IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN

"The Gang Gets Arrested... Developmented"

Written by Adam Scheil

Based on Characters Created By Glenn Howerton, Rob McElhenny & Mitchell Hurwitz COLD OPEN TITLE: 10:35 AM TITLE: On a Tuesday TITLE: Philadelphia, PA OVER TITLES, WE HEAR: DENNIS (O.S.) It’s basic mythology, Mac. A god becomes mortal the moment you let the public run a train on them.

INT. PADDY’S PUB - MORNING Dennis, Mac, Dee and Frank sit at the bar, reading a newspaper. MAC It made 900K a week! If anything, Stallone ran a train on us! FRANK Mac’s got a point. Broadway is big business these days. DENNIS It’ll never last. Charlie walks in through the front door. CHARLIE What’s up, baby dicks! DEE They turned into a musical. CHARLIE Ugh, Rocky musical, Rocky musical. Will everyone please stop talking about the goddamn Rocky musical?! MAC Why are you screaming like a war veteran? Charlie looks around, unaware of his outburst. CHARLIE Oh, was... was that out loud? (then) (MORE) 2. CHARLIE (CONT'D) Sorry it’s just... Rocky’s already a badass idea on it’s own. There’s no need to touch it. DENNIS See, Mac? Charlie agrees with me. CHARLIE You’re damn right I do. I had no choice but to go back and rework the entire thing. DEE Rework what, exactly? CHARLIE Um, the Rocky Musical. Did you just get here? See, the only way to make a classic seem fresh and original is by combining it with something equally great. Mac? When we were kids - what was the only thing as badass as Rocky? MAC Easy. Magic. CHARLIE Exactly! So I took those two classic, already badass ideas- (smashes hands together) And mashed them into one epic show! FRANK It’ll never work. Yeah, those things are good on their own. But together? It’s total crap! Like uhh, pickles and ice cream. DENNIS Frank’s right. Just because two things work independently doesn’t mean they should ever cross paths. MAC (thinking aloud) Hamilton and rap. Mormons and South Park... (to the Gang) I’m with Charlie on this. Broadway is huge right now! And magic is like the ultimate gasp-getter. 3.

CHARLIE Mac? You’re in. Everyone else? Out! DENNIS DEE You say that as if it’s a bad We never asked to be in. thing. CHARLIE Fine. I don’t know what could possibly be cooler than this, but- DEE Cooler than being in your stupid play? Hmm. Maybe getting wined and dined by a rich-as-balls investor? MAC What’s she talking about? DENNIS My brilliant vending machine idea. See, Mac, all quarters dated before 1965 are made of 90% silver. 30% of which end up in vending machines. This rich-as-balls investor, as Dee so eloquently put it, saw my website and took immediate interest. CHARLIE Sounds like a real solid plan. DENNIS Of course it’s solid. It’s metal. And silver, unlike broadway, is economically immortal. MAC What’s Dee’s role in all of this. DENNIS Oh, that. Yeah, for some reason this guy is big on family. He insisted she come along. CHARLIE And who is this big investor guy that, just, fell from the clouds? DENNIS (dramatic pause, then) Bluth. Michael Bluth. CUT TO: 4.

RON HOWARD narrates over various pictures of the Sunny Gang. RON HOWARD (V.O.) Now the story of four friends who had nothing, and the one bar that kept them all together. It’s Arrested... Eh-hem... CUT TO BLACK: Ron Howard narrates the title cards. TITLE: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. TITLE: The Gang Gets Quote “Arrested” Unquote.

ACT ONE

EXT. PADDY'S PUB - MORNING Michael and George Sr. stare up at the Paddy’s sign, confused and disappointed. GEORGE SR. This? This is where your big Philadelphia contact works? (points O.S.) There’s a man urinating on the street! Michael looks over to see a homeless MAN peeing in the middle of the street. The Man waves. Michael politely waves back. MICHAEL This Dennis Reynolds guy may be our ticket out of copper and into the big leagues. So just, play nice. RON HOWARD (V.O.) Michael had recently sold the copper piping inside the Bluth’s “Sudden Valley” homes, after discovering that it was worth more than the houses themselves. FLASHBACK TO:

INT. MICHAEL BLUTH’S OFFICE Michael sits at his desk, on the phone with MR. WANG. 5.

RON HOWARD (V.O.) The sudden increase in revenue managed to grab the attention of Mr. Wang, a private investor based out of Philadelphia. MICHAEL (on phone) That’s correct, Mr. Wang. We’re making a full shift toward precious metals.

INT. MR. WANG’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Mr. Wang, a stern looking Japanese businessman, sits at his desk eating a CHEESE STEAK wrapped in TIN FOIL. MR. WANG Real Estate is on a sharp decline. That was a smart play. INTERCUT MICHAEL AND MR. WANG. MICHAEL Well, you’re not the first to say that. Yep. Got a lot of meetings set up with some very interested investors, such as yourself. MR. WANG (disinterested, eating) Oh? Meeting with whom? RON HOWARD (V.O.) Michael had no other meetings. Luckily he was an expert at thinking on his feet. Michael scans his office. MICHAEL Let’s see. There’s- (checks watch) Cassy O... Riley. With the O’Riley’s. (clocks a pencil) Pen. Sil. Pen-ding-ton. Good Ol’ Sil. He’s number two on the list. Mr. Wang, not really listening, wraps his cheese steak in TIN FOIL. The foil RIPS and the sandwich spills out. Michael, unaware of this, assumes he’s still talking to him. 6.

MR. WANG I don’t believe it. MICHAEL Mr. Wang please! Let me explain. MR. WANG I should’ve see this coming. (yells, to anyone) I need more Reynolds Wrap! MICHAEL Sorry, you cut out. What was that? An employee hands Wang a ZIPLOCK BAG. MR. WANG I said Reynolds, you idiot. The silver one. Bring me Reynolds! MICHAEL (frantic) Reynolds. Silver. Got it! I’ll have him for you by tomorrow afternoon! Michael hangs up. Wang returns to the call - Dial tone. MR. WANG Sorry, Michael? Hello? CUT TO: INSERT: GOOGLE SEARCH - REYNOLDS, SILVER, and PHILADELPHIA. TOP HIT: SILVER VD. RON HOWARD (V.O.) (over inserts) After some investigative work, Michael found whom he assumed to be the big silver broker Mr. Wang was referring to. INSERT: SILVER VD WEBSITE A cartoon Vending Machine getting mercilessly beaten with baseball bats, as coins fly out. “SILVER VD - WE WANT CHANGE. A DENNIS REYNOLDS JOINT” written around the cartoon. END OF FLASHBACK. 7.

EXT. PADDY'S PUB - CONTINUOUS Back to Michael and George Sr. MICHAEL He’s a V.D. Just like us. GEORGE SR. A what?! MICHAEL A Vanguard, dad. A person who uses unorthodox methods to pave paths to a new way of thinking. (looks around) Where is everyone? How long does it take to park a car? As they look around, the peeing Man waves again. GEORGE SR. Great. Now I have to go.

INT. PADDY'S PUB - CONTINUOUS Charlie struggles to get his hand out of a pickle jar while the rest of the gang continues their discussion. DENNIS VD. It’s short for “vending.” Makes for a cleaner IPO. MAC I dunno. Silver VD sounds more like something you’d get from shoving a roll of quarters up your ass. DENNIS Maybe. To the simple-minded. Luckily I’m working with an educated businessman. While you? (nods toward Charlie) You’re working with a moron. Charlie manages to free his hand from the jar. CHARLIE That never gets any easier. MAC People didn’t believe in Rocky, either. And look how that ended. 8.

DEE DENNIS It ended badly. Rocky lost, you idiot. MAC Rocky is a huge franchise with, like, a bajillion sequels. That’s a win in my book. AND it proves people want as many Rocky iterations as possible. CHARLIE Rocky lost in the first one? Huh. (shakes it off) But yeah. What Mac said! He pulls out a stack of SCRIBBLED NOTES and slams them on the counter. Dennis picks them up, reading aloud. DENNIS Adrian, oh Adrian, I do it all for you. I’ll run the streets - I’ll beat my meats - and turn his black wand blue? (looks up) This is straight up porn. CHARLIE What? No! It’s the classic montage. Running around, punching frozen meat. Getting ready for the show! DEE Sounds like porn. MAC Even better! Sex sells. FRANK Oh! I got a deck of cards with pictures of broads in lingerie! You can use ‘em in your show! Frank rushes into the office. Dennis checks his watch. DENNIS Shit. He’ll be here any second. Everyone... act normal. And Dee? Try not to get all “Grey Gardens” on the guy. DEE What’s that supposed to mean? 9.

DENNIS It means whenever you’re around money you get this ridiculous- They look up as Michael and George Sr. enter the bar. MICHAEL Mr. Reynolds, I take it? DENNIS (shaking hands) Please, call me Dennis. (then) And this is my sister, Dee- DEE -Deandra. Charmed, I’m sure. She holds out her hand for Michael to kiss. He shakes it, then, realizing what she wants, awkardly kisses it. GEORGE SR. Where’s the pisser is this dump? MAC Over there, guy. George Sr. rushes to the bathroom. MICHAEL You’ll have to forgive my father. He’s a little jet-lagged. GOB and TOBIAS hurriedly enter through the front door. GOB This neighborhood is riddled with criminals. MICHAEL What took so long? Where’s Lindsay? GOB She’s fine. RON HOWARD (V.O.) She was not fine. FLASHBACK TO: 10.

EXT. STREET - MOMENTS EARLIER Gob, Tobias, and Lindsay walk down the street, nearing a group of THUGS - squatting down as they play DICE. RON HOWARD (V.O.) Gob had come to Philly to attend the annual Tony Wonder Magician Conference, and was using Street Magic in an attempt to build a quick reputation. They approach the thugs. TOBIAS Ahh, Philadelphia. The land of Bruce Springsteen. RON HOWARD (V.O.) Tobias was in town gathering intel for his own Philadelphia musical. Not the city, but rather the Oscar winning movie of the same name. The thugs slowly stand, ready to fight. GOB But why dance in the dark, when you can dance- (spreads arms) IN THE LIGHT?! Lighter fluid shoots out, spraying the thugs. GOB (CONT'D) Still. Where did the lighter fluid come from? They wait a beat then sprint off, leaving Lindsay alone. END OF FLASHBACK.

ACT TWO

INT. PADDY'S PUB - CONTINUOUS Tobias walks around, admiring the bar. TOBIAS Ahh, Philadelphia. The land of Bruce Springsteen. 11.

GOB Stop saying that! MAC Springsteen’s Jersey, dude. Get your rock gods straight. MICHAEL Well to be fair... Born in the USA... could be anywhere. DENNIS Born to run... In the USA... on the streets of Philadelphia. I agree - the Springster’s omnipresent. Michael and Dennis lock eyes and begin softly singing- MICHAEL/DENNIS Oh brother are you gonna leave me wastin’ away- (getting choked up) -on the streets of Philadelphia. They wipe tears, trying to cover up. MICHAEL DENNIS Guy’s a legend. Song got me so laid. RON HOWARD (V.O.) Dennis and Michael were really hitting it off. George Sr. returns from the bathroom just as Frank comes out of the office. They freeze and lock eyes. GEORGE SR. Frankie? Is that you? FRANK Holy shit! George Bluth?! They rush to hug like long lost friends. GEORGE SR. Of all the gin joints, huh? You work here? FRANK Nah. It’s where I do my whore- bangin’. 12.

GEORGE SR. That explains the glory hole in the bathroom. GOB MICHAEL Nice. The what now? FRANK Ha! Remind ya of anything? GEORGE SR. Mexico. DEE I don’t even want to ask. RON HOWARD (V.O.) Had she asked, Deandra would have learned that the two met years ago, at a card game in Mexico City. FLASHBACK TO:

INT. SEEDY POKER ROOM A younger Frank and George Sr. sit at a poker table, playing cards with other GAMBLERS. YOUNGER FRANK I’m all in. YOUNGER GEORGE Call. YOUNGER FRANK Wait! Let’s sweeten the bet. YOUNGER GEORGE I’m listening. YOUNGER FRANK Remember those Federales we walked by on the way in? (holds up car keys) I snaked their keys! (beat) Loser drives? YOUNGER GEORGE Deal. George Sr. shows his hand: Full House. Frank slams down his Straight Flush, stands, and tosses George the keys. 13.

YOUNGER FRANK Shotgun! RON HOWARD (V.O.) It would prove to be George Sr.’s First experience in a Mexican Prison. END OF FLASHBACK.

INT. PADDY'S PUB - CONTINUOUS Gob, now next to Dee, flirts. GOB So tell me more about this glory hole? How does it work? MAC She’s got a kid. GOB (backpedaling) Nevermind. I’ll figure it out. I’ve never seen one. I’m gonna go see one. Alone. By myself. He rushes to the bathroom just as... Charlie notices Tobias leafing through his Rocky Musical notes. CHARLIE Hey! Put those down! You can’t just walk in and grab a stranger’s- TOBIAS It’s breathtaking. CHARLIE (touched) Really? You think so? TOBIAS Having trained under Sir himself I can tell you - this is gold. MAC You trained with Apollo Creed?! Dude’s the ultimate badass! Frank pulls a deck of cards from his pocket. 14.

FRANK Hey Georgie-boy. Wanna get out of this dump and do a little gambling? GEORGE SR. You’re on. Michael? I trust you can handle the specifics. MICHAEL We only have a few hours. I could really use your help. Frank and George Sr. head toward the door. GEORGE SR. Gob! Help your brother. They exit. MICHAEL He’s in the bathroom. Can’t hear you. (to Dennis) Doesn’t matter. Should we get down to business? DENNIS Yes! After we’ve been properly wined and dined, of course. Michael stares for a beat, confused. MICHAEL Yes. Yes! How silly of me. Did you have a place in mind? DEE Of course we do, dah-ling. I’ve gotten us rezzy’s at one o’clock. MICHAEL Oooh-kay. Great. (looks around) I really should bring Gob with me. A BURST OF SMOKE from behind the bar. DEE Al-qauda! 15.

RON HOWARD (V.O.) Deandra had recently developed a fear of terrorists after watching a documentary entitled: Terrorisk - A World of Game Domination. Dee dry heaves for a while. It’s gross. DEE I’m alright. I’m okay. (now fully composed) Tip top. Jolly good! The smoke dissipates to reveal Gob, coughing and fanning the air. GOB Was someone looking for me? MAC CHARLIE Holy shit! He came out from nowhere! MICHAEL Gob? Stop messing around. GOB I have to stay sharp if I want to get noticed at Wonderland. RON HOWARD (V.O.) An obvious copyright violation. GOB Wonderthon, I mean. I keep forgetting they changed it. MICHAEL Fine. Don’t help. GOB Why? Because I’m not good enough for you, Michael? MICHAEL No. I want you to help. GOB I wish I could, but it’s Wonderland! MICHAEL Wonderthon. 16.

GOB Wonderthon! MICHAEL Glad we had that talk. (to Dennis and Dee) Shall we? They exit the bar, leaving Mac, Charlie, Gob, and Tobias. CHARLIE (to Gob) Dude, you’ve only been here for like five minutes are already the coolest guy we know. MAC So badass. CHARLIE I’m just gonna come right out and ask: do you wanna play the lead magician in my musical? RON HOWARD (V.O.) Gob realized this could be an easier, less dangerous way to get a quick reputation. Gob jumps on top of the bar and RIPS OFF his break-away pants, revealing an identical pair of pants underneath. GOB Does that answer your question? MAC Not really. CHARLIE Still, very cool. GOB Yes I’ll do your thing. RON HOWARD (V.O.) While the guys busied themselves with Charlie’s musical-

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT Michael sits at a table with Dennis and Dee, who are already visibly drunk. Dennis pours WINE into their glasses. 17.

RON HOWARD (V.O.) Michael had managed to work his own magic on Dennis. The three pick up their glasses. MICHAEL To new business partners! DEE DENNIS Salut! Here here! Michael takes a sip while Dennis and Dee pound theirs. MICHAEL Annnnd there they go again. Dee finishes first, beating Dennis by a mili-second. DEE DENNIS Suck my dust, bitches. Dammit. Where’s that waiter? MICHAEL So, partner. Tell me about Mr. Wang. What’s he like? DENNIS Wang? Who the hell is that? DEE Wang. Penis. Mr. Penis. A WAITER approaches the table next to them, handing the PATRON a sheet of REYNOLDS WRAP. WAITER Here is the Reynolds you asked for. Dennis snaps his fingers, getting the Waiter’s attention. DENNIS Hey, dipshit! What’s a paying customer gotta do to get another bottle of wine?! DEE (spits on the ground) This place disgusts me. Realization washes over Michael’s face as he pieces it all together. Silver. Reynolds. Whoops! 18.

MICHAEL (sotto) I’ve made a terrible mistake.

ACT TWO

INT. PADDY'S PUB - AFTERNOON Charlie, Mac, and Gob sit at the bar, going over notes. MAC This is Rocky, Charlie. Not a musical version of 8 Mile. CHARLIE I’m sorry I thought you wanted to play the role of Apollo Creed. MAC Well I kinda have to. He’s way buffer than Rocky. CHARLIE So, as Apollo Creed, you’re going to rap. Don’t fight me on this. MAC You can’t just order me to- Gob steps in to diffuse. GOB C’mon, guys! (to Charlie) You’re the show runner. Our leader! (to Mac) And you. You’re the muscle. Our white Apollo Creed. (to both) We shouldn’t be wasting time trying to- Tobias walks in the front door just as... Gob spreads his arms and PENNIES fly out, most of which pelt Tobias in the face. GOB (CONT'D) -change each other’s mind. Mac and Charlie stare at Gob, awestruck. 19.

MAC CHARLIE Simply unreal. Coolest thing I’ve ever seen. Mac and Charlie smile, happily diffused. MAC (CONT'D) Fine. If you think I should rap, I’ll rap. GOB That’s the spirit. Tobias clears his throat. CHARLIE Heyoo! He’s back. How’d it go? TOBIAS Well, it took some time convincing people that Sir Bruce Springsteen was performing here tonight... MAC Get to the point, dude. TOBIAS (beaming) We officially have a sold out show! MAC/CHARLIE/GOB Sweet! Awesome! Well Done! Charlie picks up his notes. CHARLIE Okay let’s go over it one last time. We open on Boulder “The Wonderhorse” Stone - a local magician struggling to make ends meet. (stops abrupt, to Gob) Can I keep those. GOB What? CHARLIE There’s gotta be over a hundred pennies on the floor. I can’t stop thinking about it. GOB They’re all yours, compadre. 20.

Gob grabs the notes as Charlie picks up the floor pennies. CHARLIE (sotto) Guy keeps getting cooler. Gob shuffles through the notes, talking to himself. GOB Boulder sings about life, sings about magic. God there is a lot of singing in musicals. (lands on a page) Here we are. Boulder goes head-to- head with the current Leaden Luminary Illusionist: Dillon “The Weatherman” Chubbs. MAC (quoting Rocky 3) THERE IS NO TOMORROW! THERE IS NO TOMORROW! GOB Where against all odds, I come back and... do what, again? CHARLIE You knock the shit outta Mac with your ultimate badass trick: The Human Touch. Dennis and Dee walk in and stare for a puzzled beat, then... DENNIS Oh look, a penny! CHARLIE Back off they’re mine!

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS Michael walks down the sidewalk and spots Lindsay playing dice with a group of DIFFERENT THUGS. LINDSAY I win again! (stands, waves to Michael) Michael! I won again! CUT TO: 21.

EXT. STREET - MOMENTS LATER Michael and Lindsay hurriedly walk down the street. LINDSAY Michael I was on fire! I took everything. Cash. Watches. Oh and you’re gonna love this... She pulls out two “Admit One” TICKETS from her pocket. LINDSAY (CONT'D) Springsteen Tickets! Springsteen, Michael!! Michael grabs the tickets. MICHAEL We’re going home, okay. This whole trip was one big waste of time. A LIMO pulls up next to them. The back window rolls down to reveal Mr. Wang. MR. WANG Excuse me. I’m afraid my driver is lost. MICHAEL Mr. Wang? It’s me. Michael Bluth. MR. WANG Bluth? Great maybe you can help - I’m looking for Paddy’s Pub. I need to get tickets for their Springsteen concert tonight. Michael hands him Lindsay’s tickets. MICHAEL Already taken care of. MR. WANG Good job, Bluth! Perhaps we can talk business after the show. He drives off. Michael talks to himself aloud. MICHAEL It was an act. They were testing me the whole time. I’m such an idiot! Lindsay spots someone O.S. 22.

LINDSAY Is that dad?! Reveal George Sr. in an alley, pounding a 40 ounce of malt liquor next to a laughing Frank. MICHAEL It certainly is. (beat) C’mon. I gotta get my partner back.

EXT. ALLEYWAY - CONTINUOUS George Sr. finishes the 40 ounce and smashes it on the ground. FRANK Twenty years later and you’re still shit for a gambler. GEORGE SR. I think my luck is about to turn around. FRANK Crap! It’s the FUZZ! A POLICE CAR parks down the street. A COP jumps out and chases down the dice playing Thugs. Frank pulls out the deck of cards, smiling. FRANK (CONT'D) So you’re feeling lucky now, huh? SMASH CUT TO:

INT. POLICE CAR - MOMENTS LATER George Sr. drives while Frank laughs from the back seat. FRANK Just like Mexico, ey Georgie-boy?! GEORGE SR. Pipe down back there. A SIREN lights up behind them. FRANK Uh-oh. You got company! 23.

INT. PADDY'S PUB - CONTINUOUS The place is PACKED. Michael makes his way through the crowd toward Dennis, who is standing behind the bar. MICHAEL (nonchalant) Whew! Made it just in time. DENNIS You have some nerve coming in here after the shit you pulled. MICHAEL What? That?? Come on! We were messing around! DENNIS Messing around?! You called me a liar, threw water on my face, then ran away like a frightened animal! MICHAEL I know! You were calling the waiter horrible names. Your sister was spitting, well, everywhere... (beat) I was just trying to keep up! Dennis stares him down for a long beat, then, smiles. DENNIS Well played. You totally had me going. (chuckles) The crying was a nice touch. MICHAEL Fake tears! (beat) Thank goodness we cleared that up before Wang got here. DENNIS He wants to see this show? Dennis assumes Michael is talking about Charlie’s Musical. Michael still thinks Springsteen is performing. MICHAEL He practically begged for tickets. It is The Boss, after all. 24.

DENNIS You’re right. You don’t question the boss. Well, future boss, right? I’m assuming Wang is some kind of investor? MICHAEL There you go, testing me again! (beat) If this goes as well as I think? Wang is gonna help make us a boat load of cash. Mr. Wang approaches from O.S. MICHAEL (CONT'D) There he is! Dennis grabs Mr. Wang’s hand and shakes it vigorously. DENNIS You’re just in time. Please, follow me. I’ve secured you VIP seating. CUT TO:

INT. PADDY'S PUB - CONTINUOUS Dennis, Michael, and Mr. Wang stand in the front row, staring at the unlit back area of Paddy’s Pub. A SPOTLIGHT shines on Gob - center stage - clad in ALL WHITE SHORTS, WHITE TOP HAT, AND HOLDING A WAND. A city street backdrop drawn on paper moves behind him as he pretends to jog. The paper runs out and he stops, breathless. MR. WANG What a strange opening act. Michael shoots a glare at Dennis. Dennis, assuming this to be the show he wanted to see, returns it with a warm smile. Another spotlight shines on Charlie, who’s standing behind a keyboard and dressed as a trainer. He begins playing music. GOB (talk-singing) I slave away - at my nine to five - in this dumpy town - at a dumpy dive - but I’ve finally found something that makes me feel ALLIVVE! 25.

Michael puts his head in his hands. JUMP CUT TO:

INT. PADDY'S PUB - LATER Mac, clad in ALL BLACK SHORTS, TOP HAT, AND WAND - stands center stage. He’s nose-to-nose with Gob. Charlie starts to beat-box. Mac starts bobbing his head. It’s a rip from 8 Mile’s rap battle scene. MAC (rapping, into his wand) One two, one two. Yeah. (beat) One two, one two, Chubby’s coming for you. You’re in my world, chump - drop thee bumps and three lumps - ground your face up like coffee then I take three dumps. (the crowd reacts to the burn) Three four, three four - show your face to the floor. My giant black wand can turn brunette into blonde - turn an ocean to pond - you be scared you Octopussy, have you shaken like Bond. The crowd goes nuts. Mac drops his wand like Chris Rock drops the Mic. JUMP CUT TO:

INT. PADDY'S PUB - LATER Gob and Mac FENCE with their wands as Charlie plays battle music. Mr. Wang is moved to tears. MR. WANG (teary, to Michael) A musical of my father’s life story?! How could you have possibly known? MICHAEL (smiles at Dennis) Seems we did our research. 26.

DENNIS That’s the kind of heart you’d be getting if you invest with us. MR. WANG I’ll have my people draw up a contract first thing tomorrow. We’re going to make a lot of money together. The music PEAKS. They look up as... Mac turns his wand into FLOWERS. Gob falls onto the pool table. GOB I can’t go on. He’s to good. Too strong. He passes out. Charlie holds a towel up to the crowd. CHARLIE Should I stop the fight?! CROWD No!! MR. WANG (quoting Rocky) You stop this fight I’ll kill you! The crowd begins chanting, “Get up, get up!” They fall silent as Gob begins to rise. Dee stumbles over to Dennis, still very drunk and obnoxious. DEE Get up! Get up! Dennis shushes her. GOB That was good, but it’s no match for... THE HUMAN TOUCH. He throws a SMOKE BOMB. Mac falters. DEE Al-qauda! Another smoke bomb ignites near Charlie and a SECOND GOB appears. Mac drops his wand, grabs his heart, and falls. 27.

DEE (CONT'D) Terrorists everywhere! She pukes on Mr. Wang. Gob picks up Mac’s wand and holds it up high. A thunderous applause from the crowd. George Sr. bursts through the back door and rushes to Michael. GEORGE SR. Michael you gotta hide me! The- (notices Wang) You must be Mr. Wang. It’s a pleasure to meet your aq- COPS rush though the back door, Frank just behind them. FRANK Over there! That’s the scumbag that kidnapped me and then put me in your car and then stole your car! GEORGE SR. Gotta go. He shoves Mr. Wang aside and runs toward the front. Cops give chase. The crowd scatters. Dennis, Michael, and Mr. Wang observe the mayhem... Mac, Charlie, and Gob give each other hugs and high fives. Dee pukes in a top hap. Tobias stands alone, crying in cut off jean shorts. Lindsay is getting handcuffed by a cop. DENNIS Isn’t that your sister? MICHAEL Yep. She caught a bad dice playing habit. (to Mr. Wang) You think there’s any way we could draw up those papers tonight?

END OF SHOW.