not the dull

3 20 WI S HT W O O D

was at Camelot that Merlin met Nimue and

o n is un fell into a dotage her, an d Camelot doubtedly the Cornish Camelford . From Came lot they went together to Benwick , and after wards—the history is precise here—returned

o f i m to Cornwall , where she grew weary his portun ities and lured him to his doom under the stone . The learned arguments adduced in proof o f the identity of that stone with the ston e in Wisht Wood may be omitted here . But granting that this is the place , Merlin must still

an d be here , alive ; for the Lady would never have released o n e whom she feared and hated

’ as a devil s son , and neither she nor any one else

Yo u had skill to encompass his death . can no

“ ” a s longer hear him making great moan , Sir

Ba dema us g g d id when he came this way, but his evil heart still beats strongly , and he continues to weave his spells , not in the hope o f o ut freein g himsel f, but of pure m alignity , fi ndin g comfort i n the thought that he m ay yet have power to do harm in the world . The subtle venom o f his magic rises like a vapour through the crevices of the rock , poisoning the

t o air , driving the trees play mad antics , and twisting their innocent growth into a deformed i likeness o f h s ugly passions . WI S HT WOO D 3 2 1

S o far ou r friend ; but though his explanation is attractive and plausible, to my mind it lacks a sound historical basis . My objection is that

fi n ds it no support in local tradition , though it is j ust the kind of tale o f which tradition would be sure to preserve a vivid memory . To pro ceed scien tifi call on ou r y investigation , since

documents are wanting, it is precisely to local

tradition that we m ust apply , and to the sim ple

suffi c ien t f but solution it of ers I pin my faith .

- I n four words , Wisht Wood is pisky ridden . Now by adopting this explanation we get

o f rid the shadowy Merlin , in whom I for one

have never entirely believed , an d we are en abled to put a pleasan ter construction o n the behav i

o f our of the trees . I nstead writhing in atrocious torment under an in fl iction o f black

magic , they are sim ply attemptin g in their

solid , clumsy way to adapt themselves to the freakish moods o f the Little People ; and all this melodramatic show o f anguish an d deadly — combat is merely a joke and a mayga me a f— f’ rheumaticky , sti f jointed old grand er playing

- at I ndians an d pirates with young Curly locks . The sport may not be altogether to the old

’ is one s liking , but the capricious elf m aster ,

and must be obeyed .

2 1 3 2 2 WI S H T WOO D

O ne : thing is certain no spot , even in Corn

- wall , is so pisky haunted as the neighbourhood of Wisht Wood . Within living memory there b dwelt in a cottage hard y, an old woman whose household churrs were all done by

E she the little people . very night opened the kitchen window a little way and set a dish of E milk on the table . very morning the milk b was gone, the cloam washed and put y , the f grate polished , and the loor swept and sprin kled with white sand . An d there is a man working at the farm below, who is in the habit o f going up to Churchtown every Satur

o r day for a social glass , maybe two , at the inn .

o f A nd three times out four, he assures me, he

- o n is pisky led his way home across the downs . As soon as his feet touch the heather they fall under an enchantment, and lead him in stumb lin g circles and zigzags till his dizzy senses fail him , and he knows no more till he wakes next morning with his toes in a puddle and his head

- in a furze bush . As for the wood itsel f, few of the neighbours will venture within it by day , and none by n ight . Chattering voices are

con fi heard there , for all the world like the

fl ock o f ed n a le s or dential twitterings of a p yp y , titmice , and the scurry of tiny feet , like the

‘ ‘ 3 24 WI S H I WOOD

Others again declare the piskies to be the ancient pagan gods o f Cornwall ; and this to

me is the most probable theory . Being gods , they subsist o n worship and belief ; without

these they perish . Tiny as they are now , in

o ld s fa r the days they were tall and tout , exceeding m an kin d in stature . You have

of heard the Corn ish giants ; well , these were

fi rst they . But on the day when the millstone with its saintly cargo kissed the pebbles under

Cape Cornwall , they began to shrink and

A s o ld shrivel . the years passed and the beliefs faded , they dwindled , until at the time of my story , the time when the great Preacher came across the Tamar, they were no bigger

’ than children s dolls . That was before the folk of West Cornwall

so were foolish as to make roads , which only serve to let in tourists and other undesirable persons . But the Preacher , though small in stature and precise in his attire, had the stout est heart that ever beat under a black gown .

B - - y bridle paths , trodden knee deep into mire

- under the hoofs of paek mules , by trackless

moors , over rocks and through rivers , he pushed his indomitable way from mining village to

fishi n uplan d farm , from upland farm to g cove , WI S HT ~WOO D 3 2 5

halting, wherever he found an audience , to plead, exhort , and denounce . I n time he came

o f to the neighbourhood Wisht Wood , and entered the farmhouse that still stands hard b fi rst to his y , deliver message and afterwards

a s to take rest and nourishment . An d he sat in the kitchen expounding points of doctrine to the farmer and his hinds , a tappin g was heard

o f at the door low down , like the sound a grey

i - o n bird break ng a snail shell a stone . The

’ farmer s wife , going to open the door, screamed and started back ; for there o n the threshold

whit nec k stood a tiny man , no bigger than a ,

- o r . stoat , when it sits up on its hind paws Like a whit neek he was dressed in a brown coat and

white waistcoat ; his breeches were brown also , h is stockin gs green , an d he had si lver buckles

. O n to his shoes his head he wore a red cap , tt t which he do ed poli ely as the door Opened , disclosing a natty l ittle w ig made o f grey

his fl o u r ished lichen . I n right hand he a plume

- of white cotton grass , by way of flag of truce . A w ’ , my life screamed the farmer s wife .

’ ’ ’ A w e f t ed n 0 , my dear l i fe , wan they piskies Now the Preacher w a s not without a c quaintance with the creatures o f the unseen world . All his life the evil and good spirits 3 26 WI S HT wo o o

o r f hovered about him , comforting buf eting . S o he showed no aston ishment or dism ay at

o f H e u the sight the little man . stood p, and in a stern voice , the voice that had made wax

o f of the hearts thousands , he bade the spirit depart and trouble him not . But the little

to fellow did not budge . Pressing the red cap his bosom , he bowed profoundly , and in a voice l ike the chippering of mice behind the wainscot

of he squeaked out a string outlandish words .

“ a ll ? What is this asked the Preacher, lookin g round .

’ old The farmer s gran dfather, a very man ,

- answered from his seat in the chim ney corner . “ d ’ “ ’ ’ I knaw , he quavered . Tes a bra

’ long time sence I heer d the like ; but I d

’ s ac he o f C om knaw . Tes the auld ancient p wall . They talked so when I was a boy , but

’ ’ ’ n ow 0 tes most forgot . Manen what the li ll

o f chap do say is , the piskies Wisht Wood are

’ wanting to ave a word weth your reverence ,

’ ” e f you ll k indly step across for a minute .

“ ’ ’ ” e o ! Don t g , your reveren ce cried the

’ “ ’ The m farmer s wife . y so artful and vicious

’ ’ e as foxes They ll do some harm , sure ’ ! nough , the rogues

’ The Preacher s eyes flashed .

3 2 8 WI S HT w o o o

o f grass , ringed about with a circle toadstools .

Suddenly a tall stout pisky , elegantly dressed , and wearing a carcanet o f dewdrops about his

immedi cap , leapt brisk ly upon the stone, and ately the hum died away into silence . Then the tall pisky removed his cap , hemmed , and began to speak with quaint earnest gestures of — fi nger on pal m and arms swun g abroad the queer little manikin ! But as he too spoke in the ancient tongue , the Preacher turned and

’ old f beckoned the grand f er orward to interpret .

And this is what the tall pisky said to the Preacher .

— - To the S a wz n ek D u the black robed

E —in Pob l nglishman the name of the y Vean , the Little People here assembled , greeting . We have a story to tell , a complaint to make , and a petition to prefer . I n the beginning we

o u r o ur . ruled ; power was great , stature also Then the white monks from Eire descended o n o u r fl ock o f shores l i ke a seagulls , and hunted u s out u s an d sprinkled with holy water, so that we shrank and became as dwarfs, all but a few who avoided the shower and fled to the

on Hoar Rock in the Sea , and made war thence monks and people, and perished at last by the

r o f sword . B ut we su vived , by virtue the holy water and of the relics o f ancient worship WI S HT wo o o 3 29

to us that remained . For the white monks were kindly and compassionate ; they re membered we were gods , with the pride and

O ur u s need of gods . power they took from ,

u s but left a nook in the hearts of men , that we might not altogether perish . I t was a

us compact between and them , and so long as their creed endured we had no fear . Then we

o f heard rumours chan ges , of a new creed , and of a new God that hated holy water, an d we trembled and hid ourselves . When we ventured

ou r forth again , friends the mon ks and friars

- had disappeared , and black gowned parsons

o n e were in their places . And looking upon

o u r another , we perceived no change ; stature was not diminished by the breadth of a hair .

5 0 we took heart , and went by n ight and peered in the breasts of people a s they lay asleep and our niche , the n iche the monks had

u s left , was still there , swept and garnished as of old . There was peace in our n iche , but elsewhere in every heart was a division and a co n flict between the new faith and the old .

n Then we l aughed ; for looki g again , we per ce iv ed that we had waxed a little bigger ; o u r limbs were plumper and ou r chests broader . This we se t down to the dissension s between 330 WI S HT W O OD

u s the gods who had supplanted ; the people ,

n o t knowing which to adhere to , were turn ing

u s half in jest to , their forgotten divinities .

us Some of said , We have but to wait soon

o the parsons will g where the monks have gone,

’ and we shall be m asters again . But others

‘ for said , No ; our time has gone by ever ; if

o the parsons g , others will step into their place

us us before . Let rest conten t in our little

u s n iche ; parson or priest, none will disturb

’ there . And we took notice that the parsons

talked loud for awhile , an d then they fell asleep talking ; and for many years we lived in peace

and merriment undisturbed . But o n e day n ot long ago we awoke and

an d looked upon one another , exclaimed ; for it seemed to each o f us that his com panions

so had suddenly grown old in the n ight , wizened

were their faces , so shrun ken their limbs . Also it appeared as i f the grass about u s had mira cu lo usly sprouted it had been breast - high when

n o w o ur we l ay down , and it waved above

we o ur heads . And as stared and shouted in

- e us amazemen t , a jack rabbit h pped in among , and we j u mped up and fled in terror ; for he

- w seemed as big as a bull calf. Then we kne that what had happened at the fi rst coming of

332 W I S HT WO O D

us n ow seemed good to . We waited , and the

us f Preacher is before , our ate in his hands .

O : Consider, Preacher we are a small folk ,

us and a harmless ; there is no malice left in ,

us and our pride is subdued . The people love , for the sake o f old times ; but now that they begin to think n ew thoughts , to travel this way and that , and to read in the magic Book you

u s bring them , they are in danger of forgetting ;

us n o and forgotten , we perish . Tell , is there room for u s in your message ? Will you not slip in a word here and there, com mending the

Pob l o n ce P y Vean , who were gods Gods once , and now we run from a j ack - rabbit ! Soon

- the very bull horns , the peaceful sluggish snail

us mu r a ns folk , will rise up against , and the y ,

- o ut the creeping ant fol k , wil l send hunting

us parties to chase from wood an d m oor , and

u ilken s - the q , the croaking frog folk , will run at u s open - mouthed wh en we go down to the stream to drink , till we shall have no place left to lay our heads in safety . We shal l be home less outcasts in our own country ; no fate is 0 harder. Have pity then , Preacher . Your

: our power is great a word from you , an d

i a sk safety s assured . We but little ; no increase or exaltation , only a secure tenure of WI S HT WO O D 333 o r u present stature, that we m ay not shrin k to ” dust and be blown away by the wind into the sea . Such was the speech made by the tall pisky to the Preacher in Wisht Wood , the old

’ grand f er interpreting . The other piskies hummed applause , for their spokesman had

fli ce eon performed his o well . They turned

fi n o n d e t faces the Preacher . Surely here was piteous eloquence to move the hardest heart . But the Preacher ’ s face was stern and forbidding

his a s he stood meditating answer . An d when it came , it was no answer . The petition he it thrust aside , making n o reference to ; an d instead , waving a hand that seemed to brandish a sword , he delivered once again the message

As he had come to publish through the land .

f o ld S t . o so Patrick preached to the birds , now the Preacher preached to the piskies of Wisht

o f fi re o f Wood , in words with a voice thunder.

The piskies listened with puzzled faces , that

w o n gre longer and longer as he went , pleading , prom ising , and threatenin g . When he had

fi n ishe d , the tal l pisky bowed pol itely , and

n spreading two vague little ha ds , said We are fool ish l ittle fellows ; these m atters are too deep for us ; nor do they seem to concern us. They are for good and wicked 334 WI S HT w o o o

r fol k , and we are neither whether we laugh o

o r o r o ut o f cry , do this that , it is pure wanton

H ow ness, and for no reason at all . then should all this concern us ? Only o n e thin g — concerns us our diminishin g stature and the danger we foresee from the bull - horns and mu r ans y . From the fear of this arose our question , which remains unanswered . Was it

i t us ut P . 0 obscurely p I will repeat Tell ,

is u s Preacher, there no room for in your new

P - - s a ee creed n o tiny corner p for laughter, and

o f r a n d i als the telling gay g , and the kicking of heels on the turf P Now hitherto the Preacher had been puzzled by the piskies , and doubtful in what light to

o view them and how t treat them . But when the tall pisky spoke thus o f r andiga ls and riotous doings , he cast all doubt aside , clearly recogn ising their corrupt and devilish nature . There never was a better or more saintly man than the Preacher , but there was something

n fl ex ible terrible in his i goodness . Two things — oppressed him the wickedness of the world , and the awful brevity o f human life ; between

h o r fo r t ese he found no time place laughter .

o n An grily he turned his back the little tempter, and addressed his followers , vehemently de

336 WI S HT WO O D

Fo r n ot o f them . my part , it is on account the Preacher ’ s denunciation that I fear for the piskies ; it i s not in earnest open combat that old bel iefs are overcome . But of late a more terrible enemy has come out against them .

f r The scof er is abroad , and all the heavy artille y of text and homily cannot work half the havoc of a single volley of light laughter. Nowadays the boys and maidens come home from school

u a s — cutting p, they say talking proud book E nglish , and making fun of giants and piskies ,

o ld tokens and spells . The speech and the old wisdom are not good enough for them . And what is the result ? The stature of the piskies diminishes daily ; already the bull -horns grow restive , tossing the little men from their backs when they essay to mount them and the mu r an s a m y , I told , are p lotting raids and robberies in their caverns underground . The time is not far distant when the last believer in the piskies will be laid in his box and if you are present at the buryin g , perhaps you will see a light cloud o f i mperceptible dust fly up and disperse as the grave - digger gives the fi n al

o n pat with his shovel the mound . An d when the dust has van ished , you will have seen the last of the piskies . ND T I ST. L I D GY A H E G AN T

IT is a poor sort of boast , to be sure, but such a s to it : it is , Cornish folk are entitled make that they alone of all the nations have irret riev

- ably mislaid their mother speech . A fragment — here and a fragment there, a half forgotten phrase or two , some stray words , are al l that rem ain alive of the softest and most melodious

o f Celtic ton gues . The loss is irreparable . The people who forget their language forget ! how much beside Look abroad , to Wales , where the o ld speech still fl ou rishes ; keepin g it , they have kept their inheritance intact of

o f glorious tradition , conquest an d adventure and sweet song ; the names of the ancien t

heroes and bards are i n every mouth . There

were heroes in Cornwal l too ; and as for bards , are not the people famous to this day for thei r sweet voices and skil l i n music ? But al l are

forgotten ; when Cornishmen , ever too eager to

catch at new things , began to rol l the crabbed E nglish speech on their tongues , their heritage 338 ST . LID GY AND TH E GIANT o f famous story began to slip away from them . The old tales were fashioned to the old words ; they could not be translated . I n the ungenial f oreign soil they withered and grew awry , until now nothing remains of them but a few

r a n di a ls o n e foolish g , that is ashamed to tell

a t the stranger for fear of bein g laughed . The ancient folk and their times are shrouded in a dense mist of oblivion , which in your wakeful

ou O hours y try in vain to penetrate . nly when you lie half asleep on the cliffs by the summer sea , with no company but birds and

ou waves , the veil m ay lift a little . I f y keep

too o u still , and listen not intently , y may chance to overhear such a tale as I once overheard , ’ Ped n ma n ack t Lid s lyin g under between S . gy

- Well and the sea , with the rock pipits an d wagtails darting and callin g about me , and the dunlins o n the beach playing their pretty game of touch with the tide .

o f I n those d ays , when , east the Tamar, the powers of darkness still ruled over hordes o f rude savages , the Corn ish folk were already

God Christians and gentlemen , worshipping in com mod ious chapels and at the feet of wayside

of crosses handsomely wrought granite . The

Danes destroyed the chapels long ago , but the

0 LIDGY 34 S T . AND TH E GIANT

A wonderful land , and a blessed . I n every

seaward valley , by every holy spring , the saints E from ire had taken up their abode , and led

o f peaceful lives prayer and contemplation . Fo r diversion they sat in their white robes on

fi shed the black rocks , an d in the blue sea for

koo - fi sh u e . the red mullet and g These, and

ca m succulent roots grown in the lewth of a ,

formed their nourishment . They had n o cares , and if any o ne of them died before attaining

his for hund redth year , his brethren mourned

him as one cut o ff in his prime . The people

loved and revered them , and brought them

on - honey and saffron cakes their name days .

And I make no question but that , if in those

was days an d for lon g after, Cornwall devout and prosperous beyon d comparison with other

nations , it was due in no smal l measure to the

o f o f favour and intercession these saints hers .

ou sa o f in fluence Little saints , y will y , small ,

o wn as obscure and outlandish as their names . But an obscure saint whose interests are

bounded by a single parish m ay , with diligence , accom plish more fo r it than would be possible f for one of your great Archangels , whose af airs

- is on are world wide, who cal led now from

his Spain and now from Russia , and ears LID GY AND T HE 1 ST . GIANT 34

deafen ed and con fused with all the tongues of

S t . S t . St . Babel . Veryan and Veep an d Issey

o r and the rest had n o concerns , alive dead ,

beyond the Tamar . No other speech than the soft Cornish brogue ascended to their ears ;

and if they were obscure , they were also

ou numerous , and hung together, y may be

old sure , in the good Cornish fashion , un iting o ne and all when there were favours to con fer o r acts of vengeance to be done . And if

petitions ascend to them no lon ger, an d no sturdy Methodist in the Duchy does them lip

service , yet to this hour they are not altogether

- neglected . Their feast days are still kept with tea and boughten cake ; maidens still visit their

wells and d rop in pins for propitiation , an d still an x ious mothers bring sickly children to bathe in the waters that were once touched by the lips

of holiness . These things the good simple saints

o f take note , and smile and nod to one another, fe eling sure that their ti me of busy service and intercession is on the way to return ; whether

sooner or later , they humbly refrain from

inquiring ; for they are lowly saints , without

acknowledged worshippers , without estates ,

a n d save a few barren acres of rock m oorland ,

and even to these their title is denied on earth ; 2 LIDGY AND E 34 S T. TH GIANT

so their place is in the outer courts, where they sit , contented and hopeful , whispering together in the old forgotten tongue , and softly hum

o ld min g the forgotten tunes . Now of all the saints none lived in so sweet

so an odour of holiness , none was loved and

Lid f ma n k St . o Ped n ac looked up to by all , as gy ,

’ the Monk s Headland . Some say he was the fi rst o f the saints to set foot on Cornish soil ; certainly he was the oldest and wisest of them al l . H is years were a hundred and twenty ; yet he walked without a staff, holding up his great white beard with both hands , lest he i should stumble over t . Once a day he broke E his fast . very morning when he came to the

o f - door his cell , there sat a dog otter waiting .

S t Lid refl ect . gy would for a moment , and

“ would say I could fancy a morsel o f ling ” t o - o r o f uck o o -fi sh a s day , of pol lack , or g ,

be the case might . Straightway the otter would wag its tail , trot down to the beach , a n d plun ge into the sea ; and before the saint could recite two paternosters , it had returned

fi ne and laid a ling , or pollack , or whatever it

was , at his feet . For not only men , but all the t humble creatures o f earth and air held S .

Lid o f . gy in reverence , nor had they any fear him

LID 344 ST . GY AND TH E G I ANT

Sometimes a neighbouring saint would visit t Lid S . gy and hold pious discourse with hi m

fisher man sometimes a , plagued with a whitlow o r an evil conscience , would come to him for deliverance ; but mostly he dwelt alone with his beasts and birds ; for the valley o f Fedn

d iffi cu lt o f m anack was remote and access , as it is to this day . When he was alone he found it good , and good when he had com pany ; his content was absolute, without relation to circumstance . Now o n e morning as he sat at the door o f

fl u tteri n his cell , with his dear birds g about him he heard far up the valley a doleful ro a r1n of g, an d the tread ponderous footsteps , and the clatter of stones dislodged in hasty

fl i ht - fi n ches g . The robins and copper flew up from his knees and shoulders , and sought refuge in the tamarisks , while the good saint turned eyes o f tranquil curiosity in the direction

o f . the sound An d he beheld a giant , such as frequented the land in those days , pelting full speed towards him , overleaping great rocks ,

- blundering through close set hedges , an d ever and again looking over either shoulder and

H e bellowing in an ecstasy of terror . had no

for t Lid un S . eyes gy , and was passing him ST LIDGY AND T HE . GIANT 345

noticed , when , his foot slipping , he stumbled

’ and fell prone at the saint s feet , where he lay

No w panting and groaning . there was no love lost between the saints and the giants ; for the

old giants , as is well known , were gods of , and ru led the land till the saints came and ousted them so they hated their supplanters , and t often played them kn avish tricks . Yet S . Lidgy was n ot discomposed ; he did n ot even start from his seat , though the giant lay so near as to stir the skirts of his robe and the

o f fringe his beard with his heavy breathing . O nly he lifted his eyebrows a little , and calmly

o f took stock the intruder .

wa s I t a stout giant , to be sure ; but do not be misled by foolish stories , and imagine that he was as tall as a church tower . Cornwal l is

so proud of her giants , and j ustly ; but it is now

o f m any cen turies since the last them perished , and every year o f those centuries has seen an

or so inch added to their stature . Thus people have been imperceptibly led into lamentable

a n d exaggeration , Cornish veracity has been

hopelessly d iscredited in the eyes of strangers . The sober truth is that some twenty feet was the greatest statu re the best - grown giants t at ained in their prime , and this one fell below LIDGY AND TH E 346 ST . GIANT

the limit by at least eighteen inches . Still , he was a stout giant . H is arm was as thick as an

’ his ordinary man s body , and gullet was capable

H e of gulping a fat hen without chewing . wore a coat of shaggy wolf- skins and breeches of the same ; he was as red o ha ired as a Dane

sin and as ugly as . St Lid Now . gy heard other footsteps approaching down the valley , and soon he could discern the figure o f a man hurrying

fl uttered alon g, clad in white robes that voluminously about him . When he came Li St . d nearer, gy recognised a neighbouring

t W iddock S . saint , by name , and by repute a great bustler and as hot - tempered as a saint could be without forfeiting his title . What with wrath and the heat of pursuit , the holy man ’ s face was as red as a turkey’ s he had lost o n e was of his sandals , and his robe torn and

o ne splashed in many places . I n hand he

- carried a holy water stoup , in the other he

ri la n s o r brandished a whisk of g g , dried heather

stalks , such as the Papishers call an aspergil . When he caught sight o f the prostrate giant he uttered a cry of mingled rage and triumph .

’ e ! N u mu Aha , thou rogue , I have now y

D u muy he exclai med , and d ipped the whisk

LIDGY AND T H E 348 ST . GIANT

Bethlehem to turbulent rebels . Peace ? What m anner of peace is that which imperils the personal safety o f the saints ? And how shall there be peace till our foes are rooted o ut P

’ t W idd oek s o f S . voice was loud because his

’ o f Lid s St . anger , and his impatience with gy At casuistical scrupulosity . the sound of it the giant stirred from his swoon and lifted his head , staring stupidly about him ; an d perceiving

o n e o n the two saints, either side of him , he roared affrightedly , his fat sides quivering.

“ ” A v a r men ! S t . y , roar away , thou cried “ ’ idd ock Thou rt W exultantly . catched this ! time , and no mistake Listen he continued Lid t . to S . gy This morn ing I rose at day break , and after the prescribed orisons, took lines and hooks and went down to the cove to

fi sh o f , bearing in mind the example the holy

Apostles , after which we are enjoined to order

o r . s u lives Also I was hungry, having fa ted yesterday o n a handful of watercress and a

- goose egg, which egg was offensively stale .

o n it My m alison her who laid . I searched the shore for limpets , and baited my hook

o n therewith , and took my seat a rock and dropped my lines in the water, reciting a

fi sh u prayer meanwhile . And the swam p, S T LIDGY . AND TH E GIANT 349 jostling one another in their eagerness to take the bait ; for they are a pious folk , and since it is their appointed destiny to be cooked an d eaten , they desire nothing better than to make a saintly end , accounting it the greatest of honours to be allowed to contribute to the

o f si x fi n e nourishment holiness . Soon mullet lay across my knees , strung on a withy . I put up my line , and sat considering their plumpness and gay colour , admiring how curiously they gaped and quivered in the sun , a s the convoys o f lost souls quiver and pant at h the fi rst whi ff of the ery furnace . And as I sat ro fit a bl thus p y med itating , suddenly a huge great stone whizzed past my head an d fel l into

sea the before me , splashing me from head to

A t u fi sh foot . this I sprang p, an d my , my

fi sh excellent , plum p , and tasty , slipped from

my l ap into the water . A nd looking behind

I o ut me , beheld this hideous monster , this

r uffi a n ee kin rageous , overgrown , g g and

grizzling u pon me from behind a rock . Great

w n U a s my a ger . Straightway I ad vanced pon f him , remembering David , how he went orth G against oliath , and reciting the form ula of

exorcism in a loud voice . When he heard the sound of the blessed Latin he turned tail and 9 S LIDGY AND HE A 35 T. T GI NT

fled , I after him . Passing my cell , I paused and snatched up stoup and aspergil , and thus armed contin ued the pursuit . A weary dance the pestilent knave has led me , over hedges and d itches and gaps and stiles , through

cl fi elds a m brambles and pools and o dgy . I

is s ua rded lagged with mud , my robe q to flatters , but I have catched the rogue at last . And now , brother, fetch the holy water, that this lumbering lump o f iniquity may learn what it is to practise ” impiety and chuck stones at peaceful saints . A t u this the giant rolled over and sat p, clenching his great fists and blubbering profusely . ’ ’ i A w e St . L d , don t l he cried to gy in his

“ ’ ’ e ! broad native dialect . Don t , maister I

’ ’ ’ u n o a wa s ded mane harm . I thoft a g eat

’ ’ set ten gull , theer pon the rocks . Tes the

’ ’ - — truth I m a tellen o f a g eat white gull I ’ ‘ M ’ ‘ thoft a wa s. y nerves ! says I what a

’ t re menyous big gul l to be sure ! I ll eave a — ’ ’ bully t o en send e n flop in the say ; a ll be

’ ’ en grand to ear squawk , says I to myself.

’ ’ ’ Tes the truth , maister. I dedu mane no arm

’ ’ e n le a n a wnl by the g m . I y thoft to ave a bit

’ ’ 0 fun weth the gull . That s what I said

‘ ’ S e eh t remen o us be old a y big gull I never .

’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ ” 0 n b liev e I I ll ave a bit fun wed , , said .

2 LID Y D 35 ST . G AN THE GI ANT the stone whizzed passed my head ? Are these things of no account ? Were I as other

’ n r folk , twould pass ; for the natural and u e generate man within me is humble and meek , eager to turn the cheek to the sm iter . B ut my saintship is grievously offended ; it brooks n o

f o ne o f m af ront or insult to the elect , be it y

o r self another. Fetch then the holy water, brother ; and if thou art plagued with morbid scruples , leave the sprinkling to me . A rare

fi rst sight I can promise thee . As the drop

his touches the villain , cheeks shall fall in and his A t joints give way . the second drop , the great body o f him shall begin to shake and

- o f . d issolve , like a lump salt in a stew pot

’ ‘ he P When the third has fallen , Where is

’ o f thou lt cry , perceiving naught but a heap

- wolf skins on the ground . And then something will stir under the skins , an d a miserable , puny, wizened pisky shall stick its head out of the

o f heap , like a rat out a m ixen , and geek this way and that in a maze , and screech like a whitn ec k o ff , and scuttle to hide itself in a

v a rmen l rabbit hole , the

t W idd ock An d S . laughed loudly , wel l pleased to see how the rogue of a gian t shivered

’ Lid s St . and cowered at his words . But gy LIDGY A ST . AND TH E GI NT 353

bewilderment increased , and his distress was painful to behold ; surely the Fien d had entered into him and was subtly poison in g his

t . heart against his brother sain t . For S Wid dock ’ s pious exultation found n o echo in his breast rather did it un accountably disgust him .

H e gazed about a s in a dream . H igh over head sang a happy lark ; in the bushes the small birds had recovered from their fright , and were twitterin g peacefully ; o u t seawards the gentle waves fell with a loving m urmur on the white - bosomed shore an d the good warm su n fi x ed , , silent , imperturbably benevolent , watched over al l . And looking back to where the hulking monster writhed and moaned , wh ile the wrathful saint stood over him , eyein g

a s Li S t . d him a raven eyes a sick horse , gy sighed deeply

Brother , he said timidly , it were wel l to

reprove this giant with words o f loving a d mo n i ” tion , and let him depart in peace . “ " W id d k S t . oc Brother , exclaimed testily ,

it were well to do no such thing . I wo n d e r

is at thee . Where thy zeal ? Where thy detestation of iniquity ? A rt thou one o f those

who perversely exalt Mercy , that feeble , dodder

- ing , knock kneed beatitude , over j ustice , the 23 T LID GY 354 S . AND TH E GIANT comely and i n flex ible P Fie upon thee ! A sorry saint I deem thee, and no bustler in the ” cause of virtue . Now some inkling of the situation began to

’ penetrate the giant s bedazzled brain , and a

H e flicker of hope spran g up in his heart . St Lid crawled closer to . gy, and clasped his k nees , dumbly imploring mercy . The clear grey eyes of the saint looked into the bleared , blinking eyes of the giant , and a fellowship was established between them . ” t Li fi ml “ S . d r Brother, said gy y , I have

’ looked into this poor creature s eyes , and I per

ce iv e . n o evil in them Moreover, he claims my f protection ; I cannot suf er evil to befall him .

o ff Put thy anger, then , and clothe thyself in f orgiveness . Accord him the kiss of peace , and ” depart if thou wilt , or if thou wilt , stay .

t W idd ock his But at this S . only drew gar

wra th i n . men t of , closer folds about him

“ “ What ! he cried . Give him the kiss o f sa st P sa n ctified o n peace , y Set my lips the face o f this anointed limb P Pah ! My stomach turneth at the thought , and since all the bodily organs of the saints are in mysteri

s a m o u correspondence with their souls , I f ” warned thereby o sore spiritual peril .

6 LIDGY 35 ST . AND TH E G IANT was borne upon him that his place was else

his where , and suddenly he turned , tucked robes about him , and departed quickly .

S t . Lid Then gy turned to the giant , blessed him , and bade him depart i n peace . But the

his giant hugged knees more closely , and

to un earnestly begged to be allowed remain , folding in rude stam mering phrases his fear of

t W idd ock f S . , an d the admiration and af ection

St . Lid he had conceived for gy , because of his kindly eyes an d goodly beard . Nor did the

his saint reject petition .

Stay if thou wilt, my son , he said . The ’ m I is . a earth the Lord s Who , that I should order another’ s goings upon it P A t this the giant arose and shouted joyfully , and leapt about , cutting uncouth capers , crack ing his heels together, and snapping his clumsy

Lid his fi n gers ; and St . gy laughed aloud at antics . I n those days merriment was permitted to the saints , and a sour face was not considered essential to holiness ; rather wa s it regarded as a badge of obscure sin .

S e it came about that these two , the saint and the giant , dwelt together in the valley of Ped n manack ; and a wonderful affection sprang LIDGY E ST. AND TH GIANT 357

U p between them . Both were simple and with o ut u was g ile , so that their love such as the troubled hearts o f worldly men are incapable of entertaining . Waking and sleeping they were never parted , but abode side by side in At ’ perfect am ity . times it was the giant s delight to entertain his master with feats o f strength . Taking him by the robe , he would lead him up to a great rock , as big as a house, it and , setting his hand upon , would say

’ e Look , uncle ; do thin k I could snatch up

’ thicky g eat stone and heave en a u v er clift P

’ i s St . L d gy eyes would twinkle , and he would feign unbelief, saying

’ too Nay, my son tis surely much even ” for thy great strength .

’ ’ ” e Stand aside , uncle , and I ll show , the

sa giant would y ; and stepping up to the rock ,

his he would grip it in great arms , heave it

his above head , run with it to the edge of the

" f o u t sea u cli f , and toss it far to , laughing p r oa rio usl y at the splash it made , and then

’ t Lid s turning quickly to enjoy S . gy cries and

o f gestures astonishment , which were duly forth

fi ftie t h . coming , even to the time of repetition

O r he would take other rocks , and pile them o n e U pon another to a great height , as children 8 T LIDGY AND T H E 35 S . GIANT

o f pile their wooden bricks . Some the heaps and pillars he made are still standing o n the

’ o f t Lid s sand S . gy Cove and on the cliffs

about . Strangers come and stare at them every su mmer , and argue how they came there .

o f Some thin k them the work the Druids , some

’ o f of the Danes , others King Arthur s merry

o f f men , others again old Tregeagle himsel ; but the country people call them by their right — ’ ’ names The Giant s Carn , The Giant s Stair

o n case , an d so . But the giant’s dearest privilege was to be t Lid allowed to hoist S . gy on his shoulder and take him for a jaunt up country . It was a

110 strange sight to see them , the giant ga ping along , taking the hedges at a stride , halloaing f and brandishin g his great sta f, and the saint

fi r m perched up aloft, steadying himself with a

’ grasp in the red tangle of the giant s hair, a broad smile of enjoyment o n his wrinkled old

face, and his lon g white beard streaming behind in the wind . Lid t St . A other times , when gy was disposed for meditation , the giant would stretch himself at his feet and watch hi m as he sat strokin g his beard or revolving his thumbs o n e about B the other . y the hour the giant would lie

69 ST LIDGY AND T H 3 . E GIANT

s s listening to harper , laughing at jester , and solacing H is sight with the tricks and paradings of dwarfs and giants and tu mblers .

Considering further, he said Surely my good Lord would welcome an d reward me if I came before H im leading this l usty recruit . For this reason , maybe, he was ” sent , that I might instruct and prepare him .

S e he called the giant , an d began to ex pound to him the mysteries of the faith . And the giant listened and made earnest efforts to

his comprehend , pursing lips , wrinkling his brow , and holding his breath until his face grew purple and beaded all over with sweat . But it was all in vain ; the sim plest point of doctrine wa s t oo subtle for his gross wits t o f grasp , n or could he by any ef ort encompass the art of linkin g thought with thought in a Li o f . t d goodly chain reason ing Yet S . gy d id not despair , but continued his instruction day by day, varying the method and the illustrations

i fi n ite with n ingen uity, sounding and groping in this morass of ignorance after a single spot of fi rm ground whereon to raise the fair edifice o f faith . But though the giant continued to

fi n e l isten respectfully , ad mirin g the stream of

e sounding words, how copiously it fl wed , and T LIDGY AND THE 6 1 S . GIANT 3 never tired of watching his master’ s venerable beard as it wagged under the stress of his

his eloquence, yet he was wise in foolishness , and made no further attempt to understand . St Lid Perceivin g this , . gy was greatly dis

’ co u ra ed g and distressed , doubting his Lord s intentions with regard to the giant . Yet he could not believe that a soul so gentle and guileless was doomed to destruction . And ponderin g on the matter, he perceived his error , and abased himself.

o f a m I What manner saint , he cried , thus to doubt an d d o gmatise P I s not this a sign from my dear Lord of the small store H e sets by learned doctrines ? Cannot I hear H i m

‘ sa y : Give over . There be saints and doctors enough in My courts ; My ears are sated with erudition . The enemy batters at My gates ; I call for stout fight i n g men ; would you bring ’ Me yet another subtle d ebat er P t Lid 80 S . gy resolved to relinquish the attempt to instruct the giant in matters that were beyond him . I nstead , that he might not remain altogether devoid o f orthodox know

o f ledge , he told him tales the strong men of — olden time o i J acob who wrestled with the angel , of Saul , who was chosen king because 6 LID GY AND T HE 3 2 ST . GIANT

of of his tall stature , and Samson , who carried ff o the city gates and pulled the temple down . Only o f Goliath destroyed by David he made no mention , lest the tale should distress his friend . To these stories the giant listened with great S t eagerness and unwearied delight ; and . Lid gy rejoiced , regarding this eagerness as a certain sign of un folding grace . Then he debated whether he might venture to baptize the giant , but held back , doubtin g

chiefl if the time had yet come . This y deterred

’ him , that the gian t s thick , unready tongue stumbled at the Holy Names , and his lips failed in their stammering attempts at prayer B Lid . S t and confession of faith y this . gy clearly perceived that the harvest was not yet ripe . ’ S t Lid I n God s good time, said . gy , and awaited a token . E Now the blessed aster season drew near .

n E t Lid And o aster morning S . gy left his cell at daybreak , the gi ant at his heels , and climbed

n ack Ped n ma Cliff, and knelt in prayer at the

his . summit , face to the east And as the sun

out o f his rose dancing the sea , he lifted arms and cried in a solemn ecstasy

i s . God good . Praise God Scarcely had he spoken when he fell a

6 LID Y 3 4 ST. G AND THE GIANT

. H e learning solemnly renounced his wisdom , and refrained thenceforth from all speculations ,

on deri n s questionings , p g , and profundities , per ceiv in g them in their true light as superfl uous baggage, weighty hindrances to the upward

o f one flight the soul . Watching his birds day , he made a parable, thus “ fo r As for the gulls and ravens , so the spirit of man . I t needs but two wings to carry it to heaven and the name of the right wing

God is ood of P r a i se God is , g , and the left , . To these will I trust . I f they are enough for a stout

su ffi ce giant , surely they will to support me also, ” a m who short and lean and small in the bone . S o daily the two made their orisons in the t Lid following manner. S . gy would begin by saying God is good . Then , Praise God ,

fl ash Simplicius would answer in a . Praise ” Li S t . d u . God , gy would repeat , catching him p An d fi n ally Simplicius wound round o ff the antiphony smartly with God i s good . S t Lid The years passed , and . gy grew very At feeble . last he was aware of his approaching death , and rejoiced thereat . Calling Simplicius to him , he bade him farewell , enj oining him to wait patiently in the continual exercise of a tranquil piety until his own end should come . LIDGY AND T H E AN 6 S T . GI T 3 5

so n And be assured , my , he said , that with my good Lord ’s perm ission I shall wait day and n ight by the gates , that I may be the

fi rst to welcome thee and guide thee, who art unused to cities , to the mansion that is already

’ a - building for thee . Tis a goodly mansion ;

as st00 tall thou art , thou wilt not need to p at ” the entrance .

Then he blessed Simplicius , an d his spirit departed quietly . And Simplicius wept over

’ hi s master s body , and dug a hole in the ground ,

set and laid the body within , and a great rock over the hole , and sat sadly considering what

H e he should do now that he was alone . had no desire to live , yet life was strong within him ; n o circumstance of mortal existence is so melancholy and irksome . Now ad mire the subtle and unexpected workings o f Providence . For as Simpl icius sa t W id k S t . doc grieving , watched him from above ,

cautiously peeping from behind a rock . To each of the saints wa s allotted some supernatural

t W idd o ck gift or quality ; the portion of S . was the instan t and m iraculous cognisance o f death or disaster in the ran ks o f the faithful ; no

he raven had a surer scent for carrion than . t Lid Scarcely had S . gy given up the ghost 6 D 3 6 S T . LI GY AND TH E GI ANT

when the event was already known to him .

H e laughed to think that the giant , his an cient

adversary , was now alone without saintly pro tectio n ; and girding his robes about him he

Ped n man a ck made all haste towards . There he saw Simplicius sitting alone ; of the body of Lid S t . gy he saw no sign , for Simplicius had it already buried . Filled with holy anger , he returned and went out into the towns and id t . L villages , proclaiming the woful fate of S gy , sacrilegiously killed and eaten by an ungodly

fi re giant . With words of he stirred the people up to vengeance ; a multitude assembled and

Ped n ma n ack followed him to , and set upon Simplicius an d overwhelmed him with stones

and arrows . They dragged his dead body

down to the shore , and the tide came and carried

out it to the sea . F or many years the story was told at fire Lid . St . sides Men revered the memory of gy ,

W id doc k S t . Martyr , an d of , that most zealous of saints militant ; but the memory of the At cannibal giant wa s universally execrated . this the gentle reader may grieve : surely

without reason , unless he believes that their fame on earth is a matter of consequence o r

solicitude to the happy dead .

368 TRAM T R I ST

was no with the manikins , but there time to lose ; his fl ock must be herded in the wood

sun wa s while the still high , while the shadows were still strong an d sharp enough to fence them about securely. H e drove the fl ock through a gate into a

fi eld . Here they scattered , and he ran this way and that, collecting them . H is clu msy foot trod o n o n e o f the gay -striped little it creatures and crushed ; the blood spirted , staining the grass . Tram Trist sat down to weep at leisure . When he looked about him

su n again , the was already declining , and his

fl ock sat fantastical about him in a half circle, their green eyes upon him . They had grown

f ne by now to the size o kittens . O stretched

f his itself, advanced , sni f ed at bloodstained foot ,

its and snarled , arching back . ” u ! Come p cried Tram Trist , and drove

su n them against the , until they came to where the shadows of the wood lay in cool intricacy upon the grass . Here they halted and huddled together. “ '” H o o shouted Tram Trist ; and they bounded high in air, leaping the wattled

sun shadows , skipping from patch to patch of light . They pressed into the wood through a TRAM T R I ST 369

narrow sunny gap , and as soon as the last straggler was within , Tram Trist lay down

so across the opening, that his shadow barred

For it from side to side . awhile he watched them as they prowled and sported , swelling bigger and bigger every moment , an d becoming less and less substantial as they grew, until they were presently lost to sight in the mingled shade and glitter of the place .

’ Tr ist s The fever died down in Tram veins . H e stretched himself at languid length and peered idly into the depths of the wood . That

is o f i n fi n itel wood s m all extent , but y deep .

A s o u it y take your way across , veil after veil is withd rawn , but ever another remains to shroud the mystery that retreats before you .

sun The possessed the wood , inlaying the holly leaves with quicksilver , kindling the laurel

fire bushes into harmless white , weaving delicate

- flame patterns over the ground , touching here

a sh - and there an trun k with aston ishment .

o f Troops small shadows , smal l brightnesses

i n fi n ite innumerable , an store of jewelled toys , a perpetual flicker , a m ultitude of little rust — l1n g sounds through all this the a sh - trunks rose , grey and silen t . The undergrowth crackled ; out of it came 2 4 379 TRAM T R I ST

a great black pig , and stopped at the sight o f

Tram Trist lyin g there . I t stared at him fi x edly with its keen little eyes ; an d as it

stared a haze came over his senses . The

glittering wood swam , span , and vanished , an d

utter oblivion possessed him . H e existed ; he was conscious o f himself — ; but beyond himself was nothing no light, no

o f sound , no world things to touch . Out o f the darkness began a slow feeble

— fi rst beatin g not at a sound , but like the

o f throbbing in the temples a run ner , which is

felt rather than heard . Gradually it quickened and grew audible with a sound that resembled the tappin g o f a drummer su mmon ing an

assembly . Quicker it went , and quicker, till the beat of it was lost in a deep hum—like the sound of the pedal - note that shakes the

o r church windows , says Tram Trist , not unlike

the purring of a n ight hawk , but far deeper . At the same time it began to throb within itsel f with a doubtful rhythm , and Tram Trist was conscious o f a cloudy something that gathered about the throbbing in the darkness .

Then the sound divided itself, in a way that

i o n fi dd le he s accustomed to ill ustrate his , playing a D in unison on the two lower strings ,

372 TRAM TR I ST

up from the depths , till there was a host

o f them soaring , circling, crossing, like gulls

over a roaring beach . Tram Trist is wont to explain confusedly how he not only heard the

saw o r sounds, but them ; rather that each sound wa s in some way threaded into the being — of some o ne of the things he saw the swaying

- trees , and the heavy moving beasts , and the

gay birds that hopped overhead , and the hairy half- human creatures that ran crouching along

the ground . And when the sun light began to

penetrate the m ist, it came upon him like the

sound of a trumpet . The light swelled to a shattering fan fare ;

the mist was rent , shredded , and tossed away .

e wa s H still among trees , but now he knew them for those und er which he had fallen

asleep . And the dear familiar birds , his brother

: musicians , were all about him blackbird ,

re bird bushs ar row c0 erfi n ch g y , p , pp and robin ,

trilling , fluting , twittering, charming the young

u o f e leaves o t their sheaths , enticing the fl wers to un fold , speeding the world along . Little red mice ran in and out among the green grass , chippering musical ly as they went . The

- grass tops swayed over them , making a kind of s ilent music too . TRAM T R I ST 373

o ne Folk passed in the wood , and not of them

a s but tarried to m ake m usic . A maid san g she pl ucked a nosegay ; a huntsman paused to wind his horn ; an o ld beggar - man leaned o n his stick and piped a weak stave ; a woodman bawled a rude ditty as he laid his axe to the roots of a tree ; a woman put her child to rest on a bed of fallen leaves and sang a lullaby it over . There was no pause in the m usic ; when no folk were there to sing , th e birds were whistling and the bees hum ming, and the trees were vocal i n the wind . The thread o f melody wa s unbroken ; it had begun with the world ; if it should end , the world would

u n fi n ished surely come to an end too , like an song . The world was m ade to a tune , and to a tune it went . Tram Trist leapt to his feet and stood wid e awake in the wood . H is head swam the blood in his veins sang thinly to the beating o f his heart. Awed and triumphant , he repeated — aloud : The world the world do go to a ” tune .

H e a fi re hurried away , all to tell the world its own great unsuspected secret . The world

it s e heard it cal mly, lifting ey brows . The world h as so been revealed to itsel f many times , in 374 TRAM TR I ST

so many shapes , by saints , philosophers , an d

mad men , that it has grown incredulous o f n ew

fiddler gospels . A crazy vagabond must rest content with a patient hearing and a tolerant

shrug of the shoulders . Still here was pretty

Tlze wor ld wa s ma de to a tu ne bar e doctrine . ;

’ ’ ' ’ sta ua s am 80110 lzea m zt a - ma é zug a nd mor e by ’ ken e u n e won t tlz us a nd us wor a to , th t l . l e l

’ do o to a tu n e n ow sa a u ow a slu u o /z g , , g y ; g , n

’ bou r s a n d s eed tag wor la a lon , p g Pretty , foolish

doctrine , to be sure . Nobody discouraged him ,

fo r H e and that was enough Tram Trist . was

o f fi er none your y propagandists , such as are

o f bred harsher creeds . This little shambling,

- - shock haired , soft eyed prophet was content with proclaiming his news to any that would

listen , addin g no other argument than his own

example . H e is old and bent now ; he goes in rags and cadges for crusts and stray pilchards ; but

fi n ers his g are stil l cunn ing on the strings , and when he plays people are stirred with memories of matters that were forgotten before their

H e grand fathers were born . plays only the tunes he heard in the wood that day ; there

he are n o such moving tunes nowadays , says .

H e has grown very deaf of late , and the world

376 TRAM T R I ST

the big drum , an d watch his face for an acknow ledgmen t that here is melody powerful enough to keep a whole galaxy of worlds spinnin g for

s s his o ld centuries . But he only hake head grimly .

’ ’ ” Tlza t e s he won t save , say , and hurries

fiddle res o n home to his . For an awful p sibilit — n o — on his y that of Atlas , less rests bowed shoulders . H is meals are snatched in haste ; he dares not sleep , he tells you ; and

be is however that may , it certain that at what

o f o u ever hour the night you pass his door, y are pretty certain to see a light in the window and to hear within that feeble quavering and scraping which alone keeps this great un iverse from crumbling into ruin .

T L PR ESS PR I NTE R S L TCHW ORTH THE EMP E , , E